They Came Together Edit

A couple of drinks, and we get to the airport.

A cup of coffee. With hoo.

A hot beef and cheese burrito.

A little nervous.

A metaphor for my inability to follow through in my romantic life.

A phone call from my best friend, Brenda.

A steak for monsieur,

About 30 of them.

About three years ago, I was attacked by a group of trick or treat ers.

Ah, random guess, but Boston?

Ah, right. That was the same day that I got

Ah! Mmm.

Ah! Tiffany?

Ah.

All hail Joel!

All right, everybody, get ready. It's one more minute.

All right, which one of you people went into the bathroom

All right. Look, Bob. Here's the real truth.

All those in favor of demolishing Upper

Always dating some new hot chick guy!

Amazing. Because until now the only thing you've been willing to commit to

And "good job" for Molly's sister Katherine, too, for alerting us.

And all you need to do is put it all together

And as much as little Tucker loved havin' a new dad around,

And changed into Mr. Taking a shower guy costume

And characters that you fall in love with.

And Cup of Joel basically crashed and burned after a week.

And don't anyone interrupt me this time, okay?

And don't forget your clompy slippers and your floppy hat!

And even more importantly, if it smells more like lemon than chocolate.

And for madame, the stinky doo doo fish special.

And for monsieur?

And get out!

And got married, but it didn't pan out.

And guess who was there?

And he knows about Joel, and he's really pissed, and he's coming now!

And he was like, "No."

And I asked my teacher, "Did this happen?"

And I had a girlfriend at the time, Tiffany. She worked in the fashion industry.

And I promise I'll notice them every single time you put them on.

And I said, "Who is this know it all girl?"

And I thought, "Who is this pompous guy?"

And I was back with my old girlfriend, my old life.

And I was just getting over a break up,

And I was like, "Then why did they write it down?"

And I'll have a coffee, please.

And I'm not so sure I'm ready for this kind of thing...

And I'm talkin' about sexual intercourse. Two points!

And If we were meant to be together, then we will be.

And if your desk isn't empty by tomorrow morning,

And it looks like he's rehearsing an apology speech.

And it's better now than when we first met.

And it's never going anywhere. Nothing is ever going to threaten it.

And it's where you live, too. With me.

And just goin' off this data...

And just left the costume in there.

And left it there.

And marriage just wasn't conducive to that.

And my store is doomed.

And now you're the point person on that new candy Superstore venture.

And once I figured that out, I didn't want to waste another moment

And one more thing. John, come on in here!

And only get 10 damage points.

And so the brother told him to call her to say he was sorry.

And so, it is with great pleasure that I say to you, go jump in a lake, meathead!

And sprinkle the other half of the poppy seeds on one half of a blueberry muffin

And sprinkle the other half on top of the half of a blueberry muffin,

And that's something no one could ever take away from you.

And the business cards you printed up, funded by yours truly.

And the Dickricker account is yours again.

And the fun part is, Bob's inviting a friend of his who's the Triple Crown,

And then cut both halves in half, and throw them both away.

And then decide at the last minute that you didn't want to marry that person

And then he went and ran errands.

And then the holiday season started.

And then walking home, I had this realization

And then you're you again.

And then...

And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

And this is me.

And throwing away the key on ourselves?

And we don't have any way to know where she might be.

And what if I see Frank? And Mia, the yoga teacher?

And you just left your costume lyin' on the floor, didn't you?

And you want to know something? I always faked it.

And your squash racquet, and all your magic markers,

And your toothbrush, and your U2 CDs...

And, well, I'll admit it, horny.

Anything at all?

Anyway, after that debacle, I assumed I'd never see him again.

Anyway, I was in no rush to meet someone new.

Anyway, our heated discussion continued over a bottle of merlot.

Apology accepted.

Are there any other nearby candy stores we need to

Are you breaking up with me?

Are you hungry?

Are you really asking us that? Were you not listening to the story?

Are you sure that's what she said?

Are your commitment issues.

Aren't we really locking the trunk

As the weeks and months passed,

As you were verbally describing what happened. But man, Joel...

Ask if maybe you'd like to go out with me sometime?

At La Senora Enchilada at 7:00,

At the Guggenheim debating the merits of the New York Times.

Aw, for Pete's sake! Why are you always tryin' to shoot me down, big brother?

Aye.

Basically he sold the tire swing to feed his brother.

Basketball, basketball, basketball...

Because he can defend Butterfree's Hyper Reverse Attack

Because my job entails running your business out of business!

Because we're not money people, people.

Because you can have my costume.

Because you can have your stupid money.

Before I proposed to Tiffany, I wanted to run it by my buddies

Before rushing back to Molly and asking for another chance.

Being a corporate drone like you, then no thanks!

Being married is great. That's the point of view I represent.

Ben Affleck!

Bend my wife over that sideboard

Billy is my first name.

Blue. What's your favorite TV show?

Bonjour. May I take your coat?

Boy, does that guy have a pole up his ass or what?

Boy, whatever happened to just good old regular coffee?

But as soon as I got back, I headed straight to Molly's store.

But at least I understand that money doesn't grow on trees.

But boy, with an attitude like that, it's no wonder she can't find a date.

But come on, man. You've gotta get over it, buddy.

But dreams aren't gonna put cash in your pocket.

But enough of our sob stories.

But even if I wanted to go to the party, I don't have a costume.

But he also made it possible for it to flourish

But I have some great news.

But I just don't know if he's the one.

But I love him.

But I would rather be alone and happy than with you and unhappy.

But I'm in love with your daughter, Mrs...

But if they don't have that, I'll have half a poppy seed muffin,

But in your case, brother, I'll make an exception.

But it came out "Ook in lay or fay ags bay."

But the point is, you're a corporate robot.

But then, a few days later, I was browsing in my favorite used bookshop

But there was something cold about her.

But watch all the time and kind of love secretly?

But why did you come over to my store and then leave without coming in?

But you can't help but fall in love with her.

But you know what? If you have a little rent, then, sure, I'd gladly take it!

