My Cousin Vinny (1992) Edit

A .357 magnum revolver was found in their possession.

A .357 magnum.

A gunshot was heard by three eyewitnesses.

A hundred feet. Would you hold this please?

A little informal, aren't we?

A little? You got thrown in jail. Twice.

A moment after the shots were heard,

A sweet, innocent, harmless, leaf eatin', doe eyed, little deer.

About 50 feet. Oh, now, do you think that's close enough...

About a hundred feet.

Actually, it was a good learning experience for me.

Admitted, then recanted, their testimony to the sheriff of Beechum County. [Thunder Rumbling]

Ah, here's a good one of the tire marks.

Ah! These are gonna be... You know, I'm sorry. These are gonna be a help.

Aiding and abetting? What is that, a major thing?

All he had to do was say guilty or not guilty. We could have done that.

All I ask from you is a very simple answer to a very simple question.

All I ask is for that one chance.

All right, Stan. Listen to me. You have to see the Gambinis in action.

All right! [Squeals]

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Bye.

All right. Get it, and then we'll fight.

All right. Here he comes.

All right. Is there any way I could help out in this procedure situation?

All rise as the judge leaves.

All rise for His Honor, Judge Chamberlain Haller.

Almost 16 years.

Almost six weeks.

An accessory?

An idiot who wants to fight me for $200, slaughtered pigs,

And a little murder case which, in the balance,

And all our little old ancestors.

And and and and and

And and and and and and and and yet,

And because both cars were made by G.M.,

And drive off like the dickens.

And driving off in great haste.

And enough power to make these marks.

And finally, after getting this one fellow off some very serious charges for about the fourth time,

And for this, I apologize. Under the circumstances

And I didn't think I could feel worse than I did a couple of seconds ago. Thank you.

And I mean you comb your hair and wear a suit and tie.

And I seen them two boys run out,

And I'm, um, an attorney in the public defender's office.

And is being called to rebut the testimony of George Wilbur.

And is there any way in the world...

And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with the four barrel carb till '64.

And jump into a green car with a white convertible top...

And left a residue of rubber on the asphalt.

And Mr. Gambini? Yes, sir?

And not necessarily these two particular guys?

And sometimes there's a big guy named Bubba no one wants to tangle with.

And speak to me in a clear, intelligible voice.

And that procedure, at this point in time, is to have an arraignment.

And that suit better be made out of some kind of cloth.

And the right tire mark stays flat and even?

And the way this case is goin', I ain't never gettin' married!

And the witness has all the answers. He ends up proving the prosecution's case.

And then afterwards, he asked me to go to lunch with him.

And then we we left.

And then, in a most cowardly fashion, shootin' the clerk in the back.

And there was this very prominent stage actor in New York. His name was Vincent Gambini.

And these are photos of the tire marks...

And well as to give the defense an opportunity to have the witness' reports reviewed...

And what are these really big things right in the middle of your view...

And what is this brown stuff on the windows?

And what name did you tell him? Jerry Gallo.

And when they left, what angle was your point of view?

And why not? What is positraction?

And with as little pain as possible.

And you had just begun to make breakfast.

And you have to say Thank you.

And you, Mr. Gambini

And you're bringing me with you, and I can't do anything about it.

And, I don't know, how many bushes?

And, uh, he was found innocent and set free,

And, uh, the judge this Judge Malloy

And, uh, they caught the real guy.

And, while you're replacing one of the jets, you accidentally drop the jet.

And? Well, I hate to bring it up,

Are charged with robbing a convenience store,

Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit...

Are you guys kidding? An accessory? I didn't help. I didn't plan it.

Are you mocking me with that outfit?

Are you on drugs?

Are you sure?

Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure.

As an expert in automobiles? It doesn't.

As they do in the rest of the country.

As to the extent of her expertise in this area,

As you've gotten older, how many different levels of thickness have you gone through?

Ask who questions?

At 5:00 a.m. in the morning. I know.

At my cousin Ruthie's wedding, the groom's brother was that guy Alakazam.

At the Sac O Suds at the same time...

Bail will be set at $200,000. [Gavel Raps]

Bail? We don't need money for bail. Nothing's happened. Relax.

Bailiff, please take Mr. Gambini into custody. His bail will be set at $200.

Beans are protein. Beans make you fart.

Because between your father's garage and working nights, when was I supposed to go?

Because I used a Craftsman model 10 19,

Because there is no way that these tire marks were made...

Because you got enough pressure on you already, but...

Being an expert on general automotive knowledge,

Being sold in the United States today?

Belonging to the defendants' car.

Bill, listen. Take your time. Pick the right words. Get back to New York, give me a call.

Both defendants, Stanley Rothenstein and William Gambini,

Boy, that's one hell of an ego you've got.

Breakfast? Ya think?

Bring it around. Vinny.

Brown. Hazel green.

Building a case is like building a house.

Bushes. Bushes, right. So, Mr. Crane,

But Vin, you graduated from law school six years ago. What have you been doing since?

But he was just being Vinny.

But I gotta tell ya you're one hell of a trial lawyer.

But I want you to know, Stan, he had nothing to do with it.

But it ain't no big deal.

But my clients were guilty as hell.

But other than that, I feel pretty good.

But that didn't happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even.

But there's one thing he's not gonna show you.

But this Judge Malloy was from Brooklyn too.

But two faded green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles?

But what we do have is every bit as sophisticated a system of justice...

But what's most important is winnin' the case. I could do it.

But you didn't actually read the articles.

But you insult the integrity of this court.

But, uh, have you ever worked as a mechanic?

But, uh, there seems to be a great deal of confusion here.

But... But...

By a '64 Buick Skylark.

By a defense expert who might then be in a position...

C A L L O.

Can I help? Can I help?

Can we use any attorney? I think so.

Can you answer the question?

Can you participate in an endeavor in which the ultimate decision might be death by electrocution?

Can you tell me...

Can't win a case by yourself. You're fuckin' useless.

Can't you tell they don't have Chinese restaurants around here?

Come on. It's time to make your opening statement. Come on, Vin.

Come on. We don't have a lot of time. Just shut up.

Come on. You'll see. Stop!

Come with me, please.

Commit this heinous crime.

Confirming the very impressive legal stature...

Could be ascertained simply by looking at a picture.

Could be driving on Michelin model XGV 75 R14s?

Could we get any farther away?

Could you tell the court...

Counsel?

Counselor, do you wish to make an opening statement?

Counselor, your clients are charged with first degree murder. How do they plead?

Counselor?

Counselor? Your statement, sir.

Dead on balls accurate?

Did he catch you with the tuna fish? Is that how it started?

Did he help you plan it?

Did it ever occur to you it could be turned off and drip at the same time?

Did you fall in your place or somebody else's?

Did you find anything?

Did you look at your watch? No.

Did you say Jerry Gallo? Yes, I did.

Did you say you're a fast cook? That's it?

Dirt. Dirt?

Do I have to kill you? What if I was just to kick the ever lovin' shit out of ya?

Do you know any great attorneys?

Do you know what this is all about? Yeah, they're fucking with us.

Do you know why you're here? Yeah.

Does that freight train come through at 5:00 a.m. every morning?

Does the defense's case hold water?

Dog shit! That's great! Dog shit! What a clue!

Don't shake your head. I'm not done yet.

Don't worry.

Don't you wanna know why Trotter gave you his files?

Driving identical metallic mint green...

Drugs? No, I don't take drugs.

Each piece of evidence is just another building block.

Eggs and grits. I like grits too.

Eighteen years. Your Honor?

Excuse me, but I think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line here.

Excuse me, Mr. Trotter. Thank you, Shirley.

Excuse me. What I'm asking you...

F f f f f f f fourth of this year,

Faster in your kitchen than on any place on the face of the Earth?

Fellow who received orders to kill from a dog?

Finally, the state is gonna prove...

