Instant Family Edit

A Are you jo... You're not joking? My God. I'm so sorry.

A big, life altering moment like this, you gotta get pumped.

A Christmas tree?

A couple of months? How many months?

A couple of months.

A very happy family.

About that hairbrush?

Absolutely no fundamentals whatsoever.

Absolutely! Miss Peppers!

Actually, everything is from swap meets and flea markets,

Actually, I wanted to give you the statement we wrote

Actually, if you read your foster parent regs,

Add a balloon, El.

After a while, you can't believe anyone could ever love you.

After you fix that god awful statement.

All I'm saying is that we're thankful

All I'm saying is, white bread couple taking in little Latin kids.

All right, bye.

All right, come on, everybody.

All right, come on.

All right, cool.

All right, everybody, hands.

All right, everybody, I want you all to imagine

All right, honey, we gotta go.

All right, I won't make any more jokes like that.

All right, look at me.

All right, look, you drop them off.

All right, look.

All right, maybe I did do a look.

All right, October, that leaves you.

All right, October.

All right, one nail on each side of the slat.

All right, so you guys gonna pick us up at 4:00?

All right! First try!

All right?

All right.

All right. Get up! Come on. Let's go.

All right. Good night.

All right. Just don't cry, okay?

All right. We appreciate it.

All righty.

All there?

Almost done.

And also with us today are Juan, Lita, and Elizabeth Viara?

And at that same occasion, did you tell Lizzy to call CPS and to come and take the kids?

And at the time, we couldn't answer her."

And by the time the kid's 16, I'm gonna be one of those old dads,

And cranking his explicit music till all hours.

And did you two each get a teddy bear?

And do I look like I feel good about myself right now?

And encourage him "to whip out his big, shaved plums"?

And everybody feels sorry for us.

And he dropped the thing on his foot...

And he got into another fight at school.

And how he doesn't say much so she can't tell if he likes her.

And I am thankful that whoever has a problem with it can fuck right off!

And I didn't drink a drop when I was pregnant. Nor do I have a radiator.

And I didn't make it easy on them.

And I don't know, I'm sorry.

And I haven't seen her. I was hoping I could see her.

And I know this probably makes me a really bad person,

And I live for this.

And I may not look it, but I'm a huge cornball

And I think I might be recognizing a little bit of jealousy.

And I was put in the system,

And I would like to be the single mother of an athletically gifted teen boy

And I'll just jot you down for "whites only."

And if I were to put the kids in your care,

And it looks like she's got a real shot.

And it ran a little bit later. It's not a big deal.

And it's like the saddest thing I've ever seen.

And it's not that expensive at all.

And it's not their fault! And they're not damaged goods!

And Juan can be fragile and a little emotional,

And Juan just doesn't use his head.

And just when things finally start to feel normal again, they have another visit.

And Lita just got 100 on her last spelling test.

And Lizzy is strong willed and she won't trust easily.

And Lizzy, she's actually smiling. It's crazy.

And Lizzy's soccer team is undefeated.

And my plums aren't shaved.

And never seems to follow through with them.

And next we have Pete and Ellie.

And now Mom's ready to reunite?

And our life is mostly gonna suck now.

And people are gonna say some stupid shit.

And people wouldn't walk out in the middle of your seminar

And prior to that assault,

And push buttons you didn't even know you had.

And remember...

And right now I kind of envy them. But I know you guys love me.

And she can't bother with the one second it takes

And she didn't show.

And she never learned to properly care for herself, much less three kids.

And some of these kids can often languish in the system,

And somebody has a problem with that,

And someday I'm gonna give you away at your wedding.

And tell us, without blaming each other, what the main issues are.

And that statement ain't gonna help.

And that was helpful.

And the court stuff and reunification stuff if she didn't...

And the foster parents, Mr. and Mrs. Wagner, are they present as well?

And the Lord has guided us here

And the schools here are fantastic if you have a baby.

And then each week we'll mix it up.

And then I just said that thing that I said, and now you're grounded!

And then take this nail out.

And then they got distracted, and then I yelled at Juan,

And then we can figure something out.

And then we can pair you with some kids that you can foster

And then we met yours and saw what a wonderful choice it was.

And then we were going crazy trying to get the business started.

And then you can take Lizzy to the high school.

And there's a little kid who ends up on our doorstep.

And they watch people playing video games on YouTube.

And they're moving from place to place, and they don't have anybody,

And this has you feeling what? Frustrated? Scared? Lost? Is that it?

And trash bags in the middle of the night and move them back to the Muskies?

And turn it into a crazy life decision.

And walk your ass right on out of there.

And we get our clean house and date night back.

And we have every color of parent. Every color.

And we know that when you feel good in the morning,

And we start classes next week!

And we want to give thanks for this lovely meal and also this, um,

And we've been trying to have a baby for three years now.

And what type of children you're looking for.

And what's the boy situation? Anything exciting?

And white, with red hair.

And write down the name of any kid you meet you might be interested in.

And you can get your certification.

And you know that.

And you know why? We've got a cosmic connection.

And you might quit just to get some control back.

And you're a dead man.

And you're gonna have a couple of lunch dates."

And you're not that old.

And, Lizzy, I understand that you've submitted a statement.

And, Miss Viara, do you feel capable of responsibly caring

And, Mr. and Mrs. Wagner,

And, uh, let's talk about what happened.

And, yes, there are people who do it just for the paycheck.

And... And I'll just ask Karen for, um, a different placement.

Anybody else?

Anyone ever starts shit with any of you, they have to deal with me.

Anything in this room.

Are people gonna think we shouldn't be doing that?

Are spending Thanksgiving without any family at all.

Are we gonna turn her away because we're not special enough?

Are you shitting me right now?

Are you sure you want to give this to your sister?

Are you sure?

Are you two gonna stand there all night,

Are you with them? Do you know those guys?

As long as you spend some time with them, they're cool.

At us, at the world. Maybe at yourself a little bit.

Aw!

Babe, we'd make 100K off this flip all day long.

Bad, bad, bad!

Because they can match a lot of kids and parents quickly.

Because they're not going through it all alone.

Because we love you, Lizzy.

Because we... It was... I mean, I...

Because you knew that it mattered, right?

Before you jumped on in there,

Before you weren't grounded, you weren't anything,

Bounced around from placement to placement.

Bounty of super fun cardboard boxes.

Breaks my heart.

Brenda Fernandez and her parents.

Brenda has struggled with substance abuse

But a lot of kids don't have that.

But deep down, you know you're not qualified.

But did you meet any kids that you're curious about?

But does he have a lot of contacts?

But either way, we're gonna be there for you.

But guess what? They're not adopted yet.

But he is 5'2."

But I do love you both.

But I just keep wishing that their mom would go back to prison.

But I think we're perfect for this.

But I'm just wondering if I can just get in on that hug a little bit.

But if you're afraid we can't handle knowing the bad stuff, or the scary stuff,

But if you're willing to love these kids who need a mom and dad,

But in this case, no ID's on any birth fathers.

But it is not gonna be easy, folks.

But it just got me thinking. And there's so many kids in foster care.

But it's difficult work.

But just hearing him say it out loud: "We're never having children."

But look how much fun everybody's having.

But no matter how hard I pushed them away,

But no matter what we do, I... I can't...

But no matter what we do, Jake just wants to hang out in his room,

But now they're called rescue dogs and everybody wants one.

But now you're here and you are stuck with us.

But our baby has to be our blood.

But she's really... she's not a house, Pete.

But that food throwing has stopped!

But that's not you, it's me. I thought I just covered all that.

But the Muskies are not abusive or evil.

But the one connection

But then those two... very special people came along.

But these kids, I think they're really good. We got lucky.

But things have been a little chaotic around here, and we need things to be normal.

But we all need to keep in mind that until the kids are adopted,

But we can take you through the eight week foster parenting course,

But we got a plan to work on that too. I'm not saying we're perfect parents.

But we have every color of kid in the system.

But we have to try, people.

But why don't you calm down

But with no family to help me pick a college,

But you know what I do like to do?

But you really love cheeseburgers.

But you're gonna have to get used to it once in a while, okay?

But you're just about to piss me off!

Buy yourselves some souvenirs and junk food.

By the authority vested in me by the state of California,

By way of a bedroom window?

Bye, Brenda. Great job. Amazing. All right, Kit, bye.

Bye, guys. Nice to meet you.

Bye, Meatball.

Bye, sweetie.

Bye! Bye! Thank you!

Bye.

Calm down. I'm gonna fix her, okay? Here you go. See?

Can I get one? I haven't gotten a single hug from you since I've known you.

Can I put my bears in there?

Can we just get out of here, you coward?

Can we just take a moment, calm down, and take a few breaths?

Can you please get off the counter, honey? It's dangerous.

Careful with your foot, Juan. Bye, Lita.

Chattin' up all her middle school BFFs.

Check it out. I put the storage at the end of the island, like you suggested.

Clearly, it's not for them. Let's just flip this one, El.

Come here, Daddy. You too, Mama.

Come here, Son.

Come in, look around.

Come on, baby.

Come on, buddy, suck it up. It's a little snafu, okay?

Come on, buddy. You haven't touched your pasta.

Come on, guys. Don't be sad on our last night.

Come on, Jessie. You're losing her.

Come on, kids, we are going in the living room.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Give me a hug, Charlie.

Come on. I'm getting him.

Come, mi amor.

Congratulations, guys. I'm so happy for you.

Conscientious. Picking up trash.

Cool. Thanks.

Could you just give us a few minutes, please?

Create an open concept through the kitchen.

Dad?

Damaged goods?

Damn it.

Definitely starting to hate me a bit less, right?

Did it come in a big box?

Did you accost a 14 year old honor student in the same school yard

Did you feel a cosmic connection?

Did you flush, sweetie?

Did you go to her house? What if something happened to her?

Did you hear that? I just got my first "Daddy"!

Did you not know that? 'Cause they're really here.

Did you say something, Juan?

Did you see their shoes? We might want to take them to the mall tomorrow.

