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The Hangover (2009) "The Hangover" is a hilarious comedy film released in 2009, directed by Todd Phillips. The movie

The Hangover (2009)

"The Hangover" is a hilarious comedy film released in 2009, directed by Todd Phillips. The movie follows four friends - Phil (played by Bradley Cooper), Stu (played by Ed Helms), Alan (played by Zach Galifianakis), and Doug (played by Justin Bartha) - as they embark on a wild bachelor party weekend in Las Vegas. However, their night takes an unexpected turn when they wake up the next morning and realize they have no recollection of what happened and the groom-to-be is missing. As they retrace their steps, they encounter eccentric characters and outrageous situations in their search for the truth. This uproarious journey is a must-watch for anyone seeking a good laugh. You can enjoy and download these sounds here.

A, that is bullshit. And B, she is a complete bitch.
About 10 grand. I was gonna use it for the wedding.
About last night, uh, ahem, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?
Absolutely not. I promised Sid. I will be the only one driving this car.
Absolutely. How else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?
Absolutely. That's easy.
Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas.
Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas.
Actually, there was something.
Actually...
After the Hard Rock, I blacked out. It was like emptiness.
After we take the mug shots, we bring them down here...
Ah, it was really fun, actually. It was quiet, but it was a good time.
Ah!
Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy, little boy.
Ah...
Ahem, do you have to park so close?
Alan bet you that you weren't a good enough dentist...
Alan picked up the wrong purse, it's no big deal.
Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan, go wake up Doug.
Alan, how we doing, buddy? Good.
Alan, I'm just teasing. You have wonderful legs.
Alan, put some pants on. You have weird legs.
Alan, shall we dance?
Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves. Give me the knife.
Alan, you okay?
Alan.
Alan. We got bigger problems here.
Alan. We need you, buddy. This is your time to shine, okay?
Alan...
All I know is I am so sorry.
All of you, shut up.
All right, all right. Hey, take it easy, take it easy!
All right, buddy, we should get a move on.
All right, come forward. And turn.
All right, everybody act cool. All right, don't say a word.
All right, everybody relax, take it easy.
All right, fine. Okay, we'll take it with us.
All right, good, because I need everybody to focus.
All right, grab it from the other side.
All right, here we go.
All right, how about you, young lady? Come on up here. All right.
All right, kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done, huh? Come on, let's go.
All right, let's go.
All right, let's just take a deep breath, okay?
All right, let's pick a room, let's get dressed. Be ready in 30 minutes.
All right, let's play some blackjack!
All right, look, we were drugged last night. We have no memory of what happened.
All right, take it easy. Take it easy.
All right, to a night we'll never remember...
All right, we got the money. Eighty grand, cash.
All right?
All right.
All right. Hold on. I still need some of your permission slips...
All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy.
All right. Thattaboy.
All you gotta do is point, aim and shoot.
All you want me to do is what you want me to do.
Although none of you could articulate how it happened.
And 100, 200, 300, 400.
And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back...
And don't forget to use it.
And fancy calendars, all with pictures of Stu and Jade.
And get the baklava, please.
And I miss you.
And I promise for as long as we're married...
And if, uh, someone has a heart attack, you should still call 911.
And my wolf pack, it grew by one.
And one water.
And she was wasted.
And six months ago...
And the nurse will be in here in a minute.
And then we ate dinner at The Palm. Right?
And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there.
And then we take it. Your choice, bitches.
And then we're gonna find Our best friend Doug
And then we're gonna give him A best friend hug
And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler.
And was Doug there then?
And we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug...
And we're the three best friends That anybody could have
And you believe that?
And you know what else, honestly?
And you never walk away from the table when you're on a heater.
And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her.
And, uh, we can't re... What time was that at?
Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers.
Are my glasses okay?
Are you kidding?
Are you kidding? He was the best man.
Are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital.
At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason.
At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason.
At least the trip wasn't a total disaster.
At the, uh, Best Little Chapel.
Attaboy.
Attention, please. Move out of the way.
Attention. Sorry.
Aw, Jesus Christ!
Aw, whatever. I left my wife and kid at home so I could go with you guys.
Be proud of yourself.
Because if he was up, this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly.
Because one of the, uh, side effects of, uh, roofies is memory loss.
Because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy.
Because we obviously had a great fucking time.
Because whatever this is ain't working for me!
Because, frankly, you're wasting a little bit of time right now.
Besides, enough with Melissa, she's the worst.
Besides, you know how I feel about that.
Besides, you're drinking.
Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now.
Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?
Boring. Take nap. Come on.
Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn.
Bring my friends some tea, some baklava, huh? Come on.
Bud, are you okay?
Bunch of payphones? Business.
But any week after that is totally fine.
But give me the 20 so I know you're serious.
But if he's been murdered By crystal meth tweakers
But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip...
But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan, it was roofies!
But look, the point is, I think we can work out a deal.
But that's all in the past, now that I married a doctor.
But this is Vegas. You want intimacy, forget it. You're gonna get sex.
But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own.
But you don't know for sure?
By the way, we're all gonna die.
By the way, where you get that cop car from?
Can I ask you a question? Do you know if the hotel's pager friendly?
Can someone tell me where white Doug is?
Can you believe this? Just two more days.
Can you forgive me?
Can't you see the fun part in anything?
Careful.
Carlos?
Change only, 10,000.
Check it out. Stu. Stu. Fuck this tiger.
Check its collar or something.
Clean, tight. The tits like that, the nipple like that.
Clearly.
Close the door. You're awesome.
Come on in. Mike's got something he wants to show you.
Come on, Alan. Those two love you.
Come on, buddy. She probably knows where Doug is.
Come on, get out of here.
Come on, just till Barstow. Everybody's passing us.
Come on, let's just get in and go. Come on.
Come on, we're paying for a villa. We can do whatever the fuck we want.
Come on, you can't think like that.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Come on, come on.
Come on. For Doug.
Come on. I got a guy in L.A. Who's great with interiors.
Come on. Let's go.
Come on. Melissa's not gonna know anything about this.
Control yourself, man. Goddamn, will you put on some pants?
Cool. Good to know.
Cool. We're just getting some sun. Is Doug around?
Cough. Cough. Give me one more.
Could you at least just find some pants?
Counting cards is a foolproof system.
Daddy's gonna kill me.
Damn, Alan, what the fuck you got me into?
Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one.
Deal?
Did we leave the music on?
Did you ever get any ecstasy?
Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler.
Did, uh...
Discreetly of course, ma'am.
Do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shooting? Huh?
Do some gambling, maybe catch some rays, have a few laughs.
Do they dream of mauling zebras
Do you have anything?
Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor.
Do you remember how many of us were here?
Do, uh, any of you gentlemen have a heart condition or anything like that?
Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?
Does not help. All right, let's get our shit together, guys.
Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?
Don't do this!
Don't even look at it. Go on, get out.
Don't forget your Rogaine.
Don't go in, don't go in. Be careful. Don't, don't.
Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child.
Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this through.
Don't make any sudden movements.
Don't make me come back for him.
Don't step... God. Watch the leath...
