Russian Doll - Season 1 Edit

A car could run me over. I mean, best case scenario, I...

A hardware store that closed in 1996.

A hundred times yes! [both laugh]

A mind that wants to kill me.

A professional hazard, I'm afraid.

A son. You have a son.

A very tough lady,

A whole world bending multiverse

Aah! Fuck! Fuck!

About Philip Roth or whatever?

About the broken man and the lady with a death wish

About to get into a fight with her boyfriend?

Absolutely not.

Actually, he's a homeless guy.

Actually, no, a newer guy.

Actually, your buddy Einstein said that.

Again, not hypothetical. Just a fact is what I'm trying to tell you.

Ah ha!

Ah, fucking A. Oatmeal?

Ah, here it comes.

Ah, I got to go, Max.

Ah, thank you.

Ah, um, can Can I ask you something?

Ah, yeah, I did smoke one of Maxine's joints,

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Uh...

Ah...

Ah...

Ah...

AIDS.

Ain't no problem. No problem.

Alan Zaveri.

Alan, are you okay?

Alan, come on, man.

Alan, come on. Buzz me in!

Alan, I am worried about you

Alan, I have seen some shit.

Alan, I'm still here.

Alan, sexualizing self hatred is the hallmark of any relationship

Alan, you're just drunk, all right? Let's go get you sobered up.

Alan, you're so fucking drunk right now. I'm not gonna do this with you.

Alan! Alan! Be careful, dude.

Alan.

Alan. Alan.

Alan. Who's this?

Alan... she's unhappy, man.

All right, Alan, I I know what you're up to, okay?

All right, be cool, man. Look, look, look, what size are you?

All right, but you're gonna fuck me anyway.

All right, come on.

All right, fuck this. [grunts]

All right, Horse. I'm Nadia. You want some?

All right, I have this list of questions for the rabbi, okay?

All right, I thought that what was happening to us

All right, just give me a second!

All right, keep the crackers.

All right, listen, you sick fuck. It's not a sex thing.

All right, man, how'd you know about my college fund?

All right, man.

All right, so our universe has three spatial dimensions,

All right, so, uh, yes, this building is a yeshiva,

All right, so, what happened next?

All right, so...

All right, uh...

All right, uh...

All right, well, I'll see you around.

All right, what did you do first?

All right, you win.

All right? I got to go. I got to go. [Maxine] Is cyanide sweet, though?

All right? I'm just defending myself here.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right, enough. Let's get out of here.

All right. Thanks for watching out for the neighborhood.

All right. Uh...

All right. Who loves drugs more than me?

All right. Yes. Yes.

All right. You know what? Do me a favor, John. All right?

All the things you were missing when you were little.

Almost as if it's occurring to you

Almost as if it's occurring to you in this moment,

Also Also, my cat just literally disappeared.

And a channel catfish can remember hearing a human announcing food

And a mind that...

And accepting both of them...

And come down and see you,

And he got arrested because it was a scam and our government is a scam.

And he's incredibly buff, but not 'cause he's vain,

And how do we know if it's triggered?

And I already have a full time job.

And I am definitely a good guy.

And I can tell that you're really bent out of shape about this Beatrice character,

And I come bearing some good news.

And I died.

And I don't give a fuck if you disappear my cat.

And I don't know how to convey to you, to her,

And I don't know how tomorrow deaths work when it's yesterday again.

And I have to relive the worst night of my life.

And I love Dice...

And I refuse to engage.

And I think that, uh, maybe it's just, yeah

And I took that to be hyperbolic, but I never imagined that it would... you know?

And I'd like to keep you from hurting yourself.

And I'll see you in the next one, Ruthie.

And I'm convinced our true purpose is to to connect with each other,

And I'm like, "Don't do shit like that, man."

And I'm making you a fucking birthday chicken.

And I'm sure that you do feel fantastic

And if I die, you die. So basically, you're welcome, all right?

And if I kept my head down, you know, did everything right, I...

And in a world that is...

And it got... harder and harder for me to tell you anything.

And it kept on happening.

And it might be the best either one of us can do.

