My goofy uncle is holding me captive and forcing me to watch crispy Concorde videos. No, my buddy Quintalius Barnacle Jones Junior got smacked in the head with a rhinoceros horn because he was listening to No Maidens. So my grandpa punched me in the head at 90 mph and I was paralyzed from the waist up. Hey Kwan. Dale Dingle here, I just escaped prison. I'm staying at my friend Juan Dale Pringle's house. As I was running away from cops, I fell and sc****d some of my foreskin off. A guy named G...