Little Miss Sunshine (2006) Edit

A blue raspberry Slushee.

A couple of days. It still needs work.

A death certificate.

A number seven, over easy, and a g****fruit juice.

A real loser is somebody that's so afraid of not winning, they don't even try.

A report of death. An M.E. pink slip.

About this important choice.

Actually, all of that was okay.

Actually, prearrangements have already been made in Albuquerque.

Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss.

Ahh, good, yeah.

Alamodey, right? I'll be back with your waffles in a second.

All I ask is...

All right? There's two kinds of people in this world.

All right.

All right. Everybody, look for the exit, okay?

All right. I'll drive the bus.

All right. We're back in business.

All right. Well...

Almost like a real person.

Although, technically, I think that's a frozen yogurt.

Am I pretty?

America!

And about I don't know two minutes in, he stops me, he says...

And cream has a lot of fat in it.

And forced to move out of my apartment and move into a motel.

And fuck the Air Force Academy.

And Grandpa's 13.

And he's taken a vow of silence until he reaches that goal.

And here's your cot.

And how Dwayne's utilizing seven of them in his personal quest to self fulfillment.

And I decide, you know, This is Stan Grossman. What the hell?

And I did some things that I shouldn't have done...

And I include myself in that category.

And I know he loves both of you very much.

And I start pitching him the nine steps.

And I want everyone to have at least a little salad.

And I would like that one No, down.

And if you don't, you're gonna stay nice and skinny, sweetie.

And it's not because of your brains or your personality.

And no excuses.

And Olive went to Laguna to see her cousins.

And skip all this crap high school and everything just skip it.

And subsequently I was fired from my job...

And that, I believe [Continues, Indistinct]

And that's step four in the program.

And that's when I

And the know how to put your losing habits behind you...

And the new Miss America is Miss Kansas, Tara Dawn Holland!

And the new Miss America is Miss Kansas...

And then we'll come back, and we'll take care of all the paperwork and

And to go out and make your dreams come true.

And unleashed upon the world.

And we're walkin'...

And what's important is that we love each other.

And when you're done with the paperwork, I'll be at the nurses' station.

And you.

And you're supposed to protect her.

And, if you like, at this time, I can refer you to a funeral home...

And, uh, I will have a

And, uh, just leave the door open. That's important.

And, um, just, you know, taking some time off, and so

Any way to reach him or

Anyone?

Anyway, he, uh he gets down to the end of his life...

Are they skinny, or are they fat?

Are you gonna win?

Are you kiddin' me? You're gonna blow 'em out of the water.

Are you kidding me? It was a fuckin' paradise.

Are you listening? Fuck a lot of women, Dwayne.

Are you the family of Edwin Hoover?

As fast as we can.

At the end of the evening, one of these girls...

At the very core of your being...

Awarded a genius grant to Larry Sugarman.

Be careful.

Be my guest.

Because this is what the nine steps are all about.

Been nine months, Frank. He hasn't said a word.

Bringing with it a little moisture that will cool things off a bit.

Building the buzz and kind of getting the whole hype thing going.

But as long as you keep parking on a hill...

But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare.

But he's pursuing it with great conviction and focus.

But I want you to know something.

But I'm not going...

But if God wants to take him, we have to be ready to accept that, okay?

But if maybe we could just go.

But it's a great program. You said so yourself. I don't understand.

But it's funny.

But we're just dying to hear what sort of numbers you came up with in Scottsdale.

But you have to be six or seven and you have to be a girl.

By the time we figured it out, it's

Bye.

Bye.

Can I give you some advice?

Can I sleep with Grandpa tonight?

Can we get a new one?

Can we please talk about something else?

Chamomile. And here's your ice cream.

Christ. He's not getting it.

Come here. Sit down for a second.

Come on, Olive! Run! Run! Come on!

Come on, sweetie, jump. Jump in the car.

Come on! Hurry up!

Come on.

Come on. Come on. Get in.

Come on. Have a heart. We're four minutes late. We just drove all the way from Albuquerque.

Coming from you, that means a lot.

Copy that. Twenty five is performance ready...

Could you step outside the vehicle?

Dancing was too hard for me. I'm a singer.

Decided to check out early.

Did I mention that I am the preeminent Proust scholar in the U.S.?

Divorce, bankrupt, suicide!

Do you know how tired I am?

Do you think there's a heaven?

Do you want to talk or no?

Does anybody see the Redondo Suites?

Don't apologize, Olive. It's a sign of weakness.

Don't what?

Don't worry. I'm not gonna bust ya.

Don't yell at me, sir. I didn't make you late.

Down here. We have you with Dwayne.

Dwayne has a goal. He has a dream.

Dwayne That's your name, right? Dwayne?

Dwayne went to see his dad in Florida for two weeks...

Dwayne, can you check on Frank? Tell him it's dinnertime.

Dwayne, can you check on Frank? Tell him it's dinnertime.

Dwayne, don't you dare move.

Dwayne, flight school.

Dwayne, for better or worse, we're your family.

Dwayne, honey, I'm sorry.

Dwayne, honey, there's a bucket of chicken in the car.

Dwayne?

Everybody else was here before 3:00. I'd be giving unfair advantage.

Everyone is gonna laugh at her, Mom. Please don't let her do this.

Far out.

First of all...

For a grief recovery support group that meets on Tuesdays.

For God's sakes.

Forget about it. How'd we do?

Frank, Dwayne, get out and push.

Frank, you're 12.

Frank! Hey!

Frank?

Frank?

French writer. Total loser.

Fuck a lot of women, kid. I have no reason to lie to you.

Fuck beauty contests.

Fuck that.

Fuck!