But, and this is really important, only if it's shrink wrapped.

By faceless evil conglomerates like CSR.

By saying, "Yes, Joel, I'll give you another chance."

By the time Spring came, I thought I might finally be over Molly.

Call her, man.

Call Molly.

Can I help you find something for your bubby?

Can I take the test again?

Candy Systems and Research? CSR?

Care to hear our specials?

Certainly not in that level of detail.

Chagrin? Who even says that?

Change the way I look and see if he notices.

Charming and adorable, and impossible not to like.

Christmastime charades! Tiffany, it's your turn.

Coffee sounds great. Half caf decaf.

Come on, let's eat.

Come on, let's hurry, then!

Come on. Are you guys kiddin' me?

Communism could work. It really could. But what they're doing now isn't communism,

Completely unmongrelized.

Congrats on snaggin' the Dickricker account.

Corporately speaking.

Could you be the guy that I could fall for and live with forever? Yes.

Cup of Joel!

Cut both halves in half, and then throw them both away.

Damn it, I'm screwed!

Deb and I have been married for eight years,

Dessert's almost ready. Who wants coffee?

Dinner was delicious, Molly.

Dinner was great, Molly. I agree.

Directly across the street from us.

Discovering this information is a huge turn of events.

Do I find you cute and funny? Yes.

Do it. Do it, Joel. Don't overthink this.

Do not listen to Mr. Chronically single

Do you love me?

Do you realize because of the race mixers

Do you think it was easy for me to watch Frank go Downward Dog

Do you want a cup of me with koo fie?

Do you want to have coffee with me?

Do you watch a lot of TV? What's your favorite show?

Don't "hi" me, Joel. You're just like all the others.

Don't answer. Just think about it.

Don't be seduced by his word jazz.

Don't say another word.

Don't tell me to calm down! What if I don't want to calm down? Stop trying to fix me!

Don't worry, Joel. His dad's out of the picture.

Effective immediately.

Eggbert, do you notice anything different about me?

Eggbert, I'm sorry. You're a very nice man.

Eight, seven, six...

Ever since you and I got back together, something hasn't felt right.

Everybody, listen up!

Ew. She said that? Give me a break.

Exactly.

Except now I've got knickers and a bald cap. And for what?

Except of course, Father Time, who will most certainly take that away from you

Faked what? Your orgasms?

Finally got that job, huh?

Finished.

First order of business, to suss out the competition.

Follow me!

Follow through on my dream coffee shop

For better or worse, we've been together ever since.

For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf!

For kids of all ages to enjoy.

For the way that I behaved the other night. I've learned that my inability to

Forever.

Forever.

Forget it.

Frank?

From the Icebreaker Handbook,

Ghosts I'm fine with, ghouls and goblins, not so much.

Girl that sometimes will drive you a little crazy,

Give me another chance!

Give the man a prize. He's a winner!

Gloves make a poor present for a man with no hands.

Go deep! Go deeper!

Go get 'em, Tiger.

Go!

Good answer! You did it, Joel.

Good job, Joel.

Good night.

Good.

Goodnight, Joel.

Goodnight, Mom. Goodnight, Daddy.

Grabbing a condom out of the rubber bowl and headin' over to meet my girlfriend.

Granted, you're smoking hot.

Great costume!

Great. Coffee to number three!

Great. The first one, of course, is Thanksgiving.

Green beans!

Guess she's not here.

Guess what? After years of dating Tiffany, I'm finally popping the question.

Guilty.

Guys, let's not bore Joel. Justin, how's school?

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Have a good night.

Have my own coffee place, "A Cup of Joel."

Have you ever given yourself a pap smear?

Have you guys seen that new exhibit at the museum?

He did it, you guys!

He was pretty traumatized seein' his real dad get shot in the face by the police.

He's doing T I M E in jail.

He's got it!

He's handsome, but in a non threatening way.

He's joking. You're joking, right, Kyle?

He's right.

He's so cute, Molly. Look at those dimples.

He's straight, single and cute. You should totally come.

Hear, hear.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? It's for you.

Here. A little chilly...

Here's the 411.

Here's to you, Joel.

Hey Molly, I had a great time the other night.

Hey Molly, I had such a great time the other night.

Hey, Aunt Flo!

Hey, Aunt Flo.

Hey, Bubby.

Hey, buddy, I see you've got on some Pokemon pajamas.

Hey, catch!

Hey, don't ask me. I can hardly commit to a second date half the time.

Hey, everybody! I'm a Thanksgiving turkey.

Hey, give me another one. And make it a double.

Hey, guys. Looks like our buddy Joel here

Hey, handsome!

Hey, Jake?

Hey, Jake.

Hey, Joel?

Hey, Keith. I was just wondering,

Hey, look, it's okay to dream big,

Hey, Molly, it's Joel. How's it going?

Hey, Molly.

Hey, Molly. It's Egg flaps.

Hey, no, look, Molly... Molly, wait... Look.

Hey, pretty lady.

Hey, Roland?

Hey, wait up, would you?

Hey, wait!

Hey, you.

Hey.

Hi, Joel.

Hi, Mr. Joel. Are you my new daddy?

Hi.

Hmm, I guess that's why they call it

Hmm... I never really thought about that before, but yeah. I guess it is.

Holy shit, Bob!

Honestly, Moll, I never liked that Joel anyway.

How about we get that coffee, huh?

How about we take a gander at those documentos?

How could I have not seen it?

How could you do this to me?

How could you not tell me that your parents were white supremacists?

How did you hold her up with your feet and

How do you sleep at night?

How many times do I have to say it before you believe me?

Huge bummer about Tiffany, bro'. If you're really hurting

Hungry? Why don't you try "starving."

I agree.

I always loved you, bitch!

I am gonna have your license revoked.

I am more sure of this decision

I believe in fate, Joel.

I came there to apologize to you,

I can see this is going nowhere fast.

I can stay at your place for a few more months, just to make sure you're okay.

I can't do it, man. I'm off duty.

I can't do it.

