Bad Moms Christmas Edit

A 184 people are coming.

A box of Ziploc baggies.

A deeply fucked up way of showing it.

A Happy Happy Princess Doll

A little more crazy.

A little more independent.

A princess outfit at least once a month.

A sweatshirt just like this for Christmas.

A used baseball glove.

About our relationship.

About the importance of Christmas

About the money you asked me for, mom, and...

About your relationship with your daughter.

Ah! My God! My God!

All any mom wants

All of you are here. Okay.

All the cleaning

All the wrapping.

All you care about is for people to go

Alright, enough with the bad language.

Alright, guys. Here.

Alright, thank you.

Alright.

Alright. Now.

Alright. Well, at least I'm not waxing your pussy.

Always.

Am I good mother? Did I screw everything up?"

Amy, don't be ridiculous.

Amy, feel his shoulders.

Amy, he is the godfather of smooth jazz.

Amy, it's December 19th.

Amy, stop! You're embarrassing the family.

Amy, this is a very important Christmas for your kids.

Amy, this is Christmas.

Amy, you are a mom.

Amy?

And a cheap weave.

And a few years ago

And all those things made your mom

And all those things made your mom

And Amy, you're Scrooge.

And Amy's way of doing Christmas is lazy and embarrassing.

And and I can pull my butt crack open for you if you want.

And be a part of my family

And can't they look a little happier

And colored exactly like mine, but...

And controlling and...

And definitely, definitely, no Kenny G.

And feeding each other sandwiches

And get to know her like I know her...

And give it back to him again this Christmas.

And here is everyone's sheet music.

And how lame are the gifts that your family gives you?

And I am lazy."

And I even can see it, and I'm stoned all the time.

And I hate Christmas because it's so much work..."

And I hate that they're gray.

And I have looked everywhere

And I just, I need you to...

And I know you need your space.

And I need you out of my life for good.

And I need you to know... that I love you.

And I promised them that I would give it to them.

And I really don't think I can return that house!

And I see these, you know, these couples walking around.

And I turned out amazing.

And I want it all gone.

And I will be right back.

And I will come back and sing to you for hours.

And I will leave you there.

And I'm gonna pay you back every cent that I borrowed from you.

And I'm like, "Uh... Well, I do."

And I'm like, "Yeah, I dance around

And if it is perfect

And if things are not going our way, then what do we do?

And if you can find it in your heart to forgive her

And if you want to come down here

And it is my job

And it worked.

And it's probably a little strange for you. Am I right?

And Kent.

And Kiki.

And let ye heart be warmed! Two, three, four.

And look, you were just getting your little tiny breasts.

And lookin' at jewelry, you know...

And more importantly, neither will your kids.

And my mother is still telling me how to live my life.

And my way is better, and my way will win.

And no matter what anyone says...

And no matter what happens

And now you come into my office, and you go

And sent me away to boarding school.

And she called me a whore.

And she can't handle it.

And she has never kicked me out. Never.

And she is a pain in the ass even on a good day.

And she returned it with notes.

And skip all the annoying stuff?

And so does Grandpa Hank.

And so would my balls.

And t that, that is too close.

And that made your mom a little crazy.

And that's why mommy's gonna move it around back.

And the answer is...

And the owner comes up to me, and he's like

And the rest is, the rest is history.

And the sanctity of marriage and how best to raise children.

And then Dirk died. A long, slow, painful death.

And then I had Kiki when I was only 18 years old.

And then my husband died

And then my husband Dirk wanted a faster life

And then we'll apply the wax if you...

And then you fell off your bike and you broke your arm.

And then you got bullied in school.

And then you got married.

And then you punched the wall

And then you started dating that weird dude

And then, boom. Howdy, neighbor.

And then, of course, on Friday, we'll all go caroling.

And then, we're gonna come home

And they're, they're, like, holding hands and...

And this hideous tree does not give joy to anybody.

And this year

And we became crazy close.

And we can have a sushi station

And we can hire Kenny G

And we could just have a nice Christmas.

And we would like to be...

And we're gonna exchange three gifts.

And we're gonna see Wayne Newton before he dies.

And were you perfect?

And what are you doing here, Amy?

And what it means to be a mother

And what's worse is...

And when the nurse placed her on my breast

And where's your dad in all this?

And with what they're paying me, I think I can pay you back

And yelled the F word.

And you always pushed me to do better.

And you bought a house you can't afford.

And you didn't sleep for six months

And you give fancy parties, and you know how to cook food.

And you have to do them all perfectly

And you keep fighting me every step of the way.

And you kept screaming at him.

And you know what, I have done horrible stuff

And you refused to eat, and when you did eat

And you shove it up your ass.

And you're a terrible mother.

And you're divorcing him.

And you're raising kids who never say

And, and you have all your own teeth.

And, uh, I mean, I was looking forward to it.

And, uh, Kiki, uh...

And, uh...

And, um... you know what?

And, you know, ever since my dad died

Anyone else here for a wax?

Anyway, uh, my mom and I were gonna

Anyways, Kiki and I have always been super close

Anyways, Merry Christmas, everyone.

Are these a thing now?

Are these lobster Santa hats?

Are you Carla?

Are you smelling my hair?

Argh!

Around the city.

As characters from "A Christmas Carol."

As long as it's without me!

At everything and she is impossible to please.

At least a serious conversation with her.

At Our Mother of Perpetual Suffering.

At the "Russian Nutcracker," Hank.

At the mall, I can't remember if I actually said that

At the risk of sounding forward

Aw, it's alright.

Babe, everything's gonna be fine.

Babe, listen, the rock and roll lifestyle

Bake cookies, and watch "Love Actually."

Because all I want

Because apparently, you are unwilling to do so yourself.

Because I know the real her.

Because I push her to be the best

Because I think she wants to steal my TV.

Because I wanna work this out with you.

Because my way will always win.

Because they're telling you what they think you want to hear.

Because we're basically the same age.

Because you know what she's most insecure about?

Because you know what? I just am.

Because you're my grandkids, and I love you

Been here on Christmas before?

Been the best mother in the world.

Before my husband never has sex with me again.

Bein' a mom.

Bernard, let's hang 'em on the tree. Okay, buddy?

Better stay with her for observation.

Big spoon, little spoon.

Both of your parents still love you so very much.

Bring it to the stage, my man

Bringing back a lotta happy Christmas memories for me.

Business opportunity.

But beneath that tough exterior is a scared little girl

But good, you look good.

But he's completely under her control.

But I guess not everyone is as incredibly strong as I am.

But I just love you so much.

But I'm not wearing this ridiculous costume.

But if our daughter throws a half assed Christmas

But if she's impossible to please

But if you think for one second

But imagine if I did have cancer

But it gets complicated.

But it's Christmas and you're my mom and...

But none of us are.

But otherwise, everything is fine.

But secretly, they know that I'm right.

But she has no idea what I went through

But sometimes, I just...

But sometimes, she can be a bit much.

But thank you, I am.

But then you were born.

But these two...

But we all know that she's gonna keep treating you

But we're all gonna die sometime, alone and afraid.

But you are the worst mom of all of us.

But you know what?

But you know what? You suck.

But you know, his heart is enormous.

But you would not believe how mad she got

But you... somehow just turned out really good.

But your mom is the most insecure woman I've ever met.

But, um, I'm kind of on a first date

But, um...

But... But Ty, he was so calm.

But... for the tiny fraction of blame that falls on me

Buy presents for his own mom?

By seven time Grammy winner, Celine Dion.

Can I ask you something?

Can I come in?

Can I do anything to help?

Can you do a li... Can you purse your lips for me a little bit?

Care about their children, mom.

Carla, no.

Carla, uh...

Carla. I found kale chips in your kitchen.

Christmas is by far

Christmas is killing me this year.

Christmas tree on the block, it makes her feel just for a second

Closer.

Come here and sit by me. Both of you, come here.

Come on in, everybody.

Come on. Who's ready to have some Christmas fun?

Come with me.

Could I do that?

Darling, when I lived here

Daughters spend their whole lives trying

Did you just kick out grandma forever?

Did you say "Sweet?"

Do that! Anything!

Do you like my Kiki head pajamas?

Do you mean that?

Do you think I enjoy fighting with my daughter, Hank?

Do you think that was funny, Hank?

Do your moms have your... hairstyle?

Doing that, so, yeah.

Don't care. Thank you so much. Thank you. You can go now.

Don't laugh, she's my friend. That's rude.

Don't let your guard down, or she's gonna blow up your car.

Don't worry, I'll show you how this works. It's on an app.

Don't worry. We have back up.

Dude, that is fucking psycho.

Eh, fuck it. Here. It's a loan. It's a loan.

Even the **** have Christmas trees by now.

Every home in Westbury gets to vote on who wins the Cup.

