Monster House (2006) Edit

A phone call from beyond the grave.

Absolutely.

Affirmative.

All right, drop your weapons.

All right, I'll do it.

All right, I'll look into it.

All right, kids, out of the trash cans. Let's go.

All right, kids, this better be good.

All right, little vacuum cleaner dummy, I'm gonna move you into position.

All right, where's the car?

All right, you have fun. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine.

All right.

All right. I'll show you. But if things get out of hand...

All right. Thanks.

All right. Time's up, peewees.

All three of you, step to the car now.

And I want two extra bags of peanut clusters.

And I've heard tell of man made structures...

And now he's coming back for revenge.

And now...

And stay together

And that is how I slayed that mystical dragon.

And that night...

And that!

And this is no situation.

And this is our little observation post...

And you tell him I said hey, okay? Safe driving.

And, anyway, cantaloupe, let's not open up the rulebook, okay?

Anyway, have you two astronomers seen Bones?

Are you guys mentally challenged?

As long as I'm here, I will never let anyone hurt you.

At least it's an ambulance.

Authority can be so:

Babysitter?

Be quiet.

Begone yourself. Get away.

Begone. Fie.

Besides...

Bones, I'm so sick of you.

Bones!

Bones?

Breakfast.

Bring it to the car.

But a house just tried to eat me, so you've got one hour.

But back to business. Eggs, shaving cream, toilet paper.

But houses don't have hearts.

But if I let her go...

But next time any of you mess with this guy's house...

But now it's our turn to protect you.

But that's not the point.

But we need your help.

But, Mom, there's something wrong with that house.

But, officer, you've gotta believe us.

Calling for backup. Didn't you hear the kid?

Calm down. You make me wanna throw up in some tinfoil and eat it.

Can't call dibs on a girl through a telescope.

Candy time?

Candy time.

Candy.

Charles, to the ladies.

Cheer up. It's almost Halloween.

Chowder, buddy?

Chowder, come back. Come back here, please, Chowder.

Chowder, come on.

Chowder, come on.

Chowder, I need you to get the house down under that crane.

Chowder, I'm serious.

Chowder, knock it off.

Chowder, stop, please.

Chowder, the house is still alive and you're gonna wuss out?

Chowder, what are you doing?

Chowder, what are you doing?

Chowder, you're not listening to me.

Chowder, your ball just landed on Nebbercracker's lawn.

Chowder?

Chowder.

Chowder.

Chowder.

Chowder.

Chowder.

Chowder.

Chowder. Come back.

Come in, Chowder.

Come on, baby. We're out of here.

Come on, Chowder, grab on.

Come on, Chowder! Chowder, this way!

Come on, come on.

Come on, keep it moving.

Come on, let's move.

Come on, Mr. Nebbercracker. Come on.

Come on, you're gonna break a six year streak.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. You heard the big guy. You see the light. Walk towards it.

Coming.

Constance, look at me. Look at me.

Constance, no!

Constance.

Constance.

Constance.

Couldn't have.

Cover blown?

Detectable movement.

Did he take your kite?

Did we just get upchucked?

Did you ever see a wife?

Did you see that? I just chopped off your head again.

Didn't see that coming.

Die. Die.

DJ, come on, come on!

DJ, get rid of that thing.

DJ, hurry.

DJ, look out!

DJ, look.

DJ, that's your phone.

DJ!

DJ! Help!

DJ?

DJ.

DJ.

DJ.

DJ.

DJ...

Do you guys hear something?

Do you realize what's gonna happen tonight?

Do you want to be eaten alive?

Doggy down? We've got a situation.

Don't even think about crawling back here...

Don't go any further.

Don't look back.

Don't talk to me like I'm a baby, okay? I am practically a grownup.

Don't touch anything.

Don't worry, I have a very light step.

Don't you know what day this is?

Don't. Come on.

Downstairs, now.

Eight A.M. No detectable movement.

Elizabeth will be here in a few hours.

Elizabeth...

Ever since Nebbercracker died...

Excuse me.

Explosives. That's so cool.

Fascinating, isn't it?

Feed the dummy to the house, house eats the medicine, goes to sleep.

Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it.

Fine, so how long is he gonna be playing?

Fine.

Fine.

Five.

For you.

Forty five years.

Four.

Freeze...

Fun, fun. Oh, you look adorable.

Get away from my house!

