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Hamlet 2 Hamlet 2 is a brilliant comedy film that was released in 2008. Directed by Andrew Fleming, this satirical

Hamlet 2

Hamlet 2 is a brilliant comedy film that was released in 2008. Directed by Andrew Fleming, this satirical masterpiece takes a hilarious spin on Shakespeare's famous play, Hamlet. With a talented cast and a witty script, Hamlet 2 is a definite must-watch.

The film stars Steve Coogan as Dana Marschz, a failed actor turned high school drama teacher. Coogan portrays the character flawlessly, bringing out Marschz's eccentricity, delusions of grandeur, and hilarious attempts at inspiring his students. Elisabeth Shue also appears in the film, playing herself in a self-mocking and amusing role.

Joining the ensemble are Catherine Keener as Brie Marschz, Dana's wife struggling to make ends meet, and Amy Poehler as Cricket Feldstein, a fellow teacher with a colorful personality. The chemistry between the cast members is undeniable, adding to the comedic brilliance of the film.

Hamlet 2 follows the journey of Dana Marschz as he desperately tries to save his school's drama department from being shut down due to budget cuts. In a bold attempt to revive the program, Marschz pens an original sequel to Hamlet. Yes, you read that right—Hamlet 2!

The film cleverly uses meta-humor and satire to explore the world of theater and the strange characters within it. Marschz's attempts at teaching his students Shakespeare turn into a chaotic production full of absurd moments and outrageous performances. The play within the film takes unconventional liberties with the original Hamlet, leading to unexpected plot twists and hilarious consequences.

One of the highlights of Hamlet 2 is the catchy music. In this hilarious production, the cast performs multiple catchy songs that will have you tapping your feet and laughing out loud. From the upbeat "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" to the ridiculous "Raped in the Face," the music adds another layer of comedy to the film. Featuring the cast's impressive vocals and hilarious lyrics, the songs are an integral part of the storyline.

Fortunately, you can enjoy these fantastic tunes from Hamlet 2. By visiting our website, you can easily play and download the songs from the film. Immerse yourself in the laughter and catchy melodies, allowing the world of Hamlet 2 to brighten your day.

Hamlet 2 was met with mixed reviews upon its release. Some critics praised its absurd humor and unique take on Shakespeare, while others felt it fell short of its potential. However, it has since gained a dedicated cult following, with many appreciating its clever satire and quotable lines.

So, if you're in the mood for a comedy that defies expectations and breathes new life into Shakespeare's classic play, Hamlet 2 is the perfect choice. With its talented cast, witty script, and catchy music, this film guarantees a laughter-filled evening.

Don't miss out on the opportunity to experience the hilarity of Hamlet 2 firsthand. Play and download the songs from the film on our website, and let yourself be transported to the world of Dana Marschz and his outrageous production. Laugh, tap your feet, and enjoy the ride.

A little boy
A little boy
A Mexican boy, lives by his wits.
A Mexican boy, lives by his wits.
A penny for your thoughts.
A penny for your thoughts.
A sequel to Hamlet by Shakespeare?
A sequel to Hamlet by Shakespeare?
A slip noose hanging in my darkest dreams
A slip noose hanging in my darkest dreams
About the vitality of shared experience.
About the vitality of shared experience.
Abso fucking lutely.
Abso fucking lutely.
Ah! My eyes!
Ah! My eyes!
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
All right, mystery man.
All right, mystery man.
All right, we're back on track!
All right, we're back on track!
All right.
All right.
All right. I'll come.
All right. I'll come.
All the arts programs are on the chopping block.
All the arts programs are on the chopping block.
All the terrorists would just kill themselves.
All the terrorists would just kill themselves.
Also known as never.
Also known as never.
Also stars Glenne Headley.
Also stars Glenne Headley.
Altar bound, hypnotized
Altar bound, hypnotized
Altar bound, hypnotized
Altar bound, hypnotized
Am I fat?
Am I fat?
Am I shooting blanks?
Am I shooting blanks?
And a terrible person! Oh, really?
And a terrible person! Oh, really?
And all its trials.
And all its trials.
And all the seniors are gonna be like security
And all the seniors are gonna be like security
And B, where are my pants and underwear?
And B, where are my pants and underwear?
And because we live on the poor side of town
And because we live on the poor side of town
And butterflies are free to fly
And butterflies are free to fly
And butterflies are free to fly
And butterflies are free to fly
And could never get a decent agent,
And could never get a decent agent,
And didn't finish your sentence.
And didn't finish your sentence.
And he's definitely not using Shakespearean language,
And he's definitely not using Shakespearean language,
And I feel like Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.
And I feel like Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.
And I forgive you.
And I forgive you.
And I got a call from one of Elton John's people,
And I got a call from one of Elton John's people,
And I like taking care of people.
And I like taking care of people.
And I started on anti depressants
And I started on anti depressants
And I thank you for giving me back my smile.
And I thank you for giving me back my smile.
And I'm gonna put on my top hat,
And I'm gonna put on my top hat,
And I'm guessing zero is the number
And I'm guessing zero is the number
And I'm much more comfortable with my sexuality.
And I'm much more comfortable with my sexuality.
And it will always be too tight.
And it will always be too tight.
And it's all about being a fucking celebrity now.
And it's all about being a fucking celebrity now.
And it's one more beer and I don't hear you anymore
And it's one more beer and I don't hear you anymore
And just blowing his brains out?
And just blowing his brains out?
And kick the asses of anyone who tries to stop this play.
And kick the asses of anyone who tries to stop this play.
And let's face it, we're not producing any Oscar winners here.
And let's face it, we're not producing any Oscar winners here.
And look how much work it takes,
And look how much work it takes,
And next thing you know, we're in show business.
And next thing you know, we're in show business.
And now it all goes out the window because of him?
And now it all goes out the window because of him?
And please take this opportunity to turn off all cell phones.
And please take this opportunity to turn off all cell phones.
And put on your crazy ass play,
And put on your crazy ass play,
And she's dancing like she's never danced before
And she's dancing like she's never danced before
And shop and arts and crafts, and drama was the only elective left.
And shop and arts and crafts, and drama was the only elective left.
And show me some form of identification.
And show me some form of identification.
And so am I.
And so am I.
And start doing commercials again.
And start doing commercials again.
And start making some real money.
And start making some real money.
And steaming piles of shit flying left and right.
And steaming piles of shit flying left and right.
And the gay thing, I just thought you'd be more comfortable...
And the gay thing, I just thought you'd be more comfortable...
And the rent's due on Thursday.
And the rent's due on Thursday.
And the role has also been reduced significantly.
And the role has also been reduced significantly.
And the violence is getting a little too real for me,
And the violence is getting a little too real for me,
And there isn't any money,
And there isn't any money,
And there was a message from this guy at the New York Times.
And there was a message from this guy at the New York Times.
And there was still time on the meter.
And there was still time on the meter.
And turns out we are very compatible.
And turns out we are very compatible.
And we can't forget to mention The golden rule
And we can't forget to mention The golden rule
And we cannot be stopped!
And we cannot be stopped!
And we said, "Shit, we got some wire,
And we said, "Shit, we got some wire,
And we stopped smoking weed Well, at least not as much
And we stopped smoking weed Well, at least not as much
And we're also sold out.
And we're also sold out.
And we're moving out now.
And we're moving out now.
And when things get a little rough, you act like a fucking pussy?
And when things get a little rough, you act like a fucking pussy?
And while he's one of the more spiritual people on Earth,
And while he's one of the more spiritual people on Earth,
And wish all my troubles into a cornfield.
And wish all my troubles into a cornfield.
And you accidentally grazed my boob
And you accidentally grazed my boob
And you call me a drunk?
And you call me a drunk?
And you can't take that form back,
And you can't take that form back,
And you turned him down?
And you turned him down?
And, "You're a loser."
And, "You're a loser."
And, yes, he does have a real set of low hangers.
And, yes, he does have a real set of low hangers.
Another gem of an insight from Gary.
Another gem of an insight from Gary.
Any creative person will tell you,
Any creative person will tell you,
Any of that shit ring a bell?
Any of that shit ring a bell?
Anyone tell what kind of animal Rand is?
Anyone tell what kind of animal Rand is?
Anything is better than this.
Anything is better than this.
Anyway, I know we're broke and that we needed a roommate,
Anyway, I know we're broke and that we needed a roommate,
Anyway, there's a real shortage of nurses out there,
Anyway, there's a real shortage of nurses out there,
Anyway, to Dana.
Anyway, to Dana.
Apologies, the Snackatorium is no longer available, regrettably, because
Apologies, the Snackatorium is no longer available, regrettably, because
Apologies.
Apologies.
Are my testicles an empty tank?
Are my testicles an empty tank?
Are people still walking out?
Are people still walking out?
Are you going to be all right?
Are you going to be all right?
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
Are you on my side? Yes.
Are you on my side? Yes.
Are you sending me to the gas chamber?
Are you sending me to the gas chamber?
Are you shitting me?
Are you shitting me?
Are you tired? Overweight?
Are you tired? Overweight?
Art is happening.
Art is happening.
Artistic integrity!
Artistic integrity!
As if the air was perfumed with possibility.
As if the air was perfumed with possibility.
As in cutting edge. All righty!
As in cutting edge. All righty!
As long as he keeps his mouth shut. Anyway.
As long as he keeps his mouth shut. Anyway.
As long as we have enthusiasm.
As long as we have enthusiasm.
At the sperm doctor on Wednesday.
At the sperm doctor on Wednesday.
At this point, it felt to Dana
At this point, it felt to Dana
Awesome.
Awesome.
Because he caused me so much pain,
Because he caused me so much pain,
Because he inspired you?
Because he inspired you?
Because he, like I, believed that theater has the power,
Because he, like I, believed that theater has the power,
Because I don't get paid for this job.
Because I don't get paid for this job.
Because I'm too excited.
Because I'm too excited.
Because no matter where you go,
Because no matter where you go,
Because of its unwholesome content,
Because of its unwholesome content,
Beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail.
Beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail.
Before I have security, a.k.a. the 2nd Avenue Angels,
Before I have security, a.k.a. the 2nd Avenue Angels,
Believe it!
Believe it!
Better never than late.
Better never than late.
Blasphemy! Blasphemy!
Blasphemy! Blasphemy!
Blasphemy! Go back to your seat.
Blasphemy! Go back to your seat.
Breathe!
Breathe!
Brie, I would never judge you.
Brie, I would never judge you.
Brie, I'm starting to think you are not a very nice person.
Brie, I'm starting to think you are not a very nice person.
Brights!
Brights!
Bruised, but not broken.
Bruised, but not broken.
But 7 Elevens are not as vulnerable as they used to be.
But 7 Elevens are not as vulnerable as they used to be.
But also the audience.
But also the audience.
But dreams are ephemeral, and sometimes impossible.
But dreams are ephemeral, and sometimes impossible.
But he also has a gift.
But he also has a gift.
But he really knows what he's doing.
But he really knows what he's doing.
But he's also got abs that transcend space and time
But he's also got abs that transcend space and time
But he's got a swimmer's bod like nobody do
But he's got a swimmer's bod like nobody do
But I believe that.
But I believe that.
But I really think it's sexy when he kicks Satan's ass
But I really think it's sexy when he kicks Satan's ass
But I shall not be deterred.
But I shall not be deterred.
