Damn Yankees Edit

A greaf slugger, we haven't got. A great pitcher, we haven't got.

A great ball club, we haven't got. What do we got?

A little hoe down. In honor of our new star.

A love of the national game. You bet. You bet.

A man who agrees with you. Agrees?

About his shoes, and I swear he turned pale.

Ah....ha ha ha. It's my fault. ah...

Alright Joe. Come on. We'll go where we'll be appreciated.

Alright, alright. I don't want to hear any more about your wife.

An amusing little stunt. It was all the rage, in the middle ages.

An oversight. Boys grow bigger these days.

And I certainly hope I don't.... Tell buster to throw him a few.

And I must say, The hot dogs out at the park aren't what they used to be.

And never even knew, what we fought about.

And parking lot owners?

And to end to it. We've got heart.

And uh....This is my protege'. Young Joe Hartey.

And um, for some time now, I have been beating the bushes for talent.

And when I got to second, everybody's waitin for me except Ford Frick.

And your Joe, has to go.

Applegate is my name.....uh.... My card sir.

April, May, June, July, August, and September. Six months out of every year. Your blind ump.

Are you coming my attractive friend?

Are you Mr. Van Buren, the Washington Manager?

Avoid me? Oh no Miss Thorpe. He wouldn't do that.

Back home in Hannable, we had heat over a hundred, lots of times.

Bah. The Yanks are just another ball club as far as we're concerned.

Battin' practice is one thing. But how does he do in a game, huh?

Benny? Benny, there is somethin different about em.

Benny? My boss is very anxious to find out what some of your players think of the Yankees.

Boy's, I know you're not yellow. Smokey, you're crashin the fences till you drive me crazy.

Buster.

But he'll come back to you again.

But in a moment or two, we would bale and glue.

But my job, my wife.

But my old girl, I love you so.

But still if what they say..... Look.

But they don't suffer so.

But trust in me and carry on.

But we're laughing cause.

But what am I gonna do?

Came a long long way, to be with us today.

Came upon the scene, as fresh as Listerine.

Can't believe it, huh. But, that's crazy.

Can't tell you where I'll go. It isn't fair I know.

Care to sit down?

Cause we know our ship will come in. So it's ten years over due.

Come on Smokey, we'll get em. Come on boys.

Come on. Cab's waiting.

Come on. The team needs you. Let's not waist any more time.

Come on. Who me? I'm always waitin on you.

Come onsmokey. I can count on you.

Crazier every day. What are you doing here?

Dedicated to you. The hardy shrine.

Did he get the fat end of the bat on that pill? Bye bye baby. How about that.

Do I what? See any sign of cool air?

Do ya?

Don't "oh boy" me. You've got it.

Don't let her get ya in no dark corner.

Don't try to murder it. Just slip one through the infield.

Enjoy, Joe. I do.

Exactly. It's just that when we play the Yankees...

Feelin so good lately. Oh I was just thinkin'.

Feet as fleet as Mercury.

First ya gotta have heart.

For a little seasoning. Seasoning?

For free, practically. Just act the way you would if it was 25 years ago.

For heavens sake. Joe. My goodness, Talkin' to yourself.

Forget it.

Gee thanks, Mr. Van Buren.

Gee thanks.

Gee, Mr. Van Buren. Give me one more chance, will you?

Get out. I've got my wife to consider.

Get your bat.

Go like a bat out of you know where. Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Go like a bat out of you know where. Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Go see her. Cheer yourself up. He wouldn't like it.

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Good bye old girl. My old girl.

Good bye old girl. My old girl. Good bye.

Good evening. Who are you?

Good night. Yeah. Sure. I mean, Good night.

Good ol' Smokey. He got a hit.

Goodbye old friend. My old friend.

Great events spring forth great men, Joe. They arise from nowhere.

Gum.

Ha Ha Ha Ha. Well now, of course that's fairly well known.

Ha Ha. Big joke. No joke.