First case.. The People of the State of Alabama...

Five minutes. Five minutes? Are you sure?

For driving a stolen metallic mint green 1963 Pontiac Tempest...

For helping Gambini...

For Stanley Rothenstein...

For the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Four uncles on my father's side are mechanics.

Four.

From the window of your kitchen to the Sac O Suds?

Fry 'em.

Fuck!

Fuck! What are we gonna do now? It's probably nothin'.

Fuck. Fuck! Goddamn it!

Gallo with a G? That's right.

Get 'em up! Up!

Get a new suit, get dressed and get to the fuckin' courthouse.

Get into their car and drive off like maniacs,

Get my ass kicked or collect $200. Hmm.

Gettin' into their faded, metallic green 1964 Buick Skylark...

Gimme this! Fuck you!

Give me the chance.

Go directly to trial, skip that and get a dismissal. [Trotter Chuckles]

Go in, shoot the clerk, rob him and then leave?

Go on through.

Goddamn it! Is there any way you could contact your parents?

Goddamn it. Just calm down.

Gotta let everybody know you're a tourist. Come on.

Granted. Mr. Trotter, you may proceed.

Had the clerk take money, make change,

Have they always been that thick?

Have you had any murder cases before?

He blew the arraignment.

He checks up on this guy, his name will show up all over the place.

He could still fuck things up.

He didn't, um [Sniffling] kill anyone.

He found out? Yeah.

He has to give you a list of all his witnesses. You can talk to all his witnesses.

He has to show you everything.

He has to, by law. You're entitled. It's called disclosure, you dickhead.

He He, uh, um, uh

He offers to have his secretary copy everything for me.

He said he found out that Gallo's dead.

He says he thinks so.

He thinks you should give it to him?

He wanted his son to follow in his footsteps, but he became a musician or something.

He wants to make a brick bunker of a building.

He wants to use serious, solid looking bricks like these, right?

He was a nice man.

He was just being the quintessential Gambini.

He was like, Wait a second. Wait a second. It’s joined in the middle.

He'll protect you, but you have to become his sex slave and do whatever he wants.

He'll show them to you in a very special way...

He'll show you how they got the right shape.

He'll show you they got straight sides.

He's dead. Oh, my God!

He's gonna call back after 3:00.

He's gonna show you the bricks.

He's lettin' us use his hunting cabin as soon as he gets back.

He's my friend. [Chuckles]

He's not allowed any surprises.

He's not gonna let me look at his files, but maybe he'll relax enough...

He's sleeping, huh? Cute little guy.

He's, um

Heads?

Hear about the ongoing cholesterol problem in the country?

Hell, we'll get us a deer next time. Okay. Thanks a lot.

Hello, Bill. I'm Sheriff Farley. Hi.

Hello, Ma. We're in Wahzoo.

Hello. This is Judge Chamberlain Haller. Can I speak to the clerk?

Here?

Here.

Hey, a burp is spontaneous. A burp is not romantic.

Hey, Billy! Hey, back off!

Hey, Dean. We need you out here.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, little Yankee boy. Look here what I got.

Hey, hey! Little Yankee wuss!

Hey, how ya doin'?

Hey, Lisa, I'm not gonna go out there just to wimp out, you know?

Hey, Mr. Crane.

Hey, Sheriff, how are ya? Tell me why.

Hey, Sheriff, how are ya? Tell me why.

Hey, Stan, you're in Ala fuckin' bama.

Hey, Vin.

Hey! Ohh.

Hey. Billy. How are you?

Hey. How ya doin'?

Hey. I know I was in jail. I don't need you to point it out to me, okay?

Hey. Vincent La Guardia Gambini.

Hi, John. Hey.

Hi, Stanley.

His name was in the papers all last week. Yeah, I saw that.

His whole case is an illusion, a magic trick.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. [Laughing]

Hmm. [Lips Smack]

Hmm. How about you?

Hold up your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth,

Holds the lives of two innocent kids,

Hominy.

Honestly? I think that once you're out there, and you're doing your thing out there,

Honey, come on now. Stop it. I need the phone.

Honey, where did you read about all that disclosure shit?

How can it hurt? If he doesn't ask the right questions, your lawyer will, right?

How could it take you five minutes to cook your grits...

How could you be so sure?

How could you be sure you used 16 foot pounds of torque?

How do I know that's not a bunch of ones with a 20 wrapped around it?

How do you cook your grits?

How do you feel about it? Oh.

How do you get mud into the tires? That's just a figure of speech.

How how how far away were you?

How long you been practicing?

How many different levels of thickness have you gone through?

How many fingers am I holding up now?

How many fingers am I holding up?

How much would an attorney cost? A decent one? $50,000. $100,000.

How the fuck did I get into this shit?

How you feel? Okay? All right. Hanging in.

How? Call the Chilean consulate?

However, in 1964,

Huh?

I already cashed in half the traveler's checks.

I already got myself sent to jail twice.

I also took a sample of the rubber from the rear tires...

I apologize, sir, but, uh, this is how I dress.

I appreciate that, but should you die for that?

I asked him again, and again he said, I shot the clerk.

I asked him if he did it, and he said, I shot the clerk.

I asked where the new guys were, and they brought me right here.

I believe you and Lisa played a game of pool for $200 which she won. I'm here to collect.

I bought a suit. You've seen it. Now it's covered in mud.

I could win this thing, you know. I know I could.

I didn't know it was happening. I found out later in the car.

I didn't want to cash them in, but I didn't want to bounce a check,

I do. I'm sorry. It was a stupid thing to do.

I don't even want to hear you clear your throat.

I don't know how you can be so sure when you don't know what it is you're supposed to know.

I don't know what the hell he was talking about. I don't know what a litigator is.

I don't know where to start.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. He's got, uh... He's got a lot of stuffed heads in his office.

I don't know. I don't feel good.

I don't know. I suppose. I mean, I'm a man's man. I could go deer huntin'.

I don't know. I'm a fast cook, I guess.

I don't see anything out of whack under there.

I don't see no stars.

I don't wanna do this. Hey, I don't blame you.

I don't want to hear commentary, argument or opinion.

I don't want to hear explanations. The State of Alabama has its procedure.

I explained it to you already. It’s just procedure. I'm bound to fuck up a little.

I feel like if I don't get out of here now, I might never be able to leave.

I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.

I get a little nervous sometimes. I'm gettin' better. A little nervous?

I got a judge that’s just achin' to throw me in jail,

I got mud in my tires? Mm hmm.

I got my pictures back. Oh, good.

I got no money, a dress code problem,

I got no more use for this guy.

I got the cop on the stand, and I argued with him until he admitted he was wrong.

I gotta get up.

I guess the fuckin' thing is broken.

I had a friend send a fax to the judge...

I had it cleaned. I thought it would be a nice surprise go in there with a nice clean suit.

I had to change my name, which I did, legally.

I have a fax here from the clerk of New York.

I have no idea what's going on. All's I know is you're screwin' up, and I can't help.

I have to get outta here by 3:00. Make sure all the bags are in the car. Okay.

I haven't had to go to court yet.

I heard a gunshot, so I looked out the window,

I I I don't get the question.

I I object, Your Honor. This person is not on the witness list.

I just actually never seen a grit before.

I just heard that someone shot Jimmy Willis.

I just told you that. You don't understand.

I know I'm missing somethin'. I'm missing somethin'.

I know.

I like this. This is, uh This is our first hotel room, right?

I looked up and saw two young men run out from the Sac O Suds...

I may have been mistaken.

I mean, did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

I mean, he did it, so all of a sudden it seemed possible.

I mean, he nailed him. It was, It's in his pocket.

I mean, I'll learn it as I go. Learn as you go?

I mean, it was... it was Alakazam's worst nightmare.

I mean, the guy will lose respect for me. Would you rather have that?

I mean, to go out of his way like that for me, you know?