But I still get anxious around ethnics.
But I still get anxious around ethnics.
But I swear to God, I can't live like this anymore.
But I swear to God, I can't live like this anymore.
But if you're shooting blanks, I swear to God,
But if you're shooting blanks, I swear to God,
But it's still disrespectful.
But it's still disrespectful.
But it's supposed to be intermission now.
But it's supposed to be intermission now.
But just as Icarus flew high on wings of wax,
But just as Icarus flew high on wings of wax,
But most of the time he was serious.
But most of the time he was serious.
But she takes pills.
But she takes pills.
But that doesn't mean you give up.
But that doesn't mean you give up.
But the dude's got lats that make me feel gay
But the dude's got lats that make me feel gay
But the fates had long ago deigned
But the fates had long ago deigned
But totally not disappointed.
But totally not disappointed.
But we got shit to do.
But we got shit to do.
But why now?
But why now?
But why? You're my wife.
But why? You're my wife.
But you could say, like Hamlet's ghost, I'm still haunted by him.
But you could say, like Hamlet's ghost, I'm still haunted by him.
But you know the only reason that we're here, right,
But you know the only reason that we're here, right,
But you look a lot like my favorite actress of all time, Elisabeth Shue.
But you look a lot like my favorite actress of all time, Elisabeth Shue.
But you really look like her.
But you really look like her.
But you'd never know it.
But you'd never know it.
But, I'm gonna talk about all the insecurity and the self Ioathing,
But, I'm gonna talk about all the insecurity and the self Ioathing,
But, seriously, you gotta let your balls breathe, okay?
But, seriously, you gotta let your balls breathe, okay?
But, you're doing this at school with the kids, right?
But, you're doing this at school with the kids, right?
But... And so, what about funding for drama next trimester?
But... And so, what about funding for drama next trimester?
By unlocking the power of natural juice
By unlocking the power of natural juice
Can I get a virgin strawberry, please?
Can I get a virgin strawberry, please?
Can I talk to you, please, privately?
Can I talk to you, please, privately?
Can I use your bathroom?
Can I use your bathroom?
Can suck a bag of dicks,
Can suck a bag of dicks,
Can suck my balls.
Can suck my balls.
Can we not share this space in peace?
Can we not share this space in peace?
Can we please wait until lunch to do that?
Can we please wait until lunch to do that?
Can you get the... Thanks.
Can you get the... Thanks.
Can you tell me how
Can you tell me how
Can you tell me how he deals with all the
Can you tell me how he deals with all the
Cancel how?
Cancel how?
Careful, Brie. You know how you get.
Careful, Brie. You know how you get.
Cases with controversy and headlines
Cases with controversy and headlines
Changing movement into light
Changing movement into light
Channel 5 is coming.
Channel 5 is coming.
Check these out. They're all
Check these out. They're all
Christ in a basket, Dana. That's too tight.
Christ in a basket, Dana. That's too tight.
Class, thoughts?
Class, thoughts?
Combined with my wife's intense desire to get pregnant,
Combined with my wife's intense desire to get pregnant,
Come closer.
Come closer.
Come here, boy.
Come here, boy.
Come on, guys. I said no drinking.
Come on, guys. I said no drinking.
Come on, let's go hang with the gang.
Come on, let's go hang with the gang.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Coming.
Coming.
Compared to Tucson.
Compared to Tucson.
Completely. Forever.
Completely. Forever.
Consider yourself served.
Consider yourself served.
Could we talk more?
Could we talk more?
Could you not even Google her?
Could you not even Google her?
Cricket Feldstein, American Civil Liberties Union.
Cricket Feldstein, American Civil Liberties Union.
Damn it, listen to me good
Damn it, listen to me good
Dana Marschz's wavering consciousness
Dana Marschz's wavering consciousness
Dana Marsha?
Dana Marsha?
Dana? Dana? Hey, I need some money.
Dana? Dana? Hey, I need some money.
Dana.
Dana.
Dana.
Dana.
Dana. I have had, hands down,
Dana. I have had, hands down,
Dangerous Minds,
Dangerous Minds,
Dead Poets Society, starring... What's your name?
Dead Poets Society, starring... What's your name?
Decided to cancel drama.
Decided to cancel drama.
Did anyone pick drama as a first choice?
Did anyone pick drama as a first choice?
Did Rand give it to you?
Did Rand give it to you?
Did you do something different with your hair today?
Did you do something different with your hair today?
Did you just say "hand job"?
Did you just say "hand job"?
Did you know that?
Did you know that?
Did you see this article in the paper?
Did you see this article in the paper?
Didn't you hear what I just said?
Didn't you hear what I just said?
Didn't you, dear?
Didn't you, dear?
Do I need to sign anything?
Do I need to sign anything?
Do it!
Do it!
Do it.
Do it.
Do unto others as you would have them
Do unto others as you would have them
Do unto you!
Do unto you!
Do you believe that?
Do you believe that?
Do you think he realizes that every time he wears a dress
Do you think he realizes that every time he wears a dress
Do you think I should be writing more of my own material?
Do you think I should be writing more of my own material?
Do you wish you could look and feel young again? You can!
Do you wish you could look and feel young again? You can!
Doctor! Oh, my God!
Doctor! Oh, my God!
Does anybody know what this means?
Does anybody know what this means?
Doesn't everybody die at the end of the first one?
Doesn't everybody die at the end of the first one?
Doesn't make them gang bangers. Got it?
Doesn't make them gang bangers. Got it?
Don't ask me how I know that.
Don't ask me how I know that.
Don't do it!
Don't do it!
Don't do that to my friend!
Don't do that to my friend!
Don't fuck with me, homey! I'll cut you.
Don't fuck with me, homey! I'll cut you.
Don't make me do this.
Don't make me do this.
Don't you call me a bitch! Hey, simmer down.
Don't you call me a bitch! Hey, simmer down.
Drama has been cancelled.
Drama has been cancelled.
Eat shit and die, you tramp.
Eat shit and die, you tramp.
Eight is the age of my son.
Eight is the age of my son.
Electric and phone bills are right there,
Electric and phone bills are right there,
Elisabeth Shue, get up here.
Elisabeth Shue, get up here.
Elisabeth Shue, is she real?
Elisabeth Shue, is she real?
Elisabeth Shue.
Elisabeth Shue.
Entirely beside the point.
Entirely beside the point.
Epiphany?
Epiphany?
Even if we have to take on the whole ghetto.
Even if we have to take on the whole ghetto.
Every time I try to go for something,
Every time I try to go for something,
Every trimester we get fisted by this guy!
Every trimester we get fisted by this guy!
Everybody deserves a second chance!
Everybody deserves a second chance!
Everyone, keep going!
Everyone, keep going!
Everything is out of control.
Everything is out of control.
Except Gary and I are together, and we're a couple,
Except Gary and I are together, and we're a couple,
Excuse me for a second.
Excuse me for a second.
Excuse me, I'm sorry to be so forward,
Excuse me, I'm sorry to be so forward,
Excuse me, Mr. Marschz.
Excuse me, Mr. Marschz.
Excuse me! Excuse me, but they're off book,
Excuse me! Excuse me, but they're off book,
Excuse us.
Excuse us.
Feeding the small chute.
Feeding the small chute.
Feline good.
Feline good.
Figures.
Figures.
Finally! Now you can go back to your job at Rite Aid
Finally! Now you can go back to your job at Rite Aid
Fine.
Fine.
First of all, acid is a very strong drug,
First of all, acid is a very strong drug,
Five more seconds.
Five more seconds.
Fly away
Fly away
Fly away, bye bye
Fly away, bye bye
For a controversial piece of socio political agit prop theater?
For a controversial piece of socio political agit prop theater?
For instance, ten. That's how many months old my baby girl is.
For instance, ten. That's how many months old my baby girl is.
For more racial understanding,
For more racial understanding,
For the school district and paramedics.
For the school district and paramedics.
Forget about the money right now.
Forget about the money right now.
Free speech is alive and well in Tucson,
Free speech is alive and well in Tucson,
From a dairy farm in Manitoba,
From a dairy farm in Manitoba,
From an organization called AA.
From an organization called AA.
From Denmark 400 years ago?
From Denmark 400 years ago?
Fuck!
Fuck!
Gary and I have been getting closer for a while now,
Gary and I have been getting closer for a while now,
Gary has a car.
Gary has a car.
Gary, let's go.
Gary, let's go.
Get away from me, you devil bitches.
Get away from me, you devil bitches.
Getting drunk and beating up on a little boy?
Getting drunk and beating up on a little boy?
Give me your number.
Give me your number.
Glenn, we've done it!
Glenn, we've done it!
Go Mustangs!
Go Mustangs!
God awful crap that's handed out to him without
God awful crap that's handed out to him without
God, I almost believe you.
God, I almost believe you.
God, I really have a tough time speaking in front of people.
God, I really have a tough time speaking in front of people.
God.
God.
Goddamn gravel! The bane of my existence!
Goddamn gravel! The bane of my existence!
Goddamn macho bastards and their fear of the arts.
Goddamn macho bastards and their fear of the arts.
Good luck with the play.
Good luck with the play.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Good morning, class.
Good morning, class.
Good, because if I had to give up booze,
Good, because if I had to give up booze,
Got a question for Ms. Shue?
Got a question for Ms. Shue?
Got it!
Got it!
Grain alcohol.
Grain alcohol.
Great observation there, Gary.
Great observation there, Gary.
Great, let's do it! Okay then.
Great, let's do it! Okay then.
Great!
Great!
Hamlet 2?
Hamlet 2?
Hamlet 2?
Hamlet 2?
Hang on, I'm going to run myself a big bath.
Hang on, I'm going to run myself a big bath.
Happy you finally succeeded in taking me down?
Happy you finally succeeded in taking me down?
Happy? Huh?
Happy? Huh?
Have you ever considered doing a play
Have you ever considered doing a play
He acts like a huge dumbass,
He acts like a huge dumbass,
He can't hear his music. Imagine that?
He can't hear his music. Imagine that?
He could have turned everything around.
He could have turned everything around.
He could have turned everything around.
He could have turned everything around.
He died for our sins You got to believe us
He died for our sins You got to believe us
He died for our sins You've got to believe us
He died for our sins You've got to believe us
He does lighting and stuff like that. See Vitamin J,
He does lighting and stuff like that. See Vitamin J,
He does?
He does?
He got stuck inside my time machine.
He got stuck inside my time machine.
He lays down science, really blows my mind
He lays down science, really blows my mind
He made me hit him.
He made me hit him.
He once gave me a ride to my bus stop.
He once gave me a ride to my bus stop.
He said, "No way."
He said, "No way."
He should buy some underwear.
He should buy some underwear.
He thinks he's going to save drama with this play.
He thinks he's going to save drama with this play.
He traveled through time in an awesome custom van
He traveled through time in an awesome custom van
He was supposed to be here two hours ago.
He was supposed to be here two hours ago.
He won't even let me be in it, and I'm his girlfriend.
He won't even let me be in it, and I'm his girlfriend.
He works for gas money?
He works for gas money?
He would have to market himself like a celebrity.
He would have to market himself like a celebrity.
He's a gang banger. A deadbeat.
He's a gang banger. A deadbeat.
He's a pussy.
He's a pussy.
He's about to go through the center of the Sun.
He's about to go through the center of the Sun.
He's also very attractive to you.
He's also very attractive to you.
