💬 Lazor Wulf (2019)

A bona fide classic.

A dum dum actually succeeding

A film that was inspired by my

A frown in the clurb is like a fart in the wind.

A good thing can last.

A ha! [ barks ]

A haunted plant store.

A sign of any successful business

A supposed guiding light of "truth,"

Aaand time for the show!

Aah!

Aah! [ groans ]

Abandon ship, my dudes.

About 10 minutes ago.

About a "pyramid job selling forks," you know.

About him ever again!

About lazor? Nah, he's good.

Action jackson is a documentary.

Actually, I'm on my way back to jowanne fabric.

Actually, stupid horse,

After centuries of isolation,

After this quick news update,

Again.

Agreed.

Ah, mm, yeah. Oh, baby.

Ah, the classic stunt double trick.

Ah, there's exactly.

Ah!

Ah! Hey, watch your mouth.

Ah! Jamantha. My money.

Ah! That's what matters, he says.

Ah. Just in time.

Ahem. One could say that

Ahh! Your job is to hang out with me!

Ai is supposed to know what's going on.

Aight.

Ain't no such thing as a free coffee.

Ain't nobody ducking shit.

All bike and bike related business in town,

All I know is somebody better give me a job application,

All of this over spilled milk?

All of y'all can get the [bshh] gone.

All of y'all dum dums have 3 seconds to disperse.

All right, all right.

All right, boys, I'll have your friend out in no time.

All thanks to me.

All the secrets?

All the way through, so that ain't working.

All: Shh!

All: Success.

All: What?

Almost like a hologram concert.

Alright, good talk, gang.

Alright, lazor, let's win this.

Alright, let's take someone's money.

Alright, thanks for y'all help.

Also, define "legal."

Also, here's your coffee.

Also, that's a terrible idea.

Also, the name? Thatcloud? Brilliant.

Also, you don't own the dude.

Am I gonna need a lemon or a lime?

Amazing!

Amazing.

An example out of us.

An important episode we can't miss!

An interesting stop during a high speed chase.

And "action jackson" is a damn movie!

And a dvd player!

And all I see are clouds.

And all of the food is gone?

And all the [bshh] that feels like actual work.

And as for me, I'm trying to solve this cubriks rube.

And attacked my amazing character.

And bathrooms. [ toilet flushes ]

And can I get 200 yards of you going back to milwaukee?

And ding dong, he not even dead.

And end the shame that infiniti wulf casted on this family!

And established my brand.

And everything is nothing.

And get some land up here.

And get that unemployment check

And I demand back rent immediately,

And I did, so mission accomplished.

And I don't care.

And I don't mean birthday celebrations, okay?

And I hope you rot! [ growls ]

And I need to call my mom to come scoop me up.

And I still need to go buy a new tv.

And I still want you to leave.

And I think I might've figured out

And I want to know what silk feels like.

And I, carl weathers, am being harassed...

And if he shows up again,

And into thee realm of tarnation.

And it leads straight to m o...Kay.

And it seems rock beats scissors.

And its massive influence on strongburg.

And let's do this, dum dum.

And let's not forget that battle ham also produced

And lying on my dead homie's name,

And make a left, walk for 10 more minutes

And maybe frasier crane sometimes.

And my name is not action jackson!

And neither does hey, boss.

And now a message from our sponsors.

And now for the moment we

And now that I own the rights, it'll strictly be pay to play.

And on your desk and some on your floor and also my shirt.

And once I find the edge of this thing,

And one can't just simply work at jowanne's.

And people who never played outside.

And save it from televised obscurity.

And saw him head to this chest

And second, how are you not action jackson?

And shouting negates that.

And somehow I can't get a damn nomination

And that was the last time you actually won anything.

And that's got to be great for your business.

And that's what matters.

And that's why healthcare is free here in strongburg,

And the hospital is completely out.

And the weak ass clips.

And then we going to our favorite round table,

And then what happened?

And then you ignored my cries for justice.

And there was only one way to do that...

And there's still time to add in any last minute changes.

And they all believed him!

And they did nothing to stop it!

And this has been "jammin with jamantha."

And try not to look like an asshole.

And we all know who y'all got to thank for introducing

And we are here to get strongburg renamed to...

And we are on in five, four, three, uh, two...

And we will be meeting at strongburg square

And we're back.

And welcome to jowanne's, and also my first day at work.

And what time was that?

And would love it if

And y'all know when I go on a diet...

And yet, I find myself back here again.

And you don't have to ever bother me

And you got to live with that.

And you know I couldn't let that slide.

And you'll see a door.

And you're not even paying them.

And your business acumen is on another level.

And, you, people eat here

Announcer: "jammin' with jamantha" is brought to you by...

Answer the question, lamont.

Anyone seen where battle ham went?

Anyway, get canon wulf's hands for the low price of $19.99,

Anyways, anyone heard from lazor?

Anyways, you hungry?

Are we done?

Are you [bshh] kidding right now?

Are you insane?

Are you outta anesthesia to knock spinnas out

Are you saying I need to go on a diet?

Are you seriously gonna ignore me?

Are you two #frontinforlikes?

Are you, now?

As I said, I'm not a doctor.

As it says "presented by: Lamont brickwater."

As proud as a bouncing billionaire baby

As you purported, I can agree

As you should.

Asshole.

At least we're number one in something?

Audience: Uh, yay!

Audience: Yay! I will perform this trick

Auto saved passwords, am I right?

Aw, what's wrong, homey?

Awesome! So no one's dead.

Aww! That loss is technically

Awww, my raisin soup.

Bad idea.

Battle ham is more than food.

Battle ham is the greatest friend

Battle ham taught me how to load my first gat.

Battle ham, and florence, everyone.

Battle ham! Battle ham!

Battle ham?

Be.

Beating out milwaukee and heaven!

Because wait.

Because I am one of the qualified.

Because I slaughtered all my competition

Because I'm not only the best rapper...

Because they smuggle two of every single thing

Bees are starving for affection and companionship.

Before we proceed with the bidding, king yeti

Before y'all got here.

Being a greeter is important.

Best two out of three.

Bet you hungry as hell.

Between the north and south.

Bike today is hold up.

Bitch, don't make me tell you again.

Blazor wulf: [ sighs ] just make it quick.

Blazor wulf: And we're back.

Blazor wulf: Hey, could y'all stop howling?

Blazor wulf: Jamantha! Where is my

Blazor wulf: Oh, so, you willing to talk money now?!

Blazor wulf: What's goin' on over there?

Blazor, can you help this dickhead prove

Bless you, patricia. Bless you.

Blinding us to the truths and freedoms of the world?

Bom bom!

Both blindfold and then backwards.

Boy, don't nobody like a snitch.

Boy, you just got yourself a promotion.

Boys, I have bad news.

Break!

Breakdancing in a church full of snakes.

Brr! I demand to speak to a manager right now.

Bruh, stop throwing sandwiches into the creek.

Bull[bleep] wallace! You ain't seen shit coming!

Businesses.

But [bshh] that! I've never paid for milk!

But all this branding talk has got me thinking.

But are we done with it?

But as far as I'm concerned, when you're playing dress up,

But as you can see, I used the doorbell today.

But at strongburg creek, you catch them with sandwiches.

But at this point, I think it's safe to say

But for him, it's heaven.

But he's never had trouble funding these large scale films.

But I am still looking to speak with the master.

But I don't do work. [ bray ]

But I just ordered a new furnacé tracksuit for it.

But I say do what you gotta do, my dude.

But I think we're dealing with...

But I, uh I...

But I'll make it four stories instead of five.

But I'm not really tryna fight a child.

But it's my spin. This is some bullsh

But most likely a purveyor of bullshit.

But my real goal was to prove

But now, seeing your smiling faces, I feel so

But only if we move from strongburg

But pyramids are pretty foul.

But seeing you work is bringing me pleasure.

But shout out to the homie battle ham

But you better change your [bssh] attitude.

But you more like the body

But you must come alone.

But you were the prodigal child!

But, lazor, I want to hellllll

But, um...What about our shift at the delicadanci?

Buzz off, you dump dum.

By handing my smallest annoyance

Cakes? Smithereens?

Came in here and spilled the youth's milk?

Can I at least burn the store down?

Can I get 200 yards of this fine silkity silk?

Can I help you?

Can we go already?

Can we play already?

Can you look up hello?

Can't get nothing going right. Just my life, just...

Can't you see I'm hungry?

Canon wulf is about to be as dead as my dead dead beat dad.

Canon wulf, can you keep it down?

Canon wulf: Change the channel!

Canon wulf: Restore our family's honor!

Canon wulf: That's enough!

Canon wulf: This suuuuuucccckkkks!

Canon wulf...Up.

Canon, what the [bssh] is this?

Canon, what's good, my dude?

Canon: Then I ran up on them fools with the quickness!

Canon. You're right!

Captain, I hate to bring this to you so close to dawn,

Car sticker? Hell yes.

Carl weathers,

Carl weathers, bitch!

Carl weathers?

Carl weathers? I don't know.

Carl weathers? I thought you were bugging action jackson?

Cashmere! [ gasps ]

Celebrating a lost soul the only way one should,

Check out my dutty wine.

Check out my new fingees!

Clothes for assholes.

Come on, girls. Let's go make some money.

Coming up in a couple minutes

Congratulations. You got red.

