My Dinner with Andre (1981) Edit

A baby holds your hands...

A feeling of “them” and “us” that is very unsettling.

A husband. A son.

A language of the heart...

A magician, everything.

A sacrament in the world.

A strong or meaningful experience...

A week later, or two weeks later, he called me from Poland.

A whole section of the real world.

About 25 blocks away...

About what this Japanese monk was doing in these holy robes.

Actually, he seemed a little surprised...

After all, I was already doing my best.

After all, somebody had to bring in a little money.

After we got back from the Sahara, and he stayed for six months.

Again for the same reason

Ah, I live my life.

All A's, and the fourth was Antoine de Saint Exupéry...

All clay long, as people do, they do things that annoy me and they say things that annoy me.

All day eating, writing, everything opening doors...

All of which seemed, in some way, related to each other.

All sit around in a room and do a made up scene that isn't in the play.

All sorts of things occur to you.

All the other customers seemed to have left hours ago.

All today he would do everything with his left hand.

All up and down the roof, just like that.

Already, what's the difference between that...

Among the mystical orders of the church.

And And then I guess really...

And And, uh, could I also have, uh, an amaretto?

And a series of conversations began...

And about four of my fellow actors actually came up to me...

And about my girlfriend, Debby.

And actually her body was starving, but she didn't know it...

And after being in the grave for about half an hour

And all I thought about was art and music.

And all three of whom had known me for years.

And already some of these new monasteries...

And And to decide whether to send my ships off to war on the basis of that...

And another played the role of my godfather.

And as I approached his group, I wondered if I could do it.

And as I was sitting there in mass, I was wondering, “What in the world is going on?”

And at one point Chiquita said, “The flag, the flag. Where's the flag?”

And at one point, I noticed that Grotowski was at the center of one group...

And at the same time be completely dead inside.

And become very thin and grown a beard.

And before I knew it, there were two circles, dancing, you know

And Björnstrand talks about the concept of “reserves”

And burn it and cover it with earth, 'cause the devil's in it.”

And children pushing their parents out of windows.

And chocolate someone had gone a great distance to buy...

And come back.

And culture and rational thinking.

And do nothing but write in my diary.

And even if I were to accept the idea that there's just no way for anybody...

And everybody danced for the rest of the night.

And everyone danced until dawn.

And everyone will be talking at once and sort of saying...

And everything they do they do beautifully.

And everything went haywire.

And fall back into some kind of belief in some kind of weird something

And fling him into the air, and he flies through space and he's killed...

And having the cup of cold coffee that's been waiting for me all night...

And he finally came up with the very simple solution...

And he had a beautiful, clean loft down in the village with lovely, happy flags.

And he had bought at an auction the collected issues of Minotaure.

And he had bought at an auction the collected issues of Minotaure.

And he prided himself on the fact that he had no fantasy life, no dream life

And he put the bottle in front of his nose and pretended it was his face.

And he said, “Boy, don't we have a lot of reason to feel great?

And he said, “I also have some very interesting men...

And he said, “No, no. You lead the beehive.”

And he said, “Well, 40 ******* women that's a little hard to find.”

And he said, “Well, certainly. In fact, why don't you, with your group...

And he saw a faun.

And he told me that he no longer watches television...

And he told them all about Asia and the East and his monastery and everything.

And he totally failed to perceive anything else.

And he was one of Scotland's well, he was Scotland's greatest mathematician...

And he was one of the century's great mathematicians.

And he was telling story after story about his mother.

And he wasn't home. I went into his library...

And he wouldn't even go in and say hello to her.

And he, you know he couldn't stuff the check in the bottle...

And he'd been seized by a fit of ungovernable crying...

And he'd found me a forest, Wally.

And he'd have talks with the fauns.

And he'd suddenly come upon André...

And he's somebody that I think I'm quite fond of.

And he's someone I've known for years and years...

And her hair turning gray in front of my eyes.

And here they all were, bound, year after year.

And his penis had dropped off from gonorrhea, and all kinds of insane things.

And I came back home feeling all wrong.

And I can't get a job teaching anymore, and I don't know what I want to do.

And I cannot tell you, Wally, what I was going through.

And I could hear Kozan singing far away in that beautiful bass voice.

And I couldn't hear anything anybody said.”

And I did a play of Alice.

And I didn't have the guts to be Billie Holiday either.

And I don't even know if I can express it.

And I feel a little bit different when I get up in the morning.

And I feel I'm going to fail it.

And I felt myself being lowered onto something like a stretcher.

And I gave the teddy bear suck, suddenly, at my breast.

And I guess even in a way, at times, sort of fascistic.

And I had dinner with three relatively close friends...

And I had told him that I didn't want to come, because, really, I had nothing left to teach.

And I heard about this community in Scotland called Findhorn...

And I instinctively interpret it as if it were an omen of the future.

And I looked back to see when the issue came out.

And I mean, at the most, you know, in a situation like that, uh...

And I mean, for instance, the icebox, the stove, the car they all have names.

And I mean, I enjoy reading about other little plays people have written...

And I mean, of course, if you're really alive inside...

And I mean, people who saw Eleonora Duse in the last couple of years of her life, Wally

And I mean, uh, when Debby was working as a secretary, you know...

And I mean, you know, even if I were to totally agree with you, you know...

And I mean, you know, it's the same...

And I met this young Japanese Buddhist priest named Kozan...

And I never You know, I consider myself a bit of a surrealist.

And I realized that that face in the picture was the saddest face in the world.

And I really just find that attitude unbearable...

And I remember always being exhausted in that period.

And I said, “Oh, yeah. The flag.” And I go and get the flag, and I open it up.

And I said, “Oh, yes.” And he said, “Why do you think they don't leave?”

And I saw this woman who looked as bad as any survivor of Auschwitz or Dachau.

And I say, “Because you're annoying,” you know.

And I see that coffee there, just the way I wanted it.

And I sometimes sort of wonder, well, what is it doing to me?

And I started screeching about how he had just been found in the Bronx River...

And I suddenly had this feeling I was just as creepy as they were...

And I suddenly had this feeling. I mean, you know, I was just sitting there, crying through most of the show.

And I suddenly heard a voice say, “Little Prince.”

And I think I just simply object to that.

And I thought he was Puck from the Midsummer Night's Dream.

And I took Chiquita to see this show about Billie Holiday.

And I tried to do that. Didn't work.

And I tried to follow his voice along the sand.

And I was all into The Little Prince, and I talked to him about The Little Prince...

And I was born during the day of May 11, 1934.

And I was dancing with a girl...

And I was given a new name. They called me Yendrush.

And I was in pretty bad shape.

And I was one of the last.

And I was out in the hall sort of comforting my father...

And I was playing the part of the cat.

And I was sitting there just thinking that he was a pompous, defensive...

And I went in to see her...

And I would have liked nothing better than to go home and have my girlfriend Debby...

And I would just wail and yell my lungs out out there on the dunes.

And I would look at a leaf, and I would actually see that thing...

And I wouldn't have been able to hear anything, and I would have fainted.

And I wrote in the center something like, “Your heart is in my hand.”

And I'd heard that they'd grown things in soil...

And I'd stayed back in New York.

And I'm not a doctor, or a therapist, or a priest.

And I'm really quite self satisfied. I'm just quite happy with myself.

And I'm sure the people who read it had a pretty strong experience. I'm sure they did.

And I'm trying to share that, uh, with an audience.

And I've always looked at that picture and just thought about just how sexy she looks.

And if Debby is there?

And if I can occasionally get my little talent together and write a little play...

And if I could work in a forest, I'd come.”

And if there isn't, I don't really know what the word “love” means...

And if they watch the evening news on television...

And if you can't react to another person...

And if you're just operating by habit...

And immediately he'd be playing with these children...

And in all the work that I was involved in, there was always that danger.

And in her letter she'd written, “You have dominated me.”

And in this ruined basement, they had set up a table with benches they'd made.

And it also means that things in the universe are there for a purpose to give us messages.

And it is today.

And it just stood there for the whole mass.

And it shouldn't work, 'cause it should fall off.

And it was it was half bull, half man...

And it was founded by several rather middle class English and Scottish eccentrics.

And it was just a miracle of light...

And it was just strange, you know?

And it was one of those one of those awful, dreary Catholic churches on Long Island...

And it wouldn't be noticed, no. It wouldn't be noticed.

And it, uh It repeats itself over and over again.

And it's a song in which you thank God for your eyes...

And it's in summer, and she's stretched out on a terrace...

And it's just unbelievably beautiful.

And its skin was blue.

And just hold himself there with two fingers.

And just listen to what was inside me.

And later, when I got home, I realized I'd just been desperate to break through this ice.

And let the U.F.O.'s know that this was a safe place to land...

And like a little child fascinated by fire...

And look at the stars.

And mailed off several copies of my plays...

And Marina could have flu or a temperature of 104...

And maybe you can do it at home.

And meanwhile there's all of this rage and worry and uneasiness...

And midnight on Halloween, under a dark moon, above these cliffs...

And more and more fauns would come out every afternoon to meet him.

And no cockroach or fly has has died in it overnight.

And none of them speak English.”

And now everybody's redefined the theater in such a trivial way...

And now here comes a specialist who tells us they're in wonderful shape.

And now they're just thinking, “Well, what can I do?”

And of course, Grotowski was there in the city too.

And on this table they had laid out paper, pencils, wine and glasses.

And once again you don't know quite what you should do next.

And one day when he was in his mid 50s, he was walking in the gardens of Edinburgh...

And others wanted it to be a kind of lecture hall.

And our schedule was that usually we'd start work around sunset...

And Pan indirectly sent him on his way on a journey...

And partly a therapist, and partly a priest.

And pass it around the audience.

And people don't hire you.

And people started to sit with us and started to learn the song.

And put one of my plays on the professional stage.

And raspberry soup and rabbit stew.

And reading the reviews of those plays and what people said about them...

And really being in that state, you know, where laughter and tears seem to merge.

And see little birds flying out of my mouth.

And she died of starvation because all she would eat was chicken.

And she said, “I don't like it.”

And she said, “What is that? That's awful.” I said, “It's a flag.”

And she suddenly burst into tears because an aunt of hers who's 80...

And she'd said, “No. The correct word is 'tamed.”'

And she's slim and sensual and beautiful.

And since you wouldn't treat Helen, the icebox...

And so he taught the whole family to meditate...

And so the aunt fell out of bed and is now a complete cripple.

And so the question is, when I get on my deathbed, what kind of a person am I gonna be?

