How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Edit

A And I need your help. Barney won't return my calls.

A bill and a pepper shaker here on the table.

A couple nights earlier, your Uncle Marshall had offhandedly mentioned a Web site called...

A diaper poking out of a Dolce & Gabbana suit?

A few?

A kid needs a hoop.

A little deer appeared on the path.

A person all the way across the other end of the room...

A piece of New York history is being torn down...

A pregnant woman who's become a manatee...

A real man chooses his own name.

A real New Yorker would know the subway's faster.

A real New Yorker.

A regimen change can fix the problem.

A strip club!

A taco cart owner was robbed at gunpoint.

A yuletide riddle.

A.k.a. the big leagues.

Aah!

About a voice crack that pubescently girl like.

About giving a stranger my Social Security number...

About Robin becoming a mermaid again.

About the idea of having a daughter.

About, um, something.

Actually, I do have a standing invitation from the Captain...

Actually, I don't. I like you two together.

Actually, I met him in the park.

Actually, I think I'm gonna say no.

Actually, I'm thinking about getting a dog again.

Actually, it was a good day.

Actually, Jane's Addiction got back together.

Actually, none of them had heard of the Pixies... or a B side.

Actually, Sandy, I have something...

Actually, that's the other reason why I came out here.

Actually, you're way better now.

Admit it! Well, go ahead, Lily!

Adoption.

Affirmatootly.

After all, he told me, uh...

After all, it had been a crazy couple days.

After class, we hacked a little sack to the thumpin' strains of my Prof Rock CD.

After his parents had gone back to Minnesota...

After initial contact, I'm now in the ignoring phase.

Ah, B.F.F.'s.

Ah, no one even noticed that.

Ah, this scotch is good. How's your drink?

Ah, valentines... the second base of third grade.

Ah!

Aha! It's someone we know.

Aha! When a second uterus plumped becomes...

Ahh! That's the stuff.

Ahoy, Ted. Excellent to see you.

Ahoy.

Alarmed about.

All I got was a $15 gift card to Costa Coffee.

All I need is a great folk song.

All my least favorite students have been boys...

All of my childhood memories gone... [Snaps Fingers] just like that.

All right, let's go. It's bedtime.

All right, your practice flip came up tails...

All right!

All right! I'll tell you.

All right.

All right. Fine. Guess it'll just be me and Zoey.

All right. Yes.

All that stuff was really nice.

All that stuff.

All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is... it's all true.

All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine?

All the way across the room.

All those "famous last words" people supposedly said...

All three times.

All you ever talk about is having kids!

All you have to do is say "I care about making dreams come true."

All yours, buddy.

Along with 50 other clowns. [Laughing]

Already? Oh, honey.

Already? Were you planning on eventually sleeping with the host?

Also, Janey Masterson's mother is a whore...

Also, my mom hates you.

Although I did notice a few irregularities, there's nothing to be...

Although I like you two together. Mmm.

Although it seems like you might have a slight arrhythmia.

Am I blushing, or...

Am I not as good at making the sweet, sweet love to you?

Am I right?

Am I supposed to not talk about that?

Am I wrong, or is that exactly what Barney says...

Amazing! It was like a diamond suit for my soul.

An hour ago, you didn't even think there was a problem.

Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that to sire a son...

And a tree for the kids to climb.

And add some perspective.

And all because...

And already I'm the girl who slept with the host of the show.

And as a future mother, I'm gonna need the support...

And as if that wasn't bad enough...

And as we all remember...

And as we hiked...

And at that point, your mother made it very clear she was gonna raise you on her own.

And Barney.

And Barney's no help. He still believes every lie that my mom told us growing up.

And become an environmental lawyer?

And by solo, I mean...

And C: How could you bring up Chucky right before bed?

And choke on them!

And cold weather sports.

And covered in a thick layer of blubber.

And Daniel san's all, like, "Ahh ahh ahh."

And do everything on that list tonight!

And don't you think the architect of the Death Star...

And down it goes.

And eat it.

And even though it didn't happen right away...

And eventually everyone went home...

And everywhere...

And examining girl parts all day?

And eye contact that sex just doesn't.

And firing half my department freed up the money to double my own salary.

And for that other thing.

And for what it's worth, I don't think she's throwing temper tantrums.

And from that moment on, Marshall never worried...

And get a travel size rotating Vietnamese shame wheel.

And getting thoroughly checked out.

And give her a cup of tea.

And give him cough medicine until he passed out.

And he accidentally left his phone in my apartment in the garbage.

And he lives just down the road.

And he said...

And he still hasn't called me.

And he was my best friend.

And he was my teacher.

And he'll never get to meet our kids, Lily.

And he's great with my son.

And he's still out there livin' the dream.

And he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop.

And heat up your lady parts to a balmy 105 degrees.

And here's why.

And here's your phone number back.

And his name...

And his very drunk mind started to see...

And home run king "Frank" Aaron.

And how did that go again?

And how is my delicious little grandson?

And how it caused each of us to reexamine our own lives.

And I am not gonna try putting it in the TV... again.

And I can't believe it's my first day...

And I don't mean that stripper you keep e mailing us about...

And I don't wanna be sad Aunt Robin...

And I don't want my daughter to have a whore's name.

And I feel absolutely useless.

And I figured fear was worth a try.

And I gave him my number and I told him to call me...

And I have multiple sex partners.

And I haven't talked to her in, like, five years, so just drop it.

And I just wanted to prove that it could still do something, but it can't.

And I know she stopped being friends with you when you had a baby, so...

And I like it that way.

And I love doing that for you.

And I love the office Halloween party.

And I love your...

And I need more numbers on how the holiday season impacted the economy.

And I really needed it.

And I said, "don't worry, baby. I'll do it for you."

And I smell incredible!

And I spend all of it spoiling you and our kids?

And I still smell incredible.

And I think you two would really hit it off."

And I thought I'd take you up on that beer you're about to offer me.

And I thought, God, you know what sucks? Being bored.

And I want to assure you, you'll never be fired again.

And I want to go to sleep every night with the same person by my side...

And I want to live in a little house with a garden...

And I was so desperate to connect with him.

And I wasn't sure.

And I will not be a part of that.

And I wouldn't have to worry about you turning up in some nosy fisherman's net.

And I... I just... [Sighs] have no idea where to begin.

And I... I want you to be honest with me.

And I'd recommend putting the coleslaw right on top of the sloppy joe.

And I'll be home trying to get over the fact...

And I'll cover bats, rackets, hockey sticks...

And I'm freaking out tool

And I'm getting more muscular even though I've stopped working out.

And I'm gonna be really excited for when it happens...

And I'm gonna go drop a deuce.

And I'm gonna love the crap outta whatever baby we have.

And I'm like, "Get outta here!" So annoying.

And I'm Marshall, Barney's wingman.

And I'm okay with that.

And I'm pretty. I'm really, really pretty.

And I'm sorry I've been going crazy with this baby stuff.

And I'm still single.

And I'm still single. At least I got that goin'for me.

And I'm sweating. And I can't breathe.

And I've got this amazing poker group.

And if I don't come back, well, then these are my last words to you all.

And if that's gonna scare you off, then I'd rather it scare you off now.

And if you don't make me look good in front of Nora...

And if you guys want kids, there are other ways.

And important people in New York...

And it always made him feel incomplete.

And it felt surprisingly good.

And it gets in the way of someone doing their job, that's a problem.

And it just ends for no reason.

And it made me a little crazy for a minute. [Chuckles]

And it started to mess with Lily's head.

And it was...

And it wasn't always easy.

And it's gonna come as a bit of a shock to you, but here goes.

And it's making me less happy about this bonus.

And Jessica's beaver devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes...

And just let them balance each other out?

And just when I'm about to give her the same thing... what up...

And last but not least...

And lecture you about how your little protest...

And left an... indelicate voice mail.

And Lily and Marshall were the first to visit the happy new parents.

And Lily's with Big Fudge.

And look at what we're doing.

And make me a grandsonl

And Marshall would follow me. And Ted would follow him.

And maybe realize something.

And mommy...

And my old nemesis.

And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast.

And needs to be spanked on his tushy tush.

And nope. I'm sorry, Barney, but no girl is going home...

And not a single passenger would listen to me.

And not given a damn what anyone thinks.

And not long after that...

And not tell anyone about it.

And nothing will make it go away!

And now everyone calls me Scherpoopie.

And now he's just gone.

And now I haven't even talked to her in five years.

And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab.

And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab.

And now you have one little freak out and you wanna get a dog instead?

And now you just show up out of nowhere?

And of course ZZ Top.

And one fiction.

And one whom I'm assuming is really funny.

And only the most gifted chama lee on...

And pull my hair out and worry and doubt myself, and then...

And race into that abandoned J.C. Penney, guns a blazin'.

And really learn how to ski. Not just go up and get faced in the lodge.

And really rich, but lacks bladder control."

And replaced by a new building that I had been hired to design.

And right now, everything else in my life just feels like I'm on a boat.

And saying it makes me feel like a hooker.

And see Coney Island. I've still never been.

And see something obscene.

And seriously, mouthwash after coffee.

And she asked me if I lost height.

And she is indeed hot...

And she's got, like, seaweed on her and a seashell bra.

And she's married, so it needs to stop.

And slipped and fell in horse poop.

And so did I.

And so did Lily.

And so did Robin.

And so does Tugboat here.

And so having a celebrity dad made me feel special.

And so Marshall told his parents everything.

And so now I'm just scared that we won't be able to give you a grandchild.

And so, despite the endless disappointment you've caused me...

And so, his greatest masterpiece would remain forever...

And so, Jordan, for one million dollars...

And spent 15 minutes chasing a cartoon fox.

And stuffing his belly full of milk and lutefisk that they left him?

And tells everyone how you dookied your pants.

And that Asian slut on your Facebook page... she's dead too.

And that basketball hoop?

And that explains 12:51 a.m.

And that explains 12:51 a.m.

And that explains your 14 second cardiac arrest.

And that is what makes you the most amazing...

And that was it. No more Zoey.

And that's okay.

And that's the tour. Uh, staff meeting's at noon. You'll meet everyone there.

And the best part is he got his shots.

And the fertilizer is seeping into the groundwater, causing it...

And the longer he stayed there, the more it was like he had never left Minnesota.

And the most important rule of all...

And the next thing I know, he's on a plane to Chicago.

And the second reason we popped in is 'cause I need to use the loo.

And the secretary beauty pageant all afternoon...

And the thing where he establishes intimacy...

And the top is so low cut...

And the two of them were closer than ever.

And their tour manager loses his arms bus surfing through a tunnel.

And then he kissed me.

And then he watched James meet his real father.

And then just hand stuff in the morning.

And then Marshall went again, just to be sure.

And then maybe catch a Bears game.

And then my father said the last words that he'll ever say to me:

And then she lost, like, a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser.

And then there's the most popular parental lie in history... Santa.

And then they see it, and it blows their freakin' mind.

And then turn around and treat someone like that?

And then you start thinking about yourself.

And then, hey! Congratulate me.

And then... The fat kid just...

And then... Well, see, my dad grew up in a small town...

And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty.

And these people don't forget.

And this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night.

And this may seem strange, but you can't ask me why.

And this was my grandmother's watch.

And though she never quite shook the nickname...

And three Nobel Prizes...

And to be clear, I am referring to your testicles.

And to show you that I'm serious...

And told him what I wanted for Christmas.

And until you finish it, it will always be...

And wake up next to him in the morning, every morning, for the rest of our lives.

And we also knew that her Robin Sparkles character...

And we can explore how those policy changes will affect Iraq.

And we headed back to Staten Island...

And we miss you. But the cousin thing mostly.

And we need ice cream.

And weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a shotgun...

And what am I left with?

And what are we left with?

And what are you doing here?

And what are you doing with those lemons?

And Wheelchair Maintenance Picnic.

And when Robin won, I could've sworn I saw him smile.

And who watered the philodendron on your bookcase and sang it back to life?

And yet somehow despite this, we all became friends...

And you are gonna design...

And you can use that fear...

And you can't ask me why.

And you didn't fire Tugboat, did you?

And you earned it, buddy.

And you found it. So, uh, just the one.

And you handle your, well...

And you know I will do stuff they would never do.

And you know what?

And you know what? It's not a feeling guys get when they're with you.

And you know what? Now I truly am over him.

And you need to be okay with the fact...

And you play for the Yankees.

And you ripped him off this earth way too young.

And you stepped in as the big strong man.

And you were right. He's a nice guy.

And you wrote "Your son" on the back.

And you.

And you're designing a frickin' building. I mean, come on, dude.

And you're too chicken to come out and say it.

And your breath smells like a mermaid fart.

And Zoey was happy about it, which tells us what?

And Zoey's in love with Ted.

And, Glitter, be cool.

And, like, 50 great ones.

And, no, none of them had heard the Pixies' B side.

And, thanks to Goliath National Bank, us.

And, uh, "do the laundry"?

And, uh, I think you may have known my mother, Loretta Stinson...

And, um, would you happen to know what that young man's name was?

And, what kind of name is Zoey? Huh?

And, with gin on her breath at 10:00 in the morning...

And, yes, she's a little plain.

And, yes, this is a new vest. Thank you all for noticing.

And?

And...

And... did it work?

And... intervene.

Anyhoo, next day, I'm goin' in to work.

Anyhoo, while I got ya, big smile.

Anyone not in class tomorrow gets an "F."

Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman...

Anytime.

Anyway, I get Honey back to her place.

Anyway, I need you guys...

Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of me.

Anyway, point is...

Anyway, pumpkin, I need $15,000.

Anyway, the next night...

Anyway, what's your thing?

Anyway...

Anyways, I'll clean this stuff up...

Apparently there was a mix up with the mail.

Are dorks.

Are the last words that my father will ever say to me, and...

Are these firecrackers?

Are we done?

Are you asking what I think you're asking?

Are you calling me fat?

Are you comin' with me or not?

Are you coming?

Are you for real, Barney?

Are you serious? That is awesome!

Are you sure it's love?

Are you sure it's not more than that?

Are you sure you did it right?

Are you sure?

Are, in fact, a big deal?

Arthur, I'm here because I made a mistake.

As if that's gonna make me be, like, "Oh, God, I never should have said no."

As in my end of the year bonus check.

As Lily's best friend, you are the last person on the planet...

As long as I can remember, making beer has been my dream.

As long as we don't mind stepping over the cord.

As the office President's Day rave.

As the postmaster general, Mom...

Ashamed!

At least I got the sound of his pocket to console me.

At the end of it all, have the rug pulled out from under me?

At the risk of bragging, my hazelnut pilsner won fourth prize...

At the Weehawken Retirement Home Clambake...

Aw, a panda.

Aw, and you want me to go with you 'cause you're a little scared?

Aw, man, this is the Filbert contract.

Aw, Marshall.

Aw, yeah!

Aw. That damn recorder.

Aw. That's actually really sweet.

Awesome. Let me just put a sock on the doorknob.

B B Boats!

B: He was possessed by an adult serial killer.

Baby girl fertilizerl

Baby, are you okay?

Baby, are you okay?

Baby, it's Santa.

Baby, names and gender... It's just like...

Baby, you just lost your dad. None of us wants to upset you.

Baby, you just saw Barney.

Baby, you're packin' snowballs...

Back in '83, I'm luggin' amps for the Stones through West Germany...

Back in school, we met during a production of Guys and Dolls.

Back to the pizza place!

Back when I was a kid, you used to be a roadie. You still do that?

Barney says he tripped...

Barney Stinson always gets the "yes."

Barney Stinson always...

Barney wants me to take the job so bad, he's putting the moves on me?

Barney wasn't interested in my apology. He just wanted me to be cool.

Barney wasn't lying.

Barney, I can't believe your giant TV is broken. It's March Madness.

Barney, I gotta tell you something.

Barney, I know she wears provocative sweaters, but she's 19!

Barney, I need to talk to you.

Barney, I work for GNB too.

Barney, I...

Barney, I'm a minister.

Barney, this is important. We need you around for a long time.

Barney, uh, maybe that's enough.

Barney, we just don't want to see you get hurt.

Barney, we... we know you're psyched, but just be careful.

Barney, why can't you just take a girl out to dinner like a normal person?

Barney, you can't blackmail us into lying to Nora.

Barney, you promised you wouldn't lie.

Barney, you've gotta stop livin' in these fairy tales that Mom told us.

Barney?

Barney. Barney!

Barney's been "putting the moves" on Ted.

Barney's favorite things.

Be careful, Lily. I made those promises too.

Be cool, nerds.

Because as this story has been told and retold...

Because behind that hatred lies fear.

Because GNB doesn't care.

Because I had a baby.

Because I was always trying so hard to be both parents for you.

Because I'm racking my brain here, and I thought...

Because I'm sure he wants to get in touch with me.

Because I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts!

Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man.

Because it reminds you of a version of yourself that you could be...

Because it's delicious. That's why!

Because no matter who he is, he will freak out.

Because of her stupid commercial...

Because once I get pregnant, no more massages.

Because she was trying to save an old building from being torn down...

Because starting Monday, I got you in my crosshairs.

Because to come in here and say what you just said...

Because tonight...

Because we don't want to torture Robin's boyfriend.

Because when I look up at the Arcadian...

Because while this was happening...

Because you don't have what it takes.

Because you weren't.

Because you're Ted Mosby...

Because, as it happens, my parents are in town.

Because, if I recall correctly, you owe me a date with your hot cousin.

Because... Barney don't go to no strip clubs.

Becky, we're... we're journalists.

Becky. My new co anchor.

Been fun bro in' out with you tonight, T Dawg.

Before he became the biggest pervert in the world?

Before I finally gave him the thing he always got.

Before I flip you like a cheese omelet.

Before I'll even consider having dinner with her.

Before me fell for.

Before that too.

Before you get to that, regarding the earlier project I was working on...

Before you Trebek yourself.

Behind Nora.

Behind the K.F. C...

Being out at sea can do crazy things to a man.

Better take that.

Betty, I'm pretty sure it's pronounced "chama lee on," so...

Between the sexual harassment seminar all morning...

Between the times men wear boutonnieres and the times they get laid.

Between you and me, I had a lot of acid last night.

Between you and me, I had a lot of acid last night.

Big mistake. But go on.

Big time lawyer at a huge corporation.

Big time manatee.

Big time.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Rambling architecture anecdote.

Blah, blah, blah. I don't wear suits.

Blah, blah, blah. I'm an architect.

Blah, blah. Something about a bridge.

Blahbity blahbity blue... I knocked down the whale.

Blaming stuff on the government.

Boats! Boats! Boats!

Boats! Boats! Boats!

Boats! Boats! Boatsl

Bob Barker is not your father.

Bon Jovi?

Boo freakin' hoo.

Boo!

Boo!

Both in and out of prison, we're sorry.

Both of you, hang up!

Boy, if people found out Sandy wears a toupee...

Boys. Great to see you.

Bring it in.

Bring it in.

Bring it on, princess.

Bro, I told you...

Bro, that is awesome. Motility five.

Busted!

Busy as ever.

But a five year contract.

But after the initial shock, I realized something.

But as he hugged Loretta, surrounded by the boxed up remnants of his happy childhood...

But as per "uszh," he bored the pants very much on her.

But at some point, my stupid male brain will transform you...

But B.F.F.'s are forever.

But Bob Barker is absolutely, unequivocally not your father!

But designing a building in New York City...

But did he tell you the whole story?

But Don left so quickly that I never got the chance to have that final showdown.

But first you need to head down to Security.

But first, I had to do something for me.

But first, let's back up a few days.

But first, Ms. Aldrin, do you have any questions for me?

But good luck. I keep my phone tight.

But happy Halloween, ya crazies!

But he's clean, open to criticism and not into anything too weird.

But I always wanted to meet you.

But I broke my own moral code once, and I felt evil.

But I could, uh, check the files.

But I didn't mean bring home the first guy you bump into on the street.

But I doubt there's any scientific data to support...

But I feel bad about leaving you out here.

But I guess I got time for one.

But I have a simple method for shuttin' down troublemakers.

But I just can't tonight.

But I just never have the courage to act...

But I know she really likes you.

But I like him.

But I need to have sex with a girl at least three times...

But I think I'm starting to like you, so I have to say it.

But I thought "F" had a nice scary ring to it, right?

But I thought you talked to your dad about everything.

But I was also designing the new headquarters...

But I was being selfish.

But I'd rather you take your time.

But I'm about to become a mother.

But I'm leaving you in the capable hands...

But I'm married, so that's good.

But I'm not talking about a dog. I'm talking about a man.

But I'm totally gonna sign up for more lessons.

But I've been going through all of his contacts...

But if either of you makes even one peep about this show being dirty, I'm turning it off.

But if you want, I can tell you who your father really is.

But in my experience, twice shredded is fairly permanent.

But in truth I'm a really light skinned African American.

But instead of chocolate chips I used Gummi bears.

But it sounds like he hasn't changed where it counts.

But it sure felt like he tackled me on purpose.

But it's 10:30 in the morning.

But it's always there.

But it's good to know how easily you can be manipulated by a woman.

But it's not gonna work on us.

But it's pretty gruesome.

But it's your father.

But let's be honest. You've been supersensitive lately.

But like super buff, like in Cape Fear.

But mostly the "killing and eating your face" thing.

But not like Rex tried to in my sleep last night.

But nothing. So then I started to test you guys.

But on a more serious note...

But our Vegas oddsmaker tells us that the next toss is still just 50 50.

But right now I have a quiet, simple, happy little life.

But right now I have to get excited about something else.

But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was more than her gentle heart could bear.

But seriously...

But she ain't gonna stay that way.

But that is not the point.

But that is the only concession I make to his seafaring ways.

But that won't happen on your watch. You know why?

But that's another story.

But that's how Robin became, by just about any definition of the term...

But that's impossible. You deleted his number.

But that's not usually how it goes.

But that's only because I fell for the same...

But that's what I want.

But the conductor just said you're going express to Borough Hall...

But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that goin'.

But the Death Star's gonna get built either way.

But the guy's a Nigerian prince.

But the news that I might not be able to give him a grandchild?

But the top half of his face...

But their argument didn't happen at the same time as all this other stuff.

But then end up kissing in a tender embrace?

But then months went by, and still nothing happened.

But then, the next morning...

But they only offered me a boring, low paid, off camera research job.

But they wouldn't admit her without a name.

But this is you. This is me.

But this isn't a race.

But this just isn't working out.

But this reporter takes pride in... Whoal

But those twins...

But to summarize...

But today, whatever she needs, I'm there.

But unless I see Barney at the same time...

But we got this voice mail.

But we have a mortgage and we're tryin' to have kids.

But what we didn't realize was that in a few minutes...

But when I get back, I'm dying to hear all about Mr. Softy here.

But when she throws a temper tantrum...

But which one of us is gonna take the hit?

But will you still be okay if I make a lot of money...

But yesterday I met the sweetest man...

But you can and should call me the Captain.

But you can't let fear steal your funk.

But you don't have to worry about that anymore.

But you kids have fun trick or treating.

But you're right, James.

But you're tough, and I love you like crazy.

But your baby... I'm gonna love that kid so much.

But your dad is alive...

But, baby, I'm really scared that we're not pregnant yet.

But, dude, you're writing checks my vagina can't cash.

But, finally, I found this conception Web site that said you should...

But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay?

But, in that race, everyone found exactly what they needed.

But, secretly, I want to have kids.

But, secretly, I want to have kids.

But, uh, this was great. Glad we did this.

But, uh, you're a good guy, Ted.

But, um, the other day Arthur offered me a five year contract.

But, you know, sometimes you just gotta wing it, right?

But... bright side... I thought of a great new board game...

But... But she's married.

By a Foul Ball and Then Vomits in a Garbage Can."

By now, the icy tide has already dropped its core temperature to near freezing.

By the way, hell of a tie. Is that Italian silk?

By the way, I think I only wounded the spider.

Bye, Pop.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Call me old fashioned...

Calls me a fat cat... me and my "fat cat friends."

Came from a Canadian TVshow which we'd never seen...

Can become a mermaid again through one simple act.

Can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? Can girls aim?

Can I get you a beer?

Can I get you two some drinks?

Can I help you?

Can I steal you for second?

Can somebody please explain to me why the "little girl" act works on men?

Can we go camping?

Can we leave him in here for a while?

Can you at least tell me why?

Can you back up a bit?

Can you belie...

Can you believe her?

Can you believe it? He's resorting to the oldest move in the book...

Can you hear me now?

Can you help me with this?

Can you imagine being one of those girls' dads?

Can you imagine if our college selves saw us like this?

Can you imagine? You could put it in little human shirts...

Can you just please try to look at this with the innocence of a child?

Can you keep an eye on him until I get back?

Can you pick up some calzones?

Can't blame her on that one.

Can't do it.

Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now.

Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now.

Can't pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy.

Can't we just let the guy be black for a day?

Captain, quick question.

Captain, what do you think of ice cream?

Captain.

Careful!

Carrots and peas. [Laughing] Carrots and peas!

Causing said giant whale to fall in a downward trajectory."

Challenge accept...

Challenge accepted.

Challenge completed!

Challenge forfeited. [Sobs]

Charity?

Check it. I just drove a pedicab 26 blocks...

Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself.

Cheerful.

Chubsters, over 30s.

Cigarettes, alcohol.

Class dismissed. No homework for a while.

Claws, paws, talons.

Clearly he wants nothing to do with me.

Coach cut him from the team, and Mom fed him that story so he'd feel better.

Coaster.

Coat.

Cold weather...

Come on downl

Come on, Marshall. You have to admit, the guy was a disaster.

Come on, Playboy Channel.

Come on, Spice Channel.

Come on, Ted. It's obvious.

Come on, Ted. This is your dream.

Come on, you know this. Come on.

Come on.

Come on. GNB didn't really hire a new architect.

Come on. I don't have any gaps that fundamental.

Come on. I worry about the guy.

Come on. Let's get you sorted out.

Come on. You always took charge of everything.

Condoms!

Congratulations.

Connecting yourself to a car battery.

Considering he was probably only using one hand.

Could I snag that extra pork chop for the flight?

Could someone pass the ketchup?

Could you get some more Bugles please?

Could've designed classic beaux arts masterpieces...

Count, motility...

Cox! Cox! Cox! Cox!

Cream cheese is a mild flav flavor, so it...

Creepy pickup artist voodoo of yours that countless women...

Criminals of New York, attention!

Crocodile Dundee 3 is the second best of the Croc trilogy, so...

Crushed it!

Currency rotation specialist.

Dad, check it.

