Shoplifters of the World Edit

A song can still save your life,

A strange fear. gripped me.

A thank you from all of us, right, guys?

A young man in the radio station

About a year ago.

About dead queens and bicycles.

After freshman year when we all worked at Safeway.

After months of speculation in the press,

After tonight, we might not see each other again.

After you.

Ah, the manifesto album.

Ain't nobody trying to hear Bon Jovi in here, man.

All I ever do is want, and nobody wants me back.

All of them? All the CDs.

All she wanted to do was watch "Liquid Sky"

All the horrors you have to face up to.

All the records, seven inch singles, 12 inches,

All the rest is propaganda.

All the way through to the wee hours

All the way through to the wee hours

All this talk of mind opening just reminded me

Almost violent, very, very wild,

Alright, maestro, what's next?

Alright.

Alright.

Alright.

Alright. Alright, pipe down.

Although "Heaven and Hell" kicked ass,

Am I 2 people or 100?

Am I a man or a woman?

Am I alive or dead?

And all these kids out there, they sing for them.

And be a little insane.

And do what we do.

And don't raise people's level of consciousness

And everyone is in town for the weekend to say goodbye.

And get the hell out of my radio station.

And he had a gun, you know?

And I don't know who I'm looking at.

And I figured if Geezer Butler,

And I get it. Morrissey's celibate.

And I just want to say that we are having a party,

And I just wanted to say thank you

And I was shocked into shame to discover

And I'm sorry I tried to break your face.

And invited you to join.

And it seems that in these uncertain times

And it was all no meat, no sex.

And it's about time that we heard our music on the radio.

And it's some big deal

And it's your choice, really.

And listen to Bauhaus in the dark

And live with Bruno on the East Bank.

And make you a tape of this new band

And Mr. Mister still exist.

And not many groups do that.

And one more thing, I have a special request.

And other than the fact that you're pointing a gun

And passions just like ours.

And she hated that I worked nights.

And she's kind of a bitch about it.

And so I checked all the registered historical facts

And steal it right off the guy's wall.

And that's it.

And the girl I thought I liked.

And the horrible burden of time...

And the losers she brings home.

And the tapes.

And the vile elements were taking over.

And then he discovered The Smiths,

And there's history happening right here, right now,

And they're going to change.

And they're going to put out shitty music.

And they're going to say stupid things that betray the past.

And those that love them.

And to step out of themselves, and so on,

And we are all listening

And we are burning it down one song at a time...

And we are going to keep on listening

And we find that quite sinful,

And we have a caller.

And whatever happens,

And you can either go in or you can say no.

And you have to check the security strips.

And you know what that means.

And you've been listening to "War of the Worlds."

And, uh, who do I have the pleasure?

Animals are people, too.

Anywhere?

Anywhere.

Apply to a better college, go start a band,

Are they in the music industry?

Are we going to be all right?

Are you alright?

Are you and Patrick still pretending to be a couple?

Are you okay?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you sure you're not a Smiths fan?

Are you trying to steal Patrick from me?

As far as I can see, yeah.

As fucked up as possible tonight

As I was.

As soon as I have enough money saved up,

At gunpoint.

Bang your heads, Denver.

Bang your heads, Denver.

Be drunk always.

Be yourself.

Because at least that would be rock 'n' roll.

Because I love you.

Because so many groups sell masses and masses of records

Because The Smiths are the greatest band in the world,

Before he calls in the National Guard.

Before he flies away to London,

Before you close up,

Before you even graduated high school?

Best fucking band ever.

Billy, that rude girl is here.

BILLY: Does this look like someone

BILLY: Hey, guys, Sandi's on the radio.

BILLY: Revenge. Go on.

BILLY: What?

BILLY: Where are you taking me?

BILLY: Yeah, you think you can catch me?

Black magic.

Bon Jovi.

Boston.

Bowie wears eyeliner. Everyone wears eyeliner.

Brian always knows where the best parties are.

Brian Briggs.

BRIAN: Your, um...

Brian?

Broadcasting to you live from the funeral pyre.

Bruno isn't real.

Bryan Adams?

Bunch of freaks spent the night in the parking lot.

But all the albums are still here,

But by tomorrow, it'll be like it never happened.

But don't despair, Denver.

But God damn it, I'm horny.

But he is certainly a hooligan.

But I can't tell you what it is.

But I told you I wanted to go with you.

But I'm not into that boy toy bullshit.

But if you are going to shoot me,

But my sweet and tender vinyl terrorist

But part of me wants to do it, you know,

But really, you are going nowhere fast,

But she left me.

But that girl did call in.