Every November, I just go into his room

Every single day of her life.

Every time they jump into the crowd, someone usually...

Everybody loves a Christmas like this!

Excuse me, I'm so sorry.

Farewell, see you later. Sushi chef, you gotta go.

Fine, but you need to have

First, you have to buy gifts

First, you kick dad out. Now, you kick grandma out.

For 15 years.

For a while?

For Christmas dinner and my mother is loving it.

For every human being you've ever met.

For everyone in my family and all I ever get

For getting every gift for everyone

For it and I don't know where it is.

For kicking you out of the house.

For wearing open toed shoes on a sailboat.

From November to New Year's.

From some boundaries, right?

From you yet?

Fuck me.

Get the fuck out, Kenny G.

Go see "The Nutcracker." So...

Go, go, go. Mom! Where did we park?

God, Chinese food on Christmas.

Going at it like monkeys in a zoo.

Going with some dads from school.

Gomenasai.

Good evening, everyo...

Good!

Goodnight, dear children.

Grab a bunch of random crap

Grandkids, they really are the greatest gift.

Grandma.

Guys, are we not taking Christmas back this year?

Guys, how long have you been standing here?

Guys, I can't believe that we're eating Chinese food

Guys, I don't wanna make a big deal of it.

Guys, what is wrong with us?

Guys, would you please just trust me that it's for the best?

Guys.

Guys...

Ha ha! You know what? I'm done fighting this.

Hah! Merry Christmas, Kiki!

Hank deserves a little fun at Christmas.

Hank drives like a girl.

Hank, get all our bags.

Hank, I am Amy's mother

Have some breakfast candy.

Have thrown a secret Christmas party at your house.

Have we learned nothing? This is bullshit.

He's a national treasure.

He's so much bigger than your dad was.

He's, he's really good at stripping.

Heart... cancer.

Hello, I'm Ruth. I'm Amy's mom.

Here we go.

Here, have some iTunes gift cards.

Here, have some X Boxes.

Here's the thing, let's just not...

Hey, guys, we got more carolers.

Hey, Jessie, you should come over on Christmas.

Hey, mom, look what Santa got me.

Hey, mom.

Hey, psycho bitch

Hey, what's up, lady?

Hey, would you like to, uh, donate

Hey, wow, look at that.

Hey, you wanna see the sweatshirt I made?

Hey! Do you know which one is better for the vagina?

Hey! Sir, Merry Christmas!

Hey.

Hi, guys.

Hi, is, um...

Hi, Ms. Redmond, I'm Jessie.

Hi, Ruth. We bought you a churro.

Hi.

Hi. You must be Amy's mom. I'm Carla.

Hm.

Hm.

Hmm.

Ho, ho, hold on.

Holy fuck.

Holy shit.

Honestly, this is better than what you usually wear at school.

Honestly?

Honey, did you see these ornaments?

Honey, I'm going to Instagram the shit out of this, right now.

Honey...

How can you put a price tag

How could I say no?

How could you do this to us?

How dare you! You know how much that thing costs?

How did you find me?

How do you like the Christmas cavalcade, huh?

How do you take it?

How does all this closeness make you feel?

How much did this cost?

How much do you need?

How old is he now?

How was your night?

How we're doing Christmas this year.

How would you feel being so mean to your mother?

How you doin' tonight, Chicago?

How'd you guys meet?

How's Christmas with your mom?

I actually came to apologize

I actually felt, for the first time

I actually think that you're a really wonderful mom.

I actually wanted to enjoy Christmas.

I am a grown woman who needs a life

I am decorating your house properly

I am disappointed in this threesome.

I am from Ottawa, which is in Canada.

I am so happy

I am so sorry. I forgot to te...

I am... I am generally... apologetic.

I basically just raised myself

I bought the house down the street.

I can just open up. Be myself. It's nice.

I can make quiche. I'm gonna go make quiche.

I can relate.

I can teach you some basic karate moves.

I can tell when you're dicking around.

I can't believe A Amy is actually intent

I can't believe my mom's not wearing a sweatshirt.

I can't believe people fall for this shit. It's so stupid.

I can't do it anymore.

I can't do this shit sober.

I can't get within 50 yards of a Sky Zone but...

I can't handle you right now.

I could really use some churchin' tonight.

I did what I needed to do to succeed, Amy.

I did what was best for the family.

I did. You gave me everything that I needed.

I didn't just ruin Christmas.

I didn't... Mom.

I do too.

I do too.

I don't care!

I don't care! Let go!

I don't even know how I passed the drug test.

I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.

I don't even like his mom.

I don't gamble anymore.

I don't know any of you. Please leave my house.

I don't know what it is about you, I just...

I don't know, I I didn't wanna

I don't know, I I kind of like it.

I don't know, mom! Anything! Make some friends!

I don't know, mom.

I don't know.

I don't know. It's kind of a big deal.

I don't really know what year it is.

I don't think that you're worthless.

I don't think you mean that.

I don't wanna hurt her feelings.

I don't want you to meet my mom.

I feel like it's better if I, I do it through

I feel like such a Jew.

I feel like you're easy to talk to, you know?

I feel the same way, Ty.

I felt like we were drifting apart.

I gave my coffee guy a scented candle this year.

I give it to you again 'cause I'm an idiot.

I got it at Lady Foot Locker.

I got it, but we play. We play.

I got so wrapped up in fighting with my mom

I got you seasons one through six of "The Walking Dead."

I gotta get back to Cleveland tomorrow.

I had a little help.

I have a really strict code.

I have bird flu.

I have cancer.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I haven't eaten in three days.

I hear he's not even that expensive anymore.

I heard you and daddy in the bedroom

I honestly think that he's... the one.

I hope you're happy.

I I can't tell you the number of times she said to me...

I I haven't had time to get one yet.

I I haven't made up the guest bedroom or anything.

I I I guess it just fell through the cracks.

I I wanted a mellow Christmas

I it actually really was.

I just had a really dumb idea.

I just think it's appropriate, given how much

I just wanna enjoy Christmas again.

I just wanna know what's going on in your life.

I just wanted to let you know

I just, I want you to know that I finally

I just, uh...

I just...

I just... I can't.

I knew it.

I know his brain is the size of a walnut

I know I can be a little psycho sometimes.

I know it's just a doll, but God.

I know, but, mom, this is starting

I know, Thunder Down Under

I know.

I know. And I know. And and you should. You should have a...

I know. I had a Welch's right before bed.

I know. I know.

I know. It's gonna be... Oh, look, someone's having a party.

I like that, but hold that thought.

I literally feel like

I looked down at her and I said

I lost sight of my kids.

I love her more now than I did the day we got married.

I love you so much. I do.

I love you, girl.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you. I love you, too, guys.

I made her a birthday card.

I mean, I...

I mean, it is Christmas.

I mean, it's like, I go to the mall

I mean, just 'cause I'm a girl?

I mean, most... people

I mean, my mom got her hair cut

I mean, s s she's so bossy

I mean, she spends all her time

I mean, there's no way he's gonna choose

I mean, this is not everything you asked for, but...

I mean, we can invite all of my old friends

I mean, we're not even Russian.

I mean, your kids are so happy.

I miss you, too.

I miss you, you know?

I need you guys to tell me

I need you out of my house

I never met my parents.

I never went to a place like this when I was a kid.

I promised my kids

I really appreciate that.

I really didn't.

I really have my shit together now.

I really miss your dad on Christmas.

I really want you to know... that you did great.

I repeat, I am drunk and horny!

I responded to this fire at a strip club.

I ruined Christmas.

I ruined my family.

I spend months picking out the perfect gift

I still have to go Christmas tree shopping

I still I still got lots left to do, but...

I stood up to her, and she totally backed down.

I swear to God, Hank.

I think I'm the fucked up one in this group

I think my mother's gonna kill me in the middle of the night.

I think that's pretty normal, right?

I think we should hit that hard.

I think you're a great mom.

I think you're fucking amazing.

I think, uh, we would, we would like to be

I thought so.

I thought you hated him.

I thought you weren't coming until Friday.

I used to have one just like it.

I usually sleep with my husband now.

I visit her on other occasions

I wanna be more like you.

I wanna throw an enormous Christmas party at your house.

I wanna work this out with you.

I want to celebrate my triumphant return to Chicago.

I was wondering if, uh...

I will always be there for you.

I will drive you to a fire station

I will never let you forget this.

I will pay you back, I swear.

I wish I could, but my mother's making us

I wish I was as close to you as you are to your kids.

I wish I'd brought my purse.

I wish. I wish I had a girlfriend.

I woke up in a park this morning.

I work at a spa.

I would actually really like that.

I would love to go to your show.

I wouldn't do Christmas like this!

I wouldn't want to impose.

I, uh...

I, uh... Bag of ice for you.

I, um...

