Snatched Edit

A king size bed in a romantic locale

A lot of terrible things

A spear gun.

A tapeworm?

A turkey leg!

About 50 miles outside of Bogota.

About somebody before.

About the Middleton ladies

About this woman's asshole.

Absolutely not. Not with my knees. Not going.

Accidentally murdered.

Again, shut the fuck up, man!

Agoraphobia is not a joke.

Ah, Em! Listen, honey,

Ah, please.

Ah, you've got mountain ranges to the north.

All I have in this world is my mama and my sister.

All right, I'm gonna pee.

All right, this is a long hug.

All right, this is the thing.

All right, wait, wait, wait!

All right. That's it.

All right. Well, do what you want.

All right. Well, thank you, guys.

All the single ladies!

All the way through the jungle, looking for help.

All water in the jungle is safe.

Although, one could say that

Am I ever going to see you again?

An escort to the airfield base...

And are things ideal, financially, right now?

And cancer.

And change the kitty litter.

And dangle a piece of meat in front of your throat.

And determine that you have a tapeworm.

And drag you to federal prison,

And get your mom.

And give me compliments in the comments.

And here we are.

And hopefully you won't start drunk snoring till I'm done.

And I ask you

And I did it alone!

And I don't want to panic.

And I guess everybody takes off on Fridays,

And I just stormed out. Just like, for real.

And I need help finding her right now,

And I need you to be the guy that helps me.

And I ran into Dr. Armando and his friend.

And I refuse

And I want you to threaten him with it.

And I was right.

And I will see you tomorrow.

And I wonder what

And I...

And I'll fuck your dick.

And I'm going like this. I'm taking off, all right?

And I'm not feeding you.

And I'm realizing that right now, okay?

And I'm telling you right now

And if somebody's like,

And if something happens to them

And is your hero and can save your mother

And it's 3:00 in the morning, I call

And it's because I forgot.

And just over this ridge

And make me feel better?

And make that note happen?

And my last day there I kept thinking about that quote

And my skirt's over my head.

And no one else will go with me.

And now, well, now

And now, you're not.

And she's gonna take us to her home

And she's gonna teach us how to make murtabak.

And she's seen some shit.

And smoke a J, and then just kinda, like

And so, yeah.

And stretch it up north.

And take care of you and maybe we hook up.

And thankfully, when you passed out

And thanks for calling the US State Department.

And that was before you murdered his son.

And that's what motivated that. So, like

And the elevator there is made of steel.

And the men, they provide the protection, you know?

And the Red Cross.

And their situation down in South America.

And then

And then I'll try it. I don't care.

And then Scotch.

And then someone will get you home from there.

And then we'll get back to the road.

And then what are you supposed to do?

And then when I go to sleep at night,

And then, well, my doctor said I was sick.

And they've been living in the underground

And threatened his wife over the phone.

And we make a shiv. I saw this.

And we twerked.

And we will go on another adventure?

And what are you even doing on the floor?

And what do the men do?

And when I think about where we are

And write down "Calle..."

And write down, "If you feel the urge to call again

And you answer.

And you are okay finding your room?

And you got a drink.

And you kind of jump.

And you take everything.

And you will go to jail. Okay?

And you will now pay ransom.

And you're in a lot of trouble.

And, gosh, wasn't it weird

And, remember, when you get down there,

And, well, the mighty one, the river, she's to the south.

Any updates on my mom?

Anyway, Barb retired last year. Oh, look!

Anyway, your brother really cares about you.

Are you afraid these dogs are gonna **** me?

Are you getting it? Yeah.

Are you okay?

Are you saying that I've wasted my life?

Are you serious?

Are you sure you changed it?

Are you sure?

Aren't you, like, from there?

As an interrogation technique.

As I search local plants for a compound

As soon as possible, kind of.

At 19 hours.

At some point, you're gonna have to pick your poison.

Await further instructions.

Awesome!

Barb cut her own tongue out when she left the service.

Barb is really upset about this. She had plans.

Barb, you're wilin' out right now.

Because

Because I don't know what Borat has to do

Because I had you. And I had your brother.

Because I just don't know what else to do.

Because I want people to witness me

Because I'm gonna pull it.

Because I'm here with my mom.

Because I'm trying to remain calm.

Because it's my third day.

Because it's the quickest route

Because money comes and goes,

Because there was some kind of heist in Delaware.

Because things are going so great between us?

Because we are Americans in peril. So...

Because we didn't want to go somewhere touristy.

Because you didn't want to drink Mai Tais alone.

Because you know what? He was the best you'll ever do.

Because, like, everybody wants to go.

Before you draw any more attention

Black.

Bogota? Right.

BOTH: He was cute.

BOTH: Oh, my God!

Bus doesn't leave for about 36 hours.

But any time you travel internationally,

But Barb wants me to let you know one thing.

But Barb was in the special ops.

But everything is going to get better, honey.

But here it goes.

But I booked a journey.

But I can't.

But I don't have any more coming right now, so

But I have a lot going on right now.

But I know a man who can take care of you.

But I tell you, I am really, really relieved

But I will get us out of here, okay?

But I'm just saying that I am not that dude.

But I'm pretty sure I must have been wasted

But if you keep pranking me,

But instead, I'm here, fucking with you.

But it's an upsetting image. Okay.

But it's gone now.

But it's sounding like you're saying...

But one thing led to another, and I changed it.

But she was able to improvise a few things.

But thank you.

But there's gonna be, like, hundreds of other pussies.

But they didn't tell me

But this year, Barb got a deal on this resort.

But through that, we could take a stool sample

But we are gonna get you

But we really got to get the fuck out of here.

But will things pick up?

But you be sure to take that one

But you can never be too safe, honey.

But you can't let your guard down.

But, actually, I can beat that.

But, I've hiked up mountains in Iran.

But, much easier now.

But, over there, that man is who I mean.

Can I be candid with you?

Can I borrow a shirt?

Can I get you a drink?

Can I have just whatever everyone is drinking?

Can I help you, ma'ams?

Can I just see that?

Can we focus on the positive? Because we are safe now.

Can we have just one more second?

Can we just move this hug along?

Can we just take the night off?

Can you be the guy that lets me use his phone?

Can you just please be my parent

Can't you just comfort me?

Capoeira! Capoeira!

Carte blanche, okay?

Chatting up another pretty young girl.

Check it out.

Chicken wings for the ladies.

Choose your next move carefully, brother.

Clutching your pearls. (CLICKING TONGUE)

Colombian military is setting up a couple stingrays

Come here, you know I got you, girl

Come on, honey.

Come on, man. Be that guy.

Come on, Mom!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! I'm coming.

Come on.

Come on. Don't do this.

Commando squad.

Could you kind of beat it? 'Cause you're a distraction.

Could you lean out a little bit?

Couldn't they just torture her

Crazy?

Crew's getting her seaworthy as we speak. So...

Culturally, the women do the work

Cure cancer.

Dictate whether or not I, as a woman

Did I tell you Michael's band is blowing up right now?

Did you ever twerk, Ma?

Did you just give me danger eyes?

Did you try to kill yourself 'cause you're so ugly?

Did you?

