The Bad News Bears Edit

A busted bat and a long fly ball...

A damn good chance, so be on your toes. Now get the hell out of here.

A guy wanted to wallpaper his bathroom and bought 35 maps.

A little harder, huh?

A second game will begin at 3:00 this afternoon.

Actually, it might be better if you told them yourself.

After that, we're going to the drive in. It's a double feature.

After the start of the season, we all don't always get along so well.

After the taking of the team pictures today...

After tomorrow, we do what all ballplayers do...

After we beat these Athletics today.

Again?

Ah, that's the...

Ahmad, even Hank Aaron peels the old eyelids before he takes a swing.

All I know is, when we win a game, it's a team win.

All right, all right. I'm an asshole.

All right, boys. Let's get back to basics.

All right, boys. Let's go.

All right, come here. That's far enough.

All right, come on, guys. Lighten up.

All right, Eddie!

All right, Engelberry, hit it again.

All right, get one.

All right, guys, let's get one thing straight.

All right, let's get one.

All right, let's get one.

All right, Miguel. Way to go.

All right, you mother, see if you can kick my ass!

All right.

All right. Batter up. Come on, you're holding up the game.

All right. One to go, Billy.

All right. Play ball!

All season long, you've been laughed at, crapped on!

All we got is a cruddy "alky" for a manager.

Amanda Whurlizer.

Amanda, you know damn well your mother and I don't get along.

An intentional walk with the bases empty?

And a booger eating moron.

And a time out is called by the Bears'manager.

And another thing, just wait till next year.

And anyway, I promised him I wouldn't.

And aside from Timmy Lupus...

And besides, you shouldn't be wasting your time cleaning pools.

And bow.

And get some hamburgers or pizza or something.

And go vacuum the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?

And great players, and I'm not.

And had an E.R.A. Of 2.86.

And I think, Engelberg, it's gonna be your father.

And I'm lousy at baseball, and I'm quitting the whole damn thing.

And I'm sorry.

And in downtown L.A., they're expecting...

And let's get the run back.

And maybe join the team for old times' sake.

And now batting for the Bears...

And now batting for the Bears...

And shove it straight up your ass!

And shove it up your left nostril.

And so, at the top of the third inning...

And that means only one thing...

And the home of the brave

And the rest of you, what's the matter with you?

And the rockets'red glare

And then she appears to dry them on the peak of her cap...

And they were laughing at us, picking on us.

And to the republic for which it stands...

And we did hit 17 foul balls.

And we treated you pretty unfair all season.

And what do you do?

Andy Berger, number seven, center field.

Any ball you get near, go for it.

Any day now Durocher will call!

Any second now, Ogilvie, heart attack time.

Anybody else?

Anyway, it's too small.

Anyway, we took a vote and decided that we'd quit.

Are you crazy?

Around them bases we shall roam!

As it is now, we still have a chance.

Ask Ogilvie!

At least the ones that came could play, but now this.

At present there are at least two to three instances...

At the Coliseum...

At the twilight's last gleaming

Athletics... two runs, five hits...

Atta boy, Bobby!

Attack it!

Bad news for the Athletics!

Bad news for the White Sox!

Ball four! Take your base.

Ball four. Take your base.

Ball four. Take your base.

Ball one.

Ball one.

Ball, inside. 3 0.

Ball.

Ball.

Ball.

Ball.

Ball.

Baseball's not tomboy stuff. It's your country's national pastime.

Bases were loaded.

Batter can't hit!

Batter, swing!

Be a lot of fun if you were the other.

Bears! Bears!

Bears! Bears!

Bears! Bears!

Bears... three runs, four hits, three errors.

Beauty!

Because I didn't know whether to use them as bats or the baseline.

Because nobody here wants to have anything to do with you.

Because they been here longer than us?

Because you should be damn proud of yourselves.

Before I kick them all up there into position!

Besides, most people don't like the taste of anchovies.

Best pitch I ever taught her was the curveball.

Bet it's more than you make.

Big wow.

Billy, your arm feel okay?

Billy.

Blow it out your bunghole!

Bonehead plays, mistakes.

Boys, I'd like you to meet your new pitcher...

Break it up!

Bullshit.

But at least we settled it right here on the ball field.

But don't give me no baloney about a curve breaking 21/2 feet, though.

But girls reach their peak athletically about that age.

But I doubt it.

But she's not really drying them 'cause she has Vaseline under there.

But this quitting thing, it's a hard habit to break once you start.

But we disbanded the team.

But we need five runs.

But we're not going to be needing them anymore.

But we're stuck with each other.

But we've still got a chance.

But what about after tomorrow?

But what I've got sure don't feel too good right now.

But what it really is is $2.00 because of inflation.

But you did pitch for Phoenix in the minors.

But you got guts, all of you.

Buttermaker, do I have to go?

Buttermaker, maybe next spring you'll teach me how to hit.

Buttermaker, new rule book. See that you memorize it.

Buttermaker, this is your second place trophy.

Buttermaker, you better get on the ball.

Buttermaker, you better take Amanda out now. She's hurting pretty bad.

Buttermaker, you're so dumb.

Buttermaker?

Butterworth.

By request of the Bears'manager, and forfeited to the Yankees.

By the fourth pool, you were out cold.

Can we stop this already? We got another hour of practice.

Can't do anything about the braces 'cause that's big money.

Can't face them.

Carl Paranski, number six...

Carol, where is Frank? Is he still practicing?

Cheap crap? We're playing clean, hard baseball.

Check the big play!

Check?

Cleveland! Stretcher!

Coach.

Cokes and hot dogs on me.

Come off it, Ahmad! Stop pulling my leg.

Come on in, Joey!

Come on, Ahmad!

Come on, Amanda. Right through him!

Come on, babe. We were supposed to be here by 7:30.

Come on, baby! Take two of them!

Come on, batter!

Come on, batter. Let's go.

Come on, Billy!

Come on, Bobby! Come on in!

Come on, Buttermaker!

Come on, come on. You're holding up the game.

Come on, don't give me that righteous bullshit!

Come on, fellas! Talk it up!

Come on, guys! Pay attention!

Come on, guys. It's only a game.

Come on, Indians, line up.

Come on, Lupus! Catch it for once!

Come on, Red. Let's straighten your hat.