I mean, you you're my fiancée.

I need you to come back into the courtroom, and I need the phone.

I never thought of becoming a lawyer.

I owe you an apology, sir.

I really could.

I saw them two boys go into the store.

I say it'd be cheaper to get it fixed...

I shot the clerk?

I should have asked you a long time ago for these pictures.

I should have looked at these pictures before.

I take pride in my grits.

I tell you the truth... my conscience got to me.

I tell you this because I want you to know that when it comes to procedure,

I think I get the point.

I think it should be left up to the victims' families rather than the courts.

I think this is their generic. I never heard of that brand.

I think we may get a confession.

I think you should be down on your fuckin' knees.

I think you should be grateful.

I think you should give it to me.

I think you should put it on a rack and take a look.

I think you're gonna be really great.

I thought maybe this summer I would take off a couple of months.

I thought we'd get married this weekend.

I told you why already.

I took it upon myself to check out if there was any information...

I used a Hewlett Packard 5710 A dual column gas chromatograph...

I want a wedding in church with bridesmaids and flowers.

I want him!

I want you to know, you got an open invitation anytime you want to come down here.

I wanted to win my first case without any help from anybody.

I was just resting... Not wearing a coat or tie.

I was just resting... Not wearing a coat or tie.

I was making a lot of money, winning most of my cases.

I was thinkin' last night.

I went to court.

I will ask you one more time and one more time only.

I won my first case. You know what this means.

I, uh I defended the first guy they arrested.

I, um I didn't pass my first time out.

I'd have to say that.

I'd like to speak to you in my chambers.

I'd like to submit this picture of the tire tracks as evidence.

I'd like to, uh, voir dire...

I'd sure like to get a look at your files. [Chuckles]

I'll disclose it first thing in the morning. Judge is gonna have to admit it.

I'll leave quietly, no grudges.

I'll sign a statement or whatever makes this whole thing easier.

I'll tell you what I'm nervous about. I am in the dark here with all this legal crap.

I'm a piece of shit 'cause I can't figure out a way for you to help?

I'm afraid not.

I'm an out of work hairdresser.

I'm aware of that.

I'm doing a favor here, you know? You're gettin' me for nothing, ya little fuck.

I'm gettin' it for myself.

I'm goin' with the public defender too.

I'm going with option B: kicking your ass and collecting $200.

I'm gonna stay in prison tonight. Maybe I'll finally get some sleep. I'm doin' good, huh?

I'm honored to shake your hand.

I'm in the middle of a damn confession here!

I'm just waiting to finesse him. I'm startin' to finesse him. I got him goin'.

I'm not a patient man.

I'm not aware of this person's qualifications.

I'm not jerking you off. I'm not doing anything.

I'm positive.

I'm positive.

I'm setting this matter for trial this Monday, February 2, 10:00 a.m.

I'm sorry to have ever doubted you at any time.

I'm sorry. I didn't know it was such an honor to get a visit from you.

I'm sorry. I I'm sorry. I just didn't know what little experience you have with this.

I'm sorry. I was all the way over here. I couldn't hear you.

I'm sure he's gonna be more than satisfied.

I'm thinking of gettin' thicker glasses.

I'm, uh... I'm really scared.

Identical!

Identification?

If after that point you don't think that I'm the best man for the job, fire me then and there.

If he let me look at his files Oh, boy.

If he's honest, then we should go with him.

If I could keep my ass awake and out of jail long enough, bet you I could, huh?

If I hear anything other than guilty or not guilty, you'll be in contempt.

If I was in your situation, I'd want to get through this whole thing as quickly...

If I was to kick the shit out of you, do I get the money?

If only I knew what he knows, you know?

If the defense's case holds water?

If this was a conspiracy, they'd have to get all those people to lie.

If you kick the shit out of me?

If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet...

If... you don't fuck up.

Imagine you're a deer.

Impossible because you don't know the answer! Nobody could answer that question.

In light of Miss Vito's and Mr. Wilbur's testimony,

In metallic mint green paint?

Into the Sac O Suds, what angle was your point of view?

Is he still there? Yeah.

Is if the most popular size of the most popular tire...

Is it possible the two defendants entered the store,

Is it possible you just saw two guys in a green convertible...

Is it possible?

Is on the defendants' car.

Is that a drip I hear?

Is that an accredited law school?

Is that correct?

Is that it?

Is that it? No, there's more.

Is there any more shit we could pile on to the top of the outcome of this case?

Is this the car?

Is this the car? Yes, sir.

Is your attorney here? I am the attorney.

It appears to me that you want to skip the arraignment process,

It feels like the wheels went out of balance after we hit that mud. That's not it.

It goes down the carburetor, rolls along the manifold and goes into the head. You're fucked.

It goes out to Ernestine from Charles Weaver with a big old hug and kiss.

It had been calibrated by top members...

It has been argued by me,

It has to be an illusion, 'cause you're innocent.

It is in this area that her testimony will be applicable.

It is?

It isn't. Right.

It might be a taillight. Just relax.

It's a bonding thing, you know? Show him I'm one of the boys.

It's a bullshit question. It's impossible to answer.

It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally...

It's a procedure. Like rebuilding a carburetor has a procedure.

It's a screen.

It's a screen. A screen!

It's a simple procedure. You heard what the judge said.

It's a word comes down from old England...

It's an industry term.

It's dog shit.

It's either wear the leatherjacket,

It's got protein. We need protein.

It's in Beechum County, Alabama, Ma.

It's in the woods. It's quiet. He sleeps like a baby when he's there.

It's knowing what not to say.

It's not my job. You do your own investigating.

It's the steam whistle. Oh.

It's time to make your phone calls.

It's very romantic.

Jerry Gal

Jerry Gallo? The big attorney?

Jerry Gallo.

Jerry Gallo's dead.

Judge Malloy?

Just because you find yourself in the unique position...

Just let me

Just regular, I guess.

Just relax. Please.

Just this? [Laughs]

Just to refresh the court's memory,

Knock on wood.

Knock on wood.

Know what, Lisa? Who wants to marry you anyway?

Laboratory edition, signature series torque wrench.

Ladies and gentlemen of the j j j

Leaves. Leaves!

Left by the assailants' car as it fled the convenience store.

Let me ask you this: What's the best selling single model tire...

Let me question the first witness.

Let me see. This is a tough decision you give me here.

Let me show you something.

Let me show you. Why?

Let me tell you how, okay? The D.A. has got to build a case.

Let the record show Mrs. Constance Riley identified the defendant's car.

Let the record show that counsel is holding up two fingers.

Let's get this cleared up right now.

Let's see if we agree on the terms.

Let's talk about that for a moment.

Lighten up, okay? Don't worry. I'm gonna help ya.

Lisa, I don't need this.

Lisa, I'm trying to... I'm trying to think about the case now, okay? I'm sorry.

Lisa!

Lisa. Lisa, please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?

Listen to this.

Listen, Vin. I

Listen. Uh, what's the story with this incredibly, remarkably,

Look how you're lookin' at me. Look how you're... What is that look supposed to mean?

Look, I think we should meet with the public defender, see what he's like.

Look, it's either me or them. You're gettin' fucked one way or the other. [Laughs]

Look, let's say he asks all the possible questions, right?

Look, maybe I could have handled the preliminary a little better, okay? I admit it.

Looked out the window.

Lookee here, J.T.

Lookee here. [Laughing] I got your $200.

Lookin' through this dirty window,

Looks like five. Uh uh. Don't forget this one and this one.

Looks like it.

Loud whistle at 5:30 in the morning?

Ma, please, first of all, we didn't do it, all right?

Ma? Ma, please.

Ma'am?

May we approach the bench, please? [Haller] If you wish.

Maybe I'll just start with you. We'll let him sleep a little bit.

Maybe if you put up some kind of a fight, you could've gotten the case thrown out.

Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up.

Maybe it's broken. Is that what you're saying? It's broken?

Maybe we should get this one. Maybe it's worth a penny.

Maybe we should make sure. Let's check it out.

Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough.

Maybe you heard of him. No.

Maybe you're ready for a thicker set.

Meanwhile, 10 years later, my niece,

Michelin model XGV, size 75 R, 14 inch wheel.

Miss Vito, your family's obviously qualified,

Mm hmm. Uh, Miss Vito,

Mmm.

Mocking you? No, I'm not mocking you, Judge.

Most recently, I had an ax murder,

Mr. Gambini? Yes, sir?

Mr. Gambini.

Mr. Gambini.

Mr. Gambini.

Mr. Gambini.

Mr. Tipton,

Mr. Tipton, I see you wear eyeglasses.

Mr. Trotter, would you like to question Ms. Vito?

Mr. Trotter!

Mr. Trotter?

Mr. Trotter?

Mrs. Riley, are those two young men present in the courtroom today? Yes, sir, they are.

Ms. Vito,

Ms. Vito, did you take this picture?

Ms. Vito, please answer the question.

Ms. Vito, you can stand down.

Murder. Ma. Ma, please

My alternatives? Yeah.

My back. Wait.

My biological clock is tickin' like this,

My client did indeed visit...

My cousin Vinny!

My house and stuff. House and stuff.

My mother the way her health is right now

My mother's father was a mechanic.

My next witness is not in the courtroom right now.

My parents argue too. That doesn't make them good lawyers.

My place. Shit.

My three brothers are mechanics.

Nah, I think I'll just go with the 200.

Never heard of him? Doesn't matter. Anyway,

Next time you come into my courtroom, you will look lawyerly.

No further questions, Your Honor.

No further questions.

No more questions.

No more questions.

No more questions. Thank you very, very much.

No objection, Your Honor.

No one around for miles.

No self respecting Southerner uses instant grits.

No, because if you turned it off, it wouldn't drip.

No, I don't think you do.

No, no. No, no.

No, sir. It's very unusual.

No, you can't help. I wish you could, but you can't.

No.

No.

No.

No. For me, six times was a charm.

No. I hate him.

No. I mean I mean, it wasn't planned out. You know, it just happened.

No. I mean, he was

No. I'm calling my mother.

No. I'm I'm just trying to explain.

No. It is a trick question.

No. Nothing like that either.

No. Stan, I'm being booked for murder, and you're being booked for accessory to murder.

No. Thank you.

No. Thank you.

No. Thank you.

No. That's not what they teach you. They teach you contracts, precedents, interpretations.

No. That's too bad.

No. They didn't have enough time.

Nobody I mean nobody

Not for me to say.

Not to mention your... biological clock, my career'

Not too good, Ma. We, uh...

Not what I think. What I think don't count.

Nothin', unless he's convicted.

Nothing? We're getting pulled over, aren't we? You stole something. You're finished.

Nothing. The car was shimmying on the highway a little bit.

Now didn't I tell you next time you appear in my courtroom that you dress appropriately?

Now I ask you, would you give a fuck what kind of pants...

Now I took a sample of that rubber and analyzed it.

Now if Mr. Trotter wishes to voir dire the witness...

Now let me ask you this.

Now let's get down to the link lock.

Now put your hands on top of your head and get out of the car!

Now see, down here, everybody gets stuck in the mud every now and then.

Now, are you familiar with these? Yes, I am.

Now, can you tell us, by what you see in this picture,

Now, how do your clients plead?

Now, how far were the defendants from you...

Now, if sufficient evidence is offered to prove these facts, you think you could...

Now, in the '60s, there were only two other cars made in America...

Now, Mr. Wilbur,

Now, Mrs. Riley... and only Mrs. Riley...

Now, next words out of your mouth are either gonna be guilty or not guilty.

Now, the evidence against you is pretty strong.

Now, uh, Miss Vito,

Now, what are these thousands of little things that are on trees?

Now, when you viewed my clients,

Objection sustained. The entire opening statement,

Objection, Your Honor. Can we clarify to the court...

Objection, Your Honor. Counsel's entire opening statement is argument.

Of any Vincent Gambini ever trying any case in the entire state of New York.

Of course if he is,

Of course.

Of defending clients who say they didn't do it.

Of murder in the first degree for William Gambini...

Of of of of the j j j...

Of the defendants' Buick and analyzed that too.

Of the state and federal Department of Weights and Measures...

Of Vincent La Guardia Gambini practicing in any courts.

Oh, about, uh, six, uh

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store...

Oh, I'm sorry. You were wonderful in there.

Oh, my God, what a fuckin' nightmare!

Oh, no, no. I I think they're okay.

Oh, no. They got thicker over the years.

Oh, of course. Now let me see.

Oh, sure, no problem. I could win the case.

Oh, that's okay. I'll have my secretary do it.

Oh, Vinny, I'm watchin' you go down in flames,

Oh, yeah, you blend.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh! [Door Opens]

Oh! Sorry.

Oh! Sorry.

Oh! Uh, coincidental.

Oh. Gee, thanks.

Oh. Jim Trotter III, District Attorney, Beechum County.

Oh. Jim Trotter III, District Attorney, Beechum County.

Oh. Okay.

Oh. Sorry.

Oh. What are you, a fuckin' world traveler?

Oh. Yes.

Okay, I'll be here.

Okay, then here's my counteroffer.

Okay, this is 50 feet.

Okay, you're helping. We'll use your pictures.

Okay? Thank you very much.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

On a '63 Pontiac Tempest...

On a hunch,

On January f f f f

On the Gambini/Rothenstein case for Mr. Gambini?

On what you think of the sworn testimony.

Once again the communication process is broken down.

One burrito and one large Slush.

One chance.

One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark.

Only on the floor models.

Ooh, sorry. [Chuckles]

Or option B, I kick your ass and collect the 200.

Or reports he's prepared, and, as the court is aware,

Or you could go to court and watch.

Order here!

Otherwise, it could be a mistrial.

Out here in this field, under the stars,

Out of the car! Go.

Out of work hairdresser. Now, in what way does that qualify you...

Over 60 years, maybe 10 times.

Over at the sawmill. Tell folks it's time to get up.

Over here, dear.

Particularly those who will give scientific evidence...

Please. I only have three minutes.

Practiced with a certain degree of informality down here.

Preliminary hearing will be set for 9:30 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Prosecution's case is circumstantial...

Pulls the wool over the eyes of a Gambini, especially this one.

Put it on the plate and add butter. [Chuckles]

Qualify you as being expert on tire marks?

Quiet,

Really great.

Rebuilt some trannies, rear ends... Okay.

Regular. Instant grits?

Relax. Relax. Relax.

Requires a range of 10 to 16 foot pounds of torque.

Ridiculous. All this over a can of tuna.

Right.

See, 20 years ago, I became a actor.

See, there's no money in the budget to get it looked at.

Seven bushes. Seven bushes. So, what do you think?

She'll do.

She's supposed to come through at 10 after 4:00.

Sheriff, do me a favor. Please trace this.

Sheriff, you realize you're still under oath? Yes, sir.

Shirley, can you xerox all the files...

Shit, Stan. I don't want to fire him. I mean, he's family, you know.

Shut up. Okay.

Shut up. We think they're trying to set us up as patsies, Ma.

Since I was six.

Six times.

Size 75 R14.

So as your eyes have gotten more and more out of whack...

So I had to buy a new suit.

So I had to get this in a secondhand store.

So I tried hustling the money, but I got stiffed, so I had to cash in the traveler's checks.

So I went to law school.

So I wore this ridiculous thing for you.

So obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.

So that they appear to have everything a brick should have.

So that we could properly prepare for cross examination...

So that's all that happened to me today. I learned the hard way.

So when the left tire would go up on the curb,

So why didn't you go to court and watch?