Get off my lawn!

Get off my lawn.

Get off.

Get out.

Get the ball and run!

Go on. Go. Hurry.

Go on. I'll be all right.

Go.

Go.

Go.

Go.

Go.

God, stop doing this.

Good luck with the puberty.

Good morning, ma'am.

Good news. The cops are here.

Good school. I got kicked out of there.

Goodbye.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

Great. Babysitter's here.

Gross.

Guys, come on. I'm serious.

Guys, come on. Let's go.

Guys.

Guys. Any time now.

Happy Halloween, doofus.

Happy Halloween, losers.

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

Have fun getting killed.

Have fun tonight.

Haven't I, girl?

He died, and now I'm getting phone calls from his house.

He gives me the respect I deserve...

He knows that.

He left last night unexpectedly...

He should be.

He'll go on vacation, get some color, maybe he'll meet someone new.

He's a rookie. First week on the job.

He's hopping.

He's not a ghost.

He's not dead. I'm not a murderer.

He's worried about you.

Heat seeker.

Hello, fence.

Hello, leaves.

Hello, leaves.

Hello, sky.

Hello, sky.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Help, please.

Help!

Help.

Help.

Help. Chowder.

Help. Help.

Her whole body is buried in cement.

Here you go.

Here. Who you calling?

Hey, but I wanted that one.

Hey, DJ, I brought you some chocolate.

Hey, DJ, I just saw an ambulance. Did I miss anything interesting?

Hey, DJ, look who's here.

Hey, DJ, who am I?

Hey, DJ, you got any beer?

Hey, guys.

Hey, I know that sound.

Hey, listen, I'm with you guys. My cousin's a cop in Milwaukee.

Hey, Mr. Nebbercracker. It's time to go.

Hey, what you doing? You can't do that.

Hey! Get a

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, I'm JD. DJ.

Hide.

His name is Reginald Skulinski. But they call him Skull.

His voice sounds funny.

Hold on.

Holy moly. He really did eat her.

Honey...

How do you know how to drive this thing?

Hundreds of kids walking right up to that house.

I am on it.

I am the police.

I bet it thinks we're still in the car.

I bet you the dead dog would beg to differ.

I can take you away from here.

I can't look.

I can't.

I could fly it so high you couldn't see it.

I don't do board games, Shrinky Dinks or tuck ins.

I don't even need you here, Elizabeth.

I don't see you coming up with any big ideas.

I don't think I'm going trick or treating this year.

I don't think the house knows that we're in here.

I don't wanna steal drugs from my father...

I don't.

I followed the string and it ended right over there...

I gotta go.

I hate Mexican food.

I have to make things right.

I have to make things right.

I kissed a girl on the lips.

I kissed a girl.

I know about Constance.

I know that you've been protecting us all these years.

I know you can do it.

I know you're a thug. Them brown eyes...

I know. It's like I don't even try and it just happens.

I looked back.

I love her so much.

I love you, vacuum cleaner dummy.

I mean, kind of a cop. He has a gun.

I missed you so much.

I need to know how to destroy it before it kills people.

I need your help.

I never worked that hard in my life

I paid $28 for that ball.

I raked 10 yards and asked my mom for a dollar 26 times.

I risked my life for you. I stole drugs for you...

I see it in your eyes.

I started hating it through the telescope.

I tell you. Super roll.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

I think you guys should have a look at this.

I think you're just freaking out because you killed a guy today.

I used star 69. He called me.

I was eating a doughnut.

I was gonna tear them down and put up some art.

I was in the forest wrestling with a bear claw when we got the call.

I was selling chocolates in Mayville, and, well, it's kind of confusing.

I won't be seeing you later.

I'll go Ding Dong Ditch the house and you'll see. No ghost.

I'll never forget this. Hurry, though.

I'll save you.

I'm a murderer.

I'm busy playing a video game without even looking at the screen.

I'm coming, dear.

I'm coming.

I'm flying!

I'm getting Judy.

I'm going home to make a pretzel sandwich. See you.

I'm going home. I suck.

I'm going to find Bones.

I'm gonna find you.

I'm gonna forget you throwing that rock because that dance was pretty funny.

I'm gonna rip them to bits.

I'm just kidding.

I'm not spying.

I'm not sure.

I'm not your mother. I'm not your friend.

I'm on your lawn, Nebbercracker.

