The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - Season 2 Edit

A few days ago. She was going on a shopping trip or something.

A hotel name, a phone number, Amelia Earhart.

A little. He said some things.

A mausoleum.

A Rockaways girl. Heh!

A week. Two weeks.

Aah! Too many calls. I can't!

ABE: All right, playtime's over.

ABE: I know. Okay, I got it.

ABE: I'm just gonna leave these here.

ABE: Okay.

Abe? Miriam? What on earth are you doing here?

About roughing up a girl.

After some bootlegging and a hot game of craps.

Ah, apology accepted. Get your things.

Ah, I think the only people who say that

Ah, it was a little better than "fine."

All about my humiliating life.

All over the place.

All right, Abe. My goodness. So threatened by a little dog.

All right, I'll admit that sometimes I tune people out,

All right. We're gonna take a walk.

All this time with your mother,

Allons y, Simone.

American loyalty!

And actually I do have

And and also the semantic bear trap of bad taste.

And and always will be accused of bad taste

And became a different person.

And calling Columbus a fink,

And carry her back to the Upper West Side.

And Curtis said, "I quit,"

And he brought me along because he thought I spoke French,

And he called him a goddamn pansy.

And hits you over the head with a piece of pipe

And I might have called him Sal Mineo.

And I wanted to serve cheese.

And I'd get really juiced

And it seemed like maybe we could

And Lawrence said, "What did he say?"

And next time they could send some other guys.

And now she shares a bathroom with five men,

And out of my head, and...

And people are talking about shit nowadays.

And she'd be back before the party.

And someday I'm gonna be back at that counter.

And sometimes people let you down.

And steal your cab at Bendel's

And talking about me to a room full of strangers.

And telling complete strangers,

And the coming home?

And the more I did it,

And the next thing I knew,

And the other's holding onto your son

And then after it just seemed darkly ironic, so...

And then it was completely upended

And then out of the blue a mugger comes along

And then smoking.

And then we'll have a little talk about loyalty.

And they want to know all about you.

And up until recently, it was a pretty good life.

And what would you have done if you did know?

And when Esther's old enough to have that nose fixed,

And when the best spots the best,

And you said, "Okay."

And you were gonna be a star.

And you're gonna be okay.

And, uh, I was...

And, uh, seven or eight years old,

Anyhow, my my husband's cheating started a chain of events

Are interested in what a woman has to say.

Are men who aren't funny.

Are you hungry? I could scrounge around for some cake.

Are you sure this is right?

Articles like this are gonna help.

As soon as he realizes he can put a bookshelf

Asked, assumed same thing.

At his father's and someone will tell him.

B. Altman. This is Midge.

B. Altman. Where may I connect your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call? I will connect you.

Back in America, that line gets bupkis.

Be French, and then one night...

Be sweet.

Because for us to be together, you'd have to give it up.

Because frankly, it's incredibly unfair.

Because it's kind of my fault my father is in this situation.

Because we have a life back in New York

Because, the idiot twins are going to go to Paris

Before I said yes to those two weeks in Reno,

Before that happens, okay?

Between the two of them, and I feel a little guilty

Blood? No blood. No blood! Ethan's fine.

Bottom line is, I am not a tramp

Boy, I really wish you knew French.

Boy, we're getting really good at this drinking thing.

Breathe, honey, breathe.

But he did say if you need him, just leave some words

But he sees who's coming up behind him.

But I have this tattoo. Can you see that?

But I just can't be a joke.

But I need something big enough for Ethan to say over,

But I'll see what I can do.

But mostly because they rarely have anything useful

But no one really misses him.

But not so big that I have to pay for it.

But really, in Paris, it's quite wonderful.

But she was supposed to be back by now.

But that that was just socks

But this problem isn't going away,

But until then...

But we chose this line of work.

But we really do need to make some plans.

But what was she going to wear to the party tonight?

But when the sun sets here, it's magic.

But you have punished us. You've punished him.

But you're married. You you have a life.

Buy a new watch, pal.

Buy yourself something nice.

By the people who eat in restaurants

By the time it goes through the postal system,

By their husband's secretary?

Bye.

Call him.

Came here to bring her back,

Can I help you guys?

Can you find a...? Oh, that hat is fabulous.

Can you help us?

Can you just turn the other way?

Change over the course of a few months?

Chicken sounds great. So, tomorrow?

Colored scarves were shooting out of his mouth.

Come on, you don't need me to say it, do you?

Concentrate. Recreate the moment.

CONDUCTOR (over P.A.): This is Clinton Washington.

Could've mentioned the Pope ten years ago?

Cute kid.

Damn it, your waist is small.

Deigned. She deigned to dine.

Did he, did he seem upset?

Did she get her underwear?

Did she say why it's so important?

Did she? What a sport.

Did you find Mrs. Weissman?

Did you hear him say "I'm sorry"?

Did you hear what you just said?

Did you know this?

Do you want me to kill it for you?

Do you want to quit?

Don't look her in the eye, it'll only rile her up.

DORIS: Midge, help!

ENID: Midge, help!

Enough of this.

Every time. He hits it every time.

Everyone here has murdered at least three people

Everything and everyone that I always counted on

Excuse me, can I bum a cigarette?

Eye, eye, ear, ear, nose, hand, foot.

Filled with people who are dead.

Find a way to resolve this problem

Fine. Miriam, go home.

