💬 The Cannonball Run (1981)

A lot of 'em. (Chuckles)

A lot of goodies for you guys and a Big Gulp Dr Pepper for me.

A nightmare. A living nightmare. You are killing me, Seymour.

A side order of couscous, and...

A toast to us, you and me. We're gonna win the whole thing.

A woman whose initial fear has mellowed into curious expectation.

Aaargh!

Aargh!

About my mother planning to purchase Southern California

After checking my schedule, I find I'll be able to make the journey.

Ah ha ha!

Ah, what the hell? I can't penalize nice girls like you for a little indiscretion

Ah!

Ah! (Chuckles)

Ah! Ah! Go! Go, Chaos!

Ah! Too much couscous.

Ah.

Ah. Bless your heart.

Ain't nothin' happening.

Albert Schweitzer.

All right, hit it.

All right?

All right.

All right. One more time. Let me hear it.

All right. Put me down.

All right. There you go.

All right. Where is the doctor?

All right. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

Allah be praised, dear sister.

Almost everything I wear is pink.

And bring this thing to a screeching halt, right now.

And cunningly disguised so it won't look like a racing car.

And feel free to use the lighter in my car, Mr...

And for this I sent you to the best schools?

And heir to the Goldfarb Girdles fortune.

And Henrietta wasn't even bothering him.

And I suppose you still intend to go through that race with the infidel Americans.

And I was wondering if one of you, or both of you,

And if you're ever up in Duluth, remember to look me up.

And Missouri. And California.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.

And now... Ha ha!

And other related tendencies.

And telling those people all about us, back in Missouri,

And that's whiskey, zebra, alpha,

And the two men driving are responsible for the victim in this ambulance.

And then I drifted in playing a rather popular...

And then we're gonna hit Congress for a real budget

And they kidnapped a girl named Pamela Glover,

And this this is my faithful companion, Cato.

And we're picking up the bills. This could be fun.

And we've got to find a female...

And wearing a wig too. Ha ha! Ain't he cute?

And what is he doing?

And you know that.

And you know what you got? You got yourself a bet.

And you paramedics are doing such a wonderful job.

And you wouldn't understand any part of that.

And, as for the winning vehicle, well, we'll just have to wait and see.

Another five minutes and you'll be in Arizona.

Anybody who knows anything about medicine knows that she can't fly.

Anyhow, why do I have to be the bride?

Are out there waiting for us after we start, but let's think positively.

Are you all right?

Are you kidding?

Argh!

As an attempt to influence your giving me a ticket, Officer.

As far as the money's concerned, you got a deal.

As you probably know, we're...

At the Knoxville, Tennessee, College of Faith Healing.

Aw. That's nice.

Bawl your brains out.

Be the winning racers tomorrow in the Cannonball race,

Because I am a wild bull when I lose my temper.

Because if I had enough time...

Because when the going gets tough, the tough get going!

Been a cop long?

Before I open this, don't get your hopes up too high.

Believe it or not,

Besides, I'm wearing these.

Bless you, my children.

Blimp?

Boom boo boom, pow! Pow! Pow!

Boss, this is the biggest coup in the history of the Safety Enforcement Unit.

Boy, if we were Methodists,

Bring friends.

Buckle up. We're going into action.

But don't you ever tell me where you found him.

But I... No, I've got them.

But it's probably just as well,

But kindly resist the temptation and keep the media coverage to a minimum.

But this place is filling up... with some real hoodlums.

But today, I want to direct my remarks

But we're Cannonballers ourselves. Thank you.

But... he can.

Buy a houseboat. Move down to Florida.

Bye.

California, here we come, right back where we started from.

California?

Camel.

Can be such a bore, talking to those chaps.

Casanova, poet, philosopher. (Chuckles)

Catch it!

Causes her to make certain delirious... drememium...

Cheers.

Come on right here.

Come on, Doc. Show her.

Come on, get these traitors out of here, will you?

Come on, guys, keep moving, will you, please?

Come on!

Come on. I'll put it in neutral.

Coming through!

Congratulations. Here's to you. Good luck.

Couldn't hurt.

Cut it.

Cysts. On the walls of her lungs. Very rare.

Damn "no brake" gag works every time.

Damn Cannonballers.

Damn right I am.

Damn, I hope so.

Dear God.

Did was... m make it p purty.

Didn't you ever do anything just for the hell of it?

Do me a favor. A race is a race, right?

Do some of you people want to come over and push this thing out of the way?

Do you know what that is?

Do you take your law and order in this town seriously?

Do you understand what I'm saying? We ha...

Doctor...

Doesn't matter. You look terrific without it.

Don't appreciate your Mothers' March

Don't bother about the bill.

Don't forget to cancel the board meeting on Monday.

Don't hit me.

Don't start with him. I don't want to talk about him.

Don't tell me your name. Let me guess.

Don't think for a minute...

Don't want him around, he's around. When we want him, he's not around.

Don't you ever tell me where you got him.

Don't you look precious? All dressed up like that.

Don't! I'm not gonna help you. You didn't even help Mr...

Down the hatch.

Drink! Drink!

Driving an ambulance, you have to have a doctor in the...

Dun dun dah!

English humor.

Equipment?

Equipment.

Evel Knievel... you've got yourself some competition!

Even the deepest family relationships aren't worth a farthing.

Even? Uh...

Ever.

Everybody is gonna get a card like this.

Everything?

Except that she has been loved as never before...

Exciting.

Excuse me for asking.

Excuse me, good sisters, if you will.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Farthing, schmarthing.

Father, we do have a race to run, and we're running a little late.

Fenderbaum, do me a favor.

Fenderbaum, the road's open!

Fish on the back of the boat and tell my mom lies.

Fool!

For the hell of it.

For this I'm going broke, paying that Beverly Hills analyst?

For this I'm spending 8,000 on orthodontia work?

For... (Coughs) Fortunately, my practice allows me a certain flexibility.

Four times?

Friends of Nature love trees, so I come to the meetings.

From sea to shining sea,

Funny. They don't have any sense of humor about that sort of thing.

George Hamilton?

George, you remember the good old days before they got radar?

Get a physical. I shall return, my little fig.

Get me Dr. Livingstone, get me Dr. Frankenstein.

Give it to myself all the time.

Give that sucker some juice.

Go!

Go.

God is our copilot.

Goddamn camel jockey!

Goddamn, that's sick.

Godzilla movie. (Chuckles)

Golf course, bar. Where else? Hospital!

Good day.

Good. Now you wear the wig, sweetheart.

Gosh! Wait till I tell my friends

Graduate of the University of Rangoon and assorted night classes

Greek! But...

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha! It's...

Hamsters are a big responsibility.

Have no fear, Chaos is here! Dun dun dah!

Have you ever considered joining a harem?

He can say that, he can say that

He can say that.

He died two days before he was gonna retire.

