Project X Edit

Ahh!

Ahh.

Alexis was eye fucking you, and you got college girls on your dick.

ALEXIS: So it's your birthday.

ALEXIS: Yeah, Thomas! Whoo!

ALL (CHANTING): Cops go home! Cops go home! Cops go home!

ALL (CHANTING): Jump! Jump! Jump!

ALL (CHANTING): Thomas! Thomas! Thomas!

ALL (CHANTING): Thomas! Thomas! Thomas!

ALL (CHANTING): Thomas! Thomas! Thomas!

ALL (SINGING): Happy birthday to you

ALL (SINGING): Happy birthday to you

All right, all right. Props on the "can/may" bullshit. Very good.

All right, look, okay, 50 people, absolute max.

All right, well, I'll get your stuff. Here, stoke up the fires, buddy.

All right, well, um, we better get back out there.

All right, yeah, yeah. Come on in, come on in.

All right? And lose the Taser, okay?

All right. This won't totally, like, fuck me up, will it?

All we're doing is trying to have a good time, you cocksucking motherfucker!

All you do is show up and drink.

Am I invited?

An hour from now, this place is a fucking madhouse.

And also, guys, do not go in my office, right?

And give you a back tug Yeah

And he's gonna make us look pimp, and you fucking better.

And I ain't tiyin' to critique But you deserve a good drink, so, what's up?

And I know I don't need to tell you, but my car is off limits.

And I'm sorry for all the times I called you Fat Fuck.

And if you guys get there before we get there...

And J.B., what's up? You wanna suck my dick

And look, Thomas, I'm not an idiot. I know you're gonna have friends over.

And shit in the kitchen

And something's just happening right now. I've heard a commotion.

And the police are returning in force. We're clearly outnumbered.

And this is Project X, yo.

And walk around the party without a care

And we wanted to give you the courtesy of informing you...

And we're gonna sing a little "Happy Birthday" for him. One, two, three.

And, Milo, you take good care of Thomas, okay? Momma's gonna miss you.

And, of course, in my culture I've been a man since my 13th birthday.

Andretti on Pirelli Make a movie out the getty

Are you fucking kidding me? Didn't I tell you two to fuck off?

Are you fucking kidding me? E, get the fuck out now!

Are you hearing this?

Are you retarded?

Are you serious right now?

Asshole.

Baby

Back door or turn the alarm system off.

Back in Queens, I had hoes blowing me on the reg.

Basically chill.

Bass to the floor, right now, what's up A lime to a lemon

BEAN (CDN RADIO): Kevin and Bean from the world famous KROQ.

Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday.

Besides, it's creepy. Look at him.

BIG BOY: Big Boy's neighborhood, beautiful day.

Birthday cake. Mm.

Black and gold bottles Like I'm pro New Orleans

Black sedan. License plate... We've got a hit and run.

BOY 1: Got it? You tie it?

BOY 1: Hey, boss.

BOY 1: Hey, yo, Kub. Hey, yo, what up, dog?

BOY 1: What's going on, man?

BOY 2: He's good. Ready to go. BOY 3: Blast off.

BOY 2: That's him.

BOY 3: Yo, you guys, Thomas. That party was dope.

BOY 4: It's just like Up.

BOY 4: J.B.!

BOY: Assholes!

BOY: Dude, that's Thomas!

BOY: Is it true what I heard about you at Zam's party?

BOY: It was just a kid, man!

BOY: It's Ecstasy, bro!

BOY: Nice. Are you kidding me?

BOY: Oh, shit, I think that's his dad.

BOY: Yo, Costa, what's up? Yo, go in the back.

BRENDAN: That isn't happening. That's not real.

Bro, what's happening?

But her tits are smaller.

But I think I do now and that's why I'm here.

But she's kind of always been around.

But since I am a better friend than you, I did get you something.

But some cats had a party in Pasadena and took this thing to the whole next level.

But the only thing that I care about fixing right now is this.

But what we're saying is, you may not.

But, shorty, I'm far from a saint But I got two AmEx's that look the same way

Can we talk about this insanity in Pasadena last night?

Can you imagine if your mom ever saw that?

Cannonball, bitches!

Chaos has spread to the streets.

Check it out, guys. I'm pretty sure it's that girl from Playboy.

Civilians 50 yards ahead on Dickens.

Come get a piece of this white chocolate.

Come on over, over

Come on, guys, let's start making some drinks. Let's get crazy in this bitch.

Come on, J.B., let's bounce.

Come on, J.B., move your fat ass.

Come on, move your asses.

Come to D. C. and I can make you a believer

COSTA (IN NORMAL VOICE): Hey, little buddy. Want something to drink? Hey.

COSTA (SINGING): Wait for another day

Costa, before we begin, is there anything that you would like to say to the viewers?

Costa, you motherfucker!

COSTA: Ah, shut the fuck up.

COSTA: All right.

COSTA: Are you fucking with me right now?

COSTA: Are you kidding me?

COSTA: Are you kidding me? I will fucking kill you!

COSTA: Are you kidding me? THOMAS: Hey, all you bitches. Aah!

COSTA: Are you kidding? THOMAS: Now you can shit in peace.

COSTA: Are you still talking? Get the fuck out of here.

COSTA: Check it out. THOMAS: What are you doing?

COSTA: Come on, dude. I can't see a thing. It's dark as fuck in here.

COSTA: Come on, get the fuck out of here! Move! Come on!

COSTA: Come on, let's go. Move!

COSTA: Cops on the way. Get out, everybody! Now!

COSTA: Dax, come on. Let's get closer.

COSTA: Do I know you guys?

COSTA: Dude, high school pussy for days.

COSTA: Dude, please don't back out. This party is gonna change everything for us.

COSTA: Dude, relax. People are gonna show up. I promise, bro.

COSTA: Dude, we done good.

COSTA: Dude, what the fuck are you doing?

COSTA: Everybody get in the back!

COSTA: Fuck it, my cousin owns a body shop. He can fix it, no problem, man.

COSTA: Fuck you. Dude, Costa. Seriously?

COSTA: Fuck you. You guys, it's like 9:20 already.

COSTA: Fuck, yeah!

COSTA: Fuck! THOMAS: Oh, shit!

COSTA: Get the fuck out of here, man. Come on, dude.

COSTA: Get the fuck out of here!

COSTA: Go home, Robert!

COSTA: Go, go!

COSTA: Go! Shit! THOMAS: Come on!

COSTA: Holy shit!

COSTA: Holy shit!

COSTA: Holy shit!

COSTA: Holy shit!

COSTA: Holy shit! J.B.: Guy's like the fucking Terminator! Jesus!

COSTA: Holy shit! THOMAS: What the fuck are you doing?

COSTA: How do you not see the point? There's the point. There's the point.

COSTA: Huge fans. Cool. Awesome.

COSTA: I knew it. You're bitching out. THOMAS: What?

COSTA: I love this kid. You know it.

COSTA: It was really cool of your mom and dad to clean it out and wash it for you.

COSTA: It's Ecstasy. It'll put the brakes on your little freak out. Just take it.

COSTA: J.B., drop those bags. We got work to do.

COSTA: J.B., get your fat ass up!

COSTA: J.B., I thought I told you to pick up ice.

COSTA: J.B., you all right, man?

COSTA: Look at your fucking pupils.

COSTA: Look, we're making a movie.

COSTA: Move the fuck out of the way!

COSTA: No fucking way, man!

COSTA: No, fuck that! Just go. J.B.: Get out of here!

COSTA: No, he's cool.

COSTA: Of course it is, it's plus one.

COSTA: Of course, bro, we got your back.

COSTA: Oh, fuck! Holy shit! Give me back my gnome!

COSTA: Oh, man, you the man. Fuck, yeah, T Rick.