I can't do this.

I can't go back to the way things were.

I can't.

I did hear. Yeah.

I didn't do anything.

I didn't want to screw it up again,

I do have a job. I'm the President and CEO of The Bacon Boot.

I don't have time for this. No, I don't have time...

I don't know how I'm supposed to respond to that.

I don't know what you want me to say.

I don't know, Bob. I'll tell you, Halloween scares me.

I don't know, but it feels so right.

I don't know, Wanda. I just don't think I can go to that Halloween party.

I don't know. It's probably just wishful thinking, right?

I don't watch TV. I think it brutalizes the senses.

I felt like I was ready to take the next step.

I get that, but what does it have to do with the two of you?

I got somethin' to say.

I gotta go.

I guess that's just what it is, one of those weird ones, huh?

I guess you'd have to ask my brother.

I had a grandmother. Her name was Arlene Crabtree.

I had a great time tonight.

I had everything there, corner office,

I happen to have reservations for two

I have to do something.

I have watched many, many of Molly's boyfriends

I heard about your divorce. I'm sorry.

I just felt like I was gettin' a vibe.

I just wanted to tell you that Bob and I are having a Halloween party on Saturday,

I knew at that very moment that I had screwed up big time.

I know exactly what to do! Thank you, Bubby!

I know this sounds crazy, but would you like to have a me of coffee with cup?

I know where she is! Follow me!

I know you love Saturdays, but do you love me?

I know you remember it, Joel!

I know you're worried about your store closing down,

I know. And this is where I live.

I know. But I can't ever change that.

I know. It sounds transparent, but she sounded really sincere.

I know. It's kind of a lame name, but what can you do?

I know. The only difference is it's not a movie. It's our real life.

I let my desire to land the Dickricker account cloud my judgment!

I like how you say "'kay."

I like how you say, "I like how you say "'kay.'"

I like things that are real.

I like you. It's just the way you said "hey" like that...

I love fiction books. Do you?

I love him. But I hate him!

I love how you make a goofy face every time you don't know what to say.

I love how you order a muffin.

I love Saturdays.

I love you.

I love you.

I mean "Joel".

I mean, I wish there was some sort of sign that proved it.

I mean, it really wasn't anything.

I mean, this is me. This is where I live.

I might have judged you too harshly at the party.

I misjudged you.

I really appreciate your apology about the other night,

I really didn't feel like I needed a love life, you know?

I really miss Mom and Dad.

I remember in high school, they made us read The Great Gatsby,

I saw those Groucho glasses stuck to your face

I say, "I'm Ben Franklin," and they say, "Great!"

I should go.

I should probably get going.

I should probably get going.

I started sleeping with Frank again.

I started taking pills to numb the pain.

I think deep down, you're a horrible person.

I think he likes you.

I think I know.

I think I like him.

I think I like you, Joel.

I think I like you, too.

I think love is really abstract, you know?

I think maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves.

I think so. Yeah.

I think they like you.

I think we have hit that point where it's time to talk about the next step.

I think you should take your briefcase, take your suitcase,

I think you will find their cuisine and service up to your standards.

I think you're A okay.

I think you're asking me if I'd like to have a cup of coffee with you.

I think you're cool, Tucker.

I think you're great. I just need a little time.

I thought of myself as a nice guy with a great job.

I told you it was gonna be a crazy day.

I tried to focus on my work, started exercising,

I tried to move on with my life.

I usually have to jack off, and then I can sleep pretty soundly.

I want a lemon chocolate loaf, but this is very important,

I want out.

I want to make a toast. To my beautiful white daughter, Molly.

I wanted a family, settle down, start a life together.

I was an executive at Candy Systems and Research.

I was doing Jaws.

I was just devastated. So the next morning

I was just so hamburgies and hotdoggies.

I was just thinkin' about it, and what the heck?

I was living in a loft on Broadway and 86th Street,

I was living my dream, of owning a shop that was

I was mainly concerned about trying to keep my business afloat.

I was the bad guy! I didn't think of myself as a corporate raider.

I wasn't all put together like Tiffany.

I wasn't gonna do this tonight, but

I went for a jog with my crazy younger brother, Jake.

I would love to come upstairs.

I'd hate for you guys to screw everything up again, like you did last time.

I'll have a caf, half latte caramel venti frappacino.

I'll have the steak plate.

I'll have what she's having.

I'll help you, Joel. I quit, too.

I'll make my world famous Mac 'n Cheese.

I'm a development exec over at Candy Systems and Research.

I'm a mess.

I'm an entrepreneur. I own my own business.

I'm disgusted with everyone.

I'm feeling adventurous tonight. Surprise me.

I'm gonna get a drink. Do you want one?

I'm gonna go run some errands.

I'm gonna pursue my dream and open

I'm just not into the whole "Halloween costume" thing.

I'm not gonna candy coat it.

I'm not sure Molly needs to hear this.

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm so happy that we're driving up to the country to see my parents.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry I got weird there at the end. I was just so...

I'm sorry, but it's over.

I'm sorry, Eggbert. Thank you for showing me

I'm sorry, man. I guess I was picturing details in my mind's eye

I'm sorry, Trevor. Didn't you hear? You're fired!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I have to go.

I'm sure.

I'm tendering my resignation, Roland.

I'm terrified, Daddy. Am I doing the right thing?

I'm very impressed, Joel. Very impressed.

I've been going through a lot recently, and I was just feeling all...

I've been thinking a lot about our relationship.

I've come for you.

I've got dreams, man!

I've never met anyone else who likes fiction! That is too funny.

If I was ever about to marry someone, and then realized

If I were you, I would be very wary of my motives.

If they can take out all the poppy seeds and heat it up.

If they can't heat it up, then leave half the poppy seeds in

If we lock the trunk and throw away the key on Molly's little candy shop,

If you can't heat it up, then take half the poppy seeds out

If you catch my meaning.

If you don't have that, then half of a poppy seed muffin

If you know what I mean! Watch out!

If you wanna come up, uh, you know, you can.

