National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985) Edit

A dream kitchen with brand new major appliances! And for Clark...

A festival.

A little memento before we go away, I just got the kids.

A real idiot.

A thing of glory for a million future generations to see.

All right, that's one for Clark.

All right! I'm from Chicago.

All the French wear these. It's the national hat.

American Explorers. Griswalds.

An American! Delighted to meet you.

And I left him all alone in that piazza.

And I like her thin. She eats too much.

And I think that you are really bellissimo also.

And my daughters, Audrey and Rusty.

And Rusty and Audrey. They've gotten bigger since the pictures.

And she's alone.

And speaking of rocks...

And these bubbles...

And we were here.

Anybody here?

Are you enjoying our country?

Are you from America?

Are you taking any calls?

As President of the Griswald Republic, I move we go to Europe.

At what hotel are we staying?

Audrey, I've missed the shit out of you.

Audrey, please eat something.

Audrey, your father didn't really mean what he said.

Audrey.

Back there.

Be a pig!

Be right as rain tomorrow. The final isn't till Sunday.

Because I raised your allowance.

Beer after beer

Before we met, my life was horrible and meaningless. Wasn't yours?

Berets.

Bitch.

Built to stand the test of time and the elements.

Buongiorno.

But if I'm with my parents, who really cares?

But they're from Akron.

But this is different, because Debbie is my best friend, don't you think?

By the way, I've been good. I haven't complained or tried to escape.

Call the front desk. Something's wrong with this thing.

Camembert cheese is also produced on a large scale...

Can I get you some help? Get you to a phone?

Can I help you?

Can't we slow down a little bit? I'm exhausted.

Carry that. I'll get the luggage out. Rusty, we could use your help.

Che fa?

Cheer up. I promised you a night on the town.

Chicago. We're from Akron.

Clark Griswald. United States of America.

Clark, could I have the coat check?

Clark, does this look like the room in the brochure?

Clark, I thought we'd talk. What are we doing?

Clark, it's just as I imagined.

Clark, it's time for your big decision.

Clark, let him go.

Clark, of Lewis and Clark.

Clark, there isn't anything on that tape that shouldn't be there, is there?

Clark, where are you going?

Clark, why don't you and I go alone? It's obvious the kids don't even want to go.

Clark! I think this is something historical.

Coca Cola for the les enfants.

Cold!

Come here.

Come on now, Russ. Loosen up.

Come on out here!

Come on, Dad.

Come on, Dad.

Come over here. Show yourselves.

Could you photograph us?

Dad could rip out my tongue, that's what.

Dad, Grandma's from Chicago.

Dad, he's speaking English.

Dad, I made a decision.

Dad, I think he's gonna pork her.

Dad, look. Bedpans.

Dad, we've been together every second for the last two weeks!

Dad.

Darn it all!

Debbie, Audrey!

Deluxe accommodations at the sumptuous Royal lmperial Windsor Arms...

Di.

Dipplestrabe.

Do you ever get to leave here?

Do you want that in the can?

Do you want to keep them...

Don't be stupid. We never kill anyone.

Don't do it. Nobody ever wins the grand prize.

Don't fight it, Ellen.

Don't I just sign? Pig in a Poke takes care of this.

Don't stop.

Don't talk back.

Don't worry about a little thing like this.

Don't you want to see the Colosseum before you die?

Down with the feet, hip distance apart...

Du brie.

Either that or they're Siamese twins.

Ellen Griswald.

Enjoying Paris?

Et moi, I'll have the veau, the veal.

European standards of public behavior are different than ours.

Everybody ready? We got a schedule to keep.

Everybody, get closer to the fountain.

Everybody, listen up.

Everyone's so rude.

Excuse me. There's a man in the trunk.

Excuse me. We lost only $1,000. This is $3,000.

Exhale and raise your arms over your head. Reach with the right...

Finally, there's one of them.

Find your father!

First, Clark, remind our audience who you are and what you do.

For at least a week

For the grand prize, what lieutenant led that expedition?

Forget your vote! I'm seceding from the Union...

France is world famous for its cuisine, so anything will be great.

Fritz, Clark Griswald. Good to see you.

Froegers, since you're the challengers, you get to pick the first category.

Fromage!

Garcon.

Gay Paris. The City of Lights.

Get back here!

Get out! There goes the paint job.

