Klaus Edit

A deal's a deal. The ordeal is over.

A flying sleigh pulled by magical reindeer?

A job or something?

A little bit...

A nice, big piñata!

A postman?

A true act of goodwill, huh?

A true act of goodwill...

A true selfless act...

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! [grunts]

Aah! Ow! Ow!

About their parents plotting to form an angry mob,

Actually, nine months and six days, but who's counting?

Actually, yeah, all of it. But check it out.

Admit it! You weaseled out and rang the bell!

After... After she was gone,

Ah, come on. Really?

Ah, here we go.

Ah, well, I was expecting this a little bit sooner,

Ah! He'll never know it's me! I'll make it sound like it's from you!

Ah! There you are. I wondered where you'd scurried off to!

Ah! You're right there!

Ah.

Ah. And that must be the express mail.

Ah. Young love.

All gone.

All part of this quaint town's vibrant culture.

All right, I'm gonna just take a wild guess here.

All right, listen.

All right, that's it for today.

All right, you win.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. And now...

All right. Let's get started.

All right. Okay, let's make a deal.

All right. Remember...

All right. This is a good one. I can feel it.

All right. What's going on here? Where are all the letters?

All that reception stuff.

All the way from the top! Dispatch for one of your cadets!

All wrapped up in my silk sheets with some caviar and a sherry...

Almost. Hang in there.

Alva, please come back.

Always sparks another.

Always sparks another.

Always sparks another.

Am I the best teacher ever or what?

An espresso? A cappuccino?

Anchors away, Captain.

And become my own man?

And eventually become a source of resentment and regret.

And finds a...

And how long until the grown ups follow?

And I am so close to getting out.

And I built us a house right here.

And I have you to thank for it, my friend.

And if I'm getting farther from the mail, you say "colder"?

And if kids happen to be talking

And in this corner, row after row of shiny tools

And it'll stay that way as long as a Krum...

And listen carefully, Jesper.

And lookie here!

And never wanting anything more?

And put them in a stamp with the..."

And Smeerensburg continued to change for the better.

And speaking of the future, I look forward to discussing...

And start fresh somewhere far, far away from here.

And the ferryman tricked you into ringing the Battle Bell.

And the people are mean to me. And I miss my silk sheets.

And then all that's left is postage so I can put it in the mailbox for you.

And then he fell...

And then he turned to me, and he said...

And then I saw it.

And then it's bye bye to you and your cold and your loons

And then Kristoff... Little, ugly Kristoff.

And then let you waltz right back

And then, on the 12th year...

And then...

And they'll come out.

And they're getting their point across pretty well without mail.

And this is home now.

And this one,

And we kept waiting,

And we waited, and I kept making toys and more toys.

And we're all ready to go.

And without letters...

And yesterday,

And yet, no one seems to wonder

And you put it in the envelope, write your name on it and bring a penny.

And you thought they forgot.

And your chickens! That's right! You too!

And, provided you've kept your act together

And, uh, here, why don't you finish mine?

And, um... homework!

Another irrelevant, pointless...

Another stamp. [kisses]

Any chance for a hot cup of coffee for your neighborhood mailman?

Any chance you might actually get on it today?

Any packages?

Anyways, anybody can get off a boat.

Are brainwashing everyone!

Are we starting to connect the dots?

Are we starting to connect the dots?

Are you going to buy something?

Are you in there?

Aren't you supposed to be in equestrian training?

As for Alva and I...

At a place where people don't send their kids to school!

Aw. Tsk.

Back home, I've got pretty much everything.

Bad back, don't you know.

Better alive in the gutter than hacked into pieces!

Birdhouses are nice and all, but come on!

Birthday cards? Distant cousin?

Brand new toy waiting for them by the fireplace.

Brunches! Don't forget about the brunches.

Burghard, I'm not in the coach with you. Burghard?

Burghard! Finally, a friendly face. Can you believe what they...

But even I must admit that...

But here...

But I bet there's one you never forget.

But I hate it here!