He's attractive to me?
He's attractive to me?
He's dead now,
He's dead now,
He's flashing his balls at us?
He's flashing his balls at us?
He's got a 3.9 and an early acceptance to Brown.
He's got a 3.9 and an early acceptance to Brown.
He's not bipolar. He's a freak.
He's not bipolar. He's a freak.
He's not gay. He's bi curious.
He's not gay. He's bi curious.
He's not right in the head.
He's not right in the head.
He's so much more powerful than any other actor I've...
He's so much more powerful than any other actor I've...
He's the son of God, and I think that's cool
He's the son of God, and I think that's cool
He's totally the man The man with the plan
He's totally the man The man with the plan
He's walking on water!
He's walking on water!
Hell, we could do that.
Hell, we could do that.
Hello, Gary.
Hello, Gary.
Help him up.
Help him up.
Help me fix my play!
Help me fix my play!
Here.
Here.
Hey, are you mad at me?
Hey, are you mad at me?
Hey, check this out.
Hey, check this out.
Hey, Dana.
Hey, Dana.
Hey, don't forget. We have an A P P O l N T M E N T
Hey, don't forget. We have an A P P O l N T M E N T
Hey, dumbass!
Hey, dumbass!
Hey, gang, what's up?
Hey, gang, what's up?
Hey, guys, I'm Groucho Marx.
Hey, guys, I'm Groucho Marx.
Hey, guys, thanks a lot for donating your wire work services.
Hey, guys, thanks a lot for donating your wire work services.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, mister, un serve me!
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, mister, un serve me!
Hey, hey, just because they're Latinos
Hey, hey, just because they're Latinos
Hey, I'm just trying to be friendly.
Hey, I'm just trying to be friendly.
Hey, I've learned a lesson here, but I hope you all have, too.
Hey, I've learned a lesson here, but I hope you all have, too.
Hey, it's done.
Hey, it's done.
Hey, it's Mr. M. Hi!
Hey, it's Mr. M. Hi!
Hey, look, I'm sorry, okay?
Hey, look, I'm sorry, okay?
Hey, M. Hey.
Hey, M. Hey.
Hey, Max. Hey.
Hey, Max. Hey.
Hey, mister.
Hey, mister.
Hey, Mr. M. New York's pretty cool.
Hey, Mr. M. New York's pretty cool.
Hey, Mr. Marschz.
Hey, Mr. Marschz.
Hey, Mr. Marschz. What?
Hey, Mr. Marschz. What?
Hey, my buddy's meth lab burned down.
Hey, my buddy's meth lab burned down.
Hey, Noah Sapperstein.
Hey, Noah Sapperstein.
Hey, the reviews are in.
Hey, the reviews are in.
Hey, there's no delicate way of saying this except...
Hey, there's no delicate way of saying this except...
Hey, we got the TVs.
Hey, we got the TVs.
Hey, we got you another mango iced tea.
Hey, we got you another mango iced tea.
Hey, well, why don't I take you out to dinner to apologize for my rudeness?
Hey, well, why don't I take you out to dinner to apologize for my rudeness?
Hey, what would happen if you have a drink?
Hey, what would happen if you have a drink?
Hey, what's cheap and strong?
Hey, what's cheap and strong?
Hey, you fucking bastards!
Hey, you fucking bastards!
Hey, you get off school property in the next 10 seconds
Hey, you get off school property in the next 10 seconds
Hey, you little thing. Come on.
Hey, you little thing. Come on.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Guess what I've got!
Hey! Guess what I've got!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. Hi.
Hey. Hi.
Heywood Jablomey.
Heywood Jablomey.
Heywood, it's late and my wife is ovulating.
Heywood, it's late and my wife is ovulating.
Heywood, that was very powerful.
Heywood, that was very powerful.
Heywood.
Heywood.
Heywood...
Heywood...
Heywood's a bad boy.
Heywood's a bad boy.
Hi. I just want to say I think your make up is pretty.
Hi. I just want to say I think your make up is pretty.
His holiest of ways Ain't never gonna leave us
His holiest of ways Ain't never gonna leave us
His moralistic ways Totally ease us
His moralistic ways Totally ease us
His name is Jesus Christ.
His name is Jesus Christ.
His zen zing zang is gonna appease us
His zen zing zang is gonna appease us
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hold on! Okay.
Hold on! Okay.
How about six?
How about six?
How are you supposed to get to know me, sunshine?
How are you supposed to get to know me, sunshine?
How can you say that if you haven't seen it?
How can you say that if you haven't seen it?
How did you get the balls to do that?
How did you get the balls to do that?
How do you keep your head held high when people keep throwing
How do you keep your head held high when people keep throwing
How to set our souls free And do all the shit we should
How to set our souls free And do all the shit we should
Huh?
Huh?
I am revoking permission for my son to appear tonight.
I am revoking permission for my son to appear tonight.
I am, too.
I am, too.
I am? What is it?
I am? What is it?
I believe that with every fiber of my being.
I believe that with every fiber of my being.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
I can't do the play.
I can't do the play.
I can't get pregnant.
I can't get pregnant.
I could be a flaming ass crack.
I could be a flaming ass crack.
I could go for some nachos.
I could go for some nachos.
I could put you away for a year, you fire fucker.
I could put you away for a year, you fire fucker.
I couldn't be happier for all his success.
I couldn't be happier for all his success.
I don't care to see my son used as a political pawn!
I don't care to see my son used as a political pawn!
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't have a drink.
I don't have a drink.
I don't know what it means, but I think it's the best set I've ever seen.
I don't know what it means, but I think it's the best set I've ever seen.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. I thought maybe I could work through my grief in song.
I don't know. I thought maybe I could work through my grief in song.
I don't like airing our personal business
I don't like airing our personal business
I don't lose it when I...
I don't lose it when I...
I don't want to spend time with you.
I don't want to spend time with you.
I don't want your pity.
I don't want your pity.
I feel like I'm in a cage.
I feel like I'm in a cage.
I feel like I've been ****d.
I feel like I've been ****d.
I feel so connected to you. Yes, I do.
I feel so connected to you. Yes, I do.
I feel, for the first time, I can make a genuine difference.
I feel, for the first time, I can make a genuine difference.
I felt this electric charge!
I felt this electric charge!
I forgive you, Father!
I forgive you, Father!
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you. Father, I forgive you.
I forgive you. Father, I forgive you.
I forgive you. I forgive you.
I forgive you. I forgive you.
I get a little nervous.
I get a little nervous.
I got the chip on my keychain to prove it,
I got the chip on my keychain to prove it,
I got the mind to put you through that wall.
I got the mind to put you through that wall.
I gotta go clean the hamster cages.
I gotta go clean the hamster cages.
I had so much fun making out with all those cute actors.
I had so much fun making out with all those cute actors.
I had to spend some time with the lawyers
I had to spend some time with the lawyers
I hate you, you stupid, fat fucker!
I hate you, you stupid, fat fucker!
I have a device.
I have a device.
I have a PhD in literature.
I have a PhD in literature.
I have access to the activities van.
I have access to the activities van.
I have so much anger.
I have so much anger.
I have the first act and reams of notes in my inspiration box.
I have the first act and reams of notes in my inspiration box.
I have to be a part of it.
I have to be a part of it.
I have to elevate it.
I have to elevate it.
I have to go back to work.
I have to go back to work.
I have to say something, guys.
I have to say something, guys.
I have to take exception to that characterization.
I have to take exception to that characterization.
I have to tell you something.
I have to tell you something.
I haven't bought an item of clothing in over 10 years
I haven't bought an item of clothing in over 10 years
I heard everything. I heard everything!
I heard everything. I heard everything!
I heard that, man.
I heard that, man.
I heard the play was disgusting.
I heard the play was disgusting.
I just don't even care.
I just don't even care.
I just don't want anything to change.
I just don't want anything to change.
I just get scared.
I just get scared.
I just got that.
I just got that.
I just wondered why in Hamlet 1 everybody has to die.
I just wondered why in Hamlet 1 everybody has to die.
I just wondered why in Hamlet 1 everybody has to die.
I just wondered why in Hamlet 1 everybody has to die.
I just, you know, got kind of sick of the business, you know?
I just, you know, got kind of sick of the business, you know?
I know the topic of **** isn't nice
I know the topic of **** isn't nice
I know, I know.
I know, I know.
I liked you better when you were an uptight racist bitch.
I liked you better when you were an uptight racist bitch.
I mean, make a real difference.
I mean, make a real difference.
I mean, that's just disrespectful.
I mean, that's just disrespectful.
I mean, were you just paralyzed with awe?
I mean, were you just paralyzed with awe?
I mean, your portrayal of Bottom
I mean, your portrayal of Bottom
I miss kissing. In love scenes.
I miss kissing. In love scenes.
I never realized the passing hours of evening showers
I never realized the passing hours of evening showers
I pick cases that I can win because I wanna win big.
I pick cases that I can win because I wanna win big.
I put a lot of myself into my work.
I put a lot of myself into my work.
I re watched a fantastic movie last night,
I re watched a fantastic movie last night,
I really do feel like a sexual victim
I really do feel like a sexual victim
I really think Mr. Marschz is bipolar.
I really think Mr. Marschz is bipolar.
I regret it now, but what a fun bunch of guys.
I regret it now, but what a fun bunch of guys.
I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
I say funny stuff.
I say funny stuff.
I seriously, seriously wish you would start drinking again.
I seriously, seriously wish you would start drinking again.
I should have said something.
I should have said something.
I simply go through the motions
I simply go through the motions
I stole it from Starbucks.
I stole it from Starbucks.
I think blue makes people sad.
I think blue makes people sad.
I think I need a quesadilla. Immediamente!
I think I need a quesadilla. Immediamente!
I think it's going terrific.
I think it's going terrific.
I think my heart soul is falling from grace
I think my heart soul is falling from grace
I think that your enthusiasm is remarkable.
I think that your enthusiasm is remarkable.
I think the play's gonna be really good.
I think the play's gonna be really good.
I think we have a First Amendment case on our hands, Mr. Marashka.
I think we have a First Amendment case on our hands, Mr. Marashka.
I think we shouldn't pass on this gene pool.
I think we shouldn't pass on this gene pool.
I think when all is said and done,
I think when all is said and done,
I think you need to take a look at it.
I think you need to take a look at it.
I thought Octavio was amazing.
I thought Octavio was amazing.
I thought you were just having a nervous meltdown.
I thought you were just having a nervous meltdown.
I wanna party with you, Jesus.
I wanna party with you, Jesus.
I wanna preserve the original cast.
I wanna preserve the original cast.
I want to
I want to
I want you out of this community.
I want you out of this community.
I want you to meet a friend of mine.
I want you to meet a friend of mine.
I was a dealer, not a pusher.
I was a dealer, not a pusher.
I was an extra in an Al Jazeera TV movie.
I was an extra in an Al Jazeera TV movie.
I was just thinking about all those voices saying, "You can't do it,"
I was just thinking about all those voices saying, "You can't do it,"
I was molested as a child.
I was molested as a child.
I was quite taken with your play.
I was quite taken with your play.
I was thinking, what if me and my whoadies
I was thinking, what if me and my whoadies
I was very moved when Hamlet forgave his father.
I was very moved when Hamlet forgave his father.
I wasn't ready.
I wasn't ready.
I will never not hug this unborn baby!
I will never not hug this unborn baby!