So would you say you got a better shot of them going in and not so much comin' out?

So you think you know what you're doin'?

So, Mr. Tipton,

So, um, why don't you just tell me your side of the story?

So, we got some case ahead of us here, huh? Oh, yeah.

So, what's your problem? My problem is...

So, you know, let's try our best to make it a simple in and out procedure.

So? You gonna eat it or not?

So...

Some of them do. All right, Ma, listen.

Something? Enough to

Sometimes. Would you care to show those eyeglasses to the jury, please? Thank you.

Sorry.

Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sorry. Sorry.

Spun its rear tires dramatically...

Stan, I've seen your parents argue. Trust me. They're amateurs.

Stan.

Stand up.

Stein. She called me Stine. Just

Stolen or abandoned recently.

Stop the death penalty!

Studying for the bar.

Supposing you skipped the first step?

Sure. Sure. I heard of grits.

Taken by my fiancée outside the Sac O Suds.

Tell her what we think is happening. What we think's happening is

Ten? [Laughing]

Terrific. You're a hell of a bonder.

Than keep runnin' up them extra electric bills.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, sir. No further questions, Your Honor.

Thank you, Your Honor. Overruled.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. And you're one hell of a judge.

Thank you. Now, Mr. Tipton, were you wearing them that day?

Thanks.

That at 9:30 in the morning of January 4,

That had positraction and independent rear suspension...

That is a lucid, intelligent, well thought out objection.

That is it! I'm out of here.

That one.

That the defendants, Gambini and Rothenstein,

That the p p p p p p p p p p p

That they have no records...

That two boys who fit the defendants' description...

That'll intimidate Trotter. Here's one of me from behind.

That's a bullshit question. Does that mean that you can't answer it?

That's a lot of studying.

That's Death Row in there.

That's half the distance.

That's it? What about everything we talked about?

That's it. You're on your own. I'm just taking care of Sleeping Beauty.

That's not all.

That's okay. You probably passed the second time, right?

That's quite a story. [Laughs] Yeah.

That's right.

That's right. I just faxed the clerk of New York and asked him what he knew about Jerry Gallo.

That's right. So you knew that.

That's very impressive finessing.

That's what we lawyers... I'm a lawyer We lawyers call that a counteroffer.

That's why we're bringing you all out to the state corrections facility.

The '64 Skylark had a regular differential,

The 327 didn't come out till '62.

The 1963 Pontiac Tempest.

The Buick that the defendants were driving made those tire tracks?

The car that made these two equal length tire marks had positraction.

The case cracker: me in the shower!

The chair ain't workin' like it used to.

The chemical composition between the two samples was found to be identical.

The choice now is I get my ass kicked,

The correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top dead center.

The court finds sufficient evidence exists for this matter to go to trial.

The court of Beechum County is now in session.

The court'll take a 60 minute recess for lunch.

The daughter of my sister, is gettin' married.

The defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify,

The defense is wrong.

The defense rests.

The defense, that two sets of guys met up...

The evidence in this case is gonna show...

The evidence is gonna show that minutes after they entered the Sac O Suds,

The evidence is gonna show that they were seen entering...

The guy we fried last week

The jury will please disregard counsel's entire opening statement.

The kind used by Caltech high energy physicists and NASA engineers.

The magician with the ponytail? Right.

The Michelin XGV.

The mud gets around the inside of the wheel, throws the balance off.

The other had the same body length, height, width, weight,

The right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge.

The Sac O Suds con con

The Sac O Suds convenience store in Wahzoo City.

The same size as on the defendants' car.

The son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?

The state would like to dismiss all charges.

The thing is, given the chance, I think he could do a good job.

The two what?

The way you handled that judge. Oh, you are a smooth talker!

The whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? Yeah.

Then explain that... outfit.

Then he says to me, You know what? You'd be a good litigator.

Then later, I heard a gunshot.

Then leave... then two different men drive up in a similar

Then the firm that hires you, they teach you procedures.

Then, from time to time, he would come by,

There are only two ways to answer it. Guilty or not guilty.

There goes the quintessential Norton.

There is no way this is not goin' to trial.

There is one problem. We can't afford to keep bailing you out.

There's a cop behind us. That's all. There's nothing wrong. There's no problem.

There's a spring around it. It pops it open when it's inside the tube.

There's more to cross examination than knowing what to say.

There's nothin' to worry about until there's somethin' to worry about.

There's nothin' to worry about. There might be.

There's only the two of us here.

These marks were made by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest.

These people... they love to argue. I mean, they live to argue.

These trees with all these leaves on them,

They all know each other. The Klan's here. They're inbred. They sleep with their sisters.

They didn't teach you that in law school either?

They thought they were getting arrested for, uh, shoplifting a can of tuna.

They was kinda walkin' away from me.

They're as thin as this playing card.

They're readin' glasses.

They're the same model and size tire.

Think that's it. Don't they have any generics here?

Thirty one.

This car had an independent rear suspension.

This computer readout confirms...

This crud covered screen,

This is gonna be great. Vinny's first case.

This is not the forum to be cavalier.

This town doesn't have a one hour cleaners,

This witness as to the extent of her expertise.

Three minutes, no more.

Tires screeching, smoking, going up on the curb.

To be dead on balls accurate.

To both the right and left tires.

To contradict the veracity of his conclusions.

To drop his guard so that I can finesse a little information out of him.

To escort Ms. Vito to the witness stand please?

To make an accurate, uh, i

To what? To you? I don't know. Suicide. Death.

Took us three attempts, and his head caught fire.

Trees? Trees. That's right. Don't be afraid. Just shout 'em right out when you know.

Trial starts tomorrow. You wanna know what I'm nervous about?

Trump

Truth. That's what verdict means.

Tuna. We should get tuna. Please, no more tuna, okay?

Two different men drive up in a similar looking car,

Two hundred dollars.

Two what? What?

Two youths.

Two.

Uh

Uh huh. Could you, uh, elaborate please, sir?

Uh huh. How long you been in that position?

Uh huh. Is that thing turbocharged? [Laughter]

Uh huh. Now, uh, Mrs. Riley, is this the car?

Uh huh. Right. [Book Slams On Table]

Uh huh. Uh, the defendants in this case...

Uh oh.

Uh, do you remember what you had? Eggs and grits.

Uh, everything that guy just said is bullshit. Thank you.

Uh, Mr. Gambini.

Uh, Mr. Wilbur, how'd you like Ms. Vito's testimony?

Uh, my clients, caught completely by surprise,

Uh, no, sir.

Uh, please, uh, can I have a five minute recess?

Uh, Sheriff Farley, um, what'd you find out?

Uh, T T T... uh, Tipton!

Uh, yes. Uh, fine, Judge. Fine. Good.

Uh, you know, win some, lose some.

Uh, you're not gonna find any, uh any records...

Uh, Your Honor, counsel, members of the jury,

Uh, Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

Uh... Do you two know each other?

Uh... Good choice.

Uh... Uh, no. No, Your Honor. No further questions.

Uh... um

Um, convenience store.

Um, on on... on on...

Um, she's acceptable, Your Honor.

Um, um,

Unless by some miracle, you happen to win this case in the next 90 minutes.

Unlock the gate!

Versus William Robert Gambini and Stanley Marcus Rothenstein.

Very impressive. She's cute too, huh?

Very, very little.

Vin! Hey, Vinny! Vinny?

Vin. Bill.

Vin. Hey.

Vincent La Guardia Gambini I. Brooklyn.

Vincent La Guardia Gambini I. Brooklyn.

Vinny Bag o' doughnuts, how are ya? This is Vinny?

Vinny. Vinny. What?

Vinny. You did a terrific job. Thanks. Thanks.

Wait till you hear the whole thing so you can understand this now.

Was a hundred percent accurate?

Watch this.

We agree on this?

We agreed to get married as soon as you won your first case.

