The World According to Garp Edit

A bit thin.

A flag for the Fourth of July.

A little bit more over. There we are. I've got you. I'm not gonna let go.

A man killed her. They're very upset.

A real baby.

A splinter of steel had lodged in his brain...

About what?

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

All of our lives.

All real writers imagine.

All right, Duncan. This is Technical Sergeant Garp.

All right, first thing is...

All right, kids, fun's over.

All right, same thing. Bottom man down. Same man down.

All right? I'm not gonna let go. You're going to be all right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Fine.

And all he could say was his name, "Garp."

And being a family man.

And close to the supermarket where I'll be shopping.

And fling his vile blade.

And help her heal herself, before it's too late for both of you.

And I am gone, gone, gone. Love, Ruth."

And I bet...

And I do.

And I've been talking to Helen.

And if you're very lucky, you'll have many, many friends...

And many, many memories.

And mine is one!

And Mom's publisher said that he'll publish my first novel too.

And most of the falls.

And my firm will even finance the mortgage.

And my husband putters around the house.

And never even notice that this is as beautiful as life gets.

And now we are homeless.

And only if it's clean.

And reminds me why I'm doing this. So you can keep it up.

And see the arc of your life. It's all connected.

And she's only running for governor. Goodbye, darling.

And short stories.

And since I miss her terribly, I want to be around...

And some coffee.

And stand in front of a mirror and look at myself for hours.

And stop getting other women to hurt themselves.

And the same nobodies are gonna line up not to buy that one too.

And the scum of the earth.

And the wounded and maimed were all asleep, I went to him.

And then he died.

And then there's snow falling in my eye.

And therefore...

And they aren't going to allow any men.

And they won't let me adopt.

And we now can speak for ourselves...

And we're also out of syrup.

And you can think about them.

And you just keep pouring salt on the wounds.

And you tell that wimp...

And you write too. Isn't that nice?

And your mother tries to nurse them back to health.

And, uh...

Anonymity promotes honesty. Thank you.

Anybody can say "Mama," Duncan. Come on, quit torturing me.

Anyway, the war was on.

Anyway...

Apache, Helen. Not even Shakespeare or Dickens...

Are you gonna go to sleep or you gonna stay up and think your weird thoughts?

Are you okay?

Are you really 18?

Arp!

As many people as possible who feel the same way as I do.

As soon as possible.

At least he's better off than...

At least the dog's got good taste, doesn't he?

Be a man, Michael.

Be careful of the undertow!

Because he comes down the chimney.

Because of a pot roast. Isn't that a pity?

Because of what happened to a little girl named Ellen James.

Because she taught us how.

Because they're guys.

Because they're ugly.

Because we all loved her.

Because you're too young. I've looked into them all.

Behind him, Marcus.

Being a father.

Being a husband and a father. Oh, I really adore it.

Black Snow.

Bonkers, give me that paper, you hairy son of a bitch!

Bonkers, you chickenshit! If I were a dog, you'd be dead!

Bonkers.

Bonkie, come on, now. Give me the paper.

Bonkie! Are you all right, big boy?

Bosworth.

Bosworth. A word of warning, you filth monger.

Boy, they take advantage of her.

Boy, you are something, Walt.

Bring him down.

Bring him into the infirmary.

Bring that along, will you? We can return it.

But God or nature or whatever... Well, you know, you need a man.

But God, this is self mutilation. Suppose, next time there's a ****...

But has to feel responsible for women whacking their tongues off in her name.

But he can't feel them. He yearns to feel.

But he finally feels life as he's flying into the arms of death.

But he's a daddy, and she's a mommy.

But her words have been passed on to each one of us.

But I really feel the need to look at them.

But I thought she was a fine woman.

But I'm a natural at only two things:

But I'm afraid you can't go.

But it is not fiction. It's a long, merciless attack.

But now that voice...

But right now, I want to share it with as many people as I can.

But she can't come along with us. No. Absolutely not.

But since I can't have that...

But then you've got to go.

But to have it bitten off...

