Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce - Season 2 Edit

A "rock your decade" dress code,

A baby, that's... that's a big decision.

A baby.

A baby.

A baby.

A C list farmers' market, baby,

A complication?

A consensual sexual relationship?

A couple days ago, ski accident.

A crazy English baker living in a tent

A few dozen?

A few of the other girls she did this to

A Lipitor, and, um...

A little bit.

A little scared now, but okay.

A little tense with Gordon, but it's great.

A lot, and then today,

A not actually divorced woman has to make a living somehow,

A picture of me at a hotel with my ex husband.

A pretentious guy, who's about

A public apology, and a non disclosure form.

A run on a sci fi thing in Winnipeg.

A Viagra Frumpkis I found in my shoe.

Abby McCarthy!

Abby, did Harris ever say that he was absolutely gonna be here?

Abby, I think I need to...

Abby, I went out to have drinks with a friend.

Abby, Jesus.

Abby, my laser cat shirt...

Abby, Rhonda, Jo!

Abby, talk to your daughter.

Abby, that is so sad

Abby, this is Mama Bitna.

Abby, wait. For what it's worth,

Abby, what if we gave this thing one more shot?

Abby, where are you?

Abby!

Abby?

Abby?

Abby.

Abby.

Abby.

About a month.

About an assignment

About eloping?

About it being in my best interest to move out

About me?

About the prospect of a wedding.

About your marital situation.

About your shiny, new life

Abs, dance break!

Abs, I told you. We're fine now.

Abs!

Abs?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Actually, couldn't even find

Actually, his name's none of your goddamn business.

Actually, I do have one

Actually, though, I want...

Actually, we're not eating in here.

Adam, what the hell are you doing?

After you and I were back together, things got physical.

Again.

Again. Why didn't you ask me?

Agreed, I totally get that.

Ah, Joseph Gordon.

Ah, so radical honesty...

Ah!

Ah. All right.

Albert, I've worked on that case for over a year.

Albert's going to understand.

Alcoholic.

Alicia asked me who I liked from the old days,

All affection and "Let me be your mom,"

All natural gal campaign.

All of these lies, Abby

All real one night,

All right, all right, all right, let's just calm down.

All right, but you do need to appoint child guardians

All right, guys...

All right, I should go.

All right, I'll see you at Abby's.

All right, I'm calling it!

All right, let's get in the works.

All right, let's go.

All right, let's stick to the game plan.

All right, thanks

All right, um,

All right, your turn.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All the awful things we said to each other.

All the time.

All this bullshit about it being in my best interest

Almost done.

Almost.

Along with the beauty here,

Also, they know that we are going through a transition.

Although it's impolitic to ask

Always gonna be something though, no!

Always talked about this, remember?

Always trying to jump me on the roof of your place,

Always.

Am I supposed to talk more?

Amazing.

Amazing.

Ambien, Zoloft, and Viagra.

Analog!

And a cartoon character named Jonathan.

And a Groomzilla...

And a sexist.

And a smoker,

And Adam was all,

And afterwards Lilly thinks about it for a second,

And all poof the next.

And all the media

And always will be,

And baked to a crispy perfection.

And besides, my toes are tough.

And break his heart very, very slowly.

And build you a second story.

And Charlie...

And commend you on your growth as a person?

And Delia's gonna be occupied,

And don't even get me started with her bringing the CNN dude

And don't expect any fresh vegetables out there.

And done

And ducks? Seriously, Jake?

And emotionally draining.

And fashion shows, artisanal food fairs.

And forget about the amazing pistachios

And funny, smart.

And gave the driver 100 bucks for puke cleanup.

And get a free open bar, why not?

And get back to you.

And golden chocolate truffles.

And got really good gigs.

And have a little fun tonight, huh?

And have sex with your husband.

And have to clean this table up.

And he also doesn't spend his days

And he's a former porn addict,

And he's gonna die

And he's tweeting it from his bakery.

And help me fix this

And her inbred Kentucky lifestyle.

And her timing couldn't be better.

And here's Mr. Beech!

And here's your perfect kitchen.

And I am just sick and tired of tiptoeing around you

And I am just telling you all of this in the spirit

And I am shutting it.

And I can't get right if I'm with you.

And I can't... I can't get right if I'm with you, so...

And I don't think

And I don't want a big fuss.

And I finally accomplished something that I'm proud of.

And I got a new pair of shoes,

And I got to say,

And I guess he can't get better with me around.

And I just thought it would be good

And I just want to slam him with my cleave

And I kind of get his point.

And I know that I hurt both of you very deeply.

And I love you forever.

And I might not be the face of divorce after all,

And I need food and water.

And I need to see it through.

And I promise you're gonna see less and less of Jonathan.

And I realized I wasn't.

And I saved the best for last.

And I skipped a lot of steps,

And I swear on my life I will find a place.

And I thought it was okay with us, but I guess we're not.

And I totally pushed for you two.

And I try to fix everybody else's stuff 'cause

And I value our professional relationship,

And I was ignoring it

And I will be there

And I will get it because my finger

And I would hate to think that I did anything

And I... I really made a fuss about you...

And I... I... I never meant to...

And I... my life

And I'm dying.

And I'm gonna be fine whatever your answer is.

And I'm gonna pretend that goes for me too.

And I'm gonna see Will tonight.

And I'm in love with him.

And I'm just feeling handy, and I miss being

And I'm not anybody's blushing bride!

And I'm saying that whatever we had,

And I'm sorry about that, but I need you to stop for a second.

And I'm sure it's very confusing.

And I've got this hot house flower here

And if I want career prospects

And if something like this was ever going to happen again,

And if you don't like them, I'm just gonna return

And if you tell her I told you that

And if you'll have us, we're all in.

And it turns out she's loaded.

And it's all part of the story, right?

And it's another baby in the family.

And it's full of sugar.

And it's just such a fascinating... place.

And it's not even like that.

And it's scared to death

And knocked up by 11:00!

And leave mine the hell alone.

And let's not...

And Lilly can help him get the cousins.

And Lily is not a kid anymore

And looking to unearth his long buried libido.

And make bad decisions

And make messes

And make nice with your friend who is hurting.

And meditate on a bale of hay with Charlene.

And Mr. Beech's email said

And my dates have to be fake, which means involving nice,

And my ex husband is trying to...

And my Manolos, for crying out loud.

And my new bakery is opening next week,

And nail the cross without breaking a sweat.

And not get married? I did it so wrong

And now I'm writing for SheShe?

And now it's just between you and me.

And now that I'm ancient,

And now you're gonna teach

And now you're just a...

And now, now is not the time to tell people

And one, two...

And Phoebe's throwing the party, so she's gonna be nuts.

And poor you, because your stuck

And product reviews, and life hacks

And put on a beautiful dress and then go with my new guy

And radical honesty?

And radical honesty?

And Scott's the go to guy in Brooklyn,

And see what I see.

And she called me about this and we started talking about

And she doesn't even know me.

And she has no idea where he is.

And she sends you hugs and kisses.

And she wants to meet you before she goes.

And she's amazing, but I don't think

And she's been trying to get a divorce,

And she's fighting his daughter for property.

And since I'm opening a bakery in dos dias...

And sometimes life can be very complicated.

And suffocate you.

And that definitely wasn't a panic attack.

And that is for work.

And that it's your decision, you know?

And that somehow got me back to Nate

And that was a lot of information.

And that, they say that.

And that's my food.

And that's when we go to In n Out.

And that's why I get everything in writing.

And the beast of the southern wild,

And the CNN douchebag have to talk about?

And the crazy, sexy dating stories

And the guy gets a fear of flying.

And the hypocrisy just flows out.

And the no bake, dairy free biscottis?

And the other night, it felt so

And the Paradiso isn't exactly homey.

And the truth is they have barely mentioned

And the Wicked Witch of the South.

And then everything is great with life.

And then go to the hotel

And then he has me run all over the place.

And then he will attach to you like a barnacle

And then hit you with the supernova of fill light.

And then look all clean

And then maybe we could decorate the place

And then she says, "Mom, I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna

And then we can discuss afterwards,

And then we could, you know...

And then we let it go.

And then we'll see if you're any good at what you do.

And then we're gonna sneak into the girls' bathroom,

And then you totally hijacked it,

And there was no reason to tell you.

And these are people I need to meet for work.

And these are test shots, right?

And they can't make it after all.

And they do their best to love us.

And they moisturize the crap out of you

And they're already calling you two #Habby.

And they've been texting each other

And think about what's next for my future

And this is my fiancé, Gordon Beech.

And this is... this looks beautiful.

And this... we can't take them on this crazy ride.

And two, you're pissed

And Uncle Jake lives in one of the lesser areas.

And use the Google machine

And walk a little bit slower

And we can bitch about it

And we can help

And we have that in common.

And we just can't fix it.

And we just can't fix it.

And we need to talk, and I've been meaning to talk to you...

And we'll be here for you, all of us.

And we'll probably be photographed a lot, so...

And we're getting along, like,

And were you in love with Nate.

And what does money have to do with anything at all?

And when we are completely wasted,

And why is she writing the piece?

And write all the pieces, but then you get to be glam.

And writing a book about divorce.

And you accepted my apology

And you as usual just want to dive in.

And you finally get your own bedroom.

And you have to stop pretending like it isn't happening.

And you heal people for a living nationally on television.

And you just can't get over the fact

And you just mailed in your divorce papers, you slut.

And you just shit all over it.

And you know after Marco,

And you know what?

And you needed to know that in case that's a deal breaker.

And you remind me on a daily basis

And you were right about everything

And you were so wrong about the phone, by the way.

And you, do not have sex with him.

And you'll still see Lily,

And you're a dryer repairman, right?

And you're gonna bail on me?

And you're right, because it's live.

And you're supportive.

And you're the put upon adult

And you're trying to drive

And your facials and your new look.

And your grandma from Wisconsin.

And your happy, life affirming divorce.

And your husband's out of town, and...

And Zara's mom is in The Black Eyed Peas.

And, ah... I was upset, I could be very cutting.

And, uh, all the things that sort of

And, uh, you know, it's just so not his fault.

And, um...

And, you know, us being so disconnected since...

And... I really upset you with the drinking.

And... oh, it's a setup.

And... yes.

Annie is still his wife,

Another ex with a sixth sense.

Answer the damn question.

Answer the question.

Anybody here?

Anything.

Anyway I got to run, I'm going house hunting with Gordon

Anyway I got to run, I'm going house hunting with Gordon

Anyway, congrats.

Anyways, no real time crunch here

Apparently we're not distinctive enough.

Appropriately devious.

Are going to reflect who you are as a couple,

Are insisting on an audience with you.

Are the kids gonna be okay?

Are you about to turn me into a newt?

Are you giving me notes right now?

Are you kidding? There's, like, a pound of it in there.

Are you listening to yourself right now?

Are you loaded?

Are you loaded?

Are you not into the lips?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you on a date?

Are you on the show?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you threatening me?

Are you watching porn?

Aren't you lucky?

Argh.

Around it is so glum,

Around this.

As a twist.

As he bags a 26 year old.

As in you tire me with pith,

As long as I don't have to make any decisions.

As long as you keep taking advantage of me.

As much as I love Abby, I vote we don't

As soon as I knew.

As soon as Ms. Wingo leaves, you can come inside.

As the face of the divorce industrial complex, right?

Ask them to change it.

At 9:00, with manufacturing...

At hand, which is Delia's wedding?

At one of the most elite schools in L.A.

At Oscar de la Renta, and I'm sure

At the Annenberg.

At the new Broad Saturday night.

At the the Paradiso who says anytime I want,

At the thought of separate bedrooms.

Attention, everyone!

Attention, party people!

Aw! I shouldn't have held the door for you.

Aw. So it's like a public service.

Aww, does that mean we're good?

Aww, sounds amazing.

Aww.

Back and forth with, "I miss you," "I miss you too,"

Back in the day, I dumped my prom date

Back in the saddle?

Back off, Barbara.

Back up. How did my kid find out?

Background check.

Bad day.

Bad for the body.

Bad Jake.

Bam!

Banais of Valencia are the least of my concerns.

Banging my younger sister.

Barbara is going to oversee you on this.

Barbara is our... your managing editor.

Barbara.

Barbara..

Barbara's not exactly my number one fan, so..

Basically means I'm living a lie again,

Basically, she did

Basketball; It's great

Bastard. What was the prank?

Be a great place for our engagement party.

Be enjoying apricot tarts,

Be in the conference room at 2:00 P.M. to mediate.

Beautiful girls are disposable.

Beauty.

Because here I am again wondering if I can trust you.

Because how many hours do you think

Because I am afraid if I stop,

Because I am.

Because I can't do this anymore, Jake.

Because I didn't even know he existed until today.

Because I have been trying to take a really

Because I have lots to do before Friday.

Because I thought it was playtime.

Because I thought that you would be hurt or...

Because I told you about Becca.

Because I want to be in your and in our child's life.

Because I'm like,

Because if I didn't pass, it would be humiliating.

Because if we are gonna work,

Because it's corporate housing.

Because it's his girlfriend's son birthday,

Because of my job.

Because that is in fucking reruns at this point.

Because they're baked

Because we love you guys, but...

Because we will show you who's derivative ing who.

Because you are a terrible driver.

Because you are not supportive

Because you didn't show up tonight.

Because you have been living at my house

Because you have said it an incalculable number of times!

Because you haven't been returning any of my messages.

Because you know my hair is one of my erogenous zones.

Because you make me feel like shit.

Becca has decided not to keep the baby.

Becca is pregnant,

Becca is pregnant.

Been drinking coffee all day.

Before he's sucking you dry again.

Before Latvia,

Before you get all Hazmat y

Being with? Okay.

Believe me, it's been hard enough just getting this lady

Better be SheShe worthy.

Binge Netflix, fart with abandon,

Binge watch "House of Cards."

Black diamond run, hit a tree.

Blah... blah... blah.

Bloated, Marria?

Blonde with the...

Both my kids have sleepovers,

Botox got nothing on recovery.

Break's over.

Breathing.

Breathing.

Bring it on.

Bring those big, bad titties on over here.

Broadway.

Bummer.

But a lot of folks prefer the single.

But according to asshole here,

But after my parents died, they saved my bacon.

But as soon as I do know,

But Cat's having a little...

But clearly you had a different experience.

But every ride has to come to an end.

But family is important. People are important.

But great job. Really.

But he ended up taking the bus.

But he ended up taking the bus.

But he needs to figure things out on his own.

But he probably just wants a break from Charlene

But he said he didn't mind.

But he's acting all reformed, and it's freaking me out.

But here I can't get it.

But I actually just know of the site.

But I can't breathe.

But I do think that this place needs both of us.

But I don't want to move.

But I feel like I should explain what the..

But I have been told there is just one issue

But I just found out I got a plus one.

But I just wanted you to have something

But I mean...

But I really do need something different.

But I still feel like we're doing the right thing.

But I think Phoebe should write it.

But I think she means well.

But I will swing by work,

But I'm pretty sure that he would resent me forever.

But I'm sure that you can pull it off.

But I'm through it now

But if we're at our best,

But if you can just let me say what I'm saying,

But in briefs.

But it does not have to change things between us.

But it turns out that, ah...

But it's fine. Nothing happened.

But it's not like I see much of her lately.

But it's probably best just to get this over with

But it's your journey, your point of view.

But Jo, we still need to talk about...

But look, I'm going to Latvia for four months.

But my bigamist soon to be ex husband is my date tonight,

But not that I'm here much.

But now we're in L.A.

But she didn't know if she was going to keep it,

But she needs her ex to sign the papers,

But thank you for an unforgettable evening.

But that sounds like fun.

But that's why the Blue Robin campaign

But the freaking floors aren't dry yet.

But the kid's excited to see you and spend some time with you.

But the timing was never right

But then I realized that you have handled things

But they don't want to relive the past,

But this has been really nice

But this is what the real face of divorce looks like.

But this is...

But this is... This is feeling silly.

But tonight, it is our honor

But um,

But we can deal with this together.

But we're going to be eloping.

But what do you think, Phoebe?

But why so secretive?

But you can do that on your own,

But you did, which is fantastic.

But you know what?

But you left it there? I mean...

But you might want to more than mention it, soon.

But you tell him to stop manhandling my kitchen.

But you're kicking me out

But you're the sexy face of divorce, okay?

But, um, Scott tells me change is good,

But, um, well, I unplugged.

But, you know, you told me about the Will thing,

By the way, when they say,

Bye

Bye, ducky.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Hmm.

Calm down, Katie Couric.

Can I come to the future with you?

Can I have a baggy or something please?

Can I just say,

Can I offer you a hot cruffin?

Can I talk to you outside for a moment, please?

Can I talk to you outside?

Can we go for a walk please?

Can we have sex again?

Can we just wrap this up please?

Can we please get back to the more important topic

Can you admit that you don't know if you want me?

Can you get your face out that God awful device?

Can you just hold me?

Can you just like relax for a minute.

Can you please go upstairs and get him?

Can you tape them, try to put a jaw line on her, okay?

Can you?

Can you?

Can't help it.

Can't wait, I love you.

Can't we just keep it secret and delicious for now?

Cannot live in this tiny, little space forever.

Capitalist pig I've ever met.

Case closed.

Cat has been my editor for 15 years.

Cause here I can get it,

Cause I don't have the first clue to fix my own.

Cause if something goes on with the kids,

Cause we... we rolled all night.

Champagne Nights

Change is good, Jo Jo.

Change is hard.

Charlene is the worst.

Charlene says that alcohol is liquid avoidance,

Charlene, she's just stomped down on your crazy.

Charlie, do you want bananas or raisins?

Charlie?

Check it for allergens,

Check these out.

Cheers.

Choose five items.

Classy cummerbund, RF.

Colder.

Colonel Sanders living in Kentucky

Come back to bed.

Come here, you limey son of a bitch.

Come here. Follow me.

Come in! It's open!

Come in.

Come keep me company?

