Nathan Barley Soundboard Edit

A deep breath for my fucking money Dan!

A kind of concept album about the various sizes of paper

A move from the pub to the club for some awesome sounds

A night down the pub with your mates and it's fucking mental

A4 sounds

Ah, nice

Ah, Robin

All of which I've chosen to ignore

Alright fuck sticks

Alright spunkflake

Alright toe job

Alright you bum pilot

Alright you fucker

Alright you zips

Alright you zips!

Alright?

Am I going to write it myself Dan and not pay you any money?

And I'll be through in a minute

And Teriyaki meat salad

And the homeless, what's that all about?

And why not?

And, bat

Any fucking suggestions?

Any time you want to use any of the facilidados here, I can fix that

Apparently you are

Are you going to write an article about it?

Are you hard up for entertainment?

Ashcroft goes stray for pay

Ashcroft, Ashcroft, Ashcroft

Ashcroft's going to call the Weekend on Sunday a bunch of fuck zips

Awesome

Bad to have a bad uncle

Bad to have a bad uncle

Bad to have a bad uncle

Bangers and mash, bum

Be enabled, Place is creativilisation

Because maybe you should

Because um, is that alright?

Best bit's in about an hour and a half

Big brown elephant shit crack

Bum

Business manager, sits in his office all day looking at charts

But Dan, last time I had to write it for you, because you went a bit

But he is an idiot

But he's a bibble

But Max Herbert at the Weekend on Sunday agrees with me

Buzz on my nads

Can I borrow a tenner?

Can I borrow your laptop?

Cap some Susans

Check it out yeah

Check it out yeah, it is well bu

Check it out yeah, Trashbat dot cock?

Check out the web site yeah, it's well fucking futile

Check them out, direct comparison

Check this out

Check this out you bleeding fucking bum wart

Claire

Claire Ashcroft

Claire Ashcroft

Claire, did you do me in my sleep?

Classic

Click on diary to see my new phone

Come on, that's just, you are ill

Dan

Dan

Dan Ashcroft

Dan Ashcroft

Dan Ashcroft yeah?

Dan Ashcroft!

Dan Ashcroft!

Dan Ashcroft?

Dan Ashcroft?

Dan!

Dave Bikinis is going to be there

December 8th, 1980

Did you clean up afterwards?

Did you read my piece about the idiots?

Do it, then write about it

Do you know, I've had an ape hour, every day, since watching this thing on Discovery

Do you mind if I crash here?

Do you mind?

Do you need a laptop?

Do you reckon?

Does the Pope fuck kids?

Don't think you should mate, you're a bit jumpy

Donnie Docker, Howard Marks, Huggie Bear, Memorex, MP3, Marlon Brando

Dot cock

Dot cock yeah? Registered in the Cook Islands

Dot cock, that is funny

Eight screening rooms, five recording rooms, and a weekly juice market

Enominate bigamy

Everything made here, spurts out through this pipe

Feel sorry for you, finger slaves, yeah

Fifteen hundred quid?

Four rounds at the Nail Gun and then dinner

Fuck

Fucked her in the arse

Fucking hel

Fucking hilarious and you can't lose

Future's cum flannel

Genius

Go on, get it up your beak

Going dark

Good yeah?

Got a shotgun strapped to my back

Hail the rise of the idiots

Halal

Halal halaman halal

Halal!

Happens in working class family pubs like the Grey Lion, a lot of builders

Has your telephone number got an H in it?

Have you ever taken acid?

Have you got my money?

Have you read it?

Hawkwind?

He got ill because he swallowed a spike

He swallowed a spike

He was passing me the torch

He was watching the back of your tits when you got changed thoug

He'll sort out the paperwork, and Bob's your film

He's an idiot too

Heidi

Hello

Hello, my name's Nathan Barley and I'm an idiot

Hello, my name's Nathan Barley and I'm an idiot

Hello?

Hey Dan, Dan, preach

Hey Dan, we get something for you mate

Hey K hole!

Hey let's call it Barley yeah?

