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Kick Ass 2 (2013) Kick Ass 2 is a thrilling and action-packed movie released in 2013. Directed by Jeff Wadlow, it serves as a

Kick Ass 2 (2013)

Kick Ass 2 is a thrilling and action-packed movie released in 2013. Directed by Jeff Wadlow, it serves as a sequel to the original Kick Ass film. The story follows the iconic vigilante Kick-Ass, portrayed by Aaron Taylor-Johnson, as he joins forces with other costume-wearing heroes to combat a new wave of criminals led by the vengeful villain, The Motherf**ker, played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse. Chloë Grace Moretz delivers a memorable performance as the foul-mouthed and deadly Hit-Girl, while Jim Carrey adds his comedic prowess as Colonel Stars and Stripes. The movie boasts an energetic soundtrack featuring artists such as Pharrell Williams and The Prodigy. To immerse yourself in the sounds of Kick Ass 2, you can play and download these sounds here.

A bazooka is not an accident, you delusional bitch.
A bazooka is not an accident, you delusional bitch.
A Brooklyn resident was found decapitated last night.
A Brooklyn resident was found decapitated last night.
A family living in the street deserves a hot meal.
A family living in the street deserves a hot meal.
A fire? What is your problem?
A fire? What is your problem?
A freshman, Dave! You salty dog.
A freshman, Dave! You salty dog.
A handgun bullet travels at more than 700 miles per hour.
A handgun bullet travels at more than 700 miles per hour.
A lot of people have said the cops were too heavy handed that night.
A lot of people have said the cops were too heavy handed that night.
A strong, independent woman is capable of?
A strong, independent woman is capable of?
A word of advice: I wouldn't open with that.
A word of advice: I wouldn't open with that.
According to Twitter, a man claiming to be the world's first supervillain...
According to Twitter, a man claiming to be the world's first supervillain...
Act like a bitch, get slapped like a bitch.
Act like a bitch, get slapped like a bitch.
Actually, my daddy bought this from a disgruntled darpo employee.
Actually, my daddy bought this from a disgruntled darpo employee.
After her dad died, his old partner on the force, Marcus, became her guardian.
After her dad died, his old partner on the force, Marcus, became her guardian.
After her dad died, his old partner on the force, Marcus, became her guardian.
After her dad died, his old partner on the force, Marcus, became her guardian.
After Mindy quit, I decided to stop hitting
After Mindy quit, I decided to stop hitting
All he ever did was try and give me a good life.
All he ever did was try and give me a good life.
All right ladies, have a seat, let's get started.
All right ladies, have a seat, let's get started.
All right, see you around, guys.
All right, see you around, guys.
All right. We'll let you off the hook this time, Battle Guy.
All right. We'll let you off the hook this time, Battle Guy.
All the other people putting on masks were just playing superhero.
All the other people putting on masks were just playing superhero.
All they have to do is take off their masks.
All they have to do is take off their masks.
Allow me to spend the next four years of my life trying to figure out who I am.
Allow me to spend the next four years of my life trying to figure out who I am.
Alright, alright, I'll make some calls.
Alright, alright, I'll make some calls.
Alright, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna organize a fight.
Alright, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna organize a fight.
Alright, party people! We are gonna kill Kick Ass,
Alright, party people! We are gonna kill Kick Ass,
Alright, we got a Katryna Dubrovsky.
Alright, we got a Katryna Dubrovsky.
Alright, you ready?
Alright, you ready?
Alright! Time for initiation. Turn around and I'll unzip ya.
Alright! Time for initiation. Turn around and I'll unzip ya.
Alright. Sorry. No offense.
Alright. Sorry. No offense.
Alright. We got an ex Triad member, looking for work.
Alright. We got an ex Triad member, looking for work.
An ad thing, you see. But that's why I love this stuff.
An ad thing, you see. But that's why I love this stuff.
An inebriated college girl deserves to make it home safe at night.
An inebriated college girl deserves to make it home safe at night.
And a pervert, a pedophile...
And a pervert, a pedophile...
And Barbara's daughter, Brooke, is really nice.
And Barbara's daughter, Brooke, is really nice.
And by studying, I mean my mom paid her off to make me varsity.
And by studying, I mean my mom paid her off to make me varsity.
And even set up a, y'know, a thing, on the internet for people to help us find Tommy.
And even set up a, y'know, a thing, on the internet for people to help us find Tommy.
And every one of you, party favor fertilizer bombs.
And every one of you, party favor fertilizer bombs.
And gave herself the award for perfect attendance.
And gave herself the award for perfect attendance.
And he wants everybody to lay low.
And he wants everybody to lay low.
And headquarters on the moon.
And headquarters on the moon.
And I make adorable babies for my nanny to take care of
And I make adorable babies for my nanny to take care of
And I told him no one would notice when he was gone.
And I told him no one would notice when he was gone.
And I want you to promise me that this is never gonna happen again.
And I want you to promise me that this is never gonna happen again.
And I'm here to end Kick Ass. Not just kill him,
And I'm here to end Kick Ass. Not just kill him,
And it was an honor to serve by his side.
And it was an honor to serve by his side.
And no matter how slutty you dress,
And no matter how slutty you dress,
And not some punk in a wetsuit playing dress up.
And not some punk in a wetsuit playing dress up.
And now I was stuck on mine.
And now I was stuck on mine.
And now I'm ending it.
And now I'm ending it.
And post it all over YouTube. For reals!
And post it all over YouTube. For reals!
And that you were supposed to listen to me, right?
And that you were supposed to listen to me, right?
And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
And that's for my dad.
And that's for my dad.
And that's why he made me promise I'd never stop defending this city.
And that's why he made me promise I'd never stop defending this city.
And this...
And this...
And tonight we're gonna fuck this city up, or my name is not...
And tonight we're gonna fuck this city up, or my name is not...
And we are gonna get our riot on! That's what it means to be evil.
And we are gonna get our riot on! That's what it means to be evil.
And we've been doing this 3 nights a week.
And we've been doing this 3 nights a week.
And you better tell people The Motherfucker was here!
And you better tell people The Motherfucker was here!
And you'll probably end up like your father.
And you'll probably end up like your father.
And you're Hit Girl!
And you're Hit Girl!
And your boy really knows his stuff.
And your boy really knows his stuff.
Anybody out here?
Anybody out here?
Anybody seen Night Bitch?
Anybody seen Night Bitch?
Archetypes. Keep going.
Archetypes. Keep going.
Are you kidding me? That's why I contacted you.
Are you kidding me? That's why I contacted you.
Are you kidding me? This isn't West Side Story.
Are you kidding me? This isn't West Side Story.
Are you not scared? To die?
Are you not scared? To die?
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
Are you on drugs?
Are you on drugs?
Are you ready to die, little girl?
Are you ready to die, little girl?
Are you really that stupid?
Are you really that stupid?
Are you scared you're never gonna grow into your big boy pants?
Are you scared you're never gonna grow into your big boy pants?
Are you sure I should be doing this without my gear?
Are you sure I should be doing this without my gear?
Are you?
Are you?
Aren't you tired of being on your own?
Aren't you tired of being on your own?
As long as we were picking up litter, or helping old ladies cross the street.
As long as we were picking up litter, or helping old ladies cross the street.
As long as you don't fall on your face, you're in.
As long as you don't fall on your face, you're in.
Ass kicker.
Ass kicker.
Battle Guy, how much did they have on the table?
Battle Guy, how much did they have on the table?
Be nice or I'll rip your ass out through your mouth.
Be nice or I'll rip your ass out through your mouth.
Be warned, mugger, heads up, perv!
Be warned, mugger, heads up, perv!
Because I already know.
Because I already know.
Because it's a slumber party, for fuck's sake?
Because it's a slumber party, for fuck's sake?
Because Thursday night is poker night.
Because Thursday night is poker night.
Because we feel fabulous.
Because we feel fabulous.
Beware Dr. Gravity!
Beware Dr. Gravity!
Black Death.
Black Death.
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
But a genuine badass...
But a genuine badass...
But Big Daddy, that was not your father, okay?
But Big Daddy, that was not your father, okay?
But fortunately for you, Big Tony doesn't know how to lay low so he's here.
But fortunately for you, Big Tony doesn't know how to lay low so he's here.
But he's not here anymore.
But he's not here anymore.
But I can't keep being someone I'm not. When I see evil, I have to stop it.
But I can't keep being someone I'm not. When I see evil, I have to stop it.
But I didn't care. We're having too much fun.
But I didn't care. We're having too much fun.
But I'm not so sure that was a bad thing.
But I'm not so sure that was a bad thing.
But if you don't like that, find yourself another motherfucking job, okay?
But if you don't like that, find yourself another motherfucking job, okay?
But if you really think I'd ever break my word,
But if you really think I'd ever break my word,
But instead, I sent them home with tummy aches. Boo fucking hoo!
But instead, I sent them home with tummy aches. Boo fucking hoo!
But maybe... maybe that's the real meaning of being a superhero.
But maybe... maybe that's the real meaning of being a superhero.
But no matter how many drug dealers she's stopped...
But no matter how many drug dealers she's stopped...
But suddenly, it was serious.
But suddenly, it was serious.
But the truth is, the only person who I really wanted on the team was Mindy.
But the truth is, the only person who I really wanted on the team was Mindy.
But this is the real world.
But this is the real world.
But we got nothing.
But we got nothing.
But we were gonna go get high on bath salts at Logan's house.
But we were gonna go get high on bath salts at Logan's house.
But when it comes to boys, we're all the same.
But when it comes to boys, we're all the same.
But you can't go hiring a gang of heavy hitters.
But you can't go hiring a gang of heavy hitters.
But you gotta put it in context.
But you gotta put it in context.
But you started this.
But you started this.
But you, my friend, have just earned lifetime access to my VIP area.
But you, my friend, have just earned lifetime access to my VIP area.
By being yourself.
By being yourself.
C'mon, forget it. He's just one of those dickheads
C'mon, forget it. He's just one of those dickheads
C'mon. There's a van waiting outside from the women's shelter.
C'mon. There's a van waiting outside from the women's shelter.
Call him The Tumor.
Call him The Tumor.
Can I help you?
Can I help you?
Can you believe I let Mindy beat the snot out of me for weeks
Can you believe I let Mindy beat the snot out of me for weeks
Can't you just sneak out? After Marcus goes to sleep?
Can't you just sneak out? After Marcus goes to sleep?
Celebrate?
Celebrate?
Certainly more than Mr. Kim.
Certainly more than Mr. Kim.
Check, it, out!
Check, it, out!
Chill.
Chill.
Chris D'Amico, dead.
Chris D'Amico, dead.
Chris D'Amico!
Chris D'Amico!
Chris has an army.
Chris has an army.
Chris, just, just 'cause your Mom like to get a little freaky, now...
Chris, just, just 'cause your Mom like to get a little freaky, now...
Chris, you need to forget that punk.
Chris, you need to forget that punk.
Chris, your tu...
Chris, your tu...
Chris, your tutor's here. Chris!
Chris, your tutor's here. Chris!
Christopher, you've got to stop obsessing over this superhero!
Christopher, you've got to stop obsessing over this superhero!
Chuck! Get this girl off me!
Chuck! Get this girl off me!
Colonel Stars and Stripes found us online.
Colonel Stars and Stripes found us online.
Come on, c'mon, just put those things down before you hurt somebody, Chris.
Come on, c'mon, just put those things down before you hurt somebody, Chris.