Go help in the kitchen. Help Helga out.

God, he was nice.

God, I miss Jack.

God, I miss Jack.

God, I must say, the English are certainly...

God, it's so good to have someone to talk to.

God, that's Dad!

Good choice.

Good heavens, no. No need for money.

Good idea. We'll get a move on.

Good luck to all of you. Now, let's take a look at our categories.

Great. Are you happy, Dad? She's dead.

Have you seen the Louvre yet?

He came.

He is a pig. He is!

He isn't going to pork her. Now eat.

He kidnapped my wife.

He may pork her. Just eat, okay?

He must be worth something.

He promised me he'd erase that. He promised me he'd erase it.

He wouldn't even notice if you kept it short.

He's got his hands on her tits right at the table.

He's not a pig.

He's not really going to cut off his balls. Are you, Clark?

He's very jealous.

Hello, Ellen.

Hello!

Here we are, kids. Chez Griswald.

Here we are.

Here's our English transportation. Now we'll have some fun.

Here's the baby.

Here's the star of our show, Kent Winkdale.

Here's your cousin Al. He's a hotshot lawyer.

Hey, Chuck.

Hey, Dad, there's the Colosseum!

Hey, you! Come on!

Hey, you! Come on! Come on, don't be afraid.

Hi, Rusty.

Hi, sweetie. You want some breakfast?

Hold it!

Holy shit!

Honey, I wouldn't want the kids to see me in something like this.

Honey, speak the language, they're going to be nice. Just try.

How did you enjoy shopping today?

Hurry up!

I am, too! I'm 15 years old, a world traveler.

I believe we have reservations for four.

I bet America's missed the Griswalds.

I can be big about this. We'll be a democracy. Everybody votes.

I can't leave Jack. Besides, the food in Europe is fattening.

I can't stand it. I'll never make it through two weeks.

I can't stand the thought of being away from you for whole two weeks.

I can't wait to meet our relatives, in person.

I can't wait to meet our relatives, in person.

I certainly hate to see our customers inconvenienced.

I didn't know you rented cars.

I didn't think so.

I do hope we could have the first dance.

I don't know if I can do that.

I don't know. Kent, we'd like The Geography of the Brain.

I don't want anyone to see me like this.

I don't want to be away. I want my Sparky back.

I don't want to see the Colosseum. I want to see Jack!

I feel like an idiot because of this stupid hat you made me wear.

I feel my juices are just... It makes me so...

I feel totally scuzzed out.

I felt like staying in.

I get confused with the numerous doors.

I got a good idea.

I got a mild case of herpes. I'll just get out.

I got it because the saleslady said it's one of a kind.

I got the hang of it now.

I guess I sign this.

I guess it's true. Paris is for lovers.

I hate to bother you, but we're staying at the Royal lmperial Windsor Arms.

I hate to see a beautiful woman drink bad wine.

I hate you.

I have a part time job. I need my independence.

I have a philosophy about dealing with my parents.

I have to warn you, I'm feeling very naughty tonight.

I know this car.

I know, I can't seem to get over to the left. I'll try next time.

I know.

I know.

I lost about $200.

I love these.

I love you, Sparky. You're my hero.

I love you.

I miss you so much it hurts.

I never realized how much I've missed America.

I never thought I'd be so glad to see the Statue of Liberty.

I put Clark.

I realize that, honey. I'm also on the wrong side of the car.

I said Rome, not Paris. This is Paris, and you're drunk.

I said Rome, not Paris. This is Paris, and you're drunk.

I said the F word in front of my children!

I second the motion.

I should thank you.

I sign Griswald first, right? No, I put Clark.

I think Dad's lost all sense of reality.

I think he is.

I think I made a mistake. Is my wife in here?

I think I'm going to like this democracy stuff.

I think I've had enough French culture for one evening.

I think you'll feel better if you lie down.

I thought it would be really nice to be alone.

I thought this was going to be...

I vote for shopping.

I vote we don't get anything else to eat.

I vote we don't see any more museums.

I vote we don't talk about schedules anymore.

I vote we don't talk at all until we get to Rome and everybody calms down.

I want a wake up call for 7 a.m., please. Good night.

I want to call the airport.

I want to go home. I miss Jack.

I want to sculpt something massive.

I want to talk to you.

I want to write. I want to paint.

I want you to book me on a Pan Am flight out of Rome into Chicago today!

