Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency - Season 1 Edit

A cab? Really?

A disease runs in my family,

A few others like me, though.

A full six weeks before it even happened.

A guy predicting his own death?

A hammerhead shark killed Patrick Spring?

A holistic...

A kitten?

A little bit at a time when it happened to you?

A man was bitten in half.

A missing girl, her murdered father,

A saw or something?

A what?

A what?

About the fundamental interconnectedness of all things.

About what?

About what?

Accepted? No? Yes? Doesn't matter.

Ah, of course.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! You're about to forward a theory! Excellent! I'm listening!

Aha, that's why I brought... this.

Ain't nobody coming, chump.

All aggressive action against the primary.

All cases are connected.

All done down here, Ed.

All of them.

All right, Creepy,

All right, I was halfway through programming that...

All right, I was halfway through programming that...

All right? This is just a speed bump.

All right. All right. All right. Let's go.

All that matters is the girl.

All these horrible things,

Allow us to help you with that.

Already tried. No answer.

Also, you're fired.

Always turning off and on again,

Amanda, do you wanna jam?

An accomplice,

An animal attack

An assistant.

An interesting person.

And almost there already,

And also surprisingly incapable.

And before you ask, no,

And cannot be reached for comment at this time.

And currently, we only have budget to surveil one...

And Dirk Gently. Full house.

And do me a favor,

And he hired me, well above my normal rate,

And he wouldn't let it go,

And help you with this,

And how am I involved in any of this?

And hypnotizing dogs into believing they're specific humans.

And I didn't think I'd be able to get an advance at the hotel,

And I don't like it.

And I get dragged right up next to them.

And I just had a hunch you might be important.

And I know I promised you, but there have been some...

And I was right.

And I'll get you a glass of water?

And I'll tell you another thing.

And I'm a suspect in multiple homicides.

And I'm already in deep crap with them,

And if I killed them, they were my target.

And if that's the case,

And living a lie,

And look at all this stuff.

And made my tongue do a weird move and say stuff wrong.

And my mom and dad were begging me to go

And now he's dead.

And recover them from the initial breach.

And say what?

And so interesting.

And the house was even more mysterious,

And the rarer, sexier coinky dinks.

And then I'm a piranha.

And then it will just...

And then suddenly, today,

And then we can...

And they're rarely wrong, but also rarely completely right.

And this man, Gordon Rimmer, it's all very suspicious.

And this one's still alive?

And we are going to purify the situation.

And we learned about that rock star, Lux DuJour.

And we'll pick another winner tonight.

And what the hell happened? Who shot Fred?

And worse is that you failed to keep the subjects contained

And yet, here you are, assisting.

And you actually have hallucinations that feel real,

And you have no idea when the key left your possession?

And you killed Red!

And you seriously think that's just a coincidence?

And you were the person hired to protect him.

And you will be compensated,

And you'll be able to...

And you're already acting like an assistant.

And you're certain the person you saw was Lydia Spring?

And your life became a swirl of interesting activity?

And, in most cases, very painful.

And, undoubtedly, more pieces falling into place...

And... and we have to go to the animal transfer unit.

Animal attack?

Animal?

Announcing tonight's

Answer the question.

Any particular reason you want that, Todd?

Anybody find that kitten?

Apparently, he sold a really incredible amount of drugs

Are often much more subtle and complex

Are you a historian?

Are you aware you just gave every possible response to that question?

Are you friends?

Are you insane?

Are you Lydia Spring?

Are you taking credit for me finding a lottery ticket?

Aren't usually aggressive towards humans.

As a type of severance?

As being detectable in the pattern and web of the whole.

As long as they have lightning.

Asshole!

Assholes.

At least nobody who ain't supposed to die.

At this point, I can't explain why I was there,

Aw...

Aw...

B But you're okay, right?

Back off!

Bad news delivery!

Because he was crazy.

Because I don't know who that is!

Because I'm trying to do the right thing,

Been all over the news,

Before we tear it out your face and throw it in a dumpster!

Before we were trapped in that guy's house,

Besides, we have to investigate the house.

Between you, me, and the Patrick Spring murder case?

Big D is gonna take care of business!

Bitten in half?

Bodies? What bodies?

