Resident Alien - Season 2 Edit

A baseball cap to be a home for your head.

A cortisone shot before the race?

A couple big city cops playing in a tiny town.

A duet with Bigfoot.

A few of them believed in you as mayor,

A handsome, rugged sheriff keeping the streets safe

A human being.

A Jessup murderer lights a firecracker,

A lot of stuff to do.

A lot of...

A plant in front of your security camera that night,

A portal, I guess, is the closest thing you could say.

A portal.

A sense of belonging to a place,

A tiny monster. It attacked my cows.

A way to contact the Alpha Draconians.

Aah!

About everything you miss about D. C.

About me moving, it’d be you,

About one man’s opinion?

About that new lunch lady, Agnes?

About the Alpha Draconians. Mm hmm.

About what's best for the town.

About your feelings instead of stuffing them

Actually, I voted for myself, so that's eight.

Actually, I will have two donuts.

After the presentation is over, thanks.

After your presentation, I told you

Against their will. I'm not resisting.

Ah, ah. Oh!

Ah, don’t worry about them.

Ah, I don't know why.

Ah, so this is Jay.

Ah, thank you.

Ah.

Ahh!

Alien emojis.

Aliens can also live in cabins with meat freezers.

All alone like some weirdo.

All humans do it.

All mining companies do it.

All my siblings had already died.

All right, Bloom, you got this. Do your thing.

All right. [chuckles]

All right. Thank you. [clears throat]

All the money's gonna go to big corporations.

All: * She carved her name, she's one of us *

Alone.

Also, are they poisonous like Komodo dragons?

Also, do you have any eggs?

Also, Gerard Hundemer needs you to do a house call

Also, I need you to refill this prescription for me.

Also, unrelated, I would like to make a motion

Also, you are very old,

Am I beginning to care about all humans?

An expansion plan to add a golf course...

An expansion plan... How about now?

And "HMBP,"

And a jug of mead in my hand.

And a piazza with shops and restaurants.

And after everything you did to help me with the presentation

And after so many decades,

And all the buildings will be full...

And carve our names.

And definitely not somewhere else who knows where.

And degrade you if it keeps you alive.

And do what you think is best for the town.

And fly away with your ham.

And Greensoul Properties is known for their commitment

And guilt and fear.

And have a bite before you go trick or treating?

And have tea ready for me before I went to work.

And he can't know we have the baby.

And he parks it there so we don't expand the dig.

And he’s probably already swiping right

And hot, sexy worm breath,

And how are they gonna respond to that?

And I am already hungry.

And I am attached to it the way I was attached

And I damn sure can’t write them no ticket

And I enjoy watching children cry...

And I fell down in the grass.

And I may never find it.

And I still I still don't really know anybody.

And I teach him to speak English.

And I think 40 of those were Hawthornes,

And I will walk forever if I have to

And I wouldn’t have been a good one.

And I'm hungry.

And I'm just a lady who knows how to drive a backhoe.

And I'm just spitballing here, right,

And I’m not moving anywhere. What?

And it gave me a message telepathically.

And it has nothing to do with environmental justice.

And it is like a

And it might be time to move back to DC.

And just thinking out loud if a certain someone

And let Jessup take the reins on this investigation.

And live the way I was born to live

And maybe maybe she would have wanted me.

And never think of her again,

And not in the road

And now I've come in to spread the joy.

And now it is time for you to guide them, okay?

And now this?

And now you're using food to make yourself feel better.

And on the way down, all I can think is,

And part of the living is feeling it all.

And please, stop sending them messages.

And remember, look both ways when crossing the street.

And rip off our bean bags.

And ruined your lunch with Jay.

And satanic worship.

And see what's upstream that could cause this.

And she's not like you know, like us.

And sneak cigarettes.

And sometimes the hardest things in life

And sometimes you gotta face life head on.

And take you one step closer to happiness.

And that actually makes me extremely happy.

And the biggest case I ever had here, it just ended.