And it turns out that it fucks me up.

And it's worth pursuing.

And living with the legacy of slave holding territories...

And managing us, and it's just becoming a job.

And my little baby Johnny's back.

And not everything is about Mom.

And not with her,

And nothing has ever fucked me up like this did.

And now I keep dying and... reliving the same night.

And now I'm stuck with a body that is broken

And now we're trying to figure out how to make it stop.

And now you're reliving your birthday?

And oh, I told her, I told her,

And once I saw it was all just bullshit, I just dropped out completely.

And one day...

And put everyone who can smell your fucking stench

And Sean helped me and Sheree get through our problems.

And second of all, the sex was, I want to say, mediocre at best.

And she couldn't break up with you

And she told me she's got this crazy boyfriend.

And so, I move on. I get over it. I mean, I don't really think it's for me.

And someone needs to bag you up,

And someone stole your shoes?

And something else that also means a lot to me

And St. Valentine was a big smoker. Everybody knows that.

And strangers above everybody else, 'cause humanity's a fuck, man.

And tell you I'll be back in an hour,

And that building she's asking about isn't really haunted?

And that I may be dead.

And that is that a bunch of mama's boys don't get to decide if I'm crazy.

And that is where things went sideways.

And that is why I love this little fucking guy.

And that piece of shit, he...

And that's a wrap.

And the beauty industrial complex.

And the little girl from Brave made a baby,

And then he ended up picking the most basic ring.

And then just reliving the same day.

And then my mother, 'cause she's a fucking piece of work,

And then one night...

And then seal the deal.

And then she was fucking dead within a year.

And then you showed up and led me down this weird path,

And there was glass everywhere.

And they're still around. I think on 14th Street.

And this is fundamental stuff, Maxine, so I really need to know, okay?

And this time, you went in there and fucked her.

And we are not dead.

And we rewrite our first interaction.

And we try it again. You're pretty smart.

And we're just gonna keep coming back.

And what would you ask for?

And when I came to take Nadia to school, well, the mirrors were gone

And yet, here I am.

And you are an amazing host.

And you could come and talk to me about that tonight

And you don't get points for offering, either.

And you should do the same.

And you were fine.

And you're gonna miss out on all that, so meditate on that.

And you're just gonna leave?

And you've been secretly resenting me ever since?

And, no, no, I am not late. No, it's only 11... ish.

And, oh... the mirrors.

And, personally, I liked it. I had control. I I knew what was coming.

And, uh, it's early days, but it could be something, you know?

And, uh... other people's misery.

And, um... 21

And... the last six months of my life have been an onslaught of personal failure

And... yes, to Long Island, 1:45.

Another pair of eyes.

Anyway, after the war, you know,

Anyway, uh, my boyfriend came in here and he bought me an engagement ring.

Anyway...

Are there any history of hauntings in the building?

Are they right side up?

Are we done here?

Are we gonna play this game all night or are we leaving together?

Are you all right?

Are you coming back here soon? 'Cause I would like to see you.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you gonna put me to sleep?

Are you gonna tell me what's going on?

Are you having fun?

Are you having fun?

Are you kidding me? This is the greatest party ever.

Are you looking for anything special? Mother's Day or birthday?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you ready to let her die?

Are you sick?

Are you some kind of a fucking superhero or just a...

Are you still there?

Are you sure?

Are you telling me that you're never dying on the stairs?

Aren't you a little young for a mid life crisis?

Aren't you supposed to be at work? You can't skip work.

As a breakthrough depression medication.

As for my friend, keep the change.

As I have said before.

Avoid the abyss,

Awesome people that you don't even like.

Aww!

Ay ay ay.

B.R.E.N.N.E.R, 311 East 12th.

Back the fuck up, motherfucker!

Basically, we run a little program and we see if the bug is triggered.

Basically, you're like my best friend.

Battleground Blackout too. What's your handle?

Be careful.

Be careful.

Be careful.

Bea, he's a sex addict.

Bea, uh... I'm gonna I'm gonna call you back.

Bea, we need to talk.

Bea.

Beatrice Mike?