Come on back in, just 15 minutes, that's it.

Come on in

Come on, Bonnie, let's go. She's insane.

Come on, dude, we're just gonna have some fun, right?

Come on, I drink around you.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Come on, Jo. Do I get any credit for that?

Come on, man. It was complicated.

Come on, please.

Come on, they raised you to raise yourself.

Come on, would you... would you change your career?

Come on, you look amazing.

Come on!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Please come dance. Come dance. Come dance.

Come on. You're not with him yet.

Come watch it with me.

Come with me.

Coming from her. Yes, Phoebe?

Complicated.

Cool.

Cool.

Could we just?

Could you keep your voice down, please?

Could you say that with a little less enthusiasm, please?

Crazy part is paperwork done, we turned a corner,

Cyan, there better be two of everything.

Dad says it's okay. I just have to ask you.

Dad was divorcing her.

Dad, is it totaled?

Dad's changed. He really has.

Daddy just came over

Daddy, stay for dinner, please?

Daddy!

Daddy's doing it?

Daddy's gonna do your driving lesson today instead of me.

Damn.

Date with Dr. Harris.

Deal with your own pain,

Deal?

Decided that it was better for me

Decided to shove her tongue down her boss's throat.

Deep fried NASCAR pickles or whatever.

Definitely.

Delia has these lovely cousins in Valencia...

Delia is getting married?

Delia, could I steal you for a moment?

Delia, love of my life,

Delia, what is going on with you?

Delia? Delia?

Delia.

Delia.

Delia.

Delia.

Delia's engagement party.

Destroy all evidence of this.

Diana Ross and the Supremes, and we're the Supremes?

Did I say that?

Did she say something to you?

Did you have a good time tonight?

Did you play me?

Did you say engagement party?

Did you say engagement party?

Did you see Daddy's here?

Did you see what he...

Did you talk to Lilly yet?

Did you talk to your mom yet?

Did you tell her that?

Did you throw yourself at your ex husband,

Do I need to cut a bitch?

Do I still get the Porsche when you die?

Do is going to affect, you know, your life.

Do it in butter. It lasts longer.

Do it.

Do my eyes deceive me,

Do not get married at the beach... it never ends well.

Do not sleep with him.

Do not start, or I will take it back.

Do not touch Scott's twinkie.

Do tell. Anyone special?

Do that kind of stuff.

Do we approve?

Do we like?

Do you even like Phoebe,

Do you follow her on Twitter?

Do you have any ecstasy, extra molly?

Do you have any idea how much 15 minutes is worth in my day?

Do you have any idea what you've done to our lives?

Do you have any idea where? How can we help?

Do you have it?

Do you have to announce it to the world?"

Do you know this site?

Do you think maybe this place is too real for playtime?

Do you understand?

Do you want to go into our limo?

Does she have a call or...?

Does this guy play to you as military intelligence?

Don't Abby this.

Don't be mean.

Don't decide now.

Don't get married again just for the do over.

Don't give me the look.

Don't go home with the boring people.

Don't idolize anyone.

Don't look at me, sweetie.

Don't sing that song.

Don't spin this into what's good for me.

Don't tell me I missed all the fun.

Don't worry, we'll go easy on him.

Don't you need a follow up date?

Don't you need a follow up date?

Don't.

Door. Okay.

Dr. Harris from CNN, that sexy doctor.

Dr. Harris is picking me up soon.

Drop it. Seriously, just...

Dropped this egg on the floor,

Dude, what the hell, man?

Dude, what the hell, man?

During the entire ceremony?

Each what?

Easier to break to Abby the longer you wait,

Eh, I had to get out of there before I lost it

Ellen Tedford asked me to speak in front of her class.

End of the week?

Enough of this wedding B.S.

Especially you two,

Even for you, this is childish. Violating.

Even if I wanted to

Even you have admitted that.

Evening, Doc.

Eventually it's like you can't see each other.

Ever again!

Ever. Too late.

Every time she's stressed,

Every time you look at that thing.

Everyone swears by her.

Everyone, on the count of three, say, "prom night rocks."

Everyone's in love with you.

Everyone's welcome, except for dicks.

Everything but the truth.

Everything okay in there?

Everything.

Everything's gonna be taken care of.

Everything's great, yeah.

Evidence.

Ew, that's Barbara's face.

Ex husband to make me a drink.

Exactly, it covers current affairs,

Exactly, which is why I want to make it bigger.

Exactly.

Excellent, but fix the colors.

Except it's not fixed.

Except the Viagra, thank you.

Except we were foiled by our gym teacher.

Excuse me, can I have everyone's attention please?

Excuse me, I, uh...

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'll be right back.

Exploring?

Face it.

Fantastic.

Faux, less, no, free,

Featuring the sexiest thing out of the kitchen

Feels naked without it.

Find the old dance mixes and party all night.

Fine, do you want to just go with your mother?

Fine, I will write about my epic meltdown

Fine, if you could show me

Fine, just give it to me.

Fine, let's move on to child support payments

Fine, yes.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine. I'll give it some thought.

Fine. Will you and your Tinder man

First guess.

First of all, I am glam.

First of all, I've not been picking on you,

Fix it yourself.

Flowers.

Follow me.

For a minute.

For a weekend.

For both of us.

For busy gals, you know, like,

For example, I am transitioning into a person

For hair and makeup.

For kicking ass!

For making this huge open hearted leap.

For most likely to succeed

For my career...

For my meeting with SheShe.

For reals, and...

For someone who's gonna look good in the photo.

For such a dude, you are such a chick.

For that moment earlier.

For the cherry.

For the last 20 years.

For the past couple of months.

For the past couple of months. Come on, Jo.

For the reception?

For the right reasons

For you tonight

For Zooey.

Ford can use the landline.

Forgive me for caring about you, Delia.

Forgive me for caring about you, Delia.

Forward texting, how?

Four days max.

Four years ago, my husband left me for my sister.

From which I hope one day to come down.

Frumpkis and Charlene booked Zoey's flight first class.

Frumpkis is on his second punch.

Frumpkis spent all my money on horses for that bitch,

Frumpkis?

Frumpkis' Charlene booked Zooey's flight first class.

Fun? It's divorce.

Funny, I found the Paradiso really, really fast.

FYI, I don't normally show this much tit,

FYI, we took 'em from Echo Park,

Gabby did a great job renovating..

Game changers.

Gave a crap about stuff nobody cares about.

Gee, thanks, person who's been here five minutes.

Get down from there now.

Get in line.

Get out.

Get ready. You're gonna like this.

Get rejected, and start hurling cream puffs at his head?

Get to clicking!

Get up.

Get your alone time.

Getting back on the dating horse.

Getting laid.

Getting married is about family.

Getting the way of your divorce job?

Ghetto ducks.

Give me a break.

Gladly.

Go along with that.

Go back inside.

Go back to Kentucky

Go for it.

Go home, Abby.

Go home.

Go on.

Go to the car please, I'll be right out.

Go work, Abby. We've got it all handled here.

God damn it, I love you.

God knows I'm not.

God, before Harris bailed on me tonight,

God, grow up!

God, I hate this world.

God!

God.

Going somewhere?

Golden. Good night.

Gonna hate losing you.

Good bye, Jake.

Good energy.

Good job, God.

Good Lord, who's being a mean girl now?

Good morning Mrs. Clean.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good night, Albert.

Good night, kid.

Good night, Phillip. Say good night, Phoebe.

Good night.

Good night. Be safe.

Good stuff.

Good to hear.

Good, I'm glad he finally

Good, I'm glad he finally manned up and told you.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Google it, please?

Gordon said she hated Courtney.

Gordon texted.

Gordon, do you remember that exquisite rug I brought back?

Gordon, he just... he wants to have kids some day.

Gordon's mom wanted to talk about all things Persian.

Gorgeous.

Got it, okay.

Got it. Yep, yep, got it, Captain Overshare.

Got some really lame drugs!

Got to be Jake.

Got to go!

Grant Manning is dead.

Great people like you, which isn't fair,

Great, I mean, I told them that I knew the site,

Great, though.

Great!

Great.

Great.

Great. I'm having a baby. Great.

Greatest hits argument number seven?

Greatest hits number 19.

Grow down, Abby.

Grow down, grow down, grow down.

Guess who I had a Twitter chat with?

Guess who passed her GED.

Guess who stole some champagne.

Ha, she's not my boss.

Hacking off your hair... Cut back on morning routine.

Had a few pre game cocktails, milady,

Had she told you the truth.

Hang in there, okay?

Harris just posted a picture of us with the Tiki dancer.

Harris just texted!

Harris replaced Will!

Harris told me to expect someone special.

Hasn't it?

Have single master bedrooms

Have you been drinking?

Have you ever been as an adult?

Have you ever seen this much shrimp before?

Have you met his mother yet? Is she sweet?

Have you seen Jo's new beau?

Have you seen my laser cat shirt?

Have you told your friends about us?

Have you two not discussed any of this stuff yet?

He adores you.

He agreed to let me have it in the divorce settlement.

He asked to take it offline.

He did not sign the divorce agreement before he died.

He didn't say that.

He doesn't come in till the third act of the film.

He doesn't have a love interest.

He doesn't see his kids because he's too busy

He figured it out in, like, ten minutes

He gets it. It's a big job.

He gets it. It's a big job.

He hit you?

He is so...

He is. He's a genius.

He made a whole list.

He never had a problem with it before.

He never signed the papers.

He said that he'd give that up for me,

He started drinking again,

He wanted me to have a baby.

He wants it, and I want him.

He was black.

He was trying... Abby...

He will be here soon.

He will be your instant boyfriend,

He'll be the old Frumpkis in no time.

He's a fool.

He's a good role model for the boys, so get your mind

He's a known lunatic,

He's a little bitty baby bear,

He's a little young.

He's at the forefront of the big tent vegan movement,

He's charming, but he's gonna stop messaging you as soon

He's flying in tonight on business.

He's going to UCLA

He's gonna put a baby in you before you've had a chance

He's harmless.

He's hot as hell, but he's kind of a sex addict.

He's in jail.

He's inside booking a room.

He's just running a bit late.

He's kind of a sex addict.

He's like an Oprah doctor.

He's not coming!

He's quite the live wire.

He's quite the...

He's running the new "X Men."

He's taking me to this new mystery spot in Boyle Heights.

He's terribly homesick,

He's the child, Abby.

He's this juice cleansing pussy.

He's, like, an Oprah doctor.

Helen, Helen... you got to meet her.

Hell, I want to pretend to be you.

Hello, beautiful.

Hello, gorgeous.

Hello, limo driver.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Ooh, hi. Hello.

Hells no.

Helping's only helpful

Henry's big face on TV.

Her face looked very nice on the bench.

Her vagina.

Here we go, four.

Here, ducky, ducky, ducky, ducky.

Here, I'll... I'll get the kids

Here, this...

Here's the thing about Abby.

Here's the thing.

Here's what my post divorce life looks like: shit.

Hey

Hey

Hey, Albert, what's up?

Hey, are you okay?

Hey, are you okay? You seem a little off.

Hey, babe.

Hey, beautiful.

Hey, can you help out a second?

Hey, Clark Kent!

Hey, dad, will you take me to the valley this weekend

Hey, deal.

Hey, do you have cable?

Hey, face.

Hey, Ford, how are the kids?

Hey, handsome.

Hey, Helen, hi.

Hey, hey, come on, come on, Mindy, cupcake.

Hey, hey.

Hey, how do you know Dr. Harris?

Hey, how was it?

Hey, how'd she react to the Becca baby news?

Hey, I didn't know

Hey, I just said one sec!

Hey, I'm Scott.

Hey, it's... I know.

Hey, Jamie, what's up?

Hey, Janice Dickinson's a fan,

Hey, Jo.

Hey, kid.

Hey, man, Payton.

Hey, man, thanks again for this.

Hey, nice.

Hey, she's needed on the dance floor stat.

Hey, there you are.

Hey, what are we gonna eat tonight?

Hey, what happened to dinner?

Hey, what's up? You wanted to see me?

Hey, where's that lip balm with the, uh...

Hey, where's the duck?

Hey, you are Delia Banai.

Hey, you know, we should stop by the bakery while I'm here too.

Hey, you okay?

Hey, you okay?

Hey, you.

Hey! Turn it off! It's all right.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. The place looks fantastic.

Hey. What happened at dinner?

Hi, Dad!

Hi, honey.

Hi, how are you?

Hi, I missed you.

Hi, I'm Phoebe.

Hi, itchy butt.

Hi, Lilly Vanilly.

Hi, sweetie.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Babes?

Hi. Oh, thank... Annoying and clever?

His 26 year old actress rebound

His answer to everything

His baby with this very young woman

Hitting the dance floor,

Hm

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Hmm? Uh, I abdicated.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. I am Delia Banai,

Ho ho. Ooh.

Hold on, are we talking about your housekeeper, or...

Holy shit.

Honestly, I don't think I have the language skills.

Honesty.

How about a weekly column on post divorce style?

How about we hole up at home?

How about you guys all wear red?

How about you? Do I have to worry about you?

How about you? You okay?

How am I the one that is in trouble here?

How are you going to support me

How are you?

How bad is it?

How can I help?

How dare you?

How did that happen?

How did you even find them?

How did you find this place?

How do you feel about pizza?

How do you know Dr. Harris?

How do you...

How does it feel to be almost Mrs. Delia Beech?

How I could get all my work done from here

How is Jonas?

How long have you known Becca was pregnant?

How long have you known that Becca was pregnant?

How long have you known?

How much longer do you have to

How much more functional and reasonable you are than me.

How positively wifely of you.

How smart you are.

How to forward a text message.

How was your meeting?

How what?

How... how did you know that...

How'd it go yesterday, the prenup meeting with Gordon?

How'd you make the croissant dough without butter?

How's Jo?

How's she dealing with all this?

How's the paradise place?

Howdy, neighbor.

Howdy, neighbor.

Huge, it is,

Huh, I didn't know that was a thing.

Huh?

Hurry up.

Hurt me? You lied to my face.

Husband. We haven't actually filed the papers.

I actually know one of those.

I am absolutely great.

I am all in, and you're the one with one foot out.

I am dedicated to the truth from here on in.

I am dedicated to truth from here on in.

I am going into SheShe this afternoon.

I am in.

I am learning to be self sufficient, remember?

I am looking at your face.

I am messed up about Marco,

I am not riding with her ever.

I am so happy right here with my girls.

I am so proud of you

I am so sorry about everything, especially Zooey.

I am so sorry that you had to see what you saw,

I am so sorry your huge ego couldn't handle someone

I am so sorry.

I am sorry.

I am through the storm, so..

I am writing a book.

I am, and this is my assistant, Mayi.

I am, thank you.

I am.

I appreciate your opinion, Phoebe

I appreciate your opinion, Phoebe.

I ask you something,

I asked SheShe if they would hire me some pros, you know,

I believe all I offered was a cruffin.

I believed it all when I wrote it... but now I think "What a pile of horse shit".

I bet Charlene won't wear your clothes.

I bow down to you.

I call these carrot crakes,

I can come up with my own dates.

I can handle a little more undercover intrigue.

I can handle it!

I can invite him. He can be my date, right?

I can kinda see it going either way for him.

I can own that now

I can tag along with a photographer

I can take whatever they dish out.

I can Tinder up a boyfriend like that.

I can't afford to lose you.

I can't do that.

I can't do that.

I can't do the baby thing again.

I can't find it anywhere.

I can't find it anywhere.

I can't go to your house anymore, Pheebs.

I can't have somebody Instagram

I can't keep letting you "yes" me to death

I can't wait to come home tomorrow.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't. I can't do this.

I cannot ask you to lie for me.

I cannot believe we are here again.

I cannot believe you are going through all that with Jake.

I care about what I do.

I caught the monster part go on.

I check the phone,

I closed on a house in Hancock Park.

I corresponded with Harris...

I could be back in like 40 minutes.

I could do it, I could do it.

I could get into serious trouble,

I could've told you that was gonna end in a disaster.

I decided, no way.

I did a little research on the wedding customs in your country.

I did edit.

I did see on the Twitter that you're fake date

I did think about separate bedrooms,

I did this field of greens juice cleanse, total game changer.

I did write "Hamilton" though.

I didn't even know you were taking your GED.

I didn't even want to invite these people,

I didn't even want to think what year it was.

I didn't just come here for business.

I didn't mean it like that.

I do demand a lot of cookies.

I do have a meeting, though,

I do know it's hard.

I do think we can get through it.

I do.

I do.

I do. I just... right now, I'm stressed about work.

I don't care about the power of invisibility.

I don't care.

I don't deserve this, Abby.

I don't do games.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

I don't have a choice.

I don't have any viable options in mine, so...

I don't have the first clue to fix my own, but look,

I don't have time to plan an engagement party.

I don't have time to plan an engagement party.

I don't have to drink around you.

I don't have to lie to do my movie.

I don't know how I magically offended you.

I don't know if you know that.

I don't know what I would do without you.

I don't know what that is.

I don't know what that means.

I don't know what you mean.

I don't know,

I don't know, but, I mean,

I don't know, I just...

I don't know, In N Out Burger?

I don't know, not finishing high school?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't need this.

I don't think I will, because I'm not hiding anything.

I don't think I'm handling the Jake thing so well.

I don't think it's a good idea for us making this permanent,

I don't think James Joyce had the language skills.

I don't think so.

I don't want a job.

I don't want our kids to feel like they have to parent us.

I don't want to be tickled.

I don't want to be tickled.

I don't want to become some kind of pod mom.

I don't want to get sucked into that asshole bigamist's...

I don't want to have it, do you?

I don't want to step on your toes

I don't want you to go on stupid dates.

I don't... I'm trying to think.

I don't... oh, forget him.

I enjoyed that so much the first time.

I feel asleep.

I feel like I kind of talked you into it.

I feel like we did the baby thing already.

I feel tense, do you feel tense?

I feel the same way.

I find out... bang... that he knocked up his ex girlfriend.

