The Boss (2016) Edit

A bed inside a sofa. That's neat.

A bit.

A ha. What is your name?

A helipad before and it's gonna be fine.

A little back and forth.

A natural born cocksucker, a motherfucker,

A real sad woman with apron strings on, bent over in front of an oven.

A special new badge for the Dandelions.

A wee bit of your Scotch last night.

A word?

About having to do all the baking and doing it at your house.

About the Japanese martial arts?

Absolutely, yeah. Hey, excuse me.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. And, madam, it was an honor.

Absolutely. More power.

Actually, Michelle,

After the match I told Kent, I'd put my family fortune

Agave. No, they're both terrible.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. It was the Go Go Nineties.

Ah...

All I do is win, win, win no matter what Got money on my mind

All I need you to do is swipe that little card, okay?

All I want is money.

All right, give me my freedom.

All right, here's a little joke for everybody.

All right, I think everybody's done with the fugu.

All right, let's fuck this shit up.

All right, listen up, everybody.

All right, now go make some money!

All right, okay. Why don't you take off, Sandy?

All right, well...

All right. Get in there, drum up some good recruits.

All right. I want you to give me the lowdown on this meeting.

All right. What's with all the long faces?

All she does is win, Claire. Toot toot!

Also, by the way, guys, I was googling jail sentences.

Always gotta stretch your boobs when you're nervous.

Am a specialty dancer.

An ass wipe, a shit stain,

An un freaking believably exciting opportunity?

And almost as magical. I feel very lucky.

And by partner, I don't mean like girl on girl kind of stuff.

And by the way, Claire works for me.

And consider staying away from self tanner altogether.

And didn't let anybody weigh me down,

And every time I step up in the building

And expected to make a full recovery.

And fugu for the lady.

And got out of there when the money was right.

And he tried to speak Japanese to the waitress.

And he was like, No dice.

And her yeti of a daughter gets in your face,

And hurt a bunch of kids in the process.

And I am staring at one of them right now.

And I am the 47th wealthiest woman in America.

And I can say that 'cause I'm Scottish!

And I can sell anything I believe in, and I believe in your product.

And I did it just like you taught me.

And I got a hunch that your mom should've stuck with it.

And I got into the most wonderful chip.

And I just wanna say I'm proud of you.

And I just wanna throw it out there

And I know what that means, okay?

And I panicked a little bit

And I should not be able to separate...

And I totally get it if you never talk to me again.

And I want our company back.

And I want you to be able to see the difference.

And I will rectify... Michelle!

And I won't stop now

And I wrote down what you said.

And I'd like to put that in the minutes.

And I'd like to put that in the official transcreept...

And I'll do it.

And I'll give you a free dance on the way down.

And I'll slide into home base.

And I'm gonna make it a picture of a woman.

And I'm hoping, somehow, you can forgive me.

And I'm just about to put a very big fish on the hook as our investor.

And I'm not talking about chump change.

And I'm not talking about some loose dollar bills at the bottom of your purse.

And I'm real sorry I screwed that up.

And I've had a cellie for the last six months.

And if you buy four sets, you get this adorable wagon.

And it's gonna say, You know why

And it's Sunday. No one will be in his offices.

And it's Sunday. No one will be in his offices.

And just darted into the closet.

And just, um...

And maybe pick up my things.

And my sincere I'm sorry.

And not the kind that's supposed to ever be inside the body.

And see her as much as possible.

And see who takes a big sip.

And sewer rat, fuck face, professional.

And she realizes that I have realized it as well...

And she's a shark in court.

And so, due to some unforeseen complications,

And something that doesn't look like you sell ceramics.

And start making pan after pan after pan of brownies,

And tell me if I have any streaks on my hamstrings.

And Terri knows it, 'cause you were in on it, too!

And that, really, you were raised in an orphanage.

And that's why I decided to mentor you. Just let you get too close.

And that's your raise, now. That's a good raise.

And the best selling financial author of Money Talks, Bullshit Walks.

And the meeting goes into the toilet?

And the security gentlemen did mention

And the thought in their head of like, Yes, I can.

And then immediately three people walked back inside.

And then in the back, it says, I never started tryin'.

And then, at the last minute, it just lets you go.

And then, she fell down a flight of stairs.

And they are bettering their community,

And they stay there

And they stay there

And this is my partner.

And we all have our little secrets, Claire. Right?

And what a great first house for Rachel and Claire.

And when I look at that picture, I don't think elite.

And when she realizes it, when that moment of realization crosses her face,

And you can't make decisions without telling me!

And you could turn that badge over and you're gonna realize

And you earned it.

And you grew a pair in the process.

And you hire and spend the night with a fake family.

And you know what? Don't ever speak to her again.

And you were getting up for the morning, I thought, Uh oh.

And you're letting it walk out.

And you're more mad than ever.

And you've always liked collecting my things.

And your pathetic band of rejects?

And, also, you have to start pulling your weight around here.

And, dang it, I shouldn't have sold that company.

And, if so, how many troupes are we talking about here?

And, if you need us, you can always call

And, Terri, you think anybody else

And, you know what else I tried

Another great point by Helen.

Are you crazy, Ron? I'm bleeding!

Are you crazy, Ron? I'm bleeding!

Are you in or are you out?

Are you kidding me?

Are you serious? Like 10 seconds.

Are you stroking out?

Aren't you charming for yelling that out on the street like that.

As soon as we get out I want you to grab the gasoline,

As you already know, my name is Michelle Darnell

Away, Butters!

Bars and structures, things like that.

Baseball

Based on the pyrotechnics we used tonight.

Be my guest and, I don't know, build some

Be wrong to ask for your forgiveness?

Because his name was Spaghetti.

Because I crushed it tonight.

Because I love rejection, so...

Because I'm gonna chop your hand off.

Because I'm Ida Marquette. I know everything.

Because Mom's at work and you're fresh out of prison.

Because they don't have teeth and they don't talk.

Because we were all up there, you know, trading our favorite Dana stories.

Because you also hired all of these people without consulting me.

Because you will never be invited into my basement.

Because you've been laying down for about three weeks.

Because your sofa threw me against a wall,

Before Michelle Darnell screws you over.

Bennett is unresponsive. The actor who plays Grandpa Joe.

Big bird, blondie, over there! Go! Scoot!

Blown across the earth, making a difference.

Bounced around from foster home to foster home,

Bring it on!

Bring us a bottle of whatever the lady would like

Bryce Crean!

Bryce did everything you asked him to do.

But cutting you to ribbons is the only way I'll get satisfaction!

But Detroit is still in the lead for the year with $189,000.

But don't worry. I don't wanna hear it.

But for a very limited amount of time. Okay?

But he asked for the tuna to be really well done.

But I am sorry. So, I'm not...

But I got a great kid out of it.

But I like burgers.

But I will take the date if that's out there.

But I'll look into it.

But I'm going to make you pay through the teeth.

But if I can,

But if it makes it any better,

But if we get caught,

But if you promise not to hurt anybody in this room,

But it was like you were a cult leader.

But it's also a crazy one.

But let's talk cookie sales, that is.

But not stick with, you know?

But that's not what the bottle says.

But this is really good stuff.

But we'll hang. We'll do it. Yeah, we'll totally hang.

But when it is prepared correctly,

But you crushed it tonight!

But you... You were my best protégée.

But you're right. She is an asshole.

But, really, tell me, what's your initial thoughts?

But, you know, he's gonna sell it off.

Buy my brownies or I'll kill you.

Buy my brownies or I'll kill you.

By coming from the east, turning him around,

By the way, don't give him anymore freebies, okay?

Bye, Helen! Good luck with your product!

Bye, Jimberly.

Bye.

Call the proper authorities and turn you in?

Can 't never count me out

Can he do that? Turn off the machine, Don.

Can I just ask you, are these numbers

Can I just put 'em where they're supposed to be?

Can I take a serious note for a minute,

Can we just take a minute and give congrats to Sarah, here?

Can we talk about this for a second?

Can you please stop ringing the door?

Can you, uh, grab the mic for a sec?

Carl, I gave you that Landis account.

Carl.

Cell phone, landline?

Cheers!

Chrystal!

Chuckin' a gun in a garbage can. That's smart.

Claire doesn't wanna suck his dick!

Claire knows this. He's all old school pen and paper.

Claire, call my lawyer. Okay.

Claire, exactly one year from today

Claire, get me a new lawyer.

Claire, I want you to listen to me.

Claire, I'm gonna give you a head start

Claire, if this company is going to work, I need you full time.

Claire, look at me. You have been on

Claire, my quarterback,

Claire, we're gonna start a brownie company.

Claire, you just took it.

Claire!

Claire!

Claire!

Claire! It's like Geppetto!

Claire. That is wildly inappropriate.

Claire. Wow.

Close your robe.

Come here.

Come on, Agnes. Families are for suckers.

Come on, Ida.

Come on, that's not my family.

Come on! Eat up, ladies.

Come on! Every story about a burglar always involves rope.

Come on! There we go!

Come on. Let's go.

Communist youth. All right!

Congratulations on your balls, Claire.

Congratulations, Claire.

Continue eating that delicious spring lamb you heard screaming this morning.

Cool. Cool.

Cool. You guys do that? What's with that?

Could be behind one of those creepy paintings.

Creamy and delicious,

Curious to know who the other one is.

Currently, Darnell Enterprise stocks...

Cut 'em loose and sail off.

Cute as a daisy to me.

Dana, I quit.

Darnell, you are a real asshole.

Darnell!

Darnell's Darlings.

Devote a ton of energy to my kid,

Diabetes cake.

Did she hurt her wonderful body?

Did somebody die?

Did you just try to bribe me?

Did you just...

Did you let a corpse curl up and die in there?

Did you set up a ride?

Did you?

Didn't have to make it that weird.

Dirty badger nests in some kind of tree.

Ditch it.

Do something, Mom.

Do this on the side.

Do what you do. I'm gonna do what I do.

Do you actually think we're gonna need rope?

Do you find that hard to believe?

Do you know what the fascinating thing is

Do you not know what that means?

Do you really not have anywhere to go?

Do you understand me? Dandelions never leave a street fight!

Do you want in or not? You know,

Doctor Oz.

Does that seem accurate to you?

Doesn't sound so chummy.

Don't fight it, Michelle! Let me go!

Don't go in that room.

Don't put your arm in front of me!

Don't say that, Chrystal.

Don't start feelin' bad about good...

Don't tell your mom. Okay.

Don't worry about me. I don't need anybody.

Don't worry. Once I become senior VP,

Don't... You know what? Let's...

Dynamic.

End of broadcast.

Everybody hands go up

Everybody likes to make fun of the baton girls.

Excuse me, you can't just go in there!

Excuse me?

Excuse me. Hi.

Fair enough.

Family, this is Michelle Darnell.

Family? That's a little heavy handed.

Finally, they have a decent guestroom so I can stay over when I get blasted.

Fine, but we gotta get on a schedule if you're gonna be here...

Fine. Fine, let's go to plan B.

First rule of business, pretend to negotiate and then take what you want.

For insider trading and defrauding the Securities Exchange Commission.

For the first time in my life, I'm trying to do the right thing!

For the homies didn't make it and my folks locked down

For trying to sell me out first with Renault so...

For your information, jailbird...

Forget it, Michelle.

Fuck off if you think that you can take

Fuck off, Bryce!

Fuck off, Bryce.

Fuck you, Helen! You fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fucking Tito.

Gals do.

Gayle King ambushed me. You get that segment pulled before it airs.

Get away from there. Come here.

Get me the SEC.

Get out, out of my bed.

Get outta here. Go sell brownies!

Get those hands up!

Get your hands off me.

Get your hands off me.

Girl on girl stuff is really just referring to

Give it up for T Pain!

Give me back what's mine.

Give them empowerment, give them a good sense of self.

Giving up...

Go ahead, go ahead.

Go catch it. Go catch it.

Go for Darnell.

Go fuck yourself.

Go get 'em!

Go grab your backpack, honey.

Go over there. Go over there! Be careful.

Go to hell, Michelle! Go to hell!

God damn it, Helen!

God damn it, Pete.

God damn it.

God, for the last time, you're not a samurai, Ronald.

God, I can't believe I helped you!

God, I need to do more cardio.

God, you keep that shit tight. No!

God, you're the worst.

God. I see why this half of the bed maybe is empty.

God's children are all perfect.

Good decisions.

Good evening. Have a good evening.

Good job.

Good luck earning that!

Good night, Michelle.

Good night!

Good! Darlings!

Got it.

Got twenty bank accounts Accountants count me in

Grandpa Joe... Joe.

Great people, actually.

Great. So, since I have you for a second,

Great. We heard you. Okay.

Guilty as charged.

Guys, it was lovely here.

Ha!

Ha.

Had enough?

Hannah, give me some space.

Has decided I need to go back in for the evening.

Have a good evening, Miss Darnell. Yeah.

Have you not gone to bed yet?

Have you seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre? No.

He has no cell phones, no emails. He leaves no digital trail.

He must have scanned and emailed it a hundred times by now.

He pretended like we didn't know each other.

He seems nice.

He was smelling your hand

He'd be a lot quieter with a penis in his mouth.

He's always playing possum.

He's gotta pay for them, just like everybody else.

He's not getting paid for this.

He's slumped over, asleep. I hope he's asleep.

He's talking too much.

Helen Kreagan.

Helen, we are not trying to poach girls.

Hello, gal. I wasn't into you but I was flattered.

Hello. Hi!

Here we go.

Here.

Hey, do you work at the excuse factory?

Hey, guys! Guys!

Hey, hey. Hey, smile!

Hey, Rach, you know what? Don't go to sleep! Don't go to sleep!

Hey, shit brains!

Hey, suck my dick, Gigantor!

Hey, there!

Hey, there. Hey! How you doing?

Hey, you know what, I went with an old bra tonight, too, so...

Hey!

Hey! This is...

Hey! Yo, Dana! Hey, hey, hey.

Heya, Rachel! Hi. How are you? Hi.

Hi there, Ronald.

Hi, Dana.

Hi, do you have money?

Hi, Helen!

Hi, is there a Claire here?

Hi, Pete. I

Hi, Rachel.

Hi, Raquel!

Hi, Ronald!

Hi!

Hi! I have a message from the new owner of Darnell's Darlings,

Hi! Sorry, baby. Michelle was supposed to pick you up.

Hi! What are you doing?

Hi! Where is Claire?

Hi.

Hi. Do you think maybe we could get two more glasses of the...

Hi. Does Claire Rawlings live here?

Hi. Hello, Claire.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Oh, my God. You look gorgeous.

Hit it!

Hmm. I have to remind you. That seems...

Holy shit!

Holy shit! Son of a bitch!

Holy shit! That is a good brownie.

Holy shit.

Honey or agave nectar?

Honey, why don't you, um, go on inside,

Hoo hoo hoo.

Horrible, horrible feedback from everybody.

How about that?

How about that? I paid a fortune for these.

How could she do that?

How did I get to my success level? What's my secret?

How did you get past the guards?

How do you even know about that?

How does she do it? I want in.

How long has it been since you've had sexual activity?

How to be a good hostess.

How would we even get home?

How you wanted to get your company back.

How'd she survive that?

How'd that taste? Nice.

How's that for a reason?

How's that old ball and chain Pam treatin' ya?

Huh, pretty good stuff, right?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh. I did not peg you for a Cumbersnatch.

Huh. I did not peg you for a Cumbersnatch.

I am a mogul, not a cat burglar.

I am a successful businesswoman.

I am actually a demon. I'm a phoenix.

I am?

I apologized. I heard you.

I bet you got here climbing on my back somehow.

I bet you're a great mom.

I bet. I whistle.

I can barely urinate.

I can get in there tonight,

I can get that contract, and I can take our company back.

I can get the contract and I can take back our country.

I can never get enough

I can see your vagina.

I can't believe you two used to date.

I can't believe... Your mom makes these, right?

I can't continue to work here.

I can't have you here.

I can't just leave my job!

I can't tell if you're joking because I did tell you

I can't work for you anymore. I got a new job.

I couldn't have done it without you.

I deserve a raise and a title change.

I did donate it to just the right person.

I did. Whew. Oh, good.

I didn't count how many there were.

I didn't even set that up.

I didn't have a family, or a mom, or a dad.

I didn't know what was in there.

I dinged my pelvis again.

I do a great job.

I do hate this job.

I do know that you've been complaining pretty consistently

I do not like what you did.

I do some sexy stretches. Like...

I do that a lot. Let's go!

I don't feel it, okay? 100% silicone.

I don't get it, Claire. You didn't...

I don't know about yuck.

I don't know if it's gonna fit if you buy it online.

I don't know what I was... You know.

I don't know what was going on there.

I don't know why you would.

I don't know, Chrystal.

I don't know, sweetie. I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. The last time I was here, I was tipsy.

I don't like sucking dicks.

I don't mean yuck. I meant...

I don't need any of it.

I don't need that.

I don't need the pity,

I don't need you and you're gonna be sorry.

I don't need you two weighing me down!

I don't need you.

I don't think I like sassy Claire.

I don't think that's an option.

I don't think that's true.

I don't think that's... Uh, no.

I don't think you can hire a fire marshal.

I don't think you do.

I don't think you know who you're talking to.

I don't wanna do it,

I don't wanna hog it all.

I don't wanna overdo it. Phew.

I don't wanna see your basement!

I dunno what I'm doing. I'm keeping you from dinner with your family.

I feel kind of sweaty and scared.

I feel kind of sweaty and scared.

I find it very difficult to sleep on my own.

I find that exciting, Claire.

I fixed all that for ya.

I forgot how many people ride the L. It's kind of fascinating.

I got 'em! I got 'em!

I got a guy in Shanghai who can make this same box of cookies, 19 cents.

I got a surprise for all of you guys...

I got it! In his desk drawer,

I got knocked up in grad school by my TA.

I got this promotion locked!

I got this, Tito. Okay? You can sit this one out.

I gotta ask you.

I gotta know how much are you selling these boxes for?

I gotta sit down. Yeah.

I guess you would call it my killing sword.

I had Destiny's Child reunite

I had no idea you were still here.

I had to hold a conversation with a new person for 30 minutes...

I handed you your career and I'm the one that made Pam a sales rep!

I have a felon watching my child.

I have a previously scheduled thing.

I have a video of it. Do you wanna see?

I have been talking ad nauseam here.

I have my own business. Yes, she does.

I have no personal stakes in it. It's just business to me.

I have Rachel to think about.

I have to go get coffee. Yeah, you do.

I have to keep my job, Michelle.

I haven't been with another woman since I've been with you.

I heard everything anyways.

I just came to tell you as a courtesy.

I just don't get it.

I just don't think that it's a good time.

I just thought it was wonderful.

I just wanna say what a great first year for the Darnell's Darlings.

I just wanted you to know that I think you're very nice people.

I just...

I know what I'm gonna do.

I know you don't like sushi.

I know.

I know. But his mouth didn't!

I know. I texted her like 500,000 times.

I know. They're fantastic.

I know. You make a good point.

I leave the room for one minute to talk to my landscaper

I like Gordon Lightfoot.

I like it. I think this looks great.

I love it. Why is there not...

I love this sweater.

I love Tito.

I love you!

I made a blinding amount of money on that deal.

I made a good business...

I made myself available for you 24 hours a day

I made the frame at school.

I made you something.

I may have fudged the initial paperwork. You what?

I may have had a little bit of your Scotch last night

I may have tried to preheat that oven,

I may have tried to preheat that oven,

I mean not a cheese found in nature, but cheese adjacent.

I mean, he has smelled many of my parts,

I mean, I don't have a lot of,

I mean, I thought I should give it to you now

I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I have eyes.

I mean, I'm not even sure that you two look alike.

I mean, it's a terrible job.

I mean, look at me, fighting for my life in the yard.

I mean, that horrible bitch would take teeth

I mean, the old one was very uncomfortable and very dangerous.

I mean, they rallied around her. They loved her more.

I mean, this isn't all of it. This is...

I mean, unless she is currently unsupervised. Then you're a horrible mom.

I mean, what is it, anyway?

I need an investor.

I need to get a sitter.

I need you to bust ass into that kitchen

I never got your name.

I never went nowhere

I object to parolees attending our meetings

I object to parolees attending our meetings

I once made love on a pool table

I really am. I do a lot of fantasy role play.

I rented the van. It's on my credit card.

I run your entire organization, Michelle.

I said I was sorry.

I said, Get your tongue out of the picture.

I saw you sniffing around my bakery.

I saw you.

I see a bunch of press.

I see you eyein' those brownies.

I should not be running with a sword!

I should probably pop it with a little sugar.

I shouldn't have cut you out of that Emerson deal.

I shouldn't have given her that picture of us.

I signed that contract with Renault late Friday night.

I sold the company to Renault last night.

I sold you out. And I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.

I sold you out. And I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.

I stand corrected. Do you want some nuts?

I started a chain reaction.

I started to think of you as family.

I stole the guard's keycard. What?

I swear, some of the words were Spanish.

I take one little tip from an insider

I think I do. And I think I want you to fuck off.

I think I kinda lost my friend

I think I should go.

I think I've shattered my pelvis.

I think it's a city appointed position,

I think it's pretty advanced, Claire.

I think it's, Who's on first. What's on second? I Don't Know is on third.

I think maybe we should

I think they were outside smoking.

I think they'd be saying, Claire,

I think we're done. Okay, well...

I think you're gonna be very excited about.

I think you're on my baseball.

I think, you know, I'm not much into labeling.

I think...

I thought I have a great idea

I thought sending you to prison would help,

I thought you were in jail.

I told you you'd regret it.

I took nothing, made it into something

I took the card from the geek.

I took the card from the geek. What the fuck is it?

I took the guard's keycard.

I took the guard's keycard. Oh, fuck me.

I took you in off the street, okay?

I totally...

I try to get better actors, but I just...

I try.

I wanna be in a business.

I wanna remind you I was wounded, I was a little tipsy.

I want her to realize that I have taken it away.

I want the fucking company, Claire.

I want to take what Michelle Darnell has built.

I want you to tell the police that I forced you here by gun.

I was hoping you would say that

I was just trying to help your mom here get ready for her big date.

I was lucky enough to attend a beautiful, lovely elite boarding school,

I was not trying to upset you, Michelle.

I was telling Renault that I'm not willing

I was thinking about having more.

I was trying to be a team player.

I was trying to think of the worst possible scenario on Earth.

I was... Bugs.

I wasn't making an excuse. I was just agreeing that I was a little...

I will cut you in your white meat!

I will follow you, from the front.

I will not be ignored.

I wonder, how should I approach this?

I wondered when you were getting up.

I worked myself silly.

I would know about these press days in the middle of nowhere.

I would love to go to lunch.

I would think a courtesy would be

I would. You know I have a kid to think about, so...

I'd be delighted.

I'd like Executive Assistant.

I'd like to present the new Darnell Darlings' mascot!

I'd run, boys. I'm gonna fuck 'em up.

I'll back you, if this checks out. Just for old times' sake.

I'll do it for you. Thanks, man.

I'll do it.

I'll get one myself.

I'll let you up.

I'll show you in about three drinks.

I'll suck your dick.

I'll suck your dick. What?

I'll take care of the check.

I'll tell you what, I'm gonna design

I'll tell you what, you're gonna regret this.

I'll tell you what.

I'm a little nervous. She's a little bit nervous.

I'm a single mom and I really try to, you know,

I'm already late for work and Rachel's gonna be late for school.

I'm also the only one that thought to bring provisions.

I'm amazed that the United Center is even still standing

I'm an icon. I am not a professional burger.

I'm cutting you loose and sailin' off!

I'm embarrassed. Just...

I'm feeling kind of tingly.

I'm fine!

I'm free tomorrow at 7:30. Bring your A game.

I'm getting light headed. Is there any of that brownie left?

I'm glad you asked me.

I'm going straight to the top.

I'm going to give you a raise so big

I'm going to plan B,

I'm gonna let it go, but Helen's horrible.

I'm gonna miss you, Michelle.

I'm gonna say, Holy shit!

I'm gonna say, it probably doesn't help

I'm gonna shove a box of chocolate clusters up that tight ass of yours.

I'm gonna start my own business, okay?

I'm gonna sue the pants off her. Oh...

I'm gonna take you to school. We're gonna get some new recruits!

I'm guessing there's a safe, could be in the wall.

I'm holding your earrings.

I'm in.

I'm into demons. You are?

I'm kidding! I'm not kidding.

I'm late for my morning ride.

I'm not even wearing the mask.

I'm not hangry, Tito.

I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.

I'm one of the owners here.

I'm Pete. I'm security.

I'm pretty sure Michelle has diverticulitis.

I'm self tanning and my legs are still wet.

I'm self tanning and my legs are still wet.

I'm so sorry. God, I'm a hack.

I'm so sorry. I saw it coming from a mile away. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry to startle you, Rachel.

I'm sorry, what did he say?

I'm such a badass! This is gonna be amazing!

I'm sucking his dick? Oh.

I'm sucking his what?

I'm sure you got quite an overhead on this glue factory here.

I'm talking about real fucking money!

I'm the brains behind it. The brains never sucks the dick.

I'm three minutes late.

I'm wearing a bra, a new bra. It's not new.

I'mma get my job back at Best Buy. Boom!

I'mma get my job back at Best Buy. Boom!

I've been filming this the whole time.

I've been taking advice from you for 20 years.

I've been waiting. I mean, I'm in here.

I've had wonderful Vermont ched...

I've lost my train of thought.

If anyone's curious, I do think I know how to fix this.

If I had to guess,

If I hadn't brought you in as a junior executive.

If I have to wait for an elevator, one of you is carrying me up the stairs

If she could sell teeth, she'd rip kids' teeth out.

If she doesn't have anywhere to go, she should stay here.

If that's an option.

If this works out the way I know it's going to work out,

If we were... You need to...

If you don't get off my fucking back,

If you don't have any money,

If you have a nut allergy, I don't want you anywhere near...

If you need to crash, you can have the couch.

If you want something, you gotta take it.

If you work this program...

If you'll excuse me, Shawshank,

If you're gonna be a baby and not suck dick, that's fine with me.

If you're not back, we will leave without you!

If your breasts could speak right now,

Illinois alone has 25,000 Dandelions.

In a bullpen.

In a file marked Darnell.

In breaking news...

In Hot Coffee, Mississippi

In offering a hearty congratulations to our newest senior VP.

In the twenty five to twenty eight dollar range.

In their own way.

In your sweater.

Is Claire...

Is just as self centered and egotistical as the old Michelle Darnell.

Is she picking up?

Is that a line from one of your soaps?

Is that from... Is that me?

Is that going in your pocket? Helen's probably pocketing it.

Is that like a really cheap bottle of wine?

Is that, for each box sold, an extra 10%

Is this 9800 Michigan? I'm late for a birthday party.

Is this global?

Isn't that fun? Come on with me.

It better not. You look so fucking rad when you do coke.

It could be nice. Might be nice.

It doesn't feel good to my eyes.

It doesn't go with you or your skin, or your face.

It feels good to kind of put the shine and polish back on again.

It feels good. I need to be comfortable.

It is like a volcano erupting in my mouth.

It is really small, it's like... It's freaky small.

It just looks like two basset hounds

It looks good on their high school transcript

It looks like just a bunch of homemade, gluten filled, sugar filled,

It somewhat looks like you have

It was called a Dorito.

It was like a tremendous show of support.

It was supposed to be 10%, I think.

It was supposed to be the security guy's dick.

It was white collar crime.

It was, like, very inspiring.

It'll be a fun kind of roommate...

It's 4:00 a.m. I'm going back to bed.

It's a cramp! God, I got a cramp!

It's a little complicated for me.

It's a nice frame, Rachel. You did a good job.

It's a nice idea, Michelle,

It's a personal best.

It's a phoenix, Claire. It's my totem animal.

It's a phoenix.

It's a small space. You know.

It's a very impulsive combo.

It's actually pronounced Quetzalcóatl.

It's always fun. And I think I'm done with you.

It's been so long.

It's Benedict Cumberbatch, and you.

It's Benedict Cumberbatch, and you.

It's bullshit, Marty.

It's comfortable...

It's dealers choice. It's up to you, really.

It's fine, Rachel, just... Girls, go inside! Now!

It's fine. Didn't have to.

It's gonna be a real big one, so no one misses it.

It's gonna set you two up for life.

It's good buzz? There's a lot of good buzz?

It's good thing I'm here. Let's have some more wine.

It's good.

It's in the quad! No, it's in the quad. Right here? Right here?

It's just insider trading! Everybody does it!

It's just, a little common courtesy would be nice, you know?

It's kind of a secret weapon.

It's like I'm... Oh, my God.

It's like that classic comedy gag, He's on my baseball.

It's my meeting and I'm...

It's nice for people to spend the night. We don't know yet.

It's not a compliment.

It's not a knife. It's a katana.

It's not a negotiation.

It's not false, Tito. It's entirely accurate.

It's not my business.

It's okay, Helen, we'll just...

It's old. I just haven't worn it in a while.

It's only a matter of time

It's probably voice activated, high tech stuff in here.

It's Rachel!

It's Rachel!

It's Renault!

It's Ron talking.

It's so hard to describe her.

It's Talbots.

It's the goriest part. You're missing it!

It's the samurai way.

It's tight sometimes for Rachel and I, so...

It's very hard to find a good sitter.

It's very often a fit issue.

It's what makes the Irish so mean.

It's...

Japanese y black power?

Jesus Christ.

Jesus.

Jimberly? Jimberly Stevenson.

Jimberly. J, J.

Joe!

Joe!

Joe? Oh, crap.

Just a figure eight. It's like double Dutch!

Just a figure eight. It's like double Dutch!

Just a little, 'cause I want it...

Just answer the question, Claire.

Just down the hall. The bigger, the better room. We got foosball!

Just gonna push 'em right down.

Just great stuff, Claire! Okay.

Just kind of holding that one note.

Just like me.

Just look both ways before you cross, okay?

Just stop talking to him, okay? Leave him alone.

Ka ching, right?

Katana.

Katana.

Katana.

Keep your hands up, put 'em in the sky

Keeping the mic!

Kenny, you're one of the good ones, man. Yeah.

Kenny! All right. I can help you. I can help you.

Kimberly, I thought you had today off.

Knock, knock. Hi, it's Stephan!

Ladies, big news. Great news.

Language, Michelle. Yeah.

Language.

Language.

Language. Sorry. I'm sorry.

Last week you very specifically said, Keep tongue out.

Let alone my entire company.

Let me ask you one question.

Let me introduce you to my new golden goose...

Let me just handle this.

Let me just... Let me just help you out there.

Let's change the subject.

Let's do it, people!

Let's get 'em!

Let's get a table.

Let's go watch a movie. I'm babysitting.

Let's go!

Let's go! The most important part of the plan being get off the couch.

Let's go.

Let's have some bites. Go ahead.

Let's hear some. Yeah.

Let's hire a new fire marshal.

Let's hope for the second.

Let's not... Don't tell her that.

Let's see how far your brownie recipe takes you.

Let's take a poll, show of hands.

Let's talk about your relationship with your mentor,

Life changing money!

Like velvet! Send T Pain some thank you flowers.

Listen up, motherfuckers!

Listen, Ida, I know you're still mad at me, and I don't blame you.

Listen, jailbird.

Lock it up, Danny.

Look at that!

Look at that. I can bob, somebody can weave.

Look at that. I can't even feel that.

Look at that. Look at this. It's like, Horses, horses.

Look at this, look at this! We have so much in common, me and you.

Look at this!

Look at this. Patrice, take that.

Look at you, in the middle of everything... I'll call you back.

Look for girls that are named after precious stones.

Look into getting more fire power to that bird.

Look, just take 'em a little bit lower. Oh, my God.

Look.

Looks like you and Michelle have built yourself quite a little empire.

Lots of hands. Oh, Helen.

Make millions every year

Marsha Swan's tabby cat, Spaghetti, is on the mend

Martha Stewart got everything back.

May have cried themselves to death

May I adjust your strap?

May I?

May I?

Maybe four, five, six years?

Maybe it's J Y M.

MD going in on the verse 'Cause I never been defeated

Me neither.

Meryl Streep would've just kept going.

Michelle came in. She was like,

Michelle Darnell just sent us a sofa bed.

Michelle Darnell was sentenced to five months in federal prison

Michelle Darnell was sentenced to five months in federal prison

Michelle Darnell, the baker and Quetzalcóatl.

Michelle Darnell!

Michelle is a redhead and a Scorpio.

Michelle, are you all right?

Michelle, are you helping?

Michelle, don't make out with the sociopath!

Michelle, get up! Get up!

Michelle, I want to talk about you.

Michelle, I would never in a million years do that to you, okay?

Michelle, I would never in a million years do that to you, okay?

Michelle, if you can't give me a raise,

Michelle, language!

Michelle, stop! I forgot, I'm sorry.

Michelle, this is my decision.

Michelle, what a surprise.

Michelle, why are you in my bed?

Michelle, you brought trash bags, baby wipes, shower gel.

Michelle, you can't sleep in my bed. I don't want you in here.

Michelle, you didn't consult me on any of this, okay?

Michelle, you gotta get out of the bathroom.

Michelle!

Michelle!

Michelle!

Michelle!

Michelle! He literally tried to kill you!

Michelle! Well, it's a collector's item.

Michelle! Well...

Michelle?

Michelle?

Michelle.

Michelle.

Michelle.

Michelle.

Michelle. Michelle?

Michelle. What's blasted?

Might feel that.

Mike Mike.

Mike, I need you to distract the guard

Mike, I need you to distract the guard

Mike, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Mike, this is Michelle. Michelle, Mike.

Mike, would you still like to go on that date?

Miss Darnell, this just came for you. They said it was urgent.

Miss Darnell, you're under arrest

Mmm hmm. Yeah.

Mom, we can't let her sleep on the street.

Mom, why would you say that?

Money, money, money. Ida Money Marquette.

More milk.

Mother of shite!

Move! That bitch is mine!

My boss, who is a massive fan of yours, by the way,

My client list and I wasn't gonna notice.

My daughter, Beth, was so worried about Spaghetti.

My family is bonkers.

My God.

My God. I mean, look at him.

My God. Sorry.

My goodness, you are so late.

My name is Michelle Darnell

My paintings, or, I mean, my Degas, my rugs, my...

My sweet Tito.

My takeaway from that is powerful.

My tongue has always been my sword.

Namaste, Claire. Thank you.

Never lose hope, Michelle.

Never talk to Rachel like that again.

Next week, I'm thinking maybe they'll arrange marriages.

Night, sweetie.

No big deal, buddy. All right, have a good one.

No dick suckin'.

No hurry, Mother.

No one goes up without a pass.

No way.

No, absolutely not!

No, come on. She left because it was her time to leave.

No, he cannot.

No, he didn't. Yuck! No, that would be terrible.

No, I have been up and percolating

No, I was assuming that a town car

No, I'm feeling reckless. I want to do it myself this time.

No, I'm gonna bring 'em... I'm keepin' 'em up!

No, I'm not because she'll throw too many lawyers at me

No, it does not. It does not.

No, it was just manual.

No, it's from when she was a baby. But it's very comfortable.

No, it's not. It's Ron, and you're from Jersey.

No, no, actually, I was just hoping to talk to you for a minute.

No, no, no! I'm having a breakthrough, because of you.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. Anybody else, yes, but not him.

No, no, no. This is for Rachel. Okay?

No, not from the front. From the back! Yes!

No, see, you need to bring 'em down.

No, she's with Michelle.

No, this is 9900.

No, this is 9900.

No, we weren't.

No, we're gonna start a brownie empire.

No, we're not gonna leave. Nobody's leaving you.

No, we're not gonna leave. Nobody's leaving you.

No, you didn't. I just asked you to throw...

No!

No!

No! I don't who the fuck you three are.

No! I'm getting our company back!

No! They can't, anyway, no.

No.

No. Darnell Enterprises is bankrupt.

No. Hold on.

No. I don't.

No. I mean, unless you're tempted...

No. It's her voicemail.

No. No.

No. Thank you.

No. Yes!

No. You did say that, Claire.

Nobody at this entire club likes you. That's not true.

Nobody here at this table likes you.

Nobody spells Gayle with a Y . It's pretentious.

Nobody's sucking my dick.

Nope, just happy volunteers.

Normally, I wouldn't just drop in.

Not a thing, Michelle.

Not on this street, you're not.

Not really, but I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Not relevant. Okay, right.

Not that you're ever gonna find out.

Nothing's gonna change between us.

Now are we talking part time or full time employees here?

Now let's go make some money!

Now that surprises me, 'cause I did not know that you had a child.

Now we both have swords, huh?

Now, at Darnell's Darlings, we don't think that's right.

Now, do me a favor

Now, how could I? You're so big.

Now, let me see this.

Now, notice the difference between that intestine and this intestine.

Now, what are we doing?

Now, you're gonna remember what I told you?

Number two. You do not let other people drag you down.

Of course I am. Yes, you are.

Of your entire holding company.

Off you go! And here I am, okay.

Oh, and I was looking forward to a piggy back ride.

Oh, and thank you for the new sofa! You really shouldn't have done that.

Oh, boy.

Oh, Claire, I don't know why you always have to quote.

Oh, come on!

Oh, come on! Wait a minute!

Oh, everyone's pretty nice.

Oh, for your little brownie venture?

Oh, God, I've missed this.

Oh, God! Put it away!

Oh, God. How long was I out?

Oh, God. I'm gonna pee my pants.

Oh, God. Okay.

Oh, gosh. Sorry.

Oh, great programs? That's interesting.

Oh, I may have switched them.

Oh, I think a couple of those beeps were actually compliments.

Oh, I'm gonna make a fuss.

Oh, it is comfortable.

Oh, it's a nursing bra.

Oh, it's okay. It's coming off like a dream on your towel.

Oh, it's ringing.

Oh, Jesus! Jesus Christ.

Oh, man.

Oh, Michelle! Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! How long has it been?

Oh, my God! Michelle!

Oh, my God! Oh, God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Are you still nursing Rachel?

Oh, my God. He's killing her with a chainsaw.

Oh, my God. I know, right?

Oh, my God. It's an awkward time for me

Oh, my God. Mike, no. What?

Oh, my God. No. Please give me one more shot.

Oh, my God. Pete! Pete! Pete! Pete!

Oh, my God. Um...

Oh, my God. You guys, we're total burglars. Look at us!

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my...

Oh, no it's... Who's on my baseball?

Oh, no.

Oh, no. No touching. No.

Oh, of course.

Oh, Ron! I'm sorry.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, teeth whitening. Sorry. Sorry, yes.

Oh, thank goodness! Michelle, are you all right?

Oh, thank you! That's so supportive, Ron.

Oh, that was beautiful timing.

Oh, that was beautiful timing.

Oh, there's no give.

Oh, they're so good!

Oh, this is nice. Get in here, guys.

Oh, we're past that point.

Oh, well, I had stopped at our old office

Oh, well, I should have, though.

Oh, wow. I have two personal heroes in my life,

Oh, you know the rules, boys. Go, go, go, go!

Oh, you know what? I think you dropped something right here.

Oh, you know what? Wait a minute, let me see something.

Oh! Oh, my God!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Rejected Mike.

Oh...

Oh... Oh, sorry.

Okay, all right! Okay. All right. There's gotta be a way down!

Okay, don't analyze me, Dr. Phil!

Okay, everyone take it easy.

Okay, here we go. Tom, do you mind grabbing that bag for me?

Okay, I got it.

Okay, I guess you wanna come up and grab it.

Okay, I'm in. Let's do this. I'm in.

Okay, it's 10%.

Okay, let them go. I'm the one you want.

Okay, let's be reasonable.

Okay, next, we head upstairs.

Okay, now, not to sound too kookie,

Okay, number one.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!

Okay, Rachel, you go get dressed.

Okay, so this year, we came in with $21,000.

Okay, these are cut and cooled. Bag 'em.

Okay, this is my house right up here. This is good.

Okay, this should be interesting.

Okay, well, we're gonna leave you to it.

Okay, what do we say if somebody doesn't want to buy?

Okay, white collar crime doesn't count!

Okay, you can stay here.

Okay, you don't have to defend me.

Okay, you guys, the best part about Darnell's Darlings

Okay, you need to get off the couch

Okay! Attention, everyone!

Okay! I know it was wrong. I self corrected.

Okay?

Okay? And we're gonna call it Darnell's Darlings.

Okay? I saw you and Ronald outside the bakery.

Okay? Okay.

Okay? Plus, it's gonna get me off your couch.

Okay? You know that.

Okay? You're a real B I T C U N T in the morning.

Okay? You're getting close to people

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. ...and demonstrate

Okay. All right, easy!

Okay. All right. They're heavier, but...

Okay. And I promise, no Helen!

Okay. And since this one's coconut macadamia,

Okay. Good to know. Okay.

Okay. Hello, Bonnie!

Okay. Here we go.

Okay. I bet you he put it in his panic room.

Okay. I can get in there.

Okay. I gotta sit down.

Okay. I still don't think you should be here.

Okay. Or you can stay here!

Okay. So you leased a commercial kitchen without telling me?

Okay. Thank you for that.

Okay. We may have to walk her.

Okay. We'll go with that. I just...

Okay. Well, hey.

Okay. What...

Okay. Yeah, I think if you keep your...

Okay. You don't have a gun, though, right?

Okay. Zinger.

On their back.

One more time.

One of 'em's in me.

One of my more expensive clients asked

One of us, not you, got the press here.

Only because we came across this tape the other day. Take a look.

Ooh, I like your new bitches.

Ooh, you guys are kissing.

Ooh!

Ooh. Don't struggle, baby!

Ooh. Don't struggle, baby!

Ooh. I warned you, Helen! I warned you!

Ooh. Look at this! We brought treats, everybody! Treats!

Ooh. No. I'm very flattered.

Oops. Just excuse me for one minute.

Open desk.

Or Ronald or whatever name he's going by now.

Or Sandy. I like Sarah.

Or send a letter here, or just a quick text.

Or something would be provided.

Or we could just talk it out amongst ourselves.

Or what did you have planned, Sandy?

Our bodies were intertwined, but our spirits were in constant opposition.

Ow! God!

Ow.

Ow.

P.S. I won't miss your couch.

Pam is dead.

Pam passed away four months ago.

Pam was a whore!

People say it doesn't matter, but it does.

Perfect, kill or be killed.

Phil. Take off that ridiculous top.

Piece of shit.

Pity's all you've got. Pity's your best friend.

Please don't forget you have an interview first thing Monday.

Please don't zip me up in your jeans.

Please, don't make a fuss.

Plus, he can't file for a corporate change of ownership

Powerful imagery and I'll take that any day of the week.

Pretty cool, right?

Pretty exciting, huh?

Pretty fucking literal, Claire!

Pretty good job, big bucks.

Probably overthought that one. It's classic Mike.

Protect me. Protect me.

Psst, Joe!

Put the knife away, Ronald.

Puts a little kick in your step.

Putter around.

Rachel, do me a favor.

Rachel, it's the goriest part!

Rachel, you know what, just go inside, honey.

Rachel?

Rachel's not done!

Rachel's thirsty for more!

Real eager, Claire. It's a red flag.

Real fucking money! Real fucking money!

Really sorry about your loss.

Really wish you'd let me kick his ass.

Really? Do you wanna do this? Sure!

Really? I'm so surprised to hear that,

Really? I've been with hundreds of men.

Really? Yeah, really.

Really? You fucking kidding me? I can't say decision.

Remember, girls, when the houses are nice, we double the price.

Remember? Yes.

Renault is orchestrating a hostile takeover

Renault, do you still need me to hold them at bay?

Rich people don't trust affordable snacks.

Right now? Right now! All right?

Right out of a kid. Am I wrong?

Right?

Right? Hey oh!

Right.

Right. Okay.

Right. Right, but then they weren't chasing us with swords!

Right. There it goes. Good night. Yeah, there it goes.

Roller blading.

Roller skating or roller blading?

Ron is gone.

Ron! Coffee!

Ronald is completely paranoid about being hacked. Okay?

Rough sketches.

Sandy, I love that kerchief.

Sandy, why?

Say that. That's perfect.

Say that. That's perfect.

Scout leader Sandy gave me a Social Butterfly badge.

Second rule of business is when a stanky, hummus eating bitch

Section 509, but return on investment...

Seems like a good night for sexual activity, Claire.

Self serving, see you next Tuesday gal

Selling brownies!

Selling brownies!

Seven, eight, one, two, three, four...

Sewn together two very long, sad tube socks and then filled each end

Sexual activity out in the hallway.

She fucked her way through the whole IT department.

She is definitely a lot of things.

She really doesn't like it, guys.

She says it'll stunt your growth.

She says it'll stunt your growth.

She seems great.

She sold us out?

She was my yin, I was her yang.

She wouldn't be so pent up and angry.

She's a business woman, a visionary, a leader,

She's a giant. Huh?

She's a nightmare. She's a tool.

She's always getting into fist fights.

She's an asshole.

She's got to breathe, Claire.

She's like our leader.

She's making a fortune in heaven.

She's making me a bunch of money.

She's so many things.

She's the CEO of three Fortune 500 companies

She's with Michelle? Yes.

She's your felon babysitter.

Shit.

Should I go, or should I... No, you're fine.

Should I go?

Shut the doors, Paul. It's...

Shut up, Sandy! Okay.

Shut up!

Since 11:00 p.m. last night.

Since none of us are actually armed, minimal jail time.

Sit down, I gotta show you this.

Sit down, sleepyhead. Let's wake it up.

Six people walked out

Sixty seconds of no talking.

So far, you suck at this. Just letting you know that.

So get in there.

So how do you like it when I just get in there and bang around?

So I acquired the majority of the stock.

So I could watch them break apart again.

So I think there's a little bit of a gas leak.

So I think there's a little bit of a gas leak.

So if you want me to head up that division...

So it was... It's positive...

So now you have to push them away.

So once I was actually waiting here in the dark,

So under no circumstances...

So we can get to the elevators while you're sucking his dick.

So when we approach, while you're sucking his dick,

So you see the normal intestine.

So, hey, I wanted to tell you.

So, I just thought I should pop over

So, I know. Those will be perfected.

So, right off the top, Bryce ordered a Nicoise salad

So, surprise! I'm sorry.

So, thank you for the groveling. Good bye!

So, thank you very much.

Some people depend on this. Like, they don't have a car.

Some rags, and torch the van.

Somebody gets very crabby when she's hungry.

Somebody loves Mortal Kombat.

Somebody must be hungry.

Something you're probably gonna dabble with in college,

Sometimes, before the dance, I have to limber up.

Sorry, Helen, we're almost done.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. You are so funny. That really got me.

Spaghetti passed away last night.

Stalin. Okay.

Stay back.

Stay down!

Stocks are gonna go up and down.

Stop picking up wood! Michelle!

Strange girl.

Stranger than what I had intended.

Super necessary. Yeah.

Sure, I'll send somebody to Walgreens to get you something nice.

Surprise!

Sweetie, I can't.

Sweetie, she loved your picture.

Take that and buy me something!

Take that money and run.

Take the sword away from her or I swear to God I'm gonna hit send.

Tell her what a Social Butterfly badge is.

Tell me everything. Okay.

Tell you what.

Tell your little shitty daughter,

Tell your mom what was the last great program you completed.

Terri. Hello, gentlemen. Hi...

Thank God you're here.

Thank God! Pizza!

Thank goodness she's back on her feet.

Thank you for letting me stay in your home. Sincerely, MD.

Thank you so much, Michelle.

Thank you, Chicago!

Thank you, Claire.

Thank you, Claire.

Thank you, Michelle! I'm starving.

Thank you, Michelle.

Thank you, Ping. Fugu?

Thank you, Tito. What a night!

Thank you, Tom. You're so sweet.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. All right.

Thank you. Great encounter.

Thank you. Great encounter.

Thank you. I love you, too.

Thank you. It's Sandy. It's Sandy.

Thanks.

That batch is burnt!

That can go towards a college fund,

That cat probably killed himself

That doesn't ring...

That I do have a kid. And I... I am.

That I have completely forgiven you, Claire,

That I pay him a visit here, in the building, tonight.

That I thought was terrific, was a Dorito.

That I'm tremendously inspiring? Yeah.

That in 2001, I paid $62,000 for.

That is exactly the kind of gal we want to recruit.

That is impressive. I mean, you gotta give him that.

That is very cool.

That is... You're gonna zip a nipple.

That it's been three years since my last pay increase.

That just occurred to you, didn't it?

That just says, I give up.

That mega mogul, Ida Marquette.

That money goes back into great programs for the girls.

That sounds false.

That sweater is the equivalent of a sandwich board

That Takoro was merging with Samson International.

That the rules don't apply to you

That there's a man in the oven and she's giving him a blowjob.

That was a piece of cake. He was, like, totally passed out.

That wouldn't be our contract you're holding, would it, Michelle?

That you were now the curator of my estate.

That you were, basically, abandoned as a child,

That you're dressed like you grocery shop at a CVS.

That you're dressed like you grocery shop at a CVS.

That's a good point. MVP, Claire.

That's a little too close to the groin, Kenny. That's a no fly zone.

That's a mix up, huh?

That's called insider trading, Michelle.

That's Chrystal Delveccio.

That's enough! It's too hot.

That's for sure.

That's great!

That's how much I believe in this. What do you say?

That's how you do it.

That's impersonal.

That's just the coffee kickin' in. It's good for...

That's me. Cumbersnatch.

That's my Adam's apple, you bitch!

That's my hunch.

That's my nipple.

That's not comfortable to see.

That's not how you do it.

That's not true. That's crazy.

That's not what they'd say.

That's okay.

That's okay.

That's one way to look at it.

That's right, MD.

That's right, we did say that. Yeah.

That's so weird.

That's something else.

That's the top. That's the top.

That's tough. That's tough.

That's true, but you screwed me over 25 years ago, you bitch.

That's true. It's in all the movies.

That's what I said.

That's what I'd do if I had a panic room.

That's what you need to do. They're too high, Michelle.

That's when you know...

That's who Pam fucked!

That's who she's fucking in hell.

That's why I was late.

That's your TV watching sweater.

The big money's in the long game.

The cat? Oh. Can I be honest?

The cat.

The Chi's champion

The contract is probably in his private office,

The Dandelions are a non profit, Michelle.

The Dandelions are making a billion dollars a year.

The Dandelions helps girls build leadership skills.

The discipline.

The infamous pufferfish.

The integrity.

The lake... Said and...

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down

The lowest, weirdest, saddest guys!

The loyalty.

The one, the only, Michelle Darnell!

The point is, Darnell, I have very few regrets in my life.

The rejected Mike? Don't...

The van leaves at 7:00!

There ain't gonna be any brownies left in the world.

There are 3.2 million Dandelions all over the world

There is a bunch of people gathered in the break room...

There you are. All set.

There'll be another family, Michelle.

There's a family out there for everyone.

There's a structure. Stop. No.

There's my colon again.

There's not gonna be another lawyer

There's the door.

These are going to be huge.

These girls are gonna earn some real money

These little bites of goodness are puttin' kids in college...

They are an anchor in your life that you do not want.

They call it a vaguvenation!

They just drop out.

They said I wasn't a good fit.

They seized everything.

They're about to announce who gets the promotion.

They're all gonna spiral down.

They're animals! They're animals!

They're not gonna bite you.

They're pulling in, in one year, $32,500,000.

They're saying 'Chelle's back Blame it on the conjure

This can't be all of it.

This could seem kind of threatening and menacing.

This interview is over. Where are you going?

This is 9900? Yeah.

This is a global company.

This is all seeming probably so much

This is an eviction notice.

This is an excuse factory, right?

This is an official meeting and you're interrupting it.

This is Chrystal. It's one of the Darnell originals.

This is Dandelion territory.

This is my fault and I'm gonna fix it.

This is my way back, m'kay?

This is not about me and you!

This is not cowardice. She's very tall!

This is not reasonable. Claire!

This is what I do.

This is what's left.

This is...

This is... It's just too risky.

This isn't so...

This man needs medical attention, stat!

This morning, I'm meeting with a bunch of old colleagues.

This one's yours. I put a little splash of bourbon in mine.

This should really just take a minute.

This sweater goes with everything. It's a neutral.

This was great.

Those are actors. I hire actors every once in a while to play my family.

Those clusters are scratching me!

Three, two...

Tito won't return any of my calls.

To just be, like, creeping around in the background.

To pay your rent and all your bills,

To pledge my allegiance to you, milady, I'll do it.

To sell him a single, solitary brownie,

To surprise you with an apology,

To the big lake they call Gitche Gumee

Tom, I'm gonna crunch those numbers for you,

Toot.

Topaz, Sapphire, Opal, Amber.

Tracy? Wake up! I'm out!

True. I do say that. But I also say,

Try and keep this little banter wagon going, right?

Ugh, ugh.

Ugh. Helen!

Uh oh.

Uh oh. There's no door handle back here. There's absolutely... Oh.

Uh, hi, there! Hey! You're Michelle Darnell.

Uh, sorry, I think there's a mistake.

Uh, well, great question. I love an inquisitive mind.

Uh, who's on my baseball?

Uh, yes, I would.

Uh...

Uh...

Um, do you want me to help you out with this?

Unless you're Hannah.

Until Michelle comes back, or...

Until tomorrow morning.

Until tomorrow morning.

Up against anybody's.

Up down, up down, up down

Very much like Hogwarts, to give you a visual.

Victim here.

Wait a minute! Why are we running up?

Wait a minute! You can't just return them.

Wait, are you trying to poach girls from a Dandelions meeting?

Wait, I recognize you. You're Michelle Darnell.

Wait, what do you mean get the contract?

Wait. I'm sorry.

Wait. No!

Wake it up, Tracy!

Was that necessary?

Was that through... Was that through intercourse?

We are actively and definitely poaching girls from this meeting.

We are back with the one and only, Michelle Darnell.

We are gonna help you save for your college education.

We are not gonna behave like this!

We are not partners, Claire!

We are partners, 50 50,

We brought you guys some delicious homemade brownie treats.

We can be partners. Not my assistant. Fifty fifty.

We can dish about the boss, and gossip about stuff and...

We can get right past him.

We can start tonight.

We don't know yet. We don't know yet.

We don't need to brush our teeth today. Our teeth are fine.

We got one at the main desk and one by the elevators.

We got our investor.

We got two guards on tonight.

We have a good banter here, right?

We have a lot of trash.

We like vaginas better than your mouth?

We should give you 5% commission.

We think if you go out and sell a box of cookies,

We want to get 'em when they're angry and fresh going in.

We were jostling each other's bosoms like...

We'll have to do a blood test on you for that.

We're actually gonna miss you around here.

We're already making enough money

We're gonna make a million shit loads.

We're gonna wipe the floor!

We're good? Yup! Yup, yup.

We're having a sword fight. We're both fighting with swords.

We're just... There was a... Probably a...

We're kind of in the middle of something here, Michelle.

We're leaving at 7:00 sharp.

We're out of brownies. We need you to make more.

We're participating in the American Dream.

We've got a really good research team,

Weird little guys, carrying wires around in weird hats.

Well, actually, we were gonna build a dirty badger nest in a tree.

Well, but you're welcome, here.

Well, congratulations and you're welcome!

Well, congratulations and you're welcome!

Well, could you call a cab?

Well, families are for suckers, right?

Well, Gayle, we've got a terrific relationship.

Well, I feel it's time you become more adventurous.

Well, I know that.

Well, I think that you're saying

Well, I want to know what I'm walking into.

Well, I worked on that plan a long time.

Well, I would hope so! It sounds right to me.

Well, I would hope so! It sounds right to me.

Well, I would... Yeah.

Well, I, um...

Well, I'm at work!

Well, I'm not gonna suck his dick.

Well, I'm sorry, you give me a holy shit brownie.

Well, it's old, but it's comfortable, so...

Well, let me tell you something, lady.

Well, look who finally showed up to my seminar.

Well, maybe they should know that

Well, Michelle, know that Rachel and I are rooting for you,

Well, that's not why I did it.

Well, that's the first time I've heard you say that, but...

Well, the news gets worse.

Well, then where is his office?

Well, this is just...

Well, uh, to give you the whole...

Well, who do we have here?

Well, wouldn't you know it? Yeah.

Well, you know, sweetie, Michelle has got a lot of baggage.

Well, you're wrong, bitch.

Well...

What a wonderful chip.

What am I, a thug? Okay.

What are my opportunities? What are my pitfalls?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing in my closet?

What are you doing up here?

What are you dressed as?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What do golfers do on their day off?

What do you make a year? I'll double it.

What do you mean take...

What do you mean why would I be in?

What do you mean?

What do you say?

What do you think you're doing?

What do you want, Michelle?

What do you want?

What does this have to do with

What is all this?

What is going on here?

What is happening?

What is that toggle?

What is this?

What is this?

What the fuck? There's no Jimberlys.

What the hell is going on in here?

What was that about?

What was that? I should've been so...

What we're talking about right now?

What, do you wanna be freakishly tall?

What, have a sleepover here? Ew.

What, why?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Mmm hmm. They just walked out.

What? Oh, God.

What? Oh, my God.

What? Oh, my God.

What? Oh, my God.

What? Oh, my God. Did you take a vow?

What? Okay, you know what?

What? Then gave me a D.

What? Why aren't you taking me?

What? Yeah, nice surprise.

What're you doing here?

What's going on?

What's on my baseball?

What's the matter with me?

Whatever, either one.

Whatever.

When he found out I was pregnant,

When I get to hell, I'll tell Pam that you said hello,

When I look at the picture, I just think we're like a weird family.

When it's this perfect, it takes you to the brink of paralysis.

When no one else would.

When prepared incorrectly, it can lead to paralysis or even death.

When you left my life... Shit. Fuck.

When you sell a box of cookies, what do you get?

When you walked out the other day from work,

When's Michelle coming back?

Where are my things?

Where'd you get that?

Whew, I'm gonna make a mint.

Which is at the top of the building.

Which is more than I can say for you.

Which makes you a criminal.

While being a single mom, I might add.

While Claire lumbers in, and I follow behind like a cougar.

Who doesn't?

Who finds Helen to be a bummer?

Who here wants to hear about

Who is Spaghetti?

Who is? What?

Who said that?

Who the fuck cares? We're gonna make a shit load.

Who wants to make some money?

Who's on my baseball?

Who's on my baseball? First base.

Whoa is right. Nice blouse.

Whoa, sweet baby Jesus. Yeah.

Whoa! What's girl on girl stuff?

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. Honey! Let her go, Claire!

Whoa. Put it away.

Whoa. Put it away.

Whoever wants to go to the fun room, come on with me!

Whoo. That's a very risky dish.

Why am I sucking his dick? I don't wanna suck his dick!

Why are you dressed like that?

Why are you muscling in on my Takoro deal?

Why are you up?

Why did I make that so weird?