COSTA: Oh, my God, Thomas, we're fucked.

COSTA: Oh, shit! J.B.: Oh, fuck!

COSTA: Oh, that's LaRosa. He graduated.

COSTA: Okay. Really, we appreciate that.

COSTA: Relax, man. J.B.: We need to tell Thomas.

COSTA: Shit! Come on!

COSTA: Shit! KIRBY: It looks like I win.

COSTA: Shut up, Kirby. You're killing my concentration right now.

COSTA: So, dog, you ready for tonight?

COSTA: So, dude, it's your last day of being a loser. How does it feel?

COSTA: Straight up here, then take a right again. THOMAS: All right, listen.

COSTA: T Rick, open up.

COSTA: T Rick's so burned out, he probably forgot about it already.

COSTA: Thank you, I appreciate this. Come by anytime you want.

COSTA: Thanks, everybody, for coming. Let's get the music rocking!

COSTA: That's absolutely disgusting.

COSTA: That's not an option. People will show up.

COSTA: The cops are on their way right now! THOMAS: Oh, shit.

COSTA: There he is. This is Everett and his boy Tyler.

COSTA: There's two more fucking points right there! It's all around you.

COSTA: They're coming in packs. THOMAS: This is insane.

COSTA: This is your fucking party, man.

COSTA: Thomas Kub's house, 8:00.

COSTA: Thomas, get back here, dude!

COSTA: Thomas, suck my cock. THOMAS: What?

COSTA: Thomas, this is your party, and she's the hottest girl here.

COSTA: Thomas, you crazy motherfucker! I love you!

COSTA: We have a whole day to fix this place up. It's all good.

COSTA: What are you doing in here? The whole party's outside.

COSTA: What did I say? Don't doubt the master, bitches!

COSTA: What the fuck is that?

COSTA: What the fuck? I'm jerking off to your mom.

COSTA: What up, baby girl?

COSTA: What we are witnessing is truly a breathtaking moment...

COSTA: What? It's been a great ride.

COSTA: What's up, baby? Eight o'clock.

COSTA: Whatever happens, we can make this right.

COSTA: Whoa, shit!

COSTA: Whoa, whoa, whoa, read the sign, honey.

COSTA: With these two, we got nothing to worry about.

COSTA: Yeah, my boy's starting at second base for USC.

COSTA: Yes, I'm serious. THOMAS: Where the fuck are we going?

COSTA: Yes, it is gonna work. Next time your pool guy's here, he'll be like:

COSTA: You freshmen? Yeah.

COSTA: You said your parents would be gone by 7.

COSTA: You were so nervous about people not showing up.

COSTA: You're gonna want to lock your doors. THOMAS: Are you serious?

COSTA.: Yes. THOMAS: But no one else, okay?

Couple thousand, maybe.

Craigslist, yeah. It's on the thing, on the page, right there.

CROWD: Whoa!

Cut the music. Cut it. How's everybody doing? It's your host, Costa.

DAD (ON RECORDING): Hi. You've reached the Kub residence. Please, leave a message.

DAD (OVER PHONE): Thomas, it's me again. THOMAS: I'm fucked, dude.

DAD: All right, honey, car is here.

DAD: Didn't know you had Goth friends. THOMAS: He's just a friend from school.

DAD: Four or five friends, tops.

DAD: Happy birthday, Thomas. Whoo! Yay!

DAD: No food in the living room. Your mother will kill me and I'll have to kill you.

DAD: So leave the gate open for the gardener.

DAD: Thomas, get down here!

DAD: What's going on? What's the matter?

DAD: You guys can have that. Knock yourself out.

Damn it.

Dax, close that behind you.

DAX: Alexis, are you having a good time?

DAX: All I got was you punching that little child's face.

DAX: Are you gonna be going to Thomas's birthday party tonight?

DAX: Thank you, I don't drink alcohol.

DAX: Thanks, Thomas.

DAX: What are your expectations for the party?

Dax.

DISPATCHER (OVER RADIO): All units hold for SWAT team arrival.

DISPATCHER: Unit 23, what's your status?

Disperse immediately.

Disperse immediately.

Disperse immediately.

Disperse peacefully and immediately or you will be subject to arrest.

Do it, genius. It's all on tape. I just saw this motherfucker record it.

Do these kids even have parents? It's ridiculous, right?

Do you fucking believe this?

Do you have any idea how much all this is gonna cost, Thomas?

Do you know how many chores it's gonna take to make up for...

Doesn't the law state that you cannot enter...

Don't care if she's 300 pounds. I have to fuck a girl with big tits.

Don't even worry about it, man. I'll bring it, call my boys up.

Don't make us come back. You know what I mean?

Don't shut that...

Drive, drive, drive!

Dude, check it out. Check it out.

Dude, don't even start, okay? My dad's making me drive it as punishment.

Dude, go over there.

Dude, I can't believe I missed it.

Dude, people are spilling shit, breaking shit, probably stealing shit.

Dude, stop.

Dude, think about it. It's on Dickens Street. We'd love to have you.

Dude, too bad your dad didn't give you the Benz. That'd have been sick.

Dude, why are you staring at my dick?

Dude, you heard Rob, man. What if he calls the cops?

DUDE: Wait up. Wait, wait.

E! E!

EVERETT: He's home alone. He's been up all night, so he's probably gonna crash soon.

EVERETT: Subject is arguing with an overweight woman, most likely his wife

EVERETT: Tyler, I need you! Pull it together!

EVERETT: Would you like a hand with that? How long have you been in there?

Every one of my phone calls gets answered, right?

Everybody in the back! Get in the back now!

Everything's great. You upgraded the dish. Looks great.

Ew. Heh.

Excuse me. Sorry. Look out. Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me.

Fifteen hundred.

Fifty bucks extra with the port a potty. And they threw these in for free.

Fine, 50 people, absolute max.

Fine. Fuck it. I'm calling the fucking cops... Aah!

Fuck off.

Fuck that asshole. You're killing it, bro.

Fuck that shit. I'm not jumping. Fuck that.

Fuck you.

Fuck your car!

Fuck, hey, stop, seriously.

Fuck, yeah!

Fuck, yeah! My boy Rob is here to rage! Mwah!

Fuck, yeah! What's up in this bitch? Fuckers.

Fucking asshole.

Fucking stop.

Game changer.

Get high, fuck bitches, you already know.

Get in the back now! Everybody move! Let's go!

Get off me, you little faggot dog.

Get out of here. Go.

Get out of your mind

Get out of your mind Fuck that shit

Get this shit rolling again. Come on DJ Jesse Marco. Run it!

Get your asses up here right now.

GIRL: Ew! Come on, "Ew."

GIRL: J.B.!

GIRL: Oh, my God, it's a flying dog!

GIRL: They're pills!

GIRL: Yeah! LITTLE PERSON: The fuck you guys looking at?

Give me a break. You got a ball?

Give me back my fucking gnome!

Go!

Go! Go!

Go. Go talk to her.

God, help us.

Going on the range, get it all out of your system.

Good evening, uh, this is... This is Dax.

Got my Smith and Wessie to protect me So respect me

Gotta clear this fucking beer out of here.

Grab it. Throw it in. I love...

Great party, buddy.

Great. Well, we'll see you Sunday. Happy birthday, Thomas.

Guess what Mama Kub and Papa Kub got for...

Guys, the last thing I want in my house is a bunch of randoms.

Guys, this isn't a request. The party's over.

Ha, ha. Whoa.

Happy birthday dear Thomas

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday You can suck my dick if you thirsty

Have you seen my fucking house?

Have you seen the footage? Let me tell you.

He called the cops on us. He ruined everything.

He sucker punched you. You'd own that bitch in a real fight.

