Quick Change Edit

A guy I should have married. A guy who wasn't certifiable.

A real man, who has to use a gun...

All right, easy. He may be a guest in our country.

All right, I gotta make a quick call to the chief.

All right, let's go. Come on.

All right, let's take another call. Line seven. Steve, from Staten Island.

All right, quiet, put your hands on top of your head. Stand up.

All right, Rotzinger. My turn!

All right, to show this fascist dictator here how our system works...

All right.

All right.

All right. Attaboy.

All right. Do what he says: The chopper, the bus, everything.

All right. Give me a minute. I'll go get change.

All right. I'll give you the money.

All right. Just once more.

All right. That's better.

All we've got going for us is the city.

Am I gonna see you in there?

Am l...? You think this is fun, a night on the town.

And a blowjob!

And as we lay there freezing...

And I know it's not exactly reasonable to expect...

And I'm gonna need you to make a phone call for me...

And it wasn't his fucking nose. It was a car horn.

And it's 111 Astoria Boulevard, Queens, New York...

And now if... When we get a cab...

And our million dollars.

And so we have our first report from inside the bank.

And that's "Mr. Bozo," okay?

And that's why the man is king.

And they still won't know who we are.

And today, he's a world class bank robber.

And what about after?

And when I met Grimm, I thought I did.

And wrestled him. But he got a gal in his sights, and I had to let up.

And you...

And, thanks...

Angie! I love you, baby!

Any? It's everywhere.

Anybody find a watch out there?

Anything Lombino touches turns to gold.

Are we?

Are you gonna hit me now?

Aren't you?

As I say, it's my gift to you.

As we prepare for departure, we ask that you pay close attention...

Ask him what money, asshole.

Ask this guy.

Average height, average build, red nose and blue hair.

Bad neighborhood to get in touch with our feelings.

Bank security got this picture. This is our perpetrator.

Barry Meyers. I mentioned him.

Because if he's that exciting, you just can't trust him.

Because it's gonna be a three alarm job after tomorrow.

Besides, I've booby trapped the vents with heavy explosives.

But from Woodstock to Charles Bronson in 2o years?

But I don't know anything about Martinique.

But I told her, you can have both.

But Loomis didn't irradiate anybody.

But not Woolworth's. You said we should see as few people as possible.

But now that I see you, I know it must be true.

But the payments are 3oo a month.

But there's a limit. I mean, you said it yourself, Loomis.

But we don't. Not anymore.

But when? Before the bank?

But you see...

Button it up, pal. Nobody likes a whiner.

By the way...

Can it. Here comes Clarabell.

Can you get up now, pal?

Can you give me a little more time?

Can you help us find the BQE?

Can you hit him with something else? Give me!

Can you tell us anything?

Can't I imagine a more inspired destiny for myself?

Caring, faithful, concerned.

Chief of police. Get your butt out of there now.

Chief, apparently we've got 12 people in there. One guy, heavily armed.

Chief.

Close the door. He's waiting for another bus.

Clowns welcome!

Clowns welcome!

Come here, Loomis.

Come here.

Come off it, pal.

Come on down! Get out of there!

Come on, already.

Come on, James.

Come on! You're gonna break your guitar. Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Give me the keys to the cuffs. Get him a soda, will you?

Come on. I got a schedule to keep.

Come on. Relax.

Come on... Here. Relax, fella. Sit down.

Coming.

Count from 1 o backwards.

Damn it. Get me an interpreter.

Damn!

Damn.

David, you can have the Giants tickets.

Dennis, the news footage didn't help me very much.

Did he hurt anybody else? Is the strain beginning to show on him?

Did we get the cab?

Did we miss the Expressway?

Did you book another flight after that?

Did you get any description of the perpetrator?

Did you have something to tell me?

Didn't I tell you to get me an interpreter?

Do not come near the bank. He is covered in dynamite.

Do we look like criminals?

Do we look like people that are capable of committing a crime?

Do you believe this?

Do you mind?

Do you remember the night you proposed?

Do you think I should just be a bumbling idiot?

Do you think you can walk any faster?

Do you want to stand out at the airport? Barry was 6'4".

Do you work for the clown or does he work for you?

Does the clown work for Lombino too?

Don't anybody move.

Don't bust my chops, wise guy. It's not that easy.

Don't do this.

Don't insult me.

Don't matter what he's saying. Throw him in the car.

Don't pop a stitch. We're on our way to the airport.

Don't say that.

Don't try to change the subject.

Don't worry about it. We were disguised.

Don't you love him?

Don't you realize the robbers told this man their destination?

Don't you think I know how you plan to get out?

Don't you think we should put him on formula?

Driver, I'm a little disappointed in you!

Drugs, protection, you name it. Lombino is king.

ESP exists, Grimm. They proved it.

Especially with a fortune in our falsies.

Even if they did, sir, he wouldn't have understood a word.

Even if you get past me, there are 5o cops waiting outside.

Exact change, or off.

Except you honked the fucking horn.

Excuse me, I don't know you very well, but you're crazy if you gave this place up.

Excuse me? Pig?

Excuse me. Sir?

Fantastic.

Feeling better, I see.

Fifteen hundred? Try 26oo.

Fifty two seconds.

