Cobra Kai (2018) - Season 1 Edit

A boy and his father bonding on the mighty Colorado,

A club soda will be fine. Thank you.

A couple of grown men about to kick each other into a pool?

A distant second would be super speed

A dry English muffin? What is this, Afghanistan?

A homeless person. Don't look.

A little karate training and you're gonna kick

A man confronts you, he is the enemy.

A method of fighting

A mistake is forgetting to lock up work,

A more delicate approach, Sensei?

A mother called me up because her son was crying

A safe space for all students.

A strong American plant

Absolutely.

Actually, I never remember calling him "pretty."

Actually, I was two time All Valley champ.

Actually, we're from Riverside.

Actually, you can't ask Hawk right now.

Actually, you know, it would depend on how close to half court we're talking.

Advances to the semifinals!

After 30 years, I thought that guy might have changed,

After 30 years, I thought that guy mighta changed,

After eating all that dick.

After high school.

After I became pregnant with Miguel,

After some kids online made fun of his facial deformity.

After what your sensei did to you.

After you make contact, all right?

Again!

Again.

Ah, all right, that's all water under the bridge.

Ah, come on.

Ah, just a family dinner

Ah, keep watching your bullshit judge show.

Ah, shit.

Ah, sure, but I know you have those reports to finish, so I can wait.

Ah, sweet! Cha ching!

Ah, the 15 inch. That's a nice machine.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Daddy!

Ah! Oof!

Ah.

Ah. Sam said no, huh?

AISHA: (YELLS) (PAINED GRUNT)

AISHA: Come on!

AISHA: I saw your website.

AISHA: No mercy!

AISHA: No, sensei would never kill himself.

AISHA: Oh, my God, Miguel! Yes, yes!

Alexa, order new PS Vita!

Alexa, override!

Alexa: Ordering PS Vita.

Ali Mills Schwarber? That's her last name now?

Ali.

Ali's a doctor now? Wow.

All day?

All episodes of Cobra Kai are now available.

All I know is she should be here.

All I know is that my husband is acting

All I know is, after that front wedgie,

All I know is, I want the Danny LaRusso

All I want is first crack at any properties

All month, going back and forth to robot camp.

All my babes back in the day.

All right,

All right, all right. You remember that...

All right, and she's a paying customer.

All right, are you ready to begin your training?

All right, are you ready to binge watch the entire season?

All right, back to work.

All right, be sure to stock up good

All right, but I need to know,

All right, but they can still

All right, come on. Remember that time

All right, could you get this Challenger cleaned up and grab me the keys?

All right, everybody get out of here right now.

All right, gentlemen, you know the rules. Three points wins.

All right, give me that. Come on, Anthony.

All right, great, there's a bar right over there.

All right, guys, let's get down there

All right, he was probably half in the bag and wrapped it around a telephone pole.

All right, here's what we're gonna do.

All right, here's what you need to do.

All right, hey, that's enough, come on.

All right, hot shot.

All right, how about we kidnap her

All right, I could use a drink

All right, I got a gig over at LaRusso Auto.

All right, I gotcha. No sweat.

All right, I hear how you're saying it, and I don't like it.

All right, just do some crunches.

All right, l'm gonna grab a soda. Do you want a Banquet?

All right, l'm just saying, women aren't meant to fight.

All right, ladies and gentleman,

All right, let me let you in on a little secret.

All right, let me see your hands.

All right, let's go, Robby. Stay focused

All right, let's start by welcoming

All right, line up.

All right, listen to me.

All right, listen, party's over, let's go.

All right, look. Things got away from me, okay? Just calm down!

All right, now find your balance.

All right, now show me what we learned today

All right, put my kid on the phone.

All right, see you.

All right, senseis, let's take your corners

All right, show her women are equal.

All right, so let me get this straight.

All right, so you go over to this kid and beat his ass so he doesn't have the chance.

All right, so you saw her eating dinner with some chode.

All right, take care of yourself,

All right, that's on me.

All right, the reason l'm telling you all this

All right, this is a lot. Let's see, you could get

All right, trust me, you guys are pissing off the wrong guy

All right, watch it, Johnny.

