The West Wing - Season 1 Edit

A $4000 titanium touring bike that I swore I'd never lend anyone.

A grandmother doesn't defend herself with an AK 47...

A group's assembling for a photo op.

A kid in the newsroom clipped that this morning.

A teenager sees a condom, he turns to lust.

Abbey said not to drive angry. She was right.

Actually, I meant a history of the building.

After your smug, taunting, calamitous performance on Capitol Beat!

Al scares the president. Josh knows.

Alger Hiss came in with a pumpkin.

All I could think about was Russell and your girlfriend.

All the girls think you look really hot in this shirt.

Also, I never got my peanuts.

America for Better Families, Al Caldwell, Mary Marsh.

And I accidentally slept with a prostitute.

And I think there shouldn't be instant replay in football.

And I'm honored by that.

And it isn't a 7 letter word.

And my church.

And you won't get a quote.

Annie commented that she thought it was a very impressive tomato.

Annie, all of 12, has always been precocious.

Any given day, there's no predicting what he'll choose to care about.

Anybody willing to debate ideas deserves more than a punch line.

Anyway, I'm glad Toby organized your meeting this afternoon.

Anyway, I'm totally baked, but it's not like I'm a drug person.

Approximately 700 turned back due to weather.

Are you a moron?

At 7:00, you have cocktails....

Because it's important in gym to try.

Between 1200 and 2000 Cubans...

Between movie stars and makeup...

Bonnie? Tell Toby he's changing his shirt.

Bruce? Bruce!

But I can screw it up with something I bought at Radioshack?

But I forgot to open the garage door.

But nobody else does.

By all means, enjoy yourselves. Item number two.

By and large, they're not boats.

C.J., has the president...?

Call me tonight.

Call OEOB. Set up a briefing for the VP.

Call the editor of The Times ' crossword.

Can I come by and see you real quick?

Can I say anything besides "Rode into a tree"?

Can you get him?

Can you tell me which one of those kids is Leo McGarry's daughter?

Can't send them back.

Christian and family oriented organizations...

Close the door.

Come to the meeting. Be nice, keep your job.

Coordinate with Katey Simons' office.

Deep background. I won't use your name.

Details are in the report being distributed...

Did you call him Lloyd?

Did you have a nice trip, sir? How's the ankle, sir?"

Do what Toby's telling you to do.

Do you think he's gonna do it?

Don't ever do it again.

Don't know why I thought of that.

Don't let Russell push us around on Medicare or missiles.

Don't say you're gonna try. This isn't gym class.

Dr. Randal Haymen, chief of orthopedics at St. John's...

Every day, 17,000 Americans fire a gun...

Every group has demons.

Everybody, nicely and quietly take a seat.

Everybody, sit.

Everyone in the Christian Right isn't the same.

Excuse me. We'll be a minute. Everyone have a seat.

First Commandment is, "Honor thy father. "

First you give advice, now I'm not on your team?

Folks....

For the last time, I didn't know who she was!

For the Sunday morning radio address on family values...

Forget about the journey. The voyage is not our problem.

From what part of Scripture did the Lambs of God draw their inspiration...

Go! Do a job. He was swerving to avoid a tree.

Go. It's okay.

Good afternoon.

Good morning.

Good, then.

Great. Up 1000.

Guess who's coming to town to consult?

Hang on. He never said...

Has the president reacted to Josh?

He also spent months traveling around the country...

He rode his bicycle into a tree.

He should say so for the common good. Screw politics.

He'll be here in 10 minutes. Who knows if Josh still has a job?

He's my boss, not my friend. It's not his name. It's his title.

He's not going anywhere, Billy.

He's very athletic. Plenty masculine.

Her daughter's class is getting a tour.

Her mother called me in tears. I said, "Elizabeth, what's wrong?"

Hi.

His work with the Baptists, the Catholic League.

How about some history?

How many Cubans are crammed into these boats?

How much more seriously can we take it?

How you doing, Sam?

Hustle me, I'll make you cry.