And the murals were made for you,

And then he would say something humans say

And then I called up some favors

And then nobody gets any churros.

And then the whole town piled in here

And then we all have to guess what it is.

And then your brilliance allowed

And then, I exercised. Ugh.

And there's Kayla and Liv.

And there's something called Insectoids,

And they've been trying to hide it.

And this mustache was expensive.

And those three yogurts you stole.

And trust me, as a Hawthorne,

And used the DNA to take over his body.

And we could just go back to normal.

And we could talk on the phone forever about nothing?

And we feel it's our duty to try to make it right, okay?

And when Sam refused to play ball,

And why are there extra feet in here?

And why are you all grassy and sweaty?

And wind blowing through the feathers in their hair.

And you being so supportive, it's the least I can do.

And you smoke a lot of 1960s hash.

And you will not die for many years.

And you're gonna go out with him again.

And you’re not supposed to shame the patient.

And your body is falling apart

And, you know, if he can't talk to me,

Another stall in the bathroom.

Any deeper here in Patience.

Apparently, you weren’t listening to him?

Are consistent with my initial theory.

Are you allowed to tie a baby to a chair, over?

Are you hungry? Because I've got stew, babe.

Are you in?

Are you kidding me? You’re amazing!

Are you sure it's not something else?

Aren't you sad, Sheriff?

As an alien.

As hard as you try to hide it,

As I start acting like an alien.

As I was saying, it will be one of the most exclusive resorts

As it prepares for your death.

As just a little bit magical?

As long as I am on this planet,

As long as they die in a ditch

As much as they are objects in the sky.

As the accelerating atoms speed up,

Asta gave her up because her husband was punchy.

Asta has the day off.

Asta!

Asta!

Asta’s mother is just like me.

At least now, the hole is filled.

At my old stomping ground at the NYPD.

Attachments to things, to places.

Augh!

Aw, a Patience snow globe.

Aw, that’s sweet, calling my mom shit.

Babies are expensive.

Baby, I told you not to eat your toys!

Baby?

Baby?

Baby?

Baby? Baby?

Baby? Baby?

Baby? Baby? Over here.

Bad baby! [grunts]

Bam, dead guy, killer with three fingers.

Based on his patients' illnesses.

Because Harry is breeding these things to be evil,

Because he should be arrested for being too handsome, right?

Because I gave it to you for Christmas.

Because I told Harry about the baby.

Because I'm sitting on the seat.

Because it reminds me of the way things used to be

Because of the resort?

Because someone keeps stealing it.

Because then if I moved,

Because we don't live in a police state.

Because we will destroy you and everyone you care about.

Because you pushed it too far.

Because you're not as alien as you used to be.

Before a preliminary injunction hearing.

Before D’arcy’s race, we might as well spend it

Before everything changed.

Before he could tell me

Being in human form must be allowing emotions

Ben Hawthorne says he doesn’t want

Besides, I'd like to listen to some music

Bobby, where are you?

Bobby!

Bobby? Bobby?

Both served time. Both have ties to the mob.

Both: ♪ You gotta be cool ♪

Both: He did? Who...

Both: Team D’arcy!

Both: That's not true.

Buddy, you want to come to my event tomorrow?

But a memory of what something used to be.

But after my accident, not so much.

But after wandering the Earth for hundreds of years,

But Asta does not need to know that.

But can mask further damage and re injury,

But first I am going to eat."

But how do you parent when you’re in danger too?

But I also know that I don't make it easy

But I am an alien, and I do not care.

But I am not weak.

But I am.

But I can’t be pulling people over

But I could feel myself

But I have an unwritten sign that says

But I have something she does not.

But I just wish he would've told me.

But I plan on dealing with mine,

But I recognize his beautiful soul,

But I think it was a chupacabra.

But I was

But I'm also grateful that it happened

But I'm going to thwart his plan

But I’ma keep an open mind, okay?

But if you was ten years old, right, how you know

But it is not them.

