Fun with Dick and Jane Edit

A kosher meal! A kosher meal!

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Actually, honey, I think that sounds pretty good. I think....

Actually, over the past year, Jack McAllister has sold 80 percent...

Aisle 42, hunting gear.

All right, this is a holdup. Get on the ground and you won't get hurt.

All right. All right, Dick, I'm gonna write you a check.

All right. Sure, I'll get that. Okay. Ann?

All right. Yes, sir. I'm gonna write you that check.

All we have to do...

And don't forget to kill the witnesses, hon.

And I have the 6000 greatest partners a man could ask for,

And I won't put the two of you in prison for a very long time.

And I'll kill you all!

And I'm gonna need some more string...

And I'm not leaving here without your money.

And jab. And jab.

And Jack sends the 400 million to us without knowing it.

And no evidence has yet...

And now, you know what...

And Sam is on the line for you.

And so is Globodyne, by the way.

And thank you...

And the next thing I knew, I was wearing it.

And then the balance sheet...

And then you'll find a list of various aspects of your face.

And this is just the beginning,

And we've recovered a stolen vehicle that is registered in your name.

And what about the near future?

And what's more, I'm not gonna cancel it.

And you are just the guy for the job.

Are deuces still wild?

Are these too big for my face?

Are you ?

Are you going to sit in the dirt hole all night long?

Are you in the habit of signing things without looking at them?

Are you ready to make the switch? Do you have the form?

Are you still trying to get even with me?

Are you sure about this?

Baby, I gotta go. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Be indicted!

Because I just got his signature.

Because I think it takes a lot of cojones...

Because if McAllister sees either one of us, he'll know something's up.

Because it demeans what we're doing here.

Beemer, sit. Stay.

Behind the counter.

Besides, you're gonna need a good wheelman.

Blanca, call me Dick.

Blanca? Can you make this little man something to eat?

Bob got VP last month, he's making 1 50 plus bonuses.

Both professional and personal.

Both....

Brain freeze.

But actually, there was...

But also, he wanted to invite you to his house...

But if I should have told you, then I'm really sorry, Mr. Fairbanks.

But it's okay, I heard what happened to your husband.

But it's really, really risky.

But seriously, doesn't this remind you of that movie Heat...

But seriously, Jack, what made you do it?

But we are looking for a Jeet Kun Do instructor.

But, listen, I gotta go pick up that thing at the thing.

Bye.

Bye.

Can somebody tell me what the heck is ?

Can we just get on with the job interview?

Can you explain it again? Jane doesn't seem to understand.

Captains of industry, masters of the universe...

Caused by an invasive streptococcus.

Check out our makeup counter on aisle 1 2B.

Check this out.

Cheers.

Come on, you wanna spend more time with Billy.

Come on!

Congratulations, Mr. Harper.

Congratulations.

Cool exit.

Corporations like Globodyne pervert the American dream,

Could we ? You wanna talk to my wife, Jane?

D.H. DH.

Damn glad to finally see you up here.

Damn it, Blanca, grab him!

Damn it!

Days like this, they make my hands shake.

Dick Harper playing the harp. Harpo Marx playing the jew's harp.

Dick Harper! I had no idea what you were doing.

Dick Harper?

Dick Harper.

Dick, can we talk about this some other time?

Dick, hi. Long time no see.

Dick, honey...

Dick, what are we gonna do?

Dick?

Dick?

Dick? Ann's got the address.

Dick.

Dick.

Did I get him?

Did you guys hear what happened to Bob Blaustein?

Did you see that? We should report that guy.

Dinner's ready!

Do it. Do it. Quit your job.

Do it. Just Come on.

Do you even know what you're getting paid? I mean, I can't quit my job.

Do you have a fax number?

Do you have an extra copy?

Do you have any idea what I went through to get that? !

Do you know what's sitting in front of me? Do you know?

Don't do anything funny, or else.

Don't think for too long, we gotta get up early.

Don't worry. There'll be more.

Don't you laugh now, okay?

Don't you remember my tattoo of a green monkey on my ass?

Drive. Just drive. Just drive the car.

Everybody's in hell, he's on vacation shooting stuff.

Everything was in Globodyne stock! All of it!

Exactly. And you know, maybe we can figure out a way we can...

Excuse me, pardon me.

Excuse me! Ma'am!

Festerbrook Booth. Yes. No, listen, this is crazy.

Flesh eating disorder.

For No, you, miss

Former CFO Frank Bascombe has been indicted...

Four hundred million in highly liquid U.S. bearer bonds.

Frank, where are you going?

Frank?

Frank. Frank. Try to focus. Okay? What's happening to Globodyne?

Get that for you, then. Okay.

Get the money out of there right now, I mean it!

Give me your money! Garth!

Globodyne CFO Frank Bascombe...

Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties.

Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Consolidator. Oh, no!

Globodyne's a consolidator of media properties and data retrieval...

Go ahead and check off anything that you think...

Go into the bank. Go into the office of the client relations coordinator.

Go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go!

Go! Jane, go! Just go!

God, I love this guy,

God!

God!

God! Just go, Dick!

God.

Good.

Got the... ?

Grand Cayman Bank, how may I help you?

Grand Cayman. What is this place?

Great. Hey, how do you like the new wheels?

Great. I do. I think you should.

Had me going? You scared me to death.

Have you decided to contribute to the homeless?

