Grumpier Old Men Edit

A bacon sandwich.

A guy can dream, can't he?

A pig headed Italian with....

A rat? Here?

A whole damn plate!

Absolutely perfect. Anybody can make these. It's simple.

According to all of them...

Actually, I've grown quite fond of you!

After I dropped anchor, he stuck his head up over by that log.

All five I warn you against...

All right, where is he?

All right, you chicken livered schmeer.

All right, you got it.

Almost like being in love

Amazing how well they're getting along.

An Italian running Chuck's?

And a stapler for you.

And Carlo.

And don't forget. Compliment her on how great she looks.

And Eduardo.

And finally, the baby bear...

And for a midday snack....

And for lunch, I eat a bacon sandwich.

And I never exercised a day in my life.

And I see you've crapped on my newspaper again.

And I usually drink my dinner.

And if we ever do get married...

And it means a great deal to me to be a part of it.

And Marcello.

And next came Carlo, the con man.

And now I'm going to....

And now it's Maria!

And now...

And suddenly I see

And tell me you'll miss me

And the bride...

And the gloves are off.

And then I eat five strips of bacon.

And then on top of the cake, in the frosting...

And then suddenly, reach down and grab him.

And then the mama bear said:

And then there was Eduardo, the drunk.

And then this goes here.

And they keep dying.

And to those like us.

And turn that down!

And what do you call this?

Another one of your father's great ideas.

Antonio had the face of an angel and look where it got me.

Antonio was....

Any luck?

Anybody here?

Anybody who says different doesn't know her ass from her elbow.

Apologize, yes! Not sleep with her!

Appreciate it.

Are we still talking about your fish?

Are you a communist?

Are you asking me on a date?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you saying you wish I hadn't come?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you surprised?

Are you thirsty?

Aren't you beautiful today?

Ariel kicked me out of the house.

Ariel says he watches over the house.

Ariel?

Ariel's got me on a diet because my cholesterol's too high.

Ariel's had you neutered!

Arrivederci, boys.

Ask Jacob if he can pull some strings with the city council.

At last...

At least give me an explanation. I think I deserve that much.

Attention!

Bacon.

Bait a shoppie!

Bait shop?

Bait shop.

Be careful. The grappa is very strong.

Be gentle.

Be sure to watch Lucky for us.

Beautiful.

Because he's a groper. He'll be all over her.

Because I haven't asked you.

Because I know what it's like to be the new kid in town.

Because you won't be!

Because!

Believe me, it has nothing to do with you.

Beware.

Big deal! Take that, you vandal!

Biggest fish I ever seen.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Bit the pole in half.

Breathe the night air.

Bright as can be

Broke out in hives.

But a nice slut.

But also to Fernando.

But each year comes and goes and I'm still here.

But Goldilocks had a Remington semiautomatic...

But I don't really need a hot shower.

But I'm leaning toward "Mystery Stew."

But if I were, and I'm not, what would you say?

But it's just a date. I'm not marrying him.

But Ragetti's will be a romantic lakefront ristorante.

But then I would be forgetting Antonio!

But you're happy, huh?

But you're not so fat.

Can I do this?

Can I get you something, ma'am?

Catfish Hunter deserves to be in the lake with Pop.

Catfish Hunter, yeah.

Catfish Hunter?

Catfish Hunter?

Catfish Hunter? Maybe this is the year we catch him!

Change brought me here to Wabasha.

Check.

Chuck is gone, the bait shop is gone, things move on.

Chuck'd be spinning in his grave if he knew about this.

Close the door when you go.

Come here.

Come on l want to lay you.

Come on, baby!

Come on, Grandpa John, hurry.

Come on, just one good bite.

Come on, you're going to love this.

Come to Papa!

Crime in Italy.

Dad tried to catch that fish for 20 years.

Dad!

Damn it.

Definitely the blue.

Did he get the Radisson?

Did you swallow a quarter?

Didn't think he'd last this long.

Ding, dong, the witch is dead.

Do you care for him?

Don't be late!

Don't even think of it.

Don't get too used to him. Our house will be ready soon, then we're gone.

Don't put the quarter in your mouth.

Don't shine the light right on them. They zip back into their holes.

Don't sing that.

Don't worry, you'll see him before you know it.

Don't worry.

Don't you want to watch the scary movie?

Doris Zabrinski?

Doris Zabrinski...

Dream a little dream of me

Dream...

Drink up.

Driving with cars.

Drop the anchor.

Easy, easy!

Enough of that.

Even your infantile penis jokes seem charming and witty this morning.

Every morning, I wake up...

Every once in a while I pick up a tip.

Everything he said was true. Maybe she can't handle the truth!