All right, we're getting some things done here.

All right, well, l'll let you guys finish up.

All right, well, l'm here now.

All right, well, stop standing there.

All right, well, thanks.

All right, well, you said it.

All right, what about the Nintendo?

All right, what did he do this time?

All right, wise ass, l'll get you the keys,

All right, y'all, we're 'bout to switch it up.

All right, you could play that game anywhere.

All right, you have a picture in your mind?

All right, you have all the power in your legs you need.

All right, you hear me? Just...

All right, you know what?

All right, you want my advice?

All right!

All right?

All right?

All right?

All right?

All right? AISHA: Fucking pussy! Next.

All right? Besides, I need to find a job.

All right? I want everybody to see this sign.

All right? Please, just think about it.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Ah, I guess you must be full

All right. All right, all right.

All right. I'll leave you to it.

All right. Students, wait here.

All right. What happened your senior year?

All that matters is that you become badass.

All the babes want to date a Cobra Kai.

All the coolest people go to hell.

All the local dojos competing today.

All the power right here, in this one inch, okay?

All Valley Under 18 Karate Championship!

All you LaRussos are the same.

All you need to do is get her pass code.

All your lives, you've been avoiding fights

All: Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy, sir!

All: The way of the fist, sir!

ALL: Yes, Sensei!

All: Yes, Sensei!

ALL: Yes, Sensei! That was not a question!

Always better to be the one throwing the party.

Am I right?

Am I the only one that's been out of the loop?

Amanda asked me to do it,

Amanda, just, please, go inside.

AMANDA: Hey!

Amanda: It's okay ; everything's fine, guys.

AMANDA: No, you didn't.

AMANDA: So, Johnny,

AMANDA: Yea, you two seem to have this pretty well in hand.

Amen! That one I know.

An admirer from afar.

An enemy deserves no mercy. What is the problem, Mr. Diaz?

An entire box of Twinkies every day.

And a badass name for a dojo.

And a Shirley Temple for the lady.

And after you're done with that,

And all that other made up bullshit outside.

And as always, every customer leaves

And at LaRusso Auto, we kick the competi...

And because I love this land we call home,

And believe me, you're lucky to have one.

And boy, am I glad I didn't miss this one.

And broken glass, so don't do that!

And change that ringtone.

And Cobra Kai!

And do that one on your hands and knees.

And don't come back to this house, not to the dealership, not ever.

And don't lose it.

And ended up going on this whole '80s rock rabbit hole.

And expect me to be okay with that?

And face me

And fight!

And fight!

And fight!

And fight!

And fight!

And fight!

And fight!

And fight!

And fight!

And fight!

And for that, I don't apologize.

And get back what they took from you.

And give me 50 push ups on your knuckles.

And have my boy Rico tattoo "bitch" on her face?

And have my own strip mall karate school?

And He gave you the touch.

And he hasn't changed at all.

And he is standing on this stage right now.

And here are the watering instructions.

And honestly...

And how about eight bottles of that vodka right there?

And I don't want to give up on him.

And I don't want to sell 'em all

And I guarantee you, no matter what happens tonight,

And I guess I thought when I got older,

And I know if he found out, he would totally lose his shit

And I know if he found out, he would totally lose his shit

And I know that

And I know there's no do overs,

And I never should have been hanging out

And I pull up to a stoplight, and I look,

And I refuse to text or e mail,

And I think Miguel knows now that l'm keeping it a secret.

And I think Sam is really cool, too.

And I thought if I could teach him a few things, you know.

And I wanted to give it to Sam.

And I will meet you over there?

And if some land were to become available...

And if the sky's clear, then we'll look at the stars.

And in a movie theater? That's yucky.

And in this strip mall, I see that he's got...

And it doesn't automatically make them bad, right?

And it had these huge fangs, and it was just so cool.

And it was so badass.

And it's been almost a month.

And it's been almost a month.

And jump face first into the fire.

And just live in the moment, you know?

And kick the shit out of everybody.