Fucked. That's where it leaves us.

Funky licious!

Get me something really nasty too. I don't want any of that airbrushed shit.

Get off me! Help! Get off me!

Get over here! Get over here!

Get your daughter off this stage right now!

God bless ya. God bless ya.

Goddamn it, Dad. Goddamn it!

Good luck, honey.

Good night, Dwayne.

Good night, sweetie. I love you.

Good night.

Good night.

Good. Good.

Good. I'm glad. You know why?

Grandpa won't wake up.

Great. That's great.

He doesn't mind, Frank. We talked.

He has my cell number. Just to let me know we're on.

He Hello?

He made a series of foolish choices I'm sorry and he gave up on himself...

He probably just fell asleep and never woke up.

He's better off with us that these people.

He's doing what the pros call a ticking clock auction.

He's had a long, eventful life...

Hello, Stan.

Hello?

Hello? Hi. We'd like to register.

Here we go! Push! Push!

Here we go. Here we go.

Here we go. One more time. Little bump.

Here you go.

Here. This is dessert.

Here's the salad, and I'm gonna run and get Sprite for everyone.

Hey, Frank.

Hey, I will pull this truck over right now!

Hey, wh Whoa, hey! One setback here, and you're ready to just quit?

Hey! Hey, Olive Hoover.

Hey.

Hi. I'm your bereavement liaison, Linda.

Hi. Richard Hoover for Stan Grossman, please.

Hi. Stan Grossman, please.

Hi. You ready?

Hmm. Miss California?

Honey [Sighs]

Honey, here.

Honey, I'm gonna use the ladies' room. You need to go?

Honey, I'm gonna use the ladies' room. You need to go?

Honey, let's let Uncle Frank finish his dinner, okay? Shh.

Honey, you stay here. We'll take Olive. Frank can drive.

Honey?

Honey?

Honey.

How did it happen?

How long does it take?

How you folks doin'?

Huh?

I am going to get something to drink. You want anything?

I am not working for these people next year. These people are crazy.

I am. I'm really good.

I apologize for the things I said.

I can sell this.

I don't What does alamodey mean?

I don't know how long. I don't know!

I don't know what to do.

I don't know why. Something about diet pills.

I don't know. I have no reason to assume it's gonna be otherwise.

I don't know. It's up to Grandpa.

I don't want her to go on.

I feel sorry for you.

I hate you fucking people! I hate you!

I just want everyone here to know...

I just want you to understand...

I know that this is, uh this might be a little unusual...

I know you wanna protect her. I know, honey, but... we gotta let Olive be Olive.

I know, but what do you think?

I like a woman with meat on her bones.

I love you guys so, so much.

I mean, high school? High school Those are your prime suffering years.

I mean, there's a whole fascinating science into how you roll these things out.

I mean, you hit 18 Man, you're talking about three to five.

I need you to keep him away from sharp objects knives, scissors.

I never want to hear about the nine steps again!

I rammed it down their fucking throats, and no one bought it!

I should be able to do what the fuck I want!

I think he could use our support.

I think I can win, because some of the other girls...

I think there is one.

I think we can live with that.

I want you to go around outside and underneath this window.

I want you to go out in the world...

I was upset. I didn't really mean them.

I will be damned if I'm not making that contest, Sheryl.

I will give you permission for flight school.

I won!

I won! I won! I won!

I won! I won! I won! I won! I won!

I would say four dollars. Anything under four dollars.

I'll have someone come talk to you about handling the remains.

I'll knock on your doors at 7:00 a.m.

I'll tell you what happened. I paid my money. They took my money.

I'm at the hotel. Call me.

I'm being pulled over. Here we go.

I'm glad you're talkin' again, Dwayne.

I'm going! We're going!

I'm gonna be coming through there. I could swing right by. We could

I'm gonna fix this.

I'm gonna fix this.

I'm gonna start dinner.

I'm just worried about the time.

I'm kinda scared about tomorrow.

I'm not smoking. I'm not!

I'm so glad you're still here.

I'm sorry that you're late, but I can't help you.

I'm sorry. I have to insist.

I've been fine.

If I wanna fly, I'll find a way to fly.

If some girl came up to me, begged me to fuck her, I couldn't do it.

If the body is crossing state lines, you're gonna need a burial transit permit.

If there's one thing my father would have wanted...

If we were to just give up now.

If you don't think you're gonna win.

If you don't want to do this, that's okay.

If you have medications, depressants in your house, keep them secure.

If you want to sit this one out, it's totally fine by us. We're proud of you anyway.

In fact, I was thinking about the nine steps

In the state of California ever again.

In the trunk of our car.

Inside each and every one of you...

Is Grandpa dead?

Is Miss Louisiana, Erika Schwarz.

Is Miss Louisiana, Erika Schwarz.

Is that Nietzsche?

Is that Uncle Frank gave up on himself.

Is there a, uh, dealership around here?

Is there any way we might be able to view the remains?

It didn't fly. We move on.

It does it in three hours' time.

It may not be my dream, may not be yours...

It was a boy? You fell in love with a boy?

It's 2:15. Might be a few minutes late.

It's about wanting to win, willing yourself to win.

It's all right, man. Dwayne, Dwayne! It's all right. Hold on.

It's an A. Can't you see it? Right there.

It's because you're beautiful, inside and out.

It's bright green.

It's not the program, Richard. It's you. Okay?

It's okay to be skinny, and it's okay to be fat, if that's what you want to be.

It's okay. Come on. [Sniffles] Let's go.

It's on the floor. The floor.

It's so beautiful!

It's stuck or something. [Groans]

It's the truth.

It's the truth.

It's this Sunday? Why can't Jeff and Cindy take her?