Consider it an early and last birthday present.

Cool tone.

Cool, cool, cool.

Cosmetic he wanted done while he was under the knife.

Could we take a commercial break?

Could you grab me a coffee on the way back?

Cut!

Damn right.

Damn, blazor, really? Look.

Deryll it's deryll, right?

Did I just get... Shit ted on?

Did I say "pee"?

Did this fool really put himself in a bubble?

Did y'all blow up another esther's?

Did you or do you remember shooting my...

Did you just call yourself in vain?

Did you know how many cakes god has smashed to smithereens?

Did you receive my lamont brickwater approved

Do it, and I'll give you your money, I promise.

Do we not have security here?

Do you even remember what stupid horse looks like?

Do you hate me that much?

Do you mean "the powers that be"?

Do you really need any more mozzarella sticks?

Do you see me?

Do you see that?

Documentary films in strongburg.

Does it make sense that same wolf

Does this place smell like the hottest of garbáge?

Doesn't develop throughout the show.

Don't break shit, don't steal [bshh] and go away.

Don't even ask how he got the deed.

Don't make me rap.

Don't play with me today.

Don't step on my line!

Don't talk to me.

Don't try do.

Don't worry, lazor.

Don't you see the sign?!

Done. Time for my first break.

Dude is a legit loser.

Dude loved tanks... And heated toilet seats.

Dude must have hit his head or something.

Dude, no, I haven't.

Dude, you left me ou never mind.

Dun daaah!

Eh, I'll need a second to consider this,

Employee of the month again.

Enough with the slick [bshh], jamantha.

Esther? What are you doing here?

Esther's your only option.

Esther's is the best ther's.

Even think to apply to jowanne's.

Every lame has their day. Ooh!

Exactly y y y y y y y y.

Exactly!

Exactly.

Exactly. What are you talking about?

Excuse me, but who are you?

Excuse me, king yeti. May I have a word?

Excuse me. Pardon me. Move, bitch.

Facts? Here' a fact.

Fair point. But I don't have money.

Fair point. Eh.

Father! [ sobs ]

Father's day is coming up, right?

Fight a killer that leaves no trace?

Fine with me, shit whiskers.

Fine. I'll deal.

First and foremost, digging the space.

First of all, don't insult me by calling me god,

Five!

Five?!

Folks can go get their own dead friends to mourn.

Folks don't care about no hostage situation.

Folks were living in the damn dark ages before that.

Folks, let's get into it!

For all his contributions to our modern society.

For an omnipotent being,

For any damn news awards?

For doing the sh a thank you is most appropriated.

For real. You ain't really clurbed

For the murder of lazor wulf.

For the rest of your life...

For three years, the drinking water

For when you have to pee pee.

For your own show! Stop stalling

Forehead too big.

Forest whitaker forest, has to go, and so do you.

Frasier crane is extremely buns, good sir.

Freestyle?

From her dead ass, dead beat dad, duh.

Gargantuan.

Gas for tanks ain't cheap.

Get filled with farts, lazor wulf.

Get ready to hold this l.

Get the [bshh] out of my cloud.

Get your asses there pronto.

Get your nosy ass outta my business!

Girls day. My treat.

Give me something to eat now.

Give up, you stone colored shit fox.

Gladys! Take my away!

Go away, I'm asleep.

Go in there and buy a plant,

God bless, but it couldn't be me.

God damn it, wallace! They finding all my shit!

God damn it, webb!

God damn it! Another stupid...

God damn!

God: [ laughs ] right on brand.

God: I got "blu bloods" to watch.

God: I won this from your great,

God: Shut up, wallace!

God: Wallace, what is this minty drink?

Goddammit.

Goddamn it, this game is fixed!

Gone?

Goo punch!

Goo punch! Everybody!

Good morning and welcome to "strong talk".

Good.

Good. Could you grab me a coffee on the way back?

Gotcha!

Gotta fix this sorry mother...Mistake.

Gotta go. You know I got to make my time, girl.

Great, great, great, great, great, great, great...

Great, great, great, great...

Ha ha ha.

Ham! Battle ham! Battle ham!

Hanging out with god.

Happens all of the time.

Has done something to action jackson.

Has haunted this family. I mean, this ain't no typical

Hate to admit this, but,

Haunted plants? That's not even scary.

Have at it, my dude.

Have you checked the delicadanci?

Have you ever thought about investing in the film industry?

He better not, though.

He can't flip the square footage if he ain't got it.

He could be at least 15 minutes away from here by now.

He did exist and I figured the only way

He grown. It's fine. Now hush.

He has me cook the books and laundry the monies.

He will die if we don't get anesthesia.

He wouldn't leave me alone!

He'll be here to talk about his new film,

He's going to "strong talk".

He's here? Hm, nice.

He's just doing inventory at musty's,

He's not here he's gone,

He's still the easiest one to possess.

Hello, little terrorist I mean, child.

Hello, mr. Action jackson!

Hello, mr. Action jackson. Aaaahhh!

Hello, my delicadancers!

Hello, strongburg!

Hello!

Hello?

Hello? Can someone give me the [bshh] news report?

Hello. Are you the master? Question mark.

Hellur?

Her language is so dramatic.

Here is where we store all the secrets of the universe.

Hey, action!

Hey, asshat! Tell me where canon wulf is!

Hey, blazor, is now a good time to

Hey, fans! It's me, your girl,

Hey, gerald.

Hey, guys, I think I might need some...

Hey, hey, hey, hey! I am qualified, okay?

Hey, homies.

Hey, I'm sorry about tossing you like a dirty rag,

Hey, kinny.

Hey, lazor. You here for yeti's show too, huh?

Hey, man, where's the bathroom?

Hey, vips. Y'all in the mood for

Hey, what's going on over there? Sharlipa: I have all the...

Hey, you know you [bshh] so hard

Hey, you mind if I use your phone?

Hey, you should learn to not appear

Hey. Yeah, that was me.

Hey. You guys gotta stop fighting.

Hi, everyone. [ all screaming ]

Hi. I'm stupid horse.

Hi. Would it be possible to speak

Hit up the zoning commission.

Hm.

Hmm, it isn't.

Hmm!

Hmm! You not going nowhere, my dude.

Hmm.

Hmm. Don't think I have.

Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Right.

Hmm. That can't be good.

Hmm...

Hol' hol' up. What about my sh

Hol' up, y'all! We not done just yet!

Hola, dickheads.

Hold him still, king yeti!

Hold up. Someone is dead!

Holy [bshh]

Holy shit! Ho ly shit!

Homegirl moves into my hood, chops down my trees,

Homey probably got married and chilled the [bshh] out.

Homey, this is $37.

Homie is convinced that this dude, carl weathers,

Homie needs to get some friends.

Hoo hoo! Gettin' all worked up.

How about a horse?

How about a truce?

How adorable.

How are they supposed to make our lives better?

How can I kill someone who doesn't exist?

How can you have four feet and none of 'em work good?

How come they're always wrong?

How did stupid horse break his ankles?

How did we get here?

How did you even

How did you even get the deed to this place?

How do you get out of here?

How do you lose before we even start?

How does a wolf with a laser on his back make sense?

How does that even work?

How many cakes? What do you mean?

How the hell did y'all rack up a $700 bill?

How to get out of heaven.

How we talking about tanks when battle ham

How were you so confident you would win?

How you don't got ondemand?

How you gonna suggest a password to me and you're wrong?

Hurry up, wallace! This is supposed to be

I [bshh] hate lamont brickwater! [ lightning zapping ]

I ain't tryna lose this story.

I already got what I was looking for.

I already know that, you backwards fart.

I already paid you, wench!

I already told you, dum dum.

I also can does this, too.

I also get to choose the game,

I also wrote a song that ♪ I'd love to sing ♪

I am gonna take my ladies for a massage and green juices,

I am just an everyday spirit.

I am no longer selling my bike.

I am not sending them back.

I am officially involved

I am sharlipa, and welcome to thatcloud.

I am so freaking hungry.

I am so sorry that...

I am still looking for the master of this establishment.

I am the potential bathroom manage

I am... [clears throat]

I apologize in advance for losing my temper.

I arrived here in an escape van.

I bought a [bssh] tank.

I can barely control my powers in this.

I can see it now.

I can touch this, and this, and that!

I can try my best.

I can't even sleep.

I can't get fired, and king yeti's gonna lose his bike.

I can't promise you that.

I can't stress enough how that one loss

I can't, not with bh gone.

I can't.

I challenge you... To a fight.

I could prove it was by finding his body.

I could really use a little r&r.

I detect a bit of smokiness with hints of cherry and lavender.

I did it. Patricia!

I didn't want to be rude, so I just kept sittin'.

I disrespect milk on the regular.

I do have other films,

I do not endorse this. [ coughs ]

I do not have enough free health benefits for this.

I don't care what anyone says.

I don't care.

I don't deserve to be bothered like this on a weekly basis!

I don't even have time to have lunch.

I don't even know what that means,

I don't feel you.

I don't get no [bshh] respect in strongburg.

I don't know how many times I have to say this,

I don't know if I want your help.

I don't know if I'll never again feel a pain such as this.

I don't know what's right. That's why I have auto save on.

I don't know who you're talking about!

I don't usually thank folks, but

I don't want to rap.