In a corporate mega bookstore chain like Brams and Nerbils.

In either scenario, she'll have a lemon chocolate loaf,

In fact, as Joel said earlier, I was a real klutz.

In fact, fiction books is one of my favorite kinds of books.

In fact, New York City was almost like a boyfriend to me.

Invited me down to his place in Miami to check it out,

Is a metaphor for my inability to follow through on my romantic life.

Is about saving life on Earth as we know it!

Is finally gettin' ready to pop the question.

Is getting a cheese danish from Zabar's and curling up with the Sunday Times.

Is it something like that?

Is lyin' on the bathroom floor filled with shit?

Is somebody else must have gone into the bathroom,

Is that it's really hard making this work

Is that you? Hey, Joel, I...

Is there anywhere we can get our own copy?

Is your girlfriend Tiffany home right now?

Isn't there room in New York City for two candy stores, Roland?

It all fell apart that night.

It came out wrong. I just don't like Mexican food.

It is.

It must be shrink wrapped. And more importantly,

It must smell more like lemon than chocolate. Got it?

It was always for you.

It was awful.

It was for you, Jake. All of it.

It was such a great beginning,

It would probably start with aerial shots of the Manhattan skyline.

It's a good point.

It's almost like another character in our story.

It's Halloween, Joel. Why don't you go to that party?

It's hot, hot, hot!

It's just that Tiffany, my ex, used to say that exact same thing to me.

It's kind of stupid.

It's like a corny romantic comedy.

It's like a summer breeze. You can't see it, but you can feel it.

It's not always so easy when your big brother is Mr. Perfect.

It's not what it looks like.

It's not you. It's me.

It's nothing but a worthless yellow rag.

It's okay. I've got it. But thank you.

It's one of those weird ones.

It's over, Trevor.

It's terribly wrong, and I'm gonna explain why.

It's totalitarianism dressed up as communism.

It's true.

It's very comforting.

It's what I've always dreamed of, ever since I was a little girl.

Jake!

Jake.

Jesus! What a douchebag!

Joel and I broke up last night.

Joel can't even leave the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Joel, can I tell you something?

Joel, duck!

Joel, have you ever thought about how white people

Joel, I know that. It was all over the news that year.

Joel, I've been having an affair with Trevor for over a year now.

Joel, one last thing.

Joel, that last move.

Joel, this is my older sister, Katherine.

Joel, you're not gonna like this.

Joel!

Joel! Molly!

Joel! Oh, God!

Joel?

Joel? What are you doing here?

Joel.

Joel.

Joel.

John Dickricker?

Judge Judy?

Just a tiny little bit. But if he notices, then that's how you'll know he's the one.

Just because I work for a big corporation doesn't mean I don't like fiction books.

Just... Tiffany...

Karen, hearing this story makes me realize that

Keep going.

Keep going.

Klutz is the understatement of the century.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting

Let her fall right down on you man? That's cool.

Let me guess. The next thing you're about to say

Let me tell you a little story.

Let me tell you a little story. It's about bagels.

Let me tell you something. I'm about to go to a party

Let me think about it, okay?

Let's give our relationship another try.

Let's go get a cup of coffee.

Let's go, let's go!

Let's just say the discussing part stopped, but the heated part continued.

Let's talk about something happier, shall we?

Like it was my fault!

Like it? Try "love it"!

Listen to me. If you're asking me

Listen, before you ask me any more questions

Listen, I am lookin' over these numbers,

Listen, I wanna clear something up before we go any further.

Listen, Molly, would this be an awkward time to

Little brother, when are you gonna get your act together and get a job?

Long story short, the store is gone.

Look at these two right here. "Hey, look. I got a brand new phone."

Look Mister Thang, you bumped into me.

Look, are you the kind of person that I feel a strong connection to? Yes.

Look, I didn't want you to find out like this. I can explain.

Look, I have a dream, too. I want to open my own coffee shop.

Look, I'm just gonna throw my cards

Look, I've gotta start somewhere, don't I?

Look, Missy, my brother and I are here to buy something for our bubby.

Look, there's something I need to tell you.

Look, we didn't get into the candy game to make money, did we?

Looks like you won't be getting that promotion after all.

Marry me, Molly.

Martinson?

May I help who's next?

May I then suggest you try the greasy diner on Columbus and 67th.

Me, too.

Me, too.

Me.

Meanwhile CSR's Superstore was becoming a reality

Mmm, and I admire your spirit.

Mmm!

Mmm!

Mmm.

Molly and I weren't speaking,

Molly, are you free for dinner tonight?

Molly, I had no idea.

Molly, I love you!

Molly, not only did Joel save your candy shop,

Molly, really, you don't even need to hear what the fish is?

Molly, wait!

Molly, where are you going?

Molly, where have you been? I've been worried sick.

Molly! I think your friend Joel is here.

Molly! Wait, Molly!

Molly?

Molly.

Molly.

Molly.

Molly...

Morning, Melanie.

Most importantly, I had my little candy shop, Upper Sweet Side.

Movie. Movie.

Mr. Poet. Look at you, always with your head in the clouds.

Muchas gracias, Armando.

My Aunt Flo is visiting.

My beautiful Aryan princess, Molly.

My bobbing apples!

My bubby.

My costume was itching me, so I went into the bathroom

My favorite one is Smeargle. You know why?

My flight leaves in an hour. I have to leave.

My own coffee shop, "Cup of Joel".

My party tomatoes!

My point is...

Neither of us speaks a word of Italian, by the way.

New Year's Eve.

Nice. Come on.

No foam, hold the foam, no cream...

No reason.

No, Frank. It's too late for that.

No, he did not.

No, he didn't!

No, I don't.

No, I understand. I didn't want to kiss you anyway.

No, I want you to change your mind. Then I'll still have a job.

No, I wasn't gonna say that.

No, I'm... Forget it.

No, Joel. I'm not who you think I am.

No, no, no, no...

No, thank you. I'll keep mine.

No, that sounds stupid. That sounds so stupid.