I'm playing basketball.

I'm running out of time. I'm running out of time.

I'm serious.

I'm serious.

I'm sorry, Mr. Nebbercracker, about your house...

I'm too young to die!

I'm working on it.

I've always done what's best for you, haven't I?

If anything happens, call the police and hide.

If we wanna put out the fire, we're gonna have to go inside.

If you are, I'm certified to teach you baseball.

In my travels to the video store and comic book conventions...

In one day and three hours, it's candy time.

Is this pee? Because if it is, that's really gross.

It doesn't exist anymore.

It sounds like it's sleeping.

It stimulates the gag reflex. Everyone has a uvula.

It turned into a monster, so I blew it up.

It's a ghost.

It's a girls' school.

It's gonna be a bloodbath.

It's Halloween, right?

It's her. The house is her.

It's just a couple Tater Tots hopped up on too many Pixy Stix.

It's like you're not gonna You're not gonna do it. Like

It's my house, and they're hurting me.

It's okay.

It's over there. Come on.

It's time for an in your face disgrace.

It's too much for the adult mind to comprehend.

It's your job to help us.

It's...

Jenny Bennett.

Jenny!

Jenny.

Jenny. Are you all right?

Jenny. I've always loved you.

Judy!

Just sits there waiting...

Just something in the house across the street just tried to eat us.

Just trying to get a head start on life and secure a successful future.

Killer Slinkys!

Leave him alone!

Let her go.

Let me see.

Let me see. Oh, my God.

Let this be the right thing to do.

Life goes on.

Like carrots.

Listen, Zee, I don't know how to tell you this

Listen.

Littering, loitering, vandalism, vagrancy

Look at all these toys.

Look at all this stuff.

Look at his face. That's funny.

Look at me. Look at Chowder. Oh, yeah.

Look at that blood.

Look who just won. It's me, the screw up.

Losers, I'm talking to you.

Lots of yummy candy.

Make it stop.

Mama!

Mama!

Maybe he just felt guilty or something. DJ, can we please get out of here?

Maybe I'm getting too grown up.

Maybe the parents you work for left you $40 in emergency money.

Maybe they left me 30.

Maybe we should examine our other options.

Maybe you give me 20, I write a receipt for 30 and you pocket 10.

Maybe you should come with us.

Maybe.

Mom, he did it again. He took another tricycle.

Mom.

Mommy!

Mommy.

Move it, pork chop.

Mr. Nebbercracker.

Mr. Nebbercracker.

Mr. Nebbercracker.

Mr. Nebbercracker. Hurry.

My awesome kite.

My ball.

My dad's at the pharmacy...

My house is right over there.

My sweet.

My trike.

Nebber snapper flipper dipper

Nebbercracker hasn't come out yet.

Nebbercracker.

Nebbercracker's back from the dead.

Nebbercracker's haunting me, all right? His blood is on my hands.

Neither of which was as lovely as your beautiful mother.

Never came back?

Next.

Nice one, Bones.

Nice try. It's not my house.

No detectable movement.

No detectable movement.

No siren. Never a good sign.

No, Chowder, this is it. First, we build a dummy.

No, he's just a crotchety old dude.

No, I'm creeped out.

No, no, no, this is different. Listen.

No, no, no, wait. I can't let you do this, Mr. Nebbercracker.

No, no. That sounds like the dangerous creature.

No, wait, you can't. All right, this thing, it has a mouth...

No!

No!

No.

No.

No. Get on the top. Help!

Not even to go to the bathroom. Don't drink that.

Not me.

Not so fast, Bones.

Not to an officer, brother. That is illegal.

Nothing paint and varnish can't handle.

Nothing.

Now, I'll give you 10 seconds to march.

Now, listen up. I control the TV, the stereo and the phone.

Now, what do you want?

October 30th: another tricycle.

Of course I'm not dead. Who said I was dead?

Of course, it was with binoculars and involved the lovely Jensen twins.

Officer, we have reason to believe...

Oh, a puppy.

Oh, but it's no problem, sweetheart. It's no problem at all.

Oh, come on. Gross.

Oh, Constance.

Oh, Constance.

Oh, gross.

Oh, he's serious. Did you know he was serious?

Oh, hi.

Oh, I'm so, so, so sorry. I didn't mean

Oh, kid, come here.

Oh, look at you, dear.

Oh, man.