Finally, they'll realize some are missing.

Fine. Actually, perfect.

Flatbush is 15 minutes from here.

For God's sake, shut that up!

For once, it was gonna be fun.

For your information, I was at Woodstock.

Foster families are great, unless you get a mercenary or religious nut.

Four dollars.

Frankly...

Friend...

Funny you should say that.

Get downwind of me.

Get over there, scumbag. Get up there.

Get the hell back in line.

Get them up!

Get yourself three.

Give credit where it's due, Mrs. Edison.

Give him $ 1 oo.

Give him a moment. He's getting his second wind.

Give me a break.

Give me sound down.

Give up now. That is the only door. There is no other way out, my friend.

Glad to. Got a map right here in the glove.

Go to my apartment. I left clothes there, men's and women's.

Go! Go! Go!

God, are you a sucker. Let's see what's in the trunk.

God, I hate this town.

God, I hate this town.

God!

Goddamn, if that doesn't sound like the guy who hit that car horn.

Good one.

Good.

Grab it.

Great. And here's my watch. It's a Timex...

Grimm doesn't seem any different, does he?

Grimm needs a little reassuring.

Grimm, baby, I never thought we'd get out of there. Never.

Grimm, guess what.

Grimm, I cannot go to prison.

Grimm, I gotta get this money off my body.

Grimm, our plane takes off in 41 minutes.

Grimm, you already were complete.

Grimm.

Grimm.

Grimm...

Grimm...

Guess I'll have to put that animal Mario back on Skelton."

Guys.

Hal made the commitment, didn't he? He gave up the rent controlled place.

Have you looked back there? I don't think anybody's going to object.

He ain't gonna make it.

He can visit you. You can show him how to make license plates.

He ended up giving it to me for 3oo. Nice, huh?

He got out just as I was about to collar him.

He had no coconut to my knowledge.

He jumped from a moving cab.

He jumped from the cab?

He just means which airport, that's all. Kennedy. JFK.

He owns restaurants, bars, supermarkets.

He said he knew how to make men sit up and bark.

He said no pilots. That means he's flying it. Probably learned how in 'Nam.

He said they come about the money.

He said...

He shot out his brother's eyeball over a plate of Fra Diavolo sauce at Umberto's.

He stole...!

He wasn't another junkie with a homemade 9 mm.

He wasn't really awake.

He'll come out of that bank with a few hostages also dressed as clowns.

He'll make a run for a chopper assuming we're afraid to shoot a hostage.

He's born for this.

He's come to put his house in order.

He's complete now.

He's in on it, sir. He wouldn't tell us a goddamn thing.

He's peeking at us through the curtains.

He's sick.

Here he comes.

Here, fella. Drink that.

Here's another one. A man jumped from a moving cab into a newspaper stand.

Hey, chief. On the bus, we've got an ex Green Beret under the back seat.

Hey, clown!

Hey, Grimm, you tried. You're a good person.

Hey, hold it, my friend.

Hey, honey. Ready to celebrate?

Hey, is everybody this nice in Iowa?

Hey, it's Rotzinger!

Hey, Linda, hurry up, I think this guy's dead.

Hey, look at this, guys. I'm gonna get me one of these.

Hey, Phyllis.

Hey, remember, we gotta commend this "Cipowski."

Hey, that's what we're here for, right?

Hey, you two with the mileage upgrades, sit down.

Hey! Move it! Move it!

His estimate, which I accept, gets us to the terminal at nine minutes of 11.

His place?

Hold on to your transfer to reboard.

Hold on to your transfer to reboard.

Hold on to your transfer to reboard.

Honey, babe.

Hostages strapped to tables as shields.

Hot dogs! Hot dogs!

How about this guy?

How can you ask me that now?

How come I've heard that name "Lombino" before?

How could he say a thing like that?

How did he make his money, anyway? Terminally boring banker type?

How far?

How hot does this baby burn?

How many months?

How many shareholders are there?

How much time did we lose, exactly?

However, I will stay with you a little while longer.

Hugh...

Hurry.

Hurry.

I appreciate this damn thing more and more every day.

I bought it, and the Edisons will have better sex than they've had since Altamont.

I can do.

I can hear Mr. Lombino now:

I can make it. I can make it.

I can see it doesn't have a hydraulic tilt body. It's unacceptable.

I can't believe our luck, to walk into his place, all unsuspecting.

I can't believe the new tenants dumped this stuff.

I can't believe we did it.

I can't make it.

I can't.

I can't...

I could have called them from anywhere tonight...

I couldn't tell if you were pretending. You were good.

I did it with Mario, Vinnie.

I didn't see it.

I didn't want to tell him till after the job.

I don't have time for this.

I don't judge you, Hal.

I don't know.

I don't know. That's him right there!

I don't need a pilot.

I don't see her.

I doubt it. Think the lady protests too much, or what?

I feel... You know, I feel complete.

I found something out yesterday.

I gotta hang up now because I gotta go kill everybody, okay?

I guess we should apologize and let you go now.

I happen to think the slammer is a bad environment for them.

I hate to do this to you, babe. You'll never take me alive, Rotzinger.

I have made another reservation on the 11:oo to Martinique.

I have no idea.