But it was also lonely.

But it’s me, you know, so it’s different.

But maybe she provides comic relief,

But not in the pee grass!

But now I have no choice.

But one of these times, they might be back.

But over time that body changed

But Sam must have figured it out

But sometimes it means protecting them

But sometimes, don’t you want to see the world

But that was my grief to deal with, not yours.

But that’s done.

But the Galvan Powell Group, they're done for.

But there is one more.

But they are good at disguising themselves.

But they are too selfish.

But they're out of those yogurts I like, so...

But thinking about it now...

But we have to be open to receiving them.

But we've been together a long time.

But when she died,

But won't do, of course,

But you need the bad. You need those hard times.

But you told me you were the only one

But you're leaving 'cause we solved the murder,

But, you know, the the other stuff.

By a four lane highway with billboards

By any chance, do you know a woman

By teaching baby here to be good.

By the bigger chains.

By the name of Mary Ellen Taylor?

Bye. Thank you.

Can you believe it? Question mark.

Can’t you just play "I Spy" or something?

Change is difficult.

Checking on the baby,

Choo.

Chowin' hoagies, floatin', listening to the Boss.

Come on here, Cletus. [whistles]

Come on.

Come on. Let's go.

Come to me. [teeth chattering]

Come with me. It’s dumb.

Competing for all the tourists.

Controlled by the Galvan/Powell Group,

Courtesy of the Jessup Police Department.

Create light and hope

Crime was down 20% last year, so we had a surplus.

D.C. Chinese food with New York.

D.C. is west of New York City. Oh, hell no.

D.C. myself, 11 years.

D'arcy was drunk and sad. Big surprise.

D’arcy Bloom!

D’arcy is number one.

D’arcy...

Deputy Fred once did a fart

Deputy, let's go over those new case files.

Did he carve his name here too?

Did you order all the comfort food on the menu?

Didn't come back later and write "Mayor Dick"

Do not to touch my truck!

Do not worry about the baby.

Do you have a time machine?

Do you understand how that makes me feel?

Do you wanna go to the comic book store after school

Does Sonny work at a shoe store?

Doesn't mean we're stuck, either.

Don't even try comparing

Don’t move.

Eighty years ago, a boy went missing in Patience.

Emotionally too.

Even this model they provided is made

Even though I have discovered it is my offspring.

Even though I'm a horrible mayor and a total dork.

Ever since I broke the taco record.

Ever since I saw you in the living room.

Every day you're here, you become more human.

Every time I look at it,

Every time I open up my mouth, she laughs.

Everyone has their own relationship with death.

Everyone hates me.

Everyone here knows you've been through a lot.

Everything's everything's fine.

Except for the free pizza delivery coupons.

Except to probe their elimination holes.

Fake accents, gold chains. Maybe New York.

Feeding it, clothing it,

Feeling good.

Floating on the other side of the lake.

Follow me.

For a three fingered Jessup resident,

For any of this.

For Christmas dinner together.

For her final run of the day,

For huts underneath that backhoe.

For my old ankle injury, all right?

For my tribe, a lot of the old ways died

For the baby to return and feed.

For the Hardpack tournament in three weeks?

For two hours for you to pick me up.

For you to talk to me sometimes.

For, like, three hours?

Found a fire pit and some flint for tools.

Found out what I am.

From in front of me.

From just being a way of hiding

From recycled wine corks and CDs and diapers.

Gathering dust on a shelf.

Get in.

Give me the shot.

Glad we agree. Let's go.

Go ahead, bring that soup to my lips, Deputy.

Go for it.

Go number one. Yeah, drain the lizard.

God damn it.

Goliath let himself be so human,

Goliath was weak. I am not.

Good.

Got her in.

Great. Okay.

Ha ha choo!

Happy Asta.

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

Happy you spent $135 on that jacket to wear it one time.

Harry gave me the day off,

Harry makes to lure him back.

Harry Vanderspeigle?

