YOLO: Crystal Fantasy (2020) - Season 1 Edit

A daddy who knows she’s a princess

According to the prophecy,

After self‐destruct.

Ah, fantastic. Ice ‐ the solid form of H20.

Ah, very well. Good luck on your quest.

Ah, yes, the deed has been done. (SLURPS)

Ahh! Ohh! Oh, yeah, that should do it.

ALL: All hail Rachel,

ALL: Throw her in the hole! Throw her in the hole!

ALL: You're dumb, Rachel.

Alright, goodbye, goodbye. Have fun. Goodbye.

Alright, stop the music!

An even muddier and sicker land than this.

And a 6’4" boyfriend,

And give us all your ‐‐‐‐ money.

And her phone’s gone... just gone dead

And I realized that...

And in doing so, it will take us to the promised land

And smoke ciggies and all that kinda shit.

And sometimes you can keep some of the stones that you crush.

And they're gonna be sacrificed to the big hole.

And we need to call the NRMA to come fix the car,

And we thought you were dead

And your name is Rachel,

Are we gonna die out here, Rachel?

Are you still friends with Sarah?

As long as I can get a kissy.

At the Maddison Tower in West Wollongong.

Before you go, Sarah,

BILL: I'm just trying to make your life better...

But I didn't really tell many people.

But I need money for the payphone and I was just...

But I thought about it a lot

But I warn ya, it's an epic and treacherous journey.

But if I don’t, who knows what I’ll do...?

But thanks.

But what you have failed to realize is

But will be delegated to the Plus One Zone.

But, yeah, look, I'm alright. I'm doing alright.

But...but you have failed to follow me back.

Bye, Sarah!

Come find me, Sarah.

Could you just stay in tonight instead?

DEMON: Halt!

DEMON: Halt! Present your invitation crystal.

DEMONIC VOICE: All hail Maddison!

DEMONIC VOICE: Dear Citizen, you have been invited

Does this have anything to do with

Don’t worry about it. No worries. I’ll throw that away.

Doors open at 8pm tonight

Dusty Truck N' Donut Muster. Getting a meat tray.

Empty the cash register

Even if it kills me.

For the famous annual Dusty Truck N' Donut Muster.

Fulfill your quest or suffer 300 more years in here!

Get your tickets now,...

Getting to the back entrance?

GIRL: Hi, Maddison, I was wondering

Got dust all in my throat from walking outside.

Greetings. Welcome to the Dusty Truck N' Donut Muster!

Ha‐ha. Well, it looks like you’re having an awesome life.

Have you been overseas?

He's here, he's hot.

Hello!

Here it is.

Here to trade my coin for nourishment.

Hey, I can’t wait to see you!

Hey, Maddison.

Hey, um, I’m gonna go out tonight.

Hey! The TV's on.

Hey.

Hi.

Hm, nah.

Hm, she won’t mind.

Hmm, selfie.

Host of Channel 10's 'Outback Trent'.

Huh, cool.

Huh! That’s funny.

Huh? What the...?

Huh. Guess it didn't work.

I actually have a lot of friends over there.

I am just a humble traveler

I came all this way to see Trent from Channel 10.

I can take you to a secret back entrance

I didn’t really care about you being a plus one

I don't know what to say. That's just awful.

I don’t talk to anyone from high school anymore.

I found an article in the newspaper

I have hosted this mortal's body to speak to you from my realm.

I haven’t seen you in ages.

I just thought it was kind of interesting, that's all.

I love you so much. I love you!

I mean, nah, not really.

I need to get that selfie with Maddison

I packed it meself.

I pissed on this tree once.

I said that’s ENOUGH!

I think you’d really enjoy.

I think you’ll really enjoy this.

I will get my kissy, Sarah.

I won't suggest anything else. You girls... you girls have fun.

I won’t tell a soul what happened here today.

I...I added you the other day,

I'm Mayor Bunga. Please present your tickets.

I'm not even that drunk!

I’d love to, though.

I’ll just go tell my parents!

If I can get a kissy,

If I could maybe get... get a photo with you.

If you came here on a Rooobah,

If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always here.

If you girls are going to Goondawindi,

If you possess the strength and will

In, like, the last half‐hour or whatever

Is that bloody Thomas?