Everything seems to be in order.

Everything's under control.

Explain now. Where have you been? I've held this up for hours!

Finally.

Find out what day this ristorante has its health inspection.

Find your own hole!

Fine with me. I was against the whole thing from the start.

Fine.

Fine.

Finishing the seating arrangement.

Fire!

Fire!

First it was May! Then it was Ariel!

Florence Gilbert, for example, thinks you're quite a catch.

For a while.

For once, Maria, listen to your mama.

For the whole human race

For what?

Forget about leaving your boat there. It's all private property.

Forget it.

Forget the net! Just give me a hand, will you?

Francesca Ragetti.

Friendly, friendly.

Friends?

Get another actor. Please.

Get dressed!

Get his tail.

Get in the car, Max.

Get me to the church on time.

Get out and let me watch my program.

Get out of here!

Get out of there!

Give me that pole!

Go downstairs. I'll be right out to make you breakfast.

Go easy. Go easy, baby.

Go get them, tiger. You got nothing to worry about.

Go one more from the top, and a little more out of breath.

Go over and tell her you're sorry.

God bless you, sir.

Goes to show you what?

Good afternoon.

Good boy.

Good bye, Catfish!

Good evening, Maria.

Good evening.

Good luck to you in there, schmuck.

Good morning, Slick.

Good night, Ariel.

Good night, sweet pea.

Good night.

Good thinking.

Good.

Got it from the Home Shopping Network.

Got more body hair than I do. She's a furbearing mammal, for Godsakes!

Grab him!

Gustafson, you are one sick bastard.

Gustafson, you're doing it again!

Halloween.

Handsome Hans will fit right in Slippery's bar!

Hang on, Max, I think we're going for a ride.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Happy dreams.

Happy Halloween there, putzo.

Happy Halloween.

Haven't decided.

He better be dead. That's the only excuse I'm taking.

He deserves better.

He deserves Melanie.

He did?

He just looked at me, smiled, and swam down into the mud.

He likes it.

He said I hated you! I never said I hated you!

He smiled?

He was a good man.

He was always fond of you.

He'll break your heart, like the others.

He's a criminal!

He's a good boy.

He's alive.

He's by the sandbar.

He's cute.

He's doomed.

He's going to explain everything...

He's here.

He's in love.

He's not a groper. He's a touchy feely person.

He's not going to be touchy feely with the plant lady.

He's proud.

He's says there's a rumor...

He's the size of a Buick. I would've had him if you hadn't shown up.

Hell, no.

Hello, boys.

Hello, children.

Hello, putz.

Hello?

Her first marriage was a flop.

Here comes another one.

Here, Lucky.

Here's some matches! Set yourself on fire!

Here's to us.

Here's your card.

Here's your coaster.

Hey, dickhead!

Hey, dickhead!

Hey, Jacob. How are you?

Hey, moron.

Hey, moron.

Hey, Pop.

Hey, wait a second!

Hey, you!

Hey, you. How's your mom doing?

Hi, Ariel.

Hi, Jacob. You been here long?

Hi, Uncle Max.

Hiya, kids.

Holy Jesus, Max.

Holy moly!

Holy moly!

Holy moly! How big is he this year?

Holy moly! My God!

Holy moly! You got a fart in your brain or something?

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Holy moly.

Home. You can call me when this stupid war is over!

Honey, how was class?

Honey, would you stop worrying? Max is going to be just fine.

Honey?

Honey?

Honey? What happened?

Hormel chili.

How can I forget?

How could I be so wrong?

How could you?

How did we do tonight?

How do you feel?

How do you know who I am?

How do you know?

How do you like that, you putz?

How is your sister?

How long have you been up?

How long you been married?

How many times do you have to get your heart broken?

How would you like my bony macaroni?

How'd you know it's me?

How's that?

I ain't leaving here until I see Maria!

I always knew you were on a short leash, but not that you were on a choke collar.

I am so horrible!

I am the Lothario of farts.

I am the thief of hearts. I am the gangster of love.

I better get going.

I can't believe it's a fish.

I can't. I farted and I'm afraid to move.

I could take you around...

I couldn't help noticing you were talking to flowers.

I did too! Saw them on "Geraldo"!

I did.

I didn't know you were a fisherman.

I didn't plan on meeting somebody like you when I came to Wabasha.

I didn't say it right.

I don't believe it.

I don't know that much.

I don't know what happened with those other guys, but...

I don't know what I'm talking about.

I don't know where I am.

I don't know why the hell I ever let you talk me into doing this.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. He has a strong character, and I admire that.

I don't like this. Not one bit.

I don't think we've met.