I'd hoped we'd all be off book by now.

I'd, I'd wax your balls for free.

I'll get your toothbrush ready.

I'll hold my butt crack open for you anytime you want, Carla.

I'll put a filter on it, so you don't look so tired.

I'm also basically sorry.

I'm asking you that seriously 'cause I got so wasted

I'm doing the best I can, Charmaine!

I'm gonna black out.

I'm gonna come check on you guys in a little while.

I'm gonna fuck his dick off tonight.

I'm gonna go back to Bismarck where I belong.

I'm gonna go kill myself, so...

I'm gonna have to redouble my efforts.

I'm gonna kill her.

I'm gonna let your lazy shenanigans

I'm gonna move into your attic.

I'm gonna need a lot more...

I'm gonna run to the ladies' room

I'm gonna tell you exactly

I'm here to get my balls waxed.

I'm in need of a little space.

I'm in.

I'm intrigued.

I'm Jessie. I was literally just in the car with you.

I'm just fuckin' with you, Ty. I don't have a code!

I'm just saying, I think that we could benefit

I'm just trying out a new skin thing.

I'm just trying to give my grandchildren

I'm not dicking around.

I'm not dicking around.

I'm not trying to be mean to you, mom.

I'm not, I'm not fucking Beyoncé.

I'm not, I'm not phoning it in.

I'm so sorry, mom. I had... I had no idea.

I'm sorry we're late.

I'm sorry you're upset.

I'm sorry.

I'm still super rock and roll.

I'm tryin' to be more responsible and shit.

I'm trying to have an honest conversation

I'm waiting for my daughter to give me a free manicure.

I'm waxing your butthole.

I'm, like, pretty much her only family.

I've always loved Christmas.

I've been better actually, to tell you the truth. I...

I've been doing a lot of thinking

I've been putting up with your shit

I've heard so much about you.

If I have to wax one more pussy today

If it's cool with you, yeah.

If we're gonna win the Caroling Cup this year.

If you could just, uh, lift that penis up for me.

If you play your cards right, you could get

If you won't do it, then I will.

If you're still up for it, you know?

In about 245 years.

In an inspirational speech at some large public venue.

In front of the supermarket with you is...

In my entire family?

In my pants, I gotta say.

In their pajamas eating fudge.

In your face.

Into a spiral of fear, depression and drugs.

Is coupons for free back rubs.

Is ever good enough for that woman.

Is everything okay with you and mom?

Is for their kids to have an amazing Christmas.

Is it actually five hours long?

Is playing by the airport.

Is that normal? The best friend forever thing?

Is that Santa?

Is that your mom?

Is the is the pressure that we put on ourselves

Is the real "Nutcracker."

Is the sexiest of them all?

Isis is here.

Isis, Ruth and I are going to Las Vegas for New Year's.

Isn't for everybody.

It certainly was.

It doesn't mean I don't have feelings." Right?

It doesn't work like that a second time.

It is a key

It is not a time of year when moms sit around

It is possible that I should not

It smells like diapers in here.

It sounds like someone's yelling at us.

It was almost like waxing the balls of the Dalai Lama.

It was great! The Bulls won.

It was moon ice, you nasty bitch!

It will rattle the kids, and they could descend

It's a date.

It's all I've ever wanted.

It's Christmas Eve.

It's Christmas Eve.

It's Christmas?

It's fucking spectacular!

It's insane!

It's it's about the fact that I'm a 34 year old woman

It's it's awful.

It's it's not about the house.

It's just how the world works. Okay? I can't fix that.

It's like living with Saddam Hussein.

It's much easier to do it this way.

It's my favorite time of the year.

It's not because she's vain.

It's okay it's okay, I guess. Yeah.

It's okay, just turn her around.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's not a cigarette.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's pretty easy.

It's really nice having you here, grandma.

It's so important for you and Kent

It's so nice to meet you.

It's so weird.

It's the big show.

It's the premiere service in the city.

It's too bad you've given up on

It's, it's, it's... You know, it's because

Jane, you are the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Jaxon, honey, mama needs more hooch.

Jesus, look at you!

Just go for it, dude.

Just like that.

Just say it.

Just so she can lord it over people.

Kenny G's in my den.

Kent, get the kids out of here.

Kiki, I don't want a life separate from yours.

Kiki, you open your mouth, and then I'm like

Let go of the stupid tree!

Let go!

Let go! Let go!

Let's do that. Yes.

Let's get these out of the way.

Let's go slap some wieners, bitch!

Let's just not talk about this.

Let's not talk about my breasts.

Let's paint them all white.

Let's put the "ass" back.

Like I always do and then you started

Like maybe someday, somehow, we could be closer.

Like nine times.

Like she's not worthless.

Like she's, like she's loved.

Like she's, she's actually good at something.

Like the terrorist organization.

Like this until you beat the shit out of her.

Like when I'm hiding from someone.

Like... physically?

Like... Right?

Listen, I'll tell you the truth.

Listen, mom!

Little grown up game.

Living with mom.

Look at the size of that thing.

Look at those boobs.

Look how fucking hot you look!

Look, Christmas is supposed to be fun.

Look, I know this is your first Christmas

Look, I've been married to your mother for 36 years.

Lori, Merry Christmas, honey.

Making Christmas special is how you show

Maybe I should start at the beginning.

Maybe you can find it in your non cancerous heart

Me neither.

Merry Christmas, Carla.

Merry Christmas, children.

Merry Christmas, dad.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Merry Christmas, grandma and grandpa!

Merry Christmas, grandpa!

Merry Christmas, guys! Welcome to Sky Zone!

Merry Christmas, guys.

Merry Christmas, Kiki.

Merry Christmas, lady. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, mom.

Merry Christmas, mom.

Merry Christmas, Ty.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

Mm hm?

Mm hm. Yep, yep. Let's go, guys. Let's get outta here.

Mm...

Mmm.

Mom, also I got a box of Ziploc bags.

Mom, everything that is wrong with Christmas is in this room

Mom, I am done with your over the top Christmases.

Mom, I know that that was

Mom, I'm honestly not dicking around.

Mom, is it midnight already?

Mom, please be nice. This is Jessie. You met him.

Mom, seriously? You have to stop giving them gifts.

Mom, this, this, this isn't working.

Mom, you really did a lot of work.

Mom!

Mom!

Mom?

Mom?

Mom? Mom?

Mom.

Mom.

Mommy and grandma gotta talk. Come on, buddy.

Mommy, is there a Santa Claus?

Moms are so weird.

Moms don't enjoy, they give joy.

More than anything in the whole world.

More than anything in the world.

Most of all, I love the time with my family.

Mother, I don't hate Christmas.

Mum would never let us have these.

My daughter on Easter.

My daughter really wants

My daughter thinks that I'm so hard on her.

My entire life.

My God, no.

My kids told me that they wanted a mellow Christmas.

My mom dances this way with everybody.

My mom is only staying with me

My mom is the most critical human being on the planet.

My mom looked at me as an equal.

My mom made me wear this.

My mom's third concussion this month and I'm just...

My mother?

My mother's coming for Christmas.

My side over hers, no.

My way of doing Christmas is enchanting and magical.

Need a completely hairless vagina on Christmas?

Never mind, we'll get one tomorrow.

Next door on the market.

Nice goin'.

Nice, classy place.

No more perfect anything.

No more perfect gifts, no more perfect decorations

No one's ever asked if they could hold

No sushi, no camels.

No, dude, I was a roadie for REO Speedwagon

No, honey, it's not gonna be fine.

No, honey, that is Ruth's husband.

No, honey, those were...

No, honey. Grandmas don't play dodgeball.

No, I wanted it to be a surprise.

No, I'm just here to see

No, I'm kidding. I didn't buy the house across the street.

No, I'm not scared, though. I just...

No, it's not! It's the best for you.

No, no, not unless you know how

No, no. Uh, sorry. We're we're actually all gonna go.

No, not my tree! It's from Paris!

No, she would never let me live it down.

No, the original, the five hour long version

No, they don't!

No, w w what drives me crazy

No, we don't, we don't do that.

No!

No!

No.

No.

No. My mother was a terrible woman.

No. No.

Not like the Sugar Plum Fairy "Nutcracker."

Not much. Like five grand.

Not one person caught me. That was amazing.

Not the sellout Disney version with all the dancing and joy.

Nothing your mom does

Nothing. Nothing's happening to me.

Now, are you done ironing my pajamas, Hank?

Now, get ready for bed.

Now, it is gonna be better.

Now, it's gonna be better.

Now, just listen to this beautiful music.

Now, tell her what you're sorry for.

Now, your mother and I just have a few tiny disagreements

Obviously, you made an incredible number

Of bad decisions this Christmas as well.

Of course you are.

Of course, my mother pushed me twice as hard

Of course.

Of her life forever?

