The Change-Up Edit

A brilliant attorney,

A fucking gun with a bullet to blow my head off with?

A game with him tonight, and...

A guy can only withstand so much.

A little bit of a coax, little bit of a tickle.

A little bit of a hiccup, but...

A little bit of a hiccup.

A little bit, though? No.

A little treat from Uncle Mitch.

A month? Yeah.

A sword or a spear.

A temporary rough patch right now.

A what? He's a Jedi Knight, sir.

Absolutely not. Thank you.

Absolutely, you two should go out.

Absolutely. I like that.

Action!

Action!

Actually,

Actually, if you must know,

After winning a full scholarship to Princeton,

AH right. You got any extra batteries?

Ah, that tickles.

Ahhh...

All Of it?

All right, come on! Just knock him the fuck out, go inside.

All right, fine, I'll do it.

All right, I don't know what's going on with you two dorks.

All right, let me kiss a shoulder first. Okay? Okay.

All right, let's do this.

All right, we fix it in post. Just keep rolling, keep rolling.

All right?

All right.

All right. In the kitchen.

All right. You remember though?

All righty, then. Have a good day.

All the accents are celadon.

All the senior staff is going to be at the mediation tomorrow.

All this food here, is it free?

Along with a necktie. Black, not white, socks.

Always call Jamie and ask her if she needs anything first.

Always solve my problems with violence.

Always solve your problems with violence.

Am I glad I came? It's like the greatest day of my life!

And a job, and a family.

And a second house, and more kids, and a nicer car

And a wind come in, blow out a candle. Finite. What do you think?

And anything that he thinks is going to make him happy.

And at the end of the day, do you know what you get?

And be happy, you know?

And boil my shoes.

And Cara got bullied in ballet class again.

And Cara has to start her homework.

And carry with them the full rights

And don't draw attention to yourself.

And drinking too much, and getting tattoos at 3:00 in the morning.

And enter Dimitri.

And everything on this planet is made out of atoms.

And have I ever steered you wrong?

And have you ever seen him act like he did yesterday?

And he still wants more and more

And he's amazing.

And he's not paying any attention to me.

And hit on all of our married friends, be mean to my grandma

And how are you this morning, little princess?

And I don't think that's ever going to change.

And I just fucking rushed it, didn't I? Wasn't I rushing?

And I just haven't had a moment to breathe.

And I just want him to pay attention to me.

And I just wanted to say sorry.

And I pre negotiated articles 23 through 29.

And I think that I want you to fuck me like you just got out of jail.

And I want him to grab me

And I want to hear everything.

And I want to prove to myself

And I want to sit and talk with you for an hour

And I want you to want to be here.

And I was going to sell dolphins on the black market.

And I will, and he will.

And I'd like to take a piss.

And I'd like you to come to the wedding.

And I'll be mediating your claim.

And I'll belt that out after I choke this down.

And I'll love it.

And I'm Dave. That's Dave. Yeah.

And I'm miserable. Oh, God.

And I've been working my ass off on that.

And in constant need of direction.

And it also came with this vintage Navajo pony blanket...

And it electrocuted your vagina.

And it gets so intense that my nose starts bleeding.

And it's like you always say,

And just in time for your partner review, no less.

And kiss me like he used to.

And let me tell you something, no man is that hungry.

And maybe a little bit for me, you know?

And Miss Byers only put Angelica's poem up on the wall

And most importantly, I owe you a fix for the last five years.

And never deviate from the plan. Why?

And next time you see him, he's going to be slitting throats.

And now we're gonna have dinner. We're gonna make some scallops,

And responsibilities of the law

And sex with strange, new women.

And she didn't put my poem up on the wall.

And she shits like one, too.

And so he just keeps working

And that is our final offer, because we're leaving.

And that wasn't true.

And that's why he worked four jobs at once,

And the baby eating monster

And the last 15 years of my life, everything I've done, wasted!

And then I'll be so beaten down by life

And then into a good law school.

And then it's going to get ugly. This chick is a mess.

And then last night he told me

And then prepare two separate bottles.

And then these goddamn squids, these Japs,

And there's now the cutest little bald spot right there.

And this is all me. All of this shit is mine.

And those things, they don't sleep,

And to people

And to see the kids.

And told him that Pamela would like him

And turn the whole thing into a key party.

And valuates your company at $625 million.

And we always come second.

And we're gonna destroy that thing first thing in the morning. Okay?

And when they find it, we're going to switch back.

And why would she do that?

And you are lost in the damn desert!

And you come home at the end of the day

And you don't even have to go down on me because I know it's late.

And you got a beautiful house

And you got the opportunity to nail number one on your cancer list.

And you have to be totally honest with me.

And you know what she says to me?

And you know what? It'll be wonderful.

And you learn your lines.

And you make a ton of money.

And you promised me that you would clean out...

And you said he would force everyone to do Kamikaze shots,

And you should. Yeah.

And you're so fucking white hot, right? This body.

And you're surrounded by people who give a shit about you.

And your dick is firmly planted

And, "BTS," right there?

And, of course, underwear. Oh, come on.

Answer my phone.

Any and all agreements made during this mediation are binding

Any minute now,

Any word on the Amalgamated merger?

Anything I can get you? Vitamin water or Pellegrino?

Anyway, we start going at it

Anyway...

Appreciate it. All right, turn around.

April 17th. Next question, please.

Are there any outstanding questions we might address?

Are we role playing or something? Because we're late.

Are you breaking up with me?

Are you dating anyone?

Are you embarrassed of me?

Are you fucking kidding me right now?

Are you fucking shitting me?

Are you glad you came now?

Are you going to call me?

Are you going to stay for dinner?

Are you having a stroke right now or something?

Are you jerking off?

Are you joking me? No, I'm not joking you.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

Are you okay?

Are you saying the premium needs to be adjusted?

Are you still drunk?

Are you sure that's what you want?

Are you sure this is the address?

Are you the one in charge here?

Are you trying to poison the well?

Are you trying to tell me you've got a little surprise?

Arms up. Tall.

As per the MAC clause.

As stated in Federal Code 325 A, Section 4.

Ask me anything else.

Ask Tommy. Tommy!

Astronaut!

At the end of the day...

Attaboy!

Attaboy!

Attach electronic devices to your belt, whatever it takes.

Awesome!

Awesome.

Awesome. The deal went awesome.

Back to bed.

Back to bed. They're mine.

Bad! Bad!

Bang. Thank you, Mommy.

Banging out the terms of this deal.

Bathroom?

Be 15 minutes early for everything.

Be 15 minutes early for everything.

Beans, potatoes, carrots and broccoli

Because all Tatiana wants to do at 3:00 in the morning

Because he wanted a better life.

Because how can you stay married to somebody

Because I have this Spanish test, so...

Because I think that means that I'm the same as a piece of fruit

Because I'm not constantly stressed out.

Because if you don't come back hard on a bitch,

Because it shows that you're considerate,

Because it...

Because there's a lot on the line here.

Because there's more to being a lawyer than what you see on TV, Mitch.

Because we're so worried about what other people will think.

Because why not?

Because you are a brain damaged mule

Because... I have huge feet.

Before heading to the market,

Bingo! Nice! Let's go, this way!

Bingo! Who the fuck is this?

Boom!

Boot.

Boot. Take it off.

Bouncing titty shot. Bouncing titty shot.

Boy, it's a work day. Half an hour.

Boy, real tempting to kiss my own dick.

Braves Marlins. Please don't tell me that you forgot.

Breast milk?

Bring us two Macallan 25s, neat.

Bro?

Buddy, we talked about the head thing.

Buns and sa/ad and potatoes and chicken

But a Double Windsor?

But can we talk about that at another time?

But don't make a habit out of that, okay?

But from here on out, you are on an extremely short leash!

But he's...

But his family has always been the first thing in his heart.

But I like being offended, just usually after work.

But I think that we all know

But I think you're being sarcastic.

But I want him to be part of my life.

But I'll play. Yes, she'd be at the top of that list.

But I'm not any more.

But I'm really hoping that he didn't say anything to offend you.

But if she comes at me like a hurricane,

But it did happen once in college.

But maybe she can really turn a phrase. Let's eat.

But my mind is over here. That should count for something, right?

But my thumb went in three girls' assholes.

But quitting is not an option on this one, okay?

But she keeps on making out with you,

But she talks like a dock worker

But the problem is,

But things are not... Well, let's do it!

But were you pregnant last week?

But you left your phone in your purse.

Buy Angry Birds!

By all accounts, Dave was a sweet,

By the way, why didn't you invite me to your anniversary party?

Bye bye.

Bye.

Call me back.

Call your wife first.

Can anybody else field the fucking question?

Can I get confirmation that the EBITDA

Can I help you?

Can we please just slide the Dialogue Night again?

Can we please raise our Kamikaze shots

Can you change my oil?

Can you drive? Oh, yeah!

Can you leave that bottle alone, honey?

Can you look a little bit harder? That's incredible!

Can you put it down?

