Lukiest Girl Alive Edit

A 16 month old?

A fuck up doesn't even begin to encompass what they did to me.

A shooting park, Dinah.

A woman who threatened people on the phone,

Aaron Wickersham, independent filmmaker.

About the events with the three boys this weekend.

About the only thing California's good for.

Abstaining from lunch allows me to squat in Eleanor's office when I need it.

According to the experts.

Actually, I… just got accepted

Actually, I'm working on a documentary about gun violence in schools.

After I slept with him and his two best friends.

Ah!

Ah! I'm so proud of you.

All done here?

All I have to show for the past nine years of my career

All the women will be fine.

Although if you keep pushing Luke away, maybe you won't.

Although only Ben managed to do that.

Am I allowed to call you a bastard now?

An approximation of honesty

An approximation of honesty won't make the cut.

And be eternally grateful that Luke knows all of them and still loves me.

And Dean took a shit on Ben's chest.

And Dean's version of events was?

And do me one more solid, don't sit me with the Gilmartins.

And done something good with it. People respect that and they respect him.

And everybody else.

And for the grand finale, we were all gonna shoot ourselves.

And from London, it's just such a short flight.

And here you are,

And how dare anyone believe I did what Dean said I did

And I am… I am doing my best here

And I have a story due Monday about how to pleasure an uncircumcised penis.

And I just hope that no one has to ever do that again.

And I love that about you.

And I'll double down on my claim that you planned it with Arthur and Ben.

And I'll say you had nothing to do with the shooting.

And I'm not saying you shouldn't do it,

And is used by some of the top athletes around the world.

And it has… it has built up this rage inside of me.

And no one could ever hurt me again.

And now here it is happening again,

And now here to comment is Dean Barton.

And now with this documentary?

And one of them is in a wheelchair. Haven't they paid for their mistakes?

And she ain't cheap, but she is the superior blade.

And skis in Vail because Aspen is lousy with the nouveau riche.

And slit his wrists in the bathroom.

And that can be difficult to determine with so much alcohol involved.

And that my name is Ani Harrison

And that put you in rooms where you met a guy like Luke.

And that's what I had with Luke.

And the caliber of men is just not there at a state school.

And the girl on there

And the magazine's initiative with Hillary's campaign.

And the reason it continues to captivate public interest

And then you do that.

And there that goes.

And there's a lot of people that are gonna believe me.

And this would destroy them.

And to know that you have nothing to be ashamed of.

And was hell bent on taking risks.

And what part I invented to make people like me.

And you might actually have something there.

And you still lost the Salinger Essay Award to, uh

And your mortgage is $12,000…

And your safety and comfort is our highest priority.

And… and scratch the paint.

Ani, do you wanna say more about that, or should I move on?

Ani, it's our fucking rehearsal dinner.

Ani, stay. Ani, don't go. He should be the one to go. I'm getting him outta here.

Ani, thank you so much for being here.

Ani, wait.

Ani, wait. Ani. Don't let Dean run you out of here.

Ani, you ready?

Ani!

Ani!

Ani?

Ani.

Ani.

Ani's pithier.

Apparently men's pleasure is of global importance.

Are you actually insane? Like…

Are you insane?

Are you our hot guy of the month for December?

Are you seriously trying to threaten me right now?

Are you talking about reporting this, TifAni?

Arthur, I think I might be pregnant.

Arthur, stop.

Arthur.

As a woman, I feel more empowered when I'm shooting a gun

As far as I know.

As long as you get your sensational story.

As though the two of you had an understanding.

Ask Penelope.

At least just leave my name out of it.

At the very least, you won't have someone else's pile of money to stand on

Aw. Holy fuck.

Aw. It's my two favorite people.

Babe, you wanna expose Dean Barton for the sanctimonious prick that he is.

Baby, check this out.

Baby, here we go!

Baby, I love you.

Be nice to your mother.

Because I married the lacrosse captain of Nantucket.

Because I was a Wet Seal wearing gutter rat.

Because I was angry too, so fucking angry you wouldn't believe it.

Because I wasn't going to put my life on the line for one of my rapists.

Ben, I am so, so sorry

Ben!

Ben?

Beth?

Beth. Get out of here. I like you.

Between me and an Arthur?