Of the next three weeks with you.

Oh, 15 or 17.

Oh, and, honey

Oh, baby, don't cry.

Oh, boy! You really have the same haircuts.

Oh, boy. I don't know what's happening right now.

Oh, come on, dad.

Oh, come on, she, she wears

Oh, God, make it stop.

Oh, God, the Caroling Cup?

Oh, God, the tree has got to go.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Please.

Oh, God. What kind of cancer?

Oh, good, it's just bad makeup.

Oh, gosh. I don't know, babe.

Oh, great.

Oh, hello.

Oh, here we go. Okay, mother.

Oh, hi. Uh...

Oh, honestly, have at it.

Oh, honey, I'm so glad to see

Oh, I can't wait to go home

Oh, I didn't know Rite Aid made Christmas decorations.

Oh, I go to a woman in, uh, Cleveland.

Oh, I have to go Christmas tree shopping

Oh, I miss you, too.

Oh, I'm a fireman by trade. That's what I do.

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

Oh, just admit it, Isis.

Oh, Keeks!

Oh, Keeks.

Oh, Keeks.

Oh, Kiki Dee, I cannot wait

Oh, Kiki. No, no. Keeks.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, mom, look, look, look. She's got wine.

Oh, my dad, he's so sweet.

Oh, my fucking God!

Oh, my fucking God.

Oh, my God, I've given him the same baseball glove

Oh, my God, it's a pleasure. You have such a lovely daughter.

Oh, my God, Jaxon is gonna

Oh, my God, she's so vain.

Oh, my God, that's like 50 more vaginas.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! This is amazing.

Oh, my God! You look amazing, serious...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. His face is in her tits.

Oh, my God. I've been waiting my whole life for this.

Oh, my God. No more pussies. Please, God. No more pussies.

Oh, my God. That's what this is about, isn't it?

Oh, my God. What the...

Oh, my gosh, it's Isis.

Oh, my gosh. That's my favorite topic.

Oh, no, no, no, no. That is not okay.

Oh, no, not you, sasquatch.

Oh, no, sweetie

Oh, no.

Oh, please don't.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit. I'm so late for work.

Oh, shit. Manager. Manager's coming. Code red, code red.

Oh, shit. Wait, you guys. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, shut the fuck up, Sandy.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thanks for almost learning his name.

Oh, thanks. You're lookin' a little bit older.

Oh, that is our new Christmas tree.

Oh, that's great, buddy.

Oh, that's so wrong.

Oh, Ty!

Oh, uh... No, yeah, I, uh...

Oh, um, do you want me to reach down there

Oh, um, I sort of just bought all this.

Oh, um, Isis, you're not allowed to smoke cigarettes in here.

Oh, waxing his balls.

Oh, we better get going or we're gonna miss our flight.

Oh, who put the big brown ornament

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. That sounds disgusting.

Oh, yay! I love Santa Claus.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm an exotic dancer.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you always were so weird.

Oh, you installed outdoor speakers.

Oh, you know I would.

Oh, you know. It's...

Oh, you're definitely getting the gold star treatment tonight.

Oh!

Oh! Go open your presents.

Oh! Kiki. Hey, Kiki, Kiki. Open mine.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Okay. Uh, where are you moving to?

Oh. That is a lot of white skin.

Oh. Watch me.

Oh. Wow, thanks, mom.

Oh. You. Betty White.

Oh. Your dad is awesome.

Oh...

Okay, a funny, beautiful person hiding in there.

Okay, alright, that's great.

Okay, alright. Shh! Shh!

Okay, bring the French hens

Okay, fine. We'll go caroling.

Okay, good. That was good.

Okay, I I, um...

Okay, I'll think about it.

Okay, let's reload the birds.

Okay, listen, ladies

Okay, mom, thanks, you can go

Okay, mom?

Okay, slight sting on your nutsack.

Okay, that's fucked up.

Okay, time for bed, my darlings.

Okay, to taking Christmas back.

Okay, um, I'm gonna need you

Okay, we're done. That was amazing.

Okay, well, let's start this thing off.

Okay, who's next?

Okay, who's next?

Okay, you know what? Alright, alright, Santa number one.

Okay, you know what? Fuck it. I'm totally in.

Okay, you need to stop talking.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. But the kids looked really happy tonight.

Okay. Hi, mom.

Okay. Hot burn.

On a child's happiness, Amy?

On a seven hour death march

On ruining Christmas this year.

On Thursday, we'll see "The Nutcracker."

One present, okay?

Only Jessie and his daughter are gonna come over

Or else you will never forgive yourself.

Or if that's just something that I'm dreaming about right now.

Or you could stop fighting with her

Our family's tradition of winning.

Out of each other with those sticks, and I thought

Out of her life forever.

Phew! He's so hot.

Please don't leave without taking

Please open mine first. Please.

Please take the bags upstairs. Gracias.

Please welcome the Chicago All Saints Choir.

Please, can we just talk about our relationship?

Please, Mr. Scrooge!

Please, you don't know the first thing about me.

Please. No, no. Please exit.

Please. You can leave. Thank you so much for coming.

Plus, all the bars are closed.

Plus, like, there is not a better time of the year

Put a baby in me, Santa number two!

Really, Amy, you are gonna love this. Okay.

Really, really hard for you to say.

Really?

Really. Fiv... Between five and ten grand, maybe 15, tops.

Relationship between a mother and a daughter.

Relax, Obama.

Remember, Santa came last night.

Right next door!

Right on the front of the tree?

Right. There we go. Great, great, great.

Ruin Christmas for this entire family

Ruth, did you enjoy growing up in Chicago?

Santa number one, the bar is yours, sir.

Santa number two!

Santa number two.

Say goodbye to your tree, mother!

Second worst, whatever. But the point is

She blames her farts on my kids.

She makes your mom feel worthless

She needs some boundaries.

She never shows anyone except for me.

She really asked that?

She said, "Grandmas don't play dodgeball."

She saw my boner, Kiki.

She wanna do mine next?

She's a 62 year old woman, so...

She's dressed up as an old fat man.

She's funny and she's beautiful.

She's just got a...

She's not coming back, is she?

Shh shh, wait for it, wait for it.

Shit himself when he sees you.

Shit, they can't even read.

Shitting all over their daughters.

Since when did every woman in America

Since your parents got divorced.

Six and a half. But who's counting?

So be nice to your mom, 'cause you're the one

So I can start to go to town on your taint and your butthole.

So I checked it out on Zillow and I made an all cash offer.

So I decided to move closer to you guys.

So I have the whole week planned out.

So I have to keep my dick, balls and taint smooth at all times.

So I think we should celebrate.

So I was thinking Christmas Eve, if that's convenient.

So I'm worried that if I push her away even a little

So if we wanna do Christmas our way this year

So it's a date, then. I'll see you tonight.

So she didn't sleep for six months.

So since it's Christmas Eve, everybody gets to open

So stop being a shitty mom.

So that's why it's so important to your mom

So we have to hit at least 300 houses tonight.

So we moved to Bismarck, North Dakota.

So we're gonna have to fill that hole

So what brings you here today, Kiki?

So why are you really here, mom?

So you just take that and you roll it up real tight

So your mom and dad have never

So, about tonight, um, you know

So, how you doin'?

So, I just wanna say thank you for encouraging me.

So, I just...

So, I've given up gambling...

So, this doesn't bother me at all.

So, uh, have you ever had your balls waxed before, Ty?

So, uh, what brings you to Chicago, Ty?

So, um, how did you get into dancing?

So, what's up? You seein' anybody?

So, who usually waxes your balls?

Sorry, I thought you wanted to...

Speaking of gifts, have some iPhones.

Spend their whole lives

Stage 12.

Still got that kid, huh?

Such a good sport.

Super duper crazy.

Sure.

Sweet, beautiful person hiding inside there.

Sweetheart, she loves you

Sweetie, if you wanna win the Caroling Cup

Sweetie, your mom isn't vain.

Take the kids over to Sky Zone later.

Take what?

Take your little flute and shoo! Shoo, fly.

Taking this, though. This is cute, right?

Th the swag bags, th the weird curtains

Th this has got to all go. A all of this has got to go.

Th... They say they're heart smart.

Thank you again for inviting me to your church.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. This is a loan.

Thank you very much for a very generous donation

Thank you very much. You too, my friend.

Thank you, grandma. I love you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Get in.

Thank you. Such a good sport.

Thanks for helping me decorate the tree, guys.

Thanks. Whoa!

That actually matters.

That didn't come out exactly as I planned, but y you guys get...

That I have put the house

That I lost sight of the only thing

That ice was from the moon!

That is correct, Amy.

That is separate from yours, and I need you

That is so romantic.

That is so sweet.

That it's gonna break her heart.

That said, Christmas is an insane amount of work.

That they're worthless and unloved.

That you're able to get an erection again.

That you're one of those moms that you, you dress so perfectly

That's a beautiful story, Ty.

That's all in Russian, where a bunch of people die.

That's beautiful, Ty.

That's how being a mom works.

That's how I ruined Christmas.

That's nice. Where are you ladies from?

That's okay. I'll just sleep with you.

That's pretty hot. I won't lie.

That's the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me.

That's the way human beings talk to each other.

That's your special intercourse night.

The "Russian Nutcracker"

The amazing Christmas that they deserve.

The audience has spoken.

The children are gonna be so happy.

The entire Christmas Eve day sledding.

The floor, the tree.

The most stressful time of the year for moms.

The point is she's perfect

The three of you are going to Vegas together?

The universal language of dance.

The Windy City.

The worst mom in the world right now.

The, the perfect decorations, the perfect tree

Their butt crack open for me before.

Then we're gonna do Christmas our way.

Then we're gonna spend all day in our pajamas

Then you have to live by my rules.

Then, there's all the cooking

Then, there's all the over the top Christmas parties.

Then, you have to decorate your house

Then, you have to go to all your kids' Christmas shows

There are a million things to do.

There is something that I'm very excited about

There is still an alarming amount of snow

There'll be no show offy party

There's just never enough time.

There's no reason to worry, okay?

They are all little shoes.

They didn't sound happy.

They don't have any survival skills.

They hired me to be in charge of children's safety.

They just totally stole all my shit.

They will know that things are gonna be okay.

They would have been happier

They'll be dead within an hour.

They're healthy as fuck.

They're so sweet and they love you so much.

They're still warm.

They've got it together.

Think I could give you a call next time I come into town?

Think I'll probably just wrap it up

Think you're ready? Yeah!

This finally makes sense.

This is a combination you don't run into every day, you know.

This is a legitimate

This is Amy Mitchell.

This is gonna get ugly.

This is my house, and this is my life.

This is my own hair, okay?

This is so nice. Making new friends.

This is the time of year when moms kill themselves

This is their first Christmas without their father.

This place is fun.

This song is called "When Boris Gets Murdered."

This was two months ago.

This... It looks like a parking cone.

Those were from the "Titanic!"

Those were happy screams.

Three hundred?

Three inches to the left.

Three?

Throw on some jammies, get comfy.

To affect my marriage.

To be closer.

To be nice to me before I die.

To be single than Christmas.

To be the church going type.

To create a magical world of joy for their children.

To have a life that's separate from mine.

To have sex with and then they leave. You know?

To just bang each other.

To magically fix Christmas lights.

To make Christmas perfect, guys.

To make everything perfect.

To my daughter, really horrible shit.

To my new house!

To my Sexy Santa Competition tonight?

To play Christmas music.

To please their mothers, and mothers

To push her to be the best mother she possibly can be.

To see Wayne Newton before he dies.

To spend every waking minute

To the "Canned Christmas Food Drive."

To the quarry and blow shit up.

To, to just let me go a little bit.

To, uh, put your heels over your head

Tonight was a complete travesty.

Tonight, I am going to sing you

Totally! Totally why I'm here.

Trust me, someday she will thank me

Turn her around. Turn her around.

Ty Swindle.

Uh, it's, it's Jessie.

Uh, no, I'm actually supposed to be Scrooge, but that's...

Uh, no, that is not true.

Uh, oh... No, no, no.

Uh, Sandy, tell me

Uh, seriously?

Uh, that's fennel.

Uh, well, I I don't date my clients, Ty.

Uh, well, you know, we don't like to use the word

Uh, yeah. Isn't that why you're here?

Um, alright, I know I haven't

Um, and, Carla, I just...

Um, here's the thing.

Um, I was watching you two and you were beating the shit

Um, I'm such an idiot.

Um, is that a camel?

Um, no, no.

Um, so I am just gonna remove the towel

Um, would you be willing to come with me

Um, yeah, yeah.

Um...

Um...

Understand why you're like this.

Unfortunately, Mike was our baritone

Until my friends come over for dinner

Using my wits and my tits.

Wait for it, this is the big ending!

Wait, does this mean you're gonna... stick around

Wait, holy shit. It is. Why is... Mom!

Wait, I... Well, you didn't tell me

Wait, what the actual fuck?

Wait.

Wait. Mom. Mom, no motorboating!

Wait. Which one?

Was that a broken dick on her face?

Waste time tree shopping this year.

Watch a bunch of Santa Clauses

We actually love grandma.

We actually took Christmas back this year.

We are go for the cavalcade, over.

We are gonna dominate caroling this year.

We are mothers.

We can dig a tunnel between the houses. Keeks!

We don't drink the tree water

We don't drink the tree water.

We gotta save Christmas.

We hide in the bathroom.

We need to have this conversation.

We should do all Christmas like this.

We still can, mom.

We went to prom together.

We were gonna hang out after the show.

We will do it your way.

We will have a mellow Christmas.

We won the Caroling Cup nine times.

We'll be here.

We're best friends.

We're collecting for a drive for the homeless.

We're done. You can take that plate.

We're not goin' to the theater.

We've all shared some very powerful feelings tonight.

Well, after our therapy session

Well, at least I love my daughter.

Well, clearly not at the gym. Whoop.

Well, either way, it was a big step.

Well, except after Blue Bloods, I know

Well, first of all

Well, I always go to midnight mass

Well, I had Kiki when I was 18 years old.

Well, I heard what happened.

Well, I just came in here to watch you fall asleep

Well, I just hopped on an earlier flight.

Well, I must say, I didn't expect you

Well, I thought that was an enormous success.

Well, I would really love that, Carla.

Well, I'll stay as long as you want me to.

Well, I'm in town to do a few Sexy Santa competitions.

Well, I'm just glad this is all about the kids.

Well, I'm, I'm workin' out some shit.

Well, if you're such an awesome mom

Well, it was a different time then.

Well, it's a very complicated

Well, my daughter didn't kick me out of the house or anything.

Well, of course they told you that, Amy.

Well, then let's do it.

Well, then you need to fight her.

Well, there are so many things I wanna say to you right now.

Well, today my daughter told me she needed "More space."

Well, um, my mom and I, we're very close.

Well, um...

Well, we'd, um, we'd love to see you more.

Well, we're, we're new friends.

Well, what am I supposed to do with myself?

Well, yeah.

Well, you don't see this combo that often, either.

Well, you know, there was a couple of things

Well, you only come when you need money.

Well. Consider it done.

What are you doing in here?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you wearing?

What did she do to my house?

What do you mean?

What does it look like I'm doing?

What else have you lied about?

What if I changed out your heart pills?

What in the fuck are you wearing?

What is happening with you?

What is it?

What is the matter with her?

What is this thing doing in your house?

What the fuck is happening?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What, honey, no, of course not. I would never do that.

What, what are you doing?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? No, honey, what? Why would you say that?

What? No. That's not convenient.

What? You bought the house next to your daughter?

What... the fuck?

What's it been, like three years?

What's that supposed to mean?

What's the matter?

What's this?

What's up, bitches?

Whatever the hell that thing is in my front yard.

Whatever, I just can't keep up

When I told her I bought the house next to hers.

When I was 15, I got my ears pierced

When I was a kid, we would go down

When I was six years old

When someone tells her she's got the most amazing

When they fly away?

When we are gonna order Chinese takeout from Mr. Wang's.

When you came over to the house last week

When you watched Kent and I have sex the other night.

Where are you going? It's not left.

Where are you living?

Where are you taking us?

Where did you come from, Ty Swindel?

Where do you wanna get takeout?

Where is Happy Happy Princess?

Where's your tree?

Which are...

Which church does everyone go to on Christmas Eve?

Which I just need a little money for...

Which is why I bought the house across the street.

Which is why we are all going

Which one of these Sexy Santas

Which, clearly, I suck at.

Who are you, and why are you talking?

Who cares, let her decorate your house.

Who fucked her shit up.

Who wouldn't want to be best friends with their mom?

Who's Jessie?

Who's next? Are you gonna kick us out?

Whoa, really?

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! I love his panties. They're so seasonal.

Whose mom never really loved her.

Why are you doing this to me, Kiki?

Why are you saying this?

Why are you wearing black pajamas?

Why can't my husband

Why can't we just go do something fun?

Why did I do that?

Why did your daughter kick you out

Why do we have to go to the "Russian Nutcracker" again?

Why do you always have to screw everything up?

Why does my house have to be properly decorated?

Why does she take it out on me then?

Why don't you hop on my table, Ty Swindel?

Why haven't I gotten a Christmas card

Why would it be Santa, honey?

Why would they let you do that?

Why?

Why're you tryin' so hard to please her?

With a third grade education

With my mom.

With my mother tonight.

With my own mother.

With one of the Santas.

