Son of Zorn - Season 1 Edit

A A And I'm sorry.

A and then, well, then I would

A brain gouger.

A C?

A death hawk, Edie.

A disagreement over something completely idiotic.

A fire that will consume anyone

A gift to his son, you know,

A little better too. We'll take down all the stuff.

A little Blues Traveler, Live at Red Rocks, ha ha.

A lot of people don't take swimming seriously.

Aah, damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

About dad stuff or anything.

About Queen Latifah again.

About where I came from.

Actually want bikes in your garage. That's insane.

Actually, I'll have the veggie wrap, please.

Actually, I'm just gonna leave this poop.

After that, my wife refused to let me watch Amanda alone.

After what happened with the bird.

Ah ha! The hot sauce is ours!

Ah, come on! I'm showing the kid how to take someone's life.

Ah, come on.

Ah, hell, I guess I'll just have to accept

Ah, let's see what we got here.

Ah, now I feel bad.

Ah, that would have been hilarious,

Ah, that's too bad. I love that table.

Ah, the little bone crusher's 17. Can you believe it?

Ah!

Ah. Hey, guys, sorry.

Alan is almost an adult. You can trust him.

Alan is in high school. Not a warzone.

Alan, hearing how mad you are

Alan, I'm not gonna hurt you, I just want

Alan, like, I live here Alan, not stalking you or anything.

Alan, masturbation is perfectly normal, and fun.

Alan, you are responsible. And, Zorn, you...

Alan, you have to tell me everything.

ALAN: Craig, you want to step in here?

ALAN: My dad is so lame.

Alan: No.

ALAN: Oh...

ALAN: What is that, like, a... is that a Web site?

ALAN: What the hell?!

Alan: Wow. Well, too bad that belt's

ALAN: You stalking her.

Alangulon only knows about Zephyria through stereotypes.

Alangulon, here, come here.

Alangulon, listen, I don't mean to brag here, but I've been

Alangulon, you listen to your mother.

Alangulon!

Alangulon.

All about this way of connecting with a client,

All I asked was that you get rid of your boxes.

All right, buddy, how much is it gonna take

All right, but... couch check on the rain sex.

All right, do you want to hear it again? Probably not.

All right, fine! I'll hear you out.

All right, good. Now repeat after me.

All right, it's kind of funny. [laughs]

All right, let's see what else we got here.

All right, so you don't want to know

All right, Son of Zorn... show 'em.

All right, there she blows.

All right, well, here we go.

All right, well, if I'm so wrong about us,

All right? I'm half Zephyrian.

All right.

All right. Well, I got some cold stuff in the toilet.

All righty, you ready to give it a go, Alangulon?

All that, just so he could be closer to you.

All who oppose me will be destroyed!

All you have to do is get down

All you have to do is offer her some Corn Nuts.

All you need to really do is just walk up to them,

ALL: Oh!

Along with the whales and octopuses,

Also here. Part of the tour. [chuckles]

Also, I'll need the first two months rent up front.

Also, I'm battling a UTI, so I kind of need those.

Also, not necessary at all. 'Cause nothing's happening.

Although, come to think about it,

Am I an embarrassment to my family?

Amazing people have taken the bus, you know?

Amount if it wasn't all the money I had

An area I might be helpful to you, you know.

An embarrassment to my father, to a lesser extent,

An entry level sales position.

And a comforter for your guest bed.

And a movie called Fletch Lives.

And all its occupants to shreds. (chuckles)

And around my ex wife, who's now engaged,

And art and... Thanks.

And boy did she stress this, is that we got to have fun.

And Dad said it was a good night to see the sky,

And dump beer on people's heads and fight the security.

And eventual decapitator

And for good measure. All right, there we go.

And for that, you deserve a treat.

And fun, but you can't be his father and his friend.

And gouge your brain out.

And have sex with me on this couch until

And he doesn't have a helmet.

And he's acting all weird about taking the bus, it's like...

And he's just not getting it.

And he's super violent.

And his emotions...

And I had this feeling I've never experienced before,

And I have just a few other small requests.

And I smuggled this bad boy through customs.

And I try not to let it torment me,

And I'll be like, "Yeah, no problem."

And I'm just worried you're gonna lose him.

And I'm the guy calling it? [chuckles]

And insulted her dad to the point

And invasive as Zorn can be,

And it handles great on murder swoops.

And it is not hilarious.

And it sucks.

And it's killing me inside. You know what?

And just be considerate of his feelings

And just let... show 'em who who's boss.

And just, like things happened, whatever.

And look around once in a while,

And making sure Vulchazor doesn't get his hands

And maybe I'll be willing to talk about the Gnome.

And more recently at work, with the hot sauce fella.

And my great great grandchildren will have no idea

And no one's bringing their dads.

And not just what you want.

And now you're at four stars, Brian.

And of course I didn't want to be the bait,

And please, if you will, see to it that my head

And pressuring me and...

And she's coming back to kick you.

And she's, like, definitely changed a lot in the last year,

And stick it where his nose used to be and then just punch him

And sweep the mine.

And sweep the... [Todd laughing]

And that I put a camera

And that's stirring up a lot of emotions for me...

And the painful sores on my lips.

And the theater of war is mall bathrooms,

And the, uh, couch there? Those are new.

And then defecate on your wife's grave!

And then I was like, "Yeah, what the hell, it's summer."

And then, uh, you know, curveball. [chuckles]

And then, you know, I I lost it, and and now I'm afraid

And then... we'd be

And there's a lot that I've missed.

And they have not promptly returned it.

And thinks that white V neck T shirts are crazy hot.

And those little tiny packets of soy sauce!

And try not to kill anyone. [beeps] God.

And we were by the swimming pool,

And we're about to get in the swimming pool.

And you talk a big game like it's, it's gonna work out,

And your head will explode.

And, Craig, I'm not gonna do that stupid

And, uh, oh. Refrigerator.

And, uh, so we're gonna cut this class short.

And, uh... Oh, best dad in the world.

And, um... and there.

And, you know, it's actually really cool

And...

And... ah, he can't hear me.

And... sweep the mine. [Todd laughing]

And... trust me, it does not work out.

Anyway, go, uh, run a few laps, then, uh, I don't know,

Anyway, okay, so, um...

Anyway, what I was saying was, um... where do I start?

Anyways, I cleared it all up. [Alan grunting]

Applying way too much pressure

Are actually soul prisons.

Are people okay with this sort of racism?

Are you kidding me? (groans)

Are you serious? Because a good friend of mine

Are... I guess what I'm trying to say is...

As far as I'm concerned, I'm just getting pointers

As, like, killing off an entire race of crab people?

At least he died doing what he loved,

At least save me a couple wounded ones

At Sanitation Solutions.

At the mailbox, and I thanked them for being

At the mall with your weird kid? [students chuckle]

Authentic Zephyrian experience in Orange County.

AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: If you are satisfied with

Aw, come on, Edie.

Aw, come on, Linda! Everyone knows you don't

Aw, come on, who needs a comforter?

Aw, come on, you really want to get rid of our sex masks?

Aw, come on!

Aw, damn it, come on!

Aw, I've seen it, like, so many times.

Aw, man! [music stops] Damn it! Come on!

Bashed 30 orcs with a war hammer

Be safe, or not. Whatever. Who cares? [forced laugh]

Because I'm considerate,

Because I'm gonna fill his mouth with blood.

Because they're reincarnated wizards.

Because when you just said that,

Because you can't defeat an idea. [smooches]

Because Zephyrians are big and strong, right?

Before and after spectral transformation.

Before but for whatever reason the, uh, little, uh...

Before I get back tomorrow.

Between my department and and The Fanged One.

Between you and the belt, it'll think you

Bicycles? Who the hell rides bicycles?

Blast it a new one.

Bloodshed, tyranny and style.

BOY 2: Yeah, I'm actually pretty excited about it,

Boy that we're all very proud of

BOY: Oh, wait, your dad's coming to town, right?

Brian, turn the car on. Let's go.

Brr. Hey, but don't worry. We've got...

But Craig has a huge problem with it.

But culturally? I mean, I wouldn't even kill a spider.

But do not teach Alan how to stop his heart.

But he kept pressuring me and pressuring me...

But he's not, so it doesn't, shut up.

But her mom got out of the hospital early, so that sucks.

But honestly, I thought it was really sweet

But I also need to obey Edie's rules, you know?

But I don't speak whale language.

But I I think we're on the wrong street, so, uh...

But I've seen her around school a bunch,

But if you're gonna do it, let your mommy teach you.

But in this battle, they can never actually win.

But instead it's just been, like, sitting.

But is that what you think of us, that we're all just

But now I'm worried he's gonna get killed by lava.

But real talk, here... sometimes, your greatest weakness

But sometimes the best defense is defense.

But still playful, wearing the remains

But the fact is she's with someone else.

But the important thing is I'm having fun, right?

But the last time I doubted a kid's note,

But the talons are still razor sharp

But then, I don't know, once you start to...

But then, seriously, after that,

But there's no way he's had all his shots.

But we've also got a rich history of art, and music and food.

But welcome to Casa del Zorn 2.0.

But while looking sexy is obviously important,

But you are nailing it, son!

But you are not the world's greatest storyteller.

But you have to get a helmet and pads.

But you may just need to be okay with your son

But your faces were good enough.

But, but the most important rule,

But, hey, we're about to take off, so just...

But, like, in a... in a very cool way.

But, obviously, that wouldn't work out for your old man here.

By accident, all right?

By calling me again, I just don't appreciate...

Called the limbic system.

Calling you at Gnome, which there is no place like.

Calm down, everyone. [all clamoring]

Calm down? Calm do... you just hit my friend

Can I see you for a second?

Can turn out to be your greatest strength.

Can you believe that?

Can't I just... stay away from Warren

Can't they just make something that holds your pants up?

Caption: "Yearbook photographer waits for a ride."

Cars? Those have...

Cast from the bullpen into this lonely hallway, all by myself.

Check this out. Check it out.

Chicks love Corn Nuts. It makes all the sense

Chopped salad?! Oh!

Coffee sounds...

Come in. [door opens]

Come on, come on, let's go. We're going.

Come on, don't you guys have that game here?

Come on, I've had a lot of sex, Edie.

Come on, tell the story, Alangulon.

Come on, you can't deny that Zephyrians

Come on.

Come on. You want to do something extreme,

Come on... Edie.

Come out little boy, where are you?

Come outside, check out your new ride?

Come with me on a journey to the beautiful, exotic land

Comedy is a universal language, yeah.

Coming up next, so... don't forget to bring your trunks.

Complimentary fried hay.

Conqueror of the Tribes of Aegon,

Conqueror of the Tribes of Aegon, Decapitator of the...

Considerate

Coordinate the sharing of intelligence

Corn Nuts?

Could I get upset about the tattoo

Could you maybe give me some pointers on what

Could you maybe think about it soon?

Craig and I are getting married. Get over it.

Craig is kind.

Craig needs some space to wall mount his bicycles.

Craig teaches at an online college.

Craig, that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

Craig, you have no idea what I'm talking about.

Craig, you know what Edie and I used to enjoy

CRAIG: Hey, you know what else would be fun?

CRAIG: It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

Craig: Oh, yeah, I think we might.

CRAIG: Ooh! Three meatballs on a spoon.

CRAIG: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Craig? He's great.

Craig's bike, together, just the two of them.

Dad, I I'm sorry. I guess I just, you know,

Dad, I've told it, like, a million times already.

Dad, is that fur? Have you killed a bunch of animals

Dad, there's nothing going on here, at all.

Dad, you're so embarrassing!

Dad's boxes? He still hasn't picked up that crap?

Damn it! Damn you! Damn...

Damn it. I don't even remember what she was princess of,

Dave Ellis and Wendell Knox playing hacky sack.

Dead in a car crash, I was actually supposed

Decapitator of the Dark Herdsmen of...

Defender of Zephyria,

Definitely think about it when she's got her clothes on, okay?

Definitely. Oh, yeah, no, that sounds great.

Definitely. You're the boss, my man.

Destroyed that a long time a... Uh oh! Game Boy! Ha ha!

Did a lot of bad, bad things.

Did everyone see that?

Did I ever tell you about the time when,

Did you get the letter that my fiancé left for you?

Did you say I crushed a rock?

Did you spy on me in the shower?

Did your dad show you the throat sicord? That's cool.

Didn't feel a thing. I've done this a billion...

Died under a mountain of Lane Bryant catalogs in here.

Dislikes the way Khloe Kardashian...

Do do you know what's going on with Alangulon?

Do I look Vietnamese to you, seriously?

Do I really have to go do this?

Do I?

Do you have a second to talk about how satisfied you are

Do you have any?

Do you know anyone in the office

Do you like it? If not, it was Craig's idea.

Do you own a shirt?

Do you want me to decapitate you right now?

Doctors think he's gonna pull through, but...

Does a Grithian herdsman have nine anuses?

