Archer - Season 1 Edit

A little something? Oh, that is just classic you.

A nice start to a new start.

A pen store. And yet...

A problem.

A real smackarooni.

A secret agent.

A sex tape of Mother?

A supercool ISIS field agent like Archer, but...

A welcome mat at your back door. Archer.

A whole lot of money to get this back.

A whole, like, squad of hot little Filipina masseuses.

A wrinkled old man like you.

A. k.a. Duchess."

Aah! And how the hell are your hands that freaking strong...?

Aah! Damn it! When did we get a bulletproof door?

Aboard the Chum Guzzler.

About a jillion. Damn it.

About a million. But Cheryl was scared to come in here...

About boarding school. And really, sorry about Cyril

About Conway boning your mother. Oh, my...

Absinthe makes me black out.

Active doubles, passive doubles, dangled moles...

Actually cooks the fish. Try it.

Actually seems kind of gay. Maybe because our penises are touching.

Actually, I don't have any cash.

After four weeks. What are you, a lesbian?

After how you treated me?

After the kitchen, then vasectomy maybe.

After the Popeye incident, sir.

After the stunt he pulled in Berlin?

Again? Seriously, Pita...

Against you, and your mother, and ISIS, and...

Agent Kane. What?

Agent Sterling Archer of ISIS. Wait, you know who I am?

Agents Archer and Kane, of ISIS. What?

Ah. Kill Mother.

Ah. My vulva is smoother than a veal cutlet.

Ah. Okay. Probably merits a follow up.

Ahem. Mm hm.

Ajax a success, Teheran is ours, stop.

All aboard, for safety and adventure!

All day, like some sort of henge? Okay.

All of San Marino could fit in the South Bronx.

All right, I'm going. Shitty flying rats.

All right, just pull the knife out.

All right, you yellow sons of bitches.

All right! Obviously, I need to make a decision

All that Schützie. And holy shit, did I honk down a bunch of absinthe?

All the gear those sweaty tech dweebs normally... Oh!

Almost all of it, but...

Almost two hundred miles an hour. Big whoop, that little squishy...

Along with my appetite.

Already off to Monaco?

Also, be nicer to Woodhouse, stop.

Also, you should all be nicer to Pam.

Although this is a non smoking area, sir.

Always primed and ready for action.

An exotic woman on the bed...

An ODIN black flag operation!

An unreliable asset and security risk."

And 16 titanium screws couldn't fix. Come on, don't be shitty.

And a follow up question: Why did he just call me son?

And after you take Archer to the...

And all because Mother cooked up...

And all of a sudden he's Judge Crater. Oh, for God's sake!

And all we need is a stand in, who resembles Schmeck's Cuban contact...

And almost...

And also a dealbreaker.

And also the fact that this is a direct order.

And also woefully esoteric.

And anybody else, Rambone? No.

And as you may or...

And besides, we're not going far.

And by "don't worry", do you mean the chick's gonna be doing the handy?

And cut me out of the will. Ugh. Archer.

And don't even get me started on Miss Gillette.

And done, but if you still want us to steal you that gigantic diamond...

And either way, can we do it without that thing?

And even though you were gonna shoot and or frag me...

And fling acid in your face. Thank you.

And for God's sake, take a shower.

And forgot to give my new address to his stupid boarding school.

And from the looks of it, not to mention the lemur...

And grab the keys to that car.

And he will not stop until I am dead. So, what, just a life on the run?

And he's actually quite handsome.

And here's a conversation ender. Adios.

And his name's not really Krenshaw, it's Kremenski.

And how dare you steal my son away from me?

And how exactly would we do that?

And I am slicing it like a butcher. Just keep at it.

And I broke my watch. And I'm sorry for that.

And I don't know if you knew this, but Framboise and I were...

And I don't want another one of your sullen whores using my medicine cabinet..

And I drove her right into his arms.

And I for one am fed up.

And I have so much love to give.

And I need to feel confident.

And I need to get in my safe, so open the goddamn door already!

And I need you ready, locked, and loaded.

And I suppose that makes it better.

And I think I just had a flashback, so...

And I will find it much more enjoyable...

And I'll have nothing left to remind me of Conway.

And I'm circumcised. So it can... It doesn't work like that.

And I'm so open to that.

And I'm sure I don't need to remind you...

And if I am Archer's father...

And if it gets ruined...

And if it happens again I'll put a lock on it...

And if memory serves, not only handsome, but also...

And if ODIN made you a better offer, what kind of mother would I be...

And if the Needle kills Utne, we won't even get our per diem.

And if you can't see it in your heart to forgive me...

And if you ever get tired of playing JV ball...

And if you violate that trust, or the food, there's...

And if you violate that trust, or the food, there's...

And if you were half as smart as she was..

And if you weren't so busy trying to bang that waitress...

And it makes for fascinating reading.

And it makes you temporarily gay?

And it's a big dangerous world out there.

And it's not broadening Cyril's horizons.

And just have you live in my garden. I would like some new clothes.

And just where the hell is she?

And just who the happy hell..

And kill the arms dealer trying to sell them, Spirodon Skorpio.

And knit a onesie for it. Jesus Christ.

And Lana deserves a real ring, so...

And last but not least... I'm sorry, I don't know your name.

And laughing in there with Uncle Buddy! Sterling, I'm warning you.

And let us paint the walls with your brains.

And let's do that. Right after we shove...

And let's just knock off the giggling.

And M! As in Mancy!

And make Torvald happy. Um, phrasing?

And making it hard to drop a deuce.

And markers, and maybe even some glitter.

And mastectomy coupons.

And maybe you just got your face kicked off.

And maybe, if you stand on those tiptoes, your huge apartment.

And me neither. Because even though that whole weekend...

And Mexican whore house y. So I'm sure your cook feels at home.

And Miss Fire Hazard in there bricked up the only stairwell.

And named it this exact situation.

And no muffin. See? Time lost is muffin lost.

And nobody touch anything.

And not that it's any of your beeswax, but I did not have sex with Skorpio.

And now I feel like a dick so come on.

And now I'm short a slightly darker black one.

And now my baby is gone!

And now not only are you hiring another agency...

And now you tell me it doesn't work.

And on second bell, I come out, all John Wooey...

And on top of that suck salad...

And on top of that suck salad...

And once Facilities cleans his brains out of it...

And once they do? Let's just say you better learn to use some chopsticks, buddy.

And Pam, Krieger, Carol. All the...

And parting her moist lips...

And people think Jane's stupid.

And pump a round into his prostitute. Wait, what?

And ready to eliminate the target.

And Rudi's an interior decorator. God, he's the best in Miami.

And said, "Help me showcase my intellect."

And scream, "Look at those babies, old man.

And she begs me to take her back, so then Cyril commits suicide."

And she says she can't go to hospital...

And Skorpio's raping her senseless... Oh!

And slowly I am rubbing it around... Goddamn it.

And so basically we are totally unprepared for this mission.

And so, here are the keys and the deed...

And so, I must now go into hiding.

And so, remember how I said we'd just hired someone?

And speaking of lame, my code name...

And spoiler alert, it ends with a closetful of my suits on fire.

And starts trying to get all up in everything?

And Sterling. But this gun, it was a gift.

And that does not for a young boy a very merry Christmas make.

And that is a Cuban hit squad.

And that is? I thought you were off to the fair with your prize turnip.

And that Ramón guy's a Cuban agent...

And that supply closet is just packed with posterboard...

And that's all you have to say?

And that's the game, Lana. Survival.

And that's the reason I don't have sex with my co workers.

And that's your message? My God, who...?

And that's your message? My God.

And the ass reduction you so need.

And the boob job. That you so need.

And the cafeteria, and...

And the cartridge is full of a deadly super toxin called...

And the fact your mother died in a fire.

And the last sensation that you feel before you die...

And the rest you can set aside for Pita's inevitable medical expenses.

And the safety's off so be careful, it could go off for, like...

And the skinny bitch ectomy you need.

And the third system is state of the art voice activation

And the third's from maintenance, finally off his lazy ass to fix the AC.

And then Agent Mgumbe... You going to this lame ISIS picnic?

And then I shove his hawk face right into her big brown boobs...

And then it's "Who has the ability to survive?"

And then set those pajamas on fire!

And then slap Saran Wrap on the hole.

And then they can control his brain.

And then... yeah! Oh, yeah!

And there goes the last Steuben.

And think about how you're not the boss of me.

And this is the locker room.

And this may be old cliché...

And those were his last words.

And threat. Woodhouse. Yes.

And to plan covered elective surgery.

And unsubstantiated rumor I will not tolerate at ISIS.

And very eager to sit here quietly in the corner...

And voicemail again. Huh.

And we'll just see how tough Sterling is...

And we'll see who's smirking...

And what about that are you still not getting, exactly?

And what the hell are you wearing, Woodhouse?

And what your pathetic life will be like without old Mommy dearest.

And what, you need more room to chop vegetables?

And what?

And when I think about Archer, and so I blew him off.

And while you're not ever speaking to me, jump up your own ass and die.

And who are you, Comrade Questions?

And why doesn't your voicemail just say, "Leave a message, I'm a jackass"?

And yet you lecture me. Lovely.

And yet, you always do.

And you can have your dick son back.

And you don't even call me back? Well...

And you expect me to believe that?

And you froze all of Sterling's accounts?

And you have no trace of Cuban accent.

And you might want to duck.

And you think an appropriate response is to ruin my suit?

And you think you can make that unhappen if you give Lana a tiny flake of brown mica?

And you, scuff that luggage, and I'll cut your hamstrings for you.

And you're cool with Krieger shucking your side corn?

And you're gonna give her that if she says no?

And you're the last man I was in bed with.

And, again, you do realize it'll be totally destroyed in the process.

And, Cyril, ignore her.

And, Cyril, it's a rescue mission, okay?

And, uh, I'm supposed to run what we call a honey pot on him.

And, uh, someone broke the elevator.

Any way we can bump that to five?

Apparently not, so...

Apparently the kind that scrimps on background checks.

Apparently uses the same awful decorator as my mother.

Appealing. What, is it Pam?

Aquiline nose of yours. Wait, what?

Archer train me? To be a field agent?

Archer, come on, man, let's go.

Archer, do something.

Archer, I need your help! I think I'm losing it here, man!

Archer!

Archer! Jesus, God! What?

Archer! Me of all people?

Archer! Cyril, what are you doing here?

Archer? Cyril? What're you...?

Archer? Hello? He hung up.

Archer? Oh, what the hell? Where the **** are you going?

Archer. Ha. Sterling Archer.

Are you an idiot? Or do you just think I am?

Are you feeling ready to buy?

Are you idiots still even here?

Are you kidding? 36 guys?

Are you out of your big fat Russian skull?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you still here?

Are you...? You're looking for the answer "yes"?

Aren't you?

Around women. Really?

As also am I. So if you will excuse...

As it happens, I am here with a child.

As long as nothing goes wrong on this flight.

As much as I can take from you. Hey! Phrasing!

As my beautiful companion. Ha ha.

As you're gunned down by ISIS agents.

Ass.

Ass. If you love it, put a ring on it. Okay, so you go fix this.

At a mother's suffering, Barry, you asshole!

At ease, Career Admiral, Malory was getting impatient on Salsa.

At least tell me it's separate beds.

At the, uh... The whatchamacallit.

At this point, really anything.

Aw, damn it, we... Where is the hobbit guy?

Ay, dios mío!

Baby, I really need you to trust me. Okay, now...

Baby! You came back to me!

Ballistically similar to g****s?

Balls deep in some French chick. Ex boyfriend, I bet.

Bang.

Barry "We have this whole huge history together" Dillon?

Barry, does this make up for Framboise?

Barry, hi.

Barry, if you touch me, I swear to God I will put you in the ground.

Barry, you asshole!

Barry? I guess, go ahead and call Facilities or whatever

Bartleby, the Scrivener? Anybody?

Because a man like you, Cyril, doesn't deserve a woman like Lana.

Because after losing Agent Pak last year...

Because after three months of whatever it is we're doing...

Because all you're gonna get is holes. L... I mean holes in you...

Because all you're gonna get is holes. L... I mean, holes in you...

Because for a second there, I was like... I mean, not in a racist way, but...

Because for Utne to buy it, everyone must act surprised.

Because he is so tired.

Because he turns women into whores.

Because he'll be back, crying for his mommy.

Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly?

Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly?

Because I am officially out of gin.

Because I bet I just, like, reek of her.

Because I don't want Sterling to end up with a woman like Lana Kane?

Because I have a... Why did you call?

Because I kept screaming it.

Because I knew you'd be here, because you don't trust Lana with Mr. Archer.

Because I made the bomb threat!

Because I think you have some serious and unresolved issues with your father.

Because if I had shot you in the face, I'd be living here.

Because if they don't steal me that huge diamond...

Because if you let me in the mainframe, I'll drop these doughnuts.

Because in one hour, the world's most dangerous terrorists...

Because it's already soaked into the fibers, dumbass.

Because let me tell you, I was black ops.

Because my dad won the Navy Cross.

Because my mommy's not the boss.

Because of Pam's huge mouth

Because our employer was very clear: We are not to harm the hostess.

Because she's, quote, "tripping balls."

Because there is lamp everywhere.

Because there's gonna be some neurological damage.

Because these corporate bag munchers...

Because this is a huge opportunity for me...

Because this is what was there, Lana!

Because this malaka is ripped.

Because we actually agree on something. Wait, really?

Because we're one big family.

Because when I hand the notorious Duchess to the KGB...

Because when your co workers put food in the refrigerator...

Because you don't know how to share, beyotch.

Because you have information that I want.

Because you learned nothing from it.

Because you're exactly the opposite of Archer?

Because, commie, I have something called a mortgage.

Because, let's see, Ramón is Latino... And Latinos are all about machismo.

Beep, beep, beep.

Before he chops her battered corpse into fish food.

Before I give in to you belly achers.

Before you blew the damn drop!

Besides incredibly awkward?

Besides the fact that now both of our shirts reek of curry.

Bet he's hatching some half assed, vodka soaked scheme to...

Bet this seems pretty weird.

Black. Ass. Son of a bitch. Heh.

Blathering about your vulva. Hey, first of all...

Blowing it up will send the stock price down to zero.

Bock, bock.

Boy, you are just so determined not to be cool about this.

Break in to the ISIS mainframe.

Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.

Burying some Dominican guy's rooster. Fun.

But a non circumcised ******* guy, that's not weird to you?

But apparently you're not.

But apparently you're too busy showing off your vealy vulva!

But baby, don't you know I...

But could you be a lamb and disarm it anyway?

But Cyril Figgis ain't buying it.

But don't you deduct it on your taxes or something?

But even if you zip lined across...

But even though I do all that...

But for all we know, this could be insulin.

But he also knows how to work all the computers and satellites and shit.

But her I want to poison most of all.

But I already have a father. His name was John Fitzgerald Archer

But I am liking the jamming imagery.

But I am sure he is very strong.

But I can't freaking talk right now!

But I could talk sense into him. After all, I am his father.

But I don't know if it's gonna be a good fit.

But I got a bad feeling about Mother's little "Project Conway."

But I seriously feel crappy about that. No.

But I was the first to recognize its potential as a tactical garment.

But I wonder what Lana thinks?

But I'm sure you had a good reason to lie to me...

But if he's on the plan of Frau Archer...

But if I find one single dog hair when I get back...

But if we unite, we can put a stop to it.

But if you don't mind, I'd prefer to keep...

But if you try to double cross me...

But in the long run the HSA makes a lot more sense than flex accounts.

But instead he just starts choking the shit out of you...

But is it supposed to be brown?

But is Soviet technology...

But it looks like we're picketing the cleaners.

But it's not you, it's your weak, womanny hands.

But keep them limbered up. I have a big surprise planned for dinner...

But l... Oh, shit, my rug.

But look, you be careful with Skorpio. He won't hesitate to kill you.

But not so good for you, Mr. Archer.

But only on the "what," mind you, not the "why."

But Senator, we now have a subway museum...

But seriously, it does sound like we're about to be overrun, so...

But so then this one starts freaking out, and long story short...

But someday I'm gonna write a book about this place. Mm hm.

But suave master spy, Sterling Archer, stands alone.

But that doesn't mean anything. I mean...

But that Framboise chick must have been a prostitute before she got this gig.

But that is my decision, Ms. Archer.

But that never stopped J. Edna Hoover from persecuting Martin Luther King...

But that's a lot of money.

But the 21 gun salute.

But the military funeral.

But the stereotype thing got me thinking...

But there, you see. It's gone.

But there's only one way to find out. Give me that.

But they're not trained. We haven't done this yet.

But this party is different. And very important...

But this time you may not find the target...

But wait, would that cheer you up? Me and you, a little revenge anal?

But we have ways of making you talk.

But we've got a problem. A problem or a blessing?

But what I have seen...

But what if you kill them both?

But what of the financial arrangements?

But when it exits this window.

But which shall it...? Oh!

But why hasn't she called? I mean, what if she's in danger?

But you have a certain thickness about you...

But you make shitloads more than we do.

But you promised me breakfast.

But you promised me Ruby Foo's.

But you were quite insistent... What was I?

But you're all dried up in there.

But your mother is, so...

But, I mean, morality aside, how do you keep track of all these lies?

But, wait, it gets worse

By accident. We could explain.

By dosing Danny the intern's coffee.

Call girl. It's not an insult, Cyril.

Called the element of surprise?

Called the element of surprise?

Came this close to leaving...

Can you get it? Sorry. I also need cab fare.

Can you just get out of the way!

Can't or won't?

Can't or won't?

Can't wait to tell Trudy Beekman all about it.

Can't you read, ass douche? You're not supposed to be here without a kid.

Captain, dear, where would it do the most damage?

Carol? Carol?

Carol? Carol.

Carol.

Carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk.

Cause I'm gonna pretend you're Alex Karras.

Charles, ISIS employs some of the world's foremost...

Check the Kaiser Wilhelm suite.

Cheryl, I swear to God...

Classic misdirection.

Coarse.

Code name Duchess.

Combine the pampering of a cruise ship...

Come on people, talk to me!

Come on, 22 black.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, can't you guys do something?

Come on, Ms. Archer. You've been in there ten hours.

Come on! It's not Larry Luftwaffe, that's...

Come on. Everybody shoots. Hey, I wanna go. Bam!

Come on. I bet Mr. Archer already went all double oh ninja on Skorpio's ass.

Come on. Lana, why the hell are...?

Come on. She doesn't need a corner office...

Come see me.

Come, my dear. Before the party, I must relax...

Commence Operation "Rub Len Trexler's Big Fat Nose In It."

Commence Operation: "Something about I rescue Lana...

Compulsively blabby self.

Confirmed a naughty nellie's breaking our after work phone rule.

Conway, wait. Just answer me one question.

Conway! That was amazing.

Cost of living adjustment.

Crack open a tube of cookie dough and talk?

Cristal. Yet another offering of unrefrigerated meat and/or seafood.

Crunch!

Crunch. No, wait, Beefheart.

Curiously oppressive brand of love?

Cyril did that. This is what a real field agent uses.

Cyril doesn't normally storm off without even kissing me goodbye!

Cyril Figgis, ISIS comptroller and...

Cyril Figgis, ISIS Comptroller.

Cyril Figgis.

Cyril Figgis.

Cyril Figgis.

Cyril tried to get his plan to cover a penis ensmallment?

Cyril would totally freak. Malory, let me stay with you.

Cyril, bare your soul.

Cyril, call 911 from their phone and leave it off the hook...

Cyril, come on. Don't listen to...

Cyril, go get some gravlax.

Cyril, goddamn it, you're smothering Lana.

Cyril, I need a little favor.

Cyril, my favorite section head.

Cyril, right this second...

Cyril, they have to update those bennie forms every quarter.

Cyril, trust me. Give her some space.

Cyril, we've got big problems.

Cyril! You know, your whole trust thing, and I've tried to, okay?

Cyril? Cyril, come on. Let go.

Cyril? Cyril, you get your ass out here right now.

Cyril? With another woman?

Cyril.

Cyril. Are you cheating on me?

Cyril. Under no circumstance is Lana to know about our little...

Cyril's already freaked out enough about us sharing this shoebox...

Cyril's off somewhere with Mr. Archer.

Da, but is a little unprofessional.

Da, is very... Ahem. Pretty nice boat.

Da, is why I fall in love with you.

Damn ass hammered shit!

Damn it, he's a prospective investor!

Damn it, look what you... Shouldn't you be off cooking a rabbit somewhere?

Damn it, where the hell are all the drones?

Damn it, yes. Seriously, thanks.

Damn it. So I poisoned like, five innocent security guards?

Damn right you will. Idiot.

Damn that crazy, jealous Russian.

Damn your bloodshot eyes, I'm serious.

Damn, I had something for this too. Damn it.

Danger zone!

Danny!

Danny. Danny, stop running. We gotta keep that heart rate down, buddy.

Darker. Ahem!

Darling, please. Don't say that.

Dealing with. Oh, Ramón.