I will take that! I will take it!
I will take that! I will take it!
I work for gas money, which is why I skate.
I work for gas money, which is why I skate.
I would do anything... I'd do chores.
I would do anything... I'd do chores.
I would love it if you hit me.
I would love it if you hit me.
I would love to get your notes.
I would love to get your notes.
I would love to go home.
I would love to go home.
I would love to stay and hear this.
I would love to stay and hear this.
I'd be happy to play Laertes as bi curious.
I'd be happy to play Laertes as bi curious.
I'd blow my brains out living in this shit sack city.
I'd blow my brains out living in this shit sack city.
I'd clean your rain gutters.
I'd clean your rain gutters.
I'd like to see your Bottom.
I'd like to see your Bottom.
I'll get everyone a snack.
I'll get everyone a snack.
I'll show you why, vato.
I'll show you why, vato.
I'm a short blond chick, but I play to the death.
I'm a short blond chick, but I play to the death.
I'm actually a nurse now.
I'm actually a nurse now.
I'm afraid we don't have rain gutters.
I'm afraid we don't have rain gutters.
I'm doing this play for my own reasons.
I'm doing this play for my own reasons.
I'm freaking out.
I'm freaking out.
I'm going to inspire this year.
I'm going to inspire this year.
I'm going to stab you to death in your sleep.
I'm going to stab you to death in your sleep.
I'm gonna go back to dealing pot, I swear...
I'm gonna go back to dealing pot, I swear...
I'm having a herpes outbreak right now.
I'm having a herpes outbreak right now.
I'm here for her. I'm here for her.
I'm here for her. I'm here for her.
I'm in the wrong place.
I'm in the wrong place.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just so surprised that one of you people can act.
I'm just so surprised that one of you people can act.
I'm like... My brain is like mush.
I'm like... My brain is like mush.
I'm not doing carbs, but maybe they have a salad or something.
I'm not doing carbs, but maybe they have a salad or something.
I'm not getting any of this.
I'm not getting any of this.
I'm not interested in this monkey spunk play. Come on!
I'm not interested in this monkey spunk play. Come on!
I'm not punching a guy in a dress.
I'm not punching a guy in a dress.
I'm pregnant.
I'm pregnant.
I'm simultaneously horrified and fascinated.
I'm simultaneously horrified and fascinated.
I'm so sick and tired of you, Epiphany.
I'm so sick and tired of you, Epiphany.
I'm sorry about my husband.
I'm sorry about my husband.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry, son.
I'm sorry, son.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry. Sorry about that.
I'm still a little drunk.
I'm still a little drunk.
I'm strangled by your haunted social scene
I'm strangled by your haunted social scene
I'm such a dick.
I'm such a dick.
I'm suing everybody!
I'm suing everybody!
I'm trying to save drama!
I'm trying to save drama!
I'm way more nervous than you.
I'm way more nervous than you.
I'm with the New York Times.
I'm with the New York Times.
I'm working on an original play.
I'm working on an original play.
I've been going to a shrink five days a week
I've been going to a shrink five days a week
I've got a little something something.
I've got a little something something.
I've got a real tough nut to crack.
I've got a real tough nut to crack.
I've heard the word "shit" before.
I've heard the word "shit" before.
If I kick this trash can...
If I kick this trash can...
If I'm lost then I'll squeal It's a pretty raw deal
If I'm lost then I'll squeal It's a pretty raw deal
If it's the sex and violence, I can totally tone that down.
If it's the sex and violence, I can totally tone that down.
If we use my time machine, then we could save thy sister, thy father,
If we use my time machine, then we could save thy sister, thy father,
If you are moved by tonight's work,
If you are moved by tonight's work,
If you don't have a ticket, get the fuck out of my face.
If you don't have a ticket, get the fuck out of my face.
If you don't like this class, get out.
If you don't like this class, get out.
If you should dare not to keep it
If you should dare not to keep it
If you sign a consent form, that means you're giving consent.
If you sign a consent form, that means you're giving consent.
If you're wondering about the Feldstein, I married a Jew.
If you're wondering about the Feldstein, I married a Jew.
Immaculate conception really makes my day
Immaculate conception really makes my day
In A Midsummer Night's Dream. A Midsummer Night's Dream.
In A Midsummer Night's Dream. A Midsummer Night's Dream.
In front of you know who, Gary,
In front of you know who, Gary,
In Hollywood, you pretty much have to swim in it.
In Hollywood, you pretty much have to swim in it.
In looking at my relationship with my father.
In looking at my relationship with my father.
In my prayer circle, I've been praying
In my prayer circle, I've been praying
In regards to this performance?
In regards to this performance?
In that crotch of yours. What?
In that crotch of yours. What?
In the face!
In the face!
In the real time world no one sees her at all
In the real time world no one sees her at all
Inspirational...
Inspirational...
Inspired me to take some bold steps
Inspired me to take some bold steps
Into the body of a freaking little drama critic.
Into the body of a freaking little drama critic.
Is because there's asbestos in the portable classrooms,
Is because there's asbestos in the portable classrooms,
Is blue the right color
Is blue the right color
Is he acting?
Is he acting?
Is it all a ruse when I go kergluge?
Is it all a ruse when I go kergluge?
Is it because of my resistance to these gang bangers?
Is it because of my resistance to these gang bangers?
Is it true that Jeremy effing Irons wanted to do your play
Is it true that Jeremy effing Irons wanted to do your play
Is Jesus, like, a swimmer?
Is Jesus, like, a swimmer?
Is that the purpose of your plays?
Is that the purpose of your plays?
Is that why you are so quick to decline
Is that why you are so quick to decline
Is this guy for real?
Is this guy for real?
Isn't that a question every artist must ask himself?
Isn't that a question every artist must ask himself?
It can cut you like a knife
It can cut you like a knife
It doesn't matter how much talent we lack,
It doesn't matter how much talent we lack,
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
It gave me a little insight into your character, Mr. Tough Guy.
It gave me a little insight into your character, Mr. Tough Guy.
It has a bidet.
It has a bidet.
It is nice.
It is nice.
It is to embody the dreams of man.
It is to embody the dreams of man.
It really helped out a lot.
It really helped out a lot.
It takes a real set of low hangers, mister.
It takes a real set of low hangers, mister.
It was dramatic. It was visual.
It was dramatic. It was visual.
It was gangster.
It was gangster.
It was poison!
It was poison!
It was stupid, but it was also theater.
It was stupid, but it was also theater.
It was stupid.
It was stupid.
It was?
It was?
It will always be better than Tucson.
It will always be better than Tucson.
It would be that you don't get to make out with your patients.
It would be that you don't get to make out with your patients.
It's 4.00 in the morning
It's 4.00 in the morning
It's a figure of speech.
It's a figure of speech.
It's a kaftan, my friend.
It's a kaftan, my friend.
It's a parting embrace before the moment of damnation.
It's a parting embrace before the moment of damnation.
It's a piece I've been working on.
It's a piece I've been working on.
It's a really kickass sunny day outside today, man.
It's a really kickass sunny day outside today, man.
It's about my childhood.
It's about my childhood.
It's about my troubled relationship with my father.
It's about my troubled relationship with my father.
It's called Hamlet 2.
It's called Hamlet 2.
It's fantastic.
It's fantastic.
It's free. Wake up.
It's free. Wake up.
It's fricking exciting having Elisabeth Shue in class.
It's fricking exciting having Elisabeth Shue in class.
It's from Ethiopia.
It's from Ethiopia.
It's in that pamphlet I read.
It's in that pamphlet I read.
It's inappropriate. I'm sorry. It's just...
It's inappropriate. I'm sorry. It's just...
It's irrelevant.
It's irrelevant.
It's just until I, you know, get an agent
It's just until I, you know, get an agent
It's like he's giving me hope.
It's like he's giving me hope.
It's like my father got reincarnated
It's like my father got reincarnated
It's like...
It's like...
It's Marschz. You really think so?
It's Marschz. You really think so?
It's my understanding that there are forces
It's my understanding that there are forces
It's not a good idea.
It's not a good idea.
It's not broken and, yes, I will still be able
It's not broken and, yes, I will still be able
It's not so bad. I mean, Gary has a car.
It's not so bad. I mean, Gary has a car.
It's nuclear war!
It's nuclear war!
It's okay. It's Marschz, by the way.
It's okay. It's Marschz, by the way.
It's ridiculous. But I love it.
It's ridiculous. But I love it.
It's strawberry.
It's strawberry.
It's stupid to compare.
It's stupid to compare.
It's such a downer! I mean, if Hamlet had had just a little bit of therapy,
It's such a downer! I mean, if Hamlet had had just a little bit of therapy,
It's the award for theater.
It's the award for theater.
It's the celestial message.
It's the celestial message.
It's the play Mr. Marschz wrote.
It's the play Mr. Marschz wrote.
It's totally.
It's totally.
It's true, Papa. I done saw it.
It's true, Papa. I done saw it.
It's very thoughtful.
It's very thoughtful.
It's what's best for the play.
It's what's best for the play.
It's written by a buddy of mine, you may have heard of him,
It's written by a buddy of mine, you may have heard of him,
It's... And the corduroy has got to go, especially with the skating.
It's... And the corduroy has got to go, especially with the skating.
Jack Wiggum, please.
Jack Wiggum, please.
Jack, it's Elisabeth. I'm ready to act again.
Jack, it's Elisabeth. I'm ready to act again.
Jean Paul, the crew, Burning Man, the lunar cycle, yeah.
Jean Paul, the crew, Burning Man, the lunar cycle, yeah.
Jesus Christ!
Jesus Christ!
Jesus H. Christ!
Jesus H. Christ!
Jesus has a rocking swimmer's bod.
Jesus has a rocking swimmer's bod.
Jesus has a swimmer's body,
Jesus has a swimmer's body,
Jesus is sexy to you. Which leads us on to the musical interlude,
Jesus is sexy to you. Which leads us on to the musical interlude,
Jesus is very lean...
Jesus is very lean...
Jesus Jones! Rocker's changed the locks.
Jesus Jones! Rocker's changed the locks.
Jesus kicks the devil's ass.
Jesus kicks the devil's ass.
Jesus, come on.
Jesus, come on.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Just a pawn out played by a dominating queen
Just a pawn out played by a dominating queen
Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night
Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night
Just in case we have any trouble, you know what I'm saying?
Just in case we have any trouble, you know what I'm saying?
Just kidding. Hope I'm not freaking you out.
Just kidding. Hope I'm not freaking you out.
Just like my cousin.
Just like my cousin.
Just like that wonderful film Master and Commander,
Just like that wonderful film Master and Commander,
Just wake up, okay?
Just wake up, okay?
Keeps my balls at room temp. Now, do it.
Keeps my balls at room temp. Now, do it.
Kicks Satan's ass!
Kicks Satan's ass!
Kicks Satan's ass!
Kicks Satan's ass!
Lacking energy?
Lacking energy?
Last night, the school board, which is facing major financial cuts,
Last night, the school board, which is facing major financial cuts,
Lay a hand on him, and I will make you regret it.
Lay a hand on him, and I will make you regret it.
Leave me to the vultures.
Leave me to the vultures.
Led him to believe that he was leaving this Earth
Led him to believe that he was leaving this Earth
Left you a protein shake in the fridge.
Left you a protein shake in the fridge.
Let go of me! Hey, hands off!
Let go of me! Hey, hands off!