Ha. He belts 2 out of the ball park. Well, let's do anything we can to make him happy.

Has been to be a baseball player yourself. I wasn't so bad in high school.

Has to go. shshsh.

He is throwing hard. Can't you hear him grunt?

He may come back to you again.

He out. He's safe. He out. He's safe. Fly ball,double play, Yankees win again today! Those damn Yankees, Why can't we beat 'em? He's out, He's safe, he's out, he's safe, he's out, he's safe, he's out!

He seems to be afraid of reporters. Afraid? Yeah.

He sneezed and blew away a calf. His laughter ripped the barn in half.

He'll choke up when he gets in a game.

He'll come back.

He'll fight for us, do right for us. He'll be a beacon light for us.

He's a strange boy Mr. Welsh. Very strange.

He's got a nice swing.

He's Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Henry. Yes Benny. Go out and tell Buster to throw hard.

Hey I can't....I can't get these on. Here buddy. Try these.

Hey kid. Yeah you. Come here.

Hey Lyndy. What's a three letter word for "a sticky substance".?

Hey Mr. Applegate. How can I ever thank you?

Hey. Did you..... I can't believe it!

Hey. He's got an arm. Got an arm? He's got an arm like a canon.

Hey. How'd you pull that off? I'm handy with fire.

Hey. Want to join up with me, slugger? I got a friend.

Hey. Who's up there? Mel Allen?

Hey. You guys would go for that, wouldn't you? Anytime, lady.

Honestly Joe. You're gonna get yourself a heart attack if you keep this up.

Honey, don't ya know? He's left ya flat.

How do you like my boy, Mr. Van Buren? Not bad.

How do you suppose some of these politicians around town got started?

How would you feel? Oh boy.

How's the crossword commin Smokey?

How's your fielding? I don't know.

Huh? Who wouldn't?

I am a long time fan of the Washington Senators..... Listen Mac, I told you I'm busy.

I came down to see the naked men. Could be.

I certainly don't see any sign of it here. Do you?

I don't do nothin. How can ya not do nuttin?

I don't have to, but when I see a guy lilke you that covered,

I don't worry. Everybody ought to have an insurance program.

I figure what the heck's the use. Will you listen to this guy.

I get worried. I've been under covered long time.

I guess not, Rocky. Thanks anyhow.

I had the poorest hot dog yesterday, I ever had.

I have chosen you... the most dedicated partisan of the noble Washington Senators.

I have historical significance, too.

I haven't said it much. I guess I've lost my touch.

I just can't believe it. Where would he have been all these years.

I just can't believe the kid is as good as all that. How could he be?

I just disappear, is that it? Very simple.

I just got to leave a note. Sure. Right away.

I kind of tense up. You know I kind of loose my head.

I love the Senators. So do I, and there's only a few of us left.

I read somewhere they're talking about handicapping the Yankees.

I reasoned he would be the greatest husband that a girl had ever found.

I showed him that cute story, Gloria Thorpe did yesterday

I swallowed my chewing tobacco.

I take. Okay. Now the count is 2 and 1.

I think we might give you a contract. Send you out on one of our farm clubs,

I told you that guy looked good when he first come up to bat.

I wouldn't do it, but I don't want to have those Damn Yankees win.

I'd sell my soul, for one long ball hitter.

I'll be right with you. But if you just explain how it all works.

I'll get a taxi. Ha ha ha ha.

I'll help ya celebrate, boys.

I'll tell you something right now. My boys won't play dead for the Yankees or any other club.

I'm busy. See my secrertary. Mr. Van buren, um.....

I'm here to make you a proposition.

I'm offereing you a chance to be what you've wanted to be all your life.

I'm trying to be understanding, but all this haggling...

I've got something to trade here.

I've often wondered what this team did to keep up it's morale.

If Babe Ruth came here looking for a chance, you would send him to Little Rock for 3 years.

If I wipe the take sign, watch what follows.

If we had one long ball hitter. Just one!