I dropped my cup of blood!

I dunno, I kinda saw that coming.

I feel at peace here.

I feel so alone.

I finally have some control over this jack of asses.

I followed behind, saw him go to the basement,

I forgot to ask mr. Horse if there was anything

I get it. It's hard to recognize me with my new look.

I give all praise to my wonderful accountant.

I got to be your business partner.

I got two free cups of coffee out of the deal.

I got us tickets to a taping of "strong talk."

I got your texts and dms and mentions.

I gotta find the right hat!

I guess folks weren't into the idea of

I guess some things never change.

I had to make carl believe that he killed me too.

I had to! He left me no choice!

I have a question. What?

I have all the secrets, and it's squat city,

I have all the secrets.

I have ever [bssh] had.

I have headphones on. I can't hear you.

I have more words to say.

I have no idea.

I have procured this vessel to deliver my message.

I have returned to find the perfect vessel

I hear you, but let's be our most honest selves right now.

I heard somebody talking shit.

I hope we're not too late.

I I can take it off!

I just came up with that.

I just can't.

I just don't know.

I just love feeling things with my new fingees!

I just want to ask you one question.

I just wanted to be left alone!

I just wanted to personally thank you

I kept I kept telling him I wasn't action jackson!

I knew you killed action jackson and I told you

I knew you weren't right!

I know everything about everyone, okay?

I know now's not the right time, but...

I know what I must does.

I know where canon is. Well, where is he?

I know who you are!

I know you duckin' me, bitch! [ laughter ]

I know you ducking me, jamantha.

I know you hear me!

I like driving things home, lamont.

I love the attention!

I made up that whole story. I just wanted some attention.

I mean just that!

I mean, at the end of the day, she's a child.

I mean, honestly, he broke them three times in season one,

I mean, I mean, put my damn plants down.

I mean, I'm not dead yet, but y'know.

I mean, it changed the way everyone in strongburg fished!

I mean, it's legal now, so if I had to guess,

I mean, it's something, but it's not everything.

I might have spilled some on your couch

I might just be able to help you out.

I miss my belt!

I miss pops.

I need to find him before he gets to "strong talk."

I need to get fired now.

I own you now, and you caused 30 million in damage

I personally love corned beef.

I plan on procuring my foliage elsewhere.

I really hate when people do [bshh] like that.

I regret nothing!

I say if we all got to live here,

I say that sounds like a bunch of horse sh

I see that long back and that flat tea tummy.

I should have done this from the beginning.

I should kick your ass.

I stand by what I said.

I suggest you call all your homies.

I think homey should get new teeth.

I think I'm gonna go open my own hair salon with my bonus money.

I think I'm really far from home,

I think it's funny and king yeti's friendship

I think you mean documentary?

I thought I locked the door!

I thought if I just got rid of jackson...

I thought you cared about giving the world the facts?

I told you to leave,

I told you. I don't know.

I used to beat the crap out of cody in street fighter

I used to work at jowanne's.

I want need revenge.

I want to get to him before he gets to "strong "

I was asleep throughout most of this,

I was going to bring you to justice.

I was having so much fun.

I was just thinking about how big of a loser you are.

I was telling y'all about fell through,

I was wond

I was. And the day before that!

I wouldn't be a deity if I wasn't stubborn.

I wrapped my hands around their necks and I squoze

I, lazor wulf, am not okay with this.

I, too, echo your sentiments.

I... [ squeak! Squeak! ]

I... I just wanted peace!

I... Need you to pay up.

I'd appreciate it if you'd leave.

I'll be back in 45 minutes.

I'll do just fine in jail.

I'll hand you your ass and return home a winner.

I'll have something for him this time.

I'll just get this done myself.

I'll just jump and hope for the best.

I'm a forest spirit. That's what I does.

I'm a grabber of opportunities.

I'm a see if I can buy this up real quick.

I'm about to get fired in record time.

I'm about to ruin this mother[bshh] so bad

I'm almost done with this cup.

I'm blazor wulf, and with me, jamantha,

I'm busting my ass trying to get this story [bshh].

I'm canon wulf.

I'm definitely leveling the [bshh] up with this [bshh].

I'm down as long as stupid horse don't get to play.

I'm going to get my biggest w

I'm going to try the wolf vessel again.

I'm gonna be on

I'm good.

I'm good. Fighting is archaic.

I'm having nightmares where I got to freestyle for my food.

I'm here at strongburg creek,

I'm hilarious.

I'm hungry, goddammit.

I'm jamantha carthwright. Man: Lamont!

I'm just glad you ain't selling the bike.

I'm just in a rush to get back home

I'm just looking to get hired then fired

I'm just tryin' to not do [bshh] in peace.

I'm just trying to talk to you about some acreage.

I'm looking to procure some property up here.

I'm not a doctor!

I'm not a doctor...

I'm not a toddler, blood!

I'm not dying for this.

I'm on a god damn mission.

I'm opening up a second plantoronium.

I'm over here at phancy's, and they said you

I'm pulling an audible on this interview.

I'm so sorry, lazor.

I'm still building that second plantoronium,

I'm sure y'all right.

I'm talking skin.

I'm the leader of the group.

I'm the only person covering the news,

I'm totally fine now.

I'm trying to finish "the faculty" today.

I'm trying to right an injustice!

I'm trying, god damn it!

I'm up here working.

I'm usually not one to mix shit talk with food talk,

I'm with canon and stupid horse and a flying sneaker!

I'mma go try to negotiate with 'ol bighead

I'mma just act like I'm asleep. [snores]

I'mma just assume that was deep.

I'mma move my story along and go touch it.

I've always talked about traveling more.

I've been walking around for like 45 seconds,

I've blown $375 on a film that was budgeted for $7.50!

I've got a bad feeling about this.

I've got the money and your coffee.

I've got to accelerate this process.

I've played outside.

Ideas like that be why I pay you to pay yourself, brother.

If a horse is stupid, and nobody hears it...

If anything, it's just upsetting.

If blazor comes looking, I'm not here.

If you can't carry 7,000 mozzarella sticks,

If you exclude all of canon's. True. True.

If you gonna sit with us we gonna need you

If you know what I mean. That's all we needed to know.

If you not sobbing at the end of the night.

If you were wondering.

If you're gonna help me, then help me.

Imma need you to leave that man alone!

In 25,000 years.

In a game of ohno. Ohno?

In a huddle with my friends and family.

In a prison cell!

In escaping the cornball hell that is milwaukee?

In the hug a bee campaign massacre.

In the middle of my forest.

In whatever you decide to do with that money.

Including the children's library,

Incredible! Ahh!

Infiniti wulf?

Infiniti wulf? [ groans ]

Infiniti wulf's here too?

Inside there'll be a box of lemons,

Interesting.

Investigating what is affecting the quality of our water.

Is a fan of action jackson?

Is being able to open that same exact business

Is definitely my specific version of hell.

Is gonna beat your ass, my guy.

Is how we got here.

Is it hot in here?

Is it legal? [ laughs ]

Is probably dumbest thing you've ever done.

Is there anything you'd like for him to have done?

Is this a hint?

Is this about the t shirts?

It [bshh] better.

It ain't ideal, but we did get the earth blown up...

It always ends in tears.

It did inspire the hug a bee campaign...

It is I, lamont brickwater, and tonight, I plan

It is not my only thing.

It is so good to see you guys.

It is. I know she's trying to finesse me.

It isn't. But I also spent all my money

It looks like mayor webb is now at musty's

It looks like your copyright for battle ham

It says canon wulf checked in to your juice stand

It seems the people have spoken.

It was a huge hit!

It was blazor.

It was pretty nice being a successful business owner.

It'd probably be the first fight you won

It's a deal.

It's about the fabric of you.

It's about the fabric of your mind, of your character.

It's aight, man.

It's almost been 11 minutes.

It's always a dice game. Uh, yeah.

It's been weeks since the last time I beat someone's ass.

It's called the blazor wulf plantoronium.

It's carl carl weathers!

It's disgusting, and I am disgusted.

It's going to take me a couple minutes.

It's handled, and you're welcome.

It's hard to be treated to a girls day when

It's his overwhelming stench of loserdom.

It's kim, keisha, and pam. Not keisha, kim, and pam.

It's me ralph!

It's me, yeti! Stupid horse.

It's my recurring bit.

It's not about the fabric of the store.

It's probably a hint.

It's seriously the worst thing that I've ever seen.

It's the woop woops! Open the door!

It's time to activate my panic bubble.

It's too big and it's ugly as...

It's true.

It's yer boy canon here.

Jamantha cartwright here at the grand opening

Jamantha, I love when people gather

Jamantha, my money.

Jamantha!

Janky ass jackass into the clurb?

Jet skis, chocolaty cereal, box braids

Josh hartnett?

Jowanne's. So, what's your plan?

Just a second!

Just bring the damn food back.

Just don't open the door, man.

Just glad it ain't me this time.

Just go away, you weirdo.

Just go. Cool, cool.

Just one for the gram real quick.

Just reading my haikus!

Just tell me you [bshh] recorded this!

Just to make a store that sells smaller trees?

Justice is what's wrong with me.

Keisha, I don't know what's going on, but I'mma need you

Keisha, you been mad outta pocket today.

Keisha, you might be on to something here.

Kim, keisha, and pam changed all that for me.