Can you shut this off?

Can you wake up, baby? I'm back, I'm back.

Cara, do try to stay on your toes.

Cara, honey, your poem, which I did not read,

Cara's talking to you.

Careful! Easy.

Careful.

Caught a few things. Yeah, just enough.

Cheating is when any part of your dick

Check this out, man.

Children are such a joy.

Come here, Dave.

Come here.

Come on, big guy.

Come on, buddy, open up the door immediately.

Come on, buddy, open up the door immediately.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, dude. Christ!

Come on, one more. Just make it tough.

Come on, open up the door, right now.

Come on, son. This is not the dog track.

Come on, you know what that is. What is that?

Come on!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. All right, I'll take one hit.

Come on. I barely hit him.

Come on. It would be weird if you didn't.

Come on. Really?

Come on. That's the mother of my children.

Come, on, Mitch! Those are my kids.

Congratulations, Dave.

Could you imagine an engraved sword?

Course, there's a song. Just sing the dinner song.

Dad, I smell a skunk.

Dad? Hello?

Dad.

Dad's very proud. Keep going.

Daddy needs a box set of Law & Order,

Daddy.

Damn.

Dave and Jamie!

Dave clerked for Justice Souter

Dave has three balls. A bouquet of balls.

Dave have a mimosa for breakfast? A little nervous?

Dave is a little bit of a pussy.

Dave is a little bit of a pussy.

Dave is at the country club. They made him partner.

Dave Lockwood.

Dave Lockwood.

Dave, /think there's a reason

Dave, amazingly, graduated in just three years.

Dave, come on. Open up the door, right now!

Dave, half an hour.

Dave, he was going to be an astronaut,

Dave, hurry up, open up the door!

Dave, you don't understand. I cannot do this.

Dave!

Dave! Yes. Dave is here.

Dave?

Dave? Hi, this is Dave Lockwood.

Dave? What?

Dave? Yep.

Dave. How are you?

Dave. Kidding.

Dave. We're trying to pull something off here, okay?

Dave. Yeah.

Dave's in the shower.

Dave's just acting really weird.

David Andrew Lockwood

David? Yep.

Dear God.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God

Defrost two bags of breast milk

Defrost two bags. Yup.

Devoted father.

Dialogue Night.

Did I fucking nail you?

Did the secretary hear?

Did we have some nightmares or something?

Did you do a lot of swimming in college?

Did you finish the day?

Did you forget something?

Did you have something you wanted to do today?

Did you hear me say it? Nope.

Did you hear the good news?

Did you know that atoms are smaller than a grain of sand?

Did you make me something special?

Did you tell Daddy?

Did you tell Daddy?

Did you tell Dave to shave his balls?

Didn't forget.

Diligent, hardworking little boy.

Dimitri was surprisingly gentle, and we were very safe.

Dimitri?

Dinner song

Dinner song

Dinner song.

Do everything in your power to desexualize yourself.

Do I have anything in my teeth?

Do not listen to him, Ted. He is beyond reckless.

Do what?

Do what?

Do you ever have any free time?

Do you feel any different? No, go again.

Do you have any idea how many Lamaze classes

Do you know what I mean?

Do you know what time it is? Mmm mmm.

Do you not understand what we're trying to accomplish here?

Do you remember how to do this?

Do you think they are going to give me a medal?

Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

Do you want a drink or something?

Do you want some ice cream?

Do you want to come to my dance recital?

Do you want to get some breakfast?

Do you want to hotbox this nut sack? No, no.

Don't act like you didn't tell him. I know it came from you.

Don't answer that. You bet she did.

Don't apologize. I apologize.

Don't be a bad influence on him.

Don't call me pumpkin, okay?

Don't even say that.

Don't ever call me again.

Don't fuck on the roof, though.

Don't move, I'll be right there.

Don't say... You can't say that.

Don't take this the wrong way.

Don't tell me to relax! You did this to me. I can't do it, okay?

Don't yell at me. I'm all locked up.

Don't you bail on me, David.

Dr. Klein lost the twins' immunization records.

Dr. Tillman said just once a week, for one hour.

Dress shoes, not shower sandals. Please. These are awful.

Dude, easy as fuck.

Early morning on the golf course, Lockwood?

Easy, motherfucker!

EBITDA is bad.

Even a shield would be good.

Every day with the Tuesday night! Well, it's a big goddamn deal!

Every married guy has a cancer list.

Everybody rich!

Everything's fine, dude. What's next?

Excellent, girls.

Except, the mediation is tomorrow,

Except... Except?

Excuse me, I'm sorry. Pardon me.

Excuse me.

Explain yourself!

Finding that fucking fountain.

Fine! I am proud of you.

Fine.

Fine. What is my favorite color, Dave?

First, attach the filter to the seal.

First, you got to fill out a formal information request.

First, you're going to tell me, how did the deal go?

Focus.

For a pack of Camel Lights and a Jell O cup.

For me, you go to my house, okay? All my info is on my fridge.

For once in your life, you got to see something through.

For the first time in your life,

For the record, I did not support that decision.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Mitch Planko.

From the Atlanta Department of Parks.

Fuck it.

Fuck me, she's cute.

Fuck me! This must be my new mom.

Fuck me.

Fuck that noise. We are not quitting.

Fuck you with that... "Moron" is a bad word here.

Fuck you. Don't pull that shit on me.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck. Mitch, Mitch, Mitch.

Fucking 25 guys on this side. Can you fire at somebody else?

Fucking grocery store.

Fucking nice, Cara!

Fucking score!

Fucking terrible.

Fuel the jet, let's go.

Game on.

Game on.

Get out of my fucking way, or I'll drown you in your own goddamn tub!

Get the fuck out of the bed right now before I fucking cut you!

Get the merger documents from her,

Get them to the kitchen. Yup, hold on.

Gets me an extra inch,

Gets up inside some woman that's not your wife, okay?

Give all the girls breast exams and...

Give it to me, Steve!

Give me a hug, sweetie.

Go and do that? No.

Go fix your hair.

Go for Lockwood.

Go hose it out or something.

Go look in the mirror. Right there!

Go this way.

Go to a Korean nightclub, get a belly full of pills.

Go to my house, get dressed in my clothes.

Go to the fridge. Okay.

Go, boy!

Go! On bed.

God damn!

God, I am going to ruin her!

God, it's so good to be back!

God, last week, Tatiana, she comes over,

God, last week, Tatiana, she comes over,

God, look at that. Gorgeous!

God, you big bitch.

God, you're so lucky.

God!

God!

God! I can't do this! Why not?

Good for you.

Good idea.

Good morning, Lockwood.

Good morning, Mr. Steel.

Good morning, Patricia.

Good morning, Patty cakes.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good news.

Good night.

Good story.

Good to go? Oh, yeah.

Good, thank you.

Good?

Good.

Good.

Good. Great.

Good. It's good. We're taking things slow, but it's good.

Good. Just on my way to see Dave.

Good. So, it's closed?

Good. Thank you.

Good. Yeah.

Good. Yeah.

Goodbye. Kirk out.

Gosh, you're so light. Are you dieting?

Great idea.

Great visiting. You, too.

Great! Good!

Great? Great!

Great.

Great.

Guess what I'm looking at right now. A bong?

Guns hot?

Ha ha! Terrific!

Hang on, don't fall.

Hang on, guys.

Hang on, hang on, I got it.

Hang on.

Hang on. Don't get up.

Happening right in front of me.

Happy anniversary, Jamie and Dave!

Happy anniversary!

Happy anniversary.

Have a good scene. Places, everyone.

Have a nice steak dinner, do some dancing,

Have fun.

Have you listened to a single word I've said?

Have you? Mmm hmm.

He can just finally stop and see...

He didn't tell me you were a big, fat, fucking boner.

He excelled on all fronts,

He forgot me at the coffee shop

He forgot to pick up the twins from daycare.

He had nothing, and so he was always looking over the fence

He has never finished anything in his life.

He held my hand all night while we slept last night.

He just forgot.

He picks up something, he puts it down.

He totally did.

He's early.

He's flaccid. No gumption. No get up and go.

He's going to say, "Why the hell does

He's good at it for five minutes, and it's gone.

He's just doing weird stuff,

He's Mitch. I'm Mitch. Somehow we switched bodies.

He's not having an affair.

He's the best.

He's totally free, so he's going to meet you there.

Hello, there. Hey, man. What's up?

Hello! Did you shave your balls?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Hi, Mitch. It's Tatiana.

Her name's Pamela? Yes.

Here comes the battement.

Here is the deal.

Here we go.

Here you go. Back to bed, sweetheart.

Here's the bottle you ordered, sir. Excellent.

Here's the deal. I got two screaming...

Here's the scene, okay? You going to enter with a gun...

Here's what's crazier, not using it.

Hey, buddy. I love you.

Hey, Daddy, which one do you like better?

Hey, fag, what are you doing here?

Hey, guess what? It's breakfast time.

Hey, hey! Oh! It's growing in so nicely.