I forgive you, Abby McCarthy.

I frickin' hired her a week ago.

I get him to implode before he breaks her heart.

I get that.

I get that. It's upsetting.

I get to do this again.

I give it a 50/50 chance she shows.

I give you a month, two tops,

I got a call today,

I got caught up.

I got it.

I got retroactive diamonds...

I got that meeting with JGL tomorrow.

I got to do this on my own.

I got to get back to the bakery.

I got to go, I got to go.

I got to go.

I got to go.

I got to stay long enough to support my web of lies.

I grew up really fast

I guess I am, yeah.

I guess I approve.

I guess I'll just have to get back in the car and go back.

I had a fake date last night.

I had a great time at my prom.

I had a little too much to drink the other night.

I had no idea you'd gone through all that.

I had to leave before I completely lost it.

I had your June of '98 "Vogue" cover

I hate her.

I hate L.A., little dogs in purses,

I hate secrets, but I need this job at SheShe.

I hated my in laws at first.

I have a dinner with my publisher.

I have a family.

I have a photo shoot tomorrow.

I have a special needs kid.

I have a stylist?

I have an interview for a big job this week.

I have been nothing but supportive,

I have been thinking about things,

I have children.

I have just never been with anyone like Harris bef...

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I have some bad news.

I have some news.

I have to ask your Dad...

I have to eat this sorry ass way because I have allergies.

I have to feel this.

I have to finish packing.

I have to go back to the office.

I have to go.

I have to head back to the office.

I have to just... I'm... I'm...

I have to prepare too.

I have to record this for SheShe.

I have to work and you're prepping.

I haven't found the right moment.

I hear it's gonna be really huge.

I hear that you have some questions for me.

I heard about that too. No judge.

I hired a Manny to play sports with the boys while Max is gone.

I hope you can forgive me,

I imagined being married,

I just can't believe Kori's gonna get away with this.

I just didn't think we could handle something

I just didn't want to have this conversation

I just don't know where you stand on anything.

I just feel like I've started something,

I just feel like if we can communicate like this,

I just feel ripped off.

I just fling my poo

I just had a really strange day at work.

I just have lines in my face."

I just haven't found the right time.

I just haven't found the right words...

I just heard from the Banais of Valencia,

I just need to see what he left us for.

I just need you to know that Mommy's not at her best.

I just need you to talk to me,

I just put Jake and Ford in an Uber

I just really want to get to know you,

I just said that because you're black.

I just see the pain

I just think the option is intriguing...

I just thought it'd be a little more intimate.

I just thought, "This, uh, might be the last time

I just want to be more sensitive to our readers,

I just want to thank all you kick ass people

I just wanted to talk to you in person.

I just wrote that one piece for the school newsletter,

I just, um...

I just... I don't want to become somebody else.

I just... I wanted to let you know you're off the hook.

I just... just cancel that meeting.

I just... what you wrote

I just... you know, I don't do mothers or family gatherings

I kind of like what they bring out of you,

I knew it.

I knew she'd get cut

I knew Zooey would tell her.

I know how this goes.

I know I'm sorry,

I know I've been a beast these past couple of days,

I know it well. I've paid your rates.

I know that I put together this big, elaborate event

I know that OCD carb nightmare!

I know that this is uncomfortable,

I know that you didn't think they were your kind of people

I know that you've been having a hard time

I know this is none of my business.

I know usually the mother of the bride gives it to her daughter,

I know you can't understand...

I know you don't, baby, but it's time.

I know you guys are getting a divorce!

I know you have a lot on your plate,

I know you're a very big deal with the nerds.

I know you're hurting, okay?

I know your time is valuable. That's why I scheduled some,

I know, about the new line.

I know, but the manufacturing in the U.S.

I know, dear, but it's just a little gift.

I know, I can see that, and what you're describing

I know, I know.

I know, I know. You told me that.

I know, it's... I was confused,

I know, right? Jesus.

I know, she actually kept working

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know. Can I at least walk you out?

I know. I get that. I do.

I know. I want you.

I left a message for a realtor.

I lied.

I like it.

I like the old asshole version better.

I liked it so much better

I literally just sc****d my career out of the toilet, Jake.

I love mermen.

I love Sheena Easton.

I love the conversation we had this morning.

I love the idea.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love your place.

I made the babysitter sleep over.

I made you something.

I may have, uh, loaned it to Abby.

I mean it.

I mean you don't know when to stop.

I mean,

I mean, after the marriage was over with.

I mean, her roommate, Jo...

I mean, I did overstep my boundaries.

I mean, I just don't...

I mean, I know I got carried away

I mean, I'm assuming you saw her...

I mean, I'm glad the shoot's coming up.

I mean, I'm not trying to talk you into anything here, but...

I mean, I've had my kids,

I mean, if you think this is gonna get

I mean, if you think this is gonna get easier to break to Abby

I mean, it can be hard here.

I mean, Jesus, what a mess.

I mean, Max and I both told him to...

I mean, my mom may call three times a day,

I mean, of course not that, but I just...

I mean, possibly as an idea but...

I mean, she must be a few months in.

I mean, she's bringing a mystery date to her prom.

I mean, the only mystery is, what does she

I mean, we can thrive even.

I mean, we might be together for the rest of our lives,

I mean, we're both beat.

I mean, we're kind of...

I mean, we're totally fine. Look, I'm texting her right now.

I mean, well, you know, you had decided to not have it.

I mean, you and Max are their props.

I mean, you and Zooey

I mean, you have to wear the red one.

I mean, you just found out. Right?

I mean, you just have to roll with the punches.

I meant to ask you one thing,

I meet once, and that's it.

I might be able to swing by.

I miss her too a lot.

I missed you!

I need a cigarette.

I need a date so I don't get stuck doing

I need a quick favor.

I need it.

I need quiet.

I need to digest.

I need to lure the party animal,

I need to tell you something.

I needed a high school diploma,

I needed somebody to give me cookies.

I never, ever

I owe it to them to try.

I promise we will paint the town soon.

I pulled out.

I read your tweets about that.

I really don't want to watch.

I really need my Uber to get here

I respect you,

I said that

I said, "someone needs to act.

I said, have you been drinking?

I saw Jake and the, uh, ducks.

I saw something from Barbara

I saw you schlumping around the school the other day.

I second that.

I shall.

I should be tweeting about my maybe mystery date for the prom.

I should have let the feeling pass.

I should have told you.

I should have told you.

I should have worn one of those outfits SheShe lent me.

I should have... I should have come to you right away.

I should head out.

I should probably call it an incomplete

I should've told you about Becca

I started to think that,

I still want him.

I swear, if he wasn't the da Vinci of the vegan Twinkie,

I think he lives in 3F...

I think I got caught up in feeling the love.

I think I got... Lils.

I think I have the door code.

I think I just needed someone

I think I need to hit the pause button

I think I'm done,

I think I'm gonna take this job.

I think it will be a great idea

I think it's time for you to say good night.

I think maybe things are heating up with her and Will.

I think my heart is breaking.

I think my heart is breaking.

I think she's drinking again.

I think she's having a hard time.

I think that translates into, "Keep it sassy, gal."

I think the bidets are African ivory.

I think we need to tell them before Latvia

I think we're either gonna save our marriage

I think what sets Rize apart

I think you need to call your sponsor, Marco.

I think you should go on the dates instead of me.

I think you're going crazy

I think you're the most amazing man,

I think zero, zero hours.

I thought Barbara seemed pretty sold on the idea.

I thought Cat was gonna...

I thought I finally met someone who had her shit together.

I thought I recognized your face.

I thought it would be an ego boost,

I thought that we were seeing four.

I thought this guy was the next vegan Jesus.

I thought you hate Uncle Jake.

I thought you understood that.

I thought you were moving out like an adult.

I thought you'd be relieved.

I thought, "finally, work and life fitting together,

I told you, I am not answering any insipid questions.

I touch her like that."

I try to fix everybody else's stuff

I understand I overstepped.

I understand, but I can't be with you like this.

I want a huge, crazy feast.

I want a huge, crazy wedding.

I want it to be all about girls going stag,

I want my man close.

I want pictures this time.

I want them to feel safe and secure.

I want to be closer to Zooey...

I want to be married.

I want to come home.

I want to move in with Dad.

I want to see him more, and it's not gonna be forever,

I want to see you in a outrageous gown. I...

I want to take some of my settlement money

I want to talk about you.

I want you to be happy.

I wanted to check in and see how you're feeling about everything.

I was 14, and Kori fed me

I was a disaster.

I was doing what my head said, not my heart.

I was emotional.

I was fine, and then my feelings just sat down on the table, so...

I was going to.

I was literally sitting here trying to figure out

I was married 17 years.

I was not talking with my vagina.

I was spun.

I was thinking Nobu?

I was treating Jay Z once. He had...

I was wrong.

I wasn't giving out many of those.

I wasn't thinking,

I wasn't trying to insult you.

I will be away from... no.

I will be charging you for miles.

I will be happy to go into explicit detail

I will kill you.

I will make my peace with that.

I will not be able to get going again, ever.

I will not keep it from you for even a day.

I will set this thing up,

I will take care of them.

I will. I'll do it.

I won, I won, I won, I won.

I won, I won!

I won't say anything.

I worked hard too.

I worked my ass off,

I would be happy to write about something other

I would be mad, but he's so cute.

I would cut him loose. He is such a whack job.

I would like my husband slash

I would like to follow up.

I would wait to order

I would've done anything for you.

I wouldn't...

I, uh, had to get the hell out of that apartment.

I, uh... and I'm really sorry I didn't tell all you guys

I, um, may have

I, um... uh, you know, excuse me.

I...

I...

I... I came here to apologize

I... I can't right now, but I'm coming, I promise.

I... I need something under my feet that is not shifting.

I... I really appreciate your gesture.

I... k... what?

I... she's probably having some sexy sexy time with Gordon.

I... well, Jake's always around the house

I... when you're drinking, I can't.

I... when you're drinking, I can't.

I'd love you to come talk to my economics class.

I'd start figuring out a way how to make that thing happen.

I'll agree to whatever you want.

I'll be passed out upstairs.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right in.

I'll bet you do, but we're actually looking

I'll drink to that.

I'll help you clean up this mess

I'll let you guys take it up with her.

I'll order some pizzas in a little bit.

I'll show you I'm no girl.

I'll show you.

I'll take it all.

I'll talk to you later

I'll text you when I get it.

I'll wear something else. Oh, come on.

I'll... I'll find it.

I'm a chef.

I'm a genius.

I'm a partner, okay?

I'm afraid not.

I'm ashamed you were ever inside of me.

I'm asking how Abby is dealing with the baby.

I'm awesome.

I'm Cat's boss.

I'm excited.

I'm fine.

I'm getting rid of my pillows.

I'm going to find Gordon.

I'm going to give you the "younger man" experience.

I'm going to go get something else to drink.

I'm going to hate being there

I'm going to hate being with Dad and the fat head.

I'm going to hate being with Dad and the fat head.

I'm going to Latvia for four months.

I'm going to Latvia for four months.

I'm gonna be fine.

I'm gonna be late for algebra.

I'm gonna go

I'm gonna go full Cyndi Lauper with a bit of Sheena Easton

I'm gonna have the baby.

I'm gonna head out, okay?

I'm gonna invite him to be my date to this thing.

I'm gonna kill those guys.

I'm gonna make you the meal of your lives, dude.

I'm gonna miss the kids, but I think it'll be good

I'm gonna see you later.

I'm gonna wash up and unpack.

I'm good at what I do.

I'm good.

I'm got to drive the kids to school, then.

I'm great.

I'm having a baby.

I'm having a meeting with their editorial team

I'm having some really bad high school flashbacks.

I'm having the baby.

I'm having your baby.

I'm here.

I'm honored.

I'm inviting him,

I'm just a monkey.

I'm just gonna make it right with Albert tomorrow.

I'm just gonna...

I'm just heading out to Soho House,

I'm just making sure that we're still...

I'm just not ready to live together again.

I'm just picking up my kids

I'm just so on edge.

I'm just throwing myself into it.

I'm just...

I'm just... I'm gonna let it go.

I'm just... I'm so happy that we're having this conversation.

I'm Katherine Miller.

I'm keeping it.

I'm kind of grateful to do something

I'm leaving for two weeks.

I'm never suggesting you have sex again.

I'm not anybody's blushing bride

I'm not being mean, I'm being realistic.

I'm not being overbearing.

I'm not finished.

I'm not gonna be a professional wife,

I'm not gonna be a professional wife.

I'm not gonna sleep with you.

I'm not gonna tell your boss, Charlene.

I'm not hiding either. We've talked about this.

I'm not making excuses.

I'm not over you, and you're not over me either.

I'm not paying to find your Lois Lane!

I'm not provoking you.

I'm not ready for that, for this.

I'm not used to having my picture taken

I'm okay. It depends on the day.

I'm on a clock.

I'm on my way to some investor meetings.

I'm pitching divorce stories.

I'm practically engaged.

I'm pretty damn clear.

I'm pretty sure everybody's been telling you your whole life

I'm really sorry that I was such a bitch to you earlier

I'm saying the fight could get long, costly,

I'm saying you should do...

I'm serious.

I'm serious.

I'm serious. Goes for everyone.

I'm sick of being told that I don't know my own mind.

I'm sleeping with my client.

I'm so excited.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so puffy.

I'm so sorry about the whole Frumpkis coming

I'm so sorry, but you can't come in right now.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Is that awful?

I'm sorry about Harris not showing up.

I'm sorry about that, Jo.

I'm sorry to have wasted your time.

I'm sorry, but the sign says it has butter?

I'm sorry, I just ran in from outside.

I'm sorry, out of time, come on.

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Can you try to forget it?

I'm sorry. I saw the light.

I'm sorry. We have made a mistake.

I'm sorry. Wh... what is this?

I'm still the only one who knows?

I'm stimulated.

I'm struggling right now,

I'm struggling, babe,

I'm sure it's gonna be awesome.

I'm sure she's going to be thrilled when she finds out

I'm sure the rest of the team is thrilled

I'm sure they're thrilled about your Pilates

I'm sure you do too.

I'm sure your parents are glad

I'm the brains.

I'm the one who fixed it.

I'm thinking cream and silver with just a hint of scarlet.

I'm thinking, "Whoa."

I'm throwing it out.

I'm trying to figure out us,

I'm trying to figure things out.

I'm trying to nail down some visuals

I'm trying to think and just slow things down,

I'm way ahead of you, and the answer is no,

I'm with Marria, give it a shot.

I'm... Delia too.

I'm... wow, that's... I mean, when?

I've been all over the place,

I've been dating someone.

I've been off the radar.

I've been trying to have a sense of fun,

I've been very clear that

I've been very clear.

I've got a client about to come in here any second.

I've got a pretty hectic dating life

I've got everything covered here.

I've got it covered.

I've got keys to the bakery.

I've got nothing to lose.

I've got the book. I've got SheShe.

I've had a life.

I've just been so focused on work and on the Abby Show

I've never been a vegan.

I've never won anything in my life!

I've plowed through it already.

Idea.

Idiot PR lady.

If I can inspire women to graduate high school

If I do anything

If I don't fix it today,

If I don't know who the designers are?

If I had some...

If I insulted you in any way...

If I just

If I wanted to poison you, you'd be dead by now.

If I weren't here with your drunk ass, I'd have gone

If I write it, you get to just enjoy it.

If I...

If I'm killing it or if I'm about to be fired.

If she wants the prom so bad, she can have it.

If they saw us right now, I'd be so fired.

If we could all do a girlfriends photo for my column.

If we could mix in some earthy, grounded stories with the fun.

If we went in together...

If you don't feel comfortable.

If you got a problem with that,

If you must know.

If you need help and I'm helping.

If you want to do a follow up piece,

If you want to do a follow up piece,

If you want to go the mellow route,

If you went inside

If you're gonna sculpt,

If you're lying to me?

If you're not going completely rogue and doing things on your...

If you're sure, that's... Uh, it's a big decision.

If you're what the boss wants,

If your engagement photographs

Impressed?

In 140 character or less.

In a backwater cornfield doing downward dog, either

In front of a judge all on the public record.

In makeup and it was just really sad

In my locker all of 7th grade.

In Real Life.

In that business relationship?

In the alleyway, you remember?

In the case of both of your deaths

In the face, metaphorically speaking, you know?

In the garage and...

In the morning, it's swarming with Venice beach jackasses,

In the parent newsletter, you're so right.

In the spirit of radical honesty,

In this bed with you.

In your backyard? I don't think so.

In your shared bedroom.

Indeed you do.

Insomniac.

Instagram the hell out of that, will you?

Interesting.

Into millions of dollars,

Invisibility or the power of flight?

IRL.

Is David here too?

Is everything okay?

Is finalized

Is it just me,

Is it okay if I actually tell you

Is it too late?

Is moving in a very different direction right now, and I

Is part of what we're selling.

Is so empowering.

Is something going on with Gordon?

Is that a thing?

Is that from who I think it's from?

Is that good?

Is that okay?

Is that Scott here is such an innovator.

Is that the only thing that sets you apart?

Is that the show where I save your ass over and over?

Is that the...

Is that what you think, that this is easy for me?

Is that whatever our circumstances,

Is this a home invasion?

Is this where you take all your dates

Is this Zooey's phone?

Is trying to save your marriage

Isn't that funny?

Isn't that perfect? You get to have a date

Isn't that something that usually happens

It better have been.

It can't.

It does, but it's also good for your story.

It feels like it needs a warning label on it

It feels like shit, but it's good.

It feels like this roach under the fridge that won't die.

It has no E.

It is a Mirai. It runs on hydrogen.

It is compact.

It is day glo sequins with big puffed sleeves...

It is strictly professional, ladies.

It is such a relief for me to meet a woman my age

It is very important.

It is when my kid walks in on it.

It is,

It is, and that's... here's what you should say back.

It is, trust me.

It is.

It kind of is.

It kind of sucks, but, um...