Fine. Prove it back in New York.

Follow me down the road. If you're not gonna stop,

For being sort of controversial and irreverent

For D Day. You pick.

For flight information.

For what?

Forget the watch, I'll show you a good time!

French got tough lungs, I'll give 'em that.

Fuck off.

Fuck sweet. She got a dog.

Fuck you, Annie Sullivan.

Fuck, I'd love to be a garbage man.

GENO: Some people say that women aren't funny.

Get a little culture before you head back home.

GINGER: So, how come you landed here?

Go in there and be sweet.

God, it's so good.

Going to the Rockaways, huh?

Gosh. You're amazing.

Guess you're just gonna have to kill me.

Guys who don't have a problem roughing up a girl.

Had a steak dinner at Keens after.

Happens to the best of us, pal.

Has let me down.

Have you ever done that?

Have you ever had your entire life

He chose to keep his life separate,

He doesn't want to lose you now.

He found at a construction site and completely knocks you out!

He he came here to say "I'm sorry."

He is your husband.

He might've just moved. Ran.

He owed someone something. They collected.

He's asking! I'm asking.

He's done wonders for my friend Sylvia Plath.

He's her champion.

Head between your knees.

Hello?

Her drawers are empty. Her perfume's gone.

Here.

Here's the card of a psychiatrist

Hey, could we maybe try this again?

Hey, drunk or dead?

Hey, Frank, I got to say, I don't know how I feel

Hey, hey, hey, focus, focus.

Hey, hey, small bills, small bills.

Hey, hey, will you stop shopping?

Hey, how much did they charge you for the show?

Hey, I'm over on Seagull.

Hey, is Greenie's Luncheonette still there?

Hey, Joel, what the hell

Hey, our pleasure.

Hey, uh, could you, could you maybe...

Hey, what's going on with you tonight?

Hey. Sweet.

His flower whoa started spewing water

Hmm. Then what? He learned his lesson?

Hold on! I will connect you.

Honestly, Papa, you don't listen.

How much did he hear?

I am in love with you. So deeply in love with you.

I am sorry for you, Miss Miriam.

I am telling that Nazi downstairs

I am. Hey, why does every girl there sound

I appreciate that, Frank.

I call, and it's, "Midge, what's the matter?"

I can figure anything out. I am amazing.

I can't be in a marriage where my wife is going off

I can't be there for it.

I can't believe you shot a clown.

I couldn't believe my luck.

I decided this year to totally uproot my life

I did not mean to just walk out on you guys like that.

I didn't hear him say "I'm sorry."

I didn't hear him say "I'm sorry"

I didn't know you were gonna be there.

I didn't think about it in those terms.

I don't believe it. Frank, did you hear?

I don't feel like I have a life here anymore.

I don't know what my place is here.

I don't know what to do. I don't understand what's happening.

I don't know what you're asking.

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't speak French.

I don't make plans anymore.

I don't think that's accurate.

I don't understand why we can't work it out.

I don't want you to quit either.

I found some.

I get it. I just can't live with it.

I got a message there was an emergency.

I got a watch with a beautiful Swiss movement.

I got an eye.

I got his jacket, though.

I guess you all know what that's like, huh?

I have a, uh, reputation

I have no memory of that.

I have to get back.

I have to go back to work.

I have to tell you, Saverina, this food is amazing.

I have work. I I have children.

I haven't recognized her since I got here.

I hear sirens.

I heard about the show she did with Lenny Bruce.

I hit a rough patch.

I hope you're all starving because I am.

I I can't find you. I don't know where you are.

I I don't think men do this in America.

I I gave it to myself when I thought

I I know we all let you down,

I I mean, in in college there were plays

I just mean, he's the top,

I just saw a cockroach.

I kept it.

I know how rain depresses you two,

I know that sounds simple, but a well made roast chicken

I know that! I have a contingency plan!

I know you are, you don't have to tell me any of this.

I know you have to talk about your life.

I know, I know.

I love you, Joel.

I love you, too, honey.

I love you, too.

I love you.

I mean I don't speak French.

I mean, besides being occupied. That had to be a shift.

I mean, she went to Paris,

I mean, that was Midge, right?

I never had moussaka before.

I never said that.

I roughed up a Major League pitcher once.

I see it now. It could be a girl.

I serve no purpose.

I should know. I grew up there.

I should probably get off the stage now.

I stay out till they're asleep, I get up before they're awake.

I take away his fire truck.

I think it would be better to have a little space right now.

I think sharing a bathroom sounds fun.

I think this is it.

I think we should have the chicken.

I thought it was a girl.

I thought you smoked.

I told your father I was leaving.

I used to have the perfect life.

I want to know where you are, I mean I want to know

I want to talk about our future.

I want to tell you it worked.

I was actually gonna be Mrs. Maisel,

I was amazing.

I was drowning before I left.

I was there, and she came in, and...

I was thinking we could all spend a day or so

I was unhappy. I didn't want to be unhappy anymore.

I will connect you.

I will connect you.

I will connect you.

I will connect you.

I will connect you.

I will connect you.

I will connect you.

I will connect you. Doris.

I will connect you. Enid.

I will connect you. Ginger.

I will connect you. Midge.

I will let her know.

I wish I could. Maybe another man could,

I work till 6:00.

I'd like to hear it sometime.

I'd like to talk about a client of hers.