Kim, keisha, pam, I have some great news.

King yeti pulls out a giant novelty check.

King yeti, we got a problem.

King yeti, your bike is your thing.

King yeti: Ho ho ho hold up. Hold up.

Kinny? Listen, I need your help.

Lamont brickwater on 'jammin' with jamantha':

Lamont brickwater? [ audience booing ]

Lamont! I just wanted to

Lazor wulf leaves as yeti pulls off the trick with ease.

Lazor wulf might've done it this time.

Lazor wulf, take me with you.

Lazor wulf, the line is "restore the delicate balance."

Lazor wulf, what is this about?

Lazor wulf: Okay, you have my attention.

Lazor wulf: Still not saying "delicate"!

Lazor wulf: Stop lying to the people, lamont.

Lazor wulf: Yo, dum dum. Here are your drinks.

Lazor wulf?

Lazor wulf? Again?

Lazor wulf.

Lazor, I'll leave you to it.

Lazor, I'm going to need you to give a [bshh] today.

Lazor, remember our deal.

Lazor, this was not discussed in the huddle.

Lazor, where are you going?

Let me grab a paper and pen really quick.

Let there be lemon and lime.

Let us begin!

Let's get into it!

Let's go o o o!

Let's show some behind the scenes

Let's take a look at your first feature film,

Let's talk about your final big budget masterpiece.

Let's talk money.

Let's try and make it work. Blazor,

Like [bshh] idiots!

Like I said, fighting is archaic.

Like that actor dude, denz

Like that tree over there.

Like you got some damn sense.

Like, lots of them.

Like, maybe a little too wild.

Listen, are you a cool tone or warm tone?

Listen, if you wanna know anything,

Listen, lazor wulf, as your bestest homie,

Literally!

Look around.

Look at you. [ growls ]

Look what I just bought off the dorkhole.

Look who figured out that two o'clock

Look, as long as I have my peace and don't have to see him again,

Look, blazor, I know for a fact

Look, by now, they have to be at "strong talk."

Look, folks are going to mourn how they mourn.

Look, I ain't lookin' for no drama.

Look, I gotta get to it.

Look, I'm about to beat the high score,

Look, why don't you just come an arrest him?

Look, you proved your point.

Look!

Look. It seemed like a great idea at the time.

Look. Just take it.

Looking like I'mma need to call upon the spirit of my great,

Looks like I might have to take matters into my own hands...

Looks that way, my dude.

Looks that way.

Lord, how do these spinnas always find a way

Loser has to stay out of the next episode.

Losing a deed to heaven in a dice game

Love my audience. Y'all so funny.

Luna: I'll make sure these shitholes never disrespect me ever again.

Making false claims on your name,

Making you bathroom manager.

Man, the clurb might be hell for us,

Man, you know we don't know how to play that...

Man: Don't get in that van! Lamont!

Man: It is a wulf driving a tank.

Man: See, right now? Our love for you is waning.

Man: Stand by.

Man: We love you, lamont!

Man: We love you, lamont.

Man: You tell them, florence!

Maybe he has to pee pee?

Maybe he'd stop bugging me!

Maybe I should just check in with stupid horse.

Maybe it's got the secret of getting the [bshh] outta here.

Maybe she got a secret to get the [bshh] out of here.

Mayor webb, can the people get a couple of words

Mayor webb, I'm gonna help you get a job at jowanne's.

Mayor webb, you're hired!

Mm, I think I'm going to sit this one out.

Mm, mm, mm. So much anger in his little heart.

Mm, ooh, you so nasty.

Mm, yeah.

Mm. I should've workshopped that line more.

Mm. No, thanks. [ all gasp ]

Mmm, that's that good [bssh].

Mnh mnh.

More like hater wulf.

More like...

Mother[bssh] done lost his mind!

Mwah! Ooh! [ kissing ] oh.

My ankies hurt so badly!

My answer is...

My bad, my bad. You you go ahead.

My bad.

My bad. I just wanted people

My brand is a wolf with a laser on his back

My corn and pizza rolls!

My dude.

My friends! Oh, gosh.

My name is laz get out!

My name is lazor wulf, I'm a huge fan

My name is malcolm.

My name is on the front of the damn store.

My right to manifest my destiny and kick yo ass out.

Nah, [bssh] that.

Nah, I already spent too much time here.

Nah, I'm good.

Nah, it's too late.

Nah, just upsetting.

Nah, wench, you gon' fix this!

Nah. It it just disappeared.

Never a problem!

Never mind. I'm going to the mall.

Never!

Never.

Next time on "blu bloods," how do two vampire cops

No matter how good you think it's going,

No need for him to apply.

No offense, but who knows better than me

No offense.

No one care about you, michael!

No one escapes milwaukee.

No the hell you ain't!

No worries! Y'all know we already have him

No worries. I got this.

No, he didn't!

No, he's not. Lazor?!

No, I think I'm good.

No, king yeti.

No, no, no, no yes.

No, no, no!

No, not that. Deal with her. Talk to her.

No, strongham ians do not run.

No, that's just infiniti wulf.

No, you [bshh] didn't. That'll be $38.50.

No, you not, bruh.

No, you not. Where are you for real?

No, you wait a minute,

No, you're not.

No!

No! He was harassing me!

No.

No. I'd rather go alone.

No. Skidaddle, dickhead.

Nobody asked frasier for any damn hands!

Nobody's even supposed to know all about that.

Nope, can't say I do.

Nope, can't say it.

Nope, not doin' that again.

Nope.

Normally, I'd be [bshh] pissed at you ruining my peace,

Not at all.

Not even a damn thank you for the damn work that I damn do?

Not in need of a possession today, my dude.

Not tarnation!

Not too sure about that.

Not worth it!

Not you, stupid horse, because of the hat.

Nothing, I'm just [bleep] with y'all.

Nothing! Lazor's probably tripping.

Now give me my damn title.

Now give me my redemption story, dickhead.

Now go away. Asshole.

Now I really feel clurb ready.

Now I'm gonna have to beat your ass.

Now onto our show.

Now please, for the final time...

Now will you come handle this already?

Now you can apply.

Now, clean that up.

Now, go grab a mop, and clean the floors.

Now, go whup big head's ass

Now, wait a minute. [ audience murmuring ]

Now, what do you mean he's "gone"?

Now, where does money come from?

Now, who's in the market for a new bike?

Now, would you say...

Now, your friend is doing fine,

Now!

Nuh uh. This is some bull[bshh]

O kay.

Of a forever long winning streak.

Of acting reasonable today, so I'm gonna sit this one out.

Of bidi bidi bi yo, could you shut up right quick, though?

Of course I checked the delicadanci.

Of course not!

Of course, what else would he be?

Of course.

Of course. Continue, please.

Of course. Thank you, king yeti.

Of forest whitaker forest.

Of honest, compelling, and weirdly popular

Of stupid horse.

Of that "illustrious" film.

Of the group, you feel me?

Officer! It's me, carl weathers... Again.

Oh oh, god! How did you get in here?!

Oh [bshh]

Oh [bshh] lookie here!

Oh, [bshh]! "blue bloods"!

Oh, [bshh]! Blazor!

Oh, [bssh]

Oh, [bssh].

Oh, boy, I made a mistake.

Oh, could I have some wine, too?

Oh, god damn it, keisha!

Oh, god, this mother[bshh]

Oh, he could have a cereal dispenser.

Oh, hell no!

Oh, hell yeah!

Oh, here it go.

Oh, I got stupid horse to cover.

Oh, I killed all my competition, baby.

Oh, I love me a gimmick.

Oh, my god. Canon wu

Oh, no! But I'm so close!

Oh, no.

Oh, okay, okay.

Oh, please!

Oh, scrambled eggs!

Oh, shit. [ zipping ]

Oh, shit. You should take that, yeti.

Oh, the battle ham thing.

Oh, there's only one bike worth selling.

Oh, uh, yeah. Y'all can cheer now.

Oh, we rap for our food 'round here, baby.

Oh, what is this right here?

Oh, word? Well, we'll see about that.

Oh, wow. You might actually have a chance.

Oh, yeah, one more thing.

Oh, yeah. Hoo hoo.

Oh, you don't, huh?

Oh, you right. Sorry, kim.

Oh! Shit!

Oh! So we know him.

Oh. Oh.

Oh... You forgot to lock the back door.

Ohh.

Ohno is another one of your...Ideas

Okay, fine. You win a selfie.

Okay, I'm opening the door real slow.

Okay, so back to what we were talking about.

Okay, so here's the deal.

Okay, so you gonna beat me up now?

Okay, so you really bit him?

Okay, thanks, kinny! Bye!

Okay, we're gonna take a break, and up next john.

Okay, well, that doesn't seem good.

Okay, y'all clearly have no intention

Okay, yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

Okay. I'm ready.

Okay. That's enough.

Okay... So...

On a Tuesday is the only time to hit the ♪ clu urb. ♪

On premiering the beginning of my 37 part docuseries,

On the daily.

On this attempted escape from milwaukee?

On this rightchea for the grand opening.

Once again, carthwright,

One just can't simply apply to jowanne's.

One more contest, winner gets the belt.

One more game! Please!

One that I've named

Ones that don't have attachments to massacres.

Only five people have watched that movie!

Only losers in milwaukee know how to play that shit.

Oof!