It looks important.

It makes me sad, because I don't...

It might stop her from ever taking you back.

It really took me by surprise.

It seemed showy. My client's husband

It seemed showy. My client's husband

It seems kind of romantic.

It should also say three days on the treadmill, like,

It spiked this A.M. with 59% positive emotional content,

It took me 45 minutes to get here.

It was a last minute thing.

It was a super cozy sleep though.

It was a tough week, but, uh,

It was great.

It was hard, I don't want to do it again.

It was just easy.

It was my pleasure.

It was never boring.

It was not about that.

It was not... I was wrong.

It was pointed at the real housewife of... you know,

It was. I'm sorry.

It was... thank you. I appreciate it.

It would be a little odd to reach out to them now.

It would be wasteful, but...

It would mean so much more coming from you, though.

It'll be fun.

It's a biggie, I mean, you can let yourself feel it.

It's a child, Jake.

It's a complication.

It's a custody battle.

It's a dramatic tension thing.

It's a fair statement.

It's a game just to get a sense of your taste.

It's a good idea for us making this permanent,

It's a little big.

It's a little embarrassing.

It's a lot of fake dates lately.

It's a lot worse.

It's a SheShe win win, right?

It's a small one.

It's a termeh.

It's a... it's a big idea.

It's about reconciling her present with her past.

It's all my fault, Abby.

It's amazing.

It's become popular. The...

It's been a while

It's been, you know,

It's career day this week.

It's completely understandable.

It's crazy. It's a legal 911.

It's date night, sweetheart

It's exactly what you and I

It's fine. All right. Want me to find you a date?

It's fine. Can we leave soon?

It's for me.

It's fun.

It's funny how these things work, right?

It's going to be terrible, Mom.

It's gonna be cool.

It's gonna be fine, Marria.

It's gonna be simple, standard, and civilized.

It's gonna be very low key and cool,

It's good to be home, isn't it?

It's good to see L.A. hasn't softened your edge, Jo.

It's great!

It's horrible, right?

It's huge.

It's just Gordon's mother.

It's just help.

It's just nice to have it behind me.

It's just not a good time, okay?

It's just old Jake.

It's just really important, whatever you do,

It's just so up in the air right now.

It's just..

It's just...

It's kind of bad for my ego cookies.

It's like Julia Child

It's like she thinks she's marrying off the prodigal son

It's like the Paradiso ghetto.

It's like we work for IBM in the '80s.

It's Lilly’s. She left it yesterday

It's making me loco.

It's my fault.

It's my new car.

It's nice to have the option, right?

It's not a big deal.

It's not a real party until somebody's forcibly removed.

It's not complicated.

It's not fair to the kids.

It's not so great for job stability

It's not the same thing.

It's not your fault. It's not gonna work.

It's not your strong suit.

It's not.

It's okay, Jake. Stay.

It's okay, Phoebe.

It's okay.

It's okay. I just...

It's old school, it's analog.

It's one of the four essential food groups,

It's part of the traditional Persian wedding spread, right?

It's perfect for my chef.

It's perfectly natural to try. He's your father.

It's probably brunch traffic.

It's really exciting.

It's something I wrote for the parent newsletter.

It's soulless stucco boxes.

It's still looking fabulous, by the way.

It's stressed out, it's old before its damn time,

It's the best Polynesian restaurant in town.

It's the number to the wedding planner.

It's the one you love, and a gamble

It's the show where you pretend to be something

It's very GOOP,

It's very regal.

It's with my managing editor and the woman who hates me.

It's your resting state.

It's... yeah.

It's... you danced in college.

Jake dropped a huge bomb on me yesterday.

Jake, are we... stop!

Jake, I know you're not into the whole therapy thing,

Jake, I'm not... I'm not asking about your relationship.

Jake.

Jesus Christ!

Jesus, Albert!

Jesus, Jake, put that down.

Jesus.

Jesus. Where have you been?

Jo is down there

Jo is moving out.

Jo, can we talk about this?

Jo, I am an artist, and artists need to grow.

Jo, she asked you to move out, not disappear.

Jo, that dress, va voom.

Jo, what is happening with your apartment hunt?

Jo, you're not even a vegan anymore, and I'm not a vegan.

Jo?

Jo's batshit crazy.

Jonas?

Jonathan is gonna take care of everything.

Jonathan?

Jonathan?

Jonathan?

Joseph Gordon Levitt cares about it.

Joss Whedon.

Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon.

Joss wrote "Star Wars."

Just a few dozen friends, maybe one toast, and done.

Just a suggestion.

Just all this bullshit

Just breathe.

Just got a little brighter.

Just look it up, please.

Just one day at a time.

Just open up your mouth,

Just sneak out before they get up.

Just so I'm clear,

Just stay.

Just tell me when and where.

Just tell me, what we had, you and me,

Just the two master bedroom configurations from now on.

Just to piss you off.

Just trying to throw her a bone.

Just until he goes

Just want to make sure we're on the same page with that.

Just... I'll call my sponsor. It's fine.

Just... just give us, like, one hour.

Just... tight.

Kale, cucumber, in one end, out the other.

Keep it... let's see look, I get it.

Kiss me first.

Kitchen.

Kitchen.

Knock wood.

Knock yourself out.

Knock yourself out.

Kori and I worked together a long time ago.

Kori dropped the charges.

Kori is pressing civil charges.

L.A. and its superficial prettiness, please

L.A.'s got a zillion other vegan treateries

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies and gentlemen, the cruffin nookie.

Ladies, I hate to break it to you,

Ladies, I understand.

Ladies, let's sell some divorce.

Ladies, let's talk about something that we can agree on.

Ladies, sorry I'm late.

Last night, I was trying to tweet about my dumb date

Last one naked gets to do

Lean into my brand, which means...

Leave it to you to burst my bubble.

Left her for his facialist

Let her know that you want her involved.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Let me just wash my face.

Let me say this.

Let me tell you something. Marco did you a favor, okay?

Let the driving lessons commence.

Let's drive down to Baja.

Let's get to work!

Let's get you out by the car before it's wrecked.

Let's go over child custody

Let's go, Dezi.

Let's go.

Let's just say ducks.

Let's just say I'm off the Abby train for a bit.

Let's just set up in here.

Let's just, get on the real life, right?

Let's level with her, and let's ask her not to tell anybody.

Let's not have another scene.

Let's pretend there's a door here,

Let's pretend we both have.

Let's see here.

Let's tell the truth. Let's tell the kids.

Let's tell the world, out with it.

Like a real woman without tape.

Like a shark that's got to keep moving;

Like maybe Tinder up a bloke and get laid?

Like the bad old days

Like the CW baby is happening

Like you lied about having a baby...

Like, "May cause anxiety or anal leakage."

Like, 100 different baby showers?

Like, under 30 young.

Like, when you went to prom, '80s, '90s.

Lilly and Charlie can't know.

Lilly, will you please go get your brother?

Limited contact, that is my dream.

Lisa Rinna has confirmed for tonight's event plus one.

Lisa Rinna, really?

Listen, Abby McCarthy,

Listen, I appreciate you telling me this.

Listen, let me call you back.

Listen, we've done this before, okay?

Listen, would said feelings care for a chocolate souffle?

Listen, you're very, um,

Living the dream.

Lonely and looking to reconstitute a family.

Look, babe,

Look, Delia, our backgrounds are not that different.

Look, he's responding to your tweets.

Look, I get it.

Look, I I was fine with all the photo op dates,

Look, I like you, and I know this is a fake date,

Look, I said some horrible things too

Look, I wish we could lock her up and throw away the key,

Look, I'm glad you're good, and, uh...

Look, I'm not your therapist or anything,

Look, it was my idea to expand to the West Coast.

Look, it's a lot,

Look, let's talk about you.

Look, one more question.

Look, Phoebes.

Look, whatever you decide, baby or no baby,

Look, you're right. Zooey needs a home.

Look.

Look. I tell you what.

Looks like we are all in line with the basics.

Love heals, Jo.

Love that.

Made with carrot cake but baked with a croissant dough.

Make all the decisions.

Make sure the produce is organic.

Make that attitude more positive.

Making sense

Mama Bitna is also my publicist.

Mama Bitna...

Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama!

Man, does she make moving on look easy.

Manned up and told you.

Many of whom are going through very difficult divorces.

Many stalker y texts.

Marco and I are done.

Marco, are you up?

Marco, please don't.

Marco, please, come on.

Marco, this is serious.

Marco?

Marco?

Marria, this is Delia, my former divorce attorney and current good friend.

Married ten years, divorced for five.

Marta got married in Guatemala, but she broke up in the U.S.,

Marta is her housekeeper.

Martha Stewart and Ina Garten?

Mary, I know.

Mary, Mary!

Max tells me Becca's pregnant?

Max! Max, come on.

May I have a word with you?

May the force be with you.

Maybe before poaching was illegal of course.

Maybe Delia should drop you home.

Maybe even disbarred.

Maybe I should just settle.

Maybe it's not important.

Maybe let's try the... new version of that.

Maybe she won't tell anybody. Maybe it it's just like a bear.

Maybe she's bringing the "Mad Men" hubber.

Maybe start putting tomatoes on your in n out burgers.

Maybe that crap's good enough for you but not for my kid,

Maybe the same thing that's wrong with me.

Maybe we should go up to that place in Ojai

Maybe you and I could sit down while I'm here, catch up.

Maybe you could ask me direct questions.

Maybe you should just try to relax.

Maybe you're just afraid that if you tell her

Maybe? I don't... I don't know if I want to.

Me and Gordon are going over ours

Me doing the story?

Me too.

Me, my... my voice.

Mean to you?

Meet Abby. Abby, Joss.

Meetings, you know.

Meringue floats and cherry tarts.

Messy kind of personal issue... meth.

Meth? Oh, my God.

Michelle, Annie,

Might as well quit now.

Miss Forgetful,

Mm

Mm hmm

Mm hmm?

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. Bye.

Mm hmm. Yeah.

Mm mm, no.

Mm mm.

Mm mm.

Mm mm.

Mm, here's to sending some good energy.

Mm, oh, we need more champagne.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mmm

Mmm, does she know that I barely want to be involved?

Mmm, good night, Phoebe.

Mmm, I think I can do that.

Mmm, me too

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmmmaybe, maybe not.

Molly... isn't that the New Coke of ecstasy?

Mom, Delia was basically raised here in Los Angeles.

Mom, it's my favorite.

Mom, please.

Mom, we talked about this.

Mom, we're back.

Mom, while I'm fully aware

Mom, you almost killed a kid at school with your car.

Mom?

Mom.

Mommy, make him stay!

Monkey, monkey, monkey...

Monkey, monkey!

More are coming.

More drama with your boss?

More vitamins in this thing

Most of it.

Most people think there's no child labor in the U.S.,

Mother...

Mr. Beech, Ms. Banai?

Ms. Sawyer.

Ms. Wingo wants $10,000 for emotional distress,

Much less high school?

Mwah. Mwah.

My ambition.

My bad.

My butt is so itchy.

My car's parked down the street.

My coach wraps me in plastic wrap,

My ex and I, we are...

My fail fills you with glee. Admit it.

My folks had me acting when I was six years old.

My friends call me Kat but with a K.

My friends have turned into a pack of mean girls

My gosh, kill me.

My husband is a polygamist

My kid is all I'm worried about, okay?

My little southern belle.

My loss.

My modeling years were not the best memories.

My mom was sick, couldn't get a diagnosis.

My mother can't wait to meet you.

My mother has Alzheimer's, so I have no help.

My neatness, my control,

My parents read the press release.

My pastry chef was supposed to be here,

My pastry chef was supposed to be here,

My sincere condolences for your loss.

My tolerance for disorder.

My two cents is ice sculptures are totally overrated.

My... My Hinge guy,

New client.

Nice to meet you too.

Nice to meet you too.

Nice to meet you.

Nice, nice home office for you.

Nine times out of ten, creepy like a serial killer.

No bad.

No cell.

No change.

No ecstasy because I'm not 15.

No functional adult would have knocked up

No growing.

No growing. You hear me?

No it... that's highest Defcon.

No it's good to keep your enemies where you can see them,

No kids. All weekend.

No kids. And you?

No look, use Google Images...

No mermen.

No offense.

No one's gonna believe you, Phoebe.

No problem.

No really, stop.

No reasonable, functional adult

No secrets here.

No tech.

No, actually physically stop and just look at me for a second.

No, Brittany's.

No, Daddy!

No, did he demand separate bedrooms?

No, do not do that unless you want to

No, don't Google it, Google... are you..

No, guy last night was so boring.

No, he did four years in Afghanistan.

No, he said like it's nice to have

No, he won't. One of my cases fell through.

No, her camera was pointed directly at my...

No, honey, no, you're not stepping on my toes,

No, I am hungover

No, I can't.

No, I could have.

No, I do.

No, I don't have any

No, I got to third base and a half

No, I just... I got a little mixed up.

No, I know.

No, I may have worn it.

No, I think I should just go home,

No, I was not in love with Nate.

No, I was not talking with...

No, I... how long have you known?

No, I... I kind of love it.

No, I... I totally get it, but I think that if we...

No, I... no, I was...

No, I'm exhausted anyway.

No, I'm good.

No, I'm just trying to get

No, I'm kidding. It's like an eggplant.

No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just busy.

No, I'm the fool.

No, I'm... well, maybe.

No, it's itsy bitsy, Jake.

No, it's just like a... you know, it's a photo op.

No, it's not true. She makes me better.

No, it's okay.

No, it's okay. It happens.

No, it's okay. It's fine.

No, Jake.

No, look, I just wanted to pop in and say hi.

No, mm mmm.

No, no, and I don't know, and I'm already bored.

No, no, cause it's about five people...

No, no, don't change the subject.

No, no, I'm apologizing.

No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine

No, no, no, go away, too soon.

No, no, no, no worries.

No, no, no, not you.

No, no, wait, I can't. I have a meeting at 2:00 at SheShe.

No, no, what's going on?

No, no.

No, not at all.

No, not Doctor Who. I wish.

No, not escort escorts.

No, not to me it doesn't.

No, not yet, not yet, not... not... not...

No, of course I will.

No, of course we can't,

No, please let me finish.

No, right.

No, seriously, Rize will cater to the vegan and the non.

No, she's someone you need to impress.

No, SheShe Abby freakin' shucks.

No, sorry, the... Brittany is my friend.

No, stop it you're fine.

No, stretch it out.

No, thank you.

No, that won't be necessary.

No, that's amazing news

No, this guy's on TV.

No, um...

No, we're not talking... well, I mean,

No, you can't.

No, you listen to me, Jake.

No, you must have blacked out

No, you're not.

No, Zooey actually thought that it was best

No!

No!

No!

No! They stole it from us!

No?

No? And what is it Jake and Abby's

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. He, like, ruined the party.

No. I was 14.

No. It's not like he melted the butter sculpture.

No. This is my fantasy prom.

No. Uh uh.

Nobody told us that sometimes, people stay,

Nobody, thank God.

Nope, there is no way

Nor am I.

Not a job, going to a prom.

Not anymore.

Not at all. I just didn't know.

Not bad.

Not bruised.

Not cleaning that up, baby.

Not depressed, and erect.

Not exactly action...

Not exactly.

Not if you and Jake are back together. Are you?

Not in your family.

Not necessarily.

Not real metaphoric,

Not the garage, I'm just riffing on that idea.

Not the way other people do.

Not to know while we're talking about future?

Not told him the whole story.

Not true

Not vegan.

Nothing would make me happier.

Nothing.

Nothing's wrong with you.

Novak, what?

Now I have to go spin this.

Now I'm doing the film thing.

Now is just not the right time.

Now isn't exactly the best time.

Now it's gonna be, "Where's my hot towel, Ma? Wah."

Now look

Now that we've decided, I just..

Now there's pretzels everywhere.

Now they're rejecting me. What? No...

Now this is what I'm talking about.

Now we've got... oh.

Now you kick my ass? Is that right?

Now, I got to go apartment hunting, so when I return,

Now, I'm lucky if I book

Now, that is exactly what this about.

Now, this is the 19th century configuration

Now, to the left,

Now, who are those dates with?

Now? What's so important?

Number one? What's a number one?

Number three, newly divorced

Number two, the never been married guy.

Obviously.

Of any kind!

Of bedroom for each.

Of character

Of course I'd never do that!

Of course we can...

Of course.

Of glamspirational bullshit piece

Of Mr. Lovett?

Of pastry, say it loud and proud, mister.

Of radical honesty.

Of renegotiating.

Of the self sabotaging nature

Of these dresses as you can.

Of vegan treateries"?

Of woman on woman ridicule.

Oh

Oh

Oh buddy, dinner's not like for like a few...

Oh gosh, I'm sorry,

Oh ho, look at that.

Oh my goodness.

Oh my gosh, it's a...

Oh my gosh, what is this?

Oh no, no, no, this is cute.

Oh right, no, I thought the others... I didn't... they're singles.

Oh wait, I don't.

Oh yeah, it's not about them.

Oh yeah, what is that?

Oh yeah, you bet your fine ass we are.

Oh yes. of course.

Oh, absolutely.

Oh, Alicia and I, the producer, we're super tight.

Oh, and Abby and I discussed having

Oh, and by the way, I have been thinking

Oh, are we still in the spirit of radical honesty?

Oh, boy.

Oh, Charlie's gonna lose his virginity at 13.

Oh, Charlie's gonna lose his virginity at 13.

Oh, coffee for me unbidden?

Oh, come on, babe. It's just a meeting.

Oh, come on, Frumpkis.

Oh, come on, I am not going anywhere.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on.

Oh, cool. I'm Adam.

Oh, do you have molly?

Oh, exciting.

Oh, God, I don't even like the new Frumpkis.

Oh, God, I took it off at work.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.

Oh, God, oh, God. Walk away. Walk away.

Oh, God, promise we won't lose this.

Oh, God!

Oh, God! Jesus.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, got to take the kids.