Hey, hey! What the fuck?

Hey, how did it go?

Hey, man, hang on. What are you planning on telling her?

Hey, man!

Hey, man.

Hey, Mitch?

Hey, Mitch. Jamie, we need to talk.

Hey, motherfucker...

Hey, my precocious little daughter.

Hey, purchase some apps!

Hey, Sabrina.

Hey, sugarbug.

Hey, tell me about the big girl who knocked you over.

Hey, where is the fountain?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! You're married now, jackass.

Hey! You're married now, jackass.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. I always thought your wife was a nice lady,

Hi, Daddy!

Hi, Dimitri.

Hi, how are you? Nice weather today. He's totally fucking married.

Hi, Mitch Planko.

Hi, Mitch Planko.

Hi, Mom! Hi!

Hi, my little man.

Hi, Sabrina McKay.

Hi, sugarbug, come here.

Hi, Uncle Mitch. Hi! Wow!

Hi!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

His accomplishments could rest comfortably on an eyelash.

Hit the steering wheel. I'm going again!

Hmm?

Hmm. Weird.

Hold on, just a second. Foot Locker?

Hold on.

Hold on. What's with all the heavy breathing?

Hold up. What do you mean? Two days?

Holy fuck knuckles, I've got freckles on my taint.

Holy fuck knuckles!

Holy fuck knuckles.

Holy fuck!

Holy shit, we did.

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit! Fuck!

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Honestly, I'd be happy with anything engraved.

Honestly, it's revolting.

Honey, things are changing, I promise.

Honey...

Honey... Sarah...

How about we just do what we always do?

How amazing is that?

How are the kids?

How are things going at home? Good?

How are we supposed to get this done?

How are you?

How are you? Good.

How awesome is that?

How can you lose a fountain?

How dare you tell him that?

How did I do? You're such a poet.

How did I miss this?

How do I look?

How do I... Here's what you do.

How do you like working with Dave?

How incredibly proud of you I am, son.

How is he?

How is yours down there?

How long have I been doing it here, huh?

How long have I worked here? You know that.

How long have you been shaved down there?

How long have you known Dave?

How long is it going to take State to approve it, then?

How many women have you fucked in your mind, huh? Thousands?

How much fun is it being an actor, working one week a year?

How much more do you think we can get out of them?

How was your sleep?

How would you like it if I told him

How?

How's my favorite ballerina doing?

How's that going with Dave?

Hudson loves the sinker. He's been crushing them all year.

Huh, what's going on? It is good to see you again.

Huh?

Huh? What PPS multiple are you using?

I always say that because it's true.

I always say that?

I am a many spotted skipperling man, all the way.

I am fucking all over that shit.

I am going to kill him.

I am not going to bail.

I am plowing the crap out of this chick around the corner,

I asked her out and she wouldn't go out with me,

I auditioned for a movie role, I got it.

I beg your pardon.

I bet she's number one on your cancer list, right?

I booked a major movie role this week.

I can do lawyer in my fucking sleep. Give me the keys.

I can do Monday night.

I can write you a note.

I can't believe I don't remember that.

I can't believe you'd come at me, guns hot.

I can't breathe. Take my hands off you.

I can't do that. I'm not doing it.

I can't do this shit any more.

I can't play.

I can't talk right now, Mitch. It's been so crazy here.

I can't. I got a super duper important conference call in 10 minutes.

I cannot believe I can't do this!

I come here every Saturday after yoga. What are you doing here?

I could see the baby's face.

I dabble in light porn.

I did? Yeah.

I didn't earn this.

I didn't hesitate.

I didn't know that about you.

I didn't read her poem, either. Do you want me to lie to her?

I didn't read the bitch's poem,

I didn't say that.

I do have an idea. Uh huh.

I do not know how much more of this shit...

I do smell like lemons.

I do. You have no idea.

I don't care where, but you find it inside of yourself, okay?

I don't care! You're going to stay here and do this right!

I don't care. Listen.

I don't feel like it.

I don't feel like singing it tonight.

I don't give a shit. We're gonna get our lives back.

I don't have that authority.

I don't have time for this!

I don't know what you're into, but just have some fun.

I don't know why you don't tell him yourself.

I don't know, guy, I just fill the hole.

I don't know, man.

I don't know.

I don't know. Can we try the no talking for just, like, three minutes?

I don't know. Is it Tuesday?

I don't see anybody headed for the door.

I don't talk like that.

I don't think I can do this.

I don't want to play your games.

I don't want you to quit your job.

I don't want you to. I like it.

I don't... Like, sixth grade.

I feel like I'm about to lose my virginity.

I feel pretty good about it.

I feel really bad about that

I finally get to fuck Jamie. This is my finest hour.

I finished the day, Mitchell.

I finished the day. Good.

I forgot about raves!

I get it. Play it big, but maintain my reality.

I get these girls to do, just by asking.

I got a lot of people around me.

I got a meeting. I got to go.

I got it.

I got it. I got it.

I got it. I heard you.

I got it. Okay.

I got some pictures. Wow.

I got the jeans on, I got the vest, the gel in my hair...

I got this one. I got it.

I got this.

I got to get the fuck out of here. I'm serious, Mitch. Shut up!

I got you. Do what?

I got your life all put away here, nice and safe.

I guess deep down,

I had to do a little improv, and they got very emotional.

I had to sit through to get that lined up?

I have an emergency phone call in four minutes.

I have killed people.

I have spent the last nine months

I have the biggest meeting in my life in 45 minutes. This isn't happening.

I have to go to this weird online shoe store to get shoes.

I have to remove three stories somehow. Isn't that crazy?

I haven't been on a date in 18 years.

I haven't heard a word you said

I haven't seen you in forever.

I hear that's a growth industry. Yeah!

I heard everything. Every single syllable, you got it?

I hope she likes it weird.

I hope that when he makes partner,

I hope you will allow me the opportunity to straighten things out for you.

I just don't know how to do all your grown up crap.

I just think there's too many rules.

I just want you to come home for dinner.

I just want you to tell me something right now, okay?

I just wanted to apologize, because I know

I just wanted to get into a good law firm.

I just wondered if we can get together for a little while today.

I knew it. Oh, my God.

I know a shortcut to the fountain.

I know it's there.

I know it's weird. Just go with it.

I know what I'm doing. I've been doing it for...

I know, I just miss you, dude, that's all. I miss you, too.

I know. All right.

I know. And Dialogue Night.

I know. I heard her.

I know. I'll have you back in your warm little bed in one second.

I know. It's me. This hasn't been fun.

I know. Mmm.

I left my purse. I would have called but...

I like going to baseball games

I like how big and fat those tits have gotten.

I like how you made me work for it tonight.

I like it. Oh, God.

I like the way you had it before, by the way.

I look different. I don't like my outfit today.

I look forward to having your antic sense of humor

I love him. You know I love him with all of my heart.

I love it.

I love it.

I love that about you.

I love you, Daddy.

I love you, little girl.

I love you, man.

I love you, pumpkin.

I love you.

I love your ponytail. And that little pirate beard.

I mean, go, but just go to a hospital.

I mean, he's a brilliant lawyer.

I mean, I'm not getting anything here.

I mean, it is called a push up, Dave.

I mean, nobody can do that.

I mean, obviously, he's married, so...

I mean, what's going on between us,

I mean, you should be a mess by now,

I met Jamie, we got married, we had Cara, and that was it.

I missed all the sex and the drugs and the bad choices,

I need to cool it on the Thai food.

I need to talk to you about Mitch.

I object! Oh, my God.

I owe you an apology for this week.

I pissed away my 20s, right? Now it's too late.

I probably came off a little gay last night.

I promise you, it's nice, clean.

I promised Mitch I would sit and watch

I redid the 10 19 variants, everything else is the same. Ready?

I saw you in that commercial for meat, incidentally.

I send you a card every year. Jamie, listen to me.

I showered, I showed up, I'm starving and I could use a drink.

I sort of had to fight a bum for it. He was so thin.

I think he's got some nice qualities.

I think I'm in over my head.

I think I'm way in over my head. I got this fucking house,

I think it's fine.

I think that's everything.

I think that's what had me all locked up.

I think you can do better, Ted.

I think you're on very firm legal ground here, counselor.

I though you two might like that.

I thought she liked me.

I thought you said this wasn't a date.

I told him it was part of my secret master plan.

I told you not to screw up my Tuesday night.

I took care of you guys, huh?

I used to kind of have a crush on Dave.

I want Sabrina. I want Tatiana.

I want something different.

I want to go home.

I want to go home.

I want to know what you learned yesterday, okay?

I want to learn how to rollerblade.

I want to smoke weed all day.

I want to start a book that I actually finish.

I want to talk about it right now.

I want you to ask me one thing...

I want your life, you know?

I was just saying that I really envy your life.

I was just trying to be nice!

I was Phil Niekro for Halloween three years in a row as a kid.

I was playing it nice and cool, just like we talked about,

I was that nut sack's best man 10 years ago.

I went to his apartment a couple of days ago

I what?

I will actually place myself inside your ocular... Oh!

I will see you in court. No, no.

I wish I had my old life back!

I wish I had my old life back!

I wish I had my old life back!

I wish I had your life.

I would bet, yeah. Why are you still soft?

I would like to strap you to my face and say the alphabet.

I would like to take a nice, solid dump

I would really love to go to that game with you, but I don't...

I wouldn't like to sleep with that in my pants, either.

I wrote a spring poem

I...

I'd be very, very appreciative if you could tell me where that is.

I'll be able to hold down the fort.

I'll be better in a minute after I fuck you raw.

I'll catch the next one.

I'll drink to that. All right! That was a strikeout.

I'll have to pace it out.

I'll tell you what I want, okay?

I'm a douche bag.

I'm a fucking tool!

I'm actually proud of you, Mitch.

I'm afraid that I'll keep compromising

I'm an actor. Human chameleon.

I'm at the fridge.

I'm Dave?

I'm drowning in my own fear.

I'm getting married again,

I'm getting married to a very beautiful woman named Pamela.

I'm going to apply to Kinko's, all right?

I'm going to be honest with you, Mitch,

I'm going to do this.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to hell.

I'm going to meet you in five minutes. All right.

I'm going to order, like, six desserts.

I'm going to tell you something

I'm going to work today, I'm going to quit my job.

I'm gonna cut my thumbs off tomorrow, I swear to God.

I'm good. In fact, I'm much... Much better now.

I'm just curious, what kind of movie is this?

I'm just going to get everything on the dessert menu.

I'm kidding. I was absolutely joking.

I'm me. God, I'm me. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm not a fucking quitter!

I'm not allowed back in Eastern Bloc.

I'm not attracted to you.

I'm not familiar with that genre. Is that European?

I'm not getting any closer to leaving, am I?

I'm not going to have anybody there.

I'm not kidding.

I'm not Mitch.

I'm not the fountain spokesman.

I'm not. I do, I envy it.

I'm one of the guys looking for the fountain

I'm peeing all over people, slow down!

I'm pretty baked right now,

I'm scared!

I'm sick of that song.

I'm so glad you're here. It's been so crazy.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I suck.

I'm so sorry. That was way out of line.

I'm sorry, have we met?

I'm sorry, man. I'm just super excited to see you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah, I was.

I'm telling her the truth.

I'm the greatest lawyer, ever.

I'm the mother! It's 3:00 in the morning!

I'm tired of over thinking things, too.

I'm very, very touched. Thank you.

I've been seeing a number of very, very nice ladies.

I've got a big day tomorrow. Take the wheel. Steer. Steering wheel.

I've got day one of my big break movie.

I've got it. I'll do it.

I've got my eye on you!

I've got one really important question before we go.

I've got these fucking rules, half of which I don't even understand.

I've got to go home now

I've got you, I've got the Kids, and I've got a fucking carpool. And rules!

I've taken some weed.

I've wanted to have sex with you since the sixth grade!

If all you did all day was eat hummus and masturbate.

If he could find it in his heart to do so.

If I don't make this meeting, I don't make partner,

If she comes on like a hurricane...

If somebody comes at you with a knife,

If Tatiana was over earlier,

If they offer you one red cent over $700 million,

If this really was their final offer,

If we make too large a counter offer, we risk driving them away.

If you bail on me, I'm going to literally eye **** you.

If you leave now... Get your hands off me.

If you let me don't in, Taco, I will fuck you dead.

If you let...

If your wife suddenly died of cancer.

In fact, before making any decision

In fact, I'm going to quit my job.

In high school, Dave graduated first in his class.

In order to feel confident, you got to look good, okay?

In the microwave for three minutes.

In the partner suite, Lockwood.

In what world is this cheating?

In your life,

In your life, no matter how small,

Inside these fucking lame, triple pleated sports slacks.

Involves a big, shiny pole, and a broken woman with daddy issues.

Is because my boss told me to be.

Is Dave meeting your needs, sexually?

Is fucky, fucky, rubber ducky.

Is he having an affair?

Is he treating you a little bit better?

Is his beautiful wife, Jamie.

Is it my new haircut?

Is it weird that I miss your penis?

Is that a many spotted skipperling?

Is that a...

Is that clear? I got it.

Is that he's a fucking Jedi!

Is that weird?

Is that what this is? Fine, I don't care.

Is that why there was all that pubic hair in the drain?

Is there a reason that you're calling me at 3:00 in the morning?

Is there? Yeah.

Is this a break? Taking a break?

Is this Mitch's dad? Is this Mitch, Sr?

Is this some kind of joke?

Is work always comes first,

Isn't that kind of my dick, though?

It can get a touch dry up there.

It did. Oh, God.

It does seem odd that they're not leaving.

It doesn't even have to make sense.

It doesn't matter what it is. A meeting, an event.

It doesn't matter. God, you're good looking.

It feels kind of like I'm cheating on Jamie.

It is getting restored.

It is my distinct honor

It is not in the computer.

It is the middle of the night. Shh.

It is!

It is? You bet.

It means she really wants to.

It reminds me of high school.

It smells like cabbage now! Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, sit down.

It sort of hooks to the side a bit.

It tickles a little.

It turns out better.

It was a porno movie!

It was really great seeing you. You okay?

It's 3:00 in the morning. You go do it, you're the mother.

It's a cracker.

It's a Iorno, a light porn.

It's a Iorno.

It's a question.

It's a work day tomorrow.

It's all part of my secret master plan.

It's because you belong here,

It's been moved to 1100 Peachtree Boulevard.

It's been two days. I gotta know what's going on with Jamie.

It's Cara. Not Cara.

It's confident.

It's fun, though, right?

It's good to see you, too, Dave.

It's good.

It's just crazy, crazy.

It's just like that.

It's kind of surprising.

It's like 9:00.

It's like a can of tennis balls down here.

It's like a gift. Yeah.

It's like Christmas in my ass!

It's like Sonny Crockett down there.

It's like the opposite of help.

It's like we're swapping rides.

It's looking good out there.

It's my body right now!

It's my dad.

It's my turn. No, no, no.

It's not in the computer, it's not in the park.

It's not like I'm not trying.

It's one day. We're Mitch and Dave!

It's only 2:00!

It's pretty simple. No! You play it small.

It's rolling blackouts or something?

It's snipped. Mitch! Mitch!

It's so ridiculous. It makes no sense at all.

It's Tatiana Calls me at three in the morning and wants to fuck stein.

It's the first three women you'd have sex with

It's the mediation tomorrow, so I'm under it.

It's time.

It's very warm. I think I remember this.

It's what?

It's your job to know this.

It's your turn to feed the babies.

It's your turn.

Jame. Jame.

Jamie and the kids mean everything to me.

Jamie will know what to do.

Jamie, hey! Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.

Jamie, Jamie...

Jamie! Jesus!

Jamie. What are you doing here?

Jeans to a restaurant? Yeah, jeans to a restaurant.

Jesus Christ, it's like the whole city is in here tonight.

Jesus Christ, she's here.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this?

Jesus! What the fuck?

Just came by to see if you'd like to have some breakfast.

Just drill it.

Just grow a mustache and lure a child into your van.

Just look at... This is important. Taxi!

Just one question. Please, I'm begging you.

Just promise me, you listened to every word I said.

Just say no, Reagan. God, why would you do that?

Just sit the fuck back down.

Just sometimes,

Just the parts covering the breasts.

Just to rationalize it to herself, to her God.

Just two hours, so, 14 bucks.

Keep away from him. The man's a pervert.

Keep rolling!

Keep thrusting, keep thrusting.

Kinkabe agrees in principle to the terms of the sale

Kinkabe and Amalgamated agreed to go into binding mediation in two days.

Kirk out.

Kiss me. No, no, no. No talking.

Last week he told me my shoes were dangerously Italian.

Less stress for me, less stress for you...

Let me get you all hooked up.

Let's bones that. Huh, 'stache?

Let's do it like we did it on our wedding night.

Let's do it.

Let's do it. Let's just do it.

Let's do that again.

Let's do this.

Let's eat.

Let's eat. Dave.

Let's fucking go.

Let's go. Do you have a better plan?

Let's go. Okay. Bye.

Let's just focus on the driving.

Let's make it to the game in one piece, don't you think?

Let's make lady sandwich. Okay.

Let's move it along, please. Come on.

Let's not... How about no talking, okay?

Let's rave! Yeah.

Let's see what you made for daddy.

Let's see.

Let's start again.

Like a super douche?

Like Cheerio, boy. Delish!

Like he wore his shower sandals to work yesterday.

Like iPhone.

Line, line, line. You knock him the fuck out, okay?

Listen to you, you are a big baseball fan!

Listen, do not say a single word.

Listen, I don't want you to worry about anything.

Listen, the only reason I'm here

Lockwood residence.

Lockwood. Yep.

Lola, wake up surprise.