Beatrice, my girlfriend for nine years, has been cheating on me.

Beatrice.

Beatrice.

Because I made his girlfriend see God or something.

Because I wanted them under my fucking bed?

Because I wanted to tell you that these gluten free crackers are dynamite.

Because if anybody deserves to be punished

Because she was afraid you would do something.

Because this was once, you know, a... sacred place.

Because you called me a cockroach.

Because you have a code review at 11:30 and John wants his blanket back.

Before I realized whoever designed this probably didn't bother to play it.

Before this whole thing is over...

Before you do that, what did the rabbi say?

Being a person is a fucking nightmare.

Between us, I'm 36, no kids, lots of fibroids.

Between you and me,

Birthday.

Borei pri hagafen.

Break up or... birthday?

Bringing up AIDS at a party.

Brrr.

Buildings aren't haunted.

But either way you slice it, they just couldn't hack it.

But either you two suck each other's dicks or get out of my apartment.

But every time I see her, we die.

But for now, you and me got bigger fish to fry. Life and death stuff, huh.

But have you ever you ever noticed that there is an inscription over the door

But haven't you wondered why visual art

But he's wrong, because you are the abyss.

But hey, I got a pretty necklace, right? So...

But history has taught me that whenever I swoop down with a rescue plan,

But I actually have, uh, lots of time.

But I can promise you that you will not be alone.

But I decided to fuck with these Wall Street guys instead.

But I didn't roll these myself,

But I don't have to make this easy for you.

But I feel like fucking Rocky right now.

But I guess that shit only works in movies, huh.

But I like Emily.

But I put my own projections onto it.

But I saw you. I even thought about helping you,

But I think our friendship can handle me being honest with you.

But I think she would've been proud you made it to 36.

But I think we have something really, really good

But I wanted to know everything:

But I've just been thinking a lot about our relationship.

But if I hadn't...

But if I'm honest with myself... this isn't what I want.

But if it's not the drugs, uh, it's me, so...

But if nobody eats my chicken, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

But if the intention's still there...

But if we were supposed to help each other and we didn't...

But if you come down here, it'll give it a transactional nature

But if you could acknowledge that it happened, that would be great.

But in a four dimensional world...

But in my bones, I know I did it.

But it's gone now.

But maybe romantically

But now I just feel so profoundly empty.

But on his way down,

But right now you're the only lead I've got.

But secondly, we have done ketamine.

But she would get fixated on little things, and...

But that just couldn't happen.

But then I realize that's just a base instinct

But there are good guys and bad guys.

But they needed a home and I could've made some changes.

But this wasn't a fucking cancer party.

But this, this tells us that somewhere

But we know that would swell your swim bladder and kill you, so...

But what she doesn't know is my mom loves me.

But, hey, damn, I got this.

But, personally, I wouldn't touch the stuff.

But, uh, I really need you to call me back.

But, uh, my past self...

But, you know, computers do it all the time.

But, you know, in a kind of fun gang bang way, it's like a mash em up.

But, you know, it's a tricky age.

But, you know, we literally just met, so, like, none of this is on me.

But...

Bye.

Call me Beatrice.

Can I get it on Kindle?

Can maintain erections like few men I've known, all right?

Can we go sit downstairs in your office like I'm an actual patient?

Can you believe it?

Can you believe this Huerta woman? Eleven children.

Can you just... help me out a little?

Can you please remove any jewelry and shoelaces?

Cancer patients especially are responding well to it

Chad, you killed it.

Chasing down death at every corner and...

Check it out, check it out. Can you feel this?

Chicken noodle.

Cholera is a debilitating disease and is a terrible way to go.

Cleaned?

Co dependently speaking, I'd love to lie to you

Come here, my little fucking baby.

Come here.

Come here.

Come in, come in. Sit down.

Come in.

Come on, baby.

Come on, man.

Come on, man. I'd like to do it tonight.

Come on, Nads. Stop acting like such a victim. You're a cockroach.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. [gasps]

Come on. We're dancing.

Come sit.

Come with me.

Come with me.

Congratulations. That's wonderful.

Consensually screw this young lady in peace.