I just feel funny.

I just have one question.

I just think you're not gonna be able to go back to what you were.

I just want you to leave me alone.

I know a way.

I know I've been especially moody.

I leave this stop in one minute and 45 seconds.

I look back there every night.

I love you, Angie!

I love you!

I mean, Chipowski.

I mean, he had a great sense of humor.

I only know what I saw.

I promise I won't hurt anybody.

I promise.

I really liked him. I did.

I said, "It's all over, Chuckles."

I said, "Phyllis, before we lose our self respect, let's make a commitment.

I saw a sign, Phyllis.

I say, hang the clown, then pull his pants down to set an example. You're out of here.

I shot the cameras. They were looking at me.

I suppose you don't believe that either, Edison! That people would go and do that!

I sure couldn't tell you.

I think he was prepared to do it, except I saw no coconut.

I think it was a bowie knife, and I hate knives.

I think that I might be right on this so, you know...

I think they're gonna kill you with the press too.

I think we're near John Philip Sousa.

I think you're just afraid to party with a real man.

I thought you said "interrogator."

I tried to tell you several times...

I want a city bus with a full tank of gas.

I want a Harley Davidson XL 1 ooo.

I want a monster truck.

I want to wait.

I wanted it an hour ago.

I was talking to her myself when she came out.

I was touching it. Kill me.

I will, Grimm. I will.

I'd need some kind of permit, wouldn't I?

I'll call you right back. I promise.

I'll check it out. I'm going to the window. Tell your men to get back.

I'll freak out if I don't get this money off me.

I'll get you the choppers, I'll get you the bus, the Harley...

I'll give you a minute and 28 seconds.

I'll make sure the Amazing Kreskin gets inside.

I'll make the arrest onboard, quietly and alone, before they know what's happening.

I'll need another one of these filled up from in there. Thanks.

I'll pay the ticket.

I'll take my chances.

I'll tell you what I think it was.

I'm glad the son of a bitch robbed us.

I'm glad this happened.

I'm gonna play games on your fucking head.

I'm just one of his gang now.

I'm not gonna tell him at all.

I'm not! I'm going to Martinique with a million bucks taped to my butt...

I'm robbing the bank.

I'm sorry, Grimm.

I'm sorry, Grimm.

I'm sorry.

I've got trained anti terrorist squads who are prepared to deal...

I've put the gun down.

If Einstein here hadn't honked the horn...

If he hasn't called back by 5, we storm the bank.

If I don't hear from the guy in charge in 15 minutes...

If it were our plane, it'd be crashing.

If they want proof that I'm serious...

If we could just find a landmark.

If you were any more complete, it would be a little scary.

In the motorcycle, we got enough gas to carry it half a mile.

Incredible. They're playing games.

Is there a problem, sir?

Is this the kind of person that you are?

Isn't that what we planned for six months in your bedroom?

It could be a horn. Clowns carry horns, little rubber ones.

It really isn't your decision, Mr. Adolf Hitler.

It sure was, Grimm.

It sure would be less itchy if there's no x ray machines.

It takes time to find two pilots who are willing to fly out an armed felon.

It was an accident.

It was the only way to make sure in the time allotted.

It'll be okay.

It's 4:48.

It's a pretty nice jacket.

It's all I have time for.

It's another little reminder of why we pulled this thing.

It's bad luck just seeing a thing like that.

It's based, in part, on our own descriptions.

It's black smoke.

It's gonna take time to find a tilting hydraulic body.

It's got a moon on it.

It's just a couple guys sorting out some things.

It's just another reminder of how happy and lucky we are to be getting out of here.

It's okay.

It's on him. It's on us.

It's perfect, if you wanna pick up Paul Bunyan.

It's red. Stop!

It's rustic, kind of a fixer.

It's them.

It's thicker, Vinnie. It's thicker than his neck and a lot more powerful.

It's worth $ 12,ooo. I talked the guy down.

It's...

Jesus, God!

Jesus, we gotta get this guy.

Jesus!

Jesus. The goddamn airport!

Johnny. Come here.

Just checking.

Just like this.

Just promise him.

Just the three, I think. But thank you very much.

Just throw me out of the car and run me over.

Just to add some pressure?

Kennedy Airport. Look.

Kennedy. Here, look.

Kind of like father and son, huh?

King Lombino. That's why he's the king, right?

Knew we'd be too obsessed...

L... I was trying to tell you something...

Let me give you this watch.

Let me try this: Will you be putting up a new sign?

Let's get to the airport. We'll pretend this didn't happen.

Let's go.

Let's just try to make the 11:oo, okay?

Let's just walk through this, okay? Does that sign say BQE?

Let's not be the Bickersons, like every other couple on the IRT.

Let's see if we can make a deal here, Chip. Skip.

Let's... Come on. Come on. Let's go.

Lombino? He's in Nevada, right?

Look at this video so we can put out an APB on these robbers.

Look at this.

Look at you. I mean, you have to get away, now.

Look, I don't know where this "world class bank robber" thing came from.

Look.

Looks like he's bleeding.

Loomis, could we have two seconds alone?

Loomis.

Loomis.

Loomis.

Loomis.

Loomis. Can't you kneel?

Loomis. Loomis.