Don't touch anything out there, either.
Don't worry about it.
Don't you worry your pretty striped head
Doug
Doug
Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt.
Doug would love it.
Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug
Doug, enjoy yourself, because come Sunday...
Doug, I'm serious. I got a wife and kid.
Doug, it's okay. You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!
Doug!
Doug!
Doug!
Dr. Price?
Driving drunk. Classic.
Dude, what the fuck? What the hell are you doing?
Easy, easy. Come on.
Easy, Phil. He's correct. My fault.
Easy. You just pour kerosene over a ferret, light it on both ends, put it in.
Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?
Eleven oh five for $800! I am so fucked.
Exactly. Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried.
Exactly. Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried.
Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.
Excuse me, but I'm expecting my husband any minute.
Explain.
Eye of the tiger. Good.
Fat Jesus. All right, now, it's real simple.
Figure it out yourself, okay? You're big boys.
Fine.
Fine.
Finish him!
Follow me. All right, let's do it. Come on.
Fuck those guys, you hear me?
Fuck, where'd he get him?
Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck! Shit. He shot me!
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Funny fat guy fall on face.
Gambling? Who said anything about gambling?
Gentlemen.
Get it out. Fuck!
Get off the sidewalk! Get off the sidewalk!
Get out of the car. Please.
Get the fat boy.
Go ahead, Stuart. Make him stop.
Go, go, go!
Goddamn. Look at this place.
Good job. Well done. Good job. That was great.
Good, because I have something to show you.
Good.
Good.
Good. Hey, we got one more charge left. Anybody wanna do some shooting up here?
Great.
Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry. I have a surgery up on the fourth floor.
Guys, I'm standing right here. So I can hear everything that you're saying.
Guys, I'm telling you, I looked for it this morning before we left. It's not anywhere.
Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah.
Guys, there's something I need to tell you.
Guys, we are not sharing beds. What are we, 12 years old?
Gym, casino, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha.
Ha, ha, ha. Which was hilarious.
Ha, ha. Oh.
Ha, ha. You're so cute.
Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something that makes sense.
Have a good weekend. I'm gonna miss you.
Have you met Alan? Tracy's brother. Brother of the...
He destroys cities! Please!
He has his mother's legs. It's just freaky.
He is paying the bill. We just had a delicious brunch.
He probably went to the pool to get something to eat.
He put the chips in his purse, and then you guys took off with it.
He said he had to grab a few things.
He thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio.
He was a bartender on a cruise ship. You know that.
He was a retard.
He was just hungry, he's fine. Oh, good.
He'll be fine. I cracked the window.
He's a nasty little motherfucker.
He's completely out of his mind. He's probably still drunk from last night.
He's fine. He's a grown man.
He's in denial. Not to mention, she fucked a sailor.
He's jacking his little weenis.
He's okay.
He's on the roof. We must have taken him up there on his mattress as a prank...
He's over here!
Hello? Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
Hello.
Hello. Checking in?
Her name's Jade?
Here he comes. That's him.
Here we go.
Here's something I would like to remind you two of:
Hey, bro? You mind putting on some pants?
Hey, come on.
Hey, guys, when's the next Halley's comet?
Hey, guys!
Hey, guys?
Hey, guys. Look, free almonds.
Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?
Hey, he wasn't a sailor.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, I found him! He's over here! Oh, shit.
Hey, kitty.
Hey, man, what's going on here?
Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?
Hey, Phil, look.
Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes.
Hey, relax. Ow. Ow. Ow!
Hey, Sid.
Hey, Stu, watch this.
Hey, sweetheart, how are you?
Hey, sweetie, it's okay. I got a little snack for you.
Hey, thanks for helping out last night. That was so awesome.
Hey, thanks, guys.
Hey, that's his fiancÈe.
Hey, there are Skittles in there.
Hey, this is Phil.
Hey, what's all that?
Hey! What the hell, man?
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. Hey.
Hey. Excuse me. What is the matter with you? Go and get the paperwork, man.
Hey. Sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route.
Hi, welcome to Caesars.
Hi, you've reached Dr. Stuart Price with Divine Dentistry.
Hi.
High five that one.
His name's Doug too. Ha. Classic mix up.
His nose. That's his nose.
Hm.
Hmm.
Hold on, I got it.
Hold on, that was completely unnecessary.
Holy shit!
Holy shit.
Honey, it's a long story.
How about that ride in?
How about you, big man? Come on up here.
How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you.
How can a cake cost $1400?
How did you wind up in Chow's car?
How does a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me.
How the fuck did he get in there?
How the hell did we manage that?
How the hell did you find this place?
How was Vegas?
How was your soccer game?
How you getting out there?
I called that bed and breakfast in Napa.
I can totally tell when you forget, your hair just looks thinner.
I can't afford to lose anybody close to me again. It hurts too much.
I can't believe I gave my grandmother's Holocaust ring to someone I just met.
I can't do it with just him, though. I need the chick. I need both parties.
I can't have juice right now.
I can't... Oh, shit.
I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.
I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck.
I didn't think so.
I do. It's at the corner of Get A Map and Fuck Off.
I don't even know you, but I'm gonna tell you that's dumb.
I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country.
I don't know what to say. Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?
I don't know you. You do not exist.
I don't know, but we're gonna figure it out.
I don't know, man. It just hit me.
I don't know, Phil. Maybe it's because I'm missing a tooth.
I don't know. I don't know either. I don't...
I don't know. I think it was just you guys. Definitely no baby.
I don't think it's for, like, another 60 years or something.
I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug.
I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan.
I don't want them. He ruined it.
I find it a little weird I have to ask twice.
I found him, I'll call you back. Thank God, he's with his father.
I fucking hate my life.
I got a massive headache, okay? Let's just calm down.
I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended.
I got jizz on me. Jesus Christ, guys!
I got this cousin who saw one. He said it blew his mind.
I gotta go. Okay. Bye.
I guess it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift.
I guess that's why they call it Sin City.
I had to wait two hours for you to call me.
I have a valet ticket from Caesars. Looks like we got in at 5:15 a. m.
I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio.
I have internal bleeding. Somebody call 911.
I have no idea.
I hope you're not gonna go to some strip club when you're up there.
I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. "
I just wanted to thank you guys again for everything you're doing this weekend.
I just wish you could see this place, because you, of all people, would love it.
I know that guy. That's the guy from the trunk.
I know, but we should have gone last weekend.
I know, I did. I already checked with her.
I know, I know. It's just boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross.
I know. Phil, they have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed.
I know. The reception up here's crazy.
I know. You getting nervous?
I like the intensity.
I look like a nerdy hillbilly.
I looked everywhere.
I love these guys. Zolea, what are you doing?
I love this fucking town.
I love you so much.
I mean, the three best friends That anybody could have
I mean, what if he's dead?
I pulled out my tooth?
I repeat, please disperse.
I should get going. So pretty. A tractor ride?
I should have been a fucking cop.
I tend to think of myself as a one man wolf pack.
I think he's mean.
I think it's all the sequoia trees, block the signal.
I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around, guys.