But you're all I've got. I broke up with Marge.

But your mother has written a political manifesto.

By a madman's bullet.

Bye bye.

Bye, darlings.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

Bye, Uncle John.

Can I go in?

Can I go swimming?

Can I help you?

Can you speak?

Catches you.

Coaching.

Come down, Stephen.

Come down.

Come here.

Come home.

Come in.

Come on in here.

Come on in. I'll take you up to your room.

Come on upstairs. I'll show you your rooms.

Come on, Dad! Let's go!

Come on, Danny, we got them.

Come on, Duncan. Say "Dada."

Come on, Elmer.

Come on, family man.

Come on, Garp.

Come on, Martin. Ride him! Ride!

Come on, Pooh. Time for lunch.

Come on! Come on!

Come on.

Come on. Don't moan if you want to eat dinner.

Come on. Good reversal there. Get off your back.

Come on. Let's go. Weak side.

Crazy dyke blindsided me.

Cushie.

Cushie. Cushie!

Cushion his fall!

Cute little bugger, isn't he?

Dada's dead. He got killed.

Damn it.

Damn you, Duncan. Leave him alone.

Death's like that.

Defend our board, come on.

Did he take out the stitches?

Did you know he had a beautiful tenor voice?

Did you seduce that babysitter?

Did you see the doctor?

Dirty 30?

Dirty 30.

Do you get any physical enjoyment from it?

Do you miss writing?

Do you realize how good he is?

Do you think you're playing doctor's office with Cushie?

Do you understand? It's a small town.

Do you want her like you want Helen? Is it the same kind of want?

Do you want her?

Does it degrade you to have my son want you in that way?

Don't know.

Don't say that.

Don't touch me! Don't touch me!

Don't you dare say "sperm" in this house.

Down. Set. Hut, hut, hut.

Duncan and Walt are crazy about you.

Duncan did the eyebrows...

Duncan, a kiss for Grandma?

Duncan.

Eighteen?

Eighteen.

Eighteen.

Ellen James wrote them a letter begging them to disband...

Ernie, congratulations. You beat us on the takedowns.

Even when they're healthy, they're sick with lust.

Ever since I began running for governor of New Hampshire...

Every bookstore in the U.S.

Every time we come here, there are more people.

Everybody knows that one... Hey!

Everybody thought he died, but he didn't die.

Everyone here has something missing or some wound that won't heal.

Everyone, please sit down. Please.

Everything is fine. Barbara, it's all right.

Everything will be fine.

Everything, Helen.

Except death.

Find out if that's the son of a bitch's first or last name.

Fine. Well, good night, then, Bosworth.

Five seconds! Behind him.

Five. Four. Three. Two.

For any occasion.

For both of us to look at them.

For Christmas, I want a glass eye like one of those crystal balls...

For medical reasons I couldn't understand...

Forty three, 29. Forty three, 29.

Garp just frightened Alice for a bit, but she's fine.

Garp wants to take over.

Garp wasn't really concentrating in the first period.

Garp, are you up there? Jenny Fields, are you up there?

Garp, I'm here.

Garp, what are you doing in here?

Garp!

Garp! Garp.

Garp! Garp. How lovely to see you.

Garp! You've no right to write this!

Garp?

Garp?

Garp?

Garp?

Garp?

Garp?

Garp?

Garp?

Garp?

Garp?

Garp.

Garp.

Garp.

Garp.

Garp.

Garp.

Garp. Careful of the undertow.

Garp. Garp!

Get a doctor! Get an ambulance!

Get him, Bosworth.

Get him, Garp!

Get him, Helen. Stay tight with him.

Get him! Come on! Go!

Get in the goddamn back.

Get in there!

Get off me! What are you doing?

Get off your back, Virgil.

Get someone! Quickly!

Get the mattresses close together next to the building so he can fall on them.

Get your mattresses! Put your mattresses under!

Give and go, guys. Move it up.

Give me the keys.

Give me your car keys, and I'll get in the car for a minute.

Go away.