Decidedly monochromatic.

Definitely come in. I mean, we did kind of fill the position...

Definitely Russian, possibly a Jew. I don't know. Thoughts?

Déja vu, huh? I'm having a nightmare and you lock me out of your bedroom?

Destiny? No, she's not passable. With that Adam's apple...

Did Cyril run by here crying in a woman's bathrobe?

Did not learn anything.

Did she just race card me, or are you totally just gay for her?

Did that when you were 13. 12. And why does Nikolai Jakov...

Did you see Brian's Song? Same thing pretty much happened.

Did you set this whole thing up...

Did you wanna finish that? Did you wanna finish...

Didn't need a varsity letter to get those, did I?

Different. Oh!

Dios mío. Is your ego so large...

Discount? Hello, this is Fiacci.

Discussing KGB operations with you. What? I tell you everything.

Disembark, Cyril. We're about to...

Disregard ISIS burn notice on Agent Archer..

Ditto the sound sensor. And the stupid code cloner.

Diversity requirements.

Do not make me do this. But Lana...

Do not make this about them.

Do not speak to me like a child, Manfred. I hate when you do that.

Do something bad to your bones.

Do you even hear how totally batshit insane you sound?

Do you know he called out her name once when we f...?

Do you not even skim the briefings in your inbox?

Do you not hear that?

Do you not see me rocking this chiseled slab of hard man body?

Do you really wanna open this can of trust breachy worms...

Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Does not have herpes.

Doesn't anyone work around here? And Cyril...

Doesn't it?

Doesn't it? Oh, uh, Woodhouse, I told my guests you'd pack their lunch.

Don't be snotty. And Sterling, if there is a bomb...

Don't get any on that snappy suit.

Don't just stand there, idiots. Yeah, come on. Get them out of there.

Don't listen to her, Cyril. If there's one thing women totally love...

Don't talk to me about fire hazards.

Don't think these goggles were properly calibrated.

Don't try, do. And here, use this.

Don't underestimate Skorpio. There's a reason the bounty on him is so high.

Don't use this. She switches all the labels on her medicine.

Don't worry about it. I get a deal on those, 90 cents a ball.

Don't worry, this is a normal smell.

Don't you have any cooler clothes?

Don't you have better things to do than mince around and gawk?

Douche.

Dozing off in first class, then seeing you on my flight when I get up to pee!

Dr. Krieger is doing for ISIS in our Applied Research Division?

Dr. Krieger's covert team installed these surveillance cameras...

Drinks and fish balls. You ring first bell for dinner.

Drones. Hey, come on!

Drones. They're not picketing the cleaners, they're picketing ISIS.

Dude, swear to God. She gave me a Jane Hathaway.

Dude, that whole agency's not so good at their jobs.

Duh and or hola.

Duh! You think I'm an idiot? I know he wants to marry Mother...

Duh. Woodhouse. Get in position.

East German crap, probably a GK 31 or 32.

Eat grenade, stupids.

Eighty sixed? Uh uh. You don't eighty six me.

Either A, I tell Lana what happened on that scratchy green office rug...

Either way, we have a plane to catch.

Elke, what is the matter? Are you...?

Elke? Is everything all right?

Eve. It was only Christmas Eve

Even a hint of a problem on our maiden voyage...

Even a mouse triggers it.

Even though you totally depend on us.

Evening, you beautiful girl.

Every last crumb of that sandwich.

Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me.

Everybody's personal medical records.

Everyone shoots the chippy. That way, we're all in it together.

Ew, kill. Bang.

Ew.

Exactly, and so I say, no union.

Exactly, and so I say, no union.

Exactly! That's indicative of your whole attitude, Mother!

Exactly. All right, drop them there...

Exactly. And I'm gonna file a hostile work environment lawsuit...

Exactly. You're not Archer. That's what's so great about you.

Excellent. ODIN will find it much harder...

Except for the Negress, the women are...

Excuse me, sir. L...

Excuse me. Lana?

Exercise terminated.

Fabulous. Yeah, she's actually not.

Falls right onto your popped out eyeball.

Family, almost, is what they were.

Feltchley, you dirty Sassenach.

Fidel will keep sending hit squads...

File a customer service complaint. I'm sure Popeye'd love to hear it.

Filthy coat, can't tell what's cow's blood and what's yours.

Find some Tupperware, we take food to go.

Fine!

Fine! Keep your stupid bounty, then! And keep your pathetic, clingy boyfriend.

Fine! She thinks I won't go? Well, guess what!

Fine. What is the job?

First of all, you have no right to interfere with my operation.

First person to untie me, guy or gal...

For a pre paid mobile phone. No, no!

For beet rations in my Blahniks? Come on.

For example, my real name is Kremenski.

For ISIS to continue enjoying Title 6 tax incentives...

For my goddamn flex account!

For record of activities in Krakow.

For that security probe. Which means no bonuses for us.

For the agent you're supposed to meet.

For the last time, you idiot! It's not hydrogen...

For this dinner party. There's no scheme hatchery.

For this party, everything must be as perfect...

For what? The lying woman I risk my career for?

For you to be jealous of Conway...

For your information, I've just been reviewing your operations account.

Forever and always.

Forget the eye bandage, but the hair, the strong jaw line.

Fort Kickass. Ugh! Mr. Archer, you could help.

Freaking ODIN. I can't believe this. How many are there?

Free Irishmen will never bow down before the English crown.

Freeze every one of his accounts! And then get me Woodhouse.

Frodo and Salsa were my operations.

From the man who used an entire KGB surveillance team...

From the sweet old Korean lady?

From the...? There's no glare.

From what, this sandwich?

Full bodied woman but nobody will have sex with me.

Full metal jacket...

Gay sex. Have you ever played jai alai?

Gee, thanks for helping us catch Kasparov.

Get a mirror. Oh, dear God, did I drink absinthe?

Get away from me, you disgusting woman

Get him out of here!

Get it?

Get me some video of hot man on man action by tonight...

Get my son out of there. What the hell are you people waiting for?

Get on the floor, you tacky ass, white after Labor Day wearing bitches.

Gets the insanely lucrative UN contract.

Give me a hanjo.

Give me that, you oaf!

Give me that. Some idiot dropped a fish ball on my Azerbaijani rug.

Glad to hear it. Whoever you are.

Go away.

Go staple my heart back together!

Go thwart something!

God damn it! We're moving!

God, Cyril, would you go?

God, do we hate Pam.

God, I said the cap slips off the poison pen for no reason.

God, it's like my brain's that tree, and you're those little cookie elves.

God, she is gonna freak when... Wait, where's Charles and Rudi?

God, that is just...

God, this is so classic Mother.

God, you know how much I hate that.

God, you're a natural.

God! Sweet Jesus, the goggles!

Goddamn it, we're dealing with some profound issues here...

Good luck, honey. It's too heavy!

Good news. Shut up, Pam.

Good show, Archer. Really saved my bacon there.

Good to hear. Please excuse us. Mm hm.

Got it? Yeah, I see it! Ready?

Gotta be the grip.

Gotta get my turtleneck. I'm not defusing a bomb in this!

Great champagne, ridiculous food...

Guess what. She wasn't the only one Cyril cheated with.

Guess who has breast cancer.

Guests come in from the beach, they're all sandy or whatever, and...

H.R. Mediations are supposed to be confidential, Pam, you manatee.

Ha ha ha! L... Mother!

Ha ha. No, ma'am.

Ha, ha. I'm gonna leave you to think about that whole line of reasoning...

Ha, ha. Unlike these drinks. Come, my dear...

Ha! About what, exactly?

Ha! I'll outlast you. I'm naked and I've got half a lime...

Ha! I'll suck it straight off this grimy linoleum...

Ha! Seriously though, you should look through some of her design catalogs.

Ha! She thought you were a man. Shut up. Cyril, baby...

Ha. Alternate voicemail.

Ha. And entire KGB art department...

Ha. How's that for bread and roses?

Hanging with Woodhouse... Who's fine by the way.

Have I made myself clear?

He and I were both up for command of the Excelsior, but...

He couldn't pick up a phone book? Nine years old, and bawling...

He just came up to me and was like: "Byoop!"

He just gets a pass?

He knows krav maga, he'll kick your balls through your hat...

He played fast and he played loose. And in the end, he got burned

He sort of offered me a job at ODIN

He was a fighter ace, and he won the Navy Cross.

He'll be begging me to take him back.

He's a diversity double whammy.

He's a fully integrated multi fetish artificial being.

He's already been briefed.

He's gone. I killed my baby boy...

Head of the KGB or Len Trexler, head of ODIN!

Head up your ass!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? So, what would you say if I told you...

Hello? Darling?

Hello? Ha! Sterling? Sterling, listen very... Wha...?

Hello. Mother. What? Really?

Helo's 10 4, just needs you to upload their GPS coordinates...

Help me get that drawer unstuck.

Here's room service. Who ordered champagne?

Here's the thing about Brett.

Here's the thing...

Hey, babe. Got any extra puke bags?

Hey, can you two focus? Please? Woodhouse. Are you ready, or what?

Hey, come on, you wouldn't tell Popeye.

Hey, come on. You know I'd never let anything happen to your bacon.

Hey, crazy. Go macrame some tampons.

Hey, Cyril.

Hey, don't be queen of drama.

Hey, Eugene Debs, it's only been about ten hours.

Hey, gang. Barry.

Hey, good advice! Which maybe I'll just sort of fold in...

Hey, help. Ah! Help with what, sir?

Hey, I am everybody's type.

Hey, I was... I was just talking about you. And about how this isn't what it looks like.

Hey, I'm helping Cyril. Text her again.

Hey, I'm serious!

Hey, it's got plenty of stopping power.

Hey, Jane.

Hey, Jane.

Hey, Krieger, you gotta smell this.

Hey, seriously, kidnappers...

Hey, seriously.

Hey, she knew the job was risky going in.

Hey, so how did you know where I was?

Hey, tell this broad what's up with ISIS, Pak man.

Hey, thanks, bro.

Hey, wait. What about your account? Oh, I get it.

Hey, whoa, if this is about money, I know somebody who'd pay...

Hey, you know what? Water under the bridge, dude.

Hey. Oh, Trinette.

Hey. Hey, what does this smell like?

Hey. Hostile work environment.

Hey. I know you're upset, but if you ever mention my mother's loins...

Hey. Inappropriate workplace topic.

Hey. Save your breath for cooling your ceviche.

Hi, Barry Dillon, please?

Hi, Cyril.

Hi, I'm a huge fan of cock and my name is...

Highly unprofessional

His big, tan, muscle bulgy arms.

His mother just sent that to...

Hm? What do you want? I'm a little busy for chitchat.

Hm.

Hm. Password. How about "guest"?

Hmm, classic her.

Hmm? I mean, you are?

Hmm? Oh. No, this isn't even on.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. I think they must have escaped, however implausible that may seem.

Holy shit snacks. You made over 20 grand.

Holy shit, is that Cyril?

Holy shit, you geeks are bad ass.

Holy shit. Our security is atrocious.

Home of Barry "Oh, I forgot to mention the naked laser thing" Dillon.

Homeboy McJewerson. Whoa, Lana, honey.

Hooray for metaphors.

Hooray. Way to go.

Hopefully never. But say you're...

Hostess. And I had a plan.

How about bomb defusal camp?

How about crew members?

How about Jade? Oh, no, never mind.

How about this expensive prostitute?

How am I the bad guy in this?

How can I? Between his lame accent and the go cart battery...

How can you not see that?

How did you forget that?

How does it help to switch the labels? Because they can't read English.

How else are you gonna learn? Okay, he's down...

How hard could it be to talk a gay man...

How in the world did his cover get blown?

How is that pregnancy test showing positive?

How is this a Mexican standoff?

How many pounds it takes to snap a collarbone?

How should I know. Exactly.

How was I to know you're lactose intolerant?

How would I know? I'm at a conference.

How you cried during a two man threesome?

How you doing, Ms. Archer?

How you ruined my chance to work for ODIN?

How you say? Womp womp.

How? How did I spend that much money?

How? I can go online and get a list of every federal holiday for the next...

How? My life is ruined. Again.

How'd you get life insurance, Lana? Don't they know you're in the danger zone?

Huh. Point's a lot finer than I prefer.

Hungry hippo

Hurry, the Beekmans will be back any time.

I already paid you.

I am a product of my upbringing, Cyril.

I am awesome!

I am dealing with the break room problem.

I am doing something. What are you doing?

I am drunk or I wouldn't be talking to you.

I am good.

I am just getting that.

I am not. What?

I am so disgusted with you right now I just wanna vomit.

I am the best at this, Rain Man, okay? I'm like...

I am the top agent around here.

I assume you'd try to suck a promotion out of some Russian guy's cock.

I believe he means before you lure them into the apartment, sir.

I bet he's untying Lana...

I bet she, uh... Oh.

I bet they're fighting for their lives.

I bet your womanhood smells divine.

I called the meeting. Which I love. That you did that.

I can see how... Then I was like "You of all..."

I can't believe they fell for that.

I can't believe you blab that you're a secret agent.

I can't believe you have all this stuff and it's, like, portable.

I can't believe you're a hairdresser...

I cannot believe you shot me.

I didn't invent the turtleneck, Lana.

I didn't mean that, it was racist.

I do.

I don't care if you have 50 dead hookers in the trunk...

I don't care. Just like I don't ever think about you.

I don't even know how you got out, Woodhouse

I don't feel so good.

I don't have Barry on speed dial. Well, that's rather surprising

I don't know how or why we'd use them.

I don't know if they grade it but...

I don't know Pam, but could you lower your voice?

I don't know what I'll do, but it will be bad.

I don't know what that is. That's where my yarn's going.

I don't know what that means, Pam.

I don't know why I'm surprised. I mean, can you believe him?

I don't know. Just started human testing.

I don't know. World's gushiest orgasm?

I don't mean the health plan.

I don't suppose he's up. No, mum.

I don't think the cleaning staff does brains.

I don't wanna get there and be the only one without a date

I don't. And if you will recall...

I donated 600 bucks to a Junior ROTC team up in Yonkers.

I drill hole in head of man who maybe is my son.

I dumped you because you're dragging around a 35 year old umbilical cord.

I feel crappy. I should not have tried to blackmail your mother.

I feel like we had kind of a connection.

I feel that Carina better captures my sensual womanhood.

I find it very surprising that Castro okayed an operation...

I find your drunkenness very unappealing...

I found the perfect candidate.

I get it. The German guy mit a scar...

I get to go to the French Riviera on the ISIS dime to do what?

I gotta live with a roommate. In Queens.

I guess I was busy fantasizing about Archer and Lana having intercourse!

I guess vodka?

I guess you'd have to break in.

I had to get three stitches.

I have 50 agents who'd literally kill to move up to your position.

I have ascertained the target, sir.

I have enemies, okay?

I have H.R. On speed dial. Shut up

I have no idea how this Ramón Limón...

I have to get it myself, just right after I get that.

I have to work with. You haven't banged half of them...

I helped a guy with cancer. Look, I'm really sorry, Carol, but I couldn't...

I just don't see why you need this.

I just kept putting him off, making him re shave his balls.

I just needed a stand in for those broke ass Cubans.

I just wanted to show you I could be...

I kept it on the nightstand to wake Nanny whenever Sterling wet the bed.

I kinda had to drown her in the tub. So you killed her?

I knew you weren't in any real danger.

I know I misheard you about Jane, because turns out, I ran into her.

I know it's not standard procedure...

I know it's not standard procedure...

I know, but I just assumed...

I know, Ca... Cheryl. So to make it up to you...

I know, dear, I know, because I made it all up.

I know, right? Now he wants to contribute.

I know, right? So here let's make the co pay zero, and the deductible...

I know... Uh...

I learned that flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

I love that you know how to do that.

I love the honey pot.

I loved her so much.

I may have injected a tracking device into your body.

I mean, a lot of those skills are universal.

I mean, after all we are going to be family. Once I marry your Mom.

I mean, after all...

I mean, big picture, I wouldn't say I'm a happy person.

I mean, Cyril, whatever, but your feelings for me are obviously conflicted...

I mean, give me those plans now. Give me those plans.

I mean, he rode the train into the city all by himself.

I mean, if that Cuban does not fall for the honey pot.

I mean, if this goes tits up.

I mean, is Burt Reynolds not the man in that?

I mean, it's not me, either, obviously. But in the office...

I mean, let's be honest, I doubt that's the first needle you ever...

I mean, not compared to your tits, but... Ow! Ow!

I mean, Salsa, Frodo.

I mean, you shoot him and I get an office...

I must be. Because it looks like you just destroyed...

I must have. Cause I hallucinated you had an engagement...

I need it to escape the glare from those windows across the street.

I need to access my operations account and you're preventing that.

I need to hit an ATM.

I needed a break from Cyril.

I offer these delicious doughnuts.

I really need a better health plan.

I said don't come in here. Framboise, what'd I say?

I said I could eat the absolute pants off some shrimp.

I said no to plenty.

I shall expect her within the hour.

I should not do this in my condition.

I so enjoy our talks. You got them?

I stuffed all my money in that guy's mouth, because...

I suppose we could bump Mrs. Beekman.

I swear to God I had something for this.

I take home shit.

I think "somewhere" was the "what" there.

I think Conway is totally up to something.

I think I know exactly what kind of man you are.

I think I saw Cyril with it.

I think Lana just broke Torvald's hand.

I think they're kinda sexy.

I think you like it. Ja

I thought I made it clear you are not my type.

I thought nobody else was supposed to know about this.

I thought our promotional video covered that fairly well.

I told you. Ha ha.

I tracked him to South Beach. He's arranged to sell the plans...

I tried, but the Russian was smart enough to copy protect the disk.

I tried! But you were naked and it was all vulva this, and vulva that.

I turn him against his own mother, as Soviet agent.

I used to be an excellent field agent.

I wanna file a complaint against Conway.

I want game faces on those heads for our conference call with the prince.

I want to leave, please. Right now.

I want you to leave me alone. Fine. But if I win...

I wanted to tell you something very important...

I was actually kind of planning to kill you.

I was almost embarrassed for her.

I was laughing at your clothes.

I was talking to him. Archer? You're kidding!

I were saying, we all make shit, so, what we should do is unionize.

I will be here maybe in one hour...

I will forgive you. Because that's what love is, Lana.

I will let him or her give me a handy. Ugh.

I will literally die. A diamond?

I will not let that happen to you.

I will tear you down brick by perfidious brick.

I will. Keycard?

I will. Oh, and Cyril may be clingy, but at least I know I can trust him.

I wish. I mean, obviously the guy's great in the field.

I won't just get a promotion, I'll get my own dacha.

I wonder if he's like that because I used to spank him with a wooden spoon.

I would eat you up. Don't be nice.

I would hazard he's taking a personal day.

I would like I think that very much.

I would prefer not to.

I, uh, missed it on purpose.

I'd rather have it and not need it... Uh huh.

I'll be doing one of your co workers.

I'll buy you a new one. Now grab the plans before it's too late

I'll do my best, sir. I'm afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups.

I'll pay for it.

I'll rub sand in your dead little eyes

I'll take care of whatever that is.

I'll tell you what I hear.

I'm 19.

I'm afraid I can't...

I'm as naked as the day I was born.

I'm doing all kinds of stuff, Cyril. I'm shooting the gun, see?

I'm done. He's dead to me.

I'm fairly confident you misread that whole situation.

I'm going to, um, a conference?

I'm gonna make you drink heavy cream, you...

I'm gonna pain you dearly, Woodhouse!

I'm head of HR, Cyril, I know your take home.

I'm head of KGB. I have my beets delivered.

I'm hit. I'm hit and I'm blind.

I'm just a secretary.

I'm just saying! You're driving Cyril straight toward another woman.

I'm not sure that's technically irony.

I'm on a top secret mole hunt.

I'm on the co op board and I'm going on a blimp! Meh!"

I'm sad because we had a connection, and now...

I'm saving Lana. As usual. Hey, shut up.

I'm sick of you getting the best assignments...

I'm so hungry.

I'm so over that lame flex account. When does the HSA start?

I'm so sorry I slammed you in the gut. Jeez, that's how Houdini died.

I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in...

I'm sorry, Cyril's off what? With whom?

I'm sorry, Framboise, it's not you.

I'm sorry, Krieger, but it's over.

I'm sorry. Did you say Faggis?

I'm sorry. That... That's a funny word.

I'm sure it's not the first time you kept a secret from Lana.

I'm sure you do.

I'm sure you wouldn't use operational funds for personal expenses.

I'm the Human Resources Director, Little Miss Hostile Work Environment.

I'm thinking goggles, yes. Shovels...

I'm trying to help.

I've got a terrorist to find, and I doubt he's hiding under...

I've got my top man on it. Or possibly bottom.

If anything went wrong on this flight, he'd lose millions.

If I have to open my own salad again I will freak out.

If I stood in the way of your happiness?

If Jane was the last one to log in.

If that salad isn't open in the next...