Dad, look how fast I can run.

Dad, there's a... There's something I need to tell you...

Dad, you're not looking.

Dad?

Damn it, Mom!

Damn it!

Damn it!

Damn it!

Damn.

Daniel Burnham was an architect whose ever shifting style and aesthetic...

Day's not over.

Death?

December chill. So great.

Deep.

Definitely not Jeremy.

Definitely.

Delete it!

Delusional girl who thinks it's a stepping stone to mainstream success.

Despite how adorable you are when you cry.

Destroy Ted Mosby.

Diamond suited up.

Did I stop writing poems for you?

Did she tell you that Bob Barker was your dad too?

Did you catch the game last night?

Did you guys have sleepovers, get mad at each other and wrestle...

Did you know that " Barney" is French for " sad little guy who works way too hard to get laid"?

Did you say someone knocked down the blue whale?

Dietary, environmental, genetic.

Dinner's a very intimate activity.

Dinosaurs from the Cretaceous period...

Do I just put people to sleep?

Do you have any idea what kind of difficult stuff Zoey's been going through?

Do you have the guts to listen to it?

Do you know what plays a huge role in helping a woman conceive?

Do you like boats? Does the sea call to you like it calls to me?

Do you like it, Ted?

Do you remember how awesome it was to be coworkers...

Do you wanna come upstairs?

Do you want me to go with you because you're a lot scared?

Do you want me to go with you because you're a lot scared?

Do you want... You want a hit of this sandwich?

Do you?

Do you...

Does anyone know why we're here?

Does it cost half as much as glasses?

Does it get any better than this?

Does this place have a kitchen? I'll be right back.

Doesn't have a backyard. It's just a bummer.

Don and I will always be a loose end.

Don't "Hey, Lily" me.

Don't ask. You're not ready.

Don't ask. You're not ready.

Don't go anywhere that has candles.

Don't knock the vodka. Wouldn't have a kid without it.

Don't look at that girl's perky and impossibly symmetrical knockers.

Don't pretend you're going someplace we all know doesn't exist.

Don't say the Mr. T dream. Don't say the Mr. T dream.

Don't stop nowl Almost there.

Don't tell anyone about this, okay?

Don't turn!

Don't use the husband's condoms.

Don't worry, Ted. She's cute.

Don't worry. I am never doing that again. It was a one time thing.

Don't worry. I am not here to step on your toesies.

Don't worry. I'm sure that everyone will get it's a joke.

Don't worry. It's totally safe.

Don't worry. We'll, uh... We'll snap Barney out of this when he gets back.

Don't you dare tell me to steer into the skid.

Don't you think that maybe we should go home...

Don't you want our kids goin' to sleep on Christmas Eve with their hearts full of hope...

Don't you want our kids goin' to sleep on Christmas Eve with their hearts full of hope...

Don't... You...

Donna Bromstead.

Douche.

Downtown Hospital, please. It's right by Gregor's Steakhouse.

Downtown.

Dr. John Stangel? I don't know, baby. Do we really need a specialist?

Dr. Stangel.

Drug dealer from an '80s after school special...

Dude, none taken.

Dude, she doesn't know how to tell a story.

Dude, that's, like, seven miles.

Dude, this is important.

Dude, we need to find land.

Dude, what's up with the gingerbread house? You look ridiculous.

Dude, you've been trying for two months, not two years.

Dude!

Dude.

Eat itl

Ehh ehh! Ehh ehh!

Ehh ehh! Ehh ehh! Ehh!

Elizabeth!

Endless waves of pleasure...

Endless.

English US SDH

English US SDH

English US SDH

English US SDH

English US SDH

English US SDH

English US SDH

English US SDH

English US SDH

English US SDH

English US SDH

Ergo, a suit is born. [Chuckles]

Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking.

Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking.

Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking.

Eriksen, it's, uh, 3:00 a.m.

Eriksen! [Groaning]

Eriksenl

Especially after this happened.

Even if I sat down and ordered a big, juicy steak first.

Even if I wanted to fire you, after my talk with Arthur...

Even if I were to mention... oh, I don't know...

Even if it's a version of yourself that you'll never become.

Even in the shower, the farthest we ever get is hugging.

Even though we beg you to take us off that list.

Ever feel like you're ready...

Ever since you got pregnant, you're just a big, fat manatee.

Every time I see 'em in the backyard, I'm, like, "Get outta here!"

Every time I take the bus, there's one crazy person no one wants to sit near.

Every time.

Everybody gets a lap dance!

Everyone is in this video. Randy's in the video.

Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood.

Everyone should know how to use tools.

Everyone, say hello to your new research associate, Robin Scherbatsky.

Everything he said was nice, but I'm profoundly scared.

Everything.

Everything's fine. It It... These things take time.

Everything's off the charts.

Ew! [Shudders]

Ew! He has to do that?

Ew. No.

Exactly the same thing I did?

Exactly what happened.

Exactly! Science!

Exactly. I mean, it's almost like he's putting the moves on you.

Exactly. Kind of.

Exactly. Or when your... I don't know...

Except for Ted and Honey...

Except for you, Miles.

Except now, as Honey informs me...

Except, whoops... I just did. Ha! Burn.

Excuse me, Captain.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I got a thing.

Excuse me. I've got a thing.

Excuse me. Lily, can I just talk to you in here for a minute?

Excuse me. That's my son over there.

Excuse us for a moment. Let's go for a walk

Expelliarmusl

Falling in love with her.

Fantastic.

Faster! Mush! Mush!

Feel the room.

Feels like you're dreaming? But check your totem, brah.

Felt kinda good.

Finally, Ted called her up.

Fine.

Fine. I will, uh, make it happen.

Fine. I'll be nice.

Fine. I'll call 'em tomorrow.

Fine. I'll have a three way with Hot and Kinda Hot...

Fine. If you don't think The Jerky Boys are funny...

Fine. It's Bill Pepper.

Finished with that.

Finished with that.

Finished with that.

Fire hydrants and diving boards.

Fired into a particular vent would explode the whole thing.

First of all, Robin...

First of all, that line makes me sound like a hooker...

First, eat pickled herring.

First, her boyfriend and former cohost, Don, left her for another job.

First, I wanted to let you know that your friend Barney is being a perfect gentleman.

Florence "Night In Bed With A Stranger."

Focusing on my career, all for nothing.

Fooled ya!

For a very long time.

For all we know, that was the contractor's fault.

For an ambience of springtime rejuvenation.

For anyone.

For crying out loud, you broke up with Robin?

For every trash compactor on the detention level.

For God's sake, Son, do you have any sixes?

For Goliath National Bank, and, well...

For one zero zero zero...

For the last time, I don't care how big it was.

For the next 24 hours.

For the regional doubles laser tag tournament in Poughkeepsie.

For wanting to tear down a beautiful old building called the Arcadian.

For what?

For your information, Becky doesn't like steak.

For Yourson, North Dakota.

For, like, a millisecond.

Forgetting to send the photo.

Found it.

Four.

Four. Four Nobel Prizes.

Fourteen minutes ago.

Fourth period.

Friend invites you to a laser tag tournament.

Friends. Plural. Like there was more than one of me.

Front row. Caught J.C.'s shirt. What else ya got?

Fun fact. While today its neoclassical fenestration is considered to be...

Funny how all these girls have the exact same handwriting...

Funny thing though...

Funny you should say that.

Gangbusters. We're buddies again.

Gaudí, to his credit, never gave up on his dream.

Gave it to myself.

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

Gentlemen, gentlemen. Give it up for Estherl

Get a big ol'bowl of ice and dunk your man sack right in there.

Get back in that bathroom and "blow dry" your hair.

Get it. I'll have more in a second.

Get laid a lot?

Get on board, or the sexting stops.

Get on the phone, call Robin and fix this.

Get...

Gets the "yes."

Getting back to Greek Revival...

Getting that kid's nose surgically removed from your ass.

Girls, if you wanna get through the asteroid belt...

Give it up for Marshall's daughter.

Give me a "C"! Give me an "O"! Give me an "X"!

Give me a jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen!

Give me that phone.

Give me your best. My life's an open book.

Give me your phone. Let's delete one of yours.

Give me your phone. We're deleting Don's number.

GNB treats their people like they're disposable...

Go ahead.

Go fish.

Go live your perfect little life and leave me the hell alone.

Go on, Doctor.

Go on.

Go on.

Go on. Tell me every detail.

Go to work for the N.R.D.C. and save the world.

Go!

God, how can you say that?

God, this must be so hard for Barney.

God, you are like a bomb sniffing dog, except with poop.

God. I never should've taken this job.

Going to Coney Island.

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get the "yes."

Golf clubs and riding crops.

Good bye, Barney.

Good job, Scoob.

Good luck killing James Bond.

Good manners are what separate us...

Good morning, everybody.

Good night.

Good thing I don't have any gaps in my knowledge.

Gosh!

Got what you need?

Gotta go.

Grademyteacher. net?

Great job using long division to catch that space burglar, eh?

Great, now my right eye's doing it.

Great.

Great.

Great. All right. You're a little low on the table. Please scoot up.

Great. How's your beaver?

Great. Now my left eye is twitching.

Great. Okay.

Great. So go make nice with Captain Creepy and problem solved.

Gregory, do me a favor.

Guess I can hang out a little longer.

Guess I'll have to fill the time with some jokes... again! [Scoffs]

Guess now we wait.

Guess what. This museum has seen every kind of prank you can think of...

Guys, as you know, I only have one rule.

Guys, did you see that? She's going to a Korean massage without me.

Guys, get it through your heads. I am never gonna talk to my dad again.

Guys, guys, guys. Architecture fun fact...

Guys, I can't stop staring at that girl's face.

Guys, I found this on the floor.

Guys, I have a role. I'm Judy's bitch! Yeah!

Guys, I have some terrible, terrible news.

Guys, I know you count the minutes...

Guys, I went out with Robin's roommate.

Guys, I'm black.

Guys, I'm pretty sure that's not Luis, but I can't be certain.

Guys, I'm serious!

Guys, just let the man explain...

Guys, listen to what just happened.

Guys, my dad's awesome!

Guys, Nora's really special.

Guys, Prof Rock is a really good mix, okay?

Guys, this is real.

Guys, this news is all really sad.

Guys! Get yourselves together and start looking for Scooby.

Guys...

Gynomite!

Ha! Burn.

Had been a teen pop sensation in Canada known as Robin Sparkles.

Had even the slightest hint of feelings for the other...

Hakeem and Dikembe.

Halfway through the pee, I'm, like, "This doesn't even make sense."

Handsome? Rich? Well endowed?

Hang on.

Hang out with some witnesses.

Hanging out with dinosaurs from the Jurassic period.

Happens.

Happy birthday, R.J.

Has a mermaid clock...

Have been described as productive.

Have someone get that dead squirrel out of your desk.

Have you heard of the gentleman sport known as laser tag?

Having an intimate chat by candlelight?

Having to sail back to the marina...

He always came through for me.

He and that little stuffed horsey raised all kinds of hell.

He can get a little jealous sometimes, so I didn't want to make him worry.

He could have pulled some crazy switch.

He decided to keep Marvin's real last words just for himself.

He didn't make it.

He doesn't care about saving the world.

He even signed it and checked the box for father and everything.

He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine.

He finally admitted Bob Barker's not his dad.

He gave him a hug and said...

He hasn't even mentioned Zoey.

He hasn't left my sight.

He hates that he loves them.

He He's named after you.

He is?

He just thought he'd meet his real dad today, and clearly he's not taking it so well.

He just walked out of the apartment. Someone must've left the door open.

He just... He just ended things with Zoey.

He knows a woman's body better than she knows her own.

He lives 10 minutes away.

He lives with us now.

He made me carry it.

He might be one of our fathers.

He never came around anymore after that.

He realized he had one hell of a mom.

He said you two had an amazing night together.

He said you're simply too good to be on the team.

He said, "Don't touch anything"... to a kid.

He screwed up my childhood.

He seems like a good guy.

He stayed home a while to take care of his mother.

He sucked.

He was an embarrassment, a huge embarrassment.

He was... a machine.

He was... He was the toughest bully in school.

He wears suits all the time.

He would hit it from the outside, hit it from the inside.

He wouldn't do that. Right, Ted?

He... He wears those red pants.

He... He's not you.

He... Oh, really?

He'd say stuff like...

He's a possum.

He's actually a really sweet guy...

He's also quite the detective.

He's ashamed of himself.

He's ashamed to have me as a son.

He's at Gregor's Steakhouse downtown, and Woody Allen is sitting two tables over.

He's beautiful.

He's black, dear.

He's cool. Now, if you'll excuse me...

He's gonna say 'A re you finished? ' more times than a waiter at a busy restaurant."

He's got no family around. He's still single.

He's had the same dead end job at a car rental place for 15 years.

He's just staring at me.

He's my dad.

He's not a dog.

He's not bad at all.

He's not my dad. My dad's Bob Barker.

He's right there.

He's so smart. We should get him on Letterman doing tricks.

He's stuffed. [Laughs]

He's the best in the city.

He's the mother of all fathers. Check this out.

Headin' home after their dirty, filthy hookups.

Heads or tails?

Heads, you take the job at World Wide News.

Hears it like you're standing right next to them.

Hello, Professor.

Hello, Trey.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello. You must be Mr. Eriksen. I'm Dr. Stangel.

Help!

Her joy burst forth like a blossoming flower in spring.

Her new co anchor, Becky, had a different philosophy.

Here at GNB, we care.

Here it comes. Hit me up, Schmos.

Here we are.

Here, Ted! Capture the moment!

Here, try this. Now really go for it.

Here, you know what? Hold this, okay?

Here's a fun fact.

Here's a number for a reproductive endocrinologist...

Hey, baby, why are you facing me north?

Hey, Barney, can I talk to you?

Hey, Barney, that prime rib was surprisingly good...

Hey, Barney. Hey, Rachel.

Hey, Becky. Becky, this is our news segment, okay?

Hey, bro.

Hey, buddy, that's Lily. I should take that.

Hey, buddy. Need a hand?

Hey, by the way, do you like this scarf?

Hey, do you guys get Big Chuck and Lil'John out here?

Hey, Don, here's some breaking news.

Hey, Don, it's Robin again.

Hey, don't worry about me. I'm cool on the couch.

Hey, get this. You know, uh, my friend Max from law school?

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. Got my shots.

Hey, guys. Hey, boss.

Hey, guys. Sorry. Um...

Hey, guys. This is Nora.

Hey, guys. Zoey just told me about...

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, wait. Come on. I was ki... Wait, wait, wait.

Hey, I I got an idea how to pass the time.

Hey, I was in the neighborhood...

Hey, if you and Jessica are B.F.F.'s, how come we've never met her?

Hey, it was 20 years ago. I'll remember.

Hey, it's a picture of you and me when we were little kids.

Hey, it's Lily. Help me!

Hey, it's nice to feel needed.

Hey, it's true.

Hey, Jessica. How's your beaver?

Hey, Lily, can you grab me a... [High pitched] Mojito?

Hey, Lily.

Hey, Lily...

Hey, look at that. Liz still wants to meet you.

Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig!

Hey, Mom.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Hey, Nate, why don't you go play some music on the jukebox.

Hey, Professor "Bros by"...

Hey, punk, bit of advice...

Hey, Randy. Uh, you want a beer?

Hey, Ranjit, pull over.

Hey, Rob. What are you gonna make... a turkey?

Hey, Robin, do you wanna go get a Korean massage on Saturday?

Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied in your pants down by the lake?

Hey, silly question. What are our exact nautical coordinates?

Hey, Son, uh...

Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie?

Hey, Ted, this is my cousin.

Hey, that's Iris, my new assistant.

Hey, toots, how about a ride?

Hey, uh, it just occurred to me.

Hey, uh, listen, Honey, while I've got you...

Hey, uh, you're Barney's friends, right?

Hey, um, so Robin told me about this whole "Ted and Zoey" thing.

Hey, um, when I was a kid, you used to be a roadie.

Hey, wanna have a three way with me and my imaginary friend?

Hey, we don't care about that one bit.

Hey, what about this?

Hey, what's done is done.

Hey, where's the goldfish? [Gasps]

Hey, where's the... [Groans]

Hey, you guys seen Russell? I'm supposed to drive him to his mom's funeral.

Hey, you wanna see a magic trick?

Hey, you wanna see a magic trick?

Hey, you're probably on there.

Hey, Zoey.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Barney.

Hey. Hey! Wanna come to my house and play telephone?

Hey. Stay hydrated.

Hey. Um...

Hey. Where are you goin'? We just got here.

Hey. You were right. The Kangs did, in fact, have an umbrella.

Hi there. We've had a lot of fun tonight.

Hi there. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight.

Hi, Barney. It's great to finally meet you.

Hi, Becky. Boats, boats, boats.

Hi, Captain.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Honey. I'm Ted.

Hi, honey. There's a couple messages on the machine.

Hi! I'm Becky!

Hi. Barney Stinson.

Hi. Can I see a menu, please?

Hi. I spent the night with your friend Barney...

Hi. I'm Barney. Great to meet you.

Hi. Mr. Trebek, um, this is Robin Scherbatsky.

High heels chafe my shoulders.

His friend Barney looked me up, hoping to buy my Space Teens costume.

His half brother's father... Sam Gibbs, a minister at a church out on Long Island.

His mom gave him the guy's address.

His mom would suddenly decide he was "sick"...

His name might as well have been Daniel Chama lee on.

His name's Otis.

Hmm.

Hockey, bow hunting for caribou, math...

Honestly, probably something pretentious...

Honestly?

Honey, I may cut out early. I'd like to go check up on the boat.

Honey, what's wrong?

Honey, when you have a baby, all that best friend stuff...

Honey.

Honey's "vibing" on me.

Hooves, beaks and clenched monkey fists.

Hopefully you never will. They said that they might not even use it.

How about we just go wildly to both extremes...

How about we name the baby after you... Frigid Shrew.

How about we sing you a song about our beavers?

How can we say GNB cares...

How could you go out on a date with this girl?

How cute is that, right?

How did he do that?

How did you do it?

How did you find Glitter?

How did you meet?

How do you even make... I've never seen you make that face.

How do you feel about Ted and Zoey...

How do you know about the north thing?

How do you like my date's tux?

How does anyone know how they know anyone? [Giggling]

How far did you get, T Dawg?

How fascinating.

How it's all about his wearing a ladies' watch.

How long ago did you take that class?

How much do you make, J. J?

How much wood will I need to keep both of these beavers well fed all weekend long?

How now?

How was flying solo?

How would you like those to be your father's last words?

How you doin'?

How?

How? How, I ask you?

How's this?

Huge bummer.

Huh.

Huh.

Hunka, hunka!

Hurts, don't it?

Hyahl

I admire your loyalty.

I already have a father.

I always find that reassuring.

I always get those two confused.

I always got a valentine from every single girl in my class.

I always wanted to be enough for you boys.

I am gonna finish this whole bottle tonight.

I am gonna kill you.

I am gonna kill you.

I am happy for you.

I am her therapist.

I am never gonna have closure.

I am perfect.

I am s... I am so sorry.

I am so excited to be your coanchor! [Laughing]

I am so sorry.

I am still mad at you for... something.

I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang.

I am, too, a real New Yorker.

I asked Barney the same thing.

I assume you're about to make sweet love to?

I assure you, that's not a nickname that I...

I bet you didn't know this about me, Barney, but...

I bet you he's made some mistakes...

I bought this special for tonight.

I can beat a bus or a cab or a train.

I can do better. Take me back.

I can ex...

I can kiss better than that old man.

I can't be on them. I can't be near them.

I can't believe Barney's talking to his dad right now.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe my father's funeral service...

I can't believe this.

I can't believe you fell for that, bro.

I can't do it, Doc.

I can't do it. I can't run that far.

I can't even think about them without getting seasick.

I can't give this suit back.

I can't lie to my phone.

I can't outrace anything.

I can't take the job, Barney.

I can't wait to see it.

I can't. I just... I can't.

I can't. I need my severance check.

I can't. The damage is done. [Whimpering, Gasping]

I can't...

I cannot stop staring at that girl's face.

I cannot wait to see what's on this DVD!

I care about high yield off shore investments...

I care about making dreams come true.

I care about old people.

I care about our precious earth.

I caught it on the cable last night, and it totally holds up."

I caught it on the cable last night. It totally holds up!

I changed the ice pack on his crotch every hour for three days.

I climbed up on that dude's lap...

I could really use someone like you.

I could tell he just wanted me to be this big ladies' man.

I couldn't find an umbrella in your closet.

I couldn't listen to it. Guys, this is hard.

I demand satisfaction!

I did my best as a single parent...

I did not specify on what scale.

I did something I'm not proud of.

I did that in here, too...

I did. It's for me.

I didn't even see her boobs.

I didn't make you feel needed?

I didn't realize you were small potatoes.

I didn't wanna viciously attack someone out of the blue like some kind of...

I didn't.

I do not want to work for GNB again.

I do remember that.

I do wish you were a dude.

I do! So be cool.

I do. I hate 'em.

I don't agree with what you did, and so I refuse to comfort you...

I don't buy it. That's crazy even for Barney.

I don't get it. How can you and Glitter just stop being friends?

I don't get it. The Ted that I went out with...

I don't go down to your place of non employment...

I don't hate you.

I don't know if I can do that, bro.

I don't know if that's totally true.

I don't know what I'm gonna use this for, but it's great!

I don't know what's in it, but things are flowing pretty smooth right now.

I don't know whether to hug you or run a shower for you...

I don't know who lives here, but it's not my dad. [Chuckles]

I don't know!

I don't know.

I don't know. I just thought it would be good if you two spent some time together.

I don't know. I think he did a pretty good job...

I don't know. It could be cool. I've never seen Woody Allen.

I don't know. It was around the time...

I don't know. That guy.

I don't know. This does have all the earmarks of porn.

I don't know. This will be your second date.

I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me.

I don't mean the one that takes place Halloween night in the Village.

I don't need it. I'm gonna beat you fair and square.

I don't need to go to a heart doctor.

I don't need to see a lady get naked and dance.

I don't quite remember this girl's name... none of us do...

I don't really know how to say it...

I don't recall.

I don't think that's gonna be a problem.

I don't want a girl. I just want a little boy.

I don't want to brag, but in 29 takes...

I don't want to get married.

I don't want to give anything away. Let's just watch.

I don't want to think about having a girl.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't.

I drink every day, I sleep three hours every night...

I erased the tape.

I even thought she might try to kill herself.

I executed the paperwork for the new architect this morning.

I felt I had to respect her wishes.

I figured it out!

I found a little wounded bird in the alley.

I found an amazing Viking lamp...

I found him in the trash.

I found someone who can fix the Viking lamp!

I frequently sleep with sixes...

I get a Christmas card from her every year, but we're not really friends anymore.

I get a severance check.

I get it.

I get to wear shiny dresses.

I got it right here.

I got so many great pictures of all the billboards.

I got the string, you got the cans.

I got this.

I got this.

I got to call my dad and tell him the good news.

I got you your job back, Randy.

I got you.

I got you... a little airplane.

I got your letter.

I gotta call Ted.

I gotta go apologize to Robin.

I gotta go get my camera!

I gotta go.

I gotta go. Bye.

I gotta keep going. I gotta do more.

I gotta say, your family tree has got a couple of pretty big coconuts.

I gotta take that World Wide News job.

I grew up here. I speak conductor.

I guess he recently decided to get in touch with his dad.

I guess I never sent it. That's embarrassing.

I guess I wasn't as over our breakup as I thought.

I guess I'll take it.

I guess I'm fired then. I better turn in my I.D.

I guess it's 'cause we never hang out alone together.

I guess it's true.

I guess we can tell you now, Lily.

I guess you could call me the LeBron James of d****s.

I guess.

I had a really great time tonight.

I had a surprise visitor.

I had all sonsl

I had fun.

I had no idea he had a deep down.

I had nothing to prove. Absolutely nothing.

I had one simple goal... give a lecture that changes someone's life.

I had to take four Tums.

I had to. We were growing apart, and we're better off without each other.

I hate boats, Ted.

I hate that we have to tear it down.

I hate working for GNB.

I hated kindergarten...

I have a grandson?

I have a voice mail from my dad.

I have been here for almost six years. It's not like I just got off a boat.

I have been known to locate certain objects from time to time.

I have never seen you guys looking so at peace.

I have no good excuse, Barney.

I have no idea how to raise a daughter.

I have seen plenty of other famous people.

I have something for you.

I have to ask you to leave the mansion.

I have to end my friendship with Zoey.

I have to go renew my passport...

I have to go.

I have to listen to it.

I have to say, as much as I hate to agree with Barney...

I have to say, it was pretty noble of him.

I haven't decided whether to put the fern on the right or the left side.

I heard Flip Wilson, Bill Cosby...

I hit 6'4" in the fifth grade, and then I just stopped.

I hold in my hand...

I hooked up with a younger woman the other week.

I hope Barney's dad isn't just pretending to be something he's not.

I hope I can pass this hot dog.

I hope that's his endgame.

I I can't... I can't get my wife pregnant!

I I don't mean Father Father.

I I just want a healthy, happy 12 pound...

I I need to tell her I love her and that she'll always be a priority.

I I was expecting bad news. I really was.

I just don't think you have what it takes to get that soldier...

I just got my new bathing suit for the beach this summer.

I just got this letter from the postmaster general.

I just had a great TV audition...

I just had the worst cab ride of my life.

I just hope we brought along enough of it for a three day galactic space journey.

I just need a minute.

I just need some air.

I just need two seconds, baby.

I just realized that I am about to have a little niece who looks up to me...

I just sang three songs.

I just think she's, you know, standing up for what she believes in.

I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse.

I just wanna hit that perfect middle ground.

I just wanna move somewhere new and start over.

I just want to leave you with a little advice.

I just wanted to say no hard feelings.

I just...

I keep getting sweat on my suit.

I knew this day would come.

I knew what I had to do for my friend Robin.

I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship.

I know Bob Barker's not really, you know... I'm not crazy.

I know I don't deserve it, but I need another chance to connect with my son.

I know it may sound stupid, but I didn't always feel so great about myself growing up...

I know it sounds dumb to someone who's already achieved his dream...

I know it's crazy to care that much about a building.

I know mine.

I know on paper he sounds great, but you guys aren't really friends.

I know Paul Shaffer's sandwich guy. This could happen.

I know that corporate Marshall wears a tie and everything...

I know that smile.

I know this probably comes as quite a disappointment.

I know what my answer has to be.