Have you seen DickHarperIsATool. com?

He always He loves that one.

He said it just reminds him to be a little less vocal.

He siphoned off all of Globodyne's assets...

He's just gonna cancel it the minute we walk out of here.

Hector, what's going on? What ?

Hel

Hello, Mr, Harper,

Hello. I'm...

Here it is!

Here we are, sir.

Here we go. Hi. Hi.

Here we go. Yeah. There we go. And ho. And hit.

Here's my babies.

Hey there, Frankie.

Hey, bud. Hey, hey, hey. Can't be that bad, can it, bud?

Hey, congratulations on the baby too.

Hey, did you... ? Did you hear about Bill?

Hey, don't laugh.

Hey, how'd it go?

Hey, I was here first!

Hey, Jake, take a break. I got this one.

Hey, man.

Hey, man. What can I do you for?

Hey, Oz. Rain check.

Hey, Sam. How you doing? Nice talking to you.

Hey, some of the fellas would like to meet you.

Hey, Spence, good to see you again. How you been?

Hey, there's a fi Somebody should

Hey, think about this:

Hey, you send him a copy of the tape.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey.

Hey. Hey! Wait, sir.

Hi, I'm Lucy, and I'll be your Kostmart training team leader.

Hi, Ralph. Big fan, love your stuff.

Hi! Welcome to Kostmart.

Hi.

Hold it, they can't It's gonna be okay. Just calm down.

Hold on, I got it. I got it. I'm here!

Hold on!

Holy hell!

Hon, first we need to talk to Spencer.

Hon, I'm in the middle of a very important meeting.

Hon, in 1 0th grade I played Biff in Death of a Salesman.

Hon, relax. We've got 600 grand.

Hon, what happened?

Hon, your thingamabob.

Hon? Fire.

Hon? Hon? You need a paper bag?

Hon. I got an interview at Pyramid Tech.

Honey, come on, cut the crap.

Honey, where's my car?

Honey? I'm home.

Honey.

Honey.

How am I supposed to find the client relations coordinator?

How do you like those eggs Florentine?

How do you like your eggs?

How many places you'll see on one tank of gas.

How many times do I need to tell you? ! I don't need a kosher meal!

How you doing, Garth?

How's a person supposed to survive and feed their family on that salary?

I am a winner. Billy, tell your father he's a winner.

I am married to a genius.

I am so happy to welcome you to the Kostmart team.

I am truly sorry, but I really don't recall you, Miss... ?

I been off the pipe for two years. Thank you, Jesus.

I can do that.

I can only say that, in my estimation, Globodyne is transparent.

I can't calm down, I'm gonna be indicted. Indicted!

I could sell you my pee for $1 00.

I did this little cosmetics test...

I didn't even I didn't say that?

I didn't know you worked out here.

I do it for you.

I do.

I don't care.

I don't care.

I don't know what to tell you.

I don't know where you're getting your statistics,

I don't know why we didn't think of this before. It's such a good idea.

I don't know, sir. With all due respect, this doesn't feel right.

I don't know. I think I made a mistake.

I don't wish to discuss this in front of the branch employees, that's why.

I got dressed up. You're not doing me any favors.

I got it.

I got the lawn back.

I gotta get to the "toppytip" of the financial summit.

I gotta go in. I gotta go to bed.

I gotta hit the road here, fellas, so I'm gonna sign this for you...

I had you going there.

I have a cousin who might be able to help you find some work.

I have made a mud man!

I have something of an announcement to make.

I just I just did it!

I just don't wanna start a bloodbath.

I just saw you spaz out MoneyLife. Oh, my God, that was great.

I just wanna have a talk.

I knew her. She always remembered everybody's birthday.

I knew it. It was churning in my gut...

I know. That's what I was thinking.

I know. Yes, I called the guy. They came right out.

I like the way it makes my butt look.

I love you too.

I love you.

I mean me.

I mean, I can't tell you how happy I am.

I mean, maybe you shouldn't have made that joke. You know?

I mean.... I In my Look at that, Billy.

I need a paper bag.

I need one guy who knows how to paint.

I need you to step up into the batter's box...

I ordered Kentucky bluegrass.

I realized, Sam, that since the employees of Globodyne...

I see you got them digging the hot tub.

I sold my place in Jackson Ho No,

I still can't believe you did that. Jane and I were way off base.

I stole the lawn back, and you know what happened?

I tell you, guys...

I think CEOs sell their stocks for many reasons, Sam.

I think he saw you.

I think he saw you.

I think I'm gonna sit in the car...

I think maybe it's time you start thinking about accepting something...

I think we should take it, you know.

I think we're gonna have a good time here...

I thought you were gonna be here.

I want this out. Roll it all up.

I wanted to tell you that you are my inspiration.

I was born doing...

I was completely fooled. My God, I didn't know you could act.

I was really starting to wonder there.

I wasn't fired. Globodyne tanked.

I will blow those whiskers...

I wish I could say the same, I don't know how you sleep at night,

I won't be involved. I won't participate at all.

I would do anything for him, Mr. Richard.

I'll be back soon...

I'll be there. Bye.

I'll buy candles.

I'll get it. I'll get it. Wait. Ma'am? Ma'am. Welcome!

I'll pick up the new Starbucks sampler featuring Sade.

I'll see you later, baby. Have a really good time.

I'm a corporate puppet.