It has been foretold that the big hole of Goondawindi

It is so lovely to see you.

It literally said in the commercial to buy tickets.

It might broaden your mind.

It was definitely early last year, though.

It was so nice to see you, though.

It will open the gateway to the Golden Mud Lands

It would be really great for someone like you. Hmph.

It's a meat tray. What do you expect?...!

It's absolutely fine. You gotta do what you gotta do.

It's distracting me.

It's got your sausages,

It’s just... It’s so worrying. It’s worrying us.

It’s right up your alley. Take...take...take a read of it.

Just a shaman. Just a harmless bush wombat shaman.

Just buying some ice.

Leave. I was just trying to help...

Like, you wouldn’t happen to have, like,

Look at this photo I got with Maddison.

Look, I’ll be honest with ya.

Look, thank you. I appreciate it.

Looks like the plan worked, boss.

Maddison is obviously

Me car’s broke down on the way to the airport

Means someone's won the meat tray

Might have got the wrong Rachel.

Mingle and talk to more people.

Minions! Take her!

Must feast on the filthiest being ever

My God. I'm... I'm so sorry to hear that.

My... 's like a... Cheese factory down here.

Nah, I’m fugly.

Nah, it's OK. We can just use our phones.

Nah, let me try.

Next stop, Goondawindi.

Next!

No, I haven’t.

No. After the band has stopped playing.

Nope, I won't suggest anything else anymore.

Not many people bring the crystal.

Now!

Of the one and only Maddison the Beautiful.

Oh, all you do is go out

Oh, damn.

Oh, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, then.

Oh, I won’t tell anyone, Sarah,

Oh, my God, that's me! I won! I won!

Oh, my God, this is awful! Just kill it!

Oh, my God! Rachel!

Oh, my God! That could be Rachel!

Oh, my God! Totally!

Oh, my God! What kind of party is this?

Oh, my God. Good.

Oh, my God. I think its neck is broken.

Oh, my God. Is he actually dead?

Oh, my God. Of course. Come here.

Oh, my God. That’s so cute that you guys are still friends.

Oh, my God. You didn't buy a ticket?

Oh, my God. You sooo should.

Oh, no. Sarah, no, no.

Oh, please, sir, do not harm me.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, well. Let's go.

Oh, what? You had tickets the whole time?

Oh, yeah, I can take you there.

Oh! Oh, that's great.

Oh. OK. Hi.

Oh...

Oh...! I am so sorry.

Oh...Rachel. Is that you?

Ohh, me head! What happened?

Ohhh! Ahh!

Oi, Thomas!

Oi! Everyone, put your ‐‐‐‐ hands up!

Oi! Oi, listen! Listen!

Oi! Stop fantasizing down there.

OK, fine. One kiss.

OK, kinda random.

OK, maybe we can catch up soon.

OK, so you all know the rules.

OK, sorry, sorry. Let's go. Yeah, sorry, sorry. Let's go.

OK, that’s enough.

OK, yeah, don't worry about it. Don't worry.

OK, you may enter.

OK. I’m gonna go get the ice now.

OK. Well, I've got two tickets. We can use those to get in.

Once the big hole feeds on this offering,

Open the big hole!

Or being dragged away by demons or whatever.

Packed by Farmer Ethel herself.

Please retrieve the invitation crystal

Plus ones are acceptable,

Rachel did all that stuff that just happened.

Really angry at you at first,

Really good to see ya. Been a while, hasn't it?

Sarah got to meet Trent.

Sarah, you’ve killed him!

Sarah! SARAH!

She passed away about... about a year and a half ago now.

She's the big hole!

Should we act now, milord?

Should...should be enough.

Silence, plus one! You!

So I’m sorry that

So we, like, buried you or something.

So what's a few cute girls like you doing out in the country?

So, like, yeah, I don’t know.

So, yeah, whatever. I’m sorry.

So...can I get a selfie?

Sorry. I didn’t know.

Sorry. I'm not gonna go on about it. I just...

Sorry. It’s kind of ‐‐‐‐.

Sorry. Sorry, yeah. Nah, we can go now.

Soz, babe, I should probably

Soz.

Such a magnificent phenomenon.

Sweating like a... dog. Chuck the air con on.

Take her to the big hole!

That I set up to test you.