He gets very upset when he talks to... him.

He got sick.

He is the finest long distance motorcycle rider in this nation.

He laughed and you hit me!

He laughed... He laughed... He laughed first.

He likes you.

He looks like Gregory Peck in that blue flannel suit.

He was acting so crazy, he ate a piece of tail,

He was gonna retire.

He's been locked up for six years in that monastery. He don't know what he's doing.

He's drowning!

He's my shrink. He was committed yesterday.

He's nothing. Don't worry about him.

He's out there somewhere, helping people.

He's still on our ass.

Hello, Father. Nice looking car.

Hello, Mother. I trust you had a pleasant day.

Hello.

Here, my desert blossom.

Here. Will you let me do it?

Here. You girls have a nice trip.

Here's Johnny!

Hey, Brad, old buddy! Ha ha! How the hell are you?

Hey, Father Putz.

Hey, I remember. There's a spot...

Hey, JJ, you'll never believe what just happened to him!

Hey, Lowboy! Look in your rearview mirror.

Hey, there's the motel.

Hey, watch out! Watch out!

Hey, when we get to California, I got a place out at Palos Verdes...

Hey!

Hey. Hey!

Hi, guys. JJ?

Hi, guys. What's up?

Hi.

Hi. How's it going?

Him.

Hit it!

Hm! Who can blame anybody for kidnapping you?

Hm?

Hm. I could be very patient with those patients. They're very lickable... very likeable.

Hold it, hold it. You wanna try this side?

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

Hold it. You wouldn't last five minutes in the New York subway.

Hold my drink.

Hold on to your lunch pail.

Hold on. Hold on. Let it go. Come on.

Hold still, Petey. Say cheese.

Holy shit.

Hookers, man. Where the hookers?

How about a beer?

How about a limousine with diplomatic plates?

How about just one of you?

How about some champagne, darling?

How about the fact that your paint job is coming off?

How are you figuring the odds on this Cannonball cockamamie?

How could you possibly change odds in the middle of things?

How do you all feel, now that you have ****d the American highways?

How far is it to the hospital?

How goes your driving, my brother?

How long till we stop?

How long we been here?

Howdy, sir. What seems to be the problem?

However, in my particular line of work, I seldom need more than this. (Chuckles)

Humanitarian reasons.

I always like a couple of drinks right after surgery.

I always wanted to be Captain America!

I am Captain Chaos.

I am here to participate in your little jaunt to California.

I am sure that she will still consider keeping you all on as a member of the Highway Patrol,

I can't believe this is happening to me.

I couldn't leave him till he was settled down.

I didn't have any friends like I do now.

I don't care, because...

I don't care...

I don't care... because...

I don't even own a house. I live in an apartment.

I don't know how to ask you this.

I don't know if you know my partner. Jamie, you remember Jimmy the Greek.

I don't know why you're pouting. I mean, look,

I don't know, but whatever it was, it was doing 125.

I don't know, Officer.

I don't know. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts.

I don't suppose you have a driver's license tucked down in there somewhere, do you?

I don't think both of his paddles are in the water.

I don't think it's the throttle! I think it's the clutch!

I don't think we were put on this earth to hurt people,

I don't think... I don't think... I don't think he's a bluffing, either.

I don't want to talk about... Victor, Beauty. Beauty, Victor.

I gathered my thoughts.

I got a throttle that's been sticking. Why don't you fix that?

I got the number. You can count on it.

I guarantee they're gonna pay for this,

I guess so.

I guess they think it's a little kinkier, dressed as priests.

I guess you just never know.

I guess you must have misconstrued my remark

I know that. Just hit it one more time, all right?

I know what's wrong.

I know. A bloodmobile.

I know. But the only problem we got now,

I like you too, Beauty.

I listen to him every night.

I love anybody who loves trees.

I love trees. Did I tell you...

I love you!

I made up my mind right then, I was gonna go for it.

I mean, everything I wanted, I was gonna go for it right then,

I mean, it's really nice.

I mean, this is our Three Mile Island and Love Canal combined.

I mean, what for?

I must warn you, I'm Roger Moore.

I never go anywhere without it.

I realize the novelty of a major celebrity entering your little race,

I request that you speak more clearly in the Queen's English.

I shall return for you after the race.

I still think we ought to paint it.

I suppose you, uh... came here to hear me speak.

I sure as H would like to get my hands on

I sure was grateful.

I swear to God. I'm not gonna hit you.

I think I'd like mine to be pink.

I think I'm gonna call the Greek and put another 10,000 on us.

I think they're armed.

I think we were put on this earth to help people.

I think we're in deep you know what. The transmission is slipping.

I think you have to go back and pick him up.

I thought that cop was gonna have a cardiac arrest

I told you this honeymoon scheme would work.

I want to talk to her.

I want to thank you for being so sweet and so nice,

I want to thank you for stopping, son,

I want you to find an old friend of mine, a Mr. Shakey Finch.

I want you to think of your hamsters as a little army

I warned you not to interfere in my affairs.

I was just surprised that all the animals there were...

I was saying, what I like best about trees is that,

I was sitting next to George Hamilton!

I was thinking more along the lines of $200.

I wish I had a friend like that.

I wonder why that guy parked his truck in the lobby.

I would take those rosary beads and stuff 'em up your nose.

I would take those rosary bleeds and stuff 'em up your nose.

I'd like to thank Mona Corson of Westport

I'll be in the bar.

I'll just call you Beauty, OK?

I'll see you in California. I love you!

I'll take anything.

I'll take care of this one.

I'll take these bleeds here...

I'm a doctor, and if I may be permitted the indelicacy,

I'm a wealthy philanthropist.

I'm afraid this car is full of surprises.

I'm Doctor Nikol... (Coughs, wheezes)

I'm glad there's no cupcakes like that in New Jersey.

I'm going to spend a week in Spain at the castle.

I'm gonna get a beer!

I'm gonna like this job. Right here, honey.

I'm gonna lose him right up here at the motel.

I'm into trees.

I'm just the driver. We have to ask the doc.

I'm looking at my son, Seymour Goldfarb Jr,

I'm no madam. I'm a decent, respectable woman.

I'm on Wall Street. Maybe we can have lunch sometime.

I'm ready. I swear to God, I'm ready!

I'm really sorry about that little lapse, Officer.

I'm really sorry I'm late, but one of my hamsters had an anxiety attack.

I'm sitting here, having a conversation with somebody who kidnapped me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure that doctor's a very sweet man, basically.

I'm terribly sorry, Mother, but you know too much.

I've always wanted to be... Captain USA!

I've been meaning to ask you, what movie?

I've determined that my services will require the payment of $2,000.

I've never seen a damn Rolls Royce that'd do 140 miles an hour.

I've seen every single one of your movies at least three or four times.

Ice cream truck. An ice cream truck. You know, they got to get there before it melts.