Let me give you a piece of my mind.
Let me give you a piece of my mind.
Let me see.
Let me see.
Let me show you the way out.
Let me show you the way out.
Let there be light.
Let there be light.
Let's go around and find out why drama is suddenly so popular.
Let's go around and find out why drama is suddenly so popular.
Let's go to work.
Let's go to work.
Let's hear it.
Let's hear it.
Let's just say that when you get to the scene
Let's just say that when you get to the scene
Let's just say, it's new and different.
Let's just say, it's new and different.
Let's talk about this.
Let's talk about this.
Like a cheap hooker at a gang bang.
Like a cheap hooker at a gang bang.
Like to see my what?
Like to see my what?
Like, all the tickets were bought.
Like, all the tickets were bought.
Listen up, guy. I've seen your plays.
Listen up, guy. I've seen your plays.
Listen, listen, I've given my life to this class,
Listen, listen, I've given my life to this class,
Locking rhythms to the beat of her heart
Locking rhythms to the beat of her heart
Look, all I'm saying is,
Look, all I'm saying is,
Look, I have a life plan, and it does not include you.
Look, I have a life plan, and it does not include you.
Look, I thought you should know as soon as possible.
Look, I thought you should know as soon as possible.
Look, it's about if Jesus came to Earth in modern times,
Look, it's about if Jesus came to Earth in modern times,
Look, the county and the school district are in fiscal crisis.
Look, the county and the school district are in fiscal crisis.
Look, they throw parties here.
Look, they throw parties here.
Look, you've been so busy with your play, and these things happen.
Look, you've been so busy with your play, and these things happen.
Look. I studied French at Vassar.
Look. I studied French at Vassar.
Looking for the fight of her life
Looking for the fight of her life
Man, that's some racist shit right there.
Man, that's some racist shit right there.
Man, you keep talking about making us extraordinary.
Man, you keep talking about making us extraordinary.
Man, you need to be careful.
Man, you need to be careful.
Mango iced tea is my kryptonite.
Mango iced tea is my kryptonite.
Maniac on the floor
Maniac on the floor
Marschz?
Marschz?
Marschz?
Marschz?
Marschz? Yeah.
Marschz? Yeah.
Marschz.
Marschz.
Marschz.
Marschz.
Marschz.
Marschz.
Marschz.
Marschz.
Marschz. Yes?
Marschz. Yes?
Maybe he's out shopping for a dress.
Maybe he's out shopping for a dress.
Maybe I can get him to run me over with it.
Maybe I can get him to run me over with it.
Maybe it is. No, it's not.
Maybe it is. No, it's not.
Maybe it's better that I just...
Maybe it's better that I just...
Maybe it's buried emotions
Maybe it's buried emotions
Maybe that's why I'm so angry.
Maybe that's why I'm so angry.
Maybe you'd stop being such a pinche joto.
Maybe you'd stop being such a pinche joto.
Meyerschz? Yeah, I need a copy of your insurance card.
Meyerschz? Yeah, I need a copy of your insurance card.
Minimal.
Minimal.
Moralistically, he taught us to be good
Moralistically, he taught us to be good
Morning, Dana.
Morning, Dana.
Morning, Gary.
Morning, Gary.
Mostly left. How's that sound?
Mostly left. How's that sound?
Mr. M,
Mr. M,
Mr. M, are you okay?
Mr. M, are you okay?
Mr. M, you're not getting it.
Mr. M, you're not getting it.
Mr. M!
Mr. M!
Mr. M!
Mr. M!
Mr. M? Oh, my God!
Mr. M? Oh, my God!
Mr. Marashka?
Mr. Marashka?
Mr. Marschz,
Mr. Marschz,
Mr. Marschz, have you seen our new class yet?
Mr. Marschz, have you seen our new class yet?
Mr. Marschz, these guys are drunk.
Mr. Marschz, these guys are drunk.
Mr. Marschz!
Mr. Marschz!
Mr. Marschz? Are you okay?
Mr. Marschz? Are you okay?
Mr. Marschza? It's Marschz.
Mr. Marschza? It's Marschz.
Mr. Marx, could I have a minute?
Mr. Marx, could I have a minute?
Mr. Rocker, if you care about decency and if you love this country,
Mr. Rocker, if you care about decency and if you love this country,
Mr. Rocker?
Mr. Rocker?
Mr. Williams' stand in on the fantastic motion picture
Mr. Williams' stand in on the fantastic motion picture
Muggy nights
Muggy nights
My dad finds out what I've been up to, he's gonna crucify me.
My dad finds out what I've been up to, he's gonna crucify me.
My dad's making me quit the play.
My dad's making me quit the play.
My dear mother, Queen Gertrude.
My dear mother, Queen Gertrude.
My entire life would fall apart.
My entire life would fall apart.
My father tried to stand in the way of my dreams, too.
My father tried to stand in the way of my dreams, too.
My friends out there rolling round the basement floor
My friends out there rolling round the basement floor
My head spins like a wheel As I make this appeal
My head spins like a wheel As I make this appeal
My heart gets stomped on like a baby kitten.
My heart gets stomped on like a baby kitten.
My husband. What the fuck was I thinking?
My husband. What the fuck was I thinking?
My life is a parody of a tragedy!
My life is a parody of a tragedy!
My name is Ron Kantor.
My name is Ron Kantor.
My wife is a painter.
My wife is a painter.
My wife left me. Baby wasn't mine.
My wife left me. Baby wasn't mine.
Nacho!
Nacho!
Nice freeball.
Nice freeball.
Nice guys do finish first.
Nice guys do finish first.
Nice thought,
Nice thought,
No charges will be pressed.
No charges will be pressed.
No one is shutting down this play.
No one is shutting down this play.
No, Dana. How do I get?
No, Dana. How do I get?
No, don't sign anything!
No, don't sign anything!
No, he's not that good.
No, he's not that good.
No, I know you.
No, I know you.
No, I mean actual voices, like my ex wife, the school,
No, I mean actual voices, like my ex wife, the school,
No, I see. I got you. I totally got you.
No, I see. I got you. I totally got you.
No, I'm really different.
No, I'm really different.
No, it's going to be some pretty cherry footage for the play.
No, it's going to be some pretty cherry footage for the play.
No, man. I don't think so.
No, man. I don't think so.
No, N O, "no."
No, N O, "no."
No, no, I will not have you pushing drugs.
No, no, I will not have you pushing drugs.
No, no, more yes. You know, less no.
No, no, more yes. You know, less no.
No, no, no, don't do that!
No, no, no, don't do that!
No, no, no, no, no. You can't leave now.
No, no, no, no, no. You can't leave now.
No, no, no, we can't do that.
No, no, no, we can't do that.
No, no.
No, no.
No, no.
No, no.
No, Rand! I'm not okay!
No, Rand! I'm not okay!
No, the other thing.
No, the other thing.
No, wait. What do you mean?
No, wait. What do you mean?
No, we are fine with those.
No, we are fine with those.
No, you are. You are.
No, you are. You are.
No!
No!
No? No.
No? No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No. I think it's terrible what's happened
No. I think it's terrible what's happened
No. They wouldn't even know who I am, anyway.
No. They wouldn't even know who I am, anyway.
No. Why?
No. Why?
No. Why?
No. Why?
Nobody cares.
Nobody cares.
Normally, I only have the two students.
Normally, I only have the two students.
Not acceptable! I quit!
Not acceptable! I quit!
Not enough dough, pun intended.
Not enough dough, pun intended.
Not forgetting Cocktail with Tom Cruise.
Not forgetting Cocktail with Tom Cruise.
Not necessarily, no.
Not necessarily, no.
Not off, just down.
Not off, just down.
Not only to transform the actor,
Not only to transform the actor,
Not the school paper. The News Press.
Not the school paper. The News Press.
Not to mention the acid,
Not to mention the acid,
Not to mention the King.
Not to mention the King.
Not to mention the quality of the writing, which is quite low.
Not to mention the quality of the writing, which is quite low.
Nothing you are saying makes any sense to me.
Nothing you are saying makes any sense to me.
Now get out of my performance space,
Now get out of my performance space,
Now hold on, girl.
Now hold on, girl.
Now we do the right deeds We go to church and such
Now we do the right deeds We go to church and such
Now, it's all going to work out.
Now, it's all going to work out.
Now, punch me.
Now, punch me.
Nudity and pornography are not permitted on the school premises.
Nudity and pornography are not permitted on the school premises.
Oblivious to his impending doom,
Oblivious to his impending doom,
Octavio doesn't belong to a gang.
Octavio doesn't belong to a gang.
Octavio's performance the other day,
Octavio's performance the other day,
Of ripe tangerines, of the poet's harvest moon!
Of ripe tangerines, of the poet's harvest moon!
Of times you're gonna call me.
Of times you're gonna call me.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, Dana, I found a great parking spot right out front
Oh, Dana, I found a great parking spot right out front
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Oh, God! I am getting hammered!
Oh, God! I am getting hammered!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, how romantic.
Oh, how romantic.
Oh, I thought you were a talent agent, like UTA or CAA.
Oh, I thought you were a talent agent, like UTA or CAA.
Oh, is that what you were doing?
Oh, is that what you were doing?
Oh, Laertes, therein lies the rub.
Oh, Laertes, therein lies the rub.
Oh, man, you can't quit now.
Oh, man, you can't quit now.
Oh, my God, it's Jesus!
Oh, my God, it's Jesus!
Oh, my God, it's Jesus!
Oh, my God, it's Jesus!
Oh, my God, it's Jesus!
Oh, my God, it's Jesus!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! I didn't hear anything you just said
Oh, my God! I didn't hear anything you just said
Oh, my God! I knew it in my heart soul.
Oh, my God! I knew it in my heart soul.
Oh, my God! I'm freaking out!
Oh, my God! I'm freaking out!
Oh, my God! I'm freaking out!
Oh, my God! I'm freaking out!
Oh, my God! I'm freaking out!
Oh, my God! I'm freaking out!
Oh, my God! Jesus!
Oh, my God! Jesus!
Oh, my God! Writing is so hard.
Oh, my God! Writing is so hard.
Oh, my God! Yolanda!
Oh, my God! Yolanda!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, okay.
Oh, okay.
Oh, shit, this is a cease and desist order from the school board.
Oh, shit, this is a cease and desist order from the school board.
Oh, Shue.
Oh, Shue.
Oh, Shue.
Oh, Shue.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, wait, you're already doing that.
Oh, wait, you're already doing that.
Oh, yeah? Do it, motherfucker, come on.
Oh, yeah? Do it, motherfucker, come on.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. We heard you were coming back.
Oh, yeah. We heard you were coming back.
Oh, you.
Oh, you.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh.
Oh.
Okay, a few more minutes won't hurt.
Okay, a few more minutes won't hurt.
Okay, all right. Okay.
Okay, all right. Okay.
Okay, as a point of departure, has anyone seen the movie
Okay, as a point of departure, has anyone seen the movie
Okay, can I ask you a question?
Okay, can I ask you a question?
Okay, Chuy, breaking and entering is neither cool nor terrific.
Okay, Chuy, breaking and entering is neither cool nor terrific.
Okay, class, questions for Ms. Shue.
Okay, class, questions for Ms. Shue.
Okay, gang.
Okay, gang.
Okay, guys, I am pretty effing excited
Okay, guys, I am pretty effing excited
Okay, hey, guys, my skate is stuck.