Come on!

Come on! Catch it!

Come on! You want to win, don't you?

Come on. Let's get a hit, Engelberg.

Come on. They're doing terrible.

Come to think of it, they ain't worth it.

Congratulations. Looks like the championship is in the bag.

Contract disputes.

Couldn't even manage a food store and he's managing a baseball team.

Couldn't you at least have unwrapped it?

Councilman Whitewood told the league committee he's calling it quits.

Crud, no. I want to play ball.

Crud!

Crud. Does that booger eatin' spaz make me want to puke.

Cry to the umpire.

Cups and supporters.

Cut it out!

Damn it, Regi! Attack that ball!

Damn it.

Damn right.

Did you ever think of that?

Did you see that, Ump?

Didn't I let you hang around while I cleaned the pools?

Didn't I take you and your mother to the movies twice a week?

Didn't those kids take enough of a beating opening day?

Diversionary tactic, Engelberg. Now get the ball.

Do we have to do that one? It's so corny.

Do you know how many pools I gotta clean to get imported jeans?

Do you think you gotta kiss ass around here...

Do you understand? Just keep your elbow in the water.

Does anybody mind if I warm up too?

Does anybody want to go for a ride?

Does that turn you on... Harley Davidson?

Don Jacobsen, second base.

Don't be such a stranger.

Don't blame me. I didn't even know it was your car.

Don't deserve to wear no uniform.

Don't ever say that word again.

Don't give me any of your honky bullshit.

Don't give me that "what." You know what I'm talking about.

Don't jump in, Engelberg. You'll flood the valley.

Don't know what he's talking about, but I like him. He's got balls.

Don't let any of these bastards give you a hard time.

Don't lie to me!

Don't look so glum.

Don't make it obvious. Go ahead.

Don't tell me what kind of language I can use.

Don't turn your back on me. Are you a friend of Roy Turner's?

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry. We'll catch them at the bottom of the sixth.

Don't you want to beat those bastards?

Each and every one of you...

Ease up, Joey. Taking easy control, baby.

Easy fly balls.

End of the first inning.

Engelberg is up after you. We need runs.

Engelberg, did you take my hamburger?

Engelberg, how about buttoning the buttons on your uniform, will you?

Engelberg, quit your bellyaching and throw the ball to first base!

Engelberry, get your gear on, get behind home plate.

Everybody be patient. Pizza's on very soon.

Everybody moves! Everybody!

Everybody on my team gets a chance to play.

Everybody out on the field and take any position you want.

Everybody stay alive.

Everybody, sit down. Come on. Sit down.

Fire it in there! Around the infield now!

First base! Second base!

First base! Second base! Third base! Home!

First in the Yankee lineup today...

First up for the Mets, Roy Close...

First up for the Yankees... number one, Chris Love, left field.

For how much?

For the game between the Bears and Yankees.

Forget about the glasses.

Forget it, Miguel.

Forty two errors?

Foul ball. That's outside the line.

Frankly, I'm surprised the little marshmallows did this well.

Gave proof through the night

Get a pair of glasses.

Get back here! Move it!

Get back to the dugout. It's time.

Get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache...

Get back to your dugout. Maybe your team could use your help...

Get back, will you?

Get down from there. Forget about that.

Get going.

Get in there and never do that again.

Get it in there.

Get it off! You're marking it up!

Get off the field!

Get out of here.

Get out there now and do the best you can.

Get out! Go!

Get that bike off the field!

Get to know the wife and kids again.

Get your ass out there and do the best you can.

Get your gear, and get your fat ass to the plate before I kick it there.

Getting ready for a game with the Athletics.

Give him a six pack before the game?

Give me ten!

Give my love to your mom.

Glad you all came.

Go ahead and yell. Get it off your chests.

Go ahead, take it. Take two, take three.

Go home! All the way home!

Go home! Home!

Go on home.

Go on, take it. That's the best way to eat it.

Go, Ogilvie! On to first, boy!

Go!

Go!

Go! Go!

Go! Go!

Go! Go! All right!

Go! Go! Go!

Goddamn class action suits are gonna be the ruin of this country.

Goddamn it! Can't you get it through your thick head...

Going into the last half of the sixth and last inning...

Good bye, Buttermaker.

Good hit!

Good luck, huh?

Good move!

Good stuff. Beautiful. Toby, Jose, Timmy.

Good work, kid. Ahmad Abdul Raheem.

Got a big surprise for you after too.

Got my curve breaking 21/2 feet.

Gotta be worn at all times.

Grab a bat, punk.

Grab a cruddy bat.

Grab a helmet and get in the on deck circle.

Ground rule double.

Guys, I want to see some hard nosed play out there.

Half the state of Iowa came by last week. Cleared 85 bucks.

Harriet! Thirteen, second base.

Haven't you heard?

He almost whacked that right out of the ballpark...

He also played quite a few games on second base.

He always swings from the hip. Then comes Chris Love.

He beat him with a bunt.

He could have got those boys in any of the other leagues.

He could have killed that kid.

He damn near quit. Thank God for us he didn't.

He got hit in the balls.

He is. We aren't.

He means Ted Williams was a major leaguer.

He tried to bean him. He could have killed that kid.

He walked him.

He was nine years old. Broke his little heart.

He wouldn't have to cover for you all the time.

He's been hogging the ball in all these games and we're sick of it.

He's been in enough fights this week already.

He's been in enough fights this week already.

He's been murdering the ball lately. Do as I tell you.

He's going for two!

He's invaluable. He can play third and short at the same time.

He's just a rotten ball hog.

He's not dead! He's drunk!

He's not the only reason we got this far.

He's not throwing it! Go!

He's out.

He's safe.

He's shy, Coach.

He's the best athlete in the area. But you don't understand.

Hello, Roy.

Here we go. Let's go, Joey!

Here! Home!

Here's a list of the boys on the team.

Hey, Ahmad. You, me and Tanner will play three way.

Hey, Boilermaker, long time no see.

Hey, Buttermaker.

Hey, can't you hold off of that until after practice?

Hey, clutch!

Hey, hey! That's enough of that!

Hey, Joey, you hungry? You want my burrito?

Hey, left fielder!

Hey, punk! I thought l...

Hey, pus head! Are you crazy?