Oh, my dear.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, nothing.

Oh, nothing.

Oh, now...

Oh, okay, you know what? I don't have time for this.

Oh, really, Zee?

Oh, speaking of which, have you decided?

Oh, the boy's too busy. He's got his spying to do.

Oh, we've always known this day would come. Haven't we?

Oh, yeah, of course you can, cantaloupe.

Oh, yeah? That's great.

Oh, yeah? What you gonna do?

Oh, yeah? Yeah? Do you wanna hear my big idea?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I made the whole puberty thing up.

Oh, yeah. No question about it.

Oh, you go on. I've got some work to do.

Oh, you like the steel of my blade? It's so cold.

Okay, honey, we've talked about this.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay, let's cut the crap.

Okay, okay, okay. The thing is...

Okay, open your eyes.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right. Let's go eat some candy.

Okay. Let's move.

Okay. Normally I don't spend time with guys like you.

Okay. Whatever. Let's go.

Okay...

Old man Nebbercracker's house is possessed.

On the other hand...

One bag and I'll toss in a licorice whip.

One day, it crashed down.

One tricycle, coming up.

Only a total moron would walk up to old man Nebbercracker's house.

Outside in front of the house?

P.S., he died today.

Pass them to me. Come on.

People used to say he had one...

Perfect.

Piece of cake.

Plug it in.

Possessed house, you say?

Problem is it sounds kind of not real.

Prude.

Puberty. Yeah, I'm having lots and lots of puberty.

Push.

Quit screwing around.

Run, coward.

Run. Chowder, get out of there.

See you tomorrow night.

See you, DJ.

See you.

See you.

She attacks anyone who comes near.

She didn't believe me.

She died, but she didn't leave.

She grabbed my butt.

She would've wanted that.

She's having trouble breathing. Might have something in her throat.

She's probably not gonna believe you.

Sherry Klausen.

Shut up.

Since you're up way past your bedtime.

Skull is in the game zone right now.

Skull's not like you.

Skullzor or Crypt Keeper?

Smart house.

So close.

So how do we kill it?

So I finished the house.

So it's a girl house.

So let's go talk to him.

So maybe Nebbercracker really did die.

So much for relying on the government.

So the usual deal: indoors by 9, in your room by 11.

So we need to strike at the heart.

So you hate Mexican food, huh?

So?

So...

Someone is hitting puberty.

Soon.

Sorry, children, but I've got some very important business to take care of.

Sorry, kid, can't play anymore.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. I thought you were DJ!

Sorry. It's hard to see with the mask on.

Stay away from my house!

Stay away from my house!

Stay off my lawn.

Stop fighting. You're acting like babies.

Studies show that households that run out of candy...

Supercop. Super duper duper cop. Super

Sure. Other option:

Take that!

Thank you all.

Thank you for the advice. I'll be sure to make a note of it.

Thank you, friend.

That's a good idea.

That's excellent. I'm really happy for you.

That's it, Chowder. Keep her coming.

That's it. Another great idea, DJ. Brilliant.

That's it. That is it.

That's loaded.

That's nice, Chowder.

That's not fair.

That's not how I trained you.

That's not true.

That's tender.

The children. The children.

The chimney. The chimney leads to the heart.

The furnace. The furnace is the heart.

The haunting is subtle...

The house is alive!

The house is Mr. Nebbercracker.

The man's a legend.

The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive...

The point is, is that I saw him talking to his house...

The uvula, nature's emergency exit.

The uvula.

Then why don't you keep it off, Chowder?

There we go.

There, there, girl.

There. Right there. Shoot it.

There's a dangerous creature inside that house.

There's an angry dad on the phone looking for the one called Chowder.

They leave the keys in here. You dare me?

Think about it.

Think you could do that?

This is Chowder.

This is like trying to wrangle a puppy. All right, I'll be back.

This must be where Nebbercracker kept his stash.

This place is not a playground for children.

This time, maybe a nice beach house.

This way. This way.

This way. This way. Come on.

Thou art dead.

Thr

Three seconds on the clock.

Three!

Three.

Times have changed.

To help avert this tragedy...

To see what's happening with that stupid house of yours.

Trespasser.

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat.

Tricycle.

Tricycle.

Try and relax. Be cool, like me.

Two term class president at Westbrook Prep.

Two.

Wait, wait, wait. Come on. Guys, I think we're overreacting.