Does he have a nervous system, and can he experience pain?

Does that make me less of a man

Doesn't matter. Look, what I've learned

Doing as a couple? Having tantric sex

Don't act like you never rode

Don't kill all the Glombeasts

Don't make me take my battle strap off, son.

Don't make me tear this bus

Don't mind me, just... passing through,

Don't walk over here, don't look at me, don't...

Don't want to hear about your pebis.

Don't want to kill anyone on purpose either!

Don't worry, you definitely will, Skunk Man.

Don't you have a lecture at 3:30?

Don't you people read in America? [sighs]

Don't you people read in America? [sighs]

Double touchdown. [sighs]

Drop out and move to a cabin and do, like...

Dude, does your sweat run upwards to avoid your weird ass legs?

Dude, just let this beatdown happen.

Dude, that's racist.

Dude, uh, I don't... I'm sorry.

Edie, I've seen it.

Edie, it's bad enough I have to deal with this at work,

Edie, that's a myth.

Edie, the drought...

Edie, when I'm on my death bed, do you think I'm gonna

EDIE: Alan!

EDIE: Alan!

EDIE: All right.

EDIE: Craig teaches at an online college.

EDIE: I'm gonna...

EDIE: It's not your garage anymore, Zorn.

EDIE: Oh, my God, did this happen at school?

EDIE: Oh, no. What happened?

EDIE: Ooh. What if we take

EDIE: This is Craig.

EDIE: Well, I don't like you hanging out with him.

EDIE: Well, I warned him. Now his stuff is in the trash.

EDIE: Your dad? (scoffs) First of all,

Edie? Are you okay?

Eh, um, that's mine. Uh, the the sword...

Eh, you know what? Doesn't matter.

Elfish, waifish Asian maiden.

Elfish, waifish Asian maiden.

Elfish, waifish... Mm!

Enchanted, otherwise, you know, I might wear it... sometimes.

Eric, I'm freaking out over here.

ERIC: I don't know if you're trying to be funny

Estate sale you wanted to go to.

Even more exciting for you... stapling.

Even more famous than her, Keanu Reeves.

Even their belts have to assassinate people?

Everybody knew it. You know, the guy was a...

Everyday was a battle, and every Friday, a casual battle.

Evidently, you seem to be a good time expert, is that correct?

Exactly. [music] That's exactly what I'm saying.

Excuse me for not knowing all the crimes

Excuse me. I ordered the chopped salad.

Family, please, regardless of whether or not

Father and son warrior weekend!

Fiancé? Huh

Fiancé?

Fighting for my homeland

Figure out what to get you for our anniversary

Finally have a...

Fine, fine, I'll be the king of safety.

Fine, fine. I'll just torture him.

Fine. Geez.

First thought, Margie in HR.

FITCH [angrily]: Lava launchers suck!

For 100 minutes of packed action, he did.

For a kick ass weekend? Are you psyched?

For good. Get an apartment.

For instance, this student just scored a P7.

For my OkCupid account. Come and gat it, ladies.

For my son.

For taking the Gnome down. Yeah.

For the Kingdom of Sanitation Solutions.

For they knew their burritos would be bland no longer.

For yesterday, or just, like, my entire childhood?

From battle, which... resurface every six months or so.

From my dad on girls, right?

From, like, this other country

Future Conqueror of VitaShock across the hall

Get on in here, buddy. Come on in.

Get rid of this thing right now, I'm calling Animal Control.

Get the job done, and get out of there.

Get to know him

Get what they want through violence.

Getting charged extra for cookie crumbles at Mr. Yogurt?

Girls think is their favorite restaurant in town?

Go ahead, take it for a spin.

Go make some hummus

God, I... I just love him so much, you know, it's...

God, it's so cool when you can

Gonna be like a crazy... super party

Gonna do some destruction,

Good as new.

Good boy, good boy.

Good night, Mom.

Good night, sweetie.

Got it out of Craig's safe... He says the code out loud

Got it. So... no murder, no torture.

Got you a sick place right here to draw up battle plans,

Gotta rein in that fire. Yeah. Exactly.

Grading implies the traditional letter system,

Guy tries to bring

Guy who met David Spade once,

Guys are fooling around out here.

Guys, I have your salmon right here.

GYM TEACHER: Just a reminder, guys, we got the swim unit

Hanging out, Dad and I.

Have seen my pebis, you hear me?

Have to turn every little thing into a battle.

Have turned to stone, then we can take it off, okay?

Have you tried using the script?

Haver of Sadistic Rage Underneath his Effeminate Exterior!

Having tantric sex with Edie

He doesn't have a clue

He even started taking the cranberry cocktails.

He got so angry, he crushed a rock with his bare hand.

He just cut the table in half!

He kicked a dent in her car. So embarrassing.

He left you a birthday present.

He looked! You looked, right?

He needs rules. I just hope Zorn gets that.

He owns a used car dealership.

He ransacked the yogurts

He really loves you.

He showed up half naked,

He took the Staff of Quiv!

He uses tampons

He was like, "No, I'm Cambodian!" And...

He was totally appreciating me. I mean, it was amazing.

He will never be allowed at your house again,

He's 17 and he just ate.

He's cool.

He's gonna be so pumped!

He's got a sleepover at his dad's this weekend,

He's just having a hard time realizing

He's like... a walking middle finger to adults.

He's not my best friend, we just hang out in study hall.

He's probably, like, I don't know,

He's really nice.

He's super weird, I don't know him.

He's... he's trying.

Head butt Man and me battling our way down Corpse Mountain.

HEADBUTT MAN (muffled): Hey, dude.

HEADBUTT MAN: No, she's not.

Helena, Princess of, um...

Hell, I once pee blasted a Glombeast off a cliff.

Hello, old friend.

Hello, Zorn.

Hello. I'm Zorn from Sanitation Solutions.

Here I come, son

Here we go. One, two, three!

Here, take my sword. [sword clangs]

Hey Craig, give me your belt!

Hey so just to warn you,

Hey, Alan. You want to get in the water,

Hey, Alangulon, it's Dad again.

Hey, Alangulon! All right!

Hey, Alangulon. I know you think you're weak.

Hey, before we get started, Eric, uh, can I ask you

Hey, Bill, look. [Craig and Edie laugh]

Hey, buddy. You weren't answering your phone,

Hey, but you know what is cool?

Hey, can I get you anything? You know, a glass of water,

Hey, can I make it up to you?

Hey, can you, uh...

Hey, Edie, you're really gonna keep pretending like...

Hey, Edie. You still got that tattoo?

Hey, hey, I, you know, I I just hope all these rules

Hey, how are things going

Hey, I get it. And I guess we could've behaved

Hey, I got a question for you.

Hey, I hear you. Dad joke gone bad.

Hey, I'll take one of those cold beer cans.

Hey, if you die or get maimed, we'll just tell your

Hey, let's not ride Bill Patterson's nuts too, okay?

Hey, look. The only way to deal with a bully

Hey, Ron, just wanted to say thanks

Hey, so it's cool if I have friends over still, right?

Hey, son!

Hey, sorry, Eric. Yeah, my kid's having friends over.

Hey, sweetie, do you think he understood...

Hey, thanks, Dad,

Hey, thanks, Dad.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Hey, there he is! The killer!

Hey, this almost feels like a real room, right?

Hey, this is totally random, but, uh, next weekend

Hey, uh, hey, I'm sorry, but that was like a total nightmare.

Hey, uh, son, it's Dad again.

Hey, uh, you guys have any herpes cream I could borrow?

Hey, uh, you see the swim flippers?

Hey, what's up, dudes?

Hey, you don't have change for $100, do you?

Hey, you know what, I have that, uh, spirit day page write up

Hey, your dad called this morning

Hey, Zorn, are you still on?

Hey, Zorn, it's me. I know I didn't mention it before,

Hey, Zorn, we got you a new shower curtain.

Hey! Are you doing the dance of reconciliation!

Hey! No helmets at my place this weekend, buddy.

Hey! Seriously? Is... Is this about the hot sauce?

Hey! What's with all the shouting?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. (chuckles)

Hey. I'm Edie. I live next door and I just wanted

Hi, excuse me. Can you use your karate

Hi, mom.

Hi, Ron. Thanks for calling me back.

Hi, there. Let me start you off with some

Hi. No need for that, sir, I'm his father.

Higher, Dad!

Hiya!

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. Huh.

Honestly, if he wasn't above me in the chain of command,

Honestly? I'm just happy we don't live next to a Zephie.

Honey, could you move the boxes into your car?

Hootenanny? A brouhaha?

Hot Pockets!

Hot sauce is a precious commodity, Linda.

How about we hit the old reset button?

How did your muscles remember something like that?

How do you think that makes him feel?

How you take the bus

How... have you...

Huh?

Huh? Yeah.

Huh. Alan... Alan...

Huh. I mean, Comic Sans?

Huh. Just as I suspected.

Huh. Really?

Hurry up, your mom was in an accident.

Hyah!

Hyah! [grunts]

I actually said his bus gets here at 4:00.

I always think he's gonna say "home,"

I am gonna have pickle.

I am gonna have to throw it all out.

I beat it before and I'll beat it again!

I blame the Mexicans.

I can see the headline now:

I can tell you that's not enough.

I can use that idea on my son.

I can't believe this.

I can't bring my Altoids in anymore.

I can't find them any... Hey.

I can't hear you. I'm in my shell.

I cannot wait to see him.

I did what now?

I didn't bring you in here to fire you.

I didn't know where you were.

I didn't spend any time with my son

I didn't...

I do it to them, they do it to me

I do not know this guy at all.

I do, too.

I don't care if it can spit out flesh eating slime.

I don't care. Yeah.

I don't get it. I mean, it's 2016.

I don't have that Zorn tattoo.

I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to touch you again.

I don't know what I'm angrier about,

I don't know, online sales.

I don't know, we'll sneak into a ball game together

I don't know, what'd I tell you about bumping into me

I don't know.

I don't want to leave a new message.

I don't want you to have to see me like this.

I don't... Eat Zephyrian...

I drive past you

I find the best way to do that is through a culture's cuisine.

I found

I get it. My dad's from Cambodia.

I got a...

I got rid of that tattoo a long time ago.

I got the, uh, perfect yearbook caption here.

I got to go before the dry cleaners close.

I got to go, son cut in half

I got to go. Wha What's up?

I got to split, it's my kid's birthday.

I gotta say I'm pretty skeptical about this.

I guess I sort of had a flashback to my past.

I have a lot of experience with bullying.

I have ever heard before in my life

I have to get to class, so...

I have traveled from afar to fulfill all your sexual desires.

I have two tickets to see this band,

I hope he says no, but then, in the comments writes

I I had to do my planetary sciences paper,

I I mean, we invented tiny carrots,

I I'm just watching her every move.

I just got back from a trip to Zephyria...

I just got to rub some lotion on my strap rash.

I just hope Bill doesn't tell that boring story

I just hope we can move past this.

I just know that if he could see Zephyria in person, he'd love it.

I just love you so much.

I just need to put a little elbow grease into it.

I just said "water."

I just thought he needed a win for a change.

I just understand women on a deeper level than most men.

I just wanted to let you know I'm in town just...

I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

I just went right through its spinal cord.

I just wish my ex would get off my back

I just, uh... So that that Corn Nuts thing worked.

I knew you had it in you, son.

I know I've got enough for one day here.

I know who's in there.

I know you want Alan to think you're cool

I know you're fake sleeping

I know your life used to be full of exciting battles,

I know, I just can't stop thinking about Zorn.

I know, Mom, God.

I know. I know. No, and I'm super close.

I know. It was impulsive.

I know. That was pathetic, right? Yeah. Um...

I like the metal detectors.

I listen. You know, that's really a big part of it.

I literally said the same thing this morning.

I looked it up online and it said it was either fear or ovarian cysts.

I managed a whole team

I mean, "hey, hey, hey?"

I mean, as long as they're not total wads.

I mean, I get it, you know? You wish you could just

I mean, I want to impress these teens,

I mean, I want to impress these teens,

I mean, I was basically doing the coordinator's job.

I mean, I'm not... I'm not gay. But that guy was naked!

I mean, is he not gonna see me before I go?

I mean, it sucks (bleep).

I mean, maybe it gets better.

I mean, the guy's going all out, too... he wear skirts.

I mean, there's a line there, there's temptation.

I mean, unless there's free refills, then we'll just get smalls.

I mean, what are the odds that you would have

I mean, what if one of those cars belonged

I mean, why is it do hard to be a father and a friend?

I mean, you come to visit every few years and even then,

I mean, you consider children human, right?

I mean, you get it, yeah?

I mean, you know, he's carrying a, uh, a purse,

I mean, you're the scariest, most violent person I've ever met, Zorn.

I mean, Zephies are a violent people

I might add, unlike you.

I miss it so much. Come on back. Come on, come on, fight me.

I miss this.

I myself developed a pretty useful maneuver back in the day.