I'll do all the lines that we rehearsed.

I'll take care of it.

I'll tell you one thing, you don't throw like a girl.

I'm a booker out of Pennsylvania.

I'm at my parents'.

I'm here! What is it?

I'm just saying, as a man, I saw that she had thoughts.

I'm not even sure what that is, but people always seemed

I'm not going on after that. Are you kidding me?

I'm not threatened by a dog.

I'm serious here.

I'm sorry about the weather today.

I'm sorry you had to hear that.

I'm sorry.

I'm taking it back.

I'm trying to discuss something serious.

I'm unhappy and I'm tired of being unhappy,

I've had a lot of practice.

I've missed me, too.

I've missed you, Mama.

I've sat here long enough. You want to play it like that?

I've seen a couple of places,

If I don't get back to the office,

If I hadn't gotten to you first...

If you get my drift.

If you're gonna do something, do it right.

In Gay Paree.

In how I became offensive.

In their lifetimes.

Internalize it.

Is it Esther? Oh, God.

Is it, is it really necessary to be that beautiful?

Is she okay?

Is that the time? I have to go.

Is that why you called me? Her eyes are asymmetrical?

Is the sign of a truly great chef.

Is this a girl? This doesn't look like a girl.

Is this the place?

It came out of the club when they said she would.

It had been a while.

It just doesn't make sense that she would miss the party.

It was fine.

It was great.

It was your first time on a plane, wasn't it, Miriam?

It was.

It worked!

It works for Ethan, too.

It's a boring fucking place.

It's a little rustic.

It's coming from me.

It's coming from that fucking bridge.

It's everything I wasn't up there.

It's heading right toward your door.

It's intoxicating. Dangerous, too.

It's just around the corner.

It's like a dead fish crawled inside a deader fish.

It's like a Gallic Hooverville.

It's like a panoply of meshuggeneh!

It's nice that you like theater.

It's not a story.

It's not enough that women have to compete with other women,

It's not? (speaks French)

It's raw. Is it supposed to be raw?

It's real, it's authentic.

It's the most beautiful city in the world.

It's very Parisian.

It's why all the great artists in the world

JACKIE: Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

Joel, phone.

JOEL: Okay, good bye.

Joely! Joely!

Just give this to the cab driver and he'll take you there.

Just let me...

Just waiting for something to happen, man.

Kiss the children for me.

Lamb's good.

Le connoisseur want something different?

Le something.

Leave him out of it.

Let me guess who won.

Let me talk to Mama for a second.

Let's talk about getting you home.

Like a guy who's just been kicked in the nuts?

Like, it started in school,

Long story.

Look around. See where you are.

Look at this place.

Look at you.

Look, it's not my favorite assignment, either,

Mademoiselle Weissman.

Mama, did you hear what Papa just said about the sightseeing?

Mama, how long are you gonna torture Papa like this?

Mama, listen to me. You have to get over this.

Mama, this isn't your real life.

Mama? What's wrong with Mama?

MAN: Hi. Is this Susie Myerson?

Mark my words, pal.

Maybe it's confusing to some, but there's a brain there.

Maybe Monsieur is into photographs, non?

Maybe they don't admit it.

Me? I am not going home without my wife. Period.

Me? Oh, no. Well, sure, I guess.

MEN: ♪ No, you ain't no ♪

Midge, you got another call.

MIDGE: You've been a great audience, ladies and gentlemen.

MIDGE: Zelda?

Midge? What's the matter?

Miriam, how long will it take you to get here?

Miriam, where are you going?

Miss America!

Mm, I don't know.

Mm. Yeah, she's hot right now.

Mmm... this is better than the moussaka.

MOISHE: Bullshit! The company is my business.

MOISHE: I just can't understand

MOISHE: No, I don't want to explain it.

MOISHE: You called him! You called him like a crazy person.

MOISHE: You covered? Like a Yiddish Theda Bara you covered.

More wine?

Morris, nice to meet you.

MORRIS: Uh, from the card you gave me?

Mr. Maisel took Ethan to the movies today.

Mrs. Maisel's gonna be a household name.

Mwah, mwah. Abe.

My brother and I had a big fight over it.

My family likes you, so we're gonna just

My God, I've never seen anything like this.

My God, the arrogance. I've created a monster.

My mother wants me to call her.

My name is Mrs. Maisel.

My sister's a girl.

My uncle played the ponies.

Newspapers. They heard all about the Lenny Bruce gig,

Next stop, Broadway East New York.

No, but he gave me some tips before I broke his arm.

No, he's not fine. He's going out of his mind.

No, I have a life here, Abe.

No, I know you're at your parents'.

No, I promise continuity, I'll behave myself.

No, it's not. There's nothing exciting about Philadelphia.

No, no, no, I do understand. I understand completely.

No.

No.

No.

No. I need you now. Come home.

No. I said lamb was okay, and it was.

No. It was, it was just that night.

No. No, but... what's the matter?

Not just for a hand job. He wants to book you in

Not pure hellfire, no.

Not the person you like more.

Not to cut the internalizing short or anything,

Not true.

Nothing but roadwork.

Nothing. I'm not asking him to do anything.

Nothing. Just a funny story.

Now I find an apartment.

Now men are getting in the mix?

Now sit back and make like The Miracle Worker.

Now, come on.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my dinnertime is 6:00.