But then another part of me just wants to smoke joints,

But there is, in fact,

But they are the only band that matters.

But through those tears,

But we jumped into a cab and escaped.

But we live in a world where Wang Chung

But what about Bruno?

But why?

But with the Smiths on another level,

But wouldn't you know it?

But you think she doesn't notice you.

But, like, in "Pretty in Pink,"

But, yeah, meat loaf every single Monday.

By a deranged and angry young Smiths' fan.

Caller, who am I speaking with?

Can hear my brain splatter against the wall,

Can you imagine how many hot metal chicks out there

Can't you just picture fucking to this?

Catharsis and deceit.

Check this out.

Check this out.

Cheer up, Paddy. It's a party.

Clearly never listened to Twisted fucking Sister.

CLEO: Billy's not getting on that bus tomorrow

CLEO: Come here.

CLEO: He was almost as upset about The Smiths breaking up

CLEO: He's old enough to join Reagan's army.

CLEO: I don't know why you're going to college.

CLEO: I know who it is.

CLEO: I stole a joint from one of those jocks.

CLEO: Look. It's a total freak party.

CLEO: Mom.

CLEO: No!

CLEO: No!

CLEO: One last stop.

CLEO: Shut up.

CLEO: That freckled freak should try living with my mother

CLEO: That's the one.

CLEO: The Smiths broke up.

CLEO: They all look dead from the neck up.

CLEO: What?

Cleo!

Come here. Touch it, though.

Come on, Billy, I know you're still spellbound.

Come on, I'll introduce you.

Come on, man, put the gun down.

Come on, what's next?

Come on, you look like you need a ride.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come with me.

Cool?

Cram down our throats day and night...

Crazy Cleo and the brothers gay.

Cut with no dose. My coke dealer got busted.

Cute, clumsy, and shy.

Damn it, ma.

Damn it, yourself.

Damn it!

Dave Kendall here with the music news,

DAVE KENDALL: Formed in Manchester in 1982,

DAVID: You didn't think I was cool, did you?

Dean only lets me steal when I'm in there alone.

DEAN: It's all the same.

DEAN: Johnny fucking Marr.

DEAN: Just don't do anything stupid, okay?

DEAN: Me? No.

DEAN: Play the first track.

DEAN: Side one.

DEAN: The Smiths broke up.

DEAN: The title track. "Meat is Murder."

DEAN: Their last album.

DEAN: Yeah, they're not so bad, my folks.

DEAN: You know, The Smiths may be dead,

DEAN: You pick.

Dean.

Denver, so much to answer for.

Denver.

Did you hear me on the radio today?

Do hope Brian Briggs will be here tonight

Do me some eyeliner.

Do you ever wonder...?

Do you have any lipstick?

Do you remember the day we met Cleo?

Doesn't seem the type.

Dokken rules!

Don't forget the songs that made you cry

Don't make me use this. I'll shoot, I swear.

Don't match, you know?

Don't touch that dial.

Don't! Put your hands up!

Drop out.

Dude, these are my sister's friends, man.

Eat some modified Madonna tomboy look,

Especially in these serious times.

Especially on Friday.

Even the nerds.

Every hour at the top of the hour.

Everyone else is already taken.

Everything alright up there?

Except I won't go crazy in the end.

Fighting for the cause.

First up, a breaking story from the U.K.

For someone normal to like her and go to prom.

Forcing me to play British records

Forget it.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,

Four strangers cannot simply huddle together

From Bo Diddley to Bowie,

From Manchester.

From Motown all the way to Manchester.

From Presley and Sinatra,

Fuck you and fuck The Smiths!

Fuck you!

Fuck, man.

Fuck!

Fucking freaks.

Full Metal Mickey here with you on KISS 101 FM,

Full Metal Mickey here with you on KISS 101 FM,

FULL METAL MICKEY: All night.

FULL METAL MICKEY: And I must say,

FULL METAL MICKEY: Good evening, metal heads,

FULL METAL MICKEY: Good evening, metal heads.

FULL METAL MICKEY: I'd like to apologize

FULL METAL MICKEY: I'll see what I can do.

FULL METAL MICKEY: It'll join the ranks

FULL METAL MICKEY: KISS 101, the rock of Denver.

FULL METAL MICKEY: News flash, new wavers,

FULL METAL MICKEY: Sandi, I dream of Dokken.

FULL METAL MICKEY: So this is it, huh?

FULL METAL MICKEY: The girl who called in?

FULL METAL MICKEY: There's a murky river

FULL METAL MICKEY: What's next, dude?

FULL METAL MICKEY: You're listening to KISS 101's

Full Morrissey meltdown.

Get rid of him.