I'm concerned about morale.

I'm Episcopalian!

I'm et up about it,

I'm fine, really. Thank you very much. Thank you.

I'm gonna be indicted!

I'm gonna be indicted!

I'm lactose intolerant. Where do you keep the cigarettes?

I'm married, that's what's wrong with me.

I'm not playing anymore.

I'm not sure...

I'm not walking out of this bank empty handed.

I'm on the plane right now!

I'm putting it back! It's okay.

I'm screwed.

I'm sorry, I don't remember where you know me from.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm starting to turn into a raisin anyway.

I'm surprised you left off the hooves.

I'm your VP of Communications, Jack.

I've been married for 20 years. I know what it looks like.

I've been terminated, bankrupted, deported and blackmailed...

I've just about had it!

If we don't pay tomorrow, the sheriff's coming to put us out on the street.

If we sold our house today, we would owe the bank 1 50 grand.

In a couple of months, we'll be declaring bankruptcy.

In the coming months, thousands more will be receiving a check...

In the meantime, thank you for letting us pay you in appliances.

Indicted!

Indicted. I'm gonna be indicted.

Instead of drinking, why don't you do something about it.

Is it noticeable?

Is that possible? How can we do that?

Is the client relations coordinator a blond woman with a red scarf?

Is this some kind of a joke, Dick?

Isn't anyone going to do anything?

It is the first time in U, S, corporate history...

It is, isn't it? Sure is.

It turns out that a very wonderful opportunity has just presented itself...

It was good practice.

It was Jack.

It was so great. We did it!

It's a lease.

It's a turn on, isn't it?

It's all over the money.

It's basically a synergy of Web based...

It's beautiful.

It's called "pulling a Dick."

It's force of habit. I know a way. I know a way.

It's gonna be fine. All we need is $400...

It's just hard to do while you're standing there watching.

It's just like jelly jars.

It's not like we stole from some old lady, you know?

It's not like we stole from some old lady, you know?

It's not much. But it's something.

It's not my fault airport security strip searched you, Mr. Fairbanks.

It's okay. I'm putting it back.

It's okay. Your son is very important to me.

It's punch. And punch. And step. And kick!

It's rigged anyway.

It's the new Mercedes S500.

It's where rich people go to evade taxes,

Jack McAllister.

Jack, hey. It was great seeing you.

Jack, Jack, he's got your back!

Jack, Jack, he's got your back!

Jack, Jack, he's got your back!

Jack's gonna have to take those bonds out of the safe deposit box,

Jack's very sorry that he couldn't be here to congratulate you.

Jane, just drive the car, okay? We'll find another place, okay?

Jesus. And, look, our pension was in Globodyne stock.

Just a little something to show you what I think you're worth.

Just make yourself at home.

Just terrific, Sam. Thank you for asking.

Just working at home, playing in the stock market.

Karen Williams, please.

Keep laughing, Jane. Keep laughing, okay?

Lead investigators say all roads lead to Mr, Bascombe,

Let's have a big family breakfast.

Let's look at what happened when the first ex Globodyne employees...

Like my daddy always used to say....

Like my granddaddy used to tell me

Like this woman, Naomi Seiler, a human resources manager...

Listen to me. What are you doing, are you craz ?

Live to Southern California, where...

Look at all the executives.

Look at our beautiful family.

Look at that guy.

Look! I did it and it's perfect!

Look. Our savings was in Globodyne stock.

Losing you there. Hold on.

Mama quit her job!

Man, I hope every one of these bastards get what they deserve.

Man. Dick Harper.

Many people had their life savings invested in the company...

Mark Fish? He was such a nice guy.

Maybe we didn't know how to use Quicken. Yeah, that could be it.

Maybe we will. It's a definite possibility.

Maybe you should steal some Prozac.

Maybe...

McAllister takes the bonds to a representative...

McAllister, 1 2 o'clock.

Mercedes, off.

Mercedes, on.

Methinks somebody made a boo boo.

Might wanna wash your hands.

Miss Sheinkopf, I'm gonna be home by 6.

Miss Sheinkopf?

Move it, paraquat! Come on, Zig Zag.

Mr. Dick! Something wrong with the electricity!

Mr. McAllister, how about giving a brother a buck?

Mr. McAllister, how do you feel right now?

Mr. McAllister, please.

Mr. McAllister?

My car's right there.

My form.

My God. Wait a second. Can we get another one?

My gosh, you cut an impressive swath, I'll tell you that.

My gosh! That could feed a family of four.

My name is Dick Harper.

My name's Jane, and I'll be your instructor for beginners' Jin Ku Pow.

Negative side effects with only three of 1 4 participants in the study.

Nice to meet you. Listen, Dick. Dick.

No No, you, miss You No, you grow up!

No matter what happens, know that I love you.

No way.

No, 1 0. You think I could have gotten 20?

No, 2 K 4 0.

No, but I had a slushie and I didn't even pay for it.

No, I got a terrific one here. You'll love it.

No, it's not so bad. It's just different.

No, sir. By the way, what a absolutely beautiful hou Home you have.

No, wait! I'm an American! I swear to God!

No, you do it. You do it. You do it.

No.

No. Oh, boy.

No. Took me 1 5 years to get a VP ship. If I step back now...

Nobody likes to be the bad guy, Bill. But here I am, chopping heads.

Not everybody could afford landscaping like this, eh?