Now, now, now.

Now... why are you in France?

Of slutty secretaries roaming the Earth?

Oh, dear. She threw up. We'll need a napkin.

Oh, delicious. (speaks French)

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, good grief.

Oh, hello. Oh. Uh...

Oh, hey, a little business first.

Oh, how was your flight?

Oh, I know a lovely little bistro you would love.

Oh, I was out of cheese.

Oh, I was so thrilled. I just love this view.

Oh, Joel, hello.

Oh, man, you are right on the water.

Oh, no. I live here now.

Oh, no. We burned it down.

Oh, shame. They made a great patty melt.

Oh, shit.

Oh, so now you speak French.

Oh, that's gonna be murder on my back.

Oh, there's a dead bird over there, that's nice.

Oh, uh, no, thank you. Okay.

Oh, well, this is a nice surprise.

Oh, wow. Boy, I wish you'd called a week ago

Oh, y you don't understand. I'm I'm just trying to...

Oh, yeah, great show. A star was born.

Oh, yes? What's it called?

Oh, yes. That's a message?

Oh, you don't find it by the time I finish,

Oh, you're bringing your father.

Oh, you're upsetting her.

Oh.

Oh. (speaking French)

Oh. Oh. Yes. This is Susie Myerson.

Oh. Th That's great.

Okay, apparently you know something I don't.

Okay, come on. Let's get you home.

Okay, fine, I'm sorry. Just tell me, was it good?

Okay, here goes nothing.

Okay, is, uh... is this enough?

Okay, okay, okay. Ha!

Okay, you're up.

Okay.

Okay. I'll call her right away.

Okay. Okay, okay. Here we go.

Once in a while. To relax.

One chair. There's only one chair?

One day he disappeared, we never saw him again.

One minute you're in New York, and the next you're here

One of the guys that I gave it to called. He wants you.

Only gangsters eat at 9:00

Only the ones from her grandmother.

Ooh.

Open the tiny purse.

Pack up your one fork and your half a plate,

Papa, did you ask when she'd be back?

Papa, look, Rose. It says "Rose."

Papa, we had a whole conversation where I told you

Papa?

Papa.

Paris? She went to Paris? When did she go to Paris?

People were killing themselves to get out of that Volkswagen.

Perfect.

Philadelphia. Wow. That's exciting.

Picking the right clubs; eventually,

Played every day for five years.

Put the whole sordid affair behind us, you know,

Put two jiggers of schnapps in his coffee.

Really, I was, like, this real depressed kid, you know.

Really? So does my mother.

Right. It's France.

ROSE (laughs): So, was that a chicken or was that a chicken?

Rose Weissman? (continues in French)

Rose, please. It's a dog. It'll clean that up itself.

Rose, Rose.

Rose, will you please stop talking to the dog?

Rose, you're angry, and trying to prove a point.

ROSE: I didn't know if there'd be a room available.

ROSE: You know, you should go to the Louvre tomorrow.

Said you had to talk to me.

SAL: That'll be eight bucks, boys.

Sally's.

Same place, same stool?

Saverina made you a fuckin' doggie bag.

See, I don't know if you can see this,

See? You see, right?

Seeing the sights before we all head back home,

Seriously, Saverina, you are a genius.

Seriously, your lipstick is killing me.

She agreed to have dinner.

She just walked right through a puddle. Right through a puddle!

She moved here to spite my father,

She said not to say anything, to wait until Mr. Weissman asked.

She was raw, but you could see it.

She's coming. She's coming.

She's drafting us. She's drafting us.

She's just flexible.

She's never missed this party before, ever.

She's probably homesick by now.

She's probably just waiting for you to sweep her off her feet

SHIRLEY: Fine! Yes! Fine!

SHIRLEY: He thinks I ran out of cheese. He thinks I'm insane.

SHIRLEY: Well, I didn't tell him anything.

SHIRLEY: Well, you did and I covered.

SHIRLEY: Your father had people over

Shit, I got to get a book.

Shit. Sally.

Shit. Shit, shit...

Shut the fuck up!

Shut up. That's what I know.

Simone's favorite. Steak tartare.

Sit, sit, sit.

So am I. What a small world. Are you on vacation?

So he did leave a message?

So he doesn't run away and drink from the puddles,

So I booked myself a flight for tomorrow night.

So I knocked on the door, and dear sweet Marie answered.

So impressed when you mentioned it to them.

So Lawrence thought Curtis was quitting

So not sure who won the first round.

So now what?

So tell me, how do you like Paris so far?

So then, why? Why? Tell me why.

So try to look past it.

So we are never gonna be fully out of each other's lives.

So what do you do now?

So what is the connection with Lenny Bruce?

So when she walked in here the first night,

So where do you go from here?

So, drinks tomorrow?

So, goddamm it, keep it separate!

So, see, when I said "be sweet..."

So, this is how it's gonna be from now on?

So, what do you think? Maybe a few more days?

So... see you at 9:00.

So... you see where I'm going here?

Some asshole taped it.

Some guy in a total panic.

Some of whom don't even speak my language,

Something wrong?

Somewhere else? Maybe have some dinner?

SOPHIA: No, no, no, no, no!

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sort of. I'm a New Yorker.

Sounds exhausting.

Sounds like heaven.

Speaking of killing me, it's getting pretty late here.

Stay in the moment, Miriam.

Stop repeating that!