Cooking brings me great joy, but it alters my personality.

Correct.

Damn it, I never know what jacket to bring. It's a real problem in my life.

Darling, I'd get in with you, but my damn knees.

Darling, that is not how I work.

Derek, amazing job.

Did anything weird happen to you last night?

Did I not say like oil and vinegar? Is that not a fucking simile?

Did I stutter?

Did it occur to you that these were under my fucking bed...

Did she say yes?

Did we do it?

Did you ever hear the one

Did you kill someone?

Ding dong.

Do I know you?

Do I know you? What the fuck is this?

Do I know your boyfriend's name?

Do I look like I care?

Do not confuse your mother with her damage.

Do we know each other?

Do we need to recreate the whole experience? Like, Mike, Ferran?

Do you even understand how much time you have left, Maxine?

Do you feel you were going to hurt yourself?

Do you hear me? I won't do it!

Do you know when menopause starts?

Do you know who gets mad about not being invited to birthday parties?

Do you like mango?

Do you mind smoking outside?

Do you need something?

Do you see that?

Do you sell, um...

Do you still have that in you?

Do you think it means anything?

Do you think it's possible to correct your life?

Do you think it's weird that we live in the same neighborhood?

Do you think that Bea is gone?

Do you think that we need people to be, like, witnesses?

Do you think that we're dying at the same time?

Do you think we're dead? That we're the same person?

Do, uh Do ladies have midlife crises?

Does anyone?

Does it hurt? Is it hurting you? It's hurting me.

Does she know what 9/11 is?

Does your wife need a coat? They're going to Goodwill. I'm not spending another fuckin' winter in this city, huh?

Doesn't he go out down to the park and to the deli,

Dolores Huerta.

Dolores Huerta.

Don't bail on my party for you!

Don't be crazy. You're fine. You can do it.

Don't be mad. You're very nice, though.

Don't be morbid. This is your party,

Don't be so fucking uptight, man.

Don't bother calling me back, 'cause you're not gonna be sober.

Don't do this to her.

Don't do this. Okay, please, I'm begging you.

Don't ever let them tear us apart, okay?

Don't get me started on the mirrors.

Don't use my kid to ease your guilt.

Don't use your kid to try to guilt me to get back together.

Don't worry. Okay, look. I just need to ask her a question.

Don't you know? You're *******y.

Downtown.

Dude, I am inner circle.

Easy there, Mr. Rogers.

Eat a dick.

Eh, ipso facto, maybe she would've been pretty excited

Eh. Come on. I'm fine. I miss you. Right.

Eighty seven years old. I mean...

Emily is the hero.

Emily!

Even hurt yourself.

Even Wile E. Coyote.

Ever since I've known you, it's been Beatrice.

Every day I'd like to report a gas leak.

Every time I touched you, you gently pulled away.

Everybody loves Anne,

Exactly, all right? I'm not rejecting her. I'm protecting her.

Except pissing in a shower.

Except, it seems, to be for you,

Excuse me, this is a private office.

Facial aphasia?

Feral motherfucker.

Ferran? Ferran, that's your friend!

Fifteen times, Ruth has grieved for me.

Fine by me. Hi.

Fine, but we have to come right back.

Fine, fucking a 22 year old.

Fire in the hole!

First of all, as far as I know, it's cocaine,

First of all, I mean, this guy's hands are so fucking soft,

First of all, this is my coat. Thank you very much.

Fishes!

For a little girl who could use a little help.

For being a bad person.

For her poem on the Statue of Liberty.

For my birthday, tell me if I'm a bad person.

For the millionth time, it's Updike and the suburban imaginary.

For the record, I happen to be a heavily married woman.

For the rest of their fucking life, it is you.

For what? Uh...

For years, I've just been...

For you, it's safety. For me and Oatmeal, it's a prison.

For, uh, this, which is fucking adorable.

From what I gather, we are in this together.

Fuck off!

Fuck that.

Fuck yes.

Fuck you for being a fuck face. Get the fuck out.

Fuck you for going through my shit. Fuck you for touching these.

Fuck you!