I need the stone, okay? I can't tell you why, but trust me.

I need this job

I need you to copy these documents and overnight them, this time

I never use that little guy.

I picked him up earlier. He was drinking in the park.

I probably have a thing that you might be into.

I really do not know what does.

I really hope to meet them some day.

I said I'm sorry I took your stupid snacks!

I saw she has a boyfriend she didn't tell me about, so...

I should be apologizing to you.

I should have spent more time with you!

I swear to God I'll face another discrimination suit if I have to.

I think it would be great to go on a fast.

I think that's a good idea, sweetie.

I think the best thing is probably for me

I think, not, right? Yeah.

I thought we'd be like raging, and chugging, and blasting.

I totally get that you don't want to fight.

I tried being more permissive to make Alangulon happy,

I want it out, now.

I want to leave an old message...

I was 90% sure that was gonna end in sex.

I was coked out of my mind.

I was just thinking out here, maybe, uh, maybe we could

I was just using the bathroom!

I was listening to that entire conversation.

I was obviously able to pick it up, but remember, Colleen died.

I was, uh, talking about a dream in which dream Craig did that.

I wrapped it, yeah.

I, uh, think we use lemon juice?

I... am... Zorn!

I... it's just that my son and I are still having trouble connecting.

I... Your dad taught me that move.

I'd actually like to see where this is going.

I'd hug you right now, but one more touch from me

I'd like that, Zorn.

I'd rather live in Florida. [Zorn gasps]

I'd swear he was a woman.

I'll have the, um, same satisfaction

I'll see you inside, sweetie.

I'll take you hiking. I saw a snake once.

I'll... use the coat rack, and you can use my sword.

I'm an accountant.

I'm begging you, don't do it. Let's just fight.

I'm down for whatevers.

I'm Eric, I'll be your server tonight.

I'm fine.

I'm gonna go see if any of the stuff from the '80s

I'm gonna lose him, and I... I mean,

I'm gonna rise above this.

I'm gonna save these for later, you know?

I'm gonna save these for later, you know?

I'm in a little bit of a pickle, though.

I'm in my shell! [chuckles]

I'm just gonna go watch some Ferrari poster.

I'm just taking it all in still. Pretend I'm not here.

I'm just trying to help you so that

I'm kidding.

I'm kind of trying to cut back on warm sink meat.

I'm making dinner. [door opens and closes]

I'm making this all about me again.

I'm no stranger to feminality, okay?

I'm not actually gonna do that last thing.

I'm not finished with that page yet. Don't... Aw.

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna shoot a car, all right?

I'm not gonna have fried hay right now

I'm not gonna kill it. It's just a little...

I'm not kidding.

I'm not showing him pornography.

I'm really slammed right now, Edie. What's up?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. [stunned gasping]

I'm sorry. Do you work here?

I'm sorry. I I totally see

I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

I'm still getting used to them.

I'm sure he's already told you how bonkers I am. [chuckles]

I'm with Craig now

I'm Zorn, Alangulon's dad.

I'm Zorn, Defender of Zephyria,

I'm, uh, on my way to Orange County

I'm... I'm screwing with you.

I've been busy, you know,

I've been out of your life for a long time

I've been pantsed many times.

I've dishonored myself in battle.

I've got sensitive knuckles. You know that.

I've never seen Mom happier, uh huh.

I've seen a lot of vajibas, and a lot of women

I've seen you do that exact move.

Ice bats to attack the palace, and next thing you know..

If Alan were to end up hurt or arrested,

If he was Vietnamese, and he went ballistic.

If I start doing well at my job,

If I'm being honest, I think she might be prone to incest.

If someone can grab that ple..

If this doesn't say Sophomore class, 2017,

If this is about Pokémon again, I swear...

If we don't melt the cars, then they go unmelted.

If we get cold, we'll start an apartment fire.

If we're gonna let Alan stay with you for the whole weekend,

If you are satisfied with your message...

If you don't clean this up,

If you take it off, you'll turn to stone.

If you want to get up on some beer and get it in your mouths?

If you were, I hope you'd tell me,

If you'll excuse me.

In addition to that, you're emasculating me

In all the world, okay?

In case our fortress was sacked.

In fact, you know what? You're wearing it today. [sighs]

In his stupid bicycle face!

In person.

In the face with a human tongue! I hate Zephyria

In the hands of evil. Yeah, I really should have

In your dreams, big boy. This is woven leather.

Insecurity? What am I insecure about?

Irritable basilisk syndrome.

Is because you have to actually hit print.

Is that blood? Dude, I just drank blood!

Is that like an A?

Is that really the appropriate font

Is that to get a woman, son,

Is the lesson there, but then, what's the point of having 'em, right?

Is they don't want to die, so they just won't.

Is this what you think Zephyrians are like?

Is to stand up to him.

Is wearing a skull bandana at my funeral

It can be pretty persuasive. Todd already landed

It doesn't mean the rules are different.

It feels funny when I'm doing it.

It is not a joke.

It looks to me like it was done with a giant sword.

It means you're thinking about what other people want

It really only got weird for me after you started yelling at him.

It says here the veggie wrap is, it's only vegetables.

It says you're allergic to chlorine.

It was kind of a rush, though.

It was more than a beer.

It was so exciting! You know?

It's a brain gouger.

It's a great template. But, you know, I have a tendency to feel

It's a little short notice, but I can be ready in five mementos, okay?

It's a Nautica, Zorn.

It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

It's all yours.

It's an apartment, but you should roll up in.

It's basically just a prison cell.

It's busted, man.

It's cool. It's it's interesting.

It's crazy to think that the previous tenant

It's gonna be anarchy!

It's gonna be total anarchy.

It's good. It's great, it's great.

It's just a fun little trick I learned at Zephyria. [Craig chuckles]

It's just been weird being back

It's just, um, I mean, you could do better.

It's just, um, well, you know, I have this perfect way

It's just, um... I I'm missing something.

It's kind of... mesmerizing.

It's like we're at the airport, you know, you can pretend.

It's like you have this obsession where you

It's like, give me a friggin' break.

It's my favorite movie.

It's my job to be ready if and when he does not.

It's not funny. It's racist, is what it is.

It's not just the hot sauce anymore.

It's obvious you're not gonna be able to relax

It's really nice to finally have,

It's right over there.

It's super funky, you know?

It's the thing that's making you angry right now.

It's this idiotic sitcom called " I'll have what he's stabbing."

It's time for me to get to know my boy.

It's, like... I feel like vintage clothing

It's, like... Yeah, he just moved here

It's... it's been hard.

Its funny that you think you have a choice here. [phone vibrates]

Jump over a cone or something.

Just a decade. (chuckles)

Just an old man passing through...

Just an old man, standing right here behind you.

Just an old man, standing right here behind you.

Just do it fast, and make it a clean cut.

Just had a cat right before you got here,

Just had a cat right before you got here,

Just let it go.

Just relax, look, this is gonna be a great weekend. [sighs]

Just so he could take me to a restaurant.

Just so you know, Jakton, I might not make it back.

Just the other day, your mother was telling me

Just try to punch me. You can't punch me?

Just... try to be more considerate.

Just... use the script, make a sale.

Kicker of Fat Kids,

Kid's just like his old man, he's a warrior

Lava... launcher... accidents.

Layla, oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Okay, my dad, he said

Layla! [yells]

Layla! Laylaaa!

Layla? I mean...

Layla? I mean...

Leave a message.

Leave it lying around like this. Uh, so, uh...

Let go and move on, who knows?

Let me just, like, think...

Let me know if that's not enough toilet paper for you.

Let me throw your ass up into the air and catch you

Let's just fight it out. I need this fight to happen.

Let's just stop it right here.

Let's let's let's head on out.

Let's see, uh... okay, he opened it, but no reply.

Let's see. What?

Lifting stuff and opening up your people's pickle jars?

Like Craig doesn't have a bald spot.

Like I did, for years, with Vulchazor.

Like I... it's like I guessed.

Like this was done with a giant sword.

Like we're officially divorced now, I guess.

Like what isn't happening?

Like, an actual conversation, you know,

Like, if you don't tell me,

Like, swinging a sword around, yelling my name

Likes... the way Rooney Mara wore it.

LINDA: I don't want to see you within ten feet of the breakroom

LINDA: More copying, more collating. Then I have something

LINDA: Zorn!

LINDA: Zorn?

Lip balm? Sweetie, you know how addictive lip balm is.

Listen, I'm sorry about last night.

Listen, uh, Craig, I, uh, I owe you an apology.

Listen, uh, I feel really bad about those insensitive things I said.

LITTLE ALAN: Whee!

Little by little, he'll assimilate,

Look at that thing. It stinks, it's huge

Look at us, fighting like the old days.

Look at your legs. You're a total freak.

Look back and go, "Oh, I wish I'd have had less soup?"

Look,

Look, all Zephyrian culture isn't bad.

Look, and I've also been thinking, there is

Look, as childish

Look, bullies are just insecure.

Look, he moved halfway around the world,

Look, honestly, I just feel sorry for Zorn.

Look, I know this is tough for you, okay?

Look, I know you haven't always had the best relationship

Look, I'm trying to make things right with my son,

Looks and talks exactly like a woman

Looks like your new best friend Jeff is back from suspension.

Mainly yours. But thank you for finally moving your boxes.

Make a sale, or I'm gonna fire you.

Make yourself at home.

Makes me want to take that brain gouger

Making my way to the breakroom to get some hard candy.

Man,

Man, I haven't seen some of this crap in years.

Man, I remember when stalking used to be fun.

MAN: Attack!

MAN: Edie, did you hide my Crocs again?

MAN: Hello?

MAN: It's $750 a month, plus utilities.

MAN: What's going on back here?

Many Zephyrians also appreciate...

Maybe 'cause I'm, like, informed and stuff.

Maybe back in Vietnam or wherever, this sort of thing...

Maybe even a P8.

Maybe get to know each other kind of thing.

Maybe I'll talk to him then or something. I don't know.

Maybe it wasn't funny.

Maybe, or some butter? Oh, you know, I got a big old bag

Maybe? I... You think, you think think,

Maybe? I... You think, you think think,

Might be carcinogenic. These are the thrills of combat.

Mind if I...

Mm hmm, mm hmm.

Mm hmm, mm hmm. Uh, Todd! Todd!

Mm hmm. I'll take it.

Mm hmm. That's undeniable.

Mm, yeah, I like that.

Mm. Ah...

Mm. Now I got to go back and apologize to that valet.

Mm. Yeah, that's good balm.

Mom you were already like that when you got here, right?

Mostly on the other end, but it still applies.

Movie.

Movie. [chuckles]

Mr. Egert, he said we'd get extra credit

Mr. Henderson got hit with a poison dart.

My birthday was three weeks ago.

My dad's working late on Friday.

My ex husband taught me how to do it

My fiancé.

My fiancé.

My little bone crusher. That's what I call him.

My mom got in an accident

My mother.

My peaceful kingdom was destroyed by a meanie.

My pleasure, son.

My stuff in your house.

My sweet little boy.

My Velcro wallet? I'm a security guard.

Nah ah. No. I'm not stalking her.

NANCY: He was dating my friend Alison for a second,

Nancy?

Nature is a... well, it's just an amazing thing.

Never becoming a barbaric maniac.

Next thing you know, he's the bad guy here.

Nice panties, dude.

Nice shirt, by the way.

Nice shirt, yeah. I'm just... different way.

No judgment, but, you know, we got a job to do.

No more waiting at the bus stop

No one could grab that, huh?

No one wanted this war, but war it must be.

No one? Great. Thanks, guys.

No problem.

No way!

No, beer makes your... your hands cold. [shudders]

No, dude, your dad's awesome. [chuckles] [sighs]

No, go ahead, please. Tell me more about you.

No, I mean, we're just friends.

No, I told him about the, uh, the planets.

No, I use the Stone of Sight.

No, I was thinking we could watch a movie... or something.

No, I wasn't.

No, I... Well, I mean... It's it's a...

No, I'm kidding, I'm not gonna tip you. (chuckles)

No, I'm not satisfied with my message!

No, I'm, um... I'm looking for a good couch sex song.

No, it's not about Pokémon.

No, man. I work at VitaShock, across the hall.

No, no, no, I'm fine.

No, no, no, just for yesterday.

No, no, no, no, no, but I was forcing it on you.

No, no, no, no, no. You can't leave yet.

No, no, no.

No, no, this is important.

No, thanks.

No, that's a cool thing. That's, like, a compliment.

No, that's that's actually the dance of perpetual virginity.

No, the part of your brain

No, the poop's great. It's good on our lawn.

No, these... yeah, these are your mom's rules, yeah.

No, uh, t t that thing is enchanted, okay?

No, you're lying because there's no actual shell,

No, yup, all human. [strange sound]

No! I just... I wasn't trying to offend you.

No! No! No!

No. That's not the thing. The thing is to make a sale,

No. Yeah, no...