We both applied, and we got scholarships to UCLA.

We compared the tire marks outside the convenience store...

We don't have any money for bail.

We got a convertible.

We gotta get an attorney, and it's gonna cost a lot of money.

We gotta go back inside. Everybody's waiting for us.

We gotta move.

We have to make up. Listen, let's make up, all right?

We need to call an attorney, a great attorney.

We We intend to prove...

We We've been arrested.

We're gonna run enough electricity through him to light up Birmingham.

We've been given no prior notice he'd testify, no discovery of any tests he's conducted...

Well,

Well,

Well, actually, this would be my first foray into the trial process.

Well, approving an attorney from out of state is a pretty informal matter.

Well, did you use the faucet? Yeah.

Well, he did his act. Every time he made something disappear, Vinny jumped on him.

Well, he told me to sit here.

Well, he wants to go with the public defender.

Well, how much time was they in the store?

Well, I don't get it. What has gettin' to Trotter's files have anything to do with hunting?

Well, I expect he's done burglary, grand theft auto, drugs. Right, Vin?

Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket.

Well, I guess that plan's moot. Yeah.

Well, I just got it myself tonight.

Well, I understand, but, you know, what are your alternatives?

Well, I'd... I'd like to have the murder weapon.

Well, I'm not about to revamp the entire judicial process...

Well, I'm not Jerry Gallo. I'm Jerry Callo.

Well, if you turned it off, why am I listening to it?

Well, in that case, how could you be sure that's accurate?

Well, in what way are you qualified?

Well, my father was a mechanic. His father was a mechanic.

Well, now, uh,

Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove.

Well, that would certainly explain the hostility.

Well, that's what I've been doing, and, uh, I'm a happier man for it.

Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle.

Well, to be honest with you,

Well, um, uh, Mr., uh, uh, uh, uh

Well, up till now, uh, personal injury. [Laughs]

Well, we don't have any serial killers in Beechum County.

Well, you know, two guys out in the woods, guns, on the hunt.

Well, you're a trial attorney, right? I mean, personal injury trials.

Were arrested two days ago by Sheriff Tilman in Jasper County, Georgia...

Were both cars available...

Were seen gettin' out of their metallic green...

Were these magic grits?

Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom?

Wh Wh What was that word? Uh, what word?

What

What about those cots? I mean, what if they put somebody else in here?

What am I gonna wear? What are you gonna hunt?

What are these pictures of?

What are they going to do, send a guide into the mountains, looking for them? No.

What are you nervous about? I'm the one under the gun here.

What are you telling me, that they plead not guilty?

What are you wearin'? I'm, uh, wearin', uh, clothes.

What caliber bullet was used to murder Jimmy Willis?

What color eyes the the the defendants have?

What do we call these big things?

What do you mean you got stiffed? Did you say you got stiffed?

What do you think now, dear?

What do you think? I could use a good ass kicking. I'll be very honest with you.

What else could we pile on?

What else? Let me see. What else?

What is it?

What is my suit doin' in the trunk?

What is this rusty, dusty, dirty looking thing over your window?

What kind of cases have you had? Assault and battery, armed robbery. You know.

What kind of heads? I don't know.

What kind... What kind of law do you practice?

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is your problem?

What the hell was that all about back there?

What was in that pink plastic thing in the trunk? It's your suit.

What was the outcome?

What would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet...

What, 16? Ten!

What, are you scared?

What, you're not gonna marry me now? No way.

What? His light's on.

What? What's the problem?

What'd he say?

What'd I say? What?

What'd the judge say?

What'd you do in your father's garage?

What'd you have for breakfast? Well

What'd you just say?

What's all that? Trotter's files, all of 'em.

What's gonna happen to Bill?

What's that brown stuff?

What's that? You know you have to disclose all your evidence to me.

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter?

What's this? You, uh, readin' this book?

What's wrong with you? I don't want to do this.

What's wrong?

What's your current profession?

Wheelbase and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was...

When it takes the entire grit eating world 20 minutes?

When you come into my court looking like you do,

When you look at the bricks at the right angle,

When you saw them entering the Sac O Suds?

When you viewed the defendants walking from their car...

When you're addressing this court, you will rise...

Where did you go to law school? Brooklyn Academy of Law.

Where'd you shoot this from? Up in a tree? What's this over here?

Where's Stan? Uh, Stan. He's not comin'... Stan.

Whether the witness is stating opinion or fact?

Which anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows,

Which I know you hate, or this.

Which I won on the grounds of temporary insanity.

Which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark.

Who saw the defendants running out of the Sac O Suds...

Who would do such a thing?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. How many times did you say that spontaneous is romantic?

Whoa! How long have you been wearin' glasses?

Whoa! Wait a minute!

Why are you goin' huntin'? Shouldn't you be out preparin' for court?

Why didn't I think of that? Here's one of me reading. Terrific.

Why didn't you ask them any questions? Questions?

Why don't you go to lunch?

Why is it a trick question?

Why is that? 'Cause he's dead.

Why is that? Well, it's a lot of procedure. That's all.

Why'd they bring you in here? Well, I just got in.

Win some, lose some.

With a 327 cubic inch engine and a four barrel carburetor?

With a white convertible top, Michelin model XGV tires,

With flame analyzation detectors.

With the exception of “Thank you, will be stricken from the record.

With the rear tires of the defendants' car.

Would you like me to explain?

Would you like to go for two counts of contempt?

Would you like to go for two counts of contempt?

Would you mind puttin' your glasses on for us, please?

Would you say that everything Ms. Vito said on the stand...

Wouldn't I be better off serving justice by puttin' the guilty in jail?

Wouldn't your mother be more upset if you die?

Y'all come back and see us anytime now. I'll see ya. I'll see ya.

Y'all want something? Yeah.

Yeah, I think I know what I'm doin'.

Yeah, I'm scared.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, well, the man is a seriously accomplished lawyer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you think I'm gonna marry you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Do me a favor, okay? Don't read this book.

Yeah. First, let me see the money.

Yeah. I mean, it's your ass, not mine.

Yeah. Keep bailing me out.

Yeah. She's my fiancée.

Yeah. Thank you, sweetheart.

Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. They peeled away. Car was all over the road. Thank you, sir.

Yeah. Think that was a smart move?

Yeah. Yeah. Didn't they teach that in law school?

Yep, we're famous for our mud.

Yes, indeed. The car leaving the convenience store...

Yes, sir, it is. Thank you, ma'am.

Yes, sir.

Yes, very. [Laughter]

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. I'm willing to cooperate fully.

Yes. Um, thank you.

Yesterday, you told me that freight train hardly ever comes through here...

You are. You are. All right. Knock it off. Knock it off.

You can hear it for miles.

You can stand down.

You can still call me Gambini.

You can't make those marks without positraction,

You come from New York. You killed a good ol' boy.

You could have gotten caught. What if somebody saw? The laws are medieval down here.

You could positively identify the defendants,

You defended him? Well, no. Not exactly.

You didn't try to stop it.

You do.

You don't believe them? No. They don't execute for shoplifting.

You don't get it, do you? That is not romantic.

You ever hear of that? Mud in the tires?

You ever heard of the Son of Sam?

You fuckin' shower. I'll get your fuckin' suit.

You fuckin' up this case or what?

You get that? The whole store got the flu.

You gonna kick the shit outta me now?

You got a Xerox machine over there? Uh, no.

You got mud in your tires.

You got one huge responsibility, taking on this murder case.

You guys down here...

You have to bail me out. You know that, right?

You haven't had to go to court yet. How long have you been practicing?

You just learned the hard way that you gotta remove the carburetor first. Right?

You knew you could ask questions, didn't you, Vin?

You know how corrupt it is down here.

You know I did. And what is this picture of?

You know what happens in these places? Yeah, I know what happens in these places.

You know what I think? What?

You know what it is?