That was a fun adventure.

That's a nice house, isn't it, Bill?

That's not the big hole.

That’s correct.

That’s me!

The coolest and hottest girl in town.

The hottest and funniest girl ever!

The meat tray is yours!

The prophecy was wrong all along!

The tree of Lilliak.

There's gonna be live music, cars, beer.

Think it was, um... last February or March or something.

This area is for Maddison’s actual friends.

This is a sick track.

This is the front entrance.

This was all just a big set up!

This weekend, come down to Goondawindi

To all these parties every single night.

To be honest, I was, like,

To enter, you must answer the following question.

To get into the Dusty Truck N' Donut Muster.

To scale Maddison’s colossal tower,

To see her yourself to get a selfie.

To the sacred birthday party

Too bad Sarah's missing out on this!

Trent?

Two bucks on ya, would ya?

Ugh. Sigh.

Uh, can you please stop talking?

Uh, OK. Yeah, we're here.

Uh, say hi to Sarah for me, though.

Uh, uh... MADDISON!

Uh, yeah, Jenny's good. We're good.

Um, I hit you with, like, a bag of ice

Um, today?

Um...

Um... can we just go now?

Um... I really need to get to that thing.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

Wait! Are you the crystal‐holder’s plus one?

Wait. I didn't know there were tickets.

Wait. One second. It hasn’t taken a photo yet.

Wait. Wait, wait. No, that's me!

WALTER: Look, I'm just gonna say it.

We had some laughs. We had a bit of a cry.

We have arrived.

We have to bury the body! Whee!

We just bought a place in bloody Emerald, actually.

We might just have to take a little detour.

We need more ice for the esky.

We need to get in there!

We'll also be holding the Goondawindi Raffle

We've been looking for you for a long time.

Well, well. Looks like it might be your lucky day.

What a sight for weary eyes this is.

What brings you to this fine merchant?

What day is Maddison’s birthday?

What?

What?

What? What the bloody hell is going on here?

What's got you down, love?

What's happening, mate? Bring it in, mate. Bring it in.

Where there will be even more mud to do sick doughies in

Where you can win the coveted Goondawindi meat tray

Where you don't need tickets to get in.

Who gives a...?

With over 2,000 followers,

Works perfectly fine. Just bought it off eBay too.

Ya getting robbed, ‐‐‐‐!

Yeah, but how are you? How are you going? How's Jenny?

Yeah, don't worry about the short cut.

Yeah, I don’t know. I’m really busy lately.

Yeah, I have no idea what the ...is happening anymore, hey?

Yeah, I’ll be going over to Europe next month.

Yeah, it was good!

Yeah, look, I didn't really tell many people.

Yeah, look, like I said, I'm sorry I didn't tell you,

Yeah, no worries. God bless.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, sorry. I didn't know what I was doing.

Yeah, that air con's doing nothing, eh?

Yeah?!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. How are you?

Yeah. No, whatever. I'll just shut up. Don't worry about it.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

Yep, go ahead. Please, yeah, go.

Yep, she’s still my bestie.

Yep. Last time I do anything for you.

Yes, you may enter.

Yes.

Yes. It is me, Trent.

You are already living in the muddiest promised land there is!

You can’t tell anyone about this.

You constantly wish for a muddier promised land,

You could even meet TV's Trent,

You get used to it after a while.

You girls have fun. Just leave.

You girls need a ride?

You have a friend named Sarah

You have all followed a false prophecy

You idiot, Rachel!

You idiot! God, you're dumb!

You look so ‐‐‐‐ hot.

You may actually even be able

You must enter through the side door, plus one.

You shall love me one day.

You should borrow my TomTom GPS.

You will go to the corner shop to purchase some.

You... kinda look different than you do on TV.

You're a dummy, Rachel!

You're all so... dumb!

You're so dumb, Sarah!

You’re a murderer now, Sarah. Murderer!

You’ve killed a grown man!

Your rissoles, bloody everything.

... hell, what else do you want?!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC) We will leave at dawn.

(GRUNTS) Throw her in the hole!

(MACHINERY CLANKS) (CROWD CHEERS)

(RACHEL SCREAMS) No! Rachel!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) Nuh! Nuh! I'm...

(SCREAMS) It's OK. It's OK.

