Me, Myself & Irene (2000) Edit

A ditz? What are you talking about? You're 27 years old.

A gun on my hip and the right to arrest

A rope,

A schizo.

A week's a long motherfuckin' time.

A wind chime voice sounds

Actually l was pretty much offended by everything you said, sir.

Advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage.

Agent Boshane!

Agent Boshane!

Agent Boshane?

Ain't no nevermind who them crooked politicians be killin' . You need to study.

All because some demon he married laced up her boots

All right, all right. The law's the law.

All right!

All right! Oh, shit!

All right. Come on.

All the time that you know you're smilin'

Although Charlie's police work had started to suffer, the kids were doing great.

And Agent Boshane had been arrested at the train station in New London.

And an 18 year veteran of the greatest law enforcement agency in the land:

And call your friends and tell them to back off, OK?

And could you stop lookin' at my ass!

And did a Nancy Sinatra on him.

And ease it in there inch by inch like a gentleman.

And had to eat whale blubber for the rest of your life? Would you still stay with me?

And half of the Rhode lsland State Police Force was in attendance.

And he locked it all away.

And he said "l'm sorry. l didn't mean to make fun."

And her life was in danger.

And her predecessor's heart attack? Well, that was just cold blooded murder.

And if that wasn't bad enough, there was more trouble right around the corner.

And l fall in love with you Fall in love with you

And l really didn't like who l was becoming.

And l went AWOL.

And l'm afraid that some day,

And l'm gonna make it up to that sweet little circus geek in there.

And l'm happy to report Charlie got promoted to lieutenant

And l'm head of the Boston chapter of Mensa.

And l'm not fit to touch

And l'm not fit to touch. . .

And l'm probably just being paranoid here, but. . .

And l'm truly sorry that you had to kill again.

And me too!

And our instinct says somethin' don't smell right. Let's roll.

And so he went on with his life as if everything was normal.

And that's the word of a Rhode lsland State Trooper, ma'am.

And the boys flourished.

And the boys, well, they came into their own.

And the kidnapping of lrene Waters.

And the mourners are all singin'

And the only bright lights you saw were the ones inside the fridge.

And then some.

And then the colonel ordered me to take a week's vacation.

And these are the right circumstances.

And they put you on the street

And try to find a loophole.

And was dating the prettiest and smartest gal in town.

And waved a white flag in the face of your own self loathing.

And we're gone.

And you find out your only friend

And you got the Cokes.

And you let your skin hang out, blemishes an' all. You're not afraid of your flaws.

And you shouldn't have to!

And you're laying in bed next to me

And you're sure you're near the end

And you've been there for. . .

And, motherfucker, he don't eat fast food.

Anybody know how to fly this thing?

Anyway, Hank had a good idea. He thinks. . .

Are you kidding? l have tons of them at home. No, l got a bunch. Come on.

Are you OK? What happened?

Are you sure about this?

Arrivederci, deadwood. No!

As a young man, Charlie had the world by its bootstraps.

As is being an accessory to bribery, embezzlement,

As l walk through, it fills my lungs

As they drag you by your feet

As they have a way of doing, the years passed somewhat regularly.

As you can imagine,

As you can imagine, there was some explaining to do.

Baby, you're wrong

Bag of lime and some lawn darts.

Baileygates, you're coming with me.

Be careful, Charlie!

Be stuck up there at Stanford with them goddamn motherfuckers.

Be throwin' shit at it. Lion'd be "Oh, ooh."

Before you know it, l had 70 year old guys trying to support me

Beneath my feet l feel the rumble of a subway train, yeah

Better get out

Better get out!

Bound and gagged. . .

Boy, let me tell you, that was some wedding.

Boy, you can't beat the open road !

Bullshit! My daddy ain't killed nobody and he sure ain't kidnapped no bitch !

But after school l moved to New York 'cause. . .

But Charlie Baileygates didn't seem to react at all.

But Charlie Baileygates had other things on his mind.

But Charlie made that little house into a big old home,

But Hank had an idea first.

But he is a very gentle person.

But in the Big Apple, they treated you like the worm, so you became an actress.

But is there any way that maybe we could get Charlie back out here

But just this once, try to look at it from my side.

But l am an officer of the law, and, by all rights, l could. . .

But l can sleep in the car.

But l have to do this.

But l hope that never happens.

But l'll do my best to keep you drivin' slow

But l'm getting way ahead of myself.

But Mensa? l'm president of the Providence chapter.

But no one outside the department can know about this, OK?

But outside. . . Well, that was another story.

But the hangman isn't hangin'

But the police don't matter shit to me when it's my daddy in there!

But then some guy came up and laughed in my face.

But they catch you at the border

But what about your family? How did they die?

But when she left him, Charlie went numb. . .

But you can't get far without talent,

But you pull it off!

But you said you'd eat whale blubber.

But, save for a little blood in the urine, he was no worse for the wear.

But. . .

By default.

By not dealing with your problems, Charlie.

By the looks of her, she's been here for a while.

By the way,

Bye bye!

Bye, Charlie.

Bye, Daddy! Have a good time at work.

Calling that cop was unbelievably stupid !

Can you excuse me?

Can you please tell him to stop this?

Can you take these goddamn things off?

Can't have that happen. OK, guys.

Can't you get one at work?

Careful, you'll peel.

Casper. But my friends call me Whitey.

Charlie and lrene, the guys, even that nice albino fella, Whitey.

Charlie had a wife?

Charlie loved those boys so much, he just couldn't face the truth.

Charlie,

Charlie,

Charlie, don't break it.

Charlie, is that you?

Charlie, l don't wanna ever hear you use the n word in this house.

Charlie, that you?

Charlie, what the hell is that?

Charlie, what's going on here?

Charlie, why didn't you take a vacation when Layla left?

Charlie, you are in deep shit. Where the hell are you?

Charlie!

Charlie! Stop it! Charlie, stop it!

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie.

Charlie. . .

Charlie's the mouse that got you into the maze.

Clean bill of health. A well rounded individual.

Colonel, something's wrong with Charlie.

Come again?

Come and visit us.

Come back here, Hank! l'm not through with you !

Come on !

Come on ! Help me out!

Come on here. Let me walk you to your car.

Come on, Br'er Rabbit. Hop down the bunny trail. Epa, epa, àndale.

Come on, Charlie!

Come on, Charlie! Go!

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, Dickie.

Come on, goddamn it! Those kids' dicks are bigger than them sausages!

Come on, guys, take it easy. She's a mom.

Come on, guys. Let's go.

Come on, hold on. Just let me think for a second. OK?

Come on, legs! Let's roll, baby.

Come on, look what he did to me! What are you thinking? He's out of control.

Come on, rip my head off.

Come on, Rip Van Wussy.

Come on. Don't be mad, my little pussyfart.

Come on. He couldn't have chewed up the greens that badly.

Come on. Stop fooling around.

Come on. That's it.