He'll be taking the trash out nine times a day for the rest of his life.

He's a fucking weirdo, I know, but he's a solid shooter.

He's a sweet kid, but...

He's drinking. They're in the kitchen.

He's ex military. Wait till you see his gun collection. Fucking insane.

He's got a couple of friends. They're gonna hang out, but they're not gonna do anything.

He's one of J.B.'s guys from Gay V Club.

He's still in the shower.

Heading toward residence.

Heads will roll

Here he is! I got him! Motherfuckers!

Here they come.

Here we are.

Here we go. Paxson for three.

Here, let me...

Here.

Hey

Hey

Hey, baby, what's up? Want some of this?

Hey, can I get to my locker right there?

Hey, Costa.

Hey, girls. Just remember, wear something tight.

Hey, have you seen Thomas?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, it's your day. Cool. See you guys tonight, then.

Hey, thanks. Would you guys mind getting off my dad's car?

Hey, we want some pussy

Hey, will you at least try and have a good time?

Hey, wrong guy. Wrong guy.

Hey. Hey, hi. Hi. Welcome. Welcome to party. Welcome, welcome.

Hi. Good evening, Mrs. Stillson. My name's Oliver.

Hold on. We gotta give Thomas his birthday present.

Holy shit, dude! Where'd you get a bouncy house?

Holy shit, dude. It's Miles Teller.

Holy shit, dude. Your parents gave you the minivan? That's awesome!

Holy shit, it's the news.

Holy shit, Thomas, he's fucking wild! He's a fucking crazy man!

Holy shit! He's gone! He fell off!

Holy shit.

Hopefully we'll meet again, so I can explain things.

How are we doing on eggs?

How cool is it that Thomas was born on your anniversary?

How did this thing get up here? Was someone in my parents' room?

I ain't gotta tell you They know about me, huh

I ain't tryin' to lead you wrong, sugar I need you

I am serious, because it's 11:30 at night. It's time to wrap it up.

I brought all these people to your party. Fucking camera creeps me out.

I can't believe, like, you guys just did this to me.

I did. It's in the freezer in the garage.

I didn't know how to handle it.

I do. The shit works.

I don't care for fancy things

I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick. I'm getting them out of the house. Now.

I don't care. T, get these freshmen out of here.

I don't have words for some of the things I've seen.

I don't know how to fix any of this shit.

I don't know how to fix this.

I don't know.

I don't know. It's pretty funny.

I don't know. Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend.

I don't really have an explanation...

I don't wanna go talk to your fucking dad.

I don't want to find wet towels when we get home.

I got a better idea. How about I invite you to my next party?

I got Ray Ban vision

I got this, okay?

I gotta record this.

I guess both are true. The law says you cannot because we say you may not.

I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree, then, aren't we?

I had a really fun time.

I had Jesse Marco put out an e mail blast and I may have called a radio station or two.

I have three projects I'm working on. I don't want anybody in there, clear?

I haven't seen that many teenage boobs since R. Kelly's birthday party.

I haven't seen Tyler in an hour.

I heard, "midget in oven."

I hooked up with Kirby.

I jumped off the house on purpose.

I just didn't think you had it in you.

I just got another call. I'm sure the neighbors are exaggerating.

I just heard a rumor that all your balls got attacked by a midget. Is it true?

I just wanted to let you know that we're gonna be having a party...

I know where they build 'em

I know where they're selling long

I know you watch 'em I know that you want no more

I literally didn't think that you had this in you.

I mean, did you hear that guy? Wheelchair Robert got beat off.

I mean, I'd love to get some oral or, you know, at least do some finger banging.

I mean, no one even knows who we are.

I need you to dial back like 10, 15 percent. You can't hard charge all the time.

I never said you were cool.

I saw your face

I see you haters coming ****as don't think that I'm slipping

I wanna show you something. See this? Check this out.

I wanted to give you my number in case you had problems or concerns.

I was just attacked by this really sexy woman.

I wasn't nervous. I wanted the party to be big enough to be cool.

I wasn't. My locker's there. Can I get to it?

I'll fix this whole house myself if I have to.

I'm actually about to go to sleep right now, so...

I'm an open guy. I even have a Facebook account. You can send me:

I'm basically on house arrest until my hearing.

I'm coming on Santa Claus's face.

I'm drunk. I mean, that's not an excuse.

I'm glad your folks are on vacation I just raided the fridge

I'm gonna bring up my best friends, Thomas and J.B.

I'm gonna go home...

I'm inside the belly of the beast.

I'm joined now by Captain Reesman of the Police Department.

I'm just asking that you please respect my house, okay?

I'm letting Costa plan most of it.

I'm livin' life right now, man And this what I'm gonna do

I'm not supposed to talk to you guys.

I'm Rob, the neighbor. Who the fuck are you?

I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah...

I'm sorry, Thomas. I just wanted to get some pussy.

I'm talking about the fucking people in the house.

I'm talking about, they trashed the neighborhood. They trashed the house.

I'm telling Thomas it's time to shut it down.

I'm the coolest shit Especially when I throw on all my Gretzky

I'm the friend, my birthday.

I'm the hub of a large social circle. I put the word out, it goes out.

I'm upstairs. Kids are asleep. Over.

I'm working on something.

I'm, like, really into her.

If he calls the cops, I want you to radio it over to me, okay?

If I don't fuck a girl with big tits tonight, I'm drowning myself.

If we want to be bigtime players, we need to make a bigtime play.

If you do not disperse immediately, you will be subject to arrest.

If you fuck this up, I will stab you. I'm not kidding.

If you're still mad, I get it...

In a crowded place

In fact, I would.

In the back of your dad's truck You fat fuck

In this, feelin' tremendous Lenses darker than the tint on my Benzes

Is there a problem here, officers?

Is there an adult here we might speak with?

Is this big enough to be cool?

It is a big deal. We miss every party.

It is going down. I don't know if you seen the news.

It really hurt me.

It was awesome.

It was the most epic party of all time.

It wasn't cool, man.

It's 6 in the morning, man. Let it go. It's over.

It's a bit messy right now.

It's a free car. I'm not about to complain about a free car.

It's a gnome. I guess he gets around. Who cares, man?

It's crazy out there.

It's fucking insane.

It's just for school and back. That's it, right?

It's just he'll go crazy if anything happens to it.

It's just that it's a small get together. It should be basically chill.

It's just, like, I already went swimming once against my will.

It's like hooking up with J.B.

It's not even a car. It's a fucking minivan. We can't even roll in this.

It's not gonna work unless you crank it up.

It's not that complicated.

It's out of control.

It's the first party I've ever attended and you...

It's the motherfucking D O double G

J.B., I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool.

J.B., what the fuck, man? Why do you have a boner?

J.B.: Ah! Fuck.

J.B.: Alexis won't come. She fucks college dudes.

J.B.: Are you sure this guy's cool? COSTA: T Rick's the coolest.

J.B.: Dude, are you stealing it? COSTA: No, we're just borrowing it.

J.B.: Dude, Thomas, no!

J.B.: Fuck. Shit.

J.B.: Give him the gnome back. Give him the fucking gnome back.

J.B.: He got sent to detention once and banged the teacher.

J.B.: He's gonna catch him and he's gonna get his ass kicked.

J.B.: Hey, hey, hey.

J.B.: Hey. You get half of one.

J.B.: Hey. Can we get going?

J.B.: Hi, uh, my name's J.B. I'm a friend of Thomas Kub, your neighbor across the street.

J.B.: Invite him, man. Come on. THOMAS: All right. Okay. Um...

J.B.: Jesus Christ.

J.B.: Jesus, all those chicks are really hot.

J.B.: Look like ninjas. Ninjas are fucking pussies!