If we could run this thing through your condo, that..

If we show San Marino the flaws in their palace security...

If you don't square your operations account by Monday...

If you don't take them seriously?

If you just disabled all that when you left work tonight... somehow.

If you think that's convenient, wait till you see my new kitchen.

If you throw them off the roof I'll fly to New York...

If you told every guy the same thing...

If... Are you still big into trains?

Immigrants. That's how they do, you know?

Implying that gay is abnormal?

In a Caribbean bungalow and you're kind of high.

In about five seconds, honey.

In case I have a gentleman caller. Um...

In five, six, seven, eight.

In my body? No, no. Now, that is a breach of trust, Lana.

In my goddamn flex account!

In spite of your personality, you get plenty of women, right?

In that police station like a little girl.

In the fight against tyranny. Thank you.

In the interview?

In the mix.

In your "dream the impossible dream" world, it'll make Mr. Archer jealous?

In your account. No, Cyril.

Inappropriate analogies? What the hell is wrong with you?

Inevitable for a serial workplace dater.

Inexplicably unprotected.

Inject me with some crazy spy poison?

Inside you with gay sex.

Inside, there are three countermeasure systems.

Intelligence analysts, covert operatives, and scientists.

Interracial porno in there.

Intimate. So, yeah, basically, we're the front line...

Into his brain. Got it.

Into his HUD.

Into some pathetic idiot's account by the name of...

Into that. Hmm? Lana?

Into the engine and kill all of us.

Intruders. Get them.

Irony.

Is a lot of fights...

Is a top secret intelligence agency."

Is amazing, no loss of resolution...

Is exactly why I can't wait to see tiny little Chinese boots...

Is he is squeezing your throat so hard that a big...

Is it something like, uh, "You don't get off the hook that easy"?

Is just a big jazzy blur, I'm pretty sure it wasn't Buddy.

Is just fat dripping from kebabs.

Is more than enough for a new kitchen... I also have the nook...

Is not in heaven. And neither are you...

Is prohibited to include but not limited to..

Is she freaking cause Cyril said he wanted to bang Danny?

Is she in or out eating a baby?

Is such a raging homophobe... Fidel hates the gays.

Is that a drill?

Is that hard to do? With those big old ballpark frankenfingers?

Is that he's learning. ISIS clearly is not the agency for us.

Is that where we landed on that, because l...

Is the cabin small? Yes. And yet...

Is the San Marino diamond in here now?

Is this about your operations account?

Is totally doing it for me, it really is, but we're on a vital mission here.

ISIS headquarters makes Fort Knox look like a gingerbread house.

ISIS is a distant second to ODIN. Very distant.

ISIS isn't your own personal travel agency.

ISIS won't let terrorists blow up your lovely blimp.

Isn't he just a dream come true?

It better be, Mr. Sex Tape.

It can be your office. Really?

It can signal the chip

It can't be. Jesus Christ, that is just Baby Town frolics.

It does smell vaguely poisonous.

It does, Other Barry, it sure does.

It doesn't exist just so you can jet off to Whore Island.

It doesn't work.

It is compared to the problem we had...

It means no more banging coworkers.

It might be, for all we know.

It totally should be. Look at this.

It was pretty cool how you handled that speargun.

It will become public. And if you see what's on this disk...

It would be nice to know what kind of danger I'm facing.

It'll drive his mother crazy.

It's a Chekhov. Russian made.

It's a mega yacht. And I just...

It's a rigid airship.

It's a safe bet he'd have Ramón killed if he ever found out he was gay.

It's a silent submarine propulsion system, called the Whisper Drive.

It's all the HSA switchover crap.

It's all yours. So come let me in the mainframe.

It's called a dairy.

It's called tough love, Cyril. The secret ingredient is phone.

It's Cheryl.

It's exactly your fault, idiot. When Mother found out you cheated on Lana...

It's forgivey.

It's helium!

It's like a trailer park Easter.

It's like Schindler's List up in here.

It's niner three four, Tango, X ray, Sierra!

It's not because of the whole black stepfather thing.

It's not brown, Pam.

It's okay, they're just blanks.

It's perfectly safe. You're tangoing...

It's pretty late. Why don't you take a cab?

It's to be smothered by men.

It's totally confidential.

It's weird that you can't leave me alone in your apartment.

Item eight.

Jealous that ODIN's gonna beat us again...

Jeezy Petes, get a load of this guy.

Jesus Christ, who...

Jesus Christ.

Jesus God, Sterling. Schoolgirls?

Jesus, Conway.

Jesus, even their cards are nice.

Jesus, God, do you ladies want to put on your nightgowns...

Jesus, God, what are you doing here?

Jesus, Ms. Archer, your child is dying.

Jesus, Spanish, our jobs aren't enough.

Jesus, take it out of our bonuses. What?

Jesus, what else could go wrong?

Jesus, what's your problem? You are. Blonde, brunette.

Jesus. Okay, strike's over, everybody.

Jesus. Quit bouncing my eyes.

Johnny Bench called

Johnny Bench called.

Just a second.

Just ask his slutty Mexican cook.

Just because I had the nerve to ask questions about her little...

Just because your mother is the boss. Do you know what that's like?

Just drive around, listening to raps and shooting all the jobs.

Just get it done by Friday.

Just give me five minutes on my backhand then we'll see if there's a...

Just give me like a week.

Just leave that, you'll cut yourself. Sterling

Just let me rinse off my mustache.

Just like I knew Sterling would come crying back to mommy...

Just like I taught you. Without any help from...

Just like that Christmas break when I moved...

Just like that Christmas break when I moved...

Just like the cheese.

Just look for the stupid bomb.

Just one of like, two dozen equally appalling videos on your website.

Just put the damn lid on it.

Just ready your body for work, hmm?

Just so I'd have to come live with you and your mother?

Just strange to hear it out loud.

Just the pad. Then you see the second threat.

Just the tip?

Just the tip.

Just the tip.

Just to make a sex tape of me?

Just to Xerox the ISIS newsletter. Color Xerox.

Just watched Deliverance again, huh?

Just, uh, you know, if the worst happens.

K through 12!

Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts?

Karen Carpenter's stunt double? I thought you were walking backwards.

Kasparov? Okay, that was a fluke. Ha, ha.

Keep her out of the medicine cabinet.

Keep your freaking voice... Aah!

Keep your story vague. That's lesson one.

Kenneth? Turn off. Turn off. Turn off.

KGB safehouse on Gansevoort...

KGB, the Stasi, Shining Path, this guy I know named Popeye?

Kill Mother.

Kill. Kill. God, when do I get to the end so I can see what Cyril said?

Kind of a man you are...

Kind of engaged. I did not know that.

Kind of like a condom. Which happened last weekend.

Know what's surprising? Kissing you at the airport...

Known from Berlin to Bangkok as the world's most dangerous spy.

Kolya, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.

Krakow? Oh, for...

Krenshaw is a mole.

Krenshaw? Ms. Archer?

Krieger? Huh.

L... I can't believe we hung up on them.

L... I'm...

L... Uh... See, here's the thing...

Lana is waiting for you. Really? Where?

Lana Kane! Just because now you're not the only black agent...

Lana, be careful! Jesus, the helium!

Lana, because you're in the, uh...

Lana, come on. I think we both know it works fine.

Lana, I want you to call or text me at the top of every hour.

Lana, I'm sure we have one second.

Lana, Krenshaw's a mole.

Lana, look at this. It's embossed.

Lana, maybe when I get back, we can work out some kind of bang buddy deal, but...

Lana, out the back. Move.

Lana!

Lana! Will somebody please do something?

Lana! We're not gonna make it! Yes, we are, Cyril!

Lana?

Lana.

Lana.

Lana. Hey, I know I'm supposed to be up my own ass right now but...

Launch, or whatever blimps do.

Learn what you can about Krauss... But please, be discreet!

Leave a message at the tone.

Leave that to your field agent.

Len Trexler or Buddy Rich?

Let it be with the name of this dusky jewel upon my lips.

Let us find something potable.

Let's assume we can't access the palace through that same skylight.

Let's dance.

Let's go here! Where Archer...

Let's outsource it to some cracked up Haitians...

Let's see you get a new boyfriend after I have a talk with Cyril.

Let's see you get a new boyfriend after I have a talk with Cyril.

Lf, um, we ever meet.

Life insurance policy, and...

Like a big "screw you in your big Lincoln Loggy fingers"?

Like a Pez dispenser.

Like a scared little boy on Christmas. Uh huh.

Like at this point even olive oil would...

Like emeralds. How did I never see that?

Like it's spring break on South Padre.

Like my "vagine."

Like so many other geniuses, unappreciated in his life...

Like the dysfunctional asshole I broke up with six months ago

Like what, Cyril? I'm blind. No, us. Here.

Like you so much...

Like you're at a rodeo, then going back to some billionaire's suite?

Like yours truly. I can't. If Fidel found out I'm gay, he'd...

Like, I bet he wishes he was wearing Bilbo's coat of Dwarven mithril.

Like, somebody murdering me? It's so...

Listen to your hearts. Because deep down..

Locate a stolen shipment of Redeye missiles...

Look at me, seriously, Lana.

Look at me! Look at and choke me!

Look, what happens on this scratchy green office rug...

Looks like we've got a Mexican standoff, Kremenski.

Lord Feltchley, may I present Miss Lana Kane?

Lousy commies! Go back to Quebec!

M as in Mike, or N as...

M... Ha ha. Oh, funny. Actually, I'm getting this.

Machines are gonna fail. Then the system's gonna fail...

Made a lot of good friends.

Make him a, how you say, vole.

Malory Archer. Ho.

Malory, seriously. Look at me.

Malory, these are the unsung heroes of ISIS.

Mama, have to call you back.

Mani, can we have more money for the sweets?

Mani, do something. Utne is leaving.

Mani, I have a bad feeling for this.

May I help you avec your box?

Maybe I should go say something.

Maybe one guy's a new waiter, the second one's training him...

Maybe she said "bang" about Mr. Archer?

Maybe we both belong at ISIS, you know?

Maybe. Or you, maybe, or...

Me neither.

Me too! I'll have them make paella tomorrow

Me, your secret Jew Santa.

Me? Nothing. You, on the other hand, have a bullet inside you.

Me? Your mother started all of this.

Mee hee. Oh, wait, guess what.

Meet us halfway, and Krieger will let you out of there.

Merry X mas from Mommy and Uncle Kermit, stop.

Mine always said: "Sterling, come in here and check me for lumps."

Minus my sixty bucks.

Mm hm. And loud ones.

Mm. I think I have just the thing.

Mm. Mm!

Mm. You could say that, yes.

Mother, did you see that?

Mother, no, listen to me. Aah!

Mother! That number is pegged...

Mother! You can have your lousy...

Mother.

Mother.

Mother.

Mother. Oh, my God, we've been spotted they're shooting at us. Oh, my...

Moving on, item seven.

Mr. Sterling? I have problem.

Ms. Archer, you're trying to seduce me

Murder somebody for some migas right now.

Must be the bad guy. Well, you know how I got this scar?

My baby. He swallowed something, he's choking.

My back's all messed up.

My God, a black...

My God, Kolya, we were so young.

My head hurts. And I have no father.

My own private limousine.

My personal affairs out of the office. Oh, please.

My point is, dear, you can trust Cyril.

My problem is I remember what Ms. Archer did to the cleaning ladies.

My Steuben bar set.

N X X? Jesus, use the NATO phonetic alphabet!

Nearly two thirds of a half gallon of...

Nein, major, not you. Yeah, listening.

Never much cared for it.

Next to that awful Louis Quinze repro.

Nice read, Velma.

Nigel, some chips for mister?

Nikolai, could I call you back?

Nikolai, he's not even here. He stormed out, thanks to you.

Nikolai, how could you do this?

Nikolai, what are you scheming at?

Nikolai? Is from Frederick's of Latvia.

No excuses, huh? My balls are smooth.

No offense taken, Your Lordship.

No one could have survived that.

No one is bringing a date, so don't you bring a date.

No reason.

No running! Shut up.

No sense telling him it's about Lana...

No way.

No you will not. That rug was a gift from the Azeri Khan himself.

No, actually lacrosse camp. If that helps.

No, Archer, I didn't have sex with your mom.

No, Archer. That was totally uncool.

No, as a matter of fact...

No, don't. You're so ugly when you cry.

No, hold that line. We deserve a raise...

No, honey, I mean during.

No, I just let mother think that because I know what she's up to...

No, I just meant like she literally killed somebody.

No, I think "incredibly awkward" just about sums it up.

No, I was addressing you as "help." What's the story on those fish balls?

No, I'm actually at the lobby right now. Two seconds.

No, it's cause he said he wanted to marry her.

No, it's not that. I've just never been this close to a...

No, just half of one.

No, just keeping my options open.

No, no, I can't do that. He's happy here, he's making new friends.

No, no, no, Barry, you blow him on!

No, no, no, because forget the dog rule, because this pug is amazing.

No, no, no, because my mother's condo got trashed.

No, no, no, he ran from her! To go confess to Lana...

No, no, no, like, a big sweaty fireman...

No, no, no, like, figuratively gone. Unlike Framboise...

No, no, no!

No, no, no. That is utterly unacceptable.

No, no, now, I clearly remember you said Augustus.

No, not if you are staying, Miss?

No, not that part. Go back. Yes.

No, not to worry, dear.

No, seriously, that was like...

No, thank you.

No, that one is just jute. Exactly.

No, they're... Oh, my God, they're green.

No, turn it on. I can do both.

No, wait, uh uh. Don't listen to the makes her own tampons person.

No, wait, uh uh. Don't listen to the makes her own tampons person.

No, we have the digital hi def now.

No, why bother? Some broad gets on there with a staticky sweater, and boom, it's:

No, why would...? I mean, I'm not *******...

No, you ass. The selfishness.

No, you idiota. We have a finite number of bullets.

No, you silly man. About the job.

No, you squeeze lemon juice over it, then smush the Saran Wrap right down on top.

No! That would be, you know, problem solved.

No! Glossing.

No! No, now that is...

No! Not in Deliverance. Ha, ha.

No.

No.

No. Baby, I am putting you in the corner...

No. Do not say the Chekhov gun, Cyril. That, sir, is a facile argument.

No. Gracias.

No. Have you never seen CSI? This is already, like, Clue Town.

No. I need a painkiller, not a...

No. Never leave a paper trail. That's lesson one.

No. No, I'm not happy.

No. This was for decorating. What, look at this place.

Nobody, that's why I'm late. Woodhouse just disappeared.

Nobody's gonna bug you for a tip. Here.

None of your nosy beeswax. Well, then it sucks to be you.

Nope! I need a stateroom to myself...

Not a big Melville crowd, here, huh?

Not abnormal, just gay.

Not after that, I bet. And forget about Krauss. There's your bomber.

Not at the number you quoted me.

Not Faggis? Figgis. I was very clear.

Not for long. Dr. Krieger, dear? What? Oh.

Not Krupa, the other one, with the teeth.

Not my... Hah!

Not my... Hah! Sterling?

Not slacking off.

Not that. Kolya, my people need help.

Not that. Woodhouse. He's all tied up somewhere.

Not to mention my rapidly approaching room temperature Cobb salad, so...

Not who am I, not how did I infiltrate ISIS...

Not you, giant African man. I'm sorry. Can I offer you a drink?

Not. Another. Word.

Nothing but too much enthusiasm for the opportunity to serve the UN.

Nothing two steel rods...

Nothing. I'm a desirable...

Nothing. You, on the other hand... Ow. Ow.

Nothing's going on between Archer and Lana.

Now arrange those by color.

Now come on, we gotta get off this thing before...

Now he's fetching a rug. Happy, Cyril?

Now I have to break into ISIS headquarters in a $900 turtleneck.

Now I know you've lost your mind.

Now is she just the high priced whore you asked for?

Now Jane's a loose end.

Now let's go bury this dead hooker.

Now remember, I want the entire data system on those new servers...

Now serving number two. I'm two.

Now tell me again how...

Now then. We want this to look like a classic hooker murder suicide...

Now what're these pills?

Now who's a naughty nellie?

Now you go have a fun assassination.

Now, did it? What does that have to do...?

Now, good night, and good...

Now, I know you're familiar with the honey pot.

Now, Sterling, drop your gun between the bodies, and...

Now, then... Still didn't get the contract

Now, we can do this easy or we can do it hard.

Now, will you just put a lid on it?

Now? Really?

Nyet. Under no circumstances are you to harm the hostess. Who, um...

Obviously. And so I still think...

ODIN gets to go on Outward Bound. ODIN can suck it. Now shoot.

ODIN isn't some co ed freshman dorm where everyone runs around screwing.

ODIN? Well, since I'm not appreciated here...

Of all the dumb stunts you've...

Of course free to pursue your options. My... Wait, hang on.

Of course he is not the shot putter.

Of course, because if Pam knows, then everybody knows...

Of how underpaid the ISIS support staff really is.

Of the USS Rough Service?

Oh là là, Sterling Archer.

Oh, actually we are fully booked.

Oh, adorable. Now get the hell out of here.

Oh, all Hispanics look roguish.

Oh, all right. If they'll give up their bonuses...

Oh, and Archer, how's this for ironic?

Oh, and by the way, you don't call a meeting, only I call a meeting.

Oh, and how. Sterling, it's totally safe.

Oh, and just wait till I get to ODIN.

Oh, and Lana, maybe you ought to grab the Kraut. He's the bomber.

Oh, and my apartment is two bedrooms, so she won't even have to move out.

Oh, and one time, two actual princesses.

Oh, and thank you, duffel bag.

Oh, are they? Or are five in a dark black and five in a slightly darker black?

Oh, baby. What happened to you?

Oh, but I will. And I'll get to see Trudy Beekman...

Oh, captain, my captain...

Oh, come on Sterling, pick up, pick...

Oh, come on, Archer, not now, I'm serious.

Oh, come on!

Oh, come on. Not your dick, dumbass.

Oh, come on. Ruíz was a loose cannon.

Oh, come on... At worst, that was "needs improvement."

Oh, damn it, that was the guy in charge of the chocolate fountain.

Oh, damn. Now I bet she's going to squeeze up all my brand new lemons.

Oh, dear God.

Oh, dear.

Oh, don't thank me yet.

Oh, Duchess.

Oh, for God's sake.

Oh, for... See? That's what happens when you drink all day and skip lunch.

Oh, for... See? That's what happens when you drink all day and skip lunch.

Oh, God, are you kidding? That kitchen is awful... Oh, crap.

Oh, God, everything makes you uncomfortable.

Oh, God, he's stronger than he looks.

Oh, God, with the curry again.

Oh, God. I should never have agreed to this.

Oh, goddamn it.

Oh, good. Because, like I said, I bet I just reek.

Oh, good. You caught the... Oh, wait I had something for this.

Oh, great. Mother, I have nothing to report yet.

Oh, great. Thanks, Mother, for replacing the baby aspirin with LSD.

Oh, hey, how's the, uh, lemon tree doing?

Oh, holy shit, are they still on strike?

Oh, I have other call. Yeah, okay.

Oh, I think he will.

Oh, I thought we were laughing at the dead people we set on fire.

Oh, I will. Bye, dear. Did you rent a boat?

Oh, I'll get a new kitchen.

Oh, I'm afraid I have some tragic news.

Oh, I'm crazy? Cyril, you're the one who killed a perfectly good hooker.

Oh, I'm queer? From the guy...

Oh, it must have killed her to do this.

Oh, it's Stir Friday. And Lana said to.

Oh, it's very real. And Lana has it.

Oh, Jesus, God.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, just antihistamines mostly.

Oh, Krenshaw.

Oh, Lana's not need to know on this.

Oh, Malory. Even on... What is this, 1080p?

Oh, man! Whoo!

Oh, man. That's bad.

Oh, me too. I must leave for a moment.

Oh, my God, I am surrounded by idiots.

Oh, my God, I can't breathe.

Oh, my God, I'm exhausted.

Oh, my God, is that, like, Whore Island for women?

Oh, my God, looks like Jonestown in here.

Oh, my God, Nikolai, something's wrong.

Oh, my God, that's classic her.

Oh, my God, yes.

Oh, my God! This is about you and me, right?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Conway!

Oh, my God. How about now, Cyril?

Oh, my God. I am gonna die...

Oh, my God. I liked her better mean

Oh, my God. Nikolai. Our son.

Oh, my God. Was that not epic?

Oh, my God. You're amazing.

Oh, my... Who else?

Oh, no, honey. The doors are closing and I didn't get the...

Oh, no, we won't give our baby chocolate.

Oh, no, you're out of ammo. What are you gonna do?

Oh, no!

Oh, no.

Oh, oh, oh, I can't wet my beak?

Oh, okay. Then, I guess, just pout.

Oh, okay. Then, I guess, just pout.

Oh, Pam's just full of crap as she is of carbohydrates

Oh, Pamela. You read me like a poem.

Oh, please, I bet she doesn't even miss me.

Oh, please. Nobody gives you gifts.