Both, yes, both. Why one? That doesn't make sense.

Break the pattern.

Breaking down, and then fixing themselves.

Breathing could feel like drowning.

Breathing.

Bring me the dog

Bring me the dog!

Bring them back in yourself, because right now,

Buddy, get out.

But I guess the CIA must've told them not to,

But I know you'll just be there now, so it's like...

But if he shoots her, throw the dog off the bridge.

But if no private detective looks like a private detective,

But it seems like he knew where the cameras were.

But it's possible we're going to die.

But that just sounds like a murder spree.

But that's...

But Todd had it, and he got better,

But we can still save Lydia, yeah? That's our job.

But we did manage to pull this.

But we've got a case to solve.

But you just said...

But you just said...

But you were right! That's Lydia Spring!

But you will investigate,

But... you don't need gas.

But... your friend, or your boss,

By the time I'd recovered,

By the victim.

By... other people?

Bye bye, you thieving mother...

Bye.

Call a cab for me or something like that?

Call it a hunch.

Call the crime scene guys to come and clean it up.

Can have the biggest consequences.

Can I kill him now?

Can we just be quiet

Can you just

Can't open the garage door. Too loud.

Careful, it's not my car.

Cars are like that,

Check out the penthouse.

Cleaning up, or

Clearly, I can. I just did...

Coincidence!

Come here...

Come on, Dirk, please go!

Come on, relax, enjoy the ride.

Come on!

Confirmed, taking the shot.

Cool. I'll be there in a minute.

Could be a coincidence.

Couldn't you just...

Crap.

Crazier than the dog, something else. I don't know how to describe it, but...

Crazy to see it up close, right?

Cut that up too.

Cut you up,

Damn it.

Did something happen on the 18th floor?

Did that happen?

Did you find a kitten?

Did you find a kitten?

Did you just dodge a bullet?

Did you just kill someone?

Did you not hear my voice?

Did you see any kind of an animal?

Did you see how I snuck up?

Did you see it come out of the water?

Did you, Todd?

Didn't Lux DuJour disappear?

Didn't you say that it started out feeling better

Didn't you say you lost your job?

Didn't you say you were from Missing Persons?

Ding dong.

Dirk Gently, you are a dead man!

Dirk Gently. Todd Brotzman.

Dirk, shut up!

Dirk!

Dirk?

Dirk...

Dirk... Okay, hi. Sorry.

Divorce is hard, Weedle, let me tell you.

Do I have to leave?

Do I look like I know how much you paid me?

Do I take the shot?

Do not leave town.

Do you attack everyone who comes in here.

Do you attack everyone who comes in here.

Do you have any friends who can come by

Do you want to know why Dorian wanted the rent?

Doesn't mean it isn't new.

Doesn't mean you don't choose your moves.

Dogs? Cats? I don't know.

Doing this to you?

Don't be silly.

Don't get me wrong...

Don't leave town.

Don't leave town.

Don't run any more red lights.

Don't say hello?

Don't take the shot...

Don't tell me what you did or didn't do!

Don't worry. I'm not getting my hopes up.

Don't you say a word. I don't want to hear...

Don't you understand?

Dorian, just listen, I...

Dorian!

Dorian! Dorian, stop! Stop!

Dorian's gonna kick your ass!

Eliminated.

England.

Ergo, vis a vis, I forward a theory!

Estevez and Zimmerfield.

Estevez.

Even if you don't mean to,

Even if you don't mean to,

Even if you haven't technically earned it.

Even though you're not necessarily

Every choice is a new beginning.

Every second is a chance to change your life.

Every time I see her,

Everything changed,

Everything I own...

Everything is chaos, but it...

Everything is connected.

Everything you want in this world

Everything's fine.

Excellent work as my assistant.

Except that's not what you said.

Except, come on,

Eyebrows.

Fairly messed up.

Farah, don't it's a...

Farah, help me.

Farah, I need help, please.

Farah. Help me, Farah.

Fascinating history, that place.

FBI?

Find me!

Find me!

First things first

For a second?

For now.

For now.

For people who still watch the news,

For testing.

For the 18th floor?

For the drive?

Found something.

From you right now.

Get back!

Get in the car.

Get on your knees.

Get out of the way.

Get up on the roof where I can see you till I get back.

Get what you deserve...

Girlfriend.

Give me the dog,

Give us the her

Give you two guys a break.

Go ahead.

Go away!!

Go sit over there! God!

God, how is your place so much nicer than mine?

God, I am so sorry.

God.

God.

Goddammit!

Good morning, Buttercup!

Good news is FBI had surveillance on Dorian Ozman's house.

Got it.

Got the dog.

Ha! God, how crazy was that?

Ha! See? I told you the dog was important!

Hang on!

Hang on.

Hang out... with me?

Has, for the most part, been humdrum and inane,

Have you checked out the penthouse?

Have you ever actually solved a case?

Have you noticed an acceleration of strangeness

Have your hands full in Missing Persons.

He called the human Lydia "Rapunzel,"

He came to me in a dream I had.

He did notice,

He didn't mention having any guys, like, following you,

He has a gun!

He is dead.

He is.

He shot himself in the head!

He told me he was going to cut my face off.

He's helping us!

Headed up the stairs right now to wreck your apartment!

Heavy tattoos all over.

Heiress Lydia Spring,

Hell, you must be the tenth couple we've found out here.

Hello, Amanda!

Hello, friend.

Hello!

Hello?

Help me!

Help me!

Help!

Here, quick, give me the lottery ticket.

Hermano Palacios?

Hey,

Hey, buddy!

Hey, he only shot at me.

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Where are you going?

Hey, hi ho hey, get up on the roof.

Hey, hi.

Hey, it's Todd. Leave a message.

Hey, man, snap out of it.

Hey, sis, it's me.

Hey, Todd, it's me.

Hey, uh...

Hey, you think I like this?

Hey, you're not supposed to be down here.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! What the... Hey!

Hi ya!

Hi ya!

Hi, Farah.

Hi!

Hi!

Hi!

Him being dead seems to me an oversight on your part.

His energy...

Hmm?

Ho... ly...

Holy shit, this is when it happened. That means...

Holy shit, this is when it happened. That means...

Holy shit! It's going down.

Holy shit. That's the guy. That's... that's Todd Brotzman.

Homicide said the guy in the bed was torn in half.

Hours ago, in the bushes,

How about the other guy? What happened to him?

How big are his teeth?

How come nobody's come looking for you?

How did he get your number?

How did you even hear about the shark?

How did you get in here?

How did you pay for treatment? You don't seem...

How did you...

How do you even know about the shark?

How do you figure that?

How does a private detective know what it is that he shouldn't look like?

How is that possible?

How was Patrick Spring in two places at once?

How would you like to be a secret agent?

How's it going with Sammy?

How've you survived this long?

Huh, but... What?

Hurry up!

I am coming to get you, okay!

I am intrinsically connected to the specific case.

I am my own messed up person,

I am not investigating anything!

I am not your Watson, asshole!

I am the Supreme Soul! I am running things!

I barely get out of the house anymore.

I believe that we have an undetermined threat out there,

I believe that we have an undetermined threat out there,

I can already tell we've got oodles in common.

I can feel it.

I can fix my apartment, my car...

I can pay for Amanda's medication.

I can spend a whole day without even trying.

I can... try and start to... fix things.

I can't be hurt, universe won't allow it.

I can't even believe you did this to yourself!

I couldn't have known. How could I have known?

I did find one thing kind of interesting, though.

I did.

I didn't decide anything.

I didn't even ask you to do that,

I do a lot of things, and then later I'm like...

I do not concern myself

I do power systems.

I don't care that Rainey is dead!

I don't care where she is, 'cause that's not my problem.

I don't do your whole deal

I don't have my apartment,

I don't know her.

I don't know if I have the money right now,

I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been there.

I don't know what it was.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know why I was startled, actually.

I don't know yet.

I don't know. They had these.

I don't think it means anything.

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

I don't understand.

I don't want to be a part of this.

I dunno. I never got to meet 'em.

I found a very compelling piece of evidence.

I gave you your money, Dorian.

I guarantee it.

I guess that must mean you're special too.

I hate men.

I hate voicemail!

I have a lot of feelings about a lot of things,

I have had enough of this shit.

I have killed a lot of people, though.

I have no prospects.

I have nothing.

I have Pararibulitus.