If you want to watch, go out in the stands. The field is for ball players.

Ill find some way. Ha.

In Hanible they were always saying cool air was on it's way from Canada.

In my business, we have what you call... an escape clause.

In practice he was terrific. Well, I said to myself....

Instead of praising my Goulash. They're just praising the plays of Willie Mays.

Is anything the matter? No I...I was just thinking about the game.

Is Meg still up? She went to bed, a while ago.

Is that what you're gonna call him? It's what everybody's gonna call him.

Is that your home town?

Is Washington winning dear? No. Those Damn Yankees.

It ain't good for your game, Joe. To get so... so glum.

It can't be. The world is full of crazy things.

It is? Now the other hand.

It wasn't important.

It's a mighty fine policy. Do ya have sell insurance summer too?

It's just that you're mental state is off in left field, someplace.

It's just too good to be true, Mr. Welch.

It's not good for your liver. I'm not moping. I'm just thinking.

It's not that I'm dumb, Benny. Nobody said anything about your being dumb.

It's Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Joe is never coming back. Well I think he is.

Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe! Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe!

Joe's quite a boy with a bat in his hands, and I'd like you to give him a trial.

Just a minute. Where do you think your going?

Just luck. This is costin' the club money.

Just when the future was lookin' grim. Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Keep away from me, man. Your a bad influence.

Let's get a lot of publicity. No no. No not yet, huh.

Like sevens come, elevens come. Like manna from the heavens come!

Like we do, I tell ya what...

Listen, Meg. You might as well face it.

Look out. Look out. Look out. Look out. for Shoeless Joe

Look out. Look out. Look out. Look out. for Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Look. What sign's this?

Lucky are we to be having him. Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Making them carry extra weight, like race horses.

More seasoning huh? The ball's only going for a 600 foot ride.

Mr. cause we've got hope. Boys, I'm proud of ya.

Mr. I don't know what the gag is, but I...I mean what's the idea...I

Mr. Van Buren won't like it.

Mr. you can be a hero, you can open any door.

My name is Applegate. And I think we have something in common.

My paper gives you as much space as the others do. I only wondered why you got here so early.

Nancy, you've got to live. I am living.

Nasper Miles tried to fry an egg on

Never played on anything but sand lot ball, huh? Where abouts?

Next year maybe.

No he hasn't. I'm sure he hasn't.

No thanks.

No. I don't think so. Well tomorrow there's a ball game.

No. I won't do it. Alright. I'll give you a chance to get out.

Not bad? Did he kiss that horsehide right out of the park.

Not bad.

Not me. You're thinkin of a couple of other guys.

Not only would you like to see Washington win a penant.... but your secret yearning all your life...

Not so bad? They were scouting you for Kansas City.

Nothings hallf as bad as it may appear, wait till next year and hope.

Now boys. Don't forget what I told you.

Now coming in to bat for Sahoobick.... Number 2....Joe Hardy.

Now I know it hasn't all been roses. We've had squabblin days when tears were brought about.

Now listen to me.. This game of baseball is only one half skill.

Now you're gettin the idea. We've got hope.

Now you're still at bat.

Now, what's the gag? Let's make Joe famous.

Of course not. Can't trust qany newspaper women.

Oh ah.... Do you smoke?

Oh it's fine to be a genious of course, but keep that old horse before the cart.

Oh it's fine to be a genious of course, but keep that old horse before the cart.

Oh it's fine to be a genious of course. But keep that old horse before the cart.

Oh Joe. My friends sister and Doris. They like baseball.

Oh um.....here and there. Where's here and there?

Oh, no. Not a thing.

Oh, We went to the game yesterday. It was ladies day.

Oh.

Oh. Dedicated Dan huh? Huh?

Okay, Smokey, baby. Let's go get em. Right.

Okay! You win. Get a uniform! You mean it! I mean it!

Okay. So Halbrick, don't try to murder it. Just slip one through the infield.

One long ball hitter. That's what the team needs.