You know what it's of. Ms. Vito,

You know what the minimum age for execution is in Alabama?

You know when you rebuild a carburetor, the first thing you do is you take the carburetor off the manifold?

You know who I'm talking about?

You know, maybe we should spend a couple of minutes together,

You know, this could be a sign of things to come.

You know, to get acquainted before we, uh, you know, before we get to it.

You know, you raggin' on me is not gonna give me any great spontaneous knowledge.

You lent me your little camera, didn't you?

You like 'em regular, creamy or al dente?

You like competition too? Makes things kind of fun, doesn't it?

You like to renegotiate as you go along, huh?

You may continue. How do your clients plead?

You must be Stan. How ya doin'?

You not only insult me,

You realize you're still under oath?

You saw those two boys run out of the Sac O Suds, jump in this car and take off?

You saw what happened in there. You want to stay with him after that?

You screw up, and those boys get fried.

You see when the left tire mark goes up on the curb...

You should be.

You shouldn't feel good. You haven't slept much in three days.

You spot a little brook.

You step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothin'.

You stole his files? I didn't steal his files.

You sure?

You think I should be grateful?

You think I'm hostile now, wait till you see me tonight.

You think that's what's happening?

You think we're being booked for shoplifting, huh? No.

You understand me?

You wanna go to bed?

You were 50 feet away, you made a positive eyewitness identification,

You were great, and, um, I just want to say thank you.

You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That's right. I'm sorry.

You were serious about that?

You were serious about that?

You will not use that kind of language in my court. You understand me?

You willing to accept those terms? Right. No problem.

You willing to waive that right?

You win all your cases, but with somebody else's help, right?

You win case after case, and then afterwards you have to go up to somebody...

You won't.

You would? Sure.

You'll be given no leeway whatsoever.

You're being booked for shoplifting. I'm being booked for accessory to shoplifting.

You're fired.

You're gonna then hear the testimony of the three eyewitnesses...

You're now in contempt of court.

You're paying for advertising.

You're prancin' along. You get thirsty.

You're supposed to be some kinda expert in automobiles Is that correct?

You're supposed to stand by your man, you know, encourage me a little bit.

You're the jury. It's your job to decide who's telling the truth.

You're welcome. I hope we can do it again sometime.

You're welcome. You're welcome. Vin, I

You've been a lovely, lovely witness.

Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces.

Your courtroom manner may be rather unconventional,

Your first? Yeah.

Your friend. My friend?

Your Honor,

Your Honor, I call Sheriff Farley.

Your Honor, I move to disqualify Miss Vito as a expert witness.

Your Honor, I object to this witness. Improper foundation.

Your Honor, I respectfully request a full day's continuance to go over all this sh... stuff.

Your Honor, Ms. Vito's expertise is in general automotive knowledge.

Your Honor, no further questions.

Your Honor, please, huh?

Your Honor, the defense calls as its first witness Ms. Mona Lisa Vito.

Your Honor, this is a picture...

Your Honor? [Trotter] Thank you, Mr. Wilbur.

Your life, our marriage, and let me see...

Your verdict is gonna depend...

Your witness.

21.67.

1964 Buick Skylark convertible with a white top.

1964 Buick Skylark convertibles.

' Way down south ' ' Way down south ' [Dog Barking]

[Chuckles] You just keep on asking about Chinese food.

[Chuckling] And these bushy things between the trees?

[Gavel Rapping] Order in the court.

[Gavel Raps] [Clears Throat] Mr. Gambini.

[Haller] You're a dead man. I'm a dead man?

[Laughing] [Whistle Blowing Loudly]

[Loud Murmuring] [Haller] You may stand down now, Mr. Wilbur.

[Loud Murmuring] Sheriff Farley,

[Siren Blaring, Stops] Yeah, he's standing right here.

[Spectators Murmuring] [Man] Well, here he comes.

♪ Then he's sayin' that ' What is that?

And then what? We went out to the car, and that's it.

And what's the most popular size? 75 R14.

Any murder cases? [Lips Blow] Lots of them. Quite a few. Yes.

Are we clear on this? Uh, yes.

Are you sure about that five minutes? I don't know.

Could you point 'em out for me, please, ma'am? They's sittin' right there.

Did you say youts? Yeah, two youts.

Do you have any other witnesses? No, Your Honor.

Don't think being from New York you're gonna get special treatment. I shouldn't.

Fine job, Mr. Gambini. Thanks.

Go ahead, honey. You gonna try it? You first.

Good bye. Sit down and stay there until you're told to leave.

Good bye. Sit down and stay there until you're told to leave.

He's got a boar, a bear, a couple of deer. Whoa. You're gonna shoot a deer?

Hello? You did good out there today, Yankee. I like the competition.

His name's J.T. [Vinny] J.T.

Hmm. Hey, what are you doing this afternoon?

How about if I just kick your ass? Oh, a counteroffer.

I don't like your attitude. What else is new?

I have the money. All right. Let me see it. Show it to me.

I just have a few questions. Okay. Fire away, Judge.

I react harshly when you don't. You should.

I think you made your point. Are you sure about that five minutes?

I twisted it just right. How could you be so sure?

I would love to hear this! So would I.

I'm enjoying myself so far. I got a little surprise for you tomorrow.

I'm holdin' you in contempt of court. There's a fuckin' surprise.

If I ask you again... Your Honor.

In your dreams. Oh, no, no, no. In reality.

It's 200 bucks. Fan it out. Show it to me.

Mr. Gambini. See, my clients, uh

Mr. Gambini. Sorry. Sorry, Your Honor.

Mr. Trotter? [Whispering Continues]

Mrs. Riley, when you saw the defendants, were you wearing your glasses? Yes, I was.

My clients are... What are you wearin'?

No. She never heard of it. She knows everything about cars.

No. He didn't say anything. But he knew about it?

No. You're wrong. Come on, fellas. Knock it off. Let's go.

Oh, I'm sure. You being from New York and all might have the impression that law is...

Request denied. Thanks a lot.

Should I be worried? I sure would be if I were you.

Shut up. All right? [Siren Blaring]

Six years? Mm hmm.

So now I practice law under my legally changed stage name. What name is that?

So? What are you saying? What am I saying?

So? What can I do to help? ' Stand by your man '

Then why didn't you turn it off? I did turn it off.

They was runnin' out, got into the car and drove off. [Mouthing Words]

They were. Thank you, Ms. Vito.

This is your opinion? It's a fact.

Three times a charm? Not for me it isn't.

Want to hear the facts of the case? No.

We got an attorney in the family. Great! Who?

Well, I suppose. I'm finished with this guy.

What about the tuna fish? Then I forgot about the can of tuna fish.

What happened? Rear ended? No. I fell.

What is a grit anyways? It's made out of corn. Them hominy grits.

What is a yout? Oh. Excuse me, Your Honor.

What? At what point did you shoot the clerk?

What'd you say? What?

What's What's this over here? You never heard of grits?

Whoa! You okay?

Why? Is that a big deal? Aidin' and abettin'.

Yeah? So shut it!

Yeah. Is it possible the two youts

Yeah. Yeah. Then you get the money.

Yes! [Cheering]

You could say that. I did say that. Would you say that?

You do? Oh, yeah.

You done readin'? Yeah.

You have anything to add? Thing? What thing?

You sure about five minutes? Ignore the question. I don't know.

You're acting like you're nervous or somethin'. Well, yeah, I am.

You're going hunting? That's right.

Your Honor, my clients... Don't talk to me sittin' in that chair.

Your Honor, would you please instruct the bailiff [Haller] Officer!

