Big Momma's House Edit

A Dr Green in Los Angeles. A refill on the kid's allergy prescription.

A hundred's good.

A prison escape leaves one man dead.

A sweet, angelic voice say...

Ain't nothin' but some scaldin' pork grease.

Ain't that right, Trent?

All he got to do is this.

All of this for my birthday?

All right, Trent. Mind your manners. No back talk.

All right, well, get it together.

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right. Excuse me, darlin'.

All right. Now, first off...

All right. Now, what I'm saying is, shut your mouth on this one.

And able to walk down the street without trippin' over my own breasts,

And drove out the front gate in the man's Volvo. Very creative.

And even if I was interested, which I definitely am not,

And hit the phones.

And I can't wait to see you and I love you very much.

And I didn't say anything to anybody because I was afraid I'd lose my job.

And I just felt like nothing in the world could ever hurt me.

And I just want you to know

And I know it's a little tarnished, but it's gotten me through some pretty tough times.

And I know that you've probably heard some things that I'm not very proud of.

And I thought maybe I'd stop in and check on you since I haven't seen you in a while.

And I was headed in your direction,

And I'm about to cram it up his bony ass.

And I'm gonna make sure that I lock you up

And I'm not a little girl any more.

And lead with your shaboink boink!

And Lester shot those people.

And licked the pot clean.

And make sure you put the fatback in the greens.

And maybe one of our saints here

And polite conversation.

And remember that our business is our business.

And remember... Look at me.

And somebody scream out to you "Hey, baby!"

And started listening!

And that's based on what? Your "professional" attraction to her?

And the Lord took my dialing finger.

And the phone call was to set up your surprise party.

And the protrudeness...

And then... I'm just gonna go into town for a little bit.

And this is Miss Other Patterson.

And underneath it all, we do a lotta nasty shit.

And walked out with two million in cash and bearer bonds.

And what the hell's wrong with this door?

And when that day happens,

And who knows, Malcolm? Maybe you'll find an Armani outlet by the Piggly Wiggly.

And you were the one being dishonest.

And you would wrap your arms around me.

And your life takes you places that you never thought you'd go.

And, Big Momma, I just want you to know...

And, personally, I would consider it a privilege.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that

Anyway, we've all sinned.

Anyway... Trent, do you remember that day at the lake

Are you drinkin' that corn liquor? Are you sippin' on the yak?

Are you OK? Do you need a hand?

Are you puttin' on your make up in the dark now?

Are you ready to testify?

Are you saying you didn't know anything about the money?

As you can see.

Ask for understanding.

Back at ya! Didn't know it was comin'. Let's do this.

Back up off me.

Be patient.

Be sure to send me an invitation to the baby shower.

Because the truth

Ben, I swear, if I see your shaboinker, all hell's gonna break loose.

Ben, if you wanna get with me...

Ben, whatever you started in that bed,

Ben, you gotta bring a woman somethin' special.

Big balls, huh? Big cojones, huh?

Big Momma asked me to come by and fix...

Big Momma don't know nothin' about no drugs.

Big Momma gonna be in the kitchen... bakin' up a storm.

Big Momma, do you have any soda water?

Big Momma, do you remember this?

Big Momma, here!

Big Momma, I just wanna make sure that if I ever have to go away for a long time

Big Momma, I should have known I could trust you. Thank you so much.

Big Momma, I should have said something.

Big Momma, I think you just had a Peeping Tom.

Big Momma, I'm so sorry,

Big Momma, is that duct tape on your face?

Big Momma, someone's here to see you. They say it's an emergency.

Big Momma, stay and talk to your friend. I'll talk to you later. OK?

Big Momma, we're not frying a chicken!

Big Momma, what are you doing?

Big Momma, what is going on?

Big Momma, what you doin' now?

Big Momma, where did you get that from?

Big Momma, who was it?

Big Momma, work it out!

Big Momma, you were amazing.

Big Momma, you're there!

Big Momma!

Big Momma?

Big Momma?

Big Momma?

Big Momma?

Big Momma?

Big Momma? Are you OK?

Big Momma? It's Sherry.

Big Momma? We're here.

Big Momma'll be here.

Big Momma's here, darlin'. Don't worry.

Big... Big Momma?

Bless your little asthmatic heart.

Blood is thicker than water.

Boy, you ain't right. Did somebody hook you up to a jumper cable?

Boy, you ain't right. Did somebody hook you up to a jumper cable?

Boy, you better get that thing outta my face. Move, Rev! Go now.

But damn that was a lotta ass.

But he'll come to find Big Momma pretty quick herself.

But I gotta go. I gotta get outta here.

But I gotta tell you... This gettin' shot part, it's not as much fun as you'd think.

But I just got...

But I'm a handyman. Yeah, handyman's my thing.

But if it's someone important, you gotta put yourself into it.

But it looks like you're not home, so I'll see you on the next trip.

But it's a girl. You gotta pick a girl name.

But that's neither here nor there. OK, please, disregard that last one.

But these hands is open for business.

But what I feel about you...

But where's an' ever you be,

But you gotta get her to confess everything,

But you know what? A lot of people have these eyes. These ain't even mine.

Can I at least say goodbye to my grandmother?

Can Malcolm come with us?

Can't get enough of your love, baby.

Child, that's only make up.

Child, when you get to be my age, they're like yard dogs.

Child, you like these?

Church. We're leaving in five minutes.

Come on, Gertrude. This is good for you.

Come on, little man. We gonna take you to school.

Come on, Sherry. Come on in.

Come on, why don't you give it to me? Give it up before you hurt somebody, OK?

Come on. You's a OG, aren't you?

Comin' up here, tryin' to put your nasty ass lips on me. I am not street booty.

Consider your night capped.

Cos this sho' is some freaky shit.

Could offer us a word from above.

Could you open the cage? I'm a married man. I'm not used to this much attention.

Cries on the stand and walks away with two million large.

Damn, you fine...

Damn! That's a baby.

Damn! Y'all cut Big Momma up into little pieces.

Damn.

Did somethin' happen while you were down at basketball?

Doesn't this feel so good?

Don't tell me your momma had more jewellery.

Don't turn over on me! Oh, Lord!

Don't worry.

Don't you hit her.

Don't you think you're being a little rough on the ladies?

Driver, if I give you $20, would you step outside and kick his ass for me?

Earlier this week, I went to my phone

Easy.

Emergency? What kind of emergency?

Erskine and Stoner probably caught that girl Sherry two days ago.

Everybody's all dressed up and looking good.

Everything's gonna be OK. All right?

Exactly. But we never proved it.

Excuse me.

Explain it to the fat end of my baseball bat.

Far away from here. And I'm not sure if I'm goin' back.

FBl.

FBl.

Fine.

For God's sake.

For she has been to sorrow's kitchen

Freeze!

Game point.

Genteel old lady, pruning her roses.

Get him a Smiley Meal.

Get him a Smiley Meal.

Get him, Hattie Mae!

Get to know him.

Get up. Come on.

Gimme my baby.

Girl, come on up here and get your man.

Give me the camera.

Give me this plunger.

Go inside, sweetie. OK?

Go on, leave me a little message. As soon as I get back, I'll give you a shout. God bless.

Go on. Stand right there.

Go, Big Momma!

God.

Good Lord! What in the hell is goin' on up in there?

Good night, Big Momma.

Good night. Nice to meet you.

Good. See? It works.

Got two words, too: I'm back.

Got your seat belt on?

Grab your medicine.

Grab your medicine.

Greens give you gas somethin' wicked.

Guess not.

Hallelujah!

Hang up.

Happy birthday.

Has escaped from a federal penitentiary.

Hattie Mae, I can explain.

Hattie, are you done with him?

Hattie, I need to do this before I lose my nerve.

Hattie, I'm tired of bein' alone.

Hattie!

Have mercy, Lord.

He don't know what to do with it.

He is seen here on security cameras robbing the Century Union Bank.

He loves it out here.

He must have hid the money in Trent's locker before they arrested him.

He stole my keys. He got into the vault. He shot two people.

He was the gardener.

He was wonderin' how long you were gonna be in town.

He'd like his own gun, and he wants to know if we can use secret code names.

He's fine.

Head security guard. I got two men and three dogs workin' up under me.

Hell, no!

Hello. This is Hattie Mae Pierce.

Hello. This is Hattie Mae Pierce.

Hello. This is Hattie Mae Pierce.

Her water broke comin' back from the movie. The baby's due any minute.

Here we go on our way to the store.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here?

Hey, officer. I'm lookin' for... Miss Hattie Mae Pierce's house.

Hey, what do we have here?

Hey. This yours.

Hi, Ben. How you doin'?

Hi, Trent.

Hi!

Hi.

Hold my hand! Hold my hand!

Hold on a minute. You losin' weight?

Hold still. Gotcha!

Hold your breath.

Hold your hoe. Gotta go.

Holy shit.

Honey, careful.

How about I hop in there and we go for a spin?

How about we take a little walk down to the park?

How did you know his name?

How do I look?

How do you feel, Malcolm? Nervous about your testimony?

How so?

How was basketball?

How's he doin'?

Hurry up, man. She's leaving.

I appreciate it.

I believe the Good Book says "lf you don't know me, don’t judge me."

I borrowed 'em from a friend, and I gotta have 'em back by dusk.

I can do a hundred.

I can't breathe.

I can't feel my knees. Oh, Big Momma!

I caught him spreadin' fertilizer in the bedroom, if you know what I mean.

I could show you where all the hot spots are.

I didn't go to electrical college, if that's what you mean.

I do all kind of fishing.

I don't care what she said. That gun'll cost you two.

I don't know.

I don't know. They're really familiar.

I don't think Big Momma likes surprise parties.

I don't think you need those, Big Momma.

I don't want you to leave. Please, don't leave.

I done seen a lot of scary shit in my day,

I find that it calms the spirit.

I forgot my keys.

I got a size ten,

I got my eye on you two.

I got Nolan watching the perimeter.

I gotta go and help my friend out for a couple of weeks.

I guess you're wonderin' what I got you for your birthday.

I guess you're wonderin' why I got the duct tape.

I hate stains because they's hard to get out, and that's a jammy jam stain. I know.

I heard

I hope I didn’t put too much seasoning salt.

I jog. Yes! Come on!

I just haven't caught anything worth holding onto.

I just want to give you somethin',

I knew it. I told you this senile old hag was gettin' too old to be doin' this.

I know I got some explainin' to do.

I know it’s been a long time since we've talked, but...

I know things haven't been so great between us these past couple of years,

I know what kind of man Lester is.

I know what you're up to.

I know you think you can recognize my eyes.

I mean it hush. Don't say nothin'. Nada.

I mean... you will never get with me! Understand?

I paid way too much for this new wig to mess it up here.

I really do love you and miss you very much.

I really wasn't expectin' this, Reverend.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I remember when I was a little girl and it used to storm like this

I said "Sherry, are you all right?" You said...

I said I don't know. And anyway, Momma said we shouldn't tell our business.

I say, I wonder who could be at my door so late at night.

I see you're a man of great taste. Need anything else?

I should've bought you somethin'. Like a corsage.

I think I need a splint or somethin'.

I think you were gonna ask for another volunteer.

I thought you might have been in trouble.

I used to be married, but not any more.

I used to take a little karate myself.

I wanna freshen up and get out of my traveling clothes.

I was hoping we could sit in the front porch and shuck corn, shoot squirrels...

I was just doin' my job.

I will not be treated like street poontang!

I wonder what would make him think that.

I wonder who this could be,

I'd love to show him. Don't worry. I won't hurt him.

I'll be there. I'm prepared. I can stay a week or two weeks...

I'll come back and check on you in a while just to make sure you haven't killed yourself.

I'll search the house while you're gone.

I'm a fellow law enforcement officer myself. You know, maybe I can help.

I'm an electrician. You know?

I'm beggin' you to trust me. I mean... you can trust your Big Momma, can't you?

I'm doin' good.

I'm dropping Trent off to play basketball.

I'm glad it felt like a home to you, Sherry.

I'm gonna call Malcolm. He'll help us fix everything. No worries.

I'm in the zone.

I'm just here to catch a bad guy. If it goes down hard, so be it.

I'm just sayin', on the street I can't have no distractions. I gotta be ready for anything.

I'm just takin' a bath with Old Yeller down here.

I'm Malcolm. Hi. How are you?

I'm Miss Patterson

I'm not crazy, just a little lonely. We could spend some quality time together.

I'm sorry.

I've been waitin' on this moment ever since I first laid eyes on you.

I've come here today to

I've lusted in my heart.

If anybody asks, tell them it's your new hearing aid.

If Big Momma's not here, she'll leave, and then we have no case.

If I were an 85 year old man with cataracts and a bad hip,

If it was a boy, they could have named it, like... Requan or Trevon.

If we could get in to plant the surveillance equipment, we wouldn't be stuck here.

If you can do that, we might find a place for you on the force.

If you don't put 'em on a leash, they'll just roam all over the neighborhood.

If you don't want it, you don't have to...

If you want a second helping, let me know.

In my living room.

In the hot tub at the Red Roof Inn.

Is everything all right?

Is that all you got?

Is that it? That's the big mistake you made, Sherry?

Is that morphine in there? God, it beats the hell out of aspirin.

Is that right?

Is there another flashlight under there?

It feels so damn good.

It goes down easier that way.

It just went bad, didn't it?

It might make it a little awkward when it's time to arrest her, but...

It should be a biblical name, right?

It smells good, Big Momma.

It was my mother's. It's been on my dresser for 30 years.

It's a girl!

It's a great place to grow up. You should know that.

It's a surprise party for you, and if you go in there now you'll ruin it.

It's good when you got the runs. Come on, me and you around the block.

It's my baby Sherry!

It's not like... I don’t know what I'm doin'.

It's so good to see you, Big Momma.

It's so good to see you, Big Momma.

It's so loud in here. Maybe you'd be more comfortable over at my house.

It's...

Jesus did say that.

Jesus, let me just make it to the bathroom before I lose my bowels all over myself.

Jesus!

Jesus.

John, if you was thinkin' straight,

John, my attraction to her is strictly professional.

Just a second!

Just keep her away from Malcolm until we figure out a way to sneak her out of here.

Just sittin' in my little apartment doin' nothin' when it could have been out seein' the world.

Just stall, and then get out of the way when they get there. OK?

Just... I'll be all right.

Keep trying, sweetie.

Keep your eyes open. I'm goin' upstairs to change for the party.

Laptop? Cameras? AK 47? Stereos?

Last time I had Ben over for greens, I had to re wallpaper.

Lena, I need towels. Lots of towels.

Lester stole the keys. Lester stole the money.

Lester Vesco, serving a life sentence for murder,

Lester Vesco. Not a nice man, people.

Let me catch you here again and I'll barbecue some hot dog!

Let me go get my nine, OK? Oh, no. I'll keep that...

Let me help you with that, little Trent. Let me see that.

Let me show you what I got. Which way I'm comin'?

Let me tell you...

Let's close these, OK? You don't want your business wavin' all in the air.

Let's eat.

Let's hope. This is your basic hostile jury. Good luck.

Let's say

Let's see what's in there to cook now.

Let's see.

Like the bank work. I'm all over it!

Listen, either I can go around you, or I can go through you. Whichever you decide.

Listen, I got some dress up clothes, too. I wanna put mine on.

Listen, I was taking a little vacation

Listen. Hattie, listen to me.

Live secret lives.

Look at her.

Look at that nappy little g****fruit head.

Look at ya now. Runnin' your mouth.

Look at you. Just fly your...

Look at your pole!

Look, I took CPR. Can't be too much harder than that.

Look, that was fake.

Look, you old bat, this is a federal...

Look. OK, if you really must know,

Looks like we'll have to arrest this guy now.

Lord knows I was addicted to that man for about ten years.

Lord knows I've sinned.

Lord, I done told Sadie about this dog.

Lord!

Ma. Asthma.

Malcolm, I don't know how to tell you this... but your face is falling off!

Malcolm, you ever gone fishing?

Malcolm!

Malcolm.

Malcolm's been askin' about you.

Matter of fact, let's all scream.

Maybe I have. But somethin's goin' on.

Maybe I only wanted to believe the best about you.

Maybe I should come in for a little nightcap.

Maybe it's time that I stopped preaching

Maybe not.

Maybe somethin' you said?

Maybe we're all related.

Maybe you're in a dark alley.

Maybe you're standin' on your sun porch smokin' a pack of Virginia Slims.

Maybe you're using the wrong bait.

Maybe you're walkin' home from a church social.

Me? Look at you, Big Momma! I hardly recognize you.

Middle of the night seems a funny time to go on vacation.

Miss it. Miss it.

Mom doesn't know what she's doin'.

Mom says Jesus said we should love one another as we love ourselves.

Mom, look. It's ghost stories.

Mom! I can't catch anything.

Most attackers seek out people who look like they can't defend themselves.

Most people aren't who they say they are.

Must be one of those Southern traditions. Exchanging baked goods in the street.

Nah, you bring them over. That's how you meet the new neighbors.

Nervous? No.

Never convicted. Worked in the bank.

No doubt. Are you all right?

No worries. I'll fix it.

No, Big Momma, we have to go now. And I just wanted to say thank you for everything.

No, Big Momma. Why do you ask?

No, don't worry about that. You look fine.

No, I'm cool.

No, I'm not that old, Sherry. I don't need no help.

No, I'm telling you, you cannot go in there without giving me a big

No, Malcolm, I loved the little Jerry Maguire moment with the kid. That was very touching.

No, no, I've got something special planned for you two.

No, no, no!

No, no.

No, see, I knew it. Don't nobody mess with my babies.

No, Trent. That's an old lyric from AI Green. I got it in the car.

No, you can't! Ladies, it was really a pleasure.

No!

No.

No. Actually, I was in the neighborhood, so I was just stopping by.

No. Actually, Jesus, I think, is how he pronounces it.

Nobody's tried to kill you for days. The stress must be overwhelming.

Nolan is a security guard at the lumberyard.

Not affect your work. Fine.

Not in Big Momma's house!

Nothin' like a little excitement to get the blood goin'.

Nothin' to it.

Nothing.

Nothing's wrong.

Nothing's wrong.

Now come on over here and give your Big Momma a great big hug.

Now it looks like she's in the wind.

Now listen, Nolan. This is top secret. We're after a hardened criminal.

Now where's that cake?

Now wobble wobble, and drop it like it's hot.

Now, Ben, you know you can't eat no greens.

Now, I've gone undercover as Big Momma.

Now, Sherry,

Now, where were we?

Of course I did. I knew that the keys were missing,

Of drugs?"

Oh, and in the back of an EI Camino!

Oh, and that seersucker suit?

Oh, Big Momma, that's such a long story.

Oh, damn. Big Momma gettin' light headed.

Oh, dear! The duct tape.

Oh, excuse me, child.

Oh, Hattie baby...

Oh, I'm sorry. Ben Rawley's the name.

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, Lord!

Oh, Lord. Is she with Jesus?

Oh, Lord. William's in the hospital again?

Oh, Malcolm. Didn't recognize you with the make up off. Got the Michaels file?

Oh, man!

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, me? I'm sorry.

Oh, my damn!

Oh, my damn.

Oh, my God. He's gonna kill her. This guy can't even make toast.

Oh, my God. It's Lester.

Oh, my word!

Oh, no, Big Momma. This...

Oh, no! Don't!

Oh, no. Sure, I can handle him.

Oh, really?

Oh, Sherry!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shoot!

Oh, shut up and give the man your dry old Bundt cake so I can go home.

Oh, thank you, child.

Oh, that.

Oh, that's just a Bible salesman.

Oh, yeah. Child, if I was 40 years younger

Oh, yeah. I fish in the neighborhood all the time. Yeah, I know a thing or two.

Oh, yeah. I used WD 40 and some Easy Off on it.

Oh, yeah. I was just coming to check you were OK with...

Oh, yeah. Trent!

Oh! You think me and the white... No, I don't get down like that.

Oh. That's great. Thank you for stoppin' by.

OK, I'm gonna go inside now.

OK, it just got serious.

OK, ladies...

OK, maybe she got to me. But believe me, this will not affect my work on this case.

OK, now. Nolan, get your chunky ass in gear and find me some hot water.

OK, you're doin' good.

OK. Let's go with some real life situations.

OK. We've got a live one, people. Conference room in five.

OK. Well, good. I'll go with you. I need to do some shopping anyway.

OK. You got it.

On the street, I gotta keep it simple.

One for me...

Or else, when we catch Lester, she's gonna go down with him.

Our secrets...

Over here.

Pickin' on a little man. I'm at ya.

Plenty of fun people. Let's dance over and meet some, shall we? Come on.

Praise the Lord.

Preferably Crisco.

Probably you'd get the F, but you won't get the BI until some years have gone by.

Pull it.

Put that thing down.

Ready?

Ready.

Really?

Remember you had asthma?

Reverend, I've come to testify.

Right in the Bureau.

Ritha, it look like Leroy.

Ritha's gonna have her baby.

Rolex?

Satellite TV and a six pack do not a full life make.

Say, you know what I do when I have an upset stomach?

See, Sherry, I like to make sure

See, you only got a second

Shall set you free.

Shaniqua.

She didn't happen to say anything about meetin' up with an old friend?

She gonna die when she sees me.

She's done nothing to try and contact Lester.

She's leavin', man. Now's our chance to tap the phones. Come on.

She's pretty smart. Keeps a low profile, works two shit jobs.

She's somethin' else.

Sherry ain't never gonna tell her grandmother about Lester.

Sherry made a call today. Who was it?

Sherry, I'm not on your gearshift, am l?

Sherry, if you gonna be in town for a while, you oughta spend some time with that boy.

Sherry, is that you?

Sherry, is there anything you wanna say to Big Momma?

Sherry, listen to me.

Sherry, say good night to Mr. Rawley.

Sherry, the make up...

Sherry, why are you still sittin' there?

Sherry, you changed.

Sherry, you know that old boyfriend you had, who got in trouble?

Sherry, your last boyfriend...

Sherry!

Sherry?

Sherry?

Sherry.

Sherry... Now you gonna have to tell me what's goin' on.

Sherry's got a long lost grandmother in Cartersville, Georgia.

Shit!

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shoot, when I was a little girl, you'd whup my butt if I even looked guilty.

Should I talk about the evils

Show me a little bit of your moves.

Sit back, watch and learn.

Sit down and shut up, you old fool.

So much else to do that you forget about people.

So she gives him access to the vault,

So the lake and everything, that was just you doin' your job, right?

So we find her, we find Lester, we find the money.

So you don't get away from me ever again.

So, anyway, what I'm here to say is

So, if we want to be protected hear me now

Some true words through this brother here.

Somebody attack you on the street, you think they gonna do it delicately? I don't think so.

Somethin' like that.

Somethin' that means it's from your heart.

Sometimes Big Momma just feel like kissin' folks, that's all.

Sometimes I just get so caught up in my work that I forget things and...

Sometimes, when you wanna catch somethin',

Sorry about that. I didn't think it made much sense to defend myself delicately.

Southern welcome.

Stall 'em.

Superfly!

Sure. I don't see why not.

Surprise, Big Momma.

Surprise!

Surprise.

Surprised, huh?

Surprisin' me this time of evening.

Take it easy, Hattie.

Take it easy. I've called the paramedics.

Tell me what brings you to Big Momma's house after all these years.

Ten thousand.

Thank you, Big Momma.

Thank you! Get off the court, suckers.

Thanks, Malcolm.

That big bag she took downtown the other day.

That face and those eyes. You've changed.

That my food is properly lubricated.

That scared me.

That some of us

That some stuff we should just keep to ourselves.

That was a little fast. Let me do it again.

That what that is?

That your place is the only place that's ever really felt like home for me.

That.

That's a baby.

That's all right, child. I get them all the time.

That's all, people.

That's called an assist.

That's funny. I couldn't be out there without it.

That's good.

That's it. A little sugar on it.

That's just my flashlight.

That's real.

That's right. It was Hattie Mae Pierce.

That's what I do... catch the lightnin' bug.

The hotel out by the freeway had a pool.

The man ain't been here for two days and you all over him.

The pork chops are on fire.

The storm knocked out all the power and... I had to get a big old flashlight.

Then I guess this chain isn't the only thing that came back to me tarnished.

Then they might come to you.

Then you don't have much time.

There we go.

There you are! I've been looking all over for you.

There's my sugar.

They eat away at us.

They just goin' right straight through me.

They just wanted us to sit here pickin' ticks off our asses.

They kicked me off the court.

They use Crisco for everything here.

They're here. Now here's the earpiece.

Think it's gonna be windy today. There's a draught.

Think you can throw me off my shit?

This ain't no damn prom.

This ass here could do some serious damage.

This looks great.

This looks great.

This morning we're having church!

This morning, we're havin' church!

This won't be the first time I've testified.

Those stewed prunes!

To turn fear and panic into power!

Tough times? Sounds like a man's involved.

Trent wanted waffles. Have a seat.

Trent, me and you haven't had much time to just sit down and talk.

Trent, you know I'm your Big Momma, right?

Trent?

Trent?

Trent? Sweetie?

Trent? What are you lookin' for?

Trent.

Trussy! How ya do...

Trust me, you gonna finish alone.

Tupac. All right.

Turkey necks...

Twelve hours ago, he killed a prison doctor

Two hundred, or this transaction goes real bad, real quick.

Two years ago, he robbed a bank, popped a guard and the bank manager

Unless y'all talkin' about Harry Belafonte.

Wait a minute.

Wait a second. Maybe we should take you upstairs.

Wait!

Wait. You can't leave.

Watch it. The plate's hot now.

Watch out there, now.

Watch out!

We are not havin' service this morning.

We call her that because she's from a whole different set of Pattersons.

We could always run down to Ring A Ding Burger.

We don't want people to know the real us.

We got a baby about to slide into the world.

We got him, but the money was never recovered.

We got some pork chops,

We got to confess everything.

We hide behind our smiles

We own that ball.

We won!

We won! Oh yes, baby!

We're goin' fishin'. Mom's gonna let me drive the boat.

Welcome to Maple Drive. We hope you will come to love...

Well, all right.

Well, could you warn me next time?

Well, get ready to sit down, cos you ain't gonna last long once we start.

Well, I asked him. I said "Lord,

Well, I think that only works with fireflies.

Well, I'd say...

Well, I'm probably not gonna eat them, but you can have mine. All right, Sherry?

Well, I'm...

Well, if that’s my party, looks like I'm missin' it.

Well, it got your hind parts in shape, didn't it?

Well, it's been a long time since we've talked,

Well, let's see.

Well, may the angels speed your path on up here, Big Momma.

Well, she will. And when she does,

Well, sugar, it workin'. You understand me?

Well, then, eat up. Take you a big old forkful.

Well, then, maybe that's how you got this way in the first place!

Well, Trent, what does it say?

Well, we were just on a little vacation.

Well, you learned your lesson.

Well, you look ready to me.

Well, you look ready to me.

Well... Maybe I didn't wanna believe those things.

What a beautiful surprise.

What a day. What a damn day.

What about that big bag you had the other day, Sherry?

What about the phone call you made in town?

What are you doin' over there?

What I need you to do is stake out the bank.

What if he decide he still wanna get a little piece of that?

What if that don't work?

What in the hell is goin' on over there?

What is that boy up to now, Big Momma?

What kind of bait should I be using?

What the hell are you doing here?

What the hell are you doing, Nolan?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell is he doing?

What the hell...?

What they need Crisco for?

What with the color television an' all.

What you gonna do, Grandma?

What you got there?

What you talkin'? I'm just takin' in a little air.

What's wrong?

Whatever happened to him?

When I say I got to go, move I got to go.

When I told you that if you wanted something bad enough

Where all of his children are welcome.

Where are you off to?

Where has your life taken you?

Where you were going to next, did she?

Where'd you put the sweet corn? Is it outside in the freezer?

Where's my Sherry? Where's my baby Sherry?

Where's this great Southern hospitality I've heard about, Hattie Mae? lf I can call you that.

While I fix dinner,

Who are you callin' senile? You wanna step outside?

Who are you?

Who could be callin' her at this time of night?

Who could it be at this time of night?

Who do they think they are, kicking you off the court? That is a public court.

Who the hell do you think you are?

Who's ready to eat?

Who's ready to eat?

Why don't you come inside now and let this man finish his work?

Why don't you go downstairs and help your momma with the food?

Why not start with me?

Why would you say that, Sherry?

Why, she got every man in town sniffin' round like dogs.

Will I make it?

Will you shut up, please? Big Momma can handle this. Get outta here!

With the handles up here.

Women don't respond to that.

Y'all never heard of Soul, Korea?

Y'all sure went through a lotta trouble for Big Momma.

Yeah, Big Momma. I just wanted to come and say goodbye, cos we have to leave now.

Yeah, but you forget and you move on

Yeah, I learned how to look innocent.

Yeah, I'll be... Plop!

Yeah, maybe all exceptin' him.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, well, you gotta trust somebody sometime.

Yeah, you do that, Sherry. Where's that pot?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right.

Yeah. Don't you worry. He knows exactly what he's doing.

Yeah. I been workin' with that new ab roller.

Yeah. Top shelf, Sherry.

Yes, and I'll bust in your head again if I catch you foolin' around with my kin.

Yes, brothers and sisters.

Yes, good people,

Yes, I'd take him on. I'd give him a taste.

Yes, I'm here, honey child, lamb chop, sugar foot.

Yes, ma'am!

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am. My mouth is closed.

Yes, sir. I understand, sir.

Yes! We won!

Yes?

Yes.

Yes. Well, somebody better tell me somethin',

Yes. You never used duct tape to get rid of them unsightly hairs?

You are somethin'. Isn't he?

You be goin' about it the wrong way.

You blew your cover.

You can take mine.

You can't fool an old fool. Sadie's got it all figured out.

You could talk to me and confide in me. You know that, right?

You didn't know Big Momma knew that move, did you?

You do your housework in the nude and it tends to attract the wrong element.

You done messed up now.

You freeze... sucker.

You got jokes.

You got me. I am busted.

You got to be prepared for this.

You got to fight back.

You gotta be patient and it might come to you?

You gotta understand. I'm not like you.

You haven't seen him since he was a baby.

You hurry home, then. All right?

You in trouble? Is there something you wanna tell Big Momma?

You just gotta slow down.

You just put me on the spot today, Reverend.

You know what I mean? I can't have a family and home out there distracting me.

You know what I mean.

You know what, Trent? Let me calm down.

You know, Big Momma a whole lotta woman. I may need help.

You know, how would you like to go on a little vacation?

You know, it runs in the family. G****fruit heads.

You know, Malcolm, if you wanna save this girl, then that's fine.

You know, Reverend, I think the Lord is trying to give us

You know, that's rare these days.

You know, the Lord got me to thinking the other day that

You know, the whole...

You know, there's... something about your eyes.

You know, when I called you the other day, I didn't think you'd even wanna talk to me.

You know?

You look different.

You look like a damn shaved bird.

You really think he's gonna solve all my problems, don't you?

You run along or that ain't all you gonna lose.

You said goodbye. Now let's go.

You stay down here and watch the food. I'll go up.

You sure have changed, Big Momma.

You think a mugger'll be easy on you?

You think you're nickel slick, but I got your penny change.

You thought I was guilty the whole time, didn't you?

You two? in my bed?

You used to puff and wheeze somethin' wicked.

You walkin' down the street, struttin' your stuff,

You wanna give me those, or have you grown too attached to 'em?

You went to all this trouble to try to catch me in a lie

You with me? All right.

You'd better put that nasty ass tongue back in your mouth before I rip it out.

You'd realize Malcolm's our best shot for crackin' this case.

You'll have to excuse Hattie Mae. Her stomach's not feelin' too good.

You're gettin' younger every day.

You're gonna love Big Momma's cooking.

You're not really an electrician, are you?

You're not to blame.

You're tellin' the truth. You didn't have anything to do with the robbery.

You's a fake one, but you's probably a OG, huh?

Your girl told me a hundred.

Your granddaddy had a big ass head.

Your momma didn't happen to talk to you about

Your...

100 dollars. Come on.

Actually, I don't. Come on, Malcolm.

Actually, we are pretty hungry. Come on in. I'm here to take care of y'all.

Ain't that right, Nolan? Yes.

Amen! Yes, he did.

And after about three rings... Three rings!

And you got to deliver it. Excuse me?

Are y'all Double mint twins? Freeze! FBl.

Are you all right? Yeah, I'm OK.

Are you all right? Yeah.

At 5.45 in the morning? No doubt.

Bakin'? Paramedic?

Ben, let me show you to your car. Wait a minute!

Big Momma could never forget that ass. What?!

Big Momma is here. What you talking about?

Big Momma, are you OK? Oh, yeah.

Big Momma, it's time. Time for what?

Big Momma, you didn't say you had a man. Child, I ain't got no man.

Big Momma, you gotta come out here quick. What you talkin'?

Big Momma? Yes?

Big Momma... Yes?

Bye, Big Momma. OK, Sherry. Bye bye.

Bye. Hot damn!

Can I have a go? Most definitely.

Can you handle that? No problem.

Changed? Yes, ma'am.

Come on now. We gonna be late. Late for what?

Come on, Big Momma. We're gonna be late. Late? Late for what?

Come on, Malcolm. I've never been fishing. Never?

Come on! Time to cut your cake. Everybody's waitin' on you.

Cos I got to go. Yeah. Thanks for the corn bread.

Cos I got two knees! No, I'm good. God bless ya.

Damn! Air Momma!

Damn! That was fast!

Different? You know, I said the same thing.

Don't shoot me. Lester, no.

Driver, please get me to the bus station. Yes, ma'am.

Everybody freeze! Goddamn! You freeze!

Everything, Sherry. I can't.

Excuse me? Who are you?

FBl! Everybody freeze. Don't move.

Freeze, sucker! Nolan? What the hell are you doing?

Get some warrants. Set up a surveillance. Great. Malcolm and I can stay here

Get this baby out of me! Where is she?

Got a little jam on ya? Yeah. I just washed this, too.

Got it. Good. Bring it here.

Got it. You know what, man?

Great. And trust me: she's innocent.

Hattie! I've been lookin' for you. Well, good. Keep lookin'.

Here are the tongs. Is that sterilized?

Here. Sherry, no. No, I couldn't, Sherry.

Here. Let's dry you off. So what about it, child?

Hey, Big Momma. Hi, Trent.

Hey, Malcolm. Hey, little man. What you up to?

Hit me, you fat piece of junk? Lester, no!

Hold my hand, Big Momma. Hold her hand.

How am I supposed to go about it? You don't come in a woman's house

How did you know we left at night? I didn't.

How you doin', Sherry? Here to empty out the septic tank?

How you doin'? Good.

I didn't sleep with her. Big Momma did. OK. Thanks for the visual.

I do? Do I smell some greens?

I don't know. We've never been on one. How fast can you get ready?

I don't know. We've never been on one. How fast can you get ready?

I found the money, Sherry. What money?

I know a little bit. That's what I'm talkin' about.

I said close 'em! They don't close!

I saw this in a movie once. Stop, Big Momma!

I thought you'd forgotten all about me. Hush your mouth, child.

I thought you'd forgotten all about me. Hush your mouth, child.

I wonder what they'll name him. I don't know.

I'd take a run at you. Man, shut up.

I'll take it. Great. That'll be two hundred.

I'll take that bet. Ready? And fight!

I'm about to go secure the perimeter. Nolan!

I'm starving. Are y'all hungry?

In my house, in my bed... Malcolm, I've been lookin' all over for you.

It was all right. You OK? I'm gonna go start dinner.

It's a beauty secret. Really?

John! A little help down here, please?

John... This is all we need. Him screwing this up.

Just breathe, sweetie. Thank God you're here.

Let's try to get some sleep. That's easy for you to say.

Like he was laughing. Laughing at Malcolm.

Look at the head. I see something.

Look what the wind done blew my... Hi.

Malcolm! Four and a half minutes.

Mom, did you see that fish jump? I did. Looked like he was smiling at us.

Mom! They're too fast for you, Trent.

Morning, Sherry. Good morning.

My name's John. John what?

Nice. You too grown for this shit, man.

No, Big Momma. You're all right. All right.

No, I'm gonna have some toast. OK.

No. It works particularly well on the bikini area.

Now, who's this Lester? I thought I was in love with him.

Oh, shit! Nobody's done nothin' to Big Momma.

OK, OK. All right.

OK, we're home. My bladder got me just runnin'.

On... bug eye boy. What?!

Paramedics? Is something wrong? No!

Patterson! Isn't that a weird coincidence? Yes, it is.

Pleased to meet you. Sherry.

Power! That's right. You can't be scared.

Put that on you. A little nippy, huh? Yeah.

Really? No doubt, girl.

Really? Yes.

Right. Cos there's some work involved. Exactly.

Saints, we can learn a lot from this lady. Yes, we can.

Say hi. I should've known just by lookin' at him.

See you later, Trent. Bye.

She has not. Yes, she has.

She's back. The real Big Momma is back. Damn!

Sherry, let me get this bag for you. Oh, no, Big Momma. I got it.

Sherry, let's go back and finish supper. You can run, but you can't hide.

Sit out here and catch my breath. OK. I understand.

So, Granny thinks she got game? Oh, yes. I got game.

Somebody may see you. No worries about that.

Something beautiful like that. That's right.

Sorry. Hello. This is Hattie Mae Pierce.

Stall them? Trust me.

Sweetheart... He's a quick little one, isn't he?

Thank you. Good night.

Thanks, Hattie, baby. Good. Get your ass outta here.

That shit don't count. What do you mean?

That was Tupac. Definitely Tupac.

That's a good idea. Yeah.

That's funny? No, I mean...

That's game. Yes!

That's what I'm talkin' about. I feel free!

The head? I don't know. I'm lookin', it's lookin' back!

There you are! Girl, we've been lookin' all over for you.

There you are. Everyone's lookin' for you.

There's Big Momma. What a classic scene.

They make these cars so low. Hi, Trent. Momma, you need some help?

This better be good, son. Yeah.

Throw that piece of shit in there. No, wait.

Towels. Now somebody get me some lard.

Trent, baby, be careful. You're kinda quick.

Trent, honey, you cannot be that rough. You're only a pre teen.

Trevon is cute. You think that?

Vesco is extremely dangerous. Oh, my God.

Wait! I'll be right back.

We lost her. No! Look...

we'll be there to catch her. That's right.

We've been lookin' all over for you. It's time to cut your birthday cake.

Well, how dee, ladies. Hello, neighbor.

What about the girl from the robbery? Lester's girlfriend. Sherry Pierce.

What about this stepbrother in Oakland? You and Gallagher take it.

What are you doin'? Take it easy!

What are you doing? How you doin', man?

What are you doing? I'm just freshenin' up.

What are you doing? Screamin'!

What are you talkin' about? You slept with her, man. She got to you.

What the hell are you doing?. Don't start.

What the hell did you just do? Kept us in play.

What's he doin' here? This is God's house,

What's that? What's what?

Where are you going? While she's out, I'll set the surveillance.

Where's that pot? I'm gonna go and start setting the table.

Who's he? Oh, Big Momma. That's Trent, my son.

Why don't you just take a break, OK? You don't have to be fast.

Why'd you let all these people in here? It's a surprise party. I didn't know about it.

won't it be a happy day? That's your song.

Would you like me to get that for you? No. I got it, Sherry.

Yeah, come on in. There's plenty. Oh, no!

Yeah? She didn't come back with that, did she?

Yeah. They grow up so fast,

Yeah. You less than two miles away.

Yes, ma'am. No. Sir, you do not have to kick my ass.

You cannot go in there. You're sayin' I can't go in my own house?

You don't like that? Come on now, Big Momma.

You hear somethin'? What?

You know what to say. Come on with it.

You mean like this? Yeah.

You need anything? I'm fine. Thank you, honey.

You OK? Yes. Just tryin' to get comfortable.

You want me to take her out? No.

You were all over that shit. Yeah. I was somethin', huh?

You were in my grill. 100 bucks, man.

You'd be in. In the Bureau?

You'll never believe who's here. Who's here?

You're the midwife, aren't you? Midwife?

You're too fat to be ballin'. Say what?

Yup. Let's roll.

Yup. Let's roll.

'Scuse me, honey. Here's your corn bread. I got to go.

'Scuse me, Reverend.

"'Who's there?' I said, hoping it was only my imagination."

"Back that thing up and show me what you got." What you gonna do?

"Dr Green. Wilshire Pediatrics."

"Every Time I Feel The Spirit."

"Hafarth's Pharmacy, Cartersville, Georgia."

"Prescription called in for Trent Pierce."

"Scratch, scratch, scratch, went the clawing at my door."

"Trent's so smart. Trent's so cute. Trent knows karate."

"You gotta trust somebody sometime. Why not start with me?"