Oof. You got to be a strong individual to wear that hat.

Ooh, I needs me a pair.

Ooh, is this a puzzle? 'cause I like puzzles.

Ooh, lil buster taught me how to drive my biggety bus.

Ooh, looky here! Late for work.

Ooh, one more thing. This game

Ooh, this one has a cannon.

Ooh, uh, it's okay.

Ooh, you really shouldn't have spilled my milk.

Ooh! I'm about to beat the high score y'all!

Ooh.

Ooh. ...Paper...

Ooh. From new booty to no booty.

Open the door, carl.

Or at least make yourself win.

Or gettin' tight tonight.

Or I will evict you expeditiously.

Or I will pour water directly into your eye.

Or is it furnacé?

Or is it...Furnacé?

Or this guy right here hey, what's your name?

Or whatever and I use him to clean my fur?

Or you gon' tell us to shut up again?

Other than a way to burden yourself with expectations,

Our guest today has been a trusted source

Outside of carl weathers' house.

Over people's minds and bodies without consent,

Over there.

Ow ee!

Paint myself yellow, and hide inside the lemons.

Paper always beats rock, you badly drawn terrier.

Pardon?

Patience.

Patricia, give this wolf a promotion.

Peace.

People are gonna prefer being smoked.

People be picky like that.

People of strongburg, it's me, ♪ stupid horse ♪

People who have never been slapped

Period. [ cheers and applause ]

Pfft. This whole day was a bust.

Phew. Thank you for that.

Pick your form of war, you summertime armpit.

Picking up the check for spinnas ain't mine.

Please don't hurt me.

Please, feed me.

Plus I'm falling all behind on "buffy."

Plus my information is up to date and never fake.

Plus, battle ham never really liked you.

Plus, it'll make you look good,

Plus, you promised me a free hat for doing this, right?

Popular first name, sure.

Probably all the sandwiches in the water, my dude.

Probably just hungry.

Questions and clips?

Really? What is it?

Reeaally bad.

Regardless, he's not even here!

Regular, right?

Relax.

Revenge, you say?

Revenge! Suck a fart, you clown!

Right next to or across the street from said business.

Right the [bssh] now!

Right?

Right.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

Rock, paper, scissors, you floating trash cloud.

Roll that [bshh] clip.

Round 1 rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

Round 2

Round 3 rock...

Same place where I won my championship belt.

Same, yeti, same.

Say what up to the people, god.

Say whatever you want!

Scissors?

Secrets...

Secrets... So, who owns heaven, then?

Security, there's a horse on the cactus.

See you around [bshh]

See you next week.

See, battle ham knows what I'm talking about!

Seeing all this commotion over my bike is an honor,

Seems like we're looking for a ghost.

Sent you back 'cause of the hat, huh?

Seriously, how did we get here?

Seriously, take it before I change my mind.

Seriously, what is wrong with you?

Seven days to do the count... Thank you.

Sharlipa, it's been a pleasure. Call me sometime.

Sharlipa: Sorry, we don't really quantify any of the informa...

Sharlipa: We store info people should know...

She doesn't even know the names of these trees,

She doesn't know this place like I does.

She killing you right now, my guy.

She slurped up some secret saucy inheritance

She sold this land to me, and thus I will exercise

She speaks of me! She speaks of lamont brickwater.

She's gotta go.

She's in her office.

She's nothing but a gentrifier.

She's probably a child of the theater.

Shh!

Shh. I'm about to go live!

Shit, I can't even get a decent damn story to cover.

Shit. Did everybody really leave?

Shit. There goes my five story mini mall.

Shots fired at carl weathers' house.

Should I be taking this down because wait, hold on.

Shout out to the homie, for real.

Shut up, deryll!

Shut up, wallace!

Shut up, wallace! [ thunder crashes ]

Shut up, wallace! Ah!

Shut up, wallace. Ohno it is.

Shut up, wallace. Where's lazor wulf?

Shut up! I'm [bssh] talking here.

Silence your mind.

Since this is a wash,

Since your mortal eyes cannot see my true form,

Sit down, wallace.

Slime beast?

Smart idea, god.

Smartest decision you've ever made.

Smash it into smithereens,

So "food go go" thinks I need to go on a diet, huh?

So a bike shop that only sells your one bike.

So action jackson is a real person?

So battle ham is is really gone?

So I can buy my friend's bike and give it back to him.

So I just can't stand by and let you sell your bike.

So I'm gonna have to see this one through.

So I've petitioned to get strongburg

So it takes seven days to do the count over there

So just hit me with that yea or nay.

So sorry.

So that means you're smart, right?

So that's what that feels like with hands!

So there's some sort of door involved?

So watch how you speak on my brand.

So we'll probably just head down right after, okay?

So what exactly is going on in this place?

So what's your problem?

So who even remembers at this point?

So y'all want to go home and watch "my bruther and mee"?

So, basically, I gotta find the cake,

So, deal?

So, florence, get into it!

So, how do you fund these films?

So, I did what I had to do!

So, lamont won't admit to any criminal activity,

So, what did you think?

So, why do you want a job in the clurb?

So, word from the streets is that little kid

So, you think folks definitely gonna bid now?

So, you want to dance now?

So, you're okay with destroying strongburg's water system?

So, you're very proud of that film?

So...How do I get hooooom

Some would say that I'm a puzzle.

Something tells me I should probably destroy this,

Somewhere? Where, bitch?

Sorry I thought if I just rid of action...

Sorry to be repetitive,

Sorry, lazor, but he's my biggest investor.

Sorry, still lost here.

Sorry.

Sounds like a plan, my dude.

Spilled milk.

Spinna, battle ham is everyone's dead friend now,

Spinnas trying to test me today.

Spinny wheels are tight.

Squat squat city up here.

Start thinking of excuses for why you can't show up

Stick around.

Stop stalling and come and get your beating,

Strongburg has recently been declared

Strongburg ians...

Strongburg is full of asshats

Strongburg, don't let the bees die!

Stunt double!

Stupid horse is right though. He is usually back by now.

Stupid horse is trippin' right now.

Stupid horse will die.

Stupid horse, language!

Stupid horse, you're making me uncomfortable.

Stupid horse, you're talented at being annoying.

Stupid horse: Hey, hey, hey.

Sure, as long as I'm able

Sure, as long as you handle the money

Sure, whatever.

Take heed! This is the beginning

Take him away.

Take it and it'll lead you back to strongburg.

Talk about a goddamn waste of my time.

Tasted like corned beef.

Tea spillin', daytime talk show, "strong talk"!

Tell me you recorded this. Lie to me! I don't care!

Than, "does furnacé really provide you with your goatees?"

Thank you all for coming, and we just want to remind you

Thank you for pulling up to this special occasion.

Thank you, mr. Stupi stallone.

Thank you. [ clears throat ]

Thanks for giving us a moment of your time, mr. Stallone.

Thanks for the wine, blazor.

Thanks for your help, sharlipa. I really hope that you ha

That ain't no freestyle.

That can't be good.

That carl weathers murdered action jackson.

That could cut out going to the store.

That doesn't make any sense!

That dusty old fathead yelled at me

That film inspired a movement.

That hat really is upsetting.

That he can work at jowanne's?

That I could sell this bike if I wanted to.

That I do. That I do.

That I will always exercise my free will to ignore.

That if he ain't in strongburg prison after this,

That is seriously one big ass belt.

That is so [bssh] up.

That is the earth, wool & fire 300

That is what this is, right? Of course.

That man told us that bees need hugs!

That mistakenly went through.

That name just don't sit well with me.

That right there was art.

That seems...

That spirit can suck my whole [bshh]

That the power is not in the brand.

That was a lunch order.

That was all battle ham.

That was bad timing on my end

That was battle ham's third favorite place.

That was her daddy?!

That we will. That we will.

That weird ass ominous cloud?

That when the "on air" light is lit, please no talking.

That you have to pay.

That, right there, is the last straw.

That'll be $388.

That's [bssh] right.

That's a bunch of bull[bshh] lamont.

That's a mojito, man.

That's called transcendence.

That's great, but the rest of these spinnas gotta go.

That's mean.

That's my whole bag.

That's nice. Where's heaven's exit?

That's not what I meant.

That's on you.

That's right, strongburg. Skedaddle, dickheads!

That's right.

That's true.

The "most dum dum place ever to exist."

The [bshh]

The agenda.

The belt. Best three out of five?

The bigger the fish.

The bigger the sandwich...

The bike is my thing.

The bus driver will not be gettin' right

The current bid is $25,000.

The doors are locked and the lights are out.

The end.

The hate only makes me stronger.

The heated toilet seat to strongburg right?

The hell with this place.

The josh hartnett starring vehicle "the faculty."

The lucky person going home with king yeti's

The moon is pissed, and she's about to make

The most! You, like, addicted to losing or something?

The only real l this family has taken

The only thing I plan on doing is finding a way out of here.

The opportunity presented itself, and I took it.

The pain is too much to bear.

The plantoronium.

The point of a huddle is to whisper

The power is in you. You feel me?

The price just went up, strongburg.

The price just went...

The prodigal child has returned.

The rise and rise of lamont brickwater"?!

The standoff continues, then!

The stronbo award winning "fishing with witches"!

The teeth will come out.