And Kyler's been eye banging you all day.

And l'll call you when the car's ready, okay?

And l'll come back in, what, an hour or so?

And l'm not going to school. L'm done.

And l'm pretty sure she's watching me from the camera,

And last but certainly not least,

And listen, I never liked sushi when I was your age either.

And Mom's okay with it, so we're good.

And not falling in a bunch of sharp metal

And not telling me?

And once you do that, you'll be the one who's feared.

And punch him in the face!

And put everything just the way you want it, all right?

And realized just how much l've screwed up my life.

And right now you're all weak.

And see that new "Spider Man."

And she says it's, like, lower in calories or something.

And some other dude comes and steals her away.

And sooner or later, you're gonna leave me

And spin it around, all right?

And stop!

And stretch.

And ten years you don't pay more rent!

And that dude with the lip?

And that I should kill myself.

And that is an internal audit.

And that was not a kiss.

And the best defense...

And the bite, which is everything that happens

And the Cobra Kai dojo!

And the next thing we know, he busts some karate.

And the only good thing about being here

And their backpack thrown in the trash?

And then gave him my money.

And then give it to who shows up first.

And then life throws a spinning heel kick to your balls.

And then maybe you would, um,

And then started cooking from scratch?

And then work our way from there.

And then, after a couple promotions,

And they could kick, like, all the way above their heads.

And they tell me things like l'm ugly

And they're your students.

And they're your students.

And think with your legs.

And this guy, Johnny Lawrence, he was his star pupil.

And to do that,

And to keep me away from karate.

And two more of these.

And we can all be friends again.

And we can get to work sooner.

And we didn't even make an attempt

And we try to see if we can get them to see more.

And we were just leaving.

And we'll hit the road, all right?

And we're gonna pick up some more students.

And what is that way?

And what we do is we take underprivileged Encino kids

And what you've got to do is close your eyes.

And when people ask what we are,

And when the time is right...

And who sends you these messages?

And who went down.

And you and I get a couple drinks?

And you can walk outside and let the whole world

And you couldn't answer me back once?

And you don't want to be a pussy.

And you fixed his car for free.

And you get the hell out of here

And you guys will too.

And you make it happen.

And you used them to straight up

And you whisper in his ear,

And you work your way down.

And you'll "blow" the competition away!

And you'll get one when you've earned it.

And you're not really a karate guy.

And your boyfriend turned out to be the son of your mortal enemy

And your dad had the worst teacher there ever was.

And your hotel guests are gonna love

And, frankly, I don't know why you care.

And, hey, look, I don't blame you

And, uh, good luck with the tree.

And, uh, put that guy's beer on my tab.

And, yeah, some homeless looking guy...

And... fight!

Angela, can you show her the boba?

Another one? Are you good?

Another round

Answer it, Mijo, it's fine.

Anthony, just go inside.

ANTHONY: God, I just love the internet.

ANTHONY: My dad hates his guts.

Anthony! Stop drinking the butter!

Anyone I have to worry about?

Anyone I have to worry about?

Anyway, eventually, the girls got so pissed off,

Anyway, uh, long story short, when they found out who I was,

Anyway, we're always happy to have...

Anyways, glad I ran into you.

Apparently your cousin Louie didn't show up again.

Apple brown Betty.

Are gonna play by the rules.

Are there any photos? I wonder how she's holding up.

Are we entering this tournament?

Are you asking me as a friend or as my boss?

Are you feeling any pain here?

Are you gonna take shit from these losers?

Are you here because of what happened at last year's tournament?

Are you interested?

Are you kidding me, Sue? You don't know the history here.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Are you gonna cry now too?

Are you kidding?

Are you messing with me again?

Are you okay?

Are you one of those challenged kids?

Are you ready to take things to the next level?

Are you sure l'm not boring you?

Are you sure we're supposed to be here?

Are you sure you don't want me to keep the car running?

Are you sure you're ready?

Are you sure you're right handed?

Are you sure you're right handed?

Are you sure?

Aren't you desperate for new students?

Aren't you desperate for new students?