I have the primary and the secondary in my sights.

I have to tell you, okay?

I have your phone, remember?

I have zero money,

I haven't eaten for over 24 hours.

I heard about 'em, though.

I I brought...

I I I did my duty.

I just need to take my meds and eat healthy.

I just opened a door.

I just want to go cash in my lottery ticket,

I just...

I just...

I just...

I just...

I kill whoever I feel like killing all day,

I knew it.

I know that, but you know what else?

I know what you did.

I know you're going through some stuff, so...

I let everyone down.

I lied, though.

I live here now, and...

I live here now.

I live here.

I mean, how do you even investigate anything

I mean, I'm... I'm on my way.

I mean, maybe they're part of the same group.

I mean, surely, her disappearance and his murder

I mean, you could just walk away,

I mean...

I mean...

I need you to get up to 745...

I need you to open this door right now.

I need you to work with me, I wanted to discuss the case.

I now literally have no money.

I paid you the rent, I paid you yesterday!

I paid you, Dorian!

I really think someone should open up this door right now.

I said they think it's connected to something bigger.

I saw a human face on the dog!

I saw something...

I see the solution to each problem

I snuck around the back of his house

I snuck out.

I swear to God, I will kill you!

I then will eventually solve the mystery

I think about them sometimes.

I think it might bother me more later,

I think it was, in sight of hind,

I think they were just transferred out to an FBI lab this morning

I think we'll be great friends.

I think you're overestimating your ability to...

I thought he'd be too cracked out to notice,

I thought this was a Major Crimes case.

I thought we were clear that the rifle isn't necessary.

I thought you said this wasn't your car.

I told you

I told you

I vaguely recall it being a big story at the time.

I want my money today!

I want my money!

I want to go home,

I warned you!

I was afraid because I knew Amanda needed her meds,

I was hired to investigate it...

I was in college.

I was investigating your building for other reasons,

I was trained as a ninja by the CIA.

I was wondering if I could get my check a little early this month?

I wasn't here yet.

I won't.

I would just be a burden on them.

I would never have done this alone!

I wouldn't have taken the case

I, uh...

I, um...

I. Got. You.

I... I don't know.

I... I don't know.

I'd say he's a person of interest in ours, right?

I'll be honest, it doesn't look great, Todd.

I'll be out of here in an hour.

I'll be sleeping here tonight.

I'll call the police.

I'll figure it out.

I'll figure something out, okay?

I'll give you a ride.

I'll kill her! I swear!

I'm a burden on everyone.

I'm a detective,

I'm a detective, a holistic detective,

I'm a detective. I'm on a case.

I'm a murder suspect, okay? I'm broke...

I'm a private detective.

I'm a... a leaf in the stream of creation,

I'm Amanda.

I'm an assassin.

I'm at the Ridgely Building in Springsborough...

I'm coming to get you, Lydia.

I'm coming to get you!

I'm coming up tomorrow.

I'm coming!

I'm Dirk Gently.

I'm done, so you handle it now.

I'm figuring it out. Step by step

I'm from a totally different place.

I'm going as fast as I can, okay!

I'm gonna get past it, and I'm gonna get you the money,

I'm homeless,

I'm in trouble.

I'm just trying to be helpful. It's not...

I'm like a leaf in the stream of creation...

I'm listening.

I'm not available for side kicking

I'm not from here,

I'm not sure yet.

I'm not talking to you through the comm. I'm talking right to you.

I'm not with the CIA anymore.

I'm not your assistant.

I'm not...

I'm on a case.

I'm on my way, is where I am,

I'm on my way.

I'm right here!

I'm sick of the games!

I'm so bored.

I'm sorry about what I did before.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm the only coroner on duty today.

I'm sorry. That's terrible.

I'm special that way.

I'm still here.

I'm sure it'll start up again when it's meant to.

I'm trying to decide whether you're a clue,

I'm very glad you asked me that, Mister...

I'm very glad you asked me that, Todd.

I'm very good at getting in to situations.

I'm wildly aware.

I'm Wilson.

I'm...

I've been awake.

I've been trying to find Monkey Mask on the tapes,

I've got a good feeling about this.

I've got a shot.

I've got a shot.

I've never killed the wrong person.