Stuffed into their mother's bras.

Sure, one of those nice spacious free one bedrooms.

SUSIE: Ah, shit! Almost.

SUSIE: Mm, I actually think people

SUSIE: Right up your ass.

Take Sixth Avenue, add a bell, that's Philadelphia.

Talking about my faults, my mistakes, my failures.

Tell our boss we couldn't find you.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you, Mrs. Moskowitz.

Thanks, though.

Thanks.

That came right as I started to throw.

That chair is broken.

That could change any minute, Jackie.

That he was upset.

That I have ever counted on has let me down"?

That is "I'm sorry" in Abe speak.

That led to me spontaneously getting up on stage

That many people would take as a compliment.

That night screwed everything up.

That place was like a tomb.

That was a chicken.

That you are leaving tonight.

That's her, right?

That's it for me. My name is Mrs. Maisel.

That's it. I If that hadn't have happened...

That's like y you're already fighting with some asshole

That's my stage name.

That's not New York. Where are you?

That's probably why you came here.

That's the only reason I asked you to come.

That's the thing, you know,

That's why you're good, 'cause you're honest.

The bathroom

The best doctors in the world are here for that.

The butter's hanging from a windowsill.

The collective we. We three, we.

The competition wasn't stiff enough with the hoards

The French kind. French kind.

The more I could not stop doing it,

The only wind out here is coming out of your ass, pal.

The papers actually said sun.

The Pope, you think Bruce

The power of the microphone.

The reason why we're here tonight,

The rebuilding has begun.

The whole room was frozen.

The world is full of disappointments,

Their souls died years ago, they just don't know it yet.

Then get out more.

Then let's figure out how to stay.

There has to be a way.

There was an incident named Penny.

There's no furniture.

There's one room and a partial roof.

They can visit. Ethan can learn to fish,

They could send Tony.

They get it from this mad, little man around the corner.

They have the best bread in the world.

They loved it! That was great! Wasn't I great?

They never looked like that.

They talk about the light in New York,

They'd pay big money for that story.

They're gonna think I quit, too.

This can't be it. It must be it.

This is a great party, Miriam. They have a band.

This is not I'm not

This is the address she left.

This is where I lived when I went to school here.

This is why we need a fucking picture.

This whole town's a crumbling shit hole.

Thumb, huh? Could be Salvatore. He does thumb work.

Times are changing.

Tired of living at your parents' house?

To do a little digging about your uncle,

To go along with my biggest asshole trophy.

To let her know we were coming.

To lose the boy who climbs out your window, that is hard.

To marry a Sicilian girl, and all she cooks is Greek.

To reserve service,

To the person who signs the checks,

Tonight's the annual faculty holiday party,

Tony beat the shit out of Martha Raye last week.

Try manning the Revlon counter on a Free Makeover Friday.

Twice a week I'm saying "fuck" onstage.

Twisted! I'm twisted!

Uh, a anyhow, it's it's not going so well

Uh, Abramson. Morris Abramson.

Uh, did, um, did Mr. Maisel leave a message?

Uh, good morning, Miss, uh, Mrs.

Uh, hey, wh where did you get this number, by the way?

Uh, hold on. Let me get my book.

Uh, I need small bills.

Uh, I see a pipe and more roof.

Uh, I think we're fine.

Uh, so so my my father

Uh, we're being choosy,

Uh, what did you say your name was?

Uh, with, um... drinking,

Uh... (sniffles)

W We need to come to some sort of resolution here.

Wait a minute.

Wait till you taste her dessert.

Wait, cross that out. I sound like an idiot.

Wait, you're...

Wait.

Was I here? I'm always here.

Was that tape we heard that day at the record store?

Was that up there the whole time?

We can figure this out. I can figure this out.

We did.

We found an adorable hotel right near here.

We got sent a thumb. To be totally honest,

We had D. Porthault sheets.

We have gotten over the hump, sister.

We know where they, you know, do a little digging,

We should check in, get settled.

We should find a hotel.

We were all dressed up,

We were heading somewhere. We were almost there.

We will continue this nightmare tomorrow.

We will have to see each other forever.

We'll be there.

We'll, we're, uh,

We're done. It's over.

We're gonna go somewhere, we're gonna have a talk. Now move.

We're here to see you.

We're looking for Rose Weissman.

We've been talking, and if you want us

Well, he sure as shit is mentioning him now.

Well, here I am. Talk.

Well, I was wondering what her availabilities are in February.

Well, I'm sorry you were worried.

Well, I've never been, and I've always wanted to go.

Well, if you change your mind.

Well, look who's talking.

Well, now I'm on the edge of my seat, so what happened?

Well, put it out; I'll smoke it later.

Well, she agreed to have dinner with us.

Well, she doesn't really live here.

Well, sightseeing would be lovely.

Well, there's nowhere else to go from here but to the Rockaways.

Well, what did she say it was?

Well, you do, theoretically.

Well... all of it.

What about me? Don't you miss me?

What about the coming home?

What are you getting so upset about?

What do you mean "or something"?

What do you mean you don't speak French?

What do you want, Susie?

What goes on in that head of yours!

What grown man wouldn't love living with his parents?

What is this?

What terms did you think of it in?

What the hell do you think you're doing?

What what did he say?

What, wh what, what did he say?

What?

What?

What? Oh.

What? Stand up?