Hey, Tanner, does he go to the bathroom for you too?

Hey, Tanner! Come down, Tanner.

Hey, Turner!

Hey, wait a minute. Where are you guys going?

Hey, Whitewood. What's this crap about uniforms?

Hey, would you shut up? Right on my punch line.

Hey, Yankees! You can take your apology and your trophy...

Hey! Tanner!

Hi, Amanda.

Hi, Whitewood.

His first year in sandlot ball, he committed 42 errors.

Hold it up.

Hold it! Time!

Home, I said. Trust me. Home.

Home!

How are the uniforms coming along?

How come you're not wearing your clothes?

How could you possibly strike out Ted Williams?

How could you teach a 9 year old girl to throw a curveball?

How could you?

How many times you got to be told to quit hanging around here?

How was I supposed to know? You made such a big deal yelling out to them.

How would you like me to stick this bat where the sun never shines?

How?

How's it going, Ogilvie?

How's the view up there, Ahmad?

How's your chest feel, hon?

Hurry! Throw it home!

I am kind of fast, huh?

I am sorry!

I been trying all morning. It's too small.

I beg your pardon. There isn't an ounce of fat on me.

I can play baseball better than anybody in this league.

I can understand how you guys feel.

I can't be playing no dumb baseball.

I can't help it. I really hate that kid.

I could have taken all those guys myself.

I could help you with your pools.

I couldn't believe that score... 26 to nothing.

I deserve it.

I didn't have any pools to clean, so I thought I'd drop by and say hello.

I didn't need your help, you know.

I don't care if he had you beat by a mile!

I don't have a wife and kids.

I don't have to remind you who we'll be playing in the championship...

I don't know about you, but I want to win...

I don't know who you are, but sit down and shut up.

I don't think I like that kind of talk.

I don't think it's a very good idea, Amanda.

I don't wanna go. I wanna play.

I don't want to play for money.

I got a "D" in math that year.

I got a bead on it!

I got a goddamn little Jesus freak in Bakersfield at a revival meeting.

I got a Harley Davidson.

I got a photographer here from the L.A. Times.

I got it!

I got it! I got it!

I got one last question for you. Let's see who can answer it.

I got the whole thing figured out. This is what I do.

I got to talk to you.

I got to talk to you. It's important.

I had a mother of a screwball.

I had them leave off the anchovies...

I had to call my mom to come pick us up.

I haven't been much of a manager...

I invited my mom to the game tomorrow.

I just lit that cigar. That's terrible.

I just pray he's wearing his cup.

I just want to end it as quickly as possible.

I just want to get a word with the other coach, okay?

I knew you were up to something. I'm through with pitching.

I know an 11 year old girl who's on the pill.

I know he's small, Billy. Just pitch it lower.

I know I don't have too much up there...

I know it says $ 1.25 on the map...

I know they were easy.

I know we had our differences...

I know, but she told me she wants to play.

I know.

I like to drink too much. I like to smoke my cigars...

I liked her very much though. I still do, as a matter of fact.

I lost, so I gotta go to the Rolling Stones concert with the creep.

I mean it.

I mean just... just drop out.

I mean, they really do like you. And I'd appreciate it.

I mean, why don't you do this league a favor?

I mean, you wouldn't have helped the team much.

I play them right and left center.

I pledge allegiance to the flag...

I really appreciate this.

I take my two outfielders, Henry and Thor...

I think he's saying something about his being a Catholic and it's a sin.

I think I'd better get in a relief pitcher.

I think my dad said something about these two boys were Mexican.

I thought I told you to quit hanging around!

I thought we were going to be quiet about the money.

I thought we were going to see some curves.

I thought you just cleaned swimming pools.

I thought, you know, if you weren't too busy...

I told him to throw it low and outside.

I told you not to swing, you idiot!

I want to see how our infield handles balls.

I want to switch hit like my big brothers.

I want you handling the ball as much as possible out there today.

I want you to look like champions because you're gonna be champions.

I wanted to introduce you to the administrators, but you're late.

I was a heck of a ballplayer, but I never pitched for the Yankees.

I was hoping to sneak away from the office today and drop by the field.

I was just thinking us.

I was once in a high school game where the score...

I was really scared for a minute there.

I was thinking around the fourth game, you'd be switch hitting.

I will kill you!

I will not allow this!

I would have brought those turkeys down.

I would've gotten champagne, but you don't pay me enough.

I wouldn't eat your burrito if you paid me to.

I wouldn't have waited two goddamn years.

I'd like to call your attention to our new scoreboard...

I'll deck that kid!

I'll drink to that.

I'll handle it.

I'll knock your head down so far, you'll have to take off your hat!

I'll pay for the modeling thing and the ballet lessons.

I'll put Miguel in. At least he'll try.

I'll send flowers to your funeral.

I'll take on all the Yankees after this!

I'm a bum.

I'm almost 12, and I'll... I'll be getting a bra soon.

I'm an old, broken down, third rate ballplayer.

I'm aware of that.

I'm calling this off right now.

I'm coach of the new team, and I'm looking for Miss Cleveland.

I'm going to be a model.

I'm going to be taking ballet lessons pretty soon.

I'm going to get braces.

I'm going to go around the infield, then around the outfield.

I'm gonna beat the crud out of you!

I'm gonna kick your butt, you little shit!

I'm gonna kill you!

I'm happy that way.

I'm hitting.841. I'm on the Bears.

I'm just not the marrying kind. But I guess I handled it badly, huh?

I'm just sitting here.

I'm lousy at football, lousy at basketball...

I'm not afraid. I'm just through with all that tomboy stuff.

I'm not gonna talk about winning. I'm gonna talk about losing.

I'm not listening to you, crud. I'm leaving.

I'm not looking for money. I'm not looking for anything.

I'm probably the worst player in this league.

I'm sorry.

I'm surprised you didn't know that. He's your favorite player too.

I'm the one who did all the work. You sat and drank beer all day.

I'm the one who told Kelly to cover for you.

I'm Tower...

I'm warning you.

I'm working on it.

I've been out getting what you creeps have been bitching for...

I've got a lot of pools to clean. I can't be out looking for uniforms.

I've got business. You're blocking my customers with your car.

I've got to talk to you.

I've gotta talk to you for a minute.