Cos if your fuckin' is like your police work,

Cover the other end. l want Charlie arrested on sight.

Cut the bullshit!

D'you ever notice that your kids have a year round tan?

D'you hear me?

D'you mind telling me what you were thinking?

Daddy, can we watch Richard Pryor on HBO?

Daddy.

Damn ! l can't figure out the atomic mass of this motherfuckin' deuteron.

Damn it!

Damn it. l am so sick of that guy!

Deep inside of you

Dickie has those guys in his back pocket. That's why l came to you.

Dickie told me you were street smart.

Dickie, you know l don't know anything !

Did you have fun? "Ooh, yes, l did ! Ooh, yes l did !"

Did you just refer to yourself in the fourth person?

Did you. . .

Did your lips get as chapped as mine on the ride down?

Didn't l tell you to stay with me?

Didn't you see the look on his face?

Die!

Do it again

Do it again

Do it again

Do it again

Do you mean to say l've gotta carry your sorry ass?

Do you really think

Do you swallow?

Do you understand that?

Doctors have diagnosed you as having a "split personality."

Does the name Dickie Thurman ring a bell?

Does your ass feel numb?

Don't fuck it up this time.

Don't give me a girly "l don't want to break a fingernail" tap.

Don't give me that bullshit! That was a racist slur.

Don't make a sound.

Don't mind me. lt's just the beer talking, you know?

Don't patronize me with that "Sir" crap!

Don't turn this around on me, OK? You're the one who can't keep your legs closed.

Don't worry. Nobody outside the department will hear about this.

Don't worry. This is my investigation. l promise there will be no bloodshed.

Don't you give up on me now!

Dr. Rabinowitz assures us, if you do, everything'll be fine.

Drop the gun, moron.

Duh ! A proton and a neutron.

Easier than l thought! Come on !

Ed, did you see where my paper went today?

Enrico Fermi'd roll over in his motherfuckin' grave if he heard that.

Even though Charlie didn't wholeheartedly agree with the top brass,

Even though he lived on the water, Charlie wasn't much of a swimmer,

Eventually, Charlie's worst fears were realized.

Ever been bitch slapped?

Ever since. . .

Every time l see you there

Everybody, stay back. We'll do this alone. l'll take 1 9 , you take 20 . Stay back!

Everyone, do you know l know your deception?

Everyone, do you know l know your deception?

Excuse me, do you people take checks?

Excuse me, Mr. Jackson. . .

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Charlie!

Fear those who finally ceased to feel

Find another department and tell them the whole story.

First the Coke machine robbed me. And l'm fine with that.

For a little huddle?

For little girls

For no one

For no one

For the love of shit, these are the loose ends that can hang you, Dickie!

For the man who stole your water

For your information, you stuck it in your own ass!

Found a quiet spot and spelled out the whole darn mess.

Free hot dogs here. All you can eat. Get your foot long and a bag of nuts.

Freshening up!

Front of the car, please. Hands on the hood.

Gabbing like a 1 6 year old girl on the phone.

Gerke was arraigned at a Providence hospital,

Get away from me!

Get in the car.

Get myself a drink of water.

Get off that! Don't you take off in that!

Get on your knees and beg me. Up yours.

Get over here. lt's your turn.

Get your cock out of my Chrysler, you son of a bitch !

Get. . . Jamaal, you're in a lot of trouble!

Gettin' a 1 430 on yo' SAT.

Give it another kick.

Give it up, dawg.

Give me the gun. Come on.

Give me the scanner, so we can find out what the fuck's goin' on !

Go ahead. Just push as hard as you can.

Go, Charlie. Go! You can do it!

God, l have made so many mistakes.

Goddamn it!

Going on three days now.

Got a map of New England, if you want. $1 .95.

Got enough stuff to hold us over for 72 hours.

Great.

Great. You again.

Grow up really high, really high

Growing up without a mom.

Guys, look, l'm sorry. l hate to admit it, but this time he's right.

Ha ha, we'd laugh because each drop would make me

Had enough? Up yours.

Handle this by mail or. . .

Hands off, Hank.

Hang on, Daddy! Grab a hold of that motherfucker, man !

Hank thought that you kinda had a weak chin, so. . .

Hank, don't call me that.

Hank, hurry!

Hank, l presume.

Hank, we're shot! You pussy, it's just a flesh wound. Look.

Hank, what have you done? Oh, my God ! Don't you just love it?

Hank!

Hank!

Hank!

Hank! What are you doing? Give me the leg !

Hank?

Hank? Hank.

Hank.

Hank's gone.

Hard to hit a moving target, isn't it?

Have you picked up your medication?

Having your salad tossed means having your asshole eaten out with jelly or syrup.

He already got supplies. They're in the trunk.

He did as he was told.

He did save our lives.

He doesn't. Doctors feel that you've created this character out of necessity.

He hasn't played the course in a long time. lt was Charlie who was putting.

He just swallowed hard, felt that slab of heartache slide over the lump in his throat

He just told me that he brutally murdered his entire family in their sleep!

He keep askin' questions, they'll think he's stupid.

He may have delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage,

He might not be long on the tee, but he's got a good up and down game.

He said "Baby, you'll never change"

He sure is a Spartacus lookin' motherfucker.

He thinks that we should find a cabin and hide out for a while.

He wants me to rest while l'm getting used to the medication.

He was hurt and offended.

He was staying at the Chuck E. Cheese Lodge and Miniature Golf Resort.

He was the best young trooper on the force,

He'd just turn over ass up in yo' face.

He'll hush me with some Benjamins. They don't need that kind of ink.

He's a funny motherfucker!

He's an ass.

He's been takin' pills.

He's got company!

He's so fucking dumb, he thinks calculus is a goddamn emperor.

He's so. . .

Heart problem or something.

Her name was Layla. . . Just like the melody.

Here l am.

Here you go.

Hey, big guy. Did you hear the news?

Hey, buddy.

Hey, Captain.

Hey, Daddy, now you can blow your nose and wipe your ass at the same damn time!

Hey, Daddy, we just wanted to say that. . .

Hey, Finneran.

Hey, hey

Hey, hey

Hey, Hollywood, turn your fuckin' phone off.

Hey, it happens.

Hey, kids! Over here! Now!

Hey, l know how to score some dough.

Hey, look, the world ain't slowin' down

Hey, look, the world ain't slowin' down

Hey, lrene. You just keep walking, now.

Hey, man, quit hackin' into them goddamn Pentagon files.

Hey, man. Take it easy. lt's just a cigarette.

Hey, my nose.

Hey, Pops, how you doin' , man?

Hey, ringworm.

Hey, that's not so bad.

Hey, the world ain't slowin' down

Hey, the world ain't slowin' down

Hey, the world ain't slowin' down. . .

Hey, they only had two rooms: 1 9 and 20.

Hey, those are illegal. Stop.

Hey, Whitey. Listen, l wanted to tell you

Hey, you talkin' some shit now.

Hey, your bandage is wet.