I think so. He's just an odd guy. You know, he's kind of weird.
I think the pit boss is watching him.
I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?
I think you're fine. Let's go.
I thought he was gonna eat my dick.
I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out on a Halley's Comet.
I wanna take a moment, I wanna talk about some... I wanna talk about memory.
I want my purse back, assholes.
I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap.
I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it.
I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later.
I was thinking maybe I'd come back and take you out to dinner.
I was told it was ecstasy.
I will be the only one driving this car. I promise.
I won't tell a soul.
I would, but you lost. It wouldn't be right.
I wouldn't worry about it.
I'd like to say something...
I'll hit an old man in public.
I'll hit you on the way back. Thank you, sir.
I'll just call his cell.
I'll see you after the weekend.
I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here, man.
I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.
I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out Holmes, that was...
I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gonna torch a cop car.
I'm freaking out.
I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?
I'm gonna beat you! Ha ha ha.
I'm gonna propose to Melissa at your wedding. After the ceremony.
I'm just a dentist.
I'm just saying, he's still got it.
I'm just saying, it's clearly marked, okay?
I'm just wondering why you're calling me.
I'm just worried.
I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher.
I'm not even gonna say anything, it's so embarrassing.
I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school.
I'm not surprised you don't remember anything.
I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
I'm sick of doing what you want.
I'm sor... Excuse me, sir? Hi.
I'm sorry, she's had a little too much to drink.
I'm such a klutz. I get so nervous when I gamble. I'm so silly.
I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked.
If it's what I think it is, I think it's a big fucking mistake.
If we're share beds, I'm bunking with Phil.
If you wanna go to Vegas without me, that is totally cool, you know?
If you wanna kill us, go ahead because I don't care anymore.
If you wanna... Does it matter if it's tamed?
If you want to see your friend again, you get me my 80 grand.
In a healthy relationship, a guy should be able to do what he wants.
In other words, forget everything.
In the face! In the face!
In the middle. That's weird. Yeah, that is weird.
Indiana Jones wears one.
Is he all there? Like, mentally?
Is it Doug? I don't have it.
Is that the mattress from Doug's room?
Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?
Is this all one suite?
Is this some kind of joke? Who the hell is this?
It is a wedding gift from Linda and I.
It keeps going straight to voicemail.
It may be neat, but it's also very expensive, so...
It needs to go down.
It says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?
It says, uh, "Couldn't find a meter, but here's 4 bucks. "
It sounds perfect.
It sounds perfect.
It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people?
It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night.
It was stupid, wasn't it?
It was... Ahem. It was crazy.
It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?
It's a purse. Okay? And you steal from wrong guy.
It's all evidence of a night that never happened.
It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it.
It's all there. Let him go.
It's also illegal.
It's because we found a fucking baby.
It's Doug, it's Doug.
It's funny because he's fat.
It's gonna be all right.
It's gonna be okay, Stu.
It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. And that ******* actor.
It's in the trunk.
It's not dumb. It's one night. Have fun, you deserve it.
It's not funny.
It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win.
It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
It's not like that.
It's not like that. I already told you, Alan.
It's not nothing and he's not a cool guy...
It's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him.
It's okay. Okay, okay. Just calm down. We're fine. Everything's fine.
It's Rock, Paper, Scissors. There's nothing more fair.
It's true.
It's where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments on this.
Jesus Christ. Look out. Don't mess the car up.
Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.
Just a whole bunch of "mind your own business. "
Just get me home.
Just get me home.
Just go in there and throw it in to him.
Just make sure to put some Armor All on the tires so the sand doesn't seep in.
Just stay focused on Doug.
Just tell me. Oh. Mm.
Keep it straight.
Last night on the roof, before we went out...
Leave him in the car. We're gonna be five minutes.
Leave me a message or don't. Do me a favor, don't text me. It's gay.
Let me ask you a question:
Let me ask you a question.
Let the dogs out. You know.
Let's do this.
Let's get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows.
Let's go back to the hotel, and I'm gonna make a couple calls.
Let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later.
Let's go, handsome, come on.
Let's just calm down.
Let's steal a cop car, because it'd be really fucking funny. "
Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up.
Like, 20 bucks.
Like, all the way through to your core.
Like, something we may have been talking about, or some place we were going?
Lisa, I apologize. How much is the villa?
Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. I know some sick people in my life.
Listen, Jade, I...
Look at these guys.
Look, I already told you.
Look, I'm not a cop.
Look, we're very sorry. But this is an easy fix.
Look, you don't have to say it. I totally understand.
Looks like we're going home with some money, boys.
Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack.
Make sure he eats the whole thing.
Make sure to call me right when you get to the hotel...
Make sure... Does it hurt? Does this hurt?
May tonight be...
Maybe Doug's back there. Maybe he's asleep.
Maybe it's because we found a baby, a human baby.
Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar.
Melissa, we're going to Napa Valley.
Mike Tyson?
Mine had $80,000 inside. And this one? Nothing.
Minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard.
Mm hm.
Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure. My name is Stu.
Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow.
Mr. Tyson would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom.
Mr. Wenneck, I was... It's the weekend.
My brother packed his bag two weeks ago. You're not canceling.
My dad is crazy about that car. He left Doug in charge...
My friend was getting married. That's what guys do.
My lateral incisor's... It's gone!
My man doesn't shut up. Jesus Christ.
My mom won't give me the money. I'm grounded.
Need a chorus line, guys.
Nice.
No big deal. We can share beds. It's one night.
No chance. Cash only.
No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding...
No shit. Yeah.
No, before that.
No, better yet, I wanna talk about selective memory.
No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you!
No, he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II.
No, how much do you wanna bet it's fucked beyond recognition?
No, I ain't got no fucking ecstasy.
No, I know. But we just need a couple more minutes of your time.
No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow. That's not our friend.
No, no. It's not that, Eddie.
No, partner, that's not your property.
No, thank you.
No, we need to be in L.A. Tomorrow for a wedding.
No.
No.
No. I am in so much pain right now.
No. No, we don't remember.
No. Sid.
Not looking. Not looking.
Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douche bag.
Not to mention it's pathetic.
Not you, fat Jesus, slide it on back. You, pretty boy.
Nothing, guys. Nothing.
Now we're talking.
Now, look, this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding.
Now, look, this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding.
Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun. Up close and personal.
Now, this is Vegas.
Obviously we were here. We're looking for our friend Doug.
Of course I do. It breaks my heart and gonna make me sad...
Of course it's on. We just drove 30 miles into the desert. He knows it's on.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course. Why wouldn't he be?
Oh God!
Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.
Oh, and, uh, don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him.
Oh, come on! Ew!
Oh, dear Lord!
Oh, don't worry about Omar, he's not with us no more.
Oh, fuck!
Oh, fuck!
Oh, fuck! We can't drive there, the wedding starts in three and a half hours.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger.
Oh, God! Okay, okay, okay.
Oh, God.
Oh, God. Watch it!
Oh, God. We gotta go, buddy. Come on.
Oh, goddamn it.
Oh, he's still up. He's still up.