I agree with Josh, C.J. and Sam. You know that makes me crazy.

I can meet an interesting man.

I can speak with authority on many things, but not about the White House.

I can work out, think about personal matters.

I do.

I don't care. He's a lightweight.

I don't have time to answer questions.

I don't know about the building.

I don't know anything about the White House.

I don't want to make your life easier.

I get in the car, put it in reverse, and pull out full speed.

I had drinks with Sam Seaborn last night.

I have to go.

I invited them for coffee to talk about...

I just got back into the business...

I know how hard you all work.

I know, I'm in the Democratic Party.

I know.

I like you, and I'd like to call you.

I liked the part where you said nothing at all.

I love my family, I've read my Bible cover to cover, so you tell me:

I make no judgments. But with my job...

I memorized it just in case I erased it by accident.

I need them for muscle.

I need you a second.

I never know if they're looking or not.

I really like it. It makes very good use of space.

I said don't treat Caldwell like a revival tent clown.

I said gym class. Gym class?

I say I'm going for a drive.

I see the logic, but I gotta go.

I thought it was mine.

I understand.

I want to know why we hear so much about amendments...

I want you at fighting weight when we start.

I want you to keep your job.

I was about as angry as I've ever been.

I won't auction off the Bill of Rights.

I work with the communications director and press secretary...

I'll be there.

I'll give you time when I've got it.

I'll negotiate with Toby, if it's all the same.

I'm a citizen who relies on The Times ' crossword for stimulation.

I'm actually from Connecticut. But the point is...

I'm checking it out.

I'm going over there.

I'm happy to. I'm just saying, isn't this more of a military area?

I'm happy you could be here today.

I'm in charge of the message around here!

I'm not sprucing up for them.

I'm not sure I've got it right: "Potus in a bicycle accident"?

I'm Sam Seaborn, the deputy communications director.

I'm sorry. I should have told you.

I'm sorry. I'm late.

I'm surprised. I counted you as a friend.

I'm trying to talk him out of it.

I'm under arrest. I have to call you back.

I've asked you to denounce the practices of a group...

I've known him 40 years.

I've met the man twice.

I've recommended a pre emptive Exocet missile strike against his air force...

If children can buy pornography anywhere for $5...

If it floats, it looks good to them.

If the DEA thought they had drugs...

In a year, one of you will look stupid.

In addition to being a law student and part time bartender...

Including a 76 year old...

Intelligence reports 1200 Cubans left Havana this morning.

It carries a Sim 5 transponder tracking system.

It didn't come with the apartment. It's mine.

It is named after our 18th president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

It was a simple metaphor.

It was only a matter of time. That New York sense of humor...

It's a mild sprain. He'll be back.

It's all about budgeting your time.

It's bush league reporting.

It's Christmas morning for Mary Marsh.

It's not a bad idea to take a break every now and then.

It's not the government's place to legislate...

It's Potus.

It's the third commandment.

It's time we play "What Have You Done For Me Lately?"

It's wrong. You're spelling his name wrong.

Item number two....

John Van Dyke.

Just don't do anything until you talk to Justice.

Keep Josh in the loop on this.

Kids, I need to talk with Mr. Seaborn. Sit tight for a second.

Leo.

Leo's daughter's fourth grade class.

Let's deal.

Let's just get through this.

Luther, one year from today, where's the Dow?

Lyman here. What is it?

Mandy Hampton. She's excellent too.

Mandy, if I could get her to leave her job at Lennox/Chase.

Margaret! Get me Senator Russell's office on the phone!

Mary, I apologize.

May I ask you a question?

Military?

Moving on, let's talk about Josh.

Mr. McGarry, have they done an x ray? Is anything broken?

Mr. Ziegler, a message was sent to the cockpit for you.

Mrs. Landingham, what's next?

My friend is about to get fired.

My pager.

My point is this: Break's over.

My remarks were insulting. I went for a cheap laugh.

My wife never wants me to do anything while I'm upset.

No, it isn't. If we're going through this preposterous exercise...

No, you don't, but you're in a tough spot.

No.

None of your business. If 38 states...

None that I'm aware of.

Not that good, no.

Now, please.

Nowhere. Page me and punch in my number.

On high ground in Key West with binoculars...

One time Annie came to me with this press clipping.

Please allow me to apologize.

Please believe me when I say I'm a nice guy having a bad day.

Please tell me which one of those kids is my boss's daughter.

Please turn off all electronic devices...

Potus?

Presidents are rolling in their graves.

Reverend Caldwell, if you would step in here.

Right.

Same suit you wore yesterday?

School prayer or pornography. Pick.

School prayer, pornography, condoms. What's it gonna be?

See that INS works with Red Cross and CDC.

See you.

Seems my granddaughter had given an interview in a teen magazine.

Send help, don't send the National Guard.

Seventeen across.

She meant *******.

She probably didn't notice that.

She said not to get on that bicycle while I was upset, but I did.

She said, "It's Annie. "

She stole money from me. Thanks for stopping by.

She wants you to do it.

She'll try and bait you.

She's got a good head on her shoulders.

Show him a lug wrench, and he...

Show these people out.

Sir, your laptop interferes with our systems.

So am I.

So does abstinence.

So I work for you, whether you voted for us or not.

Some 350 are missing and presumed dead.

Some theologians in South America were excited...

Something which cost him dearly in the campaign.

Sorry to interrupt.

Sorry, there's been a mistake.

Stay right here, save the call.

Sure we are. Mary...

Sure.

Sure. I graduated law school and started at Dewey Ballantine...

Talk about impressive.

Tell him "Khaddafi" has one H and two D's.

Tell me about the Cubans.

Tell your friend Potus to learn to ride a bike.

Thank you for the casual way you did that.

Thank you, Mr. Lewis.

Thanks.

That is untrue.

That tie bleeds on television.

That was Hutchinson. What else? Please don't ask me about Josh.

That won't stop you from asking.

That would be me.

That's a good picture of her.

That's because you have my pager and I have yours.

That's great. Why don't we get started?

The assault stats are wrong.

The best thing the president can do from a PR standpoint...

The chairs were made from a pirate ship...

The class is waiting in the Roosevelt Room.

The DEA could suspect drugs.

The deputy communications director can't talk about the White House?

The god you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud.

The god you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud.

The ladle on the pegboards.

The ones that didn't die want a better life, and they want it here.

The president makes a usual Sunday radio address.

The president's deeply religious. I don't need to tell you.

The president's gonna check the revenue analysis...

The president's pissed at you and so am I.

The room we're in, the Roosevelt Room, is famous.

The theologians thought this was a very impressive girl.

The Times is releasing a poll...

The Times says many Americans feel the White House is unfocused.

The water pressure in here is impressive.

The White House was built several years ago...

There are people who'd pay to try to...

There you go. It wasn't a little deal.

There's been an apology. Let's move on.

There's footage of the president riding into a tree.

These children worked hard.

These fourth graders...

These things look exactly alike.

They came from your office.

They came through a storm.

They reduce the risk of teen pregnancy and AIDS.

They think they're smarter.

They won't be staying long. Some coffee, Mr. Lewis?

They're coming from Havana in fruit baskets.

They're on the run. Don't play games.

Think they're tuned to the National Weather Service?

This is bad on so many levels.

This room was named for Theodore.

This time, this hour, this is my time. 5 a.m. to 6 a.m.

Thomas and the majority leader would like a conference.

Those were the days.

Thou shalt worship no other god before me. "

Tom sent the Coast Guard. They won't make it to our waters!

Twenty five cars jumped the tracks, spilling sodium hydroxide....

Two Absolut martinis up. Another Dewar's rocks.

Two percent in the third quarter.

Until you do, you can all get your fat asses out of my White House.

Unusual, using his first name to a third party.

Wait, your pager went off while you were in the shower.

We apologize. We're running a bit late today.

We can keep this from escalating beyond a woman being angry...

We don't need John Van Dyke or Mary Marsh.

We gotta work with these people. Where do you get off...?

We have storm systems in south Florida.

We need Caldwell. We want Caldwell.

We will be landing shortly.

We're fishing for Cubans...

We're flying in a Lockheed Eagle Series L 1011.

We're in a poli sci group.

We're not gonna run the table.

We're not prepared to make a deal right now.

We're under attack by Cubans in rowboats?

We've been taking a little break, thinking about our personal lives...

What do you do?

What do you want from me?

What does that mean, exactly? I'm a counselor to the president...

What I was going to say is this:

What is it?

What the Cubans are on are charitably described as rafts.

What'd I say yesterday?

What's my name? My name doesn't matter.

What's up?

When I spoke on the program yesterday...

When you stand that close to Marsh and Van Dyke...

When's the last time you brought coffee?

Which one's Leo's daughter? What does she look like?

While my role here is seen as politically skewed...

Who's the grandma?

Who's your source on 443? Big fat byline above the fold?

Why do you keep looking behind me?

Why does he demonize us as a group?

Why would I lie to a journalist?

Wilson. Joe.

With any luck, the Cubans will turn around.

Working for Lloyd Russell.

Wow. That's great.

Yank me around, and I'm gonna get cranky.

Yeah, I think she was.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. You?

Years ago, I came home from a very bad day.

Yes, sir.

Yes.

Yesterday morning on a television program...

Yesterday, the president ordered me to fire Josh Lyman.

You almost hit her.

You can call when we land, sir.

You can have a normal life. You'd be amazed at how normal I am.

You can't use that until we land.

You don't believe in any god that I pray to, Mr. Lyman.

You don't believe in any god that I pray to, Mr. Lyman.

You don't know who I am.

You don't run social policy!

You don't think we take this seriously?

You got it right.

You hit on her at a party.

You know how I feel about that kind of talk.

You know that sounds pretty ridiculous, right?

You know the president better than me.

You look like hell. You know that?

You need to take me seriously.

You take the entire Christian right...

You want to know if Lloyd's running.

You won that election for him, you and Leo and C.J. and Sam.

You, C.J., were brilliant.

You'll denounce these people publicly.

You're a Fulbright scholar. Don't you think...

You're cleaning out your desk at the end of the day.

You're excellent. Could we have your autograph?

You're Lloyd Russell, prince of white suburban women...

You're lying now.

You're misinterpreting me and the senator.

You've never brought me coffee.

You've worn those clothes for 31 hours.

Your group has plenty of demons.

17 across is just wrong. You believe that, Ruth?

137 have been taken into custody in Miami and are seeking asylum.

Al Caldwell's a good man. He wasn't there.

An apology. Sunday's address.

And the first? "I am the Lord your God.

And the president's firing Josh? He needs these people.

And? He was unsuccessful.

Anyway... Most women would be flattered.

Are you gonna freak out? No. Isn't he gay?

As of today. Why?

Because Potus was in an accident? Yep.

Caldwell wasn't there. He was watching.

Can I ask...? Am I a hooker?

Can I come in? Sure.

Can we go now? Go. Get out.

Come to the meeting and be nice. Why?

Did Caldwell...? I'm not talking.

Do they? I can make a phone call.

Don't get cute with Marsh. Don't get cute.

Don't kill the messenger, Leo. Why not?

Don't like him? No.

Donna brought you coffee? Shut up!

Emma. Morning.

Fake it. I can't.

Five minutes? Please.

For now. Then who?

For what? Insulting millions.

Four column inches above the fold. You're wrong.

Fred? A year. Not good. Down 1000.

From the campaign. You guys used to be a thing?

Fund exploratory committees. Run by?

Get everybody? Yes. Margaret?

Good afternoon, Mr. President. Al.

Guess what? She here?

He won't fire him. He has no choice.

He'll never do it again. They'll laugh.

He's a woman. Take me seriously.

He's not gay. You sure?

