Anaconda (1997) Edit

A couple of days ago. I've been talking to some guides...

A local tribesman, perhaps. Fifteen dollars should cover it.

A snake skin.

A snake totem.

A warm body like Mateo's in the water wasn't hard to find.

A wasp.

About a day's ride. Well, that will have to do.

Actually, it was a bloody nightmare. Ongoing, I think.

All right everybody. Double check your gear, make sure it's all onboard...

All right.

All right.

All right. Get up!

Also the Shirishama.

Anacondas are a perfect killing machine.

And he acts like he owns this river.

And I'm glad you did. I really appreciate it.

And I'm sure you're very good at it.

And if we help him catch the snake...

And it's turned out to be a big disaster.

And neither do I, okay?

And that, amigos, is not insanity. That is common freaking sense.

And we run into a barrier full of snakes.

And you get the privilege of hearing your bones break...

Any luck?

Anyway, I was just thinking...

Are you okay?

Aren't you gonna pray?

As smart as you are, you can't survive without me.

As you say, chefe.

Ashes to ashes...

Asshole.

At least, that's what I told the grant people.

At the next village, I know the people. They help me fix my boat.

Aww!

Babies. All of them babies.

Baby?

Beautiful, beautiful legend.

Bitch.

Bloody racket.

Both, actually.

But at least you'd be there to protect us.

But I guarantee you I know who does: This guy.

But no cause for panic.

But something like this has made a meal of our dear captain.

But you can't catch an anaconda by yourself. You need a partner.

Cale?

Calm.

Can do what?

Can I work, please?

Candiru acu. It's a tiny little catfish.

Capture alive maybe a million dollars, Gary.

Careful!

Careful! Bordeaux. Fragile. Expensive wine.

Check it out, there's a dude on a boat over there.

Chefe, ready for Rio n****.

Christ!

Christ.

Come on in. When did you get in?

Come on, almost there.

Come on, babies. Come on, back to your mama. Come on.

Come on, Danny. Hurry up.

Come on, everybody.

Come on, Gary, this... this isn't you.

Come on, guys. Come on.

Come on, hurry up.

Come on, let's just tie him up, okay?

Come on, lovey.

Come on, man.

Come on, man. Stop playing.

Come on, you know me.

Come on!

Come on! Go.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come with me.

Could be fuel.

Cut back to this tributary, save us 50 miles.

Damn, Cale, you look like a little low budget ass Jacques Cousteau.

Damn, the dart came out his back.

Damn.

Damn.

Danger is exciting, huh, Gary?

Danger.

Danny, hold on.

Danny, move your arm.

Danny, where are you?

Danny!

Danny!

Danny!

Danny!

Danny!

Danny! Danny!

Danny?

Danny?

Danny?

Danny.

Deadly.

Denise, get up here. Get up here.

Did we get him? Did we get him?

Do you hear that?

Don't get me upset.

Don't move. I'll get it with the tranquillizer.

Don't start.

Don't worry, just go.

Eighteen holds of golf and a quadruple gin and tonic.

Everyone else, don't move.

Excuse me? I'm not the bellhop, I'm the production manager.

Fail?

Family Lampyridae.

Faster, come on. Is he all right? Is he okay?

Fighting the current, lose two days.

Fine.

First you must pass a waterfall protected by warrior snakes.

Fish, river style.

Five whiskies?

Fog.

Follow that wall for five days, finally reaching its end the head of a giant anaconda.

Food?

For zoos and collectors. Whatever they want.

Found another one.

From here, we will travel by river barge...

From now on, everybody stays onboard at night, all right?

Gary, give me your hand.

Gary, help me.

Gary!

Gary!

Gary!

Gary! Gary, get the lights.

Gary?

Gary? She speak for everybody?

Gary.

Gary.

Gary...

Get back. Get back.

Get it off me. Come on.

Get it off!

Get loose.

Get on the boat. Go on, hurry.

Get up the rocks!

Get up.

Go aft.

Go for the eyes.

Go get it.

Go, go. Back to your mother.

Go.

Go. Go!

Goddamn it. These snakes.

Goddamn rope's caught in the propeller.

Goddamn.

Good. Mateo, we're just gonna double back.

Gores with his tusks. Goes for the eyes.

Gotcha.

Grab her hand.

Great. I'm gonna need you to drift through that channel over there. I wanna get some shots.

He seems okay. We should go now.

He sure looks satiated.

He's fishing for snakes. The man gotta be crazy.

He's lost consciousness again.

He's not breathing.

He's probably just catching up on his beauty sleep.

Hello?

Help me!

Help me! Hello!

Help!

Here, let me see that.

Here, this is it.

Here.

Here.

Here.

Hey, be careful. I put my camera in here.

Hey, hey, hey! Don't touch my radio.

Hey, I can't fix, okay?

Hey, I'm coming. I'm coming.

Hey, is that real dynamite?

Hey, Terri, come here.

Hey, Terri, look.

Hey, we're gonna be home soon, okay?

Hey! Can you climb up the top?

Hey! Pull over to his boat.

Hey.

Hi.

Hmm.

Hold on.

Hold up.

How can you forget about the wasp?

How dare you presume to order me about?

How we go from taking Cale to the hospital...

How you like I presume to throw you in the river? You like that presume?

How's he doing?

Huh?

Human bones.

Hurry up! You gotta jump!

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

Hurry!

I believe, however, it's a legend of the Maku.

I can handle it. The only thing I'm really afraid of...

I can trap a snake too.

I can't believe how good you're doing. Hang in there, baby.

I catch them.

I didn't eat the captain Mateo.

I didn't fail.

I didn't see him.

I don't even wanna know what happened here.

I don't know if you know, but this...

I don't know. He was right behind us.

I don't know. It could be dangerous.

I figure me and you go over here, wrap a rope around that tree.

I firmly resolve with the help of thy grace...

I get the distinct impression there's nobody home.

I got you. Come on.

I hope they got some fuel, though.

I hope you know what you're doing...

I just don't know what's going on, you know?

I just want to talk to you.

I know what I know. You can accept it or reject it.

I like that.

I locate tribes for a living and I'm very good at that.

I mean, where is he taking us?

I rather hoped I'd done my bit.

I see you made this a pleasure cruise.

I seem to fit.

I started out studying for the priesthood...

I think it's you guys who need to open up your eyes.

I think so.

I think we'll make a good team.

I thought they were very promising.

I was thinking about the myth.

I'll get the camera.

I'm about to throw both of you son of bitches in the river myself.

I'm all right.

I'm caught.

I'm counting on that. That's why I hired you.

I'm gonna get this on film.

I'm gonna kill you, Serone! I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you!

I'm gonna need some help. Gary, get the little boat.

I'm gonna try to get us out of here.

I'm not panicking, I'm just looking at this wall...

I'm not so sure he didn't eat the captain.

I'm not stupid.

I'm not your bloody poodle.

I'm serious. I've got, like, one thing on my mind.

I'm stuck.

I'm talking about upsetting the ecological balance of this river.

I've got whisky in my flask.

I've missed you.

I've seen them.

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If you get into trouble, turn off the ignition, all right?

Imagine capturing something like this on film for the first time ever.

Imagine something this big, captured alive.

Is he breathing?

Is it hard to drive?

Is it just me or does the jungle make you really, really horny?

It swims up into your urethra, finds a nice warm spot...

It was a pleasant surprise.

It was you who brought that snake.

It's a beautiful sight, baby bird.

It's a doddle, like driving a Cadillac Fleetwood.

It's absolutely beautiful.

It's been a long time...

It's coming. Go!

It's good to see you, man.

It's maybe better I do it. This river can kill you in 1000 ways.

It's no good to me dead.

It's pretty, huh?

It's unbelievable.

It's up to you.

Jesus.

Just around this bend.

Just give me 10 minutes, people. Ten minutes.

Just go into your cabin and lock the door.

Just instinct and nature.

Just let it go.

Keep it steady, Westridge.

L.A. Traffic and my cellular phone.

Later, sweetie.

Let's check it out.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get the fuel and get the hell out of here.

Lie, if you must.

Lights are a good idea.

Like a bad boy. All right. All right.

Look at that.

Look out!

Man, that radio don't work. We have no communication.

Man, what the fuck are you doing?

Man, you should have seen it. What a shot.

Mateo, do you have control of this vessel?

Mateo, let's cut him up. Food for a week.

Mateo, shine the light over there.

Mateo, that's it. Let's go.

Mateo, there's more right here.

Mateo, you stranded...

Mateo!

Mateo?

Mateo?

Mateo.

Mateo.

Mateo. Mateo! Stop the boat.

May the souls of the faithful departed...

Maybe some other time.

Me neither.

Miss Flores.

Mmm Hm.

Monkey blood.

My boat is stranded in the roots.

My man seems to think that the tribe was somewhere around here...

My propeller tore off in the roots.

Never look in the eyes of those you kill.

No pick up lines, no misunderstandings.

No, I haven't lost your mind. If anything, I'm completely lucid right now.

No, this is new.

No, wait. Shh!

No!

Nobody move.

Not every day my homegirl from SC get to direct her own documentary.

Not to my knowledge.

Now listen. We've got to get the hell out of here.

Now our concern is getting Professor Cale to a hospital...

Occupy yourselves. Play some cards.

Oh, damn. What's that?

Oh, dear God.

Oh, dear.

Oh, for God's sake, blow the bloody thing.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, just a small attack of piranha. Barely escaped with my life.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no. I think it's the jungle.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Look.

Oh! Listen, if it was me out there, I'd be dead, don't you see?

Oh...

Okay, all you guys do is you question and you criticise...

Okay, well, it's only 55 kilometres out of the way.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

On certain nights they all gather in the same tree and use their...

Once you pass those guardians...

One of the last great mysteries of the rain forest.

Our adventure begins 1000 miles from the mouth of the mighty Amazon...

Our first piece of luck: A Shirishama idol although this is the subject of some dispute.

Over here, you fat assed bastard.

Paul has been here.

Perfect.

Please, help. Somebody, help.

Please, people...

Poaching is illegal. May I ask what uh, you are hunting?

Poaching?

Poisonous.

Presume?

Professor Cale lent me some of your films.

Pull it tight. If not, we're stuck here forever.

Push it on the side! Hit the hinges!

Really? You think you could show me where that was?

Red knobs: Up to go fast, down to go slow.

Right, black knobs: Up to go forward, down to go back.

Right. Put it in reverse.

Run, Gary!

Run. It's coming for you.

Salad would be perfect little baby bird.

Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus...

Save me! I'm stranded.

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Sazu489.blogspot.com

See this?

See you guys.

See, what you do is not so hard.

Serone was right.

Serone?

Serone's supposed to help us get back to the hospital, right?

Shirishama worship giant snakes, anacondas as gods, protectors.

Shirishama.

Shit, no problem.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit. Back on the boat. Now.

Shut it down.

So are we getting close?

So I ended up in the jungle.

So where's Westridge? I know he checked in.

So young and yet so lethal.

Some of these aren't babies.

Somebody's up awfully early.

Someone get this bloody thing off my freaking hand!

Steady it.

Steven? Oh, my God.

Still no Mateo.

Stop.

Stuck in the middle of nowhere and now we've lost the driver.

Take his mask off. Be careful, be careful.

Take it upstairs.

Take my gear up to the pilot house.

Take us back to civilisation.

Take us back to...

Tell me, what does a failed priest do in the jungle?

Tell you what, I'll give you a driving lesson.

Terri, let's talk.

Terri, something's wrong!

Terri, we got lights.

Terri?

Thank the Lord for you. Thank the Lord.

Thank you.

That's breakfast on the river.

That's enough for about 100 kilometres.

That's how it comes out.

That's it, man. I'm getting the hell back to L.A.

That's it, that's it.

That's our rope right there.

That's worth a lot of money, Gary.

The dart.

The females with a series of short, dainty feminine little flashes about eight per second.

The legend was right.

The males respond with a series of long, drawn out manly flashes.

The playoffs and a six pack.

The silence.

The snake, it's in the water! Let's go!

The tranquillizer's working. Get him.

The water is high now, but the village was right here.

The water level is high, which by my calculations means...

The waterfall.

Then surely you can manage my things into my room.

There wasn't no fuel.

There's a legend they pass down of a journey to a sacred lake.

There's lots of boats like that.

There's only one drum left.

There's something in the mouth.

There's the devil inside everyone.

These two are fortunate to be alive.

They have heat sensors.

They might have some fuel for us.

They strike, wrap around you, hold you tighter than your true love.

They will haunt you forever. I know.

Think about how much money this will be worth.

Think he's still alive?

This film was supposed to be my big break.

This guy just blasted this thing coming right at us.

This is the river you know?

This is the route you suggested we take yesterday.

This totem is Shirishama.

This was all one big setup, huh?

Those drums. Could be fuel.

Time to wake up.

Treasures.

Turn the wheel hard over left.

Up, on three. Come on.

We are not hunting or trapping anything.

We are not leaving. If it was you out there, you'd want us to stay too.

We are not sure that Mateo is dead.

We can't take you back to Manaus. We're headed upriver.

We don't get this man to a hospital soon...

We got him.

We got to winch ourselves loose.

We should get the fuel...

We will.

We'll bring you onboard.

We'll get him home.

We'll go this way.

We'll take this, get it around that trunk right there.

We're all at the mercy of our machines.

We're gonna go out and get some wild sound.

We're gonna have to get that on film next time.

We're making a documentary on the Shirishama Indians.

We've got to make it quick, in and out.

Welcome aboard, I guess.

Well you get me there and I'll shoot it.

Well, does salad go well with fish river style, Mr. Serone?

Well, he's still not breathing. What are we gonna do?

Well, how do we get them off the boat?

Well, I know.

Well, I mean, the way I figure it, with Cale messed up, I mean the movie's off.

Well, I wanted the best director I could get.

Well, just be careful.

Well, let's just uh, see what we can do.

Well, look, I can blow it in 10 minutes...

Well, looks like I'm gonna have to cut us loose.

Well, Looks like there's sufficient evidence to suspect these people are out there...

Well, whose flashes, the males or females?

Well, you gotta be kidding me. That thing must be there for a reason.

Westridge, come here. Come down here.

Westridge, I wanna get a shot of you with the totem. And, Gary, you're gonna roll sound.

Westridge, stop the boat. Stop it.

Westridge!

Westridge? Westridge?

Westridge.

Wha...

What about the fuel?

What are those, fireflies?

What choice do I have?

What is this place?

What the hell is this?

What the hell was that all about?

What the?

What you say?

What?

What?

What's all this? And what about the fuel?

Whatever's shed it has grown since then.

Wheel: Four turns hard over, left and right.

Where are my shoes? Where are my shoes?

Where do you think he went, a walk in the woods?

Where is it? Where is it?

Where you from, Mr. Serone?

Which way?

Who says I fail?

Whoa, what are you doing?

Why not salvage something?

Wild boar.

With pleasure.

Wow!

Wow!

Wow! Not bad.

Yeah, to keep us out.

Yeah, well, today's a good day.

Yeah, well, whatever the hell that means.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yesterday for a different reason.

Yo, hold up.

You all right?

You brought the devil.

You can't catch anacondas without bait.

You go on to the bed, I'm gonna catch up to you.

You have to cut it out.

You hurt?

You killed my warrior snake.

You knew there were snakes here, didn't you, Serone?

You know that boat?

You know, I could cheerfully hire someone to kill you.

You know, let's film Serone capturing a big snake.

You need protection?

You people saved my life. This I can do.

You ready?

You think I'm stupid?

You want something?

You, you wrap a rope around that tree.

You. Stow this in my room, will you?

You'll find them down this fork. I know, I trap snakes for a living.

You're a mess.

You're a mess. What happened to you?

You're in the middle of the jungle.

Your boat? You speak for everybody?

Your's broke.

...to catching a goddamn snake? Do you know where you are?

And you know how to catch these things, right? That's right.

Camera rolling. Action.

Come on. Come on. Quick!

Congratulations. Thanks. Mateo?

Dan, be careful. What is it?

Danny! Okay.

Denise, are you okay? Yeah, thanks.

Ever work in a sushi bar, Mr? Serone. Paul Serone.

For your approval. Thanks.

Gary, come on. I Ju... I'm just gonna talk to him for a second. Then I'll catch up to you.

Gary! I got you.

Gary! No!

Gary? What?

Get it over here, Westridge. You're gonna get us all killed.

Get out of there. Grab her, man.

Get out, the fuse is lit. Danny, wait!

Get something for his head. Okay.

Get up. Hurry, it's there!

Get your hands off her. Horrible.

Go for the eyes. Blind it. Oh, man.

Go get the gun. What are we gonna do?

God, it's hot. Are we on the equator? Well, thanks.

Great. Where's Mateo?

Hate this. Last time I was in water like this...

Have you lost your mind? Have I lost my mind?

Haven't we had enough of that? I'm ashamed to say I enjoyed it.

He's breathing normally now. That's good.

He's breathing. He's breathing. That's it. He's gonna be all right.

He's hurt. I'm going. Hold up, hold on. Hold it, I got it.

He's not breathing. Move him.

Help me with this. What's that?

Honey, what did he do to you? Stop, okay? Stop.

How very reassuring. You okay?

Hurry. Oh, my God.

I can show you exactly where I saw the Shirishama. Ah...

I can use the rope. Hurry up, I think I can blow him up.

I can't, it's too high. Just jump!

I could just kill you for free right now. Oh, yeah?

I don't mix business with pleasure. Mmm Hm.

I don't think so. I didn't want this to happen, people.

I mean, we have to get in the water? We ain't got much choice.

I sorry if I be trouble for you. There's no need to apologise.

I think he likes you. Hmm. Oh, you felt that too?

I think so. That's right.

I'm about to light it. Go ahead, I'm at the top.

I'm going back. Serone, go with him.

I'm sure you didn't. Well, what is your calling now?

Is that right? Oh, yeah.

It worked. Asshole in one.

It's always good to be prepared. Prepared for what?

It's okay. What is it?

Just enough to go around the tree, right? Yeah.

Kind of spooky in here. You think so?

Leave me at the next village. Cut.

Let's be honest. What else are we supposed to do? I know what I'm gonna do.

Let's go, Westridge. Okay.

Look, there's plenty of fuel in here. Welcome.

Make sure it's secure. Roger.

Mateo, you understand me? Mmm Hm, Sure, I understand.

Miss Flores. Professor Cale.

Morning. Morning.

Morning. Morning. How was your flight?

Mr. Westridge, Terri Flores. Terri, this is a pleasure.

My turn? No, it's my turn.

Need some help? No, I'm cool.

No exceptions. That's a smart idea.

No, I really mean it. I really mean it too.

No, I've got the legs. Okay, we can trap it there.

No, it isn't. Yeah, it is.

No, Mateo's probably just lost. Oh, wake up.

No. Let's go to bed. Okay.

Oh, get a grip, Westridge. I've got a grip.

Oh, God. How did this happen? Alcohol.

Okay, well, what about if we go up through here? Hm...

Okay. ...is the candiru acu.

One pompous ass. No. In some cultures, that's a sign of friendship and respect...

One zoom lens. Oh.

Paraguay. Really?

Quickly. What's that for? What are you...

Respect this, sound man. It's not me who said that.

Right. Roll film! Camera rolling.

Shall I hit him again to make sure? No. Let's throw him in the river.

Shouldn't be a problem. Better safe than sorry. Hmm.

Snakes don't eat people. Oh, they don't?

Snakes. Snakes?

So it's out there, isn't it? Yeah.

So we'll just wait here till morning. Are you insane?

Something for his head. Here.

Stop it. Why are we stopping now?

Take it for a spin. That's it?

The People of the Mist? That's right. You've heard of them?

The tree knocked us loose. All right.

There's a whole nest up there. I'll have him chase me up the smokestack.

There's snakes out there this big? This skin is three or four years old.

There's something down there. That's right.

This is all you found? Yeah.

Uhh! Aah!

We can start now. No, no, no, no, no.

We did. Hey.

We're gonna aim some lights at the boat. That's a good idea.

Well, hurry up, I'm scared. I'll be right there.

Well, that's good. Yep, I think we may have a chance.

Westridge, go up the rocks. Go!

Westridge, keep going, man. Danny, watch out!

Westridge, let's go. No, Westridge. Stop. Not on my boat.

Westridge! What?

Westridge. How dare you.

What happened? You guys okay?

What the hell is this? Anaconda skin.

What the hell was that? I think we hit the bottom.

What was that? I don't know.

Yeah. You okay?

You and whose army? Your mama's.

You don't need sound, do you? No, I'm not gonna go over there.

You know the story. Of course.

You little shit. Serone, help him get it off.

... this way better. If not, I cannot be responsible.

...and pray you didn't forget your bug spray.

...and to amend my life. Amen.

...as fast as possible.

...baby bird.

...because I don't know about this dude.

...before your power of the embrace causes yours veins to explode.

...between these two tributaries. He'd found one of their markers.

...but just remember, you don't know shit about the shit we're in out here.

...but then I needed to see the real world.

...can be found and studied.

...capturing the snake and then...

...crisp sheets and hot showers.

...deep in the heart of the rain forest.

...don't make me out a monster.

...hoping they might know the whereabouts our tribe.

...I was up all night picking leeches off my scrotum.

...in search of the elusive people of the mist: The Shirishama tribe.

...it wouldn't have all been for nothing.

...night flashes to announce their readiness to mate.

...or if uh, you feeling sensitive, we can turn around and lose two days.

...since I had a woman.

...So slurs every other river rat after five whiskies in any bar in Manaus.

...so we can get the hell out of here, all right?

...spreads its thorny little spines and refuses to budge.

...that maybe I could film you...

...that's blocking our way down this river that you know.

...the areas to this side will be flooded...

...the shipwrecked boat, your route to the hospital.

...then he will help us get out of here alive.

...through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.

...to confess my sins...

...to seek out higher ground. So over here.

...until you come to a wall so high, it blots out the sky...

...up through shallow tributaries and unexplored backwaters...

...we might as well uh, throw him in the river.

...when somebody cares enough to asks you to carry their bags.

...which would force our tribe, if they wanted to eat...

...you travel through the land of the Shirishama...