Hey Mr Trash Cock

Hey sis

Hey, you're

HI

Hi

Hi fanny blossom

His trousers fall down and there's a piss stain on his pants

His trousers full down, and there's a piss stain on his pants

How are you doll snatch?

How?

How's it fucking collapsing?

HQ's just around the corner

Huhuhuhu

I can't get your money

I did

I do not beige

I don't drive

I don't even know him

I don't know, it was in France

I don't want to go back

I have Bonobo Syndrome

I hear you are dressing up as Preacher Man

I heard he got a big feature job at Suga****?

I just got a zappuccino

I killed his cat

I know, and isn't that great that we're going to share it with so many people

I know, you'll love this one, it's well girly

I need some money

I rate that easily the best thing I've ever read

I think you're going to have to record a public statement

I tried to sort this out this morning, but the barber couldn't finish because um.

I was going to offer you £2000

I'll do an interview at 6

I'll text it over

I'm a self-facilitating media node

I'm about to ease a smile into your totally gorgeous mush

I'm going to do laps basically after that

I'm Nathan Barley, watch the fuck out Japan

I'm not a preacher man

I'm one of them

I'm sat cross-legged, on a cushion

I've come about the film grant

I've just told you

I"m a filmmaker

Is that Doug Rocket?

Is that what you're after, a loan fuck?

It actually induced the first of many nervous breakdowns

It sounded good, strong healthy jet

It's also a camera, it's also MP3 decks. It's been out for three weeks in Japan, where's yours?

It's an online urban culture dispatch

It's for my web site, it's going to be awesome

It's not really meant to be funny

Just listen to me OK, you're retards

Keep feeling fascination yeah?

Keep fucking the idiots, yeah?

Keep it chopped out yea

Keep it dense yeah

Keep it dusty

Keep it foolish

Keep it livid

Keep it mencap you fucking ear!

Know it, I practically bum it on a regular basis

Laters

Laters honey tits

Laters you greasy cock fart

Latte, no sugar

Listen Dan I'd love to debate the tits off this, but I've got an 11:07

Looking, learning, moving on

Major breakthrough!

Maths

Maximum

Miaow

Michelle gets the £20,000

Music

Music

Music

Music

Music... Barley UK

My name's Nathan Barley, and I like throwing people out of windows

My web site?

Nancy Spungen

Nathan Barley just told me you were doing a term

Nathan Barley, AKA as Trashbat

Nice glass of dutch wine?

Nice one

Nice one Dan-bo

Night Toby

Night Toby!

No

No

No, no

Now they've entered the building

Oh

Oh for fuck's sake

Oh fucking hell!

Oh I do

Oh yeah respect for that?

Ohhh, your bumhole just farted up my muf

OK, here's the credos

OK, I'll write about that

Once the idiots were just the fools, gawping in through the windows

Online tramp racing from Russia, totally dereg yeah

Oooooooh Oooooooh Oooooooh

Overrating, etc

Override the finger yeah?

Pain, pain of the monkey

Peace and Fucking

Peace and fucking Preach

Peace and Fucking, Believe

Peace and fucking, believe

Pigs are actually quite intelligent

Pigs are saddos yeah?

Pingu screaming

Pingu, coffee!

Piss off

Place, a farm for idea

Please

Preacher Man

Prostitutes, some of them are awful

Pub etc?

Quick it'll blister

Quite hilarious

****

****? Excellent, yeah

****do

Really?

Really?

Regime

Reindeer sausage and pumpkin puree

Renegade production node

Ringtone

Rise of the Idiots, awesome fucking opinions dude

Robert Palmer lives in my mobile

Rocket consistently redefines Think

Sellout

Shake the woman's hand mate

She is my sister

She's actually got Bonobo Syndrome, you know the monkey thing?

She's so coked up, she's probably stopped menstruating

She's the VJ off the telly

Shit or something

Sleep well!

So say brother Natha

So what you working on?

So what's new?

So, I'm Nathan Barley

Stanley Knives yeah

Stop it, you're all idiots

Stuff and shit is cool

Stupid people think it's cool, smart people think it's a joke, also cool

Suga****

Suga****

Take the day off

Taking the lips, down to the nips

Tell her your name's Nathan Barley

Terrorists are gay! Terrorists are gay! Terrorists are gay!