J.B.: Look. COSTA: That was a business call for your party.

J.B.: Mm.

J.B.: Nice touch. COSTA: Why not? It's a birthday party.

J.B.: Oh, my God!

J.B.: Pardon? Oh, hey. GIRL: Hey.

J.B.: Sure do.

J.B.: This is bad.

J.B.: This place is ghetto as fuck.

J.B.: We did this for you.

J.B.: Whoa, we are so fucked.

J.B.: Wow, dude, this is fucking... THOMAS: I can't believe it fucking worked.

J.B.: Wow. Whoa.

Jesus Christ, man. Where do you even get shit like that?

Jesus Christ! Are you all right, dude? Oh, my God, J.B., are you all right?

Jesus fucking Christ! What'd you do that for?

Jew Pesci, go back to New York

Join us for an evening of balls deep entertainment at Thomas Kub's house.

Joining us now live is one Pasadena teen who's recently drawn a lot of notice...

Jump in.

Jump! Jump! Jump!

Just another beer would be great.

Just come inside. Just forget about it.

Just go home.

Just make sure you wear something tight.

Keep going! Get in the back now!

Keep telling her how pretty she is the whole time.

KEVIN: It looked like the greatest party ever.

Kirby, I'm really sorry about what happened.

KIRBY: Are you having fun? THOMAS: Yeah, I'm having a good time.

KIRBY: Come on, you're way too easy. I love it.

KIRBY: Fuck off. I'm sorry. Hey, hey, Kirby...

KIRBY: Getting late. I'll look like such a dick if no one shows.

KIRBY: Ha, ha! Thomas, come here! COSTA: Fucker!

KIRBY: I'm kicking Costa's ass!

KIRBY: It's pretty fucking crazy.

KIRBY: My God. THOMAS: Nice.

KIRBY: So, Thomas, are you having fun?

KIRBY: Thomas? Thomas. Eyes up here.

KIRBY: What is it?

KIRBY: What? THOMAS: What? What did he say?

KIRBY: Yeah, man. Let's do this.

KIRBY: You're gonna get laid, dude. Ladies love a guy with class.

Kirby!

Kirby.

Kirby's sort of like one of us.

Know me from the you know Boss in my Hugo

Kub! House phone! House phone!

KYLE: Dick!

Ladies, who wants to take a shot with the birthday boy?

Law enforcement currently on scene.

Let me have that.

Let me see what you got Now shake that thing

Let's be realistic here, okay?

Let's do this, I gotta be at the dojo by 5.

Like this day in the life type thing. No big deal.

Like this.

Lines of water on the floor

Listen to me, Thomas. Either shut it down or I'm calling the cops.

Little dude. What's up, man? How we doing?

LITTLE PERSON: Let me go! Goddamn it!

LITTLE PERSON: Motherfucker! Motherfuckers! You fucking cunt!

LITTLE PERSON: Motherfuckers!

Live for tonight Before tomorrow's amnesia

Look at J.B. He's like a little fat Rain Man, texting away.

Look at me now, bitches! My party is the shit!

Look, I realize I can be, like, a huge dick sometimes...

Look, man, I don't mean to be a dick here or anything.

Look, man, I know you're not a drug guy, and I respect that about you.

Look, T Rick, we can fix this. Okay, man?

Lot of cars for a small party.

Make a "come here" motion. "Come here."

Makes no sense. This kid's younger than we are.

MAN (ON TV): Sand, an adversary in many ways more dangerous than those carrying weapons.

MAN: Holy shit!

Mass marketing, handled.

Maybe in the factory Maybe in the actual world

Me. Dax.

Mi Tell, what's cracking, bro?

MILES: How you guys doing on liquor? You got liquor?

Mm mm. I'm sorry. Who are you?

Mom, Dad, it's me, Thomas.

MOM: Happy birthday, sweetie. THOMAS: Ahh.

Move it, move it! Let's go! Hurry up! Cops are coming! Everybody in the back!

Move the fuck out of the way!

My body's

My boy is underselling this like a motherfucker.

My dad got me a lawyer. Even that Jew thinks we're fucked.

My dad met my stepmom on Craigslist.

My life right now, it's totally ruined.

My mom hasn't stopped crying.

My parents are convinced this is totally gonna be fucking my college plans.

My parents are gonna crucify me if anything gets fucked up.

MY Party is legendary!

Nasty, kid

Negative. I'm a ghost. Out.

Night.

No doubt. Thank you, sir.

No, he's doing a good job. He's getting, like, a bunch of booze and then...

No, it's not all good, okay? I mean, what about this? What if my parents see it?

No, seriously.

No.

No. I'm leaving.

Nobody's gonna see this shit but us. I promise.

Not a madhouse, just gonna be a fun, decent sized party.

Not a party that's still going, anyway.

Nothing goes in here, right?

Nothing. I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Kub.

Nothing. That was Costa. You're on speakerphone.

Of course it will, dude. That's the whole point.

OFFICER (OVER MEGAPHONE): This is the police.

OFFICER 1 (OVER RADIO): Outside visual on subject with...

OFFICER 1: Skirmish line, be advised, officer down, officer down.

OFFICER 1: Approach with extreme caution.

OFFICER 1: Just keep the noise down to a minimum, okay?

OFFICER 1: Scene in progress, 50 yards ahead of IC. Officers need assistance.

OFFICER 1: Still active and on the move.

OFFICER 1: Subject is advancing.

OFFICER 1: Subject is armed and active. MAN: Oh, my fucking God.

OFFICER 1: Suspect is firing at officers.

OFFICER 2: Everybody, back!

OFFICER 2: Everybody's a fucking attorney.

OFFICER 3: Disperse immediately or you will be subject to arrest.

OFFICER 3: Put down your weapon and put your hands in the air.

OFFICER 3: Put down your weapon.

OFFICER 3: Put down your weapon. Put your hands in the air.

OFFICER 3: This is the police.

OFFICER 3: This is the police.

OFFICER 3: This is the police...

OFFICER 4: Get down! Show me your hands! OFFICER 5: Put down your weapon!

OFFICER 5: Drop it now! OFFICER 4: Back up, back up!

OFFICER 6: Get back!

OFFICER 7: Go, go, go! Shit!

OFFICER 8: Yeah. Now. Take the shot!

OFFICER 9: Get back. Get back!

OFFICER: In need of immediate assistance.

Oh, I live alone, actually.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Thomas?

Oh, please, stop it. Come on, honey. He's 17 years old.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit. Extra large condoms. I'm not paying for that shit.

Oh, shit. Let's go.

Oh, shit. Sorry.

Oh, that sounds like a really brilliant idea.

Oh, uh... I have to call you back, sir. I'm sorry.

Oh, watch this.

Oh, yeah, that was a 12 millimeter semi automatic Mossberg Maverick.

Oh, you're...

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, faggot.

Okay, here's what I want.

Okay, seriously, Thomas, that's, you know, cool and all.

Okay? I practically burned down my whole neighborhood.

Okay. I was thinking more along the lines of an apology.

Okay. Well, I mean, I'm the one taking the whole risk.

Oliver came over earlier and told me you guys were having a little party...

Only thing you're working on is diabetes, you fat fuck.

Or to take part in the vicious race

Other than fucking Costa made me do it. So...

Our balls are where his eyes are.

Paper towels. Get long.

Party's limited to the backyard, okay?

People don't tell you that enough, Kirby.

Perfume everywhere

Perhaps tonight is just business as usual, but something tells me, no, it's not.

Pfft. A lot of people don't know this simple fact, but this is actually...

Pink rosé and chronic smelly

Please, please, just tell me it is. I'm praying it fucking is.

Police are using flash bang grenades to try and disperse this crowd.

Poor Milo.

Pretend you're killing cops, if you want.