It's time to move on. You're not gonna win this one.

It's time.

It's to see Olive perform in the Little Miss Sunshine Pageant.

Jesus, I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired.

Just tell me where the dressing rooms are.

Just tell them who you are, and they will wait.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 24th annual...

Let her finish!

Let me get Olive.

Let's get outta here.

Let's get outta here.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's just go, okay? Let's go. Let's go.

Let's turn on the tube.

Life is one fucking beauty contest after another.

Like Like everything's normal here.

Linda!

Listen to what I'm saying, Stan! I'll I'll

Little Miss Sunshine Pageant!

Little Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine! I won!

Little trouble. Sorry. Uh, sorry.

Lock and load.

Look, I don't want these people judging Olive. Fuck them!

Look, I know you're a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this.

Look, I'm at the hospital. Yeah, okay. Bye.

Look, there's no sense in entering a contest...

Luck is the name losers give to their own failings.

Mainly, though, I fell in love with someone who didn't love me back.

Maybe Can somebody stay here with him?

Miss Carly Nugent.

Miss Charisma Whiteman!

Miss Hoover? Your brother's fine.

Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine!

Mm hmm.

Mode is derived from Latin modus, meaning due or proper measure.

Mom, how much can we spend?

Mom?

My favorite flavor is Chocolate Cherry Garcia...

Nah, you're just saying that.

Never had a real job.

Next year.

No one?

No one's heard of you. Nobody cares.

No, I'm not. I'm madly in love with you.

No, I'm pro honesty here. I just think, you know, it's up to you.

No, no No, I understand that, Cindy. Yeah.

No, no one's upset, honey. I

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Inside the circle.

No, no, no. Nobody's gonna abandon the body. We're gonna go and

No, Richard! That's asking too much. If something happened

No, Sheryl, we'll be there in two hours. I'll call a funeral home once we get there.

No, Stan, listen to me. Hold on now.

No, we're not looking for an advantage. We just want her to compete.

No, you gotta talk to him.

No, you're not my family! Okay? I don't wanna be your family!

No. I'm gonna go practice my routine over there.

No. Please just leave me here, Mom.

No. What happened was I was a bit upset...

No. You can't just abandon the body.

Not on your watch. I wouldn't do that to you.

Not one woman. A lot of women.

Not one. I think it shows tremendous discipline.

Nothing. Let's get out of here.

Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleepin' on a fuckin' sofa.

Now, please, put your hands together once again and help me welcome to the stage...

Now!

Oh, Dwayne, come on, please. Think of your sister.

Oh, for crying out loud!

Oh, God. Did, uh, Stan Grossman call?

Oh, hey, Olive. Wow, you're gettin' big.

Oh, how about that!

Oh, Jesus! God!

Oh, let's have a big round of applause for our lovely contestants!

Oh, look at you. Is that your costume?

Oh, man.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! How are you?

Oh, my God! Where does that leave us?

Oh, my God. What is he doing?

Oh, my gosh! I won! I won! I won! I won!

Oh, yeah, he's taken a vow of silence.

Oh.

Okay, but we're trying to get to Redondo Beach by 3:00.

Okay, but, Olive, let me ask you this.

Okay, can I get the waffles and, uh

Okay, could you please just have him call me anytime over the weekend?

Okay, Dad. Thank you.

Okay, he's slipping. Okay.

Okay, here is 11.

Okay, here! Here's the turnoff. Turn in here.

Okay, I can come by.

Okay, let's go.

Okay, okay, okay. Let's do it.

Okay, Olive, let's get your swimsuit on.

Okay, so, what's your name?

Okay, these are the forms you need to fill out.

Okay, three. Wait, wait, wait!

Okay, um, can I just

Okay, well, don't go too far.

Okay, you're out

Okay! [Laughs]

Okay? I don't care. I'm not getting on that bus again.

Okay? Please, please, please.

Okay? Thank you. Bye.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Coffee. Coffee.

Okay. Everybody just pretend to be normal, okay?

Okay. Little Miss Chili Pepper is a beauty contest for everyone in Albuquerque...

Okay. Okay. You know what?

Okay. You're right. Thank you.

Olive, can I tell you a little something about ice cream?

Olive, come here. Put those away.

Olive, come on! Dinnertime!

Olive, come over here for a second.

Olive, Dad, I want you in the car first.

Olive, honey, are you okay in there?

Olive, I'll give you a million dollars if you turn around.

Olive, it's time. Okay?

Olive, look at me.

Olive, tell him about your routine while you're doing this.

Olive, the important thing to understand here...

Olive, um, Uncle Frank didn't really have an accident.

Olive, you are...

Olive, you, uh

Olive, your grandpa would've been really proud of you.

Olive! Dinnertime!

Olive! Dinnertime!

On the condition that you never enter your daughter in a beauty pageant...

One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him.

Otherwise, the hospital becomes responsible.

Outstanding, soldier! Outstanding!

Outstanding.

Perfect. Perfect. You're the world champion growler.

Personal effects.

Please give a warm welcome to...

Please try and be as detailed as possible.

Please, Frank.

Please, it's only five minutes. [Chuckles]

Please.

Please.

Please.

Politics.

Put it in the machine. Center it. Turn it around.

Ready? Let's go.

Really, you don't know what this means.

Really. I think we could learn something from Dwayne.

Redondo Beach. This Sunday?

Remember when Olive was here last month?

Richard

Richard

Richard, he has nowhere else to go.

Richard, I was told explicitly not to leave Frank by himself.

Richard, listen. I pushed this thing hard, okay?

Richard, no! There is nothing to say. We just have to wait.

Richard, please.

Richard, we we have to talk.