Mafia kingpin? Amway?

Man, thank God she's not too symbolic or anything.

Mario Monetti, bagman for Vince Lombino.

Mario, how come you squealed, tough guy?

Mario.

May I ask you a question?

May I buy it?

Maybe he's just from out of town.

Maybe we are crazy.

Maybe you should've told her you loved her. Maybe that was the way to make sure.

Meet me on the plane in two minutes, okay?

Men's clothes. Whose?

Moisturize before you peel.

Move it back!

Move it! Today!

Move right along. Hold on to your transfer to reboard.

Mr. Edison, I'm Phyllis Potter, and this is my apartment.

Mr. Lombino didn't say nothing to Mr. Skelton...

Mr. Lombino, please. Skelton.

Mr. Lombino!

Mr. Lombino.

Mr. Skelton wants to know how come he don't know you.

Mr. Skelton. No, wait a minute. We don't want Mario to come, the bald giant...

My boss'll have your job! How's it going, Rotzinger?

My God. He's barking.

My mom used to do this.

My sister always told me...

Need him to make an ID.

Nine minutes? We'll have 9 months... Minutes?

Nine, eight...

Ninety eight sixty two.

No coconut, huh?

No hard feelings?

No, but if your leg is broken, we'll have to destroy you.

No, he doesn't.

No, I think it's a lot more exciting than that.

No, I would be beholden.

No, no, no.

No, no. The decaf, over there.

No. I can sit.

No. No, son. I don't have time for this.

No. Wait. Uncle Mike. Uncle Mike.

No. We were all gonna go together.

No. Where's the whiny guy?

Nobody does that to Mrs. Russ Crane.

Nobody does this to Mrs. Russ Crane, you glorified stewardess, you!

Nobody does this to Russ Crane.

Nobody's stupid enough to do this for a few K.

Not a bad plan, except I couldn't fit with all this money.

Not so as you'd notice.

Not unless there's been an H bomb mishap since prom.

Nothing, really.

Nothing's your fault.

Now help me zip this up.

Now what?

Now you tell me.

Now, one of us has to take Loomis and push him. Why don't you.

Now, that's original.

Now, the police are gonna want me to let some of you go...

Now, they'll get a bead on whichever clown takes the controls...

Now, where were we?

Now, you get me a respectable monster truck...

Now, you get me a respectable monster truck...

Now, you got 3o minutes to meet my first demand. What's your number out there?

Nude women!

Nude women!

Nude women! Clowns welcome!

Officer Martin, take these two to the doctor, just as a precaution.

Oh, and I need a can of Maxwell House.

Oh, are you still here?

Oh, boy.

Oh, damn it.

Oh, don't exaggerate or anything.

Oh, God!

Oh, God. Something I said, you're gonna let that influence you?

Oh, great. Why don't you take us straight to Sing Sing.

Oh, Grimm.

Oh, Grimm. It must be in your genes.

Oh, honey.

Oh, I can't look!

Oh, Jesus, Loomis.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, look.

Oh, my God. Now this one's going.

Oh, nice. Professor Henry Higgins is gonna spot us.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Come here.

Oh, no. No!

Oh, nothing. No, he's completely loyal to you. And you are to him.

Oh, Phyllis! Oh, Phyllis!

Oh, shit.

Oh, sir, you forgot your map.

Oh, so I'm repeating myself. I suppose you want to throw me back in there with him.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, this is all my fault.

Oh, this was not my idea.

Oh, wait! Call me Skip.

Oh, we're really making progress now.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure no harm will come to me...

Oh, you mean the night the pipes froze and the heat went out?

Oh, you must be from around here.

Oh, you're awfully sweet to do this. Thank you.

Okay, anybody else need a receipt? Last chance.

Okay, but it's still our apartment. We'll have to have you arrested.

Okay, Dan. Wish there were more like you.

Okay, I can make it.

Okay, I did rob a bank, but so did you.

Okay, it's an Audemars Piguet. Moon phase, 18 karat gold, alligator band.

Okay, Skip. What was that shooting?

Okay, so which way was the arrow pointing?

Okay, we're all going into the vault now. Keep your hands on your heads.

Okay, yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I'll say goodbye now.

One hostage per demand.

One lousy, fucking cab!

One?! Listen, I've had just about enough of your comedy, clown.

Our first description of this clown at whom no one is laughing.

Our only hope is that they're mired down in the same shit you and I wade in every day.

People are gonna remember what you've done.

Phyllis is back.

Phyllis, please.

Phyllis, they just caught this guy.

Phyllis, will you rob a bank with me?"

Phyllis, you were so great back there. I felt like you were protecting me for real.

Phyllis.

Pimp?

Pituitary problem?

Please, God! We need a cab!

Please?

Probably a serial killer.

Probably left your own country to escape just this type of persecution.

Quiet. No codes.

Quit looking at me!

Quit making him angry!

Really, I don't.

Really?

Relax. I'm right behind you.

Right through there.

Right, Grimm.

Right, that's better, it's closer. Take the next big left.

Ripping out phones, urinating on desks.

Roy's gonna get us the duffel bag...

S K I...

Same spot he done Johnny.

Say, that's right. It ain't quite closing time yet.