Aren't you gonna wear gloves?

Arm out here, then you want that arm out, yeah.

ARMAND: Come on, Roland, let's go.

ARMAND: Eh, l'm smelling some kind of bullshit.

ARMAND: Everybody does it!

ARMAND: Oh!

ARMAND: Thank you very much,

ARMAND: Uh, yeah, it's a great deal.

ARMAND: Well, then, you know it's horrible.

ARMAND: You want me to tell you

As "Sensei," is that understood?

As a friend.

As enticing as that sounds,

As if he suddenly gives a shit.

As l'm saying, l'm working on it.

As we strive to end intolerance in our time.

As well as you think you do.

Asshole.

At least not permanently.

At winning this tournament, so I got to give it my all.

At your high school dance?

Atta boy!

Aw, that was sick.

Aw...

Aww, Daniel, do you really think

Aww.

Babes love when you treat them like crap.

Back in '81.

Back in my day, if you wanted to tease someone,

Back in the day, I just figured you were living the life..

Back on top.

Back up, I got a bat!

Badass name for a dojo, by the way.

Banana rama chocolate chip pancakes are up.

Banzai!

Bartender, Coors Banquet for me,

Be my guest.

Beat the shit out of those punks?

Beautiful day out here in the Valley.

Beautiful.

Because back in the day,

Because he's got a snake on his wall?

Because I know as long as you have internet,

Because I love the numbers.

Because I was you.

Because if it wasn't for her, we never would've hired Louie in the first place.

Because if this is the after photo,

Because in the male,

Because it is gonna be sunny outside here in LA...

Because it's an alpha move, man.

Because l'm a happily married man.

Because my dad hates Miguel's sensei.

Because of the traffic level.

Because she doesn't approve of violence, so...

Because she doesn't want to be a nerd.

Because that's where it's gonna end up.

Because then you can find some balance in your life.

Because then you can find some balance in your life.

Because these, uh, logic boards

Because you can stop your training right now

Because you didn't have any defense,

Been knocking for five minutes.

Before I tell Mr. Tom Cole, huh?

Before that, Newark, New Jersey,

Before you go, Mr. LaRusso wanted to thank you personally.

Being part of a clique that other kids made fun of.

Believe me, girls can be really cruel.

Believe me, mine died when I was young,

BERT: When I heard him in the parking lot, yelling

Besides, don't you get in enough fights already at school?

Besides, I don't need to learn karate when I have you.

Besides, if I don't get more students in here,

Besides, l'm just doing what you're doing.

Besides, she never friend requested me either, so...

Besides, you've already given me your heart.

Besides, your brother has a sleepover.

Beware of the spinning hug move!

Big canvas, right on Ventura Boulevard.

Big surprise.

Big surprise. All right, look...

Bike ride to nowhere?

BIKER: Hey, asshole!

Bitch.

Bitches will be bitches.

BLATT: Cyberbullying is no laughing matter.

BLATT: Hey! Hey!

BLATT: Oh, and one last thing.

Blonde.

Blood pressure.

Blow job.

Blueprints don't actually look like cars either, do they?

Booty butt ass cheeks.

Both finding karate role models.

Both lots?

BOTH: ♪ I don't believe it ♪

Bow.

Bow.

Bow.

BOY ON SCREEN: No, it's too risky.

BOY: Cheeto pig!

BOY: Dude, right there. Come on.

BOY: He had it comin'.

BOY: It's almost out. Come on.

BOY: Piggy, piggy!

BOY: See you later, 'Rhea.

BOY: Whoo! That was brutal, Ky.

Bringing you specials on all of our inventory.

Brucks, let's roll.

Bucket of bolts had a lot of memories.

Bullshit!

Bunch of pussies

Burn in hell.

Business cards? A tote bag?

But a lifetime ban is a lifetime ban.

But after the draught, it's become more of a puddle.

But anyways, I was just wondering if you were

But as you can imagine... [SLURPING]

But at least you have a partner.

But before you buy, l'd read the fine print.

But better late than never, right?

But don't get too cocky,

But don't punch them?