Or at least ulcers. Wham!

Over the fence.

Over the garden wall. At a boy, Joe. Rifle it home boy. Rifle it home.

Pay attention to what I'm tellin you, will you?

Rocky, you're played 3 games with a broken hand.

See any sign of what, dear? Oh, never mind.

Seema like uh.... you aint kinda uh...

She's down there now trying to get a follow up on it, but Joe's ducking her.

Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo. Shae gonna call him Shoeless Joe.

Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo. Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo. Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo. What did you say his name was?

Shoeless Joe, huh? That's pretty good.

Slide. You're out.

Smokey. He can hit the ball a country mile.

So Ferguson give me the signal to steal. It was a pitch out.

So sleep your sleep, old girl. Our love will keep old girl.

So sleep your sleep, old girl. Our love will keep, old girl.

So what the heck's the use of crying? Why should we curse?

So you finally flipped your lid. What are you doing out here talking to yourself, in the dark?

Some other time.

Something a matter, kid? What?

Spit? Well that's four. Gum.

Strike 3, ball 4. Walk the run will tie the score. Six months out of every year, I might as well be wearing crepe. Life is just an awful bore, from which I find no escape.

Strike at the foe, let him know you're there. Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Strike at the foe, let him know you're there. Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Strong as the heart of a mighty oak. Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Suppose when you were young, you had this chance.

Sure. I'm willin'. Okay. How do we make him famous?

Sure. In that case. On the...24th of September at midnight.

Talking to who?

Tell me. What's he like, really? He takes it serious.

Thank you.

That's a sign of old age, you know Joe. Talkling to yourself.

That's all? Sure.

That's rediculous. How about it, kid?

That's the longest ball I ever saw in my life.

That's what I reasoned. That's what I reasoned.

That's what I'm talking about.

The ball's in the dirt, and he swings.

The barefoot boy From Hannibal Mo!

The other half is something else. Something bigger.

The Senators are in 7th place. Your powerful bludgen and sparkling play...

The sidewalk in front of his drug store once.

The team has been consistent. Yeah, we always loose.

Then April rolled around. Strike 3, ball 4. Walk the run will tie the score.

There's nothin to it, but to do it.

There's nothing unusual about it.

There's something I must let you know.

They couldn't see you. No they couldn't.

They take command. That's history.

They'll put a new wing on that baseball museum at Cooperstown.

This is a big operation. You can't let things like that stand in the way.

This is not a real estate deal. If I don't like it, I ought to be able to get out.

Thnere he comes now. That's the kid I wrote the story about.

Till then.

Till then.

Time? Baseball's in a rut.

To be the hero, who leads them out of the wilderness, to championship.

Try it. Just for laughs.

Turn around.

Uh.... Out west.

Uh....No no. I don't think so. What dio ya mean?

Uh...Yeah. That's it. Boy it uh,,, It sure gets hot there sometimes.

Very difficult.

Wait a minute. I got it. Showless Joe Hardy.

We didn't invite the press this morning, Gloria. Ah, Benny.

We don't sit around and mope. Not a solitary sound do we head.

We got to get better, cause we can't worse.

We just sit around and wait for that cold air to come down from Canada.

We'lll call you Hardy. Joe Hardy.

We're going down to the station this afternoon and watch Gregory Peck come in on the train.

We're so happy that we're hummin. That's the hearty thing to do.

We've got heart. All you really need is heart.

We've got heart. Miles and miles and miles of heart.

We've got heart. Miles and miles and miles of heart.

We've got heart. We've got heart.

We've got heart. We've got heart. We've got heart.

Well alright. If Meg's awake, alright.

Well go out there and tell him to bear down. Sure Benny.

Well I mean.. I meant my manager was suppose to be around here some.... You want me, Joe?

Well if you just give me a chance Mr. Van Buren, just let me hit a few.

Well Joe. Go ahead boy. You can do anything. You know that.

Well uh...I um... I haven't got time.