No, that's just my name. Eggbert. Or Eggman, for short.

No, we didn't.

No, we literally met when we were both on a panel

No! Hey, Molly. Pancakey.

No! It's not stupid, it's great! You should do that.

No.

No.

No.

No. Come on, tell me.

No. I can't promise you that, Joel, because that is why I'm here.

No. I'm sorry, no. I wouldn't.

No. It's not about money, Jake. It's never been about money!

No. My Aunt Flo is visiting me from Florida.

No. Thank you.

No. The Brooklyn Promenade. Where I can look out over the city.

No. You look incredible.

Nobody talk to me.

Not right away. This buddy of mine who was super into boogie boarding

Nothing, sir.

Now get out of here before I change my mind!

Now get your shit together, Joel.

Now let's go get you that girl.

Now, get out of here! I got a party to go to!

Now, I beg to differ.

Of course I'm joking!

Of course you were!

Of course. You must have gone to a gag store or something, huh?

Oh, all the Internet download services will have it, I tones...

Oh, and Tiffany wanted me to say hi. We live together now.

Oh, Bob's at that woman Molly's wedding.

Oh, boy. Kyle thinks The Times has gone downhill.

Oh, come on, Molly. Give him another chance.

Oh, cute.

Oh, damn it!

Oh, definitely for worse. It's awful.

Oh, for cryin' out loud, Molly, will you marry me?

Oh, God damn it!

Oh, God, Bubby, I wanna fuck you so bad.

Oh, God, come on, come on!

Oh, God, you know which one I can't stand,

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, great! Your party is in the same building as mine.

Oh, Great. Looks like our parties are on the same floor, too.

Oh, hey, big brother. Did you go apologize to Molly?

Oh, hey, Joel. Sorry about the Dickricker account.

Oh, hey. Brenda and I are having a series of three holiday parties,

Oh, hey. I went by her store, but she wasn't there.

Oh, Honey, if Eggbert's the one, you'll know.

Oh, I knew it.

Oh, I love my little shop, Wanda.

Oh, I'm gonna kill you. You can't take my family away from me!

Oh, it's a long story.

Oh, Joel, I'm so proud of you!

Oh, Joel...

Oh, like that. And

Oh, Lordy. Ooh, this could get ugly.

Oh, Molly, I guess what I'm trying to say is,

Oh, my boss is here. I'll call you later. Bye, Dad.

Oh, my God, of course!

Oh, my God, this is all happening so fast.

Oh, my God, Wanda! Thank you!

Oh, my God! They'll put us out of business!

Oh, my God! You just called me by her name.

Oh, my God. I'm so shocked. I wasn't expecting that to happen at all.

Oh, my God. That's crazy!

Oh, my God. What did you do?

Oh, no, Wanda! I look terrible! I look like a chimney sweep.

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Oh, no. I...

Oh, okay, Mr. Has to go home early

Oh, probably not, Joel. Old habits die hard.

Oh, right.

Oh, shit! Look out, Joel! He's got a sword!

Oh, uh... I'm all right.

Oh, we've got time. Waiter! More wine.

Oh, wow, I wasn't expecting that. That's harsh.

Oh, yeah. I'm good. I'm just

Oh, yeah. Straight through that door on the right.

Oh, yes, we can. And we are.

Oh, your... Bubby?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Ah... Hi, Eggbert. How are you?

Oh. I like fiction books because I think

Oh. Oh.

Oh...

Oh... Oh, Joel, I'm so sorry. I thought you knew.

Okay, but promise me that you're not here just because

Okay, Eggbert.

Okay, good. Well, good.

Okay, I'm lost. What's going on?

Okay, quick! I'll help you find something better.

Okay, that's enough.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I'm going to step out of the crossfire here.

Okay. So when is the part where the two of you meet?

Okay. Uh...

Okay. We get the point. So what happened next?

On our next Candy Systems and Research Superstore.

On the yoga instructor while they were lying on my mat?

On your mark. Get set. Go.

Only in New York, right?

Only in New York, right?

Out on the table, really go for broke.

Please? Come on, I wanna fuck your mom.

Plus Brenda's bringing a friend who's apparently very cute and very single.

Pretty great, right?

Probably worse, right?

Put my costume on, and shit in it?

Put my costume on, shit in it,

Q tips.

Quirky candy shop across the street from our location.

Really? That's great!

Really? You think so?

Remember those days, Habermeyer?

Reservations are at 7:00, so I'll pick you up at 5:30.

Right. You said that.

Roland gave Trevor the Dickricker account.

Roland's promise to keep my store flourishing forever,

Saving Molly's candy shop isn't about saving the shop.

Saving that little candy shop

See anything you like?

See, New York is such an important part of our lives,

Seriously, I don't ever want to see you again.

Shag me rotten.

Shall we just chalk it up to that and move on?

She and Tucker went fly fishing.

She died recently. We were very close.

She died, so that's over.

She is beautiful, isn't she, Joel?

She really said hi?

She was here at the altar, and then she left,

She's exactly the type of person I could see myself falling in love with.

She's getting married in, like, 20 minutes.

She's not here, Joel!

She's not here.

She's not here.

Shh.

Shit!

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Should be proud of their heritage, just like other people are?

Should we give it another shot?

Shut up, Trevor.

Sit your fuckin' ass down, Karen. We're not done with the story.

Skin pure as the driven snow.

So do you still read The Times?

So do you wanna join me?

So he went down on me, and I came in one second.

So I called her right away.

So I practiced what I was going to say until it was perfect.

So I went down there for the weekend.

So if there was a movie about your relationship,

So it wasn't love at first sight, was it?

So many mom and pop shops being elbowed out

So Molly.

So New York City is like another character?

So now I'm in line for the big promotion. Not you. Pretty funny, huh?

So that's what you did?

So the closest thing I had to a boyfriend was my dog, Charlie.

So this guy thinks he'll be able to

So we have aisle seats, we have

So what will you have?

So with a Superstore going up across the street, I went to go see my accountant.