But if you think I'm giving up, think again.

But it sure is not goodwill and peace on Earth.

But it wasn't gonna be the two of us for long.

But less presents means less letters, and less letters means less...

But no one gets hurt.

But no! It was just right for her size.

But then you showed up and made it complicated. As usual.

But then...

But they never came...

But we don't know how to write.

But whatever it is you're saying, I've got my own problems, you know?

But, hey, we gave it the old college try, didn't we?

But, look, too bad about the fence.

But, yup, summoned to the dragon's lair.

By any chance, would you happen to understand... this?

Bye bye. Okay, any other letters?

Cadet Johanssen!

Can I help you put the medals in the letters

Can we open a window in here or something? I can't pretend any...

Can you please get off my porch? You're trespassing.

Can you teach me more?

Can't forget the penny.

Can't you see I'm busy trying to figure out how to get...

Carrier pigeon care and handling...

Centuries of glorious hatred, passed down through generations!

Certainly not this person!

Charming, huh? Why, you should see it in the spring.

Cheer up, little one.

Christmas? What do you...

Christmas. Christmas.

Clockwork with all the gears and the cogs,

Come on, people!

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Come on! Come on! Come on! Keep it together! Keep it together!

Come on! Look, I'm...

Come on! Work with me here. Picture the possibilities.

Come on. Just a snicker or a chuckle.

Come to Papa, you sweet, sweet little...

Completely unprompted...

Congratulations. You are now a postman.

Could I get a toy please?"

Couldn't you just put it in?

Dad, what're you doing here?

Dad, you can't just show up and...

Dad! Come on! It's me. Let's talk about this, man.

Dad! Mom! Wake up! You have to see this!

Dad? What?

Darn, oh, darn.

Deceased notice?

Delivering these toys, seeing the joy they bring to children,

Destroy those toys!

Devilish little tadpoles like yourself don't get toys from Klaus.

Do what you will with the toys.

Do you know how long it took to press this uniform?

Do you know what this is, little boy?

Don't be so modest.

Don't let 'em get away! Come on! Get 'em!

Don't tease me now. [chuckles]

Don't tell me. Let me try to guess.

Don't you dare raise your voice at me!

Don't you know that...

Don't you think?

Door, door, door.

Drill Sarge! Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?

Eh. We're having a bit of a heat wave.

Either we band together to take care of this,

Encouraging children to write letters and go to school!

Even now... sometimes...

Every mischief, prank and dirty deed.

Every year, come the Christmas season, the letters started pouring in.

Everybody knows rotting fish is so over.

Everybody's out to get something, right?

Everyone?

Excuse me. Just... Can I...

Faded away.

Fall back! All right. Everyone, in line.

Feuds?

Fine. Go to the source, I guess.

Focus! How do you get out of here?

For a noncertified postman to ride with me.

For the Ellingboe bloodline!

For the man who brought postal service to Smeerensburg, that's for sure.

For the tricky part.

Fresh out of mackerel. Only herring and burbot today.

Friends of yours, I take it?

Frigid cold, angry, violent neighbors,

Get on with it already.

Get out.

Go ahead and cancel the Drill Sergeant's espresso, actually.

Go away! Go! Leave! He'll hear you!

Go home, you loser!

Go home, you loser!

Go! Go! We're dead! We're dead! We're dead!

Go? Where?

Good evening, Postman Johanssen.

Good morning, madame.

Good teamwork... Whoa! Whoa!

Good. The rest, you know the deal.

Got it. Get out of here. Great. Move along.

Great! What, "same time"? You mean, dead of night?

Great. I'm gonna kill that boatman.

Great. Tonight, then. I'll see you then. Good talk. Good talk.

Guess I'll just go pack up and head home then. Too bad.

Ha ha. You got me.

Ha! Eat our snow, you...

Ha! That's rich!

Hanging out with an old woodsman, surrounded by crazy people,

Hanging out with an old woodsman?

Has he?

Have a nice day.

He also said to bring you a penny each.