But he definitely helped me remember the word "malodorous."

But he put them all in front.

But he's still the same prick he was back in high school.

But he's taking a personal day.

But hey, just because you guys aren't wearing the same costume

But I can scratch my own balls.

But I do know Daniel LaRusso, and if he says no, l'm with him.

But I don't think threatening a teenager

But I had nothing to do with it. That was my cousin.

But I haven't taught you the third lesson of Cobra Kai.

But I haven't taught you the third rule of Cobra Kai..

But I just don't know.

But I just feel so guilty.

But I really would love to see you today.

But if people think it's a gimmick,

But if she knew where I was right now, she would kill me.

But if you don't like it, I mean..

But if you give me a chance...

But if you let him come back...

But if you want to be in Cobra Kai,

But if you want to get technical, I kicked his face.

But if you're just asking her out.

But if your son's not back in school this week,

But in the real world you can't expect people

But it's got to be the right way.

But it's just not working out.

But it's probably next semester at the earliest.

But keep throwing her friends out of the house.

But l'll call you later.

But l'll see you tonight.

But l'll tell her that you said hi.

But l'm gonna tell you something, Doug.

But l'm pretty sure she just likes the fact

But l'm really sorry.

But LaRusso kept butting in.

But maybe we can order another.

But my biggest screw up is my relationship with you.

But my Cobra Kai is different.

But my rent just went up,

But my short time as a sensei,

But never give up your defense.

But nobody else did.

But now Cobra Kai is gonna have to shut down.

But now I don't know, man.

But now I just... feel like l'm clueless.

But now they see..

But Sam's dad had to ruin everything.

But seriously, get in your groups.

But some of us have places to be

But that kid...

But the costume's a little pricey.

But there are no girls in Cobra Kai.

But there are no girls in Cobra Kai.

But there is this one guy, Kyler.

But they have short memories.

But this country club?

But this is about something else.

But this is, uh,

But this isn't a knitting class.

But today, our goal here is to make this school

But tonight l'm working out with Priya.

But try not to think about it.

But we all remember who you really are.

But we saved you some food.

But we'll call you with an estimate.

But we're not gonna have a bigger problem, are we, Robby?

But what's worse is that I lost Ali.

But when those bad feelings all weigh you down, you gotta...

But why don't you tell Senor Octopus that, um...

But you don't have to go down that path. Do you understand?

But you don't need the money, right?

But you got your whole future ahead of you.

But you knew that when you signed your lease, right?

But you shouldn't believe a word this guy says,

But you telegraphed the sweep.

But you're gonna feel it for the next few weeks.

But you're never gonna find balance that way.

But you're not ready.

But you're supposed to call his mom.

But, sir, I...

But, uh, at this point,

But, uh, how about we do that tomorrow night, okay?

But, um, you know,

But, you know what, it is DineLA week, so.

But, you know, I caught myself and climbed back up, so that doesn't count

By calling the police?

By the way, thanks for coming.

By the windows.

Bye bye, sweetheart

Bye.

Bye.

C O M, all lowercase.

Call Art's.

Calm down, Hawk.

Can be just as hurtful as saying it to their face.

Can I have yours? This is delicious

Can we just please change the topic?

Can we make plans to hang out soon?

Can you continue?

Can you hurry it up? I got to go.

Can you just give us a minute? Thanks.

Can you start Monday?

Can't dress her up and teach her tricks.

CARMEN: Miggy.

Chappy, Chappy, where are you?

Chappy, I want to help you. Where are you?

CHAPPY: A bunch of things must've gone wrong

Chappy!

Chat with your friends, watch videos, shop online

Cheeto pig!

Class, are you ready to learn the way of the fist?

CLERK: (SCOFFS)

Click to the right and sign up for YouTube Red.

Climb high like I told you.

Coaching my student.

Coaching my student.

Cobra "Kay."

Cobra Kai is about strength.

Cobra Kai is back where it belongs.

Cobra Kai is making a difference in these kids' lives.

Cobra Kai isn't just about karate.

Cobra Kai isn't just about karate.

Cobra Kai never die.