Now I can watch soccer!

Now watch this shot,

Now, before we get started...

Now, Billy is looking at the glass half full.

Now, Dick, tell me, what is the shareholder to make...

Now, hang on a minute.

Now, how do you explain that?

Now, if you can begin by just filling out those forms.

Now, joining us with his insights, is presidential hopeful Ralph Nader,

Now, listen.

Now, that place is loaded.

Now, we work hard here, but we play hard also.

O my God, I'm heartily sorry for having offended thee.

Oh, and here are some suggested responses.

Oh, and the vice president is home!

Oh, Dick, I love you.

Oh, Dick.

Oh, Dick.

Oh, Dick. Oh, Dick. Oh, Dick. Run, Dick, run.

Oh, Dick...

Oh, excuse me. That's my phone.

Oh, God, okay. Sweetheart, I'm sorry.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Oh, God. You did it?

Oh, gosh, honey, Billy's already gone to school...

Oh, honey, I can barely under

Oh, I don't know you.

Oh, I hate stalling!

Oh, is that the legendary espresso machine?

Oh, let me guess, a fifth of Scotch!

Oh, look out for that.

Oh, man!

Oh, me too.

Oh, my Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Jack McAllister.

Oh, my God, Dick. Come down from there.

Oh, my God, my car!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness. This woman has fainted.

Oh, no, no, no, Raisinets, Raisinets. I want Raisinets.

Oh, no, no, no. No! No, no!

Oh, no.

Oh, not too bad.

Oh, park under there.

Oh, so Dick finally wants to know what's going on.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, the timing of it, it was just beautiful, Dick. And, oh, thank you.

Oh, there that is.

Oh, this is hilarious.

Oh, well, that's him now, sorry. He had to step out.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Come on, come on. Go, go, go, go!

Oh, you animal. That is gonna be so wild.

Oh, you know it.

Oh, you're gonna love this. This is dynamite.

Okay, everybody, little bit closer. One, two, three.

Okay, good.

Okay, I made that last part up.

Okay, I'll be the bank representative. And you be you.

Okay, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go stall him.

Okay, just give me a minute. Just give me

Okay, rip it out. Get it on the truck.

Okay, stop the car.

Okay, that's it, joke's over. Let's go home.

Okay, we have our results.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Hon, these are nonfat muffins. Get some of those.

Okay. It's very simple. I got it.

Once the bonds are counted and confirmed...

Once the representative has stamped and initialed the document...

One Brainfreeze. Anything else?

Or should I say he worked at Sonent Global.

Or this man, Mark Fish, a former VP of Globodyne, , ,

Our lawn was repossessed today. I didn't even know they could do that.

Ours is an age of unmeasured prosperity,

Out of my way!

Oz and Debbie Peterson...

Oz and Debbie Peterson...

P N 5 9 7...

Pardon me!

Phyllis, can l... ? Can I talk to you for a minute?

Play dead. Good boy.

Pleasure talking to you the last couple hours.

Prosecutors say next to be indicted will be...

Quaint.

Ralph, I don't know where you're getting your statistics.

Really?

Report him!

Right.

Right.

Right. Positive spin.

Sam Samuels. MoneyLife.

Say, Dick, I'm probably gonna be arrested for DWI...

See the way I got my eyes watering up?

See?

Should we pistol whip him?

Since Globodyne, the local property market crashed, Dick.

So it's a vault job. Go in after midnight, bypass security...

So let's just get right into it. Here we go.

So then my lawyer says to her lawyer:

So there are no new openings at this time. Right.

So we were thinking that....

So yesterday, I wire transferred...

So, what's he gonna do with the money?

So...

Some people have that robbing thing and And some people don't.

Someone stole my car right out of the parking lot.

Something about how I was conceived, I don't know.

Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch!

Sorry.

Soup kitchens stop serving at 8.

Specifically those of your CFO, Frank Bascombe,

Spencer, the guy with the stampy thing, he's top drawer.

SpongeRoberto SquarePantalones!

Squirt. The Squirt.

Statistics!

Step away from the rotors now, boy. They gonna chop your head clean off.

Sweetie, you're standing on a table pretending to be a puppet.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot.

That a new car?

That fucker!

That is beautiful. It's a switch.

That should be fun for him,

That thing is already starting to swell up like a balloon.

That was not cool.

That'll be 1.29, please.

That's You got it. It's so simple.

That's a lot of lettuce.

That's a real gun. You're robbing me.

That's all.

That's cute, Dick. Mercedes, off.

That's good.

That's incorrect right there.

That's it.

That's me, Dick Harper. Hey, that guy's not Dick Harper! Whoa, jeez!

That's me!

That's the big mystery.

That's where Jack keeps it.

The account rep's authorizing the CRM 1 1 4 right now.

The big boys want to see you upstairs.

The collapse of Globodyne hurt me financially and personally...

The document forms are backed up on her disk, you have to print one out.

The lawn is covered with dirt! It is so much fun!

The point is that we need somebody...

The reasons for doing something like that would be

The reasons for doing something like that would be.... Could be many.

The super rich get richer,

The trainer said it's just a minor annoyance.

Then Then let's do it before, you know...

There he'll be, just alone, nobody with him, just like a bum.

There is no work, Dick. There's 6000 other people out of work.

There is nothing to worry about. I'll get my severance...