Come on, c'mon, just put those things down before you hurt somebody, Chris.
Come on, c'mon, just put those things down before you hurt somebody, Chris.
Come on, Chris. You're your own man now.
Come on, Chris. You're your own man now.
Come on, Javier, be cool.
Come on, Javier, be cool.
Come on, let's go see. Come on!
Come on, let's go see. Come on!
Come on, stay loose, baby. Walk it off, walk it off!
Come on, stay loose, baby. Walk it off, walk it off!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on! Hey, where are your security cameras?
Come on! Hey, where are your security cameras?
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Come on!
Come on. Come on!
Come on. The best way to tighten up a tummy is the varsity dance team.
Come on. The best way to tighten up a tummy is the varsity dance team.
Cops are coming.
Cops are coming.
Could you ladies excuse us for a second?
Could you ladies excuse us for a second?
Cross my heart.
Cross my heart.
Cut the old man's head off. Are you guys hungry? I'm starving.
Cut the old man's head off. Are you guys hungry? I'm starving.
Cut the waterworks, Mind. You're fifteen, not five.
Cut the waterworks, Mind. You're fifteen, not five.
Dad had warned me that the real world had real consequences.
Dad had warned me that the real world had real consequences.
Dad?
Dad?
Dad.
Dad.
Damn it, Mindy. I can't do this anymore.
Damn it, Mindy. I can't do this anymore.
Damn, she had a nice pair of guns.
Damn, she had a nice pair of guns.
Date ditch.
Date ditch.
Dave I don't know how you got into all this shit but,
Dave I don't know how you got into all this shit but,
Dave Lizewski is the mask.
Dave Lizewski is the mask.
Dave, I'm done...
Dave, I'm done...
Dave, I'm so sorry.
Dave, I'm so sorry.
Dave, I'm sorry.
Dave, I'm sorry.
Dave, this isn't a comic book.
Dave, this isn't a comic book.
Dave, you've been sneaking out at night?
Dave, you've been sneaking out at night?
Dave, your father loved you.
Dave, your father loved you.
Dave! I'm so sorry.
Dave! I'm so sorry.
Dave?
Dave?
Did a few jobs for my dad back in the day before you got born again.
Did a few jobs for my dad back in the day before you got born again.
Did he say why he wanted to see me?
Did he say why he wanted to see me?
Did I tell you guys that that sick bastard
Did I tell you guys that that sick bastard
Did you guys see The Motherfucker's Twitter page?
Did you guys see The Motherfucker's Twitter page?
Did you say that we're going up against five gangsters?
Did you say that we're going up against five gangsters?
Do I have to do everything myself? Just fix it.
Do I have to do everything myself? Just fix it.
Do we need an intervention?
Do we need an intervention?
Do you hate me for not helping?
Do you hate me for not helping?
Do you really have such a hard on to die?
Do you really have such a hard on to die?
Doctor, good job. Battle Guy...
Doctor, good job. Battle Guy...
Doesn't bring her back, but at least I'm doing something positive about it.
Doesn't bring her back, but at least I'm doing something positive about it.
Dollar. Jar.
Dollar. Jar.
Don't be.
Don't be.
Don't fight it.
Don't fight it.
Don't go!
Don't go!
Don't go!
Don't go!
Don't just say fine, and then shoot me in the chest. 'Cause it's not cool.
Don't just say fine, and then shoot me in the chest. 'Cause it's not cool.
Don't move! Freeze!
Don't move! Freeze!
Don't screw me on this, okay? You said we'd be running in two days,
Don't screw me on this, okay? You said we'd be running in two days,
Don't worry about me.
Don't worry about me.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Don't worry. I kill you first.
Don't worry. I kill you first.
Don't you wanna belong?
Don't you wanna belong?
Don't you wanna know someone's there for you?
Don't you wanna know someone's there for you?
Don't you wanna sneak out at night, raise a little hell and show the world what
Don't you wanna sneak out at night, raise a little hell and show the world what
Don't you wanna walk out the door everyday in skin tight clothes,
Don't you wanna walk out the door everyday in skin tight clothes,
Dr. Gravity has the flu and Remembering Tommy got Book of Mormon tickets, so...
Dr. Gravity has the flu and Remembering Tommy got Book of Mormon tickets, so...
Dr. Gravity has the flu and Remembering Tommy got Book of Mormon tickets, so...
Dr. Gravity has the flu and Remembering Tommy got Book of Mormon tickets, so...
Dressing up and fighting people? There is blood on these stick things.
Dressing up and fighting people? There is blood on these stick things.
Dude who volunteers at your needle exchange?
Dude who volunteers at your needle exchange?
Dude, how badass is Colonel Stars and Stripes?
Dude, how badass is Colonel Stars and Stripes?
Dude, she's dead! Don't talk about her tits!
Dude, she's dead! Don't talk about her tits!
Dude, what's wrong?
Dude, what's wrong?
Dude, you got a secret elevator through underground headquarters.
Dude, you got a secret elevator through underground headquarters.
Easy! Genghis Carnage! Come on!
Easy! Genghis Carnage! Come on!
Eat a dick!
Eat a dick!
Eisenhower, at the ready.
Eisenhower, at the ready.
Eisenhower.
Eisenhower.
Empty the register and don't do anything stupid.
Empty the register and don't do anything stupid.
Even with my damaged nerve endings, it hurt like hell.
Even with my damaged nerve endings, it hurt like hell.
Eventually, it had to end, too.
Eventually, it had to end, too.
Everybody else, spread out, catch some strays.
Everybody else, spread out, catch some strays.
Everybody's just too afraid of your uncle Ralph to take the job.
Everybody's just too afraid of your uncle Ralph to take the job.
Everything okay?
Everything okay?
Feds traced the IP addresses for all those other costumed freaks.
Feds traced the IP addresses for all those other costumed freaks.
Female suspect fleeing Flatbush.
Female suspect fleeing Flatbush.
Fifty thousand per week, plus expenses.
Fifty thousand per week, plus expenses.
Fine.
Fine.
First big mission is tonight. And it's not community service.
First big mission is tonight. And it's not community service.
First, you almost get me killed, then you stand me up.
First, you almost get me killed, then you stand me up.
Five foot four, but mean as shit.
Five foot four, but mean as shit.
Former KGB. She was locked up in the gulag until she ate her cellmate.
Former KGB. She was locked up in the gulag until she ate her cellmate.
Four attackers...
Four attackers...
Freeze!
Freeze!
Fuck with the queen bee and, you're gonna get stung.
Fuck with the queen bee and, you're gonna get stung.
Fuck you guys. I'm gonna form my own team.
Fuck you guys. I'm gonna form my own team.
Fuck, I don't care how much it costs.
Fuck, I don't care how much it costs.
Get down!
Get down!
Get him!
Get him!
Get in the cab. The meter's running.
Get in the cab. The meter's running.
Get on the floor too, Gandalf, or I will bust a cap in your ass!
Get on the floor too, Gandalf, or I will bust a cap in your ass!
Get some!
Get some!
Get that car over here.
Get that car over here.
Get the fuck out of here before I tear your head off, you old fuck.
Get the fuck out of here before I tear your head off, you old fuck.
Go ahead and shoot me, you little bitch.
Go ahead and shoot me, you little bitch.
Go take a seat. Alright?
Go take a seat. Alright?
Go! Go, go, go!
Go! Go, go, go!
Go! Go!
Go! Go!
Go.
Go.
God, okay, I'm just... I'm not in the mood!
God, okay, I'm just... I'm not in the mood!
Goddamn!
Goddamn!
Gonna call for help with a comeback?
Gonna call for help with a comeback?
Good enough for me, pal.
Good enough for me, pal.
Good jab! Nice jab, buddy!
Good jab! Nice jab, buddy!
Good job, guys.
Good job, guys.
Good night, Colonel, Thanks for everything.
Good night, Colonel, Thanks for everything.
Good.
Good.
Good. 'Cause I don't like problems.
Good. 'Cause I don't like problems.
Great, um, Simon.
Great, um, Simon.
Guard up!
Guard up!
Hands in the air, spud roll.
Hands in the air, spud roll.
Have I got a show for you, bitches!
Have I got a show for you, bitches!
He blew up Dad with a bazooka, for fuck's sake!
He blew up Dad with a bazooka, for fuck's sake!
He called it the sick stick.
He called it the sick stick.
He knew he might have to make the ultimate sacrifice one day.
He knew he might have to make the ultimate sacrifice one day.
He recruiting an army of supervillains and making homemade bombs.
He recruiting an army of supervillains and making homemade bombs.
He'd be proud of all of us.
He'd be proud of all of us.
He'd be proud of you, Dave.
He'd be proud of you, Dave.
He's a born again Christian.
He's a born again Christian.
He's been bragging on the web about what they did to the Colonel.
He's been bragging on the web about what they did to the Colonel.
He's got like a thousand followers already.
He's got like a thousand followers already.
He's ironic.
He's ironic.
He's not a superhero, Mom. He's a murderer.
He's not a superhero, Mom. He's a murderer.
Hell, I didn't know what channel I wanted to watch.
Hell, I didn't know what channel I wanted to watch.
Hell, I never even made honor roll.
Hell, I never even made honor roll.
Hell, no, man! This is a baseball bat wrapped in tin foil! But it fooled you!
Hell, no, man! This is a baseball bat wrapped in tin foil! But it fooled you!
Hell, yeah!
Hell, yeah!
Hello, Night Bitch!
Hello, Night Bitch!
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Help us make the streets safe.
Help us make the streets safe.
Helps that my dad is a really good lawyer.
Helps that my dad is a really good lawyer.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here, take this.
Here, take this.
Hey, can I get a Diet Mountain Dew, please?
Hey, can I get a Diet Mountain Dew, please?
Hey, can we chat?
Hey, can we chat?
Hey, get the kid a Frappuchino. Let me put his little punk ass back to work.
Hey, get the kid a Frappuchino. Let me put his little punk ass back to work.
Hey, guys. We're signing a sympathy card for the Colonel's sister.
Hey, guys. We're signing a sympathy card for the Colonel's sister.
Hey, I printed a guy talking about forming a team if you're interested.
Hey, I printed a guy talking about forming a team if you're interested.
Hey, language.
Hey, language.
Hey, queer bait.
Hey, queer bait.
Hey, roid rage.
Hey, roid rage.
Hey, watch out!
Hey, watch out!
Hey, what are you doing, man?
Hey, what are you doing, man?
Hey, where's the rest of the team?
Hey, where's the rest of the team?
Hey, woah, absolutely not. No.
Hey, woah, absolutely not. No.
Hey, you sure you wanna give all your mom's things away?
Hey, you sure you wanna give all your mom's things away?
Hey, you wanna work for me, huh?
Hey, you wanna work for me, huh?
Hey, you're like a ninja.
Hey, you're like a ninja.
Hi, Detective Williams! This must be Mindy.
Hi, Detective Williams! This must be Mindy.
His baton is so much bigger than Kick Ass'
His baton is so much bigger than Kick Ass'
His wanna be supervillains, defeated.
His wanna be supervillains, defeated.
Hit Girl and Big Daddy had been the real deal.
Hit Girl and Big Daddy had been the real deal.
Hold him down! I want to see what his guts look like.
Hold him down! I want to see what his guts look like.
Hold on. I can't do this right now. It's my dad's funeral.
Hold on. I can't do this right now. It's my dad's funeral.
Holy shit, you don't know?
