Home for the Holidays Edit

A bunch of clowns.

A car full of Larsons almost died there.

A couple of women on the verge of a nervous breakdown?

A day off to visit their families,

A drop in the bucket.

A girl in every port.

A lot of fun.

A million wonderful girls out there

A woman.

Aaah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Jeez!

About this fan... oh...

About what you think.

About when we were kids, and Henry...

Across the kitchen

Actually, I may not be at the museum

Actually, I'm having Thanksgiving

Actually, we were never even married...

After his own mother had stuffed him to the gills.

Ah ah ah...

Ah choo!

Ah choo!

Ah choo!

Ah choo!

Ah choo!

Ah, ha ha ho ho.

Ah, no sweat.

Ah, there she is.

Ah, you do, too.

Ah! Tommy!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah... Oh!

Ahem.

Ahem.

Ahh, I'm not going to make it.

Ahh.

Ahhh...

All afternoon, blood and yellow

All banks got back to some

All his darling little friends were prancing around

All I know is, when anybody comes in here,

All I want to do is stop the carnage.

All mine. Aren't you, Leo?

All right, everybody, sit down.

All right, I'm coming.

All right, well,

All right! We gotta have some of this.

All right.

All standing down on that tarmac

All that much longer anyway.

All the way, tom!

All the way!

All the way! Go! Go!

Am I, like, totally turning you off?

Amen.

Americans.

And 1,000 year old trees are falling over dead,

And all sorts of things are always the same,

And bleed to death while I'm gone, OK?

And dad needs to wash every car

And Diana, right?

And everybody thinks everybody else's stinks.

And find a job.

And for one special moment,

And fully realize this is a major step.

And go get your Aunt Glady

And go into the fresh evening air, and we...

And go stuff the bird,

And going through the same crap year in and year out...

And gram's famous stuffing, right?

And he had a little mustache.

And he tells me his latest round was,

And her entire family...

And her goddamn Tupperware she conveniently forgot.

And his big, strong hands.

And I also brought Russell a treat.

And I am taking a huge chance.

And I am too old...

And I ask him, "how's your game, dad?"

And I can't face the rest of them alone.

And I crushed him.

And I feel awful, because mom...

And I hope one of these years,

And I knew it the very first second

And I made out with my boss,

And I smashed my thermos inside.

And I want you to have it.

And I'll hop the next flight back

And in the next 47 years,

And it is getting weirder every day.

And it's technical, I'm thinking, yes.

And keep each other company.

And Kitt's going to have sex with a teenager,

And look who's home for the holidays!

And maybe you got the wrong one?

And my kid is 16, not 18.

And my kids are squirts.

And my sister's losing her mind.

And no time's gone by at all.

And not in the car.

And now it is.

And one piece of white meat, but with no skin.

And perhaps getting pregnant simultaneously

And playing football at the same time.

And prepare myself.

And she looks into my eyes...

And still he ate...

And Susan says come home.

And take an eggnog break.

And tell us what you did

And that is pretty much it for her glamorous life.

And that there was a mix up?

And that tickly little...

And the ground is shaking,

And the home shopping channel."

And the smell... smell it.

And the way we fit together...

And then he vanishes.

And then I got fired,

And then maybe...

And then we'll tiptoe down

And they both need to keep me going 24 hours a day,

And they shouldn't.

And they won't let me through the jetway.

And think.

And those bright silver wings

And Tommy and Joanne are holding

And Tommy's somebody's wife.

And vrooom!

And we just sit...

And we just wave good bye,

And we live so far apart.

And we were both so nice looking.

And we won't even take pictures.

And we won't have to wonder.

And we'll drink orange juice?

And we'll never have to see each other again.

And when that sucker takes off,

And when you finally do check them,

And whenever I look at your father,

And where's your coat?

And who hates to fly...

And who knows the trouble I'd get into?

And you know you're digging it.

And you think, that wasn't me at all.

And you're too young to understand

And your mother... all 5 of us...

And, hey, that's me today.

And, in my opinion, you don't even care.

And, of course, I'm sure you've noticed

And, uh...

And...

And... and... and read a good book

And... and... nag my kid

Another new hat?

Answer it.

Answer that, will you, tubby?

Answer the phone, mom.

Aooga! Battle stations!

Are going to tell you the day you're born,

Are starting to stop,

Are you all right?

Are you losing your mind yet?

Are you OK?

Are you through?

Are you what?

Are you, dad?

Aren't busy,

As a tax attorney,

As I was saying, dear lord,

As usual, I'll go calm her down.

At least we'll know

At the airport on my lunch hour,

At the airport.

At the present moment in time

At the present rate of progress, these new doctors

At Tim's house instead.

Aunt Glady's waiting. We got to go.

Aw, gee.

Aw, look at that.

Aw, shit.

Aw, shit. Deck the halls.

Back when you guys came back from the hospital with Joanne.

Baking soda. Baking soda.

Basically, it's the kind of thing

Be careful driving. Do you hear me?

Be smart.

Be smart.

Be specific.

Because he can't breathe right all weekend.

Because he made all my dreams come true for her.

Because he's infested with jealousy.

Because history

Because I'm not a painter anymore, mom, right?

Because it was too bright.

Because Kendall's such a moron.

Because now I have you trapped.

Because that's the way it's gonna be

Because you know I'm only looking for pity.

Because you think like I felt at your age,

Because your father

Because... because I am sick as a dog,

Because... because I am sick as a dog,

Beep beep, brother in law.

Before dawn, so...

Before I have to hear how we forgot she exists.

Before my wife interrupted me...

Before she comes in the morning

Before they start singing again.

Before we're on the evening news.

Before you went to work for our boy.

Believe me...

Between Tommy and Jack, and I was not told.

Between Tommy and Jack.

Big gobs of human fat

Black... I like it black.

Bless you.

Bless you.

Bless you.

Bonehead.

Born that way.

Boy, girl, boy, girl.

Boy, I'm beat.

Boy, if that isn't the nail on the head.

Boy, if that isn't the nail on the head.

Boy, you look, uh,

Breathing down your throat this week?

Brittany lace, hug your Aunt Claudia.

Brittany, look,

But go fish is unfazed. Unfazed!

But he learned this story somewhere.

But I have my maintenance pass,

But I like you a lot.

But I love this dress.

But I mean, not living back here in...

But it's just lost on her.

But Kitt's not you, and you're not me.

But maybe not. Maybe...

But this one's set for 5:10

But today...

But who the hell are they?

But you know that.

But you're divorced, huh? You and Eddie?

But...

Buying, making.

By yanking a 47 year old bus ticket

Can you just set it down

Can't take the shame.

Cash is king...

Cash is the fossil fuel that

Check out

Check out that Leo, will you?

Check your messages on your machine?

Chicago.

Choking the economy.

Cigarettes and junk food

Claudia Larson?

Claudia Larson. Most likely to succeed.

Claudia, be a good girl. Pass the cranberry sauce.

Claudia, come into the kitchen.

Claudia, go check the furnace.

Claudia, he didn't mean it.

Claudia, I won this on the price is right,

Claudia, is this you?

Claudia, it's getting dark.

Claudia, it's not even worth it.

Claudia, jell o salad?

Claudia, my hot pads have labels on them

Claudia, you and Mr. Fish take Aunt Glady home

Claudia! Is this your car?

Claudia?

Claudia...

Clyde, can you get the Captain and Tennille

Clyde, come on.

Clyde! Clyde! Get off the phone now!

Come here, gorgeous.

Come here. Come here.

Come home, Tommy.

Come on, Clyde!

Come on, come on, let's go home.

Come on, guys, knock it off.

Come on, guys...

Come on, let's eat!

Come on, let's go out and keep eating, OK?

Come on, mom. Buck up. There's always Christmas.

Come on, shake hands. This is stupid.

Come on!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Enough with this.

Come on. I'm serious.

Come on. Where is everybody?

Coming right up. Coming right up.

Company.

Congratulations, honey.

Control your son!

Could I see you for a second?

Could I see you for a second?

Could I use your men's room?

Could you tell me

Couldn't get out to play.

Couple of bachelors on the road,

Cranberry sauce,

Cranberry sauce,

Cut it out!

Dad,

Dad, I don't know what you're hearing.

Dad, please. You don't have to explain.

Dad, put the camera down.

Dad, why'd you do that?

Dad?

Dad.

Dad.

Dance. Jump in the yolk.

Dancing with Adele.

Dark blue uniform

Daughter!

Dear lord,

Dear Lord,

Dessert looks pretty good.

Did Leo tell you about this bad lunch meeting

Did my sister call you anymore?

Did you ever think of that?

Did you make that yourself?

Did you spot weld this, mom?

Did you wear a dress?

Did you wear a dress?

Did you wear a white veil or a blue garter belt?

Didn't I?

Didn't you have a girlfriend, or...

Do a silkwood shower for us, will you?

Do I look worried?

Do it for me.

Do it for your mother.

Do not panic.

Do not yell at my kid.

Do you have to do this

Do you look around and wonder,

Do you mind?

Do you remember that day, you kids

Do you want me to...

Do you want to hear about pain?

Do you want to talk about it?

Doctors cured a deaf man

Does dear Abby know about life anyway?

Don't ask.

Don't be scared.

Don't be stupid.

Don't call every 2 minutes. I'll die.

Don't comment on things you don't understand.

Don't encourage them.

Don't let him get to us. He thrives on that.

Don't open it, get cut,

Don't start with me, because you'll lose.

Don't tell me what I need!

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry. I didn't believe your kid was 18.

Don't you have a little...

Don't you want to answer the phone?

Don't. Don't, dad.

Down.

Drugs.

Drunk driver, cut right across

Easy, Walter, easy. Don't let...

Eating.

End of discussion.

Enormous TV.

Enough!

Enough! Enough!

Even as a little boy...

Even the fungus.

Even things we hated,

Even those old fashioned, pain in the ass traditions,

Even though God damn it,

Even though Stella Nimerill

Every year of our lives, wherever we are,

Every year you give me wings.

Everybody's got one

Everybody's OK.

Everything single thing she owns 40 times a...

Everything.

Everything. Nothing.

Everything's changing too damn fast,

Everywhere.

Exactly. What's wrong with this guy?

Excellent.

Except if we get hit by a bus someday,

Except us.

Except we do, 'cause those bastards

Excuse me.

Excuse me. May I?

Eyes wide open, just like your dad.

Fearless.

Feelings come up, and she actually feels them,

Find an oyster?

Fish, we're friends. Don't blow this.

Fish?

Fish. Leo?

Fleeceless, disgusting, skinless ferret.

Flight 814, 11:30 A.M.

Float.

For 2 goddamn seconds.

For 2 seconds, we could take a whack at it.

For heaven's sakes!

For Mr. Bigmouth and his friend.

For Thanksgiving?

For your brother and that boy Leo.

For your brother Tommy's picture.

Fragile.

Frank!

Fruit loops.

Full of pukey bubbles and pellets

Get a chance...

Get it off me!

Get it out of her lap.

Get it out.

Get off me, you punk!

Get out of here. Give me that food.

Get out of here. Go look at your tube.

Get over here and unlock this car... Now.

Get up. Get up. Get up. We're here.

Get your skinny little ass back in here!

Ginny Johnson Drewer.

Ginny...

Give it to me.

Give Jack a big, big, big, big hug for me.

Give me a kiss, gorgeous.

Give me a kiss.

Give me some of that. I'm Leo fish.

Give me that.

Give me the goddamn time of day, will you?

Giving you $63 million

Glady! Glady!

Go away.

Go back to your own goddamn holidays.

Go for it, glad.

Go get her, pal.

Go through this for another year,

Go, fish. That's it! Go, fish!

Go! Go!

God, don't tell your father.

God, I hate the holidays.

God, I miss you so much.

God, I miss you.

God, I ran all the way

God, wait till you

God.

God.

God.

Good evening.

Good news.

Good.

Got a full tank.

Got any new federal regulators

Got to go, mom.

Great moment of my life.

Great, everybody loves you.

Great.

Grrr!

Grrr!

Grrr!

Grrr!

Guy pulls out these big tweezers.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Clown family!

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha...

Ha ha! I'm in Miami now.

Ha ha.

Ha! You nervous?

Had that jerk that drips death.

Had to hose the genius down.

Had to pull out the power tools

Hanging over my shoulder with painted breath,

Happy Thanksgiving, mom.

Happy Thanksgiving! Are you all right?

Happy Thanksgiving.

Has a great big baseball bat.

Has now grown into a horrible, shiny,

Have fun. Yeah.

Have Thanksgiving with your friends.

Have...

He can't keep his damn hands off it.

He didn't mean it.

He doesn't know where anything is

He keeps grabbing me, putting his hand up my dress,

He kept us late in English

He kissed him on the lips, right in front of...

He kissed me.

He looks dangerous.

He sells $1,000 suits in Akron, Ohio.

He smells light poo poo on the fingers.

He sneaks in whenever I leave.

He used to be a cook,

He was right in my way.

He's a poet and barely knows it.

He's constipated again.

He's cute.

He's deep in the pocket!

He's getting awfully fat in his old age.

He's never felt this kind of pressure before,

He's not responding...

He's rooting around up inside his schnoz.

He's stupid.

He's swell.

He's taking over half my territory.

He's vacuuming.

Headlights.

Hee hee!

Hee hee!

Hee hee.

Hee!

Heh heh heh.

Heh.

Hello, Russell.

Hello? Guess who this is.

Henry, for Christ sakes!

Henry!

Henry!

Henry.

Henry.

Henry. Henry.

Here he is, soaking wet.

Here it comes...

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here, here, right here.

Here, let me help you.

Here.

Here. Look.

Here's an alarm clock, dear.

Here's his folks' number in case of a real emergency.

Here's something you've got to see!

Here's to us.

Hernia dog.

Herro, Rawrson lesidence.

Hey, Brittany. I've got a cold.

Hey, caveman.

Hey, gosh, speaking of coats,

Hey, is your mom around?

Hey, it's OK.

Hey, Jo,

Hey, Mr. Funny Business.

Hey, Russell. How are you?

Hey, three B's, huh?

Hey, Tommy.

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, what if my parents catch us?

Hey, why don't we get naked

Hey, yeah. Or, uh,

Hey! Ah! You get off!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey.

Hey. Just 2 coffees to go,

Hey. That picture of you?

Hi, baby, how are you?

Hi, Claudia.

Hi, Frank.

Hi, Jo, how are you?

Hi, Peter.

Hi, you again.

Hi! Smile.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Guess Jack's not coming?

Hi. Hi, little brother.

Hi... hi, Claudia.

Hike.

Hit me.

Hiya.

Hmm.

Hmm...

Ho ho!

Hold my hand, tubby.

Hold still. You got something between your teeth.

Holy shit.

Homecoming...

Honey, I'm going to try to sneak

Honey, it's OK.

Honey, the food's getting cold.

Honey, this is your last chance.

Hook me up. What happened next?

Hope you're hungry, Claudia.

How about money?

How about them panthers, huh?

How am I going to get home? I can't walk.

How can I forget them?

How can you leave town without a coat?

How desperate I am

How do you do it?

How do you even know it happened?

How do you keep... how do you keep...

How fast can you go, Tommy?

How long have you been here?

How many do you have now?

How the hell you doing, Walter?

How this thing works?

How you doing?

How you lose a coat I don't understand.

How's anyone? It's the nineties.

How's Jack?

How's Jack?

How's mom?

How's my real family?

How's our lovely niece miss kitty?

How's your glamorous life?

How's your nose?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Human cholesterol or something.

Human cholesterol stuck in the system, right?

Hut!

I always settled for less.

I am way too old for that.

I barely sleep anyway anymore.

I bet you forgot the jell o salad.

I broke his heart.

I can manage.

I can manage.

I can see your roots, Claudia.

I can still feel it 43 years later,

I can still taste the salt on his lips,

I can take care of myself, damn it.

I can take care of myself.

I can't believe

I can't believe it.

I can't change.

I can't do everything!

I can't do it again.

I can't eat that stuff anymore.

I can't read in the car.

I can't remember everything.

I can't wait for goddamn Christmas.

I cannot believe I have said this to a machi...

I check my messages.

I detected gas in the kitchen.

I did it with my pleasure.

I did it with my work

I didn't hit your friend. I didn't touch your friend...

I didn't mean to do that.

I don't even know

I don't even know how to play golf.

I don't even know you,

I don't get it.

I don't have anybody anymore, really.

I don't have anybody anymore.

I don't know when I'll be back,

I don't know when...

I don't know, Mrs. Larson.

I don't mean anything political.

I don't want them rotting here overnight

I don't want to hear about it.

I don't want to take antibiotics.

I dropped a 24 pound butterball

I ever laid my eyes on him, too.

I forgot to tell her.

I gave you the wrong number by mistake.

I got fired a lot.

I got it all on tape,

I got some stuff upstairs.

I got them. Calm down.

I got to go over to Joanne's tonight?

I had 2 molars extracted there.

I had a not so good day today, honey.

I had this fantasy about you?

I hate a lot of lipstick.

I hate machines.

I hate that color on you, Glady.

I have Michelle's number.

I have no pride. I have no rights.

I have one. Thanks.

I have this fantasy

I have this fantasy...

I have to burn it in hell.

I have to go.

I have to tell him everything,

I have to.

I hope it was a nice wedding,

I hope you made enough niblet corn.

I hope you're happy, Thomas,

I hurt her feelings?

I just don't remember it being this bad.

I just miss you guys.

I just need to go home

I just smile because...

I just wanted you to know that. That's all.

I just...

I know about liquor and food and...

I know how lucky

I know you do.

I know you hate to fly.

I know you know.

I know you will.

I know, I know.

I know, I know.

I know, sweetie. Scoot upstairs

I know.

I know. I just...

I know. I know. Just float.

I leave it unlocked.

I left all her crap in the backseat.

I let him get away...

I let stuff get in my way.

I like this.

I lost it.

I love you guys.

I made his favorite... key lime pie.

I made your favorite meat loaf.

I may pass out.

I mean, all that sick gobbledygook

I mean, everybody needs heat, right? Huh?

I mean, how embarrassing.

I mean, I'm letting you climb inside my head.

I mean, I'm working, studying,

I mean, life makes no sense.

I mean, she's not fat.

I meant you, not the car.

I might change jobs.

I miss you, man.

I n...

I nev...

I never called you.

I never heard of him. Consult your directory.

I never said they fired me.

I never said... I only said

I only want my own sweet potatoes

I open the cabinets, and there it is.

I promised I wouldn't call her.

I really have thought about this.

I really wish you were going to be there, kiddo,

I rest my case.