Richard.

Right there. See?

Right. Good. Good.

Sarcasm is losers trying to bring winners down to their level...

Secretary Rumsfeld and I thought long and hard...

See, right now you're jailbait. They're jailbait. It's perfect.

She has worked so hard. She's poured everything into this.

She was runner up in the regional Little Miss Sunshine?

She's going on.

She's just not.

She's kickin' ass. That's what she's doin'.

She's listening to music.

Sheryl, let's just get through this and go home.

Sheryl.

Shh. Go, go, go.

Shit!

Shit.

Sir, could you come back here?

Sir, there are ways we have of doing things.

So

So do you think you can win Little Miss Sunshine?

So I said some things that I shouldn't have said...

So I said, You want me to teach you about life experiences?

So if you eat a lot of ice cream, you might become fat.

So pull the truck over! Fuck you! I can say what I want.

So someone may come in in a few minutes to take him to the basement.

So that's the story, okay? Now, everyone, just let's move on and, uh

So that's when.

So we're going to this private spa in Sedona for the week

So what are we here? Are we winners, or are we losers?

So when did you start with the vow?

So where's the body?

So who do you hang out with?

So you always look forward to eating the food.

So you can begin making your own arrangements.

So, if you sleep until you're 18...

So, Sheryl, I couldn't help noticing Dwayne has stopped speaking.

So... maybe... Thursday.

Something about Little Mrs. Sunshine.

Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads.

Stan Grossman? Richard Hoover.

Stan, it's Richard. Again. Listen, I know you're busy...

Stan, it's Richard. I don't know where the fuck you are.

Stan?

Stan?

Stupid.

Swing him around this way.

Tara Dawn Holland!

Thank you for that. You have been such a patient audience.

Thank you, Dad.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks, Sheryl.

That doesn't want to enjoy their ice cream so early in the morning.

That I am the preeminent Proust scholar in the United States.

That is sweet. Yeah.

That means no lollygagging.

That you leave me alone.

That'll take us all the way back to the freeway!

That's a little different choice.

That's all right. I had a little accident. I'm okay.

That's hard to say, Olive. I I don't think anyone knows for sure.

The boy that I was in love with fell in love with another man Larry Sugarman.

The second most highly regarded Proust scholar in the U.S.

The talent competition.

There is none. We had our shot.

There must be some way we can work this out. Please.

There will be no significant accumulations of rainfall

There you go.

There's winners and there's losers. Okay? You know what the difference is?

These old buses, you you have to order the part.

They got a pool. They got golf.

They have some equestrian thing in Santa Barbara.

They just called right now and said that the girl who won had to forfeit her crown.

They said 3:00 sharp. They were very explicit. We can't cross these people. Trust me.

They're not gonna know what hit 'em.

They're not working! Forget it! It's over!

They've been doing it longer, but I practice every day.

This is our sister.

This is the last touch up, everybody. Final touch ups. Last touch up.

This is the voice of experience talking.

Those waffles are gonna be awful lonely in there.

Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was.

Those women in Miss America

Time for your beauty rest. Get in there.

To have any fun.

To me

Translates literally as in the fashion.

Uh, just just give him a second.

Uh, yeah. Is there a funeral home around here?

Uh...

Um

Um, I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa...

Um, I'm weighing my options...

Um, Miss Jenkins? I I can put 'em in the system.

Um, this is a brochure...

Um, well, I want Okay, okay. I know what I want. I know.

Um, well, there are a lot of reasons.

Uncle Frank?

Uncle Frank? An eye test?

Unrequited love affairs. Gay.

Wait a minute. I thought you said this was a done deal.

Wait! Stop! Don't eat it all.

Wanna go back?

Want to take an eye test?

Wasn't that a stardust fantasy?

Watch his head! Watch it!

Watch the curb. Watch the curb.

Watch. Get the back. Get the back.

We can tell 'em all to go to hell.

We can't go, then, unless Dwayne and Frank go with us.

We can't just take it away from her. We can't.

We could get something to eat around here that's not the goddamn fucking chicken?

We have one more contestant, and then we'll be crowning our winner.

We haven't had a chance to move him downstairs...

We may even see a five to 10 degree drop in temperatures in Albuquerque.

We need to be packed and on the road by 7:40, guys.

We'll go to Little Miss Sunshine next year, okay, honey?

We're going to California. [Laughs]

We're gonna go and come back.

We're gonna have a family meeting. Dwayne, family meeting.

We're gonna make it. We're gonna make it. All right.

We're not gonna leave him.

We've got a little bit of Okay, got an emergency back here.

We've settled on the schedule for the show. We've turned off the computers.

We've tried. Believe me. The intervention was a fiasco. He's worse than a two year old.

Well, I'm gonna give it to you anyway.

Well, I'm just saying I've come around.

Well, I'm just wondering if this darn book deal is done or not.

Well, it was too much.

Well, it's the weekend...

Well, it's your time. Excuse me.

Well, Richard, we can't leave him here.

Well, take it away, Olive!

Well, thanks for stopping by, Olive. Best of luck.

Well, that makes one of us.

Well, that's what we're gonna do unless you have a better idea.

Well, then, you're not a loser. We're gonna have fun tomorrow, right?

Well, they're skinny, I guess.

Well, uh, they're probably gonna be closed.

Well, we gotta do 600 miles of driving today and 200 tomorrow.

Well, what do you think your chances are?

Well, you'll have to ask Grandpa.

Wha I know. I know. But we can't have you sleeping alone. The doctor said.

What a fucking nightmare.

What about Olive?

What am I, an idiot? And don't you start taking that shit.

What are you doing?

What are you guys talking about?

What do you think I

What happened was he... tried to kill himself.

What if there's no hill? What do you

What if you're not on a hill? There's no hill.

What sarcasm? I didn't I didn't hear it.

What What are you doing? You can't do this!

What, you don't talk anymore?

What?

What? Dinner?

What's gonna happen to Grandpa?

What's that? Chicken? Every night it's the fuckin' chicken!

What's the next step?

Whatever happens, we're a family.

Whatever you want, it's okay.

When you're young, you're crazy to do that stuff.

Where is it? All right. [Mumbles]

Where'd you get the idea you're a loser?

Where'd you get the idea you're a loser?

Where's Olive?

Which comes from cow's milk...

Which is more than most people ever do...

Which is something winners never do.

Who showed me these moves.

Who?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up a minute.

Whoa! I had second degree burns on my johnson. I kid you not.

Whoo!

Why did you want to kill yourself?

Why didn't he call?

Why not?

Will be crowned Little Miss Sunshine!

Will you let me worry about this, please?

Will you set the table? We'll do paper plates tonight.

Winners and losers.

Winners don't give up.

With my nine step Refuse to Lose program...

Wow, Richard, you've really opened my eyes to what a loser I am.

Wow.

Wow. I can't believe this. How have you been?

Yeah, and I can detect that note of sarcasm there, Frank.

Yeah, and this is the guy who knows how to do it.

Yeah, honey. He passed away.

Yeah, I do. Because sarcasm is the refuge of losers.

Yeah, I'd like a little. Dwayne? Frank?

Yeah, it's

Yeah, right. See ya.

Yeah, we just got it. Yeah, she basically went crazy.

Yeah, we're all with you on that one, Dwayne.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah! All right!

Yeah?

Yeah? When are you gonna show it to us?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. [Sniffles]

Yeah. I guess they don't eat a lot of ice cream.

Yeah. No, I quit, 'cause enough is enough, you know?

Yeah. Okay?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we're fine. Just [Grunts]

Yee haw!

Yes!

Yes.

Yes. Yes. And I failed at that as well.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I would like that one.

You are not the only one that's had somebody die here today, okay?

You blew it. You're out.

You can come out when you're settled.

You can go to the beach and

You can talk. You just choose not to?

You can write a book about my experiences.

You can't fly jets if you're color blind.

You could still use some rehearsing.

You did? Why?

You do what you love, and fuck the rest.

You do? Good.

You don't get better suffering than that.

You don't know what we've been through.

You don't need the clutch to change from from the third to the fourth.

You don't speak because of Friedrich Nietzsche.

You fucking losers! You're losers!

You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy.

You got Dwayne here. They can look after each other.

You guys go. Olive, you watch the curtain.

You heard what I said? Did it go in anywhere?

You know Marcel Proust?

You know what a loser is?

You know what?

You know, actually, there is a message from Cindy on the machine.

You know, I heard that you got fired.

You know, school, then college, then work?

You must be a good dancer.

You only really need the clutch to go from number one to number two.

You passed it! You're passing it!

You should be gettin' that young stuff. That young stuff is the best in the world.

You start her in third, and you go from third to fourth.

You start with a book, and then you do a media tour, corporate events, DVD, VHS series.

You took a big chance. That took guts, and I'm proud of you.

You wanna go change behind the curtain?

You wanna try talking to him?

You want to see him?

You'll get along fine. He's really quiet.

You're doing it. How hard can it be?

You're in Scottsdale right now, right?

You're right. It was silly. It was very, very silly.

You're the one that said it would sell!

You've taken a vow of silence?

Your clutch is, uh, shot.

Your first time?

Your packet has tickets in it, and there's your badge number.

3:00 today? Hmm. Ain't gonna happen.

[Arguing Continues] Hey, don't listen to that.

[Audience Members Booing] Those little fuckers. I will kill them.

[Audience Murmuring] [Girl] I'm ready.

[Audience Murmuring] [Girl] I'm ready.

[Cellphone Rings] That's Oh, wait a second.

[Cheering] [Applause]

[Cheering] [Emcee] Wow ow ow ow!

[Cheering] Yes!

[Chuckles] [Olive Gasps]

[Clattering] If

[Continues, Indistinct] [Screaming Continues]

[Door Closes] Listen, we're not in Albuquerque anymore.

[Door Opens] Olive Hoover. Are you the family?

[Dwayne] You were incredible. Thank you.

[Engine Starts] [Tires Screech]

[Frank] I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor. Frank.

[Growling] [Growling]

[Growls] [Growls]

[Grunting] [Grinding Continues]

[Grunting] OK OK Okay!

[Grunting] Rich! You've got parking lots on the right!

[Grunts] Keys.

[Honking Continues] [Richard] 2:55.

[Honking Continues] Okay, now I'm gonna check to see if you're color blind.

[Horn Honks] All right, Frank.

[Kirby] Albuquerque [Typing]

[Machine Beeps] [Woman On Machine] Sheryl, it's Cindy.

[Man] She was scared, but she did very well. [Woman] Was she?

[Mouthing Words] What's the letter in the circle?

[Olive] Dad? Yeah, honey?

[Olive] I won! I won! I won! No, I didn't get that.

[Olive] Mom, where's my bathing suit? Right.

[Olive] You're passing it! [Sheryl] Turn around, turn around.

[Richard] Finish your dinner! I'm finished!

[Richard] What time is it, Frank? Oh, 2:59.

[Screaming] [Dwayne] Holy sh

[Screaming] Sheryl!

[Sheryl Continues] Is he always like this? How can you stand it?

[Sheryl Screams, Laughs] [Frank] No one gets left behind.

[Sheryl] Close the door! No one gets left behind!

[Sheryl] Frank, you guys'll be okay? [Frank] Yeah, we're fine.

[Sheryl] Here, here! Put your seat belt on, baby!

[Sheryl] Olive, for breakfast? You said four dollars.

[Sheryl] Olive, get in. Here we go.

[Sheryl] Pull over. [Richard] I'm pulling over. All right.

[Sheryl] Richard, I swear to God It's true.

[Sheryl] What happened? [Frank] He's color blind. He can't fly.

[Sheryl] You are so bad. Quiet. This is it. This is that call.

[Sheryl] You're losing them. Slow down! I can't slow down!

[Sighs] Okay, here.

[Snarling] [Snarling]

[Vehicle Horn Honks] [Man] Asshole!

## [Continues, Faint] I'm goin' backstage.

## [Continues] [Woman] You suck!

A long time, honey. I know. But how long?

Albuquerque? We're actually on our way to California right now.

All right, Olive Richard!

And do you have chamomile? Yes.

And extra bacon. Extra.

And stay at a hotel? We can afford it.

And that's when you tried to Well, no.

Anybody see a way back? It's a one way street! Oh!

Aren't you supposed to be in New Haven? Yeah.

Boy, that looks good. You sure you don't wanna have some, Olive?

But in the meantime we've gotta be Okay, okay! We'll drive!

But the rest of us. Oh, the rest of you.

Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.

Can you imagine what that's like? You must've been very busy.

Can you put it off? They have to. They have to.

Christ. When you want to start cooking your own food, you're welcome.

Cindy. Spring break.

Come on, Olive. Come on, Olive.

Come on, please. No? Jesus. You're what, 15?

Come on! Sheryl, let's go!

Come on! Come on! Come on, you dumb bastard! I can't. I can't slow down.

Could you get him to pull over, please? Richard, pull over!

Cute Cute family. That's nice. Thank you.

Dad, that's enough! Stop it! Will you kindly not interrupt!

Dad! Straight shot from here. We're gonna make it.

Dad! You can tell me, Dwayne. Are you gettin' any?

Dad? Watch the language, huh? That's how tired I am.

Dirty. And this one is one of my favorites.

Do you eat ice cream? I love ice cream.

Do you have something in your trunk, sir? It's nothing. I

Do you have something in your trunk, sir? It's nothing. I

Don't Don't open it. You've just given me probable cause to search your trunk.

Don't move. Okay.

Don't start that. It all goes to your nine steps!

Dwayne I said I'm not.

Dwayne, come on. We have to go. I'm not going.

Dwayne, go around outside. Richard, what are you thinking?

Dwayne, please, come on. The chicken. It's in the car. [Machine Beeps]

Dwayne! No, no. Dwayne. Sit down. God, this better be good.

Fix it when we get there. Okay, fine.

for a seven year old. She's gonna find out anyway.

Frank, let's go! I'm coming.

Frank, shut up. [Sheryl] Richard!

Frank, some Sprite? Yes.

Get her. Right this minute! Don't touch Don't touch her.

Get yourself a fag rag. [Laughs] All right. I will.

Go, honey! [Richard] Come on!

God, Richard! Okay, here's the hotel.

God, Richard! Okay, here's the hotel.

Gonna leave that with ya. All right.

Grandpa? I got two beds.

Grandpa? What?

Grandpa? Yeah.

Grandpa? Yeah.

G****fruit. Thank you.

Great. Thank you, Linda. Thank you.

Havin' a little trouble with your horn? Yeah.

He said it was a done deal. What, you didn't get anything?

He's gonna kill himself. Well, it's his life.

He's out filling the tank. He's, uh Oh. Yeah, there he is.

He's the guy you teach. Yeah.

He's very heavy. Be gentle. Mm hmm.

Help me! Take charge! Just take charge!

Here we go! [Engine Starts]

Hey, Dad! Dad! I'm just sayin'

Hey, how are you feeling? Better. Where's Olive?

Hey, Stan! [Truck Horn Honks]

Hey! Dad! Not just one woman. A lot of women.

Hey! Hey, let go of my daughter! Oh!

Hi! What's your name? Olive.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Frank's here.

Hold on. [Grunting]

Holy God Almighty! It is possible just once Dad!

How are you gonna get around out there? We'll rent a car.

How did what happen? Your accident.

How much do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom? That one's on the house.

How you doin', honey? Good.

How's the, uh, routine coming, honey? It's good.

I I'm sorry. I, um Sorry. Take your time.

I bet you are. [Pen Scribbling]

I can't believe I'm hearing Did you even try negotiating? Yes! Of course I tried!

I don't want to be a loser. You're not a loser.

I don't want you making the same mistakes I made. Can't wait to hear this.

I found it! [Door Slams]

I got him. I got him. Come on.

I know. We know. All right, here we go!

I still got Nazi bullets in my ass! Ah, the Nazi bullets!

I think we need to pull over. What is it?

I wanted to kill myself Don't listen to him.

I was looking for you. [Bell Chimes]

I was very unhappy. He's sick in his head.

I'd prefer to keep him, but I know. The insurance.

I'll stay. Oh, that is not happening.

I'll tell you when I regain consciousness. [Motorcycle Engine Revving]

I'm gonna tell her. No, Dwayne. You listen to me. Olive is who she is.

I'm not drivin'. How are you gonna fit Grandpa in the Miata?

I'm old! Well, that stuff'll kill you.

I'm pulling over. Stop it. It's all right.

Is Grandpa with you? Yeah.

Is she going on? Yeah.

It is? Really? Yep.

It's 3:00 now. No.

It's back there! I can't turn around.

It's Miss California. It's really her! You want to go say hi?