Oh, got your famotidine too, babe.

Oh, grow down!

Oh, he's fine. He gets it.

Oh, holy shit!

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Oh, I don't either.

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, I have a genius idea.

Oh, I have?

Oh, I just hate not knowing where I stand,

Oh, I know all about it, lover boy!

Oh, I know.

Oh, I made an ass of myself.

Oh, I missed you too,

Oh, I want to get a photo of you

Oh, I... my shit is so together,

Oh, I... no.

Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, I'm getting my shrimp on.

Oh, I'm the worst parent ever.

Oh, Iran is such a beautiful country.

Oh, is that what kids are calling it these days?

Oh, is there something my mom can do to help with the wedding?

Oh, it's been mentioned

Oh, it's not about the weight.

Oh, Jesus H. Frumpkis, come on.

Oh, Kyle, hi.

Oh, look at that.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, maybe it was all the tweeting,

Oh, me too, Albert.

Oh, Mitchell's so sentimental.

Oh, munchkin, come here.

Oh, my baby!

Oh, my God

Oh, my God

Oh, my God, are you asking me to the prom?

Oh, my God, are you...

Oh, my God, can I just have a wedding again

Oh, my God, everyone looks amazing.

Oh, my God, hi.

Oh, my God, is she here right now?

Oh, my God, no, you didn't!

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Oh, my God, thank you so much.

Oh, my God, that's cool, thanks.

Oh, my God, this is so good.

Oh, my God, you are so awesome.

Oh, my God, you are so hot!

Oh, my God, you look so hot.

Oh, my God, you smell like wet duck.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Delia Banai's prenup?

Oh, my God. I pulled out

Oh, my God. What brought this on?

Oh, my gosh, hi!

Oh, my... I could've sworn

Oh, no violence.

Oh, no, I just got a stupid...

Oh, no, it hasn't.

Oh, no, no, Charlene told her all about it.

Oh, no, no, mm mm.

Oh, no, no, no, no. We can talk later.

Oh, no, no. Dude, I just finished

Oh, no, of course.

Oh, no, there's going be a significant amount

Oh, no, Will affects my life,

Oh, no, you're not. It just takes time

Oh, no!

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. It wasn't Zooey.

Oh, not unless my work paid them to be here,

Oh, oh, oh, oh, by the way,

Oh, oh, oh, oh, what is the place with the, um...

Oh, oh, right here, right here.

Oh, okay, sure.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

Oh, ooh la la, Henry

Oh, peace sounds...

Oh, Phoebe. Just stop thinking.

Oh, please,

Oh, really? Do you have

Oh, right, that was good.

Oh, she's tiny.

Oh, SheShe will make sure I do.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, so you think she only offered me the column

Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry. That sucks, Abby.

Oh, stop it, come here.

Oh, swanky. All right.

Oh, thank you. I could have come to get it.

Oh, that makes me feel so good.

Oh, that wasn't a minor breakdown.

Oh, that's fun.

Oh, that's right, the prom.

Oh, that's... that's cute.

Oh, the guy I know doesn't know how to mean it,

Oh, there he is. Ba ba ba ba bap. Here we go.

Oh, there's the pervert I know.

Oh, they're gonna love you.

Oh, two.

Oh, uh, this one.

Oh, uh, you know, since Harris is coming,

Oh, wait, Joss?

Oh, wait!

Oh, wait. I don't.

Oh, we used to be like that.

Oh, well done, Albert.

Oh, well, excuse me, Mr. Artiste.

Oh, well, thanks.

Oh, well, you're not the only one

Oh, what about warts and all?

Oh, what did you do?

Oh, what do you know.

Oh, what's in this?

Oh, which reminds me,

Oh, whoa, whoa, mean how?

Oh, would you please?

Oh, wow, thank you, Ellen.

Oh, yeah, I had to skip it.

Oh, yeah, she looks 15 years younger.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh, you feel so good

Oh, you found a place?

Oh, you guys are... I'm s...

Oh, you have to go

Oh, you made it.

Oh, you want me to make the phone call for you?

Oh, your laser cat t shirt.

Oh, your laser cat t shirt.

Oh, your voice.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. He is such a ladies' man.

Oh... it's pronounced "Staani".

Okay fine, it's my fault.

Okay now, dish it.

Okay, Abby, uh,

Okay, and this is the night you went to talk to him?

Okay, be back in an hour.

Okay, but I feel like...

Okay, but this is also my baby,

Okay, bye.

Okay, bye.

Okay, call us when you get to the liquor store.

Okay, Chateau Du Beech et Banai awaits!

Okay, fine, so how long do we have to do this?

Okay, fine. It's my fault.

Okay, forget work then.

Okay, good. That's good.

Okay, great.

Okay, honey,

Okay, I booked a half an hour of your time

Okay, I get it

Okay, I get it.

Okay, I got to go. Bye.

Okay, I will tell him tomorrow.

Okay, I'll find Charlie's glow sticks.

Okay, I'm letting it go.

Okay, I'm looking for that guy.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay, if this is how you want to play it,

Okay, it's hilarious 'cause you're a riot.

Okay, it's not... I don't feel on the hook.

Okay, it's not... I don't feel on the hook.

Okay, let's do it.

Okay, let's forget our crap

Okay, let's go. Let's go back

Okay, let's talk prom dates.

Okay, no, no.

Okay, no. No, this is about you and your bad taste in men.

Okay, okay, tap the brakes a little, Abs.

Okay, okay, the kids could come out here.

Okay, please keep your voice down.

Okay, remember what we talked about, doll.

Okay, send him in.

Okay, shh, we're just gonna go to bed, okay?

Okay, so 1,000 words twice a week

Okay, so I get the Manny?

Okay, so that just complicates things that much more.

Okay, so...

Okay, sorry, Barbara, sorry.

Okay, taking a breath.

Okay, that person planned Clooney's wedding?

Okay, that was a very expensive money talk

Okay, that was weird, but it wasn't like "we're in trouble"

Okay, that's hot.

Okay, the kids could come out here.

Okay, uh,

Okay, um..

Okay, we have to meet Gordon. Now.

Okay, we'll be out at the end of the month.

Okay, we're all here.

Okay, well, go pitch your divorce stories

Okay, well, how about, um,

Okay, well, if that's what you want,

Okay, well, if there's anything I can do to help, I...

Okay, well, maybe she's coming on a little bit strong,

Okay, well, then the cone includes me.

Okay, well, wow.

Okay, what is happening?

Okay, what made you change your mind?

Okay, you are, one, spying on your daughter.

Okay, you go first.

Okay, you got to give that girl credit

Okay, you're still upset with me,

Okay?

Okay?

Okay? I did divorce number one and number two for you.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Bye. Bye

Okay. Door.

Okay. He's very, very...

Okay. No, I understand.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay. That's what I want too.

Okay. What?

Okay. Yeah.

On a brighter note,

On a lighter note,

On how open and honest you were?

On the 30 yard line, and actually,

On the internet, I am the black widow.

One size fits all?

One thing led to another, and... and that's all.

Ooh, call Cowan and get a list of escorts.

Ooh, fed with more sexy doctor dates.

Ooh, get some buzzworthy men, or women, hey, whatever, right?

Ooh, I have a connection

Ooh, no, I just ended things with this guy, Marco.

Ooh, pandas.

Ooh,.

Open bar.

Open it, please

Open up your mouth, and the hypocrisy just flows out.

Or 30.

Or a good friend, my God.

Or are you just saying that to piss me off?

Or at least acknowledge my existence.

Or explain to your friend here

Or extra piece.

Or family, you know.

Or have you shed a few pounds?

Or is Abby and her team feeling a little bit like...

Or just the ones that have minor breakdowns on the first date?

Or remotely suggested,

Or should we do mini dong dongs instead?

Or single,

Or something. Seriously, your face is like warmed over ass.

Or the girlfriend.

Or the opposite of romantic?

Or they were Harris emails.

Or they're embarrassed, or...

Or unless you absolutely had to,

Or we can embrace it.

Or we're gonna end up in a mental institution together.

Or, um, "You do you."

Orange pants, how I have missed you.

Otherwise it's gonna get the feels and...

Our dining room table.

Our kids don't feel that way.

Our little girl.

Our new signature, the cruffin nookie.

Our problem is,

Our relationship, and you don't?

Our split at all.

Out of the gutter.

Over my dead body!

Over my dead body!

Over you.

Ow, what is that?

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow. I bruise easy, okay?

Paparazzi pictures of your date are on the site.

Paradise with an O for "Oh, so many channels

Part muffin, part cookie, made with croissant dough

People are staring.

People view aging as a preventable disease.

Per the lady's demands.

Perfect

Person.

Phillip is a welder

Phoebe godmother saving the world.

Phoebe said a lot of awful things to me too.

Phoebe, but I'm sorry.

Phoebe, explain to Scott

Phoebe, I forgot to tell you, um...

Phoebe, I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the editorial

Phoebe, over here.

Phoebe, that's amazing.

Phoebe's never had that,

Pig tails?

Pills and drinks to loosen me up.

Ping pong and a swimming pool,

Pinterest.

Planned for our prom,

Play a game of Hearts.

Please don't get into it with Dad on this, okay?

Please don't let him leave.

Please don't.

Please forgive me for what I'm about to ask.

Please have a wedding. Please, I need a pick me up.

Please just enjoy it with me.

Please, just go to makeup.

Please, let's pretend there's a door here.

Please, please, please, please.

Please, that man knows what he wants.

Plus some glam photos of Abby's adventures.

Portfolios lie.

Positive approach to a really hard topic.

Positively delighted

Practice without the ball.

Press it then you press contact.

Pretty one of a kind

Previously on "Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce... "

Previously on "Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce."

Previously on "Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce"

Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce"...

Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce"...

Private conference.

Probably?

Proctology report, you know, e meter,

Prom night rocks!

Prom night!

Promised. Come here.

Put mortal enemies together.

Put nine in a bowl.

Putting on a show for that homeless lady

Quickie in the garage?

Quickly and move on.

Quite nice to have 270 degree views

Quite the charmer.

Radical honesty,

Radical honesty, you're making me crazy!

Radical honesty.

Radical honesty.

Radical or otherwise.

Ralph saw them at the chateau with the CW actors, they were getting a room.

Raw, real, minimal makeup, no Photoshop.

Rawr. In a tux.

Real and special and...

Real Frumpkis, out of this tube

Really not a big deal. Lilly?

Really with the scrubbing already?

Really, the sports already?

Really, tweed? I expected you to have,

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? I...

Really? Really?

Really? That's what you have to say?

Really? You have no idea?

Really.

Regret it for the rest of your life.

Replaced Nate!

Right

Right

Right away?

Right here on my bed.

Right here. Get down from here!

Right on, lady, I get it.

Right out that door, pal.

Right, but we're... kind of.

Right, so you should probably try to drag it out

Right?

Right?

Right?

Right?

Right? Right?

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Robbie F.?

Run inside and turn the dryer on

Running around town willy nilly.

Sad about the whole Marco thing,

Sad, but what an awesome story.

Salud.

Same difference.

Same difference. What's going on, Sweet Cheeks?

Same team.

Same team.

Sans the cream puffs, but, uh,

Scott and I decided to come up with something new.

Scott, Abby. Abby, Scott.

Scott, Abby. Abby, Scott.

Scott!

Scott? Are you here?

Scott's an artist.

Scotty.

Sea urchins?

Secondly, you're the sexy face.

Secrets kill, Jake.

Secrets kill.

See you in a few minutes

See you soon. Drive safe.

See, I love you.

See, you would rather go back to suffocating

See? Can we have s'mores?

Separate houses,

Seriously, it was a disaster.

Seriously, Phoebe?

Seriously, what do you got in there?

Seriously?

Seriously?

Seriously?

Seriously?

Several top designers are premiering new pieces.

Sexy Will.

Shakespeare, right?

Shall I walk around the block?

Shall we?

She can barely get her freaking noggin through the head hole.

She even retreated to her parlor.

She got her hopes up, but, uh...

She had like this panic attack

She had while she was there.

She helps me.

She is a driver.

She is a monster.

She is a monster.

She is mad that, um, she had to move.

She is.

She is.

She just told you?

She likes things in the open

She looked real.

She misses you

She misses you.

She needs stability, and I know you're scared,

She needs to speak to you, okay?

She seems like she wants to make peace.

She tells me she hate Charlene, right?

She turns on the whole "everything's fine" front.

She walked in on you? Oh, my God.

She wants to get to know her better.

She was like that robot girl in the... what was that show?

She will be a prom queen by 10:00

She...

She'd be crushed. Unbelievable.

She's a graduate.

She's always busy.

She's an asshole, Pheebs.

She's barely doing any press for the opening.

She's been at the Betty White Center.

She's been sober for a few months.

She's doing great? That's good.

She's dumb, she's mean, she's ignorant...

She's going to visit Frumpkis and the Wicked Witch of the South.

She's gonna love you. Just win her over.

She's gonna visit Frumpkis

She's got him doing yoga, tennis, eating salad.

She's learning, honey.

She's lying to me.

She's more freaked out than we are.

She's my best friend.

She's not my boss.

She's not very winnable, but that's okay.

She's opening another vegan bakery.

She's probably so porky from all the fried food in Kentucky

She's SheShe founder, basically owns the internet.

She's swamped at work, but I invited Barbara.

She's the editor.

She's trying to connect. That's sweet.

She's, uh, she's doing great

She's, um... good you know,

SheShe wants to start a new divorce page.

SheShe wants to start a new divorce page.

SheShe wants you to come in and talk about

SheShe win win.

Shh, the kids are sleeping. Calm down.

Shh.

Shia surprise!

Shit

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shotgun!

Should I be worried?

Should we go in?

Shut this stupid mouth!

Shut up, assmunch.

Shut up!

Since I've pulled a non medical all nighter.

Since Scott himself.

Since we're only seeing the two houses.

Since you booted me out?

Sit and enjoy the chef's table.

Sit down, money... money talk.

Six, seven...

Skip it, right?

Sliding back in the crazy with Jake!

Sliding back into crazy with Jake.

Smoke some cheap cigarettes

Smug and privileged?

So Abby and the girls

So again, I'm sorry

So big, you know, when we're so new and raw,

So did you get enough time?

So differently from the way you would in the past.

So do you know what?

So for the party,

So Ford is bringing them back early and, ah...

So from now on, I'm number one ing in private.

So give me all you have.

So he's a strapping young man,

So how are you gonna get me axed, huh?

So how is Abby?

So how would you describe your baking style?

So how you dealing with everything, man?

So how's my... highly wound friend doing?

So I could drink chai tea all day?

So I don't go broke.

So I don't know. I just wanted to...

So I don't think I have to tell Abby, right?

So I had to score stuff from Jo

So I have a question for you.

So I mean, it's fine.

So I need to go back

So I said my spirit animal is Khaleesi,

So I stacked the deck a little.

So I take her through the whole thing,

So I vetted them myself,

So I want you to get as many shots

So I was late.

So I will be Max's emotional proxy

So I worked my ass off,

So I'm sensing that I should tell them to tone it down

So if I were you,

So invisibility or the power of flight?

So is Abby joining?

So is the food good at least?

So is this resolved, this married/not married thing?

So it's just a confusing time.

So Jo was up all night last night helping with the "baking."

So Jo's the stable one

So just kind of ran out of time.

So let's just take it slow.

So like

So only one of us actually gets the job

So powerful, it's positive,

So reel it in a little bit

So sad and so bloated.

So she actually said, "we can't tell the ch...

So she's not gonna...

So sometimes I Tinder, sometimes I Bumble,

So that we can have our weekend.

So that you can have your own prom.

So that's happening

So this must be the Tinder Lothario

So trust me, Delia, they are dear hearts.

So we need you to tease your column.

So we want to see you out there at, um, gallery openings

So were you in love with Nate?

So what a relief.

So what is this about getting our stuff when we die?

So what's the first step you're gonna be stepping?

So when the Banais get here, I will keep them entertained.

So where am I taking you, freak?

So where are you staying?

So who says that marriage has to be

So why do I feel like we're talking about you?

So write whatever you want.

So you and this planner

So you asked him to prom?

So you find a place?

So you go first.

So you guys can totally partake.

So you offering me the piece had nothing to do with Abby?

So you should probably return them to there.

So you then, like old times,

So you... you... he knows about the...

So you're going to be really tired.

So you're not perfect.

So you're saying I should just settle?

So you're saying I shouldn't have the baby?

So Zooey and I are here to stay.

So, and this time you came right to me,

So, can I?

So, I want to talk about

So, it's official.

So, Jo just didn't want to shop?

So, okay, pregnancy.

So, so, so, so 2010.

So, we would have been sleepy,

So, what, I brought you down?

So, who has you all hot and bothered?

So, you know, I have no idea

So...

So...

So... how would you feel

So... Lily knows.

Some ego cookies.

Some of the girls I used to model with

Some of them,

Sometimes I Happn.

Soon you have to abdicate your role

Sorry to just show up like this.

Sorry, excuse me just one second.

Sorry, I couldn't sleep last night.

Sorry, I know that was weird

Sorry, I'm good, I'm good.

Sorry, I'm just, uh...

Sorry, no notes, no notes. I'm sorry.

Sorry, nothing. It's ex husband stuff.

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Sort of an easy, fun side.

Sounds like a magical place.

Sounds like the seventh circle of hell.

Spare me your self righteous bullshit!

Speaking of, that's...

Spend an hour revisiting

Spoken like a true monkey!

Stanni.

Stanny?

Sting and his wife want to be my new besties.

Stop

Stop it with the croissants already. What are you doing?

Stop preying on the newly bruised and single

Stop pushing me out the door, can you?

Stop that.

Stop!

Strickland dryer vent weird piece

Such a know it all, my God.

Such a rich culture.

Sure, but, you know, maybe you guys should talk it out.

Sure, yeah, I'll do your job.

Sweet baby Jesus. Hold my shrimp, babes.

Sweetheart.