And some of the people took it completely seriously...

And some of them found it funny.

And some people wanted it to be a sort of hall of meditation...

And somebody else wanted to bring a large bowl of water...

And somebody suggested that we have candles

And somebody wanted to bring a a sheet.

And sometimes I would meditate with him.

And soon nobody will really remember...

And still have been supporting his family?

And stowing it away and making sure it's all secure.

And suddenly our hands began vibrating near each other

And suddenly you understand everything.

And tells you they're in wonderful shape

And that all of this is much more dangerous than one thinks...

And that as we, or the world, grow colder...

And that every action of ours in life...

And that everything that you hear now contributes to turning you into a robot.

And that from now on there'll simply be all these robots walking around...

And that history and memory are right now being erased...

And that prayer is the action of liberating these enchained embryo like spirits...

And that sets up a link of things.

And that somehow, between working on this flag and lying on this flag...

And that there's absolutely no way out.

And that these will be, in a way, invisible planets on this planet...

And that they would find friends there.

And that they'd built not built they'd grown the largest cauliflowers in the world...

And that this head should be passed around the audience...

And that this is the beginning of the rest of the future, now...

And that was really the last big event. I mean, that was the end.

And that was the end of the beehive.

And that we would simply sing it over and over again.

And that we're probably going back to a very savage...

And that what they're trying to do, which is what Findhorn was trying to do...

And that wherever I worked, this flag would fly.

And that, uh, you know, trees do not turn into people or goddesses...

And that's pretty scary.

And that's quite a task.

And that's that.

And that's to face, to confront the fact that you're completely alone.

And the apartment was filled with guests.

And the children found him amazing.

And the cookie is in no position to know about that.

And the country out there is like Heathcliff country.

And the entire group was weaving around the room and chanting.

And the fact that I've gotten it is just basically a joke.

And the forest he had found us was absolutely magical.

And the human being can continue to function...

And the idea was that the energy that would flow from stone to stone...

And the impact that it had on its audience on me

And the man who designed it had never designed anything in his life.

And the moon and the sky and the stars...

And the only inhabitants of this forest were some wild boar and a hermit.

And the purpose of this underground...

And the room was just filled with harsh white light.

And the stretcher was carried a long way, very slowly, through these forests...

And The Times is delivered, you can read it.

And The Times is delivered, you can read it.

And the two of them were fast asleep in each other's arms.

And then after he'd gone, I turned the television on...

And then another one said, “Oh, you know, whenever I wear even a hat on stage...

And then at a certain point, hours later...

And then at night we would walk out under that enormous sky...

And then at one point, people were dancing...

And then everyone would improvise

And then generally we'd work until about 6:00 or 7:00 in the morning.

And then he went into his pocket, and he took out a seed for a tree...

And then I felt myself being lowered into the ground.

And then I remember just running through the woods as fast as I could...

And then I remember one incredibly dark night...

And then I think, to begin with, the Terrine de Poissons.

And then I threw the teddy bear to him, and he gave it suck at his breast.

And then I went and tried to write an answer to her letter...

And then it just leaps out inappropriately.

And then last year in Israel, I looked at the picture...

And then my valuables were put on me, in my hands.

And then naked, again blindfolded, I was run through these forests...

And then on the final day of our stay in the forest...

And then on the last day of our stay in the forest, these two showed up...

And then one at a time they would ask one of us to come with them...

And then one day suddenly you find yourself in a relationship...

And then one day, in the early fall...

And then one person one a woman who runs the casting office, said...

And then slowly people arrived, the way they would arrive at the theater

And then suddenly there's this huge man lifting you off the ground...

And then the insects will leave the main part alone.

And then the next day I gave it to this young woman...

And then the teddy bear was thrown up into the air again...

And then the three of them Helen, Bill and Fred showed up wearing white.

And then they shoveled dirt into the grave...

And then this wood was put on me...

And then we then we just hugged each other for a moment.

And then we'd have our food, which was generally bread, jam, cheese and tea.

And then we'd sleep from around noon to sunset.

And then when I went to town and bought the book and started to read it...

And then, again, when it was over, it was just like the theater after a performance.

And then, because the Poles love to sing and dance...

And there are sort of cabbages.

And there are very good reasons why they don't...

And there was a full page reproduction of the letter

And there was always that question of tampering with people's lives...

And there was no burn and no pain.

And there was somebody being carried below the sheet.

And there was this guy who had just won the something something.

And there were there were three Andres and one Antoine de Saint Exupéry.

And there were all these naked bodies...

And there were four handprints.

And there were only about nine of us involved, mostly men.

And there'll be nobody left almost to remind them...

And there's a life going on between you and the person you're living with...

And there's no other person to hide behind.

And there's one thing that's for sure about death

And there's this strange person living in the house, and I'm not working

And these What was it like? You know, this is the

And they all seem totally self confident.

And they came for me, and they put a blindfold on me...

And they can't reach each other, and their lives are desperate?

And they end up feeling passive and impotent.

And they filled the castle with flowers.

And they pull the tree back, and they tie him to the tree...

And they ran me through these fields two people.

And they rip him to shreds and I guess cut off his head

And they said these things which I just couldn't help thinking...

And they shook me by my hands, and they thanked me very much...

And they spent the whole evening going

And they took me down the steps, into this basement...

And they took us into the basement of this house that had burned down on the property.

And they, in fact, created something...

And they'd found a kind of potting shed you know, a kind of shed, on the grounds...

And they'd shown these handprints to some kind of expert...

And they'd shown these handprints to some kind of expert...

And they'd stretched about this much above my head...

And they'd taken, you know, a kind of sheet or canvas...

And they'll just be roaring with laughter.

And they've grown trees that can't grow in the British Isles.

And this became our theme song.

And this can be true in your work as well.

And to accept that you're alone is to accept death.

And to me that is a coincidence.

And to not know what the next moment will bring...

And to not know what the next moment will bring...

And to say that we ought to be able to live without it...

And today I get annoyed. And they say, “Why are you annoyed?”

And use it as a point of departure for something.

And was an incredibly beautiful piece of theater.

And watch the lights go from red to green and think, “How wonderful.”

And we all need to live in these outposts.

And we borrowed Dick Avedon's property out at Montauk.

And we came to a great circle of fire, with music and hot wine...

And we came to a kind of tent made of sheets, with sheets on the ground.

And we did. And we waited, and it was very, very cold.

And we drank instant coffee out of the top of my shaving cream...

And we knew they were preparing something big...

And we rode and we rode.

And we rode through the desert on camels.

And we sang Polish songs and Greek songs...

And we talked about his wife, Chiquita, and his two children, Nicolas and Marina.

And we talked from midnight until 11:00 the next morning.

And we threw the teddy bear back and forth.

And we went down to our knees, and suddenly I was sobbing in her arms...

And we went off to the rail road station...

And we were all asked to sit at the table and to make out our last will and testament.

And we were just sitting there, and we were singing this very beautiful song.

And we would eat around this great stone slab that served as a sort of a table.

And we're not necessarily up to it.

And went back to New York.

And what people said about what people said.

And when I was 10 years old I was rich, I was an aristocrat...

And when I was talking to, uh, Gustav Björnstrand...

And when I was there, Wally, I remember being in the woods...

And when we went to the forest, these two disappeared...

And when we were Yeah, out of fear...

And would have thought that was the most unimaginable behavior.

And you can't just believe absolutely anything.

And you don't want them to die, and then a doctor comes out five minutes later...

And you have to relate, and yet you're relating to a ghost or something.

And you know, and if you go in one moment, and you see the person's dying...

And you know, there was this very straightforward looking guy.

And you thank God for your heart, and you thank God for your friends...

And you thank God for your life.

And you're all trapped in the drawing room together.”

And you're not conscious of the reality of what's happening to you.

And your apartment is cold and you need to put on another blanket...

And, in a way, obscene.

And, in a way, what I was trying to do

And, uh, Grotowski and I were walking along Fifth Avenue and we were talking.

And, uh, I probably will faint tonight, just as you did.”

And, uh, it just wouldn't be noticed.

And, uh, then we joined the dance again.

And, uh, this must have been about five years ago...

And, uh, you would play in some way.

And, you know, everyone is totally destroyed...

And, you know, I can even get an “A” if I put in the required effort...

André had explained to George that he'd just been watching...

André seemed to know an awful lot about the menu.

André, now, how can you say something like that?

Anyway, the desert was pretty horrible.

Anyway, we were out in the country, and we all went to Christmas mass together.

Apparently, George had been walking his dog in an odd section of town the night before...

Are all trying to live up to someone's fantasy...

Are becoming institutionalized...

Are difficult and painful.

Are really getting on in life...

Are there other people in the world who are cold?

Are you ready for some dessert?

As a part of your experience.

As disgusting, childish treacle.

As just a very decent, good person, you know...

As well as my most valued colleague in the theater.

Asking questions always relaxes me.

At 5:00 in the morning, she called me up and she said...

At 8:00 a hundred strangers come into a room.”

At every single moment...

At first, he seemed a little reluctant to go into it...

At one time he'd been a very close friend of mine...

At one time, he'd been quite fat, then he'd lost an incredible amount of weight...

At the superficiality of these things.

At which 140 or 130 people suddenly exploded.

At which there was another explosion of form into... something.

Automatically makes perceiving reality a very low priority...

Backwards to the present.

Based on The Master and Margarita by Bulgakov.

Based on the state of the airplane and the state of the pilot.

Be, uh, “relating,” to use the word we're always using?

Because he knew of the Christian misconception...

Because he really does feel that we're living in some kind of Orwellian nightmare now...

Because here's a dignified, intelligent man a man of my own age

Because I can buy my way into the building.

Because I really do believe that if you're just living mechanically...

Because I really do think the theater can do something very important.

Because if I lead one of these workshops, then I do become partly a doctor...

Because if it's all meaningless...

Because if you believe in omens, then that means that the universe

Because if you find yourself in a forest with a group of 40 people...

Because if your life is organized around trying to be successful in a career...

Because Pan would like to meet him.

Because people are talking in symbols.

Because somehow in our social existence today...

Because that, again, is close to death.

Because that's what you do, out of habit?

Because the wonderful thing about scientific theories about things...

Because they had literally set up hundreds of candles and torches.

Because they have great gales up in northern Scotland.

Because they understood the the experiment so well...

Because they wanted it to be a kind of spaceship which at night could rise up...

Because we do so many things every day that affect us in ways...