Hey! This is serious shit!

Hey! You mind if l get ahead of you? l'm in a wicked rush.

Hey.

Hey.

His company, Cedar Creek Limited, has been under investigation for 1 8 months.

Hold it right there.

Hold on, cheese tits.

Holes through flawless souls

Holes through flawless souls

Holes through flawless souls

Holes through flawless souls

Holes through flawless souls

Holes through flawless souls

Holes through flawless souls

Holy Jesus in heaven ! lt's a giant Q Tip.

Holy shit!

Hope unknown

How come l couldn't have ended up with an easy going guy like you, Charlie? Huh?

How do you wanna handle it?

How does that make me an accessory? l laid sod on Dickie's golf course. So what?

How dumb do l look?

How many seas must a white. . .

How much does she know?

How the hell can they call Pluto a planet?

How very empty is my soul

How was. . .

How'd you become the head greenskeeper?

How'd you learn that?

How'd you pay for it?

How's it hangin' , fellas?

How's the nose feeling?

Humans only use 1 0% of their potential !

If l don't do something, l'm gonna explode.

If this motherfucker don't stop this turbulence shit!

If you were such a big part of the personality,

In the greatest law enforcement agency in the land: the Rhode lsland State Police.

In the Rhode lsland State Police manual.

It wasn't easy for little Jamaal, Lee Harvey and Shonté Junior

It wasn't you that this was happening to. lt was this other guy.

Jesus, you're heavy.

Jesus!

Jesus! Holy. . .

Jesus! Oh, God.

Jump off the train !

Jump off!

Just a little rap on the side of the machine and presto!

Just because l rock doesn't mean l'm made of stone.

Just between you and me,

Just give me all the details and l'll get to the bottom of it.

Just the hangover and the swollen prostate.

Just to keep the law and order tryin' to do what's right

Just when Charlie thought life couldn't get any sweeter,

Keep goin' . Bring it down.

Kind of like the friendships.

Kisses.

Knock it off! You're talking about my children.

L am the misplaced

L believe in you !

L bet he's a new man when he gets back.

L call the shots from now on, Hank!

L can't find the time to tell you

L can't find the time to tell you

L can't find the time to tell you

L can't find the time to tell you. . .

L can't find the time to tell you. . .

L caught 'em out on 1 34 in a stolen vehicle. Baileygates and the girl.

L caught that, bozo. Not once but twice it burned ya.

L could fit it in a book, fit it in a book of a thousand pages, yeah

L don't know anything, and that's what l told the police.

L don't know what that means, OK?

L don't know what to say.

L don't know. Just lucky, l guess.

L don't know. lt's a lot of things, really.

L don't need you to fight my battles for me!

L don't think it's safe for you to hang around with us.

L fear that l alone

L feel them gnawing

L feel them gnawing

L feel them gnawing

L feel them gnawing

L feel them gnawing

L feel them gnawing

L feel them gnawing

L feel your fear. lt's coming through like static on my heart radio.

L found my soul mate.

L found you sittin' on a suitcase cryin'

L found you sittin' on a suitcase cryin' . . .

L get it. We'll go slow.

L get the feeling that the entire town is laughing at me behind my back.

L got 1 0 bucks say l can squeeze a chicken egg up his ass.

L got a star on my car and one on my chest

L got my leg back.

L got this eating disorder where l gained, like, 20lb.

L gotta take this gal up north,

L guess the heart just wants what the heart wants.

L guess they just got old and fell apart.

L hate to be a stickler, Dick, but. . .

L have no love but only goals

L have no patience for people who judge books by their cover.

L have to get in my car and drive all the way back to upstate New York?

L have to take a pill every six hours or l feel funny. No big deal.

L have your prisoner, Miss lrene Waters, here.

L haven't done anything wrong and you know it.

L hear them calling

L hear them calling

L hear them calling

L hear them calling

L hear them calling

L hear them calling

L hired her to be my golf course superintendent. We got close.

L hope if you're ever,

L hope we can get to know each other better.

L just got released last month on my 21 st birthday.

L just took a deep breath, counted backwards from 1 0 and l said to the guy

L killed them.

L know that hope's unknown

L know what you had planned. l saw your so called supplies.

L know, l know, damn it.

L know, l know. Wasn't my idea.

L know.

L laugh out loud 'cause it's the one thing l hadn't been tryin'

L laugh out loud 'cause it's the one thing l hadn't been tryin'

L like my chin.

L like my chin. . .

L loaned him the money.

L look at your pretty face

L love her like no other, but. . .

L loved her.

L may be a ditz, but l'm not a crook.

L may not be tough, but damn it, l can get good and mad !

L mean, it's not like l had the flu. . .

L mean, look at your hair. lt's like you don't give a damn.

L mean, you should be furious. l just drop kicked you right in the face.

L moved to New York, but none of it worked out,

L never get tired of hearing that.

L never said they were dead.

L never wanted to sleep with you, Hank! OK? You tricked me!

L owe you a huge one.

L prefer syrup.

L promise!

L pulled her over on 95 for a broken tail light.

L ran a check. She's got an outstanding warrant in New York.

L really, really appreciate your help,

L repeat: price check on VagiClean, aisle five.

L said they were gone.

L said you're gettin' the hell outta here. That's the end of it.

L say we storm the place and start shooting.

L sees that, but what do l do with the goddamn electron? Can l put it here?

L started thinking about it. Bad idea.

L suppose l could.

L think it's time our rich boy got his hands dirty.

L think it's time to call the best damn law enforcement agency in the country.

L think l'm gonna faint.

L think we did the right thing.

L think. . .

L thought l was bad.

L thought l was your soul mate.

L try to be.

L turn my back for one minute and you stick it up my ass! Literally!

L used to when l was younger. Pictures of friends and stuff like that.

L walk right through the nameless ones

L want everybody to stay put and wait for my order.

L want to remind you again, our station's at your disposal.

L warned you about that, buddy!

L was a big piece of the personality pie back then.

L was gonna lube it up

L was horny.

L was talking about the shovel and the lime.

L wasn't gonna just ram it home, though.

L went to Cornell, then l got my master's in Turf Management at U Mass.

L work all day and l work all night

L wouldn't know. l stay out of his business, he stays out of mine.

L'd be your Albert

L'd like that

L'd like that

L'll follow the girl. You get Baileygates!

L'll let you know when l find it.

L'll tell the big cheese l got rolled in the parking lot.

L'll tell you one thing.

L'm a guy who's the boss on this highway

L'm a professor of molecular genetics at Brown.

L'm a tango man myself.

L'm coming, lrene!

L'm dry.

L'm due for a seismic event. You're dancin' on the fault line.

L'm gonna give you a little lesson in low center of gravity.

L'm gonna go and try to make out with whatsherface.

L'm gonna kill you, Hank! l swear to God !

L'm gonna make it up to Charlie.

L'm here to save your life, but if l'm gonna do that, l'll need total uninononynymity.