Holy shit, you don't know?
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit. What are you doing?
Holy shit. What are you doing?
Hope to die.
Hope to die.
Hope to die.
Hope to die.
How am I supposed to face them tomorrow?
How am I supposed to face them tomorrow?
How did you say this guy made his money, sir? Prostitution?
How did you say this guy made his money, sir? Prostitution?
How do you know that?
How do you know that?
How else was I gonna get you to stop calling?
How else was I gonna get you to stop calling?
How many times do I have to say it?
How many times do I have to say it?
Hurt her...
Hurt her...
I always wondered why no one tried to be a superhero before me.
I always wondered why no one tried to be a superhero before me.
I am not asking for suggestions, asshole.
I am not asking for suggestions, asshole.
I am not the problem, you are! I wish you were dead!
I am not the problem, you are! I wish you were dead!
I am trying to raise you to be a, a normal boy.
I am trying to raise you to be a, a normal boy.
I am.
I am.
I became a superhero because of Kick Ass.
I became a superhero because of Kick Ass.
I became Night Bitch after my sister was murdered and found in a dumpster.
I became Night Bitch after my sister was murdered and found in a dumpster.
I came up with the name Remembering Tommy,
I came up with the name Remembering Tommy,
I can kill a man with his own finger.
I can kill a man with his own finger.
I can't believe you lied to them.
I can't believe you lied to them.
I can't. It's to do with the Kick Ass thing.
I can't. It's to do with the Kick Ass thing.
I chose this. You should let me deal with the consequences.
I chose this. You should let me deal with the consequences.
I couldn't do this without you.
I couldn't do this without you.
I couldn't wait to meet his friends.
I couldn't wait to meet his friends.
I did my homework on you, Colonel.
I did my homework on you, Colonel.
I did not ride his...
I did not ride his...
I didn't wanna freak you out by bringing it up too soon, y'know?
I didn't wanna freak you out by bringing it up too soon, y'know?
I don't get it. This obsession that you have with revenge is not healthy.
I don't get it. This obsession that you have with revenge is not healthy.
I don't give a shit! Anyone wearing a mask, is getting detained.
I don't give a shit! Anyone wearing a mask, is getting detained.
I don't give a shit! I want you to put the word out.
I don't give a shit! I want you to put the word out.
I don't know a Marty.
I don't know a Marty.
I don't know how serious he is, but his picture was pretty hardcore.
I don't know how serious he is, but his picture was pretty hardcore.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what's worse.
I don't know what's worse.
I don't know, man, but he has got some elephant sized balls.
I don't know, man, but he has got some elephant sized balls.
I don't remember a Big Tony. Is he huge?
I don't remember a Big Tony. Is he huge?
I don't see anything.
I don't see anything.
I don't think my beautiful ass would last too long in prison.
I don't think my beautiful ass would last too long in prison.
I don't think you can have a problem, when people hear about this.
I don't think you can have a problem, when people hear about this.
I don't want to win. I just want to make the world a better place.
I don't want to win. I just want to make the world a better place.
I don't want to...
I don't want to...
I don't wear that mask 'cause I'm ashamed of who I am. Not like you.
I don't wear that mask 'cause I'm ashamed of who I am. Not like you.
I go to an awesome college, I marry a hot guy,
I go to an awesome college, I marry a hot guy,
I got his right arm.
I got his right arm.
I got to go, okay?
I got to go, okay?
I gotta ask. You're my best bud and you're growing up so fast.
I gotta ask. You're my best bud and you're growing up so fast.
I gotta go.
I gotta go.
I gotta Tweet about this.
I gotta Tweet about this.
I guess evil dick feels limp.
I guess evil dick feels limp.
I guess we're about to find out.
I guess we're about to find out.
I hate you! You home school me like I'm a prisoner!
I hate you! You home school me like I'm a prisoner!
I haven't had white sugar since my first birthday.
I haven't had white sugar since my first birthday.
I inspired all those people to get off their asses.
I inspired all those people to get off their asses.
I just don't understand why people feel the need to use that kind of language.
I just don't understand why people feel the need to use that kind of language.
I just thought it's funny you said that. Because he is Kick Ass' father.
I just thought it's funny you said that. Because he is Kick Ass' father.
I just wanna be able to kill Kick Ass with my bare hands.
I just wanna be able to kill Kick Ass with my bare hands.
I just, I didn't think you guys would let me
I just, I didn't think you guys would let me
I know Hit Girl couldn't give a shit about what high school girls are into.
I know Hit Girl couldn't give a shit about what high school girls are into.
I know it's not much, but this is just the beginning.
I know it's not much, but this is just the beginning.
I know that making dance team doesn't make you stop being who you are.
I know that making dance team doesn't make you stop being who you are.
I know that you wouldn't go on a date if your life depended on it.
I know that you wouldn't go on a date if your life depended on it.
I know this is why you guys don't text me back. I'm not an actual idiot.
I know this is why you guys don't text me back. I'm not an actual idiot.
I know what my role is in this, Javier...
I know what my role is in this, Javier...
I know who I am, I know why I'm here.
I know who I am, I know why I'm here.
I know you. You're that freshman who took a ride on Dave Lizewski's disco stick.
I know you. You're that freshman who took a ride on Dave Lizewski's disco stick.
I know, right? So...
I know, right? So...
I know. Tonight, you die.
I know. Tonight, you die.
I love you too, Dad.
I love you too, Dad.
I love you, pal.
I love you, pal.
I made a promise to Marcus.
I made a promise to Marcus.
I mean we're really superheroes but as much as we're really dating.
I mean we're really superheroes but as much as we're really dating.
I mean, apologetic isn't a word I'd use to describe you.
I mean, apologetic isn't a word I'd use to describe you.
I mean, how do you go from that to being a superhero?
I mean, how do you go from that to being a superhero?
I mean, there was always a little action, with Night Bitch.
I mean, there was always a little action, with Night Bitch.
I mean, things have gone out of hand.
I mean, things have gone out of hand.
I might be, if I have to keep looking at that shit stain you call a face.
I might be, if I have to keep looking at that shit stain you call a face.
I need your help.
I need your help.
I needed to see my Robin, I guess.
I needed to see my Robin, I guess.
I never made varsity football, or got cast in the school play.
I never made varsity football, or got cast in the school play.
I promise I'll pay better than Chuck Little Dick Liddell!
I promise I'll pay better than Chuck Little Dick Liddell!
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
I promise.
I see you answered your phone. That means you're not in school.
I see you answered your phone. That means you're not in school.
I think it's time to get back to the real world.
I think it's time to get back to the real world.
I think she wants to take the party upstairs!
I think she wants to take the party upstairs!
I think you mean ten.
I think you mean ten.
I thought this could be our meeting room.
I thought this could be our meeting room.
I thought we were trying to make it a better place.
I thought we were trying to make it a better place.
I thought you wanted me to grow up.
I thought you wanted me to grow up.
I told ya!
I told ya!
I understand that you don't know who that person is, yet, but you will.
I understand that you don't know who that person is, yet, but you will.
I used to eat punks like this for breakfast.
I used to eat punks like this for breakfast.
I used to hang with, a lot of losers.
I used to hang with, a lot of losers.
I wanna team up, like Batman and Robin.
I wanna team up, like Batman and Robin.
I wanna walk the walk, and you're the closest thing I know to a real superhero.
I wanna walk the walk, and you're the closest thing I know to a real superhero.
I want you to give a message to your boyfriend.
I want you to give a message to your boyfriend.
I want you to stop talking to that boy
I want you to stop talking to that boy
I wanted to do good.
I wanted to do good.
I was getting kinda nervous about being on my own.
I was getting kinda nervous about being on my own.
I was looking for drugs. I was worried about you.
I was looking for drugs. I was worried about you.
I was the first superhero to go public.
I was the first superhero to go public.
I was, but I wasn't feeling so good. And so, the nurse decided to send me home.
I was, but I wasn't feeling so good. And so, the nurse decided to send me home.
I wonder what's bothering you.
I wonder what's bothering you.
I... volunteered for your army, like the others.
I... volunteered for your army, like the others.
I'd rather be waterboarded than listen to Justin Bieber.
I'd rather be waterboarded than listen to Justin Bieber.
I'd say fifty grand.
I'd say fifty grand.
I'll be immortal, like an evil Jesus.
I'll be immortal, like an evil Jesus.
I'll let you in on a little secret.
I'll let you in on a little secret.
I'll show you his profile after I hit the men's room.
I'll show you his profile after I hit the men's room.
I'll stop being such a bitch.
I'll stop being such a bitch.
I'm a superhero. That's who I am.
I'm a superhero. That's who I am.
I'm a supervillain. It's evolution.
I'm a supervillain. It's evolution.
I'm a supervillain. It's evolution.
I'm a supervillain. It's evolution.
I'm alive!
I'm alive!
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm glad you got that out of your system.
I'm glad you got that out of your system.
I'm gonna fuck, this world, up! They will know The Motherfucker's name!
I'm gonna fuck, this world, up! They will know The Motherfucker's name!
I'm gonna vom.
I'm gonna vom.
I'm Hit Girl.
I'm Hit Girl.
I'm just joking. Let's get down to business.
I'm just joking. Let's get down to business.
I'm just taking a walk.
I'm just taking a walk.
I'm just trying a call. There's, no, uh, service around here?
I'm just trying a call. There's, no, uh, service around here?
I'm not a total idiot.
I'm not a total idiot.
I'm not even a Physics professor. Just a copyright I put,
I'm not even a Physics professor. Just a copyright I put,
I'm not gonna do it.
I'm not gonna do it.
I'm not like you.
I'm not like you.
I'm not really sure about these names you've come up with, either.
I'm not really sure about these names you've come up with, either.
I'm not really that tired.
I'm not really that tired.
I'm not supposed to do nothing while you went to jail.
I'm not supposed to do nothing while you went to jail.
I'm not, either.
I'm not, either.
I'm probably the richest kid in New York City.
I'm probably the richest kid in New York City.
I'm serious. What if Spider Man or Batman got killed one night? It could happen.
I'm serious. What if Spider Man or Batman got killed one night? It could happen.
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm so sorry about what happened.
I'm so sorry about what happened.
I'm sorry, I just zoned out for a second.
I'm sorry, I just zoned out for a second.
I'm sorry, what?
I'm sorry, what?
I'm sorry, who are you?
I'm sorry, who are you?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to figure out how to explain this without
I'm trying to figure out how to explain this without
I'mma go Saudi Arabia on your ass and cut your hand off.
I'mma go Saudi Arabia on your ass and cut your hand off.
I'mma tell them the truth.
I'mma tell them the truth.
I've been bullied my whole life for being gay.
I've been bullied my whole life for being gay.
I've been studying privately with Coach Podell.
I've been studying privately with Coach Podell.
I've got a secret for you.
I've got a secret for you.
I've got some butterflies.
I've got some butterflies.
If Brooke wants a pet, she should just get a dog.
If Brooke wants a pet, she should just get a dog.
If I ever catch you robbing again, shitburger,
If I ever catch you robbing again, shitburger,
If I had too, my dad would still be alive.
If I had too, my dad would still be alive.
If I was even thinking about a Kick Ass sequel, I had to get serious.
If I was even thinking about a Kick Ass sequel, I had to get serious.
If it's not too inconvenient.
If it's not too inconvenient.
If you don't let me, and the police do our jobs,
If you don't let me, and the police do our jobs,
If you just blew him. You're totes a virgin, right?