Getting in character for tomorrow.

Girl talk.

God, I hate The Smiths.

God, you're such a poser.

God!

Good evening, officer.

Got an extra ticket.

Great look.

Guilt and heroism, sex and celibacy,

Guys like you and me, we provide the fantasy.

Hair bands, boy bands,

Half of my stock wouldn't be walking out of here every day.

Hand it over.

Hang out, have friendly wanks

Has agreed to allow me to open up the phone lines.

Has arrived to end the siege of this station

Have fun. Get laid.

Have you heard it yet, dude?

He cares more about his bowtie than he does about me.

He may not be sweet, he may not be tender,

He needs to spread his wings a little.

He plays golf. It's ridiculous.

He used to babysit me and Sandi.

He wanted me to dedicate it to a very special shoplifter

He's already been arrested five times,

He's just protesting the vapidity of the music

He's never even said the word.

He's totally been with girls and guys.

Head of the New York Dolls UK fanclub.

Hello.

Her cool best friend is in love with her,

Her hot brother David will be there

Her name is Cleo.

Here's one more song for that sweet and tender hooligan.

Hey, chill... chill out, man.

Hey, Cleo.

Hey, David.

Hey, hey.

Hey, I'm going out.

Hey, Joe.

Hey, man, can I borrow some eyeliner?

Hey, pull up to my bumper, baby.

Hey, Rita.

Hey, Sheila.

Hey, there you are.

Hey, uh, war's stupid.

Hey, uh...

Hey! No!

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, Billy.

Hi, can I help you kids find something?

Hi, my name's Cleo.

Hi, Siouxsie.

Him and his friends were so pissed,

How about a request for your trouble, sir?

How about good music?

How can I help you?

How can you stand it?

How long were you together?

How novel.

How old are you?

I always had this idiotic crush on him.

I am so sick of being celibate.

I am super drunk.

I am wicked sorry about these guys.

I am, too, a non meat eater.

I bet you if you look into her medicine cabinet,

I came to bail you out,

I can close up early.

I can't believe the Army is letting in such a headcase.

I can't believe this, but yes, folks, it's true.

I could go on and on.

I didn't even hear her leave.

I dig this new look, though. It's good.

I do love him.

I do miss that job, though.

I do wonder what's really left to live for these days.

I don't belong here or there or anywhere.

I don't know how you can stand going to community college here.

I don't know.

I don't know. Where are you going?

I don't think I know how anything works.

I don't think I'll ever quite get over you.

I don't think they ever even knew.

I don't understand how The Smiths can break up,

I don't want to be like everyone else.

I don't want to study economics.

I fucking hate Molly Ringwald.

I got this.

I got you a present.

I guess the metal lifestyle just wasn't for her.

I had it on super loud in my headphones all day.

I had never heard of them before.

I had to get out of this humdrum town.

I hate sex.

I have a confession to make.

I haven't been able to listen to that album since.

I haven't even been to Paris,

I heard that album.

I hope you're right.

I just listened to it over and over again.

I just thought everything would be different for me.

I just want to be somebody else.

I know "It's Over" is next, but it is far from being so.

I know about.

I know there's no French boyfriend waiting for you.

I know.

I look in the mirror sometimes,

I look supernaturally ugly.

I mean, I like her and all,

I might even leave tonight.

I might need a touch up.

I need to check my hair.

I need you to re price all the CDs.

I owe them everything.

I prefer to say with my own kind.

I really do think it is true.

I really, really don't think I know how sex works.

I should never have been born a man.

I take it you are referring to the glorious summer

I think I should have my own show.

I think I'm ready to make that dedication.

I think it's romantic.

I think people don't really have

I think this is really more or less the end of the story.

I think we heard this one before.

I think we should go.

I think you know my friend Cleo.

I think you know.

I took down all the mirrors in our house.

I tried that once.

I want to be in a band.

I want to do something different.

I want to have real orgasms with cute boys.

I want to live.

I was going to drop the new Kiss album.

I was gonna stay in, maybe,

I was in there today.

I will be an Ozzy man until the day I die.

I will be bringing you the music of The Smiths.

I wish there was a way to get all the posers in this town

I woke up hoping that everything might change for the better.

I would have been better off as a seagull or a fish.

I would... I would set myself on fire.

I'd dedicate a song to her.

I'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you.

I'd much rather lounge about the house all day

I'd rather go to my own funeral.

I'll always be on your side.

I'll be me.

I'll give you a touch up.

I'll never forget it.

I'll never forget, though, my first day back at work,

I'll sing you song. I won't take long.

I'm a full time supermarket checkout queen.

I'm a little sad tonight, actually.