L'm just a ditz.

L'm just a doin' my job l'm the highway patrol

L'm just a doin' my job l'm the highway patrol

L'm just driving this limo as a sociological experiment. That's it.

L'm just gonna. . .

L'm just trying to help him save face.

L'm lookin' for my friends. A pretty blonde and a guy with a buzz cut.

L'm not a bad person.

L'm not leaving till the morning, but you know the rules: no bitches after eleven.

L'm not through with you, buster. l'm not through with you !

L'm originally from Texas. Middle class neighborhood.

L'm personally gonna fuck him up!

L'm really not crazy about it, though. lt makes me so dry.

L'm so sorry, Charlie.

L'm so sorry. l apologize. He suffers from this thing.

L'm sorry you had to meet Hank, Miss Waters.

L'm sorry.

L'm standing right here, four eyes.

L'm surprised it's held on this long.

L'm the highway patrol the highway patrol

L'm the rat who can find the cheese.

L'm truly sorry.

L'm warning you, pal. You're gonna get hurt.

L'm workin' for the state l'm the highway patrol

L've never been in an accident. Not in my whole life.

L've seen it first hand. The guy's nuttier than squirrel turds.

Lee Harvey.

Let go! Go!

Let go! Let go, girl !

Let me guess. Everybody said you were easy on the eyes,

Let me handle this. Stop it!

Let me tell you, they were smart ones.

Let us talk to our dad so this ain't gotta be no big thing.

Let's dance.

Let's fly!

Let's kick the shit out of this crazy asshole!

Lf l didn't have bad luck, l'd have no luck at all.

Lf l write you out a ticket then you'd better drive slow

Lf my daddy's such a scary ass motherfucker, why'd you go by yourself?

Lf there's been a mistake, you have to clear it up in Massena.

Lf we could cycle down some lane

Lf we could ride into the rain

Lf we let him back.

Lf you break the law you'll hear from me, l know

Lf you can back down from something this important, you're nothing at all !

Lf you keep fuckin' around, you'll lose your Yale scholarship.

Lf you need help, l'll help you.

Lf you'd be Victoria

Like a really high thing, say a sunflower. . .

Like you only hear what you wanna hear?

Listen to it.

Listen to me, OK?

Listen, Dick, l'm sorry to bother you like this but. . .

Listen, l don't know what's going on and l didn't tell the feds anything. . .

Listen, l'm at a police station in Rhode lsland.

Listen, were you offended in any way by our social interaction here?

Listen, you gotta get a message to the colonel.

Ln a dark and silent world where nothing grows but the anger.

Ln a mist around you

Ln a room with a two timer

Ln Africa, though, l go out in the country.

Ln the land of milk and honey

Ln the mornin' you go gunnin'

Lnjured pedestrian signed the complaint.

Lnterstate! ls your old lady happy?

Look at me. l wouldn't last two minutes in the desert.

Look at you !

Look what l got!

Look, Daddy got a butthole on his face.

Look, l don't know the first thing about running a golf course, Charlie. l'm a model.

Look, l'm being a straight shooter.

Look, l'm not here to twist your niblets.

Look, there's keys in that car. No, l can't go on.

Look.

Looked a little pale, that's all.

Love you, Daddy!

Lrene decided they should go back to Rhode lsland,

Lrene finagled the key from the front desk and let herself in.

Lrene has a lot of people who would like to see her in an unmarked grave.

Lrene, Charlie, this is Agent Steve Parfitt, FBl.

Lrene, l was just. . . l was gonna study your file

Lrene!

Lrene!

Lrene!

Lrene?

Lrene?

Lrene?

Lrene. . .

Lt goes deep inside of you

Lt hits you like Scripture

Lt is a soul that could easily kill

Lt just left Charlie a little more roughed up.

Lt looks like a dead heat in a zeppelin race.

Lt means either he makes up a battle plan, or Hank'll take over Fort Charlie for good.

Lt sounds like a song

Lt was a good thing Charlie had told her

Lt was presided over by Father Ken Gumbert,

Lt wasn't for me.

Lt'll be rainin' my motherfuckin' cookies

Lt's a big blue world

Lt's a boy!

Lt's a carnival callin' out to you

Lt's a carnival callin' out to you

Lt's a great time of year to ride, as long as you don't mind one or two bugs.

Lt's callin' out to you

Lt's funny how a man reacts when his heart gets broken.

Lt's gonna be raining wine and roses tonight.

Lt's good to see you're safe, Dad.

Lt's Hank!

Lt's me.

Lt's my chin ! lt's my chin ! Mine!

Lt's my kids!

Lt's over, Dickie. lt's over.

Lt's Shonté.

Lt's simple.

Lt's Stubie. He's got Baileygates and the girl.

Lt's survival at this point.

Lt's true.

Ma, Dad, my bro and my sis.

Man, Jamaal. Just cut my man some slack.

Massena, New York! Goddamn, Daddy! That's near Canada!

Maybe l could come visit you sometime soon.

Maybe that's it though, you know?

Maybe you should go back and get help.

Meet Charlie. Helpful dad, upstanding citizen,

Milky.

Miss Waters? l'd like you to step out of the car.

Mom !

Moody.

Mornin' , Ed.

Motherfucker robot! Motherfucker robot!

Motherfucker, it's just lift versus drag and rotation !

Motherfucker, you be lucky to get accepted to Duke,

Mr. Wonderful?

My ass is really sore.

My dad says you're a joke and l don't have to listen to you.

My family's all. . .

My God in heaven !

My God, l'm drowning

My hours are long and my pay is low

My kids are like that. They have this idea that the cops are the bad guys. . .

My name's Peterson. This is my partner, Agent Boshane.

My nose is fixed.

My old lady?

My siren a screamin' and my flashin' red light

My son Billy got the lead in the high school musical.

Never mind. l need your help.

Nice and easy.

Nice try though.

No kidding.

No macs, getting wet

No problem.

No wonder you're the smallest state. Little mind, little state.

No, but. . .

No, but. . .

No, he goes after bigger game.

No, l can handle it.

No, ma'am.

No, no, l rented this car!

No, no, l'm not fit to touch

No, no, no, no! God, no. Your company.

No, you got stupid !

No, you're not a bad guy.

No, you're not.

No! Don't listen to him ! lt's not me! lt's Hank!

No! Hey, stop it!

No! We're doin' it!

No. Just messing around the house.

Nobody's gonna get hurt.

Not me.

Not smart, Charlie. We don't know how far Dickie's reach goes.

Not them kind you be fuckin' with in the zoo.

Now every face looks familiar

Now every face looks familiar

Now get in there!

Now you're gettin' it!

Now, don't look, OK?

Of course, Charlie.

Of course, there's not much about this sort of thing

Of the proton and the neutron, right?

Officer Stubie, l don't want you to attempt to move them.

Officer Stubie'll drive you to the chopper.

Oh boy, oy, oy.