I don't usually dress like this.

I don't want mosquitoes in here.

I don't want to bore you.

I don't want to know.

I feel like a polka band is playing in my head.

I find you disgusting.

I forgot. Just plain forgot.

I fought the beast...

I got a cactus in my bathroom, but we got nothing to say.

I got a fire here!

I got his tail!

I got just as much right to be here as you do!

I got them all.

I got this for you. Hope you don't mind.

I got you!

I guess there's nothing much we can do.

I had a guilty conscience.

I had too much to drink last night.

I hate change.

I have been married before.

I have been to Hawaii.

I haven't been with a man for a long time.

I hope so.

I just don't want him to be Ionely.

I just like that story.

I just met a girl named Maria

I just ran into Maria and she's in tears.

I just thought I couldn't be happy unless we were married...

I just want to say....

I knew I liked your wife.

I knew your old man longer than I knew my own.

I know I'm no great prize, but I'm loyal...

I know it's not what we wanted.

I know my Maria. She don't want nothing to do with that man.

I know she's a little heavy but she loves to fish.

I know what I'm talking about.

I like fast.

I like him, mamma. A lot.

I like that story.

I look like...

I love you.

I made a leash.

I may have given him some bad advice earlier.

I mean, besides him.

I moved my hand at the last moment.

I must speak to Maria!

I must tell you something.

I need to borrow a screwdriver.

I needed to see you again...

I put his bib on.

I said, I'm going to bed!

I saw him.

I saw Sven down at the dam.

I showed you mine, now you show me yours.

I suggest you do the same.

I talked to Pop.

I think about things like that all the time.

I think I got an idea.

I think I liked you better before you were getting any.

I think I pissed him off!

I think it's how she would have wanted to go.

I think she's a lesbian anyway.

I think we should take our time!

I thought she'd be

I thought there's a moral.

I thought you should stay.

I thought.... I was expecting someone that looked like Rick.

I told him...

I told him....

I tried to. She won't even talk to me. Not that I blame her.

I used to love jelly sandwiches with peanut butter.

I want to get married. But if you're not sure, tell me.

I want to introduce myself. My name is Ariel Gustafson.

I want to say how sorry I am for what Max and John are putting you through.

I want to talk to him now!

I was a girl, mamma!

I was here first.

I weight ninety goddamn pounds and you bring me this slopping foam?

I went to Nate's Auto Body Shop. Had all the seats refinished.

I wish I could feel like you...

I would say....

I'd love to, but I've got someone very special waiting for me over there.

I'll bet if we give it another chance, we could...

I'll call a doctor.

I'll call him to cancel. We'll find a place.

I'll check out some reception halls for the wedding.

I'll explain later.

I'll kill you!

I'll let you visit him when he's mounted on my wall!

I'll meet you at home, honey.

I'll miss that ugly mug of his.

I'll miss your ugly mug, too.

I'll play one more time.

I'll see you then.

I'll show you how to do it. Here's the way you do it.

I'll show you my beefy bologna.

I'll show you my cannelloni.

I'll take him.

I'm a doctor!

I'm a kinda kinky.

I'm a little nervous.

I'm all wet.

I'm cold!

I'm coming. But you already got enough candy in this bag...

I'm cooking Cantonese tonight. Why don't you join us?

I'm cursed in love.

I'm divorced.

I'm done.

I'm going down to Ragetti's to apologize!

I'm going home to get this matter straightened out.

I'm going to bed!

I'm going to whack him!

I'm going.

I'm in "The Twilight Zone."

I'm just not sure.

I'm Maria Ragetti.

I'm not listening.

I'm not sticking the plant lady next to him.

I'm proud of you.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm stuck.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation for all this.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation.

I'm the gangster of love.

I'm trying to cook a gourmet dinner...

I'm up!

I'm very glad.

I'm writing you up.

I've been fishing that spot ever since I'm 5 years old. It's all I got left.

I've been taking my time! How does waiting since the 2nd grade grab you?

I've been thinking...

I've been to Hawaii.

I've never seen wine that comes from a box before.

I've played, now. How long have I played?

I've really done it this time. I've really screwed it up.

If I die today...

If I was more out of breath, I'd be dead.

If I were to accept, and I'm not saying I would....

If Max could see me now, I'd never live it down.

If my dog was as ugly as you...

If you die today, I'll take your motor.

If you had half a brain, you could have the same thing.

In just 8 days...

Is that a nice way of saying that the wine smells like her feet?

Is that a trick question?

Is that good or bad?

Is that right?

Is that so bad?

Is that the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

Is this seat taken?

Isn't it a glorious afternoon?

Isn't it beautiful?