Oh, please. The sick shit I've done in this apartment?

Oh, rea... After all that H.R. Mediation

Oh, right, how could I forget Mr. Cling?

Oh, right, how could I?

Oh, right. Because you walked into Strippers' Discount Warehouse...

Oh, right. I forgot, your dick's full of radiation...

Oh, right. Wait, so you kick me out of my own house?

Oh, shit! Those were the newsletters!

Oh, shut up, and Cyril?

Oh, shut up. I bet you're barren.

Oh, so close.

Oh, so it doesn't affect you.

Oh, some blurry eight millimeter of...

Oh, thank you. Ha, ha. Where'd you get the steak?

Oh, that gives me an idea.

Oh, that Russian prick. He sent two teams again.

Oh, that's where the turn comes in?

Oh, this is just a detergent pen. I just put a little blue sticker on it.

Oh, Torvald.

Oh, Torvald. I am very tempted.

Oh, ugly duckling

Oh, uh, just my ear stud. You know, from college.

Oh, uh, yeah, about that...

Oh, wait, are we open?

Oh, wait, I meant yes.

Oh, wait. Cheryl? Cheryl.

Oh, wait. Ew.

Oh, watch me.

Oh, we were supposed to have paella.

Oh, well, isn't that convenient?

Oh, who gives a shit about a baby?

Oh, who remembers. Check Pam's blog.

Oh, who's your bridge partner?

Oh, yeah, Pam mentioned that.

Oh, yeah, talk to me about handsome.

Oh, yeah? Then what, you hurt his feelings?

Oh, yeah? What's she driving? A Snuffleupagus?

Oh, yeah. Oh, my. What happened was...

Oh, yeah. You should go.

Oh, yes. That is not something...

Oh, you are such a naughty Nelly.

Oh, you don't wanna be here...

Oh, you giving me the truck noise...

Oh, you gonna run cry to Ms. Archer, like when Cyril cheated on you?

Oh, you gonna tell your boyfriend, Len Trexler?

Oh, you wanna hear something crazy? Cyril...

Oh! But leave me enough to make guacamole

Oh! Oh, I cannot believe you.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Krieger, Bilbo.

Oh. And look at happy little Mama Bird.

Oh. I thought you meant you wanted to...

Oh. Kidding, sorry. Hey, have you seen that nerdy fruit basket steward?

Oh. Roger. Cutting the green wire.

Oh. So you can hang out on a boat?

Oh. So...

Oh. Well then, make me a double Campari and, uh...

Oh. Well, then hang on.

Oh. Yeah, I could do this.

Oh. Yeah, I guess that could happen.

Oh. Yeah, that makes more sense. So I just like, what? Approach him in a bar?

Oh. You mean that you take online.

Oh... Rehearsal with your Commodores tribute band?

Okay, and you go have fun at your thing.

Okay, Carin... Oh.

Okay, fine, I can't prove anything right now.

Okay, God. Climb down off that rag.

Okay, got the turtleneck and my wire cutters. Now where are we?

Okay, kill. Bang. Bang.

Okay, now then.

Okay, now what is this herpes business?

Okay, okay, we go ahead of schedule.

Okay, operations account. Just how deep in the red am I?

Okay, so after I call your vase guy...

Okay, so Cyril got in over his head. Jesus, God, did he kill her?

Okay, so let's go out the back.

Okay, so they're bad chanters, but overall this strike's shaping up.

Okay, so, human intelligence entails?

Okay, that's kidskin you're slobbering on, so...

Okay, that's the mainframe, and these are all just...

Okay, that's the mainframe, and these are all just...

Okay, uploading GPS coordinates.

Okay, we got the French chick, and Carol...

Okay, we're off to get our scrotums waxed.

Okay, you know what? We are on a break!

Okay, you're meeting Schmeck at that café across the street.

Okay! O K?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I've got to go.

Okay. So now we go to Plan Manfred.

Okay. Your own fingers.

On my company life insurance.

On that magical moonlit night, beneath the Bridge of Spies.

On the Hindenburg 2.0. It's not...

On the raft? With the vest?

On the rigid airship Excelsior...

On the supple brown flesh of your woman.

On top of you. Ugh.

On you? Hey, we're out there risking our lives every...

On your white ass necks.

One entire whole week we've been calling you.

One more dead body in here, and that bitch Trudy Beekman...

One, three times. But it's the Pope's fault she won't let me wear a condom.

One's a teeny bit... Blue, honey.

One's blue with a white stripe...

Only Sterling Archer beats...

Only temporarily, sir.

Only to pay for European med school. Ha, ha.

Only two means of ingress.

Ooh.

Oopsie. Ha ha ha.

Oopsie. Ha ha ha.

Ops field agent?

Or a shark tank or...

Or are you asking me, specifically, if I have a penis?

Or begging for mercy over a vat of acid...

Or C, maybe I just jam this mop...

Or I could just give Conway both!

Or I will just make it rain pink slips.

Or maybe even some access below grade?

Or maybe my damn security deposit?

Or my ass, in the combat firing stance? No, I wasn't. I don't. I mean, I'm...

Or that. What is that?

Or their frothiness, to me again...

Or two, you get inside me.

Or who the hell is flying the helicopter? Just answer the question!

Or who the hell is flying the helicopter? Just answer the question!

Or, ooh, maybe how I just caught my boyfriend...

Or, wait, you could just be a sarcastic bitch your whole life.

Or, you know, whoever brings ******* people their Christmas presents.

Our agents are highly trained in many disciplines.

Out macho a gay guy? Oh, my stars.

Out of my mind. Oh, no

Overlooking the Champs Elysées? And the bank where you'll drive...

Ow, oh!

Ow, ow, ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! Hey, this isn't my fault.

Ow! It's just, with the shattered femur, and the gunshot wound...

Ow! Jesus. My dead mom's pen.

Owe me 630 dollars...

Pam, come on, let's face it. Your entire job could be done by a...

Pam, he's alive. My Sterling is alive.

Pam, if you want some food that's supposed to be cream filled..

Pam, look at this.

Password.

Peggy, you will probably kill me for this...

Perfect situational awareness, Lana. Archer.

Performance incentives, bonuses...

Personally from what I assume will be first class accommodations.

Pfft. That's nothing compared to the pendejos...

Pick one!

Pipe down, pipe cleaner.

Places, everyone.

Plan. Right. I think. Oh.

Please line up and take a number.

Plus Cyril's broken heart. Not too shabs, Pam.

Plus now I'm out a rug.

Point is, you come out of the john waving this around...

Poizocaine.

Police, police, have to call the... Waah!

Positutely, yes. But we were having such a blast...

Pot of honey. Yeah, which is just so classic her.

Practice, Cyril. Lying is, like, 95 percent of what I do.

Prancing around in your Fiacci knockoffs...

Probably cause he's all:

Probably dehydrated.

Probably less than a new set of kneecaps.

Probably?

Push it off with your big ass hands.

Put chip in his brain...

Rambo y arms, throws her down... Oh, my God...

Ramón, hey. I have a proposition for you.

Ramón, was that not totally epic?

Ran over a few mimes!

Random? It was your dog's name.

RaúI says it already has tiny lemons.

Ray? Hon? They're really similar.

Ray? Tell me what to do!

Re shaving my balls again.

Ready. Aim. Oh, my God.

Really need some me time before I have to go back to Cyril and his whole...

Really? A European lingerie model.

Really? Because I find your sweatiness unprofessional.

Really? Called it.

Regale him with exciting tales of ISIS exploits.

Reggie Thistleton.

Relax! God, we've got half an hour.

Relax. What do we have, like, four hours before we get to London?

Release the mooring cable!

Remember how you wanted me to float that job offer to Lana Kane?

Remember that little something I wanted to tell you?

Remember that worst case scenario we talked about?

Remember? How we're doing that from now on?

Rescued, Kenny Crybaby.

Responsible for the furnishings. So I can send a telex from ODIN..

Right after he cuts the solid green wire.

Right after I caught you and my ex boyfriend with a hooker in the trunk?

Right after I get back, I'm changing that stupid policy. Ugh!

Right before he bled to death on the rug.

Right on back to your cheesy, Mexican kitchen...

Right on my chest. My man knows what I'm talking about.

Right?

Roger that, Zebra Two. Hey, the helo's got them. They're safe.

Roger that, Zebra Two. Stand by.

Rotten gravlax, sex bots, and, uh...

Rug burny events. Oh, my God!

Ruíz? Hey man, talk to these chicks, all right?

Running around all up and down this stupid blimp.

Said the kettle. Which is why I started that new policy.

Save that speech for the father you continually disappoint.

Saving a ******* girl from a gang of skinheads.

Scared... Scared and alone.

Scatterbrain Jane, but let me just tell you, okay?

Schmeck went missing along with the plans for the Whisper Drive.

School superintendent? Big whoop.

Screaming crazy and shooting blanks.

Screw your g****s and screw your whatever berries, I am out of here.

Security deposit. What was it, a pair of flip flops?

Seducing and blackmailing a hot female enemy agent.

See that? He was putting on his pants and I stopped him.

See, in testing we have had teensy problem...

See? All you talk about is baby shit because you're baby crazy.

See? Here is my nice building, my limousine, my mother.

See? Just look at this bathroom. I kinda like it.

Señor Wingman?

Seriously Lana, call Kenny Loggins because you're in the Danger Zone.

Seriously Woodhouse, how can you be so totally awesome and not be gay?

Seriously, are you just bailing on this whole assignment, or what?

Seriously, do you not sense that?

Seriously, I don't know what's going on with my head.

Seriously, it's really bad.

Seriously, Krieger, you are my Oprah.

Seriously, that's like Eggs 101, Woodhouse.

Seriously, whoever. It's all the same in the dar... No.

Seriously? You cheated on me with Carol?

Seriously. I mean, I don't wanna sound like a jerk...

Serves you right. You nearly scared me to death.

Seven, six, two, millimeter...

Sexy European lingerie modeling... Mm hm?

She has never liked me.

She is riddled with herpes.

She looks like she swallowed a Rubik's Cube.

She never shares anything with anybody.

She probably never had time to learn to drive.

She sounds fabulous.

She was the hostess! If you weren't blinded by jealousy...

She wasn't too smart to die from eating chocolate, was she?

She'd never forgive me. Archer, my life is ruined.

She's had more pens in that company ink than...

She's not gonna be happy about that. Um...

She's obviously attracted to men of danger.

She's so weird. Hey, will you choke me a little bit?

Shh!

Shh!

Shh. Shh, shh, shh.

Shirt tails. We need a password.

Shit. Now we got her.

Shut up and cut the goddamn wire already!

Shut up and hem, you old fruit.

Shut up, I bet you're not even a real interior decorator.

Shut up! ODIN doesn't beat Sterling Archer.

Shut up.

Shut up. But also and speaking of clothes...

Shut up. I'm trying to get us an evac but nobody's answer...

Shut up. It's classic misdirection.

Shut up. Weapon is hot and live fire exercise...

Shutting your big fat, negative wordsy mouth?

Sí, just like el Doctor David Banner.

Sí, Sterling. Because you lived to tell the tale.

Sierra! Ray...

Sight to the kitchen? Yes?

Since I had it legally changed because you always call me Carol.

Since ISIS actually pays the rent on the...

Since it's all drawers under here, because look how tiny this room is!

Since that obnoxious little Castro...

Since the last thing you see is gonna be that horrific sofa.

Since when does it take three huge, surly Jamaican guys...

Sir, that stolen lemur bit one of your prostitutes right in the face...

Sir. I have fetched the rug.

Sissy bed wetter.

Six gummy bears and some Scotch.

Smells like a whorehouse in here.

Smiles everyone, smiles.

Snap out of it, seriously. It's not like we burned down the mainframe.

So absolutely nothing can go wrong.

So be a lad, put on some Mingus.

So can't wait to hear what it was.

So do you all have parachutes?

So don't go in there. It's verboten!

So for us, this is... How you say?

So full of shit, your eyes are brown.

So give them the freaking disk. If I do that...

So here's all your Creedence Clearwater albums back.

So here's the thing.

So I am going to woo Mr. Torvald Utne...

So I don't play by the rules, Mother, but I get results!

So I have to make my own tampons.

So I must be having a stroke...

So I need you to hook a sister up. Well, I will certainly try.

So I took time out of my busy mincing schedule...

So I was wondering if your tempting offer was still open.

So if I win, I spend a night of passion with your exquisite wife.

So if we could just focus on the bomb threat?

So it's a crapshoot. This is amazing, no?

So it's okay, just let it all...

So join me in welcoming our new ISIS agent...

So knock yourself out. I'm ejecting.

So let's just put all my expenses...

So me and you, one on one, loser has to do...

So nice to, uh... Wow.

So no one can enjoy it.

So now we have champagne, huh?

So now who's a disappoint...?" Oh, Jesus H. Jones, Pam.

So obviously I'm not happy about this whole arrangement, but...

So obviously we need to tweak it.

So on the side of the timer, there should be a serial number.

So please, do not blame Major Jakov.

So thank Cyril for the tiny brown diamond.

So thanks for nothing, Carol

So that was the firing range...

So there may or may not be a few other possibles...

So this spy agency, is it, like, the real CIA "James Bondy" deal, or what?

So this time I need you to not be your normal...

So try not to do anything stupid, okay? Conway could be dangerous.

So we have something in common.

So when you filled out your insurance, you weren't thinking about my muscular arms...

So who's stopping you?

So who's with me on that picket line?

So why are you sitting here in the car eating stir fry?

So why aren't you better at this?

So why don't you follow her on down...

So will everybody in the office.

So will you please just help me up?

So yes, the bottom line is that I was unfaithful to you.

So you can't breathe a word of this to Malory.

So you could be all Little Miss "Hindsight's 20 20."

So you just listen to me, Mr. Man.

So you just watch your step, mister, uh...

So you may have to out macho him.

So you take him to the basement, you put one in his ear.

So you're gonna keep that huge corner office empty the other...

So you're ruining Cyril's life because...

So your conference wouldn't be for control freaks...

So your instructions are clear?

So your instructions are clear? Oh.

So, "duh and or hello," just act like you normally do...

So, Cyril. Take Sterling's gun...

So, heh heh, did I say is nice boat, or what?

So, it's me. Duh. And did you say you'd cook, or did I mishear that?

So, Krieger? How's about a roadie?

So, Lana, canvas the passengers and crew...

So, obviously, it would be a lot easier for me...

So, six? Oh, my God, Trinette.

So, uh, is that a yes, or a maybe, or?

So, what's it gonna be, you harpy?

So, whether you're enjoying Excelsior's majestic vistas...

So, yeah. I'm an ISIS agent...

So, zoom, you're just jetting off to France?

Somebody in this building is gonna have sex with me.

Someone's in here.

Something about developments in Krakow?

Something good's happening.

Son of a bitch. Now you did it.

Sorry, bad joke. And a false alarm.

Sorry, I didn't go to Space Camp

Sorry, I meant homosexual person.

Sorry, is ice from cooler.

Sorry, Trinette, did that hurt?

Sorry.

Sorry. I mean, look at my clothes.

Sorry. Let's just call it what it is.

Speaking of, how's your mother taking all this?

Speaking of, it's probably better...

Speargun?

Starting to border on mean.

Starting with the fact we just bombed Ireland.

Stays on this scratchy green office rug, okay?

Stealing all my prospective clients?

Stereotypes exist for a reason.

Sterling and Lana?

Sterling Archer of ISIS.

Sterling Archer.

Sterling Malory Archer, you are...

Sterling Malory Archer, you will eat...

Sterling, get to Miami, and don't come back...

Sterling, of course you have a father.

Sterling, please, I need your help.

Sterling, stop that this instant.

Sterling!

Sterling?

Sterling? Yes.

Sterling? Sterling? What's wrong, are you in...?

Sterling. Sterling!

Stern. Conway Stern.

Stirred up, Cyril.

Stop it.

Stop picketing the cleaners!

Stop. Shut up. I have to go.

Strange that you wear them to a party.

Stupid naturally safe helium!

Sudden is wanting to move in with somebody after four months.

Suit yourself. Just means more for me and Danny.

Super not in the mood for this right now.

Surprising amount of storage. Ugh. And I'll hardly be in here, okay?

Suspension? Lana, dear, you are getting a bonus. My God!

Swear to God, Lana better be dead on a slab...

Swear to God. And look at slut, just getting home

Swedish meatballs.

Take all the things! Here, take this!

Take his mind off Lana's huge, Johnny Benchian fingers.

Taking off her ball gag... Her what?

Talk to your mother, she bounced it.

Talking. Just talking about it.

Tango, tango, tango. Scan the ballroom of the Cuban embassy...

Taut buttocks all aquiver, just aching to pounce...

Tell a 3 year old his father might be in the KGB?

Tell Conway that his Secret Santa wants to come early.

Tell me, my dear, is it tempting?

Tell them how we're really ISIS agents!

Terrible, awful, just gut wrenchingly bad feeling about this.

Terrific. Two Steuben glasses left and you break one.

Than give us a cost of living adjustment?

Than need it and not have it. Ah. Uh huh.

Thank you, Abelard.

Thank you, doll! Now there should be a dash, followed by two letters.

Thank you.

Thank you. Charles and Rudi? What the...?

Thanks for breaking into the mainframe for me

Thanks for inviting us to your swanky dinner party, Ms. Archer.

Thanks to your epic poon houndery! First of all...

Thanks, second letter is N.

That an exception be made.

That chick was like the Pele of anal

That depends on if that's a real thing.

That didn't involve homeless people.

That does seem implausible.

That exact moment to explode outwards. What?

That got a little dark.

That I very find appealing...

That if anything bad happened...

That is a big gun, and she is baby crazy.

That is a very serious implication, Cyril.

That is my foot in your face. Smell the embarrass...

That is Pam, isn't it?

That is the worst. Standing in the snow...

That it was creepy and pathetic?

That Saltillo tile is terrible for a kitchen because it's so porous.

That smell takes me back.

That the proof was in his cabin! Really?

That thing with the mayonnaise.

That was a wonderful thank you gift.

That was before his mother put out a burn notice on him.

That was pretty sad.

That was totally ninja.

That wasn't her fault. Who puts OxyContin in a Xanax bottle?

That wasn't me, you idiot.

That way it doesn't go brown. Oh, let the paramedics do that.

That we haven't gotten one of these jobs since your Uffizi fiasco.

That we're on our way down to clear up with Jane.

That would have been a though image to get out of my head.

That you know how to do that. And I love that I have an erection...

That your mother made a phony bomb threat...

That, right there? That kind of racism...

That, what's her name, Beekman? I bet she's just sick she got bumped.

That'll tell me which wire y'all need to cut.

That's "Puttin' on the Ritz," man.

That's a bond of trust, okay?

That's because Woodhouse is a genius.

That's called profiling, Mother, and I don't do it.

That's disgusting. Thanks, Bilbo. Another example...

That's exactly what I said to Lana.

That's how annoying you are.

That's how you talk.

That's how you wanna play it? Fine.

That's Lieutenant Krauss.

That's Mother's headache.

That's not a real place.

That's right! Give it to me! Uhn!

That's the thing. See, I think Sterling Archer thought...

That's the wrong plate, Uta.

That's what I am. And I shouldn't even be saying that...

That's what I said. If you go through the whole list...

That's what I said. You know why?

That's what makes me such a wonderful mother.

That's what we're hoping ISIS can find out.

That's what you're gonna be saying when I'm, uh, all...

That's why Excelsior is filled with safe...

That's why she can't have nice things.

The blue and white wire.

The cap slips off for, like, no reason.

The chairman of the UN Intelligence Committee.

The Chinese'll pay five times as much for the Whisper Drive.

The contract has gone to ODIN.

The Excelsior is filled with non flammable helium!

The first is pressure sensitive in the floor.

The first, at street level. Impenetrable after 6.

The head of the KGB, have a direct line to your office?

The hell he is.

The important thing is that the disk does not fall into the wrong hands.

The KGB had no idea about my plan.

The last thing you hear me say is, "Oh, my God, they're shooting at us"...

The Led Zeppelin suite.

The local Zambezi tribesmen called human flesh...

The minimum bet is ten thousand, sir. Dollars.

The Needle? Why is she here?

The night before you break my heart, and disappear for nine months.

The often under appreciated honeypot?

The other half would have really missed you. I mean, not...

The part where we don't have sex?

The pepper. Oh, yes, God. Oh, God.

The second is sound sensitive. Anything above a whisper sets it off

The second, through an access door on the roof.

The son she don't told me of?

The Soviet system is actually incredibly unfair.

The Soviet system is actually incredibly unfair.

The system bounced your sexual harassment complaint against Conway.

The Tactleneck.

The thought of me dead gives you an erection?

The wet blood, Mother, is mine.

Then ate their corpse. I saw where you were going.

Then get me out of this sweat box!

Then get out.

Then how can you work for Castro? You know his stance on homosexuality.

Then I am taking hot pepper...

Then I throw myself in front of Utne, shielding him with my supple body...

