What to Expect When You're Expecting Edit

A big yard, one story, no pool or sharp edges of any kind.

A boy! That's so cute! l love boys!

A girl.

A little nausea. Some heartburn. And my boobs are killing me.

A tip more.

Actually, a lot of couples are choosing not to circumcise these days.

Actually, that was my cell phone.

Alex and Holly style.

Alex and Holly style.

Alex, Holly!

Alex, quick, come see this!

Alex, Vic. Vic, Alex.

All l know is that Craig started going when l was pregnant with Henri

All l wanna do is punch you in the face

All l want to do is punch you in the face

All right then. Everybody gather up your things, here we go. Follow me.

All right, baby. You like it when l'm bossy?

All right, everyone. Aristotle needs his down time.

All right, excellent choice.

All right, if l win, you have to have a drink with me.

All right, let's see it.

All right, okay.

All right, thank you.

All right, that's perfect. Let's see the bump. That's great.

All right, turn to the side.

All right, you wanna go? Let's go. Your special against my special.

All right! Thank you. Hey, a little heads up, America.

All right! That's a good one. Yeah.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. l need you to bear down and push. All right? Here we go.

All right. l'll drink to that. Sure.

All right. Second degree burn. Making caramels.

All right. Tough girl.

Also awesome. Also my invention.

Always?

Amen.

An obvious joke that Latins with their Latin, spicy Latin sense of humor...

And amazingly, even Kara is calling him Henry now. So l owe Alex big time.

And as one who will always remember his Ethiopian heritage.

And author of my very first children's book Milk lt!

And beatdownsmanship.

And besides, it actually makes the penis less sensitive.

And for the record, the roll off did not happen on my watch.

And forget about what the scale says tonight.

And go.

And he's so wise. Can't you tell? He's so wise.

And hemorrhoids. Have you ever seen those?

And how's the photography business?

And if that doesn't work we'll do three rounds of lVF.

And if that doesn't work,

And if you win, you may have

And if your wife named your kid "Henri"

And it would just mean the world to me if y'all came.

And it's 1 1 :00 a.m., kind of early for shots.

And it's a girl!

And just be us for a while.

And just send me an email when you've got it figured out.

And kickboxing, just all my activities.

And l don't know that we're renewing your contract.

And l get it, you're naked, you're vulnerable but this is a safe place, you know.

And l gotta give this old boy credit.

And l know l'm gonna love him.

And l need a minute. And don't think l won't be watching you.

And l want it deep, to the knee, and squeeze back up.

And l'll be finished before l have to deliver.

And l'm gonna go to my pregger 'lates.

And l'm his father. Parenthood is about compromise.

And l'm the one who can't do the one thing a woman is supposed to be able to do.

And let me tell you, this is the closest result we have ever recorded.

And looking so fantastic! We are so glad you agreed to speak.

And Miami Heat basketball star, Dwyane Wade.

And now, please welcome our keynote speaker,

And pressure hanging from my uterus

And raise you one more.

And reach! And push. Okay now, break starfish formation.

And see how he's maintaining his weight and healthy lifestyle.

And she's gonna be laying there with her legs splayed wide open.

And sometimes,

And suddenly we're supposed to agree on everything?

And Taboo of The Black Eyed Peas, let's have your thoughts.

And that's the one thing you can count on with adoption, right? Time.

And that's why l go to The Breast Choice for all my pregnancy needs.

And the winner of Celebrity Dance Factor, Season 1 5 is...

And then l have these purple stretch marks everywhere.

And then l put a picture of a Mini Cooper

And then out is gonna slide a little miracle.

And this is your father?

And to bring him up proud and strong.

And us.

And we are not naming him Jackson.

And what? Have your water break at 30,000 feet?

And when she says you're just looking at houses,

And when you come back from Africa

And why did you choose Ethiopia?

And you know, it's really common for guys to put on a little weight as their wife does.

And you lying to me isn't helping.

And you said that even if you did ask for it, that would just be the crazy talking...

And you wanna ignore that silent H bullshit...

And you're planning on bringing the baby home here?

And, you know, it pays the bills.

Apart from what are you gonna do about your show?

Are awesome, right? They're my invention. l made them.

Are we ever going to agree on anything?

Are we gonna rumble at midnight?

Are y'all planning an epidural?

Are you dead?

Are you feeling anything yet?

Are you getting an epidural?

Are you insane? We're not buying, we're just looking.

Are you sure that speaking at the Kids Expo next week is the best idea?

Are you sure you're not freaking out?

Are you talking to yourself again?

Aristotle! Good smile!

Ask him when was the last time he drove it.

At the end.

At the Expo, about the breast pump And the lactation

At the next regional ABC Kids Expo.

At this point in the pregnancy, acne and

Awesome.

Baby shower!

Baby, watch out, the floor's wet.

Back then, no dad was.

Bacon?

Bacon.

Be normal.

Bear down and give it all you've got. Ready?

Beat me home and we never have to race again!

Because l am gonna need evidence that l had these.

Because l don't think that it's right. And l'm his mother.

Because l have no fears, genetic or otherwise.

Because l love the hell out of his mom.

Because l'm *******?

Because we can leave any time.

Because you don't even understand what l'm talking about.

Because you should be.

Beep beep!

Beep beep! Beep beep...

Before l got pregnant.

Besides, if you had your foreskin, maybe l would like you a little bit more.

Besides, these are my contestants, Evan.

Big help, guys. Glad l came out.

Big Pig!

Big smile.

Bleeding gums, constipation, it's all totally normal. Totally normal.

Book signing. Milk lt! the book!

Boom!

Burn!

But happy.

But it just turns out l have all this extra energy.

But it's just proof that a miracle is happening inside of me.

But l don't want that to be the reason we're not together.

But l don't want to drive a vagina on wheels.

But l love you so much so l don't mean it.

But l said some choice words. They were very choice.

But l typed it. lt's typed. The birth plan, it's ready to go.

But l want to.

But l'll take your word for it.

But l've only got five, so you can have those.

But my penis is full Jew. This is my jurisdiction.

But now, l know l'm happy.

But on average, yes, a year. Maybe more.

But sure keeps you connected to your kids.

But the missus and little Mini Cooper and l,

But the samba's still to come. How do you feel?

But then l punch myself in the dick and get over it.

But there's something that l really wanna tell you.

But those other moms aren't getting judged like me.

But to have an opinion about my baby.

But until then, l'm shooting at the Aquarium.

But we are family. Okay?

But we can be scared together. We just have to jump in. All in.

But we just had our budget meeting,

But Wendy lost a lot of blood in there

But what am l saying? You know exactly what this is like.

But you guys. My kids,

But you need to baby proof if you're going to stay here.

But, yeah, l mean, l just... lt's beautiful.

But, yeah, l'd love to.

But, yeah, l'd love to.

By the way, when we're around Kara, it's still "Henri." "Henry's" on the DL.

Bye!

Bye!

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Calling bullshit on the whole thing

Calm the ef down and get the effing car.

Can l get a "l can do it"? You can do it!

Can we be done with this conversation, please?

Can we discuss this weirdness later? l'm working.

Can you believe it? Two!

Can you feel it?

Can you help me do the same?

Caramels.

Caramels. What is wrong with you?

Celebrity Dance Factor.

Check your receipts.

Clamps.

Come here, baby, give your mama a kiss.

Come on back! These girls have got it goin' on back there!

Come on, guys. Really?

Come on, Jordan!

Come on, Jordan. Keep up.

Come on, Jules. You can do it.

Come on, you gonna sweat that weave out tonight.

Come on! That's like a little bit of cheese.

Come on.

Come on. We need to deal with what the real issue is.

Come on. You guys are the ones living the real dream.

Congratulations, Daddy.

Congratulations.

Congratulations. You are parents.

Congratulations. You're off the hook.

Contractions about 1 7 minutes apart, Ram Bam.

Cookie?

Cord blood banking, this is very important these days.

Costa Rica.

Could we stop this, please?

Craig goes. You like Craig.

Craig shouldn't have to see his kids only on weekends 'cause you got a big mouth.

Craig, do you have some sunscreen?

Craig, stop creeping Davis out.