Bolero.

Bolero.

Brava.

Breathe Like a Top Athlete

But Dean has taken this very bad thing that happened to him

But for now, let me be perfectly clear,

But fuck that felt good.

But he thought I was, like, touching his face so he kissed me.

But I also feel like…

But I can't be late today.

But I do.

But I had no one.

But I have made it my mission to make up for that every day.

But I have something no trust fund can buy…

But I just wanted to know if I change my mind,

But I'm getting married in six weeks, so here we are.

But I've been using you.

But it would have ensured that the gun that severed my spinal cord

But it's become so much more than that.

But it's good to be on the safe side.

But maybe things are brighter without it.

But me, I was fair game?

But my anger is like carbon monoxide.

But no one ever treated me like one.

But no one has ever made me feel so safe.

But only to me.

But remember, you don't have to defend yourself to me

But the people who love you,

But there's been a pretty sizable development since the last time we spoke.

But this is where I belong.

But we've uncovered a very different side to the story.

But when I try to be respectful, it's like you can't handle it.

But you didn't wanna follow those.

But you know, when you're spending $1,500 a month to exercise,

But… I don't know how the hell I'm gonna explain what happened with us.

By Stanton Warriors & Tony Quattro continues]

By the time I get back from lunch.

Bye.

Can we go talk?

Can we just do it the nice way?

Can you believe that?

Can you please remind Benjamin that I need the art

Can you tell us your personal experience of that tragic day?

Can't blame gun owners for wanting to enjoy their hobby responsibly.

Cheers.

Choke on your Swedish Fish, Dean. You're such a dick.

Come in.

Come on, come sit with us.

Come on, hit me. No one's gonna stop you. No one ever stops you.

Come on, I'll help you.

Come on, Luke.

Come on, someone do something.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Come on! My house, my rules.

Come on. You're about to read Dean Barton for fucking filth.

Come with me.

Come with me.

Could be creative.

Damn it.

Damn, you really do have a wide load.

Daughters.

Dean is hoping to meet with you.

Dean, go. Go! Get the fuck out of here.

Dean, wait. Stop! Stop! Stop! Please.

Dean.

Dean's doing the documentary now.

Dean's version of events didn't exactly match mine.

Decide.

Definitely this one.

Did you know it's broo sket ta, not broo shet ta?

Did you mean what you said back there about London?

Do you even know what **** is?

Do you have any photos?

Do you have to get into the nitty gritty details for the whole world?

Do you know how many times I've said the word "****" in my life?

Do you know how to get to the Brentley School from here?

Do you know that every time I start to feel

Do you know the difference between me and someone like you, Dean?

Do you like your life, TifAni?

Do you remember the time you said you felt like a box

Do you wish your mother did more to help you?

Does that… Does that not count for anything?

Doesn't make the cut at the paper of record.

Don't acquiesce.

Don't fucking touch me!

Don't fucking touch me!

Don't say it.

Don't stop. Don't stop.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry, I got you.

Don't worry, I won't sit you with the Gilmartins.

Don't you know it's gauche to ask how much something costs, Mom?

Don't you wanna tell your side of the story?

Dude, it's no big deal.

Dude, you promised no horseshit tonight.

Due to a kidnapping threat.

Due to TifAni having relationships with more than one of these boys…

Eleanor gets to write about topics with gravitas,

Embarrass Luke? Ugh! Fucking yikes, Ani.

Even if people wanna silence us.

Even once.

Even with the breast reduction, she's still broad in the shoulders.

Every challenge, every heartache,

Every day that Congress fails to work together

Every tragedy in life

Everything, TifAni. Everything.

Exactly why I will never.

Exactly. I didn't say that.

Excuse me for trying to celebrate the most important day of your life.

Excuse me, but I have been stuck at home with a 16 month old.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'm so sorry. I…

Fine, but can't you work that out privately?

Fine.

Fine.

Fine. You win.

Finny, drink! Let's go.

Finny, if I'm still hungover, you're definitely still hungover.

Finny, please. Just give me five minutes.

Finny!

Finny.

For a place of worldwide influence and acclaim,

For fuck's sake, will you just put this guy out of his misery?

For someone who so easily could,

For the wage gap story?

