Intolerable Cruelty (2003) Soundboard Edit

A romantic divorce attorney.

Absolutely! I did it! It was I!

All right. So much for the icebreakers. What are you after, Freddy?

All the livelong day

And sometimes, Counselor, we obey the law.

And to whom did you introduce that calculating woman?

Any relation to John D. Doyle of Doyle Oil?

Any telltale signs of indiscretion on the part of Ms. Rexroth?

Are you two here to get married or to bullshit?

Bring this to trial, we'll see if Kershner applies.

But that doesn't really concern me

But then... Then...

But, Counselor, this is not one of those times

But, listen, I’m about to close a deal to develop some mini malls.

Chow Sing, bring that barbecue sauce over here, little buddy.

Come to papa. Come on.

Does anyone have any bones? Bones? Dog candies?

Does that mean you won't be charging us for the hour?

For any reason,

For where a heart is hard, they make no battery

Forced march kind of thing. My God, my dogs are barkin'.

Freddy, I was sorry to hear about the Goldberger award. Pastry?

Freddy!

Freddy! Fine. We'll eat the pastry.

Freddy.

Get her out and buy some time

Have dinner with me.

He kept everything? You win? No compromise? Isn't that what you wanted?

Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.

Hello?

Hello? Marylyn?

Hi, it's Miles Smith... Mr. Smith calling to say,

I can always tell, going to Vegas, who's gonna win.

I don't know.

I forgot that I left the gas main on, which leaks!

I had lunch with Freddy Bender yesterday.

I have been for over a year now, man, and I needed someone to talk to.

I intend to devote myself to pro bono work in East Los Angeles

I love her! I trust her!

I said I wouldn't whilst I wasn't, which implies no promise once I am.

I saw an ad in the paper,

I stand before you naked,

I was painted a harlot.

I'm sorry, Mr. Massey, but I felt certain you'd want to know.

I've been workin' on the railroad

I’m fascinated by that creature. Richer than me, huh?

I’m gonna nail your ass.

I’m sure Freddy's just too modest to tell you he used to clerk for Clarence Thomas.

In here.

In the world of matrimonial law, there are...

Is this a legal argument. What's good for the gander?

Is this Mr

It’s hard to believe that when you walk out that door today,

It’s imperative that I meet with Oliver Olerud before we proceed any further,

It’s just...

Just a come on from those gals on Seventh Avenue

Let me ask you something. Attila the Hun. Ivan the Terrible. Henry the Eighth.

Let me tell you what they called me in medical school.

Looks like she's gone. Looks like she bought it

Made me sick to my stomach. No fault divorce.

Marvin said that Rex's will was four years old. Never redrafted it

Marylyn, there is nothing in the Massey prenup that says

Maybe I should just tear it all down, build a cottage.

My client is prepared to consider a reconciliation.

My client proposes a 30 day cooling off period

My God, is that her?

My speech.

Naturally, we'll try to impeach.

No, I didn't call you anything.

No, no, no, no, no. No. This is all wrong

Not unless you pay extra

Now, Mrs

Objection, Your Honor!

Of course, I can't offer you the same kind of financial remuneration

Oh, Mr. Massey, you have no idea

Oh, what are you looking at?

Okay!

Okay. Now, I minoxed her address book.

Or do we fan this precious flame,

Puffy

Rex had a massive coronary in the middle of a business meeting.

Right.

She said she took the kids to Tahoe?

She's left the state, and she's in breach.

So it's your sworn testimony that you have loved Rex Rexroth

So Marylyn married a soap actor.

So she's... She's poor.

So we had an understanding.

Thank you

Thank you for coming to this celebration

That's not a crime either. No, I don't see myself as culpable in any sense.

The choice is, of course, each of ours.

The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves.

The Massey prenup has never been penetrated.

The music is Simon & Garfunkel. And this is the Massey prenup.

The old man? More than anybody. He's a legend.

The prenup protects the wealthier party.

They never really cared for each other

This firm deals in perception.

This is going to be my passport to wealth, independence and freedom.

This is what I want

This morning I stand before you a very different Miles Massey

This woman has humbled,

To lawyers, anyway.

Vulnerable,

Wasn't it, in fact, he who was sleeping with the pool man?

We have pictures of his wife with the oral surgeon.

Well, he... Oh, God.

Well, I admire your loyalty

Well, I think it stinks. They left you with nothing.

Well, thank you, Mr...

Well, thanks, Sarah, but I can't sleep on your couch forever.

Were there any other specifications?

What are, for you, the parameters of the possible?

What the hell's wrong with you?

What's his problem?

Wheezy Joe?

Which of you is Smith?

Yeah. It’s a catch 22.

Yes

You got to play your tape, Freddy.

You know why I hate this town, Wrigley? You see, people get to Las Vegas,

You promised to have dinner with me once you were free.

You whore!

You, on the other hand, could be disbarred

But you don't think so. How do you know?

Can I trust you? Yes, you can trust me.

Can't I be curious? About what?

Counsel argues. You appear.

Did you hear something? Only the patter of little lawyers' feet.

Gardeners. Gardeners. Got a man who waxes my jet.

I’m the professional. Oh. Okay

It was his gun. And we'll get it back for you.

It’s imperative that you leave the house. Hello, Miles.

Kershner was in Kentucky! All right, Freddy.

l just love trains! I love trains! lf you please, sir!

lf he's on his way there... Oh, no! Marylyn!

Marylyn! Her ulcer.

Marylyn? Oh, hello, Miles.

Miles' house

Nailing Your Spouse's Assets. Excuse me?

so I thought... Who's here? Here?

This here is for you, baby

We're not in a rush. Mr. Smith is.

What's so goddamn funny? Please, let me handle this.

Yes? Donovan, is everything all right? Yeah, the production meeting was put off,

You're gonna win. Excuse me?

You're looking well, Marylyn. Hello, Miles