What's the matter?

What's the matter? What's missing?

What's wrong? What's bad?

When are you coming home?

When Mama said she was going to Paris,

When my husband had an affair.

Where may I direct your call? I will connect you.

Where my vanity is, he'll be just fine.

Where some of the boys would dress up like girls for a joke,

Where you are; I want to talk.

Where's her things?

Where's this coming from?

Whew! You'd think we were giving away Pat Boone tickets.

Which I don't. I wish I did.

Which I would like to point out

While you got one arm full of shopping bags

While you were up there, Joel came in.

Who here has ever been attacked in public

Who just moved to New York from Boston.

Who knows.

Who said that?

Who's trying to get in front of you in line

Whoa, you're in the fancy section.

Why the hell didn't you teach her to speak French?

Will Elizabeth Taylor become Bar Mitzvah'ed?

With me singing and carrying on

WOMEN: ♪ Though you are so very charming ♪

Working on expanding her profile.

Would you like some coffee? I'll heat up the rechaud.

Would you like to come in?

Wouldn't you know I go out of my way

Wow, that is a really sweet offer,

Wow, that one's even better.

Y You don't understand, the whole point is

Ye Yes, you probably did know this.

Yeah, Broad Channel Avenue.

Yeah, it's supposed to be a girl.

Yeah, she got drunk at a party, started talking.

Yeah, what, so you got his abilities through osmosis?

Yeah, yeah, so the teacher would really get bummed, you know,

Yeah, yeah, they did at that.

Yeah, you're welcome for the tip.

Yeah?

Yeah. But you might be interested

Yeah. I thought, "What the hell."

Yeah. Two other calls came in also.

Yep. This was my parents' place.

Yes, but he doesn't remember, so it doesn't count.

Yes, but this isn't the way I wanted to get rid of them.

Yes, that did stop a room.

Yes, that was it.

Yes. Listen, I'm interested in your girl Mrs. Maisel.

Yes. Thank you.

You are coming back to New York.

You are not a joke.

You can bet it's the best.

You can't have it all.

You can't just run away.

You can't really tell who a thumb belongs to.

You can't run the world and have all the pretty underwear, too.

You didn't notice this? You sleep right there.

You do hate those dishes.

You don't believe your mother? Fine.

You don't have to keep apologizing.

You don't need me. Miriam doesn't need me.

You don't recognize your own wife?

You don't?

You find that quarter I hid yet?

You get your tuchis out here.

You go off and talk about your life.

You got a dog?

You have grandchildren. Remember your grandchildren?

You have to go back to him!

You heard we didn't put out, that's why you walked, right?

You just told me that Mama told you she was moving to Paris.

You just took off with no word.

You know what, this is the best abduction I've ever had.

You know, "Honeybun" for the talent show,

You know, if you talked to your uncle...

You know, when Ethan acts like this,

You live here, too. You didn't notice either.

You look fine. You look fine.

You made a commitment to this man.

You made your point. You won.

You need to learn to stay in the moment.

You play the ponies?

You remember my cheating husband?

You should go to Hollywood, Ma.

You skated here tonight, Susie.

You teach at Columbia. They should be terrified.

You think the fact she's so attractive is a problem?

You thought he was just gonna let you leave?

You want another coffee? Jackie, get him another coffee.

You want to be a garbage man?

You were here when Susie discovered her?

You were out of cheese.

You won't leave a number. You won't talk to me.

You work for Harry Drake, right?

You, crazy lady, you.

You'll miss me when I'm dead.

You'll smoke it later?

You're from the neighborhood, we like you,

You're from the Rockaways?

You're her husband.

You're in a good mood.

You're in her closet way more than I am.

You're in on it, aren't you? You helped her pack?

You're in Paris. Take it in.

You're kidding. That worked?

You're men? All of you?

You're Norman Mailer in a cocktail dress.

You're on.

You're packing up dishes to send to her right now, aren't you?

You're too good.

Your ass is better than your tits.

Your eyes are asymmetrical.

Your father's always been very good at taking care of himself.

Your used cigarette and let's go.

Your zipper.

ZELDA (over phone): Miss Miriam?

Zelda, do you know where she is?

Zelda, please, where is Mrs. Weissman?

Zelda?

Zelda? Zelda, can you hear me?

Zelda? Zelda, I have to go.

Zelda's making lamb for dinner.

18. 18. 18. 18.

25 francs for the show.

(chuckles) Well, you meet 'em. They just don't admit it.

(chuckling): Yeah? Fun? So fun.

(continues in French) (all laugh)

(continues in French) (barks)

(continues speaking French) (laughter)

(coughs) ROSE: Oh, sorry.

(dishes clattering) Wait a minute.

(glass shatters) SUSIE: Asshole.

(laughter) After his affair...

(laughter) and and boosting Aaron Burr,

(laughter) Okay.

(laughter) Well, that was a mistake.

(Lillian speaking French) It's smaller than mine.

(Midge sniffles) (woman coughs)

(sighs) ♪ Alone. ♪

(Simone barking) Oh, zip it, Simone.

(speaking French) (laughs)

(speaking French) (laughter)

(speaking French) (laughter)

(water splashes) I'm fighting the wind.

♪ Each night in Paris ♪ ♪ Each night in Paris ♪

♪ I'd let out a wail ♪ (line ringing)

♪ Is he gonna buy? ♪ MAN: You want a little culture?