Harry, look at this.

Harry, look at this.

Harry, this is the day you fought Jimmy.

Harry.

Harry.

Has officially put an offer on the Grady land.

Have arrived to hear the good news.

He can't help it.

He found under the couch.

He got the squirts from an egg roll

He had this light inside of him,

He just needs to keep his fluids up.

He killed him and stole his medical files.

He probably would have put his hand

He probably wouldn’t even be here.

He teaches me how to play the guitar.

He used to always say he loved the sound of her key

He was an alien, and look how human he became.

He's going to make a lame joke and call you babe.

He's not an alien.

He’ll be fine in a day or two.

He’s a pain in my ass.

He’s coming today, right?

He’s probably self conscious about its childlike appearance.

Hell, DC's got murders as far as the eye can see.

Here you go.

Here.

Here's a candy.

Hey, could you go grab me a churro?

Hey, Ellen.

Hey, guys. Sorry about that.

Hey, I think we should check on the alien egg.

Hey, very good, son.

Hey, you know what?

Hey, you want close range? I'll give you close range.

Hey. Hey!

High fives!

His name is Bobby.

Hit me back, player.

Hmm.

Hold down the fort. I will.

Holding the artifacts, the physicality of it.

Honey, I...

Honey, stop!

Hot grease fried sugar sticks that are shaped like okra.

How about now? How about now? How about now?

How about now? How about now? How about now? How about

How about now? How about now? How about now? How about now?

How about now? Now? With, uh...

How are you gonna get justice for Sam?

How could I miss it?

How much good this resort could do for the town.

How often do y’all talk about this crap, huh?

Humans called them ley lines.

Humans could live on a plant only diet,

Humans parent their partners too.

Humans should do it.

I

I he’s he’s lovely.

I you have every right to be pissed.

I you know, I never had this where I grew up, you know,

I agree with you.

I already told my parents I'm staying at a friend's house.

I am afraid of death.

I am an alien,

I am going to be an alien who appreciates

I am not Goliath, so I will not do that.

I am not ready to die.

I am not your fan.

I am pretending that this gentleman

I believe in you.

I believe life tries to give us gifts,

I brought rope and tape.

I came here to kill all the humans,

I can go by myself.

I can see that.

I can tell you’re happy here.

I cannot have her remind Asta she is a killer.

I changed my mind.

I could barely manage my own.

I could have been one of those Renaissance Faire guys, right?

I couldn't find you after school, over.

I couldn’t imagine taking care of a little life.

I did not care at the time,

I did not consider there is no food up here,

I didn't even know you had teeth.

I didn't mean to say that I was afraid of you.

I didn’t want to get your hopes up.

I do not care about this father baby stuff.

I do not even care.

I do not even know how he did it.

I do not have to clean crying snot off your face.

I do not know who they are or what they are doing here.

I do not like it when you are upset.

I do not understand why.

I do not want to be squashed by a big bug person.

I do not want to have sex games on you.

I don't even sit in the backseat of a car.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know, 35%.

I don't know...

I don't talk like

I don't talk to puppets. Good.

I don't.

I don’t have much of a sweet tooth.

I don’t think we should support it, so...

I don’t want to do it again. Again?

I dropped a bunch down the drain.

I feel like I'm connected

I found him.

I got some people here.

I got to find the receipt for that, 'cause I want justice.

I got to go see a man about a fritter.

I got you a little something.

I got your text. I was worried.

I gotta go to this.

I grew attached to my human form

I guess I went through an existing portal

I had killed them, of course.

I happen to be a pretty good mayor.

I hate them.

I have 35 dairy cows filled with milk.

I have a ski tournament coming up.

I have a very thin larynx.

I have an emergency.

I have another idea.

I have been hiding behind this human mask for too long.

I have been listening to several words.

I have completed a full autopsy on the victim,

I have heard so many things about you all good.

I have some more good news for you to smile to.

I have to find the baby.