Ta da.

Take a picture!

Take it easy.

Take me seriously, but you never did.

Take them. Try 'em on.

Take this delicious abomination,

Take your picture with the ducks.

Talk about her for the rest of the night.

Talk about this in the morning?

Talking's for dates who are too scared to screw

Tape them?

Taste this.

Teenagers don't pace.

Teeth grinder, duvet hogger.

Tell Jake he can come over anytime.

Tell me more about this guy, and... oh, and I have to

Tell me when and where to show up,

Tell you about the incredibly surreal Jake news.

Terrifying.

Terry Gilliam's having a screening,

Than I consumed all of last year.

Than my dating life,

Than to risk a chance at something real.

Thank you for coming in.

Thank you for taking the time.

Thank you so much

Thank you so much for coming to the opening of Rize.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, Julia.

Thank you, though.

Thank you, yeah.

Thank you, yours too.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks again for helping out with my mom.

Thanks for checking in.

Thanks for picking up my slack.

Thanks so much, everyone, for being here.

Thanks, Daddy. Sorry.

Thanks, Phoebe.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That crazy, sexy fun is really her thing.

That date older or divorced women.

That didn't hurt.

That doesn't make you a writer.

That don't involve smiling pretty for a camera,

That exes get when they know you're moving on.

That guy at the Paradiso,

That he knocked up his ex girlfriend.

That I can actually see myself being with, stood me up.

That I don't know my own mind.

That I leave for college is screwing my dad, nice.

That I... Harris was just the casualty.

That I'm getting a movie made

That I'm really glad that I'm doing Lilly's driving lesson

That is a huge omission.

That is a wedding look book put together by my fiancé

That is a wild waste of energy.

That is both sexist and possibly actionable.

That is called an independent film production office

That is my pledge to you.

That is not exactly what he said.

That is not possible.

That is not true.

That is so great.

That is the question.

That is why they are vegan.

That it's better to get off my ass and deal with her stress,

That looked abrupt.

That makes me feel good about myself

That man needs a search and deodorize mission."

That means she's not telling.

That means you twittered and, you know,

That might send some good energy into to the universe.

That needs to be resolved, and I'm confident that we...

That piece is still getting so many hits.

That resent me, and a guy that I really liked,

That rings true to me, yes.

That she keep it to herself.

That she's not miserable

That somewhere inside there is not a little girl

That sounds kind of sexy.

That such a good idea?

That the Southern Belle from Hell has locked him in.

That was a first.

That was an annoyingly clever little Twitter chat

That was good, right?

That was lovely.

That was such a blast.

That was the only casualty?

That was the theme of my prom if I had finished senior year

That we just had.

That we won't have to hide things this time.

That we're dating? Yeah.

That would be great.

That would be great. What I am saying

That would have gone great for her.

That you didn't tell me about till after the fact

That you finally ditched the dead beat husband, right?

That you follow your own instinct on it

That you have with the loss of your mother.

That you should know that whatever you are gonna

That you were gonna graduate from college,

That you were letting Marria down gently.

That you... Oh, I think I saw her.

That you're a guy's guy baker?

That you've gotten better at that?

That'd be cool, you wouldn't have to clean it up

That's a win win.

That's a... oh, take it easy there, hoss.

That's all. We were just kissing.

That's amazing.

That's amazing.

That's amazing. Will...

That's deciding

That's enormous!

That's funny,

That's great.

That's it, "Hamilton." I'm sorry.

That's it? No more questions?

That's nice.

That's not cold feet,

That's not cold feet,

That's not exploring.

That's not possible.

That's not true. That's not true.

That's not what I asked you to do.

That's really none of your business.

That's regular Defcon.

That's remotely corrected

That's ridiculous. It's ridiculous.

That's right.

That's so funny.

That's so sweet.

That's the loudest sex we've ever had.

That's the sexy smile.

That's Twitter for "meet IRL

That's what he said.

That's what I thought, but casting are...

That's what I was going to write about, not mermen.

That's what people like you say when they're cornered.

That's what that bitch has done.

That's why God invented prenups.

That's Will.

That's Will. Is that Will?

The actually famous person that was kind of nearby.

The all natural woman at any age ads?

The baby news upset me more than I realized at first.

The baby...

The baker just pinched my ass.

The bitch was metaphorically cut.

The celebrity list is really important to SheShe,

The cleaning argument?

The clock is ticking here, Abby.

The company's gonna lose a shit ton of money.

The cutest '80s ensemble picked out.

The DJ just asked me what it was like

The douche mobile?

The fat can be the new nonfat.

The feng shui worked.

The first time. Wait a minute,

The frickin' Abby show all over again.

The girlfriends test? Oh, dear.

The girls are just asking all these questions,

The girls just want to have a little fun, hmm?

The grounds of a great, old opera house in Philly.

The guy's a classic number one.

The housekeeper's name is Brittany?

The judge is throwing this out before trial.

The last four years have been quite the ride,

The last time the three of us were in the same room together.

The latest delectable creations from Scott.

The longer you wait, you are seriously clueless.

The man around the house.

The mom in a J. Crew catalog

The n in "nookie" is just there to sound dirty.

The night that I broke up with Will

The ones that invited you to,

The only direction Cat gave me was

The only one to see places with two masters,

The option or something.

The option to not sleep beside me.

The other kind of physical.

The parking brake with your knee.

The Philly job?

The Philly part...

The pictures make it look like a love match.

The power of flight, 100%.

The principal said she'd take a look

The same, standard.

The site is really great.

The stylist will decide.

The theme?

The thing is that I just... I barely remember my mom or Iran,

The two of you never had

The website? They begged?

The world is not ready for this.

Their Guatemalan husbands are missing?

Them is street ducks.

Then I guess I'll stop shopping for my gown.

Then I need to know who you are,

Then I'll know exactly where to bolt

Then I'm done.

Then it would be a different story.

Then it would've been a whole other...

Then it's bye bye.

There is some Debbie Gibson look alike in here

There's a door, and I am shutting it.

There's a fashion show downtown

There's a guy camping in the backyard. Look

There's a guy camping in your backyard.

There's a lot going on for both of us.

There's a restraining order to protect Ms. Wingo.

There's no name on the schedule.

There's some patients, they say, "What am I doing wrong?

These are for me?

These belong Zooey.

These residual feelings with exes,

They actually want me to talk about it in front of a class.

They age up because they figure you're a sure thing.

They all want to pretend to be you.

They are my responsibility.

They grow 'em all in cans.

They have really big, empty parking lots out there.

They never gave you a real chance.

They raised us to be independent...

They test a couple of girls.

They want the image of the perfectly happy family

They want this every night.

They want to get to know the soon to be Mr. Gordon Banai.

They were too pushy, too loud,

They were work emails,

They would design something spectacular for Delia.

They're fine, okay.

They're ghosts! They're gone!

They're kicking our asses with the freaking harpy pastels.

They're like little rocks.

They're like mini showgirl legs.

They're like, "did y'all go to preschool together?

They're trying to buy my kid.

They've been through this so many times.

They've got a coconut shrimp that will just blow your mind.

Think about it, okay?

Think I need to find something

This doctor guy is a very social media savvy semi celeb,

This dryer vent's been busted,

This firm can't afford to lose you.

This girl, jowls, I'm not kidding.

This guy.

This is a real date for me

This is about the firm.

This is gonna be a cinch.

This is her, uh, place.

This is Jake and Abby,

This is Marria, we were models and were roommates in Milan.

This is my chance

This is my column, and I have worked very hard for it.

This is my fault.

This is my theme.

This is not about the money.

This is on me, so let me just get the doors open,

This is probably going to be the last chance

This is really good.

This is really, really cute here.

This is so high school.

This is strong. I think we have a shot.

This is the ball, right?

This is the part where you hug.

This is too real.

This is very emotional for you both,

This is what I'm talking about.

This is why SheShe begged me to get you here.

This is your prom.

This is...

This isn't who I am anymore.

This machine is amazing.

This place better be piled high with vegan crap.

This place is beautiful.

This spontaneity.

This week, and apparently, I can be the new face

This whole thing was supposed to be about Phoebe.

This zygote is kicking up

Those are yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Those are, like, serial killer duffel bags.

Those birds are cooks.

Those were the days.

Till now.

Till you get knocked up.

To back me on this whole Kori thing,

To blow up his annoying reformed guy ruse.

To come forward?

To come to your senses.

To describe that world.

To direct a film with Joseph Gordon Levitt.

To distract you from your desperate, sad lives

To fix the dryer vent.

To get finger banged by a weird trombone player.

To get out of here, you know?

To grace us with his...

To jeopardize that or to weird...

To maybe be in this year's

To Miss Phoebe Conte.

To move out when it was really about you

To murder them,

To Phoebe! A SheShe win win.

To present this year's award

To remember the wedding by.

To take engagement photos.

To tell me I'm beautiful

To the altar.

To the Princess Jasmine.

To the right are all of our vegan favorites from Brooklyn.

To work, to work.

To write anything.

Today, I find out

Today.

Tonight with Dr. Harris.

Tonight!

Too late now! Come see.

Topshop, meet Zara."

Total yokage.

Totally

Totally nuts.

Totally, yeah. Feel great.

Totally.

Traffic to your blog and the new vertical.

True.

True.

Trust me, I am just

Truth.

Try me, Kori.

Trying not to upset you.

Trying to move on or not,

Trying to stay in motion,

Trying too hard

Turn it off!

Two Ambien, couple Zoloft,

Two kids. Divorced. Um...

Two minutes.

Two offices, two kitchens.

Ugh, okay, got it.

Ugh, that's a good alternate title for the book.

Ugh, they do.

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh.

Ugh.

Uh huh, you need this.

Uh, about your... your book?

Uh, Barbara is our... Your managing editor.

Uh, Charlie couldn't sleep.

Uh, couch.

Uh, first life lesson:

Uh, good morning to you too.

Uh, I texted her, I haven't... I haven't heard back.

Uh, it's late.

Uh, maybe.

Uh, no, he's cute.

Uh, no, I think she was nervous and she wasn't drunk.

Uh, no, wrong?

Uh, no.

Uh, no. I've never really had the desire.

Uh, not 100% sure...

Uh, oh, okay, sounds serious.

Uh, okay, can we

Uh, right, so I... I thought about it,

Uh, she...

Uh, so what kind of business brings you out here?

Uh, the coast is clear.

Uh, where's Jonas?

Uh, yeah, I've got to pick up some packing supplies and boxes.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, yep. Zuma's father made "The Avengers,"

Uh...

Ultimately, it's you,

Um, Carol, I'm sorry about...

Um, did I do something wrong?

Um, hey, I was thinking,

Um, I absolutely want to hear your opinion,

Um, I called about career day?

Um, I got, like, loaded up with paperwork,

Um, I guess

Um, I haven't found the right time to tell her yet.

Um, I ju...

Um, I think I'm here

Um, I'm gonna say a while.

Um, I'm just making... you know.

Um, I'm not a writer.

Um, I've been prepping, and...

Um, Jo, this is...

Um, ladies?

Um, ladies?

Um, ladies?

Um, last minute.

Um, listen, I got to go because, uh,

Um, look, Abby and I are... are giving it another shot.

Um, Mitchell asked us

Um, okay great, I'll see you in a little while.

Um, okay.

Um, sorry.

Um, the bacon cheeseburger was really good.

Um, they're still hunting for somebody

Um, this will be our first big public event together,

Um, try...

Um, we're talking about it.

Um, yes.

Um, you know, at a certain point

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Unbelievable, some vegan asshole...

Unbelievable.

Unlikely.

Until something gets messy then... whoosh!

Until the teacher catches us and sends us to detention.

Until then.

Until we knew what we were doing.

Until you had some moral epiphany

Various inanimate objects and screaming?

Vegans like deprivation.

Very nice.

W was it ever a question

Wait a minute Gordon Beech,

Wait a second, you want a wedding?

Wait, I need to guess for what.

Wait, Jake!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait.

Wait. What?

Wait. Which show is that?

Walt.

Want to go around again?

Want you near my daughter ever,

Wanting me to talk about my experience for once.

Warmer.

Warmer.

Was he trying to start a fight?

Watching "Top Chef" with the tent guy.

Water under the bridge.

Way to really sell it. I like that little sigh

We allowed to be this close now?

We always dug each other, you know,

We apologized, we moved on, and...

We are exploring being together again,

We are getting a divorce.

We are going to do the photo booth pile in.

We are gonna give you the girlfriend experience.

We are just exploring this thing.

We are just these people together

We are just these people together.

We are signing this week.

We are truly Jake and Abby 2.0.

We are unveiling Scott's new left coast creations

We are working.

We are?

We both definitely still love each other.

We both have work to do.

We brought each other down.

We can

We can agree that this psychopath,

We can do them right here in the office.

We can handle it.

We can take separate vacations.

We can't both be wearing red.

We can't fix this in a weekend.

We can't tell the children?"

We can't.

We cannot ask a child to lie for us.

We choose our attitude,

We could actually do it.

We could get room service, have lots of sex.

We could have just met at my house.

We could just take a bunch of ecstasy,

We could like

We danced like maniacs.

We decided that we wouldn't

We did not talk with our privates.

We didn't rehash every argument we've had

We don't even have to go anywhere.

We don't really talk that much.

We gave it a good second go, right?

We get to spend in this house without kids.

We go with the one bedroom.

We have a shop opening here in a week,

We have all the money we could ever need.

We have food in LA.

We have our algorithms.

We have to celebrate.

We have to talk.

We have to talk.

We haven't been exactly stealth,

We love.

We need a hook.

We need help.

We need more frosting.

We need to talk to her.

We needed a private place to have a very serious...

We on for dinner?

We only talked all night.

We sell vegan stuff, and it's frickin' awesome,

We send the kids with Ford

We should stop.

We should talk.

We sure did.

We want sexy face to look as good as possible.

We want to see you at gallery openings and fashion shows.

We were careful, but obviously not enough.

We were gonna do it at the bakery,

We were kissing. That's all.

We were miserable.

We were on, uh, "Even Stevens" together.

We were separated.

We?

We'll figure it all out post Latvia.

We'll get to it.

We'll make it suit us.

We'll make it work.

We'll see, we're working on it.

We'll take it!

We'll take pretty pictures.

We're a vegan bakery.

We're actually gonna have to talk about

We're almost done.

We're different.

We're different.

We're downtown

We're eating here

We're getting ready in the limo,

We're going to have to substitute the apricot

We're gonna about 30 seconds

We're gonna do it right this time, aren't we?

We're great. Come on.

We're just gonna go with the standard terms.

We're late for the food free food party in L.A.

We're moving here.

We're not doing that. Not at all.

We're not gonna do any work.

We're only getting married once.

We're still married.

We're thinking about the whole thing differently.

We're together, yeah, yeah, but we go way back.

We're too busy analyzing the fact why Delia

We're using 'em as click bait,

We've got something for your hipster girlfriend

Well gosh, I wonder how you would've reacted

Well hey, relationships are negotiation.

Well radical honesty...

Well, a huge stupid gardening offer.

Well, according to the internet, I'm a womanizer.

Well, all right, anything you want to do, kiddo.

Well, at least I didn't invite the man I'm divorcing.

Well, come to the opening,

Well, did you tell him there was no spousal dispensation?

Well, do you have to run?

Well, don't let her.

Well, don't not have kids just to win.

Well, finding a place in L.A. isn't as easy as you might think.

Well, he says it's business,

Well, hey, maybe he'll distract from my crazy relatives.

Well, how am I gonna cover the fashion shows

Well, how do you know?

Well, how long have you known?

Well, how much weight did he lose?

Well, I am a fan of the work you actually do.

Well, I can see mine perfectly.

Well, I can't be your boyfriend, Abby.

Well, I did cry

Well, I don't know what to say.

Well, I don't, usually.

Well, I mean...

Well, I see you now.

Well, I think that ship has sailed probably.

Well, I was hoping you'd tell me the real reason

Well, I'm not talking to Abby,

Well, I'm sure you'll come up with something

Well, it was a few text messages.

Well, it's not for them.

Well, Jo, you might have to make peace with your past first.

Well, look who decided

Well, maybe I need some space

Well, maybe not about my micropenis.

Well, me and Charlene.

Well, no one wants their sperm

Well, not quite divorced yet, but paper worked.

Well, not with you.

Well, now that she's off the Abby train...

Well, she has that sixth sense

Well, she was pretty bummed,

Well, surely it could wait until the morning.

Well, tell Ford I'm around if he needs me.

Well, thank you so much for meeting me.

Well, that sounds good.

Well, that was quite a sentence.

Well, that's a losing battle, isn't it?

Well, the ones on Roscomare and Samara

Well, then don't touch my hair,

Well, then don't touch my hair,

Well, then that just goes both ways,

Well, then we need to talk to Betsy Brown...

Well, then why did we hire a wedding planner?

Well, this has certainly become The Abby McCarthy Show,

Well, this is a fun date

Well, this is my stuff,

Well, turns out there's not that many Banais in Valencia.

Well, um,

Well, we found out

Well, we, uh... we could be.

Well, who are the designers so I can look them up?

Well, who's coming from your side?

Well, yes, you do.

Well, you are the coolest

Well, you aren't missing a beat

Well, you do do pretty good work in bed.

Well, you know, you don't have to write it

Well, you know, you're signing the papers

Well, you wouldn't believe what I just did.

Well, you're not ready for this.

Well, you're not responding to my calls or my many,

Well, your kid walks in on it

Well... I'm familiar, which you're not so much with my work at all.

Went for it, voilà.

Wh... what's up? Is everything all right?

Wha... we're a vegan bakery.

What a great start for you two.

What about my butt?

What about those cousins in Valencia?

What about Will, though? Will is gonna hate this.

What are you doing out of bed?

What are you doing? Get down from there.

What are you even doing here?

What are you talking about?

What are you wearing?

What are you wearing? I thought we were playing.

What can I do?

What decade is that?

What did Abby say?