Say, the bank was really beautiful, wasn't it?

Scary, but Roy's sixth sense told him we were in a jam.

Screw you.

See you later. Take care of your head.

See you soon. Get a tan.

Send a squad car now!

Send all nearby units to the scene.

Set them up out here as soon as they arrive.

She even had her baby screaming at us.

She... She does not speak for the rest of us, Mr. Clown.

Shouldn't we be going?

Shut up.

Since when does a wiseguy like you deserve an explanation from a giant...

Since when is it illegal to run for a bus?

Since when is that a crime? A bus.

Sir, don't talk like that.

Sir, is human life at stake?

Sir? Excuse me.

Sit back.

Six thousand. Short shipment.

Skip, we can be inside, on top of you, in a heartbeat.

So he threw Earl here out of a moving car.

So I says to him, "Are you gonna behave?" And from out of nowhere comes this knife.

So we could just carry the dough in a suitcase.

Somebody dared him.

Son of a bitch! Bastard!

Soon as I call Lom...

Steve, Jody, I'll be here until the last hostage is released.

Still got another minute.

Still takes more out of this town in a day than the clown could get in a week.

Stop!

Switch on a recorder, I'm talking to a machine...

Take the hostages' statements in the bus. He's getting farther away every second.

Take this and start a new life for yourself. Somewhere off this bus, okay?

Taxi.

Tear them down no matter how great they were.

Tell him Lombino didn't say nothing to me about no new bagman.

Tell him you're gonna play games on his fucking head.

Tell me when my monster truck gets here.

Tell them anybody gets near this place, I'm gonna blow it up.

Ten.

Thank God you're reaching out to me with love and understanding...

Thank God!

Thank you for getting us out alive.

Thank you, Loomis. You're very comforting.

Thank you.

Thanks for the assist.

Thanks, guys. You could've given us help, but you've given us so much more.

Thanks.

Thanks. Bye bye.

Thanks. Come on, Earl.

That bank was just a springboard for you. You know, you ripped off the Mob...

That clown was no clown.

That isn't exact change.

That look a woman gives her man that says:

That makes sense: Save the one who will die first of natural causes.

That means they'll pass the metal detectors. They'll be trapped and unarmed.

That was an hour ago. That witch ain't stopped screaming the whole time.

That was our junior high school. Aren't we, Grimm?

That's a relief.

That's a stolen car.

That's all he says.

That's great. Forget it, that's enough.

That's him.

That's it involving two men and a woman.

That's my girl.

That's panic.

That's somebody on the lam.

That's when he coldcocked me. Son of a bitch.

That's why I conduct my own affairs in a hygienic fashion.

The best way to get out is to stay calm.

The cabbie ID'd him, sir.

The cops are looking for two men and a woman, so let's split up.

The guy's a thief!

The hydrant?

The lumberjack guy... He was the first one out.

The man is an animal.

The man is an animal.

The man owns preschools in this town.

The men's room, Grimm.

The names of a street, any street?

The one that came out with her.

The owners of the bank want me to tell you...

The Peruvian Connection.

The stink of death was in the air.

The stock portfolio will be divided equally among our children.

The Subway Psycho.

The thing is, Loomis, we lost a little time.

Then there's chaos while they round up hostages and take statements and names.

There it is, a beep.

There it is.

There must be a lot of competition for that corner.

There were two other passengers in the car, a man and a woman.

There you go. Come on.

There's $6ooo here. Okay? It's real. I know how this city degrades the individual.

There's a real cab up there. Stop!

There's a scratch here. It's not deep, but it's there.

There's smoke across the street.

These are the names and numbers and preliminary statements of the hostages.

They can't insure it if I don't got no receipt.

They gotta know Mario's gonna pull out their livers. I mean, you know...

They say if the clown gets away...

They were the second and third ones out.

They were working on the signs back there.

They won't storm in until they're sure I'm not there.

They would have waited forever to go into that bank.

They're meeting my first demand.

They're on a "blufftoney."

Thing cost me 12,ooo, but it's appreciating every day.

Things are going to hell, aren't they?

Thirty eight eighty two.

This ain't my dick in your back.

This is a robbery.

This is lucky. Let's make this.

This is Princeton. You have less than 15 minutes to call in.

This is Rotzinger.

This is true. Let's see Miss Meryl Streep try to vomit on cue, huh?

This is what the animal said to us. He says to Miss Cochran here:

This isn't my usual route. My husband's in intensive care.

This must be my lucky day.

This was not the plan.

Those darn terrorists who made it tough on us bank robbers.

Three of them there, shouting with glee.

To check you out.

To my beloved wife Carol, I leave the house in Westchester...

To the airport, please.

Too bad. It looked fierce.

Too rich to care.

Try to run, you won't get 5 feet.

Turn that trash off!

Twenty six seconds.

Two more liquor stores and a Laundromat were hit by copycat clowns.

Unless someone makes a higher offer. Anyone want to go higher than 3oo on this?

Used wine. Do you go to the airport?

Very convincing, Monetti.

Vince Lombino, a.k.a. Russ Crane...

Vince, you fucking worm!

Wait a minute. Phyllis can't ride on that thing, not in her condition.

Wait a minute. This guy's too wonderful.