♪ One night in Paris ♪ ♪ One night in Paris ♪

9:00? Sure.

20 francs. Yeah. I had a feeling.

A girl from the Rockaways. You never meet one of those.

a goddamn club in Philadelphia! Really?

a little bit of trouble here? I'm picking up on that.

Aah! Did you see? Yeah. You were amazing.

ABE: Miriam. Papa!

And air. It is all of that and more.

and she's not here? I...

And that's it? Yes.

And you. Thank you.

Annie Sullivan could talk. Not in my car, she couldn't.

are so drawn to this place. She brought the dog.

Bonsoir, Ronan. Bonsoir, Rose.

But... Now, Miriam, now.

Can I finish my slice? Do you understand you're in

Can you just wait? Wait? Wait where?

Did she say "down the hall"? She did. We share.

Did you look around your den? For what?

Did you say France? Because I really think we can work this out.

Does she have a phone? Does she have a bell?

Doesn't seem right. We do what we're told.

DRIVER: Monsieur... Uh, here.

Drunk. You can tell from here?

Excuse me? Oh, American. Wonderful.

For who? For me.

For who? Jackie.

Forget it. You were on fire before you left.

France. What?!

Geez, Ma. When you hear "collect,"

had our corsages on. I know.

He came back. (speaking French)

He cheated on me. (speaking French)

He will fall right to sleep. Good tip.

Hello? MIDGE: Joel?

Hey, you a girl? I'm not sure what

How are the kids? They're fine.

I can see the sky. Oh, Gitane?

I did not ask. Tell her I sent her underwear.

I didn't ask him to come here. Oh, come on.

I do. They're very pleasant. Mama.

I don't know. How much?

I don't know. You've just answered both questions.

I don't understand you. You don't?

I give you, Lenny Bruce! (cheers and applause)

I guess we're walking. Mm hmm.

I hear there's music. And lunch breaks.

I know that. So, if we can't ever leave,

I know. It was just that night at the club.

I sure did. Just the coffee, please.

I will connect you. B. Altman.

I win. Five bucks. Pay up. I don't have any money.

I'm coming. Collect! Let's go!

I'm going to Paris. Mm hmm.

I'm going up. Okay. We're going up.

I'm happy here. Bullshit!

I'm nervous. Me, too.

I'm not. MIDGE: This is ridiculous. Both of you.

If you hear of anything... (phone ringing)

in either one of them. He came here.

Is Mr. Weissman calm? Not at all.

Is there a bell? Maybe we should call.

Isn't air travel a marvel? Bonjour, René. RENE: Bonjour, Rose.

It happened. But... I don't understand.

It's fun to be up here. Whew.

It's not good enough. What more does he need to do?

JOEL: What, Ma? You have a call. Collect.

LILLIAN: Oh, they do. You're an American.

Makeup counter? Yup.

Mama moved to Paris! What?! Oh, that's ridiculous.

Mama, are you in there? It's your husband!

Mama, we're just concerned. About what?

Mama? Rose.

Mama? Rose... Rose?

Marie's not a Nazi. (Marie shouting nearby)

Midge, come on. We were on a path.

MIDGE: Mama? Oh, there you are, Miriam.

MOISHE: He doesn't understand. SHIRLEY: He's smart. Explain it.

MOISHE: He's right! SHIRLEY: He could help.

More than this? Rose, are you here?

Never mind. Oh, God, what is that smell?

No. Did he leave a number?

No. I know he'd let you come back.

No. Oh.

No. Well, can I speak with Susie Myerson?

No. Yeah, you're still helping her.

Not at all the same thing. Pretty close.

Not true. You don't listen to anyone.

Oh, come on. What? There was a gust of wind

Oh, sorry about that. Yeah.

Oh, you're kidding. Eh.

Oh, your father's just fine. No.

Okay, I, uh... Okay.

Okay. Collect! Collect!

Or as you'd say, "husband"? (speaking French)

or interesting to say. It's empty.

Papa, are you kidding me?! What?

Papa, what did she say? That she was going to Paris,

Papa. No! No. No.

Proost. Proost.

Right now. Papa, this isn't sweet.

ROSE: Everyone, meet Simone. Simone. (Simone barks)

Rose! My Rose! Mama?

Rose? Rose, are you here? (woman continues shouting)

SAL: You going for a record? Yes.

See ya tomorrow. Yup.

She left me the address. Why didn't you tell us?

she never taught you French? No.

She said that? Yes.

She's not here. She's...

She's still coming. Rose?!

SHIRLEY: Fine. MOISHE: Understand?

SHIRLEY: He's our son. MOISHE: He's not in the business.

SHIRLEY: Hello? Hello, Ma, what's wrong?

Small bills. I can't find an address.

So, this apartment... Oh, isn't it charmant?

So? So?

Stretching. Well, don't.

Thank you and goodnight! (cheers and applause)

Thanks. So, Susie,

That is a message. Well, he left that.

That's a bad thing. (speaking French)

the best answer is here. I don't think it's a girl.

The the laughter... (speaking French)

Then you know where I am. I don't I don't mean

Then you should go. Not without you.

There's not. Don't say that.

There's nothing in my den. Papa, think hard.

They dating? No, they are not dating.

This the one? I think so.

Time and a half on weekends. Great benefits.

to bring your mother back. But...