Fuck you.

Fuck, how'd you move that quick? What are you, a White Walker?

Fuck, uh... I gotta take this. It's my girlfriend.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck! [groans]

Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. Again?

Fuck. Excuse me.

Fuck. Nadia!

Fucking A, man.

Fucking bingo.

Fucking clues abound.

Fucking fire escape.

Fucking God damn it, man.

Fucking God damn it.

Fucking Monday.

Fucking open the fucking door.

Fucking rats.

Fucking seriously, bro?

Full name?

Fun is for suckers, Max.

Fun straddling. Hey, you're a good person to ask this.

Get down, everyone! Everyone, lie on your backs!

Get down, get down, get down!

Give me one second.

Glasses!

Go get the rest.

Go tell his boss what he did.

Go tell his boss what he fucking did to me.

Go to hell.

Go with purpose. Triggers people's curiosity.

God, you're making me jealous.

God!

God!

God.

God. Seriously? Come on. No, I did not kill somebody.

Going up.

Gone? No. He always comes back.

Good for you. That's good.

Good to hear your voice. It's been a long time.

Good.

Goodbye.

Got it! I'm going.

Great to see you and you and also you. Okay, so hi.

Great.

Ha ha! Ha, ha!

Happy birthday.

Hasn't failed me yet.

Haunted castle.

Have we met before?

Have you hurt yourself in the last 24 hours?

He does not seem to like you, huh?

He has survived more than the three of us can imagine.

He is a bad guy.

He is the hole where the choice should be.

He said that you owe him $152,780.86.

He talked about mysticism and how there's wisdom through surrender.

He was drunk. He seemed distraught. Excuse me. Oh, you're excused.

He's a climber, I guess.

He's a very attractive man, Fabio.

He's all right.

He's basically a child that the universe has tasked me with babysitting.

He's fucking with you to fuck with me

He's giving a speech. It's kind of a big deal.

He's got, like, disturbingly good posture. You know, like, he stands very erect.

He's in a bad way. Inner circle only.

He's just really compulsive, right? Bingo. That is my weirdo.

He's late.

He's like sober, white knuckling it so he doesn't drink.

He's self destructive and he's fucking dangerous.

Hell...

Help me.

Here we are.

Here we go. Downsy wounsy.

Here. Come here.

Hey, 'cause the thing is it's so great every time.

Hey, Alan, are you awake?

Hey, Alan.

Hey, Alan. Guess what, man?

Hey, all I wanted to do was be left alone, hole up with books all day.

Hey, are you okay?

Hey, birthday baby!

Hey, come on. Religion is dumb as fuck, all right?

Hey, do you need help with that necklace?

Hey, do you think that there's sage at the deli or sandalwood?

Hey, does this feel weird to either of you?

Hey, Farran, how's it going?

Hey, Ferran, how's your friend who was in here last night

Hey, happy birthday.

Hey, happy birthday.

Hey, happy birthday.

Hey, happy birthday.

Hey, happy birthday.

Hey, he's mentally unstable. I'm serious. Get away from him. The guy's crazy.

Hey, hey, could you not touch my stuff, please?

Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey!

Hey, I don't want to hear about you fucking your students. I don't like that.

Hey, I'm cheating on you.

Hey, it's okay, Bea.

Hey, listen, if you get over here, I'll give you a blowjob.

Hey, look, man. I know you're wasted, but I don't give a fuck.

Hey, look, pal. I'm not so sweet on you either, okay?

Hey, man, can you spare some change?

Hey, man, I tried to jimmy your lock,

Hey, man, you kiss your mommy with that mouth?

Hey, man.

Hey, man.

Hey, man.

Hey, man. Didn't you get the news? We're about to die.

Hey, man. Didn't you get the news? We're about to die.

Hey, Mike. Good to see you're back.

Hey, muchos, bro.

Hey, my mother loves me very much.

Hey, Oatmeal.

Hey, Ruth, if you were gonna die today,

Hey, uh, I'm just gonna grab this two top.

Hey, wait a second.

Hey, what is it? What's wrong?

Hey, what the fuck is going on in America, huh?