So, as you all know, we begin construction today

So, I guess you guys already met, huh?

So, Joel, Molly, how'd you two meet?

So, Joel, this is where we'll be dining tonight.

So, Molly, how is your love life?

So, uh, Molly...

So, uh, what do you do?

So, um, Bob tells me you're an amateur birdwatcher.

So, what did you think of Molly?

Sooner rather than later. But that's not my point.

Sorry it got weird at the end there.

Sounds like this Trevor guy's trying to get it on with your girlfriend.

Spike, your ex husband and Tucker's dad, just got released from jail.

Story of my life. At least I tried, right?

Sure.

Sure.

Sure. What is it?

Svandorga.

Sweet Side once and for all, say "aye."

Swish!

Swish!

Swish!

Swish!

Take me, Joel.

Taking a stinky shit is better than having sex.

Talk about bad luck.

Taxi!

Tell her how you feel.

Tell it to the judge, Spike.

Tell me about it.

Tell me about it.

Tell me about it.

Tell me about it.

Than anything ever in my entire life.

Thank you, Joel.

Thank you.

Thanks, everybody!

Thanks, guys.

Thanks, little brother.

Thanks, Mama.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks. So do you.

Thanks. Yours, too.

That I didn't want to do it, you know where I would go?

That I play ball with at the local playground. They always tell it like it is.

That is a crazy story!

That is literally too funny.

That is the only logical explanation.

That is too funny.

That my inability to open my dream coffee shop was in many ways

That rat! First he steals my girlfriend, then he steals the Dickricker account!

That sounds great!

That was such a good joke.

That we were better off as friends than spouses.

That'll be $100,000 dollars. I'm just kidding. It's all free.

That's all I've got. I'm sorry to have wasted your time.

That's for you.

That's how you order a muffin?

That's how you say "confusing" in France.

That's not necessary.

That's right, everybody. I quit.

That's right, Joel. This is John Dickricker,

That's right.

That's right. And for the record,

That's so stupid.

That's the jerk I met at Bob and Brenda's Halloween party.

That's true. For me, the perfect vacation

That's very good. That's very cool.

That's very sweet of you to ask, but I...

That's very sweet of you, Eggfart, but I think I'm just gonna focus on me for now.

The bottom line is, we mutually decided

The debts started to pile up and

The expense account, the sexy girlfriend.

The kind with the pieces of cotton at each end?

The lady I was talking about that likes fiction books?

The old maple tree.

The only line you care about is the bottom line.

The only one we could find is just this really small

The only thing I can guess

The pasta and the beans and the lentils.

The point of love is to get laid,

The turkey.

The washcloths are just for show!

Then I noticed something on my fridge.

There is another character that was just as important as the two of us.

There's nothing left for me here.

They both realize, you know, how short life is.

They made me choose between their dicks and their teats.

They pinned me down, and they said,

They won't be back until tomorrow.

They're better than sex!

They're building a Candy Systems and Research Superstore

They're not real.

Things are gonna be different this time, right?

Thinking about some stuff.

Thirsty.

This is Joel.

This is ridiculous. That corner office was mine!

This is the same guy who pooped in his costume at the Halloween party?

Those orgasms were as real as they get.

Thought you two had eloped and gone to Paris.

Three, two, one.

Tiffany always said that was a dumb idea.

Tiffany Amber Thigpen, will you marry me?

Tiffany, what are you doing here?

Tiffany, would you just calm down for a second!

Tiffany?

Tiffany?

Tiffany?

Time's up. Jaws.

To focus on her photo journalism career.

To give you a second chance, the answer...

To Molly.

To my great chagrin.

To put food in your belly and a shirt on your back.

Told ya!

Told you I wasn't good at this.

Totally. You've gotta take time for yourself, you know.

Trevor dumped you and you're feeling sorry for yourself.

Trevor moved out today, and I'm just really upset.

Trevor, let me speak.

Tucker, this is my friend, Joel.

Two minutes until the New Year!

Ugh!

Uh, look, I wanted to call you and apologize

Uh, Roland!

Uh, she just wanted to travel more, she wanted

Uh, thanks.

Uh, wait! Whatever it is, I'll have it.

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Um, I think the idea is that

Um, I'll have a low fat, sugar free banana yogurt muffin.

Um, well, not really, Eggman. I'm guessing

Um...

Unbelievable.

Unfortunately, yes.

Upper Sweet Side, NYC. Does the name ring a bell?

Uptown! And step on it! I'm in a huge hurry!

Used to be a time when we all believed that.

Vampires.

Very good, madame.

Very put together. Never had a hair out of place.

Very well, madame. For the fish, we have...

Wait, say no more. I've got it.

Wait, what?

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait! Joel!

Wait! Then how about this?

Wait! Who is this person?

Wanda, I really like this guy, Joel,

Wanda, thank you. You're the best.

Wanda, that's him!

Want to see me naked, Joel?

Was that you?

Watch out, Joel! He does!

Watch where you're going!

We can't do this.

We got into the candy game to make candy

We used to spend hours in that thing. Where'd it go, Joel?

We wanted different things.

We'd love it if you and Tiff could come.

We're almost there!

We're candy people.

We're candy people.

We're gonna obliterate it!

We're okay.

We're the fastest growing edible boot company in the whole entire country!

We've been having this fight since the day we met.

Well, actually, it's getting so late, and I have to run...

Well, fine.

Well, great story.

Well, guess what? You do now,

Well, he meant well. So we started seeing each other.

Well, how about this?

Well, I don't know Tiffany, but she sounds like a stupid bitch.

Well, I've gotta talk to Tiff, but I'm sure she'll wanna go.

Well, if being a grown up means

Well, in retrospect, I agree with you, but at the time it seemed like he was just

Well, in that case,

Well, it turned out to be a little bit more complicated than we thought.

Well, it's kind of a corny, romantic comedy kind of story.

Well, Joel is kind of a typical romantic comedy leading man.

Well, luckily, we will be separating momentarily

Well, things got pretty rough after that.

