WKRP in Cincinnati - Season 1 Edit

A

A guy who doesn't quite know what's going on around him, and he likes it that way.

A little pipe shop downtown. Cash on the barrelhead out the window.

A lot of fun. Excuse me.

A man and his two children tried to kill me.

A watermelon.

Absolute secrecy and... 20 live turkeys.

After the turkeys hit the pavement,

Ah, good. Well, listen, it was nice speaking with you both.

Ah, Johnny, he's the station manager, and he feels left out.

Ah, you're all here. Good. I was gonna call a meeting anyway.

Ah. [ Chuckles ]

Ah. Perhaps you should tell me, Mr. Carlson.

Ah. You're off duty, huh? How about you? What are you doing?

All it's gonna take is your complete cooperation,

All looking like Dolly Parton.

All right, gentlemen, let's get out there and win one for WKRP.

All right, gentlemen, tomorrow's the big day.

All right, Travis. Uh, the newspaper's coming?

All right, what's Carlson done?

All we know for sure is that in a very few moments,

Am I right, Herb? I'd say better than "pretty good," Big Guy.

And I got a lot of special stuff in the works.

And I think I hear something now. [ Helicopter Approaching ]

And I'll bet you he's gonna be here long after we're all moved on.

And in football, this may be the week for the Bengals. Ah.

And in other headlines, Thursday is Thanksgiving again.

And it's gonna get even better.

And let every station in this town find out about it? No, sirree.

And look around, maybe review the troops.

And no detail is too small.

And now it's time to go to our live remote man on the scene...

And sometimes I think we're just a little bit too concerned about being number one.

And these casually dressed people over here seem to think they've taken over the place.

And we did pretty good on our own.

And we ended up with a warehouse full of wigs.

And you do, uh, boss stuff.

And, um, for those of you who just tuned in,

Andy, I gotta talk to you about Carlson.

Andy, Mr. Carlson Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

Andy, you got a minute?

Andy, you gotta do something about Carlson, man.

Andy, you've got to do something about Mr. Carlson.

Anything else? No, that that's about it.

As God is my witness,

At the Pinedale shopping mall for the big WKRP Turkey Giveaway.

Because it's Mr. Carlson's station.

Because this promotion is news, Andy big news.

Big picture? Yeah, you know.

Boston T shirts or Foreigner T shirts.

Boston. Foreign stuff shrinks.

Boy. Uh, Jennifer, would you come in, please?

But can I have a minute? Surely.

But I can tell you that you'll all be receiving your assignments later.

But I never get to steer the ship.

But I thought it would work

But I'm the Big Guy. Huh?

But now he's always coming up, trying to jive me, you know?

But you can always count on me.

By my side.

By the way, where will I be? I want you right there with me.

Carlson [ Laughs ]

Carlson, right? What's got into him, man?

Children are searching for their mothers, and

Could not explain his nudity.

Did you get those turkeys? Yeah, but it wasn't easy.

Don't touch those.

Don't you know who I am? Uh uh.

Draw that line.

Everything is going so well now.

Everything's squared away, Big Guy. Thanksgiving's coming up,

Excuse me, sir. Why does Les have to do a remote?

Film at 11:00.

Fine. Just fine. Ah.

For selling paraphernalia for drug users.

Gentlemen, as I speak, Johnny Fever is on the air

Give 'em the old rah rah sis boom bah stuff, guys.

Give me the rundown, your view from the top.

Good for you, Buckeye. Now get out of my doorway.

Good morning, Big Guy. Oh, hey, Herb, how's it going?

Good, good. Hey, I'm glad to hear it. Yeah.

Good. Good. Yeah.

Ha! Les?

He couldn't figure out how to get rid of 'em till the Guatemalan earthquake.

He just wants to be a part of things.

He used to be scared to death of me, and I thought that was a good relationship.

He wanted to approve the T shirt promotion.

He wants to go out on assignment with me.

He's got two turkeys with him already.

Heck no, Big Guy. I'm with you 100%.

Herb doing all right? Yeah.

Herb, I was just kidding.

Herb, you're in charge of getting those turkeys.

Hey, Herb, I know you're in a hurry,

Hey, Mr. Carlson [ Chuckles ]

Hey, you got permission to be out here? What?

Honestly, folks, I I don't know how much longer

How about the mail? Uh, uh, uh, uh. That's the important stuff.

How did she get away with that? Are you kidding?

How?

Huh? I see.

I I don't understand what you mean.

I I think I'll probably just slip out back, Jennifer,

I can't give you all the pertinent information at this particular point in time,

I can't stay out here and watch this any longer.