If you just blew him. You're totes a virgin, right?
If you'd consider it, Kick Ass, we'd be honored to have you join us.
If you'd consider it, Kick Ass, we'd be honored to have you join us.
If you're scared of dying, one thing is certain. You are going to die.
If you're scared of dying, one thing is certain. You are going to die.
In a weird way, I kinda liked it. It gave me a sense of purpose.
In a weird way, I kinda liked it. It gave me a sense of purpose.
In the two years since the first ordinary citizens donned capes and masks,
In the two years since the first ordinary citizens donned capes and masks,
Insect Man, I want you right behind me.
Insect Man, I want you right behind me.
Is anybody there?
Is anybody there?
Is it weird that Aunt May gets me kinda hard?
Is it weird that Aunt May gets me kinda hard?
Is looking at your face one more second.
Is looking at your face one more second.
Is this how you thought you'd die, Sal? Dressed like an idiot?
Is this how you thought you'd die, Sal? Dressed like an idiot?
Is this what you've been up to while I'm out
Is this what you've been up to while I'm out
It didn't matter that I told the police about Chris.
It didn't matter that I told the police about Chris.
It didn't matter that no one else knew. We knew.
It didn't matter that no one else knew. We knew.
It doesn't matter what costume I wear, yours or mine.
It doesn't matter what costume I wear, yours or mine.
It emits a pulse that creates spontaneous nausea and diarrhea.
It emits a pulse that creates spontaneous nausea and diarrhea.
It is just hungry. We must feed it.
It is just hungry. We must feed it.
It is. Hi, Brooke.
It is. Hi, Brooke.
It turns out somebody had. Mindy Macready.
It turns out somebody had. Mindy Macready.
It will not work. You need the chemical kind.
It will not work. You need the chemical kind.
It'll take you someplace safe.
It'll take you someplace safe.
It's a date.
It's a date.
It's a gift. From some drug dealer who went missing.
It's a gift. From some drug dealer who went missing.
It's a last resort. Like, if all else fails and you're about to die.
It's a last resort. Like, if all else fails and you're about to die.
It's because the real world, needs real heroes.
It's because the real world, needs real heroes.
It's called adrenaline, bitch.
It's called adrenaline, bitch.
It's definitely dead. It says on the internet, you're supposed keep it on freshwater.
It's definitely dead. It says on the internet, you're supposed keep it on freshwater.
It's fun!
It's fun!
It's just high school. Who gives a shit.
It's just high school. Who gives a shit.
It's just their way of, how you say, settling into their environment.
It's just their way of, how you say, settling into their environment.
It's just TV, Dave, not peace in the middle east.
It's just TV, Dave, not peace in the middle east.
It's just...
It's just...
It's kinda like you're the Alfred to my evil Bruce Wayne.
It's kinda like you're the Alfred to my evil Bruce Wayne.
It's like finding out your best friend's always been Will Smith. Y'know.
It's like finding out your best friend's always been Will Smith. Y'know.
It's more important that you stay out of this.
It's more important that you stay out of this.
It's my own fault.
It's my own fault.
It's over.
It's over.
It's pretty fucking great!
It's pretty fucking great!
It's still blowing my mind, Kick Ass.
It's still blowing my mind, Kick Ass.
It's taking that pain and turning it into something good.
It's taking that pain and turning it into something good.
It's time to see what evil dick feels like.
It's time to see what evil dick feels like.
Javier, you worked for my Dad.
Javier, you worked for my Dad.
Jehovah's Witness!
Jehovah's Witness!
Jersey Shore, motherfucker!
Jersey Shore, motherfucker!
Jesus, Dave. Drugs would have been better. This is deranged.
Jesus, Dave. Drugs would have been better. This is deranged.
Jesus, you're such a pussy.
Jesus, you're such a pussy.
Join the team unless I had a good story, too.
Join the team unless I had a good story, too.
Just beat them at their own game.
Just beat them at their own game.
Just because you dress like us, doesn't mean that you can be like one of us.
Just because you dress like us, doesn't mean that you can be like one of us.
Just get out of town for a while. Go to college or something.
Just get out of town for a while. Go to college or something.
Just get them costumes and get them ready.
Just get them costumes and get them ready.
Just leave me alone.
Just leave me alone.
Just like my daddy loved me. And I know it hurts.
Just like my daddy loved me. And I know it hurts.
Just so I can get my ass kicked again? So much for a team.
Just so I can get my ass kicked again? So much for a team.
Just, get on the ground!
Just, get on the ground!
Justice Forever!
Justice Forever!
Justice Forever!
Justice Forever!
Justice Forever!
Justice Forever!
Justice, Forever...
Justice, Forever...
Knowing that everyone worships you?
Knowing that everyone worships you?
Last resort really isn't my style.
Last resort really isn't my style.
Leave it to Mother Russia. She makes ten times what we do.
Leave it to Mother Russia. She makes ten times what we do.
Left, right, left.
Left, right, left.
Let go!
Let go!
Let me show you what real evil looks like.
Let me show you what real evil looks like.
Let me take your temperature first.
Let me take your temperature first.
Let me translate that: you can't just copy Dave's name, you nobgobbler!
Let me translate that: you can't just copy Dave's name, you nobgobbler!
Let's get you a mask and a costume and we will call you...
Let's get you a mask and a costume and we will call you...
Let's go get some pizza.
Let's go get some pizza.
Let's hope he can handle tonight.
Let's hope he can handle tonight.
Let's trash this place, guys.
Let's trash this place, guys.
Like a, like a Chuck Liddell, or whoever.
Like a, like a Chuck Liddell, or whoever.
Like most high school seniors, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.
Like most high school seniors, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.
Like the first time Big Daddy sent me into a crack den with nothing but a pen knife?
Like the first time Big Daddy sent me into a crack den with nothing but a pen knife?
Listen, Chris things have been tough all around since your dad, you know...
Listen, Chris things have been tough all around since your dad, you know...
Lois, you don't need these assholes.
Lois, you don't need these assholes.
Look where that got him.
Look where that got him.
Look, he asked me to cut class and go to the mall. So, yeah. Yeah, I did.
Look, he asked me to cut class and go to the mall. So, yeah. Yeah, I did.
Look, if you don't wanna do it, you don't have to do it.
Look, if you don't wanna do it, you don't have to do it.
Looks like our boy's got a new hot pocket!
Looks like our boy's got a new hot pocket!
Making it a better place.
Making it a better place.
Marcus dropped her off everyday.
Marcus dropped her off everyday.
Marcus, he gave me a gift. A gift that I can't escape no matter how hard I try.
Marcus, he gave me a gift. A gift that I can't escape no matter how hard I try.
Marcus, he wants to burn the city down.
Marcus, he wants to burn the city down.
Marcus, I know I made you a promise.
Marcus, I know I made you a promise.
Marcus, they cut a guy's head off. Who else is going to stop them?
Marcus, they cut a guy's head off. Who else is going to stop them?
Maxed out their credit cards on porno sites?
Maxed out their credit cards on porno sites?
Maybe a little bit of both.
Maybe a little bit of both.
Maybe get a few more years of doing nothing?
Maybe get a few more years of doing nothing?
Maybe it was time for me to stop crashing at Marty's, and start apologizing.
Maybe it was time for me to stop crashing at Marty's, and start apologizing.
Maybe Night Bitch was right. Which means Dad was, too.
Maybe Night Bitch was right. Which means Dad was, too.
Maybe, I'll jam my foot up your snatch!
Maybe, I'll jam my foot up your snatch!
Mindy beat me like morning wood, every day for three weeks.
Mindy beat me like morning wood, every day for three weeks.
Mindy Macready is just a disguise.
Mindy Macready is just a disguise.
Mindy Macready.
Mindy Macready.
Mindy was gonna keep wearing the mask, as long as there are criminals to take down.
Mindy was gonna keep wearing the mask, as long as there are criminals to take down.
Mindy what you did to those girls at school, was unacceptable.
Mindy what you did to those girls at school, was unacceptable.
Mindy, are you on the phone?
Mindy, are you on the phone?
Mindy, I wanna give you a chance that, the rest of the girls in our class would kill for.
Mindy, I wanna give you a chance that, the rest of the girls in our class would kill for.
Mindy, what's going on? Are you okay?
Mindy, what's going on? Are you okay?
Mindy!
Mindy!
Mindy!
Mindy!
Mindy. What the hell?
Mindy. What the hell?
Miranda Swedlow.
Miranda Swedlow.
Miss Mullins was out today so we had Mr. Cooper teach us Biology. Such a grump...
Miss Mullins was out today so we had Mr. Cooper teach us Biology. Such a grump...
Miss Napier's crazy, dad. She tried to teach her dog Spanish.
Miss Napier's crazy, dad. She tried to teach her dog Spanish.
MMA is like chess, it's all about the moves.
MMA is like chess, it's all about the moves.
Mommy?
Mommy?
Mugged and killed coming home from the opera.
Mugged and killed coming home from the opera.
My best friends Todd and Marty have no clue
My best friends Todd and Marty have no clue
My dad was a crime boss, so it just makes sense...
My dad was a crime boss, so it just makes sense...
My dad was a decent man.
My dad was a decent man.
My Daddy was never afraid of dying.
My Daddy was never afraid of dying.
My Destiny.
My Destiny.
My life is gonna rock. And yours is gonna suck.
My life is gonna rock. And yours is gonna suck.
My little brother, he's only a kid. He's just a college kid.
My little brother, he's only a kid. He's just a college kid.
My name is, umm, Simon.
My name is, umm, Simon.
My superpower, is that I'm rich as shit.
My superpower, is that I'm rich as shit.
Newsflash: You're not special.
Newsflash: You're not special.
Nice party. Anybody wanna dance?
Nice party. Anybody wanna dance?
Nice.
Nice.
Nicely done, sweetheart.
Nicely done, sweetheart.
Night Bitch! Behind you!
Night Bitch! Behind you!
Night Bitch. All snuggled up to Kick Ass.
Night Bitch. All snuggled up to Kick Ass.
No actual crimes committed.
No actual crimes committed.
No boy is ever gonna wanna kiss that hole you call a mouth.
No boy is ever gonna wanna kiss that hole you call a mouth.
No one in school found out 'cause she hacked into the server
No one in school found out 'cause she hacked into the server
No one's gonna recognize them once they're back in their street clothes.
No one's gonna recognize them once they're back in their street clothes.
No shit.
No shit.
No, hey, it'll just make things worse. Look,
No, hey, it'll just make things worse. Look,
No, I don't, I don't know what you're talking about.
No, I don't, I don't know what you're talking about.
No, I got my lethal Zero G device.
No, I got my lethal Zero G device.
No, I won't let you foul this. I'd rather die!
No, I won't let you foul this. I'd rather die!
No, it's fine. I'm not looking for revenge.
No, it's fine. I'm not looking for revenge.
No, no, no. Except that it's not, okay?
No, no, no. Except that it's not, okay?
No, not even a little bit. You were right.
No, not even a little bit. You were right.
No, people want to win the lottery.
No, people want to win the lottery.
No, son, thank you.
No, son, thank you.
No, that's why we brought our friends.
No, that's why we brought our friends.
No, the people I hang out with are superheroes.
No, the people I hang out with are superheroes.
No, they're my sidekicks, they can listen to what we have to...
No, they're my sidekicks, they can listen to what we have to...
No, Todd.
No, Todd.