It's not illegal! Sir, I would advise you to keep your mouth shut!

It's not illegal. Goddamn.

It's official. Oh, good.

It's stuck. [Sheryl] Okay, just leave it.

Just I I just Put your hands on the vehicle now! Now!

Larry's here? Yeah.

Let's go! [Olive] We're coming.

Like that? Oh!

Listen, it is too late. No, it's not too late. You're the mom...

Little trouble with the horn? Sorry. What?

Look around. This place is fucked! He's right!

Maybe Try pulling it from under here. No, no. Just leave it.

Mm hmm? Hey, I need your music.

Mmm! Mmm! Watch this.

Mom Olive, Richard is an idiot.

Mom, Dwayne has 20/20 vision. I bet he does.

Mom, Mom! Look! What's her last name?

Mom, she eats ice cream. I heard.

My consolations for your loss. Thank you.

My God, man! Dad!

Nearly nothing, but statewide 93% No.

No offense, Frank. None taken.

No, I can't get a signal out of this thing. [Groans]

Not really. [Chuckles]

Not yet. Not yet. [Men Chattering]

Now she has a place in the state contest in Redondo Beach! [Screaming]

Now, Dad, you should probably Richard, don't start.

Now, you're trying, right? Yeah.

Oh, Kirby, you don't have to. No, it's okay. Takes five minutes.

Oh, man. Sweet Sweetness.

Oh, music, right. Yeah.

Oh, thank you. [Chuckles]

Oh, that means it comes with ice cream. Okay, alamodey then.

Okay, go. Go, go, go. Shh, shh, shh. Okay.

Okay, there it is Redondo Beach, 46. [Honking Continues]

Okay, well, dinner in 10 minutes. Okay.

Okay, well, good night. Good night.

Okay, you guys, that's enough. It's on the house.

Okay! Wait! I won't wait for you!

Okay? Okay. Thanks. Bye.

Okay. Go on, Frank.

Okay. Is there anything else?

Okay. Okay, here's a 20. Get yourself a little treat too.

Olive? [Girl] Yeah?

Olive. That's a nice name.

Olive's not gonna have her ice cream. Do you mind if I have a little?

Ooh! Ah!

Our lineup is final. I have a hair check to do. Okay

Promise? Yes.

Push down hard. [Grunting]

Push the stick down hard. I'm pushing hard.

Really? Forget about it.

Really? Mm hmm.

Richard, please. You blew it!

Richard, what are you doing? Fuck.

Richard! [Olive] It's right there.

Richard! I'm sorry! I don't think it's an appropriate conversation...

Richard. Good to... see you.

Richard. I really do.

Richard. What?

Right here, Stan. Right here! Richard.

See? All right.

She made it to the top of the regionals out there. I was in second place.

She's gonna find out anyway, remember? What? Find out what?

Sheryl? No, no, no, no!

So he says to me [Line Ringing]

So what happened with Stan Grossman? He's in Scottsdale.

So, that's when you tried to kill yourself? Well, no.

So, uh, give me a call, please. Hey, did you get him?

Sorry, we're closed. Uh, no. We have the entrant right here.

Stay positive and [Continues, Indistinct] Yeah, get me some porn.

Step this way, please. No, no.

Stop the car. It's gonna be okay, Dwayne. All right. Don't open the door.

Take care of yourself. You too.

Thank you, Sheryl. [Waitress] Garden salad?

Thank you. [Woman] Bonnie, come here.

Thank you. Okay?

Thank you. You take care.

That was for free? No charge. No charge.

That's a lot of driving. Let's go. I'll drive for a while.

That's enough, all right? Are you gettin' any?

The machine cut you off. Okay. [Olive Continues, Indistinct]

Then you should've been here by 3:00. [Richard] Wait, wait.

Then you're gonna be a winner. [Sheryl] Richard.

There. What's up? Mom, I don't want Olive doing this.

There's another word for it. Dad.

They I just No, I'll just figure it out. Okay, bye bye.

They just called right now Hey, it's your sister!

This is our seed money. Well, if I had a little help bringin' it in.

This on the side. A little of this, a little of that. It's

This? Did you choose this? No, my grandpa did.

Was that fun? Yeah.

We agree that the right man to preserve the traditions I'm gonna brush my teeth.

We can't stop. Jump. I got her! I got her!

We gotta go now. Hang on.

We just wanna check in. Registration ended at 3:00.

We'll fly there. We can't afford it.

We're all coming, honey. [Richard] Hey, uh, hold on.

We're gonna take him with us. No, no. That is not happening.

Well, Grandpa does not have to come. What? I coached her!

Well, it was great to see you. Yeah, you too.

Well, you heard about Larry and the whole genius thing, right? Yeah.

Wh Are you guys going? [Whispering] Yes.

What about you? I'm old. When you're old, you're crazy not to do it.

What are you doing? I can't slow down! I can't!

What are you guys doing? Rehearsing.

What happened at Sunset Manor? Frank, don't encourage him.

What happened to your arms? Olive.

What happened? He He cut me off.

What happened? I'm just calling to Cindy!

What? Little Miss Sunshine? Yeah.

What's the emergency? Pull over.

What's up? [Sighs]

Where are the dressing rooms? [Girl] Are you allowed to be here?

Where does that leave us? We can't do it. We can't.

Which track? Twelve.

Who's number one? That would be me, Rich.

Whoa! Hey! Son of a bitch! [Horn Honking]

Why don't you take the V.W.? I cannot drive a shift. I tried.

With honey, please. [Frank] I would like the lumberjack and coffee.

Wow. Yeah, so he's in Scottsdale right now, you know...

Yeah, you were great. Mm wah! [Frank] You were beyond great.