Isn't it time you started dating again?

Isn't that Sven over there?

It ain't good.

It ain't the size that matters.

It is nice to see them getting along.

It just goes to show you, huh?

It must be nice, living in Never Never Land.

It was a great idea.

It was my idea to let them help plan the wedding.

It will be special, classy...somewhere...

It's a bar.

It's a cubic zirconia.

It's a guinea pig.

It's a guinea pig.

It's a mistake.

It's a rare vintage with unique bouquet.

It's a rat!

It's a shame.

It's a tavern.

It's a tavern.

It's a tiny little ristorante.

It's authentic imitation leather.

It's beautiful.

It's been my dream to have it in a bar with peanut shells on the floor.

It's changed.

It's good to see you too.

It's how you get people to do what you want without them knowing it.

It's like you are already married!

It's not a rat, it's a

It's not bad.

It's off!

It's okay!

It's pretty fancy, huh?

It's really coming down now.

It's so beautiful.

It's the worst.

It's too horrible to think about.

It's too late.

It's your turn.

Italian girl.

Jake and Melanie called it off.

Jake's moved in with Max, Max and I are at it again and...

Jeez Louise, who is that?

Jesus Christ!

John Gustafson.

John thought of this by himself.

John, I want you to go right down to Ragetti's and apologize.

Judas Priest.

Just a little while longer.

Just as long as you find me, dear.

Just be yourself. You'll be fine.

Just hug me tight

Just look.

Just sit there and shut up.

Just what?

Keep the tip up!

Kids swallow quarters all the time.

Kill Slick!

Kill Slick!

Kiss me

L kinda like to poke you.

Last Thursday I turned 95 years old.

Lesbians. Yummy.

Let go of my hand. I'm busy.

Let me hear a polar bear growl.

Let me help you.

Let me tell you something, Johnnie.

Let that be a lesson to you!

Let the games begin.

Let's celebrate the young lovers' nuptials with the Chicken Polka!

Let's celebrate. Beers are on me.

Let's go.

Let's let him go.

Let's see what you're made of!

Light breezes seem to whisper, "I love you"

Like a mirror.

Like Antonio?

Like this?

Listen to me...

Listen, I don't know this Cheese person.

Long live the king!

Look at him go.

Look at this thing.

Look, I got a week's worth of leftovers at the house...

Look, it's even got its own tap.

Look, look.

Looks like God remembered you, Pop.

Lucky!

Mama, what are you doing?

Mamma mia.

Mamma, please. Please.

Marcello, the womanizer, was not that long ago.

Maria

Maria Ragetti?

Maria Sofia Colletta Ragetti.

Maria, we need to talk.

Maria.

Max is different, Mama. He makes me laugh.

Max is right. Our fishing spot will be totally ruined.

Max, I think I got an idea.

Max, top her off?

May his bait shop never die.

Maybe I'll cook something nice for you in the kitchen.

Maybe I'll visit you sometime when I need a break from reality.

Maybe it's not a fish!

Maybe it's something from outer space!

Maybe some...

Maybe they'll have a grease fire in the kitchen.

Maybe you need a backup plan.

Maybe? What kind of an answer is "Maybe?"

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe's maybe.

Me neither.

Me?

Meet you at church.

Melanie and I wanted to thank you and John

Mind if I join you?

Miss Ragetti, everything appears to be up to our standards.

More vino, señorita!

Morning, Mr. Gustafson.

Moron.

Mother is right.

Move it!

My ass! Your son insulted her.

My boat is beached not more than 100 yards from here.

My daughter wouldn't marry your son if he was the last man in Wabasha.

My dear friends...

My mother is a little bit too protective of the wine.

My name is Max Goldman.

My name's Gustafson.

My name's Max Goldman. I live in the area here.

My son in law has got the face of a mackerel.

Nag!

Nag.

Nag.

Nag.

Never mind that.

Next door...

Next time he touch vino...

Night crawler's the king of all worms.

No more surprises.

No need to thank me.

No nuts.

No one's here but you and me.

No, but Allie said we can borrow Sparky.

No, help yourself.

No, I'm going to curse at her in her own language, that's all.

No, it's beautiful. It's just....

No, there ain't no moral.

No, they're not.

No, they're not. Yes, they are.

No, this time it's different.

No.

No.

No. Last night he said he was going to Ragetti's to apologize to Maria.

Nobody knows about this place any more than I do. I know everything.

Nobody slept with anybody!

Nobody's in charge in my house except me.

Not even close.

Not far.

Not in a million years. She's just a pig headed Italian witch...

Not in my lifetime!

Not one customer all day.

Not too much.

Not too salty.

Not yet.