With the latest parenting trends.

With the stick through his nose.

With, um... what's his name?

Without you?

Won't you listen to our song?

Would that... that interest you at all?

Would you like some shaobing?

Would you like to donate your cans to our Canned Food Drive?

Wow, I'm just not very good at this, Amy.

Wow, that's a lot of concussions.

Wow, you have really broad shoulders.

Wow, you have some really cool shit here, huh?

Wow!

Wow.

Wow. Okay, um...

Wow. Okay.

Wow. Your house looks really great.

Wrap it up, give it to him on Christmas.

Yay!

Yeah, can we just hang out together

Yeah, he's my...

Yeah, I am.

Yeah, I don't, I don't really recall

Yeah, I guess I've just been a little busy, so...

Yeah, I loved my childhood.

Yeah, I would actually love that.

Yeah, it looks like you're not trying so hard.

Yeah, it's like, it's like going

Yeah, most women, they just see me as this object

Yeah, okay, that that sounds like a lot of work.

Yeah, she's a part of our family, and we love her.

Yeah, that might be a bit much.

Yeah, that's great.

Yeah, the house wasn't on the market.

Yeah, they are.

Yeah, we're new friends.

Yeah, well, my daughter just kicked me

Yeah, well, we're best friends now.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you guys have been fighting a lot.

Yeah, you guys, I...

Yeah, you just swap out the fuse.

Yeah! Take it off!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Do you have any food?

Yeah. It's too bad, I've already invited everyone.

Yeah. Love you.

Yeah. Maybe we should... spend more time together?

Yeah. Me too, babe.

Yeah. Oh, gosh, yes. I actual... I have all your favorites.

Yeah. Oh, of course you do. Are you kidding me?

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Here.

Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, and you will love every minute of it.

Yes, Ruth.

Yes, why am I responsible

Yes, you are dicking around.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! Oh, my God.

Yes.

Yes.

Yo you don't just kick someone out.

Yo! I need you to leave my house.

You are so weird.

You are very much mistaken.

You ask me for money, I give it to you.

You bet there is, buddy.

You bet.

You bitch, you don't age at all.

You can't kick Kenny G out of the house.

You can't live next door to me.

You cannot just phone it in.

You could, you could just stay there, it's...

You didn't do this for the kids! You did this for you!

You doin' okay?

You don't want your kids to think

You gamble it all away and you leave me and then

You got big plans with your girlfriend?

You guys wanna get drunk at the food court?

You guys, do you wanna know what I've been working on?

You guys, I'm just like a a a giant stress ball

You guys, you know what drives me crazy?

You have a fucking job?

You have such a vibrant sex life.

You have to have a theme.

You hired ringers?

You just come runnin' back asking for more.

You know her mother.

You know what I mean?

You know what I think we should do to celebrate?

You know what my son gave me last year for Christmas?

You know what they call Bismarck?

You know what? I couldn't have done it without you girls.

You know where she is?

You know, creating this, this perfect image of herself

You know, every time

You know, I got a fucking job.

You know, I think this is

You know, it scares most people.

You know, some guys cry. Some guys act real tough.

You know, uh...

You know, wearing scarves

You know, when we were at the bouncy place

You know... ripping off rich people

You learn a lot about a man when you wax his sack.

You let your kids cook.

You lied to me.

You made your mom crazy.

You might just find that there is a funny

You only visit Carla when you need money.

You played the game seven times.

You really care about your kid, don't you?

You seem to hate Christmas this year.

You should never have to watch

You should try it sometime.

You show back up in my life.

You suck at all the shit that really matters.

You taste like g**** soda.

You think that you are so perfect.

You think your mom's gonna like me?

You watch me fall asleep every night?

You were coming for Christmas.

You were like, "Oh, my fucking God!"

You would barf all over her clothes.

You wouldn't dare.

You, motherfucker.

You'll see.

You're a degenerate gambler

You're a train wreck.

You're always saying you wanna go to Vegas

You're having a party.

You're moving, um, next door to me?

You're my favorite person in the whole world.

You're my mom, and that was a little harsh.

You're not dying.

You're now supposed to say "I'm sorry" to her.

You're probably never gonna believe this.

You're wrinkling my pajamas.

Your canned goods to our Christmas Canned Food Drive?

Your dad and I were just playing a fun

Your dad liked it when I tickled his balls.

Your daughter just apologized to you.

Your family that you love them, Amy.

Your Louis Vuitton swag bag.

Your mom decorated your house?

Your mom is still a colossal bitch.

Your mom lick your boyfriend's nipples.

Your mom was probably pretty normal before she had you.

Your... Did your moms...

Yup, that's a camel.

Yup, yup.

Yup.

♪ Baby how you feelin' ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Be someone different ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪ ♪ Go ♪

♪ Do something wild ♪ ♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Do something wild ♪ ♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪

♪ Go go ♪ ♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ I do what I want ♪ ♪ She does ♪

♪ I wanna be ♪ ♪ I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ ♪ Wanna be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ ♪ Wanna be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ ♪ Wanna be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ ♪ Wanna be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪ ♪ Jingle jingle ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪ ♪ Jingle jingle ♪

♪ Laughing all the way ♪ ♪ Laughing all the way ♪

♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ Switch up that style ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Whoo ooh ooh ♪ ♪ Don't stop me now ♪

♪ Whoo ooh ooh ♪ ♪ Don't stop me now ♪

♪ Whoo ooh ooh ♪ ♪ Watch me now ♪

♪ Whoo ooh ooh ♪ ♪ Watch me now ♪

Alright, alright. I'm just saying.

Alright, stop. Stop. What?

Alright, uh, three kid passes? Yes.

Alright! That's my girl. Whoo!

Alright. Okay.

Amy, it's Christmas. Mother, get out!

Amy! You guys made it! Hey!

Amy? Oh, I can't I can't go.

Amy. Hi.

And really, Kiki, this is... Enough.

And this one. Okay, um.

And we fight back. Fight back. Yes.

Are you done? I have a lazy eye.

Are you fucking kidding me? No!

Are you serious? Thank you so much.

Attention, shoppers! Excuse me!

Aww, we're so proud. Whoo! Thank you.

Bingo. She's got cans. Oh!

Bless you. Bless you.

But it's totally worth it. Hi, I'm Carla's mom.

Cancer? Mm hm, mm hm.

Carla! Broke my cock!

Christmas. Christmas.

Come on. Ooh, fun!

Cool? Cool.

Dick, dick around. Okay.

Do it. Mm.

Do you guys wanna come? Legally...

Do you like it? No, I don't, Amy.

Do you want some this? Yes.

Do you? Well, no, of course not.

Dumb movie. Then, Christmas morning.

Free manicure, huh? Yeah.

Fuck it. Let's take Christmas back.

Fuck yeah! Yeah.

Genital warts? What?

Genital warts. No.

Go make another album. It's not a flute, bitch.

God. Oh, my God.

Great, I'll meet you there. What?

Great. Okay, got it. Yeah.

Happy Holidays. Oh, my...

He doesn't even notice. Seriously?

He has such kind eyes. Yeah.

Heart cancer? Yeah.

Hey, babe. Hey, dad.

Hey, buddy. Good to see you. Thank you.

Hey, man. Right there.

Hey! How was the game?

Hey. Hey.

Hi, guys. Hi.

Hi, honey. I love you, baby.

Hi, Isis. Hey.

Hi, mom. Hey.

Hi. Hi, I'm Sandy.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Oh.

Hi. Hey. Here you are.

Hi. Isis! Yeah.

High five. Awesome. Got it.

How fun was that sledding? Oh, that was fun.

Howdy, neighbor. Oh, my God.

I don't even like fudge. Great.

I don't know if that happened. You did.

I find it revolting. Oh.

I have bubonic plague. No.

I have cancer again. No.

I have diabetes. Mom, stop.

I have polio. I think they cured polio.

I have shingles. Mom!

I just looked for you. Hi.

I know. Are you lying to me, mommy?

I know. You can't dick around.

I know. I know, babe. Finally.

I like your hair. Really?

I love "The Nutcracker." Oh, no, no, no, no!

I love my mom. Thank you, honey.

I might have gallstones... No.

I need you to get out. Amy.

I really do. Thank you.

I think I'm in love. What?

I would love to. Good.

I'll go first. I guess. Okay.

I'll take you right in there. I love you.

I'm from Tremont! Oh, my God. Small world.

I'm Kiki's mom. Yes, I know.

I'm not dicking around. I feel you're dicking around.

I'm so glad you guys came! Oh, my God. Me, too.

I'm so proud of you. Thank you.

I'm sorry, what? Oh, my God.

I'm still getting paid, right? I don't know!

I've got strep throat. Mom.

In "Christm ass." What?

In Croatia. Croatia?

Is Carla here? Yes!

Is that okay? Yeah.