Thanks

Thanks

Thanks

Thanks Jon

That is well bu

That is well no way

The er guy

The guy?

The guy?

The idiot doesn't think about what it is saying, thinking is rubbish, and rubbish isn't cool

The idiots are self-regarding consumer slaves, oblivious to the paradox of their uniform individuality

The idiots are winning

The people we see every day, but we ignore because we're too busy listening to our iPods and thinking about kitchens

The rejects of society

The rise of the idiots, by Dan Ashcroft

Then we come back here and we chop some sense into that bollock

They babble into handheld twit machines about that cool email of a woman being bombed by a wolf

They sculpt their hair to casual perfection, they wear their waistbands below their balls

They use the word cool. It is their favorite word

They're great

This is a really annoying ring tone

This is my ape hour

This is Nathan Barley

This is Nathan Barley for Trashbat with

This is the coke head from last night?

This one suit you?

This one's really working

This, is Trashbat

Toby!

Toss off a builder, then write about it

Totally sums up my credos

Trash as in what's all around us

Trashback dot cock

Trashbat dot cock, it's my web site

Trashbat party yeah, you can come, you can come, you can come, get startled

Trashbat?

Tried to come to terms with myself

Triple size, four shots in it, and the best fucking foam you've ever squirted from your milky pump

Try Stanley Knives yeah, they're well bum

Twenty Kubrics?

Twice in one day

Uh

Uh yeah

Uh, geek, pie

Uh, kicked the brown door in, painted it white on the way out

Uh, yeah

Uhuhuh

Um

Um

Unless we are

Usual please

Wasp T12, it's got a massive number five because it's the most common number

Watch me evil Pingu's head with a lorry battery

We checked pigs, and they've got absolutely no idea

We don't usually contradict the tablet

We read magazines, we watch TV, we talk

We will fuck you up!

We've put your head on a preacher's body

Wear it out in mongland

Welcome to the age of stupidity

Well coincimental

Well faciliated, but under the total guidance of, so thanks again

Well I hope we haven't upset absolutely everyone

Well pour cold milk on it

Well what should I start my pitch with?

What about my edit you dickwad

What do you think of my proposal?

What edit gear you got?

What kind of shit?

What music do you cut to?

What the fuck is that?

What you getting?

What you working on?

What?

What's that, it looks like it's come out of a hospital bin

What's the second best thing you've ever read?

What's this about?

When quite without warning, John Lennon's head thrust through my floorboards

Where's the ice cream, where's the ice cream, where's the ice cream, where's the ice cream?

Which bit should I start with?

Which bit's that?

Who's he?

Why? Why???

Windy, which is typical of this time of year, only worse

Would you move off there please, that's my high rock

Wow

Wow

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah break a Chinaman yeah?

Yeah cuz like yeah that could be like two columns

Yeah I reckon

Yeah look yeah, you've slaughtered the pig of ignorance

Yeah right

Yeah snap his fucking hoof

Yeah Trojan measure mate, Trojan measure

Yeah well it's 10:30, so

Yeah what's this?

Yeah, but it's just stupid

Yeah, him

Yeah, it wasn't as good as I thought it could have been, but it's alright, it's OK

Yeah, thanks

Yeah, the photos of people pissing

Yeah, very good

Yeah, very, very funny

Yeah, we should give Nathan Barley a column

Yeah, well plastic

Yeah, well we could change it to a hen, they're well dense

Yeah, you're the preacher man

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yep

Yes

Yes please

You alright Dan?

You can come

You can come multiple times

You can come twice

You cunt

You didn't read it did you?

You didn't say goodnight

You know the stray scene, straight on straight gay action

You know they're the only band to knock themselves off the top of the charts with the same record

You pair of towels

You pay me back now, without money

You rim licker

You touched her

You're going to fuck an idiot

You're in trouble, can't you see he's too fucked to laugh

You're leaking

You're watching Trashbat

You've gone to piddle

3 AM

£20,000?