Oh, all over.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Oh, Charlie.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. You don't have to worry about us, Daddy. We're grown up now.

Oh, God !

Oh, God !

Oh, God. This is Dickie's work. l know it!

Oh, hello, lrene. What'd l do now?

Oh, it ain't always easy doing Mother Nature's work.

Oh, it's just this stupid thing.

Oh, it's on now. lt's on !

Oh, jeez.

Oh, l am.

Oh, l gotta get out of here. l don't wanna have to bust a cap.

Oh, man !

Oh, my God !

Oh, my God !

Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Hank!

Oh, no. There's more.

Oh, no. Water. Yeah. She's screwed. l'll buy you a beer.

Oh, poor baby. Has to let his daddy fight his battles for him, huh?

Oh, that'd be whack.

Oh, yeah ! That's what Daddy likes.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe it's time to come off.

Oh, yeah? What about water and food and. . .

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you guys!

OK, everybody, the water temperature is 63º .

OK, Hank, come out here. Let's settle this the old fashioned way. Come on !

OK, l have three dollars. How much do you have?

OK, look, let's say he does have a problem, which he don't.

OK, so what you're saying is that you're not Charlie.

OK, so you're sayin' l add up the atomic masses

OK, wait. Can you just. . .

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK. l'll have a chicken breast sandwich. No skin, dry toast.

Okay.

Old Mr. Stork dropped in to pay him and Layla a visit.

Omnipresence. l like that in a woman.

On to greener pastures, come on. They're clear cutting a place in heaven for ya.

On your feet. We're gonna have fun.

One of these days l'll chase you down

One thing l don't understand, Lieutenant.

Or do l have to glue it to my shoe and stick it in your pimply a hole?

Or how's about some fried chicken, 'cause you know black people love fried chicken !

Others, they take out an Uzi and climb a clock tower.

Our daddy wouldn't hurt a motherfuckin' fly.

Outta the way!

Over the years my ass has taken a pounding.

Pack your bags.

Park it up behind the grocery store, will ya, Charlie?

Part of me suspects that she may be having an affeir.

Patrol car, yes. OK, thank you.

Payoffs of government agencies, threats to those who stood in the way.

Pizza kid.

Please.

Pocahontas, you gotta put your ear to the ground to hear the buffelo.

Police officer! Everybody down ! Get down !

Poor thing. That's terrible.

Poor thing's lucky to be alive.

Pop's thumb should be OK if we find it within the next six hours.

Price check on VagiClean, aisle five.

Pritchard, what's going on here?

Pritchard.

Promise?

Providence, Rhode lsland. Ten minute stop.

Psychos.

Push ! Push !

Put a rush on that.

Quantum physics is confusing. lf l don't buckle down, l'll get myself another B+ .

Ready? On nine.

Really, l am.

Reciting memorized lines

Richard Pryor?

Right. Well, if there's anything at all l. . .

Rock 'n' roll !

Safer to go mass transit.

Say that again. Do "we people" take checks? You mean a black man?

Score. Good move.

See? Just when l was starting to feel those old familiar feelings,

She asked for me, asshole. Big deal !

She left us.

She said "Baby, you'll never change"

She was awake, my sis.

She worked for me the past two years.

She'll be eating blubber all right, just as soon as l free willy.

She's baking bread and l think it's sourdough.

Shit! Don't worry.

Shit.

Shit. Man, that shit's simple. Lookit.

Shonté Junior, how can you keep eating that crap and never gain weight?

Shonté, l am so, so sorry. l apologize.

Shouldn't even be a state. Should be a district.

Shovel and lime?

Shovel,

Show me yo' ass head up and get the door, man.

Shut up, lrene! You just listen to me. Maybe we can work something out.

Shut up, lrene. lt's too late.

So alone

So Hank, as he called himself,

So happy and funny. They never give me any grief.

So he insisted that we go to a plastic surgeon.

So it's true. Charlie is a schizo.

So l kind of lost my self respect.

So l smoked some pot. What is that, a crime?

So many people say

So many things to say

So old Hanky Panky wasn't enough for you, huh?

So please just stop messing with me

So then l tried to be an actress and. . .

So they sent him up to Boston to see a team of highly trained head doctors.

So watch out what you're doin' when you're drivin' my way

So we had some drinks.

So what are you gonna do?

So what's your tale? Where you from?

So where are we going anyway?

So who the hell's this lrene honey anyway?

So you got a boob job and went looking for a rich man with a bum ticker

So you guys will have to bunk up.

So you hide them when you're able

So you tried to become a model.

So, how's my thumb lookin' , Doc?

So, if l could just get someone to sign this, l'll be on my way.

So, l was gonna ask if l could. . .

So, Whitey. . .

Some break down and cry like a baby.

Sometimes just waking is surreal

Sometimes l swear that l can hear

Sometimes l think there's something about my look that just attracts assholes.

Sometimes the water feels so real

Son of a bitch !

Sons of bitches, l'll show 'em. Sons of bitches.

Sorry l had to meet you all the way out here.

Sorry.

Sound good, candypants?

Spending all those years trapped behind a wall of politeness.

Spread your legs.

Stay away from me, Hank!

Stay here.

Stop it, man. You're scaring me.

Stop it, you two!

Stop it, you're gonna kill him !

Stop it! Cut it. . . Stop it now. Sir!

Stop it! Wait. What is your first name?

Sure, that is good.

Sure.

Sway of your hips 'round rings true

Sweetie? That's kinda dangerous.

Take a guess. We're going on without him.

Take it easy now.

Take it easy, Dickie. Take it easy.

Take my wife, for example.

Tell me this. A big operation like the Cedar Creek Country Club.

Tell me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. l haven't laughed like that in a long time.

Thanks a lot, Charlie.

Thanks a lot. Scooter.

Thanks for notitying us, Officer. No, you've been a really big help.

Thanks, but this is the end of the line for you.

Thanks.

Thanks. l like to keep it short, especially in the summer.

That all the guilty parties had been apprehended.

That guy has some serious problems.

That l couldn't tell a lie, couldn't tell a lie in a thousand ages

That l might be able to control this problem of mine.

That l purposely distort my perceptions to make my reality more palatable.

That l really appreciate everything you did for me.

That looks good.

That motherfucker Vince Foster was murdered. l told you that shit!

That stuff belongs to the bad cop.

That the feds don't have some guy up there right now, bugging calls?

That they're alone inside this place

That was dirty.

That was good.

That was it! l helped him with his bags.

That was me. Yeah, big deal.

That was tough, but. . .

That.

That's a fucked up law, huh?

That's a gift.

That's Charlie's home. Modest, like the man.

That's crazy.

That's great, Charlie. l'm really happy for you.

That's it? That's all he got?

That's it.

That's kidnapping and assault!

That's me and my whippersnappers. l'm Dorothy.

That's no reason to short change the department.

That's probably one of them lvy League sons of bitches now.

That's real nice, Hank. Way to keep a low profile.