Look at all of this for little Mitchie poo.

Look at how great this is.

Look at that, two perfectly shorn balls.

Look at these little fuckers!

Look at this.

Look at your flow, it's so nice and thick.

Look who else can hit.

Look who's up.

Look, bring it to me in the office. I don't care.

Look, Daddy, it's you and me.

Look, I got to tell you something.

Look, I never get this kind of privacy any more.

Look, it is just a baseball game.

Look, shitbird. You got it made!

Loosen hips, loosen hips.

Lorno, "Light porno." Tits and shadows.

Lost in the desert, helpless, dumb

Loving husband,

Ls she kissing the wrong guy?

Made even more perfect by their three adorable children.

Make him shiny like fish.

Make sure you don't allow any air bubbles in.

Man alive! That's my daughter, bitches!

Man, I'm messing with you.

Marriage.

Maybe ask the district manager.

Maybe goat fuck your mouth. I don't know.

Maybe light fall on your head, maybe you get electrocute.

Maybe tomorrow. That's when Victor gets back.

Maybe we should talk about your bad memory at Dialogue Night.

Maybe you need to sing the dinner song. Sing the dinner song.

Me, too. Fountain, fountain, fountain.

Me?

Me? For a living? Yeah.

Millions, Mitch. Was that cheating?

Mitch ? Mitch!

Mitch and Dave, out on the town.

Mitch and Dave.

Mitch is gonna be great in our movie film.

Mitch Planko, Sr. making a rare appearance.

Mitch Planko. Fuck me.

Mitch sent us a video. Yeah? That's weird.

Mitch, come on, buddy.

Mitch, here.

Mitch, I have done everything that you have asked of me.

Mitch, I'm panicking over here.

Mitch, I'm Valtan, the director.

Mitch, no.

Mitch, Sr. wants to sit down with Dave Lockwood.

Mitch, what the hell is wrong with you?

Mitch, you came.

Mitch, you going to come in. Guard going to try to stop you.

Mitch, you know the adults are about to fire up a work day.

Mitch! Where the hell are you?

Mitch?

Mitch?

Mitch? Dave?

Mitch.

Mitch.

Mitch. Are you there yet?

Mitch. Hey, are you listening to me?

Mitch. Hi.

Mitch. How are you?

Mitch. I'm at work.

Mitch. Okay, dude.

Mitch. Reminds me a little bit of Sabrina.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm mmm, send that shit back.

Mmm, smells good in here, Jame.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mommy, that man is peeing in the fountain!

Mona!

More than once a week, but tonight, I cannot.

Most of all, do not fuck this up for me, all right?

Mostly men.

Mount for sex time.

Moustache is buying. And then a little karaoke for dessert?

Movie set be very dangerous place.

Mr. Kinkabe had a question about the EBITDA.

Mrs. Hickham at a Starbucks in Druid Hills.

Must wake up.

My betrothed, Pamela, would like you

My foot has grown a half a size with each baby.

My marriage is falling apart, my job is on the line.

My name is Erin Walsh,

My tits are aching for you.

My turn with the Amalgamated files?

My urologist says I run a little hot.

My whole life, actually.

Needs a lickin'

Neither are you.

Never disparage your own child.

Never mind.

Never take the initiative, never strike out on your own,

Nice!

Nicolette Peters keeps knocking me over during the battement glissé.

Nine years, 10. Yeah.

No entry!

No entry!

No more commando, Mitch,

No one is even looking at us. We're fine.

No way! Phil Niekro is my number one favorite of all time!

No, Dave, uh...

No, Dave. We most definitely do not know what you mean.

No, dropping out of high school

No, he didn't. Yeah, he did.

No, hold on. Wait, Tatiana, don't go.

No, honey.

No, I can't stay for dinner, but I would love to...

No, I can't!

No, I found a futon on the street last night.

No, I'm not, lady. It's not going to happen tonight, okay?

No, I'm not.

No, it's not the trenchcoat.

No, it's okay. We'll have one after.

NO, it's this, kid.

No, let's...

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, no, no. Don't back that thing up into me.

No, no, no. I'm good, Dimitri.

No, no, no. Jamie, what are you talking about, our fucking wedding night?

No, no, no. You are going do this shit.

No, no! Sweetheart!

No, no. Hey. Look, I did not say that, okay?

No, no. You're good.

No, sing the dinner song.

No, thank you. I just have a quick question.

No, that is not the lesson that we learned, Cara.

No, we haven't. I'm Mitch Planko.

No, we were not... Don't interrupt me, handsome.

No, you didn't!

No, you don't. You're just trying to be nice.

No! I'm just messing with you.

No! Yes!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. I envy yours.

No. It was not fucking cheating.

No. Yes.

Nobody ever needs to know that this happened, Mitch.

Nobody's fucking me here.

Nope. It is not in the computer.

Not a drop of the red in the room.

Not even for another hour. You're gonna do it.

Not really, mmm mmm. Ahh.

Not really. How stoned are you right now?

Not really. Uh huh.

Not using it on her.

Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing, dude. Go on. Two bottles...

Now kiss that boy.

Now that he has everything, he can't turn it off.

Now you only have one ponytailed ex convict between your legs,

Now, before we formalize this merger,

Now, go. Put on some proper clothes.

Now, how many times a day do you guys have sex?

Now, I might have to hit that, okay? She'll know.

Now, let me ask you a question.

Now, you put your thumb up nice lady's butthole,

Num nums!

Objection!

Obviously, bro.

Of the big, fucking crater you created right there on Tuesday night.

Oh, dude, I didn't tell you!

Oh, fuck, get the sand out of your vagina.

Oh, God, everything.

Oh, God, I'm really feeling it tonight.

Oh, God, the partners are going to be there.

Oh, God, you're nervous. I like that.

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God! That did not just happen.

Oh, God.

Oh, good. There's been some kind of mistake...

Oh, he'd probably say, "Fuck you ," if he heard you say that.

Oh, he'd probably say, "Fuck you ," if he heard you say that.

Oh, hey, Mitch. Your hair looks good.

Oh, hey. Where's...

Oh, I just came by to tell you

Oh, I know.

Oh, I mean, what did we learn from this?

Oh, I'm sorry, sugarbug. Are you okay?

Oh, I've been swamped.

Oh, I've got your thing.

Oh, it's like a poem! It's like a poem!

Oh, look at that. That looks like fun.

Oh, Mitch. What are you doing?

Oh, my God, I missed you so much. Oh, honey.

Oh, my God, it's going down. Oh, Mitch!

Oh, my God, you guys need to go out,

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! What did you do?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Not very well made, huh?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness. Look at this, huh?

Oh, my gosh! Mitch,

Oh, no, they are going to call it.

Oh, no, you didn't!

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, please.

Oh, right. It's down there. Got it.

Oh, shit! Come on, guy!

Oh, Shit.

Oh, steer for me.

Oh, Steve, it's like Christmas in my ass!

Oh, Steve!

Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God.

Oh, that's appropriate.

Oh, that's so gross!

Oh, the Tuesday night, again. I could use that.

Oh, there you are.

Oh, they're terrific. Just terrific.

Oh, yeah, eat that titty, boy. Eat that titty.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I know.

Oh, you must be Sabrina, huh?

Oh, you'll play me in one of your productions?

Oh, you're going to go all the way back there, huh?

Oh, your shit? How'd my stuff go?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! What are you doing? Here we go.

Oh! What did you do?

Oh! What the... You motherfucker!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Wow. Really?

Oh...

Okay, Daddy.

Okay, good, let go.

Okay, honey, I got it.

Okay, I got it. Want to go grab me three Q tips?

Okay, I owe you an explanation for last night.

Okay, I'm awake.

Okay, I'm awake.

Okay, I'm going to fill that out right now.

Okay, let's just do this. Come on.

Okay, look...

Okay, okay, okay!

Okay, okay. Just friends. Just friends.

Okay, pumpkin, this is...

Okay, she's first.

Okay, this is called gel or product.

Okay, we'll be there soon.

Okay, we're good.

Okay, what's your deal tonight?

Okay, when is our anniversary, Dave?

Okay, when will it be in the computer?

Okay!

Okay? No!

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. A little something for daddy.

Okay. After what?

Okay. All right.

Okay. And have fun with it.

Okay. Keep rolling, keep rolling.

Okay. Okay?

Okay. Please be careful with her.

Okay. What I mean is,

On any given day. Make it work.

On the United States Supreme Court.

On, fuck.

Once I got into a good law school,

Once the meeting starts, you will continue to say nothing.

Once, that happened.

Only Dave would know. A stumper.

Ooh!

Ooh! Num nums!

Ooh! Really? Ha. Keep going.

Ooh! You know who I ran into? Who?

Open the goddamn door, Dave!

Open the goddamn door, Dave.

Or a fish

Or else, maybe you have an accident on set.

Or innate defects in the child's character.

Or maybe Chick fil A or Waffle House? Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Or this chair!

Or warm clothes or I can get you a drink?