The youth: Sometimes I think I'm crazy for thinking

The youth: Yeah, sure, I bit him.

The...You shouting for?

Thee realm of tarnation, where time is silent

Their bodies. Wrong line.

Their largest l. [ snaps fingers ]

Then explain this.

Then I ain't fit to be on tv!

Then I could sell mine!

Then I'll just take control of you and make you leave.

Then it shouldn't be an option on the damn "food go go" app.

There are two kinds of people you can't trust

There I will wait for seven minutes

There wasn't a day we didn't go to the mall.

There's a lot of locks on this door.

There's a new plant based operation located at the edge

These are useless!

These bees don't want hugs!

These bees will all die if we don't learn to hug them!

These folks are phony as [ tv static ]

These folks are phony as [bshh] lazor, hush.

These folks be so draining.

These mother[bssh] play too much.

These trees down and drop a dang plant store?

They ain't got no tv here,

They can find in milwaukee.

They don't call you "pocket watching carthwright"

They don't want hugs at all!

They say you catch fish with worms,

They were coming out the woodwork,

Things have taken a truly bad turn.

This ain't on brand.

This biscuit brain can only throw rock.

This carl weathers character...

This deed right here? [ whistles ]

This earth experiment has been a complete failure.

This episode is the worst one yet.

This exact chest right here.

This has got to end.

This is [bshh] exhausting.

This is a brilliant idea.

This is about your work

This is my home, damn it.

This is useless but extraordinary!

This is zoned as a two person occupancy unit

This isn't musty's.

This isn't working!

This isn't your fight.

This job sucks!

This just in mayor webb has escaped from milwaukee.

This spirit really out to piss all over my cash flow.

This sucks!

This vessel is stupid!

Thought I wouldn't find you, huh?

To be honest, no.

To be real with you, patricia,

To be renamed to strongham,

To be silent, ya nerd!

To destroy the earth?

To exact my vengeance.

To give me my dang 40 acres and a stupid horse up here!

To hear what my voice sounded like.

To knock out your dumbass patients.

To not disagree with that statement.

To prove I was right, canon.

To respect the dynamic.

To shout out my new clothing line after? Okay.

To talk about my greatness.

Today is all about you girls.

Too short.

Try as much as you want

Ugh, I think I found him.

Ugh!

Ugh! Meet me somewhere for the money.

Ugh. Was it battle ham?

Uh ah! Learn to love it.

Uh huh, that's what I'm talkin' about!

Uh oh, the daddy issues in this one, it's too much.

Uh uh. You gotta go.

Uh, before I go, I want to give a shout out to the gang!

Uh, but I'm not going back to milwaukee.

Uh, hmm, uh, how do I put this?

Uh, I mean, I have been waiting for.

Uh, just got off the phone with my boy.

Uh, lazor, canon, blazor, yeti!

Uh, not too sure about that.

Uh, okay.

Uh, that would be a tough adjustment.

Uh, that'll be $25.

Uh, uh, this is a a knitting s

Uh, what the [bshh] we know him?

Uh... Should we be worried?

Um, a knitting needle!

Um, boss, I'm not going to lie

Um, excuse me. Sir?

Um, so, uh...

Um, welcome to the show, lamont.

Um, would you like some candy?

Understand?

Understood. Speaking of brands,

Unh unh. Don't put that on me, bro.

Unh unh. Who the [bshh] let this dumb,

Unless folks ate already.

Until I saw the life drain from they necks.

Upsettingly dope!

Useless but extraordinary?

V.I.P. Isn't v.I. When you're the only "p" in it.

Via video chat! Lamont: Wait. What?

Victorious!

Voice: At the tone, please record your message.

W wait. You didn't let me finish.

W why not?! That hat...

Wah! Wah! Oh!

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. There's a story here.

Wait a minute. Why did I leave?

Wait a minute...

Wait, wait, wait!

Wait. Are we li are we live?

Wait. How do you know that?

Wait. Let me just ask.

Wait. You wear glasses.

Walk a walk a quarter of a mile that way

Walk back out that door and walk in my store

Walking away from the plot

Wallace, order me 800 lemon pepper wings

Wallace: 'cause you a loser.

Wassup?

Watch your mouth, little girl.

We about to chop more of these trees down!

We all learned and lived through it,

We are each other's best friends.

We are here for battle ham, my best friend,

We both know that my presence is going to lift

We cancel all men named john when we get back.

We did, but don't you think the people want to dive deeper

We ditching the puff piece questions

We don't have to. I think the people get it.

We dumber than heaven?! [bshh] you, lamont!

We even have a jermajesty jackson endorsement.

We got cash registers. [ cash register dings ]

We got customers. [ coughs ]

We have been fighting for a long time.

We have so much space here now.

We join the high speed chase currently underway.

We live here now.

We love you, lamont!

We must stand and...

We now interrupt this fantasy for a breaking new report.

We only got $36 of actual monies.

We outchea living our best dead lives.

We shall end the battle and restore the dope ass balance

We should do something.

We talked it out and he went home.

We thought your sentence was over.

We were beyond friends, jamantha.

We were family.

We were living in the dark ages before those.

We'd like to promote you to manager of jowanne's.

We'll auction it and sell it to the highest bidder.

We're going to go to the mall and buy us a tv

We're going to help you.

We've made it to your favorite part of the show,

Welcome to "jammin' with jaman "

Welcome to "jammin' with jamantha." [ cheers and applause ]

Welcome to "jammin' with jamantha"!

Welcome to bidi bidi bike bike.

Welcome to blazor wulf's planet blah, blah.

Welcome to the store, and don't steal nothin'.

Well well, I am [bleep] actor!

Well said? I don't know.

Well you will be left alone

Well, at least we know someone who's smoked right now.

Well, battle ham introduced me to gladys.

Well, don't start today 'cause that's not how we were raised.

Well, hello. It's me, your new landlord,

Well, I I...

Well, I don't care.

Well, I guess I'm going on a [bssh] diet,

Well, I have to go steal a giant lollipop from a child.

Well, I mean, it is a ham, and ham is food, so...

Well, I rather enjoyed that story, canon.

Well, I was gonna buy a coffee with the rest,

Well, I won't be after this.

Well, I wouldn't say that at all.

Well, I'll see you out there.

Well, I'm blazor wulf, and this is what I does.

Well, I've got one more last favor to ask.

Well, no worries.

Well, oop, girl. Broke phi broke.

Well, prepare to be blown away

Well, that ended well.

Well, that sucks.

Well, that wasn't great.

Well, that's [bshh] perfect.

Well, the cuter shooter, the youth.

Well, this shit is refreshing.

Well, we don't sell bikes. We

Well, what the [bleep] you doing at our table, malcolm?

Wha!

What a waste of time.

What are you talking about?

What call him for? He's the reason for this mess.

What did you file a copyright for?

What do I look like?

What do you have to say to the people of strongburg?

What do you mean?!

What do you think is affecting strongburg's water?

What do you think, wallace?

What does that mean? He was just being a fan!

What else is in here? I swear...

What for? [ shriek ]

What happened to action jackson?

What is all this commotion I hear? [ scream ]

What is going on here?

What is it with you today?

What is life? Why are we here?

What is wrong?

What is your malfunction, my guy?

What it is, is what it look like

What kind of needle you holding?

What questions strongburg wants to ask I?

What size do you wear?

What the [bleep] is wrong with you, carl?!

What the [bshh] are you doing in my bubble, little girl?

What the [bshh] is up?

What the [bshh] is you saying?

What the [bshh]?

What the [bssh] is wrong with you?

What the heck?!

What the hell is this man talking about?

What the hell, man?

What the hell?

What the...You telling me this for?

What up, boss?

What was that?

What would esther do?

What you getting at, jamantha?

What you mean? Isn't red enough?

What you mean? That was great.

What?

What? Go away, loser wulf.

What? Like...Put her down?

What? No. Y'all are missing the...

What? Who could that be?

What?!

What's going on here, kim?

What's good, blazooor!

What's in here?

What's up, I'm handling very important business.

What's your brand?

Whatever happened to that josh hartnett fellow?

Whatever, man.

Whee!

When florence gets to go off about some old head [bshh]

When I hand you your ass.

When no one calls for you.

When you got to do surgery when they break they ankles?

When you made elbows, right?

When you play it probably was in a dice game.

Where am I?

Where is he, carl?!

Where is he?!

Where is lazor wulf? Ha, well, I killed

Where we have endless space for our final confrontation.

Where'd that come from?

Where'd you get all that money?

Where's my brother?

Where's the glue aisle?

Whew! You fixed the damn gyrocopter yet?

Which is really like a boy named stock takes on the ark.

Which makes a spinna wonder, are you even god?

Who who's stupid horse?

Who helps the homies.

Who styled battle ham's hair?

Who will believe anything they see as long

Who? What the [bshh] are you?

Whoa ho ho, wow!

Whoa!

Whoa. Is some shit going down?

Whoa. You can't be fighting on no empty stomach, my dude.

Whom I will not name.

Whoo! This story about to put your girl on a new level!

Why couldn't he listen?!

Why couldn't you just take me seriously?

Why did I throw scissors when I knew he'd throw rock?

Why did you have to spill her milk?

Why don't you just deal with the youth?

Why wasn't I born into a different family?

Why would he stop bugging you if you did that?

Why you not on tv?!

Why?!