I'm a stranger.

I'm bored.

I'm Brian.

I'm completely unpredictable,

I'm getting A's in school, and I don't know why.

I'm going somewhere. Okay?

I'm going to move to Paris

I'm in love.

I'm invisible.

I'm just a joke to you.

I'm just fucking with you, dude.

I'm just home for the weekend.

I'm just out to have a good time.

I'm just trying to show Patrick who he is.

I'm not even going to community college.

I'm not the man you think I am.

I'm on fire.

I'm only making money on sunglasses now

I'm real and I'm right here.

I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit.

I'm sick, I'm dull, I'm plain.

I'm so tired of myself tonight.

I'm sure there are worse groups than Duran Duran.

I'm unhealthy and frazzled, but other than that.

I've got some pretty killer Columbian red

I've let the record run out.

I've only ever known one of you.

If he's not here in an hour, we'll split.

If I can't be me, maybe he can be him.

If I look long enough. I disappear.

If you did your job for like two seconds,

If you're so miserable here,

Impress me.

In any direction.

In my direction...

In my Kiss lunchbox.

In order to make serious statements

In the end, they will only disappoint you.

Instead of daydreaming about Depressed Mode,

Is it too much?

Is that all?

Is that supposed to be our lives?

Is you going to London and leaving all of us behind,

It called for a more dramatic gesture.

It didn't even last that long.

It didn't work, obviously.

It has been amazing to see the gathering

It is life and death.

It was also a very barren time

It was enough that you tried to defend my honor.

It'll be just like the film "Betty Blue,"

It's a look.

It's a nice night, isn't it?

It's all or nothing with the Smiths

It's another one by The Smiths.

It's cheesy. You're cheesy.

It's Dean from the record store.

It's fucking "Metal Guru" by T.Rex.

It's Full Metal Mickey.

It's going to be a long night.

It's like nothing I'd ever heard.

It's like you're breaking up the band.

It's music full of love and hate

It's not like I don't have ambition.

It's not loaded.

It's not really my color, is it?

It's not your first time, is it?

It's on your head, not mine.

It's so old fashioned to work.

It's such a shame when you have such a pretty smile.

It's supposed to be...

It's the Denver Police Department we're talking about.

It's the top of the hour, Denver,

It's those obstacles that only you can see for yourself

Jesus.

JOE: So young and so sad.

Johnny plays the mandolin.

Judas fucking Priest, what do you want?

Just chill out.

Just for the record,

Just like the rest of the losers in this.

Just me, you, and megawatts of metal!

Just me, you, and megawatts of metal!

Just to scare the shoplifters.

Keep it.

Kids keep peeling them off.

Know what?

Last mile's the hardest mile.

Leather trousers and long hair and drugs.

Let's see.

Let's travel abroad together, live a little.

Like a fully formed gang,

Like, am I in love with Cleo,

Like, maybe today will be different, you know?

Listen to my show every week?

Little Cleo, how are you doing?

Long live the Smiths.

Look as bored as humanly possible.

Look at this one. This one dresses like a dike.

Look at you. You're pathetic.

Looking fascinating.

Lots of postcards.

Love, peace and harmony?

Make a choice on something.

Make the worst face ever.

MAN: Fuck her up, man.

MAN: It sure is.

MAN: This is the Denver police.

MAN: What American city?

MAN: What?

MAN: Yo, Mickey, The Smiths suck.

Many opportunities in life

Martyrdom and meaningless death,

Maybe he'll rock 'n' roll suicide himself live on air.

Maybe he's trying to tell you to listen up.

Maybe you should give her what she's asking for.

Maybe... maybe just to please my dad, I guess.

Meatheads of the world, the message is heavy.

Metal heads 1, Smiths nil.

Michael fucking Bolton?

Mickey won't press charges.

Mm.

Mm.

Moral not metal.

Morrissey appointed himself

MORRISSEY: I feel The Smiths create their world

MORRISSEY: In a live capacity,

MORRISSEY: The meetings between the group members

MORRISSEY: We feel that popular music should be used

Music is an escape.

My brother is an act up.

My friend is going off to basic training tomorrow,

My life sucked.

My mom's drinking again and sleeping with the bookie.

New band from Manchester?

Nice buzzcut, G.I. Jerkoff.

Nice right hook there, Demolition Man.

No depressing crap in the store.

No idea that the love of my life was about to rip my guts out.

No one can ever take it away from us.

No one knew me, and yet everyone gave me shit.

No one wants to hear this crap.

No shit.

No, I don't.

No, I don't.

No, let him go!

No, no, no. It's good.

No, no, of course not.