Because when he comes out of that room, he psychically kills us...

Because with that comes an immediate awareness of death...

Because you have to learn now.

Because you just can't believe that a group of people who don't know how to sing...

Because you really feel an impulse to do them...

Because, I mean it just I mean, of course, on some level, I mean...

Because, I mean, if I'd listened to those people, I would have gone out there on stage...

Because, in fact, those people liked me.

Because, really, there are these abrasive beatings to be avoided everywhere you look.

Because, uh, the world is very abrasive.

Because, you see, I think that if you put on serious, contemporary plays...

Before the arrival of scientific thinking as we know it today...

Being at an oasis, and there were palm trees moving in the wind...

Being, uh, strangled on a on a submarine.

Blindfold taken off, and run through these fields.

Brings you closer to a perception of death.

But And And then, you know, the people who put that book together...

But But actually, without branches or roots, it wouldn't be a tree.

But all I can do is just, urn, be there...

But at that time, I hadn't learned what it would be like to let yourself react...

But at the same time be able to fly up at night and meet the flying saucers.

But at the same time, if the roof needed to go up, it would be light enough to go up.

But comfort can lull you into a dangerous tranquillity.

But for the last several years our financial circumstances...

But forget about the play that you may or may not direct.

But frankly, you know...

But has it ever occurred to you, Wally, that the process...

But he said, “I do have 40 women. They all pretty much fit the definition.”

But he was smiling malevolently at his friends, and I looked at that guy and I thought...

But he was taking over more and more.

But I brought it home, because my idea with this flag...

But I can just imagine some beautiful S.S. man...

But I do think that you have to constantly ask yourself the question, with total frankness:

But I don't really know what you're talking about.

But I felt that this creature was somehow coming to comfort me...

But I just couldn't find the right words, so finally I took my hand...

But I just don't, uh

But I mean, I I just I just don't think...

But I mean, the main thing, Wally, is that I think that that kind of comfort...

But I mean, uh, the thing is, Wally, I think it's the exaggerated worship of science...

But I mean, you know, I just can't believe even for you

But I mean, you know, I just can't believe even for you

But I really felt as if I were floating above the ground, not walking.

But I'm not adequate, uh, just to to be a human being.

But in fact, I would go because, I mean...

But in my conscious opinion, which is so fundamental to my whole view of life

But in my real life, I was dead.

But in my real life, I was dead.

But in this case, you are the character.

But in which the excitement didn't overwhelm you.

But instead of applying them to a role, you apply them to yourself.

But it has has something to do with living.

But it was exactly the way that people prepare for a performance.

But it works. It does work.

But meanwhile, the other person would have reacted to your walking out.

But modern science has not been particularly less dangerous.

But now they say, “Oh, that was pretty good.”

But Roc said he would love to meet Pan, and so they met...

But Roc used to practice certain exercises

But since I've come back home I've just been finding the world we're living in...

But somehow it seems that the whole point of the work that you did in those workshops...

But still, I thought, “Well, you know, if a voice comes to me in a field”

But that somebody who's bored is asleep...

But that's not unusual that the surrealists would have been interested in Alice...

But the biggest event was three of the people...

But the fact that nobody could say...

But the hostility was completely inappropriate...

But the nurse was so sloppy, she didn't put the bed rails up...

But the other people, what they saw was this tan, or this shirt...

But the problem is that people can't see the cigar store now.

But the psychic part of the community wanted it to serve another function as well...

But the wonderful thing that happened...

But the worst thing of all was that I'd been trapped by an odd series of circumstances...

But then a couple of weeks later, Chiquita and I could be out...

But then that feeling goes quite quickly.

But then, uh, when they asked what I did...

But there's always the danger that things can go dead.

But they created something that had ritual, love, surprise...

But they had trouble, uh, making up my cat suit...

But those are typical evenings for us.

But to you it was significant, as if that book had been written 40 years ago...

But we didn't know what.

But we do at least know that the universe has some shape and order...

But we just don't dare to ask each other.

But what was unusual about this improvisation...

But when I tried to put my right hand in the flame, I couldn't hold it there for a second.

But who just wouldn't leave, so we took her along with us.

But you do now. In some way or other, you do now.

But you know, if you live with somebody for a long time, people are constantly saying...

But you know, in the Middle Ages...

But you know, very few people ever see them.

But you need to cut out the noise.

But you went to the Sahara.

But you're conscious of the taste of your food.

But, uh, it is quite different from not having an electric blanket...

But, uh, you know, the fear of unconscious impulses...

But, urn, I see it as a test...

But, Wally, don't you don't you see that comfort can be dangerous?

But...

By 5:00 I'd finally made it to the post office...

By taking us into a dream world...

By the end of the book, I was in tears, I was so moved by the story.

By the way, uh, did you ever see...

By which they'll set aside a special patch of vegetables just for the insects...

By writers like yourself...

Can it do it now?

Can leave you vulnerable to all sorts of very frightening manipulation.

Can't possibly have any relevance to the subject you're analyzing.

Carrying out the responsibilities, doing the errands...

Celebration, joy, wonder, abandon, wildness, tenderness.

Certain things did come slowly to be known and understood.

Certainly, sir.

Chiquita and I have had this very unpleasant feeling that we really should get out.

Christ, that's quite a challenge.

Conference on paratheatrical work then.

Conservative stuffed shirt who was only interested in the theater.

Cook me a nice, delicious dinner.

Could create something so beautiful.

Could speak or bleed or whatever it was.

Could we stand to live like that?

Created by a world totalitarian government based on money...

Debby and I were given an electric blanket.

Denouement, beginning, a middle and end...

Did we have a conversation? What did we talk about?”

Do you know a lot of New Yorkers who keep talking about the fact that they want to leave, but never do?”

Do you want to know my actual response to all this?

Does she enjoy the ears being nibbled?

Does that help to wake up a sleeping audience?

Don't in any way affect us?

Eight feet deep.

Even about our supposedly closest friends.

Even if I had known what I felt...

Even if they were enjoying the conversation, or they were flirting with me, or whatever it was

Even if they're in absolute agony, I always find it very... interesting.

Even though people have always known that he had some money somewhere.

Even though, by performing these roles all the time...

Everyone is sort of floating through this fog of symbols and unconscious feelings.

Except duty, obligation, sentimentality, fear.

Except in the most extreme situations.

Except that in this type of improvisation the kind we did in Poland

Except to involve them in some kind of a strange, uh, christening in Poland...

Except, uh, the few little things that they wanted to see.

Exercises meant nothing to me anymore.

Feeling nothing, thinking nothing.

Finally, I got around to asking him what he'd been up to in the last few years.

Findhorn people see it a little differently.

First, I'd be worried I might get electrocuted. No, I don't trust technology.

For a moment, get anywhere near what

For instance, you might say to them...

For months at a time, his family seemed only to know that he was traveling...

For someone to have an impulse to do something.

For the first time in my life...

For the wonderful work they'd been able to do, you see.

From a young woman who'd been in my group in Poland.

From certain selected moments.

From Tenniel's Alice In Wonderland.

From the steppes of Russia to the suburbs of Chicago.

Full of ****s and murders and hands cut off by subway cars...

Get out of here.

God.

God.

God. Well, tell me about it.

God. Well, tell me some of the other things you did with your group.

Good evening, sir. Nice to see you again.

Great.

Grotowski and I got together at midnight in my hotel room...

Grotowski was a pretty unusual character himself.

Grotowski. Is he still thin?

Grown ups were learning how to play again.

Had brought musical instruments, a flute and a drum...

Had called me and just insisted that I had to see him.

Had just stunned audiences throughout the world.

Have forced Debby to work three nights a week as a waitress.

Have you read Martin Buber's book On Hasidism?

He '0' also dropped out of the theater.

He doesn't read newspapers, and he doesn't read magazines.

He dropped out of the theater. He sort of disappeared.

He had a whole series of very simple exercises that he had invented...

He just felt that people in their lives now were performing so well...

He never used to like to leave home at all.

He put a swastika in your flag?

He put it in my hand and he said, “Escape before it's too late.”

He really captivated everybody with an incredible bag of tricks.

He said you looked like you'd come back from a war.

He said, “Well, a beehive is...

He seemed to really connect with it.

He showed me a flag that I thought was very odd, you know...

He somehow allowed you the distance between the play and yourself...

He somehow created a theater in which people could observe...

He told me a few things about Jerzy Grotowski...

He was drinking this whole bottle of bourbon very quietly.

He was eating huge amounts of food.

He was one of the founders of Findhorn...

He was saying that actually these centers are growing up everywhere now...

He was talking and talking. His mother had been a famous Norwegian comedienne.

He wasn't really listening to the guy who was interviewing him...

He wrote children's books.

He's 84 years old, and he always travels with a backpack...

He's a Swedish physicist. Gustav Björnstrand.

He's completely cut them out of his life...

His laugh was so horrible.

His name was André Gregory.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. Well, what happened, Wally...

How anybody could enjoy something else any more than that.

How desperately curious we all are to know how all the others of us...

How does it affect an audience to put on one of these plays...

How intensely can you talk about Schopenhauer at some elegant French restaurant?

How to keep things living.

Huddled around a bunch of candles that they'd gathered together.

Huddling together for warmth against the cold.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

Human beings exploded out of this tight little circle that was singing the song.

I always carry it with me. It was taken when she was about 26 or something.

I always enjoy finding out about people.

I always felt weak. You know, I really didn't know what was going on with me.

I became an actor

I can pass any other sort of a test...

I can snuggle up against you even more because it's cold.

I can tell you that it is just such a marvelous advance...

I certainly don't take responsibility for how I've lived in that world.

I completely agree.

I couldn't get over the way the actors would hug when they greeted each other.

I couldn't teach anything.

I did it anyway.

I didn't know they were so small.

I didn't tell her anything about any of this.

I do just the same thing myself.

I don't I don't think we're even aware of ourselves or our own reaction to things.

I don't know about you, Wally, but I

I don't know if this is true of you, but I think it must be quite common.

I don't know what happened to the other people, but I just started to cry uncontrollably.

I don't know, because we're ghosts.

I don't know, uh, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen.

I don't think he had any interest in children whatsoever.

I enjoy going through the notebook...

I enjoy staying home with Debby.

I feel the need for anything more than all this.

I felt sort of becalmed, you know, like that chapter in Moby Dick...

I gave him different banal theories. He said, “Oh, I don't think it's that way at all.”

I got quite crazy, as a matter of fact.