I know what you're thinkin'. "I wish I was a dude."

I know what you've been doing today.

I know what's so creepy about the Captain.

I know you think that's a compliment...

I know you two probably aren't the right people to talk to about this.

I know, sweetie. I know.

I know.

I know. And look, he seems plenty nice.

I know. I know all about it.

I know. It's so, uh...

I know. You just wanna wrap her up in a blanket...

I left my charger back in New York, so my phone's out of juice.

I like Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville.

I like having a brother.

I like your pretty hair. Help me.

I live for the dance.

I looked up his address on your contact list.

I love being a professor, okay?

I love that suit.

I love you, Daddy. I'm so glad we're best friends now!

I love you.

I love your coat.

I made chocolate chip cookies for everybody!

I made him take me out to dinner...

I made him wait all these years for me, and...

I made Robin my famous chocolate chip cookies...

I may have called him...

I may have mentioned our conversation over a session of hacky sack.

I may, however, lie on her.

I mean the Captain.

I mean the one that takes place the morning of November 1...

I mean, am I a bad teacher?

I mean, he can be a little scary.

I mean, how hard can it be to name a baby?

I mean, how many does he have?

I mean, I like being single...

I mean, I shouldn't be surprised.

I mean, I tried to stay friends with her, but it just didn't happen.

I mean, I want you as opposed to who you've become.

I mean, I'm glad she has these little causes that keep her out of trouble...

I mean, if either one of us...

I mean, it reflected badly on the company.

I mean, it's been, like, 30 years...

I mean, literally eclipse her.

I mean, look at you. You do so great without him.

I mean, Loretta and I only saw each other for a couple of months.

I mean, no guy's gonna say "Who's your daddy?" to Robin Scherbatsky.

I mean, Nora's great.

I mean, not tonight, or even to you necessarily.

I mean, she put more effort into some lies than others.

I mean, sure, he made a few mistakes, but everybody makes mistakes.

I mean, that's as clear as a signal gets.

I mean, there's no way to find out who's right anyway.

I mean, usually it isn't a speeding bus...

I mean, we've never been happier.

I mean, we've never been happier.

I mean, what can we do to help?

I mean, what if she ends up dating some...

I mean, who can live up to that?

I mean, why else would he let 30 years go by?

I mean, yeah, I been jonesin' for a piece of Cleveland style pizza...

I mean, yes, his design was flawed...

I mean, you have an airline...

I miss Robin.

I miss the chase.

I moved here...

I need a drink. Ted? Hmm? Ted?

I need another drink. Marshall, you want anything?

I need the Filbert contract!

I need this win. I need this win.

I need to tell you something. Um...

I need vodka and dirty playing cards.

I needed that.

I never fantasize about Barney when we're doing it."

I only have one rule.

I only have one rule.

I only have one rule.

I only like to call my dad with good news.

I only threw up thrice.

I open the newspaper only to discover an op ed written by Zoey Pierson.

I owe you a lifetime of apologies.

I passed the bar!

I pray that this will finally be the year...

I really am.

I really do.

I really don't have time for this.

I really thought you and I were friends.

I really, really, really love you guys.

I really... I really miss this.

I ride!

I said, "He's a dog," as in a dog.

I said, "He's a dog," as in a dog.

I saw Barney notice Robin's face...

I saw her bedroom.

I see something big and solid.

I should explain. I'm a driving instructor.

I should explain. I'm a driving instructor.

I should get a Christmas themed movie snack for tomorrow night.

I should go listen to this... alone.

I should have rented Crocodile Dundee 3.

I sincerely apologize for losing all the invitations...

I smelled poop all the way from the hallway.

I snapped this photo of him last time he dropped off Zoey.

I started bragging.

I started doing crazy stuff to see how far you'd let me go.

I still can't believe he took the time to write this.

I still can't get a straight answer about who my real dad is.

I still can't resist getting one last shot in.

I still think about him in the shower.

I suppose it's possible Barney has real feelings for Nora.

I swear that's the only one. Which one did you find?

I swear, this city is starting to reject me like a bad organ transplant.

I switched lanes years ago. [Chuckles]

I teach this stuff at one of the best colleges in the country.

I think he moved away.

I think I can live with that.

I think I can solve this crime with math.

I think I know how we can crush these floral arrangements.

I think I probably didn't.

I think I'm gonna say yes.

I think it could come back. But one question.

I think that we have adequately established that Barney is...

I think that's just called a dog.

I think that's why it always hurt...

I think we should break up.

I think we've all noticed a few curious mannerisms.

I think you hate me.

I think you have some big problem with me...

I think you'd need Salvador Dali...

I think you're all gonna want to see.

I thought the oven was Celsius.

I thought violent images wouldn't be good for my future fetus...

I thought you deleted his number.

I thought you didn't even want the job.

I thought you finally got that interview at World Wide News.

I thought you hated GNB.

I told you to steer into the skid. That was bad advice.

I told you. Lily hates you.

I took an introductory karate class.

I totally talked you up to that super hot make up girl Liz.

I tried to, but then this thing popped up on my phone that said, "Are you sure?"

I wanna be cool Aunt Robin...

I wanna fix this, and I don't know how!

I want my crossword day back. Okay?

I want to be confused with you.

I want to get married.

I want to put up a basketball hoop for the kids. Huh?

I want you back.

I want you to be the person I fell in love with.

I want you to meet an old friend of mine from Exeter... George van Smoot.

I want you.

I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared about.

I wanted to see if you'd be my best man.

I was all, like...

I was being Barney's wingman, and I never get to be the wingman.

I was chosen to design the new Manhattan headquarters for Goliath National Bank.

I was gonna make a sandwich with that, Dad.

I was here eight minutes ago.

I was his first.

I was hoping that maybe we could be buddies.

I was hoping you could come over to dinner sometime and meet them.

I was in the park today, and this guy sold me a big bag of...

I was just feeling guilty that I lied to the Captain, and...

I was not aware that you had become a reverend.

I was on the phone with Punchy, my best friend from high school...

I was on the spot. This is your fault.

I was pretty sure I was going to die that night.

I was six. My Uncle Jerry brought me here for the day.

I was talkin' about money.

I was up till, like, 9:30.

I wasn't really sick.

I watched.

I went home, had a shower and went to bed.

I went to visit my dad at his...

I wet myself. Will you change me?

I will answer that.

I will be wearing a World Wide News I.D. badge around my neck.

I will never fire anyone again, ever!

I will never remember this story.

I will not let GNB change me.

I wish I knew you guys back then.

I wish I was the office slut.

I won't bore you with the details...

I wouldn't consider any part of that bragging.

I, Barney Stinson...

I, Barney Stinson...

I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore.

I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore...

I, uh... I hear you're a woman who can get things.

I...

I... [Growls]

I... don't know. [Sobbing]

I... hate you.

I... Heck, they're Koreans!

I... I hate you. Bitch.

I... I recently started giving...

I... I'm trying to be really, um, confident and positive about all this...

I... Well, I mean, not exactly in those...

I'd call you a bored little trophy wife...

I'd give my firstborn to not be able to have children.

I'd like to make an impression on those guys.

I'd like you to wear this heart monitor...

I'd love nothing more than to be a part of your life.

I'd love to meet your parents.

I'd love to stop lying to my friends about you being in a coma.

I'd love to.

I'd love to. I've got this knot in my neck that's so annoying.

I'd say hump her brains out, but someone obviously already has.

I'd say you're not a real New Yorker...

I'll be on the road the rest of the year.

I'll be right back.

I'll call 'em right now!

I'll call Marshall. We'll draw up the contract.

I'll call my dad after Dr. Stangel gives me the thumbs up.

I'll crank up the smooth jazz.

I'll design it for half of what you're paying the other architect.

I'll gladly delete it.

I'll go first. Ted, this house you bought for your hypothetical family is super weird.

I'll just give them more candy and make them a mix CD. Problem solved.

I'll say this. There is no quit in that guy.

I'll say.

I'll show you.

I'll shut 'em down.

I'll take care of Judy.

I'll take you out on the boat sometime. Huh?

I'll tell you that story.

I'll tell you why.

I'll use one for a while, have my fun...

I'm 11.

I'm a dirty, dirty girl.

I'm a professor. Okay?

I'm afraid I have some very bad news, Marshall.

I'm Barney Stinson, and that's... [Bell Tinkles] one to grow on.

I'm begging you, tear me a new one.

I'm being serious. I had no idea that deep down he's such a romantic.

I'm born to be a brewer, a hops meisterl

I'm Cheryl. It's just so, so nice to finally meet you.

I'm committed. I'm riding this wave straight to hell.

I'm credited with inventing the word "furgling."

I'm doing everything right.

I'm done for the day. You can leave him in here all night.

I'm done with that life. No hard feelings?

I'm dyin' out here.

I'm extinct.

I'm fine.

I'm freaking out. Is there a chance that I can't have kids?

I'm from New York. We think getting minors drunk is funny.

I'm Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville.

I'm getting married!

I'm going to the bathroom right now.

I'm going to...

I'm gonna be on Lost. [Giggles]

I'm gonna delete one of your numbers from your phone.

I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom.

I'm gonna fly to Chicago, kill you...

I'm gonna give y'all a bunch of free stuff.

I'm gonna go pee in the jar I got goin' in the alley.

I'm gonna go scrub up. I'll meet you in stall three.

I'm gonna go take a nap.

I'm gonna hit "play." [Inhales]

I'm gonna stop you right there, Marshall.

I'm half *******. Will that be a problem?

I'm happy, and I'm not letting go of that.

I'm here every Thursday.

I'm in a computer, Mom.

I'm James Stinson.

I'm just a corporate lawyer working 60 very un funky hours a week.

I'm just asking you to give me a lot of money to not work here...

I'm just getting over a cold.

I'm just gonna make a quick call.

I'm just not the guy he wanted me to be.

I'm just out with friends.

I'm just worried we can't have children.

I'm just... her daddy.

I'm like John Henry when he beat the steam engine.

I'm literally 11 inches from you.

I'm literally in the wrong year.

I'm never drinking again.

I'm not designing the GNB Tower.

I'm not even here. [Whispering] Randy, the coffee.

I'm not going back either.

I'm not gonna let you do this. When Nora gets back here, I'm blowin' the whistle.

I'm not gonna listen.

I'm not lying to our kids.

I'm not lying to our kids.

I'm not lying.

I'm not ready for this.

I'm not that easy.

I'm on Judy duty.

I'm out in the hallway with...

I'm out of here.

I'm pretty sure that's what stunted my growth.

I'm ready to meet my dad.

I'm really into gardening, but these squirrels keep messing with my tomatoes.

I'm scouting some talent. Pretend we're talking about something important.

I'm serious! Go! Go! Go!

I'm serious. It's a great look.

I'm so glad we can talk about our sex lives now.

I'm so glad we're trying...

I'm so happy my heart's pounding.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Judy.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I've been trying not to stare at your chest all night.

I'm sorry for wasting your time.

I'm sorry I mislead you.

I'm sorry that I lied about wanting to settle down.

I'm sorry, but your son can't be on the team. He's terrible.

I'm sorry, Lily.

I'm sorry, Randy...

I'm sorry, Robin, but you're not a real New Yorker until you've seen Woody Allen.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. 465... No, wait.

I'm sorry. I never apologize.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied.

I'm sorry. Is this 917 456...

I'm sorry. Myth?

I'm sorry. We gotta ration this.

I'm sorry. You did not get a rose.

I'm sure they don't remember.

I'm surprised security didn't stop me on the way in.

I'm takin' the rest of my bonus to God's strip club.

I'm telling you, she's gonna dump me just like she dumped Glitter.

I'm the luckiest man alive."

I'm thinking about giving some money to charity.

I'm trapped on a boat with a madman!

I'm tryin' to eat here, buddy.

I'm trying to reconnect with him after 30 years.

I'm vice girl.

I'm wrong! That wasn't it. They couldn't find a cab.

I'm, uh... I I don't know, washing my hair.

I'm... I'm really happy for you.

I've been going through some pretty difficult stuff.

I've been hit in the nuts a lot.

I've been looking forward to this...

I've been managing tours ever since, and...

I've been meaning to clean out that file cabinet for ages.

I've been meaning to cut back on my caffeine.

I've been pulling away from you, and I'm sorry.

I've been saying that all night just to get in your pants.

I've been thinking about them a lot.

I've been to a couple funerals, so I know my role.

I've gone the way of Jane's Addiction.

I've moved on.

I've never done any of those things.

I've never seen that woman before in my life.

I've never seen that woman before in my life.

I've never seen that woman before in my life.

I've published two nonfiction books about asparagus.

I've seen some things.

I've spent the last six years in this city...

Idiot.

If a baby's on board that train...

If getting fired is an execution, at least the guy had a last meal.

If I can't share her lipstick, there's no point in even going.

If I don't shred it, I could use that money to start my own brewery.

If I have to, you have to.

If I have, like, a Hefner thing goin' on with some really hot twins.

If I wanted to kill you, I'd invite you to my hunting lodge.

If it was some ding dong we didn't know, you'd just give me his name.

If lf you left, I'd have to follow you.

If one's in love with the other.

If Robin's beaver devours six inches of wood every half hour...

If Sam only knew Loretta for a few months, he couldn't possibly be Barney's father.

If she asks you for ketchup, tell her to get it her own damn self.

If there is one thing you never do...

If there was anything more, I wouldn't hang out with her.

If there's one thing you never do...

If there's one thing you never do...

If this picture was taken in North Dakota, then why is our old swing set in the background?

If we were poor and I was trying to save the world.

If you can find a number in there that I don't call regularly...

If you can find a number that I don't need or shouldn't have in here, be my guest.

If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus...

If you don't call those two crazy mixed up kids, I will.

If you ever need a wingman, I'm your guy.

If you find yourself inside the elevator, you've gone too far.

If you get a dog, I'm gonna be the one stuck taking care of it.

If you stand in the right spot...

If you stand right here and you whisper...

If you wanna talk, I'm right here.

If you want to break up with me, just tell it to me straight.

If you weren't so much stronger than me, I would slap you.

If you're coming to Florida this summer.

If you're fertile, um, then that means I'm the problem.

If you're friends with the both of them, then there's not a problem.

If you're gonna be disgusting, we're not watching this, okay?

If you're gonna get it on in a porta potty, do it early in the day.

Imagine a beer with my name on it.

In a five year career of on air reports...

In another generation, so sometimes, totally well meaningly...

In every position imaginable until...

In fact, anything involving saliva is off limits.

In fact, I think I'm...

In fact, uh, we're getting married.

In fact, you don't have to see me. This whole friendship thing... done.

In my kindergarten class, I have had plenty of troublesome students...

In other news...

In the '70s.

In the form of your idiot high school friend?

In the Natural History Museum.

In the north pole for the next three months.

In the sense that a single bullet...

In those four column inches, she railed against me and my company, GNB...

In your mom's pants. Trick! She's old.

Incredible lover. [Chuckles]

Independent woman I've ever banged.

Instead, Nora took care of Barney.

Interesting. Show your work.

Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts.

Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts. Exactly!

Into a foxy fish babe...

Into what I'm pretty sure is a tantric sex temple.

Involving any light based firearm activity in the tri state area.

Iock you in the coatroom over winter break...

Is "send them downtown" not an expression for shredding a document?

Is a misguided waste of time.

Is anyone else suddenly craving green eggs and ham?

Is Barney's favorite things!

Is being led by Trey "the Noogie Machine" Platt.

Is gonna sound a little weird...

Is gonna stand in the way of tonight being legen...

Is I have but one life to lose for my country.

Is Loretta.

Is not to crush the floral arrangements.

Is pretty psyched to have...

Is Scherpoopie pitching a story about manure?

Is she comin' tonight? Not that I really care.

Is smiling.

Is that the name of the stripper you been e mailing me about?

Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick?

Is there, like, another option? Can I... Can I take this home?

Is this a porno?

Is this okay? Am I hurting you?

Is this real? Is this really happening?

Is what I'm gonna say when I'm stabbing you.

Is your friend... What's her name? Gobin, Flabin?

Is your lifelong dream.

Isn't England.

Isn't it great? They just showed up.

Isn't that right, Tugboat? Yeah.

It all started a few nights earlier.

It all started with a pregnancy test.

It balances out the spiciness of the jal...

It broke my heart.

It crawled off into my bedroom.

It doesn't hold a candle to your Crocodile Dundee thing.

It gives me the freedom to see any doctor I want.

It got so bad that eventually the manatees out in the water...

It had been a rough year for Robin.

It had to be the contractor. Barney, come on. Back me up.

It happened much, much later, when Lily was pregnant.

It happened.

It is a sweet song about friendship, and you guys are being disgusting!

It is call a woman fat right to her face.

It is headed straight back to Manatee City...

It is like looking into a poorly dressed mirror.

It is not the same as giving birth.

It is so much sluttier than the office Christmas party.

It is the uppest a person could ever suit.

It is... it is very unlikely that you'll be able to father a child.

It just... ended.

It literally skipped a beat.

It means fumbling for keys.

It means that a fertilized egg has not yet attached itself...

It needed a lot of work, but I had a vision for it.

It reminded me of the owl footage. Genius.

It represents the spirit of adventure.

It requires a level of connection...

It seemed like Aunt Lily could only talk about one thing... babies.

It seemed like something we all needed.

It should.

It sounds like he might just be telling you what you want to hear.

It sucks!

It sucks!

It sucks!

It took a lot of "char acter" to admit that.

It took courage to send me that letter.

It took me years before I was even able...

It was 300 years ago.

It was a peaceful moment of closure.

It was creepy watching Barney talk like a little kid.

It was no coinkydink.

It was recently made clear to me...

It was that day.

It was the opportunity every architect dreams about.

It was uncanny how often we saw this guy.

It wasn't a date.

It will have never not happened.

It, uh, starts in Narnia. It works its way up to Candy Land.

It's a Canadian telephone pole.

It's a Christmas themed movie snack.

It's a clown car.

It's a date. We should get going.

It's a noble creature.

It's a pocket dial.

It's a thing. You owe me 500 bucks.

It's a two piece. I mean, can you imagine?

It's a... a heart monitor.

It's always a little girl... or twin girls who speak in unison.

It's attended by some of the most powerful...

It's bad enough to have to go through a horrible breakup.

It's Barney. Help me!

It's Barney. Wow.

It's because I'm in love with Zoey...

It's Becky. Aw, she's trapped in a revolving door.

It's been 243 days since we've seen another living soul.

It's call a woman fat right to her face!

It's call a woman fat right to her face!

It's doing a nice job covering up that chair.

It's either this story you're telling me...

It's embarrassing, it's uncomfortable, and it can affect anyone.

It's far more remote...

It's gonna be positive. Eriksen men are hella fertile.

It's hard to be around you.

It's her heart.

It's just a lot to go through in one afternoon.

It's just bad camera work, okay?

It's just I saw you on the news...

It's just this new Marshall... corporate Marshall...

It's just, the last time my best friend had a baby...

It's just, uh...

It's just...

It's like every word out of her mouth...

It's like I have a hot, burning ball of stress in my chest...

It's like if someone's never seen The Karate Kid...

It's like my old G. I. Joes are frozen in some weird Vietnam flashback.

It's like three of the same guy.

It's like we're on a desert island and this video is a really hot, naked chick...

It's like when your car slides on ice. You steer into the skid.

It's like you're admitting they're gone forever.

It's like... It's all you ever talk about, Lily, and I'm sick of it!

It's making me nervous.

It's my building.

It's my cab! It's my cab!

It's negative.

It's nice to be needed.

It's nice to be wanted, okay?

It's none of that.

It's not a move, dude.

It's not a move, dude. The senior partners were getting impatient.

It's not crazy at all. I'm the same way.

It's not fair to the other boys. But that's okay.

It's not gonna happen with you and me.

It's not her nose that's in my ass, Lily.

It's not like Ted can just ghost out on her. She'll always be around.

It's not that easy, okay?

It's not what it sounds like, folks.

It's nothing.

It's okay, little darlin'.

It's okay. College Lily thinks those are orgasms.

It's okay. We got hot dogs.

It's one of the most sophisticated pieces...

It's only once you've stopped...

It's positive? It's positive?

It's positive.

It's probably nothing to worry about, but...

It's Rachel, isn't it?

It's Robin Sparkles 3, y'all.

It's some way of giving ourselves the illusion...

It's the cream cheese.

It's this awesome site where students can go say...

It's time to grow up.

It's time to let go of the fantasies.

It's to get the groom down the aisle.

It's too late. I'm already wrapped around a hydro pole.

It's true... she wouldn't see Woody Allen for another couple months...

It's what I do.

It's you.

It's... Can you just give us a couple of minutes?

It's... I know you hate babies.

J J Jerky... Jerkface?

J.J. gets a childhood, a dad, a real family and a basketball hoop?

J.J. stands for Jerome Jr.

J.J., dinner!

J.J., I'm talkin' to Dad right now. God!

J.J.'s a heck of a basketball player.

James Earl Jones, Meadowlark Lemon.

Jamie.

Jeremy, no!

Jeremy.

Jerome Jr?

Jerry.

Jerry's my uncle. [Snorts]

Jessica Glitter?

Johnny! Johnny!

Johnny?

Judging from the results of your test...

Judy, do you need a break? I'm happy to cook for a while.

Judy's finally sleeping, and it's all because of me.

July 23, 1981.

Junior high. Elementary school. Remember those?

Just by holding her hand too tight in the backseat of a car.

Just cresting and breaking for hours and hours, blah, blah, blah.

Just don't put too much pressure on it.

Just get excited, okay?

Just give me a second. Okay?

Just keep smiling. Maybe wave.

Just kind of gullible.

Just last week, I was talking to Arthur.

Just make sure it's not a high frequency whistle...

Just one, "Dr. Stangel." Where'd you get the beard?

Just picture it.

Just put the pointy end into the grooves.

Just remember, I have got dirt on each of you and I am not afraid to spill it.

Just ribbing among long Iost brothers.

Just take a look around. This is pretty high class.

Just tell me who you slept with.

Just the two of them.

Just thought you should know that.

Just to make sure we're on the same page...

Just to make sure, I'm gonna pee on this again.

Just to put up a stupid bank headquarters?

Just watch it without me.

Just we all got super busy and...

Just, like, an hour ago when we were leaving work...

Keep it.

Key Ted Mosby's car.

Key Ted Mosby's car.

Kick it.

Kidding.

Kids, I'm officially admitting defeat.

Kids, it was a big bag of sandwiches.

Kind of a coincidence there happens to be...

Knowing that downstairs Kris Kringle is stuffing their stockings full of joy...

L l I'll never be sure that Dr. Stangel isn't him.

L l... [Sighs]

Last night after admitting defeat, I just let myself go.

Last night, I was watching TV, and it turns out...

Last night? 8:30.

Last seat. Thank God.

Last week, I saw Maury Povich.

Later today a Manhattan architect gets punched in the throat.

Later tonight, I'm hoping to be on Nora. Right?

Lawyered.

Lawyered.

Lawyered.

Lawyered.

Lead the way.

Leave a message after the beep. We'll get back to ya.

Leave the model of the vagina.

Left side. Oh, and right outside...

Let me guess.

Let's call her Vodka.

Let's dance.

Let's get that goin'.

Let's go get some tail.

Let's go outside for a second.

Let's have dinner together, just the two of us.

Let's hope Santa brings you a girlfriend this year, Teddy.

Let's just call it a tie, forget about the race, head back to the bar.

Let's just forget about it. Who cares?

Let's leave. Then the waving will make sense.

Let's see what happens.

Letting go of that dream was the best decision I ever made.

Lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child.

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

Life's too short for chatty chicks.

Lighten up, Robin. What'd you do, sweetheart?

Like I did with Johnny Marley.

Like I said, the fight was just getting started.

Like Johnny Marley.

Like Like, Tugboat here. Awww.

Like that patriotic dude, Nathan Hale, from third grade history?

Like that's gonna get my sympathy.

Like the producers of Milky Way Mathletes tried to.

Like when we tell Ted he'll meet the right girl and settle down.

Like, uh, Electric Company or Sesame Street or, um...

Lily hates you.

Lily really needed a win that day.

Lily was hurt by Barney.

Lily, at our apartment...

Lily, come on. We don't even know that's what happened.

Lily, how can I convince you that this is not Barney?

Lily, how could you do...

Lily, I don't want to get into it, okay?

Lily, I guess that leaves just you and me. Wanna hang?

Lily, I have been with Barney since 9:00 a.m.

Lily, my students are adults, and I treat them that way.

Lily, ruling. Do I have to stop hanging out with Zoey?

Lily, there's no easy way to say this. Marshall's dead.

Lily, this is a number that you will never dial again.

Lily, we are living with a possum.

Lily, we have to relax. There's no need to panic.

Lily, we have to relax. There's no need to panic.

Lily, you're a psychopath.

Lily? It's Dad.

Lily.

Lily's right, Ted.

Listen to me.

Listen to me. There is no Yourson, North Dakota.

Listen to this.

Listen, I'm sort of in jail for not paying taxes for the last 25 years...

Listen, Randy, I'm sorry...

Listen, Robin, I know. I apologize for my wife. She never should have...

Listen, Ted, um, I gotta tell you somethin' about Zoey.

Listen, Zoey, I, um...

Listen.

Listen.

Little bit.

Lobby stuff.

Long story short...

Long story short...

Long time.

Look at 'em.

Look at the sign.

Look at this crib.

Look at us. Huh? In tuxedos.

Look, he seems happy. Seems like a nice guy.

Look, I can't do business with people who lie to me.

Look, I didn't get shot down.

Look, I don't hate all of it. Tonight's fun.

Look, I gotta get goin', Jerry.

Look, I know the city better than any of you guys, okay?

Look, I know this is hard to understand...

Look, I know you didn't mean...

Look, I know you don't care about this stuff...

Look, I like Zoey.

Look, I may not see him a lot, but it doesn't matter.

Look, I met him. He's not my kind of bro, and that's that.

Look, I'm not proud.

Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.

Look, if you're really worried...

Look, Lily, I know that you would have been okay...

Look, Lily, Robin is clearly getting tired of you constantly talking about babies.

Look, Ted, you just have to learn to embrace their hatred...

Look, think of it this way.

Look, you... Wait, wait. Robin, hold on.

Look, Zoey...

Look. Barney, I know I screwed up.

Look. If you...

Look. It's been 30 years.

Look...

Looking smart. Have a wonderful time tonight, okay?

Looks like it's just you, me and six hours in frigid international waters.

Looks like rain out here!