There it is, the Grand Cayman Bank.

There's nothing to be ashamed of, is all I'm saying. Some people....

These are fickle times, Dick.

These are your talking points. They were just faxed over.

They are ripe for the picking.

They can't hear us, What's next?

They just gave you a promotion. And

They're gonna be fine. Don't go there.

Thirty second?

This afternoon. Okay.

This can't be good.

This guy!

This guy's really loaded.

This happens every week. This guy actually isn't that bad.

This incredible gesture won't soon be forgotten by the people...

This is a new drug in the same family of Botox.

This is all Everything, it's all wrong.

This is America, the land of opportunity.

This is green.

This is really not the time. Oh, God, he's coming.

This squirrel died of natural causes.

Those are insurance waivers.

Today we're talking with the new VP of Communications at Globodyne...

Turn around.

Twenty sixth?

Unfortunately, we don't have any positions available in Pilates or yoga.

Up high, up high.

Vice presidents are working at Burger King.

Wait a second. He's not going back into the room.

Wait, wait, wait! Wait, it was Jack.

Wait. Stop it. Knock it off!

Wanna go get a drink?

Wanna grab a cup of coffee?

We can live without it. People have lived without these things.

We couldn't hire you! We just wanna take your picture.

We did do it.

We don't expect any problems.

We don't want problems.

We followed the rules and we got screwed.

We gonna think of something. Have trouble finding the place?

We got a Don Johnson, Elvis and Opie Taylor.

We got one situation here, now, fellas...

We got screwed. Over and over again, hon.

We have a lawn now.

We have an expression around here when someone makes a mistake.

We just gotta look for more work, that's all.

We must never become a winner take all society,

We need to stick together as a team.

We should have sex...

We sound so funny.

We spent months on this trip. I just assumed...

We want you to go on MoneyLife this afternoon...

We were good people, honest people...

We'd appreciate it if you could come to the impound lot

We'd be more than willing to share any and all documentation.

We'll ask her if you're American. And we'll call my wife, Yennifer...

We're all just cavemen...

We're all waiting for you over here, Jack. Everybody's really pumped.

We're just a cell in a much larger organism called the global economy.

We're just gonna have to suck it up for a couple months.

We're just gonna loosen up a little bit.

We're sorry we couldn't pay you. We have no money.

We've all had to make sacrifices,

We've run out of things to sell.

We've seen how you handle yourself.

Weak companies have to die so that stronger companies can get stronger.

Welcome to Kostmart. Check out our CDs. Garth Brooks on sale, aisle 51.

Welcome to Kostmart. I hope you'll take a trip by the deli today...

Welcome to Kostmart. Your local gun emporium.

Well, Blanca, there's just no jobs out there.

Well, I think I'm gonna go, guys. Carlos. Eduardo. Gustavo.

Well, if you're gonna do it, be the best.

Well, it was....

Well, l Sam, l....

Well, maybe.

Well, not specifically, but....

Well, now I have a club...

Well, now you look like the Unabomber.

Well, on becoming the new VP of Communication.

Well, sure, our financial bounce back has taken a bit longer than expected...

Well, thank you.

Well, that's because I was very, very busy...

Well, you can count on me, sir.

Well....

Were you fired?

Weren't you an art major?

What ? Why are you doing that accent?

What about the other employees, sir?

What are you doing in there?

What are you doing with Billy's squirt gun?

What are you doing with the television?

What are you gonna do now, you gonna rob a bank?

What are you gonna do? Are you gonna look for a job?

What do you mean? How could that happen?

What do you say we put all this behind us.

What do you think?

What is going on?

What made you so gracious?

What the hell? !

What were we thinking?

What you gonna do, Dick? Shoot me if I don't approve that form?

What?

What? My car's been stolen?

What's going on?

What's the matter? You look sad, Richard.

What's up, guys? Come on. Don't hold out on me here. What?

What's wrong with me?

When you get out of prison...

When you're in there, get me some Sno Caps.

Where's my wallet? Where'd my wallet go? This is

Which floor? Twentieth?

Who is that? Who is that? It's you! It's you!

Who the hell do you think you are?

Who's pretending?

Whoa, hon! Hon!

Whoa, Jesus. Are you okay, hon?

Why do you think I'm drinking myself to death?

Why would I get even with such a generous man?

Why?

Will you excuse me for a moment?

With my name. Dick, I mean.

Wow, that's fantastic. Women are amazing, aren't they?

Write me a check.

Y'all take care, now.

Yeah, but Okay.

Yeah, Frank. Sometimes the cure is a clean conscience.

Yeah, help me up. I gotta think of something.

Yeah, I was in Mexico for a while. But mostly I've been working in Transfers.

Yeah, okay, that's good. Okay, nobody try to follow us...

Yeah, you wanna hang out with Garth soon, hon?

Yeah? Well, watch this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I wonder.... I wonder who's gonna take his place.

Yeah. Mr. McAllister.

Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah. We'll call your wife, "Yane."

Yeah. Sure. I could stop calling.

Yeah. They trade energy. It's called Enron.

Yeah. Yeah, I got something else...

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, sir. It's all right there.

Yes!

Yes. I mean, that's Oh, my I thought

You are a disgrace,

You can do me for all the money in the till.

You can get our positive spin out there.

You can only special order these from Germany.

You can't even see the tread marks.

You coming?

You could pay the ultimate price.