He came! He came!

He keeps a list. The...

He knows.

He only has sticks and stones to play with. So sad.

He said he didn't like it, but... deep down, I think he did."

He sees everything, you know.

He'll drop off a toy or two.

He'll make us a toy.

He's a good guy... deep down.

Hello, Jesper.

Hello, Postman!

Hello!

Hello! Hi! Hi!

Hello?

Hello? I'm in your house or... whatever this place is.

Her doll was so old,

Here we are.

Here, hold these.

Here, let me help you out. [clears throat]

Herring's on sale today.

Hey, listen, please. Open this!

Hey, there, Chief. How're we doin'...

Hey! They've sent us another postman!

Hey. You're a pretty good listener, you know?

Hi.

His name is Klaus, and he makes the best toys.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm? Hmm?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. This is bad. Very bad.

Hmph!

Hmph.

Ho ho ho!

Ho ho ho!

Holy mackerel! Oh, the smell!

Holy mother!

Home of the world's finest feuds.

Home sweet home.

Home?

How about you finish these and...

How did you pay for this?

How have we never defeated you?

How long until children go back to the old ways

How long until they turn against each other?

How the whole thing got started in the first place.

How, why...

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh. What've you got there, children?

I am not about to let you mess it all up.

I beg your pardon?

I brought her as soon as I could, sir.

I can go by myself. You don't have to...

I can't even begin to comprehend.

I could really use a hand here.

I didn't mean to...

I didn't think so.

I didn't want to admit it at first either.

I do know.

I don't either, but it took somebody hours.

I don't know what to do!

I don't know... What do you... Pfft. It's a lot of red.

I don't make toys.

I get my letter, and you get your drawing.

I get to see my friend.

I give up. Who are you?

I guess I must really hanker down and rethink my priorities.

I have been rotting away here for five years,

I have to check the rule book.

I hope I did a good job. He seemed happy.

I just fold your pretty drawing, very beautiful by the way,

I knew I was forgetting something! Children!

I love this terrible coach ride.

I mean, first of all, I'd love to, of course,

I mean, no offense, but someone could use a little diet cleanse. What are you doing?

I mean, there's no way that's not a severed head.

I mean, we are out of toys, and without toys, there are no letters.

I mean, who knows what's gonna happen next year?

I mean...

I mean...

I might not even...

I really, really would, but I can't.

I remember when I found this spot in the woods that she loved.

I saved the best for last!

I sell fish, and then the person on the other side of the counter...

I sent my letter, and all I got was a lousy clump of coal!

I shoveled all the yards on my street today.

I stopped trying to make sense of it a long time ago.

I think I may have missed my boat.

I think it looks pretty good.

I think it's time we send that postman... a message.

I think she did. Do you think she loved it?

I think you hit your head pretty hard, dear.

I thought he'd be mad.

I thought I'd never feel this again.

I thought there would be some sort of a reception.

I thought they were attached.

I took a teaching job

I turned away for one second...

I want a bicycle!

I wasn't going to let them have the toys.

I would keep it if I was you,

I would never, in a million years, have done what I just did

I, leader of the proud Krum...

I, leader of the proud...

I, uh...

I... [sighs]

I... guess.

I... I guess I got lost.

I'd like a hot bath and a look at the dinner menu.

I'll have my letters in no time,

I'll see you later.

I'll use monosyllabic words, man! Please! Please! Please!

I'm a postman, see?

I'm coming, love.

I'm going home!

I'm here to pick up all the outgoing mail.

I'm just...

I'm running out of time! There, I said it!

I'm saying it's time to join forces against a common enemy.

I'm saying we need a truce.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I'm still proud of you, you hear me?

I'm sure it's nothing that could fester

I'm the postman, obviously.

I've been around long enough to know that everyone is out to get something.

I've done all you've asked. Can I please...

I've got two urgent deliveries here, Postmaster, sir!

If I didn't think these were attached.

If I don't get those letters, then what am I supposed to do?