Looks like someone's goin' out in the cold to get more ketchup.

Looks like that French maid didn't turn down somebody's bed.

Looks like your dad came through one last time.

Lord knows I could use a friend right now.

Loretta. [Chuckling]

Loud and clear.

Love, Postmaster General."

Loving the dirty talk. You know what's even hotter?

Lubricant is public property.

Luis, Barney Stinson, 12H. I got a hundred bucks if you can be here in five. Thanks.

Machines are overrated, and someone needs to take them down a peg.

Made him a true architectural "chama lee on."

Majestic.

Makes you wanna be, like, "Oh, Honey."

Man versus sea. You can do this.

Man, GNB's benefits package is so comprehensive...

Man, I thought I was a light skinned Caucasian...

Man, I wish me and my dad were as close as you guys are.

Man, the courtside Knicks seats that are available...

Man, this is great.

Man, try to hail a cab in Manhattan.

Man. Every time I take out my business card and women see the GNB logo...

Man. I always thought I had it rough...

Mark my words, Marshall. Someday you will find Iris so excruciatingly attractive...

Marni, flip that coin.

Marshall and Barney here are the future of Goliath National Bank.

Marshall and Lily are doing something meaningful...

Marshall Eriksen does not fire people, period.

Marshall Eriksen, you could use a laugh!

Marshall Eriksen's office.

Marshall got the results of his test.

Marshall popped his cherry!

Marshall said, "I have to pee."

Marshall, Barney, there you are.

Marshall, do you know how the myth of mermaids came to be?

Marshall, do you remember the last thing your father said to you?

Marshall, I gotta go.

Marshall, I'm goin' to Byerly's. You want anything?

Marshall, it's cool. She doesn't see it.

Marshall, just tell them what's going on.

Marshall, no. No, I... I just saw that board of specials.

Marshall, we do some pretty bad things around here, but I don't...

Marshall, we just named our baby.

Marshall, what a memorable talk we had yesterday.

Marshall, your list is entirely boy names.

Marshall, your secretary's mermaid clock starts right...

Marshall!

Marshall! Marshall, get in.

Marshall? Marshall, are you coming?

Marshall. [Sniffles]

Marshall's mom hasn't eaten...

Maury... Povich.

Maybe adoption.

Maybe because I'm, uh, smart, talented, professional.

Maybe for the same reason that I kept saying that I could run seven miles.

Maybe I did oversell you a bit.

Maybe I should feel weird...

Maybe the security guy had it wrong.

Maybe trashin' your office was a mistake.

Maybe we shouldn't have brought these sloppy joes.

Maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all.

Maybe winning this race was just what she needed.

Maybe you have a good friend who could loan you some sperm.

Maybe you should go visit him, cheer him up a little.

Maybe you should try hanging out with Robin and not talking about babies.

Me in a two piece bathing suit at my age? Just picture it.

Me too.

Me too.

Me too.

Me too. We went for a hike in the snow and had this amazing talk.

Me? You dragged me into this?

Members of the G 8 convened today in Vienna...

Mermaids.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

Michael Jackson sent me this glove for my 10th...

Mike?

Mike? Can I get in the shot?

Milk and lutefisk? Santa doesn't get cookies in Minnesota?

Milk?

Mislead? You lied to me! You had your friends lie to me!

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. Where's the poop, Robin?

Mm mmm.

Mmm!

Mmm!

Mmm! Mmm!

Mmm! Oh, boy, it's so tasty.

Mmm! That looks so good. Can I have some?

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mom addressed this and never sent it.

Mom, Dad, this is Barney.

Mom, Dad. Uh, what are you doing here?

Mom, there's something that I need to ask you...

Mom, who's Sam Gibbs?

Mom! Get off the phone!

Mom! Hang up!

More clearly than he ever had before.

More courage than I've ever had.

Most of the time, it's just too difficult...

Mr. Stamina himself.

Ms. Aldrin, please just put your feet on the stirrups.

Much like our friends, the Space Teens...

Mummies playing poker, penguins stickin' out of volcanoes...

My answer's no.

My apartment building is so safe.

My body's been letting me down...

My class had the highest attendance ever.

My class loves me. I am really makin' an impression on those guys.

My dad could beat up your dad.

My dad was my hero.

My dad was the one who taught me all that stuff.

My dad's dead?

My dad's dead?

My dad's funny.

My dad's last words to me were a string of...

My daughter in Chicago just went into labor.

My daughter, Carly. She's in college.

My father's last words to me are "I love you."

My father's last words to me are "I love you."

My friend's dad passed away from a sudden heart attack...

My friends and I decided to go see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen.

My God, Robin...

My God!

My landlord, he even installed a security camera in my shower.

My last day with Pop, he taught my son how to skate.

My last talk with Marvin...

My last words with Marvin were lovely.

My letter from the postmaster general.

My mom got pretty mad that he let me destroy a New York City landmark.

My mother is selling the house I grew up in.

My mother meant to send you this.

My only regret...

My phone's been out of juice, so he must have called me the day that he, uh...

My prom date?

My sperm is fine!

My visit to a certain Dr. Stangel.

Nah, I got a thing.

Naked push ups. Naked chin ups. I was at dinner.

Nate Scooberman, but everyone calls me Scooby.

Nay, bro workers?

Neat & Discreet Adult Diapers...

Never date a girl with a hook for a hand.

Never go out with the same girl more than once.

Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel...

Never thought I'd say that sentence.

Never, ever, ever meet a girl's parents.

New York's premiere Canadian bar, the Hoser Hut.

Next time we go to Great Adventure...

Next time you step on a kindergarten teacher's neck...

Nice having some of this clutter off my desk...

Nice order. Up top.

Nice.

No architect would ever design a giant exposed vent...

No candles.

No hablo inglés. ¿ Quién es?

No lying to the spouse about anything you do.

No matter how initially repugnant...

No More Than Five Minutes Ago Museum." Huh?

No one around for miles.

No one will ever find its mangled remains...

No problem.

No rush.

No sharing food.

No surprise there.

No, Barney. I'm never gonna talk to my dad again.

No, Barney... Doctor, wait. Please.

No, because you're on the bottom of the sea.

No, before that.

No, cheerful.

No, don't wavel That makes no sensel

No, I didn't feel like you needed me at all.

No, I don't mean that Charity.

No, I don't. I mean, I I know I said I did...

No, I got him fixed, and he calmed down.

No, I I'm a driving instructor up in White Plains.

No, I most certainly am not.

No, I'm gonna show everyone this embarrassing video of you.

No, I'm just kidding. This is great.

No, if I wanted to make it personal...

No, it it's all good fun.

No, it's not.

No, it's not. It's fun. Here, watch this.

No, it's...

No, just a $30 gift card to Costa Coffee.

No, look, baby, I yanked on his beard. He checks out.

No, more like ex best friends. Just like you.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. There's a room at the end of the hall.

No, no. I didn't say "He a dawg."

No, no. Me first.

No, of course not. It's a two day job.

No, Santa needs protein.

No, she actually said that.

No, she is not my daughter.

No, sir. I'm saying instead of getting rid of someone when they screw up...

No, that doesn't make sense.

No, that wasn't the lie.

No, they won't. They're gonna think...

No, um, I'll be... I'll be right back.

No, wait. I'm wrong.

No, what is it?

No, you know what? Don't erase the tape.

No, you pent up old perv. I brought you a present.

No, you're right, Robin. We don't want your new guy to flee.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! [Groans]

No! It's my ice cream. You can't have any.

No! No!

No! No! No!

No? Are you kidding me?

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. [Chuckling] No, I'm not.

No. And here's why.

No. Because you slept with her on Halloween.

No. He's been doing it...

No. I am done with this city. It wins.

No. I know why Randy is smiling.

No. I was returning a hot dog costume that you all enjoyed.

No. I'm allowed to say either.

No. I'm cute.

No. It's called manners, jerk.

No. It's not. Not anymore.

No. No!

No. No. I at least get the hoop. I'm taking it with me.

No. No. I cannot go back to that strip club.

No. No. We're gonna play another gig again, probably really soon.

No. None of those.

No. Rugged. No...

No. Sandy... how dare he laugh at you?

No. Sir, that is what's wrong with this company.

No. Ted, you want to do this, okay?

No. Unacceptable.

No. We made a binding covenant with the universe.

No. You can't do that on television.

No. You just need to spend time with her and the Captain together.

No. You were right.

No. You're not a real New Yorker until you've cried on the subway...

No. You're not a real New Yorker until you've killed a cockroach with your bare hands.

Nobody cares what you did yesterday.

Nobody could pick up a chick wearing that thing.

None of us heard from Zoey for a while.

None of you do.

Nope. No one's stoppin' for this.

Nora, wait, wait.

Not because you threw up when they turned the lights off at the planetarium.

Not entirely.

Not Esther.

Not even God himself...

Not Jamie!

Not Johnny.

Not me. I caught on early.

Not really knowing my dad, but...

Not Rob.

Not Ryan.

Not so fast.

Not Tara.

Not Tara. Tara was the hottest girl in my high school.

Not today I wasn't.

Not weight, height.

Not with an Eriksen.

Nothing beats the immediacy of live theater!

Nothing. I just wanna win this really badly.

November 5, 6, 7 at the Farhampton Civic Center.

Now am I fired?

Now hold on. Let me ask him a question.

Now I realize at least I'll never have to suffer like this.

Now I'm thinking my parents lied to me.

Now it's at 50 meters... complete, crushing blackness.

Now it's personal.

Now you can have a Wharmpess at every bar in America.

Now you get it, right? [Mouthing Words]

Now, Arthur, your turn.

Now, can we all just admit that last words...

Now, get in there, point Lily due north...

Now, historically they had three solid conversation topics:

Now, how about those sloppy joes?

Now, I hate to stop while I'm on a roll...

Now, in some rare cases...

Now, kids, I knew I was a good professor.

Now, kids, when your friends have great news, you're happy for them...

Now, there will be voices that tell you a hockey rink on the roof is unfeasible.

Now, uh, can you get this freak outta here? I'm really scared.

Now, what's goin' on in New York? Give me something.

Now, why don't you pretend you're in high school...

Now, you, you do your part from Guys and Dolls.

Number one: Avoid lemons.

Nursery's painted.

O, do you take One to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Observe.

Observe.

Obviously, I'm the problem.

Odd racial stereotypes.

Of acoustical design in the world.

Of all the words you could use to describe La Sagrada Família...

Of course not.

Of course, it wouldn't last forever...

Of course.

Of course.

Of course. Robin hates kids.

Of his father, Jerome Whittaker."

Of my second in command... my son.

Of natural artifacts in the Western Hemisphere...

Of the 36 hours we all thought Lily was pregnant...

Of the former mayor of Yourson, North Dakota, on a Sunday afternoon.

Of who? Santa's elves? Rudolph?

Off my ass.

Oh Oh, by the way, Marshall, we do need to know...

Oh, "screwed up" doesn't even begin to describe...

Oh, B T Dubs, the receptionist... what's her situation?

Oh, baby, what's wrong?

Oh, baby, you were also gonna run over Ted.

Oh, bite me! [Crying]

Oh, bother.

Oh, but you find it irresistible when Becky does?

Oh, change of plans.

Oh, Christmas themed movie snack. Nice.

Oh, come on, Lily. Nobody stays friends with their high school friends.

Oh, come on, man. I brought the wine.

Oh, come on. Arthur can't remember that.

Oh, come on. If we jump in a cab, we'll be there in 15 minutes.

Oh, come on. That wasn't my fault.

Oh, crap. Lily's having a baby, and I'm having a panic attack.

Oh, damn, that's smooth.

Oh, dear. I thought I told you that's just not gonna fit in there.

Oh, dude.

Oh, easy for you to say. Everybody loves you at your job.

Oh, Esther gets naked, but she doesn't dance.

Oh, for the love of God, guys. Enough already.

Oh, geez.

Oh, God, I hate these situations.

Oh, God, I never should have said no!

Oh, God, I'm freakin' out.

Oh, God, it's 8:00. We're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate.

Oh, God, you found one of the cameras.

Oh, God! It's a 917 number, and I don't recognize it. I think it's Zoey.

Oh, God! You're dating one of my students.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. I gotta go.

Oh, God. I have been craving this burger all day.

Oh, God. Okay, listen. When we meet them, we have to keep it together.

Oh, God. Tell me those aren't the names of your fists.

Oh, God. Tell me you didn't go over there.

Oh, God. This happens every time I get an erection.

Oh, God. This is so good.

Oh, got it.

Oh, great. Now you're crying.

Oh, he hates 'em.

Oh, he... Oh, y yeah.

Oh, here comes our new Hardfire host.

Oh, hey! It's my friends!

Oh, Honey!

Oh, honey.

Oh, honey.

Oh, Honey.

Oh, honey.

Oh, honey.

Oh, Honey.

Oh, Honey.

Oh, honey. He's not ashamed of you.

Oh, I actually think he's quite intelligent for what he is.

Oh, I am so sorry.

Oh, I bet it was an incredible journey.

Oh, I can't tell you about that.

Oh, I don't know. How do we know Barney?

Oh, I got it!

Oh, I I thought we were...

Oh, I know that move.

Oh, I know.

Oh, I know. I was a real hard partyer.

Oh, I should go. Lily, can I talk to you for a second?

Oh, I would love to.

Oh, I'm just jesting for sport.

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't hear you...

Oh, it gives us a rare insight into the makings of Barney Stinson.

Oh, it's good. You see, after that night...

Oh, it's just this beautiful old building...

Oh, laugh it up now...

Oh, Lily, I'm sorry. Hey, you wanna see a magic trick?

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, Marshall, I stopped by that new doughnut shop, Hertz Doughnuts.

Oh, Marshall, you only think you're happy. Just wait.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! I found Scooby's wallet!

Oh, my God! You're not even pregnant yet!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Barney's dad.

Oh, my God. I can't wait to see this movie. I hear it's really scary.

Oh, my God. I told you there was nothing to worry about.

Oh, my God. It's the beaver song. Okay, which one of you put this on?

Oh, my God. Look at this.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That took you five seconds.

Oh, my God. This is...

Oh, my God. You have a monocle.

Oh, my God. You're a natural.

Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't do that.

Oh, no, thank you. I brew my own.

Oh, no, that... It says "Yourson."

Oh, no! That means the poor guy's out there with no identification.

Oh, no. He's very open about that. That's Gregory. Nice guy.

Oh, no. I got called back into work.

Oh, no. I've already written four zeros.

Oh, no. Not just someone. A six year old.

Oh, none for him.

Oh, not that one. That's my dojo.

Oh, oh.

Oh, okay, well, I'll go handle your parents...

Oh, okay, you guys, you're a little too close to the camera.

Oh, really? Then how come whenever there's a creepy kid in a horror movie...

Oh, right. Beautiful old building.

Oh, Robin didn't stop being friends with me.

Oh, Robin.

Oh, so you finally agreed on a name.

Oh, Ted, I'm so busy.

Oh, Ted, that's ridiculous.

Oh, Teddy Westside can bring it. We know this.

Oh, Teddy, you are so gonna spread your legs and design that building.

Oh, thank God. I keep thinking there's something wrong with me.

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, that girl's extremely attractive.

Oh, that's cool.

Oh, that's Jessica Glitter.

Oh, that's right. You didn't. Barney did.

Oh, that's your coat, Barney. I just took it from you.

Oh, the baby thing.

Oh, the brown one or the gray one?

Oh, the offer still stands.

Oh, there you are. Robin, I owe you a huge apology.

Oh, this is bad news.

Oh, um...

Oh, wait. But she might stop by later.

Oh, wait. Just the two of you?

Oh, was it that long?

Oh, well, I'll let you take that. Love you, baby.

Oh, well, what about Chucky?

Oh, well. Now we all know you make excuses.

Oh, what a hottie, huh?

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a coin flip bimbo.

Oh, yeah? What'd you say?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Bjorney.

Oh, yeah. He had, like, a four foot vertical leap.

Oh, yeah. He's such a sweet guy.

Oh, yeah. Whatever.

Oh, yikes. I better get Mr. Messy a napkin.

Oh, you didn't hear? She's the office slut.

Oh, you know what, dear?

Oh, you know, how funny you are.

Oh, you remember Trey. I'll go grab him.

Oh, you should've heard him at dinner.

Oh, you want to make this personal?

Oh, you're takin' it easy. Crazy night?

Oh!

Oh! Barney's got feelings for a girl.

Oh! Oh, everyone thinks it's so easy.

Oh! Okay. Okay.

Oh! Sweet.

Oh! That's good. No, no, no.

Oh! That's so sad.

Oh! The horse died.

Oh! Uh, thank you.

Oh! Well, in that case.

Oh! You gotta see this boat.

Oh! Zoey. There you are.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. [Chuckles]

Oh. Can I do this one about the horse?

Oh. Hey, Marshall.

Oh. Hey, Robin. It's you.

Oh. Hey, wow. Back already.

Oh. Honey... Zoey's cousin.

Oh. It's my dad.

Oh. Nice.

Oh. That reminds me...

Oh. Well, uh, I also really liked your outdoor stripper pole idea.

Oh. You know, we're actually kind of relieved.

Ohhh, Honey.

Ohl Looks like I've been calling you for almost five minutes.

Okay, but you have to admit that he is a lot of fun.

Okay, calm down, Teddy. He's not jealous.

Okay, can we skip this part, please?

Okay, everyone, lunch is ready.

Okay, everything looks fine here.

Okay, get that camera outta my face...

Okay, girls.

Okay, guys, come on! It's a kid show.

Okay, hang on. What did she say?

Okay, honestly, I've never thought about having a girl.

Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbageman.

Okay, I can fix this. I am all over this project.

Okay, I did a bad thing last night.

Okay, I get that he's mad at me for turning down the job, but acting like I'm not even here?

Okay, I left Don another message.

Okay, I think that we're done here.

Okay, if you really think...

Okay, if you were new in town and had just ingested an eighth of sandwich...

Okay, it's not porn. It's a kid show.

Okay, just ignore your feelings.

Okay, let's not go there, Scherbatsky. That's a whole other thing.

Okay, Lily, you sound about as convincing as you did...

Okay, Lily...

Okay, look, Lily, what do you want from me?

Okay, maybe eventually I could settle down...

Okay, maybe that night we weren't the skinniest of felines.

Okay, Mother, I'll see you tonight.

Okay, no holds barred. What'd you think of Becky?

Okay, no offense, Dad...

Okay, none of this suggests a systemic issue. Your heart's fine.

Okay, now we're even.

Okay, now you're being ridiculous.

Okay, okay, so you're afraid...

Okay, Robin, what you need is indeed something that buries a bone.

Okay, Scooby. You ready?

Okay, seriously, how are you doing that?

Okay, so it's a pocket dial.

Okay, so let's just drop it. All right?

Okay, Space Teens, let's multiply.

Okay, Ted. The thermos.

Okay, that... That right there...

Okay, that's also a made up word.

Okay, that's it. I am going back to Dr. Stangel...

Okay, this is clearly a sign.

Okay, time to go home.

Okay, time to go home.

Okay, uh, I think I see what the problem is.

Okay, uh, let me get this straight.

Okay, we're all done.

Okay, well, it was a long time ago, okay?

Okay, well, l l I guess there's no use hiding it anymore.

Okay, well, think about it. We've seen his moves countless times.

Okay, well...

Okay, yes. Judy and I aren't besties...

Okay, you win.

Okay, you're the one who put the Far Side calendar up over the toilet.

Okay! I made a list of awesome baby names.

Okay? Closure doesn't exist.

Okay? I don't like it either.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. A: He was a doll.

Okay. Back to the G 8 conference.

Okay. But a screwdriver?

Okay. Convinced.

Okay. Hey, you guys see Deadliest Catch last night?

Okay. I learned that word by reading it.

Okay. I promise I won't lie to her.

Okay. If it's that easy...

Okay. Now I feel bad about making fun of him for the tool thing.

Okay. Okay, here is a Christmas card that Jessica sent Robin.

Okay. Okay, who is responsible for this?

Okay. So, before you Lily all over the place...

Okay. That seems easy.

Okay. That's ridiculous.

Okay. Time's up. What are we talkin' about?

Okay. Um, uh, where you stayin'?

Okay. Your turn.

Okay... One day, Don and I are moving in together...

On one condition.

On the back, Mom wrote "Your son."

On the main stage, give it up for Estherl

On the main stage, give it up for Marshall's daughter.

On the main stage, throwing her life away...

Once a mermaid gets pregnant, she becomes a manatee again.

Once mermaid ified, there's only one way a woman can go back to being unattractive again.

Once you're married, it's very hard to be friends...

One for It's a Wonderful Life, please.

One of these days, Marshall is gonna quit his job...

One time Barney saw me drop a calzone on the sidewalk...

One time when I was a kid, this room was closed for cleaning...

One time, a kid knocked down the blue whale.

Only three.

Only to find yourself...

Only way I know how, Doc.

Only way I know how.

Ooh wee! Ooh wee! Ooh wee!

Ooh, I love this exhibit.

Ooh, ooh.

Ooh, sweetie, I totally understand. Delete it!

Ooh! Ooh! Is the Arcadian Greek Revival?

Ooh. A cradle list.

Ooh. Ahhh. Oh, that's not bad.

Ooh. And let me know if you find my foot cream.

Oop, here she is.

Oop. I got this.

Oops! Wrong room.

Oops.

Or another game of Clue against myself.

Or Gil.

Or sad or... or you know what... or maybe a little bit cheated...

Or that it's been co opted by the lesbian community.

Or the office Tu B'shvat pajama jammy jam.

Or too expensive or too scary.

Or under Nora. Right?

Or was it that other thing?

Or we could stay on dry land...

Or, uh, rather, dog erisms.

Or, uh, we could just let him have this one.

Or... Or cost saving alternative...

Or... We're all adults. I'll just say it.

Orgasms so intense you just black out.

Our baby heard The Jerky Boys!

Our baby's name is...

Our DVR won't recognize it as a television program.

Our friends Stuart and Claudia had a baby...

Our next video is called " German Shepherd Activates Tennis Ball Cannon...

Our whole world was going to be turned upside down.

Outdoor stripper pole.

Outside in your wait... the kitchen.

Ow!

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Oy.

Packing up your mom's house?

Papa, I want you to meet my new boyfriend.

Papa!

Peace talks in the region...

Peonies, lavender blossoms with a halo of baby's breath...

Perfect. Perfect.

Period!

Pick it up and then keep eating it.

Picture it.

Please pack up your knives and go.

Please stop.

Please tell me you're not hooking up with one of your co anchors again.

Please, and, Barney, no more videos, okay? I'm just...

Please, enjoy yourselves. Have fun.

Please, if you guys really want me to get over the worst tragedy in my life...

Please, tell me what I can do! I'll do anything!

Please.

Please. I'm desperate.

Plus, I can run faster than a bus.

Plus, you're stubborn and and argumentative.

Poo poo platter.

Poo poo.

Poof!

Pool sounds brilliant.

Poor guy lives in a tiny apartment in New York nowhere near Times Square.

Posititochetochmecochapopocha.

Positive.

Post divorce bachelor pad.

Poughkeepsie, for example.

Pow!

Preferably with a partner...

Probably not, baby.

Problem is only one of you can be my partner.

Problem? You can't get a girl pregnant. That's the dream.

Prove it. "Delete contact."

Pssh. Why would I do that? I'll see him at poker on Tuesday.

Puffy cheeks. Smudged mascara.

Pulling over.

Punchy, the tribe has spoken.

Punchy, what are ya doin' here?

Punchy's here in the flesh. So why don't we get one of these, Ted? Yeah.

Put your stupid face on a deep dish pizza...

Question one.

Rachel, why aren't you in class?

Randy doesn't need to be fired. He needs to be fixed.

Randy has a unique condition.

Randy murdered him.

Randy used his severance money to start a little brewery.

Randy Wharmpess, this is the best day of your life.

Randy, did you send the Hermanson contracts downtown?

Randy, great news.

Randy, on behalf of everyone at GNB...

Randy?

Randy. Hey, what's goin' on?

Ranjit, screw Gregor's. Let's go to Coney Island.

Real classy, James. Real classy.

Really easy. [Chuckles]

Really, dude. Bravo.

Really, guys? At a funeral?

Really, Lily?

Really?

Really? I seem to recall...

Really? That's your takeaway? Nothing on the bear in the bra?

Really.

Rebel proof building in Manhattan.

Recognize this?

Reindeer are obviously f f freal.

Remember these? High school.

Remember when his Swedish cousin came to visit?

Remember when she was touching your arm and leaning in real close?

Remember, this guy ruined your life.

Remembering exactly what their fight was about.

Remote control helicopters!

Rent Crocodile Dundee 3.

Rex is violent. And he hates us.

Right after I denied the man a pork chop. Oh, God.

Right alongside sleek, modern flatirons.

Right around the time she and Robin stopped being friends.

Right before the picture too.

Right now!

Right out of his hand.

Right over a Death Star's core reactor.

Right then and there we realized how stupid we were being.

Right? It's...

Right? Just look at her. She's clearly a...

Right? Right?

Righteous hair tab, brother!

Righty tighty, lefty loosey.

Rising cost of jet fuel?

Robin hates you.

Robin said, "To hell with this, I'm outta h hare."

Robin, a single guy and a married woman cannot be friends...

Robin, aside from that coin, this is the other thing that's flipping right now.

Robin, did you know that "boutonniere" is French for "booty is near"?

Robin, have you forgotten about your New Year's resolution?

Robin, how can I possibly live up to that review?

Robin, I just want you to know...

Robin, I'm an attorney.

Robin, it's fine. You said you wanted a dog, and you got one.

Robin, listen. Here's what you need to do.

Robin, little help here.

Robin, the north pole is a real place.

Robin, this is Sandy Rivers.

Robin, this show is so dirty...

Robin, you better check yourself...

Robin! Hey, hey, um, remember Scooby?

Robin? Like, how I think about her when I'm in the shower?

Robin.

Robin. Reindeer... real or fake?

Rotating Vietnamese shame wheel right here.

Rule number one...

Rule number two:

Sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship.

Sam and James began to discover how much they had in common.

Sam Gibbs might be.

Sam is not your father.

Sam... Uh, Father.

Sandwiches make me hungry.

Sandy Rivers?

Save for the crustacea...

Say...

Scherbatsky, I'm gonna crush it.

Scooby ate the whole tray.

Scooby got out!

Scooby, sit.

Scooby!

Scoreboardl

Screwing Gregor's.

Second, you don't have to worry.

See that gothic church over there?