I grabbed him by the collar, and I said, “Listen, about this beehive.

I grew up on the Upper East Side...

I had expected something gentle and lyrical.

I had never, ever seen a copy of Minotaure.

I had nothing left to say. I didn't know anything.

I had problems of my own. I mean, I couldn't help André.

I had to go.

I haven't been living. I've been acting. I've I've acted the role of the father.

I haven't really heard them. I haven't really been with them.

I heard that every night, he conducted something called a beehive.

I just didn't want to do these things anymore, you know?

I just don't have a clue how to pass this test.

I just feel, uh, just totally at sea. I mean

I just had to put myself into a kind of training program to learn how to be a human being.

I just have no complaint about myself.

I just instinctively sort of You know, if it says something like, uh...

I just kept thinking about the same things that I was always thinking about at home

I just never really looked at the picture.

I just never really looked at the picture.

I just think I'm a perfectly nice guy, uh, you know...

I just, uh I just have this feeling of...

I know people who are involved with the theater who go to see things now that

I looked at these show business people who know nothing about Billie Holiday, nothing.

I loved the sound of this beehive...

I mean

I mean

I mean I mean, I know what you're talking about...

I mean I mean, I'm just trying to to survive, you know?

I mean I mean, is Mount Everest more real than New York?

I mean I mean, isn't there just as much reality to be perceived...

I mean I mean, obviously, if the cockroach If there is a dead cockroach in it...

I mean I mean, of course we all know, uh...

I mean I mean, of course, I realize this isn't a test...

I mean I mean, you found the handprint in the book...

I mean I mean, you know...

I mean, a few years ago these same people...

I mean, all right, let's say, if I get a fortune cookie in a Chinese restaurant...

I mean, all right, now you're saying that people today wouldn't get it.

I mean, and there'd be a delicious cup of coffee and a piece of coffeecake.

I mean, are we just like bored, spoiled children...

I mean, because New York is cold in the winter.

I mean, because reality is uniform, in a way...

I mean, do you realize, Wally, if you brought that situation into a Tibetan home

I mean, do you see what I'm saying?

I mean, don't you find isn't it pleasant just to get up in the morning...

I mean, either we're gonna have a conversation...

I mean, first of all, there are some pretty good reasons for being frightened.

I mean, he ate twice as much as Nicolas ate, you know?

I mean, he could literally go like this

I mean, he could not have known anything about me.

I mean, he talks about the belief of the Hasidic ****...

I mean, he was an acrobat, a ventriloquist...

I mean, here I am. I'm a grown man...

I mean, his own habits had completely changed.

I mean, how did I feel about anything? I didn't know.

I mean, how the hell else could he have been flying off to Asia and so on...

I mean, I could not make that creature disappear.

I mean, I didn't even allow myself to get angry or annoyed.

I mean, I didn't know how long I'd be in there

I mean, I do think the theater can help bring people in contact with reality.

I mean, I don't even know how to begin talking about this...

I mean, I don't even know how to begin to describe this.

I mean, I don't really know what you're talking about.

I mean, I have this picture of Chiquita that was taken when she

I mean, I just can't imagine...

I mean, I just don't think I accept the idea that there should be moments...

I mean, I literally lived like a dog.

I mean, I read it. I read it, and and, uh

I mean, I really feel that everything I've done...

I mean, I really feel that I'm just washed up, wiped out.

I mean, I really think of myself quite smugly.

I mean, I really wasn't up for that sort of thing.

I mean, I remember a night. It was a couple of weeks after my mother died.

I mean, I remember when I was, uh, acting in this play...

I mean, I sort of feel, uh, I'm not sleeping quite in the same way.

I mean, I think of myself...

I mean, I think that's why I never understand what's going on at a party.

I mean, I was just treated, uh, in the nicest sense of the word...

I mean, I was on a trip. It was like being in a William Blake world suddenly.

I mean, I would just have to change totally to not have this opinion.

I mean, I'm affected by everything.

I mean, I'm just so thrilled when I get up...

I mean, I'm just trying to earn a living...

I mean, I've always felt that.

I mean, if there are insects bothering the plants...

I mean, if you felt like walking out on the person you live with, you'd walk out.

I mean, if you really reach out and you're really in touch with the other person...

I mean, if you're living with somebody in one little room...

I mean, if your own mechanism is operating correctly...

I mean, in other words, I'm not, uh

I mean, in other words, if I'm sitting at home and I have nothing to do...

I mean, in other words, uh...

I mean, is it just because people are lazy today, or they're bored?

I mean, is there really such a thing as, uh...

I mean, isn't it still legitimate for writers...

I mean, isn't New York real?

I mean, it absolutely blasted me open.

I mean, it may very well be that 10 years from now...

I mean, it would be just as if she'd said, uh...

I mean, it's it's very scary.

I mean, it's a very frightening thing, Wally, to have to suddenly realize...

I mean, it's so absurd, in a way, when you consider that it doesn't matter which one it is.

I mean, last week I went down Theater one afternoon.

I mean, look look at something like that christening...

I mean, maybe you'll direct a play, maybe you won't direct a play.

I mean, my God, when I was a Latin teacher...

I mean, my God, you know, when you talk about our attitudes toward other people...

I mean, my mother knew a woman, Lady Hatfield...

I mean, no church could have looked more beautiful.

I mean, nothing's obstructing your view of it, or something like that.

I mean, now

I mean, of course that's what the theater should do.

I mean, of course, even I have a tendency

I mean, of course, I admit I might feel a bit nervous for about one second.

I mean, on the contrary, I'm looking for more comfort...

I mean, on the contrary, this incredible emphasis that we all place now...

I mean, our apartment is cold. It's a difficult environment.

I mean, our lives are tough enough as it is.

I mean, people used to treat me

I mean, really I mean

I mean, really, if you start living each moment?

I mean, really, tell me, why do we require a trip to Mount Everest...

I mean, really, the the Africans would have probably put their spears into all four of us...

I mean, she just liked chicken, Wally, and that was all she would eat.

I mean, that hostility was just some feeling that was, you know...

I mean, that moment of being face to face with another person.

I mean, that, of course, poses the question of what was it about.

I mean, that's the story of some kind of spoiled princess, you know.

I mean, that's the whole point.

I mean, that's what scares us.

I mean, the buildings just shine.

I mean, the man who wrote it did not know anything about me.

I mean, the trees were so large...

I mean, the way we treat other people.

I mean, then when you think about Bertolt Brecht

I mean, there must have been periods in history when it would have been possible...

I mean, there must have been periods when in order to give people...

I mean, there's a whole enormous world out there that I just don't ever think about.

I mean, these things can't be given names...

I mean, they don't mean anything.

I mean, they were literally driving my father crazy.

I mean, they would have just shrunk, you know, just in horror...

I mean, they're they're fantasy. They're part of a dream life.

I mean, those books are just so touching, because they show...

I mean, those children just giggles, giggles, giggles...

I mean, those remarks were just full of hostility...

I mean, to some extent, I still had the ability to live in my work.

I mean, uh

I mean, uh I mean I mean, uh, isn't it a little upsetting...

I mean, uh I mean, at least a few years ago people who really cared about the theater...

I mean, uh I mean, I can't sleep, my nerves are shot.

I mean, uh, and my dreams are sort of different...

I mean, uh, because, uh, you know that the awful thing is...

I mean, uh, I don't know if it's that, uh, Freudian thing or what

I mean, uh, I'm trying to protect myself...

I mean, uh, you know, if I would go to a party...

I mean, very few things happen now like that moment...

I mean, we go to dinners and parties like that all the time.

I mean, we just put no value at all on perceiving reality.

I mean, we live in a world in which fathers...

I mean, we live in such ludicrous ignorance of each other.

I mean, we're animals, after all.

I mean, we're just walking around in some kind of fog.

I mean, what do you think?

I mean, what does it do to us, Wally, living in an environment...

I mean, what does it mean to just, uh, simply, uh, sit there?

I mean, what does that mean?

I mean, what was amazing in the workshops I led...

I mean, what would be so great about just sitting there and, uh, doing nothing?

I mean, what would that mean?

I mean, whether I'm by myself, or or I'm I'm with someone else...

I mean, why is it necessary to have more than this...

I mean, would they simply then...

I mean, you know I mean, occasionally, maybe...

I mean, you know I mean, of course, I would hardly throw it out.

I mean, you know, following omens and so on...

I mean, you know, here's an 82 year old man who's very emotional...

I mean, you know, I began to realize...

I mean, you know, I was thinking, urn, last Christmas...

I mean, you know, I'd been to India, and I'd just felt like a tourist.

I mean, you know, I'd occasionally have conversations with people...

I mean, you know, if I were actually to sort of confront the fact...

I mean, you know, if the turtle's egg falls out of the tree and splashes on the paving stones...

I mean, you know, if you were a director working on a play by Chekhov...

I mean, you know, if you were a director working on a play by Chekhov...

I mean, you know, in Sanskrit, the root of the verb “to be”...

I mean, you know, in the theater, if you get good reviews...

I mean, you know, it always just does seem so ridiculous, somehow...

I mean, you know, let's face it.

I mean, you know, people hold on to these images of father, mother, husband, wife...

I mean, you know, the the fact that I got it

I mean, you know, the human being is a complex and dangerous creature.

I mean, you know, Tibetans would have looked at that...

I mean, you know, Tibetans would have looked at that...

I mean, you know, today Chiquita, Nicolas, Marina

I mean, you know, we'd visit friends who had children...

I mean, you know, when he stayed with us...

I mean, you know, when you're young, you go out on dates all the time.

I mean, you know, you can go crazy.

I mean, you know, you have to reach out, you have to go back and forth with them...

I mean, you know...

I mean, you see, I think if you could become fully aware...

I mean, you see, the trouble, Wally, with always being active and doing things...

I mean, you're doing all these things, but are you doing them...

I mean, you're doing all these things, but are you doing them...

I met this man whom I greatly admire.

I might say something, if I'm really annoyed...

I must have been there for about an hour and a half or so, maybe two.

I never took the flag with me.

I put it on a piece of paper, I outlined it with a pen...

I put my left hand in the flame and I found I could hold it there for as long as I liked...

I realized he had said “I remember my mother” at least 400 times during the evening.

I realized that what I wanted most in life was to always be with her.

I really believe that.

I really don't.

I really must play this thing for you one day...

I remember, when I first started working with André's company...

I rode home through the city streets.

I said, “I kind of thought you might like to spend the night with it, you know.”