Nothing would make us happier than to see you tying the knot.

Now he will stop.

Now the weather has changed!

Now, watch.

Now!

Now...

Of course, appearances can be deceiving.

Of what?

Oh, boy.

Oh, come on.

Oh, damn you, Goldman!

Oh, jeez.

Oh, my God, forget it. Max is much too hardheaded to ever say he's sorry.

Okay, just a little bit longer.

Okay, Lothario, we got to get to the Octoberfest to meet the kids.

Okay, Slick, sharpen those claws.

Okay. Want to come over?

Open your bag. That's it. Good shot.

Or maybe...

Or my fatty Alfredo?

Or my hard salami?

Ox!

Ox!

Ox.

Ox.

Ox.

People are not going to come down here for Italian...

Personally clean every little corner.

Pick me up a pack of Camels.

Plants and flowers are living organisms and...

Please!

Please.

Polka!

Pop says that he spotted Catfish Hunter at Indian Slough.

Pop, I wish you'd try the low fat bacon.

Praise the Lord!

Pump him, pump him! Tip up!

Put down that bat.

Put your gloves on.

Putz.

Putz. Where are they biting?

Quietly now.

Ragetti's will be a very great success!

Really? Then how come you're the one that's divorced?

Really? What?

Relax!

Remember "ha?"

Remember when you were a kid...

Remember?

Right up into the boat. And then...

Right. We'll get a DJ. This is crazy.

Ristorante.

Ristorante.

Ristorante.

Ristorante...

Say nighty night

See how it looks. Just put that like that.

See what we missed?

See you later, John!

See you later, Max.

See you later.

See you.

She baked it anyway because she knew it was my favorite.

She can't? What is the truth, Max?

She choked to death on a stack of pancakes two weeks ago...

She couldn't keep Mike happy. How can she keep Jacob happy?

She crushed the g****s herself in Palermo.

She didn't know she was allergic.

She doesn't hate you. She just doesn't like you very much.

She don't want to see you!

She dumped me!

She hates me.

She is?

She knew!

She left me.

She left me.

She looks like Ernest Borgnine.

She said, "Yes, sir, of course."

She should've listened to us.

She swelled up like a balloon.

She thinks everybody hates her.

She threw me out.

She wants that man!

She'd probably throw me out the moment she saw me.

She's not a close friend. We don't know her name. "The plant lady."

She's not the bitch

She's nothing but...

She's right.

She's still important.

Should the veil be up?

Should we ask her for some garlic bread?

Shut up.

Sing me a lullaby.

Sit down, John, for crying out loud!

Six months next week. How about you?

Slippery's Tavern.

Smells all right.

So cool.

So did you, when you were a kid.

So good.

So I noticed.

So I should....

So much for dining al fresco.

So nice.

So nice.

So now I'm supposed to have sex with you instead of him!

So you admit you slept with my husband!

So, how do you like the old place?

So, I'll call you?

So, now you understand?

Some schmuck with his fish...

Some stranger could catch our fish.

Some stranger with our fish mounted on his wall.

Someone else could catch him!

Sometimes I wonder...

Sounds like Dad's using his "free exam" trick again.

Speak for yourself!

Splendid. Why?

Stars shining bright above you

Step on it.

Stop fidgeting!

Stop moving.

Stop the insanity!

Studying up on your Italian?

Subliminal messages.

Sure you like the white better?

Sure! If she craps out two dimes and a nickel...

Sure. Blame it on the booze.

Sven saw Catfish Hunter at Indian Slough. Thought I'd go look.

Tell her it's Cajun.

Tell me, was it more of a holdup than a stickup?

Thank God we eloped.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, Max.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks for the Phillips.

Thanks for the Phillips.

Thanks, anyway.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That a girl.

That fish belongs to me.

That fish'll be halfway to Redwing by now. Let's go.

That goes double for me.

That isn't true.

That leaves Uncle Willy sitting next to the plant lady.

That mangy animal's been crapping on my paper for years!

That one, with the big tongue and brown eyes, is great.

That pole, huh?!

That sounds bad.

That sounds wonderful.

That trick doesn't work.

That was a long time ago.

That was the end...

That was the...

That would've been great. But no.

That's a damn good thing.

That's a lousy thing....

That's all I want.

That's all.

That's Catfish Hunter.

That's good thinking.

That's great.

That's it!

That's it.

That's it. That's good.

That's light beer.

That's my fish!

That's my line!

That's my tuna on rye. I've been looking all over for that.

That's not the point!

That's not the way it goes.

That's not what I meant.

That's not...bad.

That's quite a name.

That's right.

That's Spaghetti Ragetti's cousin.