Okay, hey, guys, my skate is stuck.
Okay, I... Okay, I get it.
Okay, I... Okay, I get it.
Okay, I'd like to borrow your cell. Call 911.
Okay, I'd like to borrow your cell. Call 911.
Okay, I'd like to start by saying two things.
Okay, I'd like to start by saying two things.
Okay, I'll just piss on your pretty little gym shoes.
Okay, I'll just piss on your pretty little gym shoes.
Okay, I'm a little cuckoo bananas here.
Okay, I'm a little cuckoo bananas here.
Okay, let's start with an exercise.
Okay, let's start with an exercise.
Okay, let's stop there.
Okay, let's stop there.
Okay, not all at once.
Okay, not all at once.
Okay, please turn down the music.
Okay, please turn down the music.
Okay, Rand. Be an animal.
Okay, Rand. Be an animal.
Okay, she got me.
Okay, she got me.
Okay, she's still conscious and she's not bleeding.
Okay, she's still conscious and she's not bleeding.
Okay, stand up.
Okay, stand up.
Okay, we're fighting this.
Okay, we're fighting this.
Okay, we've got ourselves a full house!
Okay, we've got ourselves a full house!
Okay, well, I need to go to recess now.
Okay, well, I need to go to recess now.
Okay, you are 40 something minutes late.
Okay, you are 40 something minutes late.
Okay, you started to say something
Okay, you started to say something
Okay, you've had a pretty bad day, I'll give you that.
Okay, you've had a pretty bad day, I'll give you that.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. So this is the Danish castlelporno theaterltime machine.
Okay. So this is the Danish castlelporno theaterltime machine.
Okay. So, Heywood.
Okay. So, Heywood.
Okay. Stop it. Go get changed.
Okay. Stop it. Go get changed.
Okay. Who wants to go? Me.
Okay. Who wants to go? Me.
On a musical version of The Lake House,
On a musical version of The Lake House,
Ophelia, will you marry me?
Ophelia, will you marry me?
Or I'm gonna have the Tucson police department
Or I'm gonna have the Tucson police department
Or maybe the wrong medication
Or maybe the wrong medication
Or what, bitch?
Or what, bitch?
Our boarder, Gary.
Our boarder, Gary.
Patch Adams,
Patch Adams,
People are trying to run me over.
People are trying to run me over.
Perfect!
Perfect!
Perhaps some of you have seen
Perhaps some of you have seen
Piff took the fries.
Piff took the fries.
Piff? Bake sale.
Piff? Bake sale.
Play with space and time.
Play with space and time.
Please go forward and support arts education...
Please go forward and support arts education...
Please, tell me how I get.
Please, tell me how I get.
Powerless to resist.
Powerless to resist.
Pretty much everyone.
Pretty much everyone.
Prima Donna lord you really should have been there
Prima Donna lord you really should have been there
Pussy!
Pussy!
Put on a play, and make it the best you've ever done.
Put on a play, and make it the best you've ever done.
Rand, get up here.
Rand, get up here.
Rand, that is a very brave and generous thing to...
Rand, that is a very brave and generous thing to...
Rand, theater is a living thing.
Rand, theater is a living thing.
Rand, you're teacher's pet.
Rand, you're teacher's pet.
Rand!
Rand!
Rand! What?
Rand! What?
****d in the face
****d in the face
****d in the face?
****d in the face?
Read them quickly. It minimizes the pain.
Read them quickly. It minimizes the pain.
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Remove your sorry asses.
Remove your sorry asses.
Right this way, sir.
Right this way, sir.
Right.
Right.
Right. Watch out! This stuff is sharp.
Right. Watch out! This stuff is sharp.
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, rock me, rock me, sexy Jesus
Rock me, sexy
Rock me, sexy
Rock me, sexy
Rock me, sexy
Rock Me, Sexy Jesus.
Rock Me, Sexy Jesus.
Rolled up in low riders on stage in the third act?
Rolled up in low riders on stage in the third act?
Scary!
Scary!
Seven years sober.
Seven years sober.
Sexy, huh?
Sexy, huh?
She currently has an exhibit at the Guggenheim in Bilbao.
She currently has an exhibit at the Guggenheim in Bilbao.
She has danced into the danger zone
She has danced into the danger zone
She's a maniac
She's a maniac
She's right!
She's right!
Shoo! Shoo, Shue!
Shoo! Shoo, Shue!
Should we just take questions?
Should we just take questions?
Shue. It's Elisabeth Shue.
Shue. It's Elisabeth Shue.
Shut down that piece of shit play.
Shut down that piece of shit play.
Shut up, you cow. It wasn't my fault.
Shut up, you cow. It wasn't my fault.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Sick of all the horrible people,
Sick of all the horrible people,
Sir, I'm gonna need you to wake up
Sir, I'm gonna need you to wake up
Sixteen is the number of dollars in my bank account.
Sixteen is the number of dollars in my bank account.
Slam, bam, spank you, ma'am
Slam, bam, spank you, ma'am
So end of deal, okay. End of story.
So end of deal, okay. End of story.
So far up your ass you're gonna wish you were a girl.
So far up your ass you're gonna wish you were a girl.
So go and tell the mundo.
So go and tell the mundo.
So he moves on, decides to teach,
So he moves on, decides to teach,
So pretty!
So pretty!
So put your lips around this wedding tackle
So put your lips around this wedding tackle
So this is your first attempt?
So this is your first attempt?
So was poor, dear Dana Marschz.
So was poor, dear Dana Marschz.
So we get to work in the backyard,
So we get to work in the backyard,
So we must ask,
So we must ask,
So what's... Hey, what's your name?
So what's... Hey, what's your name?
So why do I feel, why do I feel
So why do I feel, why do I feel
So without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to Elisabeth Shue.
So without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to Elisabeth Shue.
So, don't sweat it. It's...
So, don't sweat it. It's...
So, what's Nick Cage really like?
So, what's Nick Cage really like?
So?
So?
Soapdish. Dreamer, with the fucking horse.
Soapdish. Dreamer, with the fucking horse.
Somebody pinch my ass.
Somebody pinch my ass.
Someone other than Epiphany.
Someone other than Epiphany.
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved, someone saved Someone saved my life tonight
Something about permission.
Something about permission.
Sometimes an idea could be so bad, it starts to turn good again.
Sometimes an idea could be so bad, it starts to turn good again.
Sometimes I feel like I'm drifting in space
Sometimes I feel like I'm drifting in space
Sometimes I feel like I'm drifting in space
Sometimes I feel like I'm drifting in space
Sorry, I'm a little groggy. I was up late.
Sorry, I'm a little groggy. I was up late.
Sorry, you guys, but you totally gave consent.
Sorry, you guys, but you totally gave consent.
Sorry. Pardon my French.
Sorry. Pardon my French.
Sounds kind of cuckoo bananas.
Sounds kind of cuckoo bananas.
Splash you with my hot buttered love spackle
Splash you with my hot buttered love spackle
Staring into the abyss of nothingness.
Staring into the abyss of nothingness.
Starring my good friend, Elisabeth Shue.
Starring my good friend, Elisabeth Shue.
Starring Richard Dreyfuss as a music teacher with a deaf son.
Starring Richard Dreyfuss as a music teacher with a deaf son.
Starring the gorgeous Michelle Pfeiffer.
Starring the gorgeous Michelle Pfeiffer.
Starring the terrifyingly real Aussie badboy, Russell Crowe.
Starring the terrifyingly real Aussie badboy, Russell Crowe.
Starring, I know...
Starring, I know...
Steaming piles of crap in your face?
Steaming piles of crap in your face?
Stole them from white folks, dawg.
Stole them from white folks, dawg.
Stop staring at me.
Stop staring at me.
Stop your son from thriving in our culture.
Stop your son from thriving in our culture.
Sugar bear
Sugar bear
Sugar bear
Sugar bear
Sure, squishy.
Sure, squishy.
Sure, you can.
Sure, you can.
Sure! Sure, sure.
Sure! Sure, sure.
Sure.
Sure.
Surf's up, dudes.
Surf's up, dudes.
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
Take it easy on him, Ray. He's sensitive.
Take it easy on him, Ray. He's sensitive.
Teacher.
Teacher.
Thank you for taking the time.
Thank you for taking the time.
Thank you so much for having me.
Thank you so much for having me.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you. You've given me the kick in the pants I needed, kid.
Thank you. You've given me the kick in the pants I needed, kid.
Thanks for the truth sandwich, my little brother.
Thanks for the truth sandwich, my little brother.
Thanks, Herpecol.
Thanks, Herpecol.
Thanks, Jesus.
Thanks, Jesus.
That and the DUI.
That and the DUI.
That doesn't make you a man, you piece of shit!
That doesn't make you a man, you piece of shit!
That his life's work was only just begun.
That his life's work was only just begun.
That is excellent wire work!
That is excellent wire work!
That is funny, that's...
That is funny, that's...
That is so sad.
That is so sad.
That is the first shot across the bow, boys and girls.
That is the first shot across the bow, boys and girls.
That is the first shot across the bow, boys and girls.
That is the first shot across the bow, boys and girls.
That means you can be arrested for putting on this play.
That means you can be arrested for putting on this play.
That meant reducing Laertes' role.
That meant reducing Laertes' role.
That must mean...
That must mean...
That sometimes it overwhelms me.
That sometimes it overwhelms me.
That sounds kind of dangerous.
That sounds kind of dangerous.
That was a sink.
That was a sink.
That wasn't originally a popular movie?
That wasn't originally a popular movie?
That wasn't what I had in mind, but, sure, why not?
That wasn't what I had in mind, but, sure, why not?
That would be Tony winners.
That would be Tony winners.
That you've been shooting blanks.
That you've been shooting blanks.
That, to you...
That, to you...
That'd be great.
That'd be great.
That's a picture of me.
That's a picture of me.
That's an oversimplification, but...
That's an oversimplification, but...
That's beautiful, Rand.
That's beautiful, Rand.
That's cool.
That's cool.
That's enough!
That's enough!
That's fine.
That's fine.
That's from Dead Poets.
That's from Dead Poets.
That's helped out a lot around here.
That's helped out a lot around here.
That's how old my other daughter is.
That's how old my other daughter is.
That's impossible. You're the lead.
That's impossible. You're the lead.
That's it, that's it.
That's it, that's it.
That's my cue!
That's my cue!
That's no reason to give up.
That's no reason to give up.
That's offensive, too!
That's offensive, too!
That's the crane.
That's the crane.
That's the device.
That's the device.
That's the plan, Stan. What do you think?
That's the plan, Stan. What do you think?
That's truth. Because I lack talent.
That's truth. Because I lack talent.
That's what I'm gonna do.
That's what I'm gonna do.
That's why I got out of the business.
That's why I got out of the business.
That's wonderful!
That's wonderful!
The abuse you suffered.
The abuse you suffered.
The ACLU.
The ACLU.
The always superb Robin Williams? I'm Octavio.
The always superb Robin Williams? I'm Octavio.
The climax of a modernist dance.
The climax of a modernist dance.
The color of fire.
The color of fire.
The curtains drawn in the little room downstairs
The curtains drawn in the little room downstairs
The deuce. Correct.
The deuce. Correct.
The doctor told me a while ago
The doctor told me a while ago
The fire department is trying to evacuate the building.
The fire department is trying to evacuate the building.