I can't tell just yet what they are, but

I don't get coffee, Mr. Carlson. We agreed.

I don't know about these other guys,

I don't know how much longer I can hold my position here, Johnny.

I don't know where Carlson is. But we're coming to you right after this record, okay?

I get that answer from everybody around here. "Oh, no problem."

I guess he thought he could save the day by turning the rest of the turkeys loose.

I guess he thought he could save the day by turning the rest of the turkeys loose.

I guess it's looking for a place to land.

I had to do some pretty fast talking, let me tell you.

I had to jam myself into a phone booth.

I haven't got all day.

I hope you know that. I do, Herb.

I It's a helicopter.

I just concluded a deal that's gonna make radio history.

I just, you know, thought I'd ask.

I know. [ Chuckles ]

I mean, he's driving me crazy with his suggestions.

I mean, I sit in here all day, you know, at the helm, as you say,

I mean, you're my right arm, man. What's happening out there in the field?

I need to have the day to day details if I'm gonna get the big picture.

I planned this thing right down to the last detail. It was perfect!

I really don't know how to describe it.

I still have this picture in my mind of...

I sure like the way you handle things.

I think I could feel it too, Mr. Carlson,

I think I'm going to step inside.

I think we ought to review our assignments. Les, you have those remote lines?

I think we're on the right track. Ah.

I thought turkeys could fly.

I want to personally approve everything that goes on in this station

I work alone, Andy. Everybody knows that.

I'm in charge here. I want to be involved.

I'm Les Nessman. I won the Buckeye Newshawk award last year.

I'm like a son to him.

I'm sorry. Creep.

If anything, you know, big comes up, I'll be right back here.

If you'd let me know just a little something about it. What?

In Thanksgiving Day history.

Inflation continues. There's more fighting in Africa.

It gets pretty strange after that.

It was almost as if they were... organized.

It was almost as if they were... organized.

It was like the turkeys mounted a counterattack.

It's a a dark object. Uh

It's a large banner, and it says, uh,

It's flying something behind it. I can't quite make it out.

It's probably gonna be a long meeting, so why don't you get coffee for all the guys?

It's probably nothing you'd be interested in.

Just all part of my job. Well, nobody does it better.

Just knowing that you're in here, boss uh, boss

Just want to tell you that Les, Herb and I were here before all of you.

Just what exactly did you have in mind, Mr. Carlson?

Knowing that you're at the helm gives us a lot of confidence.

Les been provin' right along? Yep.

Les isn't there.

Les, Herb, I don't have to tell you what this means.

Les, we are now a rock and roll station.

Les, you still there?

Les? Les? Les, are you there?

Les? Yes, sir?

Listen, man. You have any idea what's going on?

Look, I took this job originally...

Look, now listen. Mr. Carlson was here at WKRP when we were just kids.

Look, we're the young ones.

Matter of fact, Travis, just come right over here and, uh, take a seat.

Morning, gorgeous.

Morning, Mr. Carlson. You wanted to see me?

Mr. Carlson Sir, this is your promotion, and I respect that, but don't you think...

Mr. Carlson, could I get you a cup of coffee?

Mr. Collie, we know what the Humane Society stands for.

Never been anything else like it.

No offense.

No, I can't go in there.

No, I think that about does it.

No, I'm afraid he's not in.

No, I'm sorry. Mr. Carlson never returns calls.

No, no. I'm I'm fine.

No, sir. Look, everything is running very smoothly.

No, something just came out of the back of the helicopter.

No, they said that giving away turkeys wasn't their idea of news.

No. No, I don't suppose there has.

Nope. But in five minutes, we're gonna find out what's happening.

Nope. No?

Not now, Travis. I got some tremendous news.

Nothing!

Now he's he's into everything.

Now it gets strange. Yeah, right.

Now the crowd is [ Helicopter Whirring ]

Now you get out there, and you let those troops know what's expected of them.

Now, Mr. Carlson, he Well, he's just Mr. Carlson.

Oh, Andy, why did you let Mr. Carlson do this?

Oh, good morning, Mr. Carlson. Morning, Jennifer. Hey, what was that?

Oh, hello. Is Travis in?

Oh, my God! They're turkeys!

Oh, no! Johnny, can you get this?

Oh, not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this.

Oh, that's fine.

Oh, the humanity! [ Crowd Shouting ]

Oh, they're crashing to the earth right in front of our eyes!

Oh, yes. I can see it now. It's a

Oh, you mean, how's business? Yeah. Yeah. Just, you know,

Oh. Well, I I'm sorry.

Okay, I'll talk with him.