What do you mean "you two?"

What do you say?

What do you want to bet it started out like this?

What do you want, Becca?

What do you want?

What does that even mean, "A crowded field

What does that mean, even for me?

What does that mean, the saddle?

What does that mean?

What does that mean?

What drugs did Jo have?

What for?

What happened to all natural?

What happened to day glo sequins?

What happened?

What high school senior dreams about being a merman?

What I want to know is

What if he's that doubting the whole things?

What if I got

What if she flips out, Jake?

What if she tells Lilly or Jo?

What is it, rose or whatever?

What is it... like, do you know when this is gonna happen?

What is that about?

What is that?

What is this an incantation,

What is this place?

What is this, the third employee you've kitchen banged?

What is this?

What is this?

What is this?

What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with you?

What is your problem?

What just happened?

What little lie were you gonna spread

What other girls might be good,

What the hell was that?

What they mean is they tape

What was going on. I was just such a mess.

What was your hook in New York?

What we want from you is your unique angle.

What will that be?

What you said before you believed

What you would do if you came on board

What, are you mad?

What, he hates money?

What, I forgot to screw my way

What, you thought the kid wouldn't figure it out?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Are you serious?

What? But he's your star.

What? Frumpkis? When?

What? Hey, listen to this. Listen to this.

What? No, I'm sleeping.

What? No. I... Not yet.

What? Oh, sorry.

What? When?

What... what's that?

What'd Abby say?

What'd you tell her?

What's going on here, right?

What's going on?

What's happening here?

What's happening?

What's IRL?

What's that?

What's this?

What's up?

What's wrong?

Whatever Gordon chooses is fine with me.

Whatever he tells you, do not sleep with him.

Whatever is going on between the two of you,

Whatever the other one wants.

Whatever, Mom.

Whatever, Mom.

Whatever, she let herself go.

Whatever. Whatever.

When Abby tells you it's her or our baby?

When children are involved, it's...

When Clinton's husband was president.

When did you see her?

When he seemed

When I get attacked by Gordon's people.

When I think about the CW, baby.

When my ass is on the line with the bakery

When she hates me and everything I stand for,

When she's with her father

When we did that in New York, it was, like, a radical shift,

When we talked about not cleaning the house.

When we thought she was a toothless hillbilly.

When you brought it up,

When you said I was rushing a big decision.

When you think somebody might recognize you, you ditched me.

Whenever.

Where are the faux hos and the cheeseless cheesecake

Where are you?

Where did Delia go, did she leave?

Where I'm calm and capable

Where innocence was a commodity to be bought and sold."

Where you going?

Where you off to?

Where you went off to after the divorce party.

Where's the baked stuff?

Where's your ring?

Which consisted of a five course meal of edibles

Which doctor? Who?

Which I understand is not exactly in your wheelhouse.

Which is crazy high, and then it dropped 30%.

Which is entirely possible

Which is... this,

Which it's not,

Which one of those beautiful ladies is the love interest

Which should be your mantra with Frumpkis.

Which starts here today.

Which was almost never,

While I get to see my fat dickwad of an ex.

While Walt runs your ass off.

While you sidestep feelings.

White people will eat anything.

Who do you got in there,

Who has to come in and save the day.

Who he's not even dating anymore, and...

Who I am,

Who let Ian Ziering in?

Who must be pretty special to him

Who practically grew up in my house, and the minute

Who replaced your monkey husband!

Who the hell are you, and what have you done

Who thought that was a good idea?

Who was my best friend through junior high and high school,

Who?

Who's always dreamt of her wedding day?

Who's got a jaw that's all square and go to a prom

Who's not trying to look like she's 25.

Who's not wearing pants.

Who's nuts for Fonuts?

Who's that?

Who's there?

Who's Walt?

Whoa, what is this?

Whoa, whoa, wait. No, no, Jo, Jo, Jo, I can't.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're still leaving?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Fake for you maybe.

Whoa!

Whoa.

Whoo

Whoo hoo, I'm driving!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whooping cough.

Why are the shelves empty?

Why are you in my apartment again?

Why aren't you divorced yet?

Why aren't you laughing? That was funny.

Why didn't you tell us what was going on?

Why does it even matter?

Why does it matter

Why does that seem naughty to me?

Why don't we write the whole prom piece together?

Why don't you have Jonathan give her something to do?

Why is everyone so serious?

Why is everything so brown?

Why is it better?

Why my father can't come to my engagement party?

Why were you guys in dad's car?

Why would they?

Why would you say that?

Why you kicked me out is because you're...

Why, does it seem impossible?

Why? Because you didn't respond.

Why? You don't need to know.

Will does not affect the rest of our lives.

Will the aerialists be up there

Will you be my life coach?

Will, please, I care about you so much.

Will, um...

Will.

Wish I knew you were stopping by.

With a can of Pringles, she's happy as a clam.

With a knocked up teenager and a gun toting father?

With a secret double life, Abby McCarthy.

With all these allergies, and he has no place to stay,

With an estate lawyer today.

With an even hotter version of Dr. Drew

With Dad and the fathead.

With his equestrian wife.

With Karen Marks

With Mario Lopez for the site.

With my fat dirtbag of an ex?

With some fun prom themes like "Under the Sea".

With some pink, frosty lip gloss.

With the column or anything.

With the fake date

With the posting of the photos,

With the real doctor was a disaster.

With the... with the... hanging out with the heart to hearts.

With what you had upon entering into it.

With your monkey husband,

With, you know, the other night

Without sleeping or eating.

Wonderful!

Work was really busy.

Working late?

Worst day ever.

Worthy of the face.

Would have knocked up his 26 year old...

Would you even know the difference anymore?

Would you excuse me for just a moment?

Would you maybe help me with the seating arrangement

Would you please stop micromanaging me?

Would you quit your movie if I asked you to?

Wow, coming from the baby dater?

Wow, holy shit, that'll be one hell of a prenup, right?

Wow, somebody's in trouble.

Wow, thank you for telling me...

Wow, there are so many re tweets.

Wow, way to respect the cone of silence, Max.

Wow, what does that mean?

Wow, you just can't

Wow! Oh, my God, Charlie, slow down!

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. Are you serious right now?

Wow. Babe, you reek.

Wow. Right? My honest truth to you is

Wowzer, check out that rock.

Writing every week about getting out there again,

Wrong, this is the vegan capital of the world.

Y'know I was little, I cookie starved myself...

Yay, jinx, buy me a Coke.

Yay.

Yay.

Yay.

Yeah in fact, I would like...

Yeah, a quick meeting out of the office.

Yeah, and he's half drunk at lunchtime.

Yeah, and we're doing better, trying harder.

Yeah, baby!

Yeah, but I have to source it,

Yeah, but I like that you're not a pro.

Yeah, but, you know, we could...

Yeah, could've been a crazy night.

Yeah, cutthroat doesn't even begin

Yeah, Dad, there's this emerging artists exhibit

Yeah, he takes them surfing, plays tennis, football,

Yeah, he's got 275,000 followers,

Yeah, here.

Yeah, I agreed to meet with a wedding planner.

Yeah, I almost did it too.

Yeah, I am totally ready.

Yeah, I got that part. Um...

Yeah, I heard about that.

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

Yeah, I wanted to tell you something too.

Yeah, I wanted to tell you something too.

Yeah, I was gonna call you about that,

Yeah, I was just shifting.

Yeah, I would be honored.

Yeah, I'm having ideas.

Yeah, I'm not having a big production just for my friends.

Yeah, I'm stubborn if I ever deigned to suggested that

Yeah, it is not gonna work, Albert.

Yeah, it's no big deal. Just a few dozen friends.

Yeah, just give us a second.

Yeah, just go see if your brother's almost ready.

Yeah, like a fancy hotel where we could...

Yeah, maybe you're high. Yeah, no. That's not gonna happen,

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, Ms. Fancy Pants.

Yeah, my buddies and I had a prank

Yeah, no, it's fine.

Yeah, o...

Yeah, sure. Why not?

Yeah, that. Let's not do that one.

Yeah, that's my friend.

Yeah, that's the whole point.

Yeah, they're real influencers.

Yeah, this is the Paradiso.

Yeah, we cannot make any big decisions before that.

Yeah, we'll make sure of it

Yeah, we're having dinner tonight. I mean, she seems fine.

Yeah, well that was love goggles,

Yeah, well,

Yeah, well, I was kind of a slut for a while.

Yeah, well, it's as if it never happened.

Yeah, well, not this guy, not anymore.

Yeah, well, that's just kind of my personal brand.

Yeah, well, why doesn't she ask me about law school?

Yeah, well...

Yeah, what's going on with the CW baby?

Yeah, yeah, and then kaboom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll look it up.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yes, you know how I knew you were going to say that?

Yeah, you are.

Yeah, you know what? It kind of is.

Yeah, you know, I... I got a little triggered, whatever.

Yeah, you know, things are just, like,

Yeah, you too.

Yeah, you want vegan? Swipe to the right.

Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I do, and I will.

Yeah. It's... come here.

Yeah. Oh, here, after you.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, it's not a big deal.

Yes

Yes,

Yes, and I already have

Yes, and we're not done.

Yes, and you are just so... good.

Yes, but he is a yummy ladies' man

Yes, I noticed that when I was driving in.

Yes, I...

Yes, it is divorce. It is awful,

Yes, we did.

Yes, yes, I will stay for dinner.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes. Well, you'll have to forgive my pronunciation.

Yes, you did, but not that he would be here.

Yes, you guess!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yikes.

You ain't lying.

You always have a choice.

You and Courtney have, uh, separate bedrooms?

You and Harris,

You and I, the village that it takes.

You and Jake telling the kids?

You and SheShe, you and your column!

You are 19 with a bullet in rising.

You are a fancy Hollywood director.

You are capable.

You are going to love having them.

You are gonna stay here.

You are literally pimping deprivation.

You are not getting one ounce of my father's jizz,

You are not what I expected at all.

You are not, like happy,

You are seriously clueless.

You are so crazy.

You are so dead.

You are so gonna get it.

You are so stubborn!

You are.

You asked if I was sure, and I realized I wasn't.

You asked if I was sure.

You been busy, huh?

You both look very rich and well groomed.

You both should be wearing shoes.

You came.

You can pretty much break down the types of guys

You can rain check for us.

You can talk about your experience all you want,

You can walk, but I'm starting my lessons on Monday.

You can work some magic, right?

You can't handle honesty, Jake.

You can't let me get it, right?

You checking emails right now?

You clean the entire house

You could spin it into some kind

You couldn't keep your hands off me.

You crossed the line, Frumpkis!

You decide to Tinder date, will you call me first?

You did it right, Jake, but I have not shared something

You did something that dumb,

You didn't have to say yes.

You didn't have to try

You didn't tell me about Will

You didn't tell me that.

You do have a certain consistencies

You do know that I'm... I am writing?

You do not under any circumstance

You don't edit much at all, do you?

You don't have to move right away.

You don't have to pay me for number three.

You don't know anything.

You don't know how it's gonna work out.

You don't like me.

You don't make friends with salad

You don't seriously want to play basketball with me.

You don't.

You get every person you know to come to the bakery

You get my point?

You get that many mentions and you're not even a couple?

You go to Defcon One.

You got a problem with that?

You got to use your butt.

You guys are gonna be so happy.

You guys,

You guys, this is Phillip.

You had with Dr. Harris this morning.

You have a good thing with Gordon.

You have a lot of expired stuff here, lady.

You have always underestimated

You have been living at my house

You have done enough.

You have just met the guy, so it's probably not the best idea.

You have no idea how rare we were.

You have resented me from day one,

You have Scott's famous faux hos, yummy, all that jazz.

You have to ditch the doyenne of divorce thing.

You have to do this with me, Phoebe.

You have to go find solace in other men!

You have to go find solace in other men!

You haven't changed.

You haven't returned any of my calls.

You haven't said anything?

You hired her?

You hit

You hit me in the face.

You hold on to this one.

You invited them?

You just don't have to feel any pressure, right,

You just have to roll with the sucker punches.

You just, uh... You seem a little, um...

You just...

You knew that our kids might have a half sibling.

You knew that you might be a father again.

You knew this night was important to me.

You know I love you, right?

You know I wanted my husband dead?

You know me, Gus. I'm not dangerous.

You know my sister.

You know seriously,

You know that Phil Jackson used to have his players

You know the last time I had a night out? Never.

You know the rules.

You know there is this guy

You know what my divorce feels like?

You know what we do?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? I was gonna tell her.

You know what? I'm sick of being told

You know what? I'm sorry, I can't just mail the papers

You know what? Just, all my stuff with Jake,

You know where the bodies are buried, right?

You know, being single.

You know, I thought you might

You know, I would like... I'll accompany you.

You know, I've been thinking, maybe we should...

You know, I've never seen you in feathers,

You know, if GOOP wasn't so...

You know, it hasn't been exactly easy to share with you, Abby.

You know, it is what it is.

You know, lean into the idea that divorce can be fun.

You know, living together.

You know, living together.

You know, the SheShe beast must be fed.

You know, there's Pinterest, doll,

You know, they shouldn't take too long

You know, things are delicate between us right now.

You know, this is Phoebe's story.

You know, we just... we really need to get out.

You know, we're not going down old roads.

You know, whenever

You know, you're fresh and smart and unique.

You know, you're lowering your I.Q.

You left the refrigerator door open.

You let me sit there

You loaded?

You look happy.

You look incredible.

You look like shit.

You look nice.

You love separate bedrooms, really?

You mad about my party fail?

You made a wonderful man who I love,

You mean you wanted one bedroom the whole time?

You mind if I warm up a little bit?

You missed attacking

You must be the draw.

You need to sleep that off, okay?

You okay?

You on a nationwide search for a third family?

You passed the GED!

You played me!

You probably should've come on her tits.

You pulled out?

You pushed me away again and again.

You ready?

You realize that when they start disappearing on you.

You resent that I provide for this family.

You resent that I provide for this family.

You said he had sleep problems.

You seem a little... dazed.

You should be thanking me.

You should get credit for being alive and functional.

You should go.

You should have seen her before I worked on her.

You should meet the woman I'm marrying.

You should probably move along.

You should see what Delia's clients use to bargain with.

You slept with Jake the other night, right?

You sound highly confused.

You sound like an actual high school graduate.

You stacked the deck with Jonas?

You stay the exact same size.

You sure you can't stay?

You sure you're ready for this?

You tell me that you ever felt like that with him.

You think we need more of a "Fantasy Island" vibe?

You thought you were in trouble.

You threw in in the middle there.

You throw her in coach

You told Cyan.

You told her not to tell me?

You told me you'd never done this before.

You too.

You too.

You trying to kill me now?

You two are hilarious.

You two need to go out.

You two will be the first I tell.

You used to be the ballsiest chick I knew,

You want butter, you swipe to the left.

You want the section to be all positivity?

You want to be the new face of divorce?

You want to be the new face of divorce?

You want to come on Friday?

You want to come?

You want to hate me?

You want to help me?

You want to try me?

You wanted to tell me something?

You we're gonna be here

You went on two dates with the doctor,

You went through stuff all the time

You were pretty harsh back there.

You were right the other day

You were the groper,

You will write about being you, and now I have a meeting.

You won't be needing these.

You won't be reporting.

You won't regret this, I promise.

You would each leave the marriage

You would strap that baby on your back, breeze into court,

You wrote for the parent newsletter.

You, sir, may very well be my perfect man.

You.

You'll be so easy to spot.

You'll be wearing one of them.

You'll sit in the front row with your date, who is TBD.

You'll still see the little weirdo,

You're a coward

You're a writer, right?

You're afraid you can't cut it in L.A.

You're almost home.

You're amazing.

You're any further up my ass...

You're back with Abby.

You're back with Jake.

You're being honest? I mean, you're telling me

You're certainly having a good time.

You're cute.

You're gonna be going on glam dates

You're gonna do your job.

You're gonna have to cancel it.

You're in L.A. now

You're in the land of sun and sea, and Baby Cakes,

You're just gonna have to be patient.

You're late.

You're not getting the sperm.

You're not gonna look at it?

You're not gonna say anything to anyone about Jake, are you?

You're not here to write about the sad, upsetting side.

You're not sleeping?

You're our powerhouse.

You're Phoebe, right?

You're pretty easy to be with.

You're provoking me.

You're right. Um, I'm sorry.

You're right. Um, I'm sorry.

You're sexy like Jon Hamm,

You're sitting on this little time bomb.

You're so controlling, Marge Simpson.

You're so sweet.

You're the first face that I've seen.

You're the one who has to lie.

You're the one who maybe did something wrong!

You're the sexy face of divorce.

You're the... you're the best, you know that?

You're tough as hell.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're writing, and I'm reading what you're writing

You've been avoiding me.

You've been picking on me...

You've never given it the time of day.

Young. How old is he?

Your 11:00's here.

Your baby with Becca.

Your bakery.

Your column is life, Abby.

Your friends seemed kind of excited

Your kids are about to have a baby half sibling.

Your loser monkey husband is getting something done.

Your only job is to show up and marry me.

Your vagina, and booze.

Zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing.

Zooey knew?

Zooey told you?

Zooey, Uber's here!

Zooey's still with Frumpkis

33.

'Cause he's black too." No.

'Cause you're... Hey. Hey, stop.

"Small Wonder." So scary mature.

A white wine. No, I mean,

Abby? Oh!

Abby. Abby, listen to me. No, Jake.

about our living arrangement. Yes, me too.

About what? It's nothing.

Absolutely. Hell, yes.

Ah. It's okay.

All right. Abby?

All right. All right.

All right. And making me feel like shit.

along with chocolate... Mm hmm.

Amen, sister. Mm hmm.

And I made it. Good.

And no phones... Yeah.

and now the whole baby thing. Hey, listen.

and that gives me hope for us... Okay.

And that is huge. It's crazy.

And then I said whatever I... Well...

And thousands of angry women's days

and, yeah, you know, Yeah okay.