Found that last year, 30% of sexual assault survivors

Found that nasal breathing is optimal for sports performance

Four out of five.

From a mild case of phantom limb syndrome.

From someone who has always felt like no one would listen to her anyway.

From women who have carried this horrible thing

Fuck off, Liam.

Fuck you, Arthur! You're such a fucking prick, man.

Fuck you!

Fuck you.

Fuck!

Fuck! Fucking crazy ass bitch! Get out!

Fucking corporate.

Get it out of my system that way.

Getting married?

Girl with spaghetti for a spine.

Girls. If you leave school property, I have to call your parents.

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go. Come on.

Go.

God, I can't breathe.

God, I used to be so proud of that. I I…

God! You used to be so different. You used to be so fun.

Going where?

Good riddance, TifAni FaNelli,

Gosh, if there was just a way for me to work at this elusive place.

Gotta work on that delivery, FaNelli,

Great.

Gun control is under my domain.

Ha ha ha ha!

Had to pay $940 for their own **** kits.

Had, um, this tulle princess skirt you could tie on or tie off.

Hallsy's Luke's poorly preserved aunt

Halter is a good style for her.

Happy?

Have a few lurid secrets,

Have another.

He calls me "babe" with the finest of intentions.

He didn't do anything about it.

He doesn't trust the director in skinny jeans.

He had a gun. I saw him.

He is so yummy right now.

He just wanted it dropped.

He needs you.

He told me I could reset it in a diamond band,

He wants to sit down with you on camera and apologize.

He was really drunk too.

He won't let me go.

He's going to vindicate you, Ani.

He's gonna call my mom.

He's got a flask. Let's go.

He's helped a lot of people over the years.

He's the scapegoat. Dean's fucking untouchable.

He's willing to take back his claim that you're involved in the shooting.

Hearing your story gives me hope that one day I can tell mine too.

Hell have no fury like a woman scorned and whatnot.

Here comes the bride. Finally.

Here you go. Thank you so much.

Here. You're such a fucking loser.

Heretofore, it is his birthright to marry a blond insect of Norwegian descent

Hey, Ani. Good to see you again.

Hey, babe, I just wanna say good luck today.

Hey, can we get pizza?

Hey, come on, come on, come on. Let's go.

Hey, hey. I don't believe that.

Hey, lady. Oh…

Hey, man, is the AC on?

Hey, Peyton.

Hey, what happened?

Hey, yo, Peyton, watch this.

Hey, you two… gotta step it up.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Come on, I got you.

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Aaron?

Hi, Ani. I'm so glad you called.

Hi!

Hi.

Hi. Reservation for four for Harrison.

Hi. Um, Dean…

Hilary, your mom's here.

Hilary!

His parents sent him off to make macaroni art for the rest of the summer.

Hit me so hard.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. And yet, you're John D. Rockefeller's great great great granddaughter,

Hmm. Gosh, Mom. I never once wondered if I was adopted.

Hmm. Yes.

Holy shit.

How about, "When Your **** Costs More than Your Rent"?

How are we talking about this right now?

How could you not tell me about this?

How does that work? What happens?

How is this happening?

How is this happening?

How much did you pay for that watch?

How much do you make in a year, honey?

How much do you make in a year?

How was your weekend?

Huh, Faulkner.

Hurry, come on!

I admired you for that. I thought you were so tough.

I always forget that's your name.

I always stay at the Ritz Carlton when I come home.

I always think they're gonna drive nicer cars in the Main Line.

I always thought it was cute

I always thought you had moved on from all this.

I am this close to becoming Ani Harrison,

I can't believe she showed up. So disgusting.

I can't breathe.

I can't do this. Please get off me.

I can't imagine what it's like to have people grilling you about it

I changed my mind.

I could blame the world for what happened to me,

I cried reading your essay.

I did everything in my power to protect you.

I did not insult her dress. Did you hear me insult her dress?

I did what any half decent mother would have done.

I did,

I did.

I did. I did.

I didn't even understand that that is what I was doing.

I didn't feel good about the way we ended things in your office.

I didn't mean for it to happen like that.

I didn't realize I walked into the funeral with a target on my back.

I didn't want to, Mom.

I didn't want to.

I do like the song, but the guy's a pedophile.

I do love you…

I do.

I don't know if I'm fun.