I have to ski in this tournament.

I have your baby, over.

I haven't even taught him to tie his shoes yet.

I haven't heard from her.

I hope that doesn't, you know, scare you away.

I I what the hell?

I I began to appreciate every moment.

I just don’t think he’s really in the cheering on mood.

I just don’t want you to get hurt

I just have a really good feeling about this.

I just know that you are not all alone.

I just want the fortune part.

I just...please.

I know change is inevitable, but we really

I know that I'm gonna die, but if I spend every second

I know you need to be somewhere.

I know you're not happy about sharing this case.

I know.

I left it in the truck.

I left them a note.

I like Jack McCoy. Let's watch it together.

I like smiley Asta much more than the sad, sobby Asta

I love you, and I know that you love me.

I mean, hell, in another life,

I mean, I I guess it’s possible.

I mean, in a couple days. What am I, desperate?

I mean, it's a nice hat. Who wouldn't want this hat?

I mean, look at what happened to Goliath.

I mean, maybe she had no choice but to give me up, right?

I mean, sure, I feel silly just sitting here

I mean, when this resort comes in,

I mean... [sighs]

I met my mother today.

I might just have to kill you myself.

I must be falling in love with you.

I must be on one of the planet's energy lines.

I must wait here as long as it takes

I need a refill on these pain meds.

I need help. Something bit me.

I need something to go right. Ah.

I need the churros.

I need the excitement of a big case, you know.

I need to find this baby

I need you as bait.

I need you to look at it.

I needed to send you a message.

I never thought you’d say that about Patience.

I never used to be this way.

I only care about Asta,

I only got enough for "attacked by a cat,"

I only poop after breakfast

I pretty much guarantee we'd find some foundations

I promise I won't tell him this time.

I put the odds at, like,

I saw last night.

I see what you’re doing.

I should have just taken care of it myself.

I should have let you feel your own pain.

I should have never made you kill Sam Hodges.

I sort of pushed him away the other day,

I spaced or something. How'd it go?

I speak the baby's language.

I squeezed through this window.

I take the poisoning

I think about season five of "Law & Order."

I think I overdid it.

I think I'm just tired from the hike.

I think it is funny that humans like decorating

I think it’s good for the town.

I think maybe I'm afraid to tell you anything.

I think piano teachers are out.

I thought you were in trouble and had a stroke or something.

I tried to tell the teacher, but he didn’t believe me.

I use abbreviations like the kids do.

I used to think that way,

I used to train like this 15 years ago, no problem.

I usually just push booze and get people wasted.

I waited outside the diner

I want to go with you.

I want to grow old in this booth, come on.

I want to play myself,

I was arrested, and I lost my home.

I was forced to use Harry Vanderspeigle's body

I was in charge.

I was in it. Three of us.

I was just gonna see if there was any cheese in the fridge.

I was just showing Harry around.

I was left there to die.

I was right, and now I'm more right.

I was truly an asshole.

I was up all night practicing alien calling sounds.

I was wondering if you might want to do something that day.

I was your mother,

I whistle hallelujah out of the crack of my ass!

I will be very angry.

I will break your finger.

I will kidnap a child.

I will not know which alien race is here until I receive

I will spend the rest of my time

I will take good news wherever I can get it these days.

I wish I could make those sounds

I'd like you to have this limited edition

I'll have you back before the night turns

I'm 11.

I'm a little worried that the noise from the party

I'm afraid of everything, and you're technically a thing

I'm barefoot.

I'm glad she's gone.

I'm going out to the woods after school.

I'm going to give you some medicine.

I'm gonna put in the DVD and watch it now.

I'm gonna teach you a lesson, you nasty, little devil.

I'm happy now. I'm thinking about it now.

I'm happy. Really?

I'm hoping the baby alien comes back to the RV.

I'm kidnapping you.

I'm one of you guys now.

I'm reminded that if the bullet

I'm so sorry for the way you found out

I've been calling you on your walkie talkie.