Then she cold cocked you, huh? Yeah, with that big Flintstoney fist of hers.

Then they all know that none of them had sex with you.

Then we better keep Dr. Bellows away from Jeannie...

Then we need to lock down your cover story. And, uh...

Then we put new mind control microchip into his brain.

Then you can pretend they're marbles and you're a hungry, hungry...

Then you take her home to meet your dick dad.

Then your trained field agent eyes spot two threats.

There he is. Welcome back, amigo.

There is plenty of fishiness going on at ISIS without your balls.

There, there. Let that calcium citrate seep into your bones.

There, where? Outside a clown college?

There! Go buy a nicotine patch!

There's actually a bomb on board? Archer?

There's actually a private bathroom in there.

There's my favorite section head.

There's only like 800 kids in the entire county.

These antihistamines are insane.

These are all black.

These seem way too normal. What, normal as opposed to gay?

They could've forgotten to fill out new beneficiary forms...

They don't believe me. Hello?

They won't need to. Your position will be vacant.

They're called little people, not hobbits.

They're loaded and ready to go?

They're not all equally appal...

They're on their way to the morgue?

Things for authorized personnel only!

Think of it as a team building exercise.

Think of the innocent lives you'll be saving.

Think what that would do to me if we had to kill her...

Thirteen years? What, she ship you off in kindergarten?

Thirty seven. Thirty seven.

This "Trudy Beekman" person can thwart a major terror plot.

This Archer is a gigantic douche bag.

This huge bomb off the blimp! Okay, but then we seriously need to..

This is a lot harder than I thought.

This is Four Five Six Laundry. Your shirts are ready... for a week

This is good to know. Yeah, how about that?

This is how you train them. So.

This is linen!

This is me, remember?

This is taking chocolate from a baby.

This is the last time you make me out a fool, Len Trexler.

This is the most kickass health plan ever.

This is why we can't have nice things.

This is Wilhelm Schmeck, inventor of the Whisper Drive.

This Ramón Limón is blackmailing me.

This shirt smells like Indira Gandhi's thong.

This stupid plan... But I just...

This, what we just did, you'll keep this our secret?

Those calcium supplements are amazing.

Those monies will go to medical care for the palace guards they poisoned.

Thought she was going in a whole other direction with that.

Three!

To airbrush wrinkles off your old ass.

To bring him here, make the papa test.

To Cuban Naval Intelligence. If that happens...

To deliver one bottle of champagne? Oh.

To every agency on the planet. Look: CIA, Ml6, Interpol.

To kill Torvald Utne. Okay. And the second?

To make the burn notice from your mother look like an ODIN black flag.

To make you an agent just to impress Lana. Ironic, isn't it?

To my condo in South Beach.

To pay for her European med school that she's going to...

To pose as a gay man, in hopes of catching me in a, how you say...

To ready my body for the baby? Uta. Please do not start this.

To Scatterbrain Jane.

To somebody refusing to have sex with me.

To sub basement three. Is there a shower?

To tell you that you have a phone call.

To the consumer price index.

To who, Cyril? The cops? Lana?

To work with the woman who runs ISIS.

To your big new corner office. Okay.

Tomorrow, liebchen, I promise, but to...

Too bad. So you can just paddle that hole in your foot...

Too dead inside to read good news?

Too late! You had your chance and you blew it.

Topper Bottoms, stern yet sensual skipper...

Torvald, at least stay for dinner.

Torvald, feel free to cup anything in the room.

Torvald, please, don't go yet.

Totally. I mean, he shows up out of nowhere...

Trinette takes pride in her work.

Trudy Beekman booked the very last ticket on this flight, so it was all:

Trust me, Mother's idea of horizon broadening...

Trust me, whoever decorated this condo...

Try to explain this little barbecue to the co op board.

Try to include people in your life and then you... Lana.

Trysts, assignations..." What's this even mean?

Turns out Fidel is unhappy that one of his top agents is gay.

Twenty two black. Twenty two.

Two jobs. The first, we make a big phony attempt...

Two minutes, my love. I am just now again...

Two... Well, three times, I guess, if a dry humpy choker counts.

Ugh

Ugh! Oh, my God.

Ugh.

Ugh. And it just keeps on getting better.

Ugh. Is that all you have to say?

Ugh. Just what Miami needs. More Cubans.

Ugh. Like, one time that happened.

Ugh. The Organization of Douche bags In... In...

Uh uh. Pam? I will end you

Uh, actually, lacrosse. But it's jai alai for white people.

Uh, duh and or hello.

Uh, how about this one? This one, uh...

Uh, how about this one? This one, uh...

Uh, it's more of a conversation starter.

Uh, oh, wait. Uh, with all that...

Uh, que?

Uh, so let me guess. Yeah.

Uh, we need the sat com link to do that.

Uh... Attention? Hi, this is Agent Kane...

Uh... Hello, airplanes? Yeah, it's blimps.

Uh... Hello. Herpes?

Uh... I actually forget what that was. I've been hitting the sauce pretty hard.

Uh... I think it's pronounced, "Knock off."

Uh... Kick your skinny ass?

Uh... Oh, you were talking about my guns.

Uh... Wait, what just happened here?

Uh... Yeah, I don't know about that, but it might explain the ping pong paddle.

Um, conducting a mole hunt.

Um, dick town? Ha, ha.

Um, okay.

Um, so I'll just be here, then?

Um, sorry.

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um... What?

Um... Pretty sure that's Wales.

Um... Tone.

Un...

Under no circumstance is Lana to know about our little...

Undetectable Cuban missile subs could be parked right off Miami Beach.

Unkempt bush? You're one to talk.

Unless it covers Wandering Eye Syndrome.

Unless you really want to. Let me go shoot this prick

Unprofessional?

Until dinner. And what about my happiness, Mother?

Until you've completed your assignment.

Using a mirror to reflect the laser beam back into the laser?

Uta is just, uh, polishing the gun.

Uta, after we kill Utne...

Uta.

Very good, sir.

Very often. Just not in this case.

Vis à vis Cyril and Lana and me.

Voicemail. You know what to do.

Vole is also rodent, but more closer related to lemming.

Waa paah!

Wait a minute, how do you know Ramón's playing jai alai right now?

Wait, he was only here two days.

Wait, J. Edna?

Wait, wait, wait, Lana.

Wait, wait, you. Chocolate fountain guy.

Wait, what are we doing?

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Wait, what? That is your only question?

Wait, you don't think you're getting the office.

Wait, you think it's safe?

Walking home from a lot of jazz tap lessons.

Waltz in here, dressed like some sort of cattle rapist.

Wanna do it again and put on some interracial porn?

Was chosen at random by the ISIS computer.

Was killed last night when his cover was blown.

Was pretty irresponsible on your part.

Watch this. Abergard, go.

Waving a cleaver and reeking of what I hope to God is meat.

Way the Christ out in the Everglades...

We are going to kidnap Agent Sterling Archer.

We are gonna make it.

We can't find any gear we need.

We couldn't have done it without an electrical insulator.

We don't have this whole huge history.

We don't need gadgets. Really?

We go to your place and have, you know...

We have to meet certain...

We just need to keep Torvald happy...

We kill Torvald Utne.

We need a diversity hire.

We need evac. A helo, a jump jet.

We need to have a very long and serious talk.

We pointed out every single flaw in your cut rate security system.

We say, "Roger."

We should call her, because I would literally...

We should make you into someone for whom Lana's loins get equally frothy.

We should make you into someone for whom Lana's loins get equally frothy.

We slip in just ahead of the real Cubans, capture Schmeck, and recover the plans.

We use its remote control capability...

We? Why are you going?

We'd just sort of float around.

We'll do the whole Oprah Gayle thing.

We're all on board for the big win win out here.

We're all out of our comfort zone

We're almost out of fruit.

We're at you just shot the guy who could disarm the bomb, jackass!

We're not technically management.

We're sorry. Damn it.

We're taking heavy fire and we need an extraction, dumb ass!

We've got about two minutes before some ODIN dick sees this and seals the exits.

We've got an ex Mossad guy, he comes in Thursdays.

We've got Ml6 in the semis on Sunday...

We've got no sat coms, no new intel...

Well if you do, I've developed a proprietary chemical compound...

Well this torte's a winner, Malory.

Well, as long as you got Kasparov.

Well, at least my ex boyfriend isn't a noose I made out of extension cord

Well, do it before quitting time Friday.

Well, don't stand here gaping at me!

Well, every ISIS agent has a company issued...

Well, except for the bomb threat.

Well, except for your grossly over familiar tone, I couldn't be happier.

Well, guess what. Me neither.

Well, he is unpredictable

Well, he just sort of appeared.

Well, he's not licensed or anything, but he's got a real flair for it.

Well, I am the Human Resources director.

Well, I don't like to invite that comparison.

Well, I know what you're not getting.

Well, I really... Lana, there's a lot you and I need to talk about.

Well, I think she was just shaken up...

Well, I was a single mother.

Well, I was gonna say you can have another baby...

Well, I was very fond of a boy at school once.

Well, I'll leave you to it. But if you need anything...

Well, I'm not. Do your worst, Krieger.

Well, if I did, I'd just sc**** all your previous mishaps into a big pile...

Well, if you learned anything today, it won't be the truth.

Well, if you think, oh, I don't know...

Well, it may seem daunting now...

Well, it wouldn't surprise me. You're driving him stark raving mad.

Well, it's all on this schedule.

Well, just put it back in. You're the whole reason I'm in this mess.

Well, just put it back in. You're the whole reason I'm in this mess.

Well, not now. But mid April? Every morning. For almost 20 minutes.

Well, now you're trapped. Happy?

Well, obviously the core concept, Lana!

Well, one of them. Don't worry, I won't tell Cyril. Probably.

Well, one of them. Don't worry, I won't tell Cyril. Probably.

Well, perhaps a lesser Caesar.

Well, perhaps we could play for something much more interesting.

Well, say she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Well, semi annoying.

Well, so is embezzlement.

Well, some pun involving hobbits.

Well, take my word on this.

Well, thank you, Malory.

Well, that seaweed wrap just slurps out the stress.

Well, that's just idi... Oh, my God.

Well, that's the thing. How did you actually find Conway?

Well, that's too bad, Mr. Man. Now, you just put Lana on the phone.

Well, that's too bad. Because guess what.

Well, the bedroom was untouched by the explosion.

Well, the blowback on ODIN for this will be huge.

Well, the lovely Framboise from HR...

Well, then, what is it?

Well, there's false flags, dead drops, drop outs, cut outs...

Well, too bad. Because guess what.

Well, uh, a lot of stuff, really.

Well, we all do.

Well, whose fault is that, Barry? Yours.

Well, whose fault is that?

Well, whose fault is that? Waving a cleaver, screaming in Russian?

Well, you know, from time to time... What...? No.

Well, you obviously weren't that scared, judging by your grouping.

Well, you see? This is why.

Well, you should know what...

Well, you wanted him to grow up in the city.

Were terrorizing Paris! So I crashed a few cop cars...

Were you watching some other commercial just now?

Wet blob of drool drips off his teeth and just: "Blurp!"

Wha...? No.

Wha...? Oh.

Wha...? What? That looks nothing like me.

Wha...? When have I ever been blabby?

What about the groundbreaking work...

What about Trinette? She said that?

What are the two letters following the dash?

What are we thinking? What are we doing?

What are you doing Thursday between 9 and noon?

What are you doing, you idiot?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Uh, none of your businessing.

What condition? Your only condition is that you are a stupid crazy girl.

What danger? They do it outpatient.

What do we want? Unfair!

What gave it away, my mother's...? Why are you wearing my mother's robe?

What if her plan is a big fat set up? What if they mean to kill us?

What if I'd been real KGB?

What is amazing is we just ran into him on the street.

What is in this drink?

What is it? He's got an erection.

What is that about? Archer?

What is this? You know what it is, Fritz!

What is wrong with you?

What is your problem?

What kind of spy agency scrimps on a freaking shredder?

What part of you pay me 600 dollars do you not get?

What shade is that? Crack Whore Red?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell is your name now, anyway?

What the hell's in your freaking pocket?

What the...? You'll never take me alive, bastardos.

What you doing, Birdbones?

What, are you mostly paid in tips?

What, Conway? No!

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? What the hell is wrong with you people?

What? God.

What? I can't hear you, tiny man.

What? I made up the mole.

What? I said "worst case."

What? Malory burned Archer?

What? Mother!

What? No, carry me, monster hands.

What? No. But Cyril, why did you have a diamond?

What? Since when?

What? Sir, you have to slow...

What? That little...?

What? That's not even a real baby.

What? This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morissette had a baby...

What? Wait, did we get the diamond?

What? What do you mean might be?

What? Who the hell is that?

What? You're blackish.

What? Your little go cart battery?

What...? I didn't shoot him!

What...? Not the vasectomy, the rescue.

What's going on? I hear a helicopter.

What's in there, buckles?

What's my father ever done that's so great?

What's sad is now nobody re stocks the machine in the bathroom...

What's that supposed to mean?

What's the matter, baby? Afraid you'll catch something?

What's to appreciate?

What's wrong with these?

What's your problem, neck bones?

Whatever the winner says. Lf I win...

Whatever you say, dear. Dr. Krieger?

When Cyril e files these DD 14s.

When do we want it? Change!

When he can't suckle at my teat! Ugh.

When I am finished with ISIS, you won't be able to get a contract...

When I bang every last dude in the building.

When I peel all your skin off with a flensing knife, sew it into Woodhouse pajamas...

When I see her, I will tell her to call you...

When I was bored. Like, stuck at home waiting for the cable guy, or... Oh, hey.

When ISIS steals that diamond for real.

When it is in small window just over the target...

When they're dead they're just hookers.

When we answer in the affirmative...

When we first started going out...

Where is that equipment guy? And where the hell are the jumars?

Where is the diaper bag?

Where the German desk says you never checked in.

Where the hell have you been?

Where the hell is everybody?

Where the hell is my staple gun?

Where the sofa is soaked in Scotchgard.

Where they won third place. So a lot of good came out of that.

Where was this enthusiasm before?

Where you will sit quietly. Hey, you.

Where? The People's Republic of Canada?

Where'd we be without my man Cyril in accounting?

Where's the damn fish balls, already? I could kill for some food.

Whereas I am merely confused.

Which hopefully explains my shock at finding myself...

Which I thought would be hot, but...

Which I will do with these cell phones.

Which in lab sent test subjects into ferocious homicidal rages.

Which is just gravy.

Which is not a word. Come on, Figgis! All right, here we go.

Which is not my real name!

Which is obviously ludicrous. As is this baby corn.

Which is why I am planning ahead for my retirement. In beautiful Miami.

Which is why I find it strange that you're so incredibly calm.

Which is why the contract will remain with ODIN.

Which is why you should consider ISIS for the UN contract.

Which is, like, half the reason men have sex.

Which may come in handy. I call it Formula K.

Which may sound hypocritical, I know, but...

Which now has the insane amount of security we recommended?

Which one of you idiots sent up zucchini?

Which rug? Oh, good. I thought you meant in the bedroom.

Which they used to go to a competition in Albany...

Which was an odd word choice right there, and am I talking out loud?

Which you're gonna need after the jillion high fives...

While I go find the bomb. Ugh. Bombs, bombers, vulvas.

While Limón was out shopping yesterday.

Who are also shooting blanks.

Who could with a woman who wallpapered her guest bathroom...

Who gives a gosh damn about that? Lana's captured, maybe even...

Who had infiltrated El Frente Rojo...

Who is loving it.

Who micro manage everything, would it? What? No, that's not why I'm...

Who on God's green earth dressed you?

Who put out a burn notice on Sterling?

Who said you shot him again. Uh...

Who the hell wants a two day blimp ride to London?

Who thinks you got captured, or killed.

Who would want to raise a child here?

Who? James Bond?

Who..

Who'd wanna put a bomb on that?

Who's there? What do you want?

Whoa, what, is diabetes busy?

Whoa, whoa with the language. You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lana, no!

Whoever he is, he ghosted an ID file onto our worldwide database.

Whoever it was, he wasn't there to raise Sterling, so I don't need him butting in now.

Whoever your father is. Yeah, you were always there for me.

Whose car should be blowing up any minute.

Whose fat mouth told the stupid waitress he was an ISIS agent?

Whose tiny gun came with a matching purse?

Why are you here? Actually sir, I'm with Carina.

Why are you so immature?

Why do you always say that? And that's the thing.

Why do you softball them in like that?

Why don't you buy him one? He could use it.

Why don't you just pour it on everybody's?

Why must you always micro manage?

Why must you micromanage everything? Yeah, yeah, okay.

Why on earth would you lie to me?

Why the hell are you two still here?

Why, would you be into that? Just curious.

Why? Only I will have real bullets.

Why? You taking a moral inventory?

Why... Why don't we all have one and talk about it.

Will gather here, on the Argo, to bid on my humble wares.

Will have me right back in front of the co op board.

Willing to do whatever it takes.

Wiping his snotty nose on his sleeve...

With a knife? Yeah. I can't let you in there.

With a satellite feed back to these hard drives.

With interference from cell phones.

With ISIS on board, what could possibly go wrong?

With monster hands. Oh, like Lana ha... Hey, you.

With my 12 years of experience as a covert operative.

With signal from satellite.

With such potential to embarrass the Soviets.

With the speed of... Some other, slightly faster ship?

With the sweet old Korean lady.

With vintage New Yorker covers?

Without you air drying your unkempt bush

Wokka, wokka, wokka!

Wokka, wokka, wokka!

Womp womp.

Womp womp.

Wonderful. So they can blow it up for the jury at my treason trial.

Wooden spoons are a huge emotional trigger for me, Lana.

Woodhouse, dear, please have a seat.

Woodhouse, she froze my accounts...

Woodhouse, we got any lube?

Woodhouse. What are you doing? Uh, sitting down, sir.

Worst case scenario, her cover got blown...

Would kill Excelsior's stock price.

Would they curtsy meekly? Heh. Well, otherwise, what's the point?

Would you go?

Would you relax? I'm pretty sure San Marino has universal health care.

Wouldn't want to offend that boyfriend of yours, eh, wot?

Wow, "open purse, remove balls" huh?

Wow, Archer, you were right. A tailored suit hangs so much better.

Wow, that was actually pretty easy. Thanks, new turtleneck.

Wow, that's...

Wow, what is this?

Wow.

Wow. I am incredibly sorry.

Wow. What happened to you?

Wunderbar, Tovald.

X S! Like INXS!

Yeah so, do you maybe want to let us in on your little scheme hatchery?

Yeah, a fluke of nature. Because I happen to have...

Yeah, and as you're standing here, dick and or balls caressed by my mother's robe, ugh...

Yeah, and he totally impregnated me.

Yeah, and l... I...

Yeah, and now I know. And when I tell Pam...

Yeah, and the, uh, famille thing actually makes this borderline creepy.

Yeah, but it doesn't even make sense.

Yeah, but unlike your dusty "vagine," it's not going to stay empty.

Yeah, cause that was seriously, like, all the cash I had on me, so.

Yeah, come on. Before I change my mind.

Yeah, Cyril. That was totally ninja.

Yeah, fed full of muffins and denial.

Yeah, he's a real genius.

Yeah, he's not an easy read.

Yeah, hi, Barry Dillon please? Yes, I'll hold!

Yeah, I also promised you a baby. How's that working out for you?

Yeah, I am kind of lovely.

Yeah, I can do that

Yeah, I don't know, this was all I could find.

Yeah, I know it's sexy, Woodhouse. That's why I bought 10.

Yeah, I was just being nice, though.

Yeah, I'm looking for two guys.

Yeah, if you're...

Yeah, it feels pretty good.

Yeah, it fricking hurt, idiot. It's ice.

Yeah, it's called tradecraft, genius.

Yeah, it's pretty tastefully done, huh?

Yeah, Latino men. You take the bad with the good.

Yeah, make it quick. My ride is here.

Yeah, now he's all over my 400 dollar custom shirt

Yeah, please keep talking

Yeah, probably

Yeah, seriously. Okay, Uta, we have a job, so...

Yeah, she so totally does.

Yeah, so, let's go on...

Yeah, tell me. How my father might be Nikolai Jakov...

Yeah, that is a huge win win for me.

Yeah, that...

Yeah, that's a deal! But if I win...

Yeah, that's why I shorted it!

Yeah, the, uh, lockers were a tip off.

Yeah, Trinette, you shitass.

Yeah, two people all alone together, down here in South Beach.

Yeah, until she tags me in!

Yeah, what does a blimp do, Pam?

Yeah, what's on this thing anyway?

Yeah, you've mentioned that.

Yeah? In exchange for a favor.

Yeah? And maybe that is why I date...

Yeah? Well, I'm dangerous. And I'm gonna win.

Yeah? Well, so is the fact that you, some crazy how, are screwing my ex.

Yeah? What's the poem gonna be about when Cyril snaps and murders you?

Yeah? You think between now and Friday...

Yeah. You had sex with Conway?