Are you hungry? Yes, I'm always hungry.

Are you kidding me? I know, boo is right.

Are you kidding? Open my laptop.

Are you serious? What is wrong with me?

Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sorry.

Aw. Uh huh.

Aww. Be good to our girl.

Braun. Maybe.

bring them out in public. Go on.

But a safe slut. I'm a doctor. Yeah.

but he wants to go out with you

But I'm tired. Hmm, shh!

But it was hostile. Abby?

but you're stunning. Thank you.

Bye, Charlie. Hi.

Bye! Really?

Bye. Say good bye to your mother.

Can you believe that? Yeah, she wasn't taking a picture of you.

Can you sign here, please? Stole our frickin' faux hos recipe,

Carson. Mm hmm?

Charlie, we're late!

Cheers, cheers. Cheers. Everyone eat. Yeah!

Christian. Ms. McCarthy.

Classic cocktail look, check. Oh, nice.

Come on. I don't want...

Come on. No, I don't...

Compound living... Everybody talked about it.

Congratulations. Yeah, you got it, sweetie.

Corresponded! But only because all weekend,

Damn the consequences. No, you're not...

Definitely. Right?

Delia, that's huge news. I know.

Delia's getting hitched. Marriage is dead.

Did they buy it? Yeah.

Do not provoke him. I know.

Do you remember that, Gordon?

Do you want a coffee? No, I'm good.

Don't get dead. No. No.

Don't put it back on me. No, you don't

Drink, come on. No.

Drive safe, you guys. Good night.

Eloping? Eloping.

Everybody knows it! Enough! Stop!

Ew. Kidding.

Ew. Ugh.

Forget I asked. His dick is huge, though.

Forget it. I'm so sorry

Freeze! Geez!

Garage? Are you into that? Not that we... I...

Get down. All right, mate.

Get out while you can. Good luck with "Star Wars."

Good morning, you. Good morning.

Good night. Good night.

Good. Let's talk treats

gorgeous, gorgeous garlands. Oh.

Gorgeous. This girl. Jowls.

Got it. Got it, yeah. Sorry. Okay. Okay. Sorry.

Great. I'll email you some times. Okay. Okay.

Groomzilla. You... no, I'm serious.

Have a good day, Jake. Okay.

Have you talked to Abby? Mmmmm.

He just did. Excuse me?

He's a boy. That's it. That's fascinating.

He's a toy. Okay.

He's straight. Mm hmm.

He's such a control freak. So bossy.

Hello, nice to meet you. Hello.

Hello? He really is... Hi.

Hey, do you want some help with that? No, sir,

Hey, girl. Hey.

Hey, girl. Hey.

Hey, just three straws. Yeah.

Hey, man. Hey.

Hey, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Hey, that's awesome. I know.

Hey! Come on!

Hey! Hey! Let it go.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Stop harassing me, stalker.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Hey. What happened?

Hey. Hi. Hey.

Hi, babies. The angles... hey.

Hi. Abby McCarthy?

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Thank you.

Hi. Uh, just one second.

Hi. Hello. Hey. Hi.

Hilarious. I know.

Hmm? You do look a little tense.

Hmm. And for the gift table,

Hmm. And they're kosher.

Hmm. Follow me.

How are you? I'm fine.

How awful. Yeah.

How did you figure that? Maybe if I...

How did you... I'm a genius.

How was the party? Surreal.

How's business? Amazing

Huh. Come on.

Hurry! Nobody cares about your butt.

I almost made out with my boss. What?

I am done here. Hmm. Not me.

I am fine. No.

I am sorry, and you know what, I... No.

I blew it. Really?

I can't wait. I can't wait.

I could see out my mouth. Out of my mouth.

I couldn't wait to tell you. Mm hmm.

I did, if you know what I mean. Ooh, you got laid?

I didn't mean to insult you in any way. Listen,

I dr... I dr... I dr... I'm getting called to set.

I have to wow them. Pinterest.

I have to. Please?

I have? Totally

I haven't even started. Really?

I I know, because... I can't... I can't read you.

I know, I know. Okay.

I like it. Wow, you've given this a lot of thought.

I love it. Newt, how about that?

I love the new design. Mm hmm.

I love you so much. That's it.

I mean... Eh, a few.

I miss talking to you. Yeah. Well, you should.

I plucked you from a farmers' market... Ah, don't even...

I quit. Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

I quit. Uh oh.

I still can't believe that. He keeps asking me to coffee.

I thought it would... What?

I tried to stay up. I'm gonna get you up.

I want to bake you so bad. Want to bake your face off.

I wanted to read your story. Oh, we agreed she's the pro.

I will make sure that... Oh, Phoebe.

I... Mm mm.

I'd like to help. I've got it.

I'll keep it under my hat. Okay.

I'll never forget that. No.

I'm here. She's right there.

I'm hungry. Yes.

I'm not kidding. She looked real.

I'm not lying! You are!

I'm so sorry. It's okay.

I'm so sorry. No, no. It's okay

I'm worthy. You are.

I've done my fair share of swiping. Okay.

I've just had a day. I know.

In the limo. No!

Intense. Yeah.

Is this weird to ask? Hmm?

It just... Delia, hold on.

It starts. No, Albert, it stops.

It takes a village. Everybody talked about it.

It was cozy. Hmm.

It was hilarious. Yeah.

It's a photo. Oh, we can't.

It's a re branding thing. Right. Of course.

It's abuse. Yes, but

It's been a long time, right? I know.

It's brilliant. You don't think I mean it?

It's just that I have actually been there

It's my family. So let me ask you this.

It's not a big deal, whatever. No, it's a it's a big deal.

It's not forever. I know.

It's spiked punch. I don't drink much anymore.

It's temporary, but it'll do. Yeah.

It's unbelievable Just... Jesus Christ, okay?

It's your child. Okay, fine.

Jake and I just talked. More to say to each other?

Jake, I'm not done. No, hold on one second.

Jake? Hey. Yeah! Thank you!

Jo, can I ask you something?

Jo, it is not like that. I get it.

Jo! I thought you were comin' tonight? No, I decided not to lose the day.

Jo? Hmm?

Jo. Uh huh.

Just another capitalist drone. You're the one without the balls.

Just give me a minute. I'm gonna YouTube it.

Just like the prom nights of yore. Mm hm

Katherine? Yes.

Keep an open mind. Oh, I am.

Kind of. So, ladies?

Knock knock. Hey.

Ladies. Oh!

Less talk more action. Yes!

Like Yanni. Uh huh.

like, Puerto Rican flags or to be... No, these belong to Zooey.

Look at that. Oh, yes.

Look at the ducks. Whoo! Hoo!

Luckily, I'm not leaving. Me neither.

Mama! Hey, you, hey.

Mary, Mary. Mary...

Mm hmm. I must say this,

Mm hmm. Okay.

Mm hmm. Okay.

Mm hmm. She's calling a lot.

Mm hmm. Thank you.

Mm hmm. That's hard to find.

Mm hmm. Yeah.

Mmm. Ah.

Mmm. I just think as time goes by

Mmm... mmm. Oh, mmm.

Mom, be nice. Honey, it's okay.

Money time! You have no respect

Morning. Hey, you guys,

Morning. Well, I'm not going to be there!

Move on. Please.

Moving on! That number 19 is gone.

My butt? Yeah you got to like dance.

No shit, are you serious? With Albert?

No, babe. I'm gonna get you up.

No, it is not. Stop it, stop it!

No, no, no, no, no. I... look,

No, no, we were... Did she see his penis?

No, no, yeah, definitely. Dead ends.

No? Mm mm.

No. Kidding.

No. No, he didn't.

No. What? Boo!

No. Yeah.

None hours. None hours.

Number one. Do tell.

Obviously you're a jerk. Obviously.

Obviously, you don't get it. I do.

Of course not. Of course not.

Of course. Yeah, I'm gonna...

of divorce if I nail it. Mm, mm hmm.

Officially over. Hmm.

Oh, for one of your dates? Yeah.

Oh, here we go. The more important thing...

Oh, I'm in. Yes.

Oh, it's just a little test. We should throw a party.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Okay, maybe she didn't...

Oh, my God! actress rebound.

Oh, my God! It was an accident.

Oh, my God! You're looking for an image.

Oh, my God. Come on, Jake

Oh, my God. He doesn't give me a dime.

Oh, my God. I never had a prom.

Oh, my God. It's Becca?

Oh, no. What?

Oh, really? Uh huh.

Oh, shit. Yeah.

Oh, that freaking prick. Number four, just divorced.

Oh, that's sweet. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Oh! No!

Oh! No.

Oh! To see you lay all over...

Oh. But, I mean, it's very tempting

Oh. Can we get out of here?

Oh. Look, the next time

Oh. No, you cannot

Oh. People do it all the time.

Oh. That'd be so much fun.

Okay, don't... don't get upset. Totally same page.

Okay, get in. Get in. Get in. Yes.

Okay, hey! I want to go away with you.

Okay, I will get on that. All right, great.

Okay, I'll be right there. Got it.

Okay, it's not just me, right? No.

Okay, right? Right.

Okay, so... I get it.

Okay, sure. In private?

Okay, turn around. Okay, okay.

Okay, you know what? 'Cause that guy's a real...

Okay, you ready? Mm hmm.

Okay. All right?

Okay. Are you ready?

Okay. Bye, sweetie.

Okay. I mean, yes, you write it.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Okay. Kind of in a hurry.

Okay. Lay your luscious lips

Okay. Okay?

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Sorry.

Okay. Tonight?

Okay. You sure? Yeah.

One sec. Okay

Ooh, I love SheShe. Really?

Ooh! Wow.

Our kids are suffering. I know, but...

Our readers are all over Abby. Yeah.

over the phone. No, no, no, of course.

Pace yourself. I'm a teenager.

Pass. Okay.

Payton, hey. Yeah, hey.

Phoebe, that was eons ago. I know.

Phoebes, hey, honey. Hi.

Please, please, please... Abby, I told you about Scott.

Please! I'm work... Phoebe, I'm working.

Pre prom selfie. Oh, yeah.

Promise? Promise.

Radical honesty. Yeah?

Really? Yeah.

Really? Really, though? Yeah, uh huh.

right? I guess.

Right? Okay. Mm hmm.

Right. Is everything okay?

Right. Lifestyle, aspirational, sexy.

Right. Right.

Salad? Yeah.

Scott, tent Scott? Yes

See you later. Nice to meet you.

See. Hey, how was the shoot?

Seriously? And?

Seriously? Oh, man.

Shawn. Whatever his name is.

She definitely did. Yeah. This is disaster.

She keeps asking. Yeah, sure.

She should have a prom. Yes.

She's doing fine. Betty Ford?

She's my editor, technically, Oh!

She's my fave. Hit me, girl. Oh, yeah.

She's probably telling Jo right now. You know what? You know what?

She's the owner. Nice to meet you.

Should I... No, stop. Stop.

Shut the door. Behave. Hey. What?

Small car. Yeah.

So get tweeting. Okay.

so I'm just adding a base layer. Got it, got it.

So much better. Yeah.

some serious gas issues. Okay.

Somebody recognized me. What? What?

Sorry. Will.

Sounds fun to me. Oh, come on, man.

Still having fun? Yeah, it's really...

Sucks. You know what?

Summer in a bottle. Right through the system, man.

Swanky. Mm hmm.

Sweetie! Hi! Hi, Mom.

Tell me she has a rug. She has two!

Tell them what? I think we tell them now.

Terrible idea. Okay.

Thank you for that. Of course, you're welcome.

Thank you very much. You're welcome

Thank you very much. You're welcome.

Thank you. I saw it this morning.

Thank you. I've got your table waiting.

Thank you. Okay, I get it.

Thank you. Yes, sir.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks for letting me play. My pleasure.

Thanks. Well, you know what?

Thanks. You're welcome.

that I've heard so much about. Yeah.

That is a big question, and... Oh.

That is a huge omission. I know

That is going to be... Terrifying.

That is our brand. Hey, Marco, it's me again.

That really hot summer?

That she... That means she's a parent!

That was crazy right? Yeah! Yes it was.

That was it, wasn't it? Well, whatever

That, I'm feeling. Awesome.

That's crazy. It's crazy. It is.

That's fantastic. What?

That's hilarious. Yeah.

That's it. He did. You did not.

That's not true. Yeah, she has.

That's not what happened. That's what killed us.

That's ridiculous. Are you kidding?

That's right. Love it!

That's rough. It's crazy.

That's what's going on. I...

That's why people do it. Yeah.

That's... That's a total compliment

The colors are fine. The colors are crap!

the happy couple. Adam.

The little... the little sundaes? The little sundaes!

the small talk thing. You can talk to me.

the wedding cake. Definitely.

them right now. Abby, back me up here.

then I will see you in court. Kori, let's just go.

There's been a lot going on. Seriously?

This is cra... No, now,

This is unbelievable. Mm hmm.

This place is rocking, huh? Mm hmm.

Those people want to live too. Ha, ha, ha.

Three. First of all,

To Jo. Whoo!

to practice driving? Why the valley?

Totally. Mm hmm.

two seconds after her divorce I know...

Ugh, Gordon Beech... To celebrate us.

Uh huh. See?

Uh huh. Yeah.

Uh huh. Hi. Hi

Uh huh. I'm gonna drop you. Okay.

Uh, can you call me back? All right

Uh... Thank you.

Um, can I have some... Thank you.

Um, hey, you okay? Yeah.

Unless you really want to No.

Walt, this is Jake. Oh, hey, man.

Was it a baby shaped bomb? Yeah.

Was she freaked out? Yeah, you know

We are better than great. Aw.

We are going to dance our asses off, Mm hm

We could be. Good.

We could make out instead. That I like.

We should... We could... make hot cocoa.

we're late. Let's get it going. Yup.

We're not getting a divorce! Abby! Yes we are.

We're still mid negotiations. Mm hmm.

weird, right? I feel like if she told,

Well you're glad you're here, right? Yeah.

Well, that sounded great. You want to know

What are you doing? Do you hear yourself?

What are... no. That's the worst word.

What did you expect? I don't know.

What happened? Driving lesson disaster.

What is it? Damn leaf blower guy.

What is this? It's the Banais of Valencia.

What the hell was that? That's Charlene.

What, with your privates? Oh, my God, privates?

What? Congratulations, Shannon.

What? I never said that

What? I think I got...

What? Just like old times.

What? She can't drive, hello?

What? What?

What? Oh. On the couch, in the pool,

What's going on with Marco? Ooh.

What's going on? Abby, Abby McCarthy, the writer.

When is Delia getting here? In a bit.

when it was really about you... Could you lower your voice, please?

When, when? because of how supportive...

Where's Jonathan? I have no idea.

Where's Shrimp Boy? Mmm. Don't know, don't care.

Which one? Black and yellow.

Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. About a month. Oh my God.

Whoo! Oh, no.

Winner. Let's talk wedding.

Wish me luck. Don't die.

With a limo? Oh, get SheShe to pay for it.

Wow, Jesus, man. Yeah.

Wow. Creepy. Yeah, but you know what?

Yay! All right go up, go clean up.

Yeah, exactly. Okay.

Yeah, hello, Ni hao. Oh.

Yeah, I did. That's great.

Yeah, I feel a little tense. Yeah.

Yeah, I know. I mean, that is life. Right?

Yeah, I've done that one. Yeah.

Yeah, that does not mean... But she would anything for me.

Yeah, whoo! Bye.

Yeah, you will. All righty. There you go.

Yeah! Ah!

Yeah! Ooh!

Yeah? Like you're sweating bullets

Yeah? Mm hmm.

Yeah? Uh huh.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Are they nice? Yes.

Yeah. All the way.

Yeah. I should know.

Yeah. It was really nice to meet you.

Yeah. Mm mm.

Yeah. My bad.

Yeah. My bakery, cabron, mine.

Yeah. Oh, don't bother, I tried.

Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Okay?

Yeah. Really? What's Ford say?

Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah. You just got there.

Yes, it is. Cool

Yes! There you are.

Yes? Okay.

Yes? Yes.

Yes. Baking?

Yes. Her job is to go to a prom.

Yes. Okay.

Yes. Pardon me.

Yes. Waffle House.

Yes. Yeah.

Yo, easy, bro. As they say,

You have a butter sculpture? Jo.

You have the cutest legs. Mmm, I know.

You have to eat. No, I'm sorry.

You have to. Oh, it's not that simple.

You know that, right? I know.

You look... Nope.

You pulled out? Yes!

You seem great. Thank you.

You shouldn't have. Oh, it's my pleasure.

You sound like... Thinking with one mind.

You tell her that. Jeez.

You won. I won.

You wrote this? Yeah.

You're a good man. I try.

You're here. Oh.

You're kidding. No.

You're not ready for this. Oh, yeah?

you're old. We could go around that

You're pretty smart. Hmm.

Young guys. Okay.

Zara, really? Yeah.

Zooey, Uber's here! Lilly...

Zooey's back.

-

-

-

-

'cause I actually ended up just coming in my...

'Cause I need to talk to you.

'Cause my family's gonna adore you.

'Cause of this whole age thing, you never, ever really saw me...

'cause she has been tweeting up a storm.

'Cause you are so full of shit.

'cause you didn't even graduate high school,

'Cause, like, I hope you don't mind my saying,

"A new look for a new you?" And then, of course, I'll be

"As a 14 year old model,

"Complication" is the wrong word,

"Downton Abbey" style.

"from having careers before they have childhoods.

"Game of Thrones" is on tonight, and...

"have sex until college, but when I do,

"Hi, Jo."

"I can't wait to come back."

"I mean, your marriage failed.

"I promise I will call you as soon as it's over."

"I was thrust into an adult world

"No Photoshop and no makeup,"

"Parents need to protect their children

"Retreated to her parlor," huh.

"The Fisher King."

"This is my son, Topshop.

"Under the Sea"? I never got that.

"Year of the Dragon"?

"You can mother my dragon anytime."

"You won't regret this."

***

#abby.

#Datefail.