Well, this is me.

Well, uh, I'm looking for maybe a fiction book.

Well, uh...

Well, well, well.

Well, what do you think?

Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much.

Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much.

Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much.

Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much.

Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much.

Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much.

Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much.

Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much.

Well, you came in here looking like...

Well, your dreams don't pay for the rent!

Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.

What a big mistake it would be if I married you today.

What a nightmare! God!

What am I doing here? Looking for a book. What are you doing here?

What are we doin'?

What are we doin'?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here? Where's Mia, the yoga instructor?

What are you saying?

What are you talking about? Who said anything about that?

What did Hillary want that was different than what Eggbert wanted?

What do you want, Trevor?

What happened to just a good old fashioned cup of coffee?

What is that in your ear? What?

What is your point?

What is... Wait a minute.

What kinds of things are you passionate about?

What license?

What she actually said was, "Oh, God, Trevor, don't stop.

What the fuck are you saying?

What the fuck?

What the...

What you're saying to me is that if you were to ever get married

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? I want things the way I want them.

What? Is this about rent, Joel?

What? Really?

What? Where is she?

What...

What's done is done.

What's up?

What's your favorite bird?

What's your favorite color?

Whatever Molly's last name is.

When Mom and Dad died, I had to sell that tire

When you meet up with him tonight, change the way you look.

When you've been married as long as we have,

Where I'm gonna meet an exciting new guy! So see you later.

Where my friends are gonna introduce me to an exciting new woman!

Where'd he go?

Where's Bob?

Where's the bathroom?

Where's your sister?

White people are now the minority in this country?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who designed these stupid things?

Who do you think it was?

Who?

Who's this?

Whoa. Wait a minute. Let me explain.

Whoo!

Why did you guys decide to get a divorce?

Why did you say yes? He's so clearly wrong for you.

Why don't I have you over for dinner.

Why don't you just calm down.

Why don't you just take a jerk, you hike!

Why is there shit all over the washcloths, too?

Why not?

Why? What did I do?

Will you marry me?

With the poppy seeds taken out and heated up.

With two double colorless energy cards

Would you like to go for a burrito sometime with me?

Would you like to have a cup of moffie with kee? With me.

Wow, what a terrific song!

Wow!

Wow! A cheeseburger, Mommy!

Wow! Go eat that in bed.

Wow. I'm disappointed in you people.

Wow. So I guess you're finally dealing with those commitment issues you have.

Wow. You are serious.

Wow. You're rude.

Yay, Brenda!

Yeah, but they're not real. You know that, right?

Yeah, I even bought her a ring and everything.

Yeah, I get it.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, right. Sure.

Yeah, see you never!

Yeah, she should be. Why?

Yeah, she's attractive and smart and funny.

Yeah, sure. We've got... I've got books.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's right. I said "Looking for bags."

Yeah, those are the only kind I know.

Yeah, well, I didn't run into myself.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right.

Yeah. Coffee. That sounds good.

Yeah. It's wrong.

Yeah. Me, too.

Yeah. My bubby. My grandmother.

Yeah. So you get it. "Cup of Joel," "cup of joe," "Cup of Joel."

Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want.

Yeah. What of it?

Yes, bubela?

Yes, that is exactly what I was going to say.

Yes, that is my store. And I put my whole life into it.

Yes!

Yes?

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. And I should have done it a long time ago.

Yes. Okay, so she'll have a low fat, sugar free banana yogurt muffin.

Yes. Thank you. That's what I'm trying to ask.

Yo.

You ain't seen the last of me, Billy Joel!

You ain't seen the last of me!

You and I are like rain proofing on a wooden deck.

You are having what she's having. It's all the same food.

You are here!

You are so not over her!

You are the love of my life.

You are.

You can have the pussy. Just save me the hole.

You can say that again.

You can take the subway there. One of the lines.

You can't let stupid old Frank run your life.

You don't know anything! I can't even do yoga any more. I only do Pilates.

You ever heard of it?

You get it now, Mr. Combines traits that each of us represents

You go to a party, people say, "Who are you?"

You guys have not lived until you've tried my Creamy Caramel Clusters.

You have a kid?

You heard that Frank and I finally broke up.

You just got yourself a big promotion and a corner office.

You know about Pokemon? You're cool, Mr. Joel!

You know what, Jake? I've had it up to here with your little comments.

You know what? You guys make a lot of sense. I'm gonna go propose.

You know, as in "Cup of Joe", but I would say "Joel"...

You know, for a smart guy, big brother, you sure are an idiot.

You know, I have a dream that someday I wanna

You know, I mean, what's the point?

You know, maybe you'd feel more comfortable

You know, yeah, it is funny.

You know, you really hurt me, Tiff.

You like fiction books?

You livin' la vida loca?

You look different.

You look great.

You may be seated.

You may have a point, Joel.

You noticed.

You ran my business into the ground.

You ready for the big meeting with Roland?

You shit your pants. And then you took a shower.

You sold it, didn't you?

You think you're the only person that's ever been hurt?

You traded in our fun for, what, a few greenbacks?

You wanna tell me why your super hero costume

You were gonna say the bagels are a metaphor for the circle of life.

You weren't kidding. Your story really is like a corny movie.

You're a jerk.

You're full of it, buddy. I'll see you at the party.

You're gettin' in that pussy hole.

You're going back to prison where you belong.

You're great at this.

You're like a child.

You're not interested. I get it.

You're not the only one in this family who's getting his shit together.

You're on your period?

You're pretty adorable when you get all fussy like that.

You're so lucky that I am late for a party right now

You're something.

You're sorry? Thought you were Joel.

You're the first boyfriend I ever had to pass the test!

You're welcome.

You're willing to just throw caution to the wind like that?

You've convinced me.

You've got a bone to pick with me, then spit it out.

You've got Groucho glasses on.

You've gotta go to that party and you gotta be fierce!

You've probably all heard of "cup of joe". This is a play on that.

Your Bacon Boot company consists of you

Your business has, at best, six months to live.

Your guess is as good as mine.