You didn't think I'd catch that, now, did you?

You don't have to stand in this line. Come on with me.

You ever get that?

You ever read Walden Pond? It's all in there.

You gotta work on your accent, Pablo.

You guys are my kind of peeps.

You guys know the drill. Let's see some papers.

You have to remember.

You hear that? They love you, Jack.

You hear what they said? I'm gonna be indicted.

You know something? I'm glad you fired me.

You know what, I think I might just take this day.

You know what, I'm gonna load you up with drink coupons.

You know what, I'm gonna take the car...

You know, before we get into that, I have some wonderful news.

You know, I haven't seen you in the downtown club for a while, sir.

You know, there is one bright light here.

You said everything was gonna be okay.

You said I just did what?

You said this was gonna be simple.

You said we could afford this house and take out a second mortgage...

You should quit your job.

You son of a

You son of a b

You think so, hon?

You want me to get you a cola?

You want some?

You were sticking your big head out there.

You. Two iced mochas, let's go. Move it, move it.

You. Whiskers, whiskers. On the floor.

You're gonna take Goldilocks there with you.

You're gonna turn around and march out of here now.

You're making a serious mistake in judgment. I am an American.

You're my designated hitter.

You're not even from this floor! Help! Security!

You're not going anywhere.

You're parked in a handicapped space.

You're right. Help me up. Help me up.

You're sick.

You're still pretty.

You're the guy. You're the guy we have faith in.

You're welcome.

You've been a great cheerleader for this company.

Your check for $1 4 is waiting for you at the front desk...

1.29.

220 kilos of Canada 's finest marijuana,

personally funded the defunct corporation's pension fund,

three, two....

trying to incriminate Jack McAllister,

... after holding up a local branch... Dick. Dick, that could have been us.

... and his wife, Yaqueline, too. It's ringing, it's ringing!

... and I didn't listen. It would be okay.

... and we put them into businesses... Yeah, yeah?

... breathe. Right.

... it's like stealing money. You're on fire, Dick.

... right off your face! I'm down!

... that's the plan. Put your weapons down.

... then you gonna change it. Yes.

... with the loot. Oh, no, no, no. I'm coming.

... with Val Kilmer ? I'm trying my best.

... without being manipulated... No, no, no, I got it.

...2 K 4 0. 2 4 K

Against the wall. Papers.

All right. All right.

And don't panic! Damn.

And here you go. Thank you.

And l... ? Do nothing.

and turned to crime as a result of their sudden unemployment,

And you smell good too, you devil. Just hold on a second.

Anything in my teeth? No.

Anyway, shall we? Let's do it.

Are they nonfat muffins? ! I think so.

Are you all right? You might wanna open her blouse...

Are you kidding? You were great! No, no, no.

Bastards, Honey,

Because I don't. Dick Harper.

Best I've ever had. Good answer.

Bob Blaustein? Yeah.

Bring it on, I'll take on all of you! Oz?

But I'm not sure that's a good Dick? You missed one.

But you only said what they told you. Indicted, Jane!

Can I have my form back? Your "forn"?

Can we talk about this later? Look what I found in his car.

Catches my dust. Traffic congestion.

Come on, hon, let's get out. Yeah.

Come on. No, no, no.

Come on. That's just

Couldn't you have just cut him off? He only had half a beer.

Dick Harper, you're free to go. Dick Harper?

Dick Harper! Yeah.

Dick Harper! What a stroke of luck. Oh, jeez.

Dick, what are you doing here? You know, working, mostly, here...

Dick! Come on, Frank.

Dick! Jeez. "Fired."

Dick? Honey, robe.

Dick. Oz.

Dick. Yeah.

Dick. Hey, call me Jack. Likewise.

Did he see us? I have no idea.

Does this mean you're off the hook? Do you wanna save the whales?

Don't take my Telemundo! Go! Go! Hurry, hurry!

Eighteen months? That's nothing. Bastard.

Everybody down! This is a robbery!

Everybody ready? No.

Frank Bascombe, CFO. Nice to meet you, Frank.

Frank! Frank! I'm gonna get him. Just

From the barbeque. Harper, what are you ?

Front? Honey! No, that one. Okay.

Get out of the car! I just think it's important.

Globodyne? Yeah, what happened, Frank?

Go ahead and wrap this up. Okay.

Go get the money, please. You're You're money, I'm guns...

God! Just go, go, go! I want my MTV Latino.

God! Oh, God! Come on.

Gone. You ever have a nickname?

Good to see you. From the fundraiser.

Great benefits. Yeah?

Harper gave misleading statements... What? Indicted?

Harper? Yeah.

He's been stressed. Why are you undercutting me?

He's coming, hon. Okay.

He's here. He's here. Oh, God.

He's on in 20, right? Hook him up. Wait, on what?

Hector, please. I am sorry, Miss Jane.

Hello, Dick. I can't believe it's really you.

Here's a yell! It's personal.

Hey, Dick. Morning, Joe.

Hey, Oz. Hey, Dick. Morning.

Hey, that's my ficus! My ficus!

Hey, watch your language. Get in there.

Hey! Our first day at home together. Hey.

Hi, Garth. Hey, Jane.

Hi, how are you? Good, good.

Hi, welcome to Kostmart. Watch.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hit me. Frank! Get off!

Hold it right there! You've gotta be kidding.

Holy.... Thank you. No, no, no.