Jesus. Look. I forgot to pay for this. '' [Country]

' 'Cause after all, he’s just a man '

' 'Cause I'll always come back to you '

' 'Cause it's gonna be a Saturday night '

' Ain't nobody going to mind '

' All the way from Nashville to New Orleans '

' Almost to the border ' ' Almost to the border '

' Almost to the border ' ' Almost to the border '

' And he found it pretty soon underneath the southern moon '

' And he found it pretty soon underneath the southern moon '

' And if you love him '

' And it'll spread like a cancer but you're gonna have to answer '

' And it's hard to imagine how the flames of passion '

' And it's hard to imagine how the flames of passion '

' And it's hard to imagine how the flames of passion '

' And something warm to come to '

' But he said he didn't need her so she followed him down deep ♪

' But he was wrapped up in his work and actin' like a jerk '

' But her heart was love stricken so she never thought of quittin' '

' But I'll tell ya somethin', brother When you're dealin' with your feelings '

' But I'll tell ya somethin', brother When you're dealin' with your feelings '

' Come on '

' Come on '

' Deception, collection Infection, objection... ''

' Deception, collection Use your own affliction '

' Don't need a lot of cash or a flashy car '

' Don't need no law and order ' ' Don't need no law and order '

' Every time you're up they try to bring you down '

' From emotions that his heart has felt '

' Get out on the highway headin' down it my way '

' Gonna leave it all behind '

' I know a place just over the hill '

' I said way down south ' ' Way down south '

' I thought she was thin I thought she was fat '

' If it ain't none of your business, baby '

' If you wanna have a good time, you will '

' In the heart of the Bible Belt '

' Into places that he'd never been '

' Into the buckle of the Bible belt '

' It's tough to keep a level head '

' Nothin' like southern hospitality '

' Nothin' like southern hospitality ''

' Now once you get down there then you'll see '

' Oh, be proud of him '

' Oh, Lord ''

' Once you get down there then you'll know '

' Or givin' up on how she felt '

' Passin' everything in sight '

' Said way down south ' ' Way down south '

' She had plans to seduce him If she could, she would loosen '

' She knows more than Mama taught her ' ' More than Mama taught her '

' She was a brunette out of Brooklyn fast talkin' and good lookin' '

' So he gave her love a chance That's when he found romance '

' So he gave her love a chance That's when he found romance '

' So they change the game ' [Engine Knocking]

' That believe true love is dead '

' The folks, they'll take you just the way you are '

' The notch in the Bible belt '

' There's a need for love in every man '

' There's a need for love in every man ♪

' They better get their heads together or they're gonna slap leather '

' They try to tie you down '

' To your heart in the Bible Belt '

' Was hotter then the fires of hell '

' Way down south '

' Way down south ' ' Way down south '

' Way down south ' ' Way down south '

' Way down south ' ' Way down south '

' Way down south is the way to go '

' We got cheap talkin' belles and delta queens '

' Well, no matter who you are If you’re a peasant or a star '

' Well, no matter who you are If you’re a peasant or a star '

' When nights are cold ''

' When she finally made him understand '

' When she finally made him understand '

' Whoo hoo hoo '

' Whoo hoo hoo ♪

' Whoo, yeah Way down south '

' Will burn till your soul will melt '

' Will burn till your soul will melt '

' With a ball and chain'

' With a body that was made for sin '

' With their hearts in the Bible Belt '

' Yeah '

' Yeah '

' Yeah, there's a lot of good people that are led astray '

' Yeah, there's a lot of good people that are led astray '

' You can have the fast lane I don't want the stress and strain '

' You don't need no drink of water ' ' Need no drink of water '

' You need to mind your business '

' You try to make a move '

'' [Blues Intro]

'' [Continues]

'' [Continues]

'' [Continues]

'' [Country Rock]

'' [Guitar]

'' [Jukebox: Country Blues]

'' [Piano]

'' [Piano]

'' [Radio: Country]

'Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55.

'Cause you didn't look like you knew what you were doin' today in that courtroom.

'Just across the border ' 'Just across the border '

'Just across the border ' 'Just across the border '

[All Laughing]

[Bell Clanging]

[Bell Dings] '' [Radio: Country]

[Bill] We were friends at NYU.

[Birds Chirping, Twittering]

[Both Laughing]

[Chattering]

[Chickens Squawking]

[Chuckles, Sighs]

[Chuckles] Good. Good. That's That's good.

[Chuckles] Have you been made aware of your rights?

[Chuckles] Nice to see you.

[Chuckles] Nice to see you.

[Chuckling]

[Clanging Continues]

[Clanging Continues]

[Clears Throat]

[Clears Throat]

[Clears Throat] I object to this witness being called at this time.

[Clears Throat] jury!

[Clicks]

[Clicks] [Laughing]

[Clicks] Huh?

[Door Opens]

[Door Opens] Lisa!

[Doors Banging]

[Doors Burst Open]

[Dripping]

[Dripping] So?

[Engine Revving]

[Engine Shuts Off]

[Gate Buzzes]

[Gavel Rapping]

[Glass Clinking] [Water Pouring]

[Glass Shatters]

[Groaning]

[Groaning] Oh, honey, move.

[Grunts]

[Grunts] This fucking jacket!

[Gun Cocking] Show me your hands!

[Haller] Bye now. Bye!

[Haller] Mr. Gambini, your first witness.

[Haller] Mr. Gambini, your witness.

[Haller] The witness can stand down.

[Haller] Will you please answer the counselor's question?

[Handset Settles In Cradle]

[Inmates Shouting]

[Insects Chirping] [Vehicles Passing]

[Jacket Flutters]

[Knocking] [Door Opens]

[Laughing, Whistling]

[Laughing]

[Laughing] We gonna fight now?

[Laughs]

[Laughs] I love this! That's it!

[Laughs] Me? What about you?

[Lips Smack] Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle,

[Lisa] All right.

[Lisa] This is very romantic...

[Lisa] What the fuck is goin' on here, Vinny?

[Man On Radio] This next one's a WSTT special request.

[Man] Keep quiet!

[Man] Our jail was condemned this morning.

[Man] Whoo!

[Man] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure. It's number three and five.

[Man] Yeah. Uh huh. You sure about that?

[Men Shouting]

[Murmuring]

[Neck Cracking]

[Paper Rustling] Here's a certificate of validation.

[Patrons Chuckling]

[People Shouting]

[Person Clapping]

[Phone Ringing]

[Piece Clattering]

[Piece Clatters]

[Pigs Squealing]

[Prisoners Yelling, Shouting] [Alarm Blaring]

[Quietly] You want me to come all the way?

[Radio Off] [Door Squeaks]

[Rooster Crows]

[Rooster Crows]

[Scoffs]

[Scoffs] Putz.

[Screeching]

[Screeching]

[Screeching] [Door Closing]

[Screeching] [Door Opening]

[Shouting Continues]

[Shouting Continues] Stop the death penalty!

[Sighs Deeply]

[Sighs, Clears Throat] Sorry.

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs] All right. Mr., uh, T T T T T T

[Sizzling Continues] [Vinny] Excuse me.

[Sizzling]

[Snickering]

[Sniffing, Chuckles]

[Snoring]

[Softly] Okay.

[Spectators Murmuring]

[Spectators Murmuring]

[Spectators Murmuring]

[Spectators Murmuring]

[Spectators Murmuring]

[Squealing]

[Steam Whistle Blowing] [Both Scream]

[Thunder Rumbling]

[Thunderclap]

[Tires Screech]

[Tires Screech]

[Tires Screech] Got 30 fucking minutes to take a shower,

[Tires Squealing]

[Train Rumbling]

[Train Whistle Blowing]

[Train Whistle Blowing] [Loud Rumbling]

[Trotter] Well,

[Vinny] Is it possible that two separate cars...

[Vinny] Thank you.

[Vinny] This witness is a expert in the field of automobiles...

[Whispering]

[Whistle Blowing]

[Whistle Continues]

[Whistles Blowing]

[Whistling Dixie]

[Woman Coughs]

[Woman] Then I heard two loud bangs like firecrackers.

$21.67. Can you fill this up?