See that over there? That's the old Arcadian Hotel.

See that? Another boy expecting a woman to clean up his mistakes.

See the Alberta building over there?

See those pinstripes... diamonds.

See, I like Tiffany.

See, it's hard to hit that delete button, isn't it?

See, it's stuff like that. Why do you talk that way?

See, Marshall?

See, sometimes I don't bond as well...

See, we have a whole bucket list of things to do before we start having kids.

See? Nothing.

See? That is impressive.

See? Was that so hard?

Seriously, Doc, why isn't this happening?

Seriously, it's time.

Seriously, Marshall, picture it.

Seriously? I step away for five seconds, and you eat all my onion rings?

Seriously? The north pole? Okay, pal.

Shampoo. You should try it sometime.

She acted like a helpless little girl...

She came over to the apartment looking for you.

She caught me on tape trashing GNB.

She does. It's Robert De Niro.

She hates you so much...

She hopped over to Dad and started eating...

She hugged me. What was that all about?

She is 15 years old!

She is a lovely person.

She is now your daughter?

She is?

She is?

She just took care of me.

She lied to her husband? Uh oh.

She likes "pasghetti"... Spaghetti.

She makes training wheels feel needed.

She ruined crossword day!

She said "doody."

She said, um, uh...

She seems like something special.

She singles me out by name.

She took it pretty hard.

She was excited.

She was my B.F.F. on the show and in real life.

She was worried.

She wasn't the one who dropped it.

She's a goner.

She's been messing with the exhibits.

She's breathtaking.

She's got some nerve kicking us out of the carpool.

She's just staring at me.

She's like this little lost lamb...

She's my angel.

She's right. I mean, this idea that...

She's so sad and defenseless.

She's wonderful, but...

Shoe's untied. I got it.

Short version.

Short version...

Shouldn't we be enjoying that?

Showing videos of guys getting hit in the nuts wasn't gonna do anything.

Shuts 'em right up.

Simple, really. I used my powers of deduction.

Since my first day at GNB.

Since that completely made up story didn't happen.

Since the Viking age...

Singing "Part of Your World" to my pants.

Sixty four, but whatever.

Slept or sat down since we got here.

Slightly red nose.

Smell me. Just... Here. Seriously, smell me.

So after Uncle Marshall lost his father, he decided to get his heart checked.

So am I.

So at any point in this, did you say...

So badly that I just ditched my best friend when she needed me.

So Barney really is a genuinely nice guy?

So big and strong and handsome.

So could Heads or Tails.

So disappointing.

So get this.

So get this. Robin never deleted Don's number.

So help me, Marshall...

So here goes.

So here I am.

So here's how it's gonna work.

So I figured, what the hell.

So I googled "How to make a girl."

So I just made a list of all the keyboard based occupations, and then I cross matched...

So I said the cab, of course, because that makes complete...

So I say we make a list of everything that needs to get done before the baby arrives...

So I snuck under the rope.

So I wrote him a letter, and I poured my heart out.

So I'm going to Sydney tomorrow with Bon Jovi.

So I'm just getting myself checked out too.

So I'm recommending a spirited cardio routine...

So in this scenario, because you make such sweet love to Lily...

So instead of taking your advice, I took your advice.

So instead, I rented this video of a live water birth.

So it looks like we've got a bake off.

So it wasn't entirely a peaceful moment of closure.

So last night I checked it out.

So let's do the math.

So long, sucker! Ha, ha, ha!

So make it good.

So my dad asks these questions...

So my wife and I are trying to get pregnant.

So now because of that incident, Heads or Tails is looking for a new...

So now I'm all about disposable cell phones.

So obvious, right?

So she tried to push him away by setting him up with her cousin instead.

So thank you, Randy.

So that clears that... right up.

So that's where the expression comes from.

So the day after Halloween, I was in a commercial.

So there's that.

So this holiday season...

So this really sucks, but I'm gonna be...

So those feelings of yours, shut them down.

So trees can grow.

So we can't be friends.

So we got Ted and Zoey.

So what about becoming an environmental lawyer?

So what did you do?

So what you need, mama? Come here.

So what'd the wuss do next?

So whatever you do, don't tell him here tonight, 'cause...

So when you arrived at the GNB party after we left...

So when your mom said I couldn't see you anymore, it was rock bottom for me.

So where are you headed now?

So why are you smiling?

So why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in?

So yelling at him, even on TV...

So you can sit there alone, crying and clenching your knees.

So you force yourself not to want it.

So you really thought I was gonna kill you?

So you'll probably quit GNB in a couple of years, right?

So Zoey left early, pricked by love's fickle thorn.

So, all these years, there's this one question I've been dying to ask him.

So, anyone going to see the, uh, Halloween parade?

So, Barney, I understand you have a pretty big job with a bank.

So, Captain, how'd you get that name anyway?

So, every time you've talked about wanting...

So, first day of work?

So, have you guys landed on a name yet?

So, how do you all know Barney?

So, how long have you felt this way?

So, I hear my wife got you pretty good.

So, I understand you want to get pregnant.

So, I'm assuming you all read the chapters on Greek Revival architecture.

So, I'm not sure how to start this.

So, if I get a large popcorn, you wanna go splitskies, or...

So, is everything okay?

So, is this ride your way of apologizing for this morning?

So, is this the one who's best friends with Robin now?

So, moving from Canada, that transition must've been pretty rough.

So, naturally, I snapped the rib off a triceratops...

So, new advice... steer into Sandy and run him down.

So, possibly last day of work?

So, Scooby, if you're gonna be hanging out with our Robin, you should be properly vetted.

So, second day of work?

So, Ted and Zoey, they're in love with each other.

So, Ted did his best to impress her.

So, Ted, I noticed you've been spending a lot of time with Zoey.

So, Ted, would you like to split some jalapeño poppers?

So, Ted, yesterday at work...

So, Ted's in love with Zoey...

So, third day of work?

So, this chick and I are going at it behind the Central Park Zoo.

So, uh, you still think Ted's gonna take the job?

So, um, I heard you might have...

So, um, I made an appointment with that cardiologist.

So, we are gonna get our bro a four star nad rattler.

So, what are we protesting tonight?

So, when was the last time you saw him?

So, who's the eye broccoli?

So, you wanna get pizza later or...

So?

So...

So... clock is ticking. Make it fast.

So... I went to his apartment.

Some lady almost got me killed. Maury Povich stole my cab.

Some of the senior partners are really getting up there.

Some random satellite channel picks up a certain local Chicago newscast.

Some really weird stuff came up. [Chuckles]

Some women look cute.

Somebody help me!

Somebody help me! Somebody help me!

Someone introduce yourself.

Someone needs to teach you how to share.

Someone order something tall, dark and awesome?

Someone's last words have to be profound and meaningful...

Someone's trying to break in! Call the cops.

Somethin' must be wrong with you.

Something bad happened.

Something must be wrong. We're doing it, a lot.

Something really obvious you somehow never learned.

Something weird happened with Zoey last night.

Something's happened. Um...

Son, Viking lore tells us...

Son...

Sorry, dear. Last one.

Sorry, Marshall.

Sorry, sweetie. I swear I'll be a great friend at the finish line.

Sorry, toots. He's taken.

Sorry. African American.

Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations!

Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations!

Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations!

Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Wrong number.

Sorry. You said "who?"

Sound familiar, Pinocchio?

Sounds like you guys need to clear everything...

Sounds like you're having your fourth period.

Space Teens?

Sparkles went on to do very well at World Wide News...

Sparkles, got anything on malls?

Speaking of pickups, can we try the first one again?

Speaking of whom.

Spiders gotta die...

Sports...

Standing there with no idea what to do or say.

Started to look like beautiful women.

Starting at the top, number one...

Starting Monday, I'm a currency rotation sp...

Stay sad. I'll be back!

Stepping off.

Still no sign of land.

Stop it. Stop looking at me like I'm the only person in the world who matters.

Stop!

Stop! Too slow. Switch.

Stripper pole. Bad lighting.

Strong...

Stuffed.

Subtract the negativity...

Suck it, gran bot.

Sure was. My part of Canada's pretty different from New York.

Sure, I thought about picking up the phone and calling her a hundred times...

Sure, it's mostly cheese, mayonnaise and jelly beans, but it counts.

Sure, today you see Iris as a manatee.

Sure, you could, but we close in an hour and I'm not back till Tuesday.

Sure. I'll just summarize it.

Sure. Stand a little more this way.

Sure. You want anything, Marshall?

Sweet Mother Nature!

Sweetie? Are you okay?

Tails, you take the job at World Wide News.

Take the F.D.R. and maybe crank up some smooth jazz.

Taking you to Gregor's.

Talkin' like a little boy is not working with the ladies.

Tara, Esther...

Tax Evasion. Ages six to 10.

Taxi!

Tearing down a beautiful old building...

Technically, I never lied.

Ted is in love with Zoey. Zoey has no idea.

Ted Mosby does not take advantage of poor helpless honeys.

Ted Mosby, it's back on.

Ted Mosby, we don't like you!

Ted, a word.

Ted, come look at this.

Ted, I glow in the dark. I finally glow in the dark.

Ted, if I, um... if I ever get married... and you're not the guy I'm marrying...

Ted, it's too late.

Ted, let me show you my harpoon collection.

Ted, look, across the bar.

Ted, of all the women in New York...

Ted, on behalf of Goliath National Bank...

Ted, that was... [Sniffles]

Ted, that wasn't easy.

Ted, the best man's job...

Ted, the kids in that movie jumped into a painting...

Ted, this is my cousin.

Ted, this is your seduction lounge. Sex swing there.

Ted, will you be my best man?

Ted, you know that I hate her.

Ted?

Ted...

Ted's a son of a bitch!

Ted's in love with Zoey?

Tell 'em, James.

Tell you what.

Telling him good news is what makes it feel real to me.

Ten pound?

Thank God you're here.

Thank you for your time.

Thank you so much for the voice mail. It's a great comfort!

Thank you, baby. You're the best.

Thank you, Barney.

Thank you, Randy.

Thank you, Reverend. We're so happy that you're going to lead the services today.

Thank you, son.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. That's perfect. That totally takes the pressure off.

Thanks a lot, God!

Thanks for makin' such a hottie.

Thanks for the redhead, Nana. [Kisses]

Thanks to that severance check...

Thanks, Barney.

Thanks, brah. I like you guys.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Iris.

Thanks, Ted. Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That attitude is exactly why I won't be in your video...

That boy needs an intervention.

That calzone sounds amazing.

That Charity is doin' Peachy.

That cousin of yours, Honey... Yowza!

That doesn't sound familiar.

That dress makes you look like a Kansas City whore.

That dude high fives people with his face now.

That feed off its lifeless husk.

That fits right on the coffee table...

That fungus thing is acting up again.

That girl was just crying.

That guy gave you noogies? What, did he carry a stepladder?

That I don't know the first thing about architecture...

That I may never become an environmental lawyer.

That if you spend too much time alone with me, I'll turn into a mermaid?

That insulted every fiber of his being.

That is good. There is a song in there. Excuse me.

That is my younger brother, Barney.

That is so true.

That is, until later, at the memorial service.

That is, until the night of Barney's boutonniere.

That keeps the brown, pointy, weird church from getting built.

That last one did not happen.

That last one did not happen.

That man is terrifying.

That no one invited me to the big hair washing party.

That phrase is really creepy.

That poor sculptor had to work from memory.

That Professor Mosby wants to tear down.

That research job sounds hard.

That salad's the first food she's eaten in two days.

That sounds plausible.

That sucks. I've been there, buddy.

That the key to success...

That thing on his space résumé?

That to ensure the continuation of your noble male lineage...

That was a great dream...

That was back when Lily was pregnant. Now she's not.

That was my card.

That wasn't it. They couldn't find a cab, so I went down there.

That we have any control whatsoever.

That you achieve something of actual significance.

That you can look at this wondrous and educational adventure through space...

That you realize how hard it is to start again.

That's a lot of zeros.

That's adorable. You're from Canada.

That's awesome.

That's beautiful.

That's crazy. I don't hate you.

That's exactly the accent of whimsy this celebration of love needs!

That's exactly what I want too.

That's funny you should say that...

That's great.

That's great.

That's great.

That's great. Oh, no, you're...

That's how I've always pronounced it.

That's it! You know what? Five minute time out!

That's it. Now turn it.

That's just rude.

That's just the pick me up I needed.

That's like someone telling us...

That's my other line.

That's my wife, Cheryl.

That's not an expression! That has never been an expression!

That's not gonna be us, right?

That's not true.

That's our thing.

That's right. Barney wasn't hurt by Lily.

That's so sweet.

That's so weird.

That's Space Architecture 101.

That's the booker for the club that my band plays at.

That's the gray one. Did you know that in eight...

That's the real reason we're out here.

That's the thing. You know.

That's totally an improvement.

That's what made you think of your boring class in college.

That's where all the... [Hawking]

That's where we took the picture. Lovely town.

That's why every year they produced a feel good video to improve the bank's image.

That's why Fred Cox is the greatest kicker the Vikings ever had.

That's why girls are way better than boys.

That's why I didn't let it bother me.

That's why I do this. [Laughs]

That's why I have never taken the bus.

That's why none of your classmates showed up.

That's...

The "Lick Father, Lick Son."

The aging coin flip bimbo who gives her the creeps.

The Annual Post Halloween Walk Of Shame Parade.

The Arcadian should be a landmark.

The architect, Antoni Gaudí...

The backhanded compliment to lower her self esteem. A proven winner.

The bed. [Chuckles]

The boat?

The bonobo chimps start giving us a standing "O."

The bottom half of his face...

The Captain pretty much paid for this entire shindig.

The Captain.

The classic "pretend to take the offer off the table so I'll want it more."

The coach asked me to quit because it wasn't fair to the other kids.

The comfort of home is a little ruined when someone turns your old room...

The Dibiase.

The drugs, the alcohol, the women.

The Empire from Star Wars.

The Eriksen men have passed down ancient secrets for conceiving boys.

The everyday boutonniere, by Stinson.

The Federal Reserve Board...

The first currency rotation specialist...

The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk.

The giant blue whale hanging from the ceiling?

The good news is I was halfway there, and nothing could stop me.

The government's oppressive top hat and monocle tax?

The greatest man that I have ever known.

The hot dog guy did not look like Barney.

The hunting lodge it is.

The Jerky Boys.

The kind of guy that you would bring home to meet your parents.

The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room...

The Koreans across the hall!

The last thing she would wanna do is hang out with some little brat.

The last words my father will ever say to me.

The lie was when you told Nora you were lying.

The lion head stonework is iconic.

The man is a god!

The man who knew more about human reproduction than anyone in New York City.

The Marathon Man.

The mermaid theory.

The more they ignore you, pretend to hate your guts...

The more they secretly like you.

The more you fight it, the worse it's gonna get.

The most beautiful, ventless...

The one day I miss the sack circle, you guys sub her in?

The one that really seems to stick is "unfinished."

The one with the really annoying alarm?

The only one I know how to use is attached to me.

The only people that are allowed to know are me, Zoey and her therapist.

The only upside is that we might get rid of Barney.

The organist for the New York Rangers.

The Phantom Menace is by far the best Star Wars movie.

The Phantom Menace is by far the best Star Wars movie.

The piece ran on a Saturday...

The point is, last words are overrated.

The pressure is so intense, the keys are popping right out of its head.

The respected journalist who gives her beer.

The rest of this story should make perfect sense.

The spiciness of the... the...

The stories his mother and brothers told were so perfect.

The straw in her drink was pointed right at me.

The thing is, ever since Becky did that commercial, everyone at work loves her.

The thing you're about to do in here...

The time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her.

The time you accidentally shredded my Joey Buttafuoco pants.

The Toledo bridge disaster of 1906 claimed the lives of 75 people.

The truth is, he is a genuinely nice, down to earth guy...

Their heads full of crazy cough syrup nightmares...

Then all the county fair judges started chanting...

Then at least we know you'll hold her tight and never let her go.

Then dump it and get a new one.

Then he picked my crying son up off the ice...

Then I held her tight...

Then I'll do the same with my phone.

Then I'm not sure that I can raise a child with you, liver lips!

Then Mayor Sam Gibbs asked for your pictures so the city could make statues of you both.

Then Robin met her new cohost, Becky.

Then to have that person pop up on your TV? Are you okay?

Then what does she do?

Then why are you going out with Nora again?

Then, from across the not so crowded conference room...

Then, one afternoon in 2010, I achieved that goal.

Then, this cutie patootie...

Then, Zoey's cousin Honey went home with Barney...

There are bound to be a few embarrassing moments.

There are rules that must be followed.

There he goes.

There is a fleet of limos outside...

There is an 83% correlation...

There is an exception.

There is another addendum to the mermaid theory.

There is one thing that's been going on.

There she is...

There was just something about him.

There was only one holdout.

There you go.

There you go. Come on.

There's a bo... You must tell me about this boat, Captain.

There's a man back there who seems fascinated by the records flipping in the jukebox.

There's a picture of me and Barney in an envelope addressed to him.

There's a zit breaking out on your forehead. [Laughs]

There's an alien growing in my stomach that's gonna explode out of my vaginal

There's just one little thing, and it probably doesn't matter, but...

There's more. Do you still do that thing...

There's no way a guy could pick up a girl going around talking like a little boy.

There's nothing funny about getting minors drunk!

There's something I want to say before I leave.

There's the "Bush Dynasty."

There's the "Bush Dynasty."

There's the "Father Knows Breast."

There's the Village, Lower East Side, Central Park.

These guys don't understand what I'm talkin' about.

These stories suck.

They are fun.

They blew through them all in the first 16 seconds.

They don't know what it is. It just showed up on my mom's X ray.

They even found a video of me getting attacked by an owl.

They got better billboards than the ones in Times Square?

They hand out pink slips like they're hors d'oeuvres.

They hate me. How do I get them to like me again?

They run off, but sure enough, a few minutes later there they are again.

They stole all his money and then pelted him with his own taco meat!

They throw themselves at me.

They totally pull focus up from that whole chin situation you got going on.

They went a little crazy.

They...

They'd pelt us with their Phish bootlegs.

They're a bunch of... wieners and gonads.

They're all made up.

They're baby girl fertilizer.

They're kissing! Mom, they're kissing.

They're my feet. I'm actually more of a kicker.

They're not doing something meaningful with their lives.

They're only here, like, once a year.

They're totally on to us. What do we do?

They've done a few tours. They put out a new album.

Think about it, Marshall. All entrants get 20% off at the snack bar.

Think about it... proms, weddings, grandmas' funerals.

Think of the pickup plays we can run as a father son duo.

This address isn't too far.

This does seem to be a veritable pornucopia.

This explains why I was always so awesome at basketball.

This great Frank Lloyd Wright retrospective tonight.

This is a nightmare! We've done everything wrong!

This is all part of the plan.

This is awesome. You're designing our new headquarters?

This is delicious.

This is going to be the second most fun I've ever had on an Asian leg!

This is going to help your image...

This is how you make sure Sandy never makes fun of you again.

This is just one of Barney's moves.

This is like a black cat walked through my uterus.

This is love.

This is love.

This is my first and only drink of the night.

This is my son, J.J.

This is not the " Natural Stuff That Happened...

This is our treat. You're the coolest, Professor Mosby.

This is Rex.

This is ridiculous.

This is ridiculous.

This is taking forever. Are you sure you did it right?

This is the application...

This is the Candle Kiosk at the mall all over again.

This is the last time it's ever gonna be just the two of us.

This is the time of year when we remember the importance of giving.

This is the toughest time in Marshall's life...

This is what happiness feels like, right?

This is worse than the pork chop.

This is... This is gonna take me a minute.

This isn't a race.

This isn't happening.

This isn't working.

This isn't... Who's Sam Gibbs?

This job was a new start, a clean slate.

This just isn't working out.

This man is wearing a diamond covered suit!

This might be a little forward, but do you have a bomb strapped to your chest?

This morning.

This next clip is entitled...

This should be useful.

This time next year, you'll all be enjoying a frothy mug of Wharmpess.

This video is entitled...

This was happening.

This wasn't really about seeing Ted's house.

This whole thing stinks to high heaven.

This. All of this. This is totally new to me. But I know it's what I want.

This...

Those are the last words my father will ever say to me.

Those Corinthian columns were designed by Giuseppe Pigato in 1896.

Those guys are evil. No offense, Marshall.

Those rules are all stupid, okay?

Those statues probably look nothing like us.

Though, not as freaky...

Three chicks... one hot, one kinda hot...

Three minutes ago.

Through physical contact?

Thus, if I may... [Clears Throat]

Time Square's da bomb!

To a man who calls himself the Captain.

To all upper level GNB employees are too close to the action!

To be an environmental lawyer since then, that was a lie?

To be honest, I'm getting a little freaked out...

To become a coin flipping bimbo.

To capture this particular moment, but I'll give it a whirl.

To Chrissy!

To come out to Staten Island on Saturday and help box everything up.

To discuss plans to fight climate change, by which...

To go for a ride with them on his boat.

To help create a theme for the service, or... whatever.

To Lily and Marshall.

To look myself in the mirror for the way I let you down.

To pick up his rifle and charge up the hill.

To Ted.

To the joystickl

To the lining of your uterine wall.

To this day, your Uncle Barney won't admit it...

To try to get Ted to design the new GNB Tower.

To work for a big time cable news channel like World Wide News.

Today we are gonna make Marshall laugh.

Told her it was all gonna be okay.

Told ya. The mermaid theory.

Too many crazies had my old number...

Took me to this bar called MacLaren's right underneath his apartment.

Toothbrushes, thermometers, lipstick.

Total coinkydink.

Totally.

Track maintenance?

Tread lightly, Mosby.

Trey Platt terrorized me growing up.

Trey Platt.

Triceps.

True story.

True, there's a lot to do, but we've got nine months to prepare.

Trust me, I'll get the "yes."

Truth.

Try being married to that.

Try this on for size.

Tuesday, at work.

Twent... Flag on the play. Doc, I have a date tonight.

Twenty three times three?

Two average Canadian teenagers who solve crimes in space using math.

Two dudes on the couch together watching porn? That's kinda weird.

Ugh! Moms.

Uh huh. Got it.

Uh oh, looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees.

Uh oh.

Uh oh.

Uh, "bank." The "B" stands for bank.

Uh, are you forgetting? I've done this before. I was Marshall's best man.

Uh, Barney, what I'm about to say...

Uh, but in my case, uh, it was just the one.

Uh, do you wanna wrestle with our special bathing suit places?

Uh, fine.

Uh, has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity?

Uh, hey, honey, would you get me a brewski from outta the shed?

Uh, hey, Marshall, can I call you back?

Uh, I'd love to hang out, but I really gotta hit the john.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Uh, it's about Ted.

Uh, just want you to know, we are making good progress on this new project.

Uh, let's say well endowed... with phlegm.

Uh, look, I am sorry for all the calls.

Uh, me first.

Uh, no. Back... Back to Cleveland.

Uh, no. I'm fine.

Uh, no. Uncle.

Uh, o okay.

Uh, okay, listen, I think we've made great progress for today.

Uh, okay.

Uh, outlet. Thank you.

Uh, Scooby, the tag's still on your jeans.

Uh, that's not what happened.

Uh, the Captain was Nathan Detroit to my... assistant stage manager.

Uh, the show's about to start."

Uh, to be honest, kids, I'm having a little trouble...

Uh, we're required by law to take you to the nearest hospital...

Uh, well, this... this is something important.

Uh, when I got your letter, I dug this up.

Uh, who is this?

Uh, would you just write down any seven numbers here so that I can impress him.

Uh, yeah, it's hard to take criticism from someone...

Uh, yeah. And we hope our nosiness doesn't give you pause.

Uh, yeah. Isn't that him taking a leak on that fire hydrant?

Uh, yeah. It's right in there, Scooby.

Uh, yes. Yes, it does.

Uh, you don't strike me as the athletic type, "Jayj."

Uh, you're actively trying to prevent me from realizing a lifelong dream.

Uh, you've all heard about...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... Green tie? [Clears Throat]

Um, anyway, your mom and I had such a great time seeing you.

Um, but I want to say from the bottom of my heart...

Um, but when I was a kid, you... you were this total badass.

Um, can boys aim?

Um, can you just sit in front of the computer like normal human beings?

Um, hello. Somebody already solved that crime using math, remember?

Um, how about Ryan?

Um, I'm gonna be studying the mating habits of...

Um, I'm having a... a really rough time at work. The whole Becky thing.

Um, Lily, keys.

Um, Marshall?

Um, no.

Um, no. No. You know what? Um, I'm gonna get my stuff checked out first.

Um, Professor? Uh, do you mean "chameleon"?

Um, say "carrots and peas." Carrots and peas. Carrots and peas.

Um, that's my other line.

Unbelievable!

Unbelievable!

Unfortunately, I can't.

Unless he's a clown and she's in the trunk of his car.

Unless part of your big date involves...

Unless she's hot.

Unless she's hot.

Unless she's hot.

Unless you dump water on me, 'cause I'll just... [Imitates Electric Shock]

Unless you're old friends...

Unsubscribe.

Unsubscribe.

Until now.

Until we saw Barney's doppelgänger.

Until you can escape from your humdrum lives by hearing how awesome mine is.

Until you've stolen a cab from someone who needs it more than you do.

Until...

Upon learning that Ted had not tasted of Honey's sweet nectar...

Uses a hybrid steel tube structure...

Vast, the sea.

Very well then. Let's get started.

Vibrating Jell O pit right there.

Vintage rolltop desk here.

Voilà.

Voted to leave interest...

W Wait.

W we shouldn't hang out.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. So, where's Woody Allen?

Wait a minute. You don't mean...

Wait for it.

Wait here.

Wait, Barney and James are two years apart.

Wait, don't you guys ever watch the show?

Wait, wait, wait. Marshall.

Wait, wait.

Wait!

Wait. "Everyone"?

Wait. Does that mean that I'm a manatee right now?

Wait. Hear me out, Marshall.

Wait. Is that what this whole stupid running thing has been about?

Wait. Is that why you slept on the couch last night?

Wait. It sounded worse in my head.

Wait. No. It had to be more than just "nah." Oh, I think she said...

Wait. So you weren't wearing a fake beard...

Wait. That could be my role.

Wait. They were on the street.

Wait. What about Rob?

Wait. Where are you go... That's a compliment.

Wait. Where is he anyway?

Wait. You turned down the job? When?

Waiting to take us to...

Want the long version or the short version?

Warm, intelligent.