Your name is Billy Joel?

Yummy, yummy, in my tummy!

'Cause of my name being Joel. Oh...

Actually, Joel is my middle name. Sorry is your first name?

after they meet up... Right.

and flunk the hell out of this test! Oh.

And people create a story... Sure.

And what did she want? Who can say?

Anyway, my answer is... Molly! Molly!

Are you okay, bubela? Hmm...

Asshole. Cunt.

because I was a jerk. Oh.

Because it's fun, Joel. Forget it. I'm not going.

Bob, my best friend! Joel, my best buddy!

Boom! Boom! Right there! Down and out, buttonhook!

But I'm sorry, I can't accept your offer. What?

But, I... Go!

By the way, she's a Nazi." So they're a little eccentric!

Bye now. Wait...

Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

Chariots of Fire. No, no, hon...

Christmas! Now it's Christmas!

Did not! Roland, that is disgusting!

find his luggage if he speaks Pig Latin. Ah.

Frank, my old boyfriend. Remember? Right.

Grab my hand! Hey, Joel.

Grab my hand! Pull me up!

Happy Thanksgiving, Brenda. Happy Thanksgiving.

Hardly. Oh, please!

He's got a football! Think quick!

Hello, man. Oh. How did you know?

Hello? Hi, Molly.

Hey, Joel. Trevor?

Hey! Hi! Hey!

Hey. Hi, there.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Hi.

Hi, Daddy. Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, Molly. Hi, Mr. Flaps.

Hi, Mommy. Hi!

Hi. Hey.

How you doin'? Hello, sir.

Howdy. Hi. Again.

I did come in, but I couldn't find you. Oh, Really?

I didn't think it was important, Joel. Not important? Are you kidding?

I know. It's all so confusing! It is! It is so confuse.

I said "That's it. I'm never leaving the country again." Ugh!

I think maybe I should go... No, please. I think I'm gonna go...

I think you should leave, Joel. What?

I was being rhetorical! Of course you were!

I was just... Because of the Q tips. Mmm. That's sweet.

I would love a double cream, no coffee. I'll have a half mocha macchiato.

I... It's just one of those things.

I'm a regular here. Yeah. Regular beanbag.

I'm afraid they're not gonna like me. You're crazy. They're gonna love you.

I'm happy for you, buddy. Thanks, man.

Is he here? Can I ask him? Yes. Keith.

it takes you to a different world. Uh huh.

It's called Upper Sweet Side, NYC. Kind of a dumb name for a store, huh?

It's Chariots of Fire. Whoa, whoa, whoa...

It's too late. What?

It's wrong. "Wrong"?

Jizz! ****!

Joel, wait! Hmm.

Joel? Tiffany?

Joel? A little help here, buddy. Oh, Joel...

Katherine, this is Joel. Hi.

Let me try it. All right, you go.

Me, too. You do?

Mmm. New York City.

My mat, Joel. I didn't know.

My turn. It's your turn.

No, I think it's kind of clever. I like it. What was that, Joel?

Now it's New Year's! Now it's New Year's Eve!

Oh, boy. That's a long story. Yeah.

Oh, happy day! Five, four,

Oh, it's so special. Oh, we missed it.

Oh, my God, are you serious? See for yourself.

Oh, my sister. Molly!

Oh, no. What?

Oh, Please. My friends call me Eggbert. Then they must not be very good friends.

Oh, you're gonna go? Yeah.

Oh, your grandmother. Yeah.

Oh. In either scenario,

Okay, all right, please... Oh, my God!

Okay. Hold on!

Okay. So we have our main characters. Not quite.

Paws! Laws!

Rhapsory. Amasong.

Right. Because everyone knows "Cup of Joe",...

She used to say "hey"? Yeah.

Smart. I get it. So Joel instead of Joe.

Sox! Celtics!

Stop. I'm gonna leave you, you knucklehead.

Sure. ...but it's "Cup of Joel" because my name is Joel.

Thanks, Keith. Thanks, Keith.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve. Mmm hmm.

That is so good. Very good.

That's true. That is true. Really? How so?

They came together. Oh.

This corporate drone does! Do you remember the tire swing?

Those are brand new washcloths. Oh.

Three parties. Got it.

Wait a minute. That's right.

We're not done. Yeah, sit down.

Well, did you leave her a note? No. Should I have?

Well, I'm going this way, so see you later! I'll see you later. I'm going this way.

Well, it probably seems that way. Hmm.

What? No, I...

What... Let him speak.

when we go to our different parties. Luckily, yes.

Yeah, I can see that. Vaguely but not overtly *******.

Yeah. There's no need to belabor it.

Yeah. I think I ate something weird. Don't worry.

Yeah. Little candy shop? Ding! Ding! Ding!

Yeah. We should get together again very soon. Yes.

Yes, but big brother... Hey, no "buts."

Yes, please. Right.

You got it! She got it! Wow! That was great, babe!

You have a second? What's up?

You have breast cancer. What?

You have to be kidding me! Do you like fiction?

You know what I like? What?

You look like you've had a bad day. Yeah. Tell me about it.

you would go to the Brooklyn Promenade. Yes. You see where I'm going with this?

You're good at that. "...and wait in line."

You're right. He's just ******* enough. And Molly is the kind of cute, klutzy

and you'll be just fine guy?

'cause he can't hang out with the boys

'cause he's gotta spend time with his wife guy.

'Kay.

"and I want to get all juicy on your cock."

"Dick or teat?" It was obviously a play on, you know, "Trick or treat?"

"Greasy and amazing," and then he went on to say,

"Her name's Molly.

"Hey..."

"It's"?

"know about"?

"Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous."

"Oh, hi, Mom. It's me, Joel. Guess what? I'm dating this great girl.

"the dining room". Isn't that funny?

"Trevor, you have such a hot, throbbing cock"

"What has he won, Johnny?" "A new car!"

"What is that, an iPhone?" "Yeah, I've gotta go to the Apple Store..."

"Why"?

"Your dick is so fat and greasy and amazing."