Dirk? Would you consider siblings?

Dirk. We'll see you in the classes, buddy. Bye, guys. Hey.

Do I look like a flower?

Do you guys want to come in?

Do you happen to know anybody named Jacob

Do you wanna put posters on the wall, paint it?

Do you wish to adopt Juan, Lita, and Lizzy into your family today?

Does that mean Santa comes here?

Don't be ridiculous. I should never have left the nail gun there.

Don't forget, when Lizzy was ten her mother would disappear for weeks at a time,

Don't say "pound," don't say "dog." Just don't.

Don't shut that door. I mean it!

Don't talk back, you little beaner!

Don't worry, pal. Lizzy will show her the way we do the cheese for you

Eeeww!

El, you can't take some offhanded remark I made

El, you okay?

Ellie looks dehydrated. She looks bad.

Ellie, people who take in foster kids are really special.

Ellie, you gotta learn some Spanish.

Ellie.

End up homeless, addicted, incarcerated, or dead within two years.

Even if I think the guy's a pissant and he's not good enough for my little girl.

Ever since her mother's boyfriend started her on meth when she was 11.

Everybody get ready for dinner.

Everybody knows you can't have people over when you're grounded.

Everybody's avoiding them like they're dipped in shit. I'm just gonna go say hi.

Everything's gonna work out great too.

Ew!

Exactly. And we know that the most important thing in the world to you

Except instead of grieving...

Excuse me. I'm talking to you.

Eyes closed.

Fifteen year old girls should never be naked, ever!

For a displaced child...

For a Miss Carla Viara.

For Juan, Lita, and Lizzy at this time?

For what it's worth, I heard what you guys did in there.

Fosters.

Fourteen? Oh, my God!

French doors to the garden.

Friggin' related.

Fun fact: that's actually how you can spot a foster kid.

Get CPS to come, make your little brother and sister pack up their court bears

Get out of here!

Get out! Move your ass! Come on!

Get out. Now.

Get some presents maybe.

Get some sleep, kids.

Give me the phone! Let go!

Go mingle with the kiddies and don't give it another thought, okay?

Go potty, put your shoes on. We're gonna go, okay?

God forbid we actually try to parent the little ones. No, no, that's her territory.

God, it's so weird.

God, look at the big kids over there.

God!

God! She's taking naked selfies in the bathroom!

God. Mmm!

Good job, Michael.

Good luck with that one. She thinks she's better than everybody.

Good morning, folks.

Good night, buddy.

Good night, buddy.

Good night, honey.

Good night, Mommy.

Good night!

Good night!

Good night.

Good one.

Good. Good.

Good. Now can we just go inside so we can talk about this?

Grab... Hold it. Keep it over the sink, please.

Gracias.

Grandma Sandy has an announcement to make.

Grandma Sandy's in the house. We can begin.

Great. Yeah, I just... I have so many feelings.

Guess what? We got a ride in a police car.

Guys, Mom's here.

Guys.

Ha ha ha.

Had now four visits with their birth mom?

Hands, hands, hands. Thank you.

Have a couple kids without the pregnancy and the hormones and the... the rage.

Have a good day, folks. Thanks. Bye bye.

Have a seat, and I'll... Yeah.

Having the love of your own beautiful children rather than...

He doesn't need a phone.

He just said you guys were never gonna have kids. Then you did a definite look.

He looks like an artistic type, like you said.

He's gonna have to leave a note.

He's got it too.

He's more of like an artsy, old soul type.

He's on a Zamboni. Come on!

Hell of a lot cheaper than in vitro too.

Hell, you might even tip over that damn yogurt machine

Hello, Juan.

Hello, Lita.

Hello! Hey, help, please.

Hello. My name is October Ross Jennings.

Her inspirational, heartwarming goddamn speech

Here she is.

Here you go, brother. Thanks, man.

Here you go.

Here's a hundred.

Here's an idea. What if we adopt a five year old?

Hey, buddy, what's your name?

Hey, buddy.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, El. I got the towel samples you wanted for the kitchen.

Hey, guys. Wow, you really like cardboard boxes, huh?

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey. We have news.

Hey, hey. What's up?

Hey, I wanted to say thank you for watching them while I was...

Hey, Jan, Jerry. They're here.

Hey, Juan, Lita, come on!

Hey, Juan, what did you say?

Hey, kids, dinner!

Hey, Lizzy, if you ever want to talk about anything...

Hey, Lizzy, this one's for you too.

Hey, Mr. Hendrickson, go long!

Hey, next time...

Hey, number three, where's your mother?

Hey, sweetie. I brought the car.

Hey, thank you.

Hey, what the hell's going on out here?

Hey, what's that? Oh!

Hey, what's the matter?

Hey, you ever touch, text, or think about our daughter ever again,

Hey, you're not going anywhere. Stop right there!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Did you have fun?

Hey! Do not get in that car. You hear me?

Hey! Hey, you!

Hey! Lizzy, Lizzy, please! Lizzy, no, okay? I've got this.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Excuse me! Heads up!

Hey. Hey, baby.

Hey. Hey, Dad. Wake up, wake up. Wake up!

Hey. Hey, hey, buddy.

Hey. How's it going?

Hey. I don't know if you guys remember us.

Hey. I'm Ellie.

Hey. I've got a car seat for Lita if you don't have one.

Hey. It's okay, sweetie. Did you have a bad dream?

Hey. Mom!

Hey. What's wrong?

Hey. You gotta wait for your turn, buddy.

Hey. You miss me?

Hi, honey. Here we are.

Hi, I'm Sue. I'm Carla's caseworker.

Hi, Jacob.

Hi, Mom.

Hi!

Hi!

Hi!

Hi!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. I don't know the whole context of everything.

Hi. I'm Ellie. Nice to meet you.

Him? That redhead kid right there? The kid with the soup can for a...?

Hmm?

Ho ho! Double shot!

Hold my hand. Gonna be a little pinch. Look at me.

Holy shit. There they are.

Holy...

Honey, come on. Jeez.

Honey, put those down for me. Thank you.

Honey, she's not joking.

Honey, when we saw her, it was obvious.

Honey? Right, El?

How do you know my uterus is perfect? We've never even tried to have kids.

How is the new school?

How many photos did you take? What is wrong with you?

How's your foot? You okay? You okay if I call you "Son"?

Huh. Turns out Lizzy's mom is finishing a sentence in county jail.

I actually think this group has got the grit to face some unpleasant...

I agree.

I also understand that you've been sober for the last five months.

I always thought that I'd be a mom someday.

I am always the bad guy because you're never there.

I am so sorry about the Blind Side comment.

I beg to differ.

I bought it for her. It was only four bucks.

I bought? You loved it too. And that's not even the point.

I can tell by looking at you that not all y'all are gonna make it.

I can tell.

I can't get over it. They look just like normal kids.

I could barf all over the ground because it's so nauseating!

I could just eat you two up! And how's my baby boy?

I crossed a boundary there.

I didn't hit her!

I didn't hit him, okay? I never have hit him.

I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry.

I didn't take your phone! No, I didn't!

I didn't want to take it out, just in case.

I don't care. I said no. That's not happening, okay?

I don't know if I can get pregnant.

I don't know, and you're not talking.

I don't know, I just thought when we met our kids

I don't know, maybe next time you guys...

I don't know. They're just so cute.

I don't know. You just seem like a Nazi bitch.

I don't mean to push, but it just opens up so many more opportunities.

I don't think she's getting on board with the plan, honey.

I don't want this.

I feel bad, like we're breaking up a family.

I felt like I was... I felt like I was babysitting other people's kids.

I found this adoption agency. They're having an orientation next week.

I got here early, Lizzy saw me, and she came over and just starts talking.

I got on Lizzy just last night when she wouldn't clean up after dinner!

I got the whole family tickets to Six Flags!

I got you, um...

I grew up a lot like that kid.

I had to search myself

I hate it.

I have a...

I have played 150 games of Candy Land with Lita.

I have this really great detangler. You want me to...?

I I It's just... Is it a problem...

I just get worried

I just thought 'cause of the gay guys' conceiving joke that we were...

I just wanted to apologize for what I wrote to the judge.

I just wanted to have the Avatar talk. Now we did, so I'm good.

I knew it wasn't gonna work with her.

I know it sounds... I know everyone's going through tough stuff.

I know it's Christmastime and you may have memories and things.

I know Juan and Lita are more like what you had in mind when you got into this.

I know she's getting these texts. I can see the dots.

I know that I have a place to go to eat turkey and be thankful.

I know you don't like this,

I know you feel sorry for me right now, but you really don't have to...

I know, but we were always so broke.

I know, I know, but she kind of... She looks okay.

I know, I know, but we wanted to.

I know.

I know. I just...

I know. I love that part. I do love that part. That's the only good part.

I know. I think it's awful. But they're teenagers, okay?

I left it there for her with a nice little note, with hearts on it and stuff.

I like it. It's really... dope.

I like the way she says her J's.

I love frozen yogurt.

I love the big rides. You want to go on the...

I love the bunny 'cause she has a skirt.

I love the movie.

I love this song.

I mean it. Don't open that door.

I mean, I get it. We adopted our dog Meatball, and we love him like crazy, but...

I mean, is that true?

I mean, our food rations, the blast radius.

I mean, Sharon said she's been clean for four months.

I mean, that is the plot of The Blind Side, so...

I mean, the tantrums, the messes, the attitude.

I mean, this is what we do.

I mean, unless you want to.

I mean, we did not get it at first,

I mean, we wanted to meet... Oh, my gosh.

I mean, we were all being supportive to your faces, but...

I mean, yes, we would look like the worst people in the world, but...

I mean, Your Honor.

I need you to think about something that really pisses you off.

I never get tired of watching white people fight.

I never said anything, but I'm thankful to hear this.

I never said the word "bitchy." It was her word, not mine.

I pronounce you a family.

I quit bringing it up because every time I did, you'd say it's not the right time.

I said that, Your Honor, but again,

I saw her... Oh, right there.