Oh, how cute. What's his name?
Oh, I found, uh... These are some black shoes.
Oh, I'm free next week.
Oh, it's like college.
Oh, Jesus!
Oh, my God! What the hell is happening, Stu?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Shit!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. What happened to your tooth?
Oh, my skin burns. My skin burns.
Oh, my... This place is enormous.
Oh, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, I know.
Oh, not a problem. That's great. Isn't that great, Stu?
Oh, ow! God.
Oh, really? It's not easy.
Oh, really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?
Oh, really? Yeah.
Oh, shit. Who does shit like that, man?
Oh, shit. I can't watch. Just tell me what it looks like.
Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault, Alan.
Oh, shit. We drove last night?
Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
Oh, stop it, I'm just jerking around.
Oh, sweetie, I'm... I'm gonna go clean him off.
Oh, that's very funny. Come here.
Oh, we have been looking everywhere for you.
Oh, what are you, a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk.
Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?
Oh!
Oh!
Oh... He won again.
Okay, but why? I mean, why you?
Okay, come on. He can't lose. He can't lose.
Okay, Felix, you can put your robe on.
Okay, first of all, he was a bartender.
Okay, good or bad, we don't remember so we got nothing to talk about.
Okay, here we go. Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a. m. Arrival.
Okay, I hope this helps. I really have to leave.
Okay, I jammed five roofies in there.
Okay, I know this is asking a lot...
Okay, if it's, "No big deal," why, when I come after you guys...
Okay, kids, you're in for a real treat today.
Okay, let me look that up for you.
Okay, look. You don't really wanna do this.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, same instructions. Just point, aim and shoot.
Okay, that's good.
Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning.
Okay, Trace, I gotta go. We'll talk to you later.
Okay, what's up? You guys are acting weird.
Okay, yeah. Whew.
Okay? We're just spending the night in Vegas. It's no big deal.
Okay. All right.
Okay. All right. Let's just track this thing.
Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea?
Okay. Heh.
Okay. Oh, that was some sick shit!
Okay. Okay, okay. Wait, hold on.
Okay. Ow.
Okay. We have up until 10 p. M...
Okay. Well, listen, I gotta go, because we're gonna hit this wine tasting.
Okay. What's up?
Okey dokey.
On the roof.
One more time, guys.
One of you dropped your jacket. Found it in the tigers' cage this morning.
Ooh!
Or a tamed raccoon, but it's a lot of trouble.
Or drink too much.
Or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit?
Or maybe it's because there's a tiger in our hotel room...
Or should I say, "Thank you, Stu"?
Or we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now.
Or, how about rapies?
Our best friend Doug is probably facedown in a ditch right now...
Ow! Oh, not again.
Ow. Oh, God. Oh, God, are you okay?
Page me! AdiΓ›s.
Paging Dr. Faggot.
Pants at a time like this? I don't have any p...
Pay now, or forever regret missing out on the experience of a lifetime, guys.
Phil, just do it. You should do it.
Phil, just do something.
Phil, Melissa is like a forensic accountant, okay?
Phil, stop the car, I wanna get out. Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over.
Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom.
Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room.
Phil, we've been dating for three years. It's time. This is how it works.
Phil, where the hell are you guys?
Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out.
Phil? Hello? Tracy, it's Stu.
Please don't stop. Please don't stop.
Please don't... Goddamn it.
Please leave a message after...
Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you.
Please! Please! Please stop!
Plus, it's not a man purse. It's called a satchel.
Problem solved. Alan, enjoy your almonds.
Quiet, quiet.
Real important that you eat this, okay?
Really?
Really? Like a date?
Really? Really, Alan?
Really. Because now we know that our buddy Doug...
Relax, we'll be careful.
Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Respect.
Retard.
Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts.
Right in the nuts! That was beautiful.
Right, Jade, uh, ahem, you remember our friend, Doug.
Right. Thanks, Floyd. Thank you very much.
Road trip!
Rogaine, check.
Ruphylin, for your information, is the date **** drug. You sold Alan roofies.
Ruphylin. Roofies. Commonly known as the date **** drug.
Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?
See, he fine. Now give me money...
See? I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down. Here, have some juice.
Seriously, this is a good thing.
Seriously. I don't care what happens.
She looks beautiful, man.
She made it all the way through the Holocaust with that thing.
She scours my statements. If you want nuts...
She's strong willed. And I respect that.
Shh. Shh.
Shh. This is my favorite part coming up right now.
Short and sweet.
Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!
Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question.
Shut up, Alan.
Sid, ahem, about the car...
Sid? There he is.
Since when?
Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June. Boom!
Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?
Sir...
Slowly. Thank you. Okay. Thank you very much.
So does Joy Behar.
So I have you in a two bedroom suite on the 12th floor, is that okay?
So if you guys know if there's gonna be one...
So talk to me about Vegas.
So tonight...
So we're all calling each other's.
So were there two... So there were two of us in the wolf pack.
So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
So, what do you guys got under there?
Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night.
Some guys just can't handle Vegas.
Some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots.
Someone who has a lot of issues, obviously. I'm a sick man.
Sorry I'm late.
Sorry, Alan.
Sounds good.
Splitting fives.
Stop pulling. Can you just...? Hold on.
Stop.
Stop. Run me over.
Stu, how much you got in the bank?
Stu, it's okay. Look, shit happens.
Stu, not now.
Stu, relax.
Stu, you're a dentist, okay? Don't try and get fancy.
Stu! Stu, it got me! Stu!
Stu. Fuck.
Stu. Talk to me. What's going on?
Stupid tiger.
Sure.
Sweetie, it's Vegas. You lose track of time in casinos.
Sweetie, stay close to Mama.
Ta da.
Take it easy, little man. You don't wanna be touching that.
Take it easy. Just try to call more attention to us.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Oh.
Thank you. Thank you for that.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, doctor.
Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.
Thanks again for bringing him, by the way.
Thanks again, champ. And, uh, again, we are so sorry we stole your tiger.
Thanks for the lift back to town.
Thanks, buddy. That's for you.
Thanks, Daddy. Thanks, Sid.
Thanks, Mr. Wenneck. Thank you. Hey.
That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday.
That doesn't sound like us.
That is awesome.
That is disgusting. Why haven't you returned my calls?
That is exactly what I needed to hear.
That is not Doug.
That is why we're torching all of it.
That sounds nice.
That sounds right. No, no. He definitely was.
That thing's out of control, man. Seriously, you gotta put it down.
That was bullshit. I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car.
That was not awesome. What's wrong with you?
That was some fucked up shit.
That was twice, and I was out of line.
That'll work.
That's all we got.
That's because we didn't go to Napa.
That's classic!
That's Doug's.
That's enough. Alan's seriously worried, okay? Let's not freak him out any more.
That's it here, man. No problem for me, though.
That's it. My life is over.
That's it. Shut up, bitches.
That's it. That's it.
That's me, I'm on TV. I've never been on TV before.
That's not gonna happen.
That's our buddy. That's who we've been missing.
That's perfect. Thank you, Lisa. We'll deal with it tomorrow. Come on.
That's police brutality.