That's the way to talk, Gustafson!

That's what we call it in Minnesota.

The angel.

The best.

The bird.

The Dance Hall?

The devil is a beautiful lady in a red dress.

The groom goes here.

The lava lamp?

The lemon cake with the white frosting and the yellow flowers. You like?

The Majestic Ballroom?

The only accident he'll have is when I see him.

The only thing you ever caught in your life was a virus.

The tip is up, you idiot!

The truth is, if you don't do something...

The wedding is off and the friendship is off!

The wedding! What time is it?

Then grab the net.

Then leave him be.

Then maybe I'll stop by at 7:00 tonight.

There are many fish in the sea, Maria...

There are many women floating in the river...

There is a difference!

There may be lots of fish in the sea...

There we are.

There we are. Add some garnish here.

There we go, there we go. Drink up.

There we go. Drink up!

There.

There's a lot you don't know about me.

There's a smile on my face

There's going to be a lot of noise here, people coming.

There's more where that came from, Miss Ragetti.

There's nothing to talk about.

There's one.

There's so much to do before the opening of my ristorante.

They come out at night, after the rain, to lay out on the grass.

They may as well drain the lake!

They're crazy about my macaroni and cheese dish.

They're watching us.

Things are moving so fast.

Things never change for the better.

Thinking of wooing Maria?

This feels so much better.

This is not good.

This is the land of 10,000 lakes. Go find another one.

This isn't what it looks like.

This milk has chunks in it.

This one is very sweet.

This one?

This restaurant is sitting on top of one of the biggest and best worm beds...

This wagon's got to get filled first. I'll be back.

Three tiers like this!

Time out. Where are you going?

Time to check the birds.

To Antonio, I know.

To Chuck.

Trés magnifique, Max.

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat.

Turn that radio down!

Turn the damn radio down, will you?

Uncle Max gave me a can opener and a bunch of detergent.

Unleash the beast.

Up on the ******* wall.

Up, down. Yeah.

Vermin infestation!

Very funny.

Very nice.

Wait a minute!

Wait, we're here!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait! Wait!

Wait.

Want a peek a pee pee?

Want to come in?

Want to get drunk?

Watch that damn thing. You said you hated Maria.

Watched you.

We already paid for everything!

We are gathered here today...

We could have retired in Hawaii!

We don't want surprises.

We go to town.

We got a surprise.

We got a wedding to plan.

We got another wedding at 3:00.

We just wanted you and John to know...

We must come up with a plan.

We must find a way to put the kibosh on all this mess.

We put everything into this place!

We tried to tell her.

We'll be late!

We'll give it 10 minutes. After that, we pull anchor, go to the church.

We'll have the first mob run bait shop in Wabasha.

We'll make it by then. 3:00!

We'll see. We'll see.

We're here!

We're running a little behind.

Wedding!

Weddings never start on time! What's the matter? Why are you worried?

Well, I already made other plans.

Well, lately, I must say that the chances are pretty good.

Well, let me explain!

What a moron.

What a nice kitty cat.

What a pig.

What a putz!

What a putz.

What about Jane Clark?

What about Max?

What am I doing?

What are the chances that a guinea pig would run through here...

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you feeding him?

What are you going to do?

What can I do about it?

What did she say?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you mean? We still have time.

What do you say we go back to my house...

What do you say we go back to my place...

What do you think?

What do you think?

What do you want to do now?

What do you want with me?

What does that mean?

What else can you make?

What happened? I'll tell you.

What happens when Bonnie and Clyde turn out to be Bonnie and Bonnie?

What has gotten into her?

What I'm trying to say is....

What if he gets away?

What if he had an accident?

What if today is the day, and we miss him?

What is that?

What silly feud of ours?

What smell?

What surprise?

What the hell are you talking about?

What the hell is her name?

What the hell is this?

What the hell.

What will you do to ensure that 6 months from now you feel happier...

What would you say?

What, "ha?"

What?

What?

What?

What? What's the matter with...?

What'd you do?

What'd you say?

What're you saying?

What's a night crawler?

What's going on?

What's her name again?

What's left?

What's that smell?

What's that?

What's the matter with that guy? Getting goofier every year.

What's the matter, beautiful?

What's the matter? You saw a ghost?

What's wrong with fast?

What's your point?

Whatever that means.

Whatever. I think you got the hots for her.

When is the bait shop going to be back in business?

When you get near him, grab him.

Where do you get that "we" crap?

Where was it?

Where you going?

Where're you going?

Where's the quarter?

Where's Tweedledum?

Which island?

Which island?

While stars are shining

Who put a bug up your ass?

Who with?

Who's that?