I saw what you wrote to her: "If you don't show me something, I'm gonna lose interest."

I see that you've been keeping up with your visits. That's good.

I swear they look like brother and sister. I can't tell them apart.

I swear to God, I'm gonna get pregnant again this afternoon just to spite you.

I think I have to take a crap.

I think maybe it's okay for a five year old to have a cell phone.

I think our kids made us realize just what kind of a rut we were in before.

I think she's just trying to say that we needed a new challenge,

I think so.

I think they might be recognizing a little bit of a honeymoon period.

I think we should take Lita to the lobby.

I think we're gonna be late for school.

I think, uh...

I thought it was the person who sent her the...

I thought maybe we could speak with her, and she'd get us pumped up like before.

I walked them through some of my better bird watching stories.

I wanna know what's going on, Karen.

I want my chips!

I want you guys to meet Pete and Ellie.

I was never into the cute ones either.

I was trying to leave in a car and I wasn't supposed to,

I would be thankful to know why you all have a problem with this.

I would like you all to know that thousands of children

I...

I'll ask. You guys are overthinking this.

I'll go get her. You watch the kids.

I'll just wait outside. Okay.

I'll tell you what's not normal, is your kids not knowing what Six Flags is.

I'll visit all the time and you can call me if you need help for anything.

I'm calling it. Yours is dead.

I'm David, and this is my wife, Jessie.

I'm deleting everything here! Delete, delete, delete.

I'm getting my nose watery and...

I'm gonna be honest with you, all right?

I'm gonna be late for school, you know.

I'm gonna beat you!

I'm gonna find this Jacob kid and get to the bottom of this, okay?

I'm gonna get a hamper next time.

I'm gonna sue you, man! You're not even her parents!

I'm good. I...

I'm Grammy "Hw an" and this is Grandpa "Hw erry."

I'm happy. I am. I...

I'm just going to say hello. I know. I don't think we should do that.

I'm just gonna go check on Lita.

I'm just saying there used to be a stigma about getting a dog from the pound,

I'm not gonna apologize for working.

I'm not gonna push you into it.

I'm not saying she's a house like the way I said the dog thing in there,

I'm one eighth Comanche, okay? So I'm not that white!

I'm Pete.

I'm really gonna miss them.

I'm really thankful for that too.

I'm sick of looking at that. To hell with it. I'm going over there.

I'm so exci... Are you excited?

I'm so sor... We... We're terrible people. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry you have to carry all your stuff in these awful bags.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I feel terrible. I, uh...

I'm so sorry. It's not my fault.

I'm so sorry. Oh, God. I'm so sorry, honey.

I'm so sorry. Uh, I shouldn't have left this out.

I'm so sorry. You are so right.

I'm sor... I am. Just then I was. But it's... Look.

I'm sorry if we're not as politically correct as you guys,

I'm sorry, did I...?

I'm sorry, sweetie. I thought we were really connecting.

I'm Stewart. You probably... You... What's up?

I'm sure that's not accurate.

I'm thankful for my beautiful grandchildren,

I'm thrilled she even likes him. I totally pegged her for the bad boys.

I've never seen it. So, please, it's your turn. Just do not talk to me anymore.

If she thinks our statement's the reason her mom doesn't get custody,

If she's hostile with you again, maybe try using the three R's.

If this place is so great, why don't you guys move in here?

If we just stay calm and we work together,

If we say "yes," they're in our house next week.

If you don't quit being so nuts about this baby thing,

If you put the doll back, I'll get you a giant ice cream sundae.

In any case, I'd love to set up a visitation,

In any case, we have this. It's fine.

In case I have to grab the wheel or shut down the power, okay?

In the middle of the night when we're asleep."

In your heart of hearts,

Including the... the very lucky kids

Install some countertops in the form of love or self esteem, whatever.

Is anybody interested in playing with the giant dollhouse it took three hours to assemble?

Is between siblings.

Is it accurate that you left Juan and Lita alone in your car

Is she up there studying? Hey, Brenda, you gonna come down?

Is that her real mom? Yeah, that's a harsh move.

Is that still the case?

Is the reason we signed up for this shit show in the first place!

Is this that kid Jacob you were talking about?

Is this that kid Jacob's house? Is that where we're going?

Is to protect Juan and Lita from the things nobody protected you from.

It doesn't need any more kids.

It was a bit aggressive. It was a little bit out of line.

It was a joke.

It was a little out of context maybe, but there's no hard feelings.

It was all true.

It was good. I needed it. I haven't been slapped for a long time.

It was Juan, Lita, and Lizzy."

It was just a nice thought.

It was my fault. I walked away, and I left the gun there.

It was so smart to get rid of Blake Griffin. That was a great trade for them.

It wasn't their fault. They didn't do anything.

It'd be like I got cracking when I was 36. How about that?

It's a foster joke.

It's a nice thought, but we're...

It's gonna be long and weird.

It's gonna be really pretty. But not too revealing. Super sweet.

It's good. It's like... It's, um... It's school.

It's got nothing to do with what just happened.

It's just a visitation. So...

It's just all of this is a little scary, right?

It's just the song that's got me a little emotional.

It's messed up, I know, but the county puts these on

It's nice to see Lita and Juan get presents

It's not a good trait, guys.

It's not a potluck.

It's not easy to find empathy for them.

It's not fair. That is not...

It's not just she, it's we. And we are. Very serious.

It's not that progressive, but no problem.

It's okay, buddy.

It's okay. I'm sorry too.

It's okay. No. Just tell them.

It's okay. Well, I'm Kit and this is Michael.

It's small, but it works... Your Honor.

It's so clean and quiet in here.

It's the look. She's doing the look. I gotta get some ketchup.

It's very unprofessional.

J... acob.

Jacob. J...

Jesus, that is a trout!

Juan and I bonded over Rocky III.

Juan hit me!

Juan started playing piano. Right, buddy?

Juan, drop it right now!

Juan, Lita, and Lizzy,

Juan, Lita, this is Sandy. This is Pete's mom.

Juan, Lita.

Juan, we're gonna clean this off, give you a little anesthetic,

Juan, what did you say?

Juan, what did you say?

Juan, where did you put my phone?

Juan!

Juan!

Juan! Did you say something? Juan!

Juan. Lita.

Juan. Lita. Come on.

Judging by Lizzy's statement, you might be back in court soon enough,

Just an idea.

Just FYI, we can all hear you.

Just let me talk to her, please,

Just like... really, that gorgeous sweet spot.

Just put the knife down, honey.

Just put them on.

Just sign in, and take this form with you

Just stay there, Juan.

Just to clarify,

Karen had to take them to a temporary placement for the night.

Karen is not advocating vandalism in the workplace.

Karen, we've had plenty of fathers who have stepped up,

Keep your end straight, will you?

Kid shows up, you figure it out. Easy peasy.

Leaving Lizzy to parent Juan and Lita all by herself.

Lego!

Let her go with her friends.

Let me just smooth it out for you.

Let's get in the house right away, really quick.

Let's get ready for the tub.

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's make them feel welcome.

Let's see it. Bust that shit up.

Let's try some of this meat loaf, okay?

Like Brian Hendrickson's dad.

Like just take one look at them and just know, like when you and me met.

Like The Blind Side. Like the movie. Right? That's great.

Like, four...

Listen, guys, right now, you're all they've got.

Listen, we're not gonna sugarcoat it, okay?

Lita is a... a wild, rowdy kid,

Lita won't eat anything but potato chips.

Lita, come on, get your stuff.

Lita, don't do what Lizzy said. What did you say? C uatro? "Go to your bedroom"?

Lita, duck!

Lita, honey, did you go potty?

Lita, stay right there!

Lita.

Little Juanny's upchucking in the trash bin!

Lizzy gave you the look and you caved.

Lizzy made it for me. You didn't get one?

Lizzy, can we go home now?

Lizzy, can we put the phone away while we're at the table, like we talked about?

Lizzy, honey, we do know you.

Lizzy, I know you're angry.

Lizzy, she's treating us like we're the enemy.

Lizzy, want me to show you your room?

Lizzy!

Lizzy!

Lizzy.

Lizzy.

Lizzy. Let's just... Let's... Let's try something else.

Lizzy. Pete and I worked really hard on this dinner.

Look at 'em. They don't have any emotional holes to fill.

Look at the way Lizzy's looking at her.

Look, kid, just put down the weapon, okay?

Look, Lizzy's mom is a product of the system

Look, we can't start turning on each other here.

Look, you're overthinking it, bro. None of my kids were planned.

Looks like she's never pursued reunification

Louder. Crazier. Come on. Come on! You're about to be a mom!

Love you too.

Ma, it's just not a good time. So we're not doing this, okay?

Mama.

Man, I didn't even touch that girl.

Maybe I just wanted to be the fun parent for once instead of being the bad guy.

Maybe she ran off. Maybe something happened to her.

Maybe something to break up the monotony.

Maybe we were spoiled and didn't appreciate the rut.

Maybe.

Me too.

Meatball. Hey! Hey, buddy!

Miss Viara.

Mm hmm.

Mom, can you just talk like a normal person?

Mom, give us a few minutes. We were just in the middle of a family meeting.

Mom, have you seen my phone?

Mom, I told you to text or call.

Mom, it's too late. We submitted it last week.

Mom!

Mom.

Most folks want nothing to do with teenagers.

Most important thing, make sure the moms all get along.

Most of our foster parents are really terrific, caring people.

Mother...

Mrs. Wagner, did you at one time force Lizzy's friends to leave your home

Mwah!

Mwah!

My God, it's so clean.

My mom and her boyfriend decided it would be a good idea

My mom used to brush my hair...

Nah. Cute's overrated.

Needs some work.

Never mind. Thanks.

Next day, the behavior continued.

Next thing I know I'm in full mom mode, giving her advice, like,

Nice one.

Nice to meet you.

Nice! Nice. And we hear you that you're frustrated with the chart.

Nice.

No distracted driving, okay?