If everybody gets a hit, we win the game.

If I did, I would have looked you up two years ago.

If I win, you play baseball for the Bears.

If it's yesterday you're worried about, you can blame me.

If only my knuckler had been working...

If she doesn't wear one, neither do I.

If she don't wear one, I don't wear one.

If that's the way you feel, fine. It's no big deal.

If you were so great, how come you never made it to the major leagues?

If you wiped your nose once in a while...

If you're gonna talk that way...

If you're looking for money, you can forget it.

In 1951, you won nine games...

Instead of trying to get in the play offs.

Iost six, had 170 strikeouts...

Is a bunch of ****, spics, ******s, pansies...

Is that the way to talk? I haven't seen you in two or three years.

Is to get a sponsor and to get uniforms.

It came to the plate and disappeared.

It hits your body, you still make the play.

It means a hell of a lot of badass news for the Athletics.

It was a dumb idea anyway.

It was like a ball of melted ice cream.

It was spring training, Vero Beach. Struck him out a couple of times.

It wasn't so bad when the courts made us take girls.

It wouldn't be like you're taking me anywhere. It would be like work.

It's a fine way to act toward me. I figure you owe me a thing or two.

It's a ground rule double. You can't score from first base.

It's a lot healthier than sitting here on a stupid street corner...

It's a shame that none of the fathers have the time for it.

It's a shame we're never going to find that out.

It's an error on the throw, but no error on the infielder...

It's common knowledge, for crying out loud!

It's dumb, parking it so close to the field anyway.

It's easy. You go to different businesses and talk to the guys.

It's highly competitive. Want to know something?

It's not my fault.

It's not us. It's the boys.

It's opening day.

It's the boys themselves that want it that way.

James Henry won't take curveballs.

Jesus, just who in the heck do you think you are?

****, spics, ******s, and now a girl?

Jill, I'm getting ready for the slide show.

Jill.

Jimmy Feldman for the Bears.

Jimmy Feldman, Toby Whitewood.

Jimmy, grab a bat.

Joey Turner, number two, pitcher.

Joey!

Jumpin' catfish.

Just behave yourselves and act like men.

Just cool it, runt.

Just get out of here and let me hit...

Just leave me alone.

Just move it back and forth. It'll come.

Just put it over. He ain't swingin'.

Just shut up and get up to the plate and try to hit the ball.

Just to sit around on a dugout bench, did you?

Just us, no outsiders.

Keep that finger out, Engelpuke, and I'll bust it off.

Keeping your family waiting, you know.

Kind of ruins my plans.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to welcome you here...

Ladies and gentlemen, the end of the top of the fifth.

Last Sunday I made a killing.

Let me worry about the team's health.

Let that turkey loose, Buttermaker...

Let your team stay out there.

Let's get him on the team.

Let's get on, Rudi.

Let's get one out there.

Let's give the little folks a big hand.

Let's give them a cheer. Come on.

Let's go, Engelberg!

Let's go, Joey!

Let's go, Joey!

Let's go, Steve. Get it, Steve!

Let's go! Kelly. Kelly.

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's look alive out there. Let's look alive.

Let's not bring race into this, Ahmad.

Let's not have any shoving around.

Let's not talk anymore about it.

Let's play it by ear, see how things go tomorrow.

Listen to me. Once more with feeling.

Listen, is it really necessary to send in that Lupus kid now?

Listen, Lupus, you didn't come into this life...

Little boys hurt easily, or maybe you haven't been watching...

Look alive out there. Let's look alive.

Look alive.

Look alive. Let's get one. Are you ready?

Look at him. Had enough beer.

Look at that gut on you.

Look at yourself, Butterworth. Look at that team.

Look out! Get back!

Look, Amanda, you're a terrific kid.

Look, Buttermaker, the problem is your friend Whitewood.

Look, Mr. Buttermaker, quit bugging me about my food.

Look, woman, don't you be going and telling us how to play.

Look, you crud, just get back to your beer.

Lose control or something? Come on, Billy, don't walk this man.

Low and outside. You got it? Just pitch them low and outside.

Lupus, could you go somewhere else while I'm eating?

Lupus, you spaz! We would've won if it weren't for you!

Matter of fact, I thought you were safe.

Maybe I should try left handed.

Maybe if you guys played a little better...

Maybe if you're not doing anything, you can drop by the field...

Maybe we ought to...

Miguel Agilar, second base.

Miguel, and Jose, you take their place.

Mister Buttermaker...

Move! Charge the ball!

Mr. Buttermaker, I'm on your team.

Mr. Buttermaker, if I go in, we lose the game.

Mr. Buttermaker, they're taking the team pictures!

Mr. Buttermaker...

Mr. Harrison is here with his 2:30 appointment about the police bill.

Must have sustenance.

My boys would like to say something to your team. Boys.

My dad thinks I should try out for catcher.

My dad's a Yankee fan, and he never heard of no Buttermaker...

My father said for me to play infield.

My first baseman is lonely.

My husband's uptight about the infield, and he sometimes yells.

My mom says you almost ruined me with that sports stuff.

My son wouldn't come out of his room all weekend.

Named in memory of Tommy Martin, who played in our league.

Neither do I, but I got my pools to clean.

Never seen you like this, Ogilvie. Sure ain't like algebra, is it?

Next time I tell you to do something, goddamn it...

Next up, the Athletics and the Mets.

Nice going, Tanner. You looked beautiful.

Nice try. Maybe next time you'll get a chance to bat.

Nice work, Engelberg. Good game.

No excuses, Boilermaker. It's all fixed and I'm paying...

No, he's joking. Don't drink that.

No, Tanner, no! Everybody watch this.

No, you don't! It's over the fence!

No, you're not. You came this far. You're going the rest of the way.

No, you're not. You taught me how to pitch.

No. It just got away.

No. It was the bottom of the ninth.

No. Not just yet.

No. We're just going to get you checked out.

Nobody has to worry anymore 'cause I'm quitting.

Nobody's vote counts around here but mine!

Not only a curveball, but the most tantalizing knuckler...

Not only your boy, but all the boys.

Nothing. He ain't any good to us sober either.

Now batting for the Mets, David Delmardo.

Now batting, number seven...

Now batting, number three, Kelly Leak, center field.