Yeah. Well, ice cream is made from cream...

Yeah. Good luck. Not about luck, Frank.

Yes, I did. Very much so. That's silly.

Yes. [Clattering]

You drove past it! You've gotta turn around!

You forgot your Slushee. [Horn Honks]

You have a good day there. Yeah.

You have to go back! That is a one way road!

You promised? We'll fly out and come back Monday.

You think I'll get in? Yes.

You too. [Doors Close]

You You mean give up? Richard.

You're as bad as those fuckers at Sunset Manor. [Horn Toots]

You're kidding? Hi, Uncle Frank.

You're not nearly as stupid as you look. [Sighs]

You're the one who told me to go left back there! [Sheryl Shouting]

You've got to want it badder than anybody else. I do.

Your act's over, honey. [Richard] Hey!

Your grandpa? Mm hmm.

...scholarship...

[Applause Smattering]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Audience Cheering]

[Audience Exclaiming]

[Bell Chimes]

[Both Sobbing]

[Camera Shutters Clicking]

[Cellphone Ringing]

[Chattering Continues]

[Chattering In Spanish]

[Chattering On P.A.]

[Chattering On P.A.]

[Chattering On P.A.]

[Chattering On P.A.]

[Chattering]

[Chattering]

[Chattering]

[Chattering]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles] I love this stuff. I love it.

[Chuckles] Okay.

[Chuckles] So what are you up to now?

[Clears Throat]

[Clerk] Hey.

[Clicks Tongue]

[Crying] Because Daddy hates losers.

[Delighted Squeal]

[Dishes Clattering]

[Door Closes]

[Dwayne] Look, she's not a beauty queen.

[Dwayne] Sometimes I just wish I could go to sleep till I was 18...

[Emcee] And now, the moment we've all been waiting for

[Emcee] Oh, that is so sweet!

[Emcee] Pure fairy tale magic.

[Emcee] Yodel lay he hoo, that was great!

[Fist Slams]

[Frank] I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.

[Frank] Mm hmm. Interesting.

[Frank] Oh, no, it's okay. Unless you object.

[Frank] Okay, stop!

[Frank] Thank you, Kirby. Thank you very much.

[Frank] This is unfair.

[Gasping]

[Gasping]

[Gasping]

[Giggling]

[Grandpa] Boy, I feel sorry for anybody...

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans] Here we go! Here we go!

[Grunting]

[Grunts]

[Honking Continues Intermittently, Weakly]

[Honking Continues]

[Honking Continues]

[Horn Beeps]

[Horn Honking]

[Horn Honking]

[Infomercial Continues, Indistinct]

[Infomercial Continues, Indistinct]

[Kisses] I just know it.

[Knocks]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs] Finally. How're ya doin'?

[Line Ringing]

[Man Announcing] The winner of a 30,000 dollar scholarship...

[Man On Radio] A strong low pressure system passed across New Mexico...

[Man On TV] Look at this. This is a 15 pound turkey.

[Man On TV] That's what this machine does. Chicken, fish or beef.

[Man] There are two kinds of people in this world

[Mechanical Whirring, Spraying]

[Muttering] Sticking on there.

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Olive] Coming!

[Olive] I don't Why's everyone so upset?

[Olive] I won! I won! I won! I won! I'm gonna win this one too!

[Olive] Mom!

[Olive] Mom? Dad?

[Olive] Okay.

[P.A. Beeps]

[P.A. Chattering Continues]

[Panting]

[Panting]

[Panting]

[Phone Beeping]

[Phone Beeping]

[Richard] All right, everybody, we have a long day tomorrow.

[Richard] Come on, Dwayne. It'll be a lot of fun.

[Richard] Did you try that?

[Richard] Hold on!

[Richard] I tried to tell you we couldn't afford this trip!

[Richard] Keep dancin', honey! Daddy's okay.

[Richard] No, don't answer the question, Frank.

[Richard] Now!

[Richard] So finally I'm just sitting there...

[Richard] Stan Grossman said it was a done deal!

[Richard] Well, I think that we just gotta talk to him a little.

[Richard] Well, it's gettin' late.

[Richard] Yeah, I think we get the point, Dad.

[Screams]

[Sheryl Sighs] Frank, you can sit here next to Dwayne.

[Sheryl Sobbing]

[Sheryl Sobbing]

[Sheryl] Are you okay?

[Sheryl] Help him. Come on!

[Sheryl] I'm not married to Stan Grossman!

[Sheryl] No, Richard, we have to talk now!

[Sheryl] Oh, Jesus. Oh, no.

[Sheryl] Richard, I can't do it!

[Sheryl] You said this was a lock! You said it was a done deal!

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs] Dwayne, I think you might be color blind.

[Sighs] No hesitating.

[Sighs] Thank you, Dwayne.

[Sighs] What is it, hon?

[Siren Wailing]

[Siren Wailing]

[Sobbing]

[Stammering] I'm sorry. I don't think this is an appropriate conversation.

[Whispers] You okay?

[Woman On Line, Indistinct]

[Woman On Machine] Remember Olive was runner up in the Little Miss Sunshine?

[Woman On P.A., Indistinct]

[Woman] I'm on my way.

[Woman] Olive Hoover, two minutes.

[Writing]

[Zipper Zips]

## [Continues, Faint]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Funk]

## [Girl Singing]

## [Man Singing]

## [Man Singing]

## [Man Singing]

## [Piano]

## [Pop]

## [Singing Continues]

## [Singing]

## [Techno, Faint]

## [Techno]

## [Whistling]

## [Woman Singing Disco]

## [Woman Singing]

$19.79, sir.

À la mode.