Our anniversary party? Why the fuck wasn't I...

Our anniversary party.

Our back of the envelope analysis

Our newest partner, David Lockwood.

Our parents drive us places, though, so...

Our social studies teacher? Yeah.

Ow! What the hell was that? Oh.

Ow.

Pathetic.

Penis, shit, vagina, cock, wolf pussies.

People buy food here. It's part of your responsibilities.

People raving right now?

Perfect.

Perhaps you would like to sit on our side of the table.

Peter, please!

Peter...

Peter... Oh.

Pick u ps, drop offs, activities,

Pick up Cara from ballet at 4:00, okay?

Play dates, doctor's appointments, etc.

Please. Enough!

Plus, I used to think your kids were adorable, but they're not.

Pour it into the bottles, sea/ them.

Pretty intuitive. Then after the milk is defrosted,

Pull those panties to the side, Ted, and take a hundred more.

Pump that ass, boy.

Pumpkin, wake up.

Pumpkin, we'll see you right after the game, okay?

Pumpkin! Pumpkin, I'm back.

Punch her in the seat.

Push it a day? Or a week?

Put it back!

Put those tits away, this isn't Africa!

Put your thumb up her butt.

Putting the rest of us to shame.

Question.

Quick fiver?

Ready for you on set.

Real bad news...

Really open and communicative... Good.

Really, what is time?

Really?

Really?

Really? Now?

Really? Oh, I hadn't noticed.

Really.

Red. Celadon.

Regular speed, bouncy titty,

Relax and calm down.

Relax, I'll be there. Yes, sir.

Relax, Mitch, you're going to get laid tonight.

Relax. This is good.

Remember to smile, girls.

Remind yourself of that. Remind yourself

Respect mine.

Rico. Yo.

Riddling me with fucking questions.

Right away, ma'am. Right away.

Right there.

Right, obviously, obviously, obviously.

Right?

Right?

Right? Yeah.

Right.

Rip it off.

Rises from the deep!

Roger that.

Rotate your turret and go night night.

Rushing to get into a good college, right?

Sabrina. She's this...

Save it, all right, Dave?

Seriously, Dave, this isn't the dog track.

Seriously, dude, light a candle.

Seventeenth's your daughter's birthday, 19th's your anniversary.

Sex with strange, new women.

She did make a pretty funny sound, though,

She does it a lot, actually.

She does it a lot? Why don't you fight back?

She just needs a little bit of a nudge.

She looks up at me, and she says,

She wants it in every position under the sun.

She wants to unroll that rubber at the bottom of her purse

She'd fit perfectly in there. Will you please drop that?

She's a little bit more vocal.

She's already knocking on the door.

She's holding onto me.

She's in.

She's like fall out of a magazine hot, you know?

She's never coming back, Mitch.

She's not leaving your Fiero...

She's so hot. Oh, Mitch, is she hot. Uh oh.

She's this new law associate at my work.

She's wearing this tight black mini dress,

Shh, you're jiggling the sac.

Shirt.

Shirt.

Shit, we got security on us.

Shit. Okay. All right.

Shouldn't I be sitting in my car seat?

Shows your P&L to be 2% less than expected

Shut it down. For one second, you listen to me.

Shut up! I fucking hear you.

Since you took your pants off.

Sing the dinner song. Sing it!

Sir, Mr. Kinkabe has agreed to $725 million.

Sir!

Six twenty five is not the end of the world.

Slap it, Cara. Cara.

Slap the ass, slap the ass, slap the ass,

Slow mo, bouncy titty, Iicky tip of nipple,

Smart. Yeah.

Smile. Focus.

So amazing!

So close. Nineteenth.

So everything is fine.

So I can't sleep with my wife, I can't sleep with other women?

So I think that's pretty much a win for me.

So it's like you have three balls.

So let's get our fuck on before this becomes a threesome.

So let's sign this.

So that he could put himself through school.

So where do you want to do this tonight?

So where do you want to do this tonight?

So, as we celebrate one partnership tonight...

So, how did it go? How much money is it?

So, I snagged Flemming's seats

So, I'll have my briefs on your desk by lunch.

So, just oral.

So, let me ask you something.

So, now you can be happy.

So, you want me to go tell Mitch

So...

So...

Sometimes you wish.

Sometimes,

Sorry you got stood up.

Sorry, Jamie.

Sorry. That was unprofessional. Wasn't it?

Sorry. That's okay.

Spike the punch with ecstasy,

State? Yeah, to get approved.

Stay here, talk to me. Sit on that chair.

Stay.

Steve Driver, coming to the set.

Steve Driver, you perfect bastard, you!

Steve Driver, you perfect bastard, you.

Stick your thumb up her butthole.

Still aligns with comfortable...

Stilton Coffee House tonight. Don't forget.

Stop crying. Jesus Christ.

Sun kidding.

Super married. What do you do, Mitch?

Sure. You swear?

Sustained.

Sweet!

Take it out of the microwave,

Take off my bra.

Take the day off?

Take them to the conference room, and...

Tall arms. Tall arms.

Tatiana? Shit, that's right.

Tatiana.

Tatiana.

Tatiana. Hi, how are you?

Tatiana. I don't think that she's going to be back for at least...

Ted, it doesn't hurt to ask.

Tell Cara that her poem was good.

Tell me about school.

Tell me slow. No, nothing.

Tell you what.

Temporary rough patch? What are you talking about?

Ten million? Fifteen?

Thank you for coming in today.

Thank you so much. Hmm.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks, buddy, you're being very cool.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That ass looks real hot, you know.

That bitch bounced. Beautiful!

That can't be right.

That he wasn't attracted to me any more.

That he would get hammered

That I can see that through.

That I probably came off a little aggressive last night,

That is a Mediterranean spread, honey.

That is a very nice thing for a son to hear.

That is jailyard justice.

That is Tatiana.

That life doesn't always turn out exactly how you plan it.

That only I, Dave, would know.

That place has got this non resin tar

That pooper shot looked real. No. God, please, don't!

That puts my balls on your chin by dinner.

That she put in there three semesters ago.

That sounds like a plan. Can you start the bath for the twins?

That was a joke. Hey...

That was Tatiana. She said she's going to fuck me raw.

That was the most brilliant portrayal of baloney I have ever seen.

That was the same party.

That was three months ago.

That we will really, really regret in the morning?

That you have a ball that feels like two balls?

That you lost in the computer.

That you would like him at the wedding.

That you're clean, that you're American.

That you're not wa/king on the moon right now.

That, just for a second, I will consider asking

That, right there, is Schedule IV sexual harassment.

That's a bastard to wash off.

That's a cute tie. Thank you.

That's a good start.

That's a lot of sugar.

That's adorable.

That's all but signed.

That's all it's gonna take, okay?

That's all. I envy yours.

That's awesome.

That's bingo, baby! Five, up high.

That's cool. Thank you, I think.

That's enough.

That's fucking sick.

That's full of furniture and food and kids.

That's going to work.

That's going too far.

That's me, there.

That's my Tuesday night regular, right on schedule.

That's Nicolette Peters.

That's not my leg.

That's okay.

That's probably the Colostrum coming, and it'll be very painful.

That's so not the dinner song.

That's why I didn't invite him.

The /aw may be the first thing on Dave's mind,

The 11 story building? Yup.

The back of your closet.

The camera is rolling.

The cat is out of the bag, buddy. You got to go now.

The deal is closed!

The dick stays in the pants, right?

The guy that knows how to find shit in the computer.

The homeless guy at the car wash who looks like Kris Kristofferson

The Jelly Donut, the Pastrami Sandwich, the Wolfgang Puck...

The Lonesome Dove, the Arsenio Hall,

The monarch is just a glorified moth, don't you think?

The only family I have is Mitch.

The only problem I see is, what do I tell Jamie?

The only style of dancing that Uncle Mitch likes

The only thing Dave loves more than the law

The only thing you have to do is hand over the documents, that's it.

The other night, you were in a pretty dark place.

The southern monarch or the many spotted skipperling?

The trenchcoat. Too cliché?

The truth? Yeah.

The twins are a half hour past their bedtime.

The woman is nine months pregnant!

The zoning board shut us down for the millionth time.

Then attach a number two nipple. Jesus Christ.

Then it needs to go to State.

Then we bounce titty, bounce titty, bounce titty,

Then what is it?

Then you go to my office, find my legal associate, Sabrina.

Then you need to put three eighths of a teaspoon of water...

Then you need to put three eighths...

Then, after you're done feeding them...

There is a girl scout staring at my penis.

There is no free time.

There is no way we can make this deal.

There was no physical contact.

There was no physical contact.

There you go. Where's that hand going?

There, we have it.

There's a reason I'm not selling dolphins.

There's a song? Sing the dinner song, honey.

There's no walking out on this.

These are called children, or dependants.

These are called jeans.

These fucking Kamikaze pilots are coming at me,

They didn't pull it out, did they?

They found the fountain.

They had to sit there for an hour and a half.