I said, “New York.” He said, “Ah, New York. Yes, that's a very interesting place.

I said, “No, no. I really don't want to do this. I'll just participate.”

I said, “Yes, but what am I supposed to do?” He said, “That's up to you.”

I said, “Yes?” He said, “Yes, and whatever happens is a beehive.”

I saw that “taming” was the most important word in the whole book.

I saw that he had his hand right in the flame and was holding it there.

I suddenly grabbed this teddy bear and threw it in the air...

I talked. He didn't say a word.

I tend to faint.”

I think a kind of S.S. totalitarian sentimentality in there somewhere.

I think I called you up, too, that summer, didn't I?

I think I was out of town.

I think it would just blow your brains out.

I think it's because if we allowed ourselves to see what we do every day...

I think that means that instead of living under the sun...

I think that not only is there nothing more real about Mount Everest...

I think that, uh, purposefulness...

I think that's right.

I think there's nothing that different, in a certain way.

I think we should do things.

I think we're all in a trance. We're walking around like zombies.

I think you enter the dream world again.

I think, uh, it's our nature, uh, to do things.

I thought he was the Little Prince.

I thought, “This is incredible, you know.”

I told him I had to get up early the next morning, 'cause it was so horrible.

I treated myself to a taxi.

I usually don't, uh like those quiet moments, you know.

I wanted several people who were close to me to have this flag in the room for the night...

I was a robot.

I was beginning to get into a lot of very strange ideas around that time.

I was beginning to realize that the only way to make this evening bearable...

I was beginning to think about going to India. And Kozan suddenly left one day.

I was feeling incredibly nervous.

I was out in the country, walking in a field...

I was resurrected, lifted out of the grave...

I was seeing clouds as creatures.

I wasn't sure I could stick through an entire meal with him.

I went completely on impulse.

I went to see this agent I know to tell him I was interested in directing plays again.

I would just sit out there all alone in the country for days...

I wouldn't put an electric blanket on for anything.

I'd been rather surprised, because André's taste used to be very ascetic...

I'd found nothing.

I'm always completely confused.

I'm not looking for ways to get rid of the few things that provide relief and comfort.

I'm sorry, sir. We only serve Source de Pavilion.

I'm sort of repelled by the whole story, if you really want to know.

I've acted the role of the husband. I've acted the role of the friend.

I've acted the role of the writer, or director, or what have you.

I've been a performer.

I've been carrying this picture for years and not ever really seeing what it is, you know.

I've lived in the same room with this person, but I haven't really seen them.

I've lived in this city all my life.

If four Tibetans came together, and tragedy had just struck one of the ones...

If four Tibetans came together, and tragedy had just struck one of the ones...

If I'm just, uh, trapped there and I'm not allowed to do things...

If she would tell people what she did, they would just go insane.

If things get too quiet, and I find myself just, uh, sitting there...

If you like, you may have a drink at the bar.

If you really say that it's it's necessary...

In a cigar store as there is on Mount Everest?

In a scientific way may quite possibly be relevant.

In a way that, you know, we just can't do.

In a way that, you know, we just can't do.

In a way, it's like going right back to childhood...

In case people got hot or thirsty.

In fact, he was the man who had first discovered me...

In fact, I gave it to her, and, uh, she she had a ceremony with it...

In fact, I thought about just about nothing but my marriage.

In my conscious opinion, this is simply something...

In ones and twos and 10s and 15s and what have you.

In order to be able to perceive one moment of reality?

In order to be able to send these messages.

In order to break the habits of living.

In order to maintain the species through a dark age.

In other words, I'm adequate to do any sort of a task, urn...

In other words, like an American Indian dance, with this thumping, persistent rhythm.

In other words, we didn't know why we were there. We didn't know what we were looking for.

In other words, we're talking about an underground...

In other words, you interrelate, and you don't know what the next moment will bring.

In other words, you were trying to discover what it would be like to live for certain moments...

In some odd place like Tibet...

In the first week, really, the kids were just googly eyed over him.

In the first week, really, the kids were just googly eyed over him.

In the morning, the mailbox had just been stuffed with bills.

In their life they just live each moment by habit.

In this sort of old fashioned long skirt that's kind of pulled up.

In which each day would become an incredible, monumental, creative task...

In which he met the other people who began Findhorn.

In which I was talking about all this pain that I was going through and everything.

In which you show that people are totally isolated now...

In which you're not trying to do anything.

In which, uh, they did burn it.

Instinct for when things are gonna get boring.

Into agreeing to have dinner with a man I'd been avoiding literally for years.

Into another kind of perception...

Into six or seven different things going on at once.

Into uncharted seas.

Is a new language

Is everything all right, gentlemen?

Is exactly the picture of the world they have already.

Is horrific, just horrific.

Is I'm trying to bring myself up against some little bits of reality...

Is it still there?

Is like saying that, uh, a tree ought to be able to live without branches or roots.

Is part of our ineradicable basic human structure.

Is that I think it's quite possible to do all sorts of things...

Is that I'm a private investigator, a detective.

Is that these really crazy little fantasies will just start being played with, you know...

Is that they're based on experiments that can be repeated.

Is that when we're there at a party, we're all too busy performing.

Is the sacramental element there?

Is the same as “to grow” or “to make grow.”

Is to find out how to preserve the light, life, the culture...

Is, in a way, a very thin line.

Islands of safety where history can be remembered...

Isn't it amazing how often a doctor...

Isn't it wonderful how she's coming along?”

It came out on the newsstands May 12, 1934...

It didn't deaden me. It brought me to life.

It didn't used to be necessary, but today you have to learn something...

It doesn't seem to matter.

It had violets growing out of its eyelids and poppies growing out of its toenails.

It It was about, urn, people...

It just seems absurd.

It was It was like a magnificent cobweb.

It was about, I'd say, 6'8” something like that, you know...

It was around dawn, and we put flowers on them...

It was done with exquisite taste and magic.

It was just as if he had died in my living room.

It was just as if nothing had happened. They were all making these jokes and laughing.

It was just very strange.

It was like, uh like a last chance or something.

It was now 7:00...

It was out at Montauk on Long Island...

It was worked on carefully. It was thought about carefully.

It would be a life of such feeling.

It would become irrelevant to go to Mount Everest, and sort of absurd...

It's a potato soup. It's quite delicious.

It's absolutely wild.

It's all, I think, to give you the semblance that there's firm earth.

It's destroyed everything.

It's inconceivable that anybody could be having a meaningful life today...

It's just because that turtle was clumsy by accident.

It's just incredible.

It's not easy, as some people seem to think.

It's not Malraux. it's, like, someone Another of the surrealists.

It's part of the journey. You're okay. Hang in there.”

It's really tough, because everybody can't be taken to Everest.

It's very hard to know what to do in the theater.

Just as the Nazi demons that were released in the '30s in Germany...

Just as you have to ask about the sacramental element in your work

Just because I think I'm reasonably friendly...

Just building up and building up inside us.

Just by journeying from her origins in the suburbs of Chicago...

Just got back from Washington, lobbying to save the redwoods.

Just in order to be affected by something.

Just instinctively I feel it would be something interesting.”

Just playing with their plastic duck...

Just separates you from reality in a very direct way.

Just the small circle of the people that I know as friends...

Just to keep seeing, feeling, remembering.

Just trying to pay my rent and my bills.

JV'

Kept disappearing in the middle of the night each night...

Lawless, terrifying period.

Lead the beehive instead of participating in one?”

Left over from some previous experience.

Light Jazz ]

Like like, uh, the death of that girl in the car with Ted Kennedy...

Like Kerouac, and go out on the road.

Like people who are afraid to go to sleep.

Like this vibrating, vibrating.

Like, uh, “Oh, yeah. Well, that's just fascinating...

Like, uh, are you really hungry...

Like, uh, for instance, if he were right handed...

Loving The Little Prince.

Ls your marriage still a marriage?

May very well be a self perpetuating, unconscious form of brainwashing...

Maybe I should go and read the book.

Maybe that's true. But I mean, isn't there any kind of writing or any kind of a play

Means to also be connected to death.

Meanwhile checking constantly with my answering service...

Mmm.

More and more upsetting.

Must have been left there for about an hour.

My God, I never realized. I don't want a blanket. It's fun being cold.

My God. But why?

My impulse was that the thing to do was to get a head from the New Haven morgue...

My impulse, when Pentheus has been killed by his mother and the Furies...

My own overwhelming preference is to stay in that room if you can.

No matter how outrageous. And maybe I can give it to you.”

No one says what they're really thinking about.

No, I I think I'll have the Cailles aux Raisin, the quail.

No, I've been thinking a lot about him recently because, uh, I think I am Speer.

No, it was the Tibetan swastika, not the Nazi swastika.

No, we weren't trying to be funny. I started, then he started.

No, you wouldn't be.

No. Goals and plans are not

No. I mean, I didn't even know what I felt till I thought about it later.

No. It would be like asking your friend to drop his role.

None at all. I don't think he liked them.

Not that I wanted to sit and have this dreary evening...

Nothing to stand be no imaginary life

Nothing to stand between him and the direct perception of mathematics.

Now I'm 36, and all I think about is money.

Now, all he saw was the arm. That's all he saw.

Now, architects don't know why it works...

Now, do you think maybe we live in this dream world...

Now, do you think we're living like that?

Now, for example, I'd developed this Well, I got this idea which I

Now, here's another person who's existing in a dream.

Now, I don't know why, but there's something wrong with it. It stinks.

Now, I totally disagree with that.

Now, I wanted Agawe to bring on a real head...

Now, in a way that's that's something like a theatrical improvisation.

Now, it was very appealing to me at the time, you know

Now, maybe in order to do it, you have to go to the Sahara...

Now, now, you may not feel that at all. You may just find that totally absurd.

Now, now, you may not feel that at all. You may just find that totally absurd.

Now, of course, Björnstrand feels that there's really almost no hope...

Now, of course, today

Now, she You know, we started talking. Of course, I started telling her things.

Now, technically, of course

Now, that again may be because we're afraid to stay in that place of forgetting...

Now, that same morning I'd got a letter...

Now, that's very frightening...

Now, the only other things that I remember...

Now, there is, of course, as in any performance or improvisation...

Now, they're living in an insane dreamworld.

Now, you could easily see, 'cause we're talking about group trance...

Now, you know, this woman, because of who she is

Obviously it's very different from a cigar store on 7th Avenue.

Obviously, all ideas in science are constantly being revised.

Of being on this plane, they fell in love...