Will be presided by the honorable judge judy.

Winner takes the belt.

Winnin' probably ain't everything.

With a laser on his back,

With cooling technology and airbags.

With merch!

With stupid horse's money.

With the master of this establishment?

With this treaty,

Woman: [ whispering ] you are a goddamn fibber!

Woman: Ew! [ scattered applause ]

Woman: Good thing we ate already.

Woman: Hey, lamont! [ applause ]

Woman: I hate eating here!

Woman: Unh unh, nope.

Woman: What the... [ scattered applause ]

Woop woops! Open up!

Would like to grace us with a poem.

Wow! Okay. Oh.

Wow.

Wow. [ static hisses ]

Wow. So, after years of absorbing your fake information,

Y'all being annoying as [bssh]

Y'all both sad mother[bshh], tbh.

Y'all done yet? Actually, I was sitting here

Y'all hear that?

Y'all know I don't mix magic with my food.

Y'all know what it is.

Y'all want to play connect 5?

Y'all were [bshh] the place up anyways.

Ya dipshit.

Ya ever think about that?

Yeah, but to be fair, they're all usually...Ideas.

Yeah, but what is a "thing,"

Yeah, canon. He good.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, it's been a lot, and yet,

Yeah, maybe buy her a new glass of milk or something.

Yeah, tell me you ain't bite him?

Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah, the whole fork pyramid job

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah! Where the hell is lazor wulf?

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm not saying that word.

Yeah. Ralph, ralph. Ralph is gonna get it!

Yeah. You right. I be trippin'.

Yeah... Sure, whatever.

Yep, yeah, yeah.

Yep. I give this, like, 5 more minutes.

Yes, a steady stream, too.

Yes, he did.

Yes, I did.

Yes, I do, and yes, I am.

Yes, stupid horse, you can be bathroom manager.

Yes!

Yes... I did. You so lame.

Yeti, where are the bikes you plan on selling?

Yeti's show?

Yo, could you help me find a cake?

Yo, dum dums, listen up.

Yo, jamantha, where is my damn money?

Yo, keep your head down,

Yo, where you been dude?

Yo, yeti, what up?

Yo, you shout so much.

Yo! Are we in tarnation right now?

Yo! What if they shrunk dude down to the size of a germ

You [bssh] got me on tv looking like a goddamn

You again?! Hello, mr. Action jackson,

You ain't gonna get an answer.

You ain't never getting fired from the clurb.

You ain't never had your ass beat, huh?

You ain't never, ever, never, never leaving the clurb.

You and your looks, battle ham.

You annoying as shit.

You are gathered to witness my newest of trick,

You are now the manager of the clurb.

You are ready.

You are under arrest

You aren't looking within.

You aren't worthy.

You asked actually, demanded that I remind you about

You better listen to me.

You better not ask me about

You call it art. I call it exposition.

You can definitely help this sad mother[bshh] get the gig.

You can make stuff float with your mind?!

You can thank her.

You can't ask for help?

You can't just keep burning all your bushes.

You do realize that esther's isn't, like, that good.

You do that.

You don't get to say that!

You don't sell bikes here anymore.

You eat my damn sandwich, and then you break my camera!

You floating geriatric fart wind.

You go'n give me what I want.

You goddamn right it ain't,

You gon' starve to death.

You gonna beat my ass, too?

You gonna regret this. I swear!

You got some nerve calling me a loser.

You got this.

You got to lose that hat.

You guys seem like close personal friends

You had these clowns thinking you were dead in the streets.

You have to be qualified before you can

You have to be qualified.

You have to let people have equal time with the purple tutu.

You having hands is getting annoying, fast.

You hear me?! You gon' starve.

You hear that?

You just got bumped for lamont again.

You know how I get.

You know how this ends, webb.

You know I've never ran a day in my life.

You know me, webb!

You know me.

You know what the [bshh] goin' on.

You know what this is about.

You know what?

You know what? Maybe this needed to happen.

You know what? Never mind.

You know, I be watching your moves, too,

You know, I'm actually thinking we might just stay here.

You know, lazor wulf,

You know, mainly me, your bestest homie?

You know, the good info.

You left a mad gap in the sentence, signaling a period.

You look goddamn embarrassing.

You look just like dude.

You lookin' like the jack of all asses right now.

You looking good, bh!

You made me do this to you!

You malfunctioning piss whistle.

You missed my haiku, but basically... [ shattering ]

You mistaken me for someone who gives a shit.

You mistakin' me for someone who gives a [bshh].

You owe me 1 day's help in my new plant store.

You see where we at?

You should be able to win,

You should come to the table reads.

You should've just left me alone!

You so wild.

You stole my friends, then you spilled my milk,

You take the most ls, my dude.

You talking trash bag.

You think you could just show up and chop

You told me not to talk. Deryll, shut the [bshh] up!

You trippin', blazor.

You two are acquaintances at best.

You want us to come with you,

You were here yesterday!

You weren't ever going to open the door, were you?

You'll never be a part of our group!

You'll pay for this.

You're a [bshh] bug a boo!

You're a little basic becky style wise but...

You're a piece of work.

You're alive?! Wait a minute...

You're going around taking control

You're hugging me too tight.

You're in thatcloud, and this is sharlipa.

You're not going to give up on this, are you?

You're not welcome.

You're offending battle ham.

You're really no fun to gossip with like, at all.

You're right, yeti.

You're still on this [bleep]

You're throwing around your psychic male energy.

You're underestimating the powers that pee.

You're welcome.

You's a piece of [bleep] carl,

You've got everything you need?

Your dookie ratings out of the poopy gutter

Your forest? So who the [bshh] is you?

Your genius is unparalleled.

Your loser spirit can rest in peace.

Your name is mother trademark?

Your plant store in the middle of my forest,

15 minutes ago. That was so long ago.

[ growling ] [ grunting ]

[ screams ] flee for my life!

[ sighs ] hey, girl.

Boo! Boooo!

Boo! Dumbass spinna!

Could you hurry this convo up? Lazor, hush.

Damn. Hey, lazor wulf.

Eno enough!

Flee for my life! I am tired of dying.

Ha ha! Hello, sir.

Hurry, hurry! Get out of my way!

I hate eating here! Good.

I hate eating here. It's too hot.

Just snap them all back. [ gasps ]

No, not blazor! Aw, that's a shame.

No! I'm gonna die.

Not this time. You sure about that?

Oh, go, go. Get out of the way! Ah!

Oh, god. I'm serious!

Rrr! Top... God: Stay outta there!

Snip snip, dip... Scissors.

So he's been squatting up here? Hellur!

Sorta. Mm.

Spinna a scammer! ...You, lamont!

Spinna a scammer! Boo that man!

Thanks, my dude. Hmm.

This is some bull sh whatever.

True. Then what is this about?

Watch out! They ain't see you coming?

What? What the heck, yeti?

Yay! Congratulations, blazor.

Yeah, okay. Hands?!

Yes? Mayor webb?!

Yo. Bruh, can you not?

...But I'm also hungry.

...Furnacé

...Great great grandfather, infiniti wulf.

...Great, great, great, great grandfather.

...Have to pee pee.

...Is wrong with you?

...Shoot!

...You can't outrun fate, my guy. Why would I?

...You, wallace. We're going to strongburg.

'cause [bshh] books, are gone.

'cause a homey of mine hit me up

'cause I ain't eaten a damn thing in about 11 minutes.

'cause I don't want to hear no excuses

'cause I meant "be."

'cause I'll [bshh] kill ya.

'cause I'm a bad boy!

'cause I'm carl weathers,

'cause I'm just trying to get it right.

'cause my brand is "follow the money."

'cause the homie and the food disappeared 7 minutes ago.

'cause we family, I'm a let that slide,

'cause you always saying you don't like folks up here.

'cause, homey, it's the clurb.

'til I finally teleport out of heaven.

"blue bloods" will be right back

"delicate"?

"fishing with witches" debuted at number one.

"jammin' with jamantha" next week.

"ladies, let's get into it!"

"lamont brickwater presents:

"strong talk" better be good.

"the mental health of bees."

"the strongest of hams. The battle ham story."

[ all gasp ]

[ applause ]

[ applause ] [ choking ]

[ applause, chanting "strong talk!" ]

[ audience "aww"s ]

[ audience booing ] [ indistinct shouting ]

[ audience boos ] canon wulf: Change the channel!

[ audience gasps ] and, boy, do I use a lot of detergent,

[ audience gasps ] huh?

[ audience murmuring ]

[ audience murmuring, gasping ]

[ barks ]

[ beep ]

[ beep ] hello?

[ beeping ]

[ bees buzzing ] man: Aah! Aah! Bees!

[ bell dings ]

[ bell tolls ] but I am willing to play you

[ bird caws ]

[ birds crying ]

[ blade thunks ] [ sobbing ] my fingees!

[ blasts ]

[ braying ]

[ breathing heavily, growling ]

[ buzzer ] ...Up?

[ buzzing ] four stories?

[ camera shutter clicks ]

[ cellphone dinging ]

[ cellphone rings ]

[ cellphone rings ] one moment, please.

[ chair whirs ] ...For the worst?

[ chair whirs, squeaks ] yes, you do.

[ chanting "strong talk!" ]

[ chatter ]

[ cheering ] yay!