I've been trying to call you all day.

I’d expect you to keep it to yourself.

I’ll see you later, superstar. See ya.

I’ll see you later.

I’ll show you.

I’m I’m sorry, Elliot.

I’m a hair puller. [grunts]

I’m just looking for any information

I’m like your pit crew today.

I’m Mary Ellen.

I’m so happy all day long,

I’m so sick of cleaning pee out of that back seat.

I’m sorry.

I’m the happiest person I know.

I’ve been training my ass off.

If Goliath were here, he would be affected by it,

If Halloween is a time for monsters,

If he had cut back on the caffeine,

If I can get past the bad stuff

If I can't ski in this tournament,

If I could find out more about my mom after all this time?

If I hail a cab, I sit shotgun, or I drive.

If I noticed you was on fire and I told you,

If I’m gonna make it through the qualifiers, I...

If living in that human meat case

If she’s really like me, she’s regretted it ever since.

If that’s not it, what’s what’s going on?

If the resort people hear that Patience is involved

If there is one portal, there will be more,

If there’s anything your mind is on.

If they put a resort in here,

If you are attracted to bird faces,

If you see her, do not mention...

If you want to be taken seriously enough

In a quaint Colorado town, right,

In all of Colorado.

In another murder, they may go somewhere else.

In case I need, like, I don’t know,

In Corrington's car.

In English,

In half with a knife, or are these teeth marks?

In major sporting events.

In my familiar frozen environment

In Patience.

In such pain.

In the boarding schools.

In the door because that’s how he knew

In the dry grass.

In the fabric of time.

In the living room every morning?

Inside a 90 mile vertical treadmill run.

Instead of just letting them live their lives.

Into all this because of "Indiana Jones"?

Into Hawthorne Creek,

Into our house like that?

Into something that's gonna hurt her,

Is a New York cop. Do you know Luis Valez?

Is abducting someone and holding them

Is anything like his back seat attitude,

Is exactly why we need this resort.

Is not running away.

Is Old Barrett Bridge.

Is that why you wanted to come here?

Is through...is through...

Is World Cup champion D’arcy Bloom.

Isn't gonna be enough.

It causes the fabric to peel sort of nubbins because

It doesn't make it right.

It doesn’t matter how small it is.

It doesn’t matter, anyway,

It felt like there were a lot of people against it.

It holds a specific energy that amplifies alien signals.

It is bad enough that I never fried their bodies to ash.

It is depressing. Cancel.

It is in the bunker in its shell

It is not practical to live in this alien body on Earth.

It is not the Alpha Draconians here on Earth.

It is only natural.

It is.

It just wasn’t your imagination?

It knows what it can handle.

It never gets old. Too young.

It overcame Goliath, because he was weak.

It really means a lot that you are all here.

It reminded me that life isn't forever.

It should have jumped into my arms

It tastes better.

It was can you hold on a sec?

It was all a mystery.

It was just you and me there. No one else was there.

It was military.

It was so weird.

It was very painful.

It's a clever joke.

It's a mixture of armpit hair and dryer lint.

It's actually been worn by a sheriff,

It's actually pretty amazing. How nice of her.

It's all my fault. I made you stop for pizza.

It's all very clear.

It's also about pain

It's an autopsy.

It's beautiful.

It's dangerous.

It's great news for you and your department.

It's hard for me to shed this skin,

It's how mining companies dispose and hide their waste.

It's inevitable.

It's involuntary handsomeness.

It's just a bunch of kids walking around

It's just a pulled muscle.

It's just hard to talk to her sometimes.

It's killing me.

It's like it's like a spoon being dipped into some soup.

It's like a whole forest of them in constant bloom.

It's like wiping us out.

It's making a very uncomfortable.

It's more tactile.

It's never gonna trickle down to the locals.

It's probably the most honest thing

It's such it's such a relief.

It's your destiny.

It’s a piece of her.

It’s even better.

It’s just my knee is compensating