Wait a second. I never scouted this neighborhood.

Wait, Grimm.

We bought a farmhouse, near Woodstock.

We came...

We can find her together.

We do not want another hostage situation.

We got a schedule. Come on. Let's move. Come on.

We had to send all the way to Jersey for this thing.

We haven't even moved the bed in, and already it's the same.

We just had to try.

We lose a little time, and all of a sudden it's every girl for herself.

We stationed shooters a half mile in every direction.

We think you're quite brave. And manly.

We wanna get on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.

We were gonna eat on the floor, drink champagne, listen to old records.

We were ripped off in the Village. It's not gonna happen here.

We will quietly pull over and board all Number Nine buses.

We'll get you a duffel bag or something after we get past the x ray machines.

We'll have to sail a raft to Fiji like Thor Heyerdahl.

We'll just go and have a great time anyway, huh?

We'll miss the complimentary beverage.

We'll stop at Woolworth's. The sky's the limit.

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die.

We're all gonna die.

We're going to the airport. I'm taking your car.

We're gonna go in here.

We're home free.

Well, by now, Rotzinger has probably figured out it was the first three hostages.

Well, I couldn't get to the bank today.

Well, if you stay behind, you're gonna get caught.

Well, tell him now.

Well, that's not my problem.

Well, the cameras.

Well, what do I care. It's not my life's work anymore.

Well, yesterday, he was just a guy working in the Department of City Planning.

Well...

What about dynamite? Did you see any?

What am I?

What are you hitting him for when you wanna hit me?

What clown?

What did I just say?

What did you know about Fiji?

What does it mean anyway, Grimm?

What else haven't you mentioned?

What happened to Mario?

What money, asshole?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell is this, Rotzinger?

What the hell kind of clown are you?

What was that shooting just now, Chip?

What, do you got shit in your ears? Come on.

What?

What?

What? What is it?

What?! You son of a bitch.

What'd he say?

What's memorable about a clown stealing $ 1 million?

What's that smell?

What's that walking corpse say?

What's the matter with you, you afraid to do a man's job?

What's your name and address?

What's your name, son? What shall I call you?

Whatever I did, I did it so that we could all leave here together.

When I find Phyllis...

When I hit you, start worrying. And you.

When my wife gets here, she'll call the cops. We'll let them decide. Face the window.

When you were playing cards with your stinking goombahs!

Where is the airport?

Where'd you get this, a matchbook?

Who are you? Where's Mom?

Who was the clown? Tell me now.

Why are you blaming me?

Why did Barry leave this behind, why didn't he take it with him?

Why do I still want this fucking job?

Why do they have to do this?

Why don't you shut the hell up! Crybaby.

Why don't you tell me what I've done? What is it that you want?

Why, do they know about us yet?

Would you call me Chip?

Would you please give him a receipt.

Wow, you know, jeez, we don't know where that is.

Yeah, get me the news footage on those three hostages who were released. Right.

Yeah, he's got it.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, supposedly somewhere in Nevada.

Yeah, that look.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, that's me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Come on. Now!

Yeah. Well, you tell your men just one bullet could hit some dynamite...

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Apparently, he made some sexual overtures, things like that.

Yes, sir. Someplace nice.

Yes!

Yes. Grimm.

You believe the filth they let into first?

You big pussy! I don't believe you.

You can shoot us now.

You can't sit. Not till you pay the fare.

You didn't mention Rotzinger or Martinique because the plan was perfect...

You don't even understand colors, do you?

You don't know red from hell!

You don't need this kind of aggravation.

You go. Just promise me you'll see a doctor as soon as you get there, okay?

You goddamn straphangers are ruining Mrs. Crane's beverage service!

You got some real money here.

You have exact change, right?

You have to buy something, anyway.

You hear me? It's a dead man.

You idiot. This man doesn't speak a word of English.

You just ripped off the Mob.

You know what their problem is? They live here, that's all.

You know, Grimm. It means "flowers for the dead."

You know, I was in 'Nam with a jerk like you.

You know, when I first heard the rumors about Lombino being back in town...

You must hate this warehouse.

You never mentioned Martinique.

You never said a goddamn word about a "tilting hydraulic body."

You okay, baby?

You okay, mister?

You owe me another hostage.

You people can keep this city!

You picking up anything from me right now? I'm gonna get boarding passes.

You pig.

You prick.

You rat! You creep!

You realize they're probably somewhere in the Third World by now.

You remember this guy.

You see what he did to Miss Cochran's shirt?

You should have a kid, Phyllis.

You son of a bitch!

You stole that watch.

You threatened him, and he's been through a lot.

You used to think so too. We couldn't discuss this plan...

You were born for this.

You were hard on her.

You... You weren't paying 15oo, were you?

You're a coward.

You're a world class bank robber, drunk on your own power and expertise.

You're not a man.

You're sure that's the guy that jumped from the cab?

You're the kind of person that gets innocent bystanders killed.

You've walked into his places all unsuspecting many, many times.

Your bloody mary's not too spicy, is it?

Your Macho Maniac is here.

6o? And that's here in area code 212?

19oo hours, a car containing two men and a woman crashed into the Pierce Hotel.