Why do these have so much pull?

Why don't you check out Chrystal's availability?

Why is that one whistling?

Why not?

Why not?

Why would Michelle do that to us?

Why would you be in?

Why you guys are feeling a little logy.

Why? Are you looking to sell your business?

Why're you guys doing this?

Will go into a college fund for you. Okay?

With chocolate!

With six members of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

With wet sand and rocks.

Woo!

Word on the street, Bryce, is that

Work up an appetite.

Would I kid you?

Would you please grab some more garbage bags?

Would've hired you right out of college?

Wow, um. I'm having a hard time with the thank you

Wow. Okay. You're kicking up a lot of...

Wrong dick, wrong time, Mike.

Wrong dick. Wrong dick.

Wrong, you get a big plate of bullshit!

Y'all better count me in

Ya!

Yay, Spaghetti!

Yay!

Yeah, a bit. Really?

Yeah, a lot of people don't know that. It was a demon.

Yeah, cool.

Yeah, gets a little boring in here sometimes.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah, I knew you were leaving.

Yeah, I like to do that. I like to play with

Yeah, I'm not following.

Yeah, it's a family recipe.

Yeah, it's... It's Jim. Jimberly. Jim?

Yeah, looks like I'm doing it.

Yeah, not a lot of guys would do that for another guy.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Yeah, that's me.

Yeah, they're up here, where they should be. Oh, my God.

Yeah, well, I'm... First of all, I'm flattered.

Yeah, what if nobody sucks his dick?

Yeah, you do.

Yeah, you probably will.

Yeah, you're not gonna hit send

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like my blood sugar's dropping.

Yeah. I knew right away,

Yeah. I know a fair amount.

Yeah. I think you said that.

Yeah. I'm out.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Spaghetti died last night.

Yeah. This is a test.

Yeah. You know what?

Yep, the air is sweeter out here.

Yes, Claire.

Yes, he can. He actually did it beautifully.

Yes, it did. Yeah.

Yes, it does!

Yes, of course, I'm helping.

Yes, you do!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. I'm all in.

Yes. I'm kind of waiting for a, Thank you, Michelle!

Yes. Just until you get back on your feet.

Yes. Okay?

Yes. We'll draw straws. Okay.

You are a lonely woman who can make a halfway decent brownie!

You are fighting with the wrong redhead!

You are looking at Darnell 2.0.

You are Michelle Darnell.

You are more than a little inspiring.

You are such a cliché.

You are... I had to check.

You better make me a shitload of money.

You bitch.

You buzz me up,

You can really hold onto a grudge.

You can take Rachel to her Dandelions meeting.

You can touch the feathers if you want.

You can treat yourself to a little underwire

You can't tell me what to do!

You come work with us, you get a share of the profits.

You crushed it like velvet.

You didn't press it. Can I fuck 'em up?

You don't even like your job, Mom.

You don't even want our company!

You don't know because you're not very bright, or...

You double crossing, hand holding, sneaky little rat!

You follow me.

You get in there. I know you're not shy.

You get points that can apply to your canoe trip.

You get your rest, you're gonna need it!

You go down, you go down alone.

You go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself.

You got a case of the old trench mouth.

You got a lot of balls showing up here, Darnell.

You got a real hefty lung capacity there.

You got Happy girl, and then, uh oh.

You gotta get it together, Michelle.

You gotta regulate.

You gotta watch out for Rachel.

You guys are losers!

You have a fake family.

You have a kid?

You have an amazing product.

You have to trust me.

You know the first time I saw you? Twenty three years old.

You know what I call that? A victory. I win.

You know what, Claire? Keep your terrible job.

You know what, Claire? Keep your terrible job.

You know what, Helen?

You know what? A little birdie told me

You know what? Another little tip.

You know what? Are you Claire's daughter?

You know what? Good for you.

You know what? I got into

You know what? It was a good business decision.

You know what? It was never her company to sell.

You know what? You made a good business...

You know, experience or a reference point for...

You know, he is kind of cute. I think you should toss him a pity date.

You know, I had it rejuvenated in 2010.

You know, I killed a man in Costa Rica with this sword.

You know, I kinda...

You know, I...

You know, I'm sure we can come to some kind of an agreement.

You know, it's like a soft silk coin purse.

You know, probably do it over dinner or something,

You know, she thought a town car was coming!

You know, we went to get sushi once

You know, you want to be dumbasses? Be my guest.

You know, you're the one that's yelling

You know... I mean, God. What goes on in your brain?

You know... So thank you, I guess, for breaking into my home.

You left so suddenly.

You make a good point. Claire, I'm sorry I got you into this.

You make a mind blowing brownie. Okay.

You need to clean up the bathroom.

You need to keep your tongue inside your mouth for this to work.

You need to wipe some of that off your face. You know it dries darker?

You old son of a bitch! It has been too long!

You pop...

You say family, and we don't look alike.

You say, Be more helpful. And I'm trying to be helpful.

You see this shit.

You seem fucking crazy to me.

You seem like a real Cumbersnatch.

You should never cover that up.

You sold us out.

You stand there with your mouth hangin' open, and pointin',

You started a huge chain reaction.

You sticking with me through my tough times, Claire.

You stole his key?

You stupid ginger!

You think about that.

You think because you used to be someone

You think Pam did all the tech guys?

You think they'll ever yell cut?

You told me to remind you exactly a year ago today

You want me to kill her with this bagel knife.

You were a tough, money hungry,

You whistle? I whistle a lot in here.

You whore!

You will be. You will be. I'm sorry.

You work your ass off to get what you want.

You wouldn't be foolish enough to back out of our plan, would you?

You wouldn't even be here

You. Will. Get. Rich.

You'll cream your jeans and shat your chaps.

You're a convicted felon sitting in a room full of children.

You're a criminal.

You're a little hangry, Claire.

You're gonna bite them.

You're gonna get rewarded for that.

You're holding a pair of earrings

You're just about to close on that Kraft deal.

You're making me feel very insecure right before my date.

You're not gonna cut anyone with that knife and we all know it.

You're not my boss anymore!

You're on. You got yourself a date. That sounds terrific, okay?

You're right. You're absolutely right, Dana.

You're such a loser.

You're sucking his dick.

You're sweet, Kimberly.

You're terrible in bed!

You're the closest thing to a family I've ever had.

You're the only one talking. It's hilarious.

You're the only one that's gonna take care of you.

You're the only one that's talking, Claire.

You're welcome to come in.

You're welcome. Oh...

You're welcome. Oh...

You've been talking all morning about

You've built a great family home here for you and Rachel.

You've got a great story to tell.

You've got no capital and nobody likes you.

You've said it so many times. And, there, you got it.

Your pelvic region is the color of curry.

Your shareholders have all sold off.

Yow!

Yow! Son of a bitch!

5% commission, every box you sell.

7:00! The van'll be here.

All right? Yes.

All your accounts have been frozen. What?

Brother! No!

Did you sleep over? Oh, God, no.

Don't know if it'll... I mean...

Girls. $7.

Holy shit! Language!

I own 50% of it, so... Yeah.

I'm in, too. No, Claire.

Later, Dad. That's perfect.

Let's just start on the next block. No, no, no.

Let's um, go, girls. Okay, girls!

Michelle, let's go! Michelle, come on!

Michelle! Michelle! Michelle! Michelle?

Michelle. Oh...

No, does it? Yes.

No, she won't. I'm kidding.

Oh, check this out. Fucking psycho!

Oh, check this out. Fucking psycho!

Oh. I was Michelle's mentor.

Son of a... Samurai!

What? I got it.

Why are you leaving? You know what, Gayle?

Wildly. Lowbrow, Claire.

Yeah! The tech guys?

Yeah. Open desk! Open...

You know what? Let's go up to $10 a box. Hey!

You're a traitor! No.

You're in? Mmm hmm.

You're in? Mmm hmm.

...are giving young women in this country a business plan

...just raving about your fourth quarter review.

...stuff. Okay.

'Bout time, Claire. I love it.

'Cause all I do is win, win, win

'Cause all I do is...

'cause all that dishing can be exhausting.

'Cause holy shit, this is a good brownie.

'Cause I would love to do this. Great.

'cause I'm gonna take those motherfuckers 10 at a time.

'Cause I'm pretty sure I have a...

'Cause I'm the leader, dang it!

'Cause I'm trying to help you, Claire.

'Cause she's horrible.

'cause she's probably down there fucking IT guys.

'cause that's how fast I'm gonna sell 'em, okay?

'Cause they will.

'Cause this has to set for 60 seconds.

'cause you keep eating things that almost kill you.

$7?