Was attracted to the kind of woman...

Was intelligence, hard work and professionalism.

Was run over by a bus.

Was so lovely.

Watch out!

Watch.

Way back before I ever met your mother.

Wayne, our camera guy... he wasn't that great.

We all change, Lily.

We are just two peas.

We are two grown adults standing among the greatest collection...

We can be buddies.

We can do this!

We can just play together in the backyard.

We can.

We couldn't put our finger on it until...

We did have sex. Oh, I remember now.

We did not meet him at a strip club. No, sir.

We didn't just talk about her and fantasize about her.

We don't smoke sandwiches anymore.

We give them food, a place to live, clothes for job interviews.

We had a new addition to our little group... Zoey.

We hadn't heard from you in a couple of days. We were worried about you.

We hate Ted now!

We have a confession.

We have this program that helps those in need get back on their feet.

We have to laugh today.

We haven't made Marshall laugh once.

We hit a bump.

We hit a bump.

We just can't be friends anymore because...

We know, baby, but you'll always wonder if you don't.

We looked at each other and, well, we just knew.

We love you no matter what.

We only lied to you to make you realize that you want this job.

We really try.

We ride!

We said we weren't gonna try to have kids...

We should have sex.

We should just think of a name that's good for either a girl or a boy.

We should nurture them. Hmm?

We should... we should help them.

We simply must have you out on the boat sometime.

We talk about it all the time behind your back.

We think you should give him another chance.

We went kayaking, and you two rescued the mayor's dog, which had wandered into the rapids.

We were all, like, obsessed with her.

We were freakin' out for about a day and a half there.

We were just passing by, and I wanted to pop in for two reasons.

We wrote songs about her.

We?

We'll always be...

We'll get there.

We'll just tell the ladies to be careful in the winter.

We'll look at all the factors that contribute to fertility...

We'll make it work.

We'll need a sample of your sperm.

We're about to enter an asteroid belt, eh?

We're familiar with it.

We're getting brunch tomorrow. Do you want to meet them?

We're gonna build your building.

We're grown ups now, Lily.

We're idiots.

We're just trying to make sure he's not a heel.

We're not gonna play another gig again, are we?

We're really gonna go disturb the peaceful Long Island retirement...

We're seeing a Christmas movie.

We're tryin', but it's tougher than you think.

We've been trying and trying, and still nothing's happened.

We've had unprotected sex 203 times in the past four months.

Wee ooh! Wee ooh! Wee ooh! Wee ooh! Wee ooh!

Well, "ish."

Well, ahoy.

Well, anchors aweigh.

Well, aren't you two clever?

Well, at least someone's helping.

Well, by this time next year...

Well, don't look at me. This morning...

Well, don't turn him down here in public.

Well, even if that happens, is there any way to un mermaid me?

Well, for what it's worth, I'm not easily shocked.

Well, guess what? I've got some good news.

Well, I did.

Well, I do love it.

Well, I figured you'd be busy reading What to Expect When You're Expecting to Expect.

Well, I got a big morning, so...

Well, I guess maybe one gap you have is...

Well, I know that's not true, Lily. Ted told me everything.

Well, I mean... Geez, Lily.

Well, I respect that.

Well, I used to love taking you backstage.

Well, I was just putting on a brave face. Okay, think about it.

Well, I would love to help by writing a check...

Well, I'll admit, at first I felt a little weird.

Well, I'll be damned. Barney Stinson.

Well, I'll do what I can...

Well, I'm afraid she's feeling a little under the weather.

Well, I'm gonna call Dr. Stangel. It can't hurt.

Well, I'm new in town and don't know many people...

Well, if you read this story, we might find out.

Well, it turns out that Heads or Tails has a job opening.

Well, it would be. Good bye.

Well, it's just that without that number in my phone...

Well, it's still early.

Well, it's the bug room, Ted.

Well, let's just remember, I mean, nobody's the same as they were in college.

Well, let's see. Uh, Wheel of Fortune.

Well, let's.

Well, Lily, I guess it's just you and me. You wanna hang?

Well, Lily, you were right.

Well, m m my mother's Armenian.

Well, Marshall, I've got your results.

Well, maybe I should just stop trying.

Well, my head's kind of spinning too.

Well, now it doesn't.

Well, now that I know it's Sandy, I'm not.

Well, pleased to meet you, Captain.

Well, Professor Mosby, is there anything you want to say to us?

Well, she's not alone.

Well, technically, they'd get an incomplete...

Well, that did it.

Well, that... That's not gonna work.

Well, the bus runs more often on weekends.

Well, the other night, she ran a... a really high fever.

Well, then quit. No one's stoppin' you.

Well, they might be. Donna Bromstead's husband is a cop.

Well, this changes everything.

Well, this is clearly yielding nothing.

Well, to be fair, everyone has some glaring gap in knowledge...

Well, until they kicked me off the team.

Well, we won't know anything until we run some tests.

Well, well, well.

Well, whatever you do, do not name your baby Becky. Right?

Well, when a kid like Johnny acts up in my class...

Well, yeah, but you wear it ironically, like Ted's fanny pack.

Well, yesterday you said if I was ever in New York.

Well, you are looking at the new associate researcher at World Wide News.

Well, you can't have me.

Well, you did the right thing, baby.

Well, you have to try. If you ever want to have closure...

Well, you... you got a couple things that Tugboat doesn't.

Well, you're a big, stupid octopus face!

Well, you're in luck.

Well...

Well... But this day is tough on you too. You sure you can absorb all that?

Went on to be a semifinalist on The Bachelor.

Wh What is that? Short for Zoseph?

Wharmpess?

Whassup!

What about Esther?

What about saving the world?

What about World Wide News? Your I.D. badge?

What am I doing with my life?

What am I doing with my life?

What am I doing with my life?

What am I getting all up in my head about?

What are my gaps?

What are we doing in Madison Square Garden?

What are we gonna do about this?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing in here?

What are you doing?

What are you lookin' at?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Your mother still lives in the house you grew up in.

What can I say? He'll be in galactic jail for the remainder of his life.

What did Barney mean when he said "calzone"?

What did Coach say, Ma?

What did his heart do at 8:30?

What did they find?

What do we do now? Oh! I got an idea.

What do we do now? Oh! I got an idea.

What do you have to say for yourself...

What do you mean Barney won't return your calls?

What do you think came between Robin and Jessica?

What does he do after he's done ignoring a girl?

What exactly is this about?

What gym do you go to?

What happened at 8:46 p.m. last night?

What happened to giving the money away?

What I'm saying is...

What if it's worse than "Crocodile Dundee 3"?

What if she makes bad choices?

What if, God forbid, all of your dads died right now?

What is it?

What is my lid for you?

What is my second favorite word that begins with B O N?

What is my third favorite word that begins with B O N?

What part of Canada is that? Speak.

What possible excuse could you have for this?

What second rate community theater did you get...

What the hell's going on with his eye?

What they really think about their professors.

What time was your dinner reservation?

What was the year of the coin again?

What we need to do is hit each other in the nuts.

What were those sailors thinking?

What would "college you" say if he heard what you were saying right now?

What would their last words to you have been? Seriously.

What, are we gonna duel?

What, baby?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Fridge full of ketchup?

What? How... How have I changed? Did...

What? J.J. started it. What does J.J. even stand for anyway?

What? No, you wouldn't!

What? No.

What? No. Professor Mosby loves old buildings.

What? Robin, how can you be a New Yorker and never have seen Woody Allen?

What? What? No, no, no, no, no.

What? Why didn't you tell us?

What? You know what you're doing down there.

What? You told me to meet someone.

What's in it?

What's that spell? Cox! Cox!

What's that supposed to mean?

What's that supposed to mean?

What's the Arcadian?

What's the matter, lady? You scared?

What's the one thing that always cracks him up?

What's this really about?

What's up, Marshall?

What's up, Shooter?

What's with the gingerbread house?

What's wrong with this shirt?

What's wrong?

What's your plan, Marshall? Just have unprotected sex day after day after day...

Whatever it was you said that made me so mad.

Whatever Marshall needs to get through this day...

When everyone was going, "Whassup?"

When Glitter's womb a fruit did bear...

When he's battling a snowstorm over the Rockies... a sugar crash.

When he's putting the moves on a girl?

When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean.

When I was a kid, I knocked down the blue whale.

When I was in Cleveland last month...

When Marshall and Lily decided to have a baby, they assumed it would happen right away.

When she reached for it, our fingers touched and...

When that baby comes, you don't have to see it.

When the shops on Fifth Avenue are closed.

When those things swell up to three times their normal size, so do I.

When Uncle Morris was 16, he got his girlfriend pregnant...

When was the last time you saw...

When we all needed it, you got us back on the right path.

When we were dating, did... did I make you feel needed?

When we were dating, I...

When Zoey goes to sleep, I'll find that tape and erase it for you.

Whenever he made the face that you're making right now...

Whenever Marshall was acting too hyper...

Whenever we're alone, you spend the whole time undressing me with your eyes.

Whenever you asked about your dads...

Where Barney and his mom had a long overdue heart to heart.

Where do the grown ups go for the real karate class?

Where he brags on himself in the form of a complaint?

Where the executive producer works on the weekends.

Where the grass ain't green and the girls ain't pretty.

Where the hell are Marshall and Lily?

Where the hell is Barney?

Where would you go?

Where you give people in need clothes for job interviews?

Where you goin'? That's the best part.

Where?

Where's my class?

Where's the poop, Robin?

Where's the poop, Robin?

Where's the poop, Robin?

Where's the poop, Robin?

Which brings us to the night Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner.

Which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career.

Which I am not.

Which is all gone.

Which is ironically what I might be looking at. [Chuckles]

Which is St. Luke's Roosevelt, uptown.

Which is why I can hang out with Marshall whenever I want.

Which is why nothing...

Which means Jessica got pregnant five years ago...

Which means you're screwed, sweetie!

Which means?

Which moves are we talking about? Did he do that thing...

Which would be fine if Zoey wasn't married to Colonel Mustard.

Which, as you both know, is Dad's crossword day.

While Giggles works the camera.

While not all of us possess your lofty sense of decorum...

Who cares about the last one?

Who could use a steak knife without supervision.

Who does he... [Laughs] Sorry. "Who."

Who got Cousin Daphne drunk?

Who had recently asked me to be his best man.

Who just recorded seven episodes of Million Dollar Heads or Tails.

Who likes to play activist...

Who needs to be protected from the wolves.

Who took me on a tour of the city.

Who wants sloppy joes?

Who wants sloppy joes?

Who you gonna listen to... me or the scientific data?

Who, me?

Who's allowed to turn into a mermaid.

Who's the crazy chick in the apron?

Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?

Who's your granddaddy?

Who's your mommy?

Whoa, guys. My dad just died.

Whoa, Ted, that thing you're packing's way too big to fit in that box.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Big Fudge.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You were just thinkin' that this dinner is really boring.

Whoa, whoa. You're wearin' a green tie. No.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa! And who is this exquisite keytarist...

Whoa! They grown 'em big out here.

Whoa.

Whoa. Look, I hate most babies.

Whoa. Thanks, Barney.

Whoo oop! Whoo oop!

Whoo oop! Whoo oop!

Whoo oop! Whoo oop! Whoo oop!

Whoo!

Whoops. Hold on a second.

Whoosh!

Whose beard was also brown, pointy, weird and unfinished...

Why are you sayin' it like that? They never arrived at the downtown office.

Why aren't you in class?

Why couldn't you have been that for me?

Why did I choose Ted to be my best man?

Why didn't anyone come?

Why do I hate you? Are you kidding?

Why do they call 'em "coasters"?

Why do white people like Carrot Top?

Why don't I just go to the Chevy Web site and copy down adjectives?

Why don't you just whip up a batch of your fancy tofu sushi bagels...

Why not bang someone in need?

Why the sudden obsession with Heads or Tails?

Why would anyone lie? Zoey and I are just friends.

Why would she wanna meet the incontinent freak show you described?

Why? Because on June 7, 1926...

Why? What...

Why'd you miss? Too busy tearing down the Statue of Liberty?

Wieners.

Will pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy.

With a guy with a flower on his chest...

With a healthy diet you can live a long and happy life, if nobody stabs you.

With a single person of the opposite sex.

With all the bamboo, pot smoke and '60s music...

With an extremely simple premise.

With clearly marked emergency stops...

With her new hippie husband Clint.

With that corporate noose around your neck.

With Zoey's younger friends.

Without her, my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success.

Without you, we'd have to find some other sex fueled, depraved animal to entertain us.

Won't even be born for another...

Woo wooo! Woo wooo! Woo wooo!

Woody Allen is eating at Gregor's, and Robin thinks that we should go see him.

Work 20 hours a day and weekends to get ulcers...

Worse. Pregnancy.

Would you like a Hertz Doughnut?

Would you, uh...

Wound to a close...

Wow, an architect. How fascinating.

Wow, I'm glad that's over.

Wow, lady.

Wow, the future of Goliath National Bank.

Wow, you dumped her just because you had a baby?

Wow!

Wow!

Wow! Wow! That's...

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. Eriksen, if you want to un fire Randy, I support you.

Wow. Half?

Wow. I thought you guys would be devastated.

Wow. Loretta really lied a lot to her kids.

Wow. Respect.

Wow. She sounds pretty great, Punchy.

Wow. Thanks, Barney. You saved me.

Wow. Thanks, Lily.

Wow. That's gotta be it. Right, Lil?

Wow. We finally found Barney's doppelgänger.

Wrong preposition.

Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her.

Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her.

Yeah, all boys.

Yeah, but doesn't Marshall's mom hate y... the fact that you two aren't very close?

Yeah, but plane food is ass.

Yeah, but that's a good lie.

Yeah, but you know what? He took a big step today.

Yeah, but Zoey is friends with us now too.

Yeah, come on, Barney. It's just a cute little story about...

Yeah, Dad?

Yeah, he's gotta go.

Yeah, I always get those e mails from Michelle Obama, and sometimes Obama himself.

Yeah, I can get that for you. Just a second.

Yeah, I do. I make a ton of money.

Yeah, I figured I should get one now...

Yeah, I said it, beardy...

Yeah, I'm not gonna go through that again.

Yeah, I'm very excited that they're here, too...

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, more like the opposite. He's been ignoring me all night.

Yeah, okay. Now we're getting to the good stuff.

Yeah, old stuff's great.

Yeah, on the bright side, I guess suits are pretty boring without them.

Yeah, Punchy, I've given this some serious thought.

Yeah, schoolgirls.

Yeah, that's just what Santa needs at 3:00 a.m...

Yeah, the Koreans are a trustworthy and generous people.

Yeah, there's more.

Yeah, this intervention isn't for me. It's for you.

Yeah, this is over.

Yeah, um...

Yeah, we got a game of Go Fish going on the phone.

Yeah, well, Marshall and I are about to get pregnant...

Yeah, well, your lunch money finally ran out.

Yeah, what do you say after three decades of not seeing each other?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a big ol' bowl of porn flakes.

Yeah, yeah!

Yeah, yeah. I need to tell you somethin' about Zoey too.

Yeah, you know, there's more to New York than Times Square.

Yeah, your nose is bleeding like a faucet.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Robin gave me a little orange pill from her purse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And it's not like you can screw up a hot dog.

Yeah. But aren't you supposed to be off managing some tour in Australia?

Yeah. Dude, come on.

Yeah. He gets a little murdery when he's nervous.

Yeah. He's a creepy dude.

Yeah. He's not doin' so good.

Yeah. Here's the thing about me and tools...

Yeah. I know. You turned it down. We hired someone else.

Yeah. I think I need a drink.

Yeah. I told Zoey you hate her.

Yeah. I understand.

Yeah. I'll bring out your eyes.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

Yeah. Nail biter.

Yeah. No, I get it.

Yeah. Not what it sounds like, folks.

Yeah. Observe.

Yeah. Penis feelings. Because she's hot.

Yeah. That was made out of silk, Ted.

Yeah. That would make Jerry a real chama lee on.

Yeah. The Captain's on his way home from Milan.

Yeah. The other day when you called...

Yeah. This whole thing got us thinking...

Yeah. Why wouldn't we be?

Yeah. Yeah, l l l I knew Loretta.

Yeah. Yeah. That laser tag thing is awesome.

Yep.

Yep.

Yepskerdoodles.

Yes, but I'm okay with that.

Yes, GNB is, uh...

Yes, I am.

Yes, I am.

Yes, I call my husband the Captain.

Yes, I drown the son of a bitch!

Yes, I, uh... I fell into some manure. It's hilarious. Fine.

Yes, we made our little deal with the universe, but...

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! Put him in a body bag!

Yes! The sea is all, like, "Ted, come hang out."

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. And we miss you.

Yes. I mean, sure, right now you're bald and leathery...

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yesl Seven times four?

Yikes! I'm surrounded by a bunch of dum dums.

You all feel me.

You almost got a peek.

You always add too much water to oatmeal.

You and I hanging out doesn't, you know, cross any lines.

You and I never really hang out alone.

You are gonna give me a lap dance!

You are legen... Wait for it.

You are living in a dream world.

You are looking at the new coin flip bimbo.

You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model.

You are speaking to the 2011 tri county laser tag co champion.

You are trying to make us have a girl.

You are.

You are... 'cause of all the sex we have!

You asked me questions...

You auditioned, didn't you?

You better finish the job.

You broke the first rule of setting people up... undersell.

You call the super for a screwdriver?

You can hear an entire conversation...

You can retire on the pants alone!

You can't delete contacts from your brain, Lily.

You can't do that. You can't beat the bus.

You can't wink.

You consistently miss at least one belt loop.

You could get checked out by someone who looks just like him.

You could scream and scream, and not a soul would hear you.

You cut a hole in the floor, she reaches into the living room, finds the tree.

You deserve the truth, so here it is.

You did it. How?

You did not move to the greatest city on earth...

You didn't get a "Good Effort"ribbon from the Shaker Heights J. C. C. Swim Camp...

You do realize there's roughly a 50% chance of you having a daughter, right?

You don't care that it's out of fashion...

You don't fight it. You just strap on the vinyl holster...

You don't have to answer it.

You don't know the first thing about architecture.

You don't mind if I take pictures, do you?

You don't need to worry. I...

You don't say, "It's the greatest movie ever."

You don't. Ted, you're their teacher.

You drop everything and rush to his side...

You even take off my shoes.

You ever bang Stevie Nicks?

You expect us to spend a whole day...

You feel like the seventh wheel because now Ted is with Zoey and Barney's with Nora...

You get a lap dance!

You get a lap dance!

You get to hear your dad's voice one last time.

You gonna come get beers with us later?

You got some "tig ol' bitties"!

You gotta not worry so much about being liked.

You gotta take me off that list, Barney.

You guys actually think I have some lingering itch to be an architect...

You guys are adorable.

You guys don't get it, okay?

You guys lied to me?

You guys like my new soul patch?

You guys like my new soul patch?

You guys played one gig four years ago. I'm deleting it.

You had sex with Sandy Rivers?

You had to go out with an eight year old girl?

You hate me?

You have a dojo?

You have been eliminated from the race.

You have got to be kidding me.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

You have terrible aim.

You have to promise me you won't lie to Nora!

You have to promise me you won't lie to Nora.

You heard right.

You interested?

You just can't tell someone exactly what you want out of a relationship.

You just knew he pooped somewhere in the house.

You just made up those nicknames right now.

You just take the 1, transfer to the 2, 3.

You just went through a tragedy. It's not like she's gonna call you up and...

You know I laugh with my whole body.

You know it is, Ted. You know it is. Come on, Ted. You always fall for that!

You know kids, friendship is funny someti...

You know that '98 Taurus that's always parked outside?

You know that, right?

You know what his real last words were?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? [Chuckles]

You know what? I feel bad for you Americans...

You know what? I'm going on a trip too, Scott.

You know what? That's just getting distracting.

You know what's fun is cold weather sports.

You know who probably has an umbrella?

You know why jalapeño poppers are so good?

You know why? Because you can't kick a story in the nuts.

You know, all those memories, all those experiences.

You know, buy him some shots, do the whole wounded bird trick.

You know, down into the shredder.

You know, everyone keeps saying that I'm not a real New Yorker.

You know, I don't even know how to have that conversation.

You know, I had this really boring poetry class in college.

You know, I just... I just wanna make sure...

You know, I totally forgot to tell you...

You know, in case I freak out... when I freak out.

You know, it's actually, um...

You know, it's, like, "Oh, I wear a suit to work every day."

You know, like, an entire human life...

You know, my all lawyer funk band. You remember.

You know, once we stopped trying to have a conversation and just focused on the drinking...

You know, that was really cool what you did.

You know, um, there's something that I wanted to ask you.

You know, when you think about that...

You know, you don't spell "women" with a "Y" anymore.

You know, you have so many great memories with your dad.

You know, you should listen to it.

You know, you're the one who's freakin' out because you have one mediocre review...

You last, like, two, three times as long.

You look gross when you cry, you know that?

You look like a basset hound.

You made a New Year's resolution.

You may be able to talk the brain surgeons you pick up into doing whatever you want...

You may now present your arguments.

You might as well not even go home.

You must do three things right before you lay with your maiden.

You must leave the château.

You name a chubby white kid LeBron...

You need to be, like...

You need to get your picture taken for your I.D. badge.

You never really know what's going on in there.

You okay?

You refused to talk to Robin, so I thought that you might like to talk to...

You remembered my birthday!

You said Liz was a total 10.

You said she looked like a movie star.

You said that any longer would be too much.

You said that?

You saved me.

You saved me. You saved us.

You saved us.

You saved us.

You say, "Uh, it's pretty good."

You search knees, feet, banisters...

You see him once a year, at which point he punches you really hard in the arm...

You see, every woman...

You see, every year, the Natural History Museum holds its Autumn Spectacular.

You see, I knew that Glitter used to be a keytarist, which is basically a piano...

You see, while this was going on...

You see? I read your Facebook updates.

You sent out to your eighth birthday party.

You sent out to your eighth birthday party."

You seriously believe that I, Barney Stinson, can't talk you into this?

You should be ashamed, Lily!

You should fire him.

You should have fired him a year ago.

You son of a bitch!

You son of a bitch!

You son of a bitch.

You stick with it.

You still want to do that?

You sure?

You talk during movies.

You think a tongue stuck to a frozen pole is bad.

You think working here is my dream?

You think your snobby New York cooking is better than mine!

You too. Uh, where's Zoey?

You took my father.

You tricked me.

You two never hang out alone.

You wanna dance?

You wanna join me for the tour's Asian leg?

You wanna know why I want to save that building?

You want that stuff, Barney. I know you do.

You were feeling vulnerable... and drunk.

You were probably too young to remember.

You were the coolest little kid.

You were two before I even knew you existed.

You were worried that I oversold you to Liz. Well, I fixed it.

You won't be able to look her directly in the boobs.

You You feed the paper in a downwards fashion...

You You think John Kennedy and Jack Kennedy are the same person.

You, sir, have got some strong swimmers.

You, uh, stay.

You, uh, still want a basketball hoop out there?

You... You sneeze with your whole body.

You'd think I wouldn't have to say that, but you'd be surprised.

You'll see pics of the two of 'em in next week's e mail. What up!

You're a big, stupid octopus head!

You're a good guy, Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville.

You're a journalist. Don't you want to be taken seriously?

You're a master.

You're a poop sniffing dog.

You're a show off.

You're all wearing matching sweaters. That's cute.

You're all wrong. I got a way to get there so fast, I could beat all of you...

You're carrying your own sunblock.

You're coming on the boat sometime.

You're fired.

You're fired. Auf Wiedersehen.

You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity.

You're gonna turn around, you're gonna go home, get naked...

You're gonna work here until you die. Huh? Huh?

You're here. Oh, my God. I love you so much. Can you believe it?

You're just scared of getting hurt again.

You're just too scared to face the truth.

You're lame, okay? You're just some lame suburban dad.

You're like Mary Poppins if her magic purse was also filled with drugs.

You're loving the attention.

You're my son.

You're never gonna get it down like that.

You're not fired.

You're not just deleting a number. You're deleting a part of your life.

You're not the pizza guy.

You're right.

You're right. I do. Thanks, Ted!

You're right. She's all yours, buddy.

You're seriously talking to me about charity, dude? I am Mr. Charity.

You're smiling because of Robin.

You're supposed to be the sane one.

You're the girl who did the report on the carriage driver...

You're the least needy woman I've ever met.

You're the new coin flip bimbo?

You're the one who pees on the floor.

You're the world's worst wingman. You know what?

You're trying to make us have a boy!

You're trying to make us have a girl!

You're up next, baby.

You're your own daddy...

You've been evicted from the Big Brother house.

You've been treating me with kid gloves since my dad died.

You've changed so much.

You've got to shut those voices out.

You've got to use multiplication.

You've had that hairstyle forever.

You've known about this for two and a half years?

You've somehow crammed Tijuana into a purse.

Your ass just got bugged.

Your Aunt Robin was starting her new job at World Wide News...

Your body's a perfect... this many.

Your co host is getting super popular...

Your dad called. He wants to know if you have any sixes.

Your dad loved you. It almost doesn't matter what he said.

Your dessert just didn't measure up. Sashay away.

Your eyes met.

Your father says he has front row seats to the Minnesota Twins.

Your father, he had a heart attack.

Your grandfather had all sons.

Your great grandfather had all sons.

Your heart's talkin' to you, Barney.

Your kindergarten class's pet guinea pig?

Your mom's already rearranged my kitchen, organized my closet...

Your move, Scherbatsky.

Your other hand...

Your sperm is fine.

Your tour ends here.

Your Uncle Marshall is thankful for what Lily said next.

Your work of art didn't work for us.

Zoey and the Captain are getting divorced.

Zoey told me you're a scotch drinker.

Zoey, um, did you just say you were out with friends?

Zoey, wait.

Zoey, you're very pretty. Your hair smells great.

Zoey?

Zoey.

Zoey's in love with Ted, but she's married.

Zoey's in love with Ted.

0 for 1.

32 years.

50 years from now...

100 meters.

236.

'Cause he gets hit... Right in the nuts.

'Sup, turds? Ew.

"Why did you abandon me?" "Why'd you wait so long to contact me?"

[All Chattering] It'll never work.

[All Groan] Oh, you ruined it!

[All Groaning] Should've just let you get a dog.

[All Laughing] [All Laughing]

[All Scream] Yeah.

[All Shouting] Hold on! Hold on!

[All Yell] It'll be the last dinner they ever have.

[All Yell] Wants to murder you!

[All Yell] Wants to murder you.