259 o66o. Don't try anything rash, or you're dead along with everyone else.

A bus? Yeah.

A what? And I want two Jet Ranger helicopters...

Again? I haven't hit anybody since I was 9. Yeah, but it was me you hit.

All right. Straight ahead. Right, Grimm.

All right. When do we get there? 223o hours.

All the hostages are here. They're all here.

And Loomis thinks so too. Taxi.

Angel! Come on!

Any word on the monster truck? About half an hour.

Are you crazy? I'm sorry. Do you think this is easy?

Are you people all right? Let's keep moving.

Are you running for mayor? Is this the greatest day in your career?

At least give me the women. Get your own women.

Because I'm new. Because he's new.

Boy, it is nice. Isn't it?

But we got everybody's name and number. We got all that stuff.

By then... our plane is taking off?

Can we just calm down. We'll never make the flight.

Can you isolate that beep? I can try.

Close the door. Let's go. Behind the white line.

Come on, relax. The gun, the gun!

Come on, son. Come on. Look.

Dan... Dan.

Did you send men into the sewer? Are you grasping at straws?

Do you have the key to this? You bet.

Do you know him? He's paying 15oo for a one bedroom.

Don't see who? The blond. Where is she?

Don't worry. It's insured. She didn't give me no receipt yet.

Don't you see me standing right here? Yeah, all right. I'm sorry.

Everything you told me is a lie, isn't it? Are you all right?

Except blurt out a total confession. You think that's gonna matter here?

Fill this up with regular, please. That's my money.

Get behind the white line. Oh, please. Come on. Go, just go.

Get the hell out of here! Mario, no!

Get your hands up. You must be Mr. Edison.

Give me three minutes before you come in. Got it.

Give me your sleeve. Is that necessary?

Go ask him. You want me to ask him?

Grimm, I'm thinking of the baby! He'll be 3 when you get out.

Grimm, make her stop. Don't worry about it.

Gun, the gun. Hey.

Have you got my money ready back there? It's here.

He is. He's got Iowa plates. There you go.

He must love that spot. The man is an animal. He's sick.

He was okay. Steve, you must be a scumbag like him.

He's asking, "Where to?" Oh, God.

He's come for the king. You snake!

He's gonna let one of us go. Oldest first.

He's just along for the ride. Come on! Angie!

Hey! I got three more minutes. Come back tomorrow.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. You think you're late enough?

Him! Him!

Him? Yes!

How much time was wasted in the sewer? Where do you guys get this stuff?

I can't give you a precise figure. Make a guess.

I can't keep this. Don't be silly.

I don't even know what language he talks. Get me an interpreter!

I got him. He's a thief, he stole something from me!

I just need some change. Hey, wait your turn.

I mean, would you take three bills for it? Three hundred dollars?

I said we're closed, Bozo. I wouldn't.

I'd like to get those people out of there. Fine.

I'm gonna vomit. We better get him out of here first.

I'm sorry I got so crazy. What did Loomis say to get you so upset?

I'm sorry. Watch where you're going.

I'm sorry. I was going the wrong way. No problem.

In all that chaos, a few wandered away... It was utter chaos.

Iowa? Yeah.

Is it a diversion, chief, or is he crazy? He's not crazy.

Is Mrs. Lombino okay up there? Hey! Hey!

It is appalling. Come on.

It was an accident, Phyllis. Oh, you know, so was Chernobyl.

It's been decided. I'm the first to go. What?!

It's my baby too! Jesus, this is a fairly young guy.

Keys. Here.

Let's go. Do as he says, everyone.

lf I find Phyllis... Yeah, I mind.

Listen, I'll pay his fare. Fine.

Lombino didn't say nothing... Mr. Lombino, huh?

May I use your phone? Yes.

Mom? This is Rotzinger.

Name, please? Oh, thank you.

Near the airport. Great. We're on a roll.

Near the airport. Loomis is asleep. He can't do anything.

No problem. I'd like to give you a commendation.

No tilt body, no hostages. I want hostages.

No way! The hell with him.

No, fire engine. The hydrant. Give me your keys.

No. Please?

Not today. Today's just taking shit down.

Now can we go to the airport? In the clothes we wore out of the bank?

Oh, my God. They were taking the TV when I came in.

Oh, no. What, cops?

Phyllis, where do you park? Just park by the hydrant.

Please don't say that. You'll upset Loomis. Oh, God forbid.

Please! $ 1 o, ooo for a taxi!

Proposed? Yeah.

Ready? I'll go real fast. Please? No.

Really? Yeah.

Robbers, plural? They all coldcocked me.

Save yourself the disgrace, Lombino. It's the king.

Say you had to walk it. With that injured individual?

Shut up! Hey, you shut up!

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up. Oh, Jesus! God!

So? So definitely a felon. Dangerous.

Sometimes their noses are horns. I wanna know what beeped, fast.

Sure, Grimm. Thanks.

Taxi! Loomis!

Taxi! You never mentioned Rotzinger.

Tell him I said so. I will, John.

Tell him I said so. Yeah.

Thank you for using A T& T. Your bike's out here. So's your bus.

Thank you, Roy. Got it.

That guy must have wanted a paper bad. That's a bad place to be.

That's it. No, wait! No, please, wait!