Hon, get the car! Get the car! Debbie.

Hon, it's Garth. What's with this?

Hon, language. She's right.

Hon. What?

Honey Gonna be indicted!

Honey Dick Indicted!

Honey. What are you doing?

How do I look? Great.

How's it run? Well, it's a Mercedes.

I agree. Hey, Harpers, stick them up!

I already verified I understand the need for layoffs.

I can't believe we just did that. But we did do it.

I did. I did, I did! You did?

I didn't see you there. What is wrong with you?

I got it. It's very simple. What?

I just thought of it. You did?

I know, I know. All right.

I said that. ... and now we are on the verge...

I want you to hit me. Frank, let go of me now.

I want you to hit me. Let go, you're scaring me.

I'm cuffed! I'm cuffed! You filthy pig.

I'm gonna need my hand back. Gladly.

I'm okay. All right.

I'm putting the weapon down. Bring it on, pigs!

I'm so sorry. A copy that we have made...

I'm sorry? It's me, Deb Festerbooth.

I'm sorry. Bring it on.

Iced mocha sounds nice. Yeah.

Indicted? That's not fair. They made you...

INS! All right, hold it right there.

INS? Hold it right there.

Is that how you spell your name? Why don't I just do this for you, sir.

Isn't that great? My gosh! That's incredible!

It burns. I saw you eyeballing me...

It's a little simpler than that. Power tools?

It's a switch, It's a switch,

It's a switch. That's so sexy, man.

It's Elvis on a motorcycle? It's Evel Knievel, hon.

It's just nature. Nature? What?

It's right here. We should practice the move.

It's taking a little while. Just relax.

Jane, it's simple. It's so simple. Jeez.

Jill? Hi, Jill. Dick, what ?

Know what I'm saying? I can imagine.

Last job, try to stay focused. Okay.

Let go. Don't you think I feel terrible?

Let me get back to you. Excuse me. Yes?

Let me hold that door for you, ma'am. Why, thank you.

Let's do this. Okay.

Look at it! Oh, my gosh!

Look who it is. Hey, Garth.

Look, look. Hon?

Madam, can I have my form back? What did you just call me?

Martha 's Vineyard, Oh, shut up!

May I help you? Vault inspector.

Me too, I hear it's beautiful there, That's the thing

Mr. McAllister! Jack!

Mr. McAllister! Mr. McAllister!

Never actually had makeup on. I'm happy for you.

Nice. Hooked up with a new company.

No way! Freeze, everybody.

No whipped cream. Are these nonfat muffins?

No, I got it. Okay, fine.

No, no. I dropped my wallet. Back up.

No, thanks. None on hers.

No! No, no. No! Sorry.

No. Just a little bit.

Not gonna miss this for the world. Suit yourself.

Not the 51st? Yes.

Not this time, Frank. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Now I gotcha! Get this!

Now you did, Great,

Now, go to hell. Mr. McAllister...

Of course. Yeah.

Oh, come on. Our savings

Oh, hon, the coffee. Coffee. Oh, yeah, right.

Oh, I see. Poppycocker.

Oh, my God, it's him. Did you bring your statistics?

Oh, my God. Got it.

Oh, my God. You remember Jane.

Oh, no, no, no, no, l You okay?

Oh, no. Nobody move a muscle.

Oh, shit. Stick to the plan, stick to the plan.

Oh, these are doozies. What do you got?

Oh, yeah. I don't think I got away with anything,

Oh, yeah. That's.... That's wild. Yeah.

Okay, Dick, we're on in five, Yep, sure.

Okay, Dick. Okay.

Okay? Just drop it. I heard you left town.

Papa! Mama! Go! Go, go!

Pull it out, put it in a sack! Let's go! Easy, hon.

Quit my job? Yeah.

Really, could l? Sure, yeah.

She's in the car. Jane?

So.... What?

Thank you very much. Oh, Dick.

Thank you, sonny. Thank you. Oh, no, l

Thank you. How were those eggs Florentine?

Thanks. Sure.

That almost never happens. I know. We're so lucky.

That is good. Thanks, hon.

That was wild. That was wild! You actually robbed that place?

That's all anybody could ask for. Decent of you to say.

That's not a handicapped space. It is now!

That's not bad. Let's see, now. Hello?

That's unbelievable. It'll be fun. But Jane's gonna have to do it.

There goes the boxing match. You can go to a bar.

There's always prostitution. Dick.

There's no hard feelings? You did the best you could.

This is a stickup. Whoa, what's wrong with you, dude?

This is Karen. Yes, Mrs. Williams...

This one? No, no, that one.

To be fair, we both I'm trying to rob this man.

Two iced mochas. Yeah. Whipped cream.

Wait, it's gonna be Indicted!

We don't need to do this. I got a call about the mortgage.

We haven't done the caper yet. Wow, okay, you

We should hang out soon. All right.

We should report him. Let's report him.

We took our shifting losses... Yeah?

Well, Jane. Hey, Veronica.

Well, you go ahead and tell him. No, you go ahead.

What ? What is that? Nothing.

What are you ? I'm going.

What are you doing here? It's too late.

What are you doing? Going through our finances.

What do you mean? Here's what you're gonna do.

What happened to Phil? Necrotizing fasciitis.

What happened? Your check go bouncy bounce.

What? I don't think anybody's following us.

What? Listen, put your hands down.