No, please, honey, if Duran Duran broke up,

No, thanks.

No.

Nobody's family is perfect.

Not that it would have made much of a difference.

Not the invisible.

Nothing else matters.

Now, if you don't mind my asking,

Now, that's a real American hero.

Of a doomed generation.

Of chaos and fear,

Of course I've heard it.

Of early '80s Britain

Of musical history running through these songs,

Of mystical communion between them and some bond.

Of some great last's...

Of the faithful outside this station.

Oh my God. You're such a square.

Oh, "hang the DJ"?

Oh, a suburban Denver kegger sounds dreadfully unfashionable.

Oh, and he plays harmonica.

Oh, before I sign off.

Oh, classic.

Oh, come on, he's playing Red Rocks next weekend.

Oh, DJ's choice?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, it's supposed to be...

Oh, look who it is, the four faggy friends.

Oh, maybe because they called their record

Oh, maybe your bisexual boyfriend Brian

Oh, my God, you made it.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, nothing. Nothing. Everything's fine.

Oh, Patrick.

Oh, right, about the, uh... the deranged hijacker

Oh, sacrilege.

Oh, sweet.

Oh, that's New York Dolls' album.

Oh, tomorrow, you become one of them.

Oh, uh, one more thing, your bow tie.

Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you mean, the left bank.

Oh, you'd make a great flight attendant.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, but...

Okay, ease up there, Rebel Yell.

Okay, he's such a meathead.

Okay, I got to go.

Okay, well, you can have these back.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Once.

One day I could no longer keep down my mother's meat loaf.

One day your heroes are going to grow old,

One month. Last summer.

Ooh.

Open your ears and your mind.

Or do I want to be her?

Or Flock of Seagulls.

Or should I say Mad Manchester Mickey.

Or the songs that saved your lives.

Or what?

Oscar Wilde said that.

Our music died today, and nobody even cares.

Out there somewhere.

Ozzy's last album, and Sabbath "Never Say Die."

PATRICK: Good to see you!

PATRICK: Oh, not the sketchy gay bar.

PATRICK: We will never get in.

Patrick!

Patrick.

Personally, if I had nothing but The Smiths

Play some Dokken.

Play the B side.

Please let me die on air, so the people at Denver

Please tell me you brought rope.

Pointing a gun.

Pre processed pop, Wham!, Whitney, White Snake.

Pretty girls make graves.

Pretty much.

Priceless.

Protopunks in ugly drag.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Put your hands up.

Quarterback, pitcher, power forward.

Quarterback?

Reached across the divide to each other,

Ready for a few gay boys in bondage?

Reality sucks.

Really listening.

Relax, have a smoke, have a toke,

REPORTER: Do you have many friends?

REPORTER: So The Smiths are your only friends?

REPORTER: Those that you have,

Rest in peace.

Right, Right.

RITA: Reagan cares more about UFOs

Safeway, here I come.

Same day "Master of Puppets" came out.

Sandi Goodrich is having a kegger.

See, good times for a change.

See, I told you this is where the freaks hang out.

See, this is why I want to introduce him to Brian Briggs.

She grew up and I didn't.

She was talking directly to you.

She weighed her tits on that vegetable scale.

She's got a cool job and awesome clothes.

She's hooked on diet pills, just like my mom.

She's just sitting out there beeping.

She's so worried about being liked by this preppy asshole.

Sheila take a, Sheila take a bow

SHEILA: Are you really going to run away to Europe?

SHEILA: Come on.

SHEILA: Do you even like The Smiths?

SHEILA: I know.

SHEILA: I'll dance with you.

SHEILA: Is it yours?

SHEILA: Really?

SHEILA: Tomorrow?

SHEILA: We're not in high school anymore.

SHEILA: What are you kidding? Sandi's family is perfect.

SHEILA: Wow, I am impressed.

Should have been on the front page,

Shut up and make a face.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Since high school.

Siouxsie Chu and you?

Smoke some drugs with me.

So do you want to hang out again sometime?

So I found a razor blade.

So I'm going to be taking a few special callers

So it was child abuse by meat loaf

So pack up your pansy ass records,

So what are you guys doing tonight?

So what do I do?

So what do we do now?

So what the hell are we going to do tonight?

So you want to hang out?

So, um, for the rest of the night

So...

Some revolution.

Somebody stop her.

Something slightly less illegal.

Something that would go down in musical history.

Sometimes I feel like my insides and my outsides

Sometimes salvation is louder than volumes.

Soundtrack is killer.

Starting with you, caller. You're on the air.

Stealing tapes?

Stole all this money, and everything.

Stop playing this shitty music.

Strange ways, there they go.