Now batting, Tom McKay, number ten, third base.

Now cut that out! Move over.

Now get the hell out of here. Come on, get out of here!

Now put that back before you get me into real trouble.

Now you've got a chance to spit it back in their faces.

Now, everybody, once more with feeling.

Now, guys, somebody's gonna pay for this windshield.

Now, on Friday, we play the White Sox.

Number seven, left field.

Number three, Kelly Leak, at center field.

Number three, Kelly Leak.

O'er the land of the free

Of cardiac arrest or heart seizure at every major sports event...

Of course he's got a great arm.

Of course she does. But if you don't take her out...

Of course they do.

Of the United States of America...

Ogilvie will be sitting there, putting in his asthma medicine.

Ogilvie, Lupus...

Oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Oh, God. You too?

Oh, yeah.

Oh. Helps, right?

Okay, Amanda, that's it.

Okay, Billy, bear down now.

Okay, Billy, two to go. She's got a sore arm!

Okay, boys, come on. Straighten up. Big grins.

Okay, go for the bunt.

Okay, let's do it again.

Okay, Mike.

Okay, Mr. Buttermaker.

Okay, Rudi, you're pitching. Amanda, get out in left field.

Okay, the next one's coming right between your eyes.

Okay. One out to go, and then to Pizza Hut.

On your back. Twenty sit ups.

One ball, two strikes, one out!

One nation, under God, indivisible...

One of the responsibilities of being a manager...

One out to go, babe.

One out.

One wild throw, you don't think we know what a ball is?

One, right field.

One, two, two, two, three, two, four, two...

One, two, two, two, three, two, four, two...

Opening day's tomorrow. We don't know what the batting order is.

Or I'll chew his ears off and stick them back in his face.

Or maybe to a matinee.

Or much of anything else, for that matter.

Out here with your children in the American spirit.

Out on the baseball field playing the great game of baseball.

Out!

Out!

Out!

Out.

Out.

Parents and friends are encouraged to stay...

People always bug me about it. My shrink says that's why I'm fat.

People wouldn't give you so much crud all the time.

Play a good game.

Play ball! Batter up!

Please don't try to blow it.

Pretty fancy neighborhood you're working these days, Amanda.

Probably haven't picked up a ball in two years anyway.

Probably lost on purpose. You probably like the little baboon.

Pull that in there.

Put 'em down in order... one, two, three.

Put it there. I like that.

Put that away. Hang in there.

Quick!

Ready to go back.

Red and white, maroon and white, white and maroon.

Rifle one.

Right back to home. Let's move it.

Right here. Just plant it. Make sure it stays there.

Rolling Stones. Eleven years old.

Rudi Stein, number ten.

Rudi, take your base, boy.

Rudi!

Safe!

Safe!

Said if I didn't give him a dime by Friday, he'd break my arm.

Said if I told them where he was, he'd kill me.

Saw you throw the ball. Got a great arm.

Score was tied nothing to nothing. It was the top of the ninth.

Second time in a row you struck out.

Selling dumb maps to a bunch of ignorant hicks.

Serve it.

She wanted to marry you. Boy, was she dumb.

She wasn't too keen on it at first. I had to work hard to get it set up.

She'll get things set for you. Here.

She'll throw her arm out.

She's in the equipment room. It's straight ahead.

Shit!

Shit!

Shove it, Turner.

Shut up and get out there. Let's go, boys.

Shut up, Tanner. He's just quiet.

Shut up. I don't want to hear any excuses.

Shy, my butt. He's an idiot.

Sit down, Engelberg.

Sit down. I want to talk to you.

Sit down. We was only kidding anyways.

Sixth. No, you're seventh. Tanner...

Slide!

Slide! Slide!

Snap out of it! Nobody said it was going to be easy.

So don't give him anything to hit at.

So don't send me in.

So so.

So we're not going to dinner or a movie or anywhere else together.

So why don't you get back into that sardine can...

So you better cool it, or we may be disposed to beat the crap outta you.

Something I forgot to tell you. It's a league rule.

Something's wrong with Amanda.

Son, why don't you get your bike off the car?

Spiking? The umpire called it safe. My team plays by the book.

Spring training, around March 15th.

Stand up straight and look at them.

Start the car, and let's go.

Stein, get back in here!

Stein, get back.

Stein, same thing.

Stop it! Somebody's hurt!

Strike one.

Strike three!

Strike three!

Strike three! You're out of there.

Strike three! You're out!

Strike three! You're out!

Strike two!

Strike!

Strike!

Strike.

Swinging a menacing bat.

Take the mound. Chris, right field.

Take the picture!

Take your base.

Tanner almost got a base hit in the fourth inning.

Tanner got into a fight because of it.

Tanner, get the hell out of here!

Tanner, you should be reminded from time to time...

Tanner.

Ted Williams, 1947, Vero Beach, Florida...

Tell his family about it.

Tell us about the time you struck out Ted Williams again.

Tell you what.

Temperature today is expected to hit 78.

Thank God Hank Aaron didn't act like this.

Thank you.

Thanks, mister.

Thanks. Nobody ever stuck up for me before.

That fastball you taught me put my arm in a sling.

That I don't want your company?

That is a bunt... B U N T.

That looks neat, man.

That our flag was still there

That was a ball, Joey!

That was a ball, you stupid ump!

That was nice hustle. Good try.

That way they didn't give up, and they won't be quitters.

That you're one of the few people on this team...

That's a smart play, Ahmad!

That's a smart play!

That's because this is normally a six team league, not seven.

That's got nothing to do with it.

That's great, huh? That's great.

That's it, boys.

That's it! That's the game!

That's it. Way to look.

That's not allowed!

That's not important. This has been very humiliating for me.

That's one Bear down, 11 to go.

That's perfect. Thank you.

That's superb. Thank you very much.

That's the last time I ever listen to you.

That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of.

That's the spirit! Come on, guys!

That's the spitter.

That's the way to do it! You see how easy it is?

That's the way to go.

That's the way to go. Come on, Ahmad.

That's the way to look. You got a piece of it.

That's the way to take it. That's ball one.

That's the way, Engelberg!

That's what you showed up for, every damn one of you!

That's what you wanted, wasn't it?

That's why I want to disband the team.

The 42 errors.

The baseball you guys play is for faggots and old farts...