No, what did you think of my line?
No, what did you think of my line?
No, you're gonna be the one that gets the awesome manicure.
No, you're gonna be the one that gets the awesome manicure.
No, you're right.
No, you're right.
No! Please.
No! Please.
No. I just wanted him to like me, okay?
No. I just wanted him to like me, okay?
Not a problem, man. I got your back.
Not a problem, man. I got your back.
Not anymore, Dave.
Not anymore, Dave.
Not for long.
Not for long.
Not if you're a granny slammer.
Not if you're a granny slammer.
Not out of respect, but because they were scared that something would happen.
Not out of respect, but because they were scared that something would happen.
Not you or Red Mist. It was my Daddy.
Not you or Red Mist. It was my Daddy.
Now help me find some pliers. I'm gonna make this guy eat his own dick.
Now help me find some pliers. I'm gonna make this guy eat his own dick.
Now listen to me. It's okay to have a bit of fun.
Now listen to me. It's okay to have a bit of fun.
Now this little renovation was totally clandestine.
Now this little renovation was totally clandestine.
Now we got every law enforcement agency in the state working to hit them at once.
Now we got every law enforcement agency in the state working to hit them at once.
Now!
Now!
Now!
Now!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Oh, God! You're frogging her?
Oh, God! You're frogging her?
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, I got it. I got it. I got it.
Oh, I got it. I got it. I got it.
Oh, I'm leaving. That's what you do when you grow up.
Oh, I'm leaving. That's what you do when you grow up.
Oh, my God, Marty?
Oh, my God, Marty?
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Oh, this is perfect.
Oh, this is perfect.
Oh, wait.
Oh, wait.
Oh, we gotta get this shit started!
Oh, we gotta get this shit started!
Oh... and try to have fun.
Oh... and try to have fun.
Okay, Captain Muffin muncher. Have fun playing make believe.
Okay, Captain Muffin muncher. Have fun playing make believe.
Okay, Captain Muffin muncher. Have fun playing make believe.
Okay, Captain Muffin muncher. Have fun playing make believe.
Okay, Mind, he's here.
Okay, Mind, he's here.
Okay, umm...
Okay, umm...
Okay, well, when I found you guys online,
Okay, well, when I found you guys online,
Okay! Jeez.
Okay! Jeez.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. The girls are upstairs in the apartments.
Okay. The girls are upstairs in the apartments.
Once they pulled up, he must've been feeling pretty damn vindicated.
Once they pulled up, he must've been feeling pretty damn vindicated.
One last time.
One last time.
Only problem? I was still on my own.
Only problem? I was still on my own.
Open palm!
Open palm!
Or you're back in make believe land, sweetheart.
Or you're back in make believe land, sweetheart.
Our own superhero team.
Our own superhero team.
Pants on fire.
Pants on fire.
Pants on fire. I wrote a whole bunch full...
Pants on fire. I wrote a whole bunch full...
Pardon my language, Colonel, but you have got some serious balls.
Pardon my language, Colonel, but you have got some serious balls.
Party at my house!
Party at my house!
Pedophile freak!
Pedophile freak!
People should get what they deserve.
People should get what they deserve.
People want, to fuck Scarlett Johansson.
People want, to fuck Scarlett Johansson.
Please, just make him stop! Please!
Please, just make him stop! Please!
Please, Mindy.
Please, Mindy.
Police, open up!
Police, open up!
Poor Mindy. What did you think?
Poor Mindy. What did you think?
Posted the address. You think they'll show?
Posted the address. You think they'll show?
Pretty cool, huh? This is how the beer gets delivered.
Pretty cool, huh? This is how the beer gets delivered.
Promise me you're done with the life of crime?
Promise me you're done with the life of crime?
Promise me you're not doing anything foolish?
Promise me you're not doing anything foolish?
Pull over, pukeface.
Pull over, pukeface.
Put the word out. I'm building an evil army.
Put the word out. I'm building an evil army.
Real people are gonna die tonight. My Daddy was prepared for anything.
Real people are gonna die tonight. My Daddy was prepared for anything.
Really isn't what I do, I usually just call the cops.
Really isn't what I do, I usually just call the cops.
Red Mist was my superhero name. Henceforth, I'll be known as...
Red Mist was my superhero name. Henceforth, I'll be known as...
Red Mist? Whatever happened to that guy?
Red Mist? Whatever happened to that guy?
Remember what you told me?
Remember what you told me?
Remembering Tommy owns a dry fruit business
Remembering Tommy owns a dry fruit business
Reverse it, reverse it!
Reverse it, reverse it!
Right, I appreciate that. Thanks for joining the cause.
Right, I appreciate that. Thanks for joining the cause.
Run! I'll tell them you saved me. Go!
Run! I'll tell them you saved me. Go!
Same five lowlifes every week. They're not even hard to find.
Same five lowlifes every week. They're not even hard to find.
Says that Kick Ass' team took them out.
Says that Kick Ass' team took them out.
Searching the web for unsolved crimes?
Searching the web for unsolved crimes?
Seriously?
Seriously?
Seriously?
Seriously?
Sex tape.
Sex tape.
Sharon's right. We need to leave this to the cops.
Sharon's right. We need to leave this to the cops.
She closed the door!
She closed the door!
She couldn't stop feeling alone.
She couldn't stop feeling alone.
She's just trying to recreate Mindy in her own image.
She's just trying to recreate Mindy in her own image.
She's still up there!
She's still up there!
Shit, Dave, what have you done?
Shit, Dave, what have you done?
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
Shit! Oh, you broke my leg!
Shit! Oh, you broke my leg!
Shit. Javier, thank you.
Shit. Javier, thank you.
Shit. My bad.
Shit. My bad.
Shut up and just get on the ground!
Shut up and just get on the ground!
Simon, get back in the car.
Simon, get back in the car.
Simon... You can drive us.
Simon... You can drive us.
So break it. You're a superhero, remember?
So break it. You're a superhero, remember?
So I went online and found a Physics professor calling himself Dr. Gravity.
So I went online and found a Physics professor calling himself Dr. Gravity.
So now you wanna tell me where you really were today?
So now you wanna tell me where you really were today?
So that means I can't get involved.
So that means I can't get involved.
So that night after dinner, I decided to get my own costume out.
So that night after dinner, I decided to get my own costume out.
So the safest place for Kick Ass is right here, locked away.
So the safest place for Kick Ass is right here, locked away.
So why don't you spare us all the whining and slit your wrists now.
So why don't you spare us all the whining and slit your wrists now.
So, umm...
So, umm...
So, we tried the cops. And tried the newspapers.
So, we tried the cops. And tried the newspapers.
So, yeah, I'm damn sure.
So, yeah, I'm damn sure.
So, you girls have some fun, and I'll pick you up in the morning, okay?
So, you girls have some fun, and I'll pick you up in the morning, okay?
So...
So...
Some douche just posted a link to a story about a whorehouse.
Some douche just posted a link to a story about a whorehouse.
Someone who's got your back.
Someone who's got your back.
Something right.
Something right.
Sorry, Chris, but your mom pays me not to be cool.
Sorry, Chris, but your mom pays me not to be cool.
Sorry, sir.
Sorry, sir.
Sounding like a complete idiot right now.
Sounding like a complete idiot right now.
Special.
Special.
Standing around in homemade costumes,
Standing around in homemade costumes,
Start the car! Go, go, go, go, go! Fuck!
Start the car! Go, go, go, go, go! Fuck!
Stay frosty, team.
Stay frosty, team.
Steal it from a six year old?
Steal it from a six year old?
Stop peeking man, you're gonna ruin it.
Stop peeking man, you're gonna ruin it.
Street rules, bitch!
Street rules, bitch!
Stupid gash. It's posted on a superhero page that she's dating Kick Ass.
Stupid gash. It's posted on a superhero page that she's dating Kick Ass.
Suddenly we represented everything that was wrong with society.
Suddenly we represented everything that was wrong with society.
Superheroes can't exist in the real world for a reason.
Superheroes can't exist in the real world for a reason.
Sure, he wasn't Hit Girl, but I had to start somewhere.
Sure, he wasn't Hit Girl, but I had to start somewhere.
Sweet Ryan Seacrest. You at least kissed him, right?
Sweet Ryan Seacrest. You at least kissed him, right?
Sweetie, you know skipping school is not a way to get boys to like you.
Sweetie, you know skipping school is not a way to get boys to like you.
Take the day off. Later!
Take the day off. Later!
Take your next right, comes out on Flatbush.
Take your next right, comes out on Flatbush.
Team meeting tomorrow! I'll e mail you the address.
Team meeting tomorrow! I'll e mail you the address.
Tell him you're on your way to fuck his mother with a Tobin strap on.
Tell him you're on your way to fuck his mother with a Tobin strap on.
Thank you for that. I needed it.
Thank you for that. I needed it.
Thanks for letting me finally take you out.
Thanks for letting me finally take you out.
Thanks for the ride. I'll see you at school.
Thanks for the ride. I'll see you at school.
That all you got?
That all you got?
That follows The Motherfucker on Twitter.
That follows The Motherfucker on Twitter.
That is not a fair fight.
That is not a fair fight.
That is who you are, Mindy. You may not dress like us, or talk like us,
That is who you are, Mindy. You may not dress like us, or talk like us,
That note that your father gave you,
That note that your father gave you,
That sad sack is not Kick Ass. I've seen Kick Ass, he's at my age.
That sad sack is not Kick Ass. I've seen Kick Ass, he's at my age.
That was amazing! I feel so alive!
That was amazing! I feel so alive!
That was my first kiss.
That was my first kiss.
That you're fucking a ninth grader or that you just got dumped by one?
That you're fucking a ninth grader or that you just got dumped by one?
That's amazing!
That's amazing!
That's amazing!
That's amazing!
That's enough from you boys.
That's enough from you boys.
That's from the heart. Don't let it go to your head.
That's from the heart. Don't let it go to your head.
That's gotta hurt.
That's gotta hurt.
That's him!
That's him!
That's okay.
That's okay.
That's supervillain territory. Or as I call my little gang,
That's supervillain territory. Or as I call my little gang,
That's terrible, guys. I'm really sorry.
That's terrible, guys. I'm really sorry.
That's the kid?
That's the kid?
That's the point. Kick Ass isn't a costume. Kick Ass is who you really are.
That's the point. Kick Ass isn't a costume. Kick Ass is who you really are.
That's weird. Chris D'Amico just texted me a picture.
That's weird. Chris D'Amico just texted me a picture.
That's what I'd like to hear!
That's what I'd like to hear!
That's when I finally understood where my life was going.
That's when I finally understood where my life was going.
That's who you really are.
That's who you really are.
That's why I don't wear a mask.
That's why I don't wear a mask.
The bouncer makes six.
The bouncer makes six.
The comic book heroes all have billion dollar bases
The comic book heroes all have billion dollar bases
The cops are coming.
The cops are coming.
The cops did show up at dad's funeral.
The cops did show up at dad's funeral.
The dog? Jesus Christ, I'm not that evil.
The dog? Jesus Christ, I'm not that evil.
The feeling was, indescribable.
The feeling was, indescribable.
The five of us should do.
The five of us should do.
The heavy bag and start hitting the streets.
The heavy bag and start hitting the streets.
The last thing I promised my dad, was that I was gonna give this up.
The last thing I promised my dad, was that I was gonna give this up.
The Motherfucker wants us to take a picture with you.
The Motherfucker wants us to take a picture with you.
The Motherfucker.
The Motherfucker.
The Motherfucker.
The Motherfucker.
The Motherfucker's tweeted that the Colonel was just the beginning.
The Motherfucker's tweeted that the Colonel was just the beginning.
The movement has started to spread.
The movement has started to spread.
The next few days passed in a fog.
The next few days passed in a fog.
The one you were supposed to open if anything ever happened to him.
The one you were supposed to open if anything ever happened to him.
The only person I blame is myself.
The only person I blame is myself.
The only problem? I was dying of boredom.
The only problem? I was dying of boredom.
The only problem? I was dying of boredom.
The only problem? I was dying of boredom.
The police didn't mind our real life superhero stuff
The police didn't mind our real life superhero stuff
The reality is, you're an evil bitch.
The reality is, you're an evil bitch.
The reality of being a superhero, is lots of patrols.
The reality of being a superhero, is lots of patrols.
The signing sheet just went up.
The signing sheet just went up.
Them boys designed a very tasty logo.
Them boys designed a very tasty logo.
Then why is it worse?
Then why is it worse?
Then you worked for my Mom. Now, you work for me.
Then you worked for my Mom. Now, you work for me.
There are people out there who wanna kill Kick Ass.
There are people out there who wanna kill Kick Ass.
There is no such thing, Dave. This is the real world, with real consequences.
There is no such thing, Dave. This is the real world, with real consequences.
There wasn't much action those nights.
There wasn't much action those nights.
There you are. We saved you a seat in the caf, but you never showed.
There you are. We saved you a seat in the caf, but you never showed.
There're a lot of guys online who's said they're in if we need them.
There're a lot of guys online who's said they're in if we need them.
There's a dog on my balls!
There's a dog on my balls!
There's nothing you can do that'll make me talk.
There's nothing you can do that'll make me talk.
These real life superdweebs've been waiting their whole lives for a call like this.
These real life superdweebs've been waiting their whole lives for a call like this.
They just disappeared?
They just disappeared?
They may wear costumes but it isn't Halloween.
They may wear costumes but it isn't Halloween.
They should be back by now.
They should be back by now.
They'll take care of the bad guys. We better skedaddle before they get here.
They'll take care of the bad guys. We better skedaddle before they get here.
They're evil.
They're evil.
They're not your sidekicks, Chris. They're prostitutes and witnesses. Come on.
They're not your sidekicks, Chris. They're prostitutes and witnesses. Come on.
They're real life superheroes.
They're real life superheroes.
They're supposed to lie at the bottom of the tank.
They're supposed to lie at the bottom of the tank.
This evil lair owns!
This evil lair owns!
This has nothing to do with you being Hit Girl?
This has nothing to do with you being Hit Girl?
This is gonna be balls.
This is gonna be balls.
This is the VIP area for the core group.
This is the VIP area for the core group.
This is the Zero G device I invented.
This is the Zero G device I invented.
This is your life. You got to live it.
This is your life. You got to live it.
This is your life. You got to live it.
This is your life. You got to live it.
This sucks, man. Give me the bags, faggot.
This sucks, man. Give me the bags, faggot.
This, is all make believe, Brooke.
This, is all make believe, Brooke.
This, will change, your life.
This, will change, your life.
Those girls, they're...
Those girls, they're...
To all the other bottom dwellers.
To all the other bottom dwellers.
To give those in need, what they deserve!
To give those in need, what they deserve!
Todd texted me. Again.
Todd texted me. Again.
Todd was right. We are being dicks.
Todd was right. We are being dicks.
Todd, wait, come on!
Todd, wait, come on!
Todd, wait!
Todd, wait!
Too much like being back in the closet.
Too much like being back in the closet.
Totes.
Totes.
Twilight, Channing Tatum, Union J. It's biology, bitch.
Twilight, Channing Tatum, Union J. It's biology, bitch.
Uh, me, Kick Ass?
Uh, me, Kick Ass?
Uncle Ralph, I am gonna make Kick Ass pay for what he did to us.
Uncle Ralph, I am gonna make Kick Ass pay for what he did to us.
Under five feet, masked, armed with nunchucks and a sword.
Under five feet, masked, armed with nunchucks and a sword.
Very nice!
Very nice!
Very tidy. Very tidy.
Very tidy. Very tidy.
Vigilantes don't get a free pass.
Vigilantes don't get a free pass.
Voila! Presto and alaca damn!
Voila! Presto and alaca damn!
Wait, we can't leave. We have no money.
Wait, we can't leave. We have no money.
Wait, you mean everything?
Wait, you mean everything?
Want me to kill his dog?
Want me to kill his dog?
We didn't join up to be in a gang. We did it so we could help people.
We didn't join up to be in a gang. We did it so we could help people.
We ditch losers.
We ditch losers.
We don't even have a men's wing yet.
We don't even have a men's wing yet.
We felt like rockstars.
We felt like rockstars.
We got the strength, we got the nerve,
We got the strength, we got the nerve,
We just got out on parole.
We just got out on parole.
We know Chris D'Amico's The Motherfucker. Where is he hiding?
We know Chris D'Amico's The Motherfucker. Where is he hiding?
We know where TheMotherfucker's hiding.
We know where TheMotherfucker's hiding.
We need back up! Eight men down!
We need back up! Eight men down!
We were in the ultimate clique.
We were in the ultimate clique.
We were training to really do it.
We were training to really do it.
We would love to help you track down this Chris D'Amico d bag, but,
We would love to help you track down this Chris D'Amico d bag, but,
We're getting pizza.
We're getting pizza.
We're gonna find these assholes and make this right.
We're gonna find these assholes and make this right.
We're gonna have a party.
We're gonna have a party.
We're not here to steal from you. We're here to send a message.
We're not here to steal from you. We're here to send a message.
We're putting an end to this tonight!
We're putting an end to this tonight!
We're shutting you down.
We're shutting you down.
We're taking out some real bad guys.
We're taking out some real bad guys.
Welcome to Justice Forever.
Welcome to Justice Forever.
Welcome to Justice Forever.
Welcome to Justice Forever.
Well we better start walking in pairs.
Well we better start walking in pairs.
Well when you get a kid of your own one day, you'll understand.
Well when you get a kid of your own one day, you'll understand.
Well, either your dad got ripped off,
Well, either your dad got ripped off,
Well, I became Battle Guy after my parents were
Well, I became Battle Guy after my parents were
Well, I...
Well, I...
Well, I'm almost home. I'll make you some soup and we can watch Jeopardy.
Well, I'm almost home. I'll make you some soup and we can watch Jeopardy.
Well, if you really wanna be popular, consider two little words:
Well, if you really wanna be popular, consider two little words:
Well, listen up. I want you in school,
Well, listen up. I want you in school,
Well, my mask is about to get its' teeth kicked in.
Well, my mask is about to get its' teeth kicked in.
Well, the cops are out there looking for them.
Well, the cops are out there looking for them.
Well, you could've fooled me, Ass licker.
Well, you could've fooled me, Ass licker.
Were you really gonna shoot him?
Were you really gonna shoot him?
What a looser.
What a looser.
What a total loser you are. And...
What a total loser you are. And...
What am I supposed to talk to them about?
What am I supposed to talk to them about?
What an asshole.
What an asshole.
What are you doing in my room?
What are you doing in my room?
What are you doing on Lou's phone, huh?
What are you doing on Lou's phone, huh?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What could be so great about gagging on some douchebag's tongue?
What could be so great about gagging on some douchebag's tongue?
What did I tell you about taking the Lord's name in vain?
What did I tell you about taking the Lord's name in vain?
What did it say?
What did it say?
What do you say, Hit Girl?
What do you say, Hit Girl?
What I'm trying to say is, we should be partners. You and me, like the Dynamic Duo.
What I'm trying to say is, we should be partners. You and me, like the Dynamic Duo.
What is she, a superhero or a softcore porno?
What is she, a superhero or a softcore porno?
What is the point of wearing a mask if you can't do what you want?
What is the point of wearing a mask if you can't do what you want?
What is wrong with you, dude? This is not a comic book, it's real life!
What is wrong with you, dude? This is not a comic book, it's real life!
What the hell am I supposed to do with all her stuff?
What the hell am I supposed to do with all her stuff?
What the hell is that?
What the hell is that?
What the hell, mom? Did you delete the news off the DVR?
What the hell, mom? Did you delete the news off the DVR?
What was that?
What was that?
What was that? A cheap shot?
What was that? A cheap shot?
What, not interested in a fair fight, huh?
What, not interested in a fair fight, huh?
What's all this bullshit about your parents getting killed?
What's all this bullshit about your parents getting killed?
What's that supposed to mean?
What's that supposed to mean?
What's that? A ghetto cellphone?
What's that? A ghetto cellphone?
What's the matter, Chris? Shit hit your shorts?
What's the matter, Chris? Shit hit your shorts?
What's the matter, girl? Do you hear something?
What's the matter, girl? Do you hear something?
What's the point?
What's the point?
What's the problem? Grass in the field, play ball, right?
What's the problem? Grass in the field, play ball, right?
What's wrong with you, boy?
What's wrong with you, boy?
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
When Mindy left,
When Mindy left,
When real people try to be superheroes,
When real people try to be superheroes,
When you're dead, it's done! There's no sequel.
When you're dead, it's done! There's no sequel.
When your uncle Ralph calls, don't ask questions.
When your uncle Ralph calls, don't ask questions.
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Where the hell are you going?
Where the hell are you going?
Where you going with those bags, man?
Where you going with those bags, man?
Where you'd sip your first beer and, finally suck face for the first time?
Where you'd sip your first beer and, finally suck face for the first time?
Which means nobody knew about it.
Which means nobody knew about it.
While I've been tryin' to get family back on track for many years...
While I've been tryin' to get family back on track for many years...
While we vacate in Paris.
While we vacate in Paris.
Who are you talking to, man?
Who are you talking to, man?
Who is this guy? And what's his problem with us?
Who is this guy? And what's his problem with us?
Who the hell are you?
Who the hell are you?
Who?
Who?
Who's just as bad as the worst criminal scum.
Who's just as bad as the worst criminal scum.
Who's next?
Who's next?
Who's Stan Lee?
Who's Stan Lee?
Who's that, Sal? She one of the whores on your team?
Who's that, Sal? She one of the whores on your team?
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoop ass, Kickass Man, Doctor Kick ass?
Whoop ass, Kickass Man, Doctor Kick ass?
Why are you looking at me?
Why are you looking at me?
Why don't you keep them?
Why don't you keep them?
Why is he backing up? Why's there a lawnmower on the trunk?
Why is he backing up? Why's there a lawnmower on the trunk?
Why is Kick Ass on this list? His crew does community service.
Why is Kick Ass on this list? His crew does community service.
Why is this party in the middle of nowhere?
Why is this party in the middle of nowhere?
Why the hell not?
Why the hell not?
Why, he won't arrest you. You've just saved the city.
Why, he won't arrest you. You've just saved the city.
Why? So you'd look like someone else?
Why? So you'd look like someone else?
Why? You just taught me everything I needed to know.
Why? You just taught me everything I needed to know.
Why? You're smart, you're beautiful, you're funny.
Why? You're smart, you're beautiful, you're funny.
With all our new members, it seemed kinda shitty not to ask Todd.
With all our new members, it seemed kinda shitty not to ask Todd.
With some boy and I lost you guys over the bridge.
With some boy and I lost you guys over the bridge.
Without Kick Ass, none of us would be here.
Without Kick Ass, none of us would be here.
Woah! This is so cool!
Woah! This is so cool!
Working nights saving for your college? You've been,
Working nights saving for your college? You've been,
Would you stop apologizing!?
Would you stop apologizing!?
Yay! You made it.
Yay! You made it.
Yeah, I don't know what kind of superhero Night Whore is,
Yeah, I don't know what kind of superhero Night Whore is,
Yeah, I know I recognized your voice.
Yeah, I know I recognized your voice.
Yeah, I promise.
Yeah, I promise.
Yeah, I still can't believe he's an ex mob enforcer.
Yeah, I still can't believe he's an ex mob enforcer.
Yeah, I usually head over to the Olive Garden to carb load.
Yeah, I usually head over to the Olive Garden to carb load.
Yeah, I was hoping you can help me get a million hits on YouTube!
Yeah, I was hoping you can help me get a million hits on YouTube!
Yeah, I'm not sure that's possible, Batman.
Yeah, I'm not sure that's possible, Batman.
Yeah, let's take a break, guys! Come on.
Yeah, let's take a break, guys! Come on.
Yeah, like your head.
Yeah, like your head.
Yeah, me too. I've never even been in a fight.
Yeah, me too. I've never even been in a fight.
Yeah, thanks. Ass kicker.
Yeah, thanks. Ass kicker.
Yeah, the guy I told you about owns this place.
Yeah, the guy I told you about owns this place.
Yeah, well, I also killed 6 guys with a cop's gun.
Yeah, well, I also killed 6 guys with a cop's gun.
Yeah, well, I've done more in my 15 years than most adults have in their lifetime.
Yeah, well, I've done more in my 15 years than most adults have in their lifetime.
Yeah, you just come home from work, you grab your gear and you go out on patrol.
Yeah, you just come home from work, you grab your gear and you go out on patrol.
Yeah! Sure, umm...
Yeah! Sure, umm...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. And I'm gonna wipe my ass with your face.
Yeah. And I'm gonna wipe my ass with your face.
Yes! Anybody else who wanna be a supervillain?
Yes! Anybody else who wanna be a supervillain?
Yo, Kick Ass!
Yo, Kick Ass!
Yo!
Yo!
You actually seem like a nice guy.
You actually seem like a nice guy.
You all right, Chris? You all right, buddy?
You all right, Chris? You all right, buddy?
You are Mindy Macready.
You are Mindy Macready.
You are superhero. You help people. You do not hurt them.
You are superhero. You help people. You do not hurt them.
You blew up my dad with a bazooka!
You blew up my dad with a bazooka!
You can be anyone you want.
You can be anyone you want.
You can't fight crime in that.
You can't fight crime in that.
You can't go.
You can't go.
You can't just quit, this is who you are.
You can't just quit, this is who you are.
You can't tell me what to do anymore.
You can't tell me what to do anymore.
You can't. You're Hit Girl. We were gonna start a team.
You can't. You're Hit Girl. We were gonna start a team.
You don't get it, Dave.
You don't get it, Dave.
You don't have to be a badass to be a superhero, Dave.
You don't have to be a badass to be a superhero, Dave.
You don't know what you want. You can't.
You don't know what you want. You can't.
You don't understand. He's doing this to protect me. Dad!
You don't understand. He's doing this to protect me. Dad!
You dropped yours in the toilet again?
You dropped yours in the toilet again?
You get away from me. Please. You win.
You get away from me. Please. You win.
You go to your room and do your homework.
You go to your room and do your homework.
You got my soup?
You got my soup?
You got this, Motherfucker!
You got this, Motherfucker!
You got to find me some badass MMA types to train me, okay?
You got to find me some badass MMA types to train me, okay?
You got to promise me that you will never dress up in that outfit again.
You got to promise me that you will never dress up in that outfit again.
You gotta ease up, I think I might've broken a rib.
You gotta ease up, I think I might've broken a rib.
You gotta quit with the racist stereotypes, Chris.
You gotta quit with the racist stereotypes, Chris.
You guys came.
You guys came.
You guys love this shit like the fanboys love Stan Lee, don't you?
You guys love this shit like the fanboys love Stan Lee, don't you?
You have to admire the Doctor's enthusiasm.
You have to admire the Doctor's enthusiasm.
You hear me?
You hear me?
You home? Dad?
You home? Dad?
You in?
You in?
You just be yourself and you let me be nervous.
You just be yourself and you let me be nervous.
You just gotta try.
You just gotta try.
You just have to be brave.
You just have to be brave.
You know how you feel when you watch that video by Union J?
You know how you feel when you watch that video by Union J?
You know we can never do this again, right?
You know we can never do this again, right?
You know what, screw you guys.
You know what, screw you guys.
You know what? Screw this.
You know what? Screw this.
You know, all the homophobic shit makes you sound super gay.
You know, all the homophobic shit makes you sound super gay.
You know, buddy, it's perfectly normal
You know, buddy, it's perfectly normal
You know, you shouldn't talk with your mouth full. It's very rude.
You know, you shouldn't talk with your mouth full. It's very rude.
You made this real. You started it! Now I'm gonna finish it.
You made this real. You started it! Now I'm gonna finish it.
You must relax. Everything is going as planned.
You must relax. Everything is going as planned.
You obviously have no idea of who I am.
You obviously have no idea of who I am.
You promised me.
You promised me.
You ready for your first field test?
You ready for your first field test?
You ready to die, faggot?
You ready to die, faggot?
You remember Malick?
You remember Malick?
You should be out there in the real world.
You should be out there in the real world.
You showed us that every man can make a difference.
You showed us that every man can make a difference.
You sure she's on their team?
You sure she's on their team?
You think you can kill me, with little needle?
You think you can kill me, with little needle?
You think you're the big bad guy, huh?
You think you're the big bad guy, huh?
You threw away my Red Mist costume, God!
You threw away my Red Mist costume, God!
You used to be Sal Bertolinni, didn't you?
You used to be Sal Bertolinni, didn't you?
You wanna beat people up for me?
You wanna beat people up for me?
You wanna bet?
You wanna bet?
You wanna get real, Mindy? In the real world, I win.
You wanna get real, Mindy? In the real world, I win.
You wanna go 5 bucks each so we can send flowers from the team?
You wanna go 5 bucks each so we can send flowers from the team?
You wanna hit with open palm!
You wanna hit with open palm!
You wanna hook up?
You wanna hook up?
You wanna take me on a date sometime?
You wanna take me on a date sometime?
You want me to solve that for you?
You want me to solve that for you?
You want money? There's fifty grand in the table.
You want money? There's fifty grand in the table.
You wanted me to be my own man. This is what it looks like.
You wanted me to be my own man. This is what it looks like.
You were all swapping these awesome origin stories.
You were all swapping these awesome origin stories.
You! You are my problem.
You! You are my problem.
You'll have to stay in there until you calm down, you lunatic.
You'll have to stay in there until you calm down, you lunatic.
You're a fifteen year old girl...
You're a fifteen year old girl...
You're actually pretty cute under that mask.
You're actually pretty cute under that mask.
You're done banging superheroes, baby!
You're done banging superheroes, baby!
You're gonna bust your own face when that gun kicks if you don't hold it properly.
You're gonna bust your own face when that gun kicks if you don't hold it properly.
You're gonna need a bigger jar.
You're gonna need a bigger jar.
You're gonna pay for what you did to my dad.
You're gonna pay for what you did to my dad.
You're gonna put this on.
You're gonna put this on.
You're just starting high school.
You're just starting high school.
You're never gonna have a normal life,
You're never gonna have a normal life,
You're not a supervillain if you don't have a plan to destroy the city.
You're not a supervillain if you don't have a plan to destroy the city.
You're not an adult, not yet.
You're not an adult, not yet.
You're not like me, or your dad. You're, uhh...
You're not like me, or your dad. You're, uhh...
You're pants are so tight, you got frog eye.
You're pants are so tight, you got frog eye.
You're pretty much like the only real family I have left.
You're pretty much like the only real family I have left.
You're right. Daddy did take my childhood away.
You're right. Daddy did take my childhood away.
You're right. If we're gonna dress like heroes, we should act like heroes.
You're right. If we're gonna dress like heroes, we should act like heroes.
You're the best, man!
You're the best, man!
You're too smart to do anything stupid.
You're too smart to do anything stupid.
You're uncle Ralph's not gonna be happy about this, Chris.
You're uncle Ralph's not gonna be happy about this, Chris.
You're wrong, Dave. My Daddy was the first real superhero.
You're wrong, Dave. My Daddy was the first real superhero.
You've never kissed a boy, have you?
You've never kissed a boy, have you?
Your attention, please!
Your attention, please!
Your dad was insane. You know that, right?
Your dad was insane. You know that, right?
Your dad?
Your dad?
Your father died in a fire.
Your father died in a fire.
Your father was like a brother to me. He was a great cop and a hero.
Your father was like a brother to me. He was a great cop and a hero.
Your life has no meaning, dad. When you're gone, who's gonna notice?
Your life has no meaning, dad. When you're gone, who's gonna notice?
Your new name's Little Bitch.
Your new name's Little Bitch.
15 ditching 20, pervert.
15 ditching 20, pervert.
And by baton, I mean penis. Yeah, I got that, thanks.
And by baton, I mean penis. Yeah, I got that, thanks.
and Night Bitch teaches ballet. Night Bitch?
and Night Bitch teaches ballet. Night Bitch?
And three quarters. What the fuck do you want?
And three quarters. What the fuck do you want?
And you'll do anything I say. Anything.
And you'll do anything I say. Anything.
Are you alright? I'm cool.
Are you alright? I'm cool.
At least as an alternate. You did that for me?
At least as an alternate. You did that for me?
Boneheads in blue take a blind eye. How do you know he's here tonight?
Boneheads in blue take a blind eye. How do you know he's here tonight?
Brick. Alright.
Brick. Alright.
Brooke? This, is to celebrate you.
Brooke? This, is to celebrate you.
But he's in prison. Doesn't matter. He runs the family now.
But he's in prison. Doesn't matter. He runs the family now.
Can I wear this to Logan's? Yay! It's gonna be so much fun.
Can I wear this to Logan's? Yay! It's gonna be so much fun.
Can that be traced? I tried. His IP address is masked.
Can that be traced? I tried. His IP address is masked.
Come on, can't your team handle it? They're not you, Mindy.
Come on, can't your team handle it? They're not you, Mindy.
Come on, let's just talk about it first. The money talks.
Come on, let's just talk about it first. The money talks.
Come on. Pizza, can we get pizza?
Come on. Pizza, can we get pizza?
Come on. Do something. Let's take a break.
Come on. Do something. Let's take a break.
Dave, I can't. I know, you promised your dad.
Dave, I can't. I know, you promised your dad.
Definitely, definitely, don't wanna keep those! No, no, I'll take care of it!
Definitely, definitely, don't wanna keep those! No, no, I'll take care of it!
Did you just call me your fucking butler? Yeah, is it not a compliment?
Did you just call me your fucking butler? Yeah, is it not a compliment?
Do people still say that? Own? Yeah, of course.
Do people still say that? Own? Yeah, of course.
Don't take the Lord's name in vain. I'm sorry.
Don't take the Lord's name in vain. I'm sorry.
Don't touch that. I'm sorry, what is it?
Don't touch that. I'm sorry, what is it?
Fist bump. Thank you, thank you, sir.
Fist bump. Thank you, thank you, sir.
For what comes next. Don't be stupid, Chris.
For what comes next. Don't be stupid, Chris.
for you to touch yourself. Jesus, Dad, get out!
for you to touch yourself. Jesus, Dad, get out!
Get off me, I was winning! No, you were crying.
Get off me, I was winning! No, you were crying.
Go to hell, Dave. What? You know I'm right.
Go to hell, Dave. What? You know I'm right.
God! Run, Kick Ass! Run!
God! Run, Kick Ass! Run!
He's kidding, right? Motherfucker don't kid.
He's kidding, right? Motherfucker don't kid.
He's little, and he kills. Right.
He's little, and he kills. Right.
Hello? Marcus?
Hello? Marcus?
Hey, asshole, it's me. Dave. Dave?
Hey, asshole, it's me. Dave. Dave?
Hey, guys. What you talking 'bout? Nothing.
Hey, guys. What you talking 'bout? Nothing.
Hey, how you doing? Good, Uncle Ralph.
Hey, how you doing? Good, Uncle Ralph.
Hey, Kick Ass! Welcome back! Yeah!
Hey, Kick Ass! Welcome back! Yeah!
Hey, Mind, how was school? Super crazy.
Hey, Mind, how was school? Super crazy.
Hey, Mind. Hey, Marcus, what's up?
Hey, Mind. Hey, Marcus, what's up?
Hey, what the hell are you thinking? Yeah? I can ask you the same thing.
Hey, what the hell are you thinking? Yeah? I can ask you the same thing.
Hey. Hi.
Hey. Hi.
Hey. So...
Hey. So...
How is this gonna go viral? You want to be filmed?
How is this gonna go viral? You want to be filmed?
I am? Hm hmm. Oh, yeah.
I am? Hm hmm. Oh, yeah.
I don't know. Am I? Yes, you are. You look great.
I don't know. Am I? Yes, you are. You look great.
I guess we're the first ones here. This isn't where you have a party, moron.
I guess we're the first ones here. This isn't where you have a party, moron.
I know who I am now. Oh, yeah? And who's that?
I know who I am now. Oh, yeah? And who's that?
I think I got her. Go check!
I think I got her. Go check!
I was talking about these. Oh, those. Those were my Dad's.
I was talking about these. Oh, those. Those were my Dad's.
I'm grounded. So?
I'm grounded. So?
I'm in the NFL, Dave. You play B League. So, train me.
I'm in the NFL, Dave. You play B League. So, train me.
I'm so stupid. Hey, hey...
I'm so stupid. Hey, hey...
I'm sorry, Dave. Mindy, wait, wait.
I'm sorry, Dave. Mindy, wait, wait.
I'm sorry. I think we're in trouble.
I'm sorry. I think we're in trouble.
I'm sorry. Woah! Can't you knock?
I'm sorry. Woah! Can't you knock?
I'm the whitest pimp ever. That's the idea!
I'm the whitest pimp ever. That's the idea!
Insect Man? Yeah. I'm...
Insect Man? Yeah. I'm...
It can levitate any object up to a ton. For real?
It can levitate any object up to a ton. For real?
It hurts! Yeah, there's a dog on your balls.
It hurts! Yeah, there's a dog on your balls.
It's not like that! What is it like? Please, tell me.
It's not like that! What is it like? Please, tell me.
Javier should have told you. No, it doesn't matter.
Javier should have told you. No, it doesn't matter.
Javier, what's going on? Chris, what's up?
Javier, what's going on? Chris, what's up?
Just like a real life Batcave. I know, right?
Just like a real life Batcave. I know, right?
Just, just be careful, alright? Yeah.
Just, just be careful, alright? Yeah.
Ladies first. You will not shoot me.
Ladies first. You will not shoot me.
Man, am I glad to see you. Is there anything I can do to help, sir?
Man, am I glad to see you. Is there anything I can do to help, sir?
Me? Yeah.
Me? Yeah.
Mindy! I'm sorry. Is there a problem, Mind?
Mindy! I'm sorry. Is there a problem, Mind?
Mindy? Dave?
Mindy? Dave?
Nah, that's my name. Okay, okay, uhh, Red, Red Mist...
Nah, that's my name. Okay, okay, uhh, Red, Red Mist...
Nah, that's my name. Okay, okay, uhh, Red, Red Mist...
Nah, that's my name. Okay, okay, uhh, Red, Red Mist...
Nice backpack. Thanks.
Nice backpack. Thanks.
No, definitely not. I'm fucking with you.
No, definitely not. I'm fucking with you.
No. Yeah.
No. Yeah.
Nobody wants to be Robin. What's wrong with Robin?
Nobody wants to be Robin. What's wrong with Robin?
Nothing? Yeah, Todd, nothing.
Nothing? Yeah, Todd, nothing.
Oh my God! You'd totally make captain. So much better than Brooke's.
Oh my God! You'd totally make captain. So much better than Brooke's.
Oh, my God, that is so adorbs. Maybe, she's a dyke.
Oh, my God, that is so adorbs. Maybe, she's a dyke.
Oh, she's super bitchy, I likes! What's the big deal, anyway?
Oh, she's super bitchy, I likes! What's the big deal, anyway?
Okay, good, I don't want to do it. Fine.
Okay, good, I don't want to do it. Fine.
Okay, look. Wait a second. I wish I could help.
Okay, look. Wait a second. I wish I could help.
Okay, well now you can stop. No. Now I'm even more worried.
Okay, well now you can stop. No. Now I'm even more worried.
Okay. Let's leave the masks on.
Okay. Let's leave the masks on.
People need you. They've got you now.
People need you. They've got you now.
Say hey to Mindy, ladies. Hey.
Say hey to Mindy, ladies. Hey.
Scales, like red, white and blue. Ist's awesome!
Scales, like red, white and blue. Ist's awesome!
Seriously? You're such a dick, Marty.
Seriously? You're such a dick, Marty.
She didn't blow him. Look at her. Then what? Rimjob? Handjob? Fingerbang?
She didn't blow him. Look at her. Then what? Rimjob? Handjob? Fingerbang?
Shut up! Yeah!
Shut up! Yeah!
Shut up! Yeah.
Shut up! Yeah.
So what's the plan? Are we sneaking in? I thought we'd knock.
So what's the plan? Are we sneaking in? I thought we'd knock.
Some people do a lot worse. Oh, the people you hang out with?
Some people do a lot worse. Oh, the people you hang out with?
Sure. Alright!
Sure. Alright!
Thanks. You're welcome.
Thanks. You're welcome.
That guy is old enough to be his father. No shit, right?
That guy is old enough to be his father. No shit, right?
That's my Dad! Your dad's Kick Ass?
That's my Dad! Your dad's Kick Ass?
That's not my name. I'm not calling you that, forget it.
That's not my name. I'm not calling you that, forget it.
The Toxic Mega Cunts. Hi.
The Toxic Mega Cunts. Hi.
This conversation, is over. Great! Then I'm leaving.
This conversation, is over. Great! Then I'm leaving.
This is where you dump a dead body. What's your problem?
This is where you dump a dead body. What's your problem?
Todd. No, really.
Todd. No, really.
Uncle Ralph, they record these things. It's fine. The warden's a pal.
Uncle Ralph, they record these things. It's fine. The warden's a pal.
Wait, wait, wait, a chick? Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait, a chick? Yeah.
Want to see something cool? Yeah!
Want to see something cool? Yeah!
Watch it! Watch me end your life!
Watch it! Watch me end your life!
We did it. Fuck, yeah.
We did it. Fuck, yeah.
We don't have them. Seriously?
We don't have them. Seriously?
We're the good guys. No, you're the fucking dead guys.
We're the good guys. No, you're the fucking dead guys.
Weren't you like Big Daddy's Robin? Robin wishes he was me.
Weren't you like Big Daddy's Robin? Robin wishes he was me.
What am I supposed to do with these? Put them on, and, uh, go fishing.
What am I supposed to do with these? Put them on, and, uh, go fishing.
What did you think? I think you almost got me killed!
What did you think? I think you almost got me killed!
What the fuck was that? I know, right? I'm soaked.
What the fuck was that? I know, right? I'm soaked.
What the hell are you doing? Saving your whiny ass.
What the hell are you doing? Saving your whiny ass.
What the hell, Eyal? It's fine, Chris.
What the hell, Eyal? It's fine, Chris.
What the hell, where's my crew? Chris, everybody's just...
What the hell, where's my crew? Chris, everybody's just...
What the hell's frog eye? Male cameltoe.
What the hell's frog eye? Male cameltoe.
What? Battle Guy? Care to update your resume?
What? Battle Guy? Care to update your resume?
What? More polite.
What? More polite.
What? Yeah, he just gave himself up.
What? Yeah, he just gave himself up.
What's with the bags of shit? It's fertilizer for the bombs!
What's with the bags of shit? It's fertilizer for the bombs!
When are you gonna grow up? If it means turning into you, never.
When are you gonna grow up? If it means turning into you, never.
Where are the girls? Come on, man. I've got a heart problem.
Where are the girls? Come on, man. I've got a heart problem.
Where are we going? To a party.
Where are we going? To a party.
Who are you supposed to be? I'm The Motherfucker!
Who are you supposed to be? I'm The Motherfucker!
Who? Mr. Lizewski, he's Kick Ass' dad.
Who? Mr. Lizewski, he's Kick Ass' dad.
Why are you dressed like Kick Ass? Because, I'm Kick Ass!
Why are you dressed like Kick Ass? Because, I'm Kick Ass!
Why, you mean I'm not grounded? Well, just, consider this a warning.
Why, you mean I'm not grounded? Well, just, consider this a warning.
With training? With everything.
With training? With everything.
Yeah? Yeah, they all kinda seem, derivative?
Yeah? Yeah, they all kinda seem, derivative?
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yes, yes, I did, Christopher. That was the one with Kick Ass!
Yes, yes, I did, Christopher. That was the one with Kick Ass!
You are? I am.
You are? I am.
You could've really hurt them. You're right. I could have.
You could've really hurt them. You're right. I could have.
You done many team ups before? Kind of. Yeah. No, not really.
You done many team ups before? Kind of. Yeah. No, not really.
You got plenty now. Thank you.
You got plenty now. Thank you.
You okay? What, yeah. No, I'm, I'm fine.
You okay? What, yeah. No, I'm, I'm fine.
You ready to go again? Absolutely not.
You ready to go again? Absolutely not.
You really think he got a shot? I wouldn't take his money if I didn't.
You really think he got a shot? I wouldn't take his money if I didn't.
You sure? Yeah. I mean they belong to you, right?
You sure? Yeah. I mean they belong to you, right?
You two know each other? Yeah, like, since we were five.
You two know each other? Yeah, like, since we were five.
You're gonna be fine. I'm gonna be a disaster.
You're gonna be fine. I'm gonna be a disaster.
You're not telling anyone? No!
You're not telling anyone? No!
You're really clammy. I'll feel better after a nap nap.
You're really clammy. I'll feel better after a nap nap.
You're saying you hired a chick? Yeah.
You're saying you hired a chick? Yeah.
Your shark, something's wrong. I think it's the wrong kind of water.
Your shark, something's wrong. I think it's the wrong kind of water.
...bad.
...bad.
...deserves a visit from Eisenhower.
...deserves a visit from Eisenhower.
'Cause the only thing that's gonna ruin my day
'Cause the only thing that's gonna ruin my day

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