He's not gonna fire Josh. He doesn't have a choice.

Headed where? Vegas.

Hollywood likes him. It'll wait.

How long ago? A year and a half.

How many are there? We don't know.

How will he be on the budget? You should get to know him.

How? I have a suggestion...

How's the president? Mild sprain. He's fine.

I apologize. Just in this room, is all I'm asking.

I believe we can find the door. Find it now.

I can't. They wrote essays.

I do. Listen, did he say anything? Did he say anything?

I don't know how often you get up... Sam, go.

I don't know what to say. Tell them about the building.

I don't know. Thank you for all your help.

I don't like what I'm accused of. That's tough.

I don't understand. He's a klutz! The president's a geek.

I get that. That's funny. Thank you.

I got a guy in CDC. Talk to him.

I hadn't heard. You will in an hour.

I have enough friends. Not these days.

I heard it's broken. Wrong.

I just love pot. Laurie, I have to go.

I know he's your friend. He is.

I know he's your friend. He is.

I know. Condoms in the schools.

I know. You could run hydraulics.

I like our chances. How did we win an election?

I meant, why did she call? She wants...

I think it's him. It is.

I think we're about to get tagged. What?

I thought so. It's for you.

I wanted you to like me. I do.

I was asking... I don't know.

I was right, though! Like I don't know that.

I was the calmest person in the room. Way to stay cool.

I'm John Van Dyke. Yes. Reverend?

I'm not looking for a holy war. I know, Al.

I'm referring to you. Glad you brought it up.

I'm sorry? What do we get?

I'm wasted. And free of cataracts.

If one had a fast ball, we'd get them. That's not entirely true.

In a few weeks, he's... If I could interrupt.

In this area, yes. The 18th president was Grant.

Is he in yet? Yeah.

Is Josh on his way out? No.

Is this real or is this funny? Neither.

It isn't a big deal... If I get fired, I get fired.

It was stupid. Damn straight.

It'll look good. Caldwell's friends are bad.

It's 5:30 a.m. This doesn't look good.

It's a regular Sunday. When was it scheduled?

It's ironic. I don't believe it.

It's not like they were on our side. They've waited for you to trip up.

It's not up to me. Crap. It is up to you.

It's regrettable. Yes, it is.

Jeffrey. Whatever. Josh!

Jenn! Sorry.

Josh is coming to the coffee. Keep him cool.

Josh! Thanks.

Just tell me who to call. Call 1 800 BITE ME.

Know when they arrive? No.

Leo was touched. What did she want?

Leo's wife called. She hates me. What did I do?

Let's be clear. We are.

License, please. Just a second.

Like Josh said... I heard. What do we get?

Lloyd Russell. That'll last. Listen to me.

Mandy and Lloyd Russell? "Hello, Mr. President!

Me? The thing is... Deal with it.

Miami. Their navigational equipment... Navigational? "That way is north. "

Morning, Leo. Donna.

Nice apartment. You saw it last night.

Nice morning, Mr. McGarry. We'll take care of that in a hurry.

No. You're dating Lloyd Russell.

Oh, take a look at this. What's that?

Okay. Page me. Where are you going?

Open the damn door. And him.

Pat Thomas wants the Guard. You'll create a panic situation.

Put it on. No!

Re election. Not yet.

Really? However...

Right. Yes.

Says who? I'm not on your team.

School prayer or porn? On every corner.

Send Naomi. What else? Press leak on A3C3.

She called us New York ****. I'm from Connecticut.

She meant you and me. Let's not even go there.

She's leasing offices downtown. Who's she working for?

Sir, please turn off your computer. I'm almost done.

Sorry I'm late. Mr. Seaborn, Mallory O'Brian.

Telephone. I'm in the shower.

Texas? Don't worry.

Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you, sir.

Thanks for the coffee. You're welcome.

Thanks. Thanks.

That girl's eyeing me. Really?

That's a problem. What?

That's on the schedule? Wait.

The 76 year old grandma. Carr and Gilmore come back.