Why do you say such nice things? You don't even know me.

Why don't we put everything in?

Why don't you come back to my place?

Why don't you come to my place?

Why don't you pick up a bottle of wine on the way? She'll appreciate it.

Why not?

Why not?

Why should I have sex with you? You said you hated me!

Why the **** don't you look where you're going?

Why the boots?

Why this change of heart?

Why you dirty...!

Why?

Why'd you think of that?

Will you let me finish?

Will you look at that poor man?

Will you wait, please?

Would it be all right if I kissed you?

Would you like half?

Would you like to make a new friend this morning?

Would you park that stupid pride of yours just once?

Would you relax!

Would you relax? We're the only ones here.

Would you stop it!

Wouldn't it make me look fat?

Yeah, but I like those.

Yeah, I guess so. Why?

Yeah, now you tell me!

Yeah, there's damn few of us left.

Yeah, throw it all in there.

Yeah, trick or treat.

Yeah, you want to go over and just say hi?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. Why so surprised?

Yes, but

Yes, but that is what worries me.

Yes, everything is off!

Yes, he did.

Yes, please. It's so hot in here.

Yes, you are.

Yes, you're right.

Yes! That a boy!

Yes.

Yes.

You admire Max?

You all right, Maria?

You all right?

You and that beautiful lady?

You are a good girl...

You are a stubborn man!

You are speaking to a Gustafson. I can hold my liquor. And this stuff too.

You broadcast my naked ass to half of Wabasha!

You can imagine my excitement.

You can say that again.

You can say that again.

You can trust people here.

You can wish in one hand, and crap in the other...

You can't be serious.

You couldn't catch crabs from a $10 hooker.

You cut the anchor, putz!

You cut the net, too, you dickhead! Here! Look!

You dance very well.

You didn't win. I quit. I got better things to do.

You do sort of stand out in a town like this.

You do.

You don't even know her name.

You don't have the balls to take me on anymore!

You don't have to. Max and I already have a plan.

You don't know? He didn't spend the night here?

You don't like it?

You don't understand.

You evil temptress!

You forgot your Thermos.

You go.

You got 3 TV's on. You're not looking at any of them!

You got bad luck. You'll infect my spot.

You got the ring?

You got to let this thing go, honey. Got to let it go.

You got to stick with what works.

You guys have done way too much already.

You have a gift.

You have a very beautiful smile.

You just...

You know a lot about worms, Max.

You know how I really feel about Jacob.

You know how some people have trouble saying good bye?

You know I didn't mean what I said about Melanie.

You know that was Mike's fault!

You know the damn fish is older than I am?

You know the sign she put up? "Parking for restaurant customers only."

You know, fat, hairy, homely.

You know, the night crawlers'll be out soon.

You know?

You know...

You know...

You like a licky dicky.

You like Italian, Mr. Gustafson?

You look great.

You look nice.

You look ridiculous.

You look terrific.

You look very nice.

You mean Lucky. You don't want him.

You mean she's going to run the bait shop?

You mean the fish.

You mean to tell me he didn't come home?

You mean you're going to turn this into a restaurant?

You might surprise yourself.

You must really like jelly sandwiches.

You nearly killed my cat!

You need a hand with that?

You noticed the sexual innuendo?

You okay? Feeling all right?

You passed out.

You putz!

You really are from out of town.

You ruined my refinished seats!

You said Fernando was different, and look what happened.

You said what?

You said you drink beer, you eat bacon...

You scared every worm away for a radius of 5 miles.

You see?

You shall see!

You should be so picky. He's got the face of a mackerel!

You should try it yourself.

You should've let me whack him!

You spend too much time with this Max Goldman.

You sure weren't having sex with me!

You tell me this now?

You think everyone's doing that!

You think I had sex with him?

You think that's an acceptable excuse for what you did?

You traitor! You Benedict Arnold!

You two must be happy with yourselves.

You want to join me, Miss Ragetti?

You wear the same costume every Christmas or whatever this

You will be wearing your hairnet when you're cooking?

You will never even know it's there.

You will never even know...

You won't know I'm here!

You...

You'll feel better after a hot shower.

You'll have to swim back. Where are you going? Don't touch my motor!

You'll scare the fish.

You're a smooth talker.

You're just going to stand there and let all this happen?

You're meaner than a dog...

You're not my dad.

You're right, it's not an important day. No reason to be here.

You're scaring all the fish away!

You're serious?

You're Spaghetti Ragetti's cousin!

You're still a putz.

You're surprised?

You're the man of the house, the king.

You're the one who said I should apologize!

You're the only one....

You're wasting your time, I'm telling you.

You've been married 5 times?