Okay, Johnny, you ready for whatever?

Okay. Real close. ** [ Rock ]

Okeydokey.

On the air telling the world about one of the greatest events in gobbler history.

One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Johnny, this is terrible.

Only the greatest promotion idea of all time. Great.

Only the mail, Herb. That's all I'll ever have for you.

Ooh, I'll be around. [ Chuckles ]

Ooh! Can almost feel that electricity in the air.

Or maybe not. Oh.

Ours is not to wonder why, Travis. Right

P."

Perhaps a skydiver plummeting to the earth from only 2,000 feet into the air.

Possibly. Worse things have happened to us since we switched to rock and roll.

Previous management had things pretty well screwed up around here.

Quake victims stumbling through the rubble,

Relax, you rascal, you so and so,

Right up there on the desk like that.

Shipped these destitute earthquake victims in Guatemala...

Shoot it to me straight, hotshot.

Sir, it was the most unusual promotion idea I ever heard of.

Sit down right there. Get you anything? Coffee? Gum?

So Carlson, out of the goodness of his heart,

So far, so good, huh?

So take it away, Les Nessman.

So, how about me? How am I doing?

Some of them tried to attack me.

Such as? Well, you, uh

Thank you. [ Chuckles ]

Thanks for that on the spot report, Les.

Thanks for that update, Les. [ Chuckles ]

That should do it. No, that'll take care of it.

That was the Humane Society. They sounded pretty upset.

That's not good enough, Travis.

That's pretty fast, Herb. Yeah.

The copter seems to be circling the parking area now.

The crowd [ Silence ]

The crowd is running around pushing each other. Oh, my goodness!

The crowd is running for their lives.

The crowd is, uh, curious but well behaved.

The crowd kind of scattered, but...

The guy won't leave me alone.

The National Guard? No, sir. The National Guard I don't think it's that serious.

The Pinedale shopping mall has just been bombed with live turkeys.

The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement.

Then Mr. Carlson had the helicopter land in the middle of the parking lot.

There are going to be a lot of happy people out here.

There's a second and a third.

There's no need to bother Mr. Carlson with this. He's a very busy man.

There's no parachutes yet.

They'll be sorry. This event's gonna set the town on its ear.

This is Les Nessman, your man on the scene here at the Pinedale Shopping Center,

This is yours.

This man must be stopped before he promotes again.

Those can't be skydivers.

Traffic, continuity, programming, engineering the whole ball game.

Turkey Thanksgiving giveaway.

Turning to the weather, it's 45 degrees and cloudy.

Uh, always.

Uh, Big Guy, I

Uh, have a seat. No, thank you.

Uh, I was just wondering how things were going in sales.

Uh, I'm working on a promotion idea.

Uh, Les, come on now. Tell us the rest

Uh, naturally, it didn't work.

Uh, no, I'm I'm fine. Ah. Good. [ Chuckles ]

Uh, no, thank you, Jennifer. We agreed. Hmm?

Uh, no. No.

Uh, terrific. Excuse me.

Uh, the crowd is moving out into the parking area. And

Uh, well, no. There's quite a crowd though. Where's the Big Guy?

Uh, well, then again, you Well, let let me put it this way.

Uh, what's it like to ride in a helicopter?

Uh, yeah. Mr. Carlson, I need to have a word with you, sir.

Um, where is this pipe shop?

Use a haircut, Les.

W... K... R... P.

Wait a minute. I assure you that there is nothing in the world wrong with the Big Guy.

We'll really whip this place into shape.

We're here to witness the big WKRP Hey, you

Well, all right. At this particular point in time,

Well, do you think the Indians are gonna attack?

Well, first off,

Well, gentlemen, tomorrow is turkey day.

Well, I can't say as I blame him. After all, he is the boss.

Well, I don't like it. It's too quiet.

Well, in that case, it's going just fine. No problems.

Well, it looks like this thing might work out for Carlson after all.

Well, Mr. Collie, a lot of turkeys don't make it through Thanksgiving.

Well, sir, now I don't know about Let's face it, Travis.

Well, then let's Why don't you just put those shiny boots...

Well, uh, we don't know whether to give away...

Well, you know, just me, the station manager.

What a sight, ladies and gentlemen. What a sight.

What has been described as perhaps the greatest turkey event...

What What am I doing good at?

What, uh, seems to be the big story of the day?

What?

What? Well, all right. I guess I can do this thing myself.

What's really going on, Travis?

When that farmer asked me what I wanted with 20 live turkeys,

Where the excitement is mounting.

Where'd you get those birds?

Why, those fools

Why?

Will there be anything else I can do?

WKRP.

Yeah, but, Andy Now, Venus, if we cut him out, what's the point?

Yeah, well, get in line. Hmm? Oh, surely.

Yeah, yeah, Les. I know that you do. Okay. I'll, uh, talk with Carlson.

Yeah? Well, maybe I can be of some assistance.

Yeah.

Yeah. No, mis Look, Mr. Mayor,

Yes, sir. [ Chuckles ]

Yes, sir. And I've had a big banner made up with the station call letters on it

Yes, there was some damage, sir, but no one was hurt.

Yes, yes, sir. Yes, sir. Thank you very much.

Yes. Uh, good bye.

You are the boss. Ah.

You get out there and take care of the shopping center.

You got 'em, Big Guy. [ Chuckles ]

You got anything, uh, for me?

You just get comfortable there and then give me the big picture.

You know, for, uh, blankets, clothes anything.

You know, it's been quite a while since the format change.

You rough and ready guy, you, huh?

You should have been here for the big wig promotion.

You should let us know some of the details?

You want me, Mr. Carlson? [ Mr. Carlson ] Oh, yeah. Come in, Jennifer.

You want me, Mr. Carlson? [ Mr. Carlson ] Oh, yeah. Come in, Jennifer.

You're a good man. One of the best.

You're blocking my store here, buddy.

You're the boss. Uh huh. All right.

You're the station manager. Aha! Yeah, that's what I am, but what do I do?

You're welcome.

Young lady, I've done thousands of promotions in my day. Now what's the problem?

3,000 blonde stretch wigs.

[ Static On Radio ] ** [ Hard Rock ]

And it's coming this way. A helicopter?

Business, the news game your department. Who wants to know?

He blew a deal I've been working on. Oh? Who was the client?

He's way out of line, Andy. [ All Shouting ]

Hello. Hello.

Hey, what are you doing? Nothing.

I think you're doing just fine. You do? I see.

I would like to dictate a press release. I don't take dictation.

It should have worked. Mr. Carlson, can I help you?

Keep up the good work. No problem.

Les! Are you okay? I don't know.

Les. How's it going? How's what going?

Nothing you need to know about. Ah, good.

Now trust me on this. [ All Shouting ]

Oh, yeah. You have to draw the line somewhere.

Say what? Well, the Red Cross called out,

Taxes. Nobody wants to pay them anymore. Ah, I see.

Thank you. Oh, no. Thank you.

Uh, Mr. Carlson? Yes?

Wants to know if I need anything. Well, like what?

Well, everything's fine. Oh, listen.

What did you tell him? I told him it was a secret.

What do you suppose he's up to? Carlson? I don't know.

What happened? Well,

What'd he say? He said it was just a front...

Yeah, well, so I hear. He's hanging around my Teletype machines.

Travis, take care of everything here at the station. Where are you gonna be?

'cause I figured Carlson was like me

"from W...

"giving...

"Happy...

"K... R...

"Thanks...

[ All Laughing ]

[ Barks ] [ Grunts ]

[ Chuckles ] Rattle a few cages.

[ Clears Throat ]

[ Clears Throat ] Yeah, uh, Andy. Um Why don't you come right on in here?

[ Helicopter Circling Overhead ] All the people are running about.

[ Humming, Clicking Stop ]

[ Humming, Clicking Tongue ]

[ Imitating Rocket Engines Firing ]

[ Laughing Fades, Stops ]

[ Laughs ] The old spirit!

[ Les ] I'm here with hundreds of people who have gathered to witness...

[ Les ] Okay, no problem. I can handle it.

[ Les ] Yes, Johnny

[ Man ] ...but the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated,

[ Man ] Weather today in the Greater Cincinnati area

[ Man Singing ] * I love you so badly I could *

[ Mews ]

[ Rings ]

[ Sighs ] What's he done?

[ Static ] ** [ Classical ]

[ Static ] ** [ Pop ]

[ Woman ] ...they're solid plastic, so don't settle for imitation

* Baby if you've ever wondered *

* Cincinnati, WKRP

* Got kind of tired of packing and unpacking *

* I'm at WKRP

* I'm living on the air in Cincinnati *

* In Cincinnati *

* Just maybe think of me once in a while *

* Maybe you and me were never meant to be *

* Town to town up and down the dial *

* Wondered whatever became of me *

** [ Continues ]

** [ Ends ]

** [ Ends ]

** [ Ends ] All right, fellow babies,

** [ Man Singing, Indistinct ]

** [ Rock ]

** [ Rock ]

** [ Rock ]