If I get close to the mail, you say "warmer"?

If I hadn't...

If I teach you something, will you get out of here? Please?

If I, I didn’t get the letters, I’d be cut off, but things changed!

If you ask me "who" right now, I swear!

If you fail to get those letters, you're cut off.

If you have letters you'd like me to send,

If you have your letters on you, I'd be glad to take them off your...

If you leave your socks hanging on the mantle,

Instead of stealing Mrs. Runa's berries, we picked them all up for her."

Is the weather always like this?

Is this a bad time? I can see you're pretty swamped.

Isn't that a bit excessive?

Isn't this a school? Shouldn't there be children and a teacher?

Isn't this convenient?

It almost feels like she's still...

It crumbled in her arms when she came to me.

It looks great. It looks good. It's nice. It's...

It might be against the law

It still is a possibility, but most likely... no.

It was a simple plan.

It was as if he had just...

It's a little cramped in here.

It's almost Christmas already, and I still...

It's been nine months since I used every ounce of my influence

It's for him, sir.

It's good you reminded me.

It's gotta... I'm holding a head in my hand, but hey!

It's like everyone's gone mad or something.

It's not a letter if it doesn't have postage, right?

It's not a letter if it doesn't have postage.

It's so bright you can even see at night.

It's so cold and icky!

It's the clans!

It's true. When's the last time you saw a house burn down?

It's your son, Jesper! Little Jespie!

Jesper, listen. I don't think...

Jesper!

Jesper! Let go!

Jesper?

Jesper?

Just let me out of here! I'm gonna get...

Just one second. Let me just...

Just sitting there collecting dust, so...

Just write a letter to Mr. Klaus.

Keep going down this road, and you'll get there.

Klaus, I don't know what to say.

Klaus, I'm sorry.

Klaus, just listen. I...

Klaus!

Krums and Ellingboes don't mix.

Less presents, less weight.

Less presents?

Let me finish. Let me finish.

Let me guess. Leaving it at the gate not an option?

Let's continue discussing what a horrible person I am

Let's go. Follow me.

Let's go. We're done here.

Letter? Good. Letter? Good.

Letters!

Letters! Letters! I don't have all day!

Like a brand new toy?

Listen, whatever they told you...

Little Penny... Patty.

Locks! [gasps]

Look out!

Look who's finally throwing in the towel!

Look, here.

Look, if you have to be here, at least be quiet.

Look, woodwork would go here.

Looking forward to no more night shifts.

Looks like someone might need help mailing letters.

Lots of them.

Magic, I guess.

Make new ones!

Me first! Me first! A doll!

Me too.

Me too. Me too. Yeah, she loved it.

Merry Christmas, Miss. Alva!

Mine!

Mine!

Mine!

Mine! Mine!

Mine! Mine!

Mine?

Mine.

Mmm hmm. Got it. All right, let's go.

Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm.

Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm. Definitely.

Mom! Come here, quick!

More and more each time, and from farther away.

More children, more toys, more towns.

More children's dreams being shattered.

More or less,

Morning, Miss. Alva.

Mr. Klaus is the coolest.

Mr. Klaus will fill them with toys!

Mr. Klaus, wait!

My Lydia.

My silk sheets?

Nah, I don't want to bore you with it.

Never fails.

Never mind. Don't answer that.

Never saw a postman looking more miserable leaving

Never wanting anything more?

New postman. Smeerensburg.

Nice fella. Loves visitors.

Nice move! How'd you know I wouldn't get knocked off too?

No explanation.

No goodbye.

No letter, no toy.

No letters? But how am I supposed to get out of...

No more fancy apartments,

No more truce?

No one deserves it more.

No one has ever seen him.

No worries. I've got someone covering for me.

No, but I...

No, no! Why you...

No, thank you!

No! No, no, no! No!

No! No. Well, at first maybe, yes, but, Alva, please come...

No! You can't leave, remember?

No. No, no, no, I won't allow it.

Nobody.

Not a symptom of any mental illness or anything.