The football team, the wrestling team
The football team, the wrestling team
The Justice Department and the so called Supreme Court
The Justice Department and the so called Supreme Court
The Karate Kid, the crane. "Wax on, wax off."
The Karate Kid, the crane. "Wax on, wax off."
The ladies who make macaroni and cheese are getting very territorial.
The ladies who make macaroni and cheese are getting very territorial.
The movie Mr. Holland's Opus?
The movie Mr. Holland's Opus?
The portal to infinity is wide open.
The portal to infinity is wide open.
The President of the United States of America!
The President of the United States of America!
The promoters are at Burning Man.
The promoters are at Burning Man.
The rejection...
The rejection...
The role of Laertes, my part, you've turned him into a gay.
The role of Laertes, my part, you've turned him into a gay.
The school cannot allow the exhibition of Hamlet 2.
The school cannot allow the exhibition of Hamlet 2.
The thing I've been working on for the last 47 billion hours.
The thing I've been working on for the last 47 billion hours.
The truth is, Heywood, I haven't had a drink in seven years.
The truth is, Heywood, I haven't had a drink in seven years.
The worst day ever.
The worst day ever.
The worst day ever.
The worst day ever.
Then fucking do it, bitch!
Then fucking do it, bitch!
Then take him from behind!
Then take him from behind!
Then what is it?
Then what is it?
Then...
Then...
Therapy's taken me to a better place
Therapy's taken me to a better place
There he goes! The little kangaroo rat!
There he goes! The little kangaroo rat!
There is one other thing.
There is one other thing.
There's a hundred sets in there, woman!
There's a hundred sets in there, woman!
There's also orange.
There's also orange.
There's no brain damage.
There's no brain damage.
There's no nudity or pornography!
There's no nudity or pornography!
They all say she's crazy
They all say she's crazy
They just decided to cancel everything that we care about.
They just decided to cancel everything that we care about.
They just don't get it!
They just don't get it!
They say I need a vacation
They say I need a vacation
They should just ship you on over to the Gulf,
They should just ship you on over to the Gulf,
They would just lose their minds.
They would just lose their minds.
They would.
They would.
This event is sold out.
This event is sold out.
This has nothing to do with my sexuality!
This has nothing to do with my sexuality!
This is disgusting! Shut up!
This is disgusting! Shut up!
This is for you, baby.
This is for you, baby.
This is Joy Junction.
This is Joy Junction.
This is no great loss.
This is no great loss.
This is obviously a practical joke.
This is obviously a practical joke.
This is the amount we need to save drama.
This is the amount we need to save drama.
This is the most important theatrical event in the history of Tucson.
This is the most important theatrical event in the history of Tucson.
This isn't over.
This isn't over.
This means I love you, he murmured
This means I love you, he murmured
This play's offensive!
This play's offensive!
This will be our little secret
This will be our little secret
Three, two, one.
Three, two, one.
Ticket holders only.
Ticket holders only.
Time begins and stops now.
Time begins and stops now.
Time out! Time out!
Time out! Time out!
To act is to breathe the poet's breath.
To act is to breathe the poet's breath.
To act is to live.
To act is to live.
To announce that the musical accompaniment to our play
To announce that the musical accompaniment to our play
To arts education in this country.
To arts education in this country.
To hear this oral fixation of mine?
To hear this oral fixation of mine?
To inspire...
To inspire...
To live as an actor is to live a dream.
To live as an actor is to live a dream.
To pass on his love of the craft...
To pass on his love of the craft...
To play any and all musical instruments.
To play any and all musical instruments.
To please me?
To please me?
To stop Gertrude from drinking the poison,
To stop Gertrude from drinking the poison,
To stop Ophelia from drowning.
To stop Ophelia from drowning.
To what is arguably the greatest play in the English language.
To what is arguably the greatest play in the English language.
Toasters. Man, you know, we just move that skeet.
Toasters. Man, you know, we just move that skeet.
Tony.
Tony.
Top of the morning to you.
Top of the morning to you.
Trust me, I won't.
Trust me, I won't.
Trying to inspire a troubled student.
Trying to inspire a troubled student.
Trying to stop you from performing Hamlet 2.
Trying to stop you from performing Hamlet 2.
Turns out my class is fourteen times as crowded as it normally is.
Turns out my class is fourteen times as crowded as it normally is.
Turns out my play has divided the community,
Turns out my play has divided the community,
Two is how many times I've been married and divorced.
Two is how many times I've been married and divorced.
Use that as a way of drawing attention to the funding issue.
Use that as a way of drawing attention to the funding issue.
Very sad.
Very sad.
Wait, I hope I am freaking you out!
Wait, I hope I am freaking you out!
Wait, I totally get it.
Wait, I totally get it.
Wait, somebody said that?
Wait, somebody said that?
Wait, what are you doing? Let go of me.
Wait, what are you doing? Let go of me.
Wake up call! You don't control your kids!
Wake up call! You don't control your kids!
Wants a piece of your genius ass now.
Wants a piece of your genius ass now.
Was giving you free publicity.
Was giving you free publicity.
Watch it.
Watch it.
We are not making safe theater.
We are not making safe theater.
We can go to the Fun Zone in the mall.
We can go to the Fun Zone in the mall.
We can use the space.
We can use the space.
We can't have intermission.
We can't have intermission.
We don't wanna give up.
We don't wanna give up.
We have a 410 with a 6l4 in the 1100 block of Ocotillo.
We have a 410 with a 6l4 in the 1100 block of Ocotillo.
We juiced with this other juicer,
We juiced with this other juicer,
We just coming together as a class, right?
We just coming together as a class, right?
We live in Tucson, for fuck's sake.
We live in Tucson, for fuck's sake.
We live in Tucson.
We live in Tucson.
We merely expressed our absolute distaste for a sequel
We merely expressed our absolute distaste for a sequel
We might as well give up now!
We might as well give up now!
We need to discuss something about the latest draft.
We need to discuss something about the latest draft.
We seen them Kill Bill movies, like, 20 times,
We seen them Kill Bill movies, like, 20 times,
We spoke on the phone.
We spoke on the phone.
We started without you.
We started without you.
We will all remember this moment for the rest of our lives.
We will all remember this moment for the rest of our lives.
We're 10 days away. Things are in motion.
We're 10 days away. Things are in motion.
We're already reading it, woman.
We're already reading it, woman.
We're going to karate.
We're going to karate.
We're going to your house. Now.
We're going to your house. Now.
We're moving to San Diego.
We're moving to San Diego.
We're not gonna get this play on.
We're not gonna get this play on.
We're packed, we're leaving.
We're packed, we're leaving.
We're putting this play on, and if you don't like it, then tough titties,
We're putting this play on, and if you don't like it, then tough titties,
We're really amazed You got to believe us
We're really amazed You got to believe us
We're really amazed You got to believe us
We're really amazed You got to believe us
We've all gone crazy lately
We've all gone crazy lately
Welcome to West Mesa High Drama's final performance.
Welcome to West Mesa High Drama's final performance.
Well, can you give us an update?
Well, can you give us an update?
Well, everyone and their brother
Well, everyone and their brother
Well, excellent. Hey, girls.
Well, excellent. Hey, girls.
Well, fuck you, too.
Well, fuck you, too.
Well, I, for one, am very appreciative that Gary drove you here.
Well, I, for one, am very appreciative that Gary drove you here.
Well, I'm lost.
Well, I'm lost.
Well, I'm sorry!
Well, I'm sorry!
Well, I've published nine novels.
Well, I've published nine novels.
Well, if you don't spend no time with me,
Well, if you don't spend no time with me,
Well, it's very good. I was, for one week,
Well, it's very good. I was, for one week,
Well, no offense, but what the hockey puck do you know?
Well, no offense, but what the hockey puck do you know?
Well, Rand, "new" and "different" are two of my favorite words.
Well, Rand, "new" and "different" are two of my favorite words.
Well, stop it.
Well, stop it.
Well, that's because I am her.
Well, that's because I am her.
Well, that's psychosis.
Well, that's psychosis.
Well, this play is gonna bitch slap Broadway
Well, this play is gonna bitch slap Broadway
Well, you're a dirty, violent beaner!
Well, you're a dirty, violent beaner!
Well, you're teaching us something really important.
Well, you're teaching us something really important.
Well...
Well...
What a colorful expression!
What a colorful expression!
What a nice man. A smile costs nothing.
What a nice man. A smile costs nothing.
What about it?
What about it?
What about Mr. Alpha Male up there?
What about Mr. Alpha Male up there?
What about the acting?
What about the acting?
What about the baby?
What about the baby?
What about this Sexy Jesus song?
What about this Sexy Jesus song?
What about when I forgave my father?
What about when I forgave my father?
What are we supposed to do?
What are we supposed to do?
What are you doing in Tucson?
What are you doing in Tucson?
What could I do
What could I do
What did I do so right to get you in my life?
What did I do so right to get you in my life?
What do I need to do to please you?
What do I need to do to please you?
What do they have to do with this? My balls?
What do they have to do with this? My balls?
What do those numbers mean?
What do those numbers mean?
What do you miss about acting?
What do you miss about acting?
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
What happened?
What happened?
What if I have to go to the bathroom?
What if I have to go to the bathroom?
What if it sucks?
What if it sucks?
What is happening?
What is happening?
What is he like? He seems totally great.
What is he like? He seems totally great.
What is your fucking problem, man?
What is your fucking problem, man?
What is? My original work that's gonna save drama.
What is? My original work that's gonna save drama.
What kind of creature would you be?
What kind of creature would you be?
What more do you want?
What more do you want?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What? Bring it!
What? Bring it!
What? What?
What? What?
What's "fisted"?
What's "fisted"?
What's going on?
What's going on?
What's really going on here?
What's really going on here?
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you?
When did you guys get started?
When did you guys get started?
When I lived in Hollywood. Hey, come on.
When I lived in Hollywood. Hey, come on.
When I think of those East End lights
When I think of those East End lights
When the dancer becomes the dance
When the dancer becomes the dance
When they force you to kneel Holy fuck, it's so real
When they force you to kneel Holy fuck, it's so real
When you tried to walk past me.
When you tried to walk past me.
When you're being
When you're being
Where are we going?
Where are we going?
Where did you get that?
Where did you get that?
Where did you get them all?
Where did you get them all?
Where do dreams go to die?
Where do dreams go to die?
Where Gertrude gives Hamlet a hand job,
Where Gertrude gives Hamlet a hand job,
Where Gertrude gives Hamlet a hand job,
Where Gertrude gives Hamlet a hand job,
Where the fark have you been?
Where the fark have you been?
Where was I? Jesus has a swimmer's body.
Where was I? Jesus has a swimmer's body.
Which caused me so much pain.
Which caused me so much pain.
Which is why I tried to become an actor,
Which is why I tried to become an actor,
Which is why I want to do it.
Which is why I want to do it.
Which number do you want, George?
Which number do you want, George?
Who are you? Oh, come on!
Who are you? Oh, come on!
Who do you think you are talking like that, white girl?
Who do you think you are talking like that, white girl?
Who dreams of acting but can't do it very well,
Who dreams of acting but can't do it very well,
Who is Heywood?
Who is Heywood?
Who said shop class was useless?
Who said shop class was useless?
Who?
Who?
Who? It's Marschz. Yes.
Who? It's Marschz. Yes.
Why are you trying to fuck with me all the time, bitch?