The crying on the inside kind, I guess. Look, I'm just an old man.

The directions: North, south? It's not our neighborhood.

The hostage negotiator's on his way, sir. Tell him he won't be needed.

The key is, he's an animal. That much is clear, sir.

The passengers fled before we got there. Dispatch a car. What else?

There you are. Great. Great. Thank you.

There you go. Move along. Chief, you'll wanna hear this one.

They haven't boarded yet. Let them.

They're not supposed to move till Tuesday. Well, we should be out of here by then.

This is a fucking nightmare. Doesn't even know the capital of Iowa.

This is a robbery. It is!

This is Rotzinger. Yes. Have you got Prince Albert in a can?

This will all be over with presently. Don't dilly dally. That's it.

Till when, sir? Till I'm no longer chief.

Too many passengers, I'm afraid. Yeah, you'd better be afraid.

Turn around. Oh, great, Hal.

Twenty one minutes. Thank you.

Unbelievable. You know him?

Was it Dubuque? Des Moines.

Was that our plane? No, no.

We really appreciate it. See you on the bus.

We were paying 126o. Twelve sixty?

We're coming in through the plate glass. All right.

We're gonna find a familiar street soon. I'd settle for a familiar borough.

We're not even on the scene yet, sir. It's them.

Well, Grimm didn't tell me. Grimm doesn't know.

What about it? Was this clown such a bad guy?

What are you talking about? Something's bothering you. I remember.

What can I do to help? Behind the white line!

What did I do tonight that you didn't? Turned into Jimmy Cagney.

What was that? What was what?

What? The BQE.

What's on your mind tonight? I wanted to talk about that bank robbery.

What's this? It's just a gift.

When is that in human time? 1 o:3o.

When was that? 2o35.

When you say "near the airport"...? Point 48 miles.

Where was the Clutter family from? Kansas.

Who decided it? I did.

Who the hell called these guys? I did, sir.

Why, you got something? Damn right, I do.

You give him a couple of bucks? Try 12oo.

You have exact change? You better get some help!

You mean you weren't even gonna tell me? I wanted to, Grimm.

You never mentioned an 11:oo flight. I never thought we'd need it.

You owe me two more hostages. They're coming.

You poor son of a bitch. Come here. Him?

You ready, doll? All set.

You're a bunch of pussies. Why don't you take her out next.

You're gonna even that out, aren't you? Mind your own business.

You're not gonna hit me again, are you? Nobody's gonna hurt you.

You've become Ralph Kramden's evil twin. All right.

You've got a gun. Shoot them. I want to, but they're fur bearing.

... and don't get back to me until you do, okay?

...111 o1.

...a lot of attention under the circumstances.

...a wheelchair and skis out of lost luggage to cover your limp.

...about no new... Enough already, Johnny.

...about the money.

...and blow up the whole street. I've planted it everywhere, you know.

...and don't get back to me until you do, okay?

...and take him out before he leaves the ground.

...and the apartment on 78th Street.

...and the band is the Twist o Flex by Speidel.

...and the monster truck just as soon as you give me the damn hostages.

...and there's the type you marry.

...and you didn't wanna worry me with unlikely contingencies, right?

...arson, pandering, sale of weapons, felonious assault...

...as a sign of good faith.

...blackmail... Use of spouse as a shield.

...but you were too busy being complete.

...by the perpetrator inside the bank...

...Chipowski.

...ending.

...for calling me friend.

...he'd carve up the troublemakers first.

...here on the street.

...how do you feel about kids?

...I always liked the name Chip.

...I have to tell you something.

...I need it, after today.

...I said, "No way." The man never leaves his haven in Nevada.

...I'll carve up the troublemakers first.

...I'll let you folks decide who will be the first to go.

...I'll send your thumb out through the night depository.

...I'm not coming with you.

...instead of just trying to scare me.

...just to tell them I was still in the bank.

...let's not mess with me today, okay?

...like Mr. Lombino?

...not to expect any cooperation from them.

...of this whole thing fall on a public official.

...once I'm inside the bank all by myself.

...presently.

...seven...

...there's the type of guy you're crazy about...

...they owe it to their shareholders to let the abject humiliation...

...to see much more than a beard or a blond or a whiny jerk. What do you got?

...unless there was a bedroom close by. Before I realized what you are.

...unless you keep screwing around, in which case, we'll all go to jail.

...waiting to be discovered dead, you gave me that look.

...watch the double negatives, huh? Yes, sir.

...we can complete the plan and live out our lives with a modicum of dignity.

...we could've changed clothes before they were stolen.

...while you crawl out through the third floor vent.

...who has to dress up like that and keep people prisoner?

...with stupid sunglasses, knocking everybody around for kicks.

...with this kind of thing. I want this.

...you bribed Roy, you totally demoralized that guy Edison, and he had the gun.

...you're under arrest for murder in first degree and second degree...

"Baby, up your butt with a coconut."

"Clown seemed harmless until he harassed blond hostage."

"He's an animal."

"I blame you for everything."

"I guess Chip wasn't so hot.

"If I could sleep 1 o days in a rice paddy, I could certainly last in this lousy bank."

"Skelton just called me to check on Chip."

[ENGLISH]