The Bears are leading one to nothing over the Athletics.

The Bears lead two to one over the Yankees.

The best colors have been taken: Green and white, blue and white...

The bombs bursting in air

The catcher is supposed to pick up the bunt and throw it to first base.

The cool, calm Paranski shift!

The count is 0 2.

The count is full.

The first inside pitch you get, lean into it and let it hit you.

The hell I wasn't.

The new scoreboard in memory of Tommy...

The object is to keep the baseball within the confines of the field.

The other kids got their uniforms. When are we gonna get ours?

The remainder of this game has been canceled...

The rest of you pansy ass quitters, move your asses...

The score is three for the Yankees and two for the Bears.

The score is tied two and two.

The seventh grade.

The subject is your arm. You're pitching tomorrow.

The two best teams play for a title.

The uniforms. Your team uniforms.

The White Sox are gonna have to forfeit the game. It's a forfeit.

The White Sox beat the Mets!

The White Sox have to forfeit.

The Yankees have got the field now. Let's get back to the dugout.

Their pitcher threw a no hitter. But there is some good news.

Then maybe we could go horseback riding or something...

Then we go fishing or hunting, make some personal appearances...

Then you get roped into a date with an ex con.

Then you have been practicing, huh?

Then you just split. You made my mother sick.

There was old Ted coming up to the plate...

There will be if you keep sitting around here.

There's chocolate all over this ball.

There's energy in chocolate. I need energy.

There's nice ass at the field. That's why I hang around there.

There's not enough pressure, but I'm adjusting the intake valve.

There's nothing easy about those fly balls, Ahmad.

There's three more outs, Boilermaker, so get lost.

There's two teams here, Umpire. Two teams, not one.

These kids have gone through too much for you to throw it away now.

They all like baseball.

They can't win if they don't score!

They don't go out with people like that.

They don't speak any English.

They just tied it up.

They really deserve it.

They sure are.

They were tough chances. The sun was in your eyes.

They win one lousy game, next thing you know...

They'd never make flubs like that. They were all big athletes.

They'll sue for the right to play in Dodger Stadium.

They're $3.00 a shot, for crying out loud.

They're calling it off in 15 minutes so let me give you a little advice.

This ain't your tree. Anybody can climb up here.

This field is for ballplayers, not for juvenile delinquents.

This game is too damn important for us.

This hurts. I don't like it.

This is a baseball.

This is a free country. Let's be democratic and take a vote.

This is baseball, not backgammon.

This is for Allah. And it's going way out there, sucker.

This is the kid that got the double last time, right?

This is the last game of the championship play offs.

This is the last inning. Tanner, Toby, Regi, and Jimmy...

This little guy is going to be a great ballplayer, aren't you, son?

This schedule says that on the last day of the season, June 19th...

This thing was a thing of beauty.

This way.

Those boys aren't rough. You won't get hurt.

Those few extra steps you get, you'd be a tough out.

Three of my White Sox have got the flu.

Throw it in!

Throw the ball, Chris.

Throw the ball, Joey!

Throw the ball, Joey.

Time!

Time.

Time.

Timmy and I could do a fine job sharing right field.

Timmy Luppus? All right, all right.

To see the Athletics against the Mets.

To tell you the truth, I'm coaching a bunch of kids some baseball.

To the opening game of the season...

Tommy Martin, and, well...

Turner, she's going to ram it down your throat!

Turner, why don't you build a fence for players instead of chickens?

Turner, you better cut out that cheap crap.

Twelve ballet lessons or no go.

Two hands, Engelberg! Two hands!

Two of our runners almost managed to get to first base...

Two out. Two out. One to go.

Two to go, Billy. We got two to go.

Two, four, six, eight! Who do we appreciate?

Two, four, six, eight. Who do we appreciate?

Uniforms?

Uniforms.

Up the alley, down the street, who's the hardest team to beat?

Up, everybody.

Up. Everybody up. Practice. Come on!

Wait a minute!

Want to go again?

Want to go for a ride, Timmy?

Was that an error?

Way to go, Ahmad. He's going to walk you.

Way to go, Chris!

Way to go, Jimmy!

Way to go!

Way to go!

Way to go! No competition!

We could use a good outfielder on our team.

We didn't think you needed anybody but yourself to play catch with.

We don't even have our positions set or anything.

We finished the whole game, didn't we?

We got a bet.

We got a game with the Athletics next Wednesday...

We got enough problems as it is.

We got nine men out here, you know.

We have no more reserves.

We have one of these every year. It gets things off on a friendly note.

We have the final score.

We have to check you out first. It's a sensitive area.

We intend to be one of those teams.

We just wanna say you guys played a good game.

We lost 18 to nothing, and the Athletics are the worst team.

We may as well go home.

We oughta do that to all the Bears. They might play better.

We play like this, we'll be the laughingstock of the league.

We really appreciate these new uniforms, Buttermaker...

We run a highly competitive program here.

We shake hands till we see each other next season.

We still don't think you're all that good a baseball team...

We still got a chance.

We urge you to return at that time...

We want to apologize.

We'll do it around the infield, then around the outfield.

We'll figure out where you play later.

We're busy now. We got a championship game here.

We're in the championship, aren't we?

We've been taking a lot of razzing in school about opening day, and...

We've got a chance to win.

We've obviously put these boys in a situation they just can't handle.

Well, come on. Look neater, you know.

Well, guys, it ain't so bad.

Well, how'd it go?

Well, it was just an idea. I mean, it's...

Well, maybe in a year or so.

Well, now we're getting somewhere.

Well, this is the moment we've been waiting for.

Well, we committed 24 errors.

Well, well, well, if it isn't "Engelpuke."

Well, well, well, if it isn't Engelpuke again.

Well.

Wets her fingers, you see...

What a beating!

What a great arm! Who is that kid?

What about your appendix? Who rushed you to the hospital?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Throw the ball!

What are you going to do with it?

What are you sorry about?

What are you talking about? He was out by a mile.

What are you, one of those sadists or something?

What did they do...

What did you think you were doing, you little punk?

What do we do?

What do you expect? All we got on this team...

What do you mean crap? I've been meaning to ask...

What do you mean? Errors, that's why.

What do you need it for? You hardly ever play anyways.