[All Yell] wants to murder you.

[All] Hey! What are you doing?

[Audience Shouting] Heads! Tails! Ta... Heads.

[Baby Crying] [Together] Uh oh.

[Beep] Hello.

[Beeping] # He vanquished the alarm #

[Beeping] Observe.

[Beeps] Aren't you gonna get it?

[Beeps] Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking.

[Beeps] Hey, baby.

[Beeps] Oh, God.

[Beeps] Yeah.

[Beeps] You can't not answer the phone because it would be rude.

[Bell Chimes] Hey, Lil...

[Blows Raspberry] What's wrong?

[Both Exhale] To Lily and Marshall.

[Both Exhale] To Lily and Marshall.

[Both Laugh] Hey, we're still those people.

[Both Screaming] It's positive!

[Both] Hey! You do not get to hear the beaver song!

[Boy Shouting] [Children Laughing]

[Cell Phone Ringing] Go on.

[Cell Phone Rings] [Beeps]

[Cell Phone Rings] Schmosby!

[Cheryl] Jerry! Uh, okay.

[Chuckles] Yeah, we were pretty antiestablishment back then.

[Chuckling] Okay, I'm not an idiot.

[Clock Ticking] Marshall's beer goggles kicked in...

[Coin Rings] Ow!

[Cork Pops] Oh!

[Crowd Cheering] ## [Organ On P.A.]

[Crowd Shouting] You remember Zoey.

[Crying] Watch out!

[Door Closes] I get it now.

[Door Closes] Whoa.

[Exhales] [Ice Cubes Clink]

[Gasps] It's okay, baby.

[Gasps] Oh, my gosh! That's amazing news.

[Gasps] Ow! Nails! Nails!

[Gasps] Watch out!

[Gasps] What?

[Giggling] Hey...

[Giggling] It's their national mascot.

[Giggling] Whoa!

[Glitter] Twenty eightl [Man] Keep going.

[Groans] [Audience Gasping]

[Groans] My mom is about to collapse.

[Grunts] Barney, what is going on?

[Grunts] I wanna talk about babies. What?

[Johnny Shouting] [Children Laughing]

[Judy] Marshall! Marshall! [Knocking]

[Karate Yell] [Screams]

[Knocking] Randy, hey. Have you seen...

[Knocking] Well, here's our screwdriver now.

[Laughing] [Laughing] Wow.

[Laughing] The list goes on.

[Lily Chuckles] Woman, you best check yourself.

[Lily Laughs] No, Ted. I'm really looking at her face.

[Lily] Did it hurt? [Ted] What?

[Lily] That's so sweet. I get that a lot. Well, once.

[Line Ringing] [Sports Announcer On Radio]

[Liquid Splashing] [Screaming]

[Male Vocalist] Hyahl [Whip Cracks]

[Marshall Continues, Indistinct] Thanks.

[Marshall Laughs] Rule number one:

[Marshall Screams] [Lily] Hey, you...

[Marshall] Oh, you're wearing a flower. Thank you.

[Max] Sure. I know what you did back there.

[Men Clapping, Whooping] [Loud Pop]

[Monitor: Rhythmic Beeping] I want a family.

[No Audible Dialogue] Damn it, Max! That's Maury Povich!

[No Audible Dialogue] You don't...

[Phone Beeps] And that's Robin on the other line.

[Phone Beeps] Oh. Sorry. My phone's charged.

[Phone Ringing] God.

[Phone Rings, Beeps] Hello?

[Phone Rings] You gentlemen keep talking.

[Screaming] It's my cab! Aah!

[Screaming] No!

[Screeching] Schmosby! Punchy!

[Seagull Squawking] [Together] Here...

[Sharp Crack] [Man Groans, Vomits]

[Shivers] Let's make a baby. Mmm!

[Shotgun Cocks] I got this.

[Shutter Clicks] Aw, yeah!

[Shutter Clicks] Smile for the birdie, Lou.

[Sighs] Oh, that sucks.

[Sighs] You've had a rough year.

[Sighs] Okay, fine. I'll watch it with you. Yah!

[Siren Wailing] Oh, no.

[Sobbing] [Shutter Clicks]

[Sobbing] [Ted Narrating] See, kids? Told ya I'd get it.

[Thudding] Buddy.

[Together] Here it comes, and here... [Thud]

[Weeping] Okay, maybe just one cuddle, but then that's it.

[Yelling] Whoa!

# And passed his friend Christine # Hey, Christine.

# And the moon # # The moon #

# Ask anyone # Whoo hoo!

# Be afraid # Hey! Ho!

# He triumphed over Pitfalll # Yes!

# If it's not too early # Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?

# Oh, I won't # # No, I won't #

# Snow on the ground, snow in the... # Hey. You guys okay?

# Stand # # Won't you stand by #

# Stand by me # # Stand by me #

# Stand by me # ## [Scatting]

# The cable box's fearsome bite # Ow!

# The stapler's mighty sting # Oh!

# We look upon # # Mmm mmm mmm #

# What you find # [Tires Screech]

# With his Fonzarelli arm # Don't know if I'm gonna be able to do it.

## ["Chicken Dance"] Sorry to hear that.

## [Alt Rock] And no matter how much I try to forget that it happened...

## [Bagpipes Deflate] [Laughing]

## [Cell Phone Rings: "Anchors Aweigh"] Oh, that's the Captain.

## [Continues, Indistinct] Hi, Dad.

## [Continues] [Chattering]

## [Disco] [Cheering, Screaming]

## [Funk] # Your witness lied #

## [Man Vocalizing] [Beeps]

## [Piano] # When the night has come #

## [Pop] Where do I know this song from?

## [Woman Singing In French] Thanks.

Actually J.J. has a job. Tell him, J.J. I got a paper route.

Ahoy. Ahoy, the Captain.

All in an old stone house. Yeah, with ivy growing on it.

Am I right, Dad? Good slam, Barney.

Am I right, Dad? Got him again.

and all you could say was "boo freakin' hoo"? Boo f...

And beavers are adorable! No arguments here.

And don't even try showin' up to the drum circle this weekend. Yeah.

And how long have you been trying? Six days.

and I responded with made up words. What?

And more importantly, she makes me feel needed. Needed?

and pseudo intellectual like... [Echoing] Boogers.

And that's why we never hang out alone? Yes.

And the vandal's name... Who?

And then the fat kid... The fat kid just keeps...

And what is he? He's a dog.

And when the project was ultimately scrapped... [Eraser Scratching]

And why would I? Are you kidding me?

And you! Ooh.

And you're Canadian? Mm hmm.

Any questions? Yes. How do you sleep at night?

Any questions? Yes. How do you sleep at night?

Anyone have a condom? [Marshall] Oh, God! [Lily] No, no, no.

Are they just as good? Sure.

Are we allowed in here? What do you want from me?

Are you kidding? Guys, Barney's losing his childhood home.

As honored as I am by the offer, um... [Phone Chirping]

Aw. Oh, Robin.

Barney, can you grab me a screwdriver? Sure thing.

Barney, do you want to... I don't want to do anything.

Barney, I've already told... And my sperm don't work.

Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. [Gasps]

Barney. It's okay, Mom. I don't need it.

Barney. Save it, Lily!

Becky. Last night in Staten Island...

Best friends don't do that. Well, we did, okay?

Big announcement. Let me guess. You got a huge bonus check too.

Bill Pepper? Mm hmm.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Wow, an architect.

Blah... [Whispering] Straw.

Blue? What if it's a girl? Damn it!

Boo freakin' hoo? That's it? Yeah.

But at that moment... You're not pregnant.

But Barney hasn't done... Ted...

But don't touch anything. Thank you, the Captain.

But eventually... [Ticking Continues]

But then that night... I'm telling you...

Bye, sweetie. Bye, Mom.

Can I finish my drink first? Darling, there you are.

Can you just hold me? You know what? No.

Can you keep it together? No, I can't keep it together!

Can't seem to shake it. Okay. 'Cause I was gonna say you look a little, um...

Captain, what do you think of rainy days? [Lily] Aaah.

Challenge accepted. No.

Chrissy, I love your glasses. Really?

Cocktails on the patio. And we must have a pool.

Come here. [Sniffles]

Come on, guys. What was...

Come on, Marshall. There's a line.

Cop out! Sucker! Oh, that's it! I'm not... Yeah.

Corner booth. Now. Aw. Cruel.

D'ah! Don't they have food on the plane?

Dad... I bet you one of the Koreans has an umbrella.

Damn it! [Bell Chimes]

Damn it! No...

Damn it. And Marshall's the winner.

Did I cheat on you? No.

Did I ever! [Exclaiming]

Did that really bother you? Well, yeah.

Did we bet on this? Let's say yes.

Difficult stuff? What What difficult stuff? I don't know.

Do you think the others can tell we're freakin'out? What am I doing with my life?

Does anyone have a... Outlet or USB?

Does your mom make stuff like that up a lot? Constantly.

Don't care. He's been stuck in Cleveland his whole life.

Don't do it, Marshall! I'm sorry Robin!

Dropped my keys. I'll get 'em.

Dry cleaners, bank. Ted, it's time.

Dude, everyone sees Maury Povich. Maury Povich is everywhere.

Dude! There's no other architect.

eat a lemon... [Sighs]

Edwin. Oh, no. Not that one.

Eeh! [Beeps]

Eight pound? [Sighs] I guess.

Eight times nine? Seventy two!

Emily? Lisa?

Fine, I'll go. Awesome.

First person there wins! Doesn't matter how you get there.

Five times six? Ooh, 30.

from those "elbows on the table" Wisconsinites. You can do this.

Funky! Funky!

Genius! Okay.

Get a hotel. Robin.

Glen McKenna, neat. Milk, skim.

Glitter got pregnant, so Robin dumped her. Oh!

Gnarly. [Chuckling]

Good night, Barney. Good night, Mommy.

Good on you. Yeah. Thank you.

Good talkin' to you. You too. If you're ever in New York.

Great. Great.

Gregory. Oh, God.

Guilty. Handsome.

Guys, we've got a problem. [Ted] Hmm?

Guys. Yeah, guys, cut it out.

He did. And the intense eye contact thing?

He sounded kind of depressed. Is this the Ted who got left at the altar?

He wants us to come check it out. [Groaning]

He's going to masturbate. Lily!

He's new to the city and he doesn't really know anyone. I knew it.

He's staying here? You're staying here? I know. It's so good, right?

He's totally a dog. What? You saw him hitting on someone?

Head? 200 meters.

Hello? It didn't work.

Hello? So, are we ever gonna see you again?

Hello. Ranjit, take me to Gregor's.

Hello. You must be Barney. [Chuckling]

Hello. You must be Barney. [Chuckling]

Here we go. You're clearly trying to fill a hole. In her heart.

Here, show us on Lily. You know what?

Hey, can I borrow your phone? I wanna call my dad. Yeah. Go ahead.

Hey, great idea. Uh, no. Great idea!

Hey, guys. Hey, have you seen Scooby?

Hey, guys. Hey.

Hey, guys. Hey.

Hey, guys. Uh oh.

Hey, I have a question. Yeah?

Hey, is that Maury Povich? Where?

Hey, Marshall. Barney.

Hey, Marshall. Mm.

Hey, Nora, sorry I'm late. Hey!

Hey, Professor Mosby. Hey, Rachel.

Hey, Ted. Hey.

Hey, Ted. Yeah, buddy?

Hey, you really do have everything in there, don't you? Mm hmm.

Hey, Zoey. Hey.

Hey! Marshall! [Marshall] So my dad called up from the street.

Hey! That's my cab! Gregor's Steakhouse, downtown.

Hey. Bro!

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. How are you?

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Oh, my goodness.

Hey. Tell us everything.

Hi, guys. [Woman] Welcome.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Listen, um, about Barney.

His name is Eli. [Beeps]

His swim trunks fall off. His shorts just fall right off.

Hmm? He's gay!

Hmm. [Lily] Hey, look at this.

Hmm. True story.

Hold on. [Beeps]

Hot. Really?

How did that even happen? [Ted Narrating] Here's how it happened.

How do you feel about the Jonas Brothers? Ooh!

How many do you want? Three. One of each.

How? I sent her another e mail.

How? Medium rare. But that's not important right now.

How'd it go, buddy? [Sighs] Where do I begin?

Huh? I don't know what that is.

Huh? Oh! Ah!

Hyahl [Whip Cracks]

I can't do this. I c... [Clattering]

I didn't compliment. Just observed. I know, isn't it?

I don't know what you're talking about. Where's the poop, Robin?

I don't... [Others Groan]

I fired Randy yesterday. That was a mistake.

I got the queen to give me a fist bump. No one believes that story.

I got this. Whoa! [Groans]

I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now. [Thinking] I can.

I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. It's only been two months.

I knew, if you got a dog, I'd wind up taking care of it. He's not a...

I lied. Barney.

I looked up his address. Who?

I lost 'em. Look, you're new at teaching.

I love him. [Hisses]

I love horsies. Mm hmm.

I love you. Mmm.

I might. No. No. But you keep it on your phone...

I only have one rule. [Groaning]

I run into Zoey. Hey, Zoey.

I still kind of think it's Barney. There's no way it's Barney.

I stopped being friends with her. What? Why?

I suppose you have a problem with the Easter Bunny too. Not now.

I think I need a drink. Me too.

I thought she was charming. You too?

I thought that you'd be happy. But I don't belong here.

I thought you said that he wa... Stop. Come on.

I wanna do more. Well, now you're talking.

I want to keep working at GNB. But I thought that you...

I was outta control. [Falsetto] Outta control!

I won! No!

I worry about you, Ted. [Chuckles] You worry about me?

I... [Gasps]

I'll call you in a few days with the results. [Sighs] Yeah.

I'll get the next hundred. You're not getting outta this.

I'll go for a walk. I love a good walk. No, Scooby.

I'm extremely fertile. You're extremely fertile!

I'm gonna pick it up and everything. Oh!

I'm gonna take... No, no, baby. Baby, I got it. Let me.

I'm just agreeing with Ted. [Cell Phone Rings]

I'm not playing laser tag. I'm absolutely not playing laser tag.

I'm not sure how to start this. Yeah.

I'm on my way home. Wait, wait! Robin!

I'm pregnant. [Robin] What?

I'm pregnant. [Robin] What?

I'm pregnant. What?

I'm serious! We... [Imitates Beep]

I'm sorry. I first noticed it at the bar.

I'm still friends with Punchy. Dude, he lives in Cleveland.

I'm sure you're a real player. Oh, big time.

I'm wearin' a green tie. [Bell Dings]

If we face this a way. Hmm?

Impeccable, old bean. To industry! Oh, bully!

Impressive. Mmm.

Innocence of a child. Got it. Here we go.

Is that okay? It's totally okay.

Isn't that a little harsh? Harsh?

It ages well. That's the thing. Mm hmm.

It ages well. That's the thing. Mm hmm.

It doesn't matter. Guys... Guys...

It feels so good to finally say that out loud. Dude.

It gets you thinking. # About what we've learned? #

It wasn't me. Me neither.

It's a Christmas themed movie snack. Mmm.

It's a medical thing. Oh.

It's an intervention. Oh, thank God.

It's healthy. Wait a minute.

It's like I'm blind. Uh, you're too old to ask to see the cockpit.

It's not a number I recognize. So, don't answer it.

It's not funny. Robin, a word of advice... play along.

It's not okay! I really didn't think it was okay!

It's positive. It's positive?

It's positive. It's positive? It's positive!

Jerome Whittaker's my uncle. Uncle Jerry. Well, it says father.

Judy, I... I I did it.

Just don't answer it. I can't not answer. It's impolite.

Just not on a boat. Fair enough.

Just so annoying. Okay.

Keep smiling. He can still see us. Okay. Bye.

Labrador. [All Laughing]

LeBron. [Sighs] Okay. One night.

Let me look at this. Can we not?

Let's do it! [Screaming]

Let's take a... ## [Bagpipes]

Like Oprah. [Marshall] Oh.

Like, um... [Together] Jamie.

Lil? Robin's gonna dump me.

Lily, can you toss me a beer? Sure, honey.

Lily, how old am I? 384 months.

Lily, how old would you say that kid is? Four years, three months.

Lily, what brings you to the crib? The crib.

Lisa. Emily.

Little trivia game. Hmm.

Look, Punchy's here. Yeah.

Lots of drinks! Oh, so many drinks!

Make a muscle. Hey.

Mama. Look at my two sons.

Marine biologist. Please, no.

Marshall, I don't like this. I know.

Marshall? You got nothin' on me.

Marshall... How is this fair?

Maybe a little. You said she was a 10.

Mm hmm. So I'm so sorry, man.

Mm hmm. Well, while that was happening...

Mmm. [Laughs]

Mmm. [Sighs]

Mmm. Cervical mucus.

Mmm. I'm in love with Zoey.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. No. Dependable.

Mmm. Oh, God. Remember Russell?

Mmm. That's true. [Ted Narrating] That was true of my teaching job...

Mom, who's my dad? [TV: Applause]

Mom! Sorry.

Mom! Marcus! [Knocking]

Mom... And Sam Gibbs wasn't the mayor.

Move alongl [Coyote Howls]

Move alongl [Coyote Howls]

My co anchor's a woman. Tell me you are hooking up with one of your co anchors.

My fault? Yeah, with the whole "I want to get married" thing.

My life isn't perfect. Oh, please. What's your biggest problem?

Nah. [Gasps]

Nah. [Gasps]

Nailed it! Excuse me.

Nate, these are my friends. What's up, guys?

Nice monkey suit, Russell. Yeah.

Nice to meet you. Hi.

No hard feelings. Really?

No hard feelings. Really?

No idea. Why? Oh.

No, don't stop the car. Not stopping the car.

No, dude! Dude! It's a kid show. [Gasps]

No, I'm good. Oh, shoot.

No, it's because that girl... We get it.

No! [Tires Screech]

No! I really won?

No. [Chuckles]

No. and flung said rib at giant whale...

No. At approximately 1000 hours...

No. Times Square's da bomb!

No. vandal dislodged rib from triceratops skeleton...

No. We've been waiting all day.

Not bad at all." See, now you went too far in the other direction.

Not even if she's hot? Not even if her mom's hot.

now. [Clock Ticking]

Of course I will. Yo!

Of course they did. Bye, sweetie. Mwah!

Of course, dear. Marcus, hang up!

Oh yeah, that story is legen... [Cell Phone Rings]

Oh, can she? Can she get a dog? Please, Ted. No!

Oh, come on! It's someone we know!

Oh, come on. Barney's been to a strip club once. Once?

Oh, damn. What?

Oh, did he get the clothes I sent him? Check it.

Oh, God. I know. I know.

Oh, good, the eggs are here. Well, I should head up.

Oh, he loves it. [Lily] Ahhh.

Oh, I hate that guy. It gets worse.

Oh, I remember. We didn't have sex. Thank you.

Oh, my God! Oh, wow.

Oh, my God. I promise you, tomorrow you'll feel a lot better.

Oh, no. How long have you been sick? About 20 minutes.

Oh, sweetheart. [Crying]

Oh, uh, Korean massage. By yourself?

Oh! [Bottle Shatters]

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh. And Zoey.

Oh. You're still the star.

Ohh! Good boy, Scooby!

Ohh. I'm so happy you guys made up. Me too.

Okay, he's in. Go. Go. Gun it. What?

Okay, here's my list of baby names. Oh.

Okay, I didn't do it. What?

Okay, I'll do it. What?

Okay, I'll tell you. Okay.

Okay, it's a move. What?

Okay, no candles. No candles.

Okay, Scherbatsky. You want to tussle? I'll tussle.

Okay, you have to go. Right.

Okay, you know what? There. Gone. [Beeps]

Okay, you're right. He dropped it.

Okay. Okay?

Ooh, we're bad. Baby...

Ooh! [Laughs]

Ooh! Wait! I'm wrong!

Ooh. Not bad.

Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Wow, that's pretty cool.

Ooh. Looks like that bee got busy. Ha.

Ooh. Wow! God.

Oops. [Sighs] I'll tell you what.

Or did you call 'er? Guys, stop hounding him.

Our characters had pet beavers. [Giggles]

Our movie snack. Are you kidding me?

Owl? Exactly.

Please, please. Just come down and talk to me. Why? Why should I?

Pregnancy? Mm hmm.

Punchy, it's time to go back. Back to Times Square?

Punchy! [High Voice] Schmosby!

Punchy! Hey, good talkin' to you, Ted.

Punchy! Schmosby!

Punchy! Schmosby!

Question two. Wait.

Ranjit, stop the car. Stopping the car.

Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Right, baby? Absotively.

Right, Marsh Madness? No doubt, RoboCop.

Rob? No. Why not?

Robin has another party to go to. Oh, damn it! I'm leaving!

Robin insisted I confirm how "awful" Becky is... Mm hmm.

Robin, I had no idea that... No, it's my fault for thinking that you might care.

Robin, who'd you sleep with? I told you. Randy.

Robin? Don't say the Mr. T dream.

Robin? Robin. That's it, yeah.

Running him over. Lily, what the hell is the matter with you?

Running the water. Holding the towel.

runs away. running away.

Sandwich brownies? Okay.

Sandy, this is... Robin.

Scooby! Scoob!

See how you like it. My "plezh"!

See you guys tomorrow. [Ted Narrating] So Lily and Marshall headed home.

See, 'cause... 'cause he got hit... Right in the nuts.

Seriously, stop the car. Seriously stopping the car.

She tried not to talk about babies. Hey!

She's not fat. [Coughs]

She's right. [Murmuring Agreement]

Shed a little light on the matter. Did you send her an e mail?

Show me... owl attack. [Typing]

Smell me. [Murmurs]

Smell me. [Sniffs]

So who's the lucky patient? I don't wanna talk about it.

So, Ted. Hmm?

Son? It's just an expression. I'm still not your dad.

Sure. [Phone Beeps]

Sure. [Ted Narrating] The next hour got pretty weird.

Sure. The beaver is the official animal of Canada.

Surprise! Damn it, Barney.

Sweetie, who was that? It's my friend Ted.

Take the M7 to the M5. The bus?

Ted is in the way. Run him over.

Ted, I can't get married! Yes, you can! You love her!

Ted? Go ahead.

Ted. [Screaming]

Tell us the tale. Yes, how did you whisk her off her feet?

Thank you. Good on you.

Thanks. Yeah. We had a great time last night.

that all goes out the window. ## [Continues]

That guy. [Weeping]

That last bump just made me hit "send." No, no.

That sounds ridiculous. So sue me...

That was just stupid. Stupid.

That's awful. Nope. Here's the awful part.

That's been goin' on a while. Only way I know how.

That's cold. Didn't you do the same thing, minus the baby?

That's great! Mm hmm.

That's my mother's name. I know.

That's not true. Robin, don't disagree with Marshall.

That's nothing. Well, you should talk.

That's the Hermanson contract? The Hermanson contract?

That's what I'm talking about! Right!

That's your scrotum. [Laughing]

The 'N Sync concert. 1998, Cleveland's Gund Arena.

The Arcadian is an architecturally significant... Architecturally significant?

The ballet class. I once took a ballet class. Not ashamed.

The calzone? Checkmate.

The Jerky Boys are funny. The Jerky Boys aren't funny! They are awful!

The machines have won! Dude, mellow!

The Mr. T dream. [Whimpers]

The only people that like their teachers... I liked my teachers.

Then I'm also crossing off, um, Shaquille... Mm hmm.

Then what am I supposed to do? Okay, just shut it down.

Then why do I remember you? I don't know.

There. Deleted. [Beeps]

There's no poop. Where's the poop?

Thermos. Nope. Not even once.

They did? Yeah.

They're kissing. They're kissing!

Thirty? I'm pregnant.

This is a private conversation! God! [Beeps]

This is about the coffee breath. Finally! No, it's the shoulder hair.

This is crazy. I can't believe it.

This is mine. I don't understand.

This is my cab! [Robin Screaming]

This is Ted. Capital.

To Lily and Marshall. Well, thank you.

To Lily and Marshall. Well, thank you.

To Lily and Marshall. Well, thank you.

To my knowledge, you do not speak Portuguese. Well, actually...

Twenty minute delay? How do you do that?

Two dudes watchin' a kid show might be worse. [Barney Laughs]

Ugh. There it is.

Uh, Mom. Stop.

Uh, nice choice. Thanks. Brings out my eyes.

Uh, okay. Mmm.

Uh, pass. Same.

Uh, Robin's version was... That is exactly how it happened.

Uh, well, he got out. "Got out"? What do you mean?

Um... You oversold her.

Unbelievable. I know. Right?

Une histoire vraie. Hmm.

Unless... What's up, Barney?

Velour is so comfortable. These are so soft!

Velour tracksuits! [Cheering]

W What is that? I don't get it.

W What number is this? I'm up on burners, player.

Wait. Did you go out with Ted Mosby? Yes!

Wait. She didn't go home with Ted? Nope. He let me have her.

Wait. You knew? We didn't have a hair dryer, dear.

Walk me home? Walk? Somebody say walk?

Walk me home? Walk? Somebody say walk?

Wanna go touch a bunch of stuff? Yeah, I do.

Wanna hang? Nah.

Was there more to that story? Little bit.

We are crazy! We're totally crazy.

We can begin. Uh uh. No.

We can't get emotional about the news we... Oh, no!

We definitely had sex. We did not have sex.

We don't care about this at all. No one challenged you. It wasn't really a challenge.

We gotta go back to Paris. And take ballroom dancing.

We were thinking maybe we'd just get a dog. Get a puppy!

We're idiots. This kid doesn't stand a chance.

We're not fat cats. Exactly.

We're ready for this. We're ready for this.

we've always just referred to her as... Honey.

We've had sex. [Man] Oh!

We've never been happier. Mmm.

We've never been happier. Mmm.

Weird day. Weird day.

Well, Barney, your heart sounds fine. See, Lily?

Well, hot dog. [Students Laugh]

Well, I'm sorry, Randy, but that's called fraud. It's not fraud.

Well, she's an 85 foot sloop. She?

What about animals? Ah!

What about Tara? No.

What are you doing? Oh, are you unhappy with my performance?

What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

What changed your mind? Marshall and Lily.

What did he say? No clue.

What do you mean? Well, this guy has flaked out on your whole life.

what I've been through. I know! I know! I know!

What, you really had something to talk about? Yes.

What? Ask me what I did yesterday.

What? It's called body language.

What? What? Oh...

What? Why it's elementary, my dear "Scherbatson."

What? You're havin' dinner with him tonight.