The tie wasn't the problem. I told you.

The trick... Beeper.

The White House? Yes.

There's a painting of him in there. I should've figured it out.

They hung up on me. That's hard to believe.

They picking up the scent? Billy is.

They want you to sound arrogant. That's easy.

Third party? Get my point?

Those seats are gone. Plus, it's wrong.

True. Intelligence is money well spent.

Very sure. He seems effeminate.

We need them. We don't need them.

We'll fix this, Leo. See that you do.

We'll get whacked. Three districts.

What caused it? You from State Farm?

What do you got here, C.J.? We've got some hot tempers.

What if he...? He doesn't have a choice.

What is it? I need someone for...

What they want to hear. Yes.

What time did they leave? We don't know.

What? Condoms in schools.

What? I think your beeper's going.

What's going on? Nothing. Coffee.

What's our problem? What to do when they hit Miami.

What's that? Coffee.

When did you start working here? The campaign.

When? Just now.

Who do I call? No.

Who? Senator Russell.

Who's this? Cashmere Escort Service.

Why are we here? You sat down.

Why don't we sit down? No.

Why? If I make sure she's having fun...

Yes? Yes.

You and Lloyd Russell? Yeah.

You know my assistant, Cathy. Hi.

You ran a red light. Hold on.

You should call them. I will.

You still can't use them. Why can't I use them?

You switched pagers with someone? A woman's about to call me.

You want some? I'm fine.

You want to tell her that? Let this be a national emergency.

You? Yes.

You. I already got a job.

You'd be smart. Think she'd be interested in his job?

You're late. I'm having a weird day.

You're taking him too seriously. His stock is up.

Cashmere Escorts. You paged me.

Oh. Yeah.

Who is this? Sam Seaborn.

Who's this? It's Sam. Sam Seaborn.

Yeah. Thanks. Good.

You called me. Actually, you called me.

You paged me? Laurie.

... stow tray tables and return your seats to the upright position.

...and dump them into one big pile.

...and say economists are here to make astrologers look good.

...and the inside flesh had actually formed a perfect rosary.

...are you what I am certain would be a very high priced call girl?

...at getting her hair messed up.

...because a little girl in Chile sliced a tomato...

...but he plays his role as a moral leader.

...but I didn't come by way of a turnip truck.

...but it's not an indication that I like you.

...but not the Commandments.

...but the governor of Florida wants a blockade.

...called the "Lambs of God. "

...came to a sudden arboreal stop. "

...captured during the...

...diagnosed the president with a sprained ankle...

...discouraging abortion.

...from a village south of Havana.

...have been met with hostility by their government.

...I didn't speak for the president. That's important.

...I do think $5 is too high a price for pornography.

...I'd be as informed as you.

...is to show you the door.

...isn't that too high a price to pay for free speech?

...it might make my life easier.

...middle class black men, the Teachers' Union.

...mostly, if I'm not mistaken, out of cement.

...on domestic matters, not security related.

...or thinking about keeping our jobs.

...remember, it's not the DNC, but your taxes that pay my salary.

...she talked about a woman's right to choose.

...sustained while cycling into a large tree.

...that brings your unfavorables up to 48%.

...that contempt was given a voice and a face and a name.

...that you're about to be fired?

...they paint you with the same brush.

...to get our message out through the media.

...unless she's defending herself against Turkish rebels.

...we're gonna get the Commandments right!

...when they sent my granddaughter a doll...

...while embraced by many Americans...

...who defended herself against an intruder.

...with a knife stuck through its throat?

...with photos of the president resisting help and falling down again.

...wouldn't we have to search those rafts with guns and blankets?

...wrote essays on visiting the White House.

"Boats" conjures the image of a boat, first of all.

"New York sense of humor. "

"Potus in a bicycle accident. Come to the office. "

"President of the United States. " I'll call you!

"The president, while riding a bicycle on vacation...

"Too busy being indicted for tax fraud"?

"You want to know if Lloyd is running. "