What do you say we call this off? This is getting ridiculous.

What do you want me to do, put in Rudi Stein?

What does that mean to you guys?

What does this game mean to the Athletics? Ahmad?

What I saw out there today made me sick, you know that?

What I want is to see every boy in America...

What if he tries something...

What if the boys don't want to quit?

What so proudly we hailed

What the hell are you doing, walking a man with the bases loaded?

What the hell happened to you, Tanner?

What the hell is going on here?

What the hell is the matter? You don't swing at a 3 0 pitch.

What the hell's the matter with you? You come here to play ball?

What was l... Oh, yes.

What you got against baseball anyway?

What you talking about?

What?

What?

What's 8:00 Friday night?

What's been going on here this afternoon.

What's everybody moping about?

What's she doing now with the...

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you? What are you doing up there?

What's the matter, Ogilvie? The plate is over there.

What's the matter? You can't pitch to him?

What's this, beanball?

What's your boys doing out in the field?

When are we going to get our uniforms?

When I give you an order, I expect you to follow it.

When I say your name, step forward and tell me what position you play.

When they were my age, they were captains of their teams...

When we get out to the field, take it easy on the first few batters.

When we lose a game, it's a team loss.

When we're through, can we go swimming?

When you weren't saving people's lives...

While you cleaned the pools? Who are you trying to kid?

White Sox! White Sox!

Who do we appreciate?

Who do we appreciate? Bears!

Who do you think you are, Catfish Hunter?

Who don't have anything better to do with themselves.

Who ever played for the Yankees, let alone pitched a no hitter!

Who saved your life? Would you be alive if it weren't for me?

Who with?

Who's he?

Who's managing this team, you or me?

Who's not a Jew, spic, ******, pansy, or booger eating moron.

Who's this turkey think he is, Mickey Mantle?

Why are you always picking on me?

Why do you always change the subject?

Why not just forfeit?

Why screw around? If the guy can play ball, he can play ball.

Why the hell did he sue this one?

Why?

Why?

Why? We're different than the other leagues, and he knows it.

Why? What do you mean, why?

Will you be quiet for a minute?

Will you cut it out, Amanda?

Will you listen to me and forget the elbow?

With liberty and justice for all.

With your speed and right side of the plate...

Without anybody bothering me, including you.

Without going into much detail, I'm zero for 14 this season.

Would you do me a favor, Ogilvie?

Would you look at that?

Would you stop it! You're embarrassing yourself.

Would you turkeys blow on out of here?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. I bet you did.

Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. We'll see. How does it feel?

You ain't doin' a very good job. No one here can dance for bat turds.

You ain't strapping one of these on me.

You and I will take the whole team out...

You and the Bears just drop out.

You ask around for a woman they call Cleveland.

You bet.

You better pitch better than you're hitting or I'm gonna take you out.

You better start worrying about your team finishing in one piece...

You call spiking an 11 year old girl...

You call what you got a team?

You come and pitch a few games for us...

You did? That's nice.

You do it or else you're off this team.

You don't have to get hit in the back. Get hit in the arm or leg.

You ever saw in your life.

You forgot to sign the check. Check is not signed.

You get away from here, Buttermaker.

You get down on your left knee so that if you miss the ball...

You gonna call them like that all day, let us know now.

You got it?

You got not even an hour to practice on that field.

You got that champion look about you.

You got to keep after him. You all look terrific.

You got to plant it. Here, I'll show you.

You got to tag him, dummy!

You guys play by the book.

You in love with that ball or something?

You just got one week till the first game.

You know what I'm talking about. You know all about Hank Aaron.

You know why he threw it.

You know, bunts, things like that.

You know, I think we're doing a really fine thing.

You little shit.

You live around here?

You make me sick.

You miss the ball, you can still make the play. Understand?

You must like those kind of guys.

You okay?

You owe me 30 cents for that burrito!

You play ball, or you're going home!

You posing for a picture?

You probably deserved a lot better than me...

You run out every hit!

You see how simple that is? Just get down on your left knee.

You shouldn't be hanging around with me.

You son of a bitch.

You started this thing so all the boys would have...

You sure hang around the field often enough.

You take the cake. First you blow the game...

You told me I'd be coaching kids just a couple of hours a day.

You told us you never got past the minors.

You took on the whole seventh grade?

You tried to hit him, didn't you?

You tried to hit him.

You trying to win this thing or not?

You want to quit, Tanner?

You were great when you were nine...

You were sitting around the apartment drunk.

You worry about your hitting. Let me worry about the uniforms.

You'll have to get rid of the bike.

You're a damn good bunch of boys.

You're about the best team I ever coached.

You're acting like a bunch of babies! Cut it out.

You're always pulling that number.

You're dragging your right foot, Jimmy.

You're going to have to live with it.

You're gonna have to be happy with what's left.

You're holding up the game. Let's get back in the box.

You're like a chimney. I'm sick of it.

You're not doing me any good, so just quit it!

You're not my father, and I ain't playing baseball for you anymore.

You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car.

You're out there like a bunch of dead fish, not listening...

You're out!

You're out.

You're out.

You're paying me to coach.

You're putting the tying run on first base, you imbecile!

You're right. You're absolutely right.

You're sitting on the bench.

You're talking about a loan shark. I borrowed a nickel from him.

You're turning into a regular little lady.

You're two and a half hours late. I told you to meet me in my office.

You're up first this inning. Grab yourself a goddamn bat...

You're very fast.

You've been hired as a manager, right?

You've got your maps to sell and your ballet to learn.

Young man, I am teaching a class here.

Your attention, please. Parents and friends...

Your goddamn manager, that's who.

Your mother and I didn't get along too well, Amanda.

Your team has no right being on that field.

0 2, and Stein is up next.

2 0.

2 2.

8:00 Friday night.

11 year old girls don't go out on dates.

a chance to play baseball. I know why I started this!

A stretcher for his balls? That must hurt.

Aaron played right field. Then right field.

Ahmad Abdul Raheem. Here. What position do you want to play?

Ahmad? Yeah.

All right, Miguel! You all right, Billy?

All right, pus head. You got any crying to do...

And if I win? Name it.

And stay off the field! Excuse me.

As a matter of fact... You never played major league.

Be sociable, for crying out loud. What's that?