No. You're a psycho!

No... come on!

Nobody had to kill anybody.

Nope, I'll just, you know, wait around for another three years.

Nope! No!

Not cool for an adult to do that to a kid, no.

Not gonna take down the Gnome.

Not just because of the show.

Not really my style, I'm more of a torch guy.

Not to point fingers, but that was the raven's fault.

Nothing but the bottom of the can!

Nothing to look at.

Nothing to look at.

Nothing, never mind.

Nothing, nothing more emotional

Now get over there and show her

Now hold it there, you want to keep it

Now tell me, haven't those two over didn't help take your

Now Zephyria is known for many things: War,

Now, go wait over there while I clear things up

Now, I'm gonna press this button right here,

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Now, imagine that a bully just pushed you in the mud,

Now, just gotta get the lava launcher here. Um...

Now, look, it's an older model,

O Okay, okay, it's just, you've got to understand something.

Of blood in my eyes, the smell of steaming intestines

Of course... It was in the coin pocket.

Of how the real world works.

Of mutilators by myself, yeah.

Of not appreciating you teaching me about your culture.

Of several endangered Zephyrian species.

Of severed hands, okay, but some of them are still wet,

Of that gum snapping receptionist like you did?

Of that guy who works at VitaShock,

Of the children that they were holding.

Of your Zephyrian heritage. Okay?

Of Zephyria where you will learn all about...

Oh

Oh ho ho, man. We had a lot of sex in these bad boys, huh?

Oh, and just so you know, it's dangerous in the hands of evil.

Oh, because we love eating fried hay?

Oh, boy, that's a tongue twister.

Oh, boy, were you ever. [chuckles]

Oh, boy.

Oh, by the way, I just bumped into your new neighbor.

Oh, by the way, I'm Zorn.

Oh, by the way, the reason why the printer won't work

Oh, come on, just try to punch me, just try.

Oh, come on.

Oh, Dad, thank you so much for the help.

Oh, do I see a little smile?

Oh, fatherly advice? This is gonna be really cool.

Oh, God, no!

Oh, gosh, I think your best bet

Oh, hell yeah. No, this thing

Oh, hey, at, uh, work, my boss, you know?

Oh, I don't think that's... that's probably not me.

Oh, I get it. You're wearing sweatpants to hide your diaper.

Oh, I like "Three Chardonnays Craig."

Oh, I love going through dead people's things.

Oh, I miss that sound.

Oh, I'd appreciate that.

Oh, look at these wannabes.

Oh, man. Did you crumple up my turkey sandwich again?

Oh, man. I getting a lot of drag up here.

Oh, man. Show off those curves, Son of Zorn!

Oh, man. That was the life.

Oh, man. The Stone of Sight!

Oh, my god, diversity students sitting around each other.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

Oh, my god, oh, my god. Alangulon, get in the car!

Oh, my God, that's exactly what you didn't want him to do.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Oh, my gosh. My dad thinks that?

Oh, my gosh. My dad thinks that?

Oh, my head. So glad I didn't wear a helmet.

Oh, my sweet boy!

Oh, my thumbs got quite a workout on this bad boy.

Oh, my.

Oh, new neighbors moved in.

Oh, no way! I work at Sanitation Solutions, too.

Oh, no, no. This bird would kill Animal Control,

Oh, no, not quite.

Oh, no, she's the worst. I almost chopped her in half.

Oh, no, we're not bargaining. You think I

Oh, no, you're right. I'm I'm nothing like him.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. [strumming lute]

Oh, not how I remember that photo being framed,

Oh, not quite.

Oh, oh, are we leaving? Okay.

Oh, oh, I get it.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, sorry, forgot to knock, right?

Oh, oh! Found it, found it.

Oh, problem solved. Thanks, Zorn.

Oh, right.

Oh, so... you're a coordinator.

Oh, sorry, my bad. Wait, you're Zephyrian, right?

Oh, thank God.

Oh, thanks, Craig.

Oh, that doesn't sound right.

Oh, that's interesting,

Oh, that's weird.

Oh, there he is, there he is.

Oh, there was this one time when Zorn needed a power crystal

Oh, this is a lava launcher. Here, check it out. [laser blast]

Oh, this is a, uh... it's better for your back, actually.

Oh, this song is gonna be stuck in my head for weeks.

Oh, uh, by the way,

Oh, watch out. [sizzling, Zorn chuckles]

Oh, well, this pool of lava in my parking lot is all right, then.

Oh, what's up, you getting ready to do a halftime show for me?

Oh, what's up?

Oh, wow, elbow grease?

Oh, yeah, no, I want to kill his ass, too.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. [cackles]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I don't know,

Oh, yes.

Oh, you a big bracelet nut?

Oh, you know what else is good for your heart?

Oh, you know what you can do?

Oh, you know what? Show me the punk who stole my phone.

Oh, you know what? Uh, if you're gonna...

Oh, you should try the carrot ginger kale juice.

Oh, you think I can do better? Really?

Oh, you were just like,

Oh, Zorn, will you open these pickles for me, please?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Ugh!

Oh! You know what?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. I just came in to get some lip balm.

Oh...

Oh... come on.

Okay, all right, that did not happen.

Okay, all right, what you want to do,

Okay, but that's the price of travel, right?

Okay, class, well, I've been emasculated again.

Okay, come at me. Try to punch me.

Okay, come at me. Try to punch me.

Okay, fine. You think some little safe is gonna stop me?

Okay, hold on. So now, you're saying

Okay, I deserve that. I'm sorry I lied to you guys.

Okay, I got to go. I'm at school. Bye.

Okay, I I can see

Okay, I think we've all learned a lot about Zephyria.

Okay, I was 19.

Okay, I'm not a warrior. I don't want to fight anyone.

Okay, if I'm not aware of what you're doing,

Okay, Internet, just tell me how to be safe with my teenage son.

Okay, lift the gun a little bit higher. Now look a little sexier.

Okay, now, you want to look through here.

Okay, oh, from the beginning

Okay, so it's definitely not because

Okay, that's... that's good.

Okay, we're ready, Frank! Frank is funky and fabulous,

Okay, well, the truth is, I just...

Okay, well, whatever gets you there, baby.

Okay, well, you know what?

Okay, you know what, Warren? It's genetic.

Okay! (laughs)

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. [chuckles] I'm not gonna do that. Super weird, 'cause,

Okay. Okay. I know...

Okay. Ow, ow, my knuckles.

Okay. Well, I'm sorry. It was kind of an emergency.

Okay. Well...

On Living Single. [Edie moans]

On the floor and do a little maneuver

On the staff of Quiv, okay?

On top of a mountain for months at a time.

On top of a mountain for months at a time. Yeah.

Once you're finished grading?

One of the main characters is Zephyrian

One on one conversation back and forth, where...

Oof, we lost a lot of good men to those orphans.

Ooh, hoo hoo, hoo! Yeah! I can't wait to fight in a war again!

Ooh, is it the battle of Orphan's Cove?

Ooh, tell me more about this "dream Craig."

Ooh, wooh, wooh...

Ooh! If you could do it without leaving a mark...

Open a new bottle till the old bottle's finished.

Or any bottle of hot sauce of any condiment of any kind,

Or fish sometimes, when I'm thinking about the old cholesterol.

Or however you spell that... Wore it. Okay.

Or or you divorce it, that seems to be

Or reciting an epic poem, or inventing tiny carrots?

Or say we will and then one of us can just disappear.

Or that Alan isn't wearing a jacket.

Or that she prefers short hair on guys

Or, or, maybe even do your homework.

Or, uh, compose war ballads about me,

Order the open face sandwich, boom. Regular sandwich.

Out of the skulls of their children.

Over and over, but it's only getting funnier.

Over here.

Paper towel will get that right off.

People never say they're "getting Zephie ish"

Pick up, pick up, pick up, come on.

Pineapple Candy. I don't know if you're

Please, continue.

Plus, plus, it is dangerous

Pretend the balls are Craig's head.

Principal's office. Now.

Probably some dumb chick left it over here.

Promise me you're gonna have a good time

Purple fever, bigpox, cursed treasure allergies,

Raging, warlike barbarians?

Realize that hot sauce belongs to Sanitation Solutions, yes?

Really great.

Really has, like, a story to tell.

Really look forward... you know, back in Zephyria...

Really see yourself in your child.

Really?

Really... just really great to meet you.

Relax, bro, it's just hot sauce.

Remember how we said we're not gonna follow

Remember, I was, like, [exhales sharply]

Restaurant chain bathrooms,

Retreat to the ocean!

Right, but the point is, I'm here now, and that...

Right, yeah. Why, 'cause I'm gonna kill you with it?

Rip off the new guy's nose and break off his finger

Roll up in that... house party.

Rom Rom: Split the bill?! Not a problem!

Ron: Hope you don't mind me

Ron: Such a pleasure. [Zorn's war cry]

Ruining my song with his beautiful voice!

See that, Zorn?

See, I can't hear you, Zorn, 'cause I'm in my turtle shell.

See, now, this is exactly why I could never

See, that's what I'm talking about, Mom.

See?

Settling in, got a place. Got a job lined up.

Seven feet tall by now. (chuckles)

Sex with the mountain trolls.

Sexual impulses, huh? (chuckles)

She was lying to her best friend Shannon,

She was really into volleyball last year,

She's my ex wife, but, you know,

SHIRLEY: Thanks for having us!

SHIRLEY: Why would anyone ever need to learn that?

Should've mentioned that before I guess, right? [chuckles]

Shouldn't have taken these CDs to the beach, I guess,

Shouldn't you be logging on?

Show me Craig.

Show me Nancy.

Sir, while we may have taken a few tiny liberties,

Sleepover, not a sleepover, more like...

So a little stuffed and...

So anyway, I've, uh, got some fatherly advice for you.

So funny. I'm really glad you're back.

So how was your "Zephyria night"?

So I can make reservations before the show?

So I figured I'd pop by.

So I I really need this weekend to be kick ass.

So I know you can't not hear me.

So I suppose "nothing" gave you that black eye?

So I was worried you wouldn't come, so, you know, I improvised.

So if you get this, just, uh, holla back, girl!

So is that, is that a no on the baby wipe?

So it's going to have some parasites living in its flesh.

So just come over after work, okay?

So much fun.

So responsive to my letter.

So that should buy you a few weeks away from this kid.

So that thing could do some pretty serious damage.

So what do you say we line up some cans

So you can just apply that to my next month's rent.

So you guys should just roll on by,

So you wouldn't have anyone to talk to

So, don't forget you have that planetary science paper due Monday.

So, hey, um,

So, I keep a slice of the free bread,

So, I was just thinking maybe, uh, we could work on it,

So, knocking, you're over that? That's not happening anymore?

So, this wasn't you, Rom Rom? Because it looks to me

So, uh, I say just, you know, call me back

So, what do you think? I know it kind of looks

So, you know how

So...

So... do you want to call your dad or...?

So... I can't like T shirts?

So... is that it? Are we good?

So... overnight 'em yourself.

Some of us are actually trying to work here.

Someone completely betrayed their son's trust tonight,

Something's in my... is in my throat.

Sometimes. Privately.

Sometimes... at the bus stop?

Son of Zorn!

Sorry I took your stupid snacks.

Sorry. Anyway...

Sounds like the sort of thing we could discuss over coffee.

Sounds like you've got a beautiful family, Zorn.

Speaking of a war that'll never end until one man dies,

Spending time together." Give me a break.

Stay strong, little hot sauce.

STEPHAN: We're going back to the office right now.

Stephen, it seems as though our employees are having

Still has coke in the pockets.

Stop the fighting, or I'll kick both your asses.

Straight blastin' the hack." Or the sack

Strong arming clients, scrapping for your bonus,

Stupid Stone! Come on! Stupid!

Suppressing reports that say our foam

Sure is. All human throats too.

Sure, no, no, yeah, but but here's the thing, I...

Sure.

Sure. Yeah, no, rationalize away.

Sweep... [mine explodes] Damn it!

Swimming.

Ta da! [exhales] Check it out.

Take a picture.

Take a seat, Zorn.

Than a soldier coming home, am I right?

Than any other professor out there?

Thank God you're safe!

Thank you for all the new ideas about clothes,

Thank you. I'll get the keys

Thank you. I'm, uh, I'm just gonna..

Thank you. It's nice to hear you sounding mature about

Thanks for coming. You guys drive safe.

That awesome Zephyrian belt

That brain gouger wasn't cheap.

That fork and scooped out that dumb waiter's eyes!

That glorious Zephyrian blood

That goes away when you get older, right?

That guy from the other office... things have gotten worse.

That her favorite movie is Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

That I get my best results when I'm just winging it.

That I like to call "the frightened turtle."

That Internet waiting, now do ya?

That is going right back where it came from!

That is not a name

That my son hates Zephyria.

That stupid talking Gnome. I was up all night!

That these corpse eating beetles were guarding.

That trip was rough.