Hey, you You cheated on me

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! [laughs]

Hey! Hey, can you let me in?

Hey! Shabbat shalom.

Hey! Whoa!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Ah, it's been better. Came to get smokes?

Hey. Did Oatmeal show up?

Hey. Hey, Horse.

Hey. Hey, legs.

Hey. Okay, listen to me.

Hey. So happy to see you. I'm so glad you're alive. [chuckles]

Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

Hi, do you have a quarter?

Hi, I'm here to see Dr. Zaveri.

Hi, Shifra.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. I'd like to order a car.

Hi. I'm Alan.

High five! Yeah, high five!

His mother and I split up last year.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Holy shit, man!

Honestly, all I remember is suddenly being in my bathroom

Honestly, it's the only unknown factor that we have.

Horse!

Horse.

How are you?

How could you do this to me?

How did you find me?

How do you know Nadia?

How do you know she's great? You never met her.

How do you know that you're real?

How does that make you feel?

How is Lucy?

How is that not a moral issue?

How long has this been going on for?

How many times it happened,

How much is 150

How would that even work that we could possibly

How'd you know that Wardog's my guy now?

How's the, uh, novel coming?

However old you feel, Nad, you definitely sound 22.

Huh, wild.

Huh?

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh. So this is the famous Beatrice.

Humanity... a little bit overrated, no?

I I I just I do not want to do this alone.

I I can't do this anymore.

I I didn't hear any of this.

I I don't want you to meet him yet.

I I found those under your bed.

I I learned something I really didn't want to know.

I I let somebody help me.

I I need to tell you something. I I...

I I need your help. Uh...

I I'm scared to leave them.

I am beautiful and loved.

I am beautiful.

I am beautiful.

I am dying constantly! Ouch!

I am in control.

I am loved and deserve love.

I am making you tea.

I am not a cockroach.

I am not Beatrice's boyfriend. That was your job.

I am so fucking happy that you did not jump. You promise if I don't jump, I'll be happy?

I am sorry for yelling.

I am the party.

I bet you want a hit.

I blew up my life, and that's not on you.

I brought you a man.

I can I I can do it by myself. I can.

I can fix things. I just did.

I can fuck you better than Mike.

I can't handle this shit, man. This is just too much for me.

I can't have people coming in and out of her life like this.

I can't tell you, okay?

I can't.

I can't. I'm actually walking into a client meeting like in ten minutes.

I could die in front of her, John.

I could have stopped you from killing yourself.

I did all of this for you, including this surprise joint,

I did not realize that Howard Hughes was gonna show up.

I did something terrible, Ruth.

I did something unforgivable that year.

I didn't do anything to him. I don't know why he yelled at me.

I didn't know how to tell you.

I didn't know it was also people. Fuck.

I didn't know she was on the phone before I went in, so... so, um...

I didn't know where you were and I couldn't find my shoes.

I didn't know you liked this type of shit.

I didn't really ask. I didn't really ask a lot of things.

I died.

I died.

I died.

I died.

I do have her number.

I do know her. I know her better than she knows herself right now.

I do.

I don't believe in dictating

I don't care.

I don't do therapy.

I don't even have one children. Divorced twice.

I don't fuck with shoelaces.

I don't fucking know.

I don't fucking need this shit.

I don't know how to do that because my mom is dead.

I don't know how you survived all those years, but it worked.

I don't know how...

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know what you're capable of trying.

I don't know what you're talking about. It was pretty quiet here last night.

I don't know who the fuck you are, I don't know what's going on here,

I don't know why I thought proposing would be a good idea.

I don't know why I'm alive.

I don't know you.

I don't know, man.

I don't know, Mom. He was wrong. You were right.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Eventually things just got better.

I don't know. I can't remember.

I don't know. I was having the most intense déjà vu,

I don't need any of it anymore. No. Here.

I don't need to go to see a therapist. No offense to you, but I...

I don't really understand art.

I don't see a ring.

I don't sleep among thieves.

I don't think it matters.

I don't think so, Ruth.

I don't think that would suit you.

I don't think there's anything to... to say.