Get Hard (2015) Soundboard Edit

A big ass black man on your pale white ass.

Absolutely.

Alissa.

All right, get down there. Come on.

All right, so listen to this.

All right. Okay. Look, my wife's a nurse. Let's get you to my wife. Okay?

And for one brief moment, I knew what my purpose was.

And he's a black man.

And I fucking loved it!

And I heard that you played at the party where he got arrested.

And I was gonna use this gun.

And sew up your old ass!

And they think, Oh, please, don't kill me.

And when he told me about it, I was really mad at him.

And, uh, just so you know, I would have done the same thing if you were white.

Attention inmates, lockdown in five minutes.

Aw.

Back when I was in Harvard Business School, I was facing some pretty long odds.

Because I got blood on my hands.

But he's doing it.

But that's only because of what you were trying to do to the white guy.

But there's only one way out of this.

Cecelio! Pull back! I have lost control!

Close the door! Close the door!

Come on. Are we doing this or not, okay?

Come on. Let's go. Let's go. Oh, shit!

Coming!

Curl me, bitch! Curl me!

Daddy did good? Give me a hug.

Darnell, there's a baboon!

Don't lose yours.

Doughboy says, You know what this mean. This mean we gotta step up.

Either way. So if I die, Martin's going.

Fear of dick sucking will give a man strength.

Fine! Go ahead!

Fuck you, King!

Fuck!

Get on the ground! Get on the ground!

Get out!

Goddamn it! Ugh!

Goddamn! Ten years?

Great to meet you too

He's a narc!

Hewlett Packard. So you're in good company.

Hey, ése. I don't like you and this domestic shit in front of my crew

Hey, guys.

Hey, hey, hey! You ready to get to work today?

Hey, I don't want him.

Hey! Open up. Open up.

Hi.

How does a million dollars sound? Ha ha ha.

How I built this company with my own two hands.

Huh?

I am ready. I'm ready to get hard!

I appreciate it.

I can't go to jail. I'll die in there.

I did not do the things they said I did!

I hate the knee.

I have to leave the country!

I just can't figure out how he ever went to jail in the first place.

I love it.

I need $30,000.

I see it.

I see you survived

I sent you a text yesterday.

I sentence you to 10 years in a maximum security prison.

I taught myself how to keister.

I wanna fight you, asshole.

I will.

I'll gonna put your di... in my mouth. I'm gonna give you he...

I'm a big time racist.

I'm gonna get so hard! Because I'm gonna show you how hard!

I'm so glad to be back in Crenshaw where it's safe.

If I could have your attention, please. I'm just looking for Spider?

If you go to court, they're gonna kick your ass. Take the plea.

It's me.

It's my last chance.

It's the dick of a king. It's your scepter.

James, I don't give a fuck how many times. I don't give a shit.

James, I've lost control!

James, it was wonderful meeting you.

James, listen. I don't want to look at it no more because I'm starting to...

James, you realize that I didn't mean to hurt you.

James.

Jaoa says I need to focus on bringing my power into the world.

Just before I get to another level of anger, Mr. King, tell me for giggles...

Just like Lady Macbeth.

Like you did for Darnell when he took the rap for you.

Look, you need to shut this stuff down right now.

Look, you saved my life.

Makayla, you proud of Daddy?

Maybe I should start with a baby at higher reps.

Me?

Mexico.

Mother..

My name is Leroy!

No prison can hold James King.

No, I mean the house.

No, no, he trusts you.

No! My body!

No. What we're gonna do is we get other people's money...

Now, to celebrate, I would like to give you an early wedding present...

Oh, God. You just couldn't say ******, huh?

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, thank God. Oh, that's good.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay. All right, man.

Okay. And, uh, what noise does a angry dog make?

One, two...

Post racial America, assholes!

Promise me, Spider! Promise me!

Remember, do not freak out.

Russell.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Oh, my God.

Shit! I don't want the computer!

Should burn everybody in here.

So from this day forward...

So I guess we did it.

Stab, stab, stab, stab.

Stay yo ass back! Stay back!

Talk like this and be every stereotype he already thinks I am.

Ten years in a maximum security prison.

Thank you.

That man James King is a great big turd

That you would wanna help a fellow business owner and job creator.

That, with a simultaneous relaxing of the sphincter.

That's a red flag, ****a!

That's also your only chance of survival in prison...

That's good to know.

That's great, right?

That's perfect. That's perfect.

That's what I wanna hear. Then let's go home and get hard.

That's what I'm talking about!

The computer proved I was innocent.

The gun! Grab the gun!

The key to surviving is to not freak out.

The ones that's gonna come here on boats with sirens on them...

There are three pieces.

There's a start.

There's nowhere to run, Mr. James.

Thing about Ricky, Ricky was special, because Ricky had the ticket.

This is the U. S. Marshall Service. Prepare to be boarded.

Too late. He done tagged the next guy in.

Turn it off!

Uh, on the way home we decide to split up.

Wait, don't I get body armor?

Wait, no. Mexico.

Watch out.

We are.

We taking the evidence that you framed your son in law with, sick son of a bitch.

Well, then let's not waste time. Get it.

What?! You can't see the irony in being mad at me about that?

When you're on the inside, you don't hang out with the ******s or the spics.

Who are you gonna drive and open that bed and breakfast in New Hampshire with?

Who are you gonna raise that Chinese baby with?

Why didn't you tell me that?

Why me?

With apologies to Balzac.

Yeah, James!

Yeah, no, my cellie used to hold them all the time.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yes! I'm not going to prison.

Yes.

Yes.

You about to get this:

You ain't got to do this, man.

You big beanbag build bitch!

You don't want it. So what? Why can't I be happy?

You ever seen 100 women get wet at the same time? Watch this.

You keep an eye on my ex future son in law, would ya?

You know what I'd like to get my hands on? A Wall Street Journal and a 40.

You know what? You can't fight. Since you can't fight...

You look good, James.

You say, I wanna suck your dick. Politely.

You should know.

You're asking to be audited, son.

You're so good at it, sweetie.

Your assets have been frozen with no chances of thawing anytime soon.

Your capoeira's strong!

And on that note... No, Mister...

And you got a white girl's ass. Ah!

Are you getting this? Shit, yeah! Get out of the way!

Do you want some?! Oh, fuck!

Fuck you, Nazis! Yeah!

Fucker's got a yacht? Mm hm. And an island in Cape Verde...

Girl, stop. Stop! What is wrong with you?

Hey, ése. What?

I'm sorry, what? And to those who say jazz...

In this house? Mouth full of balls.

Is this some kind of joke, man? You ever been mad dogged before?

Isn't that impressive? Amazing, Mr. King.

John Mayer! Thank you, thank you.

Mr. King. Aah! Aah!

No! Motherfuckers!

Oh, God. Yes.

Oh, that's where the other one went. Okay, just sit down.

Okay, you should really get rid of that thing. Gun!

Take the Yankee with you! I'll go with you!

We got a runner. Mr. James is running! Oh, fuck me!

We gotta go, Mayo. Bye, baby.

We should get out of here. No!

Whoa! Bitch, get your white ass off!

Yeah? Does it look fine? Yeah, fine, man. There's nothing wrong.

Yeah. No.

Yeah. What?

You know what that is? Mm mm.

You're like a 6. Thank you.

...and you freaked out and Darnell took control of the situation.

...if I were to put that same amount in my own fund...

...international accounts, institutions...

...who we become...