I don't know what's me

I don't know.

I don't need to impress him.

I don't normally quiver for cutlery,

I don't wanna embarrass Luke in some sequined mermaid dress.

I don't wanna feel bad for him.

I don't want you to thank me,

I dove in headfirst.

I feel like I ran a half marathon through Williams Sonoma.

I give you my word that our work together will not cause you further harm.

I got a job offer from The New York Times Magazine today.

I guess I wasn't brave enough.

I guess I… I just don't understand. I…

I guess it shouldn't be a surprise he has a new book to promote.

I had a choice to make on that day.

I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

I had no idea Arthur was gonna do something like that

I hate that I hurt him,

I have a wife.

I have denied myself and denied myself.

I haven't heard a word he's said.

I heard that he ate a burrito that day in preparation.

I hope that people feel compelled to share their stories,

I I don't know.

I intend to send a very clear message.

I just finished reading your piece and am utterly haunted.

I just had to get to that, I decided…

I just remember always saying, "Ow."

I just thought they weren't worth pursuing.

I just wanted you to know, I didn't mean to hook up with anybody else.

I know you never take the subway.

I know you said that the documentary was not the right choice at the moment,

I know you think I'm a broken record, but college is where you meet the people

I know you're nervous, but it's gonna be okay.

I know you've thought long and hard about doing this documentary,

I know, I fucking hate that word too. Makes me wanna peel my skin off.

I know.

I left.

I love you. You love me. We can figure it out.

I may not say everything right,

I mean, go to London. Go live your life with Luke.

I mean, I had nothing to do with it, but I couldn't be more proud.

I mean, I'm not getting married until we have a woman for president,

I mean, if I'd lost as much as you had, then I would have left long ago.

I mean, it's gotta be a crime, biological warfare.

I mean, no one's making you write about it.

I mean, not me, but some people.

I mean, seriously, how can you live with yourself?

I mean, she's best friends with Mrs. Barton.

I mean, you have to have that much at least, right?

I mean, you're sexier than this, right?

I need three to five cover line tries for the simultaneous orgasm story

I need to be able to say that I work at The New York Times,

I never told anyone,

I never would've gotten the offer from The New York Times

I promise you, I'm only after the truth here.

I put that money towards your education,

I ****d you.

I ****d you.

I remember screaming at Dean. Uh…

I resent you.

I said, "Ow."

I say we go out there and get Drunken Ship faced.

I showed her where the language room was this morning, shitbrain.

I spent the first few weeks at the esteemed Brentley School

I swear, he's not supposed to be here until tomorrow.

I think being a petite woman, you'll find the Miyabi easier to manage.

I think I was ****d.

I think that's really smart.

I think you are limited where you are, and frankly, you're better than it.

I think you are so talented and so creative,

I thought it was this chameleon who was so much smarter than everyone.

I thought you told him no. Why is he calling you?

I thought you'd be elated.

I told you. So inspiring, right?

I tried to push Liam off of me,

I used to have to hide that from my mother growing up.

I vote down.

I wanna give you the chance to explain why.

I wanna see every one of you dripping in sweat.

I want vindication. It's all I think about.

I want you to act like you have a smidge of dignity.

I wanted revenge too.

I was also assaulted by a guy I thought was a friend.

I was just trying to get out ahead of you.

I was ****d while completely unconscious.

I was scared that you'd tell the cops about that night at my house.

I was standing up for my friend.

I was watching Say Yes to the Dress the other day,

I was young a and scared, confused.

I was… drunk, you know?

I will hunt you down and make you eat a carb.

I wish she hadn't looked at me like I was rode hard and put away wet.

I wonder if you've ever used it,

I would love to stay in touch, but I already forgot your name.

I, uh…

I, uh…

I, uh… I'm still scared I'm making a mistake.

I… I just think that I need to do it now

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't suffering

I'd never seen a woman like that before.

I'll be… I'll be just a minute.

I'll figure it out.

I'll just remember you as the woman I told to go fuck herself on 5th Avenue.

I'll make sure to keep you both separate until you give me permission.

I'll take one. No ice.

I'll take that one too.

I'm a try hard former financial aid kid.

I'm afraid I've been preoccupied this summer with planning the wedding

I'm afraid you can't bring glass outside the bridal boutique, ma'am.