Yeah. God, Cyril.

Yeah. I did, didn't I?

Yeah. I'll get the raise I deserve.

Yeah. Loose end.

Yeah. Shut up. And you, drop it.

Yeah. Which you probably found while researching me.

Yeah. You know what's dangerous?

Yeah... Sploosh.

Yep. How you feel about that?

Yep. See here, Krenshaw just stole 50,000 from Archer's account.

Yes, and I am tempted to give ISIS the UN contract, Malory.

Yes, but from where? I mean, if you didn't do a background check...

Yes, but you told Pam and now everyone is looking for a real mole.

Yes, confederacy forever.

Yes, confederacy forever.

Yes, confirmed.

Yes, frestelse. It means "temptation."

Yes, go ahead. Crank up the heat.

Yes, I am. Or would you prefer I tell Cyril you slept with Skorpio?

Yes, it's Sterling Archer... Oh. Yes, I'll hold!

Yes, just hurry up. Please.

Yes, Major. I am in position...

Yes, Nikolai, you certainly did...

Yes, now. Let's talk this out. Talk what out?

Yes, Pam. Get me some poison. Because I am already dead inside.

Yes, quite ready sir. Though not entirely willing.

Yes, she literally vomited from anger.

Yes, sir. Although it pains me dearly.

Yes, so, uh...

Yes, we need a sound sensor. Duh!

Yes, when you fly Excelsior, you're flying in style!

Yes, you bloody well may.

Yes, you're my beneficiary.

Yes! So go down there and find it...

Yes.

Yes. Ugh! Laundry.

Yes. Well, I can arrange that.

Yes. I really want it.

You all know about Cyril and Lana, right?

You and your erection

You and your stupid mother and her stupid frothing loins.

You are a bitch.

You are amazing, sweet stuff.

You are more handsome in your photos.

You are playing a very dangerous game...

You both have a clear line of...

You bust in, shoot two good double agents...

You butthole. You set this all up, just to drive me and Lana apart.

You can score some roofies? Heh heh heh.

You can see what everybody said.

You can trust me. You know, probably.

You can't go looking for logic in it. Here, this'll help the swelling.

You can't put a price on good pussy.

You can't stay in there forever.

You cannot handle a single rejection? Yes.

You click through pictures of everybody who works here, and say if you'd rather...

You come in here and accuse Conway of what, exactly?

You dick.

You dicks were working for Castro this whole time?

You do want the assignment?

You don't get along with your neighbors anywhere.

You don't know what I'm dealing with!

You don't know.

You dumbass. I set this whole thing up.

You ever wanna see your son again?

You foiled that perfidious Conway, saved Sterling's...

You geeks wanna smell something?

You get more beautiful every time I see you.

You get to say we did.

You getting a snack?

You getting a tampon?

You give your little bros.

You go! Get on the plane, buckle in, sit there...

You got it, buddy. Or the lovely Pam in Human Resources.

You got it. Leaving him with motive.

You gotta slug her in the diaphragm with a forearm shiver.

You had labeled as baby Aspirin. That was baby Aspirin.

You had me at "put."

You have no proof Singh's the bomber.

You haven't seen the last of Conway Stern!

You hear that, Ms. Archer?

You heard the lady. Take a number.

You idiot. That's Sandu Singh, the billionaire investor!

You just concentrate on your training.

You just have fun, dear. Mm hm. Bye.

You just rest, Ms. Archer. We'll take care of these DD 14s for you.

You knew the whole time?

You know how she gets.

You know how to whistle, don't you, Conway?

You know Scatterbrain Jane. Heh heh.

You know they're exploiting us.

You know what second hand smoke does to a fetus.

You know what? I don't have a "one to some other number of douchebags" scale

You know where to find us. Oh, yeah, uh, where's that?

You know, I bet there's a lesson to be learned from all this.

You know, I mean, jeez, I moved in with my last girlfriend...

You know, I'm not even sure I want to now.

You know, it's not allowed. It's probably illegal

You know, the whole "monster hands" thing?

You know, when I was little, I used to pretend you weren't my mother.

You know, with Lana there.

You know? Like the champagne. It's what hot black guys drink.

You leave Bub out of this.

You let this happen. And by doing so, jeopardized our entire operation.

You lied to me.

You look just as supple...

You look, uh...

You may have them once I confirm the balance in my Swiss account.

You mean...

You Nazi shit ass. Mani, these people.

You never heard that? How Hoover was this huge, cross dressing chicken hawk?

You put him down. But just shoot the pad, not Woodhouse.

You queer. What the hell, man?

You really need new names on... Hey, what were you doing in there?

You really need to relax.

You said the letters after the dash were Oscar Kilo!

You saved my life twice.

You saw how she looked at Sterling last night.

You should be thankful you have Cyril.

You should have asked me before, you...

You should let me kill everybody here.

You shut up and I'm doing it! God!

You sure, missus? Is plenty space.

You tell me where the bomb... What? Baccarat! Mr. Singh wins.

You tell me, does it look like I'm allergic?

You think, he's gonna give me mouth to mouth.

You turned in an expense report from Berlin...

You two banged?

You wanna sprinkle on the bacon bits of "Let's tell them we're coming"?

You want breakfast? Try the diner. You're obviously into Greek.

You want breakfast? Try the diner. You're obviously into Greek.

You want me to defect to Russia?

You want the lowest deductible.

You were saying?

You were there, in the condo, together?

You will implant the microchip...

You win, bye! Oh, God.

You won't even pay ISIS...

You. And plus, I have a boyfriend.

You...

You'd have done the same for me.

You'd have noticed that ODIN had agents in play!

You'd recognize a vegetable that wasn't wrapped in a Monte Cristo sandwich.

You'll be the death of me yet. But if I die...

You'll be who it sucks to be if I have to call my bridge partner.

You'll get the money when I get the disk. And if you've made copies...

You're anti Native American.

You're baked, can't remember.

You're both classic her. Shut up, get dressed...

You're butting in that big, fat, strong...

You're gonna need some calcium, after I...

You're gonna walk into our video store...

You're just some Canadian dude down here on business...

You're keeping that office for you?

You're killing me here. Again? This was supposed to be coconut shrimp.

You're lucky his father's not here.

You're next. Cyril, that was pathetic.

You're off to interview with ODIN...

You're only here because I may need you to take one for the team.

You're right, Archer, I am conflicted.

Young and in love, and in Berlin.

Your call. No? Hard it is then.

Your instructions are clear? Ja. No problem.

Your man's a rakish chap. Air of mystery, chiseled good looks?

Your new company car to deposit your insane paychecks...

Yup, we've got video and audio...

Zip it! Conway, dear?

.25 caliber. When would you use an underwear gun?

"Meh" what? I just don't feel so comfortable...

"Mr. Archer" was the "whom." Worlds collide, huh?

"On" as in hire him? As in here? Yes!

"Ooh" what? We can't, Ms. Archer. It's too late.

"Sammy Gay vis Junior." Damn it!

**** your dolphin, Pam. Archer, she's down, all right?

A bulletin board. You heard Conway. I'm essential!

A favor? Yeah.

A goddamn cost of living adjustment. What?

A good get.

A jillion gay little copycats. What?

A lot of that going around. Yeah. It's an epidemic.

A tur...? Listen, you kraut puke. Hello.

A, no, you're probably not. And B through Z, nobody gives a shit.

Aah, Lana! Lana, I'm blind. I'm blind. Yeah? Should I go on without you?

Aah! Shoot, bitch. Democracy's at stake.

Aah! Weapon.

Aah! What the...? Sorry, Conway.

Aah. Gasp you should...

About Lana. Oh, right. Yeah, so...

About your operations account... Not..

Again, hesitation. It's on the ISIS Intranet.

Against the rules. Half naked, tits bouncing around...

Ah, I was going to kill you. Oh, you are just the worst kind of...

Ahem. Oh, my...

Ahem. Can I help you? I don't know. Can you?

Ahem. Gosh, that must've been tough. No, l... I loved it. Um...

Ahh. This problem does not sound teensy!

All aboard Excelsior! God.

All of those years of lying and cheating. It's fine.

All right, that's lunch then. Agent performance unsatisfactory.

All right, you heard Mr. Skorpio. No, just Skorpio.

All right? So you'd rather die in there...

All six, right in the ten ring. Hooray.

All you people did in there was smoke. Oh, God, I'm hit.

Almost entirely, sir. Heh.

Alone. And I do have a date.

Although... Although what?

An erection? Ow. Hey.

And all these years, you lied to me. Sterling, I was protecting you.

And also my... Boyfriend.

And Archer's really okay with this? Oh, not at all.

And as captain regent of... I don't care if you're Captain...

And as for Frodo... Wha...?

And as for hiring ODIN... ODIN?

And as for you, Cyril, good day, sir. Archer.

And buy the nastiest, barebackinest, hard dickinest, ball splapiest...

And gay sex. Okay.

And have I blabbed about you and Cheryl? She keeps seducing me.

And he told you about that? Oh, we've had such great talks.

And here we are. All fine. Cyril, come on, hon, please?

And his men called him... "Black Jack" Archer.

And I can explain that. Well if you'd let me.

And I saw it coming. I knew it. Uh huh.

And in vino veritas. The Chianti was definitely flowing.

And it just sounds wonderful, but... Hey, I'm just putting it out there.

And it's ruining my brand new linens. Sorry.

And just what is this, I ask you. Hello, Cheryl.

And make up the sickest... Yeah, shut up, do you take plastic?

And me. Really?

And safety! Safety?

And she's looking up into his steely blue eyes...

And since you didn't do your job... I will, all right?

And so's this baby. Jeezy Petes.

And that I'm accidentally inside you. Not a problem.

And the killing

And then Ruby Foo's. Well, we will see.

And what is that supposed to mean? Figure it out, Truckasaurus.

And what is this we're eating? It smells vaguely poisonous.

And what the hell is he doing? Hey!

And when will you settle your account? When will you buy some dress shields?

And why are there doughnuts everywhere? Lana did that.

And why do you have it? Because I...

And you know I love that. Not as much as I love chocolate.

And you're sure it was Lana? What was Lana?

And you're uninviting me in advance. Normally, yes.

And your lungs are filling up with blood. Did you have sex with my mother?

And, uh, why do you have that? Exactly? You never know what's gonna happen.

And? And do you just plan to loom over me..

And... Oh, you mean where in the building. No.

Anyone who might be disgruntled? Um..

Archer, get the hell out. What is it with you people?

Archer, hey. Go away

Archer, if anything... Cyril, relax. I will rescue her.

Archer, it's me. Cyril? Hey, I can't really talk right now.

Archer, please. That's private. Not calm enough?

Archer, put her on the phone. Cyril, buddy, look...

Archer! Goddamn it, I'm relishing the...

Archer! To make the perfect word.

Archer? Aah! Aah! Aah!

Archer? Sorry, I know this is tough.

Archer? Yes?

Archer. Archer, exactly just.

Archer. ...by stabbing her wrinkly neck...

Archer's DD 14. Yeah.

Are you date of employment, or...? Calendar year!

Are you gonna pay for your lunch? Just the tip.

Are you joking? What? Rigid airships...

Are you kidding? Oh my God, you, like, sneeze glitter.

Are you lazy Huns ready, or what? Oh. Ha, ha. Hello, yep.

Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready.

Are you sure she has the right plate? Pretty sure.

As in butt hole. What do we do here?

As in Nancy! God, you of all people. What?

Baby crazy? That's why I dumped her.

Baby... Did I interrupt something?

Bang. Uh, kill, I guess. Thanks a lot.

Barry Dillon? Uh...

Barry. Well, engaged to be engaged. Ow!

Be that as it may! Loose cannon.

Because I would kind of love to. Not as much as I would.

Because my feelings were hurt. Well...

Because that's how you get ants. Yay.

Because they're assassins too. Or...

Because this is important. Micromanagitis.

Because this is obviously zucchini. Oh.

Besides awesome? Oh!

Bet it's all that lacrosse at boarding school. Yeah, 13 years' worth.

Bonuses? Dump her, Cyril.

Boy, wait till I tell her. No.

Buddy Rich. Oh, my...

Bump me, I'm not going. Lf these two share a cabin.

Busy trying to turn that thing on? Look at this!

But about plans: Health plan switchover? Cyril.

But even though Cyril may be clingy... Oh. Saran Wrap could take a lesson.

But he died in the war, at Flanders. Flanders?

But here... Here we are one big famille.

But I'm not to be trusted, am I? No, sir.

But if I'm not here... Yeah.

But if you wanna access the mainframe... What?

But isn't hydrogen flammable? And how, Timmy!

But it doesn't just fist. Tell him. Pam!

But it's Stir Friday. Hurray.

But they were blanks. Weren't they? Uh, only if the back of his skull picked...

But what about all the other employees? Um...

But yeah, basically. So do something.

But you cannot say a word. I won't tell anybody.

But you cannot say a word. I won't tell anybody.

But you. You are so not my type. What?

But you're gay. Girl, please. Nobody's that gay.

But... I just wanna keep my options open!

But... Oh, God, Pam. Two months' salary. Cyril.

Can we get off my fingers? Yeah, they are pretty big.

Can you do that? Oh, my God.

Can you hear me? Come in. What? Wait.

Can you not give me a minute? No. You fire me, I take my things.

Can you please focus? Not really.

Can't or won't? Either.

Can't we just enjoy the moment? Yeah, how could we not?

Ceviche is already cold. I know.

Cheating on Lana? Baffling.

Cheryl. Exactly.

Come let me into the mainframe. Okay.

Come over here, let's man hug it. All right. Okay. Um...

Coming right out. Hurry it up. All I've had today is, like...

Comrade...? Oh, shut up.

Conway! Now, whom can I thank for these shrimps?

Conway! What the shit, man? What? Schmeck was a traitor.

Conway? Yeah, buddy

Cosplay enthusiasts. What?

Cyril, check this out. Watch yourself.

Cyril, give it to me. I bet that's Lana.

Cyril, in my medicine cabinet... Wait, no. Aah.

Cyril, look at it. But I spent two months' salary.

Cyril, not now. Yes, now

Cyril, there's been a break in at ISIS. What?

Cyril! Sorry, here we go.

Cyril! What?

Cyril. Shoot. Oh, oh.

Da, da. So your instructions are clear?

Da. Excellent.

Damn it. There, should have gone with:

Damn it. Yeah, he's good at those.

Damn it. Where are those Germans? What?

Danny is definitely feeling something. I think I'm going to pass.

Dealunbreaker. Ugh.

Do we take the drones for granted? No. No, no, Lana.

Do you have any KGB agents nearby? Meh...

Do you keep kosher? Well, I do have a weakness for prawns.

Do you know you're a little bitch? Will you remember this conversation?

Do you mind? It's the caterer. Right. Okay, sure.

Do you see that sign? Do you see that sign?

Do you see this? I just don't understand.

Do you trust me? What? No, I don't trust you.

Doesn't it? No, it... Woodhouse, this is Miami.

Domestic and foreign? Even the one on the Isle of Man.

Don't listen to him, he's just trying to... Shut up!

Don't worry, your time is coming

Don't you ever give up? Not when it comes...

Double irony. I'll need 50,000 for travel expenses.

Drinking champagne in a bikini? Oh, screw me.

Dumb ass. I don't care if you shoot her.

Easy, tough guy. I don't remember any of that

Either that or I steal them. What? Hm? What's that?

Either? And after I gave you Stir Friday.

Either? Fine. Then go check your Telex.

Elke Hübsch. A pleasure, my dear.

Embarrassing me in Berlin? The entire hotel was embarrassed.

Especially in light of recent... No.

Even if Mr. Archer gets a job at ODIN? Oh, please. ODIN won't hire him.

Even you wouldn't stoop that low. Lana, come on...

Everybody? Like...? Like Lana. And if, I don't know...

Ew, kill. Well, thanks a lot.

Exact! Same! Spot! Ray?

Exactly, back me up here. You slept with her too.

Except his little mocha love child. His what?

Excuse me? Oh, come on, I don't recall ever seeing...

Excuse me? Oh, my God, why are you still here?

Excuse me? They're fingers, Pam, not kielbasas.

Excuse me. Yeah, sorry, don't mind me.

Excuse us. Ugh.

Fifty thousand? From your account.

Figgis. Figgis. Who is it? Better not be Pam.

Filled with helium. Which is non flammable! Dumb ass.

Fire him! Join him. Come work for me.

Fire him. Can't do it.

First letter is B. Bravo.

First of all... Nikolai, look, they're alive.

First of all... Oh, shut up. The bounty on Skorpio...

First time I've heard you complain. Hi ho! Ha, ha.

Fister Roboto wouldn't take that. He's just too damn sensitive

Five percent discount for cash. I thought it was ten

Folks, please. Embarrassing.

Food rapist. Not a pretty name, is it?

For food, that is. Heh heh. Ugh.

Framboise, hello. Hello.

From Top Gun. Just be careful.

Fruit basket! Wow. You are just a dog in a manger

Gay. Gayer!

Gay. What?

Gene Krupa. No, wait. What? The drummer?

Gentlemen. No, no, no, what happened to discretion?

Get me that crazy German. Now

Get on the desk. Really?

Get them! Oh, oh!

Getting curtsied at by servants. Yeah, but you couldn't do it.

Getting ISIS blacklisted at the UN? Had nothing to do with that.

Give it. I'm serious. Give me my phone. No, get off. Cut it out.

Glossing over how you know that... We touched penises.

Go stand over there. Where, over here?

God, it's just his gun, Trinette. Sorry.

God, Lana! Get on with your life already! Oh!

Goddamn it, Archer! What, Barry?

Goddamn it, Archer! Again! Oh, shit.

Golf cart. Shut up.

Golf cart. Whatever

Gonna take your word on that. Yeah?

Good morning. Hey, you.

Good. So on the second bell... I come out shooting blanks. See?

Gosh, yeah. Now that's not so bad, is it?

Gravlax, anyone? No. No gravlax. I need painkillers.

Gravlax? Thanks, no. I'm allergic to cat piss.

Great. Archer, what am I gonna tell her?

Grenades in the glove box. Drive me and the hooker to safety or...

Grill me a cheese. I'm not grilling you a cheese.

Grilled cheese. What?

Gross. ...with a dinner party. Tonight.

Guess what we call it. Stir Friday?

Ha ha ha. No. That feels pretty good.

Ha ha ha. Holy shit, the look on your face. But I would never. Not in a million...

Ha ha ha. Well, you would know. Now, see. Why do you do that?

Ha ha. Are you kidding? Don't be shitty.

Ha, ha. Among other things.

Ha, ha. And I'm smirking. No, you don't smirk...

Ha, ha. Now who feels stupid? My guess is both of you.

Ha! Ha.

Ha! What's that tell you? Kind of a lot, actually.

Ha. No, no, no.

Ha. Oh. Oh.

Ha. Oh, my God! Lana, we made it! Oh.

Ha. You found Krieger's cameras? I think he is not so good at his job.

Half the bounty. Come on, I deserve it. Ha!

Hang on a second. Ha ha ha.

Hang on, I think my car's on P 2. Well, I have to get Cyril, who's on...

Happy Easter, Cyril. Lana?

Have Gillette do this. Sterling, you're the only one I can trust.

Have you lost your mind? Every time I see you.

Have you seen Cyril? What? Why would I have?

He hasn't called, has he? No. How you holding up, Mama Bird?

He hinted... That's profiling.

He just gets a pass? Like Milton Berle? Yep.

He probably got careless. I'm sure Hector didn't get...

He said do not come in. Yeah, Barry.

He totally checked out. Okay, so do you mind if I take a little...?

He went through my desk? I guess. I mean he said he did.

He won't remember. Yeah, no, I'm...

He's a Sikh! Oh, so if he's not a Muslim...

Heh. A freaking hobbit works here? No. He's just a...

Heh. Bet she's freaking out right now. Oh, my God.

Heh. Like you'd know. Or choked, in your case.

Hello, Cheryl. It's Carol.

Hello, Mother. Where the hell have you been?

Hello? It's just you and me now, Reggie.

Hello? Hi, who's this?

Hello? Oh. Hello?

Hello? Why the hell is your phone on?

Hello. Ooh la la.

Hello. What's...

Hello. You're late.

Hello. You're not, um, leaving, are you?

Here, take this. Why did you have a salad gun?

Here, take this. Jesus, Ramón, a Claymore?

Here, try it. No. Whoa, whoa.

Here. Keep it in here. Uh... Hey, whoa.

Here's the door. Help. Please help me.

Here's what thing? Okay.

Hey, are you having a good time? Oh, I am. Ha, ha.

Hey, does that cook seem weird? Normal weird or German weird?

Hey, how is my lovely lady. Suspended.

Hey, Malory, uh, you got a second? I sincerely doubt it

Hey, Pita isn't a whore. Not until you got a hold of her.

Hey, Ray. Ugh.

Hey, that is not... Urban. Whatever.

Hey, whoa. Stop surging.

Hey, yeah. No!