They moved the fountain, so now we're looking for it.

They want to spend more, they just don't know it, all right?

They'd be leaving, but they're not.

They're dugout seats.

They're fucking bananas.

They're not going to ask you a damn thing.

They're size 11.

They're sticking around. They've got more money to spend.

They're tired or going through a phase.

They've been popular with America's youth for over 60 years.

Things change.

Think about all the amazing experiences that we miss out on

Think about that.

Think of yourself as a brain damaged mule,

This chick does not look happy.

This chick is insatiable!

This deal is critical to the very survival of this firm.

This guy fucking hates me.

This idea fucking sucked.

This is a big deal to us, okay? I mean, it's a fountain!

This is a car carrying a lot of speed. This is terrible.

This is a vest, put that on.

This is called a grocery store.

This is called a schedule.

This is called a suit. You wear one every day.

This is District Manager Carla Nelson

This is Dracula, Anne Rice type shit

This is good.

This is important stuff Do not screw this up.

This is impossible. I don't know how to be this man.

This is just like trying to fuck a Catholic girl who keeps saying,

This is just me trying to save my job.

This is my big break, my Raging Bull. Do you hear me?

This is new.

This is not a date. This is not a "get to know you."

This is not going to work. That's way too much.

This is not my life.

This is so fucked up.

This is so good.

This is their best and final offer.

This is what you get, okay? Yeah, right there.

This is what you wanted, Dave.

This is you. Mmm hmm.

This isn't going to work.

This little calf wants to get her mouth on the udders.

This merger is over.

This moron works for you. You are the one sabotaging it.

This went so well. Yeah, it did.

Three days to three weeks?

Three meatball subs and a hand folded,

Three years ago, you took your vibrator...

Three, two, one...

Titty shot.

To be an actor was a great decision.

To be there to say a few words.

To celebrate the newest partner in our esteemed firm.

To Dave and Jamie.

To introduce to you,

To my two best friends, please?

To rub my shoulders.

To say a few words at the wedding

To some sushi and some sake bombs.

To the Marlins Braves game.

To unite this man and this woman in the...

Tommy, Rico. Hey, guys.

Tomorrow morning, when I am sitting in your office,

Too little, you look like a pedophile,

Too much and you look Persian.

Took me a long time to reel this one in.

True. Good note.

Truly? That's the name?

Trust me, bro.

Truth of the matter is, I would like him to say a few words,

Uh huh.

Uh huh. ... and the next day it disappeared.

Uh huh. Come here. I love you.

Uh, because you told me not to.

Uh, how is it?

Uh, I have, at times.

Uh, you know, Daddy sometimes...

Uh...

Um, let's see here...

Ummm. Did I forget something? I don't know. What?

Understand?

Unreal. This is just...

Until getting the shit end feels normal.

Untitled Awesome Movie.

Use the blue ones, not the pink ones.

Use your left hand, you get a little bit more torque.

Vegetable medley!

Very nice.

Very surprising.

Victor!

Violence is cool.

Wait until you see you! Jesus Christ, relax.

Wait, wait, Tatiana. Tatiana. I'm sorry, okay?

Wake up!

Wake up! Get the fuck off me!

Want to get some Pinkberry?

Want to try that? This Fiero, unfortunately, is airbag free.

Was born on March 25th, 1974.

Was way, way better than the other girl's poem,

Was? What, are we done?

Watch it!

Way to go, Dave.

We are gathered here tonight

We are here to have fun.

We are running out of time here. Three, two, one...

We are sightseeing now.

We are still on for tonight, right?

We are very rich.

We can do one day of anything. Give me the keys.

We can do some silent sex. Seriously.

We could wait.

We could...

We do the Wheelbarrow, the Arabian Goggles,

We got to do this right now.

We got to do this right now.

We got to find that fountain as soon as possible.

We had to pee because we were drinking.

We just need to keep striving for verbal resolution.

We live in Atlanta, they're tough to find.

We love you.

We should just do what we want to do.

We should probably go, you know, take a piss.

We should wait to switch. We can do it...

We tried to tell you.

We were drinking.

We were not put on this earth to work, breed and die.

We will just roll this party out

We wished for each other's lives

We wished we had each other's lives.

We'll get into Mr. Thumb's wild ride in a minute.

We'll go to a rave or something. You want to get raving?

We'll work on one of those. You tell me how my shit went.

We're doing this.

We're going to dinner, not Rio.

We're going to take a piss in it, or...

We're okay. We're fine. We're fine.

We're sleep training the twins,

We've been in this for years.

We've been super best buddies since third grade.

Wear a fanny pack, drive a Prius,

Welcome home. I missed you.

Well, Cara, her poem was probably much better than yours.

Well, good night.

Well, have you ever been stood up by a man?

Well, I'm going to tell you what.

Well, maybe he would and maybe he wouldn't.

Well, that's disturbing.

Well, that's not totally true.

Well, then I'll just say it here.

Well, this one right here looks a little Downsy.

Well, we have found that fountain.

Well, we're driving. God!

What a bad, bad day.

What a bunch of bullshit!

What a day.

What about Ecco on 7th Street, Saturday at 8:3O?

What about Mitch?

What about our WACC?

What about the what?

What about you? What about Sabrina?

What am I doing in this bed? Did I sleep here last night?

What am I saying?

What am I? A burglar?

What are those?

What are we doing here?

What are we doing here? When was the last time the two of us saw each other?

What are we going to do when we get to the fountain?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing to me?

What are you doing with my wife, man?

What are you doing with my wife, man?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you, some kind of animal?

What are you saying?

What are you saying?

What are you talking about, restored? Where did you take it?

What are you talking about?

What day is it today?

What did I call her? What about the dinner song, Daddy?

What did I do? You think I want to be you?

What did I tell you?

What did they say?

What did they say?

What did you do?

What do you mean, a hiccup?

What do you mean? I thought you said you wanted to have some sex.

What do you tell Jamie, what?

What do you think about doing something

What do you think of this turn, man?

What do you want me to say?

What do you want to do?

What does that mean, there, "TS?"

What does that mean, you don't think you can fuck Tatiana?

What does that mean? You guys don't have sex on Tuesdays?

What happened was, we pissed in a magic fountain...

What have we got to lose?

What if somebody asks me a question?

What is that?

What is with all these goddamn pillows?

What is wrong with you two?

What just happened?

What more could a guy want?

What more do you want?

What party?

What should we do with each other, Mitch?

What the fuck does that mean?

What the fuck does that... Hey, Dave!

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the hell is happening? God damn it!

What the hell is he doing?

What the hell is that?

What the hell is this?

What the hell was that?

What the weather?

What time are you going to pick me up?

What was that?

What you do is you fuck verbal resolution, okay?

What, do you mean with a lot of eye Contact and real personal?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? I don't even know what these are.

What? I don't...

What? I'm messing with you.

What? I'm Mitch.

What? I'm not sexy?

What? Is Pamela from America?

What? Listen to me.

What? She's talking to you.

What? That's fucking disgusting!

What's going on with the women, huh?

What's going on?

What's her last name?

What's hummus?

What's master ate?

What's she saying? The dinner song.

What's that? Is the financing still stable?

What's that? The dinner song?

What's the worst that can happen? Nothing can happen!

What's the worst that can happen? Right?

What's your name? Hey.

What's your name? What's your name?

Whatever you have to do, cancel it.

When a partner asks you for the merger documents,

When all I wanted to do was go and talk to him.

When all is said and done, when we finish up, and the dust settles,

When are you due?

When I'm not eating hummus and ferociously masturbating,

When other kids are bad, it's because of indulgent parenting

When she hit the ground like that. Yes, she did!

When she wants to have sex tonight?

When they're bad, it's only because

When was that shot? Who Knows? Probably years ago.

When we were kids, Dave and I, we had a lot of big plans.

When we were pissing in that fucking fountain last night.

When you get to the set, you go to hair and makeup,

When's the wedding? Next Saturday.

Where did that come from?

Where did you find that shit?

Where is Dave?

Where is Lockwood?

Where is my bong?

Where the fuck is hair and makeup?

Where the fuck is... I'm here!

Where the gun?

Where's Dave?

Which also makes it real hard to catch them.

Which I also did not read.

Which is crazy, because I nailed her in high school.

Which isn't a lot to ask, do you think?

Who doesn't love a couple of smooth criminals?

Who gives a shit what her last name is?

Who is incapable of being happy?

Who is this? Your wife.

Who is Victor?

Who said I wanted to be you?

Who sleeps with someone she just met?

Whoa, stop for a second. Stop for a second.

Whoa, whoa, who could tell us where it is?

Whoa!

Whoo!

Whoo! Drink!

Whose fucking kid is that?

Why am I in your apartment?

Why are you calling me?

Why are you here?

Why aren't you peeing?

Why can't I be a professional, successful woman

Why can't they talk yet? Are they retarded or something?

Why can't you approve it, Victor?

Why did you hesitate just then?

Why do you even care? It's my body!