Do they just kind of do that all day?

Do they look like rapists to you?

Do you guys have any service? I have, like, no bars.

Do you guys mind how we get back?

Do you have an A Team?

Do you have any loyalty to the people who hired you?

Do you have husband?

Do you have some cyanide we could take, or something?

Do you hear my stomach?

Do you know what?

Do you think they're holding him here?

Do you wanna dance?

Do you wanna do something tonight?

Do you wanna know how this book ends?

Do you want me to make you feel better?

Doc gave me, oh, a month to live,

Does he ever move?

Does it say, "I grabbed it outta my suitcase

Does Mom feed you like a baby bird when I'm not here?

Does not mean you have to lash out at me.

Don't ask Mom to toast your bread for you!

Don't let them take the wings away.

Don't move!

Don't move!

Don't touch me. Security!

Don't touch my daughter! (GRUNTS)

Ecuador's a pretty place.

Emerged.

Emily, come on. I didn't mean that.

Emily, I am not going strolling in Ecuador at night.

Emily, please.

Emily, this is a traditional gift

Emily, we're gonna get you through this.

EMILY: (SHRIEKING) Oh, my God!

EMILY: Go! LINDA: Let's go!

EMILY: Hi, sir.

EMILY: Hi. Hi.

EMILY: I also don't have a husband yet.

EMILY: I can't believe this.

EMILY: I looked her right in the eye, and I went

EMILY: I'm so sorry.

EMILY: Knock me out! Knock me out!

EMILY: Mom! Come on!

EMILY: Mom.

EMILY: No! Go limp.

EMILY: Oh, God.

EMILY: Oh, my God! I feel like I can get this.

EMILY: Oh, my God. We're stopped.

EMILY: Oh, shit! Go, Mom!

EMILY: Oh! Oh, we're out! Okay.

EMILY: Okay, Shadee, how about instead of rent this month,

EMILY: Okay.

EMILY: on, my God!

EMILY: on, my God.

EMILY: on, my God.

EMILY: Pack your bags.

EMILY: Roger, why don't you tell us a story?

EMILY: Should we get back in here?

EMILY: So weird.

EMILY: So what's the plan?

EMILY: Thank you.

EMILY: This place seems okay.

EMILY: Wait, where are you going?

EMILY: Wait, wires? I feel some wires.

EMILY: We had no idea. LINDA: We didn't know.

EMILY: We really need to get to the US consulate in

EMILY: We're stopped.

EMILY: What does that mean? Oh, God.

EMILY: What was the name of that dance

EMILY: What we need to focus on is that we got out.

EMILY: What? Oh!

EMILY: Where have you taken us?

EMILY: WOW. LINDA: Well

EMILY: Yes, I am. Yes, you are.

EMILY: Yes.

EMILY: You left the house.

EMILY: You've been to Egypt? What were you saying?

Emily! The doctor said he could get us to Bogota.

Emily.

Emily. Hi, Emily.

Enough. Don't do that.

Esmeraldas! She's in Esmeraldas.

Ever since I got to this godforsaken land.

Every single fucking night!

Everything is not fine, Emily Louise.

Everything okay over here, Emily?

Everything shouldn't be so scary.

Everything will be fine.

Everything!

Everything's gonna be okay.

Ew. And it sucks.

Exactly. See? The world's a scary place.

Except posting pictures of yourself?

Excuse me?

Expedition guide? Oh, that's flattering.

Feel free to drink from any puddle you see.

Fight, Mom!

Fight, Mom. Fight!

Fine! She'll use it.

Five minutes.

For Linda and Emily

For me to kind of, like

For me? Yes, for you.

For the cultural experience

For the rest of my life.

For top secret information.

Fortunately, you have not made me angry.

Four.

Fuck, fuck, fuck

Fuck, you look great.

Fuck!

Fuck! Shit!

Fuck! Shit!

Fucking shit! Let me have my day in court.

Get it?

Get out!

Get the worm out, Mom. I'm your pillar.

Get to the embassy.

Give me a map. I can mark it on the map for you.

Give me that thing. Oh, okay.

Go ahead, solider.

Go away.

Go hide and then she meets your friend

Go limp. Go limp!

Go on this trip.

Go, go in the hallway.

Go, go, go. Yeah?

Go! Ola!

Go.

God, Emily, this isn't fun.

God! You know what? I don't need this job.

Good job with Morgado.

Good luck.

Good news! Right now,

Good night.

Good. That's great.

Great. (CHUCKLES)

Guys! Cool it!

Hair, make up, boobs. We're going out.

Handcuff you to the bumper of your car

Happen outside these little gates.

Harry Potter is the greatest of all the wizards.

Have fun on your trip.

Have you talked to your dad lately?

He said it was a secret family recipe or something.

He was fast.

He's a cashier.

He's a hero and a great role model.

He's a manager, Mom.

He's a real bummer.

He's American. America!

He's been assisting me

He's gonna take us on a day trip.

He's lying again.

He's my soul mate.

He's right there.

Hear me out

Hell, no.

Hello, Morgan.

Hello, Morgan.

Hello, Philip.

Hello? (BEEPING)

Hello.

Hello. Ah!

Help me find my mama!

Help me put the "fun"

Help me. Help me!

Helping out the ladies. (CHUCKLES)

Her asshole?

Her tit is out.

Here he comes.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here, put this on.

Here! I made them come here to get you.

Here's my number, in case you guys want to grab dinner

Here's the thing. Your mother told us

HEY

HEY

HEY

Hey, cheers!

Hey, do you know what? Shall we?

Hey, do you mind if I join you?

Hey, Em.

Hey, Emily, can I just say, as well, you...

Hey, guys!

Hey, honey, you're gonna break your toes in these.

Hey, how about the scorpion, over there in the corner?

Hey, how are you? I'm James.

Hey, listen! Are we, uh...

Hey, Roger. Is this fruit okay?

Hey, that dude...

Hey, that's so crazy you're here with your mom

Hey, what kind of soup?

Hey. Agent Russell.

Hey. Hi.

Hi, Barb!

Hi, Maco. Thank you.

Hi!

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Thank you so much for coming in.

Hi. When does the next bus leave?

Hmm? Yes, ma'am. Caught the travel bug.

Hola! Just two of those.

Hold on. Look!

Hold on. Wait, I think I got it.

Holy shit!

Holy shit. I'm sorry.

Honey, get in here!

Honey, have a peanut.

Honey, have you seen Arthur? Did he get out?

Honey, he's nervous.

Honey, this is a really long hug.

Honey, we're so lucky because I had to drag you

Honey, you know, when I said that, I didn't mean...

Hot as fuck...

How can anybody see what you do?

How can my daughter be so foolish?

How could she just not know this?

How do you know I didn't break up with him?

How do you mean?

How rude is that? Oh, shit.

How soggy the wood was when I tried to light it?

However, I have to move you, and that is annoying to me.

I actually kinda caught a piece of you, Mom.

I always see about 12 rainbows.

I am divorced.

I am garbage. I have never voted.

I am sorry that this happened.

I beg you. Don't shoot me.

I can take you east along the Amazon

I can't be an orphan.

I can't deal with you evaluating my life right now.

I can't fight with you right now. I'm starving.

I can't get in. It's too tight, Mom.

I can't go to Ecuador.

I can't go to South America.

I can't hold it anymore.

I can't kill it.

I can't relax.

I can't stop my hands from shaking, honey.

I can't, pendeja. It's broken.

I definitely have to go back tonight.

I didn't heat it up.

I didn't know they had a day care program at the hotel.

I didn't know who else to call.

I didn't look at the dogs.

I didn't mean to freak you out.

I didn't say that.

I didn't want to come. I never wanted to come.

I do see that note here.

I do. Absolutely.

I don't care what she does. Just can you help me?

I don't care, Mom.

I don't even know what "danger eyes" is.

I don't know any Spanish. I only know one word.

I don't know if I'll ever even be able to get to sleep.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know why I just said that.

I don't know. Probably.

I don't know. Wait, what?

I don't remember the last time I had a drink.

I don't think you're gonna enjoy that.

I don't want to make it about money

I don't want you to get melanoma in front of my eyes.

I eat plenty. Don't worry about my diet. Don't!

I feel great. (CHUCKLES)

I fucking hate germs.

I gave you everything I had.

I gave you get the fuck outta here eyes. Go away.

I get it.

I go to the Y twice a week, and I take sculpting class.

I got an idea. Go, I'll stall them.

I got it at the worst place.

I got my mom.

I got this. I was 18, okay?

I guess if you're, like, in New York,

I have a pussy.

I have a real phobia about this.

I have to 69 my mom.

I haven't been trained on the phone system.

I haven't heard that one before.

I haven't seen you in, like, forever.

I heard it that time.

I hope you find your keys.

I just need to find my mother.

I just want to, like, sip a Mai Tai

I keep talking over you,

I know how many tits I have.

I know it's kind of dangerous right now.

I know that that is sincere, and I thank you.

I know what that means, you know. "69 ing."

I know what's going on with you, man.

I know what's happening.

I know you're scared...

I know, but I like to be prepared. It's important.

I know, but that was not good.

I know, but... (STUTTERS)

I know, I know.

I know, I'm sure. Yeah, whatever. Wait till tomorrow.

I know.

I know. One more minute.

I learned the capoa.

I left the house.

I love everything you're saying.

I love you!

I love you.

I made a shiv.

I made all these men come...

I mean, because you're not just gonna

I mean, I'm going to be looking over my shoulder

I mean, look! Voila!

I mean, people have certainly finished on it.

I mean, this really is the way

I met a man.

I met a real man.

I met them at the pool. Oh, you guys.

I miss you.

I missed you! I missed you, too!

I missed you.

I must take someone from yours.

I need my mama!

I never heard of that before. I'll tell you what.

I realize that.

I really need it.

I really thought you were dead.

I refuse to let Michael's decision

I saw his brains.

I see you all the time.

I should have just listened to you.

I should have listened to you.

I should have stayed at the hotel.

I speak Dothraki.

I speak Klingon.

I think I see them right there. Is that them?

I think it's probably...

I think so. Yes, thank you.

I think we're gonna need to make another phone call.

I think you might have killed the guy.

I think you...

I thought he was saying...

I thought I would never have sex again.

I thought you were Mom,

I told you not to wear your flip flops!

I told you to shut the fuck up!

I told you to threaten him.

I wanna focus on you and me

I wanna go home so fucking bad.

I want you to be really careful

I want you to do it right now.

I want you to take that,

I wanted a tattoo to symbolize that

I was doing it better before.

I was gonna change it.

I was just washing my vagina in case we hooked up.

I was supposed to be a king

I will embrace this challenge

I will report it to the police.

I will skin you alive while your mother watches.

I wish I could tell you.

I would like to eat right here with you, Mom. Mama.

I'd love to be the guy who sweeps you off your feet

I'll be like, "No, is it safe?"

I'll check in with them then come back for you.

I'll go first

I'll guide you through the sack of the jaguar.

I'll put the butter on myself. Thank you, Mama.

I'll see you and James tomorrow.

I'll see you tomorrow, too.

I'll take the old, dusty highway.

I'll tell you what it is. Okay.

I'll tell you, when Dad left

I'll text you spoilers.

I'll translate. You speak Spanish?

I'm a grown woman, so I'm fine.

I'm a model. I'm here, modeling.

I'm about to kick your ass.

I'm actually volunteering.

I'm all alone.

I'm breaking up with you.

I'm coming with. You're not going anywhere.

I'm definitely going on that trip.

I'm done. No, no, no.

I'm Emily and this is Linda. Hi, I'm Linda.

I'm fucking annoying.

I'm going this way. I'm with you.

I'm going to be having a lovely evening here tonight

I'm going to have an image

I'm going. You can't reach.

I'm gonna call...

I'm gonna come to your house. I got your address right here.

I'm gonna count down, I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna distract them!

I'm gonna go have a sick time in Ecuador.

I'm gonna go make a request because I want to dance.

I'm gonna show up at your house,

I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen right now

I'm just gonna read my magazine.

I'm just trying to pick which friend

I'm kind of here with somebody.

I'm not doing that.

I'm not gay for Mom.

I'm not going anywhere without my mother.

I'm not gonna kill it. Kill it!

I'm not in a place.

I'm okay.

I'm on this trip, Emily,

I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry.

I'm so sorry I got you into all of this.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I've got it, thank you.

I'm sorry to tell you,

I'm sorry, but I want to see other people.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. But listen, you kidnapped us.

I'm sure we can rustle up some adventure tonight.

I'm the one that's been calling

I'm the one who invited you on this trip.

I'm trying to, like, be funny for you.

I'm trying!

I'm up here, too. No, you're not up there.

I'm with Jacob right now. It's his piano lesson.

I've already told you.

I've been in touch with the US consulate in Bogota.

I've been looking for adventure

I've eaten poisonous blowfish in Japan.

I've got 'em right here in my chi chas.

I've got a slow boat, headed down river.

I've got a worm, Mom. I know.

I've got ten pages left.

I've just spent the past few weeks in Koh Phangan.

I've read all the Game of Thrones books.

I've run with the bulls in Spain.

Idol

If it's already affecting your appetite,

If you call this number one more motherfucking time

If you keep this up, I'm not cooking anymore

If you want to avoid traffic.

If you're expecting to walk on out.

In little pieces with his machete.

In non refundable.

In the intrepid spirit

In the middle of the Amazon!

In the region now.

In your wet dreams, motherfucker.

Inspiration? No, pussy.

Inspiration. Pussy.

Into this in the first place.

Into writing down the information?

Is because I made her. Because I am selfish.

Is he a model, too?

Is he looking at me?

Is if you come tomorrow.

Is it because you're afraid

Is non refundable.

Is that finished?

Is that the main concern?

Is this a tall building that we need to get to

Is this like a tree or something?

Is this some kind of a threat?

Is we're gonna lodge open your throat

Isn't it? I know.

It doesn't hurt too much, but roll it down.

It doesn't say anything.

It is very real.

It isn't. It's never been.

It looks like adventure's found me.

It means "whore."

It means you're not going anywhere.

It sucks. (PHONE RINGING)

It was like this.

It was the swan.

It wasn't flip flop related, Mother.

It will become a police matter,

It works.

It'll be fun.

It'll feel safe, but it's not safe

It's a scam, Emily.

It's a two man job, ma'am. It's a two man job, I'm sorry.

It's broken?

It's false.

It's fine. I know how you see me.

It's for protection while you're here.

It's good.

It's gross. It is gross.

It's heavy. It's thick. (ALL CHUCKLE)

It's insane. Or, if you want

It's just a different... (GASPING)

It's loosening.

It's my third day.

It's not a good way to raise kids.

It's not a scam. These women are crazy.

It's not letting me post anything.

It's not possible, Emily.

It's not what I do well. EMILY: I don't do it well.

It's perfect for Ecuador. (CHUCKLES)

It's pronounced "adult."

It's so tight.

It's tight, but it will untighten.

It's tight.

It's your home. You put it where you want it,

It's, like, an hour's drive from here.

It's, like, hurting. Thank you.

JAMES: Ah! (CHUCKLES)

JAMES: I know. They just sort of pop up.

JAMES: It is a tree.

JAMES: No, yeah, I went to Egypt.

JAMES: What do you think?

James?

JEFFREY: Mama!

JEFFREY: Shit. What you're doing is shit.

JEFFREY: Well, we got a big problem

Jeffrey!

Jeffrey. What?

Joanne would think about this.

Join me

Judgment. (DOOR OPENS)

JUNGLE DOCTOR: I bet. Oh, there she comes.

JUNGLE DOCTOR: Oh, yes.

JUNGLE DOCTOR: Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Jungles to the east and west.

Just a little bit, Mom.

Just because you can't control this exact situation

Just get us out, you know, back, okay? And now!

Just go to sleep, honey.

Just grab it? Yeah.

Just like James was taking you out on a date.

Just on the ground.

Just put your feet under there.

Just sittin'.

Just stay positive.

Just use the map, Mom.

Just walk. Huh?

Just, here...

Just, like, your signature thing.

Keep UP!

Kill him, Mom. No. I can't.

Kill them!

Kinda helping people along the way, almost

Know what that means? It doesn't mean anything.

Ladies, listen to me.

Let me come with you. MORGAN: No!

Let me show you my dance.

Let me take that from you.

Let me tell you a story about Barb.

Let me tell you something.

Let's focus on that.

Let's get the fuck out of here!

Let's go get 'em. What's the plan?

Let's go get your mom.

Let's go out tonight.

Let's go to bed.

Let's just get us on the main road, please.

Let's just say he's none of your goddamn business.

Like we're 69 ing.

Like you've been on my Facebook page or something.

Like, "Bye." Another one will come.

Like, just adjust? Just like that?

Like, my wife, Joanne?

Like, right now. This is it. You're in the middle of it.

Like, something crazy,

Like, that is so rude.

Like, what about this bitch? I've never seen her do shit.

Like, what's its vibe? Oh.

Linda, Emily.

Linda, my mother, Middleton

Linda, thanks for stepping up.

LINDA: (SIGHS) Do you feel better?

LINDA: (SIGHS) It's not like at home.

LINDA: Arthur! Here, kitty, kitty.

LINDA: Baby. Hi.

LINDA: Don't test me.

LINDA: God. Ugh! (SPITS)

LINDA: He's got my leg!

LINDA: Honey! Hi, Mom!

LINDA: I don't know why I let you talk me

LINDA: I have a few questions.

LINDA: I saw this on Dateline once.

LINDA: Mmm hmm.

LINDA: Oh, good. Hi, okay.

LINDA: Oh, I'm weak, honey.

LINDA: Oh, look!

LINDA: Oh, my God. EMILY: Are you okay?

LINDA: Oh, really? (EMILY CHUCKLES)

LINDA: Okay, one more for you.

LINDA: Okay, we gotta get out of here. Let's go.

LINDA: Okay, where do we go now?

LINDA: Okay.

LINDA: Okay. No, we don't.

LINDA: Okay. What? Wait a minute.

LINDA: on, my God!

LINDA: on, my God!

LINDA: on, my God.

LINDA: Put up the window.

LINDA: Where are you going?

LINDA: Why don't you just say, "Thank you, Mom"?

LINDA: Yeah, I mean, we were kidnapped.

LINDA: You did good.

Listen, I'm just gonna have to turn around up here

Listen, no. You don't have to worry about that.

Listen. We're out of praziquantel

Little specks there?

Look at my people like you are at the zoo.

Look at that! I can't even believe that's you.

Look at that. It's raised.

Look at the other employees.

Look at this.

Look at this. Okay.

Look at you helping.

Look how fast they found us!

Look where we are. Look where we are.

Look, can we just talk about this

Look, it's done,

Look, Roger is gonna get us home.

Look. This is the thing.

Looking for two American women.

Lots of shit. Yes.

Ma

Ma, do you think there's any way that, like,

Ma, stop. Don't, like, caress me.

Ma!

Mama, Mama, Mama... Oh.

Mama!

Mama!

Mama! Mama!

Mama! She's showing me her food in her mouth.

Mama? Hello! Hello!

Mama...

MAN: Hello.

Manuel! Quickly, the boat!

Maybe he's okay.

Maybe that guy's okay?

Maybe three to four minutes and get it nice and toasty?

Maybe you need to chill out with the drinking,

Meet us at the Presidente Apartments

Mind if I join you?

Mmm hmm. And you're going.

Mmm hmm. Sure do.

Mmm mmm. I think he's still in Florida with Susan.

Mmm, okay, where are you guys now?

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mom

Mom, can I eat upstairs? No!

Mom, can I have a chocolate milk?

Mom, it's fine. I'm sure.

Mom, look, I didn't want to do this

Mom, what are you doing? My knees.

Mom, why aren't you talking?

Mom, you have to kill it.

Mom, you need to relax. All right?

Mom, you should have seen it. Oh, my God!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom! (GASPS)

Mom! (GRUNTING)

Mom! I can't.

Mom! I told you I would not acknowledge that.

Mom! I'm here.

Mom! Look what I just found.

Mom! Oh, my God! Ow!

MORGADO: Hello, Jeffrey.

Morgan, I'm a middle aged man who never leaves the house.

MORGAN: Mmm hmm, hold on one second.

MORGAN: Nerd. He's a nerd.

MORGAN: Yeah, that's Morgado territory all right.

Morgan. Morgan!

Most of Colombia is beautiful and very safe now.

My

My hand's over there.

My mom.

My mother and I have been kidnapped.

My son!

MY son! My only son!

My trip...

Name's Roger Simmons.

Name's Ruth. Traveling with my best friend, Barb.

Never seen so much shit.

Nice kick, malparida.

Nice kick.

Nice meeting you.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

No arguing that.

No big deal. Go ahead.

No more scenic route.

No one.

No, absolutely not.

No, bring her.

No, he's not.

No, I can't do that. I just got excited.

No, I don't want you to do that.

No, I had a buzz earlier.

No, I mean, like, its vibe, you know?

No, I won't back down!

No, I, um

No, I'm not, Mom. I'm chewing like a person.

No, I'm not.

No, I'm not. I'm gonna read my book, is what I'm gonna do.

No, it's absolutely not!

No, no, no. Why?

No, no! Thank you so much. No. Thank you.

No, nobody's being fucked, okay? I got an idea.

No, thank you.

No, this isn't a mom thing. You got this.

No, you're both safe.

No, you're perfect.

No, your tit is actually

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! No!

No! No! No!

No! Slowly!

No! What are you talking about?

No! You are the mergle fur!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. (CHUCKLES) Sure.

No. I don't care. Okay.

No. I saw it. Yes!

No. It's easy.

No. Just no.

No. Like, how dare you. That's my mother.

No. The answer is no.

No. We fight, we lose.

Non refundable!

Nope.

Not for the men. Yeah.

Not me!

Not that bullshit regular ops.

Not this one.

Not to yourself.

Not too bad.

Not true.

Now

Now I'm getting the confidence.

Now let me tell you something.

Now that I'm awake.

Now this doesn't always show up on Waze

Now what?

Now, give me my book!

Now, I'm gonna kill you.

Now, I'm over there.

Now, see? What'd I tell you? Okay, okay.

Now, this is Maco,

O kay? O kay? Okay. Okay.

Of all the independent women

Of course not.

Of that spear going into that man's throat. Ugh!

Of what? Being locked in a car trunk?

Oh uh...

Oh, Barb!

Oh, don't bother waiting for a response.

Oh, Emily, don't you know

Oh, Emily! (ECHOES)

Oh, everybody knows you need two years to plan a vacation.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck! Ew. Ew.

Oh, God, Mama! Mama!

Oh, God, this is so fun!

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Are you ill?

Oh, good. EMILY: Yeah.

Oh, hello.

Oh, here it comes. Okay.

Oh, honey, I know you feel so sad.

Oh, honey!

Oh, I love you.

Oh, I'm like in this now. Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry. There's nothing yet.

Oh, it damn well should.

Oh, it's coming. It's making its way.

Oh, Jeffrey's home? What a shock.

Oh, Mom!

Oh, my God, Mom.

Oh, my God, they took my phone!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! (SPITS)

Oh, my God! Hurry up! Hurry up!

Oh, my God! James!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! This is bullshit!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Oh, my God. EMILY: What's going on?

Oh, my God. He's so mean.

Oh, my God. Help!

Oh, my God. LINDA: A phone!

Oh, my God. No! No!

Oh, my God. Oh, no. No.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

Oh, my God. They took my phone.

Oh, my God. We're Americans. Hi.

Oh, my keys. Fuck!

Oh, no. Uh, sorry.

Oh, no. Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

Oh, please. Don't start with this again.

Oh, really? Well, you're too old to be acting like this.

Oh, shit.

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, thank God!

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, thank you. Um

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, the blood on the wall? Oh, well, that's there.

Oh, the travel bug.

Oh, this is nice. Right?

Oh, tonight, right?

Oh, uh...

Oh, wait, do you mean, like, is it poisonous?

Oh, we're just coming up on a really beautiful view.

Oh, well, no. I'm not really on any of those things.

Oh, well, yeah. That's good.

Oh, well...

Oh, yeah, I'm sure he could. Mmm hmm.

Oh, yeah? I'll come to your house,

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Oh, yeah. The worst.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, come over.

Oh, you can't go just yet.

Oh, you wanna know crazy?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Okay. Do me! Do me!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Nope, that's not right.

Oh. What?

Oh. Yeah.

Okay, all right. I know.

Okay, but you have to actually come get us

Okay, don't start!

Okay, fine. But if you think it would be safer

Okay, go ahead and get out a pencil and paper for me.

Okay, guys.

Okay, he's out. What do we do?

Okay, here I go. Go!

Okay, here's how you can help.

Okay, hold on tight.

Okay, honey.

Okay, honey.

Okay, honey. (SHUSHES)

Okay, how dare you!

Okay, I don't know who this is,

Okay, I imagine that you have some kind of

Okay, I'm gonna distract them.

Okay, I'm gonna go. Bye.

Okay, let's go. Listen, Emily.

Okay, Okay

Okay, Okay

Okay, okay, okay

Okay, please. I just want to fix this.

Okay, relax, I got this. Move.

Okay, so anyway, I met this fascinating woman over there.

Okay, this way, come on.

Okay, we...

Okay, well, can you look at that note

Okay, well, I only post so many pictures of myself

Okay! Okay!

Okay? Okay,

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. And I have you down for a king.

Okay. And this is you.

Okay. Do I have a couple minutes?

Okay. It's off.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Thanks, anyway.

Okay. You need to start dating again.

On local farming practices.

On the beach. Are you with me?

On this pilgrimage?

On! (BOTH GASP)

Once she gets to Bogota. Mmm hmm.

One

One at a time.

One day, poof! You're gone.

One in four tourists in South America are kidnapped.

One of the rooms in the back.

One thousand percent. (CHUCKLES)

Ooh, cheers! Cheers.

Ooh!

Or "Girl who overplans for vacation outfits"?

Or can we do something amazing?

Or just kinda sit, you know?

Or lunch, or breakfast, or a snack.

Or poison.

Ow!

Pardon?

Please, go away.

Please! Absolutely not!

Please.

Please. (SIGHS)

Please. Here. Here.

Please. Please.

Poor thing! You look awful.

Precautionary measures

Probably a whole

Pull out a pen and a piece of paper.

Purell! Put on Purell!

Push the fucking button.

Pussy inspires me.

Pussy.

Put the damn hat down!

Reading my novellas.

Really, Mom? What does it mean?

Really?

Really? What? What?

Remember us?

Ride or die.

Right, so, I told her to contact me

Right? Yeah.

Roger is dead.

Roger said it's just across the ridge.

ROGER: Ha ha!

Roger's going to get us home

Roll it down, pendeja. No!

ROSS: We're trying to use her cell signal

ROSS: We've got reports coming in that puts them

Russell.

Scram, swan!

See you at dinner.

Señor!

She doesn't work here.

She is garbage.

She is kind of right 'cause I think we'd save

She refuses to use sexual humiliation

She'll probably be held on the third floor.

She's a woman. She has a vagina.

She's fucking awesome.

She's really such a good kid.

She's retired now

Shh! Okay.

Shit, shit, shit!

Should I pull it? Yes.

Should you ever make me angry

Shut the fuck up, Roger!

Shut the fuck up.

Sir, were you born in the '70s?

Slap it down. Kill it.

Slow boat!

Slow boat.

Slow down. You're like...

Slowly! Slowly! Then, slap it down.

Smacked him in the back of the head, threw him in the car

Sneak past those guys

So don't you dare say I wasted my life.

So fuck off.

So I have chosen to believe

So I need you to be that girl

So I stand before you right now, Linda

So I think we need to catch a little shut eye.

So I want you to get real quiet, okay?

So I'm moving on to another article

So if you could just take your box and go.

So please keep that refrigerated.

So she doesn't have her toolkit.

So she's highly trained for this type of situation.

So trust no one.

So we're going to have

So what we're gonna do

So what's the treatment? Like a Z pack?

So you can stay here for as long as you want.

So you're not here with your boyfriend?

So, did you guys have this in my size?

So, here you are. How come you're here?

So, I don't get it.

So, I said to myself, "Roger! What the heck?"

So, I'll take it as a compliment.

So, if you know the easiest way.

So, it's two queens now.

So, yeah, basically

So, you get off to bed

So... Okay.

Someone needs to stand watch.

Someone order a boat with a side of adventure?

Something Kanye would design.

Sorry.

Special ops! Wow, that's very interesting.

Start having red wine at night.

Starvation

State Department, this is Morgan.

Stop it.

Sure, honey. Go into the hall closet.

Sure.

Sweetie, want to watch a movie?

Takin' this.

Tapeworm. (ROARING)

Thank fuck. Emily. Listen, you've gotta help me, please.

Thank God.

Thank you so much for answering.

Thank you, Barb. Okay.

Thank you, Ruth. Thank you so much.

Thank you! Thanks.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. (LAUGHS)

Thank you. I got a tapeworm.

Thank you. There you go.

Thank you. We're in the kitchen.

Thanks, honey.

Thanks, Macho. LINDA: You ready?

That checks out.

That could potentially... Are you ready?

That I am reading a very compelling article

That I'm selfish or that I'm worthless?

That is a **** whistle.

That is amazing.

That is brutal.

That is heat activated birth control, sir,

That is not right. Okay?

That is on you.

That is right. That is exactly right.

That is the way it is. I didn't make the rules.

That is what it looked like.

That James is part of all this, honey?

That sounds like The A Team. It is The A Team.

That the village made for you.

That there's a boat 50 klicks back

That threat you made is all fucked up.

That was a long time ago, honey.

That was not what it looked like.

That was the real jungle.

That we have just been through.

That we were doing the other night?

That would be so sad, because I'm an adult.

That you are not going on that trip.

That you can make it to Bogota without too much trouble.

That you've been, like, extremely hungry lately.

That'd be great.

That's a **** whistle.

That's all right. The pleasure's gonna be mine.

That's awesome.

That's capoeira.

That's check in, right? Welcome.

That's crazy. Well, honey.

That's danger eyes.

That's fucked up.

That's fuckin' gross.

That's great.

That's her over there. Finally getting some peace.

That's him.

That's his son?

That's how desperate I am to spend time with you.

That's in southern Colombia. Let me pull that up.

That's kind of a thing. I didn't make that face.

That's made of glass.

That's not as inspiring.

That's not true.

That's okay.

That's okay. Listen, I'm really sorry, guys.

That's really sweet.

That's so cool. This is what you guys are up to.

That's the address of the nearest

That's the guy. Oh, God.

That's the quickest way to Bogota.

That's very thoughtful of you.

That's what this is! No.

That's what you're giving me?

That's why I'm here.

The band is really blowing up right now, you know?

The boat's docked just out back.

The car's over here.

The easy way?

The guy I dealt with at the embassy was insane.

The most terrifying man lever saw in my life

The only reason my mother even came on this trip

The sun is very dangerous.

The tapeworm is really hungry, right?

The way that store was managed,

Then all I'll have is you.

Then she opened her mouth and showed it to me.

Then the only way you're gonna find out

There is no easy trek.

There's a reason they call Colombia

There's always a risk if you want to feast on the sack.

There's just a picture of a bird on it.

There's not much more I can do, unfortunately, sir.

There's some very bad men looking for you.

These flip flops are bad for your feet.

These people were trapped in a trunk,

They have guns.

They just kind of straight chill, or... (CHUCKLES)

They put out an alert

They took us to Colombia. It's fine, it's fine.

They used to have to walk miles up the hill.

They were laughing at something else.

They're in a seated position. She's already up.

They're not serving up whale semen.

This is a dog whistle, Mom.

This is a good color for me, right?

This is a mom thing.

This is a placemat from a restaurant.

This is great,

This is how sex slavery starts, honey.

This is me. Thank you.

This is Morgan Russell.

This is my book now. This is not your book.

This is supposed to be fun.

This is the end of the line, whatever that means.

This is what I'm talking about.

This is what we trained for. You, on the roof.

This is...

This was a day. This was a day trip.

This whole fucking thing is insane.

This won't hold both of us. I'm too heavy.

This would be cute on me if...

Those kinds of people want young, beautiful females.

Those were accidental.

Three

Three long weeks now.

To bring with me right now

To experience the culture, you know.

To me, those are the moments that make life worth living.

To narrow down their location.

To prevent from being interrogated

To the fact that I don't know what I'm doing.

To within an inch of your life,

To you in your entire life.

Tonight, I'm going back.

Totally true.

Touch it, it's raised. That is horrible.

Truce. Truce.

Try to coax it out.

Two

Two tits, two drinks.

Ugh! Okay.

Uh, I've been here

Uh, no, I'm just here with, um

Uh, no, you're the one who sounds racist, actually.

Uh, not you. It was me. Excuse me?

Uh...

Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

Um, you have a parasite in you.

Um...

Unfortunately,

Up in Rochester.

US consulate in Bogota.

Vacation?

Vatmonos.

Wait, did you say "Joanne"

Wait, what?

Wait! "Remotely critical"?

Wait! No, no, no!

Wait. That's the advice?

Wake me up in ten hours.

Walk on in to the Amazon

Was going to cut us up

Watch out, Mom! He's right behind you!

Waterfalls and rainbows.

We actually disbanded that program in 1994, sir.

We can have a unit ready to go in by tomorrow.

We could get a drink.

We could just take the old, boring, dusty highway.

We could toasty toasty!

We got a big day tomorrow, huh?

We got a real Chatty Cathy here.

We have a very high up family,

We have someone here I think you're gonna want to see.

We have your mother and your sister.

We just gather raw materials.

We should be able to drop you off close enough

We usually go to the Arizona Gem Show every year.

We were able to get your items sent over from the hotel.

We were supposed to go to the Arizona Gem Show

We're fucked!

We're going to swing over to the other side.

We're gonna get you out of this.

We're gonna go past waterfalls.

We're new in town. EMILY: We're very new.

We're not just, like, a couple of white assholes.

We're on a limited time card. We really need...

We're safe?

We've been looking for him for a while.

Welcome.

Well, anyway, I best get going.

Well, drinking with a man in a foreign country...

Well, enjoy it.

Well, I don't know.

Well, I'm going that way now.

Well, I'm going to get ready and have a drink.

Well, I'm sorry. Go to sleep.

Well, it's working for you.

Well, they don't. But I get to live it.

What a shock.

What about Jeffrey? My son, Jeffrey.

What about just my pussy, hundreds of times?

What are they trying to prove?

What are we supposed to do?

What are you doing?

What are you holy shitting about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

What brings you down here?

What did you do?

What do you know about anything?

What do you know about raising kids?

What does that mean?

What does this say?

What happened to your arm?

What is that? It's a stuffed pancake.

What is this haunted swan doing here?

What is this?

What is this? What?

What the fuck is that? Is that porn?

What the fuck is this?

What the fuck?

What the hell have you ever done for anybody?

What the hell is mergle fur?

What they called me at my job at the restaurant. Puta!

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? (CLEARS THROAT)

What? Can I look at that?

What? Do you hear yourself?

What? Hector Morgado?

What? Incredible!

What? ls something wrong with your legs?

What? Manually? What?

What? No, I can't.

What? No!

What? Oh, my God! It's a fucking scorpion!

What? What's that?

What? Yeah, you do.

What's going on?

What's in it?

What's this? Welcome!

What's your last name, Derrick?

What's your PIN number?

Whatever!

When I get back from my vacation to Ecuador?

When I just say anything just remotely critical...

When I think about all this...

When we got here, we provided a lift.

When we look into the worm's eyes, Linda.

When will we know when it's working?

When'?

Where are we?

Where are you going?

Where I'm going, there's gonna be a ton of...

Where the hell are we?

Where you will be skull ****d

Which gives me about a week now, so, yeah.

Which I don't know what it means.

Which is very much not.

Which part of our fight?

Which, I'm pretty sure,

Who have come before me.

Who I've been teaching a little English.

Who just takes your box and walks outta this office

Who knows how to get us to the...

Who said I'm not going on that trip?

Who the hell does he think he is?

Who were tried for a crime they didn't commit.

Who's Morgado?

Who's that? Harry Potter.

Who's the guy?

Why are we still following him?

Why are you a life ruiner?

Why are you dressed like Powder?

Why can't I go up there? No, stop.

Why can't you just make me feel better?

Why did you come to South America?

Why don't you guys take the first shift?

Why would they take us? Oh, my God!

Why would you bring that up, Mom?

Why? (CHUCKLES)

Why? I've been there, done that

Will all be applied to your dick hole area.

Will you

Will you excuse me?

Will you hold on for one second?

With all your shirts and your hours.

With any of that.

With my manuals.

With my mother?

With the Colombian military and police.

With the exception of Puerto Matias,

Wow, I love that you don't

Wow, you jumped to the C word pretty fast!

Wow, you're gonna butter it yourself?

Wow! Mmm hmm. Huh?

Write it down.

Yeah, and he didn't know anything.

Yeah, and I know you're in New York and everything

Yeah, and you know what?

Yeah, I am helpful. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, I called ahead.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, I think everybody's got that one, Mom.

Yeah, I'm gonna butter it myself.

Yeah, I'm heartbroken.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it's really fun.

Yeah, my story.

Yeah, no.

Yeah, not for you, Andrew. You blew it.

Yeah, so Barb waited for him outside

Yeah, sorry. Goodbye.

Yeah, we're gonna head out of here.

Yeah, we're safe. We're on a boat.

Yeah, you and me. We're going out.

Yeah, you did.

Yeah!

Yeah! I would love it. (CHUCKLING)

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah? (CHUCKLES)

Yeah? Okay.

Yeah? Very cold!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah. And, like, why Ecuador?

Yeah. It's awesome, Mom.

Yeah. Mmm.

Yeah. What?

Yeah. Yeah, it has.

Yeah. Yes.

Yep

Yep. Awful. Full agreement.

Yes, it is. This is my book.

Yes, please. A second opinion is... Yes.

Yes, you are. No!

Yes!

Yes! Here you go.

Yes! Morgan Russell!

Yes.

Yes. See? That I can do.

Yes. Show me your face.

Yo, this is This is Derrick.

Yo, yo, yo! (MOUTHING)

You always answer.

You always book refundable, Emily! Everybody knows that!

You always say music inspires you.

You are a very gifted murderer.

You are such a sweetie.

You are supposed to be selling clothes to the customers.

You are too young to be acting like this.

You ate lunch without me.

You both have to pull it out?

You called an officer of the US government

You can do that without posting pictures. I do.

You can sleep head to toe.

You cash in on a free trip to Ecuador?

You come down here

You did it before.

You do that. And I danced with a lady.

You don't do anything fun anymore.

You don't do shit here!

You don't have any direction in life.

You don't want to lose us. You don't want to lose this.

You fucked with the wrong bitches.

You get out of here.

You got Jeffrey.

You got shot through the heart. Okay, Michael's gone.

You have a full, interesting life?

You have fun here,

You have no information.

You have one pussy.

You have the exact same haircut, too.

You heard it?

You hide in your home with your adult son.

You just loosen your lower back,

You kill my only nephew.

You know it's a non refundable trip, right?

You know what? Hold up.

You know what? I am so sorry, honestly

You know what? I'm not gonna talk about that anymore.

You know what? You're fired! What?

You know what? You're wrong!

You know who you have the haircut of?

You know, Mom,

You know, money won't be an "ish" much longer.

You know, she was in special ops.

You know, why don't you wait outside.

You know? It's a smart, responsible thing to do.

You look just like you did when you were three.

You look like a beekeeper.

You missed a maleficent night.

You never even asked for time off.

You offer nothing here to them.

You put so much on.

You really did a great job.

You remember my platonic friend, Barb?

You said "Joanne."

You see me when you need something.

You set your alarm for 9:00 a.m

You shat yourself.

You should eat something.

You should have seen him in those last moments.

You should know that Barb spent her life in special ops.

You speak Klingon?

You stay at your fancy resort

You suck Mom's dick.

You take a risk.

You talked to him. What'd he say?

You think we're safe?

You took someone from my family.

You wanna get the chicken wings?

You wanna know how this ends, Linda?

You want to start here...

You were mine.

You will come tomorrow.

You, also on the roof. Everyone on the roof.

You, on the roof.

You.

You're always there. If I'm sad or lonely.

You're coming!

You're distracting them?

You're gay for Mom!

You're going with me to Ecuador.

You're gonna know all these people by the end of it.

You're gonna meet someone so special.

You're gonna miss this whole trip.

You're great

You're here with your mother.

You're just perfect.

You're not doing anything.

You're not going to find that in Colombia.

You're safe with me.

You're safe.

You're so gay for Mom.

You're stressing me out.

You're such a scaredy cat.

You're terrified, because you've never felt this way

You're that person for me, Mom.

You're the best!

You've been an expedition guide for forever, right?

Your Instagram must be insane.

Your mother is the most important person

Your poofy face will protect you.

Your tit's out, too.

Your tit's out.

Zoom in. Enhance.

99...

100...

1991, Kuwait.

'Cause I was thinking maybe we could take the scenic route.

'cause I'm the man.

'Cause it's upon their shoulders that I'm standing.

'cause that unit needed to be there yesterday.

'Cause when I drink sometimes it smells like soup.

'cause you guys have, like, the exact same voice.

'Til recently, I was a GM at a Trader Joe's

"and went to the beach"

"Cali" What?

"Go on down to South America."

"Have you ever done ayahuasca?"

"I wouldn't work here if you paid me."

"I'm being ****d by a dog." (WHISTLES)

"Man cannot discover new oceans

"Princess" or "pretty" or...

"resist it."

"The sack of the jaguar."

"unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore."

"Welcome." I'm sorry. Honey!

"Welcome." Oh!

"Whale" what?

"Yo, yo, yo"?

"Yo, yo, yo"? That's racist, Jeffrey. That's fucked up.

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL EXCLAIM) EMILY: Fix it!

(ALL LAUGHING)

(BABBLING)

(BARKING) (BOTH YELP)

(BEEPS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(BONES CRACKING) (GROANING)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(BOTH CHUCKLE) (WHISTLES)

(BOTH CHUCKLE) Well, you know,

(BOTH EXCLAIM)

(BOTH GROANING)

(BOTH GROANING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BOTH LAUGH)

(BOTH LAUGH)

(BOTH LAUGH)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(BOTH SHRIEK) Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

(BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(CATS MEOWING)

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(CHOKES)

(CHOKING)

(CHOKING)

(CHOKING)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLING) Yeah!

(CLATTERING CONTINUES)

(CLATTERING) EMILY: on!

(CLICKS TONGUE)

(CONTINUES IN SPANISH)

(CONTINUES IN SPANISH)

(COUGHS)

(CRYING)

(CRYING)

(CRYING) It's fine. That's fine.

(DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(DOOR THUDS)

(DRIVER SHOUTING IN SPANISH)

(ECHOING) Wait.

(EMILY CLEARS THROAT)

(EMILY FARTS) Oh!

(EMILY GASPS)

(EMILY GRUNTS) (GROANS)

(EMILY MOANING)

(EMILY SHUSHING)

(EMILY SIGHS)

(EMILY WHIMPERS)

(EMILY WHIMPERS) (EXHALES)

(EMILY WHOOPING)

(ENGINE TURNS OFF)

(EXCLAIMING) (SHUTTER CLICKS)

(EXCLAIMS)

(EXCLAIMS) (THUDS)

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

(EXHALING)

(FEMALE GPS VOICE) You have arrived at your destination.

(GAGGING)

(GAGS AND SPITS)

(GASPS AND STAMMERS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS) Come outside and face me.

(GASPS) Oh!

(GASPS) That is amazing!

(GROANS)

(GROANS) Ma'am!

(GRUNTING) Okay.

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS) Oh, boy!

(GUITAR PLAYING)

(GUNSHOTS) (BOTH GASPS)

(HINGES CREAKING)

(HUFFS)

(IN ENGLISH) It's pretty significant.

(IN ENGLISH) Like a human, almost. Yeah.

(INAUDIBLE)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

(JAMES CHUCKLES)

(JAMES LAUGHS) No.

(JEFFREY HUMMING) (PIANO PLAYING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING) I love you.

(LAUGHING) I'm sorry.

(LAUGHS)

(LINDA EXCLAIMS)

(LINDA GASPS)

(LINDA GROANING)

(LINDA PANTS)

(LINDA SCREAMS) Oh, my God!

(LINDA SIGHING)

(LINDA SIGHS)

(LINDA SIGHS)

(LINDA SIGHS) (CHUCKLES)

(LINE RINGING)

(LOCK RATTLES)

(MALAY MUSIC PLAYING)

(MAN GRUNTS) JAMES: Oh, shit!

(MEOWS)

(MIMICS SHUTTER CLICKING)

(MOCK HUMS)

(MOCK SOBBING) I don't want to go to an orphanage.

(MORGADO GRUNTS)

(MORGADO SCREAMING)

(MORGAN SIGHS)

(MUFFLED GUNSHOTS)

(MUFFLED) Please listen very carefully to me, sir.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(ON VOICEMAIL) Hey, it's Emily. Leave a message.

(OWL HOOTING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING IN SPANISH)

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(PEOPLE WHOOPING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE RINGS)

(ROGER GRUNTS)

(ROGER SNORING)

(SCREAM ECHOING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS)

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

(SHUTTER CLICKS) That's cute.

(SIGHING) Okay. All right.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS) God, I wish I could invite you up.

(SIGHS) Mom, I had the best night.

(SIGHS) Okay, just think about how to be better.

(SIGHS) on, my God.

(SIGHS) So

(SIGHS) What?

(SNIFFLING)

(SNIFFS AND GROANS)

(SOBBING) Mama!

(SOBS) You're alive.

(SOFT WHISTLE)

(SOFTLY) Sorry.

(SPANISH MUSIC PLAYING)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKS SPANISH) Thank God!

(SQUEALING)

(STAMMERING)

(STUTTERS) I need this job. Can you just think about this?

(STUTTERS) No, I didn't say Joanne.

(TIRES SQUEAL) (BOTH SCREAMING)

(TV PLAYING)

(VEHICLE ENGINE STARTS)

(VEHICLES APPROACHING)

(WHIMPERING)

(WHIMPERING)

(WHIMPERS)

(WHIMPERS)

(WHISPERING) We're all gonna jump down there,

(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY) OW!

(WHISPERS) Be super quiet.

(WINCES) Oh!

(YELLS) I get upset!

(YELLS) What?

♪ 'Cause it'll give me time to think ♪

♪ 'Cause it'll give me time to think ♪

♪ And I'll be dancing with myself ♪

♪ And I'll be dancing with myself ♪

♪ And there's every type of girl ♪

♪ And there's every type of girl ♪

♪ And took pictures with your kids ♪

♪ Bought the bitch diamonds And pearls, I mean, whoa! ♪

♪ But your empty eyes Seem to pass me by ♪

♪ But your empty eyes Seem to pass me by ♪

♪ Clicking, clacking Of the high heeled shoe ♪

♪ Doggies and dolls I wanna be facing them off ♪

♪ Down on Cyprus Avenue ♪

♪ Fat boy dressed up like he's Santa ♪

♪ Ford & Fitzroy, Madame George ♪

♪ Get a stick Make a switch ♪

♪ Give me lip I'ma send you to the yard ♪

♪ Had me fucked up in the head I mean, whoa! ♪

♪ I am crack I ain't lyin' ♪

♪ I can end a conversation real quick ♪

♪ I had this bad bitch Uptown, she was whoa! ♪

♪ I will fall off in your crib Take a shit ♪

♪ I will punch a baby bear in his shit ♪

♪ I'll be dancing with myself ♪

♪ I'm a mensch Get correct ♪

♪ If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance ♪

♪ If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance ♪

♪ If I looked all over the world ♪

♪ Kick a lion in his crack I'm the shit ♪

♪ Leave me dancing with myself ♪

♪ Let it all go Come on, man, I already know ♪

♪ Light up my fire I need to get in too deep ♪

♪ Little Wench I'm unmentionably fresh ♪

♪ Oh, dancing with myself ♪

♪ Oh, dancing with myself Oh, oh, dancing with myself ♪

♪ Oh, oh, dancing with myself Oh, oh, dancing with myself ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Picture this I'm a bag of dicks ♪

♪ Pinch your momma on the booty, kick your dog, fuck your bitch ♪

♪ Put me to your lips I am sick ♪

♪ Shoulda seen them shits shinnin' on her wrist, whoa ♪

♪ So let's sink another drink ♪

♪ So let's sink another drink ♪

♪ Take me to the party ♪

♪ We gotta go fig up a riot If we wanna fly free ♪

♪ We the best, we will cut a frowny face in your chest ♪

♪ Well there's nothing to lose And there's nothing to prove ♪

♪ Well there's nothing to lose And there's nothing to prove ♪

♪ With a childlike vision Leaping into view ♪

$100,000.