Of course there's a problem, because the closer you come, I think, to another human being...

Of course, privately people are very mixed up about themselves.

Of course, The Little Prince was a book that I always thought of...

Of course, the problem is where to go.

Of how a father, or a single person, or an artist should look and behave.

Of my being able to participate on an equal basis in a conversation with people.

Of my trying to do these incredibly painful prostrations that they do in the monastery.

Of not actually joining the roof to the building...

Of not spending the rest of my life with Chiquita...

Of professional or literary people...

Of what existed in the cigar store next door to this restaurant...

Oh, and there was one girl, who wasn't in our group...

Oh, God. I'm just dying to hear it.

Oh, that'd be fine, thank you.

Oh, well, that's great. I'll have that.

Oh, well.

Oh, when you mentioned the violets, it it reminded me of that.

Oh, yeah. This was me in the forest. See?

Oh, yes, I I went to India in the spring, Wally...

Oh, yes, we went off into the desert...

Oh. Absolutely.

Okay. Now, I didn't talk with people about it, because they'd think I was weird...

Okay. Yes. We're bored.

On our so called careers...

Once I actually saw her growing old...

One dancing clockwise, the other dancing counterclockwise...

One of these people mentioned a certain man whom I don't like very much...

One was André Breton, another was André Derain...

Or a new kind of monastery.

Or are you doing them mechanically, as we were saying before?

Or are you just stuffing your face

Or chanting, because, uh, two people in my group...

Or communities or whatever we've been talking about...

Or else you'd hear that someone had met him at a party and he'd been telling people...

Or go into the closet and pile up coats on top of the blankets you have...

Or having dinner together, or whatever

Or how does it affect them to see a play that shows that our world...

Or if Chiquita would suddenly get a little tension in her neck...

Or if we were outside, say, with a group, that the flag could be the thing we lay on at night...

Or it's like being lobotomized by watching television.

Or my own aggression or whatever, but, uh...

Or people will be talking about some horrible thing...

Or single people, or artists...

Or some kind of a strange experience on top of Mount Everest?

Or the essence of something.

Or the few people that we know in this little world of our little hobbies

Or the statistics of the Ford Foundation?

Or to even see it as a prison.”

Or to even think about having more than this?

Or we did, 'cause I l worked on this building

Or we're going to do something, separately or together.

Or we're going to, uh, carry out the garbage...

Or, uh, you know, uh, getting up in the morning...

Other than constantly trying to guide this thing...

Over our old way of life, and it is just great.

Particularly about Chiquita.

Particularly the head I mean, I'd never even had a chance to try it on.

People said that it was like seeing light on stage, or mist...

People will pay $10,000 in cash to be castrated...

Perfectly safe.

Really, like the Norwegian telling the same stories over and over again.

Really, not at all.

Really?

Refuel for what it is we need to do on the planet itself...

Represented the last burst of the human being before he was extinguished...

Riding around in taxis, surrounded by comfort...

Right, because they just didn't see anything, somehow...

Right.

Right. And because people's concentration is on their goals...

Right. That's right.

Right. Well, I agree with you.

Right. Well, what often happens in some of these evenings...

Roc was a wonderful man.

Saying and doing what their character might say and do in that circumstance.

See, actually, for two or three years now...

See, I don't think so, 'cause I think it's very likely...

See, I honestly believe that we're all like Lady Hatfield now.

See, I keep meeting these people I mean, uh, just a few days ago...

See, I think a time comes when you need to do that.

See, my actual response I mean

See, this was Let's see.

Seems a big mistake to me.

Seven swimming shrimp.

She came up, and she said, “I saw things I saw things around this flag.

She didn't know anything about what I'd been going through.

She thought she'd traveled a greater distance...

Six months later, in France, with some friends...

So a night or two before we were supposed to go off to the country...

So at random, I opened to another page...

So each one of us prepared some sort of event for the others...

So Grotowski said, “If it burns, try to change some little thing in yourself.”

So he said, “Why don't you tell me anything you'd like to have if you did a workshop for me.

So he thought the ordinary rules of life didn't apply to him either.

So I agree that we're talking about something potentially very dangerous.

So I didn't get it delivered to me till the night of the first performance.

So I just kept asking, and finally he started to answer.

So I said, “Well, if you could give me...

So I took the flag into Marina, and I said, “Hey, look at this. What do you think of this?”

So I was I was spending, uh, the summer on Long Island with my family...

So I was on my own.

So I went down to meet this flag maker that I'd heard about.

So immediately I went to Belgrade, 'cause I wanted to talk to Grotowski.

So long as I think of the world as consisting of, you know...

So naturally I just I just blot all those people right out of my perception.

So on impulse I brought Kozan back to stay with us in New York...

So sad and so alone.

So she'd gone to the dictionary, and she'd crossed out the word “dominated”...

So that I really had the feeling of being buried alive.

So that if your if your perceptions are

So that somehow people realized that this stuff was real, see?

So that was an offer I couldn't refuse.

So that we don't have to take individual responsibility for our own actions.

So that you would see it, as if it was planned for you, in a way.

So the party just comes to a halt and breaks up.

So the play tells them that their impression of the world is correct...

So then Chiquita threw this party for me before I left for India...

So there's no imaginary situation to hide behind...

So they just sit there and drink their tea, and it doesn't seem to bother them.

So they said, “Gee, you look wonderful.”

So we talked about this and that.

So we talked for a while about my writing and my acting...

So we were camped out beside the ruins of this tiny little castle...

So what happened then?

So you just spend your days doing the errands of your trade.

So you know, we were talking about hospitals.

So, at random, I picked one out, I opened it up...

So, did you ever go to India?

So, I decided that when the people arrived for the beehive...

So, I went to Poland, and it was this wonderful group of young men and women.

So, naturally, I decided to go off to the Sahara desert...

So, of course of course, I'm ignoring...

So, the architect meditated and meditated...

So, the problem was 'cause it needed a massive kind of roof

So, to keep it from falling off, he got beach stones from the beach

So, two weeks later, I came back.

So, uh, about halfway through the week...

So, well, that's what started me on, uh, Saint Exupéry and The Little Prince.

So, you follow the same law of improvisation...

So, you would, uh, all sit together somewhere...

Some kind of language between people that is a new kind of poetry...

Some of them intellectuals, and some of them not.

Some sports event some kind of a great big check and some kind of huge silver bottle.

Somehow in the spirit of All Souls' Eve.

Somehow just pure being.

Something like that.

Sometimes I'd go off and meditate by myself.

Springing up in different parts of the world...

Still there for me to drink in the morning...

Suppose you're going through some kind of hell in your own life.

Technically, the situation is a very interesting one...

Than any kind of experiment the group could do as a whole.

Than her grandmother had traveled in, uh, making her way...

Than I enjoy, uh, reading Charlton Heston's autobiography...

Thank you.

Thank you. Good evening. Ah, I think I'll have a spritzer, if I could.

That creates this boredom that we see in the world now...

That every action of ours should be a prayer...

That everybody has to have his little his little goal in life.

That feeling of being connected to everything...

That four or five people linking their arms couldn't get their arms around the trees.

That girl at that time was just lost...

That has led us into this situation.

That he talked with trees or something like that.

That I've seen. That the people around your bed mean nothing.

That is alive in that leaf.

That it would keep the roof down under any conditions...

That just help your audience to sleep more comfortably...

That life existed on the planet.

That love of, urn

That means that the future is somehow sending messages...

That my group arranged for me in the forest in Poland.

That our group would already be there singing this very beautiful song...

That performance in the theater was sort of superfluous...

That person becomes.

That play, uh, The Violets are Blue?

That somehow he was appearing to say...

That somehow we're just not aware of?

That Stanislavsky said the actor should constantly ask himself as a character:

That supposedly nothing can grow in, 'cause it's almost beach soil...

That table will be a moment, sir.

That the flag would pick up vibrations of a kind...

That the flag would pick up vibrations of a kind...

That the picture of the world that you're showing them in a play like that...

That there are spirits chained in everything.

That there be no artificial light, but candlelight.

That there once was a species called a human being...

That they realized that to go off together in the forest was much more important...

That trip is gonna be successful or unsuccessful...

That unless, you know, you're putting on those sort of superficial plays...

That was one of the reasons that, uh, Grotowski gave up the theater.

That was vastly entertaining and exciting...

That was why I felt that every play that I did was a matter of my life or my death.

That was why I was such a work junkie.

That was written in the cookie factory several years ago and in no way refers to me.

That wasn't connected to some memory in my mind.

That we're not getting any real sustenance, 'cause we don't see the world.

That would still be in the flag when I brought it home.

That, I mean I mean, God...

That, in fact, two human beings need in order to live together.

That, my God, I thought I was living my life, but in fact I haven't been a human being.

That, uh, if you were to experience your own being to the full...

That, uh...

That'd be just so far out. I mean, they wouldn't be able to understand it.

That'd be just so far out. I mean, they wouldn't be able to understand it.

That's completely unpredictable.

That's interesting, Wally.

That's really, really amazing.

That's right. Our Our minds are just focused on these goals and plans...

That's the only way anything is expressed, through these completely insane jokes.

That's the poetry of the dancing bee that tells us where the honey is.

The amazing work he did with his company, the Manhattan Project...

The blindfold was put on...

The doorman calls me Mr. Gregory, and I call him Jimmy.

The entire thing seemed completely absurd, arid and empty.

The evening was made up of shiftings of the kaleidoscope.

The faun was very surprised because fauns have always been able to see people...

The gales blow, and the roof should fall off, but it doesn't fall off.

The great Polish theater director...

The Ingmar Bergman movie Autumn Sonata...

The last big experience of this kind took place that fall.

The life of a playwright is tough.

The more completely mysterious and unreachable

The people on the airplane all had animals' faces.

The reason I was meeting André was that an acquaintance of mine, George Grassfield...

The theater is, uh, in terrible shape today.

The theater or whatever it is.

The theme is oneself.

The theme is oneself.

The third was André I've got it written down somewhere.

The whole group did something so wonderful for me, Wally.

The whole idea of meeting him made me very nervous.

The world comes in quite fast.

Their faces would just have that expression just like the portcullis crashing down.

Then I really do think you have to kind of become a hobo or something, you know...

Then I remember a very, very beautiful procession with the sheet...

Then I thought, “That guy is me.”

Then I went over to my brother's house to swim...

Then I'd gone to the stationery store to buy envelopes. Then to the Xerox shop.

Then if you felt like it, you'd come back.