If CBS woulda had their cameras there

If the transmission does hold together,

If we do, then that road opens up and you're long gone.

If we're gonna paint it, let's go ahead and Midasize it, all right?

If you are referring to me,

If you didn't pay so much attention to those girls.

In a Ferrari, they can do it faster, that's all.

In case somebody gets swamp fever.

In fact, you can. Not that one, darling.

In the morning, she will be set free, unaware of anything,

In the pizza business, when things are slow, you tend to eat the inventory.

International film star, ruthless assassin,

Is another time clock just like that at the Portofino Inn.

Is that lady all right?

Is we have to go and retune it.

Isn't it strange having that guy running around inside your head?

Isn't that JJ McClure?

It ain't running worth a shit. And it's wet.

It only hurts when I point.

It takes brilliance and years of hard work.

It was at least 180 in the shade, not that there was much shade.

It'll give me an excuse.

It'll keep.

It's a cinch.

It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.

It's a living.

It's a Nevada license plate.

It's all part of my business, really.

It's all right, miss. It doesn't hurt.

It's not a very sporting way to win. What do you say, Father?

It's not easy finding a doctor to take off like that.

It's not important. Move along, if you would.

It's quite possible. Is this going to take long?

It's really funny that you should... Oh, my God. It's them.

It's still in syndication, you know.

It's the blimp next to him. The blimp.

It's time for you to punch out.

It's very, very hard.

It's... Just write WZA 9...

Jackie Chan.

Jackie Chan. (Mimics engine revving)

JJ McClure, Victor Prinzim.

JJ, I saved that woman's dog.

JJ, this is not a nine to five job. I wish him were here.

JJ, you son of a!

JJ, you want me to start the examination right away?

JJ, you're making very big waves!

JJ. Him doesn't like it when you say bad things about me,

JJ. There are two priests in that car over there.

Juliette.

Just as good as new. Give her a try.

Just get me a doctor. Go where the doctors hang out.

Just give him a couple of enemas and call me in the morning.

Just like it was the goddamn Red Brigade or something.

Just think, we have a professional physician on board

Keep it in the road.

Keep the change.

Killing me a slow death with this idiot spy business.

Knock 'em flat out.

Let me paint you a mental picture, all right, Victor?

Let me see your driver's license, please.

Let me tell you something, Greek. We got a secret weapon.

Let's get that first car up here. We're gonna get this thing under way.

Let's go get a beer first.

Let's go! Hit it!

Let's see...

Like he was some goy movie star named Roger Moore.

Like JJ.

Like JJ...

Like talking to you, you know?

Listen to what I'm telling you.

Listen, I want to get up there. I don't want to miss a thing.

Listen, I've got two minutes to catch my flight. Yeah. Bye.

Listen, that's not good for the Cannonball.

Look at that shit.

Look at the parking lot. The Cannonballers have it all jammed up.

Look out!

Looking for accidents, trying to help people.

Looks like she survived the procedure.

Mad Dog, you are gonna take the shortcut to the interstate, aren't you?

Make that California, will you?

Making that engine just purr right along the road.

Man does not live on... on bread alone.

Man, I can't handle this traffic.

Marching along on a treadmill,

May the good Lord take a liking to you, but not too soon.

Maybe I can help.

Maybe you would like to complete your ensemble.

Maybe... Maybe one of those beauties could be our patient.

Me and my partner, we just ride around in an ambulance,

Melissa.

Michael Hui.

Might be easier with your lights on.

Might like to ride in the winning vehicle.

Mm. Well, we got you.

Mr. Foyt, go around and get in the emergency entrance.

Mr. Foyt, how did you light that?

Mr. Foyt. Mr. Foyt.

Mr. Martin laughed first.

My dear sister. I pledge it!

My father used to work in the coal mines.

My God, Pamela. Did you see that?

My God, the perfect specimen.

My jet will take you to California.

My name is JJ McClure. And this is my...

My name is JJ McClure. This is Victor Prinzim, my executive assistant.

My speed is rivaled only by the lightning bolts from the heavens!

Nah, we don't ride in Wall Street.

Nah.

Need some help?

New Mexico. (Chuckles)

Next year we're going for the Nobel Prize. That's where the big bucks are.

Nikolas Van Helsing, professor of proctology

Niner, fiver, zero.

No brakes! Help us! Yes, thank you.

No problem, fair lady. I will save your baby. Have no fe e e ear!

No, Chaos! No!

No, I can't. I can't do anything.

No, I just gave her a little prick.

No, it's a shitty way to win.

No, look. I'm a liberal wing, way out, on the other part of the church.

No, no, not really. I'm into trees.

No, of course not.

No, thank you. Not right now.

No, wait. He's in the ambulance. This way.

No, what?

No! How much?

No.

No. There's something else of yours that I want.

No. Wait a minute, Greek. Only thing I want to know is,

No. Yes. Yes.

Nobody bothered me at school after that.

Nobody.

Nobody's perfect, but him.

Normally, I drive right around the speed limit.

Not here, you won't. The word is out about your roadblock.

Not that one, darling, please.

Not the Camel, schmuck. Winston.

Now get off my case. I'm late for my plane.

Now, don't you worry, son.

Now, sir, before we commence this odyssey,

Now, why don't you, huh?

Now!

Of course, certain skeptics note

Of course, man. This took 30 years.

Of highway scofflaws and degenerates ever gathered together in one place.

Oh, by the way, Greek.

Oh, I don't wear any.

Oh, JJ. What a wonderful way to put it.

Oh, my baby, my baby!

Oh, my God. You again?

Oh, no thanks.

Oh, no! We really don't have any brakes!

Oh, really? What's that?

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. We got a smokey on our tail.

Oh, sure. They have a black cardinal.

Oh! (Groans)

Oh! He's not in here.

Oh! That must be the entry of the National Safety Council.

Oh! They do want us to pull over. They want to bless us. Can we?

Oh.

Ohio? Yes. Ohio has been notified.

OK, Beauty. You lie down and be a patient for the police.

OK, now, who's driving?

OK, so it's Interstate 80 through Pennsylvania.

OK.

Old chap, I suggest you get a grip on yourself or better, on one of these.

On a moonlit night you can lie under them,

One day I was in the schoolyard, and nine guys were beating me up pretty good.

One of the priests is black.

Only in America. Get me 12 suites.

Oooh!

Out of the car, both of you.

Ow!

Oy vey!

Pow! Slam! Bam! Boff!

Puff away.

Pull over! We want to give you our blessings.

Regardless of how shabbily you treated her son!

Remember our car?

Roger Moore.

Running their little legs off, just running as fast as they can,

Say hello, Cato.

Second thought, Father, you want to bless him?

Secret weapon.

See this ambulance back here?

Seymour, put that away. It's liable to go off.

Shakey, it's kind of tough to get close to you.