Not anymore.

Not quite the same place, is it? [chuckles]

Nothing I'd love to do more

Nothing.

Now I can go home with the satisfaction of having accomplished absolutely...

Now, I just know you didn't mean to disrespect all of that heritage, right?

Now, tell me all about where this pretty thing came from.

Now, would you take a look at that?

Now, you're gonna have to help me with the heavier bags.

Of course not.

Of course, you don't... Of course, don't even answer that...

Of course.

Of course. Of course this would happen.

Oh, and did you know that arson is down 70%?

Oh, come on!

Oh, forget it. The mood is gone.

Oh, God, the silk sheets! Can we change the subject?

Oh, God. Okay. This is it. Here it goes.

Oh, good, you're back.

Oh, great! Look what you've done!

Oh, he was unbelievable!

Oh, I didn't have to.

Oh, I guess that's why they call it "snail mail."

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Oh, it doesn't matter. I'll write it for you.

Oh, just something...

Oh, look at that. Wrong address. Silly me.

Oh, look over there! See the red and yellow along the rim?

Oh, look, it can laugh.

Oh, man, come on!

Oh, no, no. You don't get off that easy.

Oh, no.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, well. Best leave it alone, I say.

Oh, wow!

Oh, yeah? And how would he know what I'm up to unless you ratted on me?

Oh, yeah? Well, if I'm a loser, then you're a, uh...

Oh, you rotten vermin! [yelling]

Oh, you want me to... [chuckles]

Oh! Here's another one. What do you think?

Oh! Right. Right, the reception. Of course, the reception.

Oh! Uh, colorful local traditions. Quirky folklore. That kind of thing.

Oh! Uh... I forgot about homework.

Oh! Yes! Oh, thank you! Thank you!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. [retches]

Oh. Folks around here only have one thing to say to one another.

Okay, are you gonna do that part or...

Okay, good job.

Okay, here's how it works.

Okay, keep low. Don't panic. Don't panic.

Okay, post office is now officially open.

Okay, then.

Okay, well, enough of that. Show me where I'm really staying.

Okay, you win. What do you want? Money? My dad's got plenty of it.

Okay? But let's just say I'm not really a postman.

Okay. Come in.

Once there are no toys to bribe them with?

One down, one to go.

Only good children get toys?

Open up. Open up. Open up! Come on!

Or it's gonna be all book clubs

Or pens.

Our ancestors demand it.

Our cousin told us if we write a letter to Mr. Klaus,

Ow, they're biting! Ow, get off! Get off! Get off!

Ow! [grunts]

Perhaps a minute to say your goodbyes, of course.

Pfft. You... You have a gift, my friend.

Playing, I tell you.

Please don't put me on the Naughty List."

Please help us, miss! I beg you!

Please, I can explain.

Please! [panting]

Poetic, don't you think?

Poor little Herlief.

Precisely. And cookouts, swap meets, and, uh...

Probably not an ax murderer, though...

Proceed to stamp the letter.

Puh puh puh!

Pumpkin, show Daddy what you found.

Put it in an envelope like this

Quick! Get me out of here! [screams]

Rats. Oh, well.

Really, really great.

Really?

Really? That's my name?

Really? You're gonna go for the guilt trip now?

Remember, I... "Daddy, can I help you mail the letters?

Remember, put the letter in the envelope.

Right, that's nice. But I see no letter, so please come back when you have one.

Right.

Right. I wear them down, and you catch them.

Running around, laughing, getting in trouble.

Rustic touches, central air and panoramic views.

Sarge, is that for real?

Sarge!

Say, have you heard the one about the one legged man who walks into a bar?

Say, we're kinda running low on inventory, aren't we?

See how it works?

See? Nothing to it. Just...

Send it off to a certain plump guy in a red suit

Shall we take account of your progress then?

Shall we then?

She got sick.

She loved birds, so I just kept making birdhouses.

She said she'd like a boat!

Shut up, you idiot! I'm getting to it!

Shut up! Stop being weak!