Craig! Come on, Craig!

Created and Encoded by Gaz of www.YIFY TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet.

Dad.

Daddy's here.

Darn right you weren't thinking.

Davis, we are very, very psyched to have you.

Davis! Davis!

Davis! Davis!

Davis! Davis! Davis!

Dip shit ran over my toe.

Dirty Dancing.

Do l look like somebody who wants to drug my baby?

Do me a favor?

Do you happen to have a room service menu?

Do you have a wedding photo?

Do you wanna be this guy again?

Do you wanna feel?

Do you wanna?

Do you want some tea?

Don't be gross. Don't be that girl.

Don't be such a baby.

Don't do it. Don't take the mirror down there.

Don't ever touch me again.

Don't let him get into your head.

Don't mind Craig. He's had a bad week.

Don't pay attention to her.

Don't question the sage insights of Star Buzz.

Don't say that. lt's not your fault. Okay?

Don't tell Alex until l can find something else. Okay?

Don't touch!

Don't you kinda wish you'd done it now? l offered to pay for it.

Don't you love morphine, Gar?

Don't you talk to me like that!

Don't you want a baby?

Don't you want one, ohhh!

Dr. Cooper. We're in a public place.

Drop the pig, Gary Cooper!

Dude, this kid is like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler.

Dude, you're gonna be fine.

Dude's group.

Emerson is cute, right?

Emerson. l love it.

End of the day, family's all that matters.

Evan has promised he's gonna knock me up next.

Evan, l'm pregnant. That's surprise enough. We wanna know.

Evan, we danced on a show for three months together

Evan's gonna drive us to worship in his buggy.

Even l need a cold shower after that one.

Every day, every second, totally ecstatic.

Every time l look at your face, it kills me. ls that enough of a reason?

Everybody wants to go to Margaritaville.

Everybody's in pain.

Everyone's favorite tough love trainer from the weight loss show, Lose it and Weep.

Everything okay?

Exhausted

Experiencing everything for yourself?

Fellas.

Fellows, say hello to our newest member.

Fifth.

Fighting fit.

Fine. Why don't you make every decision about our child's entire life

Fireworks!

First rule, Alex!

First time breaking down a pig when l was 1 6.

Five stars!

Flash me the belly. l want to see it. Come on.

Foot massages and henna tats!

Forgetting

Forgetting

Formal handshake. Good to see you.

Forty dollars.

Found my baby swimming in the toilet.

Freak out's a little strong.

Freeze! Don't take another step!

Fuck!

Gabriel, l understand you've embraced the minivan, and that's yourjourney,

Gar Bear. l'm sorry.

Gar! Gary! Gar Bear! Gar!

Gar. No.

Gary is gonna shit a sideways brick when he sees this.

Gary, come on!

Gary, he's so beautiful.

Gary, honey, slow down! You're practically sprinting!

Gary, let's celebrate. Let's go to Margaritaville.

Gary!

Gary! Gar Bear!

Gary! Get me the juice!

Get my speech. Get my speech.

Get out there and tell the truth and share your wisdom.

Get ready! Here comes the checkered flag!

Get your ass out there and fix what needs fixing.

God damn it!

God, she's like a magical pregnancy unicorn.

Good call, Holly. "l'll never get tired of a dolphin."

Good catch.

Good man. You have your cardiologist on speed dial, right?

Good one.

Good, baby.

Good, good. ls this your first time?

Good, good. ls this your first time?

Good. Perfect.

Got it.

Gotta watch it, Davis. That one looks like a wife.

Great, great. So then it's all on me?

Great, l'll leave you to it.

Great!

Great. All right. We got it.

Guess who's not getting any tonight?

Guys! Hey! Whoa, whoa! Wait up.

Half *******. Christmas tree *******, that's what you said.

Half you, half her, your DNA all mixed together in one magical baby cocktail.

Happy Baby Shower, bitches!

Has nothing to do with the fact we were gonna have a baby.

Have a good night.

Have sex. Because it's gonna be a while.

He cheated. He cheated.

He kinda looks like the Loch Ness Monster to me,

He loves Purple Rain.

He needs to heal, okay? And you need to listen. l mean it, Ram Bam.

He wasted Margaritaville.

He won!

He's a great kid, isn't he?

He's beautiful, y'all.

He's great.

He's my glow.

He's my husband.

He's my perfect, perfect glow.

He's perfect as he is. l don't get the point. What is it?

He's pushing on my bladder.

He's still got that race car engine that can go the distance.

Hell, no. Let's do this.

Hello, Emerson. l'm your mommy.

Hello, there! Aren't you just loving it?

Henry cries if you touch him.

Henry cries if you touch him.

Her name's Ruby and they're moving here.

Here he is.

Here l am, trying to get ready for something that's...

Here they come.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here, we're free. No one's looking over your shoulder.

Here.

Here's a little love tap for you.

Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna get to the hospital room.

Hey, come on! We started Mini Cooper. That's our thing.

Hey, come on! We started Mini Cooper. That's our thing.

Hey, Craig.

Hey, don't think that l won't punch you in the neck

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. l'm sorry. Can l just borrow Alex for two secs?

Hey, Jules! lf you're interested, l never got snipped.

Hey, l'm sorry. l wasn't thinking.

Hey, Marco! l didn't see you.

Hey, no problem. lt's the least l can do, since Holly lost herjob.

Hey, no pull ups, man? Are you sick or something?

Hey, Rosie?

Hey, son! Hey, you, too?

Hey, stop!

Hey, that reminds me. How you doing there, Tater Tot?

Hey, wait! l got it. l got it.

Hey, Wendy, do you mind if l take one of these?

Hey, Wendy.

Hey, where are you going? You can't walk away from a fresh margarita!

Hey, you sure it's not Wendy who's having the twins?

Hey, you. Did you watch it?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Are you the anesthesiologist?

Hey! Look at this. l've got them.

Hey! Look who made it!

Hey! What do you think you're doing?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. What are you guys doing here?

Hey. Where'd you get this guy?

Hi, baby girl.

Hi, Jules!

Hi, little guy.

Hi, little Theo.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. That's me, here?

His name is Kaleb, he's six weeks old.

Holly, l'm sorry to tell you this

Holly, l'm sorry to tell you this

Holly, that's enough. Stop it.

Holly, these are amazing.

Holly!

Holy shit!

Holy... l had no idea that you guys were even trying.

Home made is the best, though.

Home of one of the audience favorites from Season 4.

Honestly, God, seriously, l sometimes think

Honestly, we would have been happy adopting from anywhere.

Honestly, you don't have a choice.

Honey, do you have your driver's license?

Honey, l didn't make any of it. You know Ramsey don't want me cooking.

Honey, l know you can't have any

Hormones, hormones

Hormones! Right?

How are you? Best meal on wheels right here.

How did they find themselves there? l don't know.

How much more?

How was that even possible?

How you doing? You okay?

I don't know. l don't really care about the trophy.

I'm here for Evan.

If l even get a whiff of Ramsey, it's like l just have to pounce, you know?

Into this one giant piece of Granny spandex that's just...

Janice, l don't think l can do this.

Janice, l just peed myself.

Janice! Janice!

Janice?

Janice.

Jesus, Gar! Keep your eyes on the road, you worthless piece of shit!

Jesus! Somebody, anybody, please ask me what l'm craving.

Jinx.

Jordan is a spaz.

Jordan! Get out of those bushes!

Joy.

Jules Baxter and Evan Webber!

Jules Baxter and her partner, Evan Webber!

Jules, l don't wanna be right. l don't wanna win.

Jules, l knew you could do it.

Jules, trust me. He's not even gonna remember it.

Jules, we're live.

Jules! Oh, my...

Jules? Are you okay?

Just 'cause l have an infant strapped to me.

Just forget it 'cause l'll figure it out. Whatever it is, it's not your problem.

Just get it off your chest, son.

Just moments away from crowning our season champion.

Just prop it on your boobs then.

Just pull into any of these spots.

Kara just took a three day business trip and little Henry there just got sick.

Kara, what time is it?

Keep it in your lane, people.

Keep it moving.

L added to my order. Do you think he heard it?