Then if you felt like it, you'd come back.

Then in the next moment, you start to think about things:

Then last night actually, you know, it was our 20th wedding anniversary...

Then Marina had something wrong with her back, and we were terribly worried about her.

Then my mother died.

Then one day, after a while, when, you know, they'd really gotten to know him...

Then people will start making these jokes that are really some sort of secret code.

Then there's no possibility of action or interaction.

Then they put me on a table, and they sponged me down.

Then they told me to get undressed and give them all my valuables.

Then you have to change your life.

Then you've cut off all your ties to the land, and you're sailing into the unknown...

There are spirits chained in you. There are spirits chained in me.

There certainly wasn't a father, 'cause I was always thinking...

There was a simple ceremony, and one of them played the role of my godmother...

There was something about this that was so powerful...

There wasn't a street there wasn't a building...

There were dozens of things to do.

There, I was buying a suit with my father.

There, I was having an ice cream soda after school.

There's a sexual conquest to be made. There are different questions.

There's no way that this cookie could actually have to do with me.

There's nothing they can do.

There's something like a kaleidoscope, like a human kaleidoscope.

There's something like a kaleidoscope, like a human kaleidoscope.

These adventures and everything, howl needed the flag and what the flag should be.

These evenings are really like sort of sickly dreams...

They all act as if they know exactly how they ought to conduct themselves...

They arranged a christening a baptism for me.

They asked him if he would like to meet Pan...

They didn't say that, but I could tell that that was what they thought.

They don't know what they should be doing with their lives.

They had, in fact, dug six graves...

They make you taste each bite of your food...

They understood what it was about.

They will talk with the insects and, you know, make an agreement...

They're feeling that there'll be these pockets of light...

They're not looking. That seems very strange to me.

They've, in fact, married.

Things were exploding.

Thinking they were going to die at any moment.

This tiny little Buddhist when I first met him, you know...

This was the first voice I had ever heard.

Those last few years the way I did.

Three different people in my family were in the hospital at the same time.

To another human being.

To come to the conclusion that there's no way to wake people up anymore...

To drink a lot of beer and have a good dinner.

To have personal happiness now...

To know what it means to be truly alive.

To let them know we'd been there, and then we crept away.

To make some important phone calls.

To most of the people I happen to meet every day.

To see if my agent had called with any acting work.

To see that Rip van Winkle was still alive.

To sleep with it, you know, and then in the morning to sew something into the flag.

To somehow sort of strip away every scrap of purposefulness...

To that New York evening...

To the best of our ability, we filled up the graves...

To this very strong, deep reaction against science that we're seeing now...

To try to portray reality so that people can see it?

To work on The Little Prince with two actors and this Japanese monk.

To, uh, save the patient through less drastic measures.

To, uh, take everybody to, uh, Everest...

Today I think there's a very fascistic thing under The Little Prince.

Today I'd had to be up by 7 in the morning...

Trump

Turn on that electric blanket, and it's like taking a tranquilizer...

Two of whom had known my mother quite well...

Two people doing nothing but just being together?

Uh huh.

Uh huh. Uh huh.

Uh, everybody was supposed to be on an airplane...

Uh, existing just side by side.

Uh, I think I'll just have an espresso. Thank you.

Uh, it's a sort of pâté light, made of fish.

Uh, like a dog.

Uh, my God, I'm going to be revealed.

Uh, the Galuska How How do you prepare that?

Uh, then then they got me to my feet and they took photographs of me, naked.

Uh, you know, their faces

Unless there's something to say, but there almost never is.

Used to say, “The theater is dead.”

Wally!

Was eating a little bowl of milk hot milk with rice

Was how quickly people seemed to fall into enthusiasm...

Was how to have a roof that would stay on the building...

Was now eating huge beef.

Was somehow a totally positive one.

Was that before I left you know, before I left for India...

Was that fall I was in New York...

Was that sometimes the room would break up...

Was that then in the development of science in the Western world...

Was that two people who participated in it... fell in love.

Was to enable the people in the workshops, including yourself...

Was to fall into a trance, out of habit.

Was to just cut out all the noise and stop performing all the time...

We can take invisible space journeys to these different planets...

We can't be direct, so we end up saying the weirdest things.

We don't see how our actions affect other people.

We don't see ourselves.

We got the bill, and André paid for our dinner.

We just ate sand and threw up. That's how desperate we were.

We might just find it too nauseating.

We really feel like **** in Germany in the late '30s.

We returned to the singing of the song of Saint Francis...

We stumbled into a clearing in the forest...

We tried doing an improvisation you know, the kind that I used to do in New York.

We usually don't know the things we'd like to know...

We were all told to gather at the topmost cliff and that we would be taken somewhere.

We were sitting on a dune, and we just ate sand.

We'd sing and dance until about 10:00 or 11:00 in the morning.

We're all bored now.

We're having a lovely, comfortable time with our electric blankets and our chicken...

We're just hiding the reality of ourselves from everybody else.

We're living in a fantasy world of our own making.

We're only allowed to express our feelings, uh...

We're phantoms. Who are we?

Weirdly and indirectly.

Well it works, you see.

Well Oh, I remember once when we were in the city...

Well, around that time...

Well, did you express your feelings about what those people said to you?

Well, didn't George tell me that you were gonna do a play that was based on The Little Prince?

Well, have a real relationship with a person that goes on for years

Well, have an affair, and up to a certain point...

Well, he'd immediately have her down on the floor, he'd be walking up and down on her back...

Well, I feel terrible.

Well, I just instinctively think, you know, “Who do I know who has dark hair?

Well, I mean, I was still in a very peculiar state at that time, Wally.

Well, I naturally reach for a book.

Well, I was terrified, Wally.

Well, I wouldn't feel so great about myself.

Well, I'll just fail.

Well, in those days...

Well, it isn't that strange.

Well, it's true, Wally.

Well, people could believe anything.

Well, quite the contrary. It's done quite the contrary.

Well, she's a little afraid of this event.

Well, so he got to know the faun, and he got to know other fauns...

Well, so that was that was Christmas.

Well, that masculine love of a certain kind of oily muscle.

Well, that really is something to strive for, I think, I really do.

Well, that's just the same thing.

Well, the meaningless fact of the fortune cookie or the turtle's egg...

Well, the meaningless fact of the fortune cookie or the turtle's egg...

Well, then a whole adventure can be going on right in that room.

Well, then I just have a feeling of disappointment, and I'm sad.

Well, then that's just that's just wonderful.

Well, then you know it's cold.

Well, there are spirits chained in this table.

Well, there was an example of something that really had all the elements of theater.

Well, there was certainly a center missing in the house at the time.

Well, there what they see is a terrifying, chaotic universe...

Well, there, you know, when people come over in the evening for tea, nobody says anything.

Well, uh...

Well, urn What is the, urn, Bramborová Polévka?

Well, well, why shouldn't it make me nervous? It just seems ridiculous to me.

Well, what information would you send your ships to war on?

Well, what we'd do is just sit there and wait...

Well, why why do you think that is? I mean, why is that?

Well, you know, frankly...

Well, you know, he was a very cultivated man, an architect, an artist, you know...

Well, you know, I could imagine a life, Wally...

Well, you know, I may be in a very emotional state right now, Wally...

Well, you know, I still couldn't accept the idea...

Well, you look terrific.

Well, you would love to know if your friends have experienced similar things.

Well.

Went into her room and came out just beaming.

Were attempts to destroy me.

Were attempts to destroy me.

Were in such and such a situation?”

Were probably a reaction against a certain oppressive kind of knowledge...

What a cold night! I like the cold.

What about this one?

What are you talking about?

What Brecht tried to do or what Craig or Duse tried to do.

What do you mean?

What does that mean? A wife.

What happened after that?

What kind of things did I like? What kind of people did I really want to be with? You know?

What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to pay them?

What we wanted to do was we wanted to take, you know

What'll happen?

What's the difference whether you accept the fortune cookie...

When a doctor who was a specialist in a problem she had with her arm...

When actors could be wearing gold and silver?

When all of a sudden a huge creature appeared, looking at the congregation.

When he went in and he looked at the arm...

When I came out of Findhorn, I was hallucinating nonstop.

When I write a play, in a way, one of the things I guess I think I'm trying to do...

When I'd called André, and he'd suggested that we meet in this particular restaurant...

When Marlon Brando sent the Indian woman to accept the Oscar...

When the character played by Ingrid Bergman had said...

When was the last time that we saw each other?

When you get right down to it and you ask what was it really about

When you see a terrorist on television, he looks just like a terrorist.

Where a group of children simply come into a room or are brought into a room

Where do I come from, and where am I going?

Where people can come and reconstruct a new future for the world.

Where people sang and talked and meditated with plants.

Where something as massive as the seasons, or winter, or cold...

Where the line between something like this and something like Hitler's Nuremberg rallies...

Where the priest talks about communism and birth control.

Where the wind goes out of the sails.

Where you have that sense of being united to all things...

Where's that son?

Whereas a group of meaningless facts that are collected and interpreted...

Whereas a group of meaningless facts that are collected and interpreted...

Whereas I think that things in the universe are just there.

Whereas, the things that you're talking about

Whereas, you know, you seem to be saying...

Whether it's, uh, doing business, or making love...

Whether you're hungry or not.

Which did exist in a different way during the Dark Ages...

Which in themselves are not reality.

Which is so incredible.

Which is that you do whatever your impulse, as the character, tells you to do...

Which means that it should fall off...

Which portrayed Pan as an evil creature, which he's not.

Which was always involved with either movement, rhythm, repetition or song

Which was really weird because he loved his wife and children.

Which was that I would have a flag, a large flag...

Which Which means that the future must exist in some sense already...

Which would always happen after about five minutes...

Which, in this case, was, in a way, just for an audience of one just for me.

Which, of course, are sacred instruments

Who am I? Why am I here?

Who did I think I was, the Shah of Iran?

Who did I think I was, you know?

Who don't speak your language, then all your moorings are gone.

Who had devoted his life to saving trees.

Who was a friend and almost like a kind of a guru of André's.

Who was a tamer of wild animals.

Who was one of the richest women in the world...

Who wrote The Little Prince.

Who, on top of that, is a kind of butcher...

Who'd been in my group in Poland, who was now in New York.

Who's committing a kind of familial murder...

Who've just been lying in the bathtub all day...

Whom she's very fond of, went into the hospital for a cataract, which was solved.

Why do you think we're not living like that?