That's right, the three best friends That anybody can have
That's right.
That's right.
That's victory, right there.
That's what I been saying this whole time.
That's why we're gonna get up early, and we'll be back in plenty of time.
That's why you need to focus and do everything we say.
The bad news is...
The good news is we found your Mercedes.
The guy I bought it from at the liquor store.
The guy I bought it from seemed like a real straight shooter.
The High Roller package. It's what you ordered. I have coffee mugs.
The man purse.
The stuff's out of your system. You're gonna be fine.
Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it.
There it is. Hear, hear.
There was also a note.
There we go.
There you are. This is the third time I'm trying you.
There you go. And cough.
There you go. That's the stuff.
There's no windows, there's no clocks. He's probably on a heater.
There's, like, room service and a butler. I mean, just the works.
These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate...
They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system.
They just have these cute little antique radios in all the rooms.
They said they had no record of you even checking in.
They started up the tractor. I think it backfired.
They're attracted to the gas lines.
They're better than your mother's. They're beautiful.
Things got out of control, uh...
Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here.
This does not seem fair.
This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life, man.
This is a good thing. No. Check your pockets. Check your pockets.
This is Doug's phone. This is Doug's phone.
This is how you walk. This is how you walk.
This is so illegal.
This isn't the real Caesars Palace, is it?
This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.
This was hugely helpful.
This whole situation is completely fucked.
Those places are filthy. And the worst part is...
Throw it over. Then I give you Doug.
Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.
To Doug and Tracy.
To my left a little.
Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it.
Tracy did mention that we shouldn't let him gamble.
True. Don't forget, Phil was always our designated drunk driver.
Trust me, kids, you do not wanna be sitting on these benches.
Ugh, I hate that. So how was it last night?
Uh oh.
Uh Oh.
Uh, here's the deal. We made a mistake last night.
Uh, it's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night.
Uh, it's Melissa.
Uh, no.
Uh, nothing. Don't listen to Phil.
Uh, we're gonna take my car. Gonna pick up my friends after this.
Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen.
Uh, you are not gonna believe this. We got comped an extra night at the hotel.
Uh, you know what? Next week's no good, the Jonas Brothers are in town.
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
Um, Caesar. PalacÈ.
Um, I'm sorry. First of all, good morning. And we didn't catch your name last night.
Um, no, this is good. I'd like to make a toast.
Um, there's a phone in your room.
Um...
Unbelievable, man. Look at this chick. Beautiful ass, no fucking brain.
Understood.
Unh, pshh.
Using of the Rogaine, check.
Vegas!
Vegas! Vegas, baby!
Vegas.
W... W... Wait. Those are the guys that shot Eddie.
Wait a second, wait a second. We stole from you?
Wait, guys. Guys.
Wait, have you not listened to anything I have ever said?
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor. Is there anything else?
Wait, wait. I love you. Okay. Bye.
Wait, what?
Wait.
Wait. I'm sorry we're boring you!
Wait. Oh, no. You're not going anywhere.
Walk with me.
We are back, we are back
We are definitely not supposed to be up here.
We are gathered here today...
We are getting Doug back
We call this place Loserville.
We can drive there. We can make it. Okay?
We can get you the... We can even write you a check right now.
We don't have much of a choice. And maybe she's heard from Doug.
We don't have to tell her everything. We can leave out the stuff...
We don't remember anything that happened last night...
We fucked up.
We fucked up.
We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend.
We got it. Alan, just relax. And then just... There we go.
We had to push it the last mile.
We have so much to do. I... I'm gonna cancel.
We just need a credit card on file.
We just need to be completely honest. We need to tell her everything.
We look at these pictures together, okay? One time.
We made a deal, no talking to girlfriends or wives.
We met the, uh, proprietor.
We moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake?
We need her address. She filled out some paperwork, right?
We need this marriage annulled. You do annulments?
We should come back next week, take the whole city down.
We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up.
We wait.
We were shooting craps. You don't remember?
We won't charge you until check out, so you can figure it out then.
We, uh, stole it from these dumb ass cops.
We'll be sure to do that.
We'll search the car for clues and everything's gonna be okay.
We're all best friends.
We're going up?
We're gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay.
We're gonna get you back to Tyson And your cozy tiger bed
We're in a hurry to get back, so we gotta get going.
We're on your side. I hate Godzilla! I hate him too. I hate him!
We're so much better off now.
We're the best three friends That anybody could have
We're the three best friends That anyone can have
We're the three best friends That anyone could have
We're thinking of spending the night...
We've got some good news, and we've got some bad news.
We've seen it before. He just needs a little extra charge.
Well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man...
Well, apparently you guys met at a craps table late last night.
Well, at least take the bag off his head! Fuck!
Well, give me the 20 and I'll cover the rest.
Well, I'm sure if there is one, Phil will sniff it out.
Well, it was, um...
Well, listen...
Well, Stu, Stu, this is a good thing. We have a lead now.
Well, technically I'm an escort, but stripping's a great way to meet the clients.
Well, the first thing was we were on the roof...
Well, then we're shit out of luck
Well, then why did I do it, huh? Because I did it. Riddle me that.
Well, there has to be an explanation.
Well, there was a snafu when we stopped...
Well, we have one villa available, and it's 4200 for the night.
Well, who told you it was ecstasy?
Wenneck, Price, Garner. Room 3.
Wha... What happened to Omar?
What about groundies? That's a good new name for them.
What about the baby?
What about the one after that?
What about the tiger? What if he got out?
What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth. I have no idea how it happened.
What are we gonna do? We are so fucked.
What are you doing, man?
What are you doing? Hey, guys. Check it out. Watch this.
What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in five hours.
What are you talking about?
What do tigers dream of
What do we do now?
What do you got over there, Alan? That's the Eiffel Tower.
What do you mean?
What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to get coffee...
What do you say?
What else? Um...
What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?
What happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me?
What if something happened to Doug? Something bad.
What is this? Oh, my God. That is my tooth.
What the fuck happened last night?
What the fuck is going on?!
What the fuck is that?
What the fuck was that?
What the fuck, man, you gotta hold it together.
What the fuck, Stu? Is that a baby?
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hung over.
What the hell is going on?
What was that?
What you talking about, Willis? That him.
What you think, about 40 minutes?
What, I did that?
What, so, what are you saying, I was ****d last night?
What?
What?
What? I've found a baby before.
What? It's true. It's true. You know it's true. She beats him.
What's going on, man?
What's going on, you fucking crazy motherfucker?
What's on your arm?
What's the last thing we remember doing last night?
Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever, speak a word of it.
When they take a little tiger snooze?
When we got back, we took a look at the security cameras.
Where were you? And why are you so red?
Where you at, Doug?
Where's Doug?
Whew.
Which part of this is fun?
Who brought this guy?
Who the hell was that guy? That's my buddy.
Who was that guy? He was so mean.
Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher, I got a family, okay?
Whoa, Max. What gives? What, no planetarium?
Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car.
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa. I'm with you, I'm with you!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Whose fucking baby is that?
Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper.
Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night?
Why did I pull out my own tooth?