Pretty girls I ask them do they smoke

Probably bankrupt my parents. I'll be in debt until I die.

Put this in your mouth.

Relax. For you. You.

Remind you of the sky when I'm fucking And we on cloud nine for that minute

REPORTER 1 (ON TV): Chaos has broken out in the Southland...

REPORTER 2: It's complete chaos out here.

REPORTER 2: Police are now firing rubber bullets.

REPORTER 2: Police are now mobilizing. Fire helicopters have been brought in.

REPORTER 2: Police are on scene in riot gear. SWAT officers are rushing forward.

REPORTER: The person who caused the early morning fire and explosion here...

Requesting backup, all units...

Scuffin' shell toes Is that ****a dead?

See you later.

See, baby, I'm a leader Day away from a Libra

See, I told you guys, T Rick's just a sweetheart. Mm.

See, the kid's a pro. We got nothing to worry about.

Seriously, stop. Stop.

She graduated three years ago. She's in Playboy's Pac 10 issue.

She told me take my glasses off But she looks horrendous

She wants him to call the police. He wants to handle it himself.

Shh.

Shh.

Shit never gets old.

Shit! Dax, find the phone.

Shit. Sorry. Um...

Shit. Um, Mrs. Kub, I thought you guys left already.

Shut the fuck up!

Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up. It's pissing me off that you don't trust me to know what I'm doing.

Slow down, dude.

Smell it, J.B.

Smoke machine begins to blow

Snoop Dogg

So we missed a party, dude. Big deal.

So we're cool again?

So would you please listen To what I'm gonna need from you

So you know this high school party in Pasadena that turned into a riot, right?

So you put my address on the fucking Internet?

So you're telling us we cannot come in?

So, I'm sorry.

So, uh, how many people were here?

So?

Some asshole puked all over my front door.

Sorry about that, everybody, that dude's whack.

Sorry, I don't make the rules.

Speak up, E.

Standing down, for now.

Still looks like me.

Stop. Give me that. Costa, stop, wait. Costa, what are you doing?

Stop. Stop. Stop.

T RICK: Fuck you!

T RICK: Here you go.

T RICK: Where the fuck is Costa?

T RICK: Yeah, kick ass with that.

T Rick's. Gotta score some of that chronic shit.

Take it. Oh, my God, she's got a deep throat.

Tapping and circling. Tap, tap, tap.

Thank you very much. Have a good time at your party.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That is not fucking cool.

That party was so sick. Everyone got laid.

That sucks.

That thing that dick in the sweater vest was telling us about?

That's a penis hand job

That's fucking Alexis, dude. She came, man.

That's fucking disgusting.

That's my boy Tom! That was some serious fucking shit right there!

That's my party. I'm Thomas Kub. It's my birthday today.

That's not a big deal, right? When do your parents get home?

That's Stasia. Gorgeous, right? That's my girl back in Queens.

That's technically a homosexual act.

That's what I'm worried about.

That's where I'm going. Heard it's gonna be crazy.

That's your party? You're throwing that?

The "circle of pleasure." The "itsy bitsy spider."

The baby can't sleep, Melinda works early tomorrow.

The guy has a wife and a baby. You're not gonna burn his house down.

The guy isn't gonna do shit. He punched a 12 year old in the face.

The helpless fetus is growing a tiny, tiny penis...

The house is gone, man. It's fucking over.

The house is trashed. You're the worst security ever.

The house? Whose is it?

The house'll be locked and the alarm'll be set.

The idea behind tonight is to get these bitches...

The kid actually burned his parents' house down. Can you imagi...?

The kind that got many AIDS and shit

The little fuck Tased me! I'm definitely calling the cops now!

The more word gets around, the more likely these chicks will show up at our party.

The pool heater, don't touch it.

The reason you guys are here tonight is because it's Thomas Kub's birthday.

The three of us will have full access to the house for sex and finger banging.

There's a midget in the oven. Let's go. Come on.

They're dropping water to put this blaze out.

They're running security for the night.

This is a party for grownups. Let's fucking go.

This is amazing. How did we get all these people to show up?

This is called "machine guns" or "friendly scissors."

This is Falcon One.

This is my favorite song, guys.

This is my friend Jonathan.

This is the police.

This is the Thomas Kub pool cam.

This is Thomas we're talking about. He's not exactly Mr. Popular.

This shit's gonna be legit. You should swing by.

Thomas is bitching out like the little bitch that he is.

Thomas, everything's under control. Let's just have some fun.

Thomas, look at what we did. Epic.

Thomas, my cousin can replace the window, no problem. It's all good, man. I promise.

Thomas, what the fuck?

Thomas, whatever happens, man...

THOMAS: All right, cool. Dickens Street.

THOMAS: All right, fine.

THOMAS: All right, just give me like 10 minutes.

THOMAS: Are you serious? Are those nunchucks?

THOMAS: Careful. COSTA: She's a professional. Open up.

THOMAS: Costa, come sit down, dude. He's about to fucking...

THOMAS: Costa, he's coming back.

THOMAS: Costa. Hey, Costa.

THOMAS: Damn, dude. J.B.: Whoa.

THOMAS: Damn, she's so fucking hot, dude.

THOMAS: DJ's over there. J.B.: Cool.

THOMAS: Don't! Dude, get a ton.

THOMAS: Dude, I get it.

THOMAS: Dude, stop. COSTA: You're telling me he doesn't need this?

THOMAS: Dude, this is way more than 50 people.

THOMAS: Fine. Give me that.

THOMAS: Fuck you. Oh, my God.

THOMAS: Fuck! COSTA: Holy shit, dude, it's T Rick!

THOMAS: Fuck! Shit!

THOMAS: Fuck! You guys, come on!

THOMAS: Fuck. Oh, my God.

THOMAS: Go, go, go! COSTA: Run! Run!

THOMAS: God, dude, he fucking cracked my windshield.

THOMAS: Happy anniversary.

THOMAS: He's shooting a movie for my birthday, you know, a little present.

THOMAS: Hey, what's going on?

THOMAS: Hey.

THOMAS: How do you know that? COSTA: Don't ask. My boy's in deep.

THOMAS: How the hell did they get up there? Move it, fellas.

THOMAS: I actually wanna talk to you about that, you know, before we jump into it.

THOMAS: I hate you.

THOMAS: I hear him here.

THOMAS: I know.

THOMAS: I know. Okay.

THOMAS: I'm just nervous. What if nobody shows up? What if it sucks?

THOMAS: It's all right with me, brother.

THOMAS: It's easy to talk shit when the party's not even at your house.

THOMAS: It's my fucking dog.

THOMAS: It's my fucking dog.

THOMAS: J.B., seriously, what are you doing? Your dad is a freak.

THOMAS: Kirby, wait.

THOMAS: Kirby!

THOMAS: Kirby.

THOMAS: Look how chill this is. KIRBY: It's no big deal. I mean, there's two DJ's.

THOMAS: Milo!

THOMAS: No fucking way.

THOMAS: Oh, my God! Holy shit! Fucking insane!

THOMAS: Oh, my God.

THOMAS: Oh, my God. COSTA: Feel my drift, J.B.?

THOMAS: Oh, my God. Dude, that sign fucking worked.

THOMAS: Oh, my God. J.B.: Shit.

THOMAS: Oh, shit! KIRBY: I'm okay! Heh.

THOMAS: Oh, shit.

THOMAS: Okay, cool.

THOMAS: Okay.

THOMAS: Ow! Get off me. COSTA: This is your night.

THOMAS: Shit, shit, shit!

THOMAS: Shit, that's my dad's car. J.B.: Shit, dude.

THOMAS: Thank you, man. BOY 3: No, thank you, man.

THOMAS: This is Dax. DAD: What is this?

THOMAS: Uh, excuse me... GIRL: Sorry.

THOMAS: Uh...

THOMAS: What in the fucking world?

THOMAS: What the fuck are you doing? Guys. Hey, guys, what the fuck?

THOMAS: What? Oh, hey, what's going on?

THOMAS: When, in 1986?

THOMAS: Who takes a shit and makes a business call?

THOMAS: Whoa!

THOMAS: Why do we have to come all the way here? We can't just get it at school?

THOMAS: Yeah, I'm just gonna hang here with Milo for a bit.

THOMAS: Yeah, it's my birthday.

THOMAS: Yeah!

THOMAS: Yo, what's up, bro?

THOMAS: You are literally retarded.

THOMAS: You guys, we good on OJ? COSTA: Sunny D, dude.

THOMAS: You have great knees. KIRBY: Thanks.

THOMAS: You're breaking the rules, you know.

THOMAS: You're such a dick, Costa.

Thomas! Thomas! Thomas!

Thomas! You're taking a bullet from me right now.

Throw it in here, nice and low.

To my family members, all my friends on Facebook...

To the break of dawn, yo!

Tonight's about changing the game.

TYLER: Can I help you, sir?

TYLER: Get out, police. EVERETT: They're on their way now.

TYLER: We're fucked!

Uh...

Uh...

Um, right, you know what? Fuck it, just be quiet.

Um...

Up high! Come on, dude, right here. Yeah!

Wait up, wait up. I wanted to do a birthday song too, if I can, Thomas. Is that cool?

Wait, what the fuck is he talking about?

Wait, you're in their house?

Wait. No, wait. What are you doing? Not like that. Not like that.

Wale, D.C., that's me, huh My Prada say Prada and they Prada say Fila

Was that weird? I'm sorry. Shit, that was weird, wasn't it?

Watch and learn how Captain Big Dick does it.

We could be crushing this kind of ass, but we need a game changer.

We get it. Queens is awesome. We're pussies. I don't fucking care.

We go in the back, break Rob's door down, and torch the house.

We have a noise complaint.

We heard about your shindig tonight. We want in.

We heard that Kanye made an appearance there.

We just wanted to call one last time before going to bed...

We moved to a place like Pasadena to avoid stuff like this.

We need a fucking mascot for the party.

We need a post up at the cockbiter's house.

We wait about an hour to make sure he's asleep, then we make our move.

We were out in the hot tub, so I didn't have it on me.

We were slightly out of our league on this mission.

We'll have to let this thing burn out before we even think about moving back in.

We're having a soirée at my place tonight. If you wanna swing by, it should be...

We're living at a Courtyard Marriott right now.

We're looking for him.

We're shooting this birthday movie for Thomas.

We've been trying your cell all night.

We've got red, we've got white. You know, Cabernet, Merlot.

We've lost all control. The house was breached hours ago.

Well, at least the van looks gangster now.

Well, I just don't want people up here.

Well, I know. I'm sorry I let you down.

Well, I want to declare it, just in case.

Well, when you find him, can you tell him I've got something for him?

Well, you're still fucked, Thomas.

Wetness.

What a great anniversary gift, a baby.

What about our money?

What about you, Dax? What did your parents say?

What are you doing? Get the fuck out of here!

What the fuck am I gonna do with this kid?

What the fuck are you doing? The dog's not gonna be in that drawer.

What the fuck does that even mean? J.B., get this bitch a drink.

What the fuck?

What was that? Thomas?

What was wrong with me?

What you did was really not cool.

What you sippio' on? It's no problem

What, are you over there? Get in the back! Cops are coming! Hurry, let's move!

What? Dude, I'm not bitching out.

What? E... What the fuck are you doing here?

What? Finger banging? Can you please elaborate?

What? Fuck you guys then, man. You all can suck my dick.

What? I'm not here to bust anybody. I'm just here to party.

What? Mind your own business, lady.

What's that, dude? Hold on, I can't fucking hear a thing you're saying.

What's up, Dax? How'd they rope you into this?

What's up, sisters? Thomas Kub's house, 8:00.

Wheelchair Robert even got a handjob.

Where did all these people even come from?

Where do you think the school gets it? This is wholesale.

Where my ring and my confetti? I'm Kobe Bryant ready

Where's your mom? I'm gonna get the bags.

Who's that dude with the mustache?

Whoa, ho, ho, ho!

Whoa, shit! What the fuck, dude?

Whoa! What the fuck, dude! Get down!

Whoa.

Whoo hoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Why don't we bring everyone to the back, lower the volume?

Why the balls, man?

Why the fuck weren't we at that party, man?

Why won't you get in with me?

Wider than the worst ones Wider than the one I know

Will you drop a beat so I can do a birthday rap? Ahem.

With all due respect, technically the law says you cannot.

Word to the motherfucking DJ Quik

Would you like a glass of wine?

Would you like to apologize?

Wow, this was before Costa.

Wow.

Wow. Okay.

Wrong. Last thing you want is nobody at your fucking house.

Yeah, all right.

Yeah, and I bet you got baby dick

Yeah, and I'm being brought up on like six different charges.

Yeah, back when you were still in the crew, right?

Yeah, bro! Birthday boy on the table! That's what I like to see, baby.

Yeah, I can't. I actually got other plans tonight, so I might not make it.

Yeah, I fucking did, upscaled it.

Yeah, I heard it's gonna be unlimited high school pussy.

Yeah, so if you were there at the party in Pasadena last night, hit us up...

Yeah, the good old days.

Yeah, we actually should be winding down, like midnight, I mean, maybe 1.

Yeah, we're having a small little birthday gathering for my friend.

Yeah, we're hosting a little birthday party for Thomas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know who's back...

Yeah! Ha, ha!

Yeah! That's my boys! Suck my dick, Robert! Suck my fucking dick!

Yep, all good.

Yes, sir. Of course.

Yes. How are you so fucking bad at this game, Costa?

Yo, what up, Kub?

Yo, yo, yo, hey!

You are very beautiful.

You burn me, I burn you!

You can call me, uh, you could send me a text message.

You can go too, Dax.

You can't be serious. This is a great party.

You feel me?

You gonna be okay, man?

You got a blowjob from his mom?

You gotta have faith, son.

You guys rock.

You guys should go home too.

You haven't gotten me a present in 10 years.

You heard about this on Craigslist?

You know a guy down there told me...

You know I'm mobbin' with the D R E

You know what, you're right, Costa. Let's just take your car.

You know where you're going? You're going to jail, you motherfucker!

You know, just big enough to be cool.

You know, tonight's about the girls we never had a shot at.

You look like a little gremlin And a teddy bear had a baby

You look like smorgasbord of dorks

You motherfuckers!

You owe me a tree, you piece of shit.

You punched a kid in the face! I'm calling the cops on you.

You said it was perhaps the most epic party of all time.

You should've seen it.

You take your first finger, your thumb and your middle finger.

You think we'd ditch you if something went wrong?

You tub of love I'm gonna put you in the back of the truck

You used to be so cute. What happened?

You wanna help? Do something.

You'll be all right.

You'll be okay, Milo. I promise.

You're a fucking champion.

You're a very beautiful woman. Call me anytime you want.

You're beautiful, it's true

You're really starting to fucking scare me.

You're right, dude. I needed this.

You're speaking with one. I'm 18 and a half years old, sir.

Your college fund is gone, I can tell you that.

Your grades are fucking up your college plans.

Your parents don't even come home till Sunday. You just need to relax, man.

Your parents give the worst gifts ever.

Your style and your physique

Your turn.

...and do what you gotta do. Dax, Dax. Go film over the top.

...has survived his injuries T RICK: Costa!

"Mama Kub and Papa Kub"? Jesus. Yeah, those are my parents, asshole.

A DJ. Super chill. THOMAS: Ha.

Absolutely. Cool.

All right, 30 people. Thirty people?

All right, have fun. COSTA: Bye.

All right, see you. J.B.: All right.

All right. Fuck, dude. Come here. Come on.

And we're both friends of Thomas Kub's. Oh.

Anywhere but the fucking balls. Think about it.

Are you all right, man? THOMAS: Is he okay?

Are you having fun at this party? So much fun.

Baby Kub? ...Baby Kub for his birthday.

Boys, gotta get to school. THOMAS: Cool.

But right now, this is what you need. THOMAS: What is it?

Bye, baby. COSTA: See you guys.

Chubby Bitch. Yeah.

Come on, I need your fucking help, man. COSTA: Goddamn it.

Cool room. THOMAS: Thanks.

Costa hooked it up. You know it, baby.

Costa, hold on to these. J.B., don't do it, man.

Crank this thing up. No.

Dad, hey. Where have you been?

Dad, what do you think is gonna happen? Mr. Kub, honestly, we have no...

Dax, my dick is gonna get so wet tonight. Excuse me.

Dax, take it, take it. DAX: What the fuck are you doing?

Dibs. Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Don't trip. KIRBY: Ow!

Don't want you to sweat anything. THOMAS: Thank you so much.

Dude, it is. That's him. Holy shit. J.B.: He's so badass.

Dude, it's fucking on! J.B.: Check it out.

Dude, look, back in Queens... I'm fucking sick of hearing about Queens.

Dude, Milo! ROB: Hey, Oliver!

Evening, officers. Fellas having a party?

Fuck off! COSTA: Dude, it's us.

Fuck this, I'm putting him inside. Let me help you.

Fuck this. COSTA: Where are you going? Get back here!

Fuck you. Come inside.

Fuck. "Bring your mitt"? The fuck?

Fucking shit! What are you doing?

Fudgy the Whale. Okay.

Get down here now. Come on, there's like 200 people here.

Get out, out, out. THOMAS: Dad...

Give it to him. Where is it? It was full of Ecstasy. Everyone ate it!

Give me back my fucking gnome! COSTA: Fuck!

Good night. Officers.

Good to see you. Actually, I'm not raging.

Got it. Get down here.

Happy birthday, loser. Ow.

Have you gotten lucky at all? I'm pretty lucky right now.

Hell, yeah. Whoa, uh... Oh.

Hello. DAD: Thomas. Are you there?

Here's 40 bucks for pizza, okay? THOMAS: Oh, cool.

Hey, Chubs, grab your twin brother there. J.B.: Fucking dick.

Hey, Costa. TYLER: I'm understaffed.

Hey, dudes, check it out. THOMAS: Yeah, like that's gonna work.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, what's up, bro?

Hey, man, what's up? BOY 2: Nice party, man.

Hey, take a right. THOMAS: Here?

Hey, that's a sweet minivan, soccer mom. See? See what I told you?

Hey. Hey, look, I just wanted to talk to you.

Hey. I'm just saying.

Hi, Thomas. COSTA: Thank you.

Holy shit, man! J.B.: Holy shit!

Holy shit! Look out. COSTA: Shit! What the fuck?

I don't hear anything. No, it doesn't sound like a party.

I don't, it's just my underwear sitting funny. Cover up.

I don't. Hey, guys?

I haven't seen you in a minute, Costa. Yeah.

I love you guys. J.B.: Ha, ha.

I really am sorry. You said that already.

I started hanging out with you two. Zero! I just don't really see the point any more.

I think we'll come. Can we bring people? Can I bring people?

I want to come home to a clean house. Of course, definitely.

I'd love to go to the range with you. Yeah, that's a good idea.

I'll ask the questions, sir. Exactly. Get the hell out of my way.

I'm a little fucked up. But you look good.

I'm fucking offended, man. Yeah, me too.

I'm here to see Thomas. First and last name, please.

I'm just worried. About what?

I'm so sorry, sir. I'm so sor... Fuck!

Is that everything? THOMAS: Yeah. I got your chalice.

Is that okay? No, it's not.

It's okay. No, it's not.

J.B., what are you looking for? To see if your dad has condoms.

J.B., you all right? J.B.: Ha ha ha!

Karaoke in the pool house. Nice.

Let's go, come on. Dax. Dax, help me.

Maybe I'll post it on YouTube. No, don't, don't, don't.

Men's Wearhouse. Men's Wearhouse? Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Mom's minivan? Nice. DAD: Yeah.

My God. Jesus Christ. DAX: No.

Nice to see you. How are you doing? Everything copacetic?

No one is going inside, all right? COSTA: Stop.

No, Dax, you're here to observe. Help me! Dax! Aah!

No, he was super pissed though. J.B.: Dude scares the shit out of me.

No, it... It was a little weird. Heh. Fuck. Um...

No. Not at all?

Officers engaged with riot... What is going on?

Oh, dude, Alexis just texted me. What? What's it say?

Oh, shit. We need this party. You need this party.

Oh, shit. COSTA: What the fuck are you wearing?

Oh, yeah, yeah. All right.

Oh, you don't have one. Good fucking joke, good fucking joke.

Oh. I'll bring it tonight. Hey, I have to go run.

Okay, bye. All right, see you guys.

Okay, no more than 20 people. Twenty people?

Okay, open up, open up. Now. GIRL: Yeah!

Please call me. Fuck.

Please don't embarrass me like this. Hey, listen up!

Relax, man, everything's going great. DAVE: Shit.

Replying. THOMAS: Don't. Here, don't send that.

Rob, hey. What can I do for you, man? Hey.

Sent. Too late, man. What did you write?

Shh. COSTA: Yeah, of course, Jack. Anything.

So, what's getting wet tonight? Uh...

Stay down. Stay down. Fuck! Shit!

Teller, bring your mitt. We'll play catch. MILES: No.

Thank you. That's very sweet of you. I mean that when I say that.

Thanks, Dad. Good night. Good night.

Thanks, man, I appreciate it. Yeah, no problem.

That better be yours tonight. Damn.

That's Ashley, Rachel, Sarah. J.B.: Hi, hi.

The party's in three hours. It's mostly water weight.

There's people in the house! THOMAS: Oh, shit.

There's really nothing to talk about. Wait. Please, can I just explain?

These are my boys, J.B. and Thomas. J.B.: Hi.

They gave you the minivan? For my birthday, yes.

Think she'll come tonight? COSTA: I'm not inviting her. You do this one.

Thinks we could actually do time for this. J.B.: Jesus.

Thomas? Who's that? Who's Thomas?

Throw down in the bushes? THOMAS: I don't care.

To make sure my house doesn't get fucked. J.B.: Thirty people won't change anything for us.

To one sick fucking night. Cheers.

Uh, Dickens Street? COSTA: Yeah.

Um, got the bar set up over here. Nice.

Upscaled it. I fucking did. Yeah.

Watch this. J.B.: Watch what?

We agreed all my calls would be answered. I know. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

We go to North Pass. THOMAS: Yeah, dude, big fans.

We gotta get out of here. I can't leave my house.

We have bogeys. BOY 2: What up, Costa?

We were just calling... What was that? Dude, look at her.

We're not asking. Excuse me, I'm not a lawyer or anything.

We're outside the Kub house. BOY 2: Hey.

Well, not just the Internet. Shut the fuck up, J.B.!

What are you doing? What?

What is that supposed to mean? I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid.

What is that? Tequila. Just fucking take it.

What the fuck are you doing? Getting in shape for the party.

What the fuck is he doing? T RICK: Costa!

What you gonna do about it, bitch? You're not invited, dickhead.

What? The Kub Mobile.

What? Um...