Watch out.

Way to go, big nose.

Way to go, Chowder, you did it!

We are babies.

We are gonna have the bestest time.

We are supercops.

We both love you.

We don't have backup. It's just Judy at the station.

We fill the dummy with a few gallons of cold medicine.

We have a Ping Pong table in our basement.

We have been trapped for 45 years.

We need to move quickly and quietly.

We should be so lucky. The guy is evil.

We should go eat some candy too.

We should hang out again.

We tried to put a house to sleep with cold medicine.

We wait here and do nothing until it wakes up and eats us.

We'll aim for Bigfoot.

We'll be all right if we just stay calm.

We'll go to an expert.

We're back. Yes.

We're dead. You've killed us and now we're dead.

We're definitely too old for trick or treating.

We're free.

We're free.

We're gonna need a tricycle.

We're its murderous enemies.

Well, Dad, why don't you kiss my hairy butt?

Well, hello there.

Well, if he's not coming out of the game zone, then we are going in.

Well, if those are the teeth and that's the tongue...

Well...

What are you doing?

What are you gonna do about it, Nebbercracker?

What are you looking at?

What are you talking about? That one's your pee.

What are you two weirdoes up to?

What are you waiting for? Come on.

What do you know? You don't know anything.

What do you say you and I go out...

What do you want from me, Chowder?

What happened to Nebbercracker's house?

What have you done?

What is it?

What the heck kind ? No, don't tell me. Let me guess.

What was that?

What was that?

What were we thinking?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? I thought if I shot the heart, that

What? No.

What? What does that mean?

Whatever disease you guys have...

Whatever.

When a guy with tattoos comes up to the drive through...

When I was 10 years old, I had a kite. Awesome kite.

When I was your age, I did exactly the same thing.

When it's an accident, they call it manslaughter.

Where are you going? Come here.

Where you at, spooky creature?

Where's DJ?

Where's my ball?

Which is why I didn't.

Who knows? He once played for four days straight...

Whoopsie daisy.

Why can't you just stay away from ?

Why can't you respect that?

Why did you put up your window?

Why would he build her a shrine if he murdered her?

Why? What ? What did he do to her?

Will you be an angel and help me bring out the incisor?

Without candy, I'm afraid your house is a bull's eye with shingles.

Without getting chewed to pieces.

Won't be long now.

Would you like that?

Y'all think something's funny? You testing me? Huh, tough girl?

Y'all wanna test me?

Yeah, 2 percent, you got the right to shut up.

Yeah, but where are we gonna find a heart inside a house?

Yeah, get your grubby branches off the old man!

Yeah, he takes whatever lands on his lawn.

Yeah, I know. I hate the government.

Yeah, in fact, you might say I started hating it first.

Yeah, let me ask you something. Who are they gonna believe?

Yeah, like this:

Yeah, Mom, I'm coming. I'm coming.

Yeah, posters are stupid.

Yeah, six years of being jumped and egged.

Yeah, very funny. See how you like it.

Yeah, we've gotta find a way out of here.

Yeah, you don't wanna forget that.

Yeah. That's why I live in a condo.

Yeah. They're gonna love you downtown, Jughead.

Yeah. We've been watching all night. We haven't even left this room once.

Yeah. You might be right about that.

Yeah. You too, huh?

Yes, Dad, I meant to call you, but I forgot.

Yes, I'm hurt. Those criminals are attacking our house.

Yes!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Look at me.

You Both of you. Come here.

You ain't nothing. You're a shack. You're an outhouse.

You are dead.

You are so funny.

You called the neighbors. Good for you.

You can't call dibs on a girl.

You can't do that.

You cannot stay up in your room all day...

You didn't kill her, did you?

You disrespecting the badge?

You don't be scared.

You don't know what's up with that house.

You don't wanna mess with him when he's in the game zone.

You don't want none of this. I'm telling you. Test me. Please.

You got something to say, Porky, huh?

You guys, come on.

You have to help me. Please.

You hear that? You guys are going to jail.

You know, I saw an ambulance here today.

You know, there's a... There's a great taco stand near there.

You know, you were right.

You pee in bottles?

You really are dead, aren't you?

You stay away from those children, Constance!

You stay here, I'm checking this out.

You think you can just mess with my friends?

You vandals.

You wanna tell me what's going on?

You want a successful future?