Why did you do that?
Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?
Why don't you just let that go to voicemail?
Why don't you just pay attention? I don't have all night.
Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute?
Why is that, Alan?
Why not floories, right? Because when you take them...
Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?
Why would I risk this for, you know, a couple of minutes...
Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery. That's a goat.
Why would you give us ecstasy?
Why you making trouble for my business, man?
Why, is this Jeopardy? What the fuck is this bullshit?
Why'd I do it?
With all this, that's $82,400.
Wow, you are the world's shittiest drug dealer.
Wow.
Yeah, and she's beautiful, man. Clean, very tight. Tits like that.
Yeah, because if it's untamed, it won't take the kerosene as well.
Yeah, Doug told me she had sex with a pilot or something.
Yeah, Doug. His wallet and his room key is in there.
Yeah, I checked all the rooms. No one's here.
Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside, you guys.
Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one.
Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone.
Yeah, I was the keynote speaker. I was late to the podium.
Yeah, I was, uh...
Yeah, I'm fine. Alan, I'm sorry.
Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy.
Yeah, it's over at impound right now. We picked it up at 5 a. m. This morning...
Yeah, just have a little...
Yeah, like the salad.
Yeah, listen.
Yeah, listen.
Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive.
Yeah, no, there's no TVs, no phones.
Yeah, of course. Of course.
Yeah, okay. You love us and we love you. Terrific.
Yeah, okay. You love us and we love you. Terrific.
Yeah, some laughs. I got you.
Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah, was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings here?
Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car...
Yeah, you better walk on.
Yeah, you said he was your lucky charm, and you want to take him home with you.
Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist.
Yeah, you're right, Phil, it's totally a good thing.
Yeah!
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Clearly. Yeah.
Yeah. He was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were.
Yeah. How could someone have drugged all of us?
Yeah. I just wish we could actually remember some of it.
Yeah. I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud.
Yeah. Like a date. Only, one that hopefully I'll remember.
Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow.
Yeah. No, it's so quaint.
Yeah. Some of it's even worse than we thought.
Yeah. That's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?
Yeah. The suite is... It's ridiculous. It's out of control.
Yeah. We have a reservation under Dr. Price.
Yeah. You wanna explain it to them, Alan?
Yes, Alan, we are ready to let the dogs out.
Yes, Daddy.
You all right? Are you okay? Mm hm.
You are awesome.
You are cracking my balls, man.
You are literally too stupid to insult.
You came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs. No big deal.
You can do this. Just focus.
You can't just do that. You can't just tase people because you think it's funny.
You cannot be serious.
You chill out, goatee!
You did?
You do if you're getting married.
You don't get it. Melissa checks my statements.
You don't need to thank me, it's nothing. He's a cool guy.
You don't remember nothing?
You fucking asshole!
You fucking calm down! He drugged us. I lost a tooth. I married a whore.
You got a fire hose, man?
You got clawed! You're bleeding!
You guys are awe...
You guys are retarded, you know that?
You guys kept talking about some wedding last night.
You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner.
You heard me. Don't look at me, either.
You heard me. It's Sin City.
You just nailed the baby.
You kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it.
You kept talking about some wedding you just came from.
You know what, guys? I don't even remember going to dinner.
You know what?
You know what?
You know what? He's not our good fr... We don't know him that well.
You know, Doug, I was thinking...
You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass...
You know, I don't need to go to Vegas. It's dumb.
You know, I just have to say...
You know, Phil and Stu, they're your buddies, and it's your bachelor party.
You know, when you go to Vegas...
You look good, you got some color. I'm jealous.
You mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy?
You okay?
You probably get this a lot.
You really came through, thank you.
You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?
You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring?
You said, "You're more likely to wind up on the floor than... "
You see, whatever happens here tonight may as well never have happened at all...
You see?
You sure? I'm good.
You think I knew that, Stu?
You think it's strange you've been in a relationship for years...
You wanna stay an extra night? But the wedding's tomorrow.
You want chicks? I can get you beautiful chicks...
You were on a heater, and he played your hot streak.
You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys fucking with me?
You're already married, so we're good there.
You're an idiot.
You're freaking me out, man.
You're gonna mess the car up.
You're gonna overflow the pool, man.
You're good, you got it.
You're holding 50,000 volts, little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning.
You're nuts!
You're okay. Ha, ha, ha!
You're right, it is gross. Mm mm.
You're such a bad person.
You're welcome. It's only because I love you.
You're... You...
You've reached Doug. Sorry I missed your call.
Your glasses are fine, dick.
Aah! No.
Aah! Oh, my God.
Ah. That's nasty. Mmm. How that sound?
Alan should do it. Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson.
Alan, it's fine. It's down. No, I gotta get it down first.
Alan, where's his purse? I don't know.
Alan, where's the car? It's on its way.
Alan, you're the man. You are too, Phil.
All good with Melissa? Oh, yeah.
All right, all right. Let's go.
All right, let's go. Yeah.
All right. All right.
All right. No.
Am I all right over there, Alan? Yeah, you're good.
And one other guy. That's our guy. Was he okay?
And then we delete the evidence. I say we delete it right now.
Animal. Who's this?
Anything? Hmm, I got a cigar.
Anything? I tried them all.
Are you guys okay? What the fuck?
Are you serious? What do you think?
Awesome. All right, all right. Okay. Uh...
Ben. Carlos.
Boy, you've got a sweet ride there. Don't touch it.
But it's not tonight, right? No, I don't think so.
But that's because she had a baby. That explains the baby.
Bye. Bye.
Can I ask you another question? Sure.
Can I ride shotgun? Don't touch me.
Check this out. Oh, no. No, Phil. No, Phil.
Cheers. Cheers.
Classic. That's funny. Ha ha.
Come on, champ. I'm sorry?
Come on, chop chop. Okay, spin around.
Congratulations, buddy. Congratulations to you.
Congratulations, Stu, you got married. This... This can't be happening.
Cool. Thanks, Mr. Wenneck. Yeah.
Daddy. Hey, my man.
Deal? Deal.
Deal. Deal.
Did Caesar live here? Um, no.
Did you find it? Nope.
Did you guys see him? I was fast asleep.
Do you need a doctor? He's good.
Do you remember? Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey.
Don't answer. I have to. She's called twice already!
Don't... Why did you...? Damn it.
Doug! Doug!
Doug! Doug, you up here, buddy?
Doug? Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug.
Doug's in the car! Doug's in the car! Doug, it's okay!
Doug's in the trunk. Oh, fuck! Holy shit!
Enjoy the car? Mm hm.
Ew. Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza? Yes.
Fine. I'll do it. Can I help?
Fuck. Okay. She's wearing it.
Get it out of the car. Gross, it's wet.
Get out of the car! It's a baby goat.
Give him the money, Stu. Okay.
Go away from here. Get out of the car!
Go, out of the car! What was that?
Goddamn it! Gosh darn it!
Good idea. There it is. Good call.
Guys, come on up here. Fine.
Ha. I knew it. Dad.
He ended up winning just under 80 grand. No shit? Eighty grand is nice.