Is that so wrong? No.

It looks like doodie. Yes, it does, baby.

It was very expensive. God! Mom!

It's about to get weird. It's game time.

Jesus. What?

Just a lot more wax. Okay.

Just go to work. I'm out, I'm out, I'm out!

Ladies, it is Jesus' birthday. No, I'm serious.

Let's get some food. It's okay, buddy.

Like Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Huh. Isis.

Like when? Like, uh...

Look at that. Okay.

Male strippers? Yeah.

Maybe next time. Okay.

Me, too. Okay.

Merry Christmas, Ruth. Merry Christmas, Jesus.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Oh, Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Mmm. Hmm.

Mmm. Okay.

Mom! Seriously. Kiki, what?

Mom? Ha ha!

Mom? Hi! Oh... my... gosh!

Mom. On horses.

Mom. Mom. What? What?

Nice to meet you. Mm hmm.

Nice to see you again. How you doin'?

Nice! Yeah.

Nice. No way.

No. Mom!

No. No.

No. Nope?

Now, that is a hard woman. Uh.

Oh, boy. Oh, my God.

Oh, cute, cute. Yeah.

Oh, fuck it. So happy.

Oh, good Lord. Really, mom? Thanks, grandma.

Oh, look at that. Yeah.

Oh, my God! Dylan, you're Marley's Ghost.

Oh, my gosh. It's awesome. Show mom how it works!

Oh, my son, Jaxon? Yeah, him.

Oh, no, that's great! Basically all I have.

Oh, Ty. Yeah.

Oh, yeah! Yeah! Nice to meet you.

Oh, you look great! That's my mom.

Oh! Ladies, I love you.

Oh. And my sanity.

Oh. Hey, kids.

Oh. She once slapped me.

Oh. Thank you, Ty.

Okay, I don't have cancer. What?

Okay, those are for my kid. Right.

Okay, wait. Side angle. Oh, great!

Okay? Feel better? Yeah.

Okay. Here, kids.

Okay. Huh.

Okay. Really?

Ooh, good idea. Yeah.

Ooh, we got some popcorn. I got extra.

Or at least, a boundary. I know.

Phew! Whoo!

Please. Yeah?

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yes.

Redmond? Huh. Yes.

Right. But, uh...

Ruth? Yes.

Seriously? They're crazy.

Shaobing for everybody. Bing with everybody but me.

Shut up. Yeah.

Shut up. Yes!

Sit down. Sit down. Kiki. Kiki.

Sit. Kiki.

So good. Yeah?

So just give me one second. Sure.

So, um, holidays, huh? I know.

Sort of. Thank you.

Suit yourself. So...

Sweetie, that's hard. Oh...

Thank you for visiting, Amy! Bye.

Thank you. I mean, I wish...

Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you. You're welcome.

That sounds more legal. I know. I know.

That was a good haul, mom. Yeah, she had some good shit.

That's an antique! It's a hideous tree, mother!

That's Jaxon. Hey, there. How are you?

That's my son. Yeah?

That's your mom? Yeah, that's my mom.

The horror. Ugh!

The theater's to the right. Oh, I know.

Then the other one popped out. Yeah.

This is a lot of songs. Well...

This is my mom, Isis. Hello. Ruth.

This is my mom, Sandy. Oh, hi, Amy.

This is really nice, mom. Yeah.

Three days earlier? Oh.

Top me off, babe. That's my son, Jaxon.

Tree looks great. Thank you.

Ugh. I love you.

Uh unh. We s... No, we stand up.

Unbelievable. That is so weird!

W why are you turning on me? I'm not turning on you.

Wait, guys, come here. No, no, guys, it's okay.

Want me to feed the twins? Yes, please.

Watch me. No!

We love you back. Same here.

We should... What the fuck did she say?

We talked about this. Alright.

We're all gonna do it. No, we're not all doing it.

Well, I don't know... Okay, okay.

Well, one of 'em, anyway. You just got here.

Well... Well, she feels great.

What dancing? Christmas dancing.

What flight? Oh, I didn't tell you?

What isn't working? This, this.

What up, lady? Mom! What are you doing here?

What? And my family.

What? I'm from Edgewater.

What? No.

What? Yes.

What? You always do this.

What? You know what I do?

Where are you from, Isis? I don't know, everywhere.

Where are you from, Ruth? Chicago.

Where did we park? Go, go, go, go.

Where did we park? Happy Hanukkah.

Where, to my house? Yes.

Which is where I'm from. No way.

Who are you? I'm Ty Swindel.

Whoa. Oh, my God.

Whoo! Hey.

Why don't you just not go? Oh, God, no.

Why, why not? Because I need space.

With my big dumb son? What?

With my face on it. Guys, we did it.

With my mother? Mm hm hm.

Would that be funny, too? Oh, Jesus, babe.

Wow, that's a lot of people. A lot of people.

Yeah, I did. Did you ask her first?

Yeah, I know. Oh wait, here comes somebody.

Yeah, we know what you meant. Yeah, we get you.

Yeah! Oh. Because I don't.

Yeah. Hmm.

Yeah. It's 2017!

Yeah. Yeah. It really is.

Yeah. You guys wanna play dodgeball?

Yeah. We really miss you. Yeah.

Yep. Great. Thanks.

Yes! Congratulations. Yes!

Yes. Great.

Yes. No.

Yes. You guys ready?

Yikes. I just bought all this. And the canned goods.

You alright? Yeah.

You don't mean that. I really, really do.

You have no idea! It's not even real snow!

You know that. I do.

You know, this is important. The fuck is this?

You look pale. Oh.

You need to talk to your mom. I know.

You really wanna know? Yeah.

You sound super lonely. No!

You want some? No! Ahem!

You want some? Uh, no, thank you.

You want that? No, thank you.

You would? Yes!

You're from Edgewater? Yeah.

Your mom? Yeah.

'cause we're people, right?

"and I hate Christmas because it's so much work

"Bah humbug, I'm Ebenezer Scrooge

"Bah humbug, I'm Ebenezer Scrooge

"Did I do a good job raising Amy?

"Dr. Karl, why is my mom so crazy?"

"Hey, dude. You got a massive cock?"

"in basketball sneakers and a G string.

"My Heart Will Go On"

"No, I'm doing great."

"Normal" around here.

"Oh, my fucking God!"

"Oh, Ruth. You're so amazing."

"Please" or "Thank you."

"The City of Old White People."

"You are gonna be my best friend forever."

"You know, maybe I should have a relationship with my grandson."

(Amy) Are those actual partridges?

(Amy) I can't do Christmas with my mother.

(Amy) I'm Amy Mitchell.

(Amy) Mom.

(Amy) Okay, wait, do you, do you think that I made enough food?

(Amy) So that's how it happened.

(Carla) Hmm, let's see.

(Carla) I am drunk and horny!

(Carla) That's great news.

(Dylan) Thank you.

(Dylan) Thanks, grandma.

(Kiki) And there's so many of them.

(Kiki) Mom.

(Kiki) Okay, guys.

(Ruth) I love this.

(Ruth) I'm tired of this conversation.

(Ruth) What in God's name is that?

(Ruth) Yeah. Yeah.

[all cheering]

[all cheering]

[all cheering]

[all cheering]

[all gasping]

[all gasping]

[all laughing]

[babbling]

[baby crying]

[bell tolling]

[bell tolls]

[bells chiming]

[cackles]

[camel grunts]

[Charles Jones singing "Be Your Santa Claus"]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles] It's adorable.

[chuckles] Thank goodness!

[chuckles] Well, y y you are to me.

[clears throat]

[crying] Oh, God.

[discordant cello music]

[door bell dings]

[door closes]

[door opens]

[door opens]

[doorbell ringing]

[doorbell ringing]

[doorbell rings]

[doorbell rings] I'll get it.

[dramatic music]

[exhales] I love this picture.

[explosion]

[festive music]

[festive music]

[festive music]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[gasps] Mom!

[gasps] The City of Lights!

[Gwen Stefani singing "Jingle Bells"]

[imitates Ruth]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chattering]

[indistinct clamoring]

[inhales deeply] Hmm...

[inhales sharply] On Christmas?

[inhales]

[inhales] Oh, no.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[intense music]

[Jacob Latrell singing "What Christmas Means To Me"]

[Kelly Clarkson sings "Run Run Rudolph"]

[knock on door]

[knock on the door] Uh, yeah?

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughter]

[Motley Crue sing "Kickstart My Heart"]

[mumbles]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[nervously] Hmm...

[opera music on radio]

[Ruth humming]

[Ruth laughing]

[Sandy sneezing]

[saxophone music]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs] Don't be weird, dad.

[sighs] Oh, you guys.

[slurping]

[sniffles]

[sobbing] Where is she, guys?