What's that? Breast feeding.

What's the matter? You look rattled. Rattled?

What's wrong? I don't know. Got a burger comin'.

What's wrong? I don't wanna talk about it.

When I said I lied, that was a lie, and I'm sorry. I'm confused.

Where are Marshall and Lily? Who cares?

Where you going, Son? I'm going to...

Where's the poop, Robin? Excuse me?

Where's the poop, Robin? How do you do that?

While Fat Kid Sips Energy Drink." Okay, Barney...

Who cares? but here's what I saw.

Who's in? Sorry.

Who's the second message from? Dr. Stangel's office.

Who's your daddy? [Both Groan]

who's your daddy? [Chuckles]

Who's your daddy? [Giggles]

Whoa! Put that away.

Whoa. Are you okay?

Whoa. Whoa.

Whoo! [Cheering]

Why are you wearing that? Why does Barney do anything ever?

Why aren't you in class? Yeah, Ted.

Why does that make you so mad? Because if you were gonna be some lame suburban dad...

Why is that? It's because of the mermaid theory.

Why was Marshall calling you? Don't worry about it. Go on.

Why? I have a family now.

Why? Lily hates you.

Wow, that is disgusting. Exactly. It's not like the opposite will work.

Wow, this is so dirty. Come on, Barney. It's a sweet song about friendship.

Wow. I think it was the chili dog.

Wow. She nursed you back to health? No.

Wuss. Marcus!

Yay! [All Cheering]

Yay! Hi, Becky. My, you're perky.

Yeah, and it cuts... Ooh!

Yeah, I do. Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Yeah, it's positive racism. Mmm.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, it's fine.

Yeah, that's what your mom said. How dare you!

Yeah, you too. If you're ever in New York. Definitely.

Yeah! [Marshall] They're kissing!

Yeah! Maybe that's where Scooby went. Who's Scooby?

Yeah. Okay? I'll be right back.

Yeah. Why? Bring 'em in, boys.

Yes, they were. We heard it, yeah.

Yes! [Laughs] Okay, fine.

Yes. Yes.

You are so playful. Nice job fetching those.

You can do this. I can't turn my back...

You can't do that on television. Exactly.

You can't do that on television. Exactly.

You did a commercial? Why not?

You didn't sleep with her? No.

You don't, do you? No. Do you?

You feelin' better? I have a confession to make.

You get this one bottle, I'll get the next three. Tell you what. No dice.

You got attacked by an owl? I did not get attacked by an owl.

You guys wanna fire these up? Scooby, we're in our 30s.

You had all boys. Oh, well, that... that was just dumb luck.

You have a voice mail from your dad? How?

You have gaps too, Lily! You got nothin' on me.

You haven't watched it yet? No, of course not.

You know, maybe I can live with that. Yeah.

You mean "coin flip bimbo"? They're not bimbos.

You name it... Wait, wait. I'm sorry.

You never know... But you do know. You do know.

You ready for this? For what?

You shredded them? [Stammering] I sent them downtown.

You slept with Randy! [Gasps]

You still do that? No.

You think that will work? Worked on me.

You took the Heads or Tails job? Yeah.

You two know each other. Know each other?

You wanna go on a date with my hot cousin? I'll get the ketchup.

You want to tussle? Let's tussle.

You weren't? I'm sorry.

You will meet her, buddy. Ya think so?

You wouldn't have to take care of it. Really?

You? Three.

You'd do that to your own wife? Sure. Why not?

You're a jerk. [Laughing]

You're a jerk. [Ted Narrating] Okay, that makes no sense.

You're a journalist. What is the matter with you? It's a national audience.

You're goin' down. Down where? To the yacht club?

You're here to knock it down. [Chuckles]

You're loving this. No.

You're not pregnant. [Both Gasping]

You're not pregnant. [Gasps]

You're not pregnant. Well, that did it.

You're Sam Gibbs? Yes.

You're sure you're not missing a decimal point? Nope.

You've been chopped. Okay. Yeah, I know.

zero... [Phone Chirps]

Zoey! Zoey was married to the Captain.

Zoey's in love with Ted. Marcus!

Zoey's in love... Zoey's in love with Ted, and Ted doesn't know.

...daddy!

...dary.

...things! This is the one he got.

'Cause Cobra Kai Sensei's all, like, "Sweep the leg!"

'Cause it seems to me like I'm takin' a mop to that bathroom floor every two days.

'cause she's got brothers.

'cause the Captain's all out of white zin?

'Cause whenever I'm starting to feel Ionely...

'Kay.

'Sup, Schmosby! What's the man doin'?

"Ahh."

"Ahh."

"Barney, I know what you're doing, and it's not gonna work. I am not taking that job"?

"brown," "pointy," "weird"...

"But you said you'd get the Corgis neutered this weekend."

"Champ, it doesn't matter if you fall down once in a while."

"currency rotation specialist."

"Dear Barney...

"Dear Barney"...

"Dear Liz, I hope it didn't sound like I was trying to oversell Ted.

"Face." Huh. That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet.

"Guy Playing Bagpipes Gets Hit in the Nuts by Low flying Seagull."

"I love you."

"I love you."

"I said no such thing." "Oh, yeah?" Click.

"I sincerely apologize about losing all the invitations...

"I will always be proud of you."

"I'll be honest, the first few times aren't gonna be that great.

"If"?

"Is he gonna rock your world in bed? No.

"Judy duty."

"July 23, 1981. Incident report.

"Last words" seems like a good theme.

"Legendaddy"!

"Life is such a gift."

"Little League Coach Gets Hit in the Nuts...

"More quiche! More quiche!"

"Not fat" means ugly. Whoa!

"P.S., Pops. Go fish." [Laughs]

"Plane food is ass."

"Pur lease." You lie to your husband all the time.

"Really rich"?

"Rent Crocodile Dundee 3.

"Rent Crocodile Dundee 3"...

"so low" that you got shot down.

"So, how about those last 30 Super Bowls"?

"Spoonful of sugar?" [Scoffs] Grow up.

"Stinson was reprimanded and returned to the custody...

"Suit up." Not convinced.

"Super Kicks Karate."

"Take your seats, everyone.

"Ted Mosby is really handsome, but extremely violent...

"Ted Mosby is solid as a rock."

"This just in"...

"Uh, uh, that shirt looks great on you. I love your mom.

"Unfinished."

"Unfinished."

"We care about making dreams come true." In three, two...

"What were your last words with the deceased?"

"Who's the master, Leroy?"

"With?" I am not "with" Nora.

"You know something, gorgeous?

"You've hurt me before. Why should I trust you now?"

[All Cheering]

[All Laughing]

[All Laughing]

[All Laughing]

[All Laughing]

[All Screaming]

[All Whooping, Cheering]

[All] Charge!

[All] Ohh!

[Announcer] It's the Farhampton Boat Show...

[Audience Shouting] Tails! Heads! Tails!

[Baby Talk] Someone naughty left his toys on the floor...

[Baby Talk] Uh oh. I'm in twubble!

[Balloon Pops]

[Balloon Squeaking]

[Barney Whistles]

[Barney] Exactly.

[Barney] I was so awesome...

[Barney] So we're doing this?

[Barney] Yep. That's a wrap.

[Beep]

[Beeping Resumes]

[Beeps]

[Beeps]

[Beeps]

[Beeps]

[Beeps]

[Beeps]

[Bell Chimes]

[Bell Dings]

[Bell Dings]

[Bell Dings]

[Bell Dings]

[Bell Dings]

[Bell Tinkles]

[Bell Tinkles]

[Blows Raspberry]

[Blows Raspberry]

[Blows]

[Both Chuckle]

[Both Exhale]

[Both Gasping]

[Both Giggling]

[Both Giggling]

[Both Laugh]

[Bottle Shatters]

[Bottle Shatters]

[Brakes Screeching]

[British Accent] "You are the weakest link. Good bye."

[Cackling]

[Camera Shutter Clicks]

[Cell Phone Chirping]

[Cell Phone Chirps]

[Cell Phone Rings]

[Cell Phone Rings]

[Chattering]

[Chokes]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles] How do you even remember that?

[Chuckles] I broke up with Scooter at the prom.

[Chuckles] What's that like?

[Chuckles] Who's your daddy?

[Chuckles] You're a hoot.

[Chuckling]

[Chuckling] "A boat." Wait. That is how you say it.

[Chuckling] I did. I sent them downtown.

[Chuckling] I loved pee wee basketball.

[Chuckling] Oh, we'll see about that.

[Chuckling] Yeah.

[Clears Throat, Gasps]

[Clears Throat]

[Clears Throat] Some examples of Greek Revival architecture...

[Clears Throat] Your son?

[Clicks Off]

[Clicks Off]

[Clock Ticking]

[Conductor On P. A: Muffled, Indistinct]

[Conductor On P. A: Muffled, Indistinct]

[Coughing, Sneezing]

[Coughs] "Cute" means fat.

[Coughs] I take back everything I said.

[Crowd Applauds]

[Crowd Booing]

[Crowd Cheering]

[Crowd Joins In] # Da da, da da da da, da da da #

[Crying]

[Crying] I got married when I was 22...

[Crying] Oh, God!

[Crying] Who would do that?

[Cup Shatters]

[Deep Breath]

[Distorted Chattering, Static]

[Distorted, Reverberating] Wait, Dad, James.

[Door Opens]

[Door Opens]

[Doorbell Rings]

[Doorbell Rings]

[Echoing] Poo poo platter.

[Echoing] Poo poo.

[Electronic Effect] B B B Boats!

[Electronic Voice] # Two beavers are better than one ##

[Electronic Voice] Sparkles, Glitter.

[Elongated] # Turned #

[Emcee] Esther!

[Emcee] Gentlemen, gentlemen.

[Exclaims, Clears Throat]

[Exhales]

[Exhales]

[Exhales]

[Exhales] Why did I get so crazy about this?

[Exhaling, Karate Yells]

[Fan Whirring]

[Gagging]

[Gags] Esther!

[Gags] Hurts!

[Gags] Oh, God.

[Gasping, Wheezing]

[Gasping]

[Gasping] I won? I won!

[Gasping] The iPod was on shuffle!

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

[Gasps] Any chance you and Bill had a three way with Fork Napkin?

[Gasps] Brace for turbulence!

[Gasps] He must've figured out how to open it himself.

[Gasps] I am not that kind of architect.

[Gasps] It's been two minutes.

[Gasps] Madam, that is an insult that cannot be borne!

[Gasps] Mr. Buttons!

[Gasps] Thank you, decimal point.

[Giggles]

[Giggles] Oh, hey, guys. This is Nate.

[Giggles] Ted, this is my husband.

[Groaning]

[Groaning]

[Groaning] Oh, I don't feel so good.

[Groaning] So that's it? No discussion?

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans] Crap.

[Groans] I finally know what your kind goes through.

[Groans] Now I'm gonna have to hear all about it, right?

[Groans] You must think I'm totally disgusting.

[Growls]

[Gruff Voice] Your time's up.

[Grunting]

[Grunting]

[Gulping]

[High pitched Voice] Beep.

[High pitched Voice] I'm peeing my pants!

[High Voice] Woo woo! Woo woo! Woo woo! Woo woo!

[Imitates Bedsprings Creaking]

[Imitates Buzzer] "Bonus."

[Imitating Accent] Oh, my God. You are so Minnesota.

[Imitating Baby Talk] Who was a cute little basketball player...

[Imitating Bedsprings Creaking]

[Imitating Gunfire]

[Imitating Martial Arts Sound Effects]

[Imitating Scooby Doo] Ruh roh!

[James] Thank you guys so much for helping us out with this stuff.

[Jangling]

[Karate Yells]

[Knocking]

[Knuckles Crack]

[Laughing Uneasily]

[Laughing, Whooping]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing] Don't reach into the living room.

[Laughing] Look at us!

[Laughing] Oh, that is too cute. Say it again.

[Laughing] Oh, that's, Stuart... You are so...

[Laughing] You two and your football.

[Laughing] You're funny.

[Laughs, Moans]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs] How's my pocket sound?

[Laughs] Of you? Please. I'm a kindergarten teacher.

[Laughs] Oh, God.

[Laughs] Oh, sorry about that, buddy.

[Laughs] This? No. No.

[Lily Groans]

[Lily Laughing]

[Lily] Santa's still a lie, and I'm not lying to our kids.

[Lily] What do you mean you're gonna say yes?

[Lily] Yeah, who called this intervention?

[Lily] You can't swallow pills.

[Low Voice] Woo woo woo!

[Low Voices] Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

[Male Announcer] And now the Eleven O'Clock News with Don Frank.

[Male Announcer] And now the Eleven O'Clock News with Don Frank.

[Male Announcer] Bladder trouble...

[Male Announcer] What makes Goliath National Bank different from other big banks?

[Male Emcee] Gentlemen, gentlemen.

[Man On P.A. Continues, Indistinct]

[Man: Folk] # Gather round, ye children #

[Man] # If it's not too early #

[Man] # Our hero's strength was fadin'fast #

[Man] # Stones that I #

[Man] # While you're waiting #

[Man] Hey, Gerard. What's with that shirt?

[Marcus Continues, Indistinct]

[Marcus] He reminded me to slow down.

[Marshall Shudders]

[Marshall] And it took one year, three months and 16 days.

[Marshall] And once I figured it out...

[Marshall] Eriksen!

[Marshall] Lily.

[Marshall] Normally, you would've given me crap for an hour...

[Marshall] Two years ago, I had just hired a new assistant at GNB.

[Marvin] Marshall?

[Maury Povich] Idiot!

[Men] # Christmastime is here again #

[Mimicking Punchy] Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied on the couch...

[Mocking] "I doubt there's any scientific data to support"...

[Monitor Goes Silent]

[Murmurs]

[Murmurs]

[Muttering]

[Muttering]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Objects Clattering]

[Posh Accent] I say, Marshall, my good man, how's my bow tie?

[Rattling]

[Retches]

[Rhythmic Beeping]

[Ringing Continues]

[Ringing]

[Ringing]

[Robin Sparkles] While you figure it out at home...

[Robin] Good for you.

[Robin] I have never seen you guys looking so at peace.

[Robin] Oohl Oohl I got onel

[Robin] So the night went on...

[Scoffs]

[Scoffs]

[Scoffs]

[Scoffs]

[Scoffs] Carrots and peas.

[Scoffs] Go on

[Scoffs] Good time to get into print media.

[Scoffs] His stuff was so derivative.

[Scoffs] Lame.

[Scoffs] No.

[Scoffs] Please. I'll get the "yes."

[Scoffs] Seriously, dude, he has got to go.

[Scoffs] Yeah. I slept.

[Scream Echoing]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screams]

[Screams]

[Screams]

[Screams]

[Screams]

[Screams]

[Screams] A spider!

[Screams] Help!

[Screams] The machines have won!

[Screeching]

[Sharp Exhalations]

[Sharp Exhalations]

[Shatters]

[Shouting, Arguing]

[Shouting]

[Shouting] How you doing, Lily? Should I have a boner?

[Shrieking Gasp]

[Shutter Clicks]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs] Fine. I called Don again.

[Sighs] Fine. I didn't sleep with anyone.

[Sighs] Fine. This night's a little awkward.

[Sighs] Hey, babe.

[Sighs] I did. But it turns out I memorized it.

[Sighs] I just wanna know why.

[Sighs] No, not this again.

[Sighs] Not anymore.

[Sighs] Okay, in the process of truly getting over him...

[Sighs] Poor spider.

[Sighs] Remember the ketchup bottle?

[Sighs] Thank you.

[Sighs] That's what I thought.

[Singsong] Marshall and Lily got in trouble.

[Siren Wailing]

[Sizzling]

[Slows Down]

[Sneezes]

[Sniffing] I smell food.

[Sniffles]

[Sniffling]

[Snoring]

[Sobbing]

[Sobs] I'm sorry.

[Speaking Japanese]

[Speaking Portuguese]

[Speeds Up]

[Spits]

[Sports Announcer On Radio] The penalty puts the ball on the 44 yard line.

[Squeaky Cartoon Voice] Negative? Well, we know it's not me.

[Squeals]

[Squeals] Yay!

[Stammering]

[Stammering] And what did Ted say exactly?

[Stammers]

[Static Continues]

[Static Continues]

[Steady Beep]

[Stuart] We rushed her to the emergency room at 3:00 in the morning...

[Students Shouting]

[Ted Echoing] Hershey squirts.

[Ted Narrating] Actually, Barney did not need a win.

[Ted Narrating] And at that moment, Barney suddenly saw his childhood...

[Ted Narrating] And I thought that was the end of the story.

[Ted Narrating] And it was always the same exception.

[Ted Narrating] And just as I started to realize that maybe I wasn't in danger after all...

[Ted Narrating] And just like that, Becky started to eclipse Robin.

[Ted Narrating] And just like that, the fight was over.

[Ted Narrating] And Marshall really did think he could live with that.

[Ted Narrating] And so Barney agreed to give his dad one more chance.

[Ted Narrating] And so I made Barney break his golden rule.

[Ted Narrating] And so Marshall stayed right on at Goliath National Bank.

[Ted Narrating] And so the next night, we had two things to celebrate.

[Ted Narrating] And then a terrible thing happened.

[Ted Narrating] And then Lily said something to Barney...

[Ted Narrating] As for how Robin beat me and Barney...

[Ted Narrating] As the weeks went by, Marshall's confidence never wavered...

[Ted Narrating] Barney said this a lot.

[Ted Narrating] But all and all, it wasn't a problem.

[Ted Narrating] By the end of this day, Robin would've done all of those things.

[Ted Narrating] During that afternoon...

[Ted Narrating] Eventually the strangest afternoon of our lives...

[Ted Narrating] Exactly 24 hours later, they returned for the results.

[Ted Narrating] He did smell incredible.

[Ted Narrating] He did smell incredible.

[Ted Narrating] I just had to see what my students had written about me...

[Ted Narrating] I thought about Lily's advice...

[Ted Narrating] In December of 2010...

[Ted Narrating] In that moment another headline appeared before my eyes.

[Ted Narrating] It did.

[Ted Narrating] It ran for seven years.

[Ted Narrating] It seemed like there was no changing Robin's mind.

[Ted Narrating] It wasn't okay, so the next morning...

[Ted Narrating] Just like that, the race was back on.

[Ted Narrating] Kids, after Uncle Marshall lost his father...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, as you remember, Zoey and I met...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, at that moment...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, by this point we knew Aunt Robin...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, here's one thing I do remember...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, I also needed a win that day.

[Ted Narrating] Kids, I bought the house we live in now...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, I should tell you...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, in my early days of being a professor...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, in the fall of 2010...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, in the fall of 2010...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, in the winter of 2010...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, Million Dollar Heads or Tails was an extremely popular show...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, one morning in 2010...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, that day I had a horrible realization.

[Ted Narrating] Kids, the heart is a mysterious muscle.

[Ted Narrating] Kids, the next morning...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, there's an amazing architectural phenomenon...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, this is the story...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, to be honest...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, to this day...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, when your best friend loses someone...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, you know talk show host Maury Povich.

[Ted Narrating] Kids, you may remember that a few years earlier...

[Ted Narrating] Kids, your Uncle Barney grew up without a dad...

[Ted Narrating] Last words. It's a lot of pressure, kids.

[Ted Narrating] Let's back up one last time.

[Ted Narrating] Lily was so fed up with not getting anywhere...

[Ted Narrating] Meanwhile, one subway car over...

[Ted Narrating] No, GNB was not popular.

[Ted Narrating] Now, while all this was going on...

[Ted Narrating] Okay, now I'm on track.

[Ted Narrating] Robin also needed a win that day.

[Ted Narrating] Robin finally got some closure too.

[Ted Narrating] Robin had always believed...

[Ted Narrating] Sandy Rivers... Robin's old cohost...

[Ted Narrating] So Aunt Lily went to see Dr. John Stangel...

[Ted Narrating] So Marshall finally got up to speak.

[Ted Narrating] So there we were, helping Barney pack up his childhood home.

[Ted Narrating] So, Lily did just that.

[Ted Narrating] Technically, there was only one winner that day...

[Ted Narrating] That day, Robin decided to steer into the skid.

[Ted Narrating] That night, Barney didn't take care of business.

[Ted Narrating] That night, Lily went to the one place she knew she could find Robin...

[Ted Narrating] That same night, Barney and Lily were still fighting...

[Ted Narrating] That was it. I remember now.

[Ted Narrating] That was the reaction Barney expected.

[Ted Narrating] The next day at the university...

[Ted Narrating] The next day, he paid a visit to the most charitable man he knew...

[Ted Narrating] The next day, Robin called Heads or Tails to respectfully decline.

[Ted Narrating] The next night, Marshall and Robin went to dinner...

[Ted Narrating] They were all turning against me...

[Ted Narrating] This was a big deal for Barney

[Ted Narrating] Wait. Barney's not a woman.

[Ted Narrating] Waitl That's itl That's what Barney and Lily were fighting aboutl

[Ted Narrating] We were big fans of New York's annual Halloween Parade.

[Ted Narrating] When Lily and Marshall started trying to have a baby...

[Ted Narrating] Where was Barney? Let's back up again.

[Ted Narrating] Why did Barney need an intervention?

[Ted Narrating] Yeah, that's the ending to a whole other story.

[Ted, Barney Laughing]

[Ted, Barney Stifling Laughs]

[Ted, Groaning] Is he laughing?

[Ted's Voice Echoing] Wieners and gonads.

[Ted's Voice] They're a bunch of... wieners and gonads.

[Ted] And so, due to one architectural oversight...

[Thinking: Screaming]

[Thinking] He's gonna kill me.

[Thinking] Huh.

[Thinking] I'll show them. My body can outrun any motorized vehicle.

[Thinking] I'm fired. Great.

[Thinking] Man, this is awkward.

[Thinking] Oh, my God. They're not having a baby.

[Thinking] Oh, my God. They're really having a baby.

[Thinking] Okay, you gotta swim for it, Mosby.

[Thinking] Point south at the moment of conception...

[Thinking] She's giving me nothing.

[Thinking] This is great. I'm happy.

[Thinking] Waitl

[Through Vocoder: Distorted, Reverberating] # Or the mountains #

[Thuds]

[Together, High Voices] Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

[Together] # As you stand #

[Together] # Ice cream cone #

[Together] # Light we'll see #

[Together] # Should tumble and fall #

[Together] # Tara, your booty is so smooth #

[Together] Esther.

[Together] Glen McKenna, neat.

[Together] Oh!

[Together] One, two, three.

[Together] Surprise!

[Together] The Captain?

[Voice Breaking] Lame.

[Voice Echoing] Diarrhea.

[Voice Quavering] It's gonna be a magical day.

[Vomiting, Coughing]

[Vomits]

[Waiter] Somebody call an ambulance!

[Whimpering] No, I haven't.

[Whimpers]

[Whimpers]

[Whimpers]

[Whirring]

[Whirring]

[Whispering] Diarrhea.

[Whispering] Guys, New York is kinda cool.

[Whispering] She's a messy Bessie.

[Whispers] I'm getting a reputation.

[Whispers] Stop it!

[Whispers] Sweet save.

[Woman] Bueno.

[Woman] Marshall, is that you?

[Yawns]

# A bang bang, bangity bang ##

# A second beaver can be #

# A second beaver can be #

# Ain't what you had in mind #

# All this experience #

# All this joy for girls and boys #

# And I hope this isn't rude #

# And I'll be there to share my #

# And what do we know #

# Around #

# As Marshall ran with all his might #

# Ask anyone #

# Before the day is done #

# Bring out the joy #

# But I wanna get up on it ##

# Carry #

# Christmas ##

# Counselors, how do you plead? #

# Da da, da da da #

# Da da, da da da da, da da da #

# Everybody come and play #

# For that sound #

# Freakin'out? Freakin'out? Freakin'out? ##

# Getting too tired #

# Green #

# He brought the jukebox back to life #

# He then thought back to all the times #

# He thought of all the times that he had beaten a machine #

# He'd lost to a machine #

# Hey, beaver, come on #

# I have to search #

# I said a bang bang bangity bang #

# I said a bang bang, bangity bang bang bang, bangity bang #

# I sentence you to a life of funk #

# I will come for you #

# I will come for you #

# I will come for you #

# If the sky #

# Is the only #

# It's the time and the place #

# Just as the light #

# Just pick up that phone #

# Just stand ##

# Let's go to the mall Let's go to the mall #

# Let's go to the mall today #

# Light up the tree #

# Light we'll see Light we'll see #

# Marshall #

# Marshall #

# Marshall's daughter #

# Merry #

# Merry Christmas #

# No, I won't shed no tear #

# Not as long #

# O holy night #

# Of a man who dared to race machines #

# Oh, and the land is dark #

# Oh, I won't shed a tear #

# Or am I freakin'out? Freakin'out? #

# Second to none #

# Second to none #

# Sharp as a marble #

# Should crumble #

# So your case is sunk # Ha!

# The cable box's bite again #

# These stones keep my feet on the ground #

# They're twice the fun #

# They're twice the fun #

# To hear the tale so sweet #

# To sing ##

# To the sea To the sea ##

# Two beavers are better than one #

# Two beavers are better than one #

# Two beavers are better than one #

# Two beavers are better than one #

# Two beavers are better than one #

# Versus the machines ##

# Versus the machines ## Hyahl

# We'll lick it side by side #

# Weighs me down ##

# When you feel alone #

# Whenever you're in trouble #

# Why all these lights popping off in my face? #

# With nothin'but his feet #

# Won't ya stand #

# Won't you stand by # Hey!

# You're my favorite beaver #

# Your booty Your booty's so smooth ##

## ['80s Pop]

## ["Charge"]

## ["Chopsticks"]

## [Background: Experimental Rock]

## [Background: Soft Jazz]

## [Band: Ballad]

## [Chorus Vocalizing, Sinister]

## [Continues, Indistinct]

## [Continues, Indistinct]

## [Continues, Indistinct]

## [Continues, Indistinct]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Electronic Pop]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Ends]

## [Fades]

## [Gong Chimes]

## [Lullaby]

## [Man Singing: Rock]

## [Man Vocalizing: Folk]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [One Note]

## [Organ: "Here We Go"]

## [Organ]

## [Piano: Ballad]

## [Piano: Jazz]

## [Pop]

## [Singing Continues]

## [Smooth Jazz Continues]

## [Spaghetti Western Theme]

## [Spaghetti Western Theme]

## [Stereo: Smooth Jazz]

## [Theremin]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Violin: Lullaby]

## [Vocalizing]

$100.00.