L am a lackluster husband but an above average dad.

L am healthy. l have a low blood pressure. Not that you're helping me any.

L am protecting my miracle.

L blocked out most of high school anyway.

L can do it!

L can do that, okay? l can do it.

L can do... No, l can't do this!

L can live with that.

L can't believe you didn't tell him.

L can't do anything with gloves on.

L can't just look at a picture and feel some magical bond.

L can't think with this thing on. l'm sorry. l am so uncomfortable.

L can't...

L caught him playing in the dryer yesterday.

L changed my mind. l want the epidural. l want it, Gary.

L climbed Everest, okay?

L could work with that, right? Yeah, that sounds good.

L couldn't think of another way to describe it.

L did it exactly how you want.

L did it! l did it!

L do! Park it here.

L don't care about his penis. Who gives a shit?

L don't even recognize my body anymore, you know?

L don't know about you but l didn't get the glow. l got bacne

L don't know the first thing about being a dad.

L don't know what the hell l'm doing.

L don't know what they do there and l don't need to know.

L don't know, man. Out of the blue, l got this call and suddenly...

L don't know.

L don't know.

L don't know. l missed a lot.

L don't know. lt depends on what you got left in your picnic basket.

L don't know. Maybe he's just not ready.

L don't know. Maybe not talk about it at brunch?

L don't like you traveling this late.

L don't see any red flags.

L don't walk. l run.

L don't wanna go to Margaritaville.

L don't want anyone else taking care of you.

L don't want to know about everything that can go wrong.

L feel so bad, but it's hilarious.

L felt a kick in there!

L felt the exact same way when l had my phantom pregnancy.

L finally found it.

L fought a grill and the grill won.

L got Evander here. Venus and Jeter are my twins, and my main man Jordan.

L guess l've been kind of a shit sandwich in the old Dad department, huh?

L had to do some work.

L have no control over my body or my emotions.

L have the whole thing on DVD, Blu ray.

L have to get back to L.A. l have to finish my show.

L have to get back to the truck anyway.

L hear you, l respect you,

L hope that adoption agency has a return policy.

L just came by to personally invite y'all to our baby shower.

L just couldn't handle another thing being my fault.

L just find myself crying all the time.

L just found out, okay? You're the girl. Don't you get to decide?

L just got bacne

L just peed myself a little.

L just want to congratulate you all on working so hard.

L just want to remind you

L just want you and our baby safe. Okay?

L just wanted the glow.

L just...

L just...

L know all about how you call your son "Henry" when Kara's not around.

L know you.

L know you've been busting ass with work and getting everything ready for the baby.

L know, honey.

L know, Wendy, but the baby's heart rate is falling. We need to move now.

L know, Wendy, but the baby's heart rate is falling. We need to move now.

L know!

L know. l'm finally starting to show.

L know. l'm getting there.

L know. lt's all so unscheduled.

L know. So am l.

L like to rub my breasts, too.

L look at houses with Holly, but we're not buying one.

L love it when you call me Big Poppa

L love it when you call me Big Poppa

L love it! l love it!

L love morphine.

L love my baby so much, l worry l'm gonna eat him.

L love research. lt soothes me.

L love these hardwood floors!

L love you too, Squeaks. You're doing great.

L love you, too.

L love you. Bye.

L made these for you.

L mean, l can't go out there and just act like everything's peachy.

L mean, l thought l'd have to give up my Pilates, and my running

L mean, look at her. No cellulite. Not even in daylight.

L mean, what if he tries to kill me in my sleep when he's 1 5?

L mean, you are gonna be our family photographer!

L mean, you said this is where happiness goes to die.

L mean, you said this is where happiness goes to die.

L missed out on high fives before. l'll take one if you had a spare.

L need it, Gar.

L need some alone time, Dad. Need some alone time.

L need support!

L need that time to save, to get ready.

L need the shoulders out. And push!

L need your money roll. l need your money roll.

L never even felt it kick.

L never said that.

L never used to use that word for that part of the body but, trust me,

L picked up the wrong baby from day care.

L promise to watch over this child.

L really feel like crap.

L really thought l had a bum fallopian tube.

L remember her well. Excellent photos, Davis. Slutty, but artful.

L saw every episode of your Lose it season.

L see his head, Jules.

L sense your fear, Alex. lt's cool.

L sit here. Okay.

L so wanna do that slide y thing.

L stay at your place. We spend the holidays with your family.

L stay up at night and l watch it over and over again.

L stole it from the lnternet.

L think it's right here.

L think we can do ourselves a favor and stop pretending.

L think we should take a break from trying.

L thought you said "Cute Marco." Not "Hot Marco."

L thought you said never again.

L thought you'd never ask.

L tolerate Craig at a barbecue. Not as a forced play date.

L want 1 0 of those on each side. That's 20, people.

L want the house for the baby.

L want to push. l want to push.

L wanted to be with you before you were pregnant.

L was eating lunch. Now l'm scarred for life.

L was gonna go see them.

L was just trying to get something else

L was Prince, Holly was a showgirl.

L was there when they lost the weight and l want to be there for them now.

L will Freaky Fridaywith you anytime.

L will not compete!

L will not compete!

L will not have my son treated like that.

L will not have these babies come into this world when there is strife in our family.

L will rip this baby out myself. l swear to God, you'll see me on the news.

L wish he was that well behaved. He's more like Mickey Rourke in real life.

L won!

L won.

L would like to propose a toast.

L wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

L, for one, really hope that's true.

L'd play with that.

L'd totally let that one do me.

L'll be right back.

L'll meet you in the truck, man.

L'll probably never really understand what you went through.

L'll see you in the field, all right?

L'm bleeding.

L'm calling bullshit on the whole thing. Pregnancy sucks.

L'm calling bullshit.

L'm coming. Just hold on to your va jay jays!

L'm doing what l can to keep you, but it just isn't looking good.

L'm gonna break out the Don Julio "Blank o."

L'm gonna cover this up for you.

L'm gonna get you to take a picture of these twins, and my stepson's baby.

L'm gonna give you the one, but it's not for the right reasons.

L'm gonna wait around front!

L'm here for you. All right?

L'm Hutch Davidson and we are live from Hollywood

L'm impressed, Rosie.

L'm just kidding.

L'm just making sure, that's all.

L'm just seeing my favorite band. l asked how you were.

L'm just trying to catch the part with Gary, but l can always record it.

L'm just... Don't, okay? l'm just trying to get ready.

L'm like crazy horny.

L'm not falling for that trick.

L'm not gonna forget it.

L'm not gonna let somebody hurt my baby like that.

L'm not número dos!

L'm not supposed to drink my calories, Dad!

L'm not tired of it. l smile every time l see it.

L'm pretty confident l can keep this baby in until l get home.

L'm ready to push. l wanna push. Please, l wanna push.

L'm really glad you're here.

L'm scared, too.

L'm scared.

L'm serious, okay? l need help.

L'm sick of competing with you, okay?

L'm sorry l can't be there.

L'm sorry, baby. Just don't come back without it, okay?

L'm sorry, Rosie. l'm just trying to do the right thing here.

L'm sorry.

L'm sorry. l didn't think about any of this stuff

L'm sorry. So sorry.

L'm taking Gary in the back.

L'm the one who made us spend the 401 K money on lVF.

L'm Wendy Cooper, wearing two hats today as store owner

L'm with child! We're pregnant!

L've been in it a million times.

L've been totally cracking out on baby stuff.

L've been waiting for you!

L've got 20 minutes to make it to the crib sale at Babies "R" Us.

L've got five women in front of her. lt's gonna be a little while.

L've got to cut down on all my freelancers. You were the last one hired.

L've got to get better pictures on my phone.

Let's do it.

Let's get back in position. l want opposite sets. Crunch it up.

Let's go meet our son.

Let's go.

Let's hope she's not pregnant, folks.

Let's turn to our esteemed panel ofjudges. Tyce? Let's hear your score.

Let's walk.

Lf we're not back by 1 0:00, the baby sitter charges double.

Lf you don't smile, your mom doesn't buy any prints and l don't get paid.

Lf you must know it's the baby.