Sir, can I get my drawing back?

Six thousand letters will suffice.

Smash those toys to pieces!

Smeerensburg.

So I can't give it to you, but I could mail it to you.

So I figured

So I would send this letter back to myself if I was you.

So quiet for a disproportionately...

So we helped him.

So what do you say?

So you could get back to your puffed up life back in the big town.

So you could make a difference?

So you go to sleep, and when you wake up in the morning,

So, if there's something we know...

So, now I'm reduced to doing this so I can get some money

So, uh, where is the mail, anyway?

So, we must join together in peace to help stop this peace?

So, where is it?

So... thank you.

Someday he might even thank me for it.

Someone used to say.

Someone would have to be pretty stupid

Something like that?

Sorry to bother you this late, but,

Sorting and filing:

Stamped by your own hand.

Stand back. All right.

Stay in this little town forever,

Steady, ol' girl! Easy does it.

Stop, stop, stop!

Stop! Stop!

Stop.

Such a worthy cause.

Suits us just fine.

Sure. Yeah, let me just show you.

Surrounded by crazy people?

Takes me back, you know?

Telling children to go to school to learn to write?

Than deliver what I'm fairly certain can only be a severed head of some kind.

Than on the day they came in.

Thank you so much, and no need... [mumbling]

Thank you so much!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank...

Thanks, Dad!

That boy needs a wake up call, Sergeant. And who knows?

That is why.

That is...

That the poor children of Smeerensburg have started, uh...

That's it! I've had it!

That's when those grays really pop.

That’s it. Wait.

The Battle Bell? What kind of a town has a Battle Bell?

The big house, the having my every whim tended to, the silk sheets.

The clans are on the warpath...

The Great Mooning of '86.

The Krums versus the Ellingboes.

The letters are getting in the envelope.

The maritime game of chicken.

The postman!

The present is right there by the fireplace!

The presents in the sleigh were all fake?

The real trick is gonna be convincing Klaus and Alva to give me an...

The toys!

The whimpering and the soiling of the pants, no.

The wind blew it away.

Then you showed up.

Then, you know, teachers listen.

There she is. Smeerensburg.

There was the hundred day brawl of '45.

There you go.

There.

There's no need for you to come with me, really.

These aren't... You're not the Spendlebergs.

These better sound sad. Do they sound sad?

These children wasting away without a proper education?

They insisted, and I didn't want to be rude.

They seem nice.

They were the ones who alerted me to what you've accomplished here.

They're at block parties! Hayrides! And cookouts!

They're not attached. Why aren't they attached?

They're so cute! They're just... Aww!

Think about it! Every child in town gets up on Christmas morning

Think of all the joy you'll bring their miserable little lives!

Think of all those happy little faces, huh?

Think of the joy. Think of the happiness.

This can't be right! I...

This has gotta move! Come on! Come on!

This is a story about letters, and it began...

This is gonna take a lot of work.

This is good teamwork here.

This is great, Dad.

This is no way to treat a person!

This is really wonderful, Father. Thank you so much.

This is tradition!

This little...

This nice man says he can mail my drawing back to me!

This town was built on resentment and spite.

Those hands were meant

Those kids? Those kids are in it for the toys. And the grown ups?

Those little children... [grunts]

Throwing in the... Us?

Time isn't up yet. I've still got a few days until...

To a privileged life void of any purpose or meaning?

To get you into the Royal Postal Academy.

To want to leave this place now. [chuckles]

Today, me and my brothers helped Mom with the chores.

Together!

Tonight, same time.

Too heavy.

Total failure.

Totally normal.

Tough luck, kid.

Toys?

Trust me, you are.

Trust me.

Turn around.

Two, tops.

Ugh! Forget it.

Ugh! Pssh!

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh. Come on. I'll show you.

Ugh. Well, join the club.

Uh huh. Smooth lines. Good. Nice work.

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... Klaus?

Uniform, cold sweat, scared stiff, shaking in your boots.

W w wait!