I've often found I have more trouble getting out...

I've seen in your apartment.

Idiots.

If I don't solve them,

If I were you, I wouldn't leave town.

If the car turned off here, this is where the car turned off.

If the disease is in you,

If you did?

If you don't use any investigative... stuff?

If you need anything, my name is...

If you or anyone you know has information

If you screw with me again...

Illegal stuff.

In a moment of desperation.

In a stairwell adjacent to the penthouse.

In fact, it's quite the opposite condition

In the hotel. It's a...

In the penthouse,

In the stream of creation.

In two separate cases.

In your life as of late?

Interconnectedness!

Interesting.

Into being my combination assistant and best friend.

Is everything okay over there?

Is it bad, or...

Is it that important

Is much more, you know,

Is that blood on it?

Is that the woman?

Is that your key?

Is the guy we're tailing...

Is there any way you can give me my final check today,

Is there any way you could get the security footage

Is there...

Isn't it great that we're out here in nature together?

Isn't this your job?

It all seems very, you know...

It began when I was 21 years old

It causes your brain to misinterpret certain inputs,

It has for five generations.

It has to be, right?

It is connected.

It is strange in here.

It it's... That is not what's happening.

It just seemed like the right thing to do.

It makes it hard to not be scared all the time.

It said that we have to prevent

It was good of you to contact me, Todd.

It was good you decided to come with me.

It went weird

It's a nerve disease.

It's a very good machine.

It's all just nature.

It's always a day, right?

It's always...

It's an hour away.

It's complicated.

It's complicated. It's very complicated.

It's complicated...

It's Dirk Gently.

It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine.

It's good of you to help.

It's hard to hear you through the comm in my ear.

It's hard to keep friends when you can't go outside

It's in control. Everything's gonna be fine.

It's just you, and you were already here.

It's kind of a funny story...

It's like becoming a whole other person.

It's like there's always something ready

It's mostly just screaming and begging.

It's never too late.

It's nice to listen to somebody else talk.

It's not like you're paying me that much anyway.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's only for 10 grand.

It's synchronized?

It's the two guys from the hotel. They're obviously in on it

It's this carburetor. I think I can fix it up,

It's, uh...

Jesus Christ!

Jesus, you gotta be kiddin' me.

Just because you know you're playing a game

Just call the police.

Just go back to the car.

Just let her go now!

Just shut up!

Just... just bring me the dog!

Keep the Hallmark card.

Ken, you're a riot.

Late to work, late getting to the penthouse, no key.

Later, hmm?

Later, yes.

Lay here,

Leave me alone.

Less than one week later, he's dead?

Let the woman go.

Let's go!

Let's go...

Let's roll.

Let's...

Life endlessly turning inward.

Lightning strike.

Like a lot of little pieces adding up to me raising my eyebrows like...

Like bite marks on the ceiling?

Like bite marks on the ceiling.

Like crazy brave. Or maybe just stupid, but wow.

Like that.

Like the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs.

Like... an animal, or a weapon?

Listen, Dirk, you seem like a nice guy.

Listen, I am a person of varied intuitions.

Listen, I need the money.

Listen, I'm not ignoring you,

Lock and load.

Look at this. This road's empty.

Look who it is.

Look,

Look, but people, organizations, individuals,

Look, I have to go. Okay?

Look, I'm just...

Look, it's not easy doing this under pressure.

Look, man, you're the one that's in danger, okay?

Look, they hit me up online,

Look, Todd, I need you to get up to 745 right away.

Looks like our suspect's undergone a profound change in attitude.

Lot more people talking to me back then.

Lots of animals in this case, it seems.

Lux DuJour sucks, and I'm getting out of here now.

Lydia Spring is a missing person.

Lydia, what kind of trouble are you in?

Lydia!

Lydia!

M Maybe. I don't know.

Make sure he comes back with my money!

Man!

Maybe he's in there!

Maybe I have two jobs!

Maybe I'm a cab driver.

Maybe it'll keep getting better.

Maybe Major Crimes should take a crack at it,

Maybe they can help you.

Me and Chris and all the stuff I own

Meeting up with another guy, who is also being tailed,

Men with tattoos,

Merely by just kind of doing whatever.

Might naturally suppose.