That was sweet? My dad's culture's so weird.

That you spent all that time and work to teach me

That you still have on your behind?

That'll make me feel better.

That's a butt load of hummus, but where's the pita? [chuckles]

That's a dumb one right there. I'm gonna...

That's a swampliment.

That's all we're good for, huh?

That's an inside joke. From from people at school.

That's how I learned all about Ohio.

That's just what party elves say.

That's not cool. What? [mutters quickly]

That's not true. I would never do...

That's really brutal and crazy...

That's ridiculous, I can't even... Oh! Hot sauce!

That's so cool. Who is she?

That's that's not gonna be a problem at all.

That's what I'm talking about. And that's cool with me [phone chimes]

That's what really sucks in the end.

That's why we got the metal detectors.

That's your third bowl.

The accident of not raising you

The bangs are not working.

The battle begins.

The blood of my fallen enemies

The boxes to him?

The dead people's throats tied together?

The dispensing of of soap, uh, to be very, uh...

The elfish, waifish Asian maiden.

The fact that you're out past curfew,

The first weekend I watched my kid,

The Five Strike Zephyrian Death Attack.

The girls in 6B are gonna tell you I spy on them

The hot sauce is located in the far northeast corner.

The important thing is I'm a better parent than you, Edie.

The kid who pulled down the grief counselor's pants?

The letter.... Yes, we did.

The look on your face, Bill!

The movie Speed before.

The New Yorker did a whole cartoon on it.

The night's about to hit a "high note."

The office from across the hall has committed an act of war.

The one that I was leaving two messages ago, actually.

The one with the Z on one cheek, R N on the other?

The real outrage here should be the length of your showers.

The staff of Quiv is just a stick.

The Stone of Sight?!

The victor! Alangulon the Brutalizer!

The voice mail thing, uh, cut me off.

The way your dad put the whole thing together for you.

The window was up.

The wood here is made from reclaimed boats.

Their families, people they love.

Then how come you still have your Zorn tattoo?

There are just too many evil hands in the world.

There are more important things for you to focus on.

There is laser removal.

There you go, that's good.

There's a high stakes battle going on all around you.

There's my gal! Ex gal, whatever.

There's no alcohol, no instruments of chaos.

There's no place like Gno...

There's no place like Gnome!

There's no place like Gnome!

There's no place like Gnome! [chuckles]

There's no place like Gnome! [chuckles]

There's no place like Gnome! [Gnome chuckles]

There's no place like Gnome! [laughs]

There's no place like Gnome! [tense music]

There's nothing I can do about it, okay?

There's still some hot embers in that fire, right?

They didn't have the Bacon Cheddar Cheese Melt flavor?

They have taken our hot sauce without asking,

They were going nuts tonight, yeah.

They were just fooling around, yeah.

They're all a bunch of violent warriors.

They're cool. It's like...

They're gonna be so pumped.

Things aren't gonna work out for you and Nancy.

Think I over vaped."

This ain't no chicken auction!

This could be your last chance to become part of Alan's life.

This guy just offered me a baby wipe.

This is a big move for me, but, uh, you know,

This is about the most power hungry tyrant

This is actually pretty cool. Can't believe I've never...

This is an absolute blow out. I don't even want to think

This is escalating. My ears are getting hot.

This is Shannon, by the way.

This is supposed to be the most authentic

This is the problem with an older one,

This is what we call in the yearbook business the money shot.

This is what you do, Zorn.

This is Winona, one of the most brutal

This is your last chance, Zorn.

This is, like, the least amount of battling I've ever done.

This isn't happening?

This one time this lady asked my dad

This place used to be a mexican church.

Those are, like, sup... Those are people's cars.

Those documents are now a nest.

Thought you said he'd be home by 3:00

Throw in that and we'll call it even.

To a swedish person and say, you know,

To apologize... Did he reach you?

To connect with this client, and, uh, I mean,

To cover a forehead wound.

To do still, and you have all the photos.

To ensure that future generations will know the story of Alangulon,

To fret, for I am Zorn, Defender of Sanitation Solutions,

To give me advice about girls.

To Joni Perkins... you know, Butt Crack Joni, right?

To look out for the welfare of my child.

To make a piece of clothing? Really?

To meet someone and it was... it's pretty important.

To my hand right now, and..

To open up this pickle jar?

To review your message, press two.

To see my wife and kid

To see my wife and kid.

To show you a move... come on!

To some other cool kids who don't care about anything?

To stop trying to help, I always seem to be making things worse.

To the neighborhood.

To to walk you to home?

To welcome you, both of you guys,

Todd, wait!

Todd, you need to learn that people aren't stereotypes. For instance,

Todd! Help me out here.

Todd! Hey! Can I ask you a question?

Totally. Shoot me the address.

Turns out he was being kidnapped.

Two goat urine ades. It... uh, larges.

Two new accounts using that script last week.

Two rib eyes, both not.

Ugh! [voice mail beeps]

Ugh! This is exactly what happened with Vulchazor.

Uh huh.

Uh oh, look at this, look at this.

Uh oh, look at this, look at this.

Uh oh!

Uh uh.

Uh, 'cause my flight leaves Sunday.

Uh, because you just had your soul possessed by an evil spirit.

Uh, do you want some Corn Nuts?

Uh, Edie, news flash.

Uh, excuse me, Todd, do you mind?

Uh, he would appreciate that. Take care.

Uh, hey, by the way, where's my little decimator?

Uh, I got your number off the bathroom wall here.

Uh, I let her ride her bike without a a helmet. [music]

Uh, maybe if Alangulon were the fruit of your loins, Craig,

Uh, medium, I guess?

Uh, my dad only has a Laserdisc player,

Uh, no, of course I do, yeah.

Uh, not "grading," Alan.

Uh, Queen Latifah gave me a high five?

Uh, so what are you guys doing this weekend, huh?

Uh, the... island nation of Zephyria

Uh, this guy back here is freaking me out.

Uh, this is, uh, my friend, Alan.

Uh, we do. Craig and I enjoy

Uh, what'd you want to talk about?

Uh, yeah, 'cause it's a symbol

Uh, yeah, but I mean, your curfew is in 20 minutes, so...

Uh, yeah. Yeah, it was.

Uh, yeah... [nervously chuckles]

Uh, you are obviously acting out of an insecurity.

Uh, you have a T shirt on,

Uh, your dad hit that, by the way.

Uh... Alangulon?

Uh... For a friend?

Uh... hey, Nancy.

Uh... not...

Uh... yeah.

Um...

Um...

Um... terrific.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Until I graduate? Or I could, you know,

Upside down turtle thing.

Vietnam? Vietnam? (chuckles)

Vulchazor sends a bunch of

Wa Wa Wait. Hold on

Waifish Asian maiden?

Wait a second, why are the puppets not dancing

Wait a second, why are the puppets not dancing

Wait, hold on. Who is that? Is that her brother?

Wait, this is for me?

Wait, w what just happened? She was clinically dead.

Wait, wait, no!

Wait, what? Are you serious?

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, what is that?

Wait, you want a Zephyrian belt? I'll make you one.

Wanting that.

Wanting to meet my family.

WARREN: Hey, Earl Sweatpants! [laughs]

Warriors who are defending their country,

Was embarrassed and being an idiot.

Was she, like, "God, what is that?"

Was that a client?

Water, water, lots of drops to drink.

We are in a drought, Edie.

We are otherwise 100% authentic.

We can switch weapons!

We don't have a raven. That bird on the ledge outside is a pigeon.

We go and see for ourselves that he's okay.

We have an avocado

We have the whole place to ourselves.

We inherited that mural and just kind of made it our own.

We like fried hay. Big whoop. But you wouldn't go up

We were gonna drink some brews at Nadia's,

We were, um, yeah, we're looking for an address,

We're gonna be "Ah, party, party... party. Ah, rage on."

We're gonna crack all the skulls we want!

We're gonna slide a polite, but sternly worded letter under their door.

We're just gonna go meet some friends at the hockey rink,

We're just gonna hit this skate spot and throw bricks at stuff.

We're nothing like him.

We're talking Tora, Princess of Light,

Welcome to taste of Zephyria,

Well, apparently no one around here has appreciation

Well, fortunately for you, I've taken it upon myself

Well, get rid of it then. You know, you can smash it

Well, great. I just wanted to say hi.

Well, hey, right back at you, Edie.

Well, I can kind of stop my heart for a couple minutes.

Well, I forgot to buy it.

Well, I guess I overreacted tonight.

Well, I guess that sort of makes sense.

Well, I guess we've both got some reconciling to do.

Well, I know last time it wasn't so great,

Well, I love "Three Servings of Mashed Potatoes Edie."

Well, I should probably go find my kid. [beeps]

Well, I think Alan's getting picked on at school.

Well, I think Alangulon's got that covered already.

Well, I want to say I'm surprised.

Well, I'm just looking for something to do

Well, I'm not gonna get all Zephie ish on our neighbor.

Well, I've got to admit, that cheers me up a bit.

Well, in Zephyria, we'd murder your whole family,

Well, in Zorn's defense, he did take the Game Boy.

Well, it does, yeah. I mean, I don't have a problem with it,

Well, it's actually made of throats of men

Well, it's not like it matters.

Well, let's see what else we got here.

Well, maybe it's not her brother.

Well, not again, not to you, at least.

Well, now, hold on, he took our cranberry cocktails?!

Well, since you wear a uniform, I guess I can trust you.

Well, strange visitor from "across the hall," you do

Well, the battle resumes.

Well, the easiest way is to start with someone you know.

Well, those people are dead now

Well, we should explode your head, Alangulon!

Well, well, well, trouble in paradise.

Well, when you say it like that, that's...

Well, yeah, but, son, I...

Well, you haven't exactly been around much, Zorn.

Well, you know, I mean, they just started

Well, Zorn, if you can't bring Alan to Zephyria,

Well... put that there.

Were from actual nightmares I've had.

Wh Why would you say that? I mean (stammers)

What Alangulon's hilarious response to my invite is.

What am I supposed to do for lunch?

What an idiot.

What are y... No, he's an affront to our culture.

What are you doing in here? Shirley is pounding the good wine.

What are you doing? No, don't do this.

What are you hiding under there, nipple knees? [laughter]

What did I tell you about sitting on the lab tables?

What do you mean, "logging on"?

What do you think?

What in God's name is the meaning of this?

What is up? I don't care what's up.

What is wrong with Zephyria?

What kind of armor does he wear? Is it enchanted?

What must be going through his opponent's head right now.

What the hell is this?

What the hell were you thinking?

What the hell, let me have some.

What the hell?

What the hell?

What would happen to our property value?

What you got there, that's passion

What, was that supposed to be a joke or something?

What?

What? [forced laugh] Oh, "curfew." What?

What? [nervously laughs]

What? No. Okay, this is really weird.

What? What kind of accident? What...

What? What'd I do?

What?!

What?!

What...

What's going on, some kind of ruckus?

What's the deal with that Craig guy?

What's up, Larry Nation? This is Larry.

What's wrong, you don't appreciate my sharp wit?

Whatever you are, I can't wait to tell everyone.

Whatever, I can't understand you 'cause I don't speak whale.

When he types it in. Zero, zero, zero, six.

When he was growing up, and he turned out fine.

When Shannon got home last night, she was talking

When they threw a party that went past midnight.

When they're weaving a beautiful tapestry,

When you came out of your mom,

Where did the Corn Nuts go?

Where he kicked a dent in your car?

Where is he? Huh?

Where my heart was racing and my palms were sweating.

Where the enemy to be battled is hunger.

Where this is going.

Where we can, like, talk to each o...

Where you're coming from, and I will be moving the boxes now.

Where's Alangulon?

Where's the guy who put the blood in my cran pom?

Where's your mom? She's not one

Which I really don't think she would.

Which I think speaks towards my spirit.

Which is a whole other thing.

Which is so weird, since we had such a nice talk yesterday.

Which is why I prefer missionary.

Which is, actually, like my own office.

Which looks like the "safety" button... [gunshot, lava exploding]

Which the rest of the world is only now discovering.

Which Zephyrian battle that mural is depicting?

Which, as you know, I find limiting.

Who died on the battlefield. It's a great honor.

Who else wants to challenge the throne? Mm.

Who knows? Maybe if it doesn't end too badly,

Who took our hot sauce!

Who would do something like this?

Whoa, who died? "In memoriam"?

Whoa, whoa, hey, calm down, buddy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No. I was joking.

Whoa, whoa. Easy. "Get Zephie ish"?

Whoo... [groans]

Why are my bones cold?

Why are you holding your backpack like that?

Why are you telling her you're not taking the bus?

Why aren't you wearing shorts, you turd?

Why did I think he'd be different this time?

Why do you suck so bad now?

Why don't we take the Gnome inside?

Why don't you knock that off and go do your homework,

Why not bring Zephyria to Alan?

Why the hell is Alangulon talking to that elfish,

Why would you need hand dryers? Let's say you got a sackful

Why you got to ride my nuts?