Why is it necessary to Why not lean back and just enjoy these details?

Why is there gold or silver in the churches or something the great cathedrals

Why should you feel that way?

Will live up to our expectation of how a doctor should look?

With any kind of, uh, prophecy, or a sign, or an omen.

With any less respect than you would Margaret, your wife...

With feelings and thoughts...

With this incredible laugh coming out of me...

With this rhythm mostly from the waist down.

With very powerful eyes...

Without saying whose hands they belonged to.

Without toys and begin to play.

Work on the play, what you've got to do tomorrow.

Working on scenes from plays seemed ridiculous.

Would be so strong, you see...

Would be to ask André a few questions.

Would have just been embarrassed to have even seen some of these plays.

Yeah, but I mean, are you saying that it's impossible

Yeah, but I mean, I would never give up my electric blanket, André.

Yeah, but, Wally, don't you see the dilemma?

Yeah, but, Wally, don't you see the dilemma?

Yeah, I know some people are just sometimes...

Yeah, I remember meeting him. He, uh He asked me a lot of friendly questions.

Yeah, I think it's that moment of contact with another person.

Yeah, it's just so pathetic if one doesn't do that.

Yeah, well, most people I met thought there was something wrong with me.

Yeah, well, there's a deer that's called a fawn, but these are like those little imagi

Yeah, you know, it's like what happened just before my mother died.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I remember George, uh, told me he'd seen you around that time.

Yeah. Of course, personally, I l just, uh

Yep.

You can really sort of shut your mind off for years ahead, in a way.

You can sort of turn on the automatic pilot.

You did?

You do it alone, you see. That seems quite certain, you see.

You enter the dream world again.

You go dancing or something. You're floating free.

You have compassion for the per Well, is the person next to you cold?

You know that once Kozan and I

You know that seven or eight people told me how wonderful I looked?

You know that we went through that entire evening without my being able to...

You know what I mean? I mean, I can't quite put my finger on it.

You know what I mean? I mean, it's a good feeling.

You know, always with famous people, and always sort of grotesque.

You know, and I could do things like go out to the highway...

You know, and we had tried working together, but really our work consisted mostly...

You know, close my I could not make that creature go away.

You know, he had this beautiful, delicate smile.

You know, he started wearing these elegant Gucci shoes under his white monk's robes.

You know, he was all dressed up in his Buddhist finery.

You know, I I got very nervous, you know, and I said, “Well, what is a beehive?”

You know, I Well, no, I think there's a kind of

You know, I could hear his laugh the pain in that laugh, the hollowness.

You know, I really wonder if people such as myself are really not Albert Speer, Wally.

You know, I thought, “Oh, well. You know, I'm just seeing this 'cause I'm bored.”

You know, I was doing nothing but scribbling a little poetry in my diary.

You know, I would I would look in the rearview mirror of my car...

You know, I would see images of Chiquita.

You know, I'd heard these stories 20 times in the past.

You know, if I understood it correctly, I think, uh, Heidegger said...

You know, if you go to the Buddhist Meditation Center...

You know, in the sexual act there's that moment of complete forgetting...

You know, it may it may be, Wally, that one of the reasons...

You know, it was a huge forest.

You know, it was like a a Jackson Pollock painting, you know.

You know, it's not that wonderful to spend your life on the road.

You know, just the way your mother's doctor had on his automatic pilot...

You know, la last week I had this really nice director from Norway over for dinner...

You know, on one level, you could say this is childish.

You know, one of them said, uh, “Oh, well, now that head...

You know, one of them said, uh, “Oh, well, now that head...

You know, people sort of put on their earrings and their Wristwatches...

You know, people sort of taking off their jewelry and their watches...

You know, push on his fingers and go into like a headstand...

You know, reject Western civilization...

You know, she spoke very awkward English.

You know, six or seven different improvisations...

You know, so so, I mean, I'm feeling very raw right now.

You know, so at a certain point I just had to ask him to leave nicely, you know.

You know, something they'd made out of sheets looked a little spooky, not funny.

You know, the amazing thing was that...

You know, the kind of impulse that led to Walt Whitman, that led to Leaves of Grass.

You know, the sheet was like some great biblical canopy.

You know, the surrealist magazine? Oh, it's a great, great surrealist magazine of the '20s and '30s.

You know, then I went into the bathroom and cried 'cause I felt I'd lost a friend.

You know, there was a time when you could have just, for instance, written...

You know, there's a sort of self satisfied elitist paranoia that grows up

You know, there's something, you know that

You know, those medieval gates. They would just walk away.

You know, to teach a workshop to actors and directors and whatever.

You know, to think about and write down whatever our last words were to the world...

You know, to think about and write down whatever our last words were to the world...

You know, uh, Debby once said, after one of these New York evenings...

You know, uh, those little imaginary creatures.

You know, very sweet, really healthy looking and everything. Nice big, blond.

You know, very sweet, really healthy looking and everything. Nice big, blond.

You know, we'd gone to the hospital to see my mother...

You know, what being that woman's son had done to him.

You know, when I walked in, I said hello to everybody...

You know, when I was a young director, and I directed the Bacchae at Yale...

You know, when I went to Ladakh in western Tibet and stayed on a farm for a month...

You know, you make sure that Helen is as clean as Margaret, or treated with equal respect.

You mean, because somehow when you are alone, you're alone with death.

You might have the actors playing the mother, the son and the uncle...

You might have the actors playing the mother, the son and the uncle...

You see You see, I've seen a lot of death in the last few years, Wally...

You see, he'd invited me to come to teach that summer in Poland.

You see, I keep thinking that what we need...

You see, I think that an act of murder is committed in that moment...

You see, I thought he had something to teach me, Wally.

You see, I've had a very rough time in the last few months, Wally.

You see, one of the women in our group knew a few fragments of this song of Saint Francis...

You see, there was this song I have a tape of it. I can play it for you one day.

You see, they were really kind of, in a way, intellectual creeps.

You see, Wally, there's this incredible building that they built at Findhorn.

You see, we worked, uh, together for a week in the city...

You see, what I think I experienced... was...

You take up other lines of work to try to make a living

You work hard writing plays, and nobody puts them on.

You wouldn't actually have to take them to Everest.

You wouldn't think it would be so frightening. It's strange that we find it so frightening.

You'd be experiencing the decay of that being toward death...

You're going to have to learn how you can go through a looking glass...

You're not taking into account the period we're living in.

Your reviews mean nothing. Whatever it is, you do it alone.

And he really sort of took over the whole family, in a way. What do you mean'?

And I was always thinking about death. Huh.

But for us, that's common behavior. Mm hmm.

But I mean Well, I agree with you, Wally.

But what would you actually do? Well, I could give you a good example.

By the way, is he still thin? What?

Do you know about Roc? Hmm'?

Do you really want to hear about all this? Yeah.

Do you really want to hear about all this? Yeah.

Do you want to hear my actual response? Yes!

Does it have bones in it? No bones.

Dumpling with raisins, blanched almonds. / didn't understand a word of it.

God! That's what I felt like.

God. What did he say? Nothing!

Good evening, sir. Uh, could I have a club soda, please?

Great. Yeah.

Hello. Hello.

Here you go. Thank you.

Hmm. Oh, I have a picture.

Hmm. Or, to look at it a little differently...

Huh. Things like that.

Mm hmm. Life becomes habitual.

No. Well, here's a view of life.

Not a deer. Oh.

Oh! The kind that Debussy Yes. Right.

Oh. Yes. Thank you.

Ready for your order? Ah, yes.

Really? Really.

Right. I mean, that's absolutely abnormal behavior.

She could see me with complete clarity. Uh huh.

Thank you very kindly. Thank you very much.

That's the state I was in. God.

Two. Great. Great!

Very good, I think. Hmm.

Very good. I'll I'll also have one. Thank you.

Very good. Oh, quails! I'll have that as well.

What? Ah, you know

Wow. My God.

Yeah. I know what you mean. I mean, the doctor didn't see my mother.

Yes, sir. Ah, sir, my name is Wallace Shawn.

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Yes. What is that?

You know, Hitler's architect, Albert Speer? What?

You mean I mean, if you don't have that electric blanket...

Your table is ready, if you feel like sitting down. Oh.

Your table is ready, if you feel like sitting down. Oh.

'cause he lives nearby in the country and he has a pool.

'cause he never knows where he's gonna be tomorrow.

'cause I had, you know well, you know...

'cause I know them all, and they all know me, they're always very friendly.

'Cause it seems quite obvious that the whole world is going in the same direction.

'cause she was quite happy eating her chicken, and so she finally died.

'cause she'd written me a very long letter.

'cause the moment before, we saw somebody who already looked dead...

'cause they go hand in hand.

'cause they seem to provide some firm ground.

“A conversation with a dark haired man will be very important for you”...

“All right. Let's say that it's a rainy Sunday afternoon on Sorin's estate...

“And as a result, they no longer have having been lobotomized

“And if these women could play the trumpet or the harp...

“and it may be very upsetting.

“and it may be very upsetting.

“and the inmates are the guards, and they have this pride in this thing they've built.

“but don't know why...

“but if you'd follow my advice, you'd put it in a hole in the ground...

“but look at what can come to you on Christmas Eve. Hang on, old friend.

“but you don't have to work with them.

“either women who've been in the theater for a long time and want to leave it...

“Gee, what a shame about your mother” or “How are you feeling?”

“Gee, you look horrible. Ls something wrong?”

“Hey, wouldn't it be great if Frank Sinatra and Mrs. Nixon and blah blah blah...

“I could always live in my art, but never in my life. ”

“I gotta come and see you right away.” I thought, “Oh, God.”

“I may seem weird to you, but on these weird voyages...

“Now, I know you're stubborn, and I know you want to take this thing with you...

“Now, I was once in a performance where I was wearing earmuffs...

“Oh, well, I've been serving a life sentence recently, uh, for child murdering.”

“or young women who love the theater, but have never seen a theater they could love.

“the capacity to leave the prison they've made...

“These are all people who have in common the fact that they're questioning the theater.

“They've built their own prison.

“Well, of course it's not as great as it used to be, but that's only natural.

“Well, you may feel low and you might not be able to create a play right now...

“What a horrible, empty, manipulative rat.”

“where the camp has been built by the inmates themselves...

“where they are both guards and prisoners.

“will totally change your hearing in the performance.

“Wow. Now I'm really in the theater,” I thought.

“You know, I'd kind of like to participate in one.

“You may hear everything completely differently...

“You may hear everything completely differently...

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