No fair! I want some of that. Hey, honey.

No problem. It's all gone.

No problem. They've been doing great.

No, bull. Gimme one. Yee haw!

No, cuatro means "quart." Like quart of milk.

No, honey, it's "Hway cob."

No, I didn't feel a cosmic connection.

No, I was interested, but, you know, I'm more cautious than you are.

No, I, uh...

No, it's actually important to have a sense of humor about this kind of thing.

No, it's okay. Don't cry. Relax.

No, no, I'm staying in your black room. These guys are leaving.

No, no, it's just Jacob.

No, no, no! Um, I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. It's totally washable.

No, no. Hey, hey, leave her alone.

No, out the window, Pussy Riot! Way you came in!

No, she didn't. Because why would she, um, fill out all the forms

No, she didn't. She's just treating us like another set of fosters.

No, she's not lying.

No, this is...

No, we thought of that. But it doesn't feel like a period.

No, we're not. But you know what we are? We're here.

No, what? Are you talking to me? Who am I?

No! Not better than me! I can't with you. Can you please deal with her, Pete?

No? She doesn't like it? Why not?

No.

No.

No. I didn't push her. She's ready!

No. No, they're not.

No. She said "made." That's past tense. There's a difference.

No. Sit.

No. Two, maybe, but there's no way we can do three.

No. What? Kimmy. I don't know. What?

Nobody to come home to on the holidays

Nobody wants a teenager, so I'd be aging out in a few years.

Nor do I.

Normally, you go out and chat up some random kid in a park and you're gonna get arrested.

Not really a rut. Just the same old routine. You know?

Not such a big man now, are you? Come on, whip it out!

Not that we are doing it to fill...

Not, like, full on girl talk, but not the usual silent treatment either.

Nothing has been decided yet.

Nothing. I was just thinking about what you said about adopting a five year old.

Now I know where Brenda gets her inspiring speech thing.

Now we don't know what the hell to do.

Now we're talking!

Now you're telling me she's back on... Ow!

Now, you gotta step up and become the parents.

Now.

Now... Whoa, whoa! Don't waste it, all right? I want you to do me a favor.

Number two: relate.

Occupied! Sorry!

Of course it is perfect. It is yours.

Of course it was you. I left it in the bathroom for you.

Of course you are, because you have to win at everything.

Of course, if you two thought you could make room for an older child...

Of when Pete and his degenerate friends stole a pizza truck.

Oh, come here.

Oh, everyone, our guest speaker of the day,

Oh, fantastic.

Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Oh, God.

Oh, good! You're home!

Oh, great. I'm so glad that she loves her black bedroom.

Oh, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, hi.

Oh, honey.

Oh, I get it. My problems seem stupid now.

Oh, I'm part of this family too.

Oh, is that that boy Jacob?

Oh, man! Kid dinged a Porsche.

Oh, my babies, you got so big!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You guys are gonna have kids now, aren't you?

Oh, my goodness. Oh.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm... I'm...

Oh, no!

Oh, no.

Oh, no. No, no. Dick pic! There's a dick pic!

Oh, no. No. You don't play that trouble pass card with us.

Oh, no. Oh, God!

Oh, okay. Sorry.

Oh, shoot!

Oh, sorry! Oh, Christ.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Oh, uh, Ellie and Pete.

Oh, yeah, she's right there.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, it really looks like you've got it.

Oh, yeah. And... she loves it.

Oh, yeah. Lizzy's such a great kid.

Oh, yeah. Oh, dear.

Oh!

Oh! I'm your Grandma Sandy.

Oh! Oh, thank you!

Oh! That's my boy. You missed me, huh? I missed you too.

Oh! Uh... I don't think that's...

Oh.

Oh. Hi.

Oh. Oh, oh.

Oh. Sure.

Oh. Yeah. And check this out.

Ohh!

Okay, all your court bears are in here, the new ones as well.

Okay, and Pete and Ellie took in three children ten days ago,

Okay, everybody, why don't we learn your names

Okay, folks, our .26 hearing is now a Change of Circumstance hearing

Okay, have a seat.

Okay, here.

Okay, I think that's everybody.

Okay, I'll see you then. Bye!

Okay, keep going. Get the words for me.

Okay, no, that's not...

Okay, okay.

Okay, then tell me! Please tell me!

Okay, what do we have here?

Okay, you're done. Gimme that. Give it to me. Just give me that now!

Okay!

Okay! Okay.

Okay? Number one: regulate.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Lunch it is.

Okay. Not a good fit. So we'll just go.

Okay. Now, Miss Viara,

Okay. Okay. Well...

Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. So you're punishing me with manual labor.

Okay. Thanks.

Okay. That's good.

Okay. Tuck in, everybody.

Okay. We'll see you in a bit.

One of which is a teenager.

Or are we gonna try to get these kids to bed at a decent hour?

Or big.

Or contacted her kids in over two years,

Or cry to when my first boyfriend dumped me for Missy Howard.

Our foster kids aren't gonna act like that. That's on you guys.

Out! Out!

Over a half million children are currently in foster care.

Ow! Oh!

Pedophile.

Perfect parent, huh?

Perfect, because I'm a member of the family.

Perfect. Let me go check in back, see what we have in stock.

Pete and Ellie from foster orientation?

Pete, Ellie, I understand your frustration.

Pete, I appreciate your cultural sensitivity,

Pete, I hope she's not serious about all this.

Pete, if you don't want the kids,

Pete, shut up! This is the kind of stuff they move kids for, okay?

Pete, we're not talking about you, man.

Pete, you tell her what my nationality is! Tell her!

Pete, you'd said you'd say something to her next time she acts all bitchy.

Pete. Ellie.

Pete. Hey, Pete.

Pete. Pete, Pete! Ticktock, muscle man.

Peter and Elinore Wagner,

Pipe down with that crap. We are not friggin' related.

Please, Kimmy. You just got here.

Please, Your Honor, we were up late working on it. I can read it very fast.

Please?

Please?

Please.

Posting bail for my Petey.

Potato Chips has been bad today. Bad girl!

Preferably African American.

Pretty much since the first night we met, right?

Pretty soon I was 14.

Probably in an orange jumpsuit selling smokes in the yard.

Put 'em back.

Put a strain on your relationship,

R... Really?

Rather than just rolling the dice

Really nice.

Really small for her age too. Maybe a fetal alcohol thing or something.

Really took me back to the good old days.

Really? That's how this works?

Really? Wow. How long before you just knew?

Really. You want to have a go?

Relax. We'll get you there in one second, okay? You're...

Removing kids from their adoptive home the night before their hearing.

Right? I didn't either. I've never had a hot boyfriend, ever.

Right? Right? "Hway cob."

Right? We squirt a few tears, we act super devastated.

Right. You gotta laugh or you'll never make it through this.

Ronit?

Run down to the hardware store, pick any color you like. What do you say?

Sandy, come on, it's started!

Santa got me a fat Barbie! I want a skinny Barbie!

Seat belts on, everybody! Seat belts on.

See this? Read that.

See you later, Russ.

Sending pictures of your knob to a 15 year old girl?

Sh... Miss Peppers!

She came into care four years ago when she was 11.

She didn't answer her phone.

She does really well in school. Come on back.

She doesn't hate you. She just thinks you don't love her.

She doesn't know how to make my noodles the way I like to have them?

She doesn't like talking about that kind of stuff, so just go easy.

She felt she was being pushed into something that she wasn't ready for.

She got a T shirt.

She is kidding, of course.

She just comes out here, she takes all this stuff out,

She said it's the first time she's heard of CPS

She said, "You're not gonna have a potato chip, but you will drink that milk."

She said... she can't do it.

She was supposed to meet us at the office this morning

She was telling me about that kid Jacob,

She's 15. She's a terrible parent. She needs to be a kid.

She's gonna hate us more than she does now.

She's got a knife.

She's just not what I pictured at all.

She's losing her connection

She's not coming, baby.

She's not fat. She's body positive.

She's still her mom.

She's using again.

She's... She kind of looks normal.

Shoot.

Should we kiss Lizzy good night?

Show everybody those big shaved plums you're so proud of!

Shut up!

Since Lizzy's mom has been keeping up with her reunification steps,

Sir, all I need to know is whether or not Lizzy is lying.

Slow down.

So for a child to be removed, conditions have to be pretty bleak,

So forget what I said before. It is back on!

So he doesn't have to wear a cast or anything? It's just stitches?

So I just thought, I mean, your daughter turned out so great.

So I said, "Young lady,

So I think the best thing is for you to adopt them.

So I was talking to Karen and Sharon, and they...

So I'm gonna get that.

So I'm pretty sure the multiplex is a comparatively safe environment.

So just go on. It's okay.

So let's save that heartwarming speech for that occasion.

So let's think about next time how we can express ourselves better.

So no school today, huh?

So now she wants to come back and be Mommy again.

So on these rare days when we get to smile at work,

So this won't be child abuse. Pete!

So we went to the school and joined her in the cafeteria.

So you don't know what's gonna happen.

So you're rewarding this behavior?

So your job is to keep them safe, whether they want you to or not.

So your mom can make it for you just the way you like.

So, I'm gonna register Juan and Lita at Harding in the morning.

So, my name's Ellie. Hi. This is my husband, Pete.

So, there's, um...

So, together we're all gonna decide which chore we'd like to do

So, uh, nobody's being moved.

So, when I was eight years old,

So, yeah, she's pretty much a nonissue.

So, you two went out and found yourself a teenager after all, huh?

So...

Somebody's gotta deal with that dump of a house you bought before it bankrupts us.

Someday in the way, way, way off, deep, deep, deep distant future.

Sometimes it's easier for sibs to adjust

Sometimes she stumbles. But she is a good kid.

Sometimes the universe thinks it's funny if I drop $26,000 on in vitro first.

Sorry I don't dress like an uptight douche like you.

Sorry, but we shouldn't be laughing.

Sorry, Petey. Have a good fight.

Sorry. That was just wrong. Yeah, I just do that. You guys hug.

Speak of the devil.