Will melt your face right off! [shudders]

Will you let me make it up to you?

With a beak face on the planet!

With a lot of women over the years, okay?

With Alangulon, by the way?

With all her lame ass rules.

With an appreciation of Zephyrian culture.

With greasy elbows. So...

With his bus driver's head as we speak.

With my 17 year old.

With my arm, and then you freaked out,

With the Pattersons tonight. Hmm?

With those mountain trolls?

With your current bathroom products supplier?

With your dad, but he's really making an effort to change.

Woman who sits on ball, [music]

World Rejoices."

Would have offered you such a specific

Would just be to end it, you know?

Would you like to... fight about it, maybe?

Would you want to buy some soap dispensers?

Wow, Edie, this is, like, above and beyond.

Wow, so you work in accounting. Where?

Wow, that's, like, a big difference.

Wow. (laughs)

Wow. And people say Zephyrians are the ones with the deviant

Wow. Huh. Yeah, you know what, sometimes, uh,

Wrote "swamp butt" on my backpack?

Y you don't want a beer.

Y... Don't try to change the subject.

Yeah, 'cause it's an amazing story!

Yeah, but you said, "lecture"

Yeah, he called, and then he tried

Yeah, he's playing soccer

Yeah, here you go. This should take care of it.

Yeah, I guess it's, like, a‐a date.

Yeah, I had, uh, my phone off, or whatever, yeah.

Yeah, I just want to put this out there, man.

Yeah, I know, it's weird. It's, like, we're, uh...

Yeah, I love this place.

Yeah, I mean I'm half Zephyrian technically, like by blood.

Yeah, I mean, he has tampons in his purse.

Yeah, I mean, lately I've just been using it to defrost meat.

Yeah, I think I know how

Yeah, I was worried that mom was dead.

Yeah, I wouldn't kill a spider, either,

Yeah, I'm a vegetarian.

Yeah, I'm gonna text you that address, with a text.

Yeah, it's a kid in my gym class,

Yeah, just looking at it right now,

Yeah, nice to meet you guys.

Yeah, no, forgot to mention, our paintings

Yeah, no, it's... it's like when two horses die

Yeah, no, right, right, right, no, sorry, sorry.

Yeah, sure, Zephyrians are proud warriors,

Yeah, that's basically, like, the definition of a Zephie.

Yeah, the script. I mean, it's good, it's good.

Yeah, three of the things I saw today

Yeah, uh, I'm sorry, Dad.

Yeah, uh, thanks.

Yeah, we don't have that concept in Zephyria.

Yeah, we're gonna both have the rib eye.

Yeah, we're just gonna go.

Yeah, well, I mean, it just seemed like

Yeah, well, I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah, but I I don't know, maybe she's right

Yeah, yeah, like ovarian cysts, I hope.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, I'm good. I'm good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, okay.

Yeah, yeah. No, I I know. But look, it's all my old awesome stuff.

Yeah, yeah. No, that seems more appropriate, doesn't it?

Yeah, you could just toss that right there

Yeah, you're right, you're right.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, your dad is certainly a hero.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. [both laugh]

Yeah. It's great,

Yeah. It's, like, my favorite movie.

Yeah. No, but it's good, though. I like it.

Yeah. Sure. I love Corn Nuts. (chuckles)

Yeah... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, I would like that very much.

Yes, it did! I saw you!

Yes! Nothing but cart!

Yes.

Yes. I teach online.

Yo, son of Zorn, what up?

Yo, what is up?

Yonna, Princess of Victory,

You are in a lot of trouble, young man.

You can put it on anything. Soup, stew...

You can't do it... Hyah!

You can't force someone to move on.

You could also use that here at work.

You could call it violent, or you could call it heroic.

You could still make that sale.

You dead eyed killer.

You do realize you're applying for

You don't eat Zephyrian food with a fork! I should've taken

You don't think I want to box the ears

You don't think I want to smash a table sometimes?

You get out of here, okay, and go have fun.

You gonna pee in there to keep yourself warm?

You got bubonic plague, wizard's beard,

You got Rosa Parks, took the bus.

You got to go over there in person,

You got to stop letting it drive you crazy.

You gotta rein in.

You guys are my only friends.

You guys know Son of Zorn?

You guys looked so scared.

You hacked my account?

You have no idea what you're doing.

You have to let us turn your place into something

You haven't tweeted from the corporate account in two hours.

You just gonna, like, vape up ho style?

You just got to listen. No, I'm kidding!

You knew your dad was coming over.

You know how you hate taking the bus?

You know what that means?

You know what, Warren?

You know what? I'm gonna tell him I said that.

You know what? No, it's cool.

You know what? You're right.

You know what? You're the best bathroom guy I've ever called.

You know you said this weekend was gonna be total anarchy.

You know, Alangulon, you were actually conceived to this song.

You know, all the reviews say this is the most

You know, before you made me picture mom

You know, good sense of humor, too, which I like.

You know, he hasn't had leprosy,

You know, he's just gonna take it off when he gets to school.

You know, his apartment is on the way to that

You know, I called the flight attendant a "stewardess."

You know, I could see someone being into that

You know, I I tried to leave a message

You know, I just wanted those people to like me more, so...

You know, I mean, he keeps telling the same joke

You know, I, I on... I only just met her just now,

You know, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the sting

You know, it's, like, one beaded braid no make Dem

You know, just don't give in to it.

You know, no big deal, but starting to get nervous

You know, she's got a curfew,

You know, sometimes you really like someone,

You know, there's actually a couple extra jewels on there,

You know, without the Ferrari poster

You know, you're my little Alangatang.

You know, your dad...

You know? I mean, last time, sure

You let me know next time there's a fight, I want to see it.

You look them directly in the eye, and you say,

You may be the world's greatest dad,

You might appreciate this.

You might as well make the kid skateboard in a diaper.

You need to be here.

You never even wear the warrior's belt I got you.

You never taught me how to catch, so...

You only stay for a weekend.

You punch her in the face!

You remember that time we had that fivesome

You remember this, Edie?

You ruined my salad.

You seem to be keen on a certain

You should try cycling, Zorn. It's really good for your heart.

You suck!

You think I'm gonna wear that in public?

You want a baby wipe?

You want to hold it up in front of you,

You want your five stars or not?

You went over to her house to spy on her,

You were actually staring at my quadriceps.

You weren't that into learning about Zephyrian culture,

You won't believe this. There's a Zephyrian character on TV

You... Oh, wait.

You... seriously you can go, no problem.

You'd be selling industrial soap dispensers.

You'd come to me if you needed advice about girls.

You'd get a P7 in my book.

You'll think I'm an awesome dad and then,

You're a good guy.

You're Alan, right?

You're confused, Alangulon.

You're gonna turn yourself to stone!

You're not like him at all.

You're not listening. He's my superior.

You're not murdering Alan's bully.

You're right, Alangulon.

You're right, that's a no, I'm good.

You're right, you're right. I'm sorry.

You're texting Alan right now, aren't you?

You're the world's greatest dad, you know what I'm saying.

You've got to be (bleep) me.

You've taught him nothing.

Your dad, uh, he killed that bird in your driveway.

Your job is to stay here, keep watch... [music]

Your mom tells me you're being teased.

Your number on a bathroom wall,

Your oak tree drops its leaves in our yard?

Your opinion would actually matter here.

Zephyria?

Zephyrian restaurant in town. [phone vibrates]

Zero, zero, zero, zero.

Zorn, how you make the puppets dance.

Zorn, I am starting to get the sense

Zorn, I can relate to the discrimination that you're referring to.

Zorn, I don't want to have to fire you.

Zorn, it's obvious that you're

Zorn, that's not what I'm saying!

Zorn, this is Craig,

Zorn, this junk has been here for years.

Zorn, why is everything

Zorn: [laughs] Oh, hey, the Gnome's back!

ZORN: Ah ha! Castle Craig has fallen!

ZORN: Ah, here, check it out.

Zorn: Alangulon! Welcome to Zephyria!

Zorn: Alangulon. Alangulon's concubine.

ZORN: At this point, it could be anywhere.

ZORN: Aw, come on.

ZORN: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!

ZORN: Hey, Alangulon, it's Dad

ZORN: Hey, Alangulon...

ZORN: Hey, did someone order a party elf?

Zorn: Horrible. No, Alangulon hated it.

ZORN: I...

Zorn: Letter? The Edie I used to know

Zorn: Making fun of my culture!

ZORN: Nah, it's for the best.

ZORN: Oh, brother.

ZORN: Oh, he definitely takes the bus.

Zorn: Oh, my god. What is this?

Zorn: Oh, no, no, no. Don't do that, Alangulon.

ZORN: Oh, nuts!

ZORN: Oh, oh, oh! And this, right here, this is

ZORN: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No problem.

Zorn: Okay, now that we've got all the little rocks

Zorn: See, Alangulon? They're alive.

ZORN: The other day (chuckles)

Zorn: Uh oh! Uh oh! Oh, oh, oh, cover your eyes, Layla.

ZORN: Uh, excuse me, sorry. Uh, sorry,

ZORN: Well, actually,

ZORN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

ZORN: Wow. So..

Zorn: Wow. You know, I'm curious, how come

Zorn! He doesn't want to be thrown in the air.

Zorn?

Zorn... the guy just borrowed our hot sauce.

Zorn's a coming for ya. [phone rings, echoes]

24 hours later, and it's still in the hands of the wretched.

"Alan eats a horse's..." Oh, my... Oh! Yeah, that, uh...

"Swamp butt"? CRAIG: Hm? Oh, you know what?

(buzz) Damn.

(buzz) Damn. Zero, zero, zero, one.

(buzz) Damn. Zero, zero, zero, three.

(buzz) Damn. Zero, zero, zero, two.

(car alarm blaring) Great.

(car alarm chirps) What the hell?

(chuckling): I mean, we have... No, no...

(cracking, screeching) Oh, my God!

(creature grunting quietly) Whew!

(dog whines) You know what?

(exhaling sharply) CREATURE: Ooh. Ooh.

(garbage disposal grinding) (creature grunting)

(gasps loudly) Pretty cool, right? Hmm? Yeah?

(horns honking) Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

(indistinct chatter) (ringtone playing)

(inhales) I'd say no.

(knocking at door) EDIE: Alan?

(laughs) ALAN: Sorry.

(laughs) Yes!

(laughs) Do you remember that? Yeah. Okay.

(screams) Well,

(screeches) EDIE: Zorn?

(squawking) Uh oh. Here we go.

(yells) (thud)

(Zorn grunting) I'll get the hose.

(Zorn smooching) NANCY: Oh, wait.

[fake laugh] Really? [laughs] I know, right?

[gasps] Did someone hit you? I'm fine, Mom, okay?

[laser sound] Ow. Hit 'em with the Hein!

[sighs] All right. Gotta be kidding me!

[slap] Oh! Alan: Aw!

# Zor... # CRAIG: # Zorn, Zorn #

# Zorn, Zorn... # [hits] Stupid Craig! [cries out]

a "vajiba." Aah! Don't say that.

a battle with you? What?

A friend left some over here. Zorn: Nice.

a little less... Horrible.

A lot of fun. That was a long time ago.

a professor of psychology. Oh.

a Rasta! (laughs)

Actually, I'm kind of in a... Yeah. How do you make a sale?

Actually, it hurts. It does?

Ah, well, maybe you would. I know.

Ah. 'Cause...

Alan: Uh, how's the stir fry? Delicious. It comes with a zesty

Alan? Alan.

Alangulon! Come here, Hey, Dad.

All gone. So that's the tour, huh?

all of Mom's rules, right? Y Yeah.

Am I right? Dad, it's fine. I don't really want...

and feared she warriors. She looks so real.

And he took your hot sauce? No, Linda.

and help me do an underwater flip? Uh... No thanks. It takes, like,

and I should know. Were you bullied?

and imagine them melting. No

And it's gonna... TEACHER: Mr. Holstein.

and really processing... Active process.

and reset the router if the Wi Fi goes down. Got it.

And the bag is in... (school bell rings)

And we make our own guacamole. No, come on.

And who's left to clean it up? (screams)

and you have not made one. And yet I'm still having fun,

and you were, like, "Aah!" Yeah. Mom...

Anything to drink? Uh, yeah,

apologize to these people. What?

Are you being picked on at school? What? No! I I don't...

Are you calling me fat? No! No!

Are you in P.E. with Jules Davey? Yeah, I'm, uh...

Are you serious? No, I don't know what that is. [chuckles]

aren't harshin' your mellow. They're just mellowing my mellow.

at the exact same time. I'll just tell you.

Bad move, he was not pleased. Come in.

behind their bathroom mirror. 6B.

But I am gonna call the police. Excuse me, sorry.

but I think they were having... ALAN: Hey, do you want

But Mom, it can fly! (squawks quietly)

but my own son? Well, maybe you should educate him.

but now she's... Now she's like a total stoner.

but those days are over, Zorn. No, Edie, I don't care about battles!

but we both know you can't. Okay!

but... Did you get bangs?