Lf you put the diaper on backwards or forget to heat the bottle up,

Lf you wanna ditch those carrot sticks and feed your kid McNuggets

Lf you want me to go, l'll go.

Like a lot.

Like a zero to a one. Because l'm smiling, we're smiling.

Like bears or wives.

Like that. l really hope l forget that.

Listen to that. Someone call the cops. They're murdering a song.

Listen, can we just try to keep it positive?

Little peanut.

Ln every relationship, there's an alpha and a beta.

Ln something other than stained pajama pants.

Look at his little nose and his perfect little lips.

Look at me, man.

Look at our bellies.

Look who we've got here.

Look, kid.

Look, l don't know.

Look, l just think someone should go with you and little Jackson there.

Look, l know that Ramsey and Gary have not always gotten along so well

Look, l would feel shafted if we didn't do it.

Look, l'm not like you, okay?

Look, this is it. This is the one we have to get.

Look, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.

Look, you got more hits than that cow dancing video.

Look. A deli slicer nearly took my whole thumb off.

Look. l want you to know that l get it.

Looking down at her perfectly round belly with that sweet smile.

Love you, too.

Ls she supposed to be falling asleep?

Ls that gonna be okay?

Ls that gonna be okay?

Ls that our alarm?

Ls that you?

Ls that... ls she yours?

Lsn't that great?

Lt begins when you feel the first...

Lt is a miracle, isn't it?

Lt looks like it's a little early to tell.

Lt looks like you've got your hands full there.

Lt really is a miracle, isn't it?

Lt was beautiful.

Lt was fun.

Lt was incredibly beautiful.

Lt was just lovely. And hug your mommies for breast feeding you.

Lt was like a purse. l could hide my snacks in it.

Lt was so incredibly beautiful.

Lt wasn't for me, so l gave you a three.

Lt wouldn't have worked anyway.

Lt's a boy.

Lt's a boy.

Lt's a girl!

Lt's a little weird,

Lt's a mob. lt's a mob, Gar. Look at them, they look angry.

Lt's called "Couvade Syndrome" or "Sympathetic Pregnancy."

Lt's Davis!

Lt's going to be okay.

Lt's gonna be okay.

Lt's just, he gives me a hard time when l'm late, you know.

Lt's like Fight Club,

Lt's like l could fit 20 of my old bras

Lt's Mini Coopers.

Lt's much more common than you think. But you know what? Rule number two...

Lt's my fault. l wished it.

Lt's not a big deal at all for sure.

Lt's not a race, Dad.

Lt's not even medically necessary.

Lt's not that l'm not ready. l'm just...

Lt's okay. Just 'cause you have a bad dad doesn't mean you're gonna be a bad dad.

Lt's okay. She's my mother in law ish. Shit, hi!

Lt's pretty good.

Lt's so good. Why have l wasted two years not drinking this?

Lt's so hot.

Lt's supposed to be a year. Or more!

Lt's swine time, let's go! What do you want, bud?

Lt's two in there, yeah?

Lt's very important. That's the first rule.

Lt's very possible.

Making a human being is really hard.

Man, l was dreaming that l had a kangaroo pouch.

Man! Why did you do that?

Marco, the reason we're not together

Marco, this is Courtney and Molly.

Marco?

Marco? Wake up.

Margaritaville is abierto for business.

Marry me.

May l have the envelope, please?

Maybe a three.

Maybe l just

Maybe l'll see you on the truck line

Me, too.

Me, too.

Might as well face it You're addicted to love

More?

Mr. Cooper? She's awake.

My baby boy. l'm so proud of you. You've grown up so fast.

My balls work! My balls work! Oh, my God!

My vagina seats seven, comfortably.

My wife and l cried every pound you lost.

My wife changed her mind. She needs the epidural right now.

My wife is pregnant, Jules, okay?

My woman gave birth doggie style.

My zipper's stuck.

Name, "Emerson Jane Webber."

Neat!

Next time, all right? Congratulations! Great job!

Nice job, Craig.

Nice try.

Nine centimeters.

No more cell phones. Landlines only from here on out.

No need to resort to cheap theatrics.

No shop talk tonight, all right?

No, baby! lt's fine. l can wait.

No, I'm not, Jules. We're gonna be sister wives!

No, it's just, when you put it like that, that's...

No, it's this way.

No, l don't need anything at all. Thank you so much.

No, l feel so whole.

No, l know. lt's just, you know, one time.

No, l wanna see it right here.

No, l'm cool, thank you.

No, l'm not. l've already got friends.

No, no, honey. No, no, no. You said you didn't want it

No, no, no, no. l have a birth plan.

No, no, no, no. That's not okay. She's in pain.

No, no, no, that's baby juice!

No, no, no!

No, thank you.

No, thank you. Have the Breast Day!

No, that means that in every relationship...

No, that's okay. lt's funny. Now.

No, that's... She didn't get... Not from being pregnant.

No, this is just a rental.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Actually, he's... l don't know.

No. Don't. Okay, thank you.

No. He was too fast.

No. l don't even like caramels. Just keep them. Take them.

No. l don't think you went too far at all.

No. lt was just an exercise in gamesmanship.

No. lt's called a crutch, Gary.

No. No, l didn't mean...

No. You can't. You need to stay in bed.

Nobody's asking you to stop doing yourjob.

None of that means jack shit when l'm gone.

Not anymore, bro. Not anymore.

Not everything's a race, Dad.

Not out loud.

Not the money and the women, and the sex, and the drugs.

Not the races, and the trophies, and the endorsements.

Now go.

Now Holly won't even talk to me. She thinks l don't want the baby.

Now that's the Cooper spirit!

Now who can you call to come take care of you?

Now, before we get down to business,

Now, he loves being a dad and he never misses a Saturday.

Now, look, son, there's no blanks in this pistol.

Now, we've just seen the last dances from our first two finalists.

Obviously you caught me in a moment of weakness.

Of course, Skyler. That's... You...

Of course. How is that even a question?

Offspring. New guy.

Oh, God! No!

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Stop!

Oh, God.

Oh, my God, l am so sorry.

Oh, my God, l think l'm gonna throw up.

Oh, my God, l'm wasted.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Alex, look at him! He's gorgeous!

Oh, my God! Look at this.

Oh, my God! The Big Pig is here.

Oh, my God! Your turf?

Oh, my God. Damn, this show gives me the munchies.

Oh, my God. l'm already crying.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my... Sweet bird of paradise, what is that smell?

Oh, no. l'm gonna have to go into hiding.

Oh, wow. lt's 9:30, guys. lt's 9:30. We've got to go. Yeah, we got to go.

Oh, yeah. Real soon.

Okay E invite, draft 38.

Okay, beautiful. You can pick up your prints at the kiosk at the front.

Okay, but did you get my rack?

Okay, can we all wave bye bye?

Okay, Dad.

Okay, Gary. Gar.

Okay, hang on. l have to sneeze.

Okay, here we are in Atlanta, Georgia.

Okay, hold on. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Okay, Jules. This is it. Are you ready?

Okay, l don't know. l don't know.

Okay, let's talk pain. On a scale of 1 to 1 0, what do you feel?

Okay, look, l was gonna tell you. l did not say this to them.

Okay, look. You were right, okay? You win...

Okay, make sure you get the sign and the house.

Okay, Mr. Cooper. Mr. Cooper, l think you need to step out.

Okay, okay. Sorry. l got it. l got it.

Okay, Skyler.

Okay, so l have no say in what happens to my son?

Okay, Tater Tot.

Okay, then.

Okay, there's breast feeding, we have to know about this.

Okay, Trouble. l'm gonna go.

Okay, we can cut that part out. Are we still rolling? We good?

Okay, we're popping in on him

Okay, who wants to have a baby?

Okay, you don't have a car.

Okay, you know what? The truth...

Okay! Okay.

Okay?

Okay? And...

Okay? l'm the one with the bad eggs.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Are you sure you took the test right?

Okay. But you haven't had a drink in two years.

Okay. Cheryl Cole?

Okay. Got you.

Okay. l will. But what's important right now?

Okay. l'll see y'all there?

Okay. Let's do this.

Okay. Maybe it's time to stop there.

Okay. Okay.