I was completely naked. Not completely, I had on a towel.

I was driving on the right side of the road...

I was going to erase it. The guy stole the camera.

I was just thinking. Blood really is thicker than water.

I won my Nobel Prize in 1967.

I won't wear it. It looks stupid. No girl will want to talk to me.

I wonder if anything good's on TV.

I wonder if there's a men's room around here?

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

I'd never go anywhere without you.

I'll be all right.

I'll be back and we'll hit the fountains.

I'll be right down.

I'll get the keys from her.

I'll go get the kids.

I'll just pop into the chemist's.

I'll meet you later at the hotel.

I'll never find another like it. I know it's silly...

I'll put it back on for you.

I'll see you, then.

I'm a ruined woman.

I'm calling the manager.

I'm Clark W. Griswald. I'm in food additives, not preservatives.

I'm Clark W. Griswald. We're the grand prize Pig in a Poke winners.

I'm feeling so high

I'm for that.

I'm fully covered.

I'm glad we decided to be pigs.

I'm glad your appetite's back.

I'm going back to the hotel!

I'm going to erase this.

I'm going to throw up.

I'm having a great time.

I'm leaving.

I'm not hungry.

I'm proud of you guys.

I'm ready. Wait a minute. Okay.

I'm sick of English food. I feel like a blimp.

I'm so horny.

I'm sorry, but I should go to my room now.

I'm sorry. I'm trying to get back to our hotel.

I'm terribly sorry. Are you all right?

I'm very sorry. Let me get... My jacket is caught.

I've been waiting for this. I can't believe we're alone at last.

I've got a creative urge to...

I've got to go.

I've had this bump for ages. Now I have an excuse to fix it.

I've talked so much. What about you? What are your parents like?

If he's going, I'm going.

If I could get the driving straight...

If I'm in school or hanging out or something...

If we get any closer, we'll get all wet.

If we think about it, we can all make some compromises.

If you could just get that stuff in...

If you got the time

If you tell me where you're staying, we'll send the key there.

If you want to salvage our last shred of friendship, do me this favor.

Imagine coming all the way to Rome to meet someone from California.

In 1804, an expedition explored an area...

Instant translation. Souffle means...

Is it your husband?

Is that true?

Is there anybody to help with the luggage?

Is this relationship strong enough for us to consider seeing other people?

Isn't he great?

Isn't this great?

Isn't this your hotel?

It closes in 15 minutes. There are 100,000 works of art to see.

It looks like fun. Come on, kids.

It looks like Massachusetts.

It looks real old, Dad.

It looks real old, Dad.

It stands to reason. The English settled Massachusetts. The old pilgrims.

It was just a little argument. He'll be here any minute.

It'll be a good shot.

It'll look better after I've had a hot bath.

It's 14 times as long as yesterday, and yesterday lasted...

It's a little small.

It's amazing how family ties break through language barriers.

It's amazing. I cannot get left!

It's bound to be here 1,000 more.

It's breathtaking.

It's hot, yeah.

It's just a big sock, really.

It's just a flesh wound.

It's just a leg. I have got another one.

It's magnificent.

It's not bad in England, huh?

It's one of the most fabulous squares in Rome. What's wrong?

It's quaint. I like it.

It's right here under the car.

It's so beautiful, I feel so...

It's so quaint.

It's time for America's favorite game show: Pig in a Poke!

It's time we asked ourselves this question:

It's very hot in here.

It's you. The guy from London.

Jack will always be there.

Jack, you wait here.

Jack?

Je ne comprends pas.

Johnny, remind the folks what they've already won.

Just a little brie, yeah.

Just a minute!

Just follow the others.

Just looking for the Bible. There it is.

Just stay on the right side...

Just think of it. Shopping on Bond Street.

Just you and me.

Keep that. Take it back to New York as a memento.

Kids, Big Ben, Parliament, again.

Kids, help me out. No, please sit.

Kids.

Les enfants desire hamburger et frites.

Let me help you in the kitchen. Come on, kids.

Let me help you.

Let me just check. I've got a wake up call.

Let me take it. You haven't been in any of them.

Let me take you away from this.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get the guy out of the trunk.

Let's go, Russ!

Let's go.

Let's go. We ready to conquer Rome?

Let's keep what we have. I love the Signore Cappuccino.

Let's light it up!

Let's look at the map and go over our schedule.

Let's relax and enjoy the countryside.

Let's see some Roman ruins.

Let's settle down and be reasonable.

Let's start with head rolls.

Let's tally up your bill.

Like normal people.

Look at those things.

Look what you did to them.

Look, kids. Forget it.

Look.

Luckily, Debbie came by to cheer me up.

May I help you?

Maybe it's broken.

Maybe then we can act like mature human beings.

Maybe they don't.

Me neither.

Me, too.

Me, too.

Me, too. We won...

Merveilleux, oui! Les shoes, dans I'eau, vous.

Mom, where are you going?

Monsieur, excusez moi.

Mr. And Mrs. Clark and Ellen Griswald.

Mr. And Mrs. Garland.

Mr. Froeger, tell us about yourselves.

Mum!

My Dad's all right. He's a little slow sometimes.

My family and I are looking for sechs.

My family and I. Would you take a picture of us?

My femme would like to commander the souffle fromage.

My motherland.

My right leg is asleep.

My wife won hers in 1970.

Nice choice.

No one will see you.

No problem at all.

No problem. I'm used to it. Good luck!

No problem. I've calculated the driving time.

No problem. No problem, squire. No harm done.

No, I think they shot this picture from another angle.

No, I'll have it right here.

No, I'm not going to do that. I won't do it.

No, my hotel's over there. Have a nice holiday.

No, thanks!

No, that was a mistake! She doesn't know that.

No, you're scuppered, mate. The place is full of macaroons.

No.

Nobody knows for sure. Some think it's a calendar or an astronomer's tool.

Non fromage, cheese!

Not bad.

Not if we don't vote for it.

Not preservatives!

Not really, honey. He has nothing against Jack.

Not yet.

Nous voulons commander a dejeuner.

Now can we go home?

Now, a fantastic surprise. Back, by popular demand...

Numero, please o.

Of course they do.

Oh, God, Jack, I miss you so much.

Oh, my God!

Oh, no. Please don't.

Oh, please, let me help you.

Oh, shit.

Oh, the Yanks. Follow me.

Oink, oink, my good man.

Oink, oink! We'll be pigs!

Oink, oink. We'll be pigs.

Okay, I won't.

Okay, I'll hold.

Okay, I'll just say hello and good bye. Short.

Okay, just a little bit. That's about it.

Okay, Russ, get over here.

Okay. Cheerio!

Okay. Go over there.

On sick leave. A little holiday. Recovering.

On to Germany, where you'll enjoy a fine meal at Dieter's...

One for Clark.

One for Jack.

One for Rusty.

Only four more miles. Let's go.

Operator, I'd like the number for information.

Order what you want.

Others think it was built by men from outer space.

Our daughter, Ruth, is the youngest female ever to be accepted at Harvard Law School.

Our son, Moe, has just been elected to the board of Microtech...

Pan Am.

Parfait! Impeccable.

Pass the croissants, please. And the butter and jelly.

Pharmacology.

Pig in a poke It pays to be a glutton

Pig in a poke Oink! Oink!

Pig in a poke Oink! Oink! Oink!

Pig in a poke You could win all or nothing

Plymouth Rock. That's where it started.

Push French.

Quiet down! I think I got this one.

Reach out, call up and just say, 'Hi'

Reach out, reach out and touch someone

Really choice?

Remember Ellen from her letters? There she is.

Remember that song you did in college in that musical?

Royal lmperial Windsor! Very nice hotel.

Russ, get in the middle.

Russ, obey your mother.

Russ, what's wrong?

Russell Griswald.

Rusty, give me a hand and set the table.

Rusty.

Second, you know I'd never do anything to injure you.

See that? That's Stonehenge. Fantastic.

Sexy. I love you.

She gets the first dance.

She queens and vacuums.

Should I watch cheese or snow?

Shut up, Russ.

Since 2,000 years before Christ.

So long, motorcycle.

So, Fritz, how you been?

So, let's meet our current champions: The Griswalds.

Something to drink?

Sorry to bother you. You haven't seen a bike around here, have you?

Sorry we're late. I went to the wrong door. Thanks for the invitation.

Sorry. I'm looking for someone else.

Sorry. We'll get out of this jam in a minute.

Sort of.

Souffle. All right. Push English.

Sparky, it's our first night in Paris. Let's do something romantic.

Stand over there. Act like you're setting your watch.

Stay quiet. We'll get you out later.

Still on holiday with the kids?

Still on holiday?

Stop staring.

Sure I can't help?

Sure. Let them go. They're just a couple of ingrates.

Take a last look, kids...

Take my hand!

Take the car keys!

Thank you very much. That's very kind of you.

Thank you.

Thank your father.

Thanks for the directions. Sorry for what happened. You're all right?

Thanks for the marvelous conversation.

Thanks, Dad.

That I just can't stand it

That pig?

That son of a bitch!

That will be...

That's a great way to look at it.

That's all there are.

That's bellissimo.

That's German for six.

That's gone, right? You erased it?

That's great. We'll see it later.

That's how Jack kisses.

That's it! That's the way I want my hair cut!

That's Madrid, Dad.

That's more than an acre to us, Russ.

That's pretty nice of you. I feel bad. At least, let me give you a hand.

That's the whole problem. Let me get this for you.

That's three to one. You lose, fellow.

That's to make up for your trouble.

That's two for Clark.

The Bank of America.

The Colosseum will always be there. It's been there 2,000 years.

The consensus is that it's an ancient timepiece built by the Druids.

The Froegers? No one's ever beaten the Froegers.

The Froegers.

The great thing about traveling is you really appreciate coming home.

The Griswalds are our grand prize winners!

The Griswalds have just won a fabulous European vacation!

The Griswalds in front of a fountain. Major entertainment.

The hills are alive

The Hungarian one. Nobody knows anything about Hungarians.

The Lady Amelia Spicer and the Baron von Richtshofen.

The Left Bank is charming.

The Lord and Lady Poncenby Smythe.

The Pig in a Poke itinerary is just great.

The plane will fly us from Chicago to London.

The police are here. Stay away from the Fiat.

The pyramidal tracts are a housing development outside of Cairo.

The pyramidal tracts...

The question is:

The Royal lmperial Windsor Hotel.

The Statue of Liberty.

The tire isn't flat, so we're in good shape.

Then I guess they'll all talk to me.

Then I rolled on the floor and started going...

Then you should leave, because I'm going to get plastered.

There isn't anything on that tape that shouldn't be there? Remember?

There it is, kids.

There it is!

There she is, kids. The Eiffel Tower.

There they are!

There you go again, Di. Listen, you know the only princess in my life is my wife.

There's another one. Thank you. Good day.

There's Big Ben, Parliament.

There's Buckingham Palace, where the Queen lives and works.

There's number six.

There's Rusty!

There's the hotel. Hey, look, there's Big Ben and there's Parliament.

These are our children, Rusty and Audrey.

These are our last moments together as a family.

They don't even put numbers on the doors.

They don't know what's cool and what's not, so I just put everything on hold.

They said there'd be rooms for four and a rental car waiting for us.

They took my camera!

They'll probably get him on tax evasion.

They're going to hang somebody!

They're just normal parents.

They're mine! How many times do I have to tell you that?

They're not ingrates, they're teenagers.

They're right there. Kids, look who it is! Say hi!

They've done this for eons in France. This is real culture.

This country is eons old, kids. That's centuries, to you and me.

This has been my favorite part of the trip.

This is from the Pig in a Poke show.

This is my wife, Ellen, my son, Rusty, and daughter, Audrey.

This is my wife, Ellen.

This is really rank.

This is ridiculous.

This is the famous Left Bank. Can you guess what's on the other side?

This is the lowest, the worst, Clark!

This is the most humiliating thing you've ever done to me! This is the last straw.

This is the Piazza Navona.

This must be the German dining room. Isn't it nice?

This must be where they sacrificed virgins.

This should spin around for a very long time

This will be for the President of the Republic of Griswald.

This? Think nothing of it. Hardly matters at all.

Time's up. Do you have an answer?

To be accepted, we have to fit in, speak the language...

Today is my turn.

Too bad.

Too many people here. We'll move the car first.

Top of the evening. I'm Clark Griswald from the United States of America.

Traveling with my folks.

Tres bien!

Two things. First, you're never an idiot. You're a Griswald.

Two weeks is nothing.

Understand that?

Une idee! Enlevez les chaussures et dans la fontaine.

Unfortunately, we somehow misplaced the key to the trunk.

Va bene. Non si preoccupi. Faccio io. Lasci stare.

Very good. We need one more. A big strong man.

Votre meilleur vin.

Wait until you see what I got.

Want me to give you a hand with that?

War. You name it.

We are from Chicago.

We can hold him for ransom.

We didn't vote on that.

We don't really speak French.

We have a few more fountains to see, then the Colosseum.

We have a reservation for the honeymoon suite.

We have no proof we lost the travelers checks.

We just drive around this circle. It should be the second left.

We left the stubs in the suitcase.

We never even did it until we got married. Well, at least until we decided to.

We plan to go there.

We seem to have run into a bit of trouble. What rotten luck.

We should have left the children with Helga and Fritz.

We were high school sweethearts.

We'd all look good in some Italian fashions. Got plenty of money.

We'd like to check out, please.

We'll check in and come back for the cases.

We'll fly the whole family to London, England...

We'll get that later. Merci beaucoup.

We'll have a relaxing time with my relatives in Germany.

We'll see some French culture. You'll love it.

We'll write.

We're a family. We're going to Europe as a family.

We're going to a travelers checks place to get our money refunded.

We're in a bind. We lost our luggage, a videotape camera, rented car...

We're leaving in two days.

We're not normal people. We're the Griswalds.

We're the ambassadors of America here.

We're the grand prize Pig in a Poke winners. Oink, oink.

We're the grand prize winners.

We're the Griswalds. I'm Clark, and this is my wife, Ellen.

We're the Griswalds. We have a reservation for two chambres.

We're turning around?

We've been in these clothes for ages. Let's go shopping.

We've decided.

We've got a schedule to keep.

We've got a score to settle, and you know what I mean!

We've got to go if we want to catch that plane.

We've only got four channels, and no MTV.

We've seen everything in Paris, and we're on schedule.

Well, the bed is nice and soft.

Well, you go back the way you came, and you keep going to...

What a waste. We've seen 10 times as much as they have.

What about the family?

What about the fountains?

What are the pyramidal tracts?

What are we going to do with him? Kill him?

What are we looking for?

What are you complaining about? I lost my boyfriend thanks to this vacation.

What are you doing in Rome?

What are you doing in Rome?

What are you doing?

What do you think? C'est magnifique, huh?

What is it?

What kind of woman am I?

What we need now is a dupe. Someone above suspicion...

What's so funny? This is great, isn't it?

What's the matter?

What's this? Do I detect a note of dissension?

Whatever happened to us?

When did you stop shaving your legs?

When me and Jack got together, we'd been seeing other people.

When you come to Chicago, come stay with us.

Where are you going? We're going to the Colosseum at 2:00.

Where would you find a waiter like that in the United States?

Who have I got to be thin for?

Who said, When in Rome, do as the Romans do?

Who the hell called Chicago?

Who wants bratwurst, mustard and relish?

Who will be president?

Why can't Audrey do it?

Why can't you treat me like a man, for once?

Why don't we forget the itinerary and play it by ear?

Why don't we give the kids some free time?

Why don't you call him?

Why don't you just jump in here with me?

Why the sour puss?

Will we really have time to see Stonehenge?

Will you keep what's in the poke, or risk everything...

Will you slow down? The kids are exhausted.

With the sound of Griswald

Works? What does she do?

Write down your choice...

Yeah, Dad. Paris sucks!

Yeah, I erased it.

Yeah, I'll hold.

Yeah, it's not even a good likeness, is it?

Yeah, maximum quaintness.

Yeah, okay. It's fun.

Yeah, they're good for a few laughs, sometimes.

Yeah, we're here. We've just been out shopping.

Yeah! Let's take off our shoes and get in the water.

Yes, he did.

You answered the Thomas Edison question and won car wax.

You bastard!

You don't believe that cock and bull story about the baby being premature?

You don't want to look like a rooster, do you?

You don't want to look like a tourist.

You know Ellen, my wife, and Rusty and Audrey.

You know I'd never do anything to hurt my opinion of myself.

You know.

You look fine.

You must be Helga. We made it.

You promised to erase it!

You ruined what could have been the best day of my life.

You ruined what could have been the best day of my life.

You said, Lower motor neurons. The answer is: Upper motor neurons.

You thought I was cute?

You want the souffle?

You're driving on the wrong side of the road.

You're in bed, already.