That's right, l did trick you. lt was deceitful, disgusting and despicable.

That's sweet.

That's too bad.

That's VagiClean.

That's what l had planned.

That's what makes the holidays so hard.

The colonel informed them

The complaint was signed by a guy named Peterson.

The EPA?

The feds believed that lrene knew more than she thought she knew,

The funky chicken was Charlie's dance.

The guy's like "Toss my salad? What's that?"

The hem of your garment

The hem of your garment

The important thing is we find him so nobody else gets hurt.

The law says you can't park in one place for over an hour,

The name's Hank. Hank Evans. . .

The passengers restless

The passengers restless

The Rhode lsland State Police.

The Rhode lsland State Troopers!

The taunting of the voiceless ones

The train came in breathless

The train came in breathless

The wife's got it in the shitter.

The world ain't slowin' down

Then every face melts away till now

Then every face melts away till now

Then get this motherfucker off the ground !

Then l became a golf course superintendent.

Then she left you too.

Then what's this motherfuckin' electron doin' right there?

Then you fire till he's done in

Then you know what?

Then you love a little wild one

There was a shootout at the thing. The agents are dead !

There you go, Dick. l parked it for you.

There you go!

There you go.

There's an old saying: an ostrich with his head in the sand makes a lousy cop.

There's no tag on this.

There's nowhere to go.

There's something powerful bubbling up inside me, Father.

These are the supplies?

These two can do the shopping. l'll do the cooking.

They all moved in together and lived as one big happy family.

They are flowing to the ground Flowing to the ground

They explained that everything had been happening under her nose.

They give me unbelievable cottonmouth.

They got 1 50 cordoned off?

They moved to Phoenix, the bastards.

They quickly identified the problem.

They think that's my problem.

They were spotted leaving a health food restaurant 1 00 miles from here.

They'd be on us in 1 0 minutes. And they almost got me killed in the first place.

They're gone.

They're incredible kids. Oh, God.

They're shipping me back to Massena on some bogus crap.

Things were finally becoming civilized.

Think someplace else. This is the first place they're gonna look.

This cat don't believe a ****** knows how to cash a check! Ain't that 'bout a bitch?

This day never seems to

This day never seems to

This day never seems to end this pain never

This day never seems to end this pain never

This guy, Tedeschi or Tedesco, he was hired before me, but he died.

This guy's gotta look at my face and just. . .

This is a bunch of crap!

This is a police matter from now on.

This is Boshane. What's going on?

This is Christine DiCarlo live from Clinton County, New York,

This is getting really ridiculous, Charlie, so just let it go.

This is my body!

This one?

This rage l cannot let go

This rage l cannot let go

This vacation is just what Charlie needs.

Those damn truckers.

Thought you were going over the edge.

Thoughts free flow

Time to face the music, Mozart. And one, and two, and. . .

To tell you the truth, l really wasn't ready to leave, but they said l had to.

Track me down for what?

Trains are the first place they'll look.

Treating me like a dumbshit! l mean, who does he think he's talking to?

Trying to get out? What do you mean "get out"?

Tweak the high end on your emotional EQ, sweetbeak.

Under the right circumstances, sure, l could tip a few.

Unfortunately, Miss Waters, l'm not the one you have to convince.

Use more of your potential !

VagiClean, huh?

Wait, he's a schizo!

Wait. lt may be a police matter to you,

Wanna move it on to the sidewalk, away from traffic?

Wanna start me up? Just pull the cord, pal.

Warden, l want my own cell.

Warned me about what?

Watch yourself, buddy.

Watch yourself.

We all have family stuff.

We appreciate it, Lieutenant Gerke, but we're all set.

We checked all the gas and food stops along the interstate. No sign of 'em.

We got a customer with a fallopian fungus.

We just got a report he put six bullets into a cow's head.

We may have to let him go.

We put your hit and run report out on the wire in order to track you down.

We sure is sorry, Officer, but our daddy told us to trust our instinct,

We'll explain that to you, ma'am, but right now we're gonna ask you to come with us.

We'll have one of our troopers escort you.

We're comin' , Daddy! We're comin' , man !

We're face to face, my friend

We're gonna rock you

We're gonna rock you

We're ridin' on a big blue world

Well,

Well,

Well, by springtime they had made it official.

Well, Colonel, her name's Waters, lrene P .

Well, could you tell her to throw it on the porch when she's done?

Well, fuck my ozone.

Well, Hank wanted to do something nice for you,

Well, he had a plan, all right.

Well, it's hard to deal with others.

Well, l didn't have the fun you had last night.

Well, l disagree, but why speculate?

Well, l doubt we're gonna be able to move her, but we should try.

Well, l guess he likes the cock after all.

Well, l guess they need the extra room for the real. . .

Well, l mean that he's become a pretty big liability.

Well, l think l might remember that. That is ridiculous.

Well, l've just gotten off the phone with the New York State Patrol.

Well, look who joined the party.

Well, look who's going crazy now

Well, Miss Waters, good luck. l hope everything works out great for you.

Well, no, l'm just saying it's. . .

Well, not all of 'em.

Well, old girl.

Well, seems old Hank had pulled a fast one.

Well, that's Charlie's story, and l'm sticking to it.

Well, that's great!

Well, that's probably why the water beads off the hair, huh?

Well, the kick in the chops didn't work out as planned.

Well, they went on the lam for a bit, and then Charlie made a couple of phone calls.

Well, they won't be tracking us in that car.

Well, this is just a fist, but when l throw it around, it can leave one hell of a mess.

Well, we can't call you Milky anymore. What's your real name?

Well, why don't you just explain it to me now?

Well, will you stay with me no matter what?

Well, yeah, l live there. But l didn't have any accident.

Well, you know. You've been avoiding confrontation.

Well, you shouldn't, Charlie.

Well, you think polypeptide's a motherfuckin' toothpaste.

Well, you'll know me when you see me 'cause my door's painted white

Well, your father is entitled to his opinion.

Well. . .

Weren't you the kid who just climbed on the merry go round?

Weren't you the kid who just climbed on the merry go round?

Weren't you the kid who just climbed on the merry go. . .

What about the marijuana roaches you left when you moved out of your apartment?

What about your family? Won't they miss you?

What are those for?

What are we gonna do about Whitey?

What are you doing? Hank?

What are you getting at?

What are you still doin' here? Hank, we're in this together.

What d'you. . . What is this?

What did l not do now?

What do you mean?

What do you think? Do you?

What happened anyway?

What happened to your family?

What if l had to move to the Arctic and you could never come home

What is this?

What is wrong with you?

What motherfuckin' planet has an elliptical orbit?

What the hell's wrong with him?

What was it? The Q Tip thing?

What was the genius's big plan?

What you just did to that kid was terrible.

What! l never said anything remotely racist!

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Because of somebody else's mistake,

What? Did you say plastic surgeon?

What? l'm jokin' . Bringin' a little sunshine into his life.

What? You brung us all the way down for us to leave now?

What'd l hit? A baldheaded eagle?

What's a deuteron made up of?

What's it called?

What's so funny?

What's that on your shirt?

What's that suppo. . . Can we speak English?

What's the fuss?

What's the matter, Hank? Afraid to pick on someone your own size?

What's the matter, honey? Little extra cheese on the taco?

Wheels turnin' round and round

Wheels turnin' round and round

When did you take this? At Halloween?

When l was 1 5, l hacked them up with a hammer while they were sleeping.

When my boyfriend Scooter brought in the paper, l recognized her right away.

When the big game's on the line, he's busy riding the pine.

When we met, light was set

When you know you're no high climber

Where are you? Where are you?

Where does this rage come from, my son?

Where the manhunt continues for Rhode lsland State Trooper Baileygates.

Where y'all blind ass cops is lookin' .

Where's my thumb?

Which l regret.

Which will come into play a little later in our story.

While you're at it, why not climb that pole and take a piss on the power lines?

Whitey!

Who the fuck are you? Sergeant York taking on the Germans yourself?

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell is Milky and what is he doing here?

Whoa, that must be mine!

Whoa, you're in luck!

Whoa!

Why am l peeing like l was up all night having sex?

Why don't you just pay me in cotton or a cartload of watermelons?

Why not? You, lrene and Hank are my only friends.

Why the hell would you run to this idiot?

Why would l?

Why'd she do this?

Why'd you go an' say somethin' like that for, huh?

Would somebody get this goddamn chicken out of my ass, please?

Would you step out of the car, please?

Wow!

Wow!

Wow!

Wrong answer. And the name's Hank, fuckface.

Y'all come back now! Thanks for watching our motherfuckin' movie!

Yeah, actually l was.

Yeah, Charlie was getting a lot of respect inside the house.

Yeah, Charlie was taking a few lumps on account of Hank's behavior.

Yeah, it was a regular slice of Americana.

Yeah, l don't know if my shrinks would agree.

Yeah, l'd stay.

Yeah, l'm starting to.

Yeah, l'm talkin' to you, you toxic waste of life.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, OK.

Yeah, so? l mean, a lot of people have different kind of hair.

Yeah, sure, Charlie. OK. l should be done here in another 1 0 or 1 5 minutes.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, we're proud of this motherfucker too.

Yeah, well, bad things happen to people who kill their family with a hammer.

Yeah, well, l kind of fudged my résumé a little bit to get that job.

Yeah, well, takes one to know one.

Yeah, well, we're gonna find out.

Yeah, well. . .

Yeah, well. . .

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. . .

Yeah. l'm just. . .

Yeah. Me too.

You are a sick pup.

You are such an asshole!

You bastard !

You bet.

You betcha.

You bring to her a smile and then l saw one

You can lock me up and keep me here forever!

You can't put no chicken egg up his ass. He's a tightass!

You couldn't hit the G spot on a 1 2lb pussy.

You didn't happen to pick up a wallet on the dash, did you?

You didn't know what Dickie was up to. Did you?

You do the cooking? Man, you thought you got chipped beef from a toothy blow job!

You don't know what it was like.

You don't. . .

You freaked me out, man.

You go back, Jack

You go back, Jack

You go back, Jack

You go back, Jack

You gonna pick up that butt?

You got a great way of looking at life, Charlie. You know that?

You got a headlight out.

You got a major screw loose.

You gotta be kidding.

You gotta get goin'

You gotta get goin' , you gotta keep goin'

You gotta keep goin'

You gotta keep goin'

You gotta reach down for that little extra something !

You guys are beautiful ! Look, why don't we skip the trial, get right to it?

You guys are making a big mistake!

You had a motherfuckin' aneurysm to get a 1 430.

You have to take it anyway.

You kidding? Every oinker east of the Mississippi will be looking for this sled.

You kill me!

You know how you go fuck with a lion? "Hey, lion ! Motherfucker!"

You know what l'm gonna do?

You know what l'm saying?

You know what we should do?

You know, around here, you'll. . .

You know, l don't think l. . . No, l don't think l carry even one picture anymore.

You know, l think you're a very special unit.

You know, l'm gonna go get a soda.

You know, maybe it's best if we just go back and begin at the beginning.

You know, wives leave their husbands every day in this country.

You know, you think they'd call someone to come clean this up.

You make me dizzy running circles in my head

You must be real proud of these maniacs.

You must put them on the table

You never stick up for yourself.

You OK, Charlie?

You OK?

You paint the picture with colors squeezed from your hand

You really think so?

You said you've got something

You see some lions and shit. l'm talkin' about real lions.

You see, if you can't deal with your own problems,

You seem like a nice guy. ls there any way that you might let me

You seem like a really good dad, Charlie.

You son of a. . . l'm gonna kill you ! l'm gonna get you !

You think he was gonna take our dead bodies down to the station?

You think just 'cause l'm small you can push me around? Come on, let's boogie.

You thinkin' what l'm thinkin'?

You wanna get that end? Give it a push?

You'll see.

You're a good person.

You're a very special girl, lrene. Look at you.

You're being video taped.

You're choking me! You're choking me!

You're gonna have Shonté Junior down or under goddamn 400lb. Fuck that.

You're gonna listen to Hank?

You're just so down to earth.

You're kidding, right?

You're nothing at all !

You're the superintendent of a major golf resort.

You're welcome to use our interrogation rooms.

You's a motherfuckin' disgrace!

You've no idea how much l love you.

You've seen Charlie in action. He's like origami: folds under pressure.

Your black cards can make you money

Your car is gonna have to be moved.

Your dad's sick, mentally. He's had a breakdown.

Your face is all pursed up like you just sucked on a lemon,

Your father's a police officer. He asked me to come alone.

Your suffering's over.

1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 , 8, 9.

4.30 , South County train station. Bring plenty of backup. You got it.

4.30, huh?

72 hour wait. Federal law.

1 X to 1 1 2. 1 1 2 responding.

1 5 minutes, tops. Got it.

A couple of Hindenburgs, huh? Oh, the humanity!

All right, Pops. Yeah, man.

All right. l'll tell them you're here. Okay dee, ray dee.

And these are all mine. l notice you left out your eating disorder.

Are you sure this is the woman? Absolutely.

But this guy inside. Hank.

But. . . Do something !

Cabin E. Thanks a lot.

Can l help you? Baileygates, Rhode lsland State Police.

Careful on the road, Charlie. OK, Colonel.

Celebrate good times, come on. Oh, well.

Charlie, don't hit him ! Me?

Charlie, nicely done. Thanks, Sea Bass.

Charlie, your kids look great. Yeah, don't they? Thanks.

Charlie! Don't worry. l'll take care of it.

Charlie? Yeah.

Congratulations, Charlie. Thank you, Captain.

D'you miss me? Why don't you get Charlie back?

Damn ! Jeez.

Dead? Yeah. They were after me, Charlie!

Did l miss something? Don't give me that shit!

Do you believe that? No, it's. . .

Do you need to see a menu? No, thank you. We've ordered.

Don't move them ! We'll be right there. Get in your cars. Come on !

False alarm. Oh, damn, Whitey!

Fellas, l think l found it! What?

Fellas. What the fuck is goin' on, man?

Glad we're finally on the same page. Me, too.

Go for it. All right!

Good work, Baileygates. Thanks.

Got you, Papa. Love you, Daddy!

Hang on, ma'am. Yeah.

Hank was coming on to me again. Hank!

Hank! Hey! Let her go!

Hank! lt's OK, lrene.

He left his pills in the hotel room. That's where he left his sanity.

He's with the EPA. EPA? l thought they were in our pocket.

Hello. Finneran, it's Charlie.

Here they come. Look, Starsky and Hutch, this is the plan.

Here you go. l got your car all filled up. Thank you, Joseph.

Here's a five. Keep the change. Thanks.

Hey, George, Herb. Hi, Charlie.

Hey, lrene? Yeah?

Hey, Milky! iVàmonos! Hey, no!

Hey, no, come on now. What's going on?

Hey, stop it! He started it.

Hey, what is your problem, pal? l got no beef with you. Just the kid.

Hey! Yes?

Hit and run? Hit and run.

Hope you brought your appetite with you. Oh, l did.

How did he get in? You created him.

How do, fellas? Hi, Charlie.

How far am l from Rhode lsland? Four or five hours.

How many times must the cannonballs. . . Do you believe his voice?

How much? That comes to $1 3.95.

How was l to know he's a nutcase? He ain't no fuckin' nutcase!

How'd your meeting with the shrink go? Wonderful.

How's my aim? l never went to New York City.

How's my little guy doing? Struggling.

Just do what he says, Charlie! Back off! Just turn around ! Now!

Just stand back. l'll take care of it. Oh, God ! That's terrible.

l ain't stupid. Mornin' , fellas.

l don't have an eating disorder. Whatever, slim.

l don't know if l can ! Yes, you can !

l don't know where they get it from. That's just good genes.

l don't remember this. That's because, according to that report,

l don't. . . Let go!

l hope her little skinny ass is reading this. Man, l'm pretty sure she's lookin' , man.

l hope it's OK if l play through. Hank!

l meant from the ride. Oh. No, no.

l need a gun and lots of ammo. Sorry.

l think l just had an epiphany! What?

l'm outta here. Hey, wait! No, don't do that!

l'm payin' under protest. lt was close enough.

l'm really sorry, Charlie. l'll get over it.

Let me get that for you. Thanks.

Listen, Dick. . . Hey, guys, check out the rack on this one!

Little Rhodie. Biggest little state in the union.

Look what l found in my bag. Oh, no! Oh, boy.

Look. . . How can we fix. . . Were you in Massena last Friday?

lrene! What?

lsn't that great? How'd that happen?

lt's Gerke! Come on ! Hank, truce? For now, fucker.

lt's me, Charlie. Charlie?

lt's not gonna work. Yes, it is, but you gotta rock me.

Motherfucker, you know l had the flu. Flu, my ass!

Motherfucker, you speak German ! l can speak it. l didn't say l could read it!

Must be messing with your head. l never killed anyone before.

My great grandmother's half ltalian. Half ltalian?

No way. Come on.

No, it can be done. Yo, l'll take that bet.

No, it wasn't. l would never. . . Tell you what, l'll make it easy for you.

No, what's that in inches? 1 .61 . What the fuck you gettin' at?

Not now, Finneran. Yes, now!

Oh, my God ! He was a juvenile. They just let him out.

Oh, no. No, no, but that's just it!

Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

Oh, so it's a "little people" thing, then. No!

Oh, yeah, l'm gonna fall for that. No, Charlie.

Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead. You're a doll.

OK, turn around. l'll play the back nine. Stop it!

OK? OK.

OK. . . lt's still alive!

Punch me in the face. Why?

Punch me. What?

Really? Yeah, we should give it a shot.

Really? Yes.

Right on. Pull yo' ass out!

Said his name was Hank. And apparently Hank is trying to get out.

See ya later. Love ya.

She's a mom. Not my mom. She's a yummy mummy!

Shit, l don't know. Well, get it out of there then !

Shut up, Hank! You're so. . . Hank!

Since you brought it up, l wanna ask. . . Finneran !

Six bucks. Let me go up and order, so we can go.

So. . . So. . .

Sound familiar? l don't have a clue

Still wanna skip rope in the street? l'll tell my daddy, Charlie!

Sure? Do the math, motherfucker.

tax evasion and racketeering. What are you talking about?

Tell me this, tell me this. What?

Tell you what. Why not keep that one? No, Charlie. That's yours.

Thanks for the kudos. Sure.

That don't make no motherfuckin' sense! You've done all you can do.

That's Gomer Pyle! Before they're forever banned?

That's great. Thank you. Following procedure, ma'am.

That's not that bad. ln a week.

That's OK. lt's just as well. Poor gal's paranoid.

That's really lame, Hank. You have a better idea? Come on !

There you go, Colonel. Very good, Malcolm. Thank you.

They're the top three students out of 21 1 . Golly!

This is Agent Annicelli. Gentlemen.

This shit don't make sense. Motherfucker!

We'll call the police. What? No, you can't do that!

We're driving a hot carriage. So?

We're locked and loaded. Great.

We've reason to believe this is stolen. What?

What are you building, fellas? An airplane, Daddy.

What are you gettin' at? Look, Daddy ain't gonna take no road

What are you starin' at, fucker? You know you make me break out. . .

What did Daddy tell you about snoopin'? Shit, yeah.

What if he's unarmed? Plant a gun on him afterwards.

What tree did this sap ooze out of? lt's Dickie! He got me into all this crap!

what you're talkin' about. Dickie!

What? Jump off!

What? What's going on?

What? Yeah.

What? You're a schizo who's wanted for murder,

What're you talking about? There's a camera on my bike.

What's all the commotion? Oh, just school shit and shit.

What's happenin'? We've got a problem.

What's the diameter of a chicken egg? 4.08cm.

What's the matter? Let's go before he wakes up.

Where's Dickie? He's waiting for us in Boston.

Who the hell could? A sober person for one.

Why are you doing this? Because l l. . .ike you.

Why not? l don't know.

Why stop there? No!

Yeah, get your head out your ass! lt ain't that. This manual's in German.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? You're an asshole.

You can't be here. lt's a liability. He's the fuckin' liability!

You do? Yeah.

You mean you couldn't tell the difference? Are you serious?

You OK? Yes, l'm fine.

You stay close. Yes, sir.

You want a soda? Sure. OK.

You're kidding? No.

. . .responsible for the death of an EPA agent

. . .toss my salad !

'Cause l promise you, when l find your old man,

'Cause this is deep.

"Excuse me, sir, but your laughter is not helping me right now."

"She's a mom !"