On a scale of 1 to 1 0, how is your pain right now?

Once a baby comes out of it, it's a vagina.

One down, one to go.

One more, we can run a full court. Two more and l got pallbearers.

One more. Come on in.

One time.

Only one star on the tango last week, Megan,

Only there's no fighting, everybody has babies,

Only things where you can come in first.

Or shall l say "small" winner is.

Partying with Jimmy Buffett on the back of Willie Nelson's bus.

Patel's wife wants him to trade in his '69 Camaro.

People think it's okay, not just to have an opinion about me

Perfect. Okay, guys, look right here.

Pictures of breasts inside!

Piece of shit double boiler.

Please?

Plus,

Plus, all the white babies were taken.

Plus, l have to pee every five minutes.

Plus, Patel test drove a minivan last week anyway.

Plus, you can't even get a car seat in that thing.

Pregnancy sucks

Pregnancy's glow is made from two scoops of angel kisses.

Punch you in the face punch you in the face

Punk. Next time, get him.

Push.

Put your drink down,

Put your drink down.

Quit asking me! l'm great!

Ramsey Cooper.

Ramsey's been on me about getting one of these pregnancy portraits done, so...

Reality television star, Whitney Port.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? How much time?

Really? You think that?

Relax. Sunburn is full of vitamin D.

Remember the girl from Australia?

Remember this guy? See that guy?

Reminding, rewinding Removing, regretting

Right this way.

Right, Papa daddy?

Right? You do, right? Hey, girls.

Right.

Ro!

Rosie, don't say that. Come on. Hey!

Rosie, hey!

Rosie, hey.

Rosie, hurry up! l need my lucky bra for my interview.

Rosie, l miss you.

Rosie!

Rosie! Hey, it's me!

S'up fellas, kids, Jordan!

Say "l can do it."

Say hi to Mama. Can you say hi to Mama?

Say hi to Mama. Yeah, that's Mama's finger.

Say, "Mommy." Say, "Mama."

See you tomorrow, okay?

See you tomorrow.

See, Alex, women pretty much control the baby universe. And why not?

Seriously, in what world is it okay for a complete stranger

Seriously, l mean, just say so. l can handle it.

Seriously. No one's even gonna see this.

She fell off the changing table last week, didn't make a sound.

She got "wife eyes."

She looks good.

She most certainly is, sir.

She's just a friend.

She's kidding, Jules.

She's wearing six inch heels.

Shit, Ro. You okay?

Shit!

Shit. Should we get married?

Shitballs, man! Slow down!

Skyler Cooper.

Skyler, hi!

Sneaker socks. l've got my 2 in 1 swing rocker.

So clutch.

So do you want an epidural?

So does that mean you like us?

So help me God.

So it would be "Hey, l got some newjobs," and not "Holy shit, we can't afford our life."

So l don't know what's going on inside.

So l tried to take you both. What's so wrong with that?

So l'm so happy.

So let's get started.

So psyched! Bam!

So tall.

So that means you just get to win every argument?

So they made me wait out here.

So we started researching Ethiopia and we just...

So what do you want to do?

So what's the movie anyway?

So you can stand me up again? No thank you.

So you think we're looking at a year?

So you two will need to consider whether that'll be an issue for you.

So, basically, l am going to be helping people get thin while l get fat.

So, D Biscuit, haven't seen you hanging around. Where you been?

So, Dad.

So, how's Alex? ls he excited?

So, Jules, you've been doing well. Let's take a look, all right?

So, let's just keep it dignified.

So, Skyler, seven months. How are you feeling?

So, suck it up.

So, what is it like to be the son of a racing legend?

So, who wants dessert?

So, you're going, right?

Some of our previous seasons' contestants are going to get a little surprise.

Some wine, cheese and crackers, your favorites.

Son of a bitch!

Son, you gotta learn to lighten up, or it's gonna be a hell of a long day.

Sorry, baby, l love you. You know l do, right?

Sorry, l can't do this.

Sorry, l just... Sorry.

Sorry!

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. Husband. Great.

Sounds pregger ific.

Squeaks, are you sure you feel all right?

Squeaks, it's my first grill!

Squeaks, say hi to little Theo.

Stay on that side, Alex.

Still live.

Still not my mom. She was born in '86.

Stop it!

Stop talking!

Stop! Here comes another one. Here comes another one.

Stuffjust happens, okay? Last week my kid ate a cigarette.

Sure was. What's your pain level, on a scale of 1 to 1 0?

Sure you got everything ready?

Sure, twice a year, l think about the price of college and cry in my car for a half hour.

Sure.

Sure. How much you need?

Surprise!

Sweet.

Take her back!

Take her back.

Tell that to my cheese and bacon panini. Total foodgasm.

Tequila shots! Don't judge.

Thank you, Janice.

Thank you, nice friend.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Ms. K. You done us up right.

Thanks.

Thanks. You, too.

That circumcision video you sent me? Give me a little heads up next time.

That doesn't mean anything!

That even though we're gonna be parents, we can still kick it old school. All right?

That is such a bold faced lie! He's obviously joking!

That is... l'm sorry.

That it would just be so much easier if l could do this on my own.

That kid is a grenade, and he will go off.

That l just had my first reading.

That looks pretty good.

That make women over 35 who are pregnant feel like crap.

That makes me walk like I was kicked in the...

That makes me walk like l was kicked in the vag. l just...

That pig is wearing flippers.

That seemed a little crazy. l will get you the juice.

That sounds awesome.

That was actually, like, a national disaster right there.

That was five years ago. But that's sweet you still remember that.

That was really good.

That was the scariest night of my life. lt was awful.

That's a good one, huh?

That's a real treat.

That's all we need to know. Let's not go crazy with the research.

That's all we really leave behind.

That's bullshit, Rosie. Give me one good reason.

That's bullshit. You looked right at me.

That's cute.

That's funny, 'cause l noticed that those jalapeno fritters you guys are serving...

That's good. That's good.

That's good. That's good. Almost there.

That's it? What about the "no judging" rule?

That's it. Just keep going. l'm listening.

That's it. With your help, l've lost eight pounds.

That's my job.

That's my son.

That's my water, you idiot.

That's normal. That's like every Greek tragedy.

That's nothing compared to the bacon crutch

That's okay.

That's okay. lt happens.

That's one good looking kid you got there, Dr. Cooper.

That's right.

That's right. l'm gonna be dropping in on some of you guys

That's sweet, but Alex here is adopting.

That's what l thought you might say.

That's why you do it. Give the kid some endurance, a fighting chance.

The Baby Center. So we're in the right place.

The baby has gas, okay? The poor little thing can't help itself.

The baby just peed itself a little.

The best day of your life.

The car mels were really good, weren't they?

The censors are gonna love that.

The crazy lady in 408 is next.

The expert, honey. So clearly, there's a question.

The Great Go Kart Beatdown of 1 989.

The hospital said l could fly pretty soon.

The judges called it a "national disaster."

The little stuff, probably not. The big stuff? Yes.

The magical, happy miracle, experiencing pregnancy.

The mountains of Costa Rica.

The one married to that old... The racecar dude.

The one they promise you on the cover of those magazines, with the pretty lady

The only thing l'm ordering is for you to stop serving bacon, okay? Pig's our turf.

The truth is...

There he is!

There she is. Hi.

There we go, there we are.

There's a line if you want to order.

There's no such thing as ready.

There's only one número uno, son.

They are really good.

They can do that, you know.

They can't get someone else to fly around and do these interviews?

They carried the damn things, pushed them outta their vaginas.

They don't talk about what they do there.

They have ricotta cheese in them.

They look amazing.

They overheard our private conversation. l would never talk to them about us.

They said it was gonna be at least a year or more, all right?

They say when it's all over

They're not good for you, but they're really good.

They're paninis, they're grilled peach and blue cheese paninis,

They're working on a big ad for Delta Air Lines...

This guy from high school. Total player.

This is a one time thing. lt's a treat.

This is all gonna blow over.

This is gonna ruin my business.

This is hard for me.

This is it, baby. lt's so perfect. This is the one.

This is me getting in my car.

This is not good parenting! l'm gonna beat you!

This is really awkward, isn't it?

This is so ridiculous!

This is the beginning of the rest of your life!

This is the side where happiness goes to die.

This is you waving goodbye.

This isn't actually for me. l was just picking this up for a friend.

This just speeds things up a little.

Those caramels were delicious, by the way.

Throw your hands in the air lf you're a true player

Tits!

To actually getting Rosie out of the house!

To comment on my son's penis before he's even born?

To not snuffing out the flame.

To see how you're keeping the weight off. You've been warned.

To us.

To us.

To us.

Toe to toe!

Totally.

Try having sex. That's the really fun part.

Trying to get that labor started, huh?

Twins!

Twins.

Two million!

Two minutes.

Two número unos.

Two seconds, that's all l wanted.

Two years.

Two! Two número unos!

Two.

Unbelievable!

Vegas. lt was a costume wedding.

Vic, don't go! Where are you going?

Vic, you've got to help me, man.

Wait. But this is my main job.

Walking.

Was that a contraction? l barely even felt it.

Watch this. Watch this.

Water feels so good.

Way to go, Tater Tot.

We are gonna deal with this issue, Gary, in a very healthy way.

We are like twins! Except l'm actually having twins.

We are so excited to have you as our Spring cover mom.

We can always make it a Skinny Girl!

We can't afford it.

We don't have any family medical history and probably never will

We good? Okay, here we go.

We got our twins. Let's go for triplets, all right?

We had to pull out of the house.

We have a little surprise for you guys. Take a look.

We have a son.

We have an appointment.

We have bets on how long he can last.

We have everything under control in here. lt's okay. Come with me.

We have to get some of these for the store. lt tastes like real nipple.

We just really fell in love with the culture.

We need to prepare for a C Section.

We own it, right?

We own it, right?

We saw you on that Lose it and Weep show.

We should get some for the house.

We sure wish y'all could stay longer.

We were just having a little fun. l'm just trying to toughen him up.

We were on a waiting list for Guatemala, but then they closed their adoptions.

We'll just adopt, which will be great,

We're about to close on the house.

We're better than that, right? We're artists.

We're buying a house, a really nice house.

We're definitely gonna need more nipple cream.

We're getting some high blood pressure.

We're gonna be a family.

We're having a baby!

We're having a baby.

We're here every Saturday, bro. Tweak the nipples.

We're here to let off a little steam. Not break up families.

We're here, Jules.

We're just looking.

We're just moments away from finding out who our big,

We're not a couple.

We're old enough. We love each other.

We're on the same page on that one.

We've been doing a little recon on you.

We've never even been on a real date, you know.

We've tallied the judges' scores and added them to our viewers' votes.

Welcome back to Celebrity Dance Factor.

Welcome back to our live Lose it and Weep finale.

Welcome to escrow, bitch.

Welcome to Ethiopia.

Welcome to Happy Hour.

Welcome to the workplace of Wendy Cooper, the star of lnternet.

Welcome, everyone, to The Breast Choice.

Well done, Rosie.

Well then, you'll love the wall. l'll see you both in a month.

Well, do you?

Well, don't wait too long. You don't wanna miss your window.

Well, every case has its own timeline. You just have to be patient.

Well, Holly's the best, so she'll make you look amazing er.

Well, if it's any consolation, l like an uncut guy.

Well, if you don't stop me, l'm just gonna kiss you.

Well, l asked you to prom first, all right. And then you said, "Maybe"

Well, l can give you 20% off on prints if you order today.

Well, l guess it just takes time.

Well, l just came to drop off that little invitation.

Well, l made an exception.

Well, l'm calling it.

Well, l'm still waiting for the Guggenheim to start collecting my work.

Well, that was delicious.

Well, then l guess you're not a very good father.

Well, they can't all be you, now can they?

Well, we start filming in three weeks

Well, we're bidding on it. lt's not a done deal yet.

Well, you know what they say. Money isn't everything,

Well, you know what, l have my crew,

Well...

Wendy and l have a little announcement to make.

Wendy Cooper of The Breast Choice!

Wendy Cooper, everybody.

Wendy touched this.

Wendy, are you gonna be all right? Wendy?

Wendy, can l go on my 1 5 minute Facebook break?

Wendy, hi!

Wendy, l just have to say, l am just so happy to have a baby expert in the family.

Wendy, shut your pregnant face. You do not want to see this.

Wendy?

Wendy?

What are you craving?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here? You're supposed to be on the show!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Oh, my God! Are you gonna go for it?

What are you guys doing? Come on! Pick it up!

What are you watching?

What are you, l think, maybe a six?

What are you...

What can l get you guys?

What did you think was gonna happen?

What do you got?

What do you want to do?

What does that say about me if that's what you're into?

What happened to your hand?

What he does is, he actually picks songs for commercials for an ad agency.

What is it?

What is that in inches?

What is with the face?

What the hell is that?

What two, three months? Something like that?

What, l'm not even supposed to mention reality?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? l'm an eight! Frown, no tears. Eight.

What? No!

What? Says the girl with the duct taped Civic.

What? You are so mean. Are you always this mean?

What's her deal? l thought she finally got laid.

What's this liquid on my butt?

What's to figure out?

What's up, bro?

What's up, guys?

What's up, man?

What's wrong, D Bone? You always do your pull ups.

When l was young, l used to think l was so happy.

When my sister was pregnant, she got herpes.

When you look like him, you can have

When you were born, l wasn't even in the room.

When your wife says you're just test driving minivans,

Where did you get the picture?

Where does "Henri" come from anyway?

Where else would l be?

Where the hell have you been?

Where you going? Narnia?

Where's the valet? l don't see a valet around here.

Which brings us to our last, but certainly not least, finalist of the night.

While we send these four home to train on their own before our live finale

Who's that?

Whoa, ouch! That hurt. Slow down. Stop.

Whoa! The floor's a little wet. They've got to do something about that.

Whoa! What is that?

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoever sells the most tonight, wins.

Whoever she was, you probably deserved it.

Why do you do that, Jules?

Why don't you take a break. l have this.

Why is this such a big deal to you?

Why'd you fight the grill? lt always wins.

With a dash of bacon.

With the side effects, you know. Because l know that

Work the feet. Show me those gums! That's it, baby!

Wow, this is your shower invite.

Wow!

Wow!

Wow! Thanks. That's super supportive. l appreciate that.

Wow. That's one baby out.

Yay!

Yeah, but l have sacrificed my entire body for this.

Yeah, do it that way. No fuss, no muss.

Yeah, give me two carnitas tacos and a jalapeno fritter.

Yeah, great, this was a thing, you know?

Yeah, gross! Nobody needs to see how the sausage gets made, Jules!

Yeah, hell's bells. l guess it's congratulations to all of us.

Yeah, l bet you are!

Yeah, l got four under five.

Yeah, l miss me, too.

Yeah, l once banged my way straight across Eastern Europe.

Yeah, Rosie Brennan.

Yeah, we...

Yeah, we're in this together.

Yeah, we're moving into a padded cell.

Yeah, well...

Yeah, Wendy is here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Patel, what's the Camaro situation?

Yeah, you win again, Dad.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Go do your pull ups!

Yeah! Let's get you cleaned up. Yeah.

Yeah! Yeah, you did! You did great.

Yeah! Yeah! He's...

Yeah? Check this out. Okay.

Yeah? Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. l'll have another chance when the time's right.

Yeah. l'll have another chance when the time's right.

Yeah. Maybe that was a good thing though.

Yeah. Of course.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. You're right. He can't ruin this. Not today.

Yeah. That's great. Thanks, Jules.

Yeah. That's kind of the plan.

Yeah. That's the thing. lt's such a bummer,

Yeah. That's what l meant.

Yeah. We can be done.

Yeah. You don't know true love till you've wiped someone's butt.

Yes, yes. l just cannot find my keys. That's all l have to do.

Yes, you did. So l asked someone else. Then you said, "Yes."

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yours?

You and l, here we go. We're gonna do lunges. Ready?

You are looking at one of the keynote speakers

You are so clutch, baby.

You broke the code, bro.

You can do it. Just put one cankle in front of the other.

You can't get rid of me that easy.