Tonight? Oh, of course.

Two and a half hours. What?

Uh huh. (woman continues shouting)

unpack. What? Why?

Wait, you didn't wire her? No. Why?

We did? Yes.

We don't know it's a girl. It's a girl.

We have children. Yes.

We're eating dog food? No. She's eating people food.

Well, I assume she said that. Assume?

Well, where is she? I don't know.

What are you doing? Nothing.

What bridge? (sirens wailing in background)

What did you say? I said you were a great comic,

What do I say? I think you should just

what exactly did she say? I don't know.

What worked? The card. The card worked.

What? Her closet's empty.

What? Yeah. He was here and he saw...

What's going on? Nothing, why?

What's the problem? It's your mother.

Where are we going? You'll find out.

Where did they go? I'm guessing Paris.

Where is the bathroom? Down the hall.

Where? None of your business. Just walk.

Who told you that? Ma, you called Mrs. Moskowitz,

Why? I'm Morris Abramson.

Why? Why?! Midge, you know why.

Yeah, I get it. It would be good if you could

Yes. A second ago you assumed.

Yes. And then for four to six months after.

Yes. In plain view? Just like that?

Yes. Okay, you pack. You

Yes. Until we are dead.

You afraid to follow a girl? Always and everywhere.

You are insane. Papa.

You know what I mean. I speak two languages.

you know, that kind of scene. (laughter)

You sure? I'm sure. I'm sorry.

You talked to him? For a second.

You trained it? Of course.

You were in the show. What's it like?

You'll come back. What about Papa?

You're here. But I have to leave.

You're killing me, Midge. We can do this.

...or as you'd say, "Thursday."

...the adoration,

"18 Bis Rue du Mail."

"Everyone and everything

"I don't feel like I have a life here.

"I don't feel like I have a life here"?

("You're in Paris" playing)

(all laugh)

(audience cheering)

(car horn honking)

(car horn honking)

(car horn honking)

(car horn honks)

(chuckles nervously)

(chuckles)

(chuckles) Hey, Sophia,

(chuckles) I'm sorry, Archie.

(continues singing in French)

(coughs)

(door closes)

(driver speaking French)

(driver speaking French)

(laughing) Fuckin' A.

(laughs)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(Lillian speaking French)

(line clicks)

(lively jazz music playing)

(overlapping chatter)

(overlapping chatter)

(panting)

(panting)

(phone continues ringing)

(phone ringing)

(quietly): So...

(Rose continues in French)

(Rose speaking French)

(Rose speaking French)

(Rose speaking French)

(Rose speaking French)

(shouting in French)

(shouting in French)

(shudders, exhales)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs) Doesn't pay to be a nice girl anymore.

(sighs) Midge...

(Simone barks)

(singing in French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(speaking French)

(woman continues shouting in French)

(zipper closes)

♪ 'Neath a garret's rafter ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And daffodils ♪

♪ And lives... ♪

♪ And two for tea ♪

♪ And you for me ♪

♪ Autumn in New York ♪

♪ Brother wed, or cheese imported ♪

♪ Casanova ♪

♪ Each night in Paris ♪

♪ Each night in Paris ♪

♪ Eyebrows tweezed, or bills collected ♪

♪ For the pleasure and the profit it derives ♪

♪ Fourth of July... ♪

♪ I have always been a woman who arranges things ♪

♪ I have always been a woman who arranges things ♪

♪ I'd cry like a baby ♪

♪ I'd cry like a baby... ♪

♪ I'd let out a wail ♪

♪ I'm in Paris. ♪

♪ If you ever said... ♪

♪ If you want your culture rounded... ♪

♪ If you want your daughter dated ♪

♪ If you want your roof inspected ♪

♪ If you want your sister courted ♪

♪ In the Paris wine ♪

♪ Is he gonna buy? ♪

♪ Is he gonna pay? ♪

♪ Is he gonna pay? ♪

♪ Is like a year in any other place ♪

♪ Is like a year in any other place ♪

♪ Is like loving every woman ♪

♪ Just leave everything to me ♪

♪ Just leave everything to me ♪

♪ Just leave everything to me ♪

♪ Like furniture ♪

♪ May be your last ♪

♪ May be your last. ♪

♪ Me for you ♪

♪ Me! ♪

♪ Oh, you know, you ain't no Casanova ♪

♪ One girl in Paris ♪

♪ One night in Paris ♪

♪ One night in Paris ♪

♪ One night in Paris ♪

♪ One night in Paris ♪

♪ One night in Paris ♪

♪ Or is he gonna fall in love ♪

♪ Or is he gonna fall in love the all American way? ♪

♪ Or Samba ♪

♪ Or some marriage consummated for a rather modest fee... ♪

♪ Or the Tango ♪

♪ Picture me ♪

♪ The all American way? ♪

♪ The whole procedure... ♪

♪ There's more laughter ♪

♪ To... ♪

♪ Upon your knee ♪

♪ Where the fashion is romance ♪

♪ Why does it seem so inviting? ♪

♪ Will wipe the smile off your pretty face ♪

♪ Will wipe the smile off your pretty face ♪

♪ With a busted balloon ♪

♪ With tea for two ♪

♪ You can't even do the Bossa Nova ♪

♪ You were leaving for good... ♪

♪ You're in Paris ♪

♪ You're in Paris ♪

♪ You're in Paris ♪