Why do you have to talk like that? You have such a sweet side.

Why do you still have the need to jerk off?

Why don't you take a picture? Mitch!

Why don't you tell Daddy about what happened at school today?

Why is my voice so high?

Why the fuck are you still wearing clothes?

Why wouldn't you?

Why?

Why?

Why? Because you're...

Why? What are you doing?

Will you just tell me how it ended?

With all due respect, Mr. Planko, you don't know Mitch.

With that incredible woman sitting beside you.

With the Sons of Anarchy between your...

Work is hard.

Wouldn't mind putting my drumstick in it.

Wow, you can say "I do" in English this time.

Wow!

Wow.

Wow.

Wrong, my friend. You don't know the first thing about being a lawyer.

Wrong.

Yay! Let's go look at some fish.

Yeah, and I know that.

Yeah, but not like two dudes at a rest stop, okay?

Yeah, but your attitude is right on your shoulders.

Yeah, but your attitude is right on your shoulders.

Yeah, first one. Hey, good for you. What is it called?

Yeah, fucking closed. Basically closed.

Yeah, give me the keys. Okay, no.

Yeah, I adjusted the WACC to reflect the new monthly projections,

Yeah, I adjusted the WACC to reflect the new monthly projections,

Yeah, I got it.

Yeah, I got you. Power hug. Come on. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I had to cut it for a fucking tampon commercial.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I want to have sex with you.

Yeah, I'll tell him to grow it out.

Yeah, it's fantastic in here.

Yeah, it's good news.

Yeah, it's you.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, right there.

Yeah, right. Okay, well, then I'd better get home

Yeah, story time is over.

Yeah, that is nice. Thanks.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Yeah, the dock worker is making me feed the twins. What do I do?

Yeah, this is the place.

Yeah, we can definitely do that.

Yeah, what can you do? You're only human. Give me the keys.

Yeah, yeah, let's do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man!

Yeah, yeah! Eat that titty.

Yeah, yeah. Verbal resolution, sweetheart.

Yeah, you respect your life.

Yeah, you'd be early, too,

Yeah, you've been working real hard on that.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Wait, who's Sabrina?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. A lot of scotch!

Yeah. Good morning, Sabrina.

Yeah. He's been very sweet.

Yeah. I mean, come on.

Yeah. Listen, I wanted to ask you something.

Yeah. Oh, don't say that.

Yeah. Perfect. Exactly 10 years, that's exactly right.

Yeah. Real in between phase.

Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. That was a lot of fun, is what it really was.

Yeah. Tight as a drum.

Yeah. Why?

Yeah. Yeah, it's great. It's fantastic.

Yeah. Yeah. Good for you.

Yeah. You know what? It's a non issue.

Yes, absolutely. Always.

Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I?

Yes, the secretary heard. She heard it all.

Yes, yes, yes, I am.

Yes, you are going to do this. Why do I have to do this?

Yes, you're thinking about it.

Yes!

Yes! Tatiana.

Yes.

Yes. I tend to agree.

You accept that. Got it?

You also said that you thought

You and the kids mean everything to me. Nothing is more important.

You are a quitter.

You are going to be the best possible me you can be right now.

You are hurting my arm a little bit.

You are in dire financial need!

You are such a gentleman.

You are the one on a fishing expedition, Kinkabe.

You are... Oh, my God! I can see it kicking!

You ask yourself that.

You bet your ass I am.

You betcha. You go have a good time, little girl.

You can have whatever you want.

You can tell Kinkabe we want an extra 100 million.

You can't even be interesting around other women.

You can't look at other women.

You can't look at other women.

You can't say things like that in the meeting, Mitch.

You can't talk to other women.

You deserve it.

You deserve that.

You did? I dated her mouth for a full semester.

You do. I really don't. No one does.

You don't get off that easy.

You don't have a job. You don't have any hair.

You don't have to get all, like,

You don't want to have sex with me?

You eat cake off lady's Starfish, okay?

You ever hear of Skinemax?

You focus, you find it.

You found it. Okay, well...

You fuck that right for me, Dave.

You fucked me! You owe me! Respect my life!

You got a fresh, dry diapy.

You got any more questions?

You got me on speakerphone? Yep.

You got this.

You got to be kidding me. Oh, wow.

You got with a man?

You guys are just going through

You guys are up a little early today, huh.

You have an extremely hot wife,

You have just made the biggest mistake of your career, mister.

You have?

You into it?

You just be super cool...

You just hurt her feelings.

You just thank me later and shut your mouth, all right?

You know his family, growing up...

You know how to make a shiv?

You know that building?

You know what, Mitch?

You know, I am...

You know, Katie, this is exactly why people get divorced.

You know, we're... Everything is...

You know?

You left the kids at daycare?

You like my ass?

You look great. ... but I am not going to do this.

You look like a Jew.

You love your job and you love the law.

You must be Dave.

You nail that right for me, Dave.

You need this! This is fucking dinner with her!

You need to be downtown,

You picked me up at a single mothers' Lamaze class.

You probably know him better than I do. He's a quitter!

You put her whole family in the morgue.

You put that whore on her back, and you shank her.

You ready to take a piss?

You respect mine.

You respect my art, you respect my life.

You said I should strive for verbal resolution.

You said you didn't want him to come.

You said you were really embarrassed of him.

You see Mona. She lying there in the bed.

You seem like a really nice person,

You should let people into your sweet side.

You should wear that to the party.

You shut up! What happened?

You sing the dinner song.

You smell like a pillow.

You smell like lemons.

You son of a bitch!

You two guys should go out. What?

You use it for her, you use it for you,

You want to wait? We could wait a day.

You were busy.

You were never serious about this merger.

You were never serious about this merger.

You will then silently hand them over.

You would not believe the nasty shit

You, me, beer, baseball.

You, there. Stay.

You'll notice that there are approximately 50 hours' worth of obligations

You're a grown ass man. Put them on.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're choking yourself!

You're fucking good looking, okay?

You're funny.

You're going to court. No! Fuck! Oh, my God!

You're going to end up getting sold

You're going to get me fired! I swear to God.

You're going to go ahead and write me a dinner poem,

You're going to kiss that boy.

You're going to learn.

You're good? Yeah.

You're his friend, you know him as well as I do.

You're just...

You're just...

You're living the dream.

You're living the dream.

You're living the fucking dream! Your job sucks, too.

You're married. You're married, Dave. That's true.

You're never lonely.

You're not a trained actor.

You're not having sex with my wife, Mitch.

You're okay with that being on your body for, like, forever?

You're Robert Frost. Who?

You're single, you got the right number of fucking balls in that bag,

You're so heavy!

You're so single, Mitch, right?

You're welcome, Dad.

You're welcome.

You've got 41 minutes, okay? Great!

You've got to be kidding me.

You've just got to know when it's time to quit.

You've never heard of the Bryant Gumbel?

Your boss was a little pissed off.

Your fucking boss is an anti Semite. Did you know that?

Your leg is shaking.

Your reasoning is oddly impeccable.

Your turn.

Yours is very steamy. Thanks.

24 inch samurai sword, chop chop.

But I interrupted you. Tell me about this one again.

But I interrupted you. Tell me about this one again.

Come on! Okay, okay, okay.

Did I get you? Yeah. You sure did.

Dimitri? Hey, join the fuck party.

Excuse me, hello. Where do the movie stars park?

Go! Deep thrusting!

Hello, I'm trying to find... Oh, come on!

Hello. Mitch.

Hey, stop it. I'm so strong.

Hold on. You got to pick up Cara.

I'll pick you up at 6:00. Got it.

Keep rolling! Still rolling.

Lock it up! Locking it up.

Man, this is amazing. I can't believe they're making me partner.

Moving it around! Moving it around!

No, no, no. More oil.

Okay, I'm awake. Open up this fucking door!

Okay. Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs.

Okay. Daddy needs a time out.

Okay. Let's go. All right, let's go.

Or that. I'm kidding.

Please stop. You two guys need to go out.

Pump it. Oh, hey, hey, hey.

Question. And action!

Quiet on the set. This is heavy. Do you want to take...

Something very bad has happened. Wait until you see me.

Steel, Kuhbach, McCloud Law Firm. Good morning.

Super freaky, dude. Let's do it!

That's so twisted. Oh, God.

Thrust! Don't improvise, okay?

Uncle Mitch!

Why do you know that? Do you think I'm a monster?

Yeah, I guess. Good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the thingy.

Yeah! Breakfast champion, boys.

You took your vibrator... Morning!

...I am just tired of over thinking things.

...I can take.

...Into the bathtub and it short circuited

...That only Dave would be able to answer.

...This friendship is over!

...To three weeks. Oh, come on!

...would bring most men to their knees,

"and we're really going to fuck."

"he want me there? He thinks I'm an idiot."

"I'm going to quit my job."

"Mitchell, next Tuesday, I am coming back here,

"No, I don't want to. I'm really drunk and you're circumcised."

"Thank you for covering me last week. Love what you did with my hair."