Can I get these? CRAIG: Skateboarding?

can you give us a minute? Oh.

Can't wait. Well, I'm feeling like maybe

Ch... from a friend. That doesn't sound like Scott.

Check this one out. Hey, look at that. (gasps)

Come here, come here, I'm gonna kill you! Oh, my God!

Come here. Get over here, I got you. No. no!

Come on, just give it. No, come on, seriously.

Come on. Okay.

convention center bathrooms. Airport bathrooms?

Copies. Yeah. Okay, on it.

Corn Nuts. Trust me, son,

Couple things you should know. Yeah, lay it on me.

Craig got it for his answer keys. Edie,

CRAIG: Hmm. I was a production assistant

CRAIG: My fiancée. EDIE: My fiancé... cé... cé...

CRAIG: Oh... SHIRLEY: This is good. [laughs]

Craig! I'm sorry. Okay, look...

Crazy. NANCY (laughs): Shannon,

cut in? (cheering)

Dad, I... Shut up!

Derek Whitford! Damn!

Did something just...? Alan: Huh?

Did you just say "I am loved"? Well...

Did you see the neighbors' yard? Craig: Lawnapalooza, right?

Different Alan. (chuckles) Whatever.

Do you shop here? Here? Oh,

Don't kill him! Edie, that was so hot!

Don't murder her! Tom!

Don't you have work to do? Yes, it'll take work indeed to recover

Double shot, no problem. Ginger is actually

Dude, I don't know. What the hell?

Dude, she's totally into you. What?! [laughs]

Dude, you're not even funny... shut up! LINDA: Hey!

Duh, I think you're getting it. Dogs.

ease up a little bit on your mom's rules. [can opens] Really?

Edie said he was in an accident. Alan: Yes, the accident

Edie, tell Craig to speak up! EDIE: Well, honey,

EDIE: Hey, sweetie. Hey. Hey, Alan.

Edie: Zorn, I just... I mean, it's no wonder

Edie. Mm hmm?

Edie. She doesn't have a pulse.

ERIC: Hello? Oh, hey, Eric? Hi, this is Zorn.

ERIC: Why? Because laser tag is dumb.

ever. Okay, okay, fine, fine,

Except Frank. Frank just killed them. Alan: Okay, uh,

Excuse me? I mean, could you imagine

Fly away! Zorn, if you don't

Food whore! Waitress! Are you just...?

for you to blame this on a meteor? 500.

for Zephyrian culture. Are you kidding?!

for, um, you know... Hey! But... (sighs)

Future Castrator of Craig! [laughs] Oh, Zorn...

Give me that. Guys, please watch it with your swords.

Give me that. Here. [magical chiming] Dad, come on.

Go do the backpack. Yeah.

go get a cup of coffee? I don't know. Together?

go to have sex? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

God, okay. I'm gonna get someone here.

Gone! You're gone. Put that away, you're gone. Whoa. Okay.

Gosh, should've probably wash it... I've gotta go to work.

Got a place, got a job... (phone beeps)

He might be a little upset. Upset?!

He understands. Okay.

He was in the Khmer Rouge... Oh.

Hell, we all might die today. Really?

Hello? He's half naked,

Hello? ZORN: Hey, buddy.

Hey, hey, no, no. Uh oh, busted.

Hey, hey. Hay?!

Hey, take it down a notch. Can I help you?

Hey, what's that thing? ZORN: Oh, this baby?

Hey! Why can't I roll this window up?

Hey. Hey, it's Alan.

Hey. Huh?

Hey. I think I live

Hey. Where have you been?

Hi. Oh, but, hey, while I'm here,

Hi. Wow. Uh, you must be Zorn.

His blood! Looking for me?

Hmm. Excuse me

Hmm. Look, I don't want to kill anyone

Hmm. Uno cerveza, por favor? [chuckles]

Honey, honey, honey... What?

How 'bout I give you $338? 400, then.

How did you know that? Like I said,

How you doing? Yeah.

Huh? You remember? I remember

Hummus sucks! Yeah, hummus sucks!

hurting our own, then. Weak, man.

I am gonna beat your ass, bitch! Let's just get to the point.

I am here. No, but...

I can mess around with. All right. All right.

I do declare. What the hell?

I don't do the bus, really, so... Yeah, you do.

I don't know her personally. Like, pull your jeans up, lady.

I don't know, Zorn. Oh, no, no, I'm sorry.

I don't know. Jeff. Jeff Holstein?

I don't need your... You know what?

I don't think so. Yo, ready to go to Dad's.

I got to call you back. (scream over phone)

I guess now I have to punish you, huh? Yeah, probably.

I had to take her to the ER. Hmm.

I just don... ERIC: I don't know you.

I knew what I was doing. Yeah, so what?

I know what I'm talking about. I really

I know you're in there. Waving his sword around again.

I know, it's a real problem. But what you don't realize is...

I know. And just because you're staying at your dad's,

I know. This is from Dad?

I love my life here. You should love your life here.

I mean, bikes? Yeah, bikes. My bike,

I mean, is that a crime? Yes, those are all crimes.

I mean, technically, (slice)

I mean, that is on him. Oh. Y You got a thing

I said no! ALAN: What?

I saw you urinate on my tree. Oh, you saw that?

I should just let it go. Yeah.

I should stop being his father. I'm saying,

I think he's bad news, man. No, he's cool.

I warned you not to build it there. That's right, Craig!

I was a bully. Yeah, I can see that.

I was having a beer. Yeah.

I was so darn wasted. (chuckles) Can I...

I, uh, I kicked a fat kid. You're welcome.

I'm actually a divorced dad, too. Wow, they let you keep the mug.

I'm gonna go for an anger ride. Oh, let me guess...

I'm gonna go in there. Okay.

I'm gonna start CPR. Okay.

I'm in town, I got a pla... (phone beeps)

I'm Nancy. Cool.

I'm not being picked on. He's definitely being picked on,

I'm not gonna do that. Aw, Linda, you suck.

I'm psyched. Oh, you're so psyched.

I'm sorry. Apology accepted.

I'm sorry. NANCY: Okay. No, seriously, guys.

if it wasn't so heavily sedated as it is right now. Zorn...

if we chart those, so... Yep, yep, yep.

in front of my fiancée. Craig is

in the hands of evil. You are the hands of evil!

in the world... I mean, they're crunchy... Great.

in your neighborhood. Oh.

Indeed, we did. We did, and you know what,

into them at all..

is crawling with dagger tooths. Totally, man.

Is it like an A minus? Yes.

is running through their veins. Well, let's not get drama...

Is that a safe? Yes.

Is that Craig? [laughs] Him? That's funny because...

Is that made of throats? That?

It is kinda chilly, Zorn. What do you have to say for yourself?

It is what it is. Look I don't want to butt in,

It really does. Oh.

It was fun. Yeah, good.

It's been really hard. Gonna be honest with you, Todd,

It's huge in Zephyria. Okay, you just assaulted a teenager.

It's not cool! You know what?

Just don't worry about it. Ah! This car sucks, dude.

Just leave it. Yeah. Let's just go. No, I should clean it up.

Just like, "Alangulon!" Yeah, no, I remember.

Just tell me. I like your bracelet.

Just... Oh, Alan, I'm sorry!

Kill it! Okay, I'll get it, I'll get it.

LASERON: All right, Zorn! (phone buzzes)

Let's get some food, shall we? Are you for real?

Let's melt some cars. W What?

like a, uh... A place where crackheads

like, we could... Yes, dude, totally.

like, we could... Yes, dude, totally.

Listening. To everything I'm saying,

Make a wish. I wish you'd stop eating soup.

Maybe you want to come over? And do yearbook stuff?

mess and then disappear. Tell me everything about me.

mind off of Alan and Zorn. No, it did. Thanks, sweetie.

Mm hmm. Then it's just basically

Mm. Yeah. Sure. Let me just... Nah.

my eucalyptus tree! What? I got a powerful stream.

Nancy? What is this? Come on, just say it.

Naturally. And they're sluts.

Never mind. 'Sup, losers?

no friends, no job. Barely a child's understanding

No ice in mine, please. No, okay, Dad, it's not on the menu.

No, he's hilarious. Hilarious?!

No, it's not! I... I'm sorry, Derek,

No, no, please don't. Aw, fine!

No, seriously, leave it. It'll only take a second.

No, uh... And how would you like that cooked?

No! Death strike! [gasps] Honestly...

No. ...bad idea, probably.

No. Right. Right, right, right.

Nobody needs to see that. Okay.

Nope. And second of all, he calls it

Not cool! But there is no reason

Now, prepare to die! EDIE: Zorn, no!

Of course you can hear me. No, I didn't hear that either.

of warm meat in the bathroom sink. Uh, that's okay.

Oh, I'm psyched. You're psyched, right?

Oh, is he? And dependable.

Oh, Jeff, yo, what's up? What's up, Guns?

Oh, lame mom. Totally, what are you doing?

Oh, my God! Zorn, where are you g...

Oh, my God. Oh my... Bill.

Oh, no, no, no, we're good, thank you. Really?

Oh, oh! Edie!

Oh, okay, these are Mom's rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Oh, ooh! Zorn on the horn. EDIE: Oh, hey.

Oh, really? Uh huh.

Oh, that's awesome. Great choice. One second, I'm sorry.

Oh, we're not dead! We are in terrible agony!

Oh, you must die. ...that is my fiancé. Yes.

Oh! That's a living thing!

Oh! Get it off! Okay,

Oh? Yeah, I'm on my way to Orange County

Oh. [Southern accent] Billy Patterson?

Oh. So they'd leave you for dead?

Oh. Oh, okay, yeah. You're gonna come in here, make a big

Oh. Uh oh. (bus ending rumbling)

Oh. Um... Alan!

Oh... my... God! Oh, okay, so now you want

Okay, I promise. Good.

Okay, I'm all about ginger, yeah. Oh, my God.

Okay. EDIE: Oh,

Okay. They're liars.

Okay. Let's just, uh... I don't think he's even seen

on me right now? Come on. All right, then,

On your bicycle? EDIE: Zorn!

on your... (screams)

One, two... three! Oh...

or any person or office. Yes, sir. I understand.

Ouchie. Ow, ow. Look, Zorn, I'm sorry,

Our culture? I'm AmErican. Only from the waist up

Please tell me you're joking. You can't be in here with that.

Please. No, please, really, just go. No.

Pretty creepy, man. Hey,

Put that away! Yes, sir.

Quite a bit actually. Edie: Shut up Zorn!

really good for you. ZORN: You know what I drink?

Really, Zorn? What?

Really? Friendly guy.

riding bicycles together, as a couple. Oh, hey,

right, yeah? Oh, you know, it's like...

Right? That Alan? Yeah. Oh, my God, I forgot about that.

Say hi to the wife for us

Say it's gonna be all all fine now? You guys ready?

See ya. Hey, yeah,

She said that? Yeah. I mean, unless

She's coming for your soul. Alan: Okay, whoa, whoa, Layla?

SHIRLEY: Edie? CRAIG: Hey.

Show me... Show me...

So gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, you got it.

So how'd you find us? She used "Find My Phone."

so I could help you. Yeah, Alan...

Sorry about that. Zorn!

Sorry to bug you at work... Well, you are. You know,

Sorry. LINDA: Zorn... Oh, my God.

Sounds like that's a woman. No, no, son.

straight there, just so can... Like this?

super great to... Mm hmm.

Take a... No, no, no, no.

Take that back! Layla: So... I'm gonna go.

Take those back! Oh, come on, Edie, you don't

Thanks. It's cool.

That is bad... Ah, ha ha! Wow!

That is Craig. Ron: He's Zephyrian?

that stands in my way! A fire

That was hilarious. I've been pantsed.

That would be... Fletch Lives?

That's stalking! What?

That's stupid. Hey, buddy, listen, I, you know,

That's... of course not, not made... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

the arts. Layla: Wow.

the Stone of Sight, yes. So dangerous

the way I want them to dance? ...unusual.

the way I want them to dance? ...unusual.

the whole thing, because you see... (Game Boy music playing)

they won't be able to drive... Who cares?

This is mine? Yeah.

three hours for my hair to dry. All right, well...

to convey a respectful sadness? Layla: Maybe not.

To review your message..

To several bro... Well, you don't want to keep

to turn down a cool dip. EDIE: Sorry!

tree in the back, No!

Uh, don't shoot! With what, my flashlight?

Uh, driver, we we should... can we go? ZORN: Hello?

Uh, I was calling to apologize. For what?

Uh, I'm Ron Lee. And I'm April Lee.

Uh, I've got to go, that's it. Bye. Hey.

Uh, what about the child's throat? They do need a high C.

Uh... yeah, yeah, sure. Right?

Um... You could send me to my room.