Speaking of court, um,

Speaking of which, I found your statement to the judge on your printer.

Speaking of which, next up we have October,

Spit it out, spit it out!

Stay still. I got to wrap it up.

Stewart. Don't ever talk to her again, okay?

Still think it's a wonderful choice?

Stop right now, or you're not getting lunch or dinner.

Stop saying that. Please just go away, please.

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Sure.

Sure.

Sweetie, good night. I love you.

Sweetie, we're so sorry.

Talking on his phone, swearing, taking the Lord's name in vain,

Thank heaven he didn't seriously hurt one of the other kindergartners.

Thank you so much! He didn't do any of that.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks for making me late.

Thanks for the ride. I love you!

Thanks, Daddy.

Thanks, you guys.

Thanks. Merry... Merry Christmas.

That are soon to be adopted by two wonderful parents.

That can remain

That didn't take long. They hate us already.

That is correct. We're just not having any luck.

That is really inspiring stuff, you guys. Well done.

That is right.

That is such great news. I'm so happy for both of you.

That it would be like this cosmic connection, you know?

That sweet kid from school is sending you photos of his beeswax?

That was actually us. Our story.

That was cool.

That was gonna be me, trying to start my adult life,

That was good.

That was in the heat of an argument.

That was very smart. Put him right on this gurney.

That we couldn't read in court, just so you have it.

That we feel no family should have to go through.

That weren't donated from total strangers, so...

That with some structure and love

That would depend. There's a lot of factors that go into it.

That you and Peter are gonna experience

That you think things are gonna be easier than they actually are.

That's a good idea, huh?

That's a long fill up, my friend.

That's a shame.

That's actually sexual assault, young man. It's disgusting!

That's Charlie.

That's gonna be us soon.

That's good. That's good. That's very good.

That's how your children feel every day of their lives.

That's insane! I don't believe it!

That's not gonna bring him back from that peanut butter sandwich you fed him.

That's not really a bath toy.

That's not the only thing they're gonna break.

That's okay, buddy.

That's right, we're here and we love you.

That's right, we've got a cosmic connection.

That's right. Someday in the future.

That's terrible. What about the father?

That's what we do. We renovate houses. Ellie did all the design work.

That's why we wrote it like that, Mom.

That's... You suck!

The big guy might smile on that.

The court has legally cleared us...

The courts did. And don't forget why.

The courts took 'em. There's nothing we could do.

The janitor? The adult ass janitor?

The judge changed your .26 hearing to a Change of Circumstances hearing

The kid carrying her whole life in a Hefty bag.

The little guy didn't follow through with it though.

The little sad looking one with pigtails

The one that just picked up that bit of trash?

The point is, that it's the same...

The point is, when you are there, you let them get away with murder.

The primary goal of the system is family preservation.

The reason she's sitting away from others is because she has a family,

The rut was easy and quiet. You know, I miss the rut. But you had to be a mommy.

The same way you got fired from your last three jobs.

The system is overloaded, okay?

The thing is, over half the kids who age out of foster care

Then just give me 14 months to think about it. How 'bout that? Come on.

Then you're gonna throw your perfect uterus in my face too.

There you go, Juan.

There you go. Dad, Dad, Dad!

There's a gorgeous stained glass here in the corner. The bones are really good.

There's a gym and a frozen yogurt machine right there in the break room.

There's a park across the street.

There's lots of yummy food for you to eat.

There's no look. You're doing a look.

There's something I'd like to do,

These are really, really good potatoes.

These are the kind of people who volunteer when it's not even a holiday.

These are your fantasy kids.

These days mean a great deal to all of us.

These kids will test your will,

These... these kids could blossom, right?

They abused me physically, and some of their customers abused me sexually.

They are not your real children.

They don't want to be stuck here with a bunch of old farts like you two.

They find this kid in a state of disrepair,

They get one every time we go to family court.

They give her a new coat of paint, sc**** off her emotional popcorn ceiling,

They give you a nice big office.

They made me deliver drugs for them.

They use drugs, and they masturbate,

They want to ride the big stuff and check out the hot boys.

They were always there with a sack lunch and a ride.

They were completely uninterested.

They're just crazy for a few days after.

They're obviously never having kids.

They're so ungrateful. We're doing everything for them.

Things that matter are hard.

This hearing is not about you.

This is Meatball.

This is the opposite of a support group.

This isn't even a real Barbie.

This isn't...

This kid is harmless, baby. Trust me.

This little guy's all by himself. You want to go say hi?

This man has been sending lewd comments and photos to our daughter.

This place is disgusting, by the way.

This whole thing was your idea. Now I'm pumped about it, and you're not?

Those kids were living like feral cats in a crack house.

Time to erase these ideals right now.

Time's up.

To adopt a baby boy... or a girl.

To adopt Tina and Ryan!

To adopt.

To be honest, we were worried about our real kids' safety...

To build a meth lab in our garage.

To close a stupid door or put anything in the sink.

To make you feel good about yourself.

Told you we'd make it. Stop it!

Took a lot to convince her to accept placement in an adoptive home.

Truth is, when I'm pissed, I don't like to talk about it either.

Try and use the three R's on me.

Try it.

Uh, good. It's going really good.

Uh, I have no idea. I just woke up this morning and...

Uh, Kylie, Savanna, these are my, um...

Uh, meet you guys at... What time are we going back to your house?

Uh, my mom got out a few months ago, so...

Uh, no. Wait, you mean the one in your hand?

Uh, we appreciate the concern, but there's no need to go all pity crazy.

Uh, what can we do for you?

Uh, when I was 11, our garage exploded,

Uh, yeah, I mean, I'm not too sure about any of this.

Uh, you two, come on. Who wants to...

Um, Brenda is, um... back in rehab.

Um, here's what I think is best.

Um, hey, hey, come on.

Um, w we'd have to...

Um...

Unless a wonderful family like yours steps up for them.

Unless you have any other concerns.

Until the white guy showed up and pretended to be a blue guy?

Until they become adoptable.

Usually involving abuse or extreme neglect.

Very sweet, a little guarded. Kind of had a little wall around her.

Wait, wait. So we would have... three children?

Wait, wh what's that noise?

Wait. Wait! Wait! Wait.

Want to play restaurant with me?

Was it all the funnel cakes we ate?

We are going to adopt through foster care, just like you guys!

We are here today to officially create a new family.

We are so sorry. Are you okay?

We can find a way to get these little assholes out of our house!

We can, I promise.

We could just...

We could use a pep talk right now.

We could've had a toddler who doesn't have opinions and thong underwear.

We couldn't give her an answer at the time.

We did it because something was missing in our lives, but we didn't know what it was.

We didn't take her kids, Ellie.

We didn't take her kids, Ellie.

We do not stock.

We don't even volunteer on a holiday.

We don't have a year long engagement on this thing.

We hear about you throwing food in the cafeteria one more time,

We just want to make a nice home for you. Is that so wrong?

We just went to get treats. So, yeah, just back it up. Okay?

We know how this works.

We met one little girl who was sitting all by herself.

We move the stairs, take these walls down,

We need your help with Juan and Lita.

We see potential in things, we fix 'em up. Like they did.

We should all go. I think they'd like that.

We spend day in and day out dealing with things

We tried to take it, but his birth mother gave it to him,

We try so hard to engage with him,

We want to thank the Lord for our first Christmas together.

We wanted to get to know you a bit more.

We We'll talk after.

We were excited. Did we go overboard?

We wouldn't recommend this match if we didn't believe

We... We know that you hate cheese,

We'll be in the shop.

We'll step up. We'll take one right away.

We're about to do something insane.

We're Dana and Dirk McCann.

We're family now, and I got your back forever. You hear me?

We're going back to our house, where we all live, at 7:00!

We're gonna be all over your ass about your grades.

We're gonna be in the front row again when you graduate college, or even if you don't.

We're gonna be in the front row embarrassing you.

We're gonna buy you your first prom dress.

We're gonna call your mom, tell the principal, maybe even call the police.

We're gonna have a karate kicking contest. Me versus you, straight up.

We're good! Thank you so much. We're good, thank you.

We're having a baby. We are having a baby.

We're here. You're okay.

We're looking for a child of any gender or ethnicity up to nine years old.

We're making connections. Okay? I just taught Lita how to ride a bike.

We're never gonna do that.

We're not doing this without you.

We're not doing this, right? We're on the same page because of the structure thing?

We're not having chips tonight, munchkin. Sorry.

We're not rich. I mean, we're doing okay.

We're not starving people here, okay? I have this under control.

We're obsessed with the Clippers. I can't get enough of them.

We're talking about crack babies and kids who have been sexually harassed.

We've also been trying to conceive now.

We've been dealing with all of this shit!

We've flipped five houses this year, and I'm starting to turn down design work.

Well, actually by blood she is...

Well, did you see that?

Well, guess what? You're grounded.

Well, guess what.

Well, I have gotten a placement.

Well, I mean, it's not perfect.

Well, it's been a few weeks, and I want to meet my new grandkids.

Well, it's still closer.

Well, Lita is just constantly...

Well, make yourself at home.

Well, resubmit it! Jesus!

Well, technically, she said she hates you.

Well, that's because I wanted you to come in here.

Well, then,

Well, there are my little gangsters.

Well, there goes another Thanksgiving.

Well, there's some good news.

Well, we met your sister, and she's so awesome.

Well, yeah. Yeah, I'm frustrated.

Well, you know her better than I do.

Well, you know, our kids have, what,

Well, you were, honey. You were.

Well...

Well... When we got this house, it was a dump.

What about over here?

What am I gonna look like?

What are they doing here?

What are they gonna do with five bedrooms and a park?

What are you doing? Take it out!

What are you doing? You want to get in? You wanna say hi to Lizzy?

What are you talking about, "father"?

What did you say?

What did you think they were gonna look like? Little pirates?

What do you guys think?

What do you think it is, Mom? Wild guess. Dick. Pic.

What do you think?

What exactly is a dick pic?