Shakey. My God, it is you. Hello, Shakey!

She goes both ways.

She should have her picture on the cover of the AMA journal.

She's in great pain.

She's running good now, buddy.

Show her.

Shut up, sweetie, and punch the clock.

Sir James!

Sit down.

Six seventy five.

Six years is gonna seem like a summer vacation

Slow down!

So there you have it, a rather simple story, actually.

So, come on. Will you excuse him, good sisters?

So, you know what, Victor? There's not gonna be any more Captain Chaos.

Some of the officers up the road might not be as understanding.

Somebody's hat.

Son of Seymour Goldfarb, God rest his soul,

Son, back that thing down. You got smokeys all over my back door.

Sorry.

Sorry. I don't want fruit in my drink.

Starting tomorrow, you and George will be riding in the car with me.

Stay out of trouble and have a good cover.

Step back, my dear.

Steven, put away... Seymour. Excuse me.

Take a... Take...

Take care.

Take it and win, Captain!

Take that!

Tell them to go back and pick up Mr...

Tell you what. Let's, the two of us, go over there and talk to them.

Tell you what. We'll just... slip away.

Terrific. We're out of beer, Victor.

Terrorists, my dimpled ass.

Thank God. Normal people.

Thank goodness. We just had a terrible accident.

Thank you so much, Officer. We really do appreciate that warning.

Thank you, Father.

Thank you, good sisters.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot, ladies. But I would take it a little easier.

Thanks to you, though, we don't have a female patient.

Thanks to you, Victor, we do not have a female patient in the back.

Thanks.

That didn't hurt.

That has the death penalty for speeding.

That is the dumbest thing I've seen since that dimwit tried to jump the Grand Canyon.

That is, if we are going to converse on this wireless.

That perhaps 10,000 of the nation's most elite highway patrolmen

That policeman seems to want us to stop, darling.

That was six lamb burgers, four shish kebabs,

That we were both flashers and sex maniacs.

That will allow us to play some real hardball.

That would be very exciting.

That you and the chocolate monk did for us back in Ohio.

That you can lie under them on a moonlit night

That you can lie under them on a moonlit night,

That's a good idea. Everybody would believe you were sick.

That's a good idea. Why don't we ask the doc?

That's a million dollars. Ha ha! If you win.

That's a no no. They haven't allowed that for nearly 2,000 years.

That's all right. I'll answer to anything.

That's better than hiding it... That's better than hiding it out back.

That's funny.

That's funny. Excuse me.

That's odd.

That's p p p p perfect.

That's the first time we took an order by phone.

That's the way it's done.

That's true.

That's very interesting.

That's what everybody... He even said it.

That's... That's...

The automobile, the automobile...

The automobile.

The automotive counterpart to the Bay of Pigs.

The board has asked me to express their concern one more time.

The board will have to permit me this one indulgence to my ego.

The difference between the two times is your time across the country.

The fuel injection system. It's driving me crazy.

The Greek's gonna pay us money!

The lady was splendid.

The meaning, Mother dear, is a quick death.

The more I look around and see these turkeys, I have...

The only thing hiding it... hiding it... hiding it in the... pool

The only thing you gotta do in the Cannonball is drive steady,

The patient. Why can't she be flown to California?

The record stands at 32 hours and 51 minutes.

The road will be open in five minutes, Father.

The round orange moon pie with the white hat on, he'll pay for it.

The senator's wife,

The sleep in maid found it under your pillow this morning.

The smokeys have got traffic all tied up on 40 looking for them Cannonballers.

The way you guys go around helping people.

Then he ate his treadmill. Whoo!

Then I drifted into playing a rather popular character on a television series.

There he was.

There we go. Hit it!

There.

There. You see?

There... There's a spot in... right in back, and it's a perfect spot to hide.

There's a lot of talk on the CB about the roadblock ahead.

There's gonna be a red Ferrari come flying through here

There's the matter of my compensation.

These guys are Cannonballers.

These people make terrorists look like the Sisters of Charity.

They blasted away right in front of my eyes.

They drove right through those trees.

They got vets for that. We got other things to worry about.

They haven't got a chance. You know what?

They need our help. We could pick him up on the way back.

They picked on the wrong one this time!

They want us to pull over.

They're Cannonballers?

They're talking about it all up and down the "super slab".

They're two priests driving a Ferrari.

Think of the fact that there is not one state in the 50

Think you're gonna win this crazy race?

This is a titty turn... Terrific turnout for the meeting.

This is gonna sound like a dumb question, but if she's that sick, why didn't you fly her?

This is my friend Shakey. Allow me to present myself.

This is not a joke anymore. I'm being kidnapped.

This is really terrific,

This man's life is hanging by a thread!

This time I've got them.

Those guys are more juiced up than that Ferrari.

Those guys did break the 55 mile an hour speed limit.

Those guys scare me.

Those Hell's Angels who were driving that truck.

To an event that's sometimes been called

To an old and familiar enemy.

To ban the sale of colored toilet paper

To ban the use of electric toothbrushes during peak load hours,

To get a doctor. Now, where is he?

To Philadelphia by...

To, uh, help reduce irritation of the, uh...

Trees.

Try there too.

Twenty big, large ones.

Two milk.

Two seats.

UCLA?

Uh... Excuse me. Where are you guys going?

Uh... Let's just have this one and that one.

Uh... Mr...

Um... (Murmurs)

Unnnnh!

Very civil.

Very interesting fellow. I'd like to probe his case.

Victor, can you help me?

Victor, I'd like to be your friend. 'Cause I like you.

Victor, we could have won that race. You understand? We could have won it!

Victor?

Victor. (Snaps fingers)

Victor...

Waaargh!

Wah! Give me somebody!

Wah! Wah ha ha ha!

Wait a minute. Can you see where you're going?

Wait a minute. I got something.

Wait, I'm not...

Walking around, acting,

Wasn't Beauty terrific?

Watch this!

Watch this.

We all make mistakes, miss, but 160? That's a little more than a lapse.

We are going right down there

We are sick of Captain Chaos.

We are so sick of Captain Chaos that we could throw up.

We can't have a car with numbers on it.

We could get a black Trans Am. No, that's been done.

We couldn't even go through Denver it's so high.

We don't ride in Wall Street.

We don't want you leaving so shortly after the trip has begun, do we?

We feel terrible about it. And if they can't take a joke...

We got no brakes!

We have to get the senator's wife to California in 72 hours.

We have to get this woman,

We lost a lot of time because of your two phony priests.

We need a piggyback ride.

We need all the help we can get. Just give him a little shot.

We want to bless you!

We were just looking for Cannonb...

We'd have made Sports Spectacular. We just zoomed right over that train.

We'd really like to, but we're on a tight schedule.

We'll get them, and I'm gonna be there to handle it.

We'll run in there.

We'll see.