What? Yeah, you heard me, sugar tits.

What's up, guys? Well, we did it.

Whatever, you fucking weirdo. COSTA: Dude, just let it go. Just come on.

Where did you get this? It's my mom's. Come on, bro. I'm not gonna break it.

Where the fuck is your drink, Thomas? I'm between beverages.

Where's Milo? OFFICER 3: This is the police.

Where's your present? You serious?

Who's your friend? Don't worry about him.

Whoa. Oh, shit.

Whoo! THOMAS: Dude, chill out. Goddamn.

Wrestlers do it all the time. Wrestlers also wrestle all the time.

Yeah, Dad, I know. Good. Okay.

Yeah, dude, fine. Yeah, you can come by. Nice.

Yeah, I know. Every one. Okay.

Yeah, it's... Don't worry MILES: Let's go.

Yeah! It's on, motherfuckers!

Yeah. Hey, Costa. Hey, Dax.

Yeah. Uh huh. Of course.

Yeah. COSTA: What the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah. Dad, I'm sorry. You had so much going for you...

Yeah. THOMAS: Oh, shit.

Yes. You look pretty fucked up.

Yes. Thank you so much. Cool, right? You have a car now.

Yo! J.B.: Miles!

You got something to say? Buddy, what...? What the...

You having a good time? Yeah.

You little fucking cocksuckers! COSTA: Oh, fuck!

You mind if we look around? I'd prefer if you didn't.

You think so? I know so.

You too, get out of here. That's my boy. That's my boy.

You want a massage, bro? No, no. Just, stop.

You're golden! THOMAS: Dude, I'm so fucked.

You're way too fat. Shut up.

Your loss, man. It's good knowledge. THOMAS: Oh, my God.

...a little party for Thomas. He lives there.

...a penis he may someday insert into this female's vagina...

...and I'm really sorry for that.

...and it may get a little loud and noisy, but I just wanted to let you know...

...and you just pissed it all away for one night?

...because we're gonna be talking about it all morning long in the neighborhood.

...but if you are talking to me by my next birthday...

...but this is too much.

...for throwing what people are calling...

...have a good cry, and start calling some lawyers.

...he found out about the party on fucking Craigslist?

...he's a loser.

...I think, like, a DJ.

...I'd really like to spend it with just you.

...in the life of young Thomas.

...make sure you're all set for the night.

...possibly the most epic high school party of all time.

...should he survive his first encounter without her eating him.

...that if you have any concerns, just let me know and I'll be glad to help out.

...that there'd possibly be a bit of party related noise.

...that was one fucking hell of a night.

...through a private residence without permission?

...to recognize us as large scale ballers.

...where I told everyone you look like Rosie O'Donnell, because you don't.

...where this normally quiet residential street has turned into anarchy.

...you can just get in the backyard and set up...

'Cause, homey That hood is tighter than Kenny's

"Body shots for the birthday boy right now"?

"Excuse me, Mr. Kub. I seem to have found some water in your semen."

"I want your ass too, Mommy"?

"I want your ass, Mommy"? Who talks like that?

"it's a little too loud," and I'll be like, "I'll tell them to keep it down." You know how it goes?

"Lamel"? What? I don't know any Lamel.

"Technically the law states..." Damn Internet.

(ALL CHATTERING AND LAUGHING)

(ALL CHATTERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL SCREAMING AND SHOUTING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL SHOUTING AND CHEERING)

(ANIMAL COLLECTIVE'S "MY GIRLS" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(BANGING ON DOOR)

(BANGING)

(BANGING)

(BONDE DO ROLE'S "MARINA DO BAIRRO" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(BOY SCREAMS)

(BOYS LAUGH)

(CAR ALARMS WAILING)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

(CELL PHONES VIBRATING)

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

(CHUCKLING)

(CLATTERING)

(COACH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(COSTA & WOMAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

(COSTA GRUNTS)

(COSTA MOANING)

(COSTA SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

(CRASHING & WOMAN MOANING)

(CROWD BOOING AND SHOUTING)

(CROWD BOOING NEARBY)

(CROWD BOOS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERS)

(CROWD GROANS)

(CROWD LAUGHING AND YELLING)

(CROWD MURMURING AND CHUCKLING)

(CROWD MURMURING)

(CROWD YELLING AND LAUGHING)

(CROWD YELLING)

(CRYING)

(DAD SIGHS)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING AND CROWD CHEERING NEARBY)

(DAX GRUNTS)

(DJ PLAYING HIP HOP BEAT)

(DOG BARKING ON VIDEO)

(DOG BARKING)

(DOG BARKING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(DOOR CREAKS)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(DR. DRE'S "THE NEXT EPISODE" PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)

(ENGINE REWING)

(ENGINE STALLING)

(ENGINE STARTS)

(ENGINE STARTS)

(English US PSDH)

(FAR EAST MOVEMENT'S "CANDY" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(FIREWORKS WHISTLING)

(GIRL LAUGHING)

(GIRL SCREAMS)

(GIRL SCREAMS)

(GIRLS CHATTERING)

(GIRLS CHEERING)

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

(GRENADES EXPLODING)

(GRENADES EXPLODING)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING ON VIDEO GAME)

(GULPING)

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

(HORN BLARES)

(HORN HONKS)

(HORN HONKS)

(HORNS HONKING AND CAR DOORS CLOSING)

(HUMMING)

(IN CHINESE ACCENT) The kung fu no good here.

(IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE) Attention, valued shoppers.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Happy birthday, motherfucker!

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(J.B. & THOMAS LAUGHING)

(J.B. SCREAMS)

(KID CUDI'S "PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS (STEVE AOKI REMIX)" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(NAS' "NASTY" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(OVER SPEAKERS) Beat it, I bet she let me She been fiendin' since she met me

(OVER SPEAKERS) But my body

(OVER SPEAKERS) Heads will roll

(OVER SPEAKERS) I'm doin' me

(OVER SPEAKERS) Let's fucking lose it

(OVER SPEAKERS) Nothing like black pussy on my dick

(OVER SPEAKERS) Pennies up at skinnies Man, I do this for them bunnies

(OVER SPEAKERS) Pretty girls, sunshine in the air

(OVER SPEAKERS) Ra y Ban vision, these ain't no prescription

(OVER SPEAKERS) Say what Bitch, I'm about to blow up

(OVER SPEAKERS) White trash party Pull a fifth of Bacardi from out of my underwear

(OVER SPEAKERS) You're beautiful

(PARENTS APPLAUDING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

(PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

(PEOPLE YELLING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(R. KELLY'S "BUMP N' GRIND" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(RAPPING) Yeah Hey, Thomas

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SHINY TOY GUNS' "LE DISKO (BOYS NOIZE)" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(SHOWER RUNNING)

(SINGING) Everybody in the club gettin' tipsy

(SINGING) Hey, we want some pussy

(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

(SIRENS WAILING)

(SMALL BLACK'S "DESPICABLE DOGS (WASHED OUT REMIX)" PLAYING)

(SNIFFS)

(SNIFFS)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(SPEAKS IN HEBREW)

(STATIC CRACKLING)

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

(STUDENTS CHEERING)

(T RICK YELLING)

(THE HUNDRED IN THE HANDS' "DRESSED IN DRESDEN" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(THE KILLS' "CHEAP AND CHEERFUL (SEBASTIAN REMIX)" PLAYING)

(THOMAS CHUCKLES)

(THOMAS LAUGHING)

(THOMAS LAUGHS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(WHISPERING) Fuck me, that was close.

(WHITE ARROWS' "CITY BOY (KKS REMIX)" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(WIZ KHALIFA'S "WHEN I'M GONE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(YACHT'S "PSYCHIC CITY (CLASSIXX REMIX)" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)