You did this to me!

You don't even want this, do you?

You don't like the name "Henri"?

You dropped your kid off a changing table?

You forget the whole thing.

You found your kid in the toilet, right?

You go for the most obvious, least interesting chef groupies ever.

You go with it.

You got lucky. l'm sending his pictures now.

You gotta figure it out, bro.

You guys, you've been trying for quite a while.

You have no idea.

You just don't get it. We love being dads.

You just jump on a moving train and try not to die.

You just... You crushed it. You crushed a glass of wine.

You know the last guy who threw up on me?

You know what l did? l married him.

You know what, if l had six stars, l'd give you the six.

You know what, start with Evander here. She never cries.

You know what, why don't we just say it got burned in a fire?

You know what? Glass houses, Craig!

You know what? l'm also gonna get the Georgia Dog Special.

You know, because there's two of them and there's two in here, and they're pink.

You know, l know you've been so worried about saving and the house...

You know, l'm just gonna stay at my place tonight.

You know, there's a lot of articles out there

You know, you have the worst taste in girls.

You know? And just feminine. With all this life running through me.

You liked it last week.

You lost your one steady gig and you didn't even tell me.

You might wanna wait till you get home to open it, l think.

You must be ecstatic, every second of every day.

You need some practice. Here, hold Henry for a second.

You need to deal with it today, not 1 00 pounds from now.

You need to learn the Bradley Method. And... What?

You need to stay in bed so we can keep your contractions under control.

You okay?

You pee on a stick. lt's idiot proof.

You really love to remind me about that every time. Hi.

You threw your samba for me.

You told your wife Craig likes to call Henri "Henry"?

You too, Gar. Come on! Your mom's gonna be glad to see you.

You wanna adopt? Adopt some new friends.

You wanna go crazy? Let's go crazy!

You want Alex ready? Send him to the dudes.

You want the house or the baby?

You want this baby on time? Try walking. That helps sometimes.

You were right, l never even took you out on a real date.

You will not ridicule, you will not compete.

You will.

You're a comedian?

You're all winners.

You're at eight centimeters.

You're at ten centimeters, but the baby's not coming.

You're buying a minivan.

You're doing great, hon.

You're doing great, Squeaks. This guy's got a real steady hand.

You're doing great, Tater Tot. Just hang in there.

You're doing great.

You're going for it. You did it.

You're gonna feel a little bit of pressure in one or both legs. That's normal.

You're like a human kanga hybrid.

You're living your wisdom!

You're not even ready?

You're not gonna be the only mom out there with that Spring Break dolphin. Trust me.

You're not still hungry, are you?

You're number one, baby.

You're on your own.

You're propping these sandwiches up on.

You're pushing yourself too hard, Jules. Especially at your age.

You're so good with kids. You should have one of your own.

You're still cheating!

You're still on the other side.

You're the cheese truck, so stick to cheese.

You're the reason l got fat! You are the reason l got fat!

You're the spaz.

You're very welcome.

You're... What, are you... Are you kidding?

You've just got to get over your fear of babies. They can smell fear.

You've seen Univision. He was kidding.

Your blood pressure is low and you are in good health.

Your daddy's such a good dancer.

Your phone ain't the problem, bro.

Your smiles at the wake and Your tears at the wedding

"Chef hands." Occupational hazard. Yeah, guys love it, though.

"Work!" This lucky bastard's a surf photographer,

A girl's good. l like girls. lt's a girl.

A lot of bleeding here. Hey! What is going on?

A lot. So?

a spicy sense of humor, stupid! All right? Get in the car.

again sometime, right? Yeah.

All right, one more time. Bring it in.

Already? Yes!

Always. ls that your gift?

And Dad's gonna keep you that way, right? Right.

and he's losing his shit. Yeah.

and l will take it under consideration. Thank you.

And l'm the alpha. And l'm the alpha.

And steals shit. Come on!

and tennis and my strip aerobics. Sure.

And you got the 4 D ultrasound video. Yeah.

Another Cooper? We reserved a deluxe suite.

Are you excited? We're so excited.

Are you kidding me? l know. l'm sorry.

Are you okay? No! l'm okay. Oh, my God!

Awesome. This was so much... All right. We'll see y'all later.

Babe, did you press the button? Yes.

Baby. Okay.

Baxter Webber. l hate hyphenated names.

Because l don't have my driver's license. Gar!

Been working out? Yeah.

before you noticed. Right.

Bro, bro, bro. What?

Bullshit! ...you're in a safe place. What's up, Henry!

But these guys all have babies. Yeah. That sounds terrible.

Can l order now? No! Just give me one second, please.

Car mels? Yeah.

Cirque du Soleil. So dumb.

Come back soon! Don't ever kiss her again.

Come on. Come on. No, really, that's okay.

Come on. Come on. Here you go! That's all right.

Congratulations! Yeah, congrats.

Costa Rica, bro. Central America, classic.

D Bone! Hey, big guy!

Dad, they don't wanna hear about this. Yeah, we do.

Dad! Dad! Yeah?

Do not touch his baby! Shut up!

Do not touch me. l love you so much.

Do they? Guys love burned hands.

Do we have to watch this? Yes.

Do you feel that? Yeah.

Dodged a bullet. No judging.

Don't be a pussy. You know what?

Don't hate me. No.

Don't talk about what we walk about. Rule #1 .

Don't you gain it back. Yeah, yeah. l'm working on it.

Dude. She's totally doing him. No way.

Even our wedding photo? l'm not taking any chances.

Even our wedding photo? l'm not taking any chances.

Everybody good? Yeah, man.

Feeling all right, Susie? Shut up.

Fine. Fine.

Five stitches. Five. Yeah. Five?

For paint. Yeah. And mulch.

Gar! Yeah?

Gar? Yeah?

Gar. No.

Gary. Someone's gotta call 9 1 1 . Okay, yeah.

Give me one more giant push, all right? He's beautiful.

Go home. No, stay.

Good to know. Henri. What is he, a mime?

Great health insurance. Yeah.

Great. What's up, man? You terrified?

Guys! lt's Davis! Totally!

He was obviously kidding. You get in the car!

He's not even funny. At all. Yeah.

Hello. Oh, my God!

Henri. You got that, Alex?

Here comes another one. Okay, breathe.

Here you go, big boy. Walk it off. Thanks.

Here you go, pal. Drink up. No, thanks. l'm good.

Here, let's take a picture by the sign. All right.

Here. Thank you.

Here's to the Coopers. Yeah, you know what, what the hell.

Hey, Bob! Hey, Dave! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Hey, Gary. Hey.

Hey, kid! All right!

Hey! Great job, hon! Did you get that kid?

Hey. You've got doctor clothes on.

Hey. Nice to meet you. And vice versa.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hold your head high. l can't.

Holly, let's go. Let's go. You what?

Holly, thank you for coming. Sure.

Honey, l got to go, l got... Honey!

Hormones. What're you gonna do? Yeah. Yeah.

I can do it! Who are you doing it for?

Janice! Yeah.

Janice? Sweetie? What?

Janice? Sweetie? What?

Jordan! ...we got this baby.

Jules is taking it. No. l think D Wade has it.

Jules, that was great. Thank you.

Jules! Oh, my God! Are you okay? Oh, my God!

Julianne. l see what you did there. l know.

Julienning shallots. Julienning shallots?

Just forget that l said anything. No.

Just like you did in Season 4. Okay.

Just one more dance. One more dance. We know how to do this.

just ready to go, okay? Wow!

Kickin' ass, J.B. Wendy! Come here, girl!

Kinda smelt like you, actually. Don't talk about our baby like that!

l can do it! Come on, Jules. Yeah!

l can do it! l can do it! l can do it!

l can go for four more. Really?

l can't wait to see this. lt's a little big.

l didn't even get a tweet! All right, people.

l didn't mean to... Then don't ask the wrong questions.

l don't know if you take it right off... What? Maybe you don't.

l don't know. l guess we'll see how it goes. Whatever.

l don't need any money. Come on. How much you need?

l don't understand? lt's not an issue you have in your life.

l don't wanna go to Margaritaville. Come on.

l don't wanna go. Come on!

l got you, Craig. Thank you.

l gotta get back, okay? What? No! Gar!

l gotta go. Honey!

l just don't wanna force it. Hey, Crazy.

l just wanted to... Alex, about work.

l know, it hurts. Literally.

l still have full range of motion. Look, l'm in crisis here. All right?

l wanna hear it. Say it! "l can do it!" l can do it!

l'm gonna take one every week. Nice.

l'm not saying it worked. Fine.

l'm really sorry. Okay.

l'm sorry. No.

l've got my birth plan! Aren't you organized.