We'll talk about this later, huh?

We're batting.500. Nobody's perfect.

We're getting done like a couple of kippers here.

We're gonna blow this Cannonball thing wide open

We're gonna have a lot of fun.

We're gonna win!

We're here to win, ain't we?

We're in kind of a hurry, so if you can just bless it and then we can...

We're just... We're just out out out looking for a pack of cigarettes.

We're not in the Indianapolis 500.

We're not losin' it!

We're off. (Laughs)

We're on our way to California.

We're racers, not rapists.

We're taking a nice, leisurely trip to California.

We're the favorites to win the Cannonball tomorrow,

We're the favorites to...

We're very close.

We're very close. (Snorts)

Well, as long as you're in New Jersey, I want you fellas to take it easy.

Well, first, you need a mask and a cape.

Well, he wrote a really terrific poem about a tree.

Well, hello, hot pants.

Well, how did he find you? I mean, how did you two get together?

Well, I had a chestful of citations, medals, that sort of thing,

Well, I just wanted to return the favor

Well, of course. If you would sign in here, please.

Well, shall we join the fracas?

Well, they happen to be a great passion of mine.

Well, well. We are full of tricks, aren't we?

Well, when I was real young,

Well, you have an awful beautiful laugh.

Well... Well...

What a shot we could have of getting laid right here.

What about those two?

What are you, some kind of nut? Who do you think you are?

What concerns me is, do we have enough ice for all this beer?

What do you mean, "we"?

What do you think you're doing? You can't come in here.

What do you think?

What does Dr. Gay do?

What in the hell was that?!

What is that, a bowling team?

What is that? Five, eight, three... Five, eight, three, six...

What is the meaning of this?

What procedure?

What the hell has going too fast got to do with being in the Cannonball?

What the hell is going on here? Everybody's driving like maniacs.

What the hell was that?

What was that?

What were you saying about trees?

What you fellas got in that thing?

What, are you crazy, Greek?

What?

What'd you expect, anyway?

What's going on out here? What is this crude interruption?

What's the odds on the Japanese team not finishing?

What's wrong with you?

When he puts on that mask, he'll blow your goddamn doors off.

When high buttoned shoes were in style.

When I was in Egypt making The Fly Who Bugged Me

When the state of Missouri gets through with you.

When we said we were going to California.

When you leave, you're gonna punch out here at this time clock.

When's the last time you saw two priests driving a Ferrari?

Where is the doctor?

Where?

Where's he gonna sit?

Which I understand will carry us across this grand nation,

Which is gonna be poured...

While you're drinking, that truck to the left.

Whiskey, zebra, alpha,

Who can?

Who did that? Make it stop!

Who has been abducted.

Who?

Why advertise?

Why all this speed and trouble and risk and...

Why didn't we fly her?

Why don't we go and help 'em out?

Why don't you take that piece of shit back to the junkyard? (Cackles)

Why is it so difficult for you to find a doctor?

Why were you laughing?

Will you guys do something?

Will you hurry the hell up?

With a truckload of Sidewinder missiles!

With North Carolina plates, you're driving to Missouri for cigarettes?

With the breeze blowing,

With the whole road packed with speed crazy lunatics.

With this.

Would you mind?

Would you shut up a minute and listen to me?

Wouldn't it be great if we could share the glory of winning the Cannonball with them?

WZA 950. See?

Yeah, let's go get a... Let's... Beer.

Yeah, that one's OK. Let it go.

Yeah, well, how about food, son? Did you bring enough food?

Yeah? Well, I'll tell you what.

Yeah.

Yeah. He gives it to himself all the time.

Yeah. Ohio has been notified.

Yes, Mr. Compton.

Yes, Officer.

Yes, sir.

Yes. He must be rather upset with our rapid rate.

You all are certainly the most distinguished group

You boys gonna start this thing or just sit there and wait for that paint to dry?

You can call it kidnapping, if you want to be rude.

You can count on it.

You can smoke through traffic like shot through a gun in this thing.

You didn't think you'd get away with this? We're gonna get the whole lot of you now.

You don't know what this means to me. Oh, my baby, I love you.

You drive. You hold this. I'll get in the car.

You dumb shits.

You forgot Mr...

You gave me laughing gas.

You go find a doctor. Get me Dr. Kildare,

You got your equipment with you?

You guys are lucky. You tore the heck out of that boat.

You guys are running 120, your little lights are flashing all over. That's what's up.

You guys are strange.

You have to be very scientific about this. It could go up the nostrils, affect the sinuses.

You haven't met my brother in law, Ralph.

You haven't seen our equipment.

You just stay close to Moore. There won't be any trouble.

You know something, Mama? You're too *******.

You know that. You don't need a motorcycle. You need the Super Chief.

You know what I like best about trees?

You know, maybe it would've been better,

You know, the cops would never give that a second glance.

You look very familiar. Do I know you?

You made me forget my favorite skirt back at the motel...

You may be a little overqualified for this job.

You might say a legend in my own time.

You might want to tell that to the judge, sir.

You must be a sensitive person.

You probably didn't realize, but the parking lot's outside.

You see what I'm telling you? No more! No more Captain Chaos ever!

You see, airplanes are only pressurized at 10,000 feet.

You see, even in the deepest family relations...

You see, in my business,

You see, we're on our honeymoon, and she can't wait.

You seen one, you've seen 'em all.

You should call the coroner. JJ, he don't look too good.

You think we're gonna be able to bluff our way through the roadblock?

You think you're so big.

You understand that? You had to go and pull that stupid stunt.

You used to drive that Formula One.

You want to take these guys away? The good guys strike back.

You want to talk or do you want a bet?

You want to try it again?

You want us to pull over and be blessed by a black priest in a red Ferrari?

You, shorty. Where'd you get all that jewelry?

You'd be amazed how many sick people there are out there.

You'll need him.

You're a man.

You're bothering the people!

You're drawing flies. Get the hell out of here.

You're gonna get a slap.

You're gonna take these... (Bleep) And shove 'em up...

You're so macho.

You're the Good Samaritan.

Your ass!

3,000 carefree, madcap miles to California.

3,000 miles, averaging 85 miles an hour.

3,000 miles, roughly, away from here

20 minutes. We could have been there by now.

43 years.

220 miles an hour, and they aren't gonna get a second glance.

"Them" who? Those Hell's Angels.

(? Ominous church organ) (Yawns)

(Bones crack) Argh! Ooh!

(Both) Foyt. ...Foyt!

(Car horn blares) (Tires screech)

(Car horn toots) (Fenderbaum) Pull over!

(Car horns blare) (Tires screech)

(Chuckles) OK, go slow until I get my wig on. Yes, dear.

(Crashing) (Siren blares)

(Crushes paper) (Chairwoman) Mr. Arthur J Foyt.

(Engine roars) (Police siren)

(Explosion) (Seymour) Oy vey!

(Feedback whines) ...that we in Washington

(Groans) AMA journal. (Thud)

(Hissing) (Bleeping intensifies)

(Horn toots) (Giggling)

(Jet engines) It's the damn Cannonball for sure.

(JJ and Victor) Foyt. ...Foyt.

(JJ) Will you get in here?! OK. Here you go.

(Man on speaker) 7 Eleven. How can I help? Pumps one and two, hit 'em.

(Man whispers) My business is not worth a... (Bleep)

(Microphone echo) rectum! (Feedback whines)

(Rumbling) (Rapid bleeping)

(Shakey) Stop kidding. I am. (Laughs nervously)

(Ship's bell chimes) (Seagulls cry)

(Smashing) Thank you, Victor.

(Splashing) (Chiming)

(Thud) (Spring boings)

(Ticking) She's alive.

(Truck horn blares) (Tires screech)

(Van Helsing sings) Hey, maybe I could be the patient.

(Victor laughs wheezily) (JJ chuckles)

(Victor) Gah! (Thud, spring boings)

(Whizzing) What the hell was that?

A gangbang or something like that. A gangbang?

A Lamborghini. Is it in the race?

About ten miles. Oh, yeah?

All right, pal of mine. OK, OK. You're all right.

Although I'm not so sure about Ohio. (Laughter)

and to sound the alarm... (Snoring)

Are you one of those volleyballers? Cannonballers.

Aren't you going to pull over? I'd rather not.

Beautiful. Wonderful. Great.

Better than... (Man) Cut!

Better yet, the entire floor. Yes, sir.

Both of them could be. Woof!

Boy, ain't he something? Are you kidding?

Bye bye. Don't run off. Tonight's the night.

Can you help me with Mr, um... Foyt.

Captain Chaos? Yeah. Out of the blue.

Come back and see us next year. Bye.

Come here. Oh, jeez.

Come on. I'm coming.

Do you mind if I have a cigarette? Go ahead. They're your lungs.

Doesn't fit in the ambulance. I got the doc here, didn't I?

Dr. Gay doesn't even leave his house. If you're gonna win the Cannonball

Drive carefully and take it easy. Thank you.

Drive it like Captain Chaos would. I'll try.

Eight hours! Damn! I... I gotta go to the john!

Excuse me, Father, the road's open. Oh, thanks.

Foyt. Sure. That's what I'm here for.

Freeze, or name your beneficiary. Beneficiary?

Get out of here. Right.

God is our copilot? Mm hm.

Good evening, ladies. Evening.

Goodbye. (Engine approaches)

Got it? I got it. Hurry up, will ya?

Have you ever heard of Joyce Kilmer? Yeah.

He can do that. He can do that?

He. He is a she?

He'd help you. He would?

He's just had his bell rung. Can't you do something?

Hello, Mad Dog. Hey, JJ.

Hello, Victor. You really are.

Here we go. Here we go.

Hey, JJ. Yeah?

Hey, you the one running this fleabag? Huh uh!

Hi. How are ya? (Yelling)

Hi. I'm so happy you're here. Hi.

Hi... I'll do the talking, Victor.

Hit it? Hit it?

Hit that button, will you? Like in your movies!

Hmmm! (Greek) Ha! Jamie Blake.

How long will it take us to get there? About four or five minutes.

How's the patient? (Grunts)

I can't drive. Then I'm driving.

I can't hear you! I said, you're making waves!

I can't see shit. Can you? No problem, son. No problem.

I don't care... Stop laughing!

I don't want to know where you got him! OK.

I don't want to know where you got him. OK.

I don't want to talk about it. He had the most wonderful time.

I got 60 gallons of gasoline. Read my lips.

I got everything else. Where's the doctor?

I It reminds me of a, uh... a poem I wrote. (Engine roars)

I know. Brakes went out. Do you think you're the President?

I love wild bulls. Oh!

I mean, you're professionals. This is our day off.

I think we got it goin', baby. Yeah, we're looking good.

I try to be. I bet you're a fan of Rod McKuen's.

I was pressed for time. No problem.

I'll handle this. One more thing.

I'll just leave you two alone. But, listen, I think you should hear...

I'm trying. Faster!

I've got the card. No, give me that, Doc.

If you gonna be a bear, be a grizzly! (Both growl)

If you need any help... Damn it, I don't want to talk about him!

Is that good to drink? I don't know. I never tried it.

Is that weird? Wow!

It was hard to understand you. When I called, I was doing 140 miles an hour.

It'll keep! It's really important.

It's hot. Oh, I don't know.

It's nothing at all. Keep flying, Father.

JJ! JJ, wait! I got the doc! Terrific.

JJ? (Man) Victor!

JJ? No, thanks.

JJ? Yeah?

JJ. Mm.

Last time I saw you, you were more svelte. What can I tell you?

Left. Oh, hell.

Madam. Madam! Madam?

Mother, you don't understand. What is there to understand?

Much obliged. And to you, Father.

Nah. No.

Need some help, Father? Nah.

Never stop a bloodmobile, would they? Nah.

Next time, I bring my mask. Like a foggy day in London town.

Next year we're going for the nu nu nu... Yes? Ooh! (Laughs)

Nice car, Father. Thank you, asshole.

niner, fiver, zero. Oh.

No more! (Murmurs from crowd)

No, this will help you. No, don't hit me.

No. Betty?

No. Come on.

No. I'm gonna find out.

No. Why are you dressed up like that?

No. Zei gezunt, Mama.

No. I'm not gonna hit you. Listen to me. (Laughs uncontrollably)

Nobody's perfect. That's true.

Now do you wanna hear about the doc? No!

Now, what do you think of that? (Laughter)

Officer, I sincerely hope you're not a Catholic. Pay no attention to him.

Officer. Pull it over.

Oh, I'm so sorry. (Laughter)

Oh, it's about the doctor. It's really important.

Oh, yeah. They have black priests. They do?

Oh! He's always helping people.

Oh. I gotta bless her. I'm sorry, Father. She's a Zen Buddhist.

Oh. I'm sorry. (Babbles)

Oh... Yes?

OK. I'll do all the talking.

OK. OK. I'm ready now. Here we go.

Ooh! JJ, we got a... Flat.

Oy! Where did I go wrong? (Seymour laughs)

P p p p! Plenty. Mm hm.

Perfect. We'd like two singles.

Perfect. Perfect. (Laughs)

Perfectly. This is ridiculous. (Coughs)

Pick up... Oh, that's a good looking piece.

Please reconsider. Not possible, Arthur.

Plenty. Get serious. Give me the rest of that beer.

Quit kidding, will you? Hang on!

She wrote a really terrific poem about a tree. Uh... He.

She's a he. Oh!

She's, uh... She's very sick. There's not a hospital within 50 miles.

Small. S M all. Oh.

So do I. Oh.

Sorry about that. It's all right.

Sounds like she's on something to me. Let me explain something to you.

Stock. Sign here.

Stop it. (Man) Ready?

Take a left. Left.

Thank you, Father. You're quite welcome.

Thank you. You're such a brave man. (Dog whimpers)

Thanks a lot. Get this rig outta here.

Thanks to your wonderful cousin Tessie. It's not my fault she didn't fit in the stretcher.

Thanks, Shakey. Excuse me. Get this guy, Shakey!

That's beautiful. Thank you.

That's great! Yeah.

That's it? That's it.

The auxiliary tanks are full... I gave you one responsibility,

The Cannonball will fall to the forces of Islam! (Thunder)

The car will be there, correct? Yes, Mr. Compton.

The Goodyear blimp? He can say that. He can say that.

the leaves gently blowing... (Clattering)

The Royal Air Force. Oh.

Then we go. We could still win it, OK? We can do that.

These bleeds? Those bleeds, yeah.

These rosary beads? My rosary beads? Yeah.

They could be part of a terrorist group. I don't know.

They taking the bingo money home? They're doing the work of the Lord.

They were... Mothers.

They're dressed as priests. Go on.

This may get a little weird. Wait a minute.

UCLA Medical Center. LA.

Victim? A flasher victim.

Victor, you just think about the doctor. OK.

Victor. Yeah?

Victor. Yeah.

Waah! OK, it's a foot race!

Wait a minute, Father. What?

Wait till he touches that lighter. (Victor laughs wheezily)

Watch. Watch. (Whimpers)

We can do that. Yeah. We can do that.

We got 'em! We got 'em!

We got company. Yeah, I hear.

We have to camouflage the car somehow. (Victor) Like what, JJ?

We need a doc for the ambulance. It'll keep!

We need him. I don't know where he is.

We used to chase speeders? Yeah. This is really boring.

We'd like to help you, but we're off duty. This man looks bad. Maybe he's dead.

We've got a patient in there. You were still speeding.

Well, then, after my career in the RAF... The what?

Well, with the lighter, of course. (Gasps)

What d'you take off the mask for? I didn't. He took off the mask.

What is it? Look at those chicks. (Moans)

What is this, anyway? It's a stakeout.

What's up? Huh.

What's wrong? Look at the chicks. (Sighs)

Where the hell you been? Oh...

Where the hookers? What?

Where you headed? UCLA.

Where's that? Bars, golf courses.

Who won the race? (Man) What do you get for last?

Why? He was smoking bananas.

Why? Why what?

Why'd he call me shorty? 'Cause you're small.

Will you go faster? Come on! I'm trying!

Will you stop it? OK. OK.

with the leaves gently blowing... (Victor) JJ?

Wouldn't you believe he's sick? Want me to examine him?

Yeah, I can say that. Because if I had the time,

Yeah, I think you are. OK.

Yeah. Two seats.

Yeah. And those priests... Weren't fathers.

Yes, terrific. He led the campaign

You all right, Victor? Oh, I'm fine, JJ.

You did a good job. Thank you.

You don't? Uh uh.

You got it? Yes, Mr. Compton.

You got that? We sure do.

You got that? What?

You know what I like best about trees? No, what?

You look tired. Ah, more frustrated than tired.

You take a little advice? Sure.

You understand that? The blimp! (Cheering)

You wanna hear about the doc? He can tell me about the doctor.

You wanna talk or you wanna bet? You've got 50 1.

You want to know the worst part? What's that?

You'll be sorry! Let me down! (Screaming)

You're driving. You are.

You're gonna shove 'em up this nose? Up that nose, yeah.

You're not, so you can't bless her. We specialize in blessing Zen Buddhists.

You're two hours late. I'm... I'm I'm sorry.

...this. (? James Bond music)

'cause he's riding around with the Goodyear blimp!

'cause we always stop the ambulance so we can bless whosever's in there.

'cause you never know when something's gonna happen to you.

"Keep flying."

"The chocolate monk"?

(? Banjo tune)

(? California Children's Chorus: You've Gotta Have a Dream)

(? Fanfare)

(? James Bond music)

(? Ominous church organ)

(? Ray Stevens: Cannonball)

(? Ray Stevens: Just For The Hell Of It)

(? Rossini: William Tell Overture)

(? Sings Dr Pepper jingle)

(? Sings: I've Gotta Be Me)

(? Slide whistle)

(? Theme music)

(Air hissing)

(All cheer)

(All clamoring)

(All gasp)

(All groan)

(All jeer)

(All laugh)

(All) Foyt.

(All) Foyt. (Pamela)... Foyt.

(Applause)

(Babbles)

(Bickering continues)

(Biker) Ah so!

(Birdsong)

(Bleeping intensifies)

(Bleeping)

(Blows) Oh!

(Both argue)

(Both bicker)

(Both chat excitedly)

(Both chatter excitedly)

(Both chuckle)

(Both giggle)

(Both laugh)

(Both speak foreign language)

(Brad) Super Chief, lean forward so I can get the front wheel on the ground.

(Camel grunts)

(Car horn blares)

(Car horn toots)

(Car horns blare)

(Car horns toot)

(Chan and Hui laugh)

(Chan chatters nervously)

(Chan exclaims)

(Chan reproaches)

(Chan shouts)

(Chan) Smokey. Sayonara. Bye bye!

(Chan) Texas! Stupid!

(Cheering, applause)

(Cheering, laughter)

(Cheering)

(Chuckles)

(Chuckles) Even with the extra tonnage, I'm still the best there is.

(Chuckles) He wants me to bring...

(Chuckles) If you guys laid a finger on me...

(Continues groaning)

(Continues singing)

(Corks pop)

(Coughs) I'm honored, sir!

(Coughs) Or this.

(Crashing)

(Engine approaches)

(Engine growls)

(Engine revs)

(Engine roaring)

(Engine roars)

(Engine turns over, fails)

(Engines roaring)

(Explosion)

(Fanfare slows, stops)

(Fenderbaum whoops)

(Foyt) Did you see anything weird back there?

(Foyt) This one can go by. There's no problem here.

(French accent) This is something I've noticed.

(Gasps)

(Gasps) Ooh! Um...

(Gasps) Take it easy! You're acting crazy since this Cannonball thing.

(Gasps) That would be a real team effort. You, me, the hamsters and... him.

(Giggling)

(Groans)

(Groans) Ah, shit!

(Grunts)

(Hissing)

(Hui chats calmly)

(Hui chats excitedly)

(Hui exclaims)

(Hui remonstrates)

(Hui) Never be able to see us, the son of a guns.

(Hui) Ready, fire!

(Hui) Route 66. Ha ha!

(Inaudible)

(Jackhammer rattles)

(JJ and Victor giggle)

(JJ and Victor laugh)

(JJ chuckles)

(JJ howls with laughter)

(JJ) Ah, the bride and groom Cannonballer.