Go back to what you were doing before.

Go to your mother. She's a nurse. She can take care of it.

Go, Martin. Come on!

Go!

God, you're one of them. Listen.

Good night, Garp!

Good night.

Good night.

Good night. Thank you so much.

Goodbye, Duncan.

Goodbye, sweetheart.

Got you.

Gradual school?

Has been silenced...

Has been translated into Apache.

Have a heartbreak in Manhattan.

Have at last found one in Jenny Fields!

Having a life.

Having some trouble?

He also had a constant erection.

He beat you on your feet. He got all the takedowns.

He can do wonders when he's wearing his magic gloves.

He can even hold off death with his magic gloves, but he can't feel life.

He deteriorated steadily.

He did die.

He didn't even know we were married.

He ejaculated, and as a result, I've got a wonderful baby.

He never made any money. He worked as a clerk to support his family.

He said, "Good."

He sure did. Dead and gone.

He touched me. He touched me.

He was 21 when he entered the Feis Ceoil in Dublin.

He was asleep. But his erection was there, as always.

He was dying. I wanted a child.

He was flat on his back in a hospital.

He was runner up in the tenor category.

He woke up then.

He's bright enough, he's just...

He's dead already.

He's just...

He's one of my gradual students.

He's under the house, and he won't come out!

He's young, he's handsome.

Heal yourself, damn it.

Hel...

Helen Holm.

Helen, do you know that this is going to be published in The Review?

Helen!

Helen!

Helen!

Helen! Helen!

Helen! We haven't got much time.

Helen?

Helen.

Helen. My short story!

Hello again.

Hello, Duncan.

Hello, Garp?

Hello, how nice to see you again.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Look, this is a residential neighborhood.

Help me get her in the car.

Help, help, help.

Help! Help!

Here.

Here. Take mine.

Hey, everybody inside. Get the mattresses.

Hey, Garp, how are you doing?

Hey, look, it's all right with me if your mother wants to buy me for you.

Hey, you! Wait! Wait!

Hey, you. Dildo.

Hey!

Hey! Hey, you, stop!

Hi, Jenny.

Hi, my name's T.S. Garp.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

His erections continued, however, quite unabated.

His novel was just published, Procrastination by T.S. Garp.

His writing is nowhere near as good as yours.

Hiya, teacher.

Hold him down. Ride him. Good!

Home? What home? We're going to go to a movie.

Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical.

Hope I'm not disturbing you, running up and down here.

How about a hug for Grandma?

How about that?

How are they?

How do you feel to be wanted in that way?

How old are you, Granny?

How old are you?

How we met. All that.

How you got from there to here.

How young? Seventeen?

How's the basketball team, coach?

How's your fellow in New York working out?

I always wanted a child.

I am Jenny Fields and...

I am known as the bastard son of Jenny Fields.

I came as soon as I could after your letter.

I can live in the present and think about the past.

I can see that.

I can spot it a mile away. He's lusting after your daughter.

I can talk to you because you're past that.

I can't. I just can't.

I could have blocked the shot. I would have done it.

I cut off my prick and wear it around my neck.

I did a fine thing, son, having you.

I did.

I didn't know I loved them so much until I became a woman.

I didn't wanna marry. I wanted a baby.

I do too.

I do. I really, really do.

I don't know about Jenny, but I'm getting hate mail for publishing it.

I don't know where she is.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. From what I saw of her...

I don't know. I never saw him standing up.

I don't know. It's probably nothing.

I don't know. Who do you think she's talking to?

I don't mean just her sex parts.

I don't suppose you bothered to get married.

I don't think I can drive the fucking car.

I don't want them anymore.

I don't want your names on these.

I don't. I really don't.

I even died and lived to tell about it.

I feel horrible without all of you here.

I got a good idea too. Why not cut off your tits?

I got on top of him, and he squirted it in me.

I got you, I got you, I got you.

I gotta cook. I gotta clean. Gotta cry.

I grieve because I loved her.

I grieve...