[speaking in foreign language]

[The Lumineers singing "Blue Christmas"]

[The Lumineers singing "Sleep On The Floor"]

[thudding]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[trailer honking]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[whispering] Read your line, Scrooge!

[whispering] You got this.

♪ 'Cause he don't love you anymore ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm ready to go ♪

♪ 'Cause if we don't leave this town ♪

♪ 'Cause there's no holding back when I break through it ♪

♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪

♪ Ain't nobody else do it like that ♪

♪ Ain't nobody else do it like that ♪

♪ Ain't nobody else do it like that ♪♪

♪ All the big fights long nights that you been through ♪

♪ All these things and more ♪♪

♪ Alright ♪

♪ And a happy New Year ♪

♪ And a happy New Year ♪♪

♪ And anything you want you can have it ♪

♪ And by the time she wakes ♪

♪ And do your hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ And do your hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ And I know when we do it like that ♪

♪ And I know when we're moving like that ♪

♪ And the mountains in reply ♪

♪ And we gonna live it up ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪♪

♪ Baby alright ♪

♪ Baby come on ♪♪

♪ Baby take your time with me ♪

♪ Baby that's right ♪

♪ Bells on bobtails ring ♪

♪ Bells will be ringing ♪

♪ Better hurry up and get it when I do you won't forget it ♪

♪ Blue Christmas ♪♪

♪ Boss up and change your life ♪

♪ Break it down ♪

♪ But I'll have a blue ♪

♪ Can't love me like you ♪

♪ Candles burnin' low ♪

♪ Choir singing carols ♪

♪ Come home tonight ♪

♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Do something crazy ♪♪

♪ Doing things I've never done ♪

♪ Don't need no R and R ♪

♪ Echoing their joyous strains ♪

♪ Eight maids a milking seven swans a swimming ♪

♪ Eleven pipers piping ♪

♪ Every kiss begins with Kay ♪♪

♪ Everywhere we go ♪

♪ Feel like I wanna kiss you baby ♪

♪ Feel so good tonight baby ♪

♪ Feeling good as hell ♪

♪ Feeling good as hell ♪♪

♪ Five golden rings ♪

♪ Five golden rings ♪♪

♪ Forget what Father Brennan said ♪

♪ Forget what Father Brennan said ♪

♪ Girl I got something special for you ♪

♪ Girl I gotta be ♪

♪ Give me the green light ♪

♪ Gl o o oria ♪♪

♪ Glo o o ria ♪

♪ Go go go go ♪

♪ Go go go go go go go ♪

♪ Go go go go go go go go go ♪

♪ Good tidings we bring ♪

♪ Good vibes only ♪

♪ Got fireworks got booze ♪

♪ Got my music on the radio ♪

♪ Got my music on the radio ♪

♪ Got to take a deep breath time to focus on you ♪

♪ Gotta gotta be gotta gotta be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ Gotta have you ♪

♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ Happy New Year everybody ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey hey yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Hey jingle bells jingle bells ♪

♪ Ho ho ho girl ♪

♪ Ho whoa oh ♪

♪ I ain't scared I ain't scared ♪

♪ I can't stop so let's go oh oh ♪

♪ I didn't have it ♪

♪ I do my hair toss check my nails ♪

♪ I don't need a man ♪

♪ I don't wanna spend this Christmas ♪

♪ I got a bottle of tequila I been saving for you ♪

♪ I have no friends ♪

♪ I just tapped a keg ♪

♪ I know he did you wrong we can make it right ♪

♪ I like it when you do it like that ♪

♪ I like it when you do it like that ♪

♪ I like it when you do it like that ♪

♪ I pick it up and throw it right back when I get into it ♪

♪ I said Merry Christmas baby ♪

♪ I wanna be the first gift you open tonight ♪

♪ I wanna be the first gift you open tonight ♪

♪ I wanna be the reason that you come home tonight ♪

♪ I wanna be the reason that you come home tonight ♪

♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ I wanna live like it's Mardi Gras and ♪

♪ I will never let you go ♪

♪ I work real hard everyday ♪

♪ I'll be so blue ♪

♪ I'll have a blue Christmas ♪

♪ I'm a motherfucker ♪♪

♪ I'm a motherfucking woman ♪

♪ I'm a motherfucking woman ♪

♪ I'm gon' do it how we do it ♪

♪ I'm gon' do it how we do it ♪

♪ I'm just having fun with my ladies here tonight ♪

♪ I'm your gift unwrap me slowly ♪

♪ I'mma fill my cup ♪

♪ If he don't love you anymore ♪

♪ If you know what I mean I'mma ride that mami ♪

♪ If you want me to ♪♪

♪ In a one horse open sleigh ♪

♪ In a one horse open sleigh ♪

♪ In a one horse open sleigh ♪♪

♪ In excelsis Deo ♪

♪ Keep the bass real low I keep it just like that yeah ♪

♪ Kickstart my heart ♪

♪ Kickstart my heart give it a start ♪

♪ Kickstart my heart hope it never stops ♪

♪ Know exactly what you thinking when I do it like that ♪

♪ L O V E ♪♪

♪ Leave a note on your bed ♪

♪ Leave a note on your bed ♪

♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪

♪ Let your mother know you're safe ♪

♪ Let's blow some shit up ♪

♪ Let's have a good time ♪

♪ Like I do it I'm gon' do it ♪

♪ Like I do it I'm gon' do it like a star ♪

♪ Like that ♪

♪ Listen ♪

♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪

♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪

♪ Making spirits bright ♪

♪ Maybe left all them good presents for my baby ♪

♪ Merry Christmas baby ♪♪

♪ Mighty fine y'all ♪

♪ Mm ♪

♪ My baby's gone ♪

♪ My heart my heart ♪

♪ Now we got something good ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh what a Christmas ♪

♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ Oh whoa oh ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Once again ♪♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Out of all the reindeer ♪

♪ Pack yourself a favorite blouse ♪

♪ Pack yourself a toothbrush dear ♪

♪ Pull it right back turn the beat so fast ♪

♪ Randolph's not too far behind ♪

♪ Right here with me ♪

♪ Run run Rudolph ♪

♪ Run run Rudolph ♪

♪ Santa baby ♪

♪ Santa's got to make it to town ♪♪

♪ Say what you say ♪

♪ Six geese a laying ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪♪

♪ So go and let it all hang out tonight ♪

♪ So walk your fine ass out the door ♪

♪ Standin' underneath that mistletoe ♪

♪ Surely you treat me nice ♪

♪ Take a withdrawal slip ♪

♪ Take all of your savings out ♪

♪ Ten lords a leaping nine ladies dancing ♪

♪ The fireplace is burnin' perfect time to... ♪

♪ The glad glad news ♪

♪ The way I feel babe ♪

♪ Then walk your fine ass out the door ♪

♪ Thinkin' about you ♪

♪ To be holding me too tight ♪

♪ To wish me greetings ♪

♪ To you and your kids ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Tonight I'm going stupid ♪

♪ Tonight tonight ♪

♪ Tonight we're taking off girl ♪

♪ Top fuel funny car's a drug for me ♪

♪ Wanna give it to you ♪

♪ Wanna give you my sugar sugar sugar baby ♪

♪ We all got one thing in common ♪

♪ We just wanna have fun hey ♪

♪ We might never make it out ♪

♪ We only got one life ♪

♪ We were not born in sin ♪

♪ We were not born in sin ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We'll have driven through the night ♪

♪ We'll have driven through the state ♪

♪ Well I'm feeling ♪

♪ Well I'm feeling mighty nice Lord ♪

♪ What fun it is to laugh and sing ♪

♪ What you waiting for? ♪

♪ When I get high I get high on speed ♪

♪ Whoa jingle bells jingle bells ♪

♪ Whoa yeah ♪

♪ Whoa yeah ♪

♪ Whoa yeah ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Whoo girl need to kick off your shoes ♪

♪ With your Christmas of white ♪

♪ Without you ♪

♪ Without you letting me feel ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah good tidings for Christmas ♪

♪ Yeah I do it do it you never do it ♪

♪ Yeah I got the key and I'mma lock that mami... ♪♪

♪ Yeah I like it when you do it like that ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ You can have it all no sacrifice ♪

♪ You can have my sugar sugar sugar baby ♪

♪ You can have the plastic ♪

♪ You have the blues ♪

♪ You know I got to tell you girl ♪

♪ You know you're the mastermind ♪

♪ You like it when I do it like that ♪

♪ You like it when I do it like that ♪

♪ You like it when I do it like that ♪

♪ You make it feel like Christmas ♪♪

♪ You stuck with me through the times ♪

♪ You surely treat me nice ♪♪

♪ You'll be doin' alright ♪

♪ You're always working hard girl ♪

♪ You're on my naughty list ♪

♪ You're something special ♪

♪ Your Santa baby ♪