You've got to wait.

You've never even seen a lesbian.

Your daughter got cold feet.

Your father booked our reception hall!

5 more minutes!

5 more minutes.

Act rabid. Be rabid.

Already got that covered. Let me hear it.

Are you finished? I wish!

Come on, just for tonight. Forget it.

Have a nice day, Mr. Gustafson. Thanks. Same to you.

He's already booked a place. He did?

Hello, Allie. Is Allie here? Look at you.

Hey, moron. Putz. I've been looking for you!

Hi, Chris. How you doing?

Hi, dear. Hi, dad.

It's men talk. See you later.

It's real wine. That's great.

Jelly sandwiches. Get cracking.

Just a bit longer. I'm done.

Look at this. She'll be impressed.

Moron. Putz.

No, I didn't know that. Well, it's true.

No. Phillips.

Nothing's going on. Where is John?

Our wedding's in a week! Jacob, I love you.

Perfect. Exactly what we wanted.

Put it down! He try to steal the vino rosso!

See my hands? Just keep playing.

Smiled? See?

Take these, you'll feel better. What happened?

That's it for you? That'll do it.

The tip is up. Tighten the drag!

The wedding's off. What do you mean?

They are! This is a small town.

This one? Yes. One eye.

We know he's in here! Where is he? Don't deny it!

We're here! Wait!

What do you call it where you're from? We call it, I think, ristorante.

What should I do? Tiptoe over.

Where'd you learn that? "Geraldo."

Why? What's so important? That.

Work him! I'm working him, dummy!

Yes, you are! Morning, honey.

You just don't want to marry! That's not it!

...a little dream of me

...a slut.

...and a refrigerator full of food that hasn't expired.

...and all five you marry!

...and I had him.

...and I know how to treat a lady.

...and I realize now...

...and I smoke a cigarette.

...and I'll listen carefully...

...and I'll show you my man sized manicotti?

...and I'll show you my spicy, peppy pepperoni?

...and Maria Sofia Colletta Ragetti...

...and more loved than you do today?

...and my fish and your fish

...and see which gets filled first.

...and stick over...

...and the bastard's still there."

...and you smoke cigarettes, and outlive the experts.

...Ariel's moved back into her house with Melanie. What am I going to do?

...at the Lions Club charity breakfast.

...become good friends.

...biggest damn fish that...

...but this silly feud of ours has got me so upset.

...but you are cursed in love.

...but you're the only one I want to mount over my fireplace.

...but you're the only one I want to stuff...

...but you're the only one I would like to mount over my fireplace.

...even more than friends.

...find the rat?

...flat belly experts...

...for an hour...

...for Maria.

...for the big surprise.

...goes on top, like this.

...Handsome Hans...

...have asked me...

...he smiled.

...how much we appreciate the help you've given us with the wedding.

...I die a happy man.

...I ever saw.

...I get to whack him!

...I just want you in my life.

...I promise...

...I should've took a dirt nap like 30 years ago!

...I whack his head like a melon!

...I would be indeed honored.

...I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!

...I'm honest...

...I've got a beautiful wife, my own bed...

...I've lived here all my life.

...if God forgot about me.

...if you would like it.

...in holy matrimony.

...in Wabasha County!

...is dead.

...it's such a shame we got off on the wrong foot.

...it's there.

...just a pinch of salt.

...kissed your ninth life good bye, Slick!

...let me tell you something about me.

...looked and said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed...

...male and female sexual organs?

...Max and John...

...never!

...nothing in life will change.

...of the three bears.

...on an inspection day?

...on my wall over the fireplace.

...shitting tacks.

...so if you care to join me for some Mystery Stew and jelly sandwiches...

...that Rick Ragetti's cousin's coming to buy Chuck's Bait.

...that worms have both...

...then I'll kill him.

...then you can start worrying, huh?

...these two happy kids will be husband and wife!

...they respond to voice and touch like any other creature would.

...to be their music man!

...to give the neighborhood cavities.

...to join Maxwell Goldman...

...to just be himself.

...to tell you how sorry I was for the way I acted.

...water will cool me down.

...we spell out:

...we'll use a professional wedding coordinator.

...when we got a Chuck E. Cheese in town.

...with a scope and a hair trigger.

...with piss and vinegar running through her veins.

...you can't sit around waiting for another Ariel to come by.

...you want to put in...

...you would never go.

...your mother baked that rhubarb pie for my birthday?

"I'd rather kiss a dead moose's butt!"

"Jane of the Jungle."

"Lesbian Bandits" next on Geraldo.

"Melanie has landed herself another husband."

"Not yet."

"Somebody's been sleeping in my bed too."