Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga Edit

A guy like Lemtov, all he wants from a girl like you

A little bit of bad news.

A town of 15,000 people, lacks the infrastructure to host

A very fast start  to this year's competition.

ABBA, Post Malone,

After that stupid hamster wheel went into the audience.

After you left, he looked me deep into the eyes and said,

Alexander, we barely know each other.

All of Iceland will laugh at you.

All right?

All right? You come over here and you shit on everything.

All right.

All right. Fair enough!

All right. Hey! Thank you, Americans!  You're awful people! Ha ha!

All those people.

Americans.

And 12 points to Spain.

And Belarus came out of the gates kicking.

And drink myself to death like a real Erickssong man.

And find out who has made it  through to the finale.

And go sing your love song to him,  all right?

And he probably has a very large penis.

And he's selling the house and kicking me out.

And I am asking you to go.

And I could argue that this town is near death,

And I don't like this version of the song.

And I just wanted to come up here to ask of you guys

And I think he knows what's good.

And I think if it could come true,

And I think it's really true.

And I want to go back to the way it was.

And I would like you to let him go, please, Arnar.

And I...

And I’m sorry to be messing up the show.

And Iceland, your time is up. Please clear the stage.

And if it helps, I can...

And if you're never going to respect me,

And it's going to be an epic shitshow.

And Kevin Swain. Easy.

And Lars.

And like, you know,   French maid and little sailor boy.

And my entrance into the song contest is the last chance

And my extremely handsome father,

And my fourth.

And next up is Finland.

And none of you will laugh at me then.

And now he's going to try to kill you.

And now the Russian performer, Alexander Lemtov.

And now you're a grown man without a wife?

And now, it's time for you to go to your phones

And now, the first act tonight.

And our 12 points go to...

And our ten points go to...

And so...

And text in your votes to the numbers you see on your television screens.

And that guy over there.

And the last country that will make it

And the one we have all been waiting for.

And the perfect song isn't the winning song,

And the song...

And The Wonderfour.

And they will point the finger at me!

And this audience of hysterical fans

And when I see that no votes  come in for us,

And when it is finished,  will you sing it with Lars?

And why should we listen to him? Huh?

And you and Lars have kind of spent most of it together.

And you didn't even get to go to the boat party.

And you have done something for Iceland.

And you know what? I don't need it anymore.

And, yeah.

Andrew Ridgeley.

Are you awake?

Are you brother and sister?

Are you coming?

Are you gay?

Are you good?

Are you in shock?

Are you okay?

Are you ready for your first technical run through?

As a duo, that will never be separated.

As most of you know, Eurovision is much more than a competition.

Aw...

Baby, where have you been?

BDE.

Be cool?

Be the man your mother wanted you to be.

Because all of Iceland is watching.

Because I know I am more than this contest.

Because I was thinking...

Because you are a dreamer.

Because, you know, we're both free,

Before Jae bong added the "fresh, coz" flow and all the "bish".

Besides, he's a slick customer.

Big congratulations to Erick and Helka!

Bish.

Bish.

Blech! Ptooh!

Both for me?

Bring in the boats!

But a song that comes from the heart.

But art doesn't come from up here.

But bish,

But he doesn't know about us, does he?

But here are the votes from the Icelandic jury.

But I am asking you to do this for me.

But I did quit.

But I have a lot to do. You go.

But I think, uh, maybe we head back, huh?

But I'm going to tell him to eff off during the song, so...

But if I had someone like that in my life, I don't think I would let a night of...

But if you don't win the contest,

But it's up here!

But Kevin Swain is using all of his talent...

But mostly ABBA.

But not everyone will be in a good mood tonight at the party.

But perhaps, Keflavik,

But quite beautiful.

But she will never be happy.

But the only one who truly loves him, he won't even acknowledge.

But they're all we have left.

But we can make music and love.

But we have so much work we have to do.

But we're in?

But what about Sigrit?

But you have a lot of points.

But you must know that the emergency  signal is for life or death situations.

But you will never sing it with Lars Erickssong.

But, uh...

But, uh... we can talk about that next time.

But, you know...

But...

But...

Bye bye.

Bye.

Calm, calm, calm. Calm, Lars.

Can I just say one thing? Sigrit is very good.

Can we go to commercial, please?

Can you believe it?

Can you give me a ride to the airport? We're in the finals of Eurovision.

Can you let me out the car, please? This is scary. Just stop the car.

Chill out, bro.

Clown makeup...

Come forward with me. Okay, so...

Come in?

Come in.

Come on, guy.

Come on, Sigrit. What? What are you doing, Sigrit? Come on.

Come on, you embarrassed yourself.

Come on.

Come on. These guys are awful.

Come on. We all know that Katiana is going to win this, right?

Come, come. Come meet my Icelanders.

Come, I show you party.

Come, Sigrit. There's something I want to show you.

Come.

Comfort, security, mansion,  palace, Wi Fi every room.

Coming to you live from Reykjavik, Iceland.

Corin, there are only two more countries that are going to make it into the final.

Crap! Hold on!

Crazy, right?

Croatia!

Croatia.

Dalibor Jinsky, from San Marino, crying for no apparent reason.

Dancers will be there, very crazy sexy time. You'll love it.

Did anything...

Did we just hear "points for Iceland"?

Did you hear us singing at the end?

Do you have a sickness in your legs? Are your feet very sad?

Do you think you'd have a chance  with Theo?

Do you want me to dance or...

Doesn't it sound a little busy to you?

Don't Hey.

Don't run, Lars!

Don't worry.  It's for the dimensions of the stage.

Don't you call me guy.

Don't you care? I mean

Don't you have some traffic to sit in

Don't you understand?  If you go back to that stupid girl,

Dream come true.

Dude, this is a rental. I gotta take this back.

Dude.

Dude. Yo, dude.

Eh, duh!

Eh?

Eight points go to Greece.

Eight points.

Enjoy the biscuits!

Enough.

Erick, it's started.

Eurgh!

Eurovision is the big time. This is crap compared to Euro.

Ever since I was a small child,

Ever since we were children...

Every performance is an adventure with this group.

Every time I try to show them what real music is, they laugh.

Everyone from the contest is out there.

Everyone is going club dancing after this.

Everyone is gone.

Everyone must hear this!

Everything's really coming together.

Ew, it stinks.

Fact of truth. No gay Russian.

Fantastic.

Fight for your dream of a life with her.

Fight, like a Viking!

Fine, walk away. Go to Lemtov.

Fire marshals are standing by.

Fire Saga for the win!

Fire Saga is in!

Fire Saga is in!

Fire Saga is the runner up.

Fire Saga, okay.

Fire Saga.

Fire Saga.

First time Eurovision, too much. I understand. It's okay.

First, I didn't understand that,

Fleetwood Mac, right?

For any help you can give me.

For the first time  in its sixty year history.

For the grand finale on Saturday night will be...

For this year's Eurovision Song Contest.

Get back in there right now and play "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

Get ready, Húsavík!

Getting hot in here.

Give me a break, man. Can't you see I was talking to my reflection?

Go home and build your wall.

Go tell that to your Russian friend.

Go, Fire Saga.

Go, Iceland!

Go.

God, do you only think of winning?

Goddamn Americans.

Goddamn it! Shit!

Good day, my elf friends.

Good luck.

Good.

Goodbye, Lars.

Goodbye, Lars.

Goodbye.

Gorgeous!

Got me?

Half the children in this town are probably his.

Happen...

Have a good lunch, or whatever you're doing in there.

Have you just been watching me?

Have you not been using your ghost powers to watch anything that's happening?

He actually knows a lot.

He already tried. He's dead.

He heads the creative team that Iceland hired to help us win.

He is a sex player.

He is going to one day sing and dance in the Eurovision Song Contest!

He left.

He said,  "And you might think that I'm drunk,

He said, "You have wasted your whole life

He wants to say something to you.

He will never win at singing.

He, him.

He's He's your own son.

He's gonna be so bummed out if he misses this.

He's holding you back.

He's one of the favorites.

He's right.

He's very good. But Sigrit, no one has a more perfect voice than you.

Hello, Helka.

Hello, hello.

Hello, Lars.

Hello, Sigrit. Heh.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Stop!

Her odds not very good. Not as bad as yours, but not good.

Here I am.

Here we go.  Another adventure with the Icelanders.

Hey there, elf.

Hey, Americans!  Are you having a good time in Iceland?

Hey, dude, uh, do you know if this is  where they shot G.O.T.?

Hey, Erick.

Hey, Europe is not your party town.

Hey, go to Starbucks.

Hey, guys, he's going to play "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

Hey, looking good, Johnny. Huh?

Hey, music, it's a tough biz.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Americans, my best friends.

Hey.

Hey. Be a cool guy.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hold it there a moment.

Holland gives ten points to...

Holy shit, Katiana.

Holy shit!

How can you be a fisherman if you're scared of the fish?

How could I not be? Hmm?

How did you hear that?

How the hell should I know?

Hug me.

Huh?

Huh.

I I don't know. Do you?

I It is not our best, but it was very good.

I You

I almost hit the Speorg note.

I also sing and design a lot of the costumes and our footwear.

I always dreamed of winning the contest.

I am going to go into that artists' area because I am an artist.

I am going to have sex with everyone!

I am happy for them.

I am happy to go sex nuts.

I am here, Corin, the green room, where only the artists can sit...

I am singing for the world.

I braid your hair.

I can fix this!

I can no longer afford the house  and my fishing boat.

I can't read what it says  on your name tag.

I can't take it back.

I can't take this shit! Okay?

I can't. No.

I could dance all night!

I didn't sleep with Lemtov!

I do like the statues.

I don't care! You have to play it again!

I don't know about that.

I don't know how I'm going to fix things  with Sigrit, but I have to try.

I don't know if you understand.

I don't know what the elves say. I don't believe in elves, but...

I don't really care about that stuff.

I don't think she's my sister, but she can sing.

I don't want it anymore.

I find it very relaxing pastime.

I gentleman.

I give her everything.

I had the strangest night.

I had them to go back to the way the song originally was

I handsome and rich. This is typically  very winning combination.

I have a surprise for you.

I have a telephone call for you.

I have big news!

I have heard you sing.

I have many home all over world, but this crazy place,

I have never been more ready!

I have the letter in my pocket!

I have the letter in my pocket.

I have to go.

I heard you writing it back at the hotel.

I heard your song.  Your voice is quite special.

I hope the music never stops!

I know it. I believe it. I believe it so much.

I know it's a lot to ask, and you've already helped us so much,

I know, but Sigrit swears by them.

I know, it's a great tragedy.

I know.

I know. [laughs]

I left him a couple of messages, but he never responded.

I live there...

I made you some biscuits.

I make money fishing.

I mean, I tried, but he didn't want to.

I must choose.

I need to get to Sigrit. She goes on in ten minutes.

I never thought we'd leave Húsavík, and now...

I only want to hear "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

I really messed up.

I ruined it for both of us.

I say change the channel and let's take our medicine!

I see you every day!

I see you there. Okay.

I see you.

I see you.

I sense that he does have  a very large penis.

I shouldn’t. I... I love this show.

I still win, of course, but...

I think it was the best I ever sang in my whole life maybe.

I think it's presh, coz.

I think that's true. Yeah.

I think there is more.

I think we have a very good chance  of winning.

I think you sing from here...

I was angry.

I was just wondering if, um...

I was swimming in the water.

I went to the Gálgahraun lava field to ask the elves to help us.

I will give her everything he cannot.

I wish I could sing in Icelandic, I know it would calm me.

I wish Lars was here.

I wish to say something very stupid. [chuckles]

I would like to travel the world with you.

I would say...

I wrote that song for you.

I'd rather be dead.

I'll just leave the knife here,

I'm afraid the cost of hosting will bankrupt the whole country.

I'm definitely not your sister.

I'm equally surprised because, you know, I'm very sexy.

I'm going back in there.

I'm going to be all over you.

I'm going to become a fisherman.

I'm going to go, uh, check on our lighting.

I'm going to have sex with you, my friend.

I'm going to play it.

I'm going to sit there  and I'm going to take it

I'm gonna go.

I'm in complete control!

I'm in Fire Saga.

I'm in here!

I'm not going back in there where everyone is going to keep laughing at me.

I'm not paying this ticket!

I'm not paying this ticket.

I'm not saying "thank you" back.

I'm not sorry!

I'm on my way.

I'm positive.

I'm selling the house.

I'm so happy, this so great that you are here.

I'm so happy.

I'm so nervous, Lars.

I'm so sad.

I'm so sorry about tonight.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I

I'm sure it's very exciting for you, Lars,

I'm taking this rope that's loose and I'm rolling it around

I'm tired of you constantly making fun of everything that I do.

I've got big news!

I've never held a glass this tall before.

I've spent my whole life trying to earn your respect.

I’m checking you out.

I’m checking you out.

Iceland can't afford it!

Iceland continues to have one foot in the Dark Ages, huh?

Iceland could win the Eurovision Song Contest

Iceland is doing quite well.

Iceland is next.

Iceland managed to set a new low bar for Eurovision failure.

Iceland, are we ready?

Iceland!

Iceland?

Iceland?

Iceland.

Iceland.

Iceland...

Iceland's greatest artists all gone!

Idiot.

If Katiana wins  the Icelandic Song Contest,

If the best of the best is going to be there, then without a doubt,

If you could use your voice,

If you send those two freaks to the Eurovision Song Contest,

In case you have to do other murders!

In case you have to do other murders!

Is someone there?

Is that all that you can think of? Can you think of nothing else?

Is that it over there?

Isn't it wonderful?

Israel!

It can be arranged.

It comes from in here.

It has brought us all great pride.

It is a costume I made.

It is my life.

It is our job to think of the greater good for all of Iceland.

It says Eurovision right on it. Don't slow down!

It says...

It was ABBA.

It will be up to the popular vote, but they are doing much better

It will never be enough!

It would be very good deal for you.

It's all about the plo, yo. [popping lips]

It's all about the plo.

It's almost relaxing.

It's an invite to a party tonight on a boat for all the contestants.

It's going to be passionate and white hot.

It's going to be the perfect song.

It's great.

It's his one true dream.

It's Katiana!

It's me, Lars.

It's not finished yet.

It's okay, you still have chance.

It's okay.

It's really a...

It's so luxurious.

It's time for you to start living your life.

It's too good to be true!

It's too late.   Once I fill out the ticket, it's too late.

It's true?

It's very kind of you to come support us, singing together,

It's, uh...

It's... It's not that simple.

Jae bong was in Kitty Cat Fancy,

Jae bong.

Jamba Juice! Come on, let's go.

Jeff got some balls.

Jeff, bro, man. Come on.

Jeff, drive! Keep driving!

Jeff, let's go. The guy's nuts.

Just be cool.

Just be cool. Let him go.

Just here for Eurovision.

Just sing.

Just thought maybe we could go over the lighting cues for our act.

Just to say thank you so much for getting us into the contest.

Just... remember what we talk about the other night, okay?

Keep singing!

Kevin who?

Kind of...

Lars and Sigrit are from our town.

Lars has been my partner since childhood.

Lars would really love this. [chuckles]

Lars, come here.

Lars, come here.

Lars, I have never asked you for anything, ever.

Lars, it's too late.

Lars, please. You must listen to me.

Lars, shut your mouth or the elves will shut it for you!

Lars, we love club dancing!  We have to go!

Lars!

Lars!

Lars!

Lars! Lars, they love Starbucks.

Lars! Sit down Lars!

Lars! Stop making a fool of yourself!

Lars?

Lars.

Lars.

Lars.

Lars.

Lars. Please, can you make them wait?

Last night?

Latvia.

Lemtov was right. You just will never be satisfied.

Lemtov? What What does Lemtov know?

Lemtov. Huh.

Lenderman, did you not teach them  both as children?

Let the grand finale of the Eurovision Song Contest begin!

Like what?

Listen to him, Sigrit. Lars is weird.

Listen to me, Sigrit.

Listen, I throw smash up party tonight. Why don't you come? Be my guests, huh?

Listen, Sigrit.

Little Sigrit is dancing!

Look at us.

Look at you.

Look at you. You're a stunning big piece of rice...

Look!

Lovely. Thank you.

Magazine cover,  shoot with you on sexy island,

Mark that spot, please!

Maybe it could be in Keflavik.

Maybe my top five favorite.

Maybe we get a yacht. I look fantastic with tan.

Me, too.

Meow.

Mm hmm.

Mmm.

Mother Russia does not agree.

My dreamer.

My friends think the song contest is for losers,

My name is Lars Erickssong from Iceland.

My older brother went to school with you and he told me you were weird.

Nah.

Napoleon. No wonder, their song is called...

Nearly ruined us ten years ago.

Never understood why half this country still believes in elves.

Never wanted anything to do with me.

New York Jets, right? Take my horse down to Old Town Road?

Nina, what do you say?

No argument here.

No one even know his name.

No one travels around with four guys like that. Come on.

No question. Yeah.

No, but seriously! Don't come to Iceland!

No, he's not. That's not true.

No, I love stupid things.

No, I want to go club dancing so bad.

No, I'm not done! I hate you!  I hate your guts!

No, I'm not.

No, it is true.

No, just your singing, it doesn't sound like you.

No, no, listen.

No, no, no, we are almost finished.

No, no, no. No way.

No, no. No, no, no. Lars is way more uncool.

No, Paris is a dump. You don't want to go there.

No, wait. Hold But, please...

No, we are done for tonight.

No, you don't.

No!

No!

No! No, no! Of course not. I am Russian.

No! Where are you gonna live?

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Romance, it ruins the bands.

Not everything.

Not in the least.

Not that I care. Just curious.

Nothing else?

Nothing?

Nothing.

Nothing. Why?

Now I have to become an international star to prove to all of Iceland,

Now what do you see over there? Hmm?

Now you get it. Yeah.

Odds makers say you wont get single vote.

Of course I'm coming to the party tonight.

Of course.

Of course.

Of course. Icelandic folklore,  one of my many passions.

Oh ho!

Oh ho!

Oh, but I feel really bad  about the people on the boat.

Oh, call the police. Our girl is killing it!

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Win, lose, really doesn't matter.

Oh, good morning.

Oh, how was your phone call?

Oh, I love it!

Oh, me too.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Sigrit!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, Schweppes!

Oh, she is so special, Mita.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shut up. No one wants to watch them.

Oh, Sigrit.

Oh, the father speaks.

Oh, um...

Oh, well, I didn't sleep with Mita.

Oh, well, it's a very different mix.

Oh, where are we going?

Oh, work... Oh, come on, work.

Oh, yes, I can see why.

Oh, yes, yes.

Oh, you look like a flashy disco ball.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! [laughs]

Oh! I'd love it. I would.

Oh! Oh, oh, oh.

Oh! Tonight we conquer stage, tomorrow the world.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. I am so sorry. I thought you were over.

Oh. Oh, my gosh. I almost forgot, Mita Xenakis from Greece.

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Okay, and are we ready now?

Okay, do you think I'm stupid?

Okay, fine.

Okay, goodbye.

Okay, how about the Eurovision song now?

Okay, listen. Last night,

Okay, Nina is out.

Okay, now Sasha, let's see how the popular vote went

Okay, so not as bad as we expected.

Okay, thank you.

Okay, this is the stage.

Okay, this wonderful. Well...

Okay, we're going to need to get Lars hooked up to his wire.

Okay, you're right. Yes.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Bye bye.

Okay. Happy times, cheery feet, pick them up.

Okay. Lars, are you good, my little sausage?

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Yeah, thank you.

Okay. You don't have to do the thumbs up, Dad.

One of the biggest K pop bands of all time.

One, two, a one, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four...

Ooh and now the hamster wheel is off to the races.

Ooh!

Our eight points go to...

Our eight points go to...

Our magic and elves.

Our ten points go to...

Outstanding!

Pedal to the metal.

Perhaps it should be our song for the Eurovision Song Contest.

Personal submersible...

Pet tiger.

Pfft... No.

Pick one.

Play "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

Play "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

Play it!

Please move. Please move.

Please, elves don't exist, Sigrit.

Please, you're being very selfish right now.

Plus elves.

Plus, you have school, it'd be tough.

Portugal grants eight points to...

Pretty good, huh?

Probably not.

Put the pedal to the metal. Let's go!

Quite beautiful, really.

Ragnar Loftonsson is retiring.

Really?

Record your song.

Remember,

Remember, give up on your dreams now while you're still young.

Rich, hairless Russian guy with a huge dingle dong came between us.

Right, bro? Huh?

Right, until Lars taught me how to sing.

Right.

Romania gives eight points to Iceland.

See you in a bit.

See? It's presh, coz.

Sex machine in town, and his name is Lars.

She can really sing.

She can't even speak!

She come number one, England's Got Talent, four years ago,

She doesn't always sing like that.

She is fabulous, but she should ditch boys.

She just

She loved having me around the house, so she might not be happy.

She must have left her key.

She never liked me.

She one of the favorite.  She great pipes,

She passed too soon for the both of us.

She would have been proud of you, Lars.

She'll pick this up right away. She's the best.

She's not a very helpful ghost.

She's singing in Icelandic.