Boy, that was close to my head! Time! Time!

But you want to win the game. Yeah.

Buttermaker? All right. Shoot.

Can I play second or third base? The situation with the glasses...

Can't this thing go any faster? Sure.

Climbed up a tree? Says he's not coming down.

Coming up in the world, huh? What are you doing here?

Congratulations. Thank you, sir.

Could Timmy and I play right field? Anyplace at all.

Cripes. Lupus, man.

Dad said you played pro ball. Yeah.

Didn't I pay for your math tutor? The tutor was a drunk like you.

Engelberg? What?

Engelberg. Regi. What's this?

Five runs? Easy. No chance.

Forfeit by the Bears! Come on in, fellas!

Gentlemen, please... We're talking championships.

Get down there! All right!

Get in there. Come on, Kelly.

Glad you could make it. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Goddamn it, you stupid... Yankees two, Bears two.

Got a hell of a future in pools. Where you been, you crud?

Got to hold down the swelling. It's not that bad.

Have you told the boys yet? Not yet.

He hasn't played yet. I know that, Buttermaker...

He might be hurt. I think he's dead.

He's gonna take the picture! Can't you wait?

He's most of the reason. Just shut up!

Here. Thank you, Luppus.

Hey, Boilermaker. Yeah?

Hey, Engelberg. What?

Hey, Turner. Yeah?

How's it going? Give it!

How's the vacuuming coming, Toby? Not enough suction.

How's your fastball these days? Why?

How's your mom? Fine. What's it to you?

I couldn't find it. Jesus.

I don't like them. You see?

I hear you like to gamble. We go a dollar a game here.

I hope you think that's fair. Excuse me.

I just get an eight count here. I know, but it's okay.

I lost. What?

I mean it. We forfeit the game.

I said I wasn't interested. There's nothing to be afraid of.

I wanna play where Hank Aaron did. Right field.

I want to play. Don't worry. You'll play.

I was just thinking of your boys. The hell you were.

I'm not getting you any jeans. French jeans.

If I wasn't so busy at City Hall... You got my check, Whitewood?

It looks like a baseball field. They did a nice job, didn't they?

It's against the law. So is murder, Engelberg.

It's not a gas mask. I know what it is.

It's the last game of the year. Fine, fine.

Jeans? Yes.

Jill, honey. My name is Buttermaker.

Just get out there. Do you want us to split it?

Kelly! Congratulations.

Last year I was playing baseball... Did you really pitch a no hitter?

Leave him alone. Will you cut that out?

Let's get your elbow in there. The water sure is cold.

Low and outside. Dad, I wanted to strike him out.

Lupus. Lupus. Sorry.

Make it nine ballet lessons... I want the imported kind of jeans.

maybe you'd like to play catch. No, thanks.

My hat fell in. Dummy.

My uniform's too small. Shut up.

No. I don't want to do it. Stein, we're still in the game.

Ogilvie. Hey, Kelly.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's gonna be rough.

Okay, hurry it up. You got it.

Ow. Right in the balls. Come on, give him some air.

Owe you a thing or two? I was like a father to you.

Pay attention out there. It was right at me.

Put us back in. Don't worry about it.

Rome wasn't built in a day. It took several hundred years.

Rudi Stein. Pitcher. Can I play pitch...

Rudi. What?

Safe. What?

Says you were really great once. That's nice of him.

Second worst. Sorry, I forgot.

See you tomorrow at the big game. Thank you.

Sit down, Tanner. Leave him alone.

Sit on it, fat ass. Shove it.

Skoal. Would you cool it with the beer?

so you can't cry poor. Yes, but listen...

Some father. Didn't I take you to ball games?

Sorry he yelled at your boy. That's not my boy.

Stein, you're up, aren't you? Yeah.

Strike two! What are you swinging at?

Sure. Regi Tower. I got a pretty good arm.

Ten bucks. Make it 20.

That's Kelly Leak. You guys talking about Kelly Leak?

The score is now three, three. Three, pitching.

The seventh grade. What?

Then just you and I will go. Yeah, right.

Then second base. Mike Engelberg.

There'd be no great old number 44. Buttermaker, you're so full of...

There'll be no vote, Engelberg. What about Amanda?

They're very uncomfortable. You wear them or you don't play.

This equipment's kind of had it. Damn right, Mr. Buttermaker.

This is sure a lousy job you got. It ain't lousy.

Timmy Luppus. Lupus.

Twelve ballet lessons. Nine ballet lessons.

Very good. Would you like a piece of chicken?

Watch your fingers. Let's go, Stein. Come on!

We took a vote. Goddamn it!

We're all going to dinner. What?

We're celebrating. Why are we celebrating?

What a mess. A lot of smoking too.

What are you doing here? Some asshole changed my mind.

What are you saying? I've brushed up on my Spanish.

What do you want to play, Luppus? Lupus.

What do you want? Ahmad's up a tree.

What for? We need to practice.

What the hell took you so long? I had three pools to clean.

What the hell you trying to do? Win the pennant.

What the hell's the matter? Kelly's a crud.

What you doing? Sorry.

What? That.

What's that? Nothing.

What's the matter? Let's keep playing.

What's what? It's a mitt.

What's wrong with American? I don't like them.

When are we gonna get uniforms? I'm working on it.

Where's our shortstop? Aren't you the shortstop?

Who didn't get a beer? You're paying him?

Who's a faggot? Your mother!

Would you sign these first? I know this has all been my fault.

Yeah, not bad. Okay, let's go for two now.

Yeah. That dude is a bad mother.

Yeah. Those Yankees are real turds.

You could use the help. No, I couldn't!

You didn't tell me that. I'm telling you now.

You forfeit? Yeah.

You handled it like shit! Don't use that kind of language...

You handled it like shit! Don't use that kind of language...

You know my son Toby, right? Hi, Buttermaker.

You little punk, you just... Cool it!

You said you were good! I am good! He's just better!

You saving any of that money? Of course I am.

You wanna get "kung fued"? Shut up, Tubs!

You want to win the game? I don't want to get hurt.

You. Shut up and play your position.

You'd have gone anyway. Didn't I take you horseback riding?

Your brothers will understand. No, they won't.

'cause he wasn't there.

'Cause if you guys lose this game...

"Strike one. '"