[ cheers and applause ]

[ cheers and applause ] ...Which in turn resulted

[ chuckles ]

[ chuckles ] absolute trash.

[ chuckles ] your boy is outchea!

[ chuckles nervously ]

[ chuckles nervously ] man: You better pay her.

[ chuckling nervously ]

[ crowd chanting "lamont" ]

[ crowd chants "lamont!" ] we love you, lamont!

[ crunches ]

[ crying ]

[ crying ] goddamn.

[ crying ] why am I crying?

[ doorbell chimes ] [ grumbles ]

[ doors creak ]

[ duck quacks ] duh.

[ duck quacks ] whaaattttt?!

[ eight bit zapping ]

[ electronic motors whirring ]

[ explosion ]

[ farts ]

[ fast forwarding whine ]

[ flies buzzing ]

[ flies buzzing ] yeah, it's a goddamn

[ gagging ] I'm not gonna fight you, kid.

[ gasping ]

[ gasping, laughing ]

[ gasps ]

[ gasps ] I mean, I mean,

[ gasps ] oh, great.

[ gasps ] ooh!

[ gasps, laughs maniacally ] how?! I shot you!

[ giggles ] hey, boss!

[ glass shatters ]

[ glugging ]

[ god sobbing ] and hopefully now

[ groans ]

[ groans ] just get back to your stations.

[ groans ] you being wild dramatic right now.

[ growls ]

[ growls and coughs ]

[ grumbles ] [ doorbell clinking ]

[ grunting ]

[ grunting ] give up!

[ grunting continues ]

[ grunts ]

[ grunts ] it's all over for you, shithole.

[ grunts ] now you can work on him, doc.

[ grunts ] owie!

[ gulps ] um, no... [ chuckles nervously ]

[ gunfire ringtone ]

[ gunshot ]

[ high pitched ] ♪ who is it? ♪

[ horn honks ] that's my mom.

[ horns honking ]

[ howling ]

[ indistinct chatter ]

[ indistinct shouting ]

[ indistinct talking ]

[ laptop sizzles ]

[ laughing ]

[ laughs ]

[ laughs ] amateur.

[ laughs ] but to be fair, you are a loser.

[ laughs ] don't take away my nap time, you know what I mean?

[ laughs ] give me back my mic.

[ laughs ] heeey! Byeee!

[ laughs ] infiniti wulf ain't gonna be enough to beat me!

[ laughs ] so, that's your choice?

[ laughs ] works for me.

[ laughter ]

[ line ringing ]

[ man coughing ]

[ man coughs ]

[ man coughs ] yes, you will, and, once again,

[ metal creaking ]

[ metal thuds ]

[ murmuring continues ]

[ panting ]

[ pants ]

[ pants ] ♪ getting into this stolen van ♪

[ scattered applause ] [ man coughs ]

[ screams ] get out of my garage!

[ shriek ] [ explosion ]

[ shriek ] god is in the motherfigity house!

[ sighs ]

[ sighs ] being stuck in god's house

[ sighs ] can we cheer now,

[ sighs ] figured as much.

[ sighs ] I can't even get ol' bighead

[ sighs ] I might need a new strategy.

[ sighs ] let's try this one more time.

[ sighs ] look, I'm just here for my money,

[ sighs ] the whole world goes on a diet.

[ sighs ] you're the sorry mother...

[ slurping ] and you got it, my dude.

[ slurping in distance ] yeah. What I say?

[ slurps ]

[ smack! ]

[ smack! Smack! Smack! ]

[ smooth r&b music playing ]

[ snap, whooshing ]

[ snoring ]

[ snoring ] singer: ♪ that's a fish ♪

[ sobbing ]

[ sobs ] aight.

[ sobs ] yes, it is.

[ sobs harder ] what's funny is that

[ sound effect of machine gunfire ]

[ static hisses ] ay yo!

[ stomach growls ]

[ taps loudly ]

[ theme music playing ]

[ theme music plays ]

[ theme music plays ] [ audience chanting "jamantha" ]

[ thinking ] is that blazor wulf?

[ thud ]

[ thudding ]

[ thunder crashes ]

[ tickle! Tickle! ] [ giggling ]

[ tires screeching ] next week, our guest will be...

[ toilet flushes ]

[ trills ]

[ typing, punch noise ]

[ unzipping ]

[ urinating ]

[ urinating resumes ]

[ urinating stops, water splashes ]

[ vocalizing ]

[ whimpers ]

[ whines, growls ]

[ whinnies ] who the [bleep] asked you?!

[ whirring ]

[ whoosh! ]

[ whooshing ]

[ wind whistling ]

[ woman speaks foreign language ]

[ zap! ]

[bleep] all of you!

[bshh] is perfecto, my dude.

[bshh] no!

[bshh] this.

[bshh] you even possessed stupid horse to do it.

[bssh] no.

[crying] to properly commiserate my buddy.

[deep voice] strongham.

♪ a boot and fish ♪

♪ but I do what I do to bri ♪

♪ climbing out the window ♪ [ brush rustles ]

♪ da da da da

♪ da da da da ♪

♪ da da da da da da

♪ da da da da da da ♪

♪ did a bunch of scams, and I got off free ♪

♪ dirty horsey ♪

♪ heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

♪ heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ♪

♪ how you gonna roast me ♪

♪ I am now the bathroom manager, ow! ♪

♪ it's armageddon ♪

♪ just gotta finish up this pee, then ♪

♪ la, la, la

♪ la, la, la ♪

♪ made jamantha look like a fool ♪

♪ made some fake movies, doo doo dee ♪

♪ mayonnaise, lettuce, pickles, and meat ♪

♪ nah, you just overcook ♪

♪ oh, my god ♪

♪ running down the street ♪

♪ shucky ducky, you're the one ♪

♪ shucky ducky, you're... So much fun! ♪

♪ some dirty horsey dancing? ♪

♪ swimmin' towards each other in love ♪

♪ that's a fish ♪ [ snoring ]

♪ then I guess this is how it's gotta be ♪

♪ two slices of bread and a side of cheese ♪

♪ wee wee wee ♪

♪ what's a fish? ♪ that's nice. Now leave.

♪ what's a fish? A doo doo fish ♪

♪ when I wrote the cookbook? ♪

♪ you say you overlook? ♪

♪♪

$25,000 going once, twice.

$25,000?

Lazor Wulf (2019) - Season 2
Lazor Wulf is an animated television show that premiered in 2019. Created by Henry Bonsu, the show combines elements of comedy, fantasy, and adventure to deliver a unique viewing experience. With its vibrant animation style and hilarious characters, Lazor Wulf Season 2 takes viewers on another wild journey. The show revolves around Lazor Wulf, a benevolent wolf with a lazor (yes, with a "z") on his back, voiced by actor and comedian Vince Staples. Lazor Wulf, along with his friends Stupid Horse, voiced by Reginald VelJohnson, and Cannon Wulf, voiced by J.D. Witherspoon, navigate the town of Strongburg. Together, they encounter a slew of eccentric characters, including Lazor Wulf's bitter ex-girlfriend, Blazor, voiced by Quinta Brunson. Lazor Wulf Season 2 continues to explore the absurdity of daily life in Strongburg, weaving in witty and often surreal humor. The show's biting social commentary is mixed with wild adventures, creating a series that entertains and provokes thought. With its offbeat humor and clever storylines, Lazor Wulf Season 2 is sure to captivate fans of animated comedies. The cast of Lazor Wulf brings the characters to life with their exceptional voice acting. The talented ensemble includes notable actors and comedians who infuse the show with their unique personalities. Alongside Vince Staples, Reginald VelJohnson, J.D. Witherspoon, and Quinta Brunson, other cast members include Lil Rel Howery as Barry, Andre Pascoe as King Yeti, and Judnick Mayard as Azealia. Lazor Wulf Season 2 also introduces exciting guest stars who lend their voices to the show. Notable names such as Tiffany Haddish, Method Man, and Joanna Newsom have made appearances, adding even more excitement and star power to the already talented cast. The animation style of Lazor Wulf Season 2 is visually stunning. The vibrant color palette and attention to detail bring the world of Strongburg to life. Each character is distinct in their design and movements, contributing to the overall charm of the show. The animation perfectly complements the humor and absurdity of the series, making it a visual feast for the eyes. The soundtrack of Lazor Wulf Season 2 is equally impressive. The music, composed by Jahari Massamba Unit and produced by Madlib, sets the perfect tone for the show's comedic and adventurous moments. From catchy theme songs to atmospheric tracks, the soundtrack enhances the viewing experience and adds another layer of enjoyment to the series. Fans of Lazor Wulf Season 2 can now immerse themselves further in the world of the show by playing and downloading sounds directly from the series. Whether it's the iconic lazor sound effect or the catchy theme songs, these sounds allow fans to bring a piece of Lazor Wulf into their everyday lives. With the ability to play and download these sounds, fans can enjoy the show's audio elements anytime, anywhere. In conclusion, Lazor Wulf Season 2 is a hilarious and visually stunning animated television show. With its talented cast, engaging storylines, and witty humor, it promises to be another exciting installment in the Lazor Wulf universe. So grab your lazors and get ready for another wild ride through the town of Strongburg! To play and download sounds from Lazor Wulf Season 2, simply visit the official website or streaming platforms to get your hands on these exciting audio elements.
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