Let's do it. Say "l can do it."

Let's see. Okay.

lf you go, just once... Holly, l am trying to work here, okay?

lgnore them. Yeah, we did.

Lil Wayne is waiting. Can't some other dentist do it?

ln my pocket! What?

lnteresting. Who said that?

Look at the wall! No, no, no, no.

Look at these pamphlets. Thank you.

Look, l know, okay? l screwed up. Yeah. You did.

ls that okay with you, too? ls that all right with you?

lt doesn't keep me up nights. Sure.

lt's 5:00 somewhere. True.

lt's a big deal. l was gonna take you to lunch, but okay.

lt's a bit small. No. Please don't.

lt's a boy, Dad. Well...

lt's a documentary? Hi!

lt's been great catching up with you... Yes!

lt's been super real. Where do you think you're going?

Man pats. Man pats, that's great.

Megan and l got kicked off. Oh, my God.

My answer is, "l need to read about it." No more...

My foot! My foot! Are you okay? ls it broken?

Never? Yeah.

Nice sweater, by the way. Thank you.

Nice. Congratulations. That's great. Thanks.

No anchovies on that, right? Hey, Dad!

No, it's gonna be so... Sorry, l've got to take this.

No, l'm the alpha. No, l am! No, l'm the alpha. No, l am!

No, no, no, no, no! Do not do that.

No, no, this is just so funny. l hope they're having fun.

No. lt's the finals!

No. Yeah, we do.

No. Yeah.

No. He's not. No.

No. lt's a real thing. lt's live. What do we got there?

Of course we do. Yeah, we do. No, we don't. We lost it.

Oh, God! Dad, l'm not racing. Neither am l.

Oh, my God! l'll give you one right here, right now.

Oh, my God! We did it!

Oh, my God! l am so sorry. Okay!

Oh, my goodness! So great! God.

Oh, my gosh. Wendy.

Oh, yeah. She had her babies, she had twins.

Oh, yes, you are. l'm not buying a house.

Okay l wanna hear you say, "l can do it!"

Okay, okay, good. The Baby Center.

Okay. Come on.

Okay. Hi there.

Okay. My God.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Push! Push! Push!

Okay. You're driving.

Okay. lt's not. lt's not.

Okay. Okay. l mean,

Okay. Sounds good. Guys, look!

Over to Wendy. Yep.

peed myself 'cause l'm pregnant. No. No.

Push. l can do it.

Put your drink down! We're going. Not tonight!

Really? Working it.

Right here, right now? Yes.

Right here. Any of these spots. Which one?

Right? Yeah. All right.

Right. And l just don't want...

Rosie! lt's fine.

Rubbing is racing! Hey!

Seriously? Fine. lt's not the car.

She did not take it well. Okay, my bad, my bad. l'm sorry.

She's speaking at the Expo! l'm speaking at the Expo!

Shit! My tattoo! So what?

Should we all take off our bras? l think we're good.

Shut up! No! Yes!

Shut up. l don't want to hear it. l love you so much.

So are we! What?

So good for you for trying. Never again. Never again.

So how much you need? Dad, l don't need any money.

so l decided to ask someone else. No, l didn't...

so l'm gonna do one for you and the baby. The baby!

So... There we go.

Sorry, Davis. All right, l'm out of here.

Stop it. Ever since l've had this belly

Stop worrying. Okay, okay.

Sweetie, l just hate to see you like this... Red light!

Take it easy. Wow!

Tell them about your glow. Thank you, Janice.

Thank you. Bye. Thank you. See you.

Thank you. Now l will see your baby,

That is adorable! All right, l wasn't asking your opinion.

That is adorable! l wasn't asking your opinion, that's okay.

That's good. Yeah? lt was good, right? l saved it for you.

That's natural. No, Janice.

That's right, you got a baby. lt's not good.

That's why it says "Yes or No?" My answer is "Yes." Yes! Yes!

There's something that came up... No, no!

They're called breasts. Thank you all for coming.

They're never ready. Yeah.

three drinks with me. That's cute.

Too far. That's the end.

travels all over. Sweet.

Turn to your right. Can we hurry this up?

Two more! l can push! Two more.

Vic, we've got to talk. What's up?

Wait, wait! Wait! Really?

Watch the tail. l'm watching the tail!

Watch you two grow. That's a good one.

We did it! We're gonna have a baby! We made a baby!

We don't judge. No judging.

We got this. We got this, okay? You're right. We can do this.

We pre registered. Yeah.

We should have another baby. Oh, yeah!

We want it to be a surprise. lt's okay. We don't have to say.

We weren't! No.

We're pregnant! We're pregnant!

We're the Coopers. Hi.

We've got proof. You got it? Okay.

We've got to go. lt's 9:30. Come on, one more song.

Well done. You said l was cute?

Well, then compromise, Evan. l have.

Well, you know we wanted it big. l know.

Well... lt's not!

Wendy! We're pregnant!

Wendy! There you are! Hi, here l am.

Wendy? Hey, guys. We need more suction here.

What are you doing here? My cousin,

What if he hates me? He will.

What is up? Boom.

What? Come on!

What? Dude's group.

What? l don't know if that's weird.

What? l knew it.

What? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What? Okay...

What? So?

What? That's right.

What? This is it!

What? Whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop!

What? Yeah. Okay.

What's that? Holly Castillo Photography.

Who's your... What? You guys.

Wow, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Wow, thank you! Thank you.

Wow! Honey!

Wow. Are we moving? Yes.

Yeah, bro! D Bone!

Yeah, l want to get inside. Come on.

Yeah, we're... No.

Yeah! Do you ever get on the track with that guy?

Yeah! lt changes.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. Come on, guys.

Yeah. ls this West Side Story?

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Some exhaustion.

Yeah. Definitely. No, l think our car's that way.

Yeah. Right? No. Not everything.

Yeah. We do. Where is it? No! No! No!

Yep, that's what l'd do. That's what l'd do, too.

Yes, at... Walmart.

Yes, l will tell Gary. Okay. Thank you.

Yes, sir. Okay.

Yes! A mini me!

Yes! Let's walk, Davis.

Yes. Right this way.

Yo, chef. Where're you going? Two seconds.

You and l are gonna do it together, Gary. Okay!

You do? Good. l love it!

you go for it. Who cares?

You got me. Then what, Rosie? What?

You know? You know? Oh, yeah.

You named me Gary Cooper, for chrissake! Get it all out.

You ready to sell that bad boy or what? Never.

You remember him? Oh, jeez.

You wanna know what it is? Yeah.

you're buying a house. No, l'm not.

You're fine. Yeah.

You're gonna go? l'm gonna go.

You're having this baby in Atlanta. You don't understand.

You're not gonna believe this. What?

Your hands are on my waist. They are on your waist, aren't they?

Your mom and l... Not my mom.

Your own fault. Yeah, l know.

...hanging from my uterus

'Cause Julianne, ex girlfriend, right there, she got me.

'Cause l'm feeling a little judged right now.

'Cause they made me wait out here.

'Cause we were great.

"All the white babies were taken"?

"Blanco," Dad. "Blanco." That's how you pronounce it.

"Circumcision: Yes or No?"

"Cows do it.

"Even dolphins in the sea do it.

"Girlfriend tits," but definitely "wife eyes."

"Goats do it.

"Kitties do it.

"l'm Not Circumcising My Baby." Well done. Well done. Front page.

"Let's shower Wendy and Gary Cooper with light and love

"she is feeding her baby the..."

"Shit. Should we get married?" Yeah.

"to honor the arrival of their Mini Cooper."

"When your mommy uses her breasts to feed a baby