I guess I'd better give you something to write about, huh?

I guess Randy needs me.

I hate to use a corny line like this, but haven't I seen you before?

I hated crowds.

I have a headache. Oh, my head. I have a headache. Not tonight.

I have just read in TIME magazine...

I have this terrible headache.

I have to get home now. You've been very kind.

I invited him over to meet you.

I just can't see you right now...

I just did.

I just feel happy that I noticed. I had a beautiful life today.

I just want them to stop what they do. Ellen wants that too.

I just want to know why you've selected...

I just want to talk to you. Wait...

I keep buying them, and my husband keeps burning them.

I kept warning her to stay away from crowds.

I kept warning her. I did.

I knew it, I knew it. A goddamn soldier.

I know all about it.

I know what I want.

I know what sort of creeps hang around here.

I know what we can do later on.

I know, that's my book. I really don't...

I know. He just can't talk.

I know. I just want to sit and talk with you.

I left the number of the theater by the phone in case you have any trouble.

I like it.

I like that kid.

I like that. If that's what it means, I like it.

I like you calling me "teacher."

I love dreadful films.

I love it.

I mean, I had mine removed surgically...

I mean, I have talent as a writer...

I mean, in a dress.

I mean, is there something else that's satisfying?

I mean, there's nuclear power plants nearby.

I might want to write about myself.

I miss Walt.

I miss you too.

I miss you.

I missed you all, and I couldn't wait to get back.

I nearly fell asleep in his class today.

I never get to.

I never needed a father!

I only wish that...

I really miss you.

I really wish I'd known you when you were 5.

I remember flying.

I remember flying. I went flying with Daddy last week.

I removed my undergarments and climbed on top of him.

I saved her boy's life.

I saw them go to school. I saw you go to work.

I see a man with one arm.

I see a man with one leg.

I see.

I see. Bonkie bit Garp.

I spend a lot of time imagining things. Part of my training as a writer.

I think I'm developing female intuition.

I think it's a hideous thing that you've done.

I think so. Don't you?

I think we're still having fun.

I think you've been behaving very badly.

I thought so.

I thought we were going to a movie.

I thought writing is supposed to be the writing.

I threw you up and down.

I tip my head back like this and then like this...

I told you, he was a tail gunner in a plane.

I told you, the minute anyone found out about this, it was over.

I tried to look after her. I did.

I understand you'll be starting classes next semester.

I used to be Terribly Shy, but I changed.

I wanna be an artist, and I wanna know what you thought of it.

I wanna get the hell out of here. I wanna go to New York...

I wanna take him and give him a shot.

I want another child, Garp.

I want it published.

I want my mother alive again.

I want to finish reading this story.

I want to reverse that...

I wanted a baby, but I didn't want to share my life in order to have one.

I wanted a job, and I wanted to live alone.

I wanted to be a father myself.

I wanted to be here to deliver the baby.

I wanted to express an inner longing...

I warn you, you'll be sorry you wrote this.

I warned you about your book, Garp. The Ellen Jamesians are sending...

I was a nurse.

I was a tight end with the Philadelphia Eagles.

I will never, ever write anything that lovely.

I will not have her watching us. I am still a Catholic, believe it or not.

I wish I had friends who wrote dreadful novels, novellas...

I wish I had known you when you were 15.

I wish I was a girl. If I was a girl, I'd take off my clothes...

I wish we grew up together as kids.

I wish you wouldn't do this.

I wish you'd reconsider.

I wouldn't worry about that. Helen can take care of herself.

I wrote about my life. You're a part of it.

I... I didn't know you knew.

I'd help her if I knew how, or even where she is, but I can't find out.

I'll be able to say later on:

I'll be glad to pay you.

I'll be right back.

I'll check out this class for you next week.

I'll get you for this, Pritchard.

I'll have to sit in on that one and let you know.

I'll inoculate your jockstrap with bubonic plague.

I'll let him publish my book.

I'll read it.

I'll see you later.

I'll send you the book when I finish.

I'll stay up and think weird thoughts for a while.