Vodka and chainsaws? Yeah, that's right.

Wait, wait. Hold on. He lost you, he lives in squalor,

Wait, what? Oh, yeah, I ran into Ron and April

Want me to look it up online? That would be great.

Watch yourself. Dad, put that away. This is ridiculous

Water. What?

we appreciate the feedback, we do. Mm hmm.

We're out of here. Come on! But..

Weak. Why?

Well, four strikes of it. Where was that move when I was

Well, I have other friends. Like who?

Well, your mom's a Nautica. CRAIG: Okay.

Well... Hey, Craig, can I use that

What are you doing? What? It was painless.

what is rightfully ours. Yeah... No...

What just happened? [stammers] Oh

What just happened? Huh? [nervous chuckle]

What the hell is happening? ALAN: It's like the hard stuff.

What the hell?! What?

What the hell's that supposed to mean? Well, you just said I should...

What up? Nighttime, yeah.

What was that? Stop. Stop.

What? A helmet, Edie? Come on.

What? ALAN: Hey, Mom.

What? Honey.

What? I said, I wish I could understand you,

What?! Driver, let's go!

What's that? Having sex on this couch.

What's this? It's a note to your gym teacher.

when you get th... (phone beeps)

Where did they go? You asked me.

who's basically just... Oh, Rom Rom?

Why you got to ride my nuts? What?!

Why? Because we got divorced, Zorn.

Why? ZORN: Fly, son!

Why'd you have to be naked? Trust me, there was no other way.

with this gentleman... Now! Yeah.

Wow, you seem excited. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Wow. Hey. You went there, huh.

Ya know... uh... Whoa, that's a lot of hummus.

Yeah, bring on the ging. Bringing on the ging.

Yeah, but it's our stick. Alan isn't a kid anymore,

Yeah, cool. Great. Okay, cool.

Yeah, exactly. Ah, ah, ah... You want that?

Yeah, I did. Aww!

Yeah, let me just grab my backpack. Cool.

Yeah, mm hmm. So nice meeting you.

Yeah, okay. Yes, yes.

Yeah, totally. ...you're really listening

Yeah, yeah, uh, yeah. I don't know, it's like...

Yeah? Well, why don't you

Yeah. "Feedback..."

Yeah. A juice cleanse.

Yeah. BOTH: No.

Yeah. Oh, that's good!

Yeah. So... does that mean you're not...

Yeah. Yeah, but if you do that, then, like,

Yeah. Yeah, of course you do.

Yeah. Zorn.

Yes, I have a shirt. Hey, it's Alan.

Yes, that was the old me, Yeah?

Yes. Well, as you know, before I was a doctor,

Yes. Where does he live?

Yes. He's Zephyrian. Wow.

Yo. I'm just kidding.

You are loved. What?

You can drink it. You got to have it. Okay.

you can miss it." Ferris Bueller.

You did. You say it all the time. I can say it

You got a fire in you. That's right!

you got to cut off my head. You are a warrior

You know it means nothing to me. I know,

you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

You know? With the... Yeah.

You know... Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You little psycho. I'm fine. I don't really want to...

You paid attention to something I said? That's right.

You spied on me? Yeah. I used the Stone of Sight.

You want the truth, huh? Uh huh.

You want to make it three? You knocked over

You're a liar. Okay. I don't condone fighting,

You're an amazing person. No!

You're an idiot. No, I'm not.

You're good? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're just, uh,

your dad gave you. Get it out. No, no, stop.

Your dad's super weird. Yeah, super weird.

your go to method. Edie: No, it's fine. It's under control.

your message, press one. Wha..

Zephyrian sauce. Oh, you mean goat urine.

Zorn, it's me. No, Jakton, please,

ZORN: I know you're in there. (door closing, engine rumbles)

ZORN: Which it can. I want it out of my driveway.

Zorn! Zorn... Fellow workers...

Zorn. Sorry. Sorry, go ahead.

Zorn. What?

-

...and during the war, he, uh,

...erases everything bad I did.

...the elfish, wai... Wait.

'cause I'm from Zephyria and and proud of it,

'Cause it's full of wrong ideas about battling!

'cause Jupiter and Venus and...

'cause that lamp sucked. Your mom made me get that lamp.

'Cause there's literally three other bottles in the pantry.

'cause they're covered in the tears

'cause we're not gonna be sleeping!

'Cause Zephyrians have greasy elbows?

"'Cause we're one of those couples that enjoy

"Abstinence"? [snickers]

"Anarchy." Yeah, oh, yeah.

"Baby wipe?"

"Bring Zephyria to Alan." Hey, wait a second...

"Creepy Alan"? With the psycho dad?

"For a good time, call Eric." [phone dialing]

"life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop

"Man with Tiniest Genitals Dies,

"meatball, meatball, meatball." Right?

"Oh, look at me cycling with my fiancée.

"Oh, my Lord, my dear friend is no longer living."

"Oh, Zorn, please cut Craig in half."

"One beer for me" in Spanish.

"Psych, I love you so much, Dad." [chuckles]

"Ride my nuts?" Where did you hear that?

"Sorry, Jeff. Can't hang, feeling sick.

"Two sack masters hackin' the..."

"Vulchazor?" Oh, my God, Zorn.

"You are loved."

"Zephie"? Oh, my god. Who taught you that word?

("Everybody's Talkin'" by Harry Nilsson plays)

(Alan exhales)

(Alan sighs, death hawk screams)

(alarm blaring)

(all grunting)

(brakes squeaking)

(car door closes)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles) I mean,

(chuckles) Yeah.

(chuckles): No, Alan, it's not like an A.

(clears throat)

(coughing, clears throat)

(creature crying)

(creature growls)

(creature grunting quietly)

(crying): I'd give anything for one more second

(doorbell rings)

(echoing): Man, what the...?

(Edie sighs)

(faint, distorted voices)

(Game Boy music playing)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunts)

(Headbutt Man shouting on phone)

(hearty laugh)

(horrified gasping)

(humming, clicking tongue)

(humming)

(knocking)

(knocking)

(laughing): Oh, all righ...

(laughing): Yeah, here we go.

(laughs, groans)

(laughs): Yeah. That's what it is.

(laughter)

(lightning zapping, thunder crashing)

(metal rattling)

(moaning, smooching)

(muffled): Hey, don't worry about that, okay?

(muffled): I was hoping to hit you in the face.

(on voice mail): Alangulon, Dad.

(passing horn honks)

(phone beeps)

(phone ringing)

(quietly): Oh, you're kidding me.

(quietly): You're kidding me.

(roars)

(school bell rings)

(scoffs) That... you know,

(scoffs) That... you know,

(screams)

(screams)

(shattering)

(sighs heavily)

(sighs, grunts)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sputters) You know what? Whatever.

(squish)

(thunder rumbling)

(whispering): the guy was an alcoholic.

(Zorn grunting)

(Zorn grunting)

(Zorn laughs)

(Zorn laughs)

(Zorn shudders)

[Alan cries out]

[Alan sighs]

[audience laughs on computer] Hmm.

[bell rings] [indistinct conversations]

[bell rings] [sighs]

[bell rings] What's up?

[belt unlatches, relieved sigh]

[both giggle and coo]

[car door opens]

[car engine starts] [grunts]

[careening]

[CD skipping] # For yo... yo... yo... #

[CD skipping]: # I wo... I wo... I wo... #

[children crying]

[children screaming, impact]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles] "Just a couple of sack masters

[chuckles] A beer? No, come on, no.

[chuckles] Got 'em.

[chuckles] Hi, I am Dingle, from the Elvin land of Huff.

[chuckles] Is that the best you got?

[chuckles] No, I'm just really beat. I'm gonna go to the room.

[chuckles] Now, I don't have to tell you, but that place

[chuckles] Now, I know what you're thinking,

[chuckles] Oh, and get this. They thought Zorn was your fiancé.

[chuckles] That's pretty sweet.

[chuckles] What are you, my five year old brother?

[chuckles] You can go, for real. Just take off.

[chuckles] You know, never mind.

[chuckling] Ew, no! No, I'm not gonna do that with my son

[chuckling] Oh, no, no, no! Sorry, I'm, I'm drinking both of these.

[chuckling] Yeah! So, I I probably shouldn't

[clears throat] [laughing]

[computer beeping] Todd: Zorn?

[coughing]

[coughing] [running steps]

[coughing] Ahem! My throat!

[cow moos]

[crackling loudly] [music]

[crash]

[crickets chirping, dog barking]

[crowd cheering, music plays] Oh, yeah!

[deep, manly tone] P chaw!

[deeper voice] I will eat each of their fingers in front of you

[deeper voice] Take that! Ugh, I'll be taking these!

[demonic voice]: Layla's no more. I am Winona.

[door closes]

[door closes] He doesn't realize he's still a kid.

[door opens] See, this is what worries me.

[dramatic voice] Let there be light!

[Eric speaks indistinctly]

[exhales]

[fake gasp] Oh, my God!

[flushes] Yeah, let's see

[forced laugh]

[fridge door opens]

[gasps] Alan, stop! What are you doing?

[giggles] I do love him, though.

[glass clattering]

[glass shatters] Oh!

[Gnome chuckles]

[groaning] My instincts just took over. It was muscle memory

[groans]

[groans] Okay, it's technically not karate, but it's cool.

[grunting and crunching continues]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[grunts softly]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[gulping]

[gulping] Want to just toss me one of those, uh, beer can guys?

[hacking, gurgling]

[higher voice] Curses... foiled again!

[higher voice] No! Not my children!

[Hip Hop music plays. Siren wails in distance]

[horn blares] [whimpering]

[imitates fading echo]: milk, milk, milk, milk...

[imitates guitar playing]

[imitating echo]: Weekend, weekend, weekend...

[indistinct chatter]

[knock at door]

[knock on door]

[knocks on door]

[knocks on door] CRAIG: Edie?

[Larry screaming in agony]

[laughing] And they cheered for their hero,

[laughing] Oh, you dumbass!

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs] "Couch sex on the rain..." I'm wasted!

[laughter continues]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter] BILL: Nice.

[lava bubbling] [music]

[lava gun blast, lava bubbling]

[Linda and Todd laugh]

[line reeling] Layla...

[loud crunch, pelt yells]

[lute twangs off key, pieces clatter]

[metal thumps]

[mouths words]

[murmuring]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music] Alan, how do you like your tofu?

[music] ZORN: You ready

[muttering] Here, smooth that out a little bit.

[nervous chuckle]

[panting] Zorn, you are loved.

[pelts grunting, crunching sounds]

[people clapping]

[phone chimes]

[playing air harmonica to solo]

[playing air harmonica to solo] [music]

[Rom Rom yells]

[rooster crows]

[rumbling in vent, metal scraping]

[runway type music plays]

[school bell rings, indistinct conversations]

[scoffs] Please don't take the high road.

[scoffs] Whatever, I guess I'm just gonna wait in the car.

[screams]

[shouts]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs] Oh, man. [phone clicking]

[strange sound, then honk]

[students chuckle]

[students laughing] GIRL: So cool.

[studio audience laughter] [shouts]

[tense music]

[thumping metal, careening]

[tires screeching]

[title anthem]

[title music]

[Todd and Linda laughing] [growling]

[voice breaking]: the greatest damn culture on Earth.

[war drums, vocals]

[war drums, vocals]

[war drums, vocals]

[Warren groaning] What the hell...

[whispering] Zorn!

[wind chimes, owl hoots]

[wind chimes]

[yelling incoherently]

[yelling]

[yells and grunts]

[yells loudly]

[yells loudly]

[yells] Zooorn!

[Zorn grunting]

[Zorn grunting]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And I've got some news for you ♪

♪ Banking off of the northeast winds ♪

♪ But now that his father is back, he's strong ♪

♪ Da duh duh da... ♪

♪ Eat it in bed, get it all over your sheets ♪

♪ Feet meat a beautiful treat ♪

♪ from the taste of Zephyria gang ♪

♪ Going where the weather ♪

♪ happy, happy birthday ♪

♪ Happy, happy birthday ♪

♪ I'm going where the sun keeps shining ♪

♪ Meat, meat, beautiful treat ♪

♪ Oh, once upon a midnight dreary ♪

♪ Sheet meat a beautiful treat ♪

♪ Suits my clothes ♪

♪ The greatest father in all the land ♪

♪ There was a lad named Alangulon ♪

♪ This is the pilot speaking ♪

♪ Through the pouring rain ♪

♪ Tra la la la, bombardier ♪

♪ Wake up in the morning fish the meat out your feet ♪

♪ We sing the praises of Zorn ♪

♪ We sing the praises of Zorn ♪

♪ we're so glad you came ♪

♪ Who grew up weak 'cause his dad was gone ♪

♪ Who is this wonderful man? ♪

♪ Zorn, Zorn ♪

♪ Zorn, Zorn, Zorn ♪

♪ Zorn, Zorn, Zorn ♪

$600 on soap dispensers?