I'm done.

I'm fine.

I'm getting married in the whale print capital of the world.

I'm gonna go check out the sales upstairs.

I'm gonna walk the last few blocks.

I'm hearing from women who have never shared their stories,

I'm hoping to talk to…

I'm not gonna take Dean down. It doesn't fucking work like that, Arthur.

I'm not hurt.

I'm not some prick who doesn't respect your career

I'm not to the manor born,

I'm on another equally important beat.

I'm proud of you for eating carbs, babe.

I'm so sorry, Ani. It makes me sick.

I'm so sorry. I…

I'm sorry, Ani, but how many times have you heard this?

I'm sorry, but there's just no way that you can promise me something like that.

I'm sorry, LoLo.

I'm sorry, you can't have her!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I… I don't think that about you.

I'm sorry. One second.

I'm sure Luke's family would go in on them.

I'm sure you saw his speech before Congress this summer.

I'm trying to offer you a deal.

I'm… I'm trying.

I've covered Dean Barton's career quite extensively.

I've gathered enough to know that that event

I've managed to not eat lunch for six years

I've written something.

If I'm gonna do this, I need to be bulletproof.

If LoLo hadn't grandfathered me in.

If you decide to go that route,

If you just would've waited five more seconds,

If you talk about that night, I'll deny it…

If you wanna do this,

Imagine what it's gonna be like when they find out about what happened.

Into the Goldsmith's MFA program

Is 15,000 ways to touch a cock.

Is another day that a student risks their life

Is because there are still so many questions you never answered.

Is it so bad that I did?

Is it true?

Is simply peerless.

Is some sort of crowning achievement for women.

Is that really true?

Is that true?

Is that true? Did you say no?

Is the only thing he ever gave me.

Is this really happening right now?

Is this right?

Is this your husband?

It it's not…

It doesn't take much in Luke's world.

It just didn't feel right.

It just, um…

It should be Ani FaNelli's essay in New York Times Magazine."

It was a lonely two years.

It was good to see you.

It will need to be disclosed on their college applications, potentially.

It'd be easy enough to tack on an extra day to the schedule.

It's 2015, and people still act like marriage

It's a last ditch effort to get you to do it.

It's a lot easier to be angry with the guy.

It's a writing scholarship.

It's about the importance of all of us speaking freely,

It's all right. There's no need to make a scene.

It's all your fault!

It's been a long week, so…

It's going to be fine.

It's gonna be okay, babe. Okay?

It's gonna be your name on the masthead of The New York Times Magazine.

It's heavier.

It's just, um… LoLo mentioned today that she's in the final stages

It's less oaky. I hate oak.

It's like LoLo said,

It's like, you work retail.

It's long overdue.

It's not personal. There's no money left in publishing anymore.

It's not… It's not fair.

It's odorless, tasteless, colorless, and completely toxic

It's okay.

It's one of the reasons I want us to go to London.

It's outright negligence.

It's really just an honor to meet you.

It's so much cleaner if I could just hate him.

It's such a hoity toity area.

It's the director. It's Aaron.

It's The New York Times. I wouldn't be going there for the money.

Jesus Christ, how am I gonna get through this?

Jesus. Unclench, okay?

Jesus. What happened?

John said this is ranked number six globally when it comes to MFA programs.

Just just just…

Just a little bit good about myself, I remember that I begged…

Just a tiny microscopic smidge.

Just because you don't make as much money as I do.

Just decide something.

Just one picture of their children.

Just to have this joker call me petite.

Just trying to get an education.

Just up here.

Kate Middleton didn't wear a tulle princess skirt to her wedding.

Katie, thank you so much.

Keep it the fuck together, FaNelli.

Keeping that runway free and clear for it to keep happening.

Kite surfs on Nantucket,

Ladies.

Legally, I can't contact the police regarding a minor

Let me escort you back to your car.

Let's hope your 15 minutes of fame will too.

Let's see, skanky…

Let's see. Uh, Dean's making viral speeches at Congress,

Liam is, like, doing a mating dance or something.

Liam! Over here.

Liam?

Like I was doing it to the wrong person.

Like it's so hard.

Like none of it ever happened.

Like the wage gap and women in Afghanistan.