What if the judge reads that crap in front of Lizzy?

What if there was, like, a disaster?

What if we say that some relatives came forward?

What if when we go live with our mom,

What if you can't? What are you gonna do?

What is it? It's a sewing machine! What do you think?

What, are you doing comedy for us now, Pete?

What?

What?

What? No, you don't. You don't even know me.

What? That sounds insane coming out of your mouth.

What? Why?

What? You don't.

What'd I tell you? The fireplace, the built ins here.

What's not okay is to threaten to slash our throats

What's Six Flags?

What's that?

Whatever happens, the time that your kids spent with you

When I was growing up, a lot of people thought I was damaged goods too.

When I was nine I lived in a crack house.

When someone does terrible things to the children we love,

When you took this on, you felt good about yourself

When. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kimmy.

When. When you have a baby.

When's the part we cough up 12 grand to fix the rotted out foundation?

Where he'll decide if the kids are ready to reunite.

Where's her mom now?

Where's my potato chips?

Where's the court statement Ellie gave you?

Whether that means staying with us or returning to their birth mother."

Which is not the reason, but it's a reason, if you're weighing factors.

While you were being arrested for aggravated assault?

Who called it, huh? Who said it?

Who I can help to reach his full Division One scholarship potential.

Who knows... that you don't want her.

Who might be hanging around with our daughter, Lizzy Viara?

Who seems like she's been chained to a radiator half her life.

Who still hasn't been matched with a child.

Whoa, Juan. What are you doing, buddy?

Whoa! Ooh!

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you didn't just know?

Whoa. Whoa. What's happening here?

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo.

Whose idea was it to go and talk to the teenagers?

Why did she do that? I hate her!

Why did you suddenly feel the urge to get foster kids?

Why do I always have to go last?

Why don't you come on over here? Excuse me.

Why don't you get into school before you get me in trouble.

Why I became a mother in the first place.

Why is she growling? That wasn't in the classes. I got nothing for that.

Why is this funny?

Why would you even show that? They're so cute. That's wrong.

Will you just trust me? Come on.

Will you look at them!

Will you look at this? I'm gonna wear it every day.

With everything and everyone.

With me wanting the kids or not wanting the kids?

With the offspring of some criminal or drug addict.

Work, go to the gym, grabbing dinner, drinks, the movies.

Would not her parents do this?

Would you like Peter and Elinore to be your mom and dad?

Would you like to share your news?

Wow, that's a cute name. Jacob. I like... Like Jake.

Wow, uh, it's, yeah, darkest of the black tones.

Wow.

Wow.

Yaaa hoo!

Yay!

Yeah, about that. Actually, we...

Yeah, and he's not cute.

Yeah, and we're hoping to get them out of their current foster placement.

Yeah, bring it. Whatever you got, we want it.

Yeah, hi. I'm Lizzy. Um, this is Lita and Juan.

Yeah, I guess we can.

Yeah, I know, but then we're just supposed to...

Yeah, I would love to.

Yeah, I would, actually. Thanks.

Yeah, it can feel a little like shopping for kids.

Yeah, it did. It came in a big $200 box.

Yeah, it's going pretty good.

Yeah, let's do it.

Yeah, Lizzy comes with two younger siblings, Juan and Lita.

Yeah, Lizzy, you body positive whore!

Yeah, okay... Hey, Pete, Pete, just wait.

Yeah, she got clean because she was in jail, Ellie.

Yeah, she's not just gonna step aside and let you two take over.

Yeah, she's nuts.

Yeah, thank you, guys.

Yeah, these things can be kind of awkward.

Yeah, this is your place. You can do whatever you want with it.

Yeah, three.

Yeah, we just feel so rejected.

Yeah, we just realized we hadn't thought it through properly, so...

Yeah, we would. And right now everybody thinks we're saints.

Yeah, we've decided together not to move forward with the foster thing.

Yeah, well... it's a little weird.

Yeah, what was the look for? You looked back at me to include me in your look.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you too. Come on!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Jesus Christ. This is great news.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And when you graduate high school,

Yeah. Enjoy your life as a sex offender.

Yeah. Just let me know if it pulls, okay?

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. That's my daughter.

Yeah. The other two are jackassing around out back.

Yeah. This is what we do. We can knock that out in 20 minutes.

Yeah. Totally.

Yeah. We all thought you were out of your minds.

Yeah. Why?

Yeah. Yeah, he is. Yeah.

Yeah. You're such a good boy.

Yeah... Whoa! Oh!

Yee haw. We're gonna adopt a whole shitwhack of kids.

Yes, but I have the phone and I'll sit in the front

Yes, we went to see her. She was very ashamed.

Yes, Your Honor. I'm capable now.

Yes!

Yes! And that's okay to be frustrated! We're all frustrated.

Yes! I'm a little afraid to say anything, but yes, that's basically how we feel.

Yes.

You all right, peanut?

You better not embarrass me at the restaurant.

You can't buy these pita chips anymore. They're way too spicy.

You can't wear sneakers. We gotta look good today.

You couldn't have taken five seconds to let us know nobody murdered you?

You did not kill Mr. Hendrickson.

You did? Was that fun?

You didn't have to get all this stuff for us.

You don't have an opinion on your own family?

You don't have to be sorry. I'm really proud of her.

You don't have to go on the kiddie rides.

You ever play fricking Candy Land?

You get reminded what a sack of shit you are five times a day,

You give those to me.

You got a T shirt? You got a T shirt?

You got this plush new job.

You guys are doing good.

You guys are so annoying!

You guys picking us up? Where's Mom?

You guys want me to deal with this, or do you still got it?

You guys want to see your rooms? Come on. Let's go check out your room.

You hit me 'cause I like the Clippers.

You just ask 'em how many goddamn kids they've adopted.

You just spent 30 minutes talking about the deep state.

You just take it and try to throw it into his mouth.

You killed my dad!

You know how the blue guys couldn't fight off the unobtanium guys

You know that too, because they obviously came in through the window.

You know that we love you, right?

You know what? Go put some clothes on, a lot of them.

You know what? I just haven't had my morning coffee yet.

You know what? I think I can help.

You know what? I think we should tell Pete and Ellie thank you,

You know what? She picks up that stuff off the TV.

You know what? Tell the girls we need their car. Now!

You know what? We'll go ahead and toss these kids back into the system

You know you're not allowed to take away any of my personal property, so...

You know you're not good enough and you are going to get fired.

You know, family court is important work.

You know, family court is important...

You know, for everything they've done for us, yeah?

You know, honey, when I had... times like this,

You know, Karen, you've been a godsend through most of this,

You know, not too sexy.

You know, the whole white savior thing?

You know, this reminds me

You know, we gotta just accept that we made a terrible mistake

You like that?

You listen to me, crazy woman!

You made such a good impression on us when we met you,

You may all be seated.

You might want to consider upgrading to a sibling set.

You must be Lizzy.

You must be Lizzy. Come here!

You never said I couldn't have any people over.

You okay?

You okay?

You put on a little less makeup than you do on the bad days.

You remember I told you we weren't special enough for this?

You said "make a move"? You told her to make a move on a boy?

You see that? That's called manifesting to the universe.

You see?

You take her.

You think you're better than me, huh?

You told me to give you a few weeks to settle in.

You trying to break my heart? I just got home from work.

You wanna rotate like this, okay?

You wanna watch a little Fixer Upper?

You want me to reheat it for you?

You want to go with her or stay here with Juan?

You were what was missing, Lizzy.

You weren't gonna share that with us?

You will be graduating college, 'cause it's so important and you're so smart.

You won't get anywhere with her until you two get on the same page.

You, uh...

You! Dick pic! Hey! Hey!

You're a brave boy, you hear me? Look at me. You're so brave. Yeah?

You're an asshole.

You're arresting us? The guy was sending pictures of his knob to a minor.

You're crazy.

You're doing so good, buddy.

You're doing such a good job, buddy. We're right here.

You're done. Oh, great. You're out there? Thank you so much.

You're gonna get some funny looks.

You're good parents, looking out for your kids.

You're good.

You're it. I'll hide and you count. Okay?

You're just another white lady who wants to adopt little charity orphans

You're lucky I don't end your life right now, carrot top.

You're not a bad person.

You're not terrible. Now get on in there and find you a family. Go on.

You're okay. You're safe and sound in your bed.

You're on Facebook, right? I'll find you. Okay!

You're right. You shouldn't be pushed into something you don't want to do.

You're wearing that? Are you going to a strip club?

You've got a real Barbie that Santa gave you a few weeks ago.

Your butt's in a sling, missy!

Your current residence could accommodate them?

Your kids.

Your mommy's over there.

Your real kids will be very different. Can't erase 'em.

"Look." Yes, excellent.

"Pete, please?" Exactly. No, I...

"What's Six Flags?" Mom, that's such a nice offer.

About the couch fire? No. About your .26 hearing.

Actually, there's this one guy, Jacob. Yeah?

All right, that one's on me. It absolutely is.

All right. All right?

All right. Lita?

Almost done. Okay. Okay.

Amen. Amen.

Amen. Amen.

and if we touch it, it's just... Mmm.

and it'd be good for your program. Pete! Pete!

And it's ours now. We own this. Mm hmm.

And they could give two shits. Right?

And what about preserving our family? Yeah.

And what's your doll's name? Her name is Potato Chips.

And you are Elizabeth? It's Lizzy, sir.

And you are Miss Viara, yes? She is, Your Honor.

And you know I can do it. Really?

Another one. Yeah.

Any color. Just pick a color.

Are we gonna go stay at your house now? Um...

Are you okay? Yeah, I'm good.

Are you saying that we should let her parent the kids? Are you paying attention?

Are you sure? I got it.

Are you the mother? Yes. Oh, I'm his foster mom.

As a matter of fact, go to lunch. It's 8:15.

Better, yeah? Oh, wow. Yeah. Thank you.

But maybe if you call them rescue kids... Oh, my God.

But you just said she won't let us. Nope, she won't.

Bye bye, scumbag. Filthy pedophile.