Well we'll see her at bridge club, tomorrow. We just came from our balet lesson.

Well you hit the ball pretty good. Thanks.

Well, I'll look. But nothing will happen.

Well, I'm going to bed. I've got the bridge club tomorrow.

Well, my potege may need my advice. Buster will give him all the advice he needs.

Well, yeah Mr. Applegate. They uh...they want me to field some.

Well, you do pretty good. Gee thanks.

Well. Benny.

Well... Didn't he like that stuff I wrote yesterday.

Wham! And though your Joe.

Wham! One long ball hitter. That's what we need.

What a belt. Clean over the fence.

What are you talking about? Have you got a good seat?

What are you talkling about?

What did you say your name was? Joe uh.... Yes sir, Joe. Joe Harty.

What do ya know? Ha Ha Ha.

What do you mean? Well, we don't make them same goof ups when were playin Kansas City?

What do you want me to do? Just leave everthing to me.

What happens after I stop being a baseball player. Then where would I be?

What have you got to lose?

What were you expecting to do? Sign your name in blood or some phony stunt like that?

What will I say? Don't worry about a thing, Joe.

What! You're blind ump. You're blind.

What's Joe trying to do, anyway?

What's the idea, that your boy can't get his shoes on?

What's the story on this kid? You saw the way he was hittin' em, didn't you?

When I said that I would be his mate. I was December.

When the odds are saying you'll never win, that's when grin should start.

When the odds are saying you'll never win, that's when the grin should start.

When we met in 1938. I was november.

When you awaken I'll be gone.

When your luck is batting zero, get your chin up off the floor.

Where would he have been keeping himself?

Where you been playin', son?

Where's he come from? His name is Joe Harty.

Who are you? I am quite a famous charackter, Mr. Boyd.

Who came along in a puff of smoke? Shoeless Joe from Hannable Mo.

Who minds them pop bottles flying. The hisses and boos.

Who told you? Would you like to be the greatest basball player in all history?

Who's he been playing for? He weighs 193 pounds and he chews juicy fruit..

Whooo. Whooo. He's going out with that chick in the drug store.

Why make something out of the Yankees? They're a swell bunch of fellas and we....

Why not. You can't just sit around and mope.

Willl inspire the team to greatness.

With arms of steel, like Hercules.

With my help..... a lot of things come easy.

Wives. They cause me more trouble than the methodist church.

Wow!

Wow! I made it! Ha ha. Oh man oh man!

Yeah the uh...the midwest. Uh...Hannibal. Hannibal Missouri.

Yeah? So what's on your mind, Mac?

Yeah. Take this boy down to the batting cage.

Yeah. Yippie. We've got heart.

Yes but I have.... After all....

Yes they're very polite. And then they beat your brains out.

You betcha, Benny. Come on, Rocky. You tell him.

You can be a great ball player. I can't even bend over and touch my toes.

You can say that again. It's a deal.

You come with Doris and me.

You could have cost us a big inning.

You don't know.

You don't like to see the Senators in 7th place? Well, they may pull together yet.

You don't mind, do you? Love it Mac. Just love it.

You go for it. Sure. Why couldn't you remember that last night?

You got to have heart. All you really need is heart.

You got to have hope. Mustn't sit around and mope.

You gotta have heart. Miles and miles and miles of heart.

You married? Say uh. How did you know?

You still got your spiked shoes and your glove. They're up in your bedroom.

You sure get some wonderful ideas. Oh, I got lots of ideas.

You want me Benny?

You want to bet?

You'll be 22 years old.

You're a big help.

You're out. Out. You're nuts. He's nuts.

You're right about that. You live around here?

You're very foolish to have this predgidous against me just because I'm a woman.

Your attention please.

Your blind, ump. Your blind, ump. You must be out of your mind, ump.

6 months out of every year, When I'm with him. I'm alone.

6 months out of every year. I might as well be made of stone.

6 months out of every year. When I cook for them, it never pays.