What? Well, Dick lost the form.

What? Well, then our problems...

What's he doing? I don't know. What is he doing?

What's the account number? P N 5 9 7...

Where is he going? I'm gonna go down...

Where? We're standing in it. Our house.

Where's Frank Bascombe? Come again?

Where's Sam? Washington.

Which ones, vanilla or chocolate? In the back, in the back.

Whipped cream. Any whipped cream, hon, on yours?

Who's Bob Blaustein? Oh, he works at Sonent Global.

Who's this guy? Do I say hello? Never mind. Just blow past them.

Whoa, boy. You quitter!

Yeah, well.... You're a madman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She noticed her car isn't stolen.

Yeah. It's Dick.

Yeah. Now, what's your news, big Mr. VP?

Yeah. Yeah, and if they're not careful...

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're right.

You are kidding me. Dick, it's not gonna do us any good.

You buying? Sure.

You could do it, except No, it's good.

You coward! Stay on the ground.

You deserve to do it. Honey

You do it, then. You're the one. Yeah.

You do it. It's all you. Let's do one for good luck.

You getting off? Not this time, Oz.

You just struck me. Look what the cat coughed up.

You know what we should do? What?

You know what? What?

You want me to drive? Yeah.

You'll break Dick. I want him.

You're a criminal. I'm a hardened criminal.

You're going to sell it! No, no. Billy!

... about Globodyne's finances one minute before the company...

... and on this form he inputs his account number...

... back to McAllister for final approval before finalization,

... being subpoenaed,

... caught last May managing a different kind of resource:

... company spin doctor Dick Harper,

... Dick Harper, How you doing, Dick?

... for secret high stakes cockfights,

... for the full value of their lost pensions and life savings,

... former employees of now defunct Globodyne...

... in a stunning act of personal generosity, Jack McAllister...

... just like any other employee, I'm sick about it,

... McAllister will receive a CRM 114 deposit form...

... received their shares of money,

... that a CEO has personally funded a bankrupted pension plan,

... that only he and the bank know, Then the agent will take this...

... the account rep will take the CRM 1 14...

... were charged with armed robbery...

... who asks him for his signature to verify what they call "membership, "

... who was arrested after using his home as the setting...

... whose lives it has so dramatically affected,

... with one of our own,

...$400 million...

...a little bit lower than a vice presidency.

...and announce our quarterly projections.

...and get this stamped and initialed. You stall him.

...and I gotta meet him for that Mommy & Me lunch thing.

...and I had a little reaction. Is it really that bad?

...and I'm gonna take what I need.

...and I'm gonna try to delay McAllister.

...and knock one out of the ballpark for me.

...and platform based UNIX driven delivery systems.

...and then he dumped the stock. It was his plan from the beginning.

...and think for a while.

...and we got screwed.

...and we think you are all going to look beautiful. Okay.

...and we're good for another month. This is just temporary. So stay calm.

...and were delighted to learn their pensions had been returned,

...and... power tools.

...are pretty much over.

...because at Kostmart, we're more than a store. We're family.

...because of you.

...because we're desperate criminals. We're crazy people!

...being indicted.

...but it seems that we may be in a little bit of a pickle, Dick.

...but, you know, that's natural.

...by the bullshit!

...debt.

...Dick Harper, and I'm here to see Jack McAllister.

...do you consider yourself a modern day Robin Hood?

...for an orientation meeting on Monday morning.

...Frank.

...give back some of what we've taken to other people.

...give me the squirt gun, okay?

...go on that show.

...had given me so much, it was time for me to give back to them.

...has unloaded a considerable share of his stocks?

...have begun to run into situations." Situations.

...here you go.

...I am gonna need you all to piss in one of these cups.

...I can spend so much more time with my beautiful boy.

...I'll lose everything I worked for.

...in the form of me...

...into the newly created Globodyne Pension Relief Fund.

...it showed profit.

...money from my pension. We're fine.

...not necessarily working at Globodyne anymore.

...of his holdings through shell companies,

...of losing the house. If we lose the house...

...of the fact that Jack McAllister, your CEO...

...of the MVPDL.

...on charges of fraud and money laundering,

...on Saturday.

...presidents of Hair Club for Men. That's a nice piece of hair.

...right here.

...so he'll just spend his whole life just alone.

...so I can go on believing I'll be a real boy someday...

...so I won't be there when you get out.

...so she can...

...so that we could put in the pool, redo the kitchen...

...starts serving his 18 month prison term next week,

...temporarily, over in Transfers.

...that has a number from an account that I have established.

...that we actually owned.

...that you knew you needed a passport to get into Russia.

...that.

...then Billy loses all sense of security and later, never have a relationship...

...they'll become the next Pyramid Tech.

...this is Officer Redgreen...

...to an authorization officer for further verification.

...to do what you two have done here today. And I admire that.

...to link former CEO Jack McAllister to this growing scandal,

...trying to protect our little patch of land.

...we die of carbon monoxide poisoning.

...what you been up to since Globodyne went under?

...when I came in. You were all up in my goodies.

...which is that that number wrong.

...who projects confidence in this position.

...with a focus in fiber optic content provision.

...you might want to improve on just a little bit.

...you'll get $20 million to keep your mouth shut.

...you're not a badass.

"It has come to our attention that certain departments...

"lf she thinks she's getting that yacht, she's a little dingy."