Cobra Kai never die. Say it.

Cobra Kai never dies!

Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Cobra Kai! Huh!

Cobra Kai's back, baby!

Cobra Kai's throwing a party at the canyon

Cobra, like the badass snake.

Cole's on Van Nuys.

Come here. Right?

Come in. (DOOR OPENS)

Come into the dojo with me.

Come on

Come on in. You can wait for him in here.

Come on, Anthony, we got to go.

Come on, come on.

Come on, come on.

Come on, Dad. That was, like, eight years ago.

Come on, Dan. L'm just joshing with you.

Come on, Daniel.

Come on, don't eat all the cereal again.

Come on, dude.

Come on, eat something. I'll make you feel better.

Come on, guys.

Come on, he can't breathe.

Come on, I need a place to sit.

Come on, it's a good workout.

Come on, it's gonna be so much fun.

Come on, Johnny!

Come on, Kyler, I know high school kids can be rough.

Come on, l'm sure you did amazing, again.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, Mom. Please just let me answer it.

Come on, Moon. Let's go.

Come on, princess, let's go, move that ass.

Come on, princess.

Come on, Sam.

Come on, tits, you can do better than that.

Come on, we gotta go back and do the paperwork.

Come on, what about that elbow to my knee?

Come on, what's Spanish for "just give me my damn slice"?

Come on, you want to stand straight.

Come on, you're really gonna trust that Cobra guy

Come on!

Come on!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Coming from a world class daddy like you.

Coming near my son again, do you understand me?

Congratulations, Johnny.

Congratulations.

Consider me more of a...

Consider this a message from Daniel LaRusso.

Cool, how did all these people get here so early?

Could have burned down my whole neighborhood

Could you excuse me just for a moment?

Could you please not call me that?

Counselor Blatt and I go way back.

Couple of olives, ice, ice cold.

Crater face?

Creep.

Cut the crap. I just saw your new TV spot.

Dad, it's an AP physics prep course.

Dad, what are you doing?

Dad, what if Cobra Kai has changed?

Dad, where the hell is my drink?

Dad, you said you wouldn't embarrass me.

Dad's about to fight this guy

Damn it, Louie.

Daniel and I are both excited to hear your ideas.

Daniel LaRusso here for LaRusso Auto,

Daniel LaRusso is gonna coach!

Daniel LaRusso's gonna coach?

Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight?

Daniel likes to get a hard copy of the sales report

Daniel, can I talk to you inside?

DANIEL: Armand, come on.

DANIEL: Cobra Kai.

DANIEL: Come on now. Take it easy.

DANIEL: Got any red spray paint?

DANIEL: Hey. You all right?

DANIEL: I feel like lately l've let my anger take control.

DANIEL: I got a little art project.

DANIEL: I was actually considering

DANIEL: Keep up the good work.

DANIEL: l'm just letting you know the truth, Armand.

DANIEL: Look, Robby, I know it's hard growing up without a dad.

DANIEL: Look, Robby, I know it's hard growing up without a dad.

DANIEL: Nice, right?

DANIEL: Oh, I almost did it this time.

DANIEL: Oh, this is the old place.

DANIEL: Okay, like I told you, make a strong front stance

DANIEL: Robby!

DANIEL: Sam, you got a sec?

DANIEL: Show me wash the windows. Hai!

DANIEL: So let's talk real estate.

DANIEL: Something big?

DANIEL: Uh, no, l'm not acting irrationally.

DANIEL: When I was a kid, Mr. Miyagi took me

DANIEL: Yeah, no problem. Thank you.

DARYL: And finally, fighting unaffiliated

DARYL: And that brings us to the quarterfinals.

DARYL: Diaz and Cobra Kai with the point.

DARYL: Extreme Martial Arts..

DARYL: How about that? A two legged kick

DARYL: Keene and Miyagi Do get the first point.

DARYL: l'm sorry, folks, there's been a change

DARYL: Miguel Diaz is headed to the finals.

DARYL: Now that's what I call an entrance!

DARYL: Over on Mat Three, Robby Keene