I'll take that chance. You just publish it. Come on, Duncan.

I'll tell you honestly, son.

I'm 30.

I'm a hopeless romantic in a male chauvinist world.

I'm a nurse. I know. He died.

I'm a nurse. It's about time I got back to it.

I'm a trained nurse, and I plan to continue my work.

I'm also a friend.

I'm flying, Helen.

I'm flying.

I'm gaining on you, Helen.

I'm Garp.

I'm glad you're here.

I'm going on a cruise next Friday.

I'm going to come up and get you. Stay very still.

I'm going to mourn her death alone for the rest of my life.

I'm gonna die too. So will you.

I'm gonna start teaching again.

I'm gonna take up hang gliding.

I'm kind of glad you did too, Mom.

I'm leaving. I'm going to New York to become a real writer.

I'm not sure I understand it.

I'm not sure.

I'm off to Florida.

I'm proud to publish it.

I'm so sad.

I'm so, so sorry.

I'm stuck at this all girls school. I thought I'd visit here...

I'm stunned myself. It upsets people.

I'm sure you'll do splendidly.

I'm telling you now, either tie him up, make him behave...

I'm the one who's supposed to be crying.

I'm upset. She's my mother.

I'm very, very proud of Mom.

I've always wanted you to.

I've been Jenny long enough.

I've been the one who gets introduced at these rallies.

I've been thinking we ought to leave myself.

I've been watching you...

I've delayed the campaign long enough.

I've got a right to stay!

I've got to do everything around here.

I've got to go. It's late. Goodbye, darlings.

I've got to kiss our baby.

I've got to see you one more time. I'm coming over. I'll be right there.

I've got you, son, I've got you!

I've heard quite enough. Thank you so much for your time.

I've never heard anything... Good night.

If all the kids had trench mouth, would you want that too?

If anyone finds out about this, it's over.

If Daddy had Mommy, but he was a basketball player...

If he was in a plane, he was a flier.

If his children are crying, he just touches them, and they smile.

If his wife is sad, he just touches her with his gloves, and she's happy.

If I could write, I'd feel better.

If I could've had one by myself, I would have.

If I do it, will you leave then?

If I ever meet the son of a bitch, I'll kill him.

If I marry anybody, it'll be a writer. But I doubt I'll marry anybody.

If I'd known, I would've had some while I was still a man.

If I'd only seen him a second, just a split second sooner...

If I'd seen the man with the gun...

If it's a girl...

If we could have just one more time...

If you don't smile, you'll never get a husband.

If you expose my baby one more time to cheap shots like this...

If you're going to write about me and my personal life, wait till I'm dead.

In one way or another, we have all been suspect...

In the land.

In writing, it is writing. In publishing, it's timing.

Is Daddy writing again?

Is it a home?

Is that really true?

Is that what you think?

Is that what you want?

Is there any word in the English language as sexy as that?

Is this where you're keeping my Laurel?

Is your apartment clean?

Is your natural ability to piss people off.

Isn't this nice? Isn't this a beautiful street?

It can be a real adventure...

It didn't take long, and that once was all that was needed.

It doesn't mean we have to give in to them.

It isn't. He says I make him feel sexually ambiguous.

It just plain...

It really has been an adventure.

It seems that most of you know who I am.

It sounds like a flavor in a gay ice cream parlor.

It underlines the difference in our ages...

It used to be Terribly Sexy, but I changed.

It was cut off.

It was fine.

It was just one of those days, Helen. I saw the kids get up.

It was then that I knew that he wouldn't last much longer.

It'll do such a job on you, you'll have nothing left to even scratch.

It'll ruin your eyes, though.

It's a "she." And she's all right.

It's a big lesbian scene.

It's a combination.

It's a Gaelic musical competition.

It's a lovely place. Lovely.

It's a lower decker pecker checker.

It's a nightmare.

It's a very nasty bump.

It's about this little lame girl who runs across a beached blue whale...

It's all right, everyone.

It's all right, it's all right. Hold on. I'm going to put something on it.