Bye, Lizzy. Have a great day.

Bye! Hey!

Bye. Bye!

Can I do "Feed Meatball"? Yes!

Can I go inside? Sure.

Can we be the Clippers? I'm more of a Lakers fan.

Can we play hide and seek? You sure? You lost a lot of blood.

Can you help me? Yeah.

Can you please? It's sophisticated.

Can you take the door? Don't read my texts! Open the door!

Change the clothes. It's not that big of a deal.

Christmas is boxes. Yes.

Come here. Hey, I'm right here.

Come on, cowgirl, let me get a "yee haw." Yee haw.

Come on, Ellie. He didn't do any of it!

Come on, giggly. Sit down. I'm gonna shift the plates.

Come on. Come on. Have a little vision.

Come on. Let's go get the box.

Come on. I didn't mean... Hey! No, that's not...

Dick pic! Think it's okay?

Did I make it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did Lizzy tell you that? Oh, come on, Ellie.

Did you guys go to prison? No. We were... just in jail.

Did you hear her speak? Yes.

Do we have kids? Yeah, three of 'em.

Do you wanna let her jump in here now, please? Okay, okay. Fine. Fine!

Do you want some coffee? Sure.

Don't compare kids to dogs. I'm not.

Don't freak out about it. No! Why would I freak out about it?

Don't want to hear it! You know what?

Don't write "whites only." That's not what he meant. That's not at all what I meant.

Dude, it walks and talks. This could be my helmet!

Dude, what are you doing? I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Eeew! Eeew!

Ellie, let's not. We're holding hands. No, no, no, no.

Ellie. Juan. Buddy, come here!

Everybody go potty! Yeah, I went potty.

Everyone does it! It's no big deal! It's a big, huge, giant deal!

Exactly. Hell.

Excuse me, what? We caught her using a couple months ago.

Excuse me? Hi. Hey. Hi.

Excuse me. Y You guys heading out?

Excuse me. Sorry. So sorry. Occupied. Hey! Sorry.

Feels good, huh? I told you. Yeah.

Four? ...teen.

Get it? Oh, yeah. Bring her in!

Go ahead, Judge. Thank you, Grandma Sandy.

Go on, count. Count to 20. All right, buddy.

God, can you blame her? Well, but listen.

God, what a Nazi bitch. What did you call me?

Good night, buddy. Good night.

Good night, kiddo. Good night.

Good night. Good night.

Good to see you! Good to see you too!

Got that packet we're supposed to bring? Yeah, I'm all set.

Great idea, by the way. It's awesome.

Great. We have everything. We have burgers and pasta and... Can we have potato chips?

Guys. We are so sorry.

He's 22. Yeah, I'm 22. So what?

He's okay. You're so brave.

He's the bad guy. You're not going anywhere.

Hello, dear. Hi.

Her mother... Set the house on fire, passed out with a crack pipe.

Here you go. Thank you.

Here, water! No, we need ice!

Here. Here!

Hey, buddy. It's all right, buddy. We're here.

Hey, Dad. What's up, Son?

Hey, guys, check it out. There's some shit going down. Lizzy, the phone.

Hey, hon. Hey.

Hey, I never had a problem with it. I think it's smart.

Hey, I'm so sorry about this. Ellie, come on!

Hey, lady, gimme that. That's not yours. He's 22!

Hey, Lizzy, you're gonna... We're really good people!

Hey, Lizzy! Hey, what's up?

Hey, look, we got some snacks. Come on, Lucas, right over here.

Hey, Pete, look at my pretty new doll. Wow.

Hey, thanks for the lunch. No problem.

Hey, uh, Mr. and Mrs. Wagner. How are you?

Hey, yeah. Come in. You guys made me ask off an hour early to see this dump?

Hey! Excuse me. What's up, man? Wanted to catch a fade, huh?

Hey. Do I dress like a douche?

Hey. Hey, you all done in there?

Hey. Hey!

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Hi, Lizzy. Hey, Charlie.

Hi! Hi!

Hi. Hey, guys.

Hi. How's she doing? She's good.

Hmm? "Dipped in shit."

Hmm? Oh, my gosh.

Hmm? What?

Hold my hand, hold my hand. A little bit of a sting.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah.

Honey. And she can take me home.

How 'bout that? How 'bout that?

How long have everyone's eyes been open? Kimmy, you of all people.

How many kids you got now, Stu? Number four's in the oven right now.

How old are you, Jump Street? Why you want to know?

How was care group? So much fun.

How you doing? I'm good. Cleaning up your mess.

How's it going? Hey.

Huh? Christmas!

Huh? How'd that feel? It felt good!

Hurry up! I'm so sorry, Charlie!

I did not cave. Oh, you caved.

I didn't do a look. Totally did a look.

I didn't do a look. You're doing a look right now.

I don't want this! Hey!

I got you, buddy. I got you. Get in, get in, get in.

I hate them so much. Me too. They're the worst.

I just said she's not a house. Are you listening to me? Okay. No, I am.

I knew before we got married, okay? That's the point.

I know! That was crazy! I know. I apologize.

I love hide and seek. Okay, but just us. No girls.

I love it. Right?

I love potato chips. Potato chips are my favorite.

I said that? Yeah.

I should be the one getting in trouble right now. It's okay.

I think I'm ready. Great. Now you're ready.

I thought you said his name was Jacob. Really?

I tried being the bad guy. You wouldn't let me. Okay, fine. I'm sorry.

I want my chips. Lita!

I want to feed Meatball! You can feed him next week.

I want... I don't want to!

I was totally... I was joking. I know. It's kind of crazy.

I went potty! Okay, good job.

I would never hit a kid. I want a Barbie!

I'd like to be in the picture. Are you sure? We're not...

I'll see you guys later. Actually, we were just gonna go on the water ride.

I'm gonna get dinner started. Okay.

I'm gonna go clean up. Hairbrush is in the toilet, if you need it.

I'm gonna shoot, you crash the boards. Yeah. Sure.

I'm good. Good night. Oh. Night, kiddo.

I'm grounded? Yeah. You're grounded. Because I just grounded you.

I'm just saying... Just stop it!

I'm okay. Okay.

I'm playing with that robot. And this could be the spaceship.

I'm so sorry that I blew up at you. I'm sorry I slapped you!

I'm sorry. Let's... Let's just go. Let's just go.

I'm sorry. We know there's so much we don't know.

I'm sorry. Can someone else go? It's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's okay.

I'm the bad guy. Watch this. Bye.

I've worked harder than you've ever... Yeah, I know, you're a badass.

If I'd had a chance to do the same... The kids! Oh, my God!

If that's okay with you, honey. Yee haw, baby.

If we knew... No, no, it's cool.

Is Lizzy okay? She's a little upset right now, buddy.

Is that a possibility? Yeah, that'd be great. She was amazing.

Is this funny, Kit? I think we're all enjoying this a little bit, Pete.

It was a ground floor window. Good. Points for you.

It was the greatest thing I've ever heard. I know.

It wasn't a look. I think we just started some trouble.

It's brutal! It's very dull.

It's just a SpongeBob knife. It's still a knife.

It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay, honey.

It's so warm. Hey, put the pizza down.

It's, um... That's a Sharpie.

Jerry, what do you think? I'd be thankful if we could eat, Russ.

Juan and Lita aren't even up yet. I'm up now, Miss Noisy Pants.

Juan just picked it up. No. It wasn't their fault. It was mine.

Juan, get out of there. Please? Don't hit me! Don't hit me! I'm sorry!

Juan, Lita! Oh, my God, I'm so sorry! Guys!

Just calm down, okay? Please tell me where we are. I don't want to get arrested.

Just help get the stuff out of the back. Lita! Lita! Honey.

Just maybe a little... Inbred.

Just not nearly enough. Not nearly enough parents.

Just wait there, okay? Lizzy!

Karen, there is no evidence to... You've seen 'em.

Karen! It's pie. You know I love pie.

Kimmy. It probably has a leather interior.

Let's go, guys. Let's go.

Let's not call her bad names. Don't tell me how to treat my kid!

Like the Avatar thing. Avatar?

Lita, can I help you with anything? Nope!

Lita, should we go play restaurants? Yeah.

Lita? I don't want to say anything.

Lizzy, please. Give her the phone.

Lizzy, your mom said you filled out all those forms. I helped, but so what?

Lizzy! Get out here now!

Lizzy? Lizzy!

Lizzy. Please just go away. You're not my parents.

Lizzy's favorite pastime is just... Just leave me alone!

Look at that face. Yeah.

Lookit! A bed and a bunny! What do you think?

Looks like a robot, buddy! Lita, look at this big box!

Ma'am, please sit down. Please, Your Honor, can you let me say the answer?

made a big difference in their lives. Mm hmm.

Maybe you should ask, or should we wait? Should I ask?

Merry Christmas. Oh.

Mm hmm. Right?

Mm mmm. And listen.

Mmm! Eeeew!

Mom, just take it easy. Please. Oh, my God!

Mom, what are you doing? You can't... Oh, no!

Mom. Hey, kids. Oh! Hi, honey!

Mom's here. Okay.

Move over. Stop it!

No, better to leave it in till we get to the hospital. You're okay, buddy. We're here.

No, it'll be good. No, honey.

No, no, I am pumped. Well, you don't look pumped.

No, she doesn't like it when you... Come here!

No, thank you. Yes!

No, you have no reason to be sorry. No, I'm really sorry.

No! Hey, hey, hey.

No! I want my chips! You're not having chips!

No. Oh.

No. Pete, I really don't want to argue about this right now.

No. Make sure she gets out to my truck. Bye, Daddy.

None of my business. Thank you, Daddy.

Now we're just supposed to? I know.

Of course. I mean, that's... Yeah.

Of course. You should be really proud. I am.

Oh, Grandma Sandy, I forgot. What?

Oh, honey, Juan is gonna be okay. Come on.

Oh, my God. Come on, let's get the janitor.

Oh, my God. I didn't do it.