He shot Eddie! Fuck this shit!
He... That's... The Doug we're looking for is a white.
He's actually kind of funny. Yeah, he means well.
He's alive. What the fuck is going on?
He's getting very close to my shaft. All done. You can change now.
He's okay. Oh, good.
He's on the roof, Alan. Yes.
Hello? Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
Hello? Alan.
Here. Alan...
Here's your car, officers. Oh, God.
Hey, bud. You okay? No. Not okay.
Hey, congrats. Thank you.
Hey, fellas. Rough night? Mm hm.
Hey, guys? Look what I found. Whoa, that's my camera.
Hey, hey, easy with that shit. Come on. Sorry.
Hey, Neeco! Hey. What's up, Alan?
Hey, Phil, what about my dad's car? I'm sure Doug has it. We'll get it back.
Hey, Tracy! It's Phil. Hey, Phil.
Hey, uh, these seats taken? No, feel free.
Hey, what are you doing next weekend? I don't know. Working. Why?
Hey! There's a baby on board! Someone just said "baby. "
Highway robbery. It's criminal.
His legs look fine, Dad. Oh, please.
Holy shit. She is super hot.
Holy shit. Yes.
Holy shit. You think he's still up there? There's only one way to find out.
How dare you! She's a nice lady. You are such a fucking moron.
How you doing? I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs.
How's my hair? It looks good.
I can't do it. Get your fucking hand back in there...
I don't believe these guys, man. Wait, how did you guys find us?
I don't care if we kill someone. What?
I don't know, because I don't remember. Shh. Stu. Stu, keep it down.
I don't want the thing. Hey! Come on.
I fully agree. Oh.
I give it six months. You're a dick.
I got a question for you. What's up?
I gotta call you back. Bye. Come on.
I have whiplash. Get this other fat boy.
I may never go back. I might stay in Vegas. Here we go.
I mean, should we be worried? No.
I see assholes like you every day. Every fucking day.
I should go. That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
I spend my life waiting for you. Come on. Okay. I'm going.
I think the cop car part's pretty cool. Thank you, Alan. It is cool.
I told you he'd get it. I did say that.
I want to... I'd like to...
I was so upset when my grandpa died. Oh, I'm s... How'd he die?
I'll stick. Oh, fuck you! Fuck you!
I'm driving. Whoa, no chance, buddy...
I'm getting married today. Yes, you are.
I'm getting my bartender's license. Suck my dick.
I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids. Hi.
I'm not sure. Is there a payphone bank?
If that's cool. Of course, Stu. That is cool.
Is he missing a tooth? Yeah.
Is it awesome? It's pretty awesome.
Is it cool like Phil's? It's classic Phil.
It happens. Whoa. Hold on a beat, okay?
It was a real pleasure meeting you. Fuck off.
It was in the back seat of the car. Oh, Go... Are there photos on it?
It's Alan. Tracy's brother. I met you, like, four times.
It's big. Gigantic. You okay, buddy?
It's good. Get in. No. Safety first.
It's in the hotel room, right? Yeah, we can get it.
It's not fancy if it's true. He's a dentist. Don't get too excited.
It's okay, baby. Stu, we don't have time for this.
It's okay. It's not your fault, Doug. Don't touch me. Shut up.
It's Phil. Oh, hey, Phi...
Just give me one second. We will leave without you.
Las Vegas Police! Freeze! Okay.
Let's just take it easy. This is my wife. It's hurting.
Let's worry about the car later. Uh, guys? Check it out.
Listen... Let's go!
Look at the view up here. You happy?
Look, it's Jade, right? Very funny, Phil.
Lucky charm. Oh, it's just funny.
Maybe... Should I wait outside? I think that's a good idea, Alan.
Nice car. Yeah.
No fucking way. Give me that. Wa... Wa... Wait.
No shit. Yeah.
No, that's our missing friend. I don't give a fuck.
No. Come on. I'll be your Doug. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take him back.
Not up in here! Oh.
Not you. Doug, what did you say before? I said groundies.
Of course he did. You won.
Oh, Carlos. Carlos. Great. All right.
Oh, God. Look at that.
Oh, goddamn it. I don't fucking believe it. Whoo!
Oh, I bet you... What's his name?
Oh, it's Doug. Oh, thank God he's alive.
Oh, Jesus! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Ha, ha, ha.
Oh, my God! That was awesome!
Oh, my God! Fuck it!
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Oh, no, no, no. Please put those back. Wait, I'm just hungry.
Oh, ow. You all right?
Oh, really? That's why you're single? Yeah.
Oh, shit. See?
Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding. See? See?
Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh. I'm panicking.
Okay, okay, Al. Al, I'll check it out. Don't go in.
Okay, okay. All right, fine, fine. What do you want?
Okay, that's not what you do. Really?
Okay, we'll see you soon. Bye. Stu.
Okay. Oh, no.
Okay. Whoa. Whoa. Stu, Stu, Stu.
Open it! Open it! Open it! Okay, okay, okay.
Perfect. Alan, come here, buddy. Get in here, crazy.
Phil, do not go in the bathroom. Al, just calm down. It's me.
Phil, he's got a gun! No shit he's got a gun!
Phil. Listen, Trace, I'm really sorry. I...
Please, with the language. Yes.
Prius? You're taking a Prius to Vegas? Yeah.
Pull yourself together, man. Not at the table, Carlos.
Really? Yeah.
Really? Yeah. Well, we'll talk about it.
Really? Come on, we're family now.
Really? Okay. Upsy daisy, there.
Remember to put Armor All on the tires? Mm hm. Mm hm.
Right? A little J‰germeister.
Rowr. Oh.
Shit! Shoot!
Shit. Heh, heh, heh.
Smart. Savvy.
So I just curled up next to Stu. Uh huh.
So long, gay boys. Wait a second.
Still? Yeah, you're totally right. I'm sorry.
Stu, you got a five? No.
Stu? Little help? Shut up.
Stu? You avoiding me? Hey. Melissa.
Stu. Come on. Stu. Come on.
Stu. What the fuck is going on? We went to Las Vegas.
Stuey, congratulations! Thank you, Doug.
Tell me what, Sid? The Mercedes.
Tell me what? Careful, Doug. These women...
Thank you. Hey.
Thank you. No, thank you.
Thanks, Neeco. You got it, man.
That is not how this works! Oh, good.
That was insane. We almost just died. You should have seen your face.
That was Mike Tyson. Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson.
That's a beautiful ring. Yeah. It's my grandmother's.
That's a used condom, Alan. Oh, God. Blech!
That's great news. That's great. See?
That's highly unlikely. It's true.
That's it. Goddamn it.
That's it. That's good.
That's right. Wait a sec. What?
That's weird. What is this, a snakeskin?
There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom. It's not our baby.
There's a person in there.
There's a tiger in there. No, there isn't.
These mugs. This hat. This car. Hey!
They let us go, who cares? I care!
They women's shoes? I don't know.
This guy? This guy is out of his mind.
This is great. Whoa!
This is yours. Oh, thank you.
This never happened. I'll take care of it. Come on. Put it here.