(JJ) Bye bye!

(JJ) Come on, come on. Faster, faster!

(JJ) Come on! It's a foot race!

(JJ) Hi.

(JJ) Hm!

(JJ) How about an armored personnel carrier? They wouldn't stop that, would they?

(JJ) I'm gonna pull in here and get some beer, all right?

(JJ) Listen to me, el Porko.

(JJ) Officer.

(JJ) Quiet, Victor. You're gonna blow our cover.

(JJ) Thanks a lot. Keep on truckin'!

(JJ) Victor, what have you got?

(JJ) Victor. (Victor) I know.

(JJ) We could always go with a nice, plain Jane Chevy,

(Laughing)

(Laughs uncontrollably)

(Laughs)

(Laughs) Let me get this straight.

(Laughter)

(Makes pulsing sound, chuckles)

(Man 1) Who was that? (Man 2) Get your hand out of my face.

(Man in car) Headquarters, we are still in pursuit of the black Lamborghini.

(Man in car) Yeah, and we're gonna stay in pursuit until we catch him.

(Man on radio) Car 42, you've been in pursuit for two hours.

(Man on radio) I suggest you take another route, good buddy.

(Man on radio) It didn't take us that long to catch Dillinger.

(Man on radio) Little silver four wheeler that just flew past, with the good lookin' seat cover.

(Man) Mark.

(Man) OK. I'd like to welcome you all

(Man) What are you, some kind of nut? You got one unleaded and one premium.

(Mimics Donald Duck)

(Mimics Richard Nixon) Well, let me make one thing perfectly clear.

(Moans) Oh, yes, there! There!

(Mouths)

(Pamela hums tune)

(Pamela) Come on, Chaos, you can do it!

(Pamela) He's right, Victor.

(Pamela) I'm deliri... (Giggles)

(Phone rings)

(Police siren blares)

(Pop)

(Prays quietly)

(Puffs)

(Quietly) Wow.

(Radio chatter)

(Rapid bleeping)

(Scolds angrily)

(Screaming)

(Second man) That's a big ten four.

(Seymour) Good sport, isn't it? Would you mind rolling the window down, old girl?

(Seymour) If I'm not filming next year, we'll do this again.

(Shakey) A thousand miles on one wheel? We're trying to win a race, not set a record.

(Shakey) Who says cops won't stop honeymooners?

(Sheik) This is for you and the judge!

(Sighs)

(Single handclap)

(Sings Budweiser jingle)

(Siren approaches)

(Siren blares)

(Siren)

(Sirens blare)

(Slurs) Damn you. Next time, Methodist. You understand? Methodist!

(Slurs) Old pal of mine, are we all set for California?

(Smashing)

(Speaking foreign language)

(Speaks Arabic)

(Speaks foreign language)

(Splat)

(Squeals)

(Squirting)

(Stuttering man) F F F Foyt.

(Thunder)

(Tires screech)

(Tools clanging)

(Van Helsing grunts, mumbles)

(Van Helsing splutters)

(Van Helsing) Anyone need medical attention?

(Victor chuckles)

(Victor laughs wheezily)

(Victor) Anti radar paint, turbo charged. JJ, nobody can stop us now. (Chuckles)

(Victor) Flashers! (Giggles)

(Victor) Hey, don't bother to park! I'll be right out. (Hums tune)

(Victor) It's only ten blocks to the finish! I feel very confident that we will be triumphant!

(Victor) JJ.

(Victor) Maybe you should slow this down just a little bit!

(Victor) Oh, JJ, didn't we do good?

(Victor) Sorry.

(Voiceover on video) You are about to witness the ravishment of a woman

(Whimpers)

(Whistling, cheering)

(Woman laughing)

(Woman on video) Oh, no! Please...

(Woman screams) Help! Help! Somebody save my baby!

(Woman) And now a little oil, right, darling?

The Cannonball Run (1981)
The Cannonball Run, released in 1981, is a classic comedy extravaganza directed by Hal Needham. This iconic film brings together an all-star cast of talented actors and features a thrilling cross-country race like no other. With its fast-paced action, comedic wit, and memorable characters, The Cannonball Run has become a beloved favorite of audiences around the world. The film revolves around a wild and illegal cross-country race known as the Cannonball Run. Participants from all walks of life come together with their unique vehicles to compete for the grand prize. From eccentric billionaires to a team of wacky doctors, this motley crew of racers adds their own special touch to the competition, creating a hilarious and outlandish experience. The Cannonball Run boasts an incredible ensemble cast, making it a star-studded affair. Burt Reynolds takes the lead as J.J. McClure, a charming and charismatic race car driver determined to win the Cannonball Run. Alongside Reynolds, Dom DeLuise portrays Victor Prinzim, a lovable and accident-prone sidekick to McClure. Their on-screen chemistry adds a delightful layer of humor and camaraderie. The film also features the stunning Farrah Fawcett as Pamela Glover, an endearing woman masquerading as a kidnapped heiress. Her character catches the attention of numerous racers along the way, highlighting the glamour and excitement of the Cannonball Run. Moreover, The Cannonball Run amps up the star power with appearances by Roger Moore as Seymour Goldfarb Jr., a suave British spy disguised as himself. His charm and wit bring a touch of sophistication to the race. In addition, Jackie Chan showcases his martial arts skills as a Japanese race driver known as the Subaru Driver, adding a unique flavor to this action-packed comedy. The cast continues to impress with notable performances from Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr., playing Jamie Blake and Morris Fenderbaum, respectively. These two legendary entertainers portray a pair of boisterous con artist brothers who enter the race in an ambulance, leading to many hilarious moments throughout the film. Other notable racers include Terry Bradshaw and Mel Tillis as Terry and Mel, a bumbling duo in a souped-up pickup truck, Adrienne Barbeau as Marcie, a daring race car driver, and Jamie Farr as the comedic Sheik, who races in his Rolls-Royce. The Cannonball Run draws audiences in with its thrilling race sequences, creative stunts, and uproarious humor. The high-speed chase scenes, close calls, and misadventures provide an adrenaline-pumping experience that keeps viewers on the edge of their seats. Additionally, the film’s comedy is widely celebrated, filled with hilarious one-liners, slapstick humor, and unexpected turns of events. To this day, The Cannonball Run remains an enduring cult classic, beloved by fans of high-energy action and side-splitting comedy. Its iconic status has even inspired subsequent Cannonball Run films, although the original continues to hold a special place among fans. If you are looking to relive the excitement and laughter of The Cannonball Run, you can now play and download the sounds of this timeless comedy. Immerse yourself in the roaring engines, comedic banter, and thrilling race sequences by accessing these unforgettable sounds here. Experience the zany adventure of the Cannonball Run and join the race of a lifetime!
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