Like they're defenseless.

Like, you can autopsy every pore, every hair,

Listen, you go to London and get your MFA. You can write a book.

Literally, all you do is act like they invented motherhood.

Liv…

LoLo Vincent, editor in chief of The Women's Bible.

London is real.

Look it!

Look sad.

Look, can I please,

Look, I can get into a lot of trouble.

Look, I could admit that I lied about your involvement in the shooting.

Look, I know I was an asshole back then,

Look, I… I should've faced up to all of this sooner.

Look, I'll make it very simple for you.

Look, you… you can't be here.

Love you. Bye.

Love your work, hate babies, even the cute ones,

Lower than mine, but it beats a Cuisinart for a wedding gift.

Luckiest girl alive right here.

Luke calls me the wife whisperer.

Luke Harrison the Fourth played D1 lacrosse at Colgate,

Luke has been asked to run BlackRock's European desk.

Luke, turn off the fucking song!

Luke?

Luke's firm wants to pay him fuck your feelings money

Make it stop, Luke.

Marry me.

Martini, straight up, three olives, no vermouth.

Maybe stick it to the people who hurt me.

Maybe you have some sense?

Milady.

Miss FaNelli, give me something skanky to keep the lights on.

Mm. Andrew's running a few minutes late.

Mm. Yeah, once I approve the font.

Mm…

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Right at the buzzer.

Mmm. So, Ani, you have to tell us,

Mom, no, we didn't make a decision yet, remember?

Mom! Shh!

Mom.

Mom.

More forgiving across the middle than some of your other stuff.

Most professional chefs, they prefer…

Move your legs!

Mr. Larson got fired.

Mr. Larson has never once made me feel ashamed.

Mr. Larson, it's me.

My ass got suspended, my mommy still thinks the sun shines out of it.

My bedroom sconces are from there.

My classmates and I had survived this life changing event

My God, they have attitude in here.

My goodness, Ani.

My high school boyfriend…

My intention is not to upset you by saying this,

My jaw hurts after reading that.

My little bambina.

My mom asked me what a cougar is.

My mom can't know.

My mom knows I'm going to Dean's house.

My money's on the gang ****.

My mother insisted I stick it out at Brentley.

My senior year, we took a field trip to New York City,

My team has spent the last year

Navigating the various cliques.

Need a lift?

Neither should the expecting child brides of Ohio.

Nell gets it.

Nell is a natural blond with a trust fund.

Nell Rutherford has been fostering me since freshman year of college.

Nell, I'm… I'm five weeks out.

Never heard that before.

Next stop 34th Street Herald Square.

Nice eye.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Andrew.

Nice.

No bars!

No fucking way.

No offense, you two.

No, about it being 38 years since I was a teenager,

No, God, of course. Ugh!

No, I… I wanna be remembered for what really happened to me.

No, it's not wrong. Okay? Nothing about you is wrong.

No, no, no. A A fuck up is when you take your parent's car without permission

No, no.

No, that's you, buddy.

No, the samples have to be there by Friday.

No, this is, um, TifAni, from when I left Brentley.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. No, like is Only You Pro the font of a trash slut

No. Uh, I don't know. I, um… I'm not ready.

No. Until I do that, I'm just a fraud.

No. You don't understand what she's like.

Nobody believed me back then,

Not even my husband.

Not everyone has that.

Not Luke, not your musty in laws, definitely not your parents.

Not that part, the part about the boys!

Not that you need any of it to make you credible.

Not what everyone else wants,

Not when I was begging you to wait. Wait.

Not when I was crying?

Nothing is so bad that you can't do it for ten more seconds.

Now that gets us on The Today Show.

Now, I read your op ed…

Obsessed with Scully & Scully.

Of course. Thank you.

Of prestigious and frankly phallic looking awards.

Of reviewing her contract with The New York Times Magazine.

Offers an opportunity to do something different,

Oh fuck.

Oh God, if there was just a way for me to write about more important issues

Oh God, no, no, no. I I really I really hate this.

Oh God.

Oh good, another cable knit.

Oh my God, come on. Look at this little munchkin.

Oh my God, I can't watch.

Oh my God, there is no such thing as a slutty font. It doesn't exist.

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God. Are you meeting the documentary director today?