Why are you trying to fuck with me all the time, bitch?
Why did you bring that thing?
Why did you bring that thing?
Why do I feel like I've been ****d in the face?
Why do I feel like I've been ****d in the face?
Why don't you have one with us, ese?
Why don't you have one with us, ese?
Why have you brought us here?
Why have you brought us here?
Why not?
Why not?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Wildly underrated.
Wildly underrated.
Will be provided by the Gay Men's Chorus of Tucson!
Will be provided by the Gay Men's Chorus of Tucson!
William Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare.
With dark memories of a rigid dictum
With dark memories of a rigid dictum
With Jack La Lanne's Power Juicer.
With Jack La Lanne's Power Juicer.
Would it kill you to say something nice about it once in a while?
Would it kill you to say something nice about it once in a while?
Would you come and speak with my drama class?
Would you come and speak with my drama class?
Wow, there's a great energy in here.
Wow, there's a great energy in here.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow. Where were you when I was seven?
Wow. Where were you when I was seven?
Wrapping his lips around a.45
Wrapping his lips around a.45
Yeah, and did you see my dressing room?
Yeah, and did you see my dressing room?
Yeah, he liked to goof around,
Yeah, he liked to goof around,
Yeah, I think if I had one complaint about nursing,
Yeah, I think if I had one complaint about nursing,
Yeah, I'd drink to that.
Yeah, I'd drink to that.
Yeah, I'm gonna run myself a big Arthur style bath with bubbles.
Yeah, I'm gonna run myself a big Arthur style bath with bubbles.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I just love class so much.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I just love class so much.
Yeah, maybe so.
Yeah, maybe so.
Yeah, that was.
Yeah, that was.
Yeah, this is one of the most basic skills a drama student can acquire.
Yeah, this is one of the most basic skills a drama student can acquire.
Yeah, we do.
Yeah, we do.
Yeah, why?
Yeah, why?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yo.
Yeah, yo.
Yeah, yo.
Yeah, yo.
Yeah, you take care.
Yeah, you take care.
Yeah! Fuck yeah!
Yeah! Fuck yeah!
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. And I got some friends to watch the parking lot
Yeah. And I got some friends to watch the parking lot
Yeah. I am her.
Yeah. I am her.
Yeah. It's a slippery slope.
Yeah. It's a slippery slope.
Yes, I did, funny bunny.
Yes, I did, funny bunny.
Yes, I did.
Yes, I did.
Yes, I'm great.
Yes, I'm great.
Yes, it does.
Yes, it does.
Yes, our concerns about the play are of a different nature.
Yes, our concerns about the play are of a different nature.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, well, we'll let Octavio make up his own mind.
Yes, well, we'll let Octavio make up his own mind.
Yes, what is it, Rand?
Yes, what is it, Rand?
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes! I am an artist, aren't I?
Yes! I am an artist, aren't I?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes. Yes. Do you think it's a bad idea?
Yes. Yes. Do you think it's a bad idea?
Yo. We could knock over a 7 Eleven.
Yo. We could knock over a 7 Eleven.
Yolanda doesn't talk.
Yolanda doesn't talk.
Yolanda, you don't say much, but when you do, it sure packs a wallop.
Yolanda, you don't say much, but when you do, it sure packs a wallop.
Yolanda?
Yolanda?
Yolanda?
Yolanda?
Yolanda.
Yolanda.
You all right?
You all right?
You almost had your hooks in me
You almost had your hooks in me
You are racist, okay?
You are racist, okay?
You ass turd monkey fucker!
You ass turd monkey fucker!
You can stay till the end of the term and after that, get out.
You can stay till the end of the term and after that, get out.
You can't have a school without a drama department.
You can't have a school without a drama department.
You can't let your ethnic narrow mindedness
You can't let your ethnic narrow mindedness
You can't stop art.
You can't stop art.
You can't take your signature off it.
You can't take your signature off it.
You come in here and tell us all to be artistic,
You come in here and tell us all to be artistic,
You didn't? No, no, you.
You didn't? No, no, you.
You died for our sins You got to believe us
You died for our sins You got to believe us
You don't control our kids!
You don't control our kids!
You got a baby girl?
You got a baby girl?
You got my cell number? Yeah.
You got my cell number? Yeah.
You got to believe us
You got to believe us
You gotta go a little crazy to make great fucking art.
You gotta go a little crazy to make great fucking art.
You guys laugh so much.
You guys laugh so much.
You guys, come on, I asked you to prepare a few questions.
You guys, come on, I asked you to prepare a few questions.
You have Hamlet using a time machine
You have Hamlet using a time machine
You have no documentation, no ID, your badge isn't visible,
You have no documentation, no ID, your badge isn't visible,
You have Satan French kissing
You have Satan French kissing
You keep me honest, I adore you for that.
You keep me honest, I adore you for that.
You know the wonderful Sandra Bullock, Keanu Reeves...
You know the wonderful Sandra Bullock, Keanu Reeves...
You know what I really miss about acting?
You know what I really miss about acting?
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
You know, 10 grands.
You know, 10 grands.
You know, according to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals,
You know, according to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals,
You know, and those Bible humping protesters
You know, and those Bible humping protesters
You know, Chuy, you're gonna have a magical life.
You know, Chuy, you're gonna have a magical life.
You know, Hamlet, you must forgive your father
You know, Hamlet, you must forgive your father
You know, I had a feeling...
You know, I had a feeling...
You know, I was thinking of working
You know, I was thinking of working
You know, I'd like to see your Bottom.
You know, I'd like to see your Bottom.
You know, I'm a reasonable guy.
You know, I'm a reasonable guy.
You know, it's like...
You know, it's like...
You know, let you talk to people.
You know, let you talk to people.
You know, like computers and ceramics
You know, like computers and ceramics
You know, sometimes even I feel like my father's forsaken me.
You know, sometimes even I feel like my father's forsaken me.
You know, that positive ionic flow.
You know, that positive ionic flow.
You know, there's so much I want to say through my work
You know, there's so much I want to say through my work
You know, where is he anyway?
You know, where is he anyway?
You mean Latinos.
You mean Latinos.
You nearly had me roped and tied
You nearly had me roped and tied
You need to inspire everyone to come to your rescue.
You need to inspire everyone to come to your rescue.
You never believed in me, Daddy! I hate you!
You never believed in me, Daddy! I hate you!
You ready? Yeah.
You ready? Yeah.
You really think you're street, don't you?
You really think you're street, don't you?
You really will be better off without me.
You really will be better off without me.
You received a cease and desist order
You received a cease and desist order
You see, right there. I like the way you say "George."
You see, right there. I like the way you say "George."
You shouldn't have hit him like that!
You shouldn't have hit him like that!
You signed it, you signed consent.
You signed it, you signed consent.
You trying to take me on, you time travel freak?
You trying to take me on, you time travel freak?
You wanna hit me? Hit me!
You wanna hit me? Hit me!
You want my number?
You want my number?
You want nachos or pizza?
You want nachos or pizza?
You want to save drama, but you've produced nothing worth saving.
You want to save drama, but you've produced nothing worth saving.
You watch it, Nacho Bell Grande!
You watch it, Nacho Bell Grande!
You will find it quite moving.
You will find it quite moving.
You will stop Dana Marschz. Take him down.
You will stop Dana Marschz. Take him down.
You, you were wonderful in Leaving Las Vegas...
You, you were wonderful in Leaving Las Vegas...
You?
You?
You'll be much happier without me.
You'll be much happier without me.
You'll sense my drift.
You'll sense my drift.
You'll wind up horribly murdered
You'll wind up horribly murdered
You're a butterfly
You're a butterfly
You're a butterfly
You're a butterfly
You're a liar, everybody has rain gutters!
You're a liar, everybody has rain gutters!
You're broiling our little tadpoles
You're broiling our little tadpoles
You're hurting me!
You're hurting me!
You're not far off, ladypants.
You're not far off, ladypants.
You're shut down, Marx!
You're shut down, Marx!
You're so hot! My God, I love you!
You're so hot! My God, I love you!
You're taking the tragedy out of the tragedy.
You're taking the tragedy out of the tragedy.
You're telling me that this guy traveled through time
You're telling me that this guy traveled through time
You're very busy. I understand.
You're very busy. I understand.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
You've barely spoken to me all day.
You've barely spoken to me all day.
You've got to do something, Dana.
You've got to do something, Dana.
You've got to do something, Dana.
You've got to do something, Dana.
Your head out of your ass?
Your head out of your ass?
Your madness must not unwatched go.
Your madness must not unwatched go.
Your son, Heywood Jablomey.
Your son, Heywood Jablomey.
Your wife is leaving you.
Your wife is leaving you.
6K, a.k.a. $6,000. How do we get it?
6K, a.k.a. $6,000. How do we get it?
33 AD.
33 AD.
...and so fabulously funny in Adventures in Babysitting,
...and so fabulously funny in Adventures in Babysitting,
'cause all they ended up doing
'cause all they ended up doing
'Cause I'm married to a Jew, I got nothing to lose.
'Cause I'm married to a Jew, I got nothing to lose.
"...revealing Hamlet, Gertrude, Polonius,
"...revealing Hamlet, Gertrude, Polonius,
"and Hillary Clinton having what appears to be group sex."
"and Hillary Clinton having what appears to be group sex."
"and wave their arms like malfunctioning wind up toys..."
"and wave their arms like malfunctioning wind up toys..."
"Are Dana Marschz's bi yearly stagings of
"Are Dana Marschz's bi yearly stagings of
"As Roland Barthes tells us, 'Multiple perspectives cannot ever coalesce."'
"As Roland Barthes tells us, 'Multiple perspectives cannot ever coalesce."'
"In the theater, actors endeavor to simulate human emotion.
"In the theater, actors endeavor to simulate human emotion.
"It is perhaps best not to mention the acting.
"It is perhaps best not to mention the acting.
"It manages to make last year's production
"It manages to make last year's production
"of Mississippi Burning look sparkling by comparison."
"of Mississippi Burning look sparkling by comparison."
"Oh, Dana, for fuck's sake, please let me do your play."
"Oh, Dana, for fuck's sake, please let me do your play."
"One of you people"? What does that mean?
"One of you people"? What does that mean?
"or is he just profoundly confused?
"or is he just profoundly confused?
"Or is offense the offense at all?
"Or is offense the offense at all?
"popular Hollywood films an ironic gesture,
"popular Hollywood films an ironic gesture,
"Principal Rocker to such a degree?
"Principal Rocker to such a degree?
"Rand Posin and Epiphany Sellars flap their lips
"Rand Posin and Epiphany Sellars flap their lips
"The time machine door opens..."
"The time machine door opens..."
"this year's Erin Brockovich accomplishes something quite astonishing."
"this year's Erin Brockovich accomplishes something quite astonishing."
"To be fair,
"To be fair,
"Toaster" is street for "gun."
"Toaster" is street for "gun."
"Toaster" is street for "gun"?
"Toaster" is street for "gun"?
"Truth is a nebulous commodity.
"Truth is a nebulous commodity.
"Turn the other cheek" is really showing class
"Turn the other cheek" is really showing class
"we got some harnesses."
"we got some harnesses."
"What about Hamlet 2 could possibly offend
"What about Hamlet 2 could possibly offend
"Why is the school board afraid of this man?"
"Why is the school board afraid of this man?"
$8.40.
$8.40.

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