You're in Room 714. And please hurry.

You're not too shabby yourself.

You're right.

You're right. This must be one of those old medieval maps.

You're the American I ran into.

You're the champions if you answer correctly.

You've been so sweet. Here's our address.

You've been so sweet. Here's our address.

You've got a bad cut. We better get you to a hospital.

You've got a cast on your leg.

You've won some fantastic prizes.

Your parents are actually pretty cool.

921 feet of historic landmark.

Are you crazy? What could happen?

Can we stop? I'm hungry. Yeah, Dad. Rusty's hungry.

Clark, wait. Sorry.

Clark! That's it!

Come on, we're the visitors here. This isn't Wally World, it's a country.

Could you unlock your legs from my leg? No.

Did you say a left or a right? Just a left.

Don't we have a say in this? I think we should vote on it.

Early Hungarian Cabinet Making. American Explorers.

Give me a French word. Souffle.

Give them to me. No!

Hello? Hello, Jack.

How did you get in? I paid.

How did you get in? I paid.

I don't know where our room is. It's right here.

I give up. Wait a minute, Dad.

I got to go. What?

I guess this happens a lot. No.

I have to eat. Your mom's calling you to dinner?

I vote we stop talking about Jack. I vote for that.

I'm Rusty. Hello.

I'm sorry. No trouble, my dear chap.

I'm surprised at you. I'm surprised at you, Dad.

I'm taking you out to dinner. Out?

It does not include the telephone bill. We just made a couple of local calls.

It doesn't hurt much. I'll pay for the damages.

It's just a hooker. They're everywhere. Look who she is with.

It's too narrow! There's plenty of room.

Le bouton. Poussez.

Let's get our picture taken. No, they're silly.

Let's go to the top, Dad. Yeah. Let's go.

Look. I am looking.

May I see your passports? Of course.

Name? Clark W. Griswald.

No, thank you. I'll have a Coke.

Oui, oui. Merci.

Pig in a Poke. I saw the show. You saw the show?

Really? Yes.

Rusty, come on! Wait a minute.

Sechs. That will do, Audrey.

Sure. Drive carefully. Have a nice day.

Take it easy. I don't believe this!

That bitch! Something the matter, Audrey?

The Nazionale. Very nice.

There's no bathroom. Of course, there's a bathroom.

This guy came in with a toothpaste tube. I went into this lady's room.

This is going to be some vacation, kids. Yeah, Dad.

Those bells haven't rung in years. What does it mean?

Upper! Upper! Nobody wins.

Very sorry, again. No problem.

We know. Big Ben. Parliament.

We're still in it. Froegers, select another category.

What are you talking about? You see?

What happened? Not much. Mom's been kidnapped.

What's wrong? Mom's been kidnapped.

Where's Dad? I'm right here.

Where's my allowance? Where's my passport?

Where's the car? Over there. Here's the keys.

Where's the wheel? Other side, Dad.

Who was that cheap slut? Cherie's not a slut.

Would you pay? No problem.

You look cool. I feel cool.

You remembered? Yes, I thought you were cute.

You speak English? I'm from California.

You won't believe this. I was in the tub. I've been looking for our room.

You'll vote for it. Why should I?

You're mistaken. How could that be?

...$253 American.

...a computer software corporation.

...a ten year supply of Regal Car Polish...

...an eternity.

...and $1,000 in cash. So, I'm just here to get my money back.

...and dance to the gay music of Esther and the Black Forest Girls.

...and finish the best goddamn vacation of our lives.

...and go for the big prize?

...are a complex of multi synaptic lower motor neurons...

...at one of man's most curious creations.

...but I only got it for you.

...color television, radio and telephone.

...combines old world charm and modem convenience.

...forming my own government, and declaring war on you!

...give it to your mother.

...like some kind of second honeymoon.

...make me feel so...

...molded by the thousands in giant factories.

...or risk everything, and be a pig?

...Souffle. It's got to mean something else.

...stomachs pulled in, buttocks tight.

...the all time winningest family in the history of Pig in a Poke:

...the car wax of royalty!

...the king of the family...

...there's all this pressure to act cool or do the right thing.

...to start a two week vacation extravaganza you'll never forget.

...wear French clothes. That's why I got us all berets.

...which interconnect the basal ganglia with the reticular formation.

...which is the left side of the road.

...who will believe anything you tell him.