Been ages. Been a long while, yeah.

BOTH: According... Shut up! Just let me do it!

BOTH: Greetings! Shh. Let me do it.

BOTH: It has been... What are you doing?

Hey. (SIGHS)

How's Trisha going? Oh, uh, look, she actually...

I want that meat tray. Let's go.

Jesus Christ, Sarah. You are so stupid, Sarah!

Love youse all! Rachel! Rachel!

No. Ugh!

Really nice house, actually. Oh, yeah...

Really? Yep.

Stop the music! (MUSIC STOPS)

Time for the meat raffle. (ALL CHEER)

Ugh! (GROANS)

Wait, let me book a ride. (BILL RAMBLES)

What do we do? Kill it.

What happened? Dunno.

What the... is going on?! We tricked you, Rachel.

What? We know who you are, Rachel.

What?! Oi, you!

What's that smoke? That's special smoke.

Yeah, alright. (BLEEP!)

Yeah, great to see ya. Good to see ya!

You are stupid! OK, I guess I'll see you later.

‐‐‐‐ give it!

‐(CRASH) ‐Huh?

‐(GIBBERS) Worrying us. ‐Uhh...

‐(MINIONS GRUNT) ‐(SCREAMS)

‐(PEOPLE CHATTER) ‐(RUMBLING)

‐(SCREAMS) ‐(BLEEP!)

‐(THUD) ‐Cringe.

‐(WHIRRING) ‐(SCREAMS)

‐BOY: Arggh! ‐(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

‐Feel free. Yeah. ‐Thanks.

‐Give it! ‐OK.

‐Huh... ‐(SCREECHING)

‐Let’s go home. ‐OK.

‐Nice. ‐Good...good job.

‐No, sorry. ‐Oh, yeah, OK.

‐Oh, my God, I... ‐No, no, it’s seriously fine.

‐OK. ‐Here. Take five bucks.

‐Sarah! ‐Oh, hi.

‐Shut up! ‐(YELPS)

‐Thanks for the crystal. ‐Yeah, thanks for that.

‐That’s OK. ‐I’m so sorry, Maddison.

‐Yeah, maybe later. ‐Don’t worry about it!

...hell, Sarah. You always do this.

...it's hot in here.

...Walter!

...yeah, meat tray!

...yeah!

’cause me missus and I have gotta catch a flight

(ALL CHANT) Rachel! Rachel!

(ALL CHEER)

(ALL SCREAM)

(ANGELIC CHORUS)

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(BOOM)

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(BRIGHT, TINKLING MUSIC)

(CACKLES MANIACALLY)

(CROWD JEERS AND SHOUTS)

(CROWD SHOUTS IN DISTANCE)

(DARK MUSIC)

(DEMONIC SCREAMING)

(DEMONIC VOICE) I am G'eLLLX'thArX.

(DEMONS MOAN)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(ENGINE ZOOMS)

(EXHALES)

(FOREBODING MUSIC)

(GIRL WHIMPERS)

(GRAND MUSIC)

(GROANS) Yeah, that's definitely been up there for a while.

(GRUMBLES)

(HEAVY ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS)

(INSECTS CHIRP)

(LAUGHS)

(LIGHTING CRASHES)

(MEN SHOUT)

(MINIONS CHUCKLE)

(MUSIC DARKENS)

(PANTS)

(PANTS)

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(PHONE BUZZES)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

(RUMBLING AND CREAKING)

(RUSTLING)

(SAD MUSIC)

(SCREAMING AND ZAPPING)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS) What the...?! Oh! Rachel?

(SCREECHES)

(SHRIEKS)

(SHRIEKS)

(SHRIEKS)

(SIGHS) I don't have tickets

(SIGHS) OK, whatever. Let's just go.

(SIGHS) That’s OK.

(SINGS UPBEAT DITTY)

(SINISTER MUSIC)

(SINISTER MUSIC)

(SINISTER MUSIC)

(SNARLS)

(SOFT BREATHING)

(SPITS)

(SQUELCHING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES)

(WHEEZES)

(WHIMPERS AND PANTS)

(WHIRRING)

(WHIRRING)

(WHOOSHING)

(WONDROUS MUSIC)

(YELLS) Wanna go to a party tonight as my plus one?!