Hey, you cheated on Lana plenty. Yeah, but with starlets, models.

Hey, you wanna smell something? Swear to God, Mr. Archer...

Hey, you. And who are you?

Hey! Hey!

Hm? Nothing.

Hmm? Yeah, no, they're right.

Holy shit, was that out loud? It's okay. This is a safe place.

Holy shitsnacks. We have snacks?

Hon? Hello? Huh? Hey.

Hooray. Dig in. Wow.

Hostile work environment. Shut up.

Houdini died of AIDS. No.

How about now? Anything? No.

How am I the bad guy in this? Because I wanted this, Archer.

How are you? I am fantastic, my dear.

How could you know if we had a mole? Um...

How do you say "The Hulk" in Spanish? El Hulk.

How messed up he is about his mother. Fine.

How much a little more? Well, it's complicated.

How? How what, dear?

How? Nobody knows why we're striking. Well, we can't say "Hey, right upstairs...

Huge as in? As in you won't see your live in servants...

Hugo Boss. Shut up.

Huh? You know he did all his own stunts. I know!

I also need you to go buy sand. Yes, sir

I always make Lana stir fry on Friday. Neat. Listen...

I am a great admirer. You know he's not the shot putter, right?

I am always nice to her. To her face

I am shitfaced. Miss Archer, phone call.

I am that idiot. Ach.

I am Torvald... Utne, I know.

I am, if you'd shut up. And really pour out your feelings.

I blend. Just shut up and get the plans.

I blew jack shit! Name dropper.

I can explain. I don't think I want you to.

I can explain. You were gonna frag me?

I can make you feel like you are. Mm.

I can not do this alone! You're not alone!

I can tell. You are gifted. Okay.

I could never say no to a drummer. Could you say no to anybody?

I did! Captain Lammers!

I didn't grow up on a cheese farm. Oh, for the...

I do not. You do not.

I do. But what if I shoot her, mama's boy?

I don't care if he's happy. That's obvious.

I don't even remember. Exactly. So...

I don't have access to security whatevers. What?

I don't know. And why do you have a cleaver?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I was worried sick. Called you twice...

I don't know. Well, you're safe now. So get out.

I don't know. What...? And why do you have a cleaver?

I don't need her! I, however, do need your keycard.

I don't think that's how blimps work. Darn, right.

I find your lack of faith disturbing. I find your mannish hands disturbing.

I forgot about the DD 14s. Screw them.

I forgot that... Did I get you? What is wrong with you?

I forgot where I put it. Huge surprise.

I got nothing. That's what I thought.

I got ups. Move it, chubs. Hey.

I had not. That's exactly the kind of slanderous...

I had sex with Lana. Me too

I happen to see the big picture. Oh, really? Well, then where's...

I have a... And a very handsome cheese, at that.

I have an inbox? Utne decides which spy agency...

I hesitate to even ask. We're doing "Kill, Bang, Marry."

I hope you didn't invest in this. It'll be fine, though.

I just hope Cyril don't, like, snap. Cyril? Snap?

I know I have trust issues, all right? But it's...

I know! What happened to half an hour?

I know. But you make shit. Hey, I'm doing pretty well, thank you.

I know. Good to have you back. And?

I lied! What?

I love you, Santa Claus. What?

I make a klein hole in his skull with this. Just shut that off.

I mean, come on, haven't I earned that? Yes, we have. I'm staying.

I mean, come on. Are you gay or not? I am.

I mean, maybe if you were Scottish or... Hey, man, racism, anti Semitism.

I need a shower. Archer!

I need to confirm this with your mother. No. No. I mean, what? Cyril.

I really do. Okay.

I see the foot's all better. And I see you're still a hatchet face prick.

I see your knockoff Fiacci drawers. Ha ha. You are such a bitch.

I think he's already being regaled

I think it's this new grip. So listen.

I think we're making some progress. Where, in opposite world?

I think you mean mole. Mole. Huh?

I think you'll be very surprised by... I detest surprises.

I thought he was a captain regent. Oh, whatever.

I thought I gave you a fake number. What?

I vote Asian chick. And after an exhaustive search...

I want to surprise Lana... Well, you nailed it.

I want you to listen to me. Well then unperforate my eardrum.

I was going to have to start from scratch. The kitchen's not bad.

I was trying to stop a bomb plot. Oh, my God, there is no bomb!

I wish you'd been wearing one. Who would want to wear an on fire suit?

I'd know. No.

I'll call or text at the... I'm gonna be kind of busy, hon.

I'm always insistent, Woodhouse. Yes, sir.

I'm black. Oh, put it back in the deck.

I'm busy. Um, we all are?

I'm driving the car. I could drive better than that.

I'm genuinely sorry about this. But may I can keep the clothes?

I'm gonna get that office! I'm getting it, Pam!

I'm hungry. So lick that coat. You smell like a...

I'm listening. So let's blow the shit out of it.

I'm not doing that. That's a poor motivator.

I'm not? Not like that.

I'm one sixty fourth Cherokee. Shut up!

I'm ready. ...could you buzz me in?

I'm sorry, how's the leg? Hurts when it rains.

I'm sorry, so, what are you saying? I, uh..

I'm sorry. Ass.

I'm spying. Or was it Mallorca? Oh

I'm, trying to save... A relationship?

I've got some in the lab. I mean, maybe it's not that...

In Gator. Ugh.

In the loins. You think her loins were stirring?

In this economy? You're stealing a diamond? For her?

In your job. Sure.

In, like, Bangkok. Ahem.

Is everyone comfy? Relatively.

Is it my obituary? Well, it's not that good.

Is it Sterling? I am sure I don't know.

Is that a dog? Is it a dog? Oui, that is Abelard.

Is that Archer? Goddamn it.

Is that sound...? Is that *******? It's Russian.

Is that weird? It would be weirder if you weren't.

Is this some sort of viral marketing? What? No, I meant...

Is this...? Sí, sí. That's good, right there.

Ish? Well, what's the word for it, Lana?

Isn't that kind of sudden? No, baby.

It also makes you incredibly mean. And ugly.

It was just a harmless tranquilizer. You shitass.

It, uh... Lf you know what I mean.

It's a bad picture, Pam. He says it's urgent.

It's a gift. Thanks, wow, that's slippery.

It's a huge city. Hey. Hey! Proposition.

It's a perfect cover. Sterling.

It's a short list, Woodhouse. Yes, sir.

It's about Conway. Then yes, I have entire minutes.

It's already too late. Ha, ha! Yes it is, now hand over...

It's Archer's fault I'm like this. Here we go

It's just a cost of living adjustment. It's strong arm robbery.

It's my phone. Pam put yours in the blender. Come on.

It's okay. Aah!

It's raw, man. No, the citric acid from the limes...

It's the name of a gay bar. They also have actual cockfights.

Jeez! Come on.

Jesus Christ. I know, right?

Jesus Jones, yes. So when I asked for cucumber slices...

Jesus, Archer. What?

Jesus, is this made of limestone? It's a dangerous game.

Jesus. You are so irresponsible. Oh, really? Go ask Pita who's irresponsible.

Just helping Lana get settled. Trust me, Cyril. She already settled.

Just like a Zambezi feast. Yeah, I'm kinda hungry.

Just like I'm all that you have. Well, I hate it. And I hate you.

Just maybe not the one you wanted. And you...

Just me, me, me. Jesus, whose kid died?

Just sex, sex, sex... Sexy sexy, eh?

Just... Ha, ha.

Karate sound. You really think so?

Kill Mother. Waah!

Kill them or bang or marry them. Wow, that is entirely inappropriate.

Knock yourself out. These servants, if I did see them...

Krieger, this is not the time for this. It is exactly the time.

L... We bought those for him.

Lacrosse is gay. You're gay. I mean, I am too.

Lana Kane, you magnificent bastard. Mwah.

Lana, your eyes are amazing. Archer.

Lana! What?

Lana! What's going on?

Lana? Asshole?

Lana? Hey, girl, are you there? Yeah, I'm... Hey, can you see me?

Lana. Release him. As you wish.

Lesson one, get used to that. Should I be writing this down?

Lesson one: Human intel... Oh, shoot.

Let her talk, woman. As he takes her in his rippling...

Let me buy you a drink. I already have a drink.

Let me see. How about now? Anything? No.

Let me talk to him. No. No.

Let me turn that frown upside down. How?

Let the mummy talk. I can't let you do this.

Let's see that ignition, girl. You got it?

Let's share the milk of human kindness. What an asshole.

Lf I had a spoon... No, no, no.

Lf not frothing. Frothing? Great. What should I do?

Lf we miss that train I will go blind. Fire.

Like a poet's mind for... Archer.

Like Archer. Exactly.

Like Carol. It's Cheryl

Like I got off pretty easy. Night ain't over yet.

Like Krav Maga, for instance. My arm, my arm.

Like to get a physical from her. Or with her. Ha, ha.

Like, actually shoot the gun? Then.

Like, high enough to redo my kitchen? Ugh. What did I tell you?

Look, if you're too nervous... I'm fine, all right?

Looking for a pregnancy test online. But there's a drugstore half a...

Loose cannons! ...the ISIS palette has become...

Loose cannons! ...the ISIS palette has become...

Love her, yeah. When does she start? Right?

M as in what? Mancy! What'd you think I said?

Make me. What?

Man, she loved that dog... "Who is to be considered...

Many of the days. And so, yes, we get paid a little more.

Maybe I never get promoted... Never will.

Maybe that's our real home. That's what Mother said...

Maybe today, if that works for you. Hang on.

Me neither. See? They don't know anything.

Me too. Even if you brought it on yourself.

Me too. Bang.

Meaning what, exactly? Meaning, who leaves a 9 year old kid...

Meaning what, exactly? Meaning, who leaves a 9 year old kid...

Mm, little more far. What, here?

More good news. And just how do you know that?

Mother burned me? Apparently

Mother called me for a meeting. But I thought you called a meeting.

Mother, hey. Just a second. I cannot believe you.

Mother, please. Please...

Mother? What? Oh, hello, son.

Mother. Hmm? Oh, uh...

Mr. Archer. I'm fine.

Must have been doing it all along. Apology accepted, ass douche.

My God. On Christmas? Well, Christmas Eve, technically.

My knees aren't... Bam, bam, bam.

My little burrito. Wait, who?

My pleasure. I wanna dress you up like a little gnome...

My wi...? Oh, yes, my wife, of course. Oh!

Naked or not. Well, don't keep saying it.

Nancy! You idiot! Oh, yeah!

Neat! And safe!

Neat. Yeah. Tuesdays he does a spin class.

Nikolai. Free Stolichnaya, Beluga caviar.

Nikolai. Why did he call me "son?"

Ninety gazillion percent of the time. Just because the glare is annoying?

No running! Zip it, Zipperface!

No running! Shut up!

No sir, not anymore. And your shoes.

No, baby, don't answer that. I have to. Sorry, it's Mother.

No, I wouldn't have. Ha, ha.

No, in this case it would be pascals. Ugh. Hey, Europe, be gayer.

No, it doesn't. Jesus!

No, it isn't, don't answer that. What with salary...

No, it's... Yes, it is.

No, just trying to get my muffin back. Oh, no, you're not.

No, no dates. I Dream of Jeannie.

No, no, it's okay. I think we both knew it. Oh, Mani.

No, no, that... Sterling.

No, wait. Trinette, please, l... Spying ass bastards.

No, we can't be looking at this. Are there snacks?

No, you are not. Yes, I am totally am.

No! Yup!

No! It was merely incompetence. And I suppose that makes it better?

No. For which I am pretty genuinely sorry.

No. I'm pretty sure I'm financially..

No. Let's see.

No. Oh, come on.

No. Oh, if I were 20 years younger.

No. Then get out. I'll call you a cab.

No. Then you just watch, in no time...

No. Cyril..

No. ISIS agents use Krav Maga. Krav?

No. No. Yes. Have sex with me. Please.

No. No. No. Yes. Yes

Nobody would ever know. Pam? Yeah.

Nope, no, no one. Okay, okay, okay.

Nope! And I will oversee the operation...

Nope! Not going to let the terrorists win!

Normally I wouldn't, but Malory... But that's ISIS for you.

Not a good time. You've got serious discrepancies...

Not compared to rotator cuff surgery. What?

Not Framboise. Archer. The burn notice?

Not me, my stateroom is gorgeous. Oh.

Not that you care. Yeah, I actually don't.

Nothing. Again he hangs up on me.

Nothing. Ray, hon.

Now a sad moon is on the rise. I know, devastating.

Now it's Cristal? Cristal.

Now you can thank me. Oh, my God.

Now you got to take our words? Sterling.

Now, drop the case, Conway! It's cuffed on, woman.

Now, how's my disguise? Depends. Who are you supposed to be?

Now, over here is a big corner office. I see it's currently empty.

Now... Hey. Not this time, you impossible bitch.

Nowheresville. ...their ground floor isn't a laundromat.

O K! Oscar Kilo! No, "Okay!" Like:

O N. Nothing. Well, just keep at it.

ODIN appreciates the assist. Yeah.

Oh ho ho, Gussy. Minx.

Oh hoh hoh. So, you, malaka, bring plenty of it, yes.

Oh, and hands like the Truckasaurus. Hey.

Oh, and my shirt. I'm sorry.

Oh, Berlin was... Ditto Buenos Aires.

Oh, bilingual snap. Thank you.

Oh, for shit's sake. And they didn't do one dish.

Oh, for... Torvald. Bet you get that a lot, huh, Torvie?

Oh, God, sorry. Goddamn it, Archer.

Oh, God, sorry. Sorry. Ahh..

Oh, hey hon. Hey back.

Oh, I think maybe you mean my ex? Oh.

Oh, I think we're pretty diverse. Ha. Please.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt? Yes, it hurt. What is wrong with you?

Oh, I'm sure they will. Yeah, me too.

Oh, irony. And the rest of you, back to work.

Oh, is that how you wanna play it? Yeah.

Oh, is that what you want? Yup.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah! And so Krauss gets a curb party.

Oh, Ms. Archer's taking care of those. What?

Oh, my bad. Oh, my bad.

Oh, my God

Oh, my God, did you hear that? What do you think it is?

Oh, my God, I hope I'm pregnant. What are you talking about?

Oh, my God, it's like a broom closet. And yet, a surprising amount of storage.

Oh, my God, that's her. Dios mío. It's her.

Oh, my God, what have l... What're you doing? Go after him!

Oh, my God, you killed a hooker. Call girl.

Oh, my God! Yeah, sorry, it took so long.

Oh, my God! Get over yourself! Hey, I am over me.

Oh, my God. Ha, ha!

Oh, my God. Ray, can I shoot him?

Oh, my God. Ready the shark tank for my guests...

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yes, yes, I remember.

Oh, my God. A burn notice? Look at that.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Cyril, come on.

Oh, my, Ramón, that is amazing. Right? Mama always said:

Oh, my. Lana. Wow, that is one serious diamond.

Oh, my... Ray! What's going on?

Oh, my...! Ugh! Damn, man, I was kidding!

Oh, now, you can always... Always what?

Oh, please. What?

Oh, really? No. God.

Oh, shut up. And then I'd just sorta laugh...

Oh, sounds sexy. Would you stop it.

Oh, thank God. Oh, and that?

Oh, thank God. Thank God?

Oh, um... Yup. Hübsch.

Oh, Uta. What? I am pretty sure

Oh, wait, shit, I had something for this. Aah.

Oh, well, now what? Ugh.

Oh, why? Hello!

Oh, yeah? I'm real confident you misread this one.

Oh, yeah? Yeah!

Oh, yeah. Holy shit...

Oh, yes, yes! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, what am I doing?

Oh, you mean literally. Yes.

Oh, you should meet my mother. She... No, no, no, shut up, listen. My mother...

Oh, you're a naughty girl. Right, then.

Oh, your mother is a diabetic? How should I know?

Oh! Mani, the baby. Ah.

Oh! Oh, my God. Great, good job

Oh! Ooh la la! Uh...

Oh! Take that, forces of evil. Heh. Ooh.

Oh. Ugh.

Oh. Well, see, you say that.

Oh. Give me your watch. You know how much this thing costs?

Oh. Here! God! They are the stuff throwingest family.

Oh. Hey, guys?

Oh. I can't believe I just did that. Yeah, dunce.

Oh. Now that's not very nice. Oh, God.

Oh. Oh, my God. Barry. Oh, yeah, right. Pretty sweet, huh?

Oh. That's good to know. Heh. Do it.

Oh. Think that was ODIN? No, it's only you that beats you, buddy.

Oh. Yeah. Call the kettle black. Ugh.

Oh. You think I should? Yes!

Oh... About 15 freaking beers...

Oh... Then, um...

Okay, get out. Of my own office?

Okay, I'm in. But first guy you tell is Cyril.

Okay, I'm on it. What? Yes. God. Come on.

Okay, so. I don't want that.

Okay, try... Okay, try "guest." Real good.

Okay, we'll use g****s. We've only lingonberries, sir.

Okay, what is this lame meeting about? No idea, I'm busy and go away.

Okay. And that wasn't all gun, neither.

Okay. But maybe we overlooked an air shaft...

Okay. Oh, my God, yes.

Okay. Oh, so you can say okay?

Okay. Okay, so now I want you to cut...

On what grounds? He touched my penis with his penis.

One second. Dillon. Oh, Barry, you getting that?

Only that he's not circumcised. Okay.

Ooh. See, here's the thing... We're actually together.

Ooh. That would make me uncomfortable. Yeah.

Or else he'll crank up the heat again. I love...

Or ham fisted whores. What?

Or is she an assassin? I don't know. I...

Or maybe Gene Krupa? It was the other one.

Or Tunis? Tunis kind of rings a bell.

Or what? No, no, no. Do not wind her up.

Or... Or... Cyril, come on.

Ouch. But that means... Oh, my God.

Ouch. Cyril, come on, hon, we all were.

Ouch. That's just leaving money on the table.

Our what? Oh, so...

Ow, ow, ow! I wonder if Dr. Panty Model knows...

Ow! I never. Give me your wallet.

Ow! Christ on sale. Jesus.

Ow! Ow! Idiot. What is wrong with you?

Ow. Way to go, Lana. Nice warning. Nice relishing. Ow.

Pam, I will hit you in the face. Aha ha ow!

Pam, it's a bad picture. I think that's hot.

Pam! And I'm like that little Gandhi dude.

Pam. Helping out with the books, and...

Pam's all right. Wow.

People with servants, idiot. Lf they steal pills...

Perfidy. No, Torvald, there's no perfidy.

Perhaps if you tried it from behind? Yeah, let's try that.

Person I'm dating. No, he isn't.

Phrasing. Because I've swallowed just about...

Picture her dead in the gutter... Sterling.

Please my fat Irish ass. Ow! Ooh.

Plus God knows how many ODIN guys. Yes, so take more of that poison.

Plus God knows how many ODIN guys. Yes, so take more of that poison.

Possibly Mother

probably don't know, for six years running...

Probably fraught with danger. You really think so?

Probably in... This new place called anywhere?

Probably not, no. Well, then **** off.

Quick. Bring me some duct tape. I, uh...

Racist! What?

Ramón blew me off. Then where were you all night?

Ramón. And just why is that so funny?

Ray! I don't know.

Really? Don't make it weird. It's your friend.

Really? I'm brushing it your way, Barry

Really? Well...

Reloading. Firing.

Right, right, I got it. Super.

Rigid airship. My top two agents will be on board.

Roger. Sorry. Ray. Now. In the serial number...

Ruining your life, you idiot. Ha ha ha.

Russian *******? I'm the mole, idiot.

Salsa was a highly complex operation. Two phone calls.

Same set up I've got in my van. Jesus, Krieger.

Say it. Don't make me do that.

Say it. Say it! Ugh.

Scatterbrain Jane? I know, she's just a mess.

Screw that. Yeah, what's with all the bottles?

Second threat. Oh. Right, I forgot about...

Second threat. Jesus.

Seduce him or Pam, or both. I can't do that.

See the stereotypes we put up with? You don't know what I'm dealing with.

See, it all started when you and Lana... Cyril! You should tell her this.

See? It's that kinda selfish shit... Lana, no! You'll kill us all!

Seriously, "Homeboy McJewerson"? Oh, come on, I've heard worse than that.

Seriously, who wants gravlax? Sterling, go. Regale him.

Seriously. Danger zone. Beyotch.

She probably uses the metric system. Yeah, what do they use? Kilowatts?

She was a... No, Cyril.

She was obviously into him. Mother... Ass.

She's not in here. Well, why are you in here?

Shh! He did his own stunts!

Shit. I'm out of ammo. Archer! Lana. Lana.

Shit. I'm out of ammo. Archer! Lana. Lana.

Shock. Shut up. Oh, my God, bang.

Shut up. They're gonna mess her up.

Shut up. Agent Gillette, please. Oh, great.

Since first call. Nine, three, four...

Singh is Excelsior's majority shareholder. So?

Skeet? Probably. I just...

Skipped a step in disarming a bomb? Which I thought...