Oh, my God. Are you okay? Oh, God. Hold on.

Oh, no! That's gonna... What? Hey! Hey!

Oh, uh, sorry. You don't have to say sorry. That's okay.

Oh, yeah. Hi. How you doing?

Oh! Hey! Oh, my God! What are you doing?

Oh! I like to break shit.

Oh! Oh, gosh.

Oh! You're literally crazy!

Oh! You're a dick. I'm kidding.

Oh. He is 14 and does play JV basketball.

Okay, I love you. I love you.

Okay, okay, okay! I want a Barbie!

Okay, so do you want us to wash your feet too? Oh, Lizzy.

Okay, thank you. Wait, me too!

Okay, you're all set. Bye, Lizzy.

Okay. All right.

Okay. All right.

Okay. On both ends. Okay?

Okay. Right this way, Dad.

Okay. Fine. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. It's just here.

Out. Both of you, out. Go! Now! No, you get out of my room.

Ow! Ow. Calm down. Don't cry.

Pete and Ellie. Yeah, we know. Come on in.

Pete took me to the house you're flipping. Hmm.

Pete, what are you doing? Look at them over there.

Pete. Ellie. Hey.

Pray on it. The big guy wouldn't give you any more than you can handle.

Put these on. What?

Rather than what, Jan? Just spit it out. Hell, I'll say it.

Right? That's right.

Saved you a little walking time. We had a front space.

Say "family." Family!

Scan it! Hurry! No! We're not doing this!

She didn't mean that. I did not mean that.

She doesn't like it. I think she loves it.

She's gonna drive. Oh, yeah?

She's good. She's good. Oh, God.

She's taking naked selfies of herself? What are you doing to my phone?

Should we give them a kiss good night? I don't know.

Shut up, Russ. All right.

So now you think we're special enough? Maybe we are.

So you caved, huh? No, I did not cave.

So, you guys are rich. What? Ri... No.

So... No.

Someone videotaping this? Pete, where are you? Where's Pete?

Sorry, guys. Sorry.

Stop talking. Ellie.

Stop! Stop! It's almost over.

Stop. Okay. I know. It's...

Sure, yeah. Yeah, whatever, yeah. Yeah?

Sure. Of course.

Sure. What are we setting up? Of course. Anything.

Swing away. Okay.

Text me. Okay.

Thank you, by the way. Where are the kids?

Thank you. Well, thank you, pal.

That is, if you... No. Please. Oh, my goodness.

That'll be really good for them. Better than you.

That's crystal! Sorry. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Hello!

That's good. Number three: reason.

That's it. It's done! It's done. It's done.

That's not the reaction we were looking for on that. She's jealous!

That's right. We're gonna be at every soccer game.

The Clippers are awesome. We love the Clippers. Are you kidding me?

The Muskies might lose that meal ticket. Karen, please.

Then get in my truck. I'm driving you this morning. Oh, my God!

There you go. You like that? Yeah, that was good.

There's no fight. There's no trouble. Let's get out of here.

There's no trouble. Maybe even a fight.

These seats are saved. Yeah, they're saved for me.

They got lucky. Yeah, you hit the jackpot, lady.

They just seem a little... Like brother and sister?

They're amazing. Okay.

They're here. I love you.

They're right outside, if you guys wanna follow me. Yes! Yes.

This blood? This blood right here? What's that supposed to mean?

This is a problem. It's a problem.

This is bullshit! Lizzy! Hey, hey, wait, wait!

This is Carla. She's... Their mom.

This is not cool, Lizzy! I don't have to listen to you anymore, Pretend Mom!

This isn't a punishment, okay? Hey!

Three? Three kids? Oh. What?

To you? Yeah!

Tres. Tres.

Trying to make up... This is it?

Uh huh. Thanks, Grandma Sandy. Thanks!

Uh, that's my daughter. The radiator kid?

Uh... I I made a pie.

Um, I mean... I... Oh, God.

Um, sorry about them. They're... Oh, please.

Unlock the window! And if I say anything about any of it...

Wait, Pete, that's him! What?

Wait. Did you say "made" a difference? Yeah, she did.

Wassup, baby girl? Nothing.

Watch your feet, okay? Raised feet!

Water, water. Here. Oh, gosh.

We actually wrote a new one. Ma'am, excuse me, but I have your...

We can be the Clippers. O Okay.

We did some demo work. That's cool.

We gotta get going. Take care.

We know that about you, right? Yes, honey.

We only met her for a second. But she made a real impression.

We were doing fine. You said that we were in a rut.

We'd just like to share it with a child that needs a home. Yeah.

We'd pray on that. Right, honey. Yeah.

We'll walk together. Come on.

We're all smelling this, right? Yeah, it smells like I'm breathing piss.

We're gonna go with you. We're right here.

We're gonna try again. Definitely try.

We're not equipped for that. What do we have to be equipped for?

We're stuck, aren't we? Yeah, we are.

We've been waiting one hour for you! I'm the bad guy. Calm down.

We've gone over this before. We have.

We've got the pizza! Juan, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, bud?

Well, have a good day. Thanks. You too.

Well, not yet! Not yet.

Well, that... Yes, Your Honor, but in our defense...

What about that one? Kiss again! Kiss again!

What about the presents? I would've went crazy if I got a robot.

What are we doing here? Let's go.

What are you doing? Look, I'm trying to put it out!

What are you thinking? You handle it.

What color do you like? Anything you want. Any color.

What do you think of that, Jacob? My name's not Jacob!

What happened? He's got a nail in his foot.

What happened? I found my hairbrush in the toilet this morning.

What happened? Juan broke Potato Chips.

What I was gonna say... Before I told it like it is?

What if you can't have a baby? Do not put that out into the universe, please.

What is going on in there? Lizzy, please, I said you're grounded.

What was that look? What look?

What, like a dirty bomb? Whatever.

What? ...were they to hang out with your kids, if they're...

What? I told you that wasn't me!

What? Kiss again! Kiss again!

What? My name is Charlie.

What? You heard what I said. You didn't just know?

What? You pushed us into some next level shit!

What? I do not. You do.

What? Who is this person, Lizzy? Open the door!

What's going on? Please give this to me. Lizzy!

What's wrong? Come on. I want to stay with Mom.

Whatever you want. That's not an answer.

Where are you going? I'm calling my caseworker.

Where the hell were you? We went to the movies.

Where's Lizzy? Right there. See her?

Where's your restaurant? Right over there.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Look at this, Lita.

Whoo! There we go. Yes!

Whose toys are these? They're yours to share.

Why are you arresting us? Really good. Good work, guys.

Why are you doing this to me? I'm sorry. No?

Why are you yelling at me? I'm just trying to help you. I'm not yelling at...

Why don't you come help us hang some tile? Yeah.

Why would you give a kid milk in a glass cup? I'm sorry. I didn't...

Why would you show us that? You're an asshole.

With ketchup? Put it out!

With what? With you.

Would you like to take a picture with the judge? Yeah, sure. Thank you.

Wow, it's looking good. Huh? You like it?

Wow, you have a lot of teddy bears. These are just court bears.

Wow. Nothing hard about kids.

Wow. Hello. What is that?

Wow. How'd this happen? I don't know.

Yay! That is so great.

Yay! Yay!

Yeah, every year. Yay!

Yeah, Lizzy... At once?

Yeah, she's really cool. She was telling us about you guys.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, that's what she picked. Dark Kettle Black, huh?

Yeah, the big guy, he's blessed us with so much. Mm hmm.

Yeah, we'll be back. We'll be back soon.

Yeah, yeah. We're the fosters!

Yeah! Yeah.

Yeah? Uh huh.

Yeah. All right. We'll set it up.

Yeah. And every time they do,

Yeah. And how did this happen?

Yeah. Awesome.

Yeah. It's cool. Great.

Yeah. Last session.

Yeah. Oh, don't give me the look.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you. Bye bye.

Yeah. Well, that's good news.

Yeah. Yeah?

Yes, please. Yes!

Yes, Your Honor. Yes, Your Honor.

Yes! Meet your brother and sister.

Yes! Oh, those are good ones.

Yes! Right?

Yes! Absolutely! Oh, my God. "Our blood."

Yes. That's very good news.

You all set? Yep.

You bought this? Yeah.

You can't hold it like that. Hi, Mom.

You did it on purpose! What?

You did. Yeah.

You don't have to call us the Wagners. No, please. Good to...

You don't talk to my wife like that! This is from Ann Taylor. Loft!

You got it? I got it.

You know what I mean, wiseass. Open your stupid eyes.

You know what I mean. No, we don't know.

You made it. Hi.

You must be Pete and Ellie? Yeah, I'm Pete. Hi.

You need...? Lookit!

You pick a color, we're doing it. You'd look great in green.

You ready to meet three kids? Three kids?

You sure you don't wanna give her chips? No, we're not giving her chips.

You sure you're okay? Yeah.

You think so? Definitely!

You're acting like you're a psychopath. Start the car.

You're done! Done!

You're driving me crazy! Oh, my God. What are you doing?

You're going to jail today, Jacob! You mind calling the police?

You're gonna look like a beautiful princess. Oh!

You're not allowed to take my phone! What's she doing?

You're pregnant? Oh, my God!

You're with us now. Yeah.

Your Honor, I have a statement. Yes, I've read it, thank you.

...instead of foster kids, more people would be into it

...much. That was incredible. Thank you.

"I understand that you're upset. Nobody likes to feel this way."

"If you don't show me something soon, I might lose interest."

"Lizzy once asked me why we did this, why we took them in.

"Lizzy once asked us why we took them in.

"Lizzy, it's okay to be angry.

"Lizzy, why don't you take some deep breaths, count to ten."

"Masturbate," so forth.

"Sexually harassed"? What do you mean? Their parents made lewd comments?

"Thanks for watching them"? Like we've just been fricking babysitting for five months?

"We want whatever is best for the kids,

"Well, sometimes with the quiet types you'll have to make the first move."

♪ And you smell like one too ♪

♪ You look like a monkey ♪