It's an over the shoulder boulder holder.

It's awfully sad.

It's been pre disastered. We're gonna be safe here.

It's close to the college where I'll be teaching.

It's dangerous stuff, and dangerous stuff sells.

It's distracting, isn't it?

It's easy. Dada.

It's for Frank, my husband.

It's going to be held at 5:00 tomorrow in New York.

It's gonna be called A Child's Christmas With A Whale.

It's gonna be hard to avoid being touched, isn't it?

It's hard to protect her in a crowd.

It's her body. Why shouldn't she use it the way she wants to?

It's just for women.

It's just one of those raging hormonal attacks.

It's kind of nice, actually.

It's like a dream.

It's like being underwater.

It's like listening to a plant describe the motives of a mammal.

It's lust.

It's my first short story. I wrote it for you.

It's my mother you want.

It's nice in there. I know.

It's not as exciting, but...

It's not bad being old.

It's not that small a town.

It's our baby.

It's really nice, you know? To look back...

It's sickening. Every bookstore in New York looks like this.

It's stuck.

It's the saddest story I have ever read.

It's their right to do what they want.

It's time to die, Sir Scum. I'm going to revenge my uncle's death.

It's...

It's...

Jeffrey.

Jenny Fields!"

Jenny!

Jenny! In the war, which side was he on?

Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!

Jenny's doing all she can. We're taking the case to court.

Jenny's voice has been silenced.

Jump! Jump! Go ahead and jump!

Just don't "Rachel" me.

Just don't go in over your knees.

Just Ellen, and that's it.

Just Garp. That's the whole thing.

Just lay off me.

Just like our house. I work...

Just one of my gradual students.

Just plain caught him.

Just the ticket for young marrieds.

Keep an eye on your daughter, coach.

Kill them. Kill them.

Know what really gets my goat? That she wrote about me.

Laurel!

Laurel!

Laurel!

Laurel! You in there, you bitch?

Laurel's here, but we're not exactly keeping her.

Let go. Let...

Let's get him, Garp.

Let's go look at the kids.

Let's go look at the kids.

Let's go, boys. Everybody back inside.

Let's go, Chris. Set up on the base line, the base line.

Let's go, set up number four. Okay, number four.

Let's go.

Let's go. Ready?

Listen, goddamn it! If you don't get Laurel's ass out here, I'm gonna...

Listen.

Long Ranger died.

Look around you!

Loved it.

Make it easy on yourself. Don't be a baby, Duncan. Say "Dada."

Make it fly, Dad. Come on. We want to fly.

Make something up, then.

Mama.

Mama. Say "Mama."

Married? She never even met the son of a bitch.

Maybe he didn't die.

Maybe I could write there too.

Maybe my father didn't really die either.

Maybe things will change.

Maybe, but you also want to get at the Ellen Jamesians.

Maybe.

Me too.

Me too.

Men die young in my family, Helen.

Michael Milton.

Michael.

Miss Fields.

Miss Fields.

Mm hm.

Mm hm.

Mm, 30.

Mom, I don't want to hear about this shit!

Mom, it's very simple.

Mom, you didn't write about me, did you?

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom! Mom!

Mom?

Mom.

Mom. Mom.

Monkey in the middle.

Move in, Joey. Come on.

Mr. Holm, you have a daughter. I have a son.

Mr. Holm?

My daughter got knocked up by a Garp.

My father was a flier.

My father wore a helmet. He was a flier.

My husband doesn't putter. He's a writer.

My life, once I've experienced enough.

My mother's paying for it. She's become a firm these days.

My name is T.S. Garp.

My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies.

My teeth fall out and my hair turn gray.

Nineteen?

No glove, no love.

No last fucks for the road. On the phone!

No point taking Donaldson's class. That's a real bore.

No sense making things any worse than they are.

No, because they dribble before they shoot.

No, I didn't.

No, I mean they don't have any tongues.

No, I wanna ask her about something.

No, I'm retiring.

No, I'm sorry.