Snap. Girl, please.

So all's well that ends well? What was I to do?

So Archer's still here? Yeah, he's in that corner office.

So are you two even really gay? As big old tangerines, yes.

So come on already, take a cut. What, like, out the window?

So come on budge in. Uhn.

So ditch this. Hey, that's...

So go put his stuff in his office. Yeah, Barry.

So I have to escape. And irony.

So I'm a little late. A lot late.

So if you'll please excuse me. Hey, come on. Don't be like that.

So ironic, Cyril! Ugh.

So just how vital is it? It's incredibly vital.

So let's pull up the palace schematics. Uh, okay.

So once you seduce him... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

So shut your schnitzel hole and disarm it. Oh.

So stupid. What?

So wait, where are we on that shower? Head on back up to your office.

So wait, which one do I cut? The teeny bit... Blue one!

So was this. So let's get number two in here.

So watch it! So, see, in Middle earth...

So will I need sweatpants? Cyril. You need all new clothes.

So you know why I'm here. I assume because your mother forced you...

So you know you have to be punished. Yes.

So, Barry. Huh? That was Framboise, our head of HR.

So, that's your idea of a break, huh? Cyril! It's not what it looks like!

So, yes, I made a phony bomb threat. Good for you.

So? So it's upstairs.

So? So that's good for them.

Somehow it got butter all over it. Aah!

Sorry, I've been fasting and I'm edgy. Still though...

Sorry, sir. Hang on just one second.

Sounds like you already have. You want to break back into the palace...

Speaking of fruit, sir. Oh, sorry. Heh heh.

Sploosh. Cyril, you threw Lana away on chicks like...

Sploosh. That's what I'm talking about. Yup, yup, yup.

Steal him? You cut him loose. You cut him loose!

Sterling, are you joking? The crossing takes 24 hours

Sterling, no, stay back. Only this time, you'll be crying for help

Sterling, no. Hey, Ramón, shut up.

Sterling! And I'll be the one drinking...

Sterling! For the last time...

Sterling? Hello, Mother.

Sterling. Hm? Sorry. I was picturing Whore Island.

Sterling. Okay. If there's money left...

Sterling. What? Look, he thinks he's people.

Still gross. And such rudeness.

Stop it. No. No.

Stop. On the radio...

Super high, right? No, low.

Sure it wouldn't be the first time. Lana.

Sure, I think so. Well then let's eat. First bell.

Taking one for the team, huh? Hopefully not.

Telex

Tell him not to bother. What?

Thank you, Pam. Now look, Lana... Baby, "Take Charge" Cyril...

Thank you. So how about stand up...

Thank you. You're quite welcome, sir.

Thank you. Wait a...

Thanks, Archer! You're the best! I know.

That and no one ever lets me. I've had good results with ether.

That bottle and most of this one. Until we wrestled it away from you.

That color is called champagne. Mm hm.

That Framboise is a freak, huh? Yeah.

That is much better. I know.

That is the most disgusting... Shut up. Shut, shut. And the best part...

That shouldn't matter, Pam. I got this other complaint from Brett...

That sounds like a lot to cover. Yeah, so we may have to gloss over...

That was amazing! Yeah, well, you know.

That was Duchess? Yeah, the deadliest agent there is.

That was like, uh... A Charles Whitman Sampler?

That was so thoroughly awesome, Ramón. This is awesome.

That was the mayor of Paris... Name dropper.

That would be you. What?

That, to me, is rather surprising. And really expensive, turns out.

That, well, that would be... That would be Jane who did that.

That's a very short list, isn't it? Yes...

That's because it's a hypodermic needle... What?

That's because no one likes you. What?

That's me! Move, dude. Animals.

That's no way to talk to your mother. Just who the hell do you think you are?

That's often a figure of speech. Yeah? How often?

That's too much. It's all last minute bookings for two.

The district attorney. So?

The flavor enhancer. Which you so need.

The green color is solid, or? Roger.

The important thing is, they're loaded. Just shitfaced.

The perfect field agent. Who better to train you to become one?

The Pita Predator. You know what?

The plan? Using Archer as bait...

The tactical turtleneck, Lana. Archer.

The timer sped up! Did you cut the green one?

The what? Duh. Christ on sale, is it S?

Then get them from Cyril. How would I do that?

Then into the hole I smoosh this. What is that?

Then who are those guys? How should I know?

Then you can buy Lana a big boy ring. She'll promptly agree to marry me.

Then you didn't! I thought we skipped that part!

There. Happy? Almost.

There's a chocolate fountain? Oh. There's everything.

There's a von Zeppelin suite. Which I'm sure is what I meant. So, go!

They have those here? I don't know! Archer, look out!

They're all gonna realize they're all lying. Hey, yeah.

They're all great. Oh, my God, yes, those Nazi uniforms?

They're not... It's like being choked by a child.

Things we don't allow in. What are they? Dogs and your mother.

Things we don't allow in. What are they? Dogs and your mother.

Think about that while on suspension. While I'm on what?

Think it's the mole? God, you and Pam...

This is a hostile work environment. I would have known if we had a mole.

This is called Janssons frestelse. Frestel?

This is funny to you? I ate a bunch of that LSD...

This is not a dress. Are you serious? That's not a dress?

This is not that moment. And we don't talk to management.

This is Swiss, Mother! Because that's all I had. You ass.

This is why I can't have nice things. Why, because you shoot them?

This is why I don't get you nice things. Not that. Him. Uta, that was Duchess.

This whole thing's a bomb. Jesus! It's not...

Those are costumes. I suppose that makes it better?

Those are enormous in size. Oh, well...

Those aren't my confederates. Well, nice try...

Three... But I need your help, Pam, because I'm...

Throw me in a trunk? Not part of the plan.

Too bad you'll never see it. What the...?

Too busy to check in? There was... Yeah.

Torvald is an incorrigible poon hound. Ha, ha.

Torvald Utne. The Olympic shot putter?

Torvald, a toast? Sure, go crazy.

Torvald. What is that? A calcium supplement?

Truckasaurus. Ha, ha! And we won't win that contract if...

Trust me, dear, these work wonders. Okay.

Two at the same time? Yeah, they were sisters.

Ugh, way too obvious.

Ugh. He can have carob.

Ugh. I changed it again.

Ugh. One and 4?

Ugh. Cheryl?

Ugh. Why the hell is your phone on? Because I have a social life.

Uh huh. Oh, that looks great.

Uh, are there more bad guys behind me? Nope.

Uh, Botox. Not from the medicine cabinet. No.

Uh, how about now? No.

Uh, skipper, if I could jump in here. Trexler.

Uh, thank you. Kind of. May I please cup one in my hand?

Uh, yes, okay. Like a foundling, carved out of onyx.

Uh, you sure about that? And I want Conway to drink me...

Uh... I'm sorry, what? You. Now. Led Zeppelin suite.

Uh... Move. Ugh.

Uhn. Hah. Guess the old gal's still got it.

Um, got anything a little stronger? Or way stronger. Like poison?

Um, he's Latino. So it's either that or dominoes.

Um, I guess I've been working out? Yes, I can see that.

Um, item six wasn't tragic? Zip it.

Um... Hmm. Ugh.

Unh. I should be carrying her. Cyril, I paid her, I get to carry her corpse.

Unless I get smothered to death. Oh. That's just pathetic.

Unless it involves night shoveling. Well, I want that diamond.

Uta, get dressed, we work tonight. But Mani, what about The Fantasticks?

Very eager to know why you're still here. He was just...

Very kind of you, ma'am. Shut up.

Vital mission? Not on the master clipboard.

Wait a minute. But be careful.

Wait a minute. But remember, they're dudes.

Wait a minute. Yeah, hang on, crazy pants.

Wait a minute. You don't have a minute.

Wait a second. Damn it, we don't have a second.

Wait, did Cyril play this stupid game? You'll have to play to find out.

Wait, do I need a helmet? Probably.

Wait, I had something. Douche baggery notwithstanding...

Wait, no, I'll take steroids. I can't wait. I need a man now...

Wait, wait, wait, we were going? The von Zeppelin suite.

Wait, what? Cyril, I know...

Wait, what? I know, now I'm totally embarrassed.

Wait, what? Oh, now he cares.

Wait, what? Well, this time make sure you...

Wait, what? What, uh?

Wait, what? What, what?

Wait, whose bed? It was always "don't ask, don't tell."

Wait! Stop! What?

Wait. Let me do it. Really?

Wanna blow us all to shit, Sherlock? Ow!

Wash and fold, technically. ISIS needs that UN contract.

We can't keep him now, Barry. Oh. So...

We date. No, you don't.

We don't have a word for "Hulk." Do you have a word for "gay?"

We don't normally drink on the bridge. Well, I don't normally fly...

We had a deal. Kangaroo. Remember him?

We'll never catch him! You should have thought about that..

We'll pose as husband and wife! Nope!

We'll see. Nothing. What?

We're both gay. Seriously, I can serve this pelota...

We're never gonna finish all this. We can, if certain people would help.

We've got no thermal imaging. Lana...

Well if you weren't gay, you will be. Ha, ha! Well, what is it?

Well then go find an ATM, I'm sorry?

Well, crawl on over there and blow him. Hey, come on.

Well, Cyril I can't really do that either. He says he can't put her on.

Well, don't just sit there. Undo this. Ooh.

Well, guess what! Um, it didn't?

Well, he's just a lot more handsome. Whatever

Well, I guess our advice worked. No, it didn't.

Well, I guess our advice worked. No, it didn't.

Well, it depends on your frestelse. Mm.

Well, it was a wonderful weekend. It was, wasn't it?

Well, obviously. We're gonna have to cross their picket line.

Well, see, I wanted to buy you a... Cyril.

Well, that was a huge waste of time. I said don't take your clothes off.

Well, that's fine by me. Cyril, wait.

Well, that's why you're here. And maybe it's the concussion...

Well, unbounce it back. Who am I, Tron?

Well, what? And this...

Well, yeah, but... Not to mention your other qualities.

Well, you just destroyed my innocence. Oh, please, that Brazilian au pair...

Well, you shot a machine gun at me. Around you.

Well, your mouth did. Well, your mouth better get over there...

Well? Oh, was that not rhetorical?

Well? Screw you, Archer.

Well? Well, there's this new thing...

Well? Well, there's this new thing...

Well. Um... Scatterbrain Jane? Really?

Well. Well! Begged, even. Okay, this is good to go.

Well... And also to...

Well... For about 12 reasons.

Well... I assume those are my only choices?

Well... That's why. So we don't get ants.

Wha...? When? Well, she called a minute ago.

What about you? Anything on Krauss? No. Shut up.

What are we wearing? My crisis vest. Mr. Fatface.

What are you doing there? I don't know.

What are you doing? I thought you said start slacking off.

What are you doing? Oh, just dicing veggies for dinner.

What are you snorting off me? It's mostly MSG.

What are you, deaf and racist? Wha...?

What did she say? Well, she's still really pro vasectomy.

What did you want to talk about? Um...

What do you mean "with?" Against. Obviously. Duh.

What do you want? To apologize for my behavior.

What happened to that bartender? Right? Guy sees an empty glass...

What have you got yourself into, man? You better pray it wasn't my mother.

What if she is the mole? Think about it. Your own mother.

What is that smell? Gravlax and failure.

What is the meaning of this? Sorry. We're a hit squad.

What is the point of these simulations... Krenshaw's arousal?

What is this? You mean..

What is wrong with you? How can you say that?

What the hell smells like shrimp? Just my sensual womanhood.

What the hell? I'm wet just thinking about it.

What the hell? What is the frequency?

What war was that? Oh, the Great War.

What was that all about? Um...

What was the name again? Kladdkaka.

What were the last two letters? B.

What, are you gonna shoot me again? Yes!

What, are you just hitting random keys? Well, obviously.

What, at the table? Like people? Sterling.

What, they're your clothes, idiot. Uhn!

What, to get laid in the walk in? Also. Because I'm not an ant, Lana.

What? Benefits! I forgot to spend the balance...

What? Even though it's perfectly natural...

What? Here on your blotter.

What? I said where are we on that stir fry?

What? I want you to fire him, this instant

What? I'm kidding!

What? I'm kidding. God, relax, man.

What? Lana did that

What? Malory suspended me.

What? No, not the whore part. Management.

What? So don't speak to me, ever.

What? Um...

What? Call him that again...

What? Did he just call me a whore? Now, why on earth would he do that?

What? No. No, you're not. Yes.

What? You, uh, see something you like? Wha...? No, you queer!

What'd I do? What'd you do?

What'd I tell you, huh? Huh? Ow! Uhn!

What's basically a twin bed. Archer.

What's the plan here? I shall fetch a rug.

What's their beef? Oh, the same entitled crap as always.

What's this flap about a break in? Mother, look out.

What's this? Well, see...

What's up, buddy? Ugh. Nothing.

Where we going? We are heading down...

Where, in a wax museum? Sterling!

Where? All of it. Head and shaft.

Where'd you get a grenade? Hanging from the lampshade.

Which cannot be taught, by the way. Archer.

Which I never really thank you for. Sterling, I don't need thanks.

Which is our only route! Okay, so it's a niche market, but...

Which is why I'm going to kill him. Oh. Okay, well, whatever the reason.

Which one? I guess that one, maybe?

Which one? There's two of those. No...

Who cares about him? Oh.

Who do I remind you of? Nobody.

Who is this guy? I don't know.

Who was just as eager as I am to know why ISIS agents...

Who was this? Who are you, Comrade Question?

Who? Carina.

Who? What?

Who? What? That guy. Beardsley McTurbanhead.

Who'd have thunk it? I bet Agent Kane thunks it plenty.

Whoa. Way to go, baby. You hit it.

Whoa. Wait a minute. Hey, Utne. Utne! Would you shut up?

Whoops. Sterling, look out.

Whose name I have no way of knowing. Hey. What the hell are you doing?

Why are people picketing the cleaners? I predicted this. It's curry fury.

Why are you even here? Hello.

Why aren't you in the car? Will somebody do something?

Why do you always do this? Why do you always not shut up?

Why do you make that sound? Gee, let's see

Why does she get the mission? Because I said so.

Why don't you wear a vasectomy? This again? Don't you want a grandkid?

Why would she do that? Don't go starting rumors...

Why? Hey. Whoa.

Why? I think there's, like, a racial component.

Why'd Ms. Archer give us until Friday...? I did that.

Will you... He's a hobbit enthusiast. Ooh.

With KGB surveillance team. They... Not "how" how, you ass. "Why" how.

With terrible timing. Oh, really.

With what? What's he got on you? It's...

With whom I guess I won't be meeting? No, she's gone

Woodhouse. Fetching a rug, sir.

Worldwide. Holy shit.

Would you pick an accent and stick with it? Listen here...

Wow, ten thousand years. Wait, really? Ten thousand?

Wow, that's actually better. Yup.

Wow. Agent Hector Ruíz...

Wow. I didn't mean that.

Wow. I'm sorry, you were saying?

Wow. One of my favorites.

Wow. So you want more?

Wow. Ugh.

Wow. Yeah.

Wow. Forgot how much I hated that. Oh, that's right.

Wow. Now I feel like an asshole. Your words.

Wow. So even Pam got a date. A man, even.

Yeah I want to know like, now. Well, thank God for them internets

Yeah, and both are identical! No! They're not!

Yeah, and I don't know if I am, either... Could have fooled me.

Yeah, Barry. Because he's part of the family now.

Yeah, Barry. It's water under the bridge.

Yeah, but it's not, though. Are you referring to these?

Yeah, I could get used to this. Don't.

Yeah, I get it

Yeah, I think I do. It's resistant to stains.

Yeah, I want it. You really, really, really want it?

Yeah, If I were you, I'd try The Cock Fight. What? A cockfight?

Yeah, it was pretty cool. Will I get to learn karate?

Yeah, last weekend. Oh, my God.

Yeah, like I told you he would. You idiot. Will you please focus?

Yeah, she's kind of weird that way. She's kind of weird a bunch of ways.

Yeah, so he's gone. Already? Like, literally gone?

Yeah, tell him about the sex robot. The what?

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? You idiots run around here..

Yeah. And I served her up like a pudding.

Yeah. And no matter which way I turn...

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, I'm jealous. First step's admitting it.

Yes! Roger! Steven! Whoever! Ray!

Yes. And so remember Sterling Archer?

Yes. Good. Then, yes.

Yes. Yes. No. No.

Yes. Yes. Yes! No. No. Come on.

Yes... The what? I call him Fister Roboto.

You are embarrassing. Jesus.

You are entirely too gay. No, I'm not.

You are looking for a date? Are you working?

You bet she does what? Oh!

You better get used to it. Kill them, you fools. Kill them.

You brought this ridiculous thing. Is it so ridiculous...

You can't do that. Really? Is it Opposite Day already?

You do? Where is she? She is parking.

You don't sex on the women at ISIS? Constantly, but...

You don't think that's hot? I seriously think you're scary.

You freaked out when I said "quadroon." Imagine that!

You gave Lana herpes? Ahem.

You get any of that in the trash can? No.

You guys kind of have a history, huh? Yeah, you could say that.

You have a South Beach condo? I, uh...

You haven't even tried the fish balls. No need.

You hear that? I ain't buying it. Cyril.

You imagine it! Both of you, imagine shutting up!

You know how Pam loves to gossip. Yeah. I need rug marbles. I know.

You know I do. Well, then you better nut up.

You know me better than that. Yeah, I do.

You know what to do, stupid. We're sorry...

You know, consensually or whatever. Hmm.

You know... When I served in the King's African Rifles...

You little... You sack of shit. What? What?

You made up the last part, didn't you? I did, sir.

You mean "wronger" hands. Like your government's. Or mine.

You people are just ruining my trip. Uh...

You poison my food over a contract? Torvald, I swear I didn't...

You ready? God damn it, Archer!

You really think this is gonna work? Pam, look at me.

You said it was the nose of a Caesar. Ehh...

You said no dates. I said no such thing.

You said they were tranquilizer darts. Ah, I merely implied that.

You seen Cyril? Is that Lana?

You shut up and get the plans. What?

You spot your first threat. Woodhouse. Ooh. Hoo.

You stood me up again last night. Last...?

You think I'd bring a gun on this firetrap? Then who did it?

You think this is a game? No, I think Jenga is a game.

You think? Yeah, he's not coming back.

You think. And what scheme you're hatching...

You used to complain constantly that Sterling was emotionally distant.

You wanna play me hard? Phrasing.

You wanna see crazy? No, I've seen that movie...

You wearing a seatbelt? Uh, no, why..

You what? I already took care of those.

You. I think she peed.

You're all just animals. Lying in wait at the watering hole...

You're breaking my arm. Lana.

You're cooking dinner later? Yes, I am.

You're kidding. No, I'm dead serious.

You're my beneficiary! Your what?

You're not my supervisor! I'm sorry, what?

You're still taping bum fights? No, now I'm into something...

You've got nothing! No code cloner, no GPS. Argh!

Your ******* dolphin. She's tapping out.

Your confederates in Operation Butthole. Cyril.

Your mom's annoying! How about that? Let's go there.

Your obsession with me. Just...

Yup, lips together, blow. Got it. Oh. Ha, ha. You are just a little treasure.

Yup. After all the hard work Pam did.

Yup. Why?

Yup. Anybody else? Um...

... and if you wanna have ball slappy sex with me on Cyril's desk...

... and sexy as the day I first laid eyes on you.

... and somehow made it into ISIS headquarters...

... and the other's white with a blue stripe.

... dancing with your lovely wife...

... do you think you are, hanging up on me?

... duty free shopping, high stakes baccarat...

... got the disk. He must have gone rogue.

... into having anonymous sex?

... meets the smoothness of modern air travel.

... natural helium. Why, it's actually flame retardant!

... or even a cigar after a French gourmet dinner...

... plan.

... reached the access door...

... they've agreed to hire us as security consultants.

... to bribe a dead man for the UN contract.

... we're pinned down, okay? We need a... Aah!

... where the pampered luxury of a cruise ship...

... you'd still have to find the mainframe.

... you'll be enjoying them in style. And safety!

...am gonna ask Lana to marry me.

...Danger Zone.

...has some paperwork for you to sign.

...in a police station on Christmas? Eve

...just to get a free ride on a blimp? I'd say that's fairly classic her?

...my other senses are already heightened. Hey, this time I saved Lana.

...or don't bother coming home. She sounds...

...T, X, S. T X X? Two X's?

...then I'll try to hit gym, so... The gym. That'll be the day.

"All agencies...

"I can't make ends meet," "I'm on food stamps."

"Interoffice fraternization of an intimate nature...

"ISIS disavows Agent Sterling Archer, a.k.a. Duchess."

"Keep your 401 K in company stock," they said.

"long pig

"Meh, meh, meh. I'm Trudy Beekman.

"My child died because I couldn't afford new bone marrow."

"Oh, the humanity!"

"Okay, now I'm gonna tell you what they are!"

"The price can only go up," they said!