This whole thing was stupid. Huh.
Too many. Yes!
Torch it? Who are you? I don't know, Phil.
Two weeks? Yeah, he's excited.
Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding. The wedding. Okay. Great.
Uh... It should be pretty mellow. Mm hm.
Wait a second. I'll go over. I'll go over.
Wait, what did you just say? Rapies.
Wait. He sold you the Ruphylin? Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru...? Wha...?
Wait. How did you figure that out? Doug made me realize it.
We are back, baby. We are fucking back. We're back. Classic.
We couldn't be more excited. Ah, that's great.
We'll split it. Are you crazy? No, this is on us.
We'll take it. Give her your credit card. I can't give her my credit card.
We're going up, guys. Yeah, that's perfect.
We're not even gonna be in the room. It's unnecessary.
Well done. Give her a hand, everybody. Good job. Good job.
Well, how much you got on you? I don't know.
Well, I know, but... Stu, what the fuck?
What about Burbank? Sold out.
What am I gonna tell my dad? Alan, relax. It's just the inside.
What are you getting at? Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?
What are you talking about? I don't care.
What are you talking about? The bachelor party, the whole night. It...
What do you mean? I'm not getting a sig on my beeper.
What if they don't remember us? Well, let's just find out.
What is that? Blood brothers.
What is the matter? I don't know.
What makes you say that? When I woke up on the roof...
What room was it again? It's 825.
What signal? Flash your lights. Let him know it's on.
What the fuck is that? Jesus, Phil.
What the fuck, man? I know where Doug is.
What the fuck? Or you can shoot it from a distance.
What the hell happened to you guys? Actually, we were hoping you could tell us.
What the hell is that? What do you think?
What was I thinking? You were really fucked up.
What? Do what?
What? Every flight to L.A. Is booked.
What? I'm sorry, I fudged up, guys.
What? Or a Chuck E. Cheese.
What? Our friend?
What? The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa.
What? Toodle oo, motherfucker.
What? We can't find Doug.
What? We were at the Bellagio?
What? A ferret? Yeah. Yeah.
What? You have baseball caps, huh?
What? Your purse? That's not a purse, it's a satchel.
What...? What do you got there?
What's going on? There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
What's on? The deal.
What's this? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whatever. It's funny, because just the other day...
Where are you guys? We are at the spa at the hotel.
Where is he? I don't know! What are you talking about?
Where the hell is he? Hey, easy, easy.
Where? Coffee Bean.
Where's Alan? He, uh, he went downstairs.
Who cares, man? Do you know, Stu?
Who gives a shit? Where is Doug? I am Doug.
Who the hell are you? No, who are you?
Whoa, look out. Oh, shit.
Whoa, wait. What's going on? Doug was trying to signal someone.
Whose are those? I don't know. It's a men's size 6.
Why are you being so quiet? I'm not being quiet.
World War II. Died in battle?
Wow. All right. Oh, thank God.
Yeah, but... Just wedge the door open.
Yeah, it's in there. Guys, one time.
Yeah, thanks. And how exactly are you gonna do that?
Yeah, we threw it out the window. No, impossible.
Yeah. Dude, I was being sarcastic.
Yeah. Why would I ever need, like...
Yeah. You saw him?
Yeah. What's wrong? I shouldn't be here.
Yeah. Whoo! Woo hoo. Woo hoo.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yes! Oh!
You all right? Yeah.
You can't open windows in Vegas hotels. Well, then how did it get...?
You did pull out your own tooth. I...?
You drugged us? No, I didn't drug you.
You ever seen a baby do that? Dude, Alan, not cool.
You found a baby before? Yeah.
You gonna fuck on me? Nobody's gonna fuck on you!
You good with that? No, I'm not.
You had us worried there for a second. Sorry.
You have Doug? You know about our friend?
You know him? This is the guy that sold me the bad drugs.
You know how difficult that was? That's really sweet.
You know this. I'm a stripper. Mm hm.
You know what I'm talking about? No. Don't know.
You know what? I want the 100 back. No, no. Easy.
You okay? Aren't we riding an elevator?
You okay? Yeah, Alan. I'm fine.
You should be proud of yourself. She's wearing my grandmother's ring!
You stole a police car. We didn't steal anything. Um, we found it.
You sure? I mean, you love this car. Doug, it's just a car.
You told me it was a bartender. Oh, you're right. I stand corrected.
You wanna back out? Shut up.
You wanted to see me? Yeah.
You were in the hospital last night. I guess so, yeah.
You're late. Whatever, man.
You're not really wearing that, are you? Wearing what?
You're right. And if you ever do... What?
Your language is offensive. Fuck you!
Your name's Doug? Yes, I'm Doug.
...about me marrying a hooker.
...and $90 for the field trip to the Griffith Observatory next weekend.
...and I came back and you were gone.
...and steer the car. I'm too nervous.
...and we lost Doug.
...and we're gonna come back in the morning.
...and were having those shots of J‰ger.
...and you guys don't need people talking about...
...and you have to lie about Vegas?
...because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a retard.
...because of the strength of love and of promises kept.
...because this circle's about as far as it's ever gonna go.
...because your wife's brother's there. I just...
...before we give you the money, just to verify that he's okay.
...but a minor speed bump...
...but do you think we could go to your house and look around...
...but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
...but it's no problem. Good price for you.
...but the four of us will never forget.
...can't be trusted.
...Doug is fine. Well, why hasn't he called?
...from the Eastern Bloc. No questions.
...grinding and dry humping the fucking stage up there...
...he starts screaming like crazy and throw me in trunk?
...how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect.
...how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night.
...I gotta tell you, man, this was a gorgeous wedding.
...I happened to find $80,000 worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket.
...I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature.
...I make a toast. Whoa.
...I slipped something in our J‰germeister.
...I will fucking kick your ass.
...I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you.
...if I may, um...
...in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage.
...looking for strippers and cocaine. "
...me and my boy, we was wondering why they even call them roofies.
...not like that conference in Phoenix.
...of some 19 year old hard body in a schoolgirl outfit?
...or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers.
...or they bill you. That's pretty neat.
...parked in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard.
...put your own credit card down. Watch this.
...running around the desert together in Las Vegas...
...see if there's any clues?
...so he would wake up on the roof. Like that time in summer camp.
...so help us out a little here.
...so thank you.
...so that gives us a 12 hour window where we could have lost him.
...that I prepared...
...that little girl...
...that would look really bad on me.
...that's somebody's daughter up there. I was just gonna say that.
...to never, ever put you through anything like this again.
...to pull out your own tooth.
...tonight. All right, Alan.
...tonight. All right, Alan.
...was with us at 3:30, totally alive.
...we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning.
...we're about to go for a tractor ride. What the fuck?
...when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought:
...where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers.
...which, incidentally, is completely destroyed.
...with a meth head butt fucking his corpse.
...with a missing child in the back seat.
...you gotta go to Vegas.
...you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day.
...you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof.
'